#Which I Suppose I Am but i don't mean it in a shitting on ppl way just more in a uh...different cups of tea

[seventh-district]

not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go

(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)

[unproduciblesmackdown]

what in the. see this is why it's a good thing that multiplayer videogames especially are about having fun & being yourself like what do you mean disguised spies automatically had the speed of the disguise's class & everyone's like yea if i wasn't always going for the scout disguise i'd kill myself right now. i'd be like haha can't catch Me out supposedly the extra slow or extra fast class >:) i am a harmless engineer

[wereh0gz]

Y'know I think I'm starting to truly understand the kids who just didn't do anything in class during middle and high school. As someone who used to be a gifted kid and never really got it. Fucking hell

[varibean]

being in a fandom where the characters don’t have a canonical way they look or they’re so simplistic that they can be interpreted in multiple different ways is wild bc i’ll see art or read a fic and it’ll be super good but part of me is like ‘hmm, so this is really how you see them huh? interesting, interesting.’ 

[luv-again]

feeling incredibly upset rn but I'm too afraid to bother anyone so I just brew in my constant state of misery bc I'm too pathetic to sort myself out

[itneverendshere]

hi again! so I've been meaning to send a request, but before i go about it I wish to say it's completely okay if you're not inspired by this, or if you simply don't want to write it, i would hate myself if I made you overwhelmed or smth. love you anyways 💕 so for the request: reader who's autistic. she's not very talkative nor socially active, never had a boyfriend, has one or two friends, yet somehow rafe notices her and finds her endearing. she's okay being herself with her friends, like she's funny, kind and passionate about her interests (like geek stuff, fantasy books, animals and such). she has zero flirting experience and is always dismissive towards rafe bc she doesn't think someone could like her romantically, and she's always suspicious of people bc they've wronged her in the past (in my experience as an autistic person i tend to believe everything ppl say and am kinda naive, so ppl played me or said unrealistic things and I believed them, which then is a reason for laughter, now I'm always suspicious to ppl's intentions). I'm giving you creative freedom with this, just wanted an autistic reader for once :) if you feel like writing it but need to know more abt autism, you can just post question and I'll answer in your asks, if that's okay. Just a reminder again before I go: feel free to decline this request, I know it might not be something cool to write and that's okay ☺️ love you lots, thank you for your time!

i tried my best, hope you like it 🫶🏼 and if you don't lmk so i can do better!! this was really fun since it's a compeltely new topic of inspiration. kinda left an "open" ending bc i couldn't make my mind up lmao. thank you for the resquest and sorry it took me a while to finally do it 🫂

got dreams but i can't make myself believe them - r.c

paring: rafe x autistic!reader word count: 6.9k

The party was a mistake. You knew it the moment you walked in, the thumping music and crush of people making your skin crawl. Your friends had been relentless, insisting that you needed to “get out more” and “live a little,” despite your repeated attempts to explain that “getting out” meant something different to you.

But somehow, you’d caved, and now you were standing awkwardly in the corner of a stranger’s living room, clutching your book like it was a life vest. You needed to stop letting them drag you everywhere.

It was the typical college party scene, at least the one's you'd heard or read about before. Red solo cups everywhere, groups of people huddled on couches or pressed together on the so called dance floor, and a few already-drunk guys yelling loudly in the kitchen.

This was supposed to be fun?

“Just stay for an hour,” they said. “If it’s really that bad, you can leave.”

Right. Except an hour felt like an eternity when you were trapped in a sensory nightmare. You took a deep breath, scanning the crowded room. There were people everywhere—laughing, dancing, chattering loudly in clumps—and the noise was a constant, overwhelming buzz in your ears.

This was definitely a mistake.

So, you did what you always did in these situations: you found a place to hide. After walking through the drunk college students, you eventually ended up on quiet nook near the back of the house. It was a small room, probably some sort of den or study. Blessedly, it was empty. With a sigh of relief, you settled into an oversized armchair, opened your book, and let the world outside your pages melt away.

Time slipped by as you read, the noise of the party changing into a distant hum. You were so engrossed that you didn’t even notice when someone stumbled into the room until a loud crash jolted you out of your fictional word. He nearly tripped over his own feet, catching himself at the last second with a slurred, “Shit.”

You looked up to find a guy standing unsteadily in the doorway, blinking blearily at you. He was tall, with tousled hair and a loose, easy grin that spoke of far too many drinks. His eyes were a striking blue even in the low light, and it took you a second to place him.

Rafe Cameron.

Oh, God. You knew him—well, of him, at least. He was in your sociology class, always sitting a few rows behind you with his gaggle of equally charming friends. He’d never spoken to you before, though, and you’d never had a reason to pay him much attention.

