#YOUR POSTS REALLY GOT INTO MY BRAIN FOR A BIT
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thewertsearch · 12 hours ago
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@necrowyrm asked: happy new year!!! enjoy the last little bit of homestuck before act 6! Anonymous asked: You have NO IDEA how much I was looking forward to your reaction to this flash :D @teddy-bearer-of-bad-news asked: a very late congratulations from me for making it this far! i gotta say, saving CASCADE for new year's is probably the smartest thing i've heard all week. may your experience be nothing short of righteous, comrade Anonymous asked: Cascade … Even years latter knowing it almost by heart, every once in a while I will take a little quarter of an hour to rewatch it, Say what you want about Hussie but there is a good reason Homestuck became so iconic. @adeptarcanist asked: The leadup to Cascade was honestly my favorite sequence in Homestuck, and maybe one of my favorites in any media ever? The way the narrative splits apart into all of the different scenes swirling in towards the critical moment, both advancing main plots and finding time to spend a moment of melancholy with characters who’d been left behind (The Jaspers and Nepeta scene :( )… it’s such a strong narrative device, and the tone it generates is impeccable. @calamitascalliope asked: I literally watched the flash again, and it still gives me chills every single time. Welcome to your post-Cascade life. You won't be able to think about anything the same ever again @iris-in-the-dark-world asked: "she looks so cool… but she’s so tragic… but she looks so cool…" has become a brainworm for me. i too love the handmaid's design btw, cascade time has been i think the most anticipated non-personal event of the entire year for me. i'm so excited @publicuniversalworstie asked: I want you to know that I also opened Cascade and started watching with you right after I saw your "oh my god it has chapters" ask, and I finished just as you posted "I will never be the same" !! And I bet lots of other people did too <3 so it's like we all watched it together!!!! Happy New Year and thank you for liveblogging!!!! It's been a pleasure!(and will continue to be) @krixwell asked: I would like you to know that your "Right, we're good to go!" and "oh my god it has chapters" posts were posted right as I was outside watching midnight fireworks ring in 2025 for the Central European timezone. Happy new year! @captorations asked:
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hey remember when rose just up and fucking said that. anyway congrats on reaching cascade! it absolutely wrecked me back in the day, i think i stared at those flaming curtains for a solid ten minutes as my brain permanently reconfigured. the first few notes of the track alone still give shivers. getting your reaction to cascade was a wonderful birthday present. (speaking of getting older: aradia 🤝 dulcinea also got that "distressingly short lifespan only to die early anyway" story thread going on. the parallels are paralleling.) anyway happy new year and congrats you are… slightly less than halfway done with homestuck. have fun!
Hey, guys. Cascade was so fucking good.
Like, there's really no competition; this is the best Flash page in the comic thus far. Peak music, peak animation, and absolutely a peak narrative. It tied up mountains of plot threads, providing complete answer to questions we're been asking for literally thousands of pages. It completed over a dozen arcs, both big and small. It made me gasp three times in fourteen minutes. It let Jade become a furry.
11/10, and I'm glad people had as much fun here as I did on New Year's Eve. Happy 2025, and happy Act 6!
@morganwick asked: Sally, predicting Cascade: "I have approximate knowledge of many things." @morganwick asked: "You literally have the whole world in the palm of your hands." -Sally to Jadesprite, December 16, 2024 (You might also want to reread post/770701212350857216 in light of recent developments.)
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Hah!
I mean, based on her powerset, it made sense that Jadesprite would do something like this eventually, but it's pretty funny that she did it more or less immediately.
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And in the end, CD really was a tricky little bastard. We'll definitely need to keep a closer eye on him, next time around.
Anonymous asked: Take a moment to consider that if anyone were to use the Homestuck website as it stands now instead of the Collection program, Cascade would have been presented in the YouTube player in Standard Definition, artifacted to hell, with a clear boundary showing the dimensions of the video from the very start. Preservation is so important.
Jeez, you're not kidding. The 1080p is fine, I guess, but it certainly doesn't hit like the Flash version does, especially with its lack of moving panels.
