#You know damn well where to find it
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Hollow in H1 or H7?
Lovestruck fool
I love how soft this turned out looking
#hollow knight#pure vessel#the hollow knight#hollow knight gijinka#hk gijinka#hk thk#asks#spooky arts#Also EXCUSE ME WHAT WAS THAT SECOND EXPRESSION?#You know what#Fine. I'm gonna draw that too#But I won't post it on Tumblr#You know damn well where to find it
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https://www.tumblr.com/necrotic-nephilim/760168597014413312/bftc-jaytim-fuck-nasty-in-their-batman-suits?source=share
give a whole new meaning to "at least drake took it like a man"
SCREAMING this is the funniest thing ever oh my god i choked on my dr pepper-
i love that line in general, i think it's such a fun line that says a lot about how Jason feels about Tim. but in the context of Jason saying it after fucking Tim oh my GOD that's just. it's delightful. i'm going to be giggling about this all day oh my god. thank you anon this is delightful-
#necrotic answerings#kindly praise#you cut so deep (but i always loved you deeper)#i canNOT believe i didn't think of this when i wrote the fic.#how does it feel to be funnier than me on my own blog anon.#it's one of my fave jaytim lines too.#jason would still say that in the fic too.#he 100% would look dick in the eye and say that. knowing damn well what he's implying that dick doesn't know.#also i do just believe that when dick and jason face off after jason fucks tim#it would still go similarly to the canon of bftc#and jason would straight up lie and imply he killed tim anyway. even knowing he didn't.#bc he wants to see the reaction yk. he wants to see how dick reacts to the idea of tim dying comparing to jason's death.#also he would use it to give tim time to get away and clean himself up so dick doesn't find him like that#tho if i continue this fic i will go the route a mutual and i have discussed in dms#where jason does circle back for tim and clean him up#then he leaves tim in his safehouse and fights dick anyway. just for funsies.#and still says that line bc it's funny and jason would get an internal chuckle out of it.#but i will warn that the potential sequel to this fic will take a while#i'm mid-moving across the country#and i have other things to work on first so#hold on tight for that one if and when it comes. pls be patient with my ass#same goes for like. requests in my inbox#i promise i see them. i will write them.#all my shit is in boxes rn tho so like. pls be patient is all i ask kjhhgjhkjl
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applied for a job a while ago and wrote in my spreadsheet "i am not fucking getting this job" not because of the qualifications but because my application was honestly just not that good. today the lady called me and scheduled an interview. Ok
#mine#i dont knowwwww though#urgh...#its in the city where i went to college so i know its a nice place thats familiar to me#but its also pretty hcol and the job itself is like...idk about the pay#the content of the job is good though like its basically exactly what ive been wanting to do#but then i keep coming back to my hysto...i really want that too#it sucks its like a rock and a hard place you know#i dont want to keep delaying this surgery i want my shit gone NOW#but at the same time i dont want to keep delaying my ~career~#and then i think well theres more jobs in the world...but then i think about how few ive applied to since graduating#and how long it might take me to find one after surgery#and if ill even want to or not cause this country is getting old#i want a job...but i also want my hysto...#i dont want to like get a job and then go do it and then be stuck for ages waiting for PTO and bennies to kick in and to find someone who#can take care of me when i can instead do it now like i already have a letter from my therapist and consultations upcoming#but also i need money and i dont wanna fuck up my early ~career~ days#I DONT KNOW#its a lot#i just wish id done the damn surgery sooner but i couldnt in 2023 cause i was working that summer#and this year i naively thought that i would be able to get a job relatively fast and just get hysto next year after working for a while#WHATEVERRRRRR#the interview isnt for another week and a half so ill talk to my therapist and see what she thinks#if i need to cancel the thing i can if not then i wont#ughhhh
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I’ve started riding Fjara to help my dad with her tripping (read: he likes to ride with a long loose rein and Fjara ends up tipping forward).
The first two times we were still getting used to one another, she’s still trying to gauge why the heck I’m asking her for turns and to do a few steps backwards and walk sideways a little.