Until now.

Then his face split into a lazy grin, and he swaggered—no, stumbled—into the room, somehow managing to make even that look effortless.

“Heyyy,” he drawled, leaning heavily against the arm of the chair across from you. “It’s… it’s you.”

You blinked at him. “Me?”

“Yeah,” he slurred, squinting like he was trying to see you clearly. “T-The girl from my class. The quiet one.”

Your stomach did a weird flip, part confusion, part disbelief. “Okay?”

“Yeah.” He nodded sagely, as if you’d just confirmed some great truth. “You’re the uh, the smart one. With the books.” He gestured vaguely at the one in your hands. “Always sittin’ up front, all… all cute n'shit.”

Your cheeks burned. Was he seriously calling you cute? No. He was drunk—really drunk. He probably didn’t even know what he was saying.

“Do you need help?” you asked cautiously. “You look—”

“I’m fine,” he cut you off, straightening up as if to prove it, though the effect was somewhat ruined by the way he swayed on his feet. “Needed to get away from those idiots out there. Too many people.”

You almost laughed. Rafe Cameron, overwhelmed by people? The guy who was always surrounded by friends, girls practically draped over him like accessories? But he looked sincere—well, as sincere as a drunk person could look.

“Why don’t you sit down?” you suggested, gesturing to the empty chair. “You, um, might fall over if you don’t.”

“Pfft, I’m not gonna—” He paused mid-sentence, wobbling precariously. Then, as if he’d just made the smartest decision of his life, he plopped down in the chair, sprawling out like he owned the place.

“See? Told ya m'fine,” he said, flashing you a lopsided grin.

You couldn’t help but snort. “Right.”

He looked at you then, really looked at you, his gaze roaming over your face “What’re you doin’ here?” he asked abruptly.

You glanced at your book, then back at him. "Reading?”

“No, I mean… here,” he insisted, gesturing vaguely around the room. “At this shitty party.”

You shrugged, feeling awkward. “My friends dragged me. I didn’t really want to come.”

Rafe’s eyes narrowed thoughtfully, and for a moment, he looked almost sober. “Yeah, same.”

You raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

He smirked, a flash of the cocky, arrogant guy you’d seen in class. “Yeah, well… they’re fucking assholes, but they’re my assholes, y'know?”

You didn’t, but you nodded anyway. “Sure.”

“So, what’s that book about?”

You hesitated. “Um… it’s a fantasy novel.”

“Fantasy, huh?” He tilted his head, eyeing the cover. “Like wizards and dragons n'shit?”

“Sort of,” you admitted. “It’s about a girl who finds out she has magic and goes on a quest to—”

“Save the world?” he finished with a mock-solemn expression.

“...Yeah,” you said, narrowing your eyes. “But it’s more complicated than that.”

“Bet it is,” he murmured, his gaze still fixed on you. “You’re really into that stuff, huh?”

You shifted uncomfortably. “Yeah. Why?”

He shrugged, his smirk softening into something that almost looked like genuine interest. “You looked happy, talkin’ about it.”

Your heart did another weird little flip, and you frowned, pushing the feeling down. He was drunk. This didn’t mean anything. He probably wouldn’t even remember it in the morning.

But then, his eyes drifted shut, his head lolling back against the chair. Within seconds, he was snoring. You sat there, stunned.

What the hell had just happened?

Three days later, you were sitting in your usual spot in the lecture hall, flipping through your notes. Class was about to start, and the room was filling up with the usual pre-lecture chatter. You were just getting settled when someone slid into the seat beside you.

You glanced up, expecting one of your friends. But it wasn’t.

It was Rafe.

“Hey, friend,” he said casually, like you hadn’t left him passed out at a party a few nights ago.

You stared at him, completely disoriented. “Hi?”

He grinned, leaning back in his chair like this was completely normal. “Didn’t think I’d forget about you, huh?”

Your eyes narrowed. “I… yeah, actually.”

Rafe’s grin widened, and he leaned in closer, “See, that’s where you’re wrong, princess,” he murmured. “I remember everything.”

Did he just give you a nickname?

Your stomach dropped. “What?”

“Yeah.” He crossed his arms, looking entirely too smug. “You, sitting there all cute with your book, talking about magic and shit. Thought I was too drunk to remember, huh?”

“I—” You stared at him, completely off balance. “Why are you here?”

“Because I want to be,” he said simply. “Got a problem with that?”

You blinked, caught off guard. “No?”

“Good.” He flashed you a grin, all cocky charm. “So, you gonna tell me more about that book, or what?”

You gaped at him. “You actually want to hear about it?”