I know something had to change when Flash kicked the bucket, but surely there was a better way to preserve the video's soul.
Anonymous asked: to give you some of an idea of what homestuck fandom looked like during this time period, im cribbing from a very popular homestuck post: “first, this upd8 was something that we had been waiting for for WEEKS. A literally unprecedented wait period at the time. We were used to suckling at the teat of daily updates, a constant stream of conversation and plot twists and buildup, and as EOA5, we were finally going to figure out what all these countdowns and plot threads and disconnected elements were building up for. And when the progress bar reached 100%, and when the page FINALLY loaded on 10/25/11, it was chaos. This was 2011, a primetime peak point and growth period of Homestuck fan density.” (…) “MSPA crashed, as it had started to during the last few big [S] updates. Hussie had already bought new servers in advance, but even when allegedly thousands of dollars were spent it couldn't handle the accidental DDOS attack of Homestuck fans. People were up all night waiting for this upd8, the curiosity was killing me. I know at some point he was receiving at least 1 million unique visitors per day to his site [correction: according to Hussie’s tumblr, upwards of 2 million during this time], and even though Hussie had foreseen such traffic and thusly hosted [S] Cascade on Newgrounds, a dedicated video streaming site, Newgrounds was similarly unprepared for the sheer amount of people frantically mashing the play and refresh buttons, and also crashed. Immediately. MSPA and Newgrounds crashed definitively for at least two nights in a row” (…) “Andrew Hussie has gone on record to say this was one of the few times he thought Homestuck wasn’t worth it, because the sheer unbelievable cost (was it $10,000?) [correction: according to Hussie’s tumblr, it looked like it was going to cost $100,000 to keep [S] Cascade up for several days] of servers and the chaos of no one able to see the upd8 and crashing nearly every site after. He was tweeting during the whole debacle, stating he was reluctant to put it up on Youtube because of all the moving elements of the flash, and style, and how youtube degraded the quality of the file size, and how he tried to scratch out buffer time and pauses by putting periods of silence between each section of the 14 minute upd8, the longest upd8 yet” “So after Newgrounds patooted, he didn’t put it on youtube and instead put up the entire flash file on Megaupload, where it could be downloaded in it’s entirety to be watched. UNFORTUNATELY, Megaupload also crashed very quickly, which Hussie felt much headache over. But before that happened I managed to get the file, since I happened to be up very early that night! Next it was on dropbox, which didn’t crash but had “link unavailable” on and off. ”Spoilers were flying everywhere, people didn’t understand everything that had happened, and by the time the timeline of events in and out of [S] Cascade was all straightened out, people became even MORE hype. Like this whole thing lasted at least four days, and on top of that, the upd8 was good. Fandom exploded.” it is impossible to quantify the experience. The fact hussie was going to have to fork over A HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS to host it is crazy. I am never going to be over it.
Cascade's complete obliteration of the Flash-hosting internet says a lot about huge Homestuck truly was - but I think an even bigger indicator of the comic's success is the fact that Hussie dropped literally thousands of dollars on server upgrades to host the thing. That's not an investment you make unless you're expecting some serious returns.
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cicobuffs · 1 day ago
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NSFW preacher's son Art? 🙏
anon i got u ill try my best TRUST, putting nsfw under the cut :)
MINORS DNI
cw: fem!reader, inexperienced!art, always assume protected piv, oral (f receiving)
preachers son!art is severely inexperienced which i feel like you could gather just from my other posts about him. i think the most he's gotten in the past was mildly feeling one of his high school girlfriends up on the couch at a basement party patrick had dragged him to in high school. i say mildly because said girlfriend had grabbed his hands to bring them to her breasts when they were kissing and it lasted .2 seconds before art got overwhelmed with inherent catholic guilt and said he had to go to the bathroom (he waited in patrick's car until he came back). through that and through his upbringing, sex is something that he was taught that is only supposed to be between a married couple and it would take a bit for him to actually come to terms that he won't be "damned to hell".