Today I decided to take a different path around the farm and Fjara was particularly high in her energy, so when we turned to go back her back curled a little and her tempo went up…
And I’m sitting on her all impressed at the energy but also please don’t do a happy buck, I’m still getting used to how different you are from my regular horse 😅
#she’s a fun one!#I know that from like…the ground#now I’m learning it in the saddle#really gotta find my ‘grip’ so to say bc where Lilja is short and slight Fjara is tall and broad#I can’t even get on her without a step 😅#Lilja? no problem. I’m still convincing her that steps aren’t evil so I can get on better but y know#if there’s a problem and I need to get off I know I can also climb back on sort of gracefully#Fjara is a damn mountain! and broad!#and her saddle gives a lot less grip so to say#you can do a happy buck after a few more rides miss missy#but she is very sensitive and polite. she might want to return to Lilja buuuut she’ll still listen to my directions#has a good stop#loves praise for doing a good job#my dad doesn’t utilise that enough#yet#and her tölt and walk are asdfghjkl right now but I can get that back to some decent gaits#some groundwork and some more time under the saddle and a bit more help for my dad and she’ll be a-okay 👌👌👌#*myhorses#Fjara frá Skjálg#oh! and I rode Lilja bitless#she seems to love it and I love that#just gotta find the middle bit where she doesn’t just go lalala when she wants to go fast and I don’t#it’s not out of control but more like … well….lalala can’t hear you wheeeer#it’s a test for us to see if it helps her with tension#Lilja shows her teeth when in a faster gait and I’ve tried many bits and different things with my hands#I still get a ‘smile’#I’m also going to see if I can find a soft bit#and ask a bitfitter for advice#if anything just to rule out any discomfort in her mouth#there’s no bruising or anything that I can find
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#damn . if i like. ever did something wrong i wonder why they dont just talk to me about it#like idk i thought when they like. vagued about *someone* i had to convince myself that it wasnt me#like i literally went through our messages to make sure i didnt say anything wrong#but apparently it was me after all? i just wish they wouldve. idk. talked to me about it#it feels so hypocritical? why are you allowed to say what you think and im not#unless i actually did what you claimed but i cant remember this happening nor can i find messages where it happens#and even then instead of vaguing about me when you know im not doing well you can just approach me#or is there a whole different reason? do you avoid me because of something else? am i just not on your level after all?#if it was any other person i wouldnt have cared so much but they were one of the first friends i made there#we worked out so well in the beginning and now you realised im not who you thought i was and instantly replaced me#why does this shit ALWAYS happen to me? is there something wrong with me or is it everyone around me?#this is why i dont approach people. this is why im so intimidated by others. it doesnt work. ill always end up being less.#everyone always ends up being better and more and i am the replacable one. idk. just sucks
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The pushback to the term "cultural Christianity" from atheists is real odd to me because, as someone who has been an atheist since 13, only ever went to church a handful of times never with my own family (made a note never to sleep over at that friends house on a Saturday again bc I HATED church it smelled like shit, was boring, pews are uncomfortable as fuck, and the religious people I knew were all wildly misogynistic and I've never been here for being told I was less of a person for being Born Like This), and generally had no actual connection to Christianity in a meaningful way but still only knows Christian mythology, has been steeped in Christian values I had to untangle, and my religious understandings are still deeply Christian.
Like Ive never paid attention to the bible, church, Jesus, Christian teachings, or whatever but if you asked me about any religion the one I'll reliably know the most about is Christianity. I don't know why atheists are offended by being called culturally Christian because they have bad blood with the religion because like sorry bruh that doesn't mean you're less indoctrinated by Christian values if the culture you grew up in is predominantly Christian. In fact I'd say that religion being this ubiquitous in the culture regardless of anyone's consent to exactly ONE religion being shoved down our throats is reason to team up with other religious folks who ALSO don't like being constantly evangelized to by the culture at large, not a reason to throw a fit because you don't like being tied to a religion that is so ingrained into the culture that shit like "oh my god" and "Jesus Christ" are common expressions of surprise regardless of how atheist you are. Like surely I'm not the only atheist to notice the shocking amount of cultural religious shit that works it's way into my life and speech despite having not set foot in a church since I was like 10, and I can't remember the last time I was in one before that.