“Why not?” he shot back, raising an eyebrow. “It made you smile.”

And for some reason, that simple statement knocked the breath out of you.

“Okay,” you said, still unsure if this was some kind of elaborate prank.

But Rafe just leaned back in his seat, eyes fixed on you like you were the most fascinating thing in the world.

“Yeah,” he murmured. “I think I’ll stick around.”

The next few classes were…weird, to say the least. Ever since Rafe decided you were his new "friend," he’d taken to sitting beside you every lecture, plopping down in the empty seat as if he’d been there all along. It was confusing. Most of the time, he’d breeze in at the last possible minute, sauntering up to your row without so much as a greeting and settling into the chair with that infuriatingly self-assured smirk.

You were already seated, your notebook open and your pen poised to start taking notes when he dropped into the seat beside you with his usual nonchalance. He stretched his long legs out in front of him, casting you a sidelong look as if daring you to acknowledge him first.

“Hi,” you said quietly, eyes flicking back to the front of the room.

“Hey, princess,” he replied, voice low and teasing.

You kept your gaze firmly on your notebook. You’d quickly learned that the best way to deal with him was to pretend his presence didn’t affect you—no matter how much his proximity messed with you.

He’d spent the last three classes nudging your foot under the desk, passing snide comments under his breath, or leaning over just close enough to murmur sarcastic observations about whatever the professor was droning on about. And today was no different.

The lecture started, Professor Callahan launching into her usual detailed overview of sociological theory. You tried to focus, pen flying across your notebook as you jotted down her points.

“Is she always this boring?” he whispered, leaning in slightly so his arm brushed against yours.

You stiffened, eyes fixed on your notes. “If you listened, it wouldn’t be so boring.”

He snorted. “Yeah, right. Like I’m gonna waste my time listening to her go on about… what is it today? Class structure?”

“Yes,” you hissed, refusing to look at him. “And if you don’t stop talking, I’m going to—”

“You’re going to what?” he challenged, his grin audible in his voice.

You snapped your mouth shut, trying to ignore the way his leg brushed against yours under the desk. He was doing it on purpose—nudging your knee every so often, shifting just a little closer until the faint scent of his cologne surrounded you. It was infuriating. And yet, when you glanced sideways at him, he was looking at you with that maddening, lazy grin that made your heart stutter.

“Just pay attention,” you mumbled, cheeks warm.

“Why would I do that when I have such a pretty view right here?”

Your head whipped around, eyes wide. “What?”

But Rafe just smirked, his gaze drifting lazily up and down your face before flicking back to the front of the room as if he hadn’t just made your brain short-circuit. 

“Relax, princess. Just messin' with you.”

You swallowed, trying to refocus on the lecture. His attention was like a physical thing—intense and all-consuming. It made you uneasy. 

Determined not to give him the satisfaction, you forced yourself to look at the professor, tuning out the heat of Rafe’s gaze. Professor Callahan was in the middle of explaining something about social hierarchies when she suddenly stopped mid-sentence.

“Mr. Cameron.”

The entire class fell silent.

You looked up, eyes widening in surprise as Professor Callahan fixed Rafe with a stern look. “I’m aware that I’m not as pretty as your classmate,” she said dryly, gesturing toward you, “but I would appreciate it if you could pay attention for at least ten minutes.”

A ripple of snickers spread through the room, and your cheeks flamed scarlet. Rafe, however, didn’t even blink, he was completely unruffled and offered the professor a lazy, arrogant smile. “Sorry, Professor. Just got a little distracted.”

Your stomach dropped. He was staring at you, unabashedly.

The professor raised an eyebrow. “I’m sure.” Her tone was dry, unimpressed. “Would you mind keeping your distractions to yourself until after class?”

Another murmur of laughter swept through the room, and you shrank in your seat, mortified. His smirk widened, but he leaned back in his chair, raising his hands in mock surrender.

“Of course, ma’am,” he drawled. “No more distractions.”

Professor Callahan gave him a pointed look, then turned back to the board, resuming her lecture. You sat there, face burning, refusing to look anywhere near Rafe, but you could feel his eyes on you.

“Guess I got you in trouble, huh?” he whispered, leaning closer.

You grit your teeth, still staring resolutely at the front of the room. “Stop talking.”

“Can’t help it,” he murmured, his voice teasing. “You’re way more interesting than this shit.”

“Rafe, I swear—”

“Okay, okay, I’ll behave,” he said lightly, sitting back. But he didn’t take his eyes off you. You could feel him lingering, warm and intent, and you wanted to scream. How was he so calm? So unaffected, like getting called out by the professor was just a minor inconvenience?

You hated every second of it.