with that being said when he sits you down and tells you that he wants to go a bit further in your relationship (took you a minute to understand what he was saying btw before it clicked that he was talking about sex), you were a little apprehensive yourself. but he is insanely reassuring that he wants to and not that he feels like he has to.
art is a very quick learner to say the absolute least, tell him or show him that you like the way that he's moving his hips or fingers and he is committing that to memory: a little save for later file in his brain. one thing i forget to mention about preachers son! art is that he is essentially a D1 people pleaser (undefeated) and that very much extends to how he is in the bedroom, he 100% aims to please.
he is far more of a giver rather than a receiver like i cannot make that any clearer. he could get off, and he has, just from being between your legs, thighs clenching around his head while he's bucking his hips into the mattress. he probably tasted you for the first time, one fat lick through your folds, and you saw his eyes roll to the back of his head. one of the things that really gets him going are the little noises and moans that he can pull out of you just from his mouth.
he's big on seeing your face when you're fucking, he likes seeing the little faces you make when you sink down on his cock and how your mouth opens to make a noise that doesn't fully come out. with that, he loves when you're on top. really he overall likes when you kind of take the reins period: tugging on his hair when he's going down on you with "yes" 's and "right there" 's, telling him where to touch you, taking his hands to bring them to your waist.
art moans and i mean moans: its to a degree where it's almost pornographic and that's what makes you want to jump his bones even more because he is just so unaware of how good he sounds.
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mochimochimona · 3 days ago
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Rewatching Arcane Only For Viktor and Jayce, analyzing for storytelling purposes as an artist* -S1 EP:4 or Viktors staring is sus
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I loved that scene, where Jayce firstly implies Viktor to keep sitting so he doesn't need to crawl up and also for taking the blame completly.
A little disclaimer here because it might be confusing why I am doing this analyzis (?)...sss english is not my native language sorry - so I am an artist and Arcane is a huge inspiration for me and I wondered what the animators did to imply Jayce and Viktor being really close to each other, even having feelings for each other. And I do get the impression Viktor always had feelings for Jayce because he acts different in a lot of interactions with him. Body language is also an implication, so I will take a closer look on that as well. So I am going through scenes of them together and asking myself what makes me think they wanted to imply something more than lab partners, what makes me think that and HOW I would have done it differently to AVOID that. Also I want to know if I misinterpreted Jayce's behavior and read too much into it. So, here we go. It's actually part #3 already, I will put a post on tumblr with all of my guesses later. If you wanna share your thoughts, please do so!
Knowing what will happen and how sick Viktor gets, seeing it (really, seeing it because I can pay attention) and Jayce not noticing because he is so caught up in playing political figure hurts. Really hurts. And also I am sure now that Mel used Jayce most of the time to get what she wants (not in an evil way, honestly, she does take a liking to him later one, but I will say not as much as we get the feeling Jayce and Viktor care for each other) and she makes advances to Jayce, using his insecurity and jearning for acknoledgment.
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I mean how can Jayce not tell that Viktor is immensly sick? I mean those two were working their asses of in the lab I get that, but I think it started right then and there that Jayce lost their dream, really, and the fact that Viktor is his best buddie (or whatever) and it got worse after he holds the speech.
And Viktor is clearly more devastated, which might even shocked Jayce too, than Jayce was, I mean the reaction:
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Jayce really was surprised Viktor was so desperate. Viktor knew he was gonna die sooner or later so I think he thought with studying hextech he might find a cure for himself in the process. He didn't touch him, though, so Viktor wasn't shy, just shocked.
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This scene made me laugh and choke, I have flashbacks of Jayce being in the Future but instead of seeing Mel and Viktor through the fire, we see him. Interesting choice to make the appearance of Jayce like that. Is that...is that foreshadowing again???? This makes my brain hurt.
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Why am I doing this to myself again?