Idk man cultural Christianity seems like a pretty damn useful term to describe my relationship with a religion I never fully bought into and then actively rejected as a child yet still hold weird connections to and knowledge of just because Christianity is so baked into the culture I grew up in like it or not. If you want to be mad, be mad at the Christians who stole your freedom from religion from you, not usually religious minorities who discuss cultural Christianity and how it damages them too.
#winters ramblings#like breh i HATE how much christian bullshit ive had to detangle from my life. like the idea of sin and punishment for example#id say a LOOOOOT of discussion regardless of religion leans towards a Christian understanding of the pridon system#prison is basically a recreation of hell on earth where youre supposed to go to burn off your sins in your 10x10 cell#now i gotta say not all Christians buy inti the styke of punishment and sin i know normal well adjusted Christians#but for the most part a HUGE portion of shit comes with a helping of cultural Christianity. but prison is probably the best example#hell any discussion of punishment relies on a distinctly christian flavor of 'atone for your sin or be doomed forever"#repubs bitch about so called cancel culture but thats just how Christians act towards sin lmao they do it too#except they choose shit you didnt ACTIVITY make a choice about like being gay to condem you to hell.#cant be mad that twitter cancels people for small shit like a crap joke if you actively subscribe to the same belief system#and are only mad bc that logic is applied to YOU now. anyway i could do without this logic in activist spaces#or ANY spaces being doomed forever over sin is only one way to do Christianity. like damn can the ones who like#rehabilitation and justice and helping the poor at least be the ones in charge??#regardless ive never been a Christian and barely have a meaningful connection to the religion. whuch is why i find it rather salient#that i still have this deep connection and knowledge of something i ACTIVELY REJECTED at 13#do you know HOW MUCH i had to have been indoctrinated into this shit with as LITTLE of a connection to organized religion as i do??#the fact i have ANY connection at all is kind if fucked honestly it shows you really REALLY do not get to choose#your religious leanings unless youre actively ANOTHER RELIGION BESIDES CHRISTIAN otherwise tough tiddy#you get to be Christian By Default and i don't like it either. but when i see jewish people talking about it#i know EXACTLY what they mean because i dont like my connection to a religion i never believed in and rejected at 13 either#i don't like that my choice to reject Christianity was stolen from me by such a ubiquitously christian culture#im not mad at jews for pointing this out im mad at christians for stealing my freedom of choice
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what if. Amy “fix-it” because hallucifer makes sam so paranoid about dean leaving for no reason that sam gives in and follows him and is witness to the whole thing
#hallucifer: wow. big brother really trusts us. (beat) so something’s up right? we know it’s never this easy.#sam: (visibly restraining himself from saying shut up. about to grab his scar.)#hallucifer: (aware he’s about to be banished) don’t listen to me if you want but. I’m just trying to help.#don’t blame me if you look in the papers tomorrow and find a obit for your brain-eating girlfriend. and… what was her kid’s name again?#sam: (touching the scar. not pressing down. face all screwed up.) || hallucifer: :3 it’s not like it’ll hurt anyone#if he really does trust you he doesn’t even have to know we’re following him. *and* you’ll know your brother still trusts you.#even when I’m here. maybe he won’t even punch you again. that still hurting?#sam: (grimace. because yeah. it does.) || hallucifer: door number two - he thinks you’ve lost it and he’s going to stab that woman to death.#so what’s it gonna be Sam? ready to gamble your friend’s life on if Dean gives a shit about your opinion?#[and that’s the point where sam goes to follow dean. still doesn’t talk to Lucifer. not there yet. but oh hallucifer is sooo pleased with#himself about this. because he’s Sam. and he picks up on what Sam doesn’t. and he could see all of Dean’s little giveaways that Sam was#turning a blind eye to. and now here’s the perfect opportunity to put a wedge between them and get sam to trust him more <3)#GOD. FUCK. IM UPSET NOW. WHY WASNT HALLUCIFER IN THAT EPISODE. MOST OF THE EPISODES?#such a good fucking concept. squandered.#anyway. idk if sam saves Amy but he DEFINITELY here’s Dean’s little speech to her about how she can’t change.#hallucifer with faux sympathy like (sigh) damn. well. i always told you what he was like. Michael. Michael-sword. no difference.#both of them want us dead the moment we step out of line.#and Sam just frozen there in horror with Lucifer’s voice sinking in. and he believes him. how can he not. with dean proving him right#hallucifer#spn#sam winchester#amy pond
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like okay it's happened enough as to where it's an undeniable pattern. but like. does anyone else just have their face get super red/flushed and start feeling like it's burning up when they have anxiety? maybe feel a bit of a tug on their stomach, the pull of dread?