“Rafe,” you hissed under your breath, finally daring to glance at him. “Will you just—”

“What?” He leaned in again, eyes bright with mischief. “You want me to go back to ignoring you?”

“Stop staring.”

He hummed thoughtfully. “Can’t promise that, princess.”

Your heart hammered, and you squeezed your pen so tightly it nearly snapped. “Why are you even here?”

He shrugged, his expression turning oddly serious. “I like sitting next to you.”

Rafe Cameron—the arrogant, cocky asshole you’d written off as nothing more than a nuisance—had just chosen to stay by your side.

As soon as class ended, you gathered your things in record time, heart still thumping wildly. The room buzzed with students shuffling out, but you kept your head down, hoping to slip away unnoticed.

Maybe if you were quick enough, you could escape before he decided to make good on his new, annoying habit of sticking to you like glue. But, of course, he was nothing if not persistent.

You’d barely slung your bag over your shoulder when he appeared at your side, his tall frame looming over you as he fell into step like it was the most natural thing in the world.

“Heading to lunch?” he asked, all casual charm, as if he hadn’t just spent the entire class making you the center of unwanted attention.

“Yes?” You tried not to sound as thrown as you felt, but the way he looked at you—with that infuriatingly lazy grin—told you he could see right through you.

“Cool. I’m starving.” He said it like it was an invitation, like he was entitled to follow you, and before you could muster up a half-hearted protest, he was already steering you through the crowded hallway.

“Wait, what are you doing?” you demanded, glancing around in panic. People were staring, eyes widening as they took in the sight of Rafe Cameron, of all people, trailing after you. Whispers flitted through the air, curious and disbelieving, and you shrank under the scrutiny, feeling painfully exposed.

“Uh, going to lunch with you?” He made it sound so obvious, his voice lilting with amusement.

“I didn’t invite you!” You glanced at him, trying to tamp down the fluttery, nervous feeling his presence always seemed to stir up. “What if I’m eating with someone else?”

He shrugged. “Then I’ll eat with them too.”

You gawked at him. “What?”

But Rafe just flashed you that cocky, confident grin. “Relax. It’s just lunch.”

Just lunch, he said, like this wasn’t completely absurd.

You narrowed your eyes, debating whether to make a break for it, but he was already steering you toward the main quad, his hand ghosting the small of your back in a way that made your skin tingle. 

Your heart hammered as the familiar outdoor seating area came into view. Your friends were already there, sitting at your usual table—a small group of two girls and a guy, all talking animatedly. You hadn’t even sat down yet, and they still managed to look up as one, their expressions morphing from curious to shocked when they caught sight of you—and Rafe—heading straight toward them.

“Uh, hey,” you greeted awkwardly as you approached. They just stared, mouths agape.

Emily was the first to recover. “What the—since when do you two know each other?” she asked, eyes darting between you and Rafe like she was seeing some kind of glitch in the matrix.

“Yeah, what’s going on here?” Max, the guy in your small circle, chimed in, his gaze flicking to Rafe warily. “Is this, like… a project thing?”

“No, it’s not—” you started, but Rafe cut you off with a breezy smile.

“Can’t believe y’all kept her to yourselves this whole time,” he drawled, pulling out the chair beside yours and plopping down like he’d done it a thousand times before. “Thought you’d have the decency to introduce me to the most interesting girl on campus.”

Your friends gaped, eyes wide with shock. You could practically see their brains short-circuiting. Meanwhile, you were fighting the urge to smack him upside the head.

“Please shut up,” you muttered under your breath, cheeks burning.

But he just smirked, his gaze sliding over your stunned friends with lazy amusement. “What?” he said innocently. “It’s true.”

“What the hell is happening right now?” Emily demanded, still staring at you like you’d grown a second head. “You—you and Rafe Cameron?”

You sighed, already regretting every life choice that had led you to this moment. “There is no ‘me and Rafe Cameron.’ He just—he’s being annoying.”

“Annoying?” he repeated, feigning offense. “C’mon. I thought we were past that.”

“We are not past anything,” you snapped, shooting him a glare. But that only seemed to amuse him more.

“Okay, back up,” Max interjected, brow furrowed in confusion. “How do you guys even know each other?”

“Uh, sociology class?” you offered weakly, as if that explained anything. “He’s been sitting next to me.”

“Sitting next to you?” Emily repeated slowly, like she was trying to process a particularly difficult equation. “And now you’re… eating lunch together?”

“It’s not—” You looked helplessly at Rafe, who was watching the exchange with that insufferable smirk. “I didn’t ask him to.”

He looked completely unfazed by the mess he’d caused. “What can I say? I like the company.”