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LOOK HOW HE LOOKS. WHY IS NO ONE ADRESSING THIS. Why am I doing this to myself, SEND HELP? Viktor was confidently asking "where have you been, they asked me to do the speech (or whatever)" but when Jayce touched him, said they were partners, he got a bit shy and even stuttered a bit. Okay so IF you are fine with your homie....anyway, the next thing:
"Not in front of" - there is a pause, his look:
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"...all of them" and then THE STARE. Why would you do that? I am an artist myself and when it comes to visual storytelling, I am always asking myself what I want to tell people with frames and panels (if you make comics), so I am really wondering from a storytelling point of view: what did they wanted to make a point about? Apart from highlighting Viktor in this situation, to imply that he isn't comfortable in speaking to others okay. But his pause. Looking at Jayce...?
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Because clearly Viktor is staring. Honestly, if they didn't want to make it read as longing, or something similiar/else, you would have took a different shot after he told "not for all of them", because if you did that, you wouldn't imply that he would have done it maybe in front of everyone, but not with Jayce staying there because it made him nervous being in front of him. ALSO really important thing I noticed here: when he interacts with Jayce in close proximity and out of context of research, he gets shy but he usually is a confident person.
And again, you could have approached Viktor not wanting to perform in front of a huge audience differently, if your only goal was to make that clear. Ya know, him being touched by Jayce on the shoulder, saying "You are my partner" and keeping a wide shot, making him gesticulate that he isn't comfortable, "in front of all those people" (he would do it in front of Jayce though). DOES ANYONE GETS WHAT I MEAN?
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Still staring, or paying a lot of close attention to your lab partner.
And then he says "you - pause", AGAIN WITH THE CLOSE SHOT. I HOPE for the love of god that some people from the Studio will be at the Art Department in Berlin because I really want to ask about this. And I hope I won't get spooked so I ask lol. Because that's really what is interesting about this.
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And then comes a really interesting thing, I guess. Sky approaches and she looks at Viktor. A short, acknowledging look from Viktor and he gets back to Jayce. So I was wondering why they made the shot like that again and showing she has interest in Viktor, but Viktor is just respectful.
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And right back to Jayce but the next shot is a perfect masterpiece, I laughed so hard.
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Replacing Vikor with the mug, where Jayces "Man of Progress" can be seen is, again, peak foreshadowing and storytelling. Again, you could have showed it differently, but every scene has a message and wants to convey something, so this is an important shot. Man, these guys from Fortiche are madmen. Stopping here or the post will get too long.
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luckyplushy · 8 months ago
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@patricia-taxxon
After playing the game, I immediately thought how it feel for Rambley to be projected upon a wall, engulfing the person outside. How it would feel to be so close to touching the other, but yet not. I wonder.
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ruporas · 2 years ago
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only human
[ID: Two page comic in color of Vash and Wolfwood from Trigun Maximum. The first page has a black background and the upper half, behind the panels, is splattered with stylized red blood, scattered bullets, and lifeless hands. In the first panel, it focuses on Vash's boots, showing him stepping through the panel and into the bloody scene. The second panel shows his bloody footprints and the third panel shows his face, his down-turned eyes looking downwards. It's a neutral, vague expression with confliction. At the bottom of the page, the back of Wolfwood's head and shoulder is seen, blood dirtying the white color of his shirt and side of his face. Vash's hand reaches out to him from the right side of the page.