#💡// and oh i get anxious over so many things#there's something that i do that i find annoying when other people do? well let's worry about being annoying then!#there's something i'm worried is my fault or someone blames me for it even though there is no conceivable way they do?#let's have some damn anxiety about that!#being awkward??? just being awkward??? a natural thing??? NO IT'S NOT. SPECIFICALLY FOR YOU. THANKS ANXIETY#have control over anything?? you're being manipulative!! you're using them like puppets!! STARS--#i suddenly know exactly where this is coming from#vent
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I wonder how many tags i can add on to this
#there must be SOME kind of a limit otherwise posts would get suuuuuuper duper long like is it just 30?#idk but i'm going to find out by simply maxxing out the character limit for each tag and finding out the limit of tags for each post lololo#this is gonna be great. i just have to remember to type without ever using the comma. it shouldn't be too hard right? fuck i almost typed#the comma i'm already bad at this smh my head. also if your still here i commend you. you have a better attention span than i do.#i'm already starting to get bored holy shit this is not happening. i gotta power through this. FOR SCIENCEEEEEEEEEE. or somethinggggggggggg#but fr idk what else to say. maybe just saying that i don't know what to say will be good enough? but does that even count?#I don't even know anymore. ffffffffuck. this is gonna be a while huh? also holy shit if you're still here omg u deserve like. a prize or#something because u definitely didn't have to stay and read all of this bull shit. lololol i typed out bs but decided to just spell the who#thing out just to make it go by faster. i'm so lazy. this is only the nineth tag HOW will i make it to 30. i am sobbing the adhd is adhding#very hard rn. are you still here? bruh this is insane. i have somehow managed to keep ur attention this long and it's just me spouting#absolute balderdash. wait do you know what balderdash even means? i don't care if you do already i'm gonna tell you anyway. balderdash is#basically just another word for nonsense. boom. you learned something new today. balderdash equals nonsense equals this damn post.#why did i decide to do this in the first place. it was a dumb idea. i don't know if i can even keep going. this is only the *counts tags*#it's the 14th tag. we've got a long way to go boys. men. soldiers. comrads. friends. besties peeps. marshmallows.#where was i going with this? oh yeah. trying to max out the limit for tags. dang i almost typed a comma there. i haven't done that since#i think the third or fourth tag. dang that feels like such a long time ago. not for you guys probably. it feels longer because i have to li#type it all out and stuff. so it's definitely gonna feel longer for me. are you still here? good lord don't you have better things to#be doing than reading all of this? we're already on tag number 18. it feels like i should be on the thirtyeth by now. or however it's spell#'toast' you might be wondering 'why are you typing out the names of the numbers instead of say '9' or '5'?' well you see. young one.#this is a strategy i'm using to make each tag slightly longer. even if i don't know how to spell it. it'll make it just a little bit longer#anyway. i got off topic. not that there was ever a topic to begin with. unless it's about making this as long as i can.#which i am apparently good at doing. i guess. are you STILL here? do you seriously have nothing to do? i guess i'm flattered you stayed thi#whole time. instead of reading something else you stayed here. with me. listening to me talk. on the twenty-third tag. oh yeah its tag 23#except now it's tag twenty-four. how crazy is that. this little talk is almost over. only 6 tags away if memory serves right. this's strang#i kind of don't want this to end. but i know it should. after all there is a limit. but all things must come to and end at some point i gue#i'm running out of things to say. it's probably a good thing it's almost over. hahahahah............... but i don't want to go. i don't wan#to leave this post. i've worked so hard on it. and for what. just for it to end. are you still here? yes? good. i'd hate to end this alone.