“Since when?” Emily shot back, clearly unconvinced.

Rafe shrugged, “Since she started talking to me.”

Your friends fell silent, eyes wide and suspicious as they turned to you, searching for answers. But you just sat there, feeling utterly, hopelessly lost. What were you supposed to say? That Rafe Cameron had decided, out of nowhere, to insert himself into your life? That he was following you to lunch like this was some sort of normal occurrence?

“Look,” you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. “It’s really not a big deal. He’s just—”

“Rafe Cameron is never ‘just’ anything,” Emily interrupted, folding her arms as she fixed Rafe with a suspicious look. “So what are you up to?"

“Nothing,” Rafe said easily, his smile all sharp edges. “Like I said, I’m just getting to know her.”

“Getting to know her,” Max echoed, clearly skeptical.

“Yeah.” Rafe’s eyes never left yours, his eyes gleaming with something that made your pulse flutter. “What’s so weird about that?”

Your friends exchanged looks. You didn’t blame them. This was weird. More than weird. You’d never been the kind of girl to attract attention—especially not from someone like Rafe. Popular, arrogant, and completely out of your league in every possible way. And yet, here he was, acting like sitting with you at lunch was the most natural thing in the world.

“So,” He said suddenly, turning his attention back to the group, “Are you gonna sit here gaping all day, or are we gonna eat?”

Emily blinked, snapping out of her daze. “Uh, yeah, we’re… we’re eating.”

“Good.” Rafe turned to you, eyebrow raised. “You eating, princess?”

You stared at him, “I—yes?”

“Cool. Want me to grab you something?”

You stared at him, incredulous. “You’re offering to get me lunch?”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I am. Now, what do you want?”

“I—” You swallowed, glancing at your friends, who were watching the exchange like it was some sort of bizarre performance. “Um, a sandwich?”

“Got it.” Rafe pushed to his feet, his smile smug. “Be right back.”

And then, to your utter disbelief, he sauntered off toward the food line, leaving you and your friends staring after him.

“What,” Max said slowly, “the hell just happened?”

You groaned, burying your face in your hands. “I have no idea.”

The awkward lunch with Rafe didn’t end as badly as you expected.

Your friends had spent the entire time shooting you confused, bewildered looks, while he seemed to thrive under their scrutiny, lounging beside you like he belonged. He didn’t flirt—thank God—but he didn’t exactly tone down his usual cocky self either. By the end of it, he’d somehow managed to charm your friends just enough to leave them confused rather than outright hostile. Still, after that lunch, you’d expected him to lose interest, to move on to his usual crowd and forget all about his bizarre little experiment. But of course, he wasn’t known for playing by the rules.

You learned that the hard way two days later.

It was late afternoon, and you were holed up in the campus library, buried under a mountain of textbooks and notes for an upcoming exam. The library was your sanctuary—quiet, calm, and blissfully free of distractions. At least, until Rafe sauntered in. You didn’t notice him at first, too absorbed in your notes. The library was busy, students murmuring as they worked, the rustle of pages and the faint clack of keyboards filling the air. You were hunched over a particularly dense passage in your sociology textbook when you felt it—

You stiffened, glancing up cautiously, and there he was.

He leaned against the bookshelf a few feet away, his eyes fixed on you with a lazy, assessing look. He didn’t move, just watched you, his lips quirking in that infuriating smirk when your eyes met.

“What are you doing here?” you hissed, glancing around nervously. No one seemed to be paying attention, but you still felt like the entire room was suddenly staring.

“Studying,” he said, straight-faced.

“Since when do you study in the library?”

“Since now,” he said easily, pushing off the bookshelf and strolling over to your table. He pulled out the chair across from you, dropping into it like he had every right to be there. “What? Can’t a guy broaden his horizons?”

You stared at him, incredulous. “You’re joking.”

“Not today, princess.” He leaned forward, resting his chin in his hand as he peered at your open book. “So, what’re we learning?”

“We are not learning anything,” you muttered, eyes narrowing. “I’m studying. You are… I don’t know what you’re doing.”

“Keeping you company,” he said simply. “You looked lonely.”

Your mouth fell open. “Lonely?”

“Yeah.” He tilted his head, his gaze sweeping over your face. “All holed up in here with your books. Thought I’d help.”

What was he even talking about? This was insane. He didn’t just hang out in the library, especially not to “keep someone company.” He was the kind of guy who spent his free time at parties, or on the field, or wherever people like him thrived. And yet, here he was, sitting across from you in the library like this was normal.

“Rafe,” you said slowly, “you don’t even know what I’m studying.”

He shrugged. “Doesn’t matter.”