The second page shows the entire scene in full, half the page in light and the other in solid black. At the center, Vash leans down onto his knees as he wraps his arms around Wolfwood's shoulders into a hug. Wolfwood's back is turned away from the viewer, his left arm holds onto his bloodied punisher and his right hand sits on his lap. Light casts from the left side of the page, showing the bloodied surrounding, but the held up punisher casts a shadow on the both of them, shielding them from the light. END ID]
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tinta--branca--art · 6 months ago
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I took my sweet time playing through @diasporatheblog these past few months and finally brought myself to finish it yesterday (so sad it's over sobs)
#diaspora game#diaspora#cog#if#interactive fiction#sangarinus#sangarinus nabor#tintabrancaart#tintabrancaocs#tintabrancaocfalgaraile#if you saw me post this twice u didnt. tumblr loves to hate me sigh sigh#anyway !!#this game waow#ancient rome is a huge fixation for me so castulia was a treat to explore and visualise#esp bc the game doesnt take place in the capital (rather in a port city which. yesssss)#okok so my fool falgaraile (falga to their friends).. they/it legend#they're a bit more on the serious side wrt personality#partly bc of the stress of their responsibilities but also bc they're fairly straightforward in their manner#it's exhausted by the wars and conflicts around clan maghnus which def contribute to the stress#refreshed and looking forward to the possibility of peace. looks at balthasar#falga's eye got eviscerated in a raid when it was a teenager so now they have a prettified prosthetic in its place#some scars on their legs too but yea#it turns out you cant big brain your way out of every fight !! and it learned the hard way lmao#but yeye gosh i used a mixture of diaspora's worldbuilding and celtiberian material culture as refs for their design#because that is where my heart lies :'D#oh and sang !! i didnt go too hard on his design because it's a little more set in stone already#i love him he's such a lil (big) guy.. my buddy my pal. mwah#i have a very strong mental image of his face so i had to give it a few tries to really nail down#im glad w how it came out !!#ahh okok i need to rest but yes i love diaspora i love the setting and characters :'D i will be replaying it while i still can
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sysig · 17 days ago
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Laptop is finally home, diary is gone for good
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embv · 1 month ago
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my body doesn’t Hate me, per se. It just Loves being an annoying little shit
#my post#i feel a little bad about complaining about it sometimes#because it’s not like i have super serious afflictions#and we’ve gotten some handled through this or that#but. i’ve just got. such an extensive collection of#‘‘bodily things that would be fine individually albeit annoying; but i’ve got all of them so it makes for a frustrating existence’’#subacute eczema. the worst of the bunch. only on my hands but very itchy and still eczema#scapular winging or whatever they call it when you can pop out your scapulas at will.#not very bad at all. the least offensive. just aches sometimes and makes me worry#some tinnitus. a tad annoying. i hear it most when it’s quiet or i’m inside. sometimes it flares but not often. tuning it out isn’t too har#chronic rhinitis. i got some surgery(?) for this one. lotta nose sprays.#my nose is almost always congested and runny and going anywhere without tissues is dangerous.#dry lips. also not altogether that bad it’s just annoying and it gets cracked and sometimes painful to open my mouth too wide ig.#we manage that one well with whatever lip products my sister gave me. it’s not very bad#dandruff? maybe? is it dandruff or just scalp skin? i got no clue man#and you’re like. ‘‘okay you’re right those are all quite annoying. but is it really that bad?’’#and i’m like ‘‘No. but have you Considered that i have to deal with them all at Once?’’#BUT THAT. ISN’T EVEN IT. ‘CAUSE IT’D BE ONE THING IF MY BODY WAS JUST BUILT LIKE THAT. BUT MY BRAIN HATES ME TOO.#BOOM. dermatillomania!! i pick at my acne a little. under my nails. the hard skin under my nails.#my scalp! until it’s itchy and there’s a little bit of blood! i gently pull at my eyelashes a little bit and rub my eyes.#and. get this. dry and flaky bits of skin. GUESS WHERE I HAVE FLAKY BITS OF SKIN. OH THAT’S RIGHT: THE SUBACUTE ECZEMA ON MY HANDS.#it’s better now it really is but i have spent hours picking at it after i’m already all set for bed. 2-3 hrs over a trash can picking at it#‘‘yeah okay that’s bad. but-’’ BOOM. ADHD or at least fidgeting. i fidget most by picking at idk All of the aforementioned.#‘‘oof yeah that does actually suck-’’ BOOM. OCD!!! now that one is the REAL kicker that one fucking hates me#just take all of the above and assume i have some vaguely annoying compulsion tied to it.#and it wouldn’t be so annoying sometimes if it weren’t for the fact that i deal with it all every day kind of#so correction: my body doesn't necessarily hate me it’s just that my body has shaken hands made deals about which exact disorders and bodil#irritations i need to collectively make living incredibly annoying.#thank you for coming to my TED talk. cue the world’s smallest violin or whatever