#thank you for indulging me and my craziness. the end is only 2 tags away now. you can go ahead and leave. i'll be okay on my own. really...#...you're still here? i- i don't know what to say. i suppose a toast is in order. perhaps. for this journey. this stupid dumb post i though#would be fun. i'll make it short. it's the last tag after all. this was fun. but i will never do it again. so long as a i live. i'll miss y
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Oh I can't wait to refine and finally post the designs for PK's siblings in my AU, it really looks like their mother ran out of ink while making them
#thylacines can talk#they legit get grasually lighter to pure ass white with Ebur if you sort them from eldest ot youngest KDHDNDBD#also lately ive been obsessed with making tiny little variants that involve wyrmroot and them meeting and hallownest's infancy. sometimes#i make it so they just have normal ass kids no trauma involved. i like soft domestic aus from time to time#anyway one ive fell in love with lately was what if Adamas had her 6 shits after she had to cast off her bigger form and PK never got#separated from his family? these are very fun i love writing PK and his mother butting heads about WL. its very fun#my latest creation involves the 7 wyrms ending up in WL's groove back when she was yet to leave her father's territory. and PK and WL#having a fun little secret romance because they damn well know neither of their parents would approve of this and theyd rather avoid the#shitstorm. WL was getting to move on and find her own place eventually so themade a game plan where PK would leave with his fanily and#eventually leave and rejoin her next spring and they could leave together. But his ass got caught because he had Flower and Amaryllis/#Lullaby the 1st. Oopsie. But I love this AU i love writing PK's family taking care of him. the twins living with their aunts uncles and#granny and the eventual relentless teasing and jokes aimed st PK once they figure out the babies are half-root. its all very fun
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Ragnvindr bros angst is fun but it’s also very important to remember that these absolute dorks still hang out with each other despite the Everything. I’m oversimplifying here but it’s like fighting with your sibling but then texting them a meme twenty minutes later but ramped up to 11 and more emotionally fraught.
#pika’s ramblings#genshin#ragbros#Venti’s story quest. first golden apple archipelago. every damn time Kaeya’s at angel’s share while diluc is bartending.#I bet there’s more and hyv just isn’t showing it to us#I bet it drives the traveler batty that these two have every opportunity to make up but just Don’t and yet still keep hanging out anyway#SURE MUST BE NICE TO ALWAYS HAVE A GENERAL IDEA OF WHERE YOUR SIBLING IS HUH. BET ITS GREAT KNOWING YOU CAN TALK TO THEM WHENEVER YOU WANT.#quoth the traveler#also I think if traveler aether found out what diluc did to kaeya he would just start throwing punches#aether shaking diluc by the lapels: WHEN YOU FIND OUT YOUR LITTLE SIBLING IS CONNECTED TO THE ABYSS YOU DO NOT FUCKING TRY TO KILL THEM!!!!!#NO MATTER HOW CRYPTIC OR DIFFICULT THEYRE BEING ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!!!!#like. I know diluc was already full of grief and guilt after crepus died/was mercy-killed and was definitely not in a headspace where it was#advisable to reveal that information. they both made bad decisions.#and if you go by the letters from hidden strife it very likely WAS a mostly grief-fueled response#since it’s evident that after he’s had time to process everything he does still care about kaeya#but like. his little brother just told him his deepest secret and this man decides to attack him about it#kaeya was truly vulnerable one (1) time and. well. once burned (literally) twice shy.