“It does if you’re trying to help,” you shot back, frustration seeping into your voice. “You’re—what are you even—”

“Okay, okay,” he interrupted, raising his hands in mock surrender. “Calm down. Just trying to see what’s got you all riled up.”

You bit back a groan, rubbing your temples. This was absurd. You didn’t need—didn’t want—his attention.

“Fine,” you muttered, turning your textbook around so he could see the page. “I’m going over Durkheim’s theory of social integration.”

Rafe leaned in, squinting at the page. “Durkheim, huh?”

“Yes,” you said, a little impatiently. “He believed that society functions through a collective conscience—shared beliefs and values that bind people together.”

“Sounds boring as hell,” Rafe said bluntly.

“It’s not boring,” you retorted before you could stop yourself. “It’s actually really interesting—he argued that a lack of social integration could lead to anomie, a state of normlessness that causes people to feel disconnected and isolated.”

Rafe stared at you for a long moment, his expression unreadable. At least it felt that way to you.

“What?” you demanded, suddenly self-conscious. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

He shrugged, a strange, thoughtful smile tugging at his lips. “Just… you get really into this stuff, don’t you?”

Your cheeks flushed. “It’s sociology. It’s important.”

“Yeah, but…” He shook his head, “It’s kinda cute.”

You blinked, your brain short-circuiting. “Cute?”

“Yeah.” He leaned back, crossing his arms as he regarded you with a casual, easy confidence that made your heart flutter. “You get all intense when you talk about it. Like, you actually care.”

“I—I do care,” you stammered, “It’s my major.”

“I know,” he murmured. “I like that about you.”

What—what was that supposed to mean? Why was he looking at you like that, like he actually meant it?

Before you could even begin to untangle your thoughts, a shadow fell over the table, and you glanced up to see another student standing there—a tall, lanky guy with dark hair and glasses. He looked vaguely familiar, probably from one of your classes.

“Uh, hey,” the guy said awkwardly, glancing between you and Rafe. “Are—are you using this seat?”

Rafe’s expression changed instantly, “Yeah,” he said flatly. “We are.”

The guy blinked, taken aback. “Oh, uh, sorry, I just—”

“You just can find another table,” Rafe cut in, “We’re a little busy here.”

You gaped at him, mortified. “Rafe, stop.”

But he didn’t even glance at you. He just kept staring down the poor guy, his posture tense and unyielding until, with a muttered apology, the student backed off, scurrying away like he’d just had a close encounter with a predator.

“What the hell was that?” you hissed as soon as the guy was out of earshot. “He just wanted to sit down!”

“Yeah, and we’re studying,” Rafe said dismissively. “No room for distractions.”

“We’re not studying anything!” you shot back, resisting the urge to smack him. “You’re just sitting here, being—being weird.”

“Not weird,” he corrected, leaning in again. “Protective.”

You froze, your mouth going dry. “Protective?”

“Yeah.” His eyes were dark, intense, locking onto yours. “Can’t have just anyone bothering you, can I?”

After the bizarre encounter in the library, you were convinced Rafe would drop this whole… whatever it was. Surely, following you to lunch and then “protecting” you in the library was enough.

So when you found yourself at another party two nights later—dragged along by Emily despite your vehement protests—you knew it was only a matter of time before he found you. Because somehow, no matter where you went, Rafe had made it his mission to seek you out.

“Come on, you need to have some fun,” Emily had insisted, half-pulling, half-dragging you through the front door of one of the fraternity houses on campus. The music was already blaring, the heavy bass vibrating through your body. People were packed in the main room, laughing, talking, drinking, the buzz of chatter filling the air.

“This isn’t my idea of fun,” you muttered, hugging your arms around yourself as you tried to avoid brushing against the partygoers. It wasn’t that you disliked parties, exactly—it was just that the noise, the sheer volume of people could get overwhelming quickly.

“Just stay for an hour,” Emily pleaded. “Please? I swear it’ll be more fun than you think. We can dance, have a few drinks—”

“I don’t dance,” you cut in flatly, giving her a pointed look.

“Okay, fine, I’ll dance, and you… can hang out and people-watch,” she amended, undeterred. “Besides, who knows? Maybe you’ll meet someone.”

You gave her a withering stare. “Yeah, because I’m such a social butterfly.”

You sighed, resigned to your fate, and began making your way through the press of bodies. After a few minutes you managed to find a relatively quiet corner in the back, near the stairs, and gratefully leaned against the wall. Maybe if you stayed out of sight long enough, Emily would give up on trying to get you to socialize and let you leave early. It was a long shot, but you could hope.

You hadn’t been there long when you felt it—the now-familiar prickling sensation of someone’s gaze lingering on you. Sure enough, when you glanced up, there he was.