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dbphantom · 8 months ago
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you know if you guys voted for stretch armstrong i probably would have shut up a lot sooner tonight
#so really this is all your fault /lh /j#i love thinking about h2o tho so im happy#VERY FUCKING TIRED THO WISH I COULD SLEEP#i think my brain is kicking into overdrive after being filled with cotton the past 3 days which. hey im glad ur back bud#CAN YOU SHUT UP NOW I NEED REST#i was just thinking because im probably not posting that essay i will summarize here (i saw#that privating it made it lose like 4 recently edited paragraphs and i don't want to type all that out again my memory isn't good enough)#it just boiled down to the pods basically making a self fulfilling prophecy by orphaning their sons and making them increasingly#desperate for connections to other people like them which is why i think erik behaves the way he does esp when ondina is around#like i am not excusing his actions in the slightest dont get me wrong here he really fucked up BUT#his last conversation with ondina before he goes to the chamber kind of sold that idea to me#how he scoffs at her saying rita says it's dangerous because she's 'old school' and of COURSE old school mermaids think all mermen are evil#and then starts adding on how he wants to do this for HER and get her home back for her by controlling it#like a bit of an add-on at the end to try and convince her#i think what he really wants is to be hailed as a hero. you know. validation and acceptance from the ppl who originally abandoned him#the OGs who made him feel like an outsider. the ppl who ripped everything away from him just bc of the way he was born (which is prob why#when he's trying to convince zac to help him he keeps bringing up their ancestors bc that's what unifies them)#i don't think he's an evil dude per se i think he thought stealing the trident stone from rita's grotto would be small peanuts in the past#once he finally got the pod to come home bc he genuinely (mistakenly) believed he COULD control the power of the chamber#i also think that's why the camera keeps focusing on his face when he's watching the others panic over#zac's sacrifice and i think he is feeling jealousy bc they are paying attention to him and not Erik#like that's not the face of someone who deeply regrets what they just did. my guy is just sitting there like 'that should be me rn'#i think that is why he also sounds so desperate to make things right with ondina afterwards. iirc he's just like 'wait no we can start ove#RIGHT?' and she's like 'uhhhh... no??????' (valid). my dude is lonely as fuck and he finally found a group of ppl like him and he messed up#big time just trying to get their attention and affection bc he couldn't just be normal abt it he had to go big or go home#like i kind of feel bad for him in a way#but i feel bad for everyone#i felt bad for denman the other day! that's how bad this is getting!!#i mean come on imagine making the scientific discovery of a LIFETIME only for all that shit to happen in a row#especially after you get your comeback. they just go right back to fucking you over again
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swordsonnet · 1 year ago
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on the off chance anyone on here followed me for my jonmartin fake dating au, currently standing tragically unfinished at 7 out of 8 chapters: i'm still working on the last chapter! i would love to have it up this year, but unfortunately i can't make any promises, because i've started a new medication and the side effects are wreaking havoc on my mind and body. haha isn't chronic illness fun. but rest assured the fic is the beating heart under my floorboards, and i WILL finish it one day
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queseraphita · 1 year ago
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Anime gave me such unrealistic expectations on hair parts and bangs as a teenager
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chiropteracupola · 2 years ago
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tell me if you think I'm breathing good...
[collaboration with @dxppercxdxver again]
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little-mouse-adventures · 2 years ago
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Love learning things about myself! For example, today I learned that I pass out while getting blood drawn!
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fatickono · 6 months ago
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me when i try and ignore a hyperfixation i’ve had for 2.5 years … and it doesnt work!!!!! who could’ve expected that ………….