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Honestly a lot of the time, it's not even about people having to agree with me, it's about needing to know that they actually heard and listened to what I had to say even if it didn't persuade them
Just... some basic indication that there's enough respect to give a shit about what I said, and also to make sure that they disagree because they actually disagree and not cause they just didn't bother listening
It's all I really ask
#I forgot what this was about part way through writing about it; but then I remembered it's about Ukraine#like I just need to know that you actually understand what's happening there and what people are going through#you want me to care about your thing? show me you have any any any grasp of what's going on in Ukraine#it's uh... it's too many friends where if I'm just honest... this is about them#people I adore but people where... I don't know if they ever even once listen to what I have to say#...though maybe it's better this way... at least if they just ignore me I can say they just don't understand what's going on#that they're just being fed lines by other people or don't care#...if... they... knew the shit Ukrainians go through and still didn't care... would be a lot harder to respect them#would take a certain level of callous to do that and... these are people I care about very much so#...but I don't know; eats at me... you know#...and even on less serious topics... boy I wish you'd ever listen to me#if it weren't for the fact you say you like me... I'd be pretty damn sure you can't fucking stand me and I do nothing but annoy you#...I don't know if you've... ever... listened to anything I've said on any subject#when you do; you usually correct me... even though; brilliant as you are... you're erm... not always right#I don't get it... I don't get you... every word I say seems to be wrong... I'm so stupid and you're so smart#and yet you get real upset when I want to die... so you must actually like me and our communication styles don't match up#thank god you never seem to read my tags... or... much of anything else I say#truthfully I'd follow you anywhere; and you can treat me any way you want#but man I don't think my thoughts or opinions matter to you even a little... I think I just exist to be your rubber duck#...that's how it feels anyway#but all that aside... just wish you'd listen to me on Ukraine cause it actually matters#this post started out about some other people too... and sure... I like them well enough; and they're maddeningly wrong#like sputnik levels or wrong#drives me nuts; like you're not stupid and you're not cruel so why do you act so stupid and cruel?... turn you brain on#but uh... I actually just don't care about them that much#where as you... I could put it into words... but I won't#it's just a shame... like forget any of the stuff about me; it's just you're so kind... wish you'd care about what's going on in Ukraine#...I gotta stop or I'll go on all night; and I'm already too tired#mm tag so i can find things later
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Radfems and Alt-right'ers aligning with each other is one of the most incredible things to come out of the 21st century lmao
#txt#the only reason they even pay attention to them is because radfems hate transgenders particularly the mtf's with a burning passion#you got radfems involved in right-wing circles and they actually get along with them#even the damn men and i don't know how the f*ck that can possible when radfems want all men to die#this is truly amazing#honestly though they still shouldn't associate with radfems because they don't get that their terf mentality doesn't come from anything els#but their insatiable hatred for men. it doesn't have anything to do with transgenderism itself#“you can be friends with somebody you don't agree with” there is that and there's being friends with somebody that wants you gone from this#damn planet man#but oh well#they are suddenly fine because they tell mft's that they will never be women or whatever#the fact that y'all have reached this level is all sorts of amazing to me#it's gotten to the point where the rw is really associating with a group of people that f*cking hate them and would personally kill them if#they had the chance to actually do it#i'm saying all of this as someone who isn't either left-leaning or right-leaning. screw both sides#on the radfems i don't get it don't you hate all men and think all of them are inherently evil? so why the F*CK are you aligning yourself#with a whole group that you explicitly hate distrust and can't even look in the eye without feeling disgust??? you are a part of something#that they created and that you have explicitly stated on numerous occasions that you find it to be patriarchal misogynistic and sexist#i don't get it???? specially if you are christian you should DEFINITELY not even align with them#if you have that mindset with the jews you should have it with them too. they have a hatred for god jesus christ and christianity because to#them christianity is at the core of women's “oppression” (i mean they direct that at religion as a concept but christianity has been their#scapegoat for over a hundred years at this point#i mean you can still have love for them but they reject jesus. all we can do is pray for them and hope that they embrace jesus christ as#their lord and savior. that's the only legitimate way they can be saved. there is no other way
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Siri how do i stop the cycle without doing these bitchass tiny steps