Rafe, in all his infuriating glory, leaning against the wall a few feet away, his eyes locked on you with that lazy focus that made your heart stutter. He looked unfairly good, dressed in a dark button-up that clung to his frame in all the right ways, his hair tousled just enough to look effortlessly cool. And, as usual, he was watching you like you were the only person in the room.

You narrowed your eyes at him, your stomach twisting in irritation and something else. “Are you stalking me now?” you demanded, crossing your arms as you glared at him.

Rafe’s lips curved into a slow, teasing smile. “Would it be so bad if I was?”

“Yes,” you said flatly. “It would be very bad.”

He chuckled, the sound low, sending an unwelcome shiver down your spine. “Relax, princess. I just saw you standing here all alone and thought I’d come say hi.”

“Hi,” you muttered, your voice dripping with sarcasm. “Now you can leave.”

But he didn’t budge. Instead, he straightened, pushing off the wall and closing the distance between you in a few long strides until he was standing directly in front of you, his presence overwhelming.

You tried to step back, but the wall blocked your escape.

“Actually, I was thinking we could, I don’t know, hang out for a bit?” he suggested, tilting his head as he regarded you with a faux-innocent smile.

“Why?” you blurted out before you could stop yourself.

Rafe blinked, seemingly taken aback by the question. “Why?”

“Yes,” you insisted, frustration bubbling up inside you. “Why do you keep… doing this? Showing up, sitting with me, following me to lunch, acting like—like we’re friends or something. What is your deal, Cameron?”

Slowly he reached up, bracing one hand on the wall beside your head, leaning in so close you could feel the warmth of his breath against your skin.

“My deal,” he murmured, his voice low and smooth, “is that I like you.”

No. No, no, no.

That couldn’t be right. People didn't just like you. They tolerated you, maybe, or found you useful sometimes, but they didn't like you. Not like that. Not in the way he was implying. You felt panic rising in your chest, like a wave that was too big to stop. You couldn’t stop it.

“You’re lying,” you said shakily, shaking your head in disbelief. “You’re just—this is some kind of game, isn’t it? Some—some bet, or—”

Rafe’s expression tightened, his jaw clenching. “It’s not a game,” he ground out, his eyes flashing. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”

You swallowed hard, your chest aching. No, this couldn’t be happening. This didn’t make sense.

“I don’t believe you,” you shook your head stubbornly.

His eyes narrowed, “No?”

“No,” you repeated, crossing your arms defiantly. “You’re just… you. You can’t just decide you like me out of nowhere.”

“I didn’t decide,” he murmured, “It just happened.”

Your breath hitched, your heart racing. Why was he doing this to you? Why couldn’t he just leave you alone?

“I—” You broke off, struggling to find words, but before you could answer, a loud voice interrupted.

“Yo, Rafe! There you are, man!”

You both jerked back, startled, and you glanced over to see one of Rafe’s friends—Topper, if you remembered correctly—stumbling over, a wide grin plastered across his face.

“What are you doing back here?” Topper slurred, his gaze sliding to you. He blinked, “Who’s this?”

Rafe stepped in front of you slightly, his posture tense and protective. “Doesn’t matter,” he said curtly, “Go find someone else to bother.”

Topper blinked, taken aback. “Whoa, man, chill. I was just—”

“Go,” Rafe repeated, his tone brooking no argument.

Topper stared at him for a long moment, then slowly backed off, muttering under his breath as he disappeared into the crowd. As soon as he was gone, Rafe turned back to you, his eyes softening again.

“Sorry about that,” he murmured, “Didn’t mean to—”

“Why did you do that?” you cut in, your heart still pounding.

Rafe frowned. “Do what?”

“Get rid of him,” you said, shaking your head in confusion. “He was your friend. Why would you—”

Maybe you’d misread him. Maybe he didn’t actually mean any of what he said. He was probably just bored, looking for some amusement—another toy to play with for a little while.

“I wanted to talk to you. Not him.”

You blinked, bewildered. “But he’s your friend.”

He gave a half-hearted shrug. “So? Doesn’t mean I want him interrupting us.”

Us. Like there was an “us.” Like there could ever be an “us.”

You shook your head, trying to clear the fog of confusion. “But I don’t understand,” you mumbled. “I don’t get it. You don’t even know me.”

“I know enough,” he said quietly, his eyes holding yours in a way that made it hard to breathe. “More than you think.”

You frowned. It was impossible to shake the nagging feeling that he was just… playing with you. That this was all some sick joke and at any moment, the punchline would hit, and you’d be the idiot.

“You’re just messing with me,” you muttered, taking a small step back to put some space between you. “You’re bored or something.”