#dies. also VENTING AHEAD sorry i ended up venting in tags. SO YEA VENTING TW BE WARNED!!!#yk what i’ll say it. its the#fucking d s m p#im spelling it that way so hopefully this wont show up in the tag. if it does sorry to ppl who got here from it#but.#i WANT to be over it i want to not like it anhmore#bc it does not help my moral ocd one fucking bit#why does it not help my moral ocd u may ask?#bc it is very controversial and has many ppl in it that are legitimately bad ppl and *points at ppl saying if u like d s m p youre a bad pe#and like . That doesnt help my moral ocd (which is obsessed with being a good person at all times and if im not then i am evil)#my hyperfixations are part of me and i cant just rip them out#its lik a tree grew its way in me and now if you rip it out i die#weird analogy but i dont really care#if one of my followers decides to unfollow me bc of liking d s m p. i understand#and f jfjemenfm why couldnt my brain latch onto like .#her mit craft#or somethjng#????#i wouldnt feel guilty ofer liking that#well . maybe i would but probably less idk#and i feel guilty interacting with any fan content of the d s m p#even just liking a post related to it makes me feel bad#and like ejrkfjfj this#i just wish i didnt like itever in the first place#idek how i got into it#but i did#aughcjekdjd#sorry for venting but . yea. i didnt intend for it to be one but apparently my brain wanted that. so#also dont expect me to go posting d s m p content after this cus.. im not#i purposefky never talk about it because if i do the demons (my ocd) will end me for it☺️☺️☺️☺️
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floral-hex · 7 months ago
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January 2024: well, I can’t get my antidepressants anymore and this withdrawal makes me want to kill myself. From now on I’ll just raw dog these feelings so I never have to deal with these side effects again.
June 2024: I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. I’m gonna die. The world is ending. We’re all walking through the end times and whether I die soon or the world collapses in on itself, I can feel the simultaneous emptiness and crushing weight of the end. There is nothing.
#this isn’t really funny is it?#anyway so yeah going back to the dr tomorrow to ask for antidepressants#which ones I don’t know. I’ve been on so many that I don’t know if anything really works#THIS IS NOT A SOLUTION FOR EVERYONE. THIS IS JUST ME. I NEED TO BE MEDICATED. I LOVE YOU. DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU.#a whole nothingburger of a roadblock hit me earlier and I ended up having to sit outside for an hour#basically ‘hey can you maybe go to your appt a bit earler just in case they can see you sooner’ and I was like… why bother w/ ANYTHING!#one of those stupid things that’s so easy to work with in retrospect but at the time I honestly felt so hopeless and pushed around#what a fucking baby#anxiety and depression can just turn you into a fucking baby#I SAY THIS SO EMPATHETICLY! You are NOT a baby! your brain just doesn’t work right! I’m so sorry we gotta deal with this.#some people don’t need meds. some do. this post is about me. my chemicals have been caustic for years. I gotta balance the humors my liege#so basically I’ve been antidepressant free since mid jan. it’s sucked. it’s getting WOOOOORSE.#so as much as I hate adjusting to new meds. as much as I say ‘I don’t notice a difference’#about that. THIS is the difference you dumb bitch (me)!#I’ll be on meds and kinda mehhhh. but this. without meds. I’ll take meh and functional over months of meh and then suddenly DEATH!#I’m not in a position where I can just go out and get a bunch of healthy food and go work out and change my environment and blah blah blah#I’m poor and disabled boy!#but god… I know there’s more I could reasonably do. I know. I don’t need suggestions. I’m sorry. to myself and everyone I’m annoying.#just… for right now. for this week. let me try to rebalance.#I got some antianxieties to last a week maybe but they’re not cure-alls.#I wish I could say oh I popped an Ativan and I felt so good but NO! it makes me sleepy and a bit calmer and it’s NOT sustainable!#I can’t be drowsy all day long. I definitely CAN’T handle a benzo problem. fuck I am always worried about withdrawals with this stuff.#oh dang. I’ve just been sitting here rambling for maybe half an hour now in my little chair. doofus.#okay sorry to bother you#I love you and I love you and also I love you#you can ignore this#text
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aberooski · 7 months ago
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One more shift tomorrow then I get like 2 weeks off practically. Bless.
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