#lamenting because i was so close to being normal and then i fucking lost it and gained nearly 100 lbs#and i cant get back to where i was i just ...... aaaaaaaaaaaaa#im so much more mentally fucked now so its harder#but thats all excuses right?#and then theres me being like am i even saying that bc i know its what people want to hear#or do i actually believe it? and is there even a difference if i know its true but i dont believe it?#does it even fucking matter just stop shoveling garbage in your mouth ffs#is the real answer here but I AM STRUGGLING#im looking into wls but i know if i dont get my emotional and bored eating under control that shit WILL NOT BE GOOD FOR ME#hnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnng#im just mad bc i have to fucking grocery shop#which always leads me to being pissed about this fuckass cycle#bitch call me mauville town the way i have cycles#god i can recognize the cycle which all tthe therapists will be like good on you!! :D and im like great. how do i break it#and then theyll say ten thousand small steps BITCH IM DYING I NEED DRASTIC CHANGE#BUT THEN IT WONT STICK AND ILL REVERT BACK TO WHERE I AM#but i did it drastically the first time and it wouldve stuck if i hadnt fucking lost it and ended up in the ward#im not a small steps kind of guy i need to wake up and fix shit and stick to it#but listen to me i am dean maniacally speaking to sam.gif#i buy all these stupid ass healthy foods and i have all these good ideas and reciepes and im legit pumped#and then i fuck it up and order food thats awful for me and then i give the hell up#which is an easy problem to fix. i know.#i can simply just....... not do that#but i swear i am struggling which pisses me off so bad#like you wouldnt struggle if youd quit being a stupidass and just did the damn thing#god i am not gonna do well on my psych evaulation#im gonna end up turning it into therapy and im gonna rage and the lady is gonna be like :D................. you need ten more visits#and youre getting denied at the end of them so get fucked#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#charlie am i losing my GODDAMN MIND? IF ITS GONE WHERE WILL I FIND.. IT?
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Honestly I think Dean Highbottom has some shit to answer to as well. The mockery, the derision, the outright admittance that he was hoping Coriolanus would fail and the Snow family would continue to suffer. How someone who loathed the Games still treated a young man with cruelty because of the past, because of social divides that would be so easy to tear down. In the end, it wasn’t just Gaul who shaped Snow into the man he became. So bitter and hateful. So incapable of compassion and forgiveness. Just like his father. Just like his Dean.
#like yeah there were a lot of things questionable about Snow even before he was chosen as a mentor in the games#but like. damn. you didn’t even consider the idea he could be better than his father did you?#the way kindness could have unravelled some of the hate in Snow’s heart#listen to me tell you the horrible things your father did. listen to me tell you that you can be different. you are not the past.#the divides between us do not truly exist. look at the weapon in your hand. it is real. and it can do real damage#but if you never hate someone - if they never fool you into letting violence into your heart - they can never make you use it#it breaks my heart. how could you hate a ghost so much that you’d kill a child. I don’t know. but the Dean does. and so does Snow.#the cycles run and run until somebody stops. and burns some bread. and shares berries. and takes an arrow. and says no more. I love you#it is difficult. it could hurt me. it could be the very last thing I do. it may not even serve me well. but I love you. I love. always.#how pathetic hate makes you. how strong love makes you. like staring at the Dean and staring at characters like Haymitch#like two substance abusing men who know the system inside out. who are complicit. who are victims. both embittered and angry.#but one saw a child and decided to punish him for the past#and the other saw a child and decided - okay. it’s been 23 years. my heart hurts. I want to give in. I want to hate you. I want to not care.#I’m going to care anyway. I’m in so much pain. It’s killing me. I’m going to care anyway. about you both. it won’t be perfect. but I care.#and I’ll be here through hell. and I will fuck up. so fucking badly. because I’m still addicted and angry and god knows I have suffered.#god knows these hands are bloody and they always will be. but I will keep coming back. I will keep trying. I will still love.#and in the end I will write names in a book that belongs to you and I will find a little bit of peace in a house where the sun shines#and the geese make ridiculous noises in the yard. and love will have seen me through.#HAYMITCH YOU WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS I LOVE YOU MY IMPERFECT DARLING#dean highbottom#coriolanus snow#the hunger games#a ballad of songbirds and snakes#haymitch abernathy#thg#abosas#suzanne collins#SHE WILL ALWAYS BE FAMOUS
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99% just my autism speaking here but something ive been noticing lately that im sorta kinda 😶 about is when ppl are like "I think you'll like this" but not bc they ACTUALLY think you'll like it, rather they just got into it and want you to also get into it so "I think you'll like this" is a nice personal hook. i love chill stuff as much as any other person ofc but given i don't divulge that EVER, what makes you think my berserk reading, made in abyss watching, drakengard playing ass would like YURU CAMP????
#gu6chan's musings#am i just taking the phrase too literally???? like i appreciate the thought but also.... what agitates me is the fact theres not any#when i say something among the lines of 'i think YOU'LL like this' or 'This made me think of you' like#its bc i think of THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR or think THAT PERSON IN PARTICULAR would like it#again it's probably just autism brain taking figures of speech too literally but i HATE it bc it just makes me feel like#all the times i shared my interests meant nothinggggg typically i just ask 'neat; what makes you think ill like it?' and ppl start stumbling#and im like :(#whats rlly funny in this case is not only the fact i had only ever established my love of dark fantasy and mystery to this person#but they also flatout asked 'youre not really into modern media much are you' to which the answer was 'not much lol'#and i said the reasons i dont care for 'cute girls doing cute things' anime (re: k-on) is bc if i have the time to watch it then i at LEAST#wanna spend it watching a series that's???? not 'the point of it is to relax :)'??? i can sleep for that#anyways like 2 days later they said they said they think id REALLY like this new anime they've been watching lately and I was like 'oh?'#and it was yuru camp.... and internally i was like 'are you fucking kidding me' but on the outside i was like 'oh sweet what makes you think#id like it? id love some new media recommendations especially if they're newer shows bc ive been having SO MUCH TROUBLE trying to find#something interesting that isn't from 2008'#and they sent me a picture of the most generic anime girl ever and they're like 'it has really cute girls' and then i just wanted to kms#like.... this isn't bc you thought id like it; is it.....#wanted to die internally but i played it cool and was like 'oh no; i appreciate it thoughtfulness and all but i don't think this is for me'#also the time where someone recommended signalis to me and i was like 'oh?' and they were like 'YEAH its SO good the people who made it#were even INSPIRED off of Nier' KNOWING FULL WELL I DIDN'T LIKE IT AND THE AMOUNT MY ENTHUSIASM JUST DIED... i was like#'oh. well that will be a pass then' and they tried backpedaling like 'well it's not SUPER inspired; i didn't know you HATED nier :(' like#my past 15 posts on my twitter werent me realising that the game was absolute garbage and calling it the most regretful thing ive ever spent#money on during my attempted playthrough 😭 i was like 'thanks; but I'll pass' to which they then responded by promptly sending me#signalis memes i had absolutely no idea how to respond to WITHOUT making it seem like i was super annoyed so i was just kinda 😶 and didn't#reply and they were like 'sorry :(' and i was like 'haha it's okay! i just have absolutely no idea how to respond to this joke i dont#understand at ALL'#was probably one of the more awkward interactions ive ever had but genuinely speaking i was so INTERESTED until they brought up that it was#inspired by nier i literally psychically felt all the enthusiasm leaving my body from 'damn; i might actually have to look into this' to#'oh well that's a bullet dodged' did not trust the backtracking either....
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