“I’m not bored,” he said firmly, stepping forward to close the gap you’d just created. “I told you, I wouldn’t do that.”

“I didn’t ask for any of this. You’ve been following me around, showing up where I am, saying all these things like—like we’re something, but we’re not.”

Rafe stepped closer, his eyes narrowing as he looked at you, as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “What are you talking about? You really think I’m just messing around?”

“Yes!” you practically shouted, throwing your hands up. “Yes, I do! Why else would you be doing this? You’re Rafe Cameron, for god’s sake. You don’t even like me. This is just some twisted game to you, isn’t it?”

You stared at him, trying to read his face, trying to find any hint of dishonesty, any sign that this was all an act. But all you saw was that same intensity, that same focus, like you were the only person who mattered.

Your chest tightened, panic grazing at you. This wasn’t right. It couldn’t be. People didn’t just… like you. They didn’t seek you out at parties or show up in libraries to talk about sociology. Guys like Rafe didn’t choose people like you. There had to be some ulterior motive.

“You show up out of nowhere, act like I’m some project, some… someone who needs your protection—why, Rafe? Because I don’t fit into your world? Because I’m some joke to you and your friends?”

“That’s not it,” He growled, his voice defensive. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I don’t know what I’m talking about?” you scoffed, shaking your head. “You haven’t been honest about anything. You haven’t given me a reason to believe any of this.”

“You think I’m lying? 

You moved your head again, harder this time. “That doesn’t make sense. You’re—you’re saying things that don’t make sense. I don’t understand.”

He took a slow, poising breath, his eyes never leaving yours. "What doesn't make sense to you?" 

"All of this," you replied, your voice quivering with frustration, "You, acting like you—like you actually care. Like you see me. People don’t just do that, not for someone like me. I don’t—" You cut yourself off, not sure how to finish the sentence, your thoughts spiraling.

It wasn’t just that you couldn’t believe him; it was that you didn’t know how to believe him. Your experiences had taught you to be wary, to always look for the catch, because there always was one.

Always.

Rafe's brows drawn together in something that almost looked like concern. "Someone like you?" he repeated, "What does that even mean?"

You swallowed, feeling your insecurities gripping down on your chest. "It means I’m not… like you. I don’t know how to talk to people, I don’t get things right all the time. People don’t notice me, and when they do, it’s usually because I’ve done something wrong, or because they want something from me. That’s just how it is."

He shook his head slowly. "That’s not how I see you."

You opened your mouth to argue, to say something—anything—to dismiss what he was saying, to protect yourself from the disappointment that was sure to come. But Rafe didn’t give you the chance. 

"You think I’m messing with you because you’re not like everyone else? Is that it? You think I’m playing some kind of game because you don’t fit into some stupid idea of who’s supposed to matter?" 

You wanted to pull away, to recoil into the safety of your doubts, but something in his voice, in the way he was looking at you, made you stop.

"I’m not going to pretend like I know everything about you," Rafe continued, no less serious. "But I know enough to know that I’m not bored. I don’t care if you don’t fit in with my world, or whatever you think that means. I like that you’re passionate about the things you care about. I like that you don’t put up with anyone’s shit—not even mine." A small, almost self-deprecating smile tugged at the corner of his lips. "I’ve spent enough time around fake people to know the difference."

You weren’t used to this—this kind of sincerity. It felt too real. And part of you still wanted to push it away, to reject it before it had a chance to hurt you. But another part of you—a much smaller, quieter part—was whispering that maybe he meant it.

"Why me?"

"Because you're you," he said simply, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. 

For a long, breathless moment, the two of you just stood there, the noise of the party fading into the background. Your mind was still processing everything, but there was something in the way he was looking at you, something that made you feel—just for a second—like maybe you could trust this.

You shook your head, "I’m not… I’m not good at this," you admitted, your voice uncertain. "At understanding what people mean, or knowing if they’re being serious or not. I don’t know how to read you."

Rafe’s eyes softened even more at your confession, and he took a deep breath, like he was trying to figure out how to make you believe him. "I get that," he said quietly. "And I’m not always great at this either. But I’m serious. I wouldn’t lie to you, especially not about this."

You wanted to believe him. More than anything, you wanted to believe him. But there was still that tiny voice of doubt in the back of your mind, reminding you of all the times you’d been wrong before, of all the times you’d trusted someone only to be let down.

You hesitated, your throat tight. "I don’t know if I can."

He didn’t push, didn’t demand anything from you. Instead, he just nodded slowly.

"That’s okay. You don’t have to believe me right now. But I’ll be here when you’re ready."

And with that, he stepped back, giving you the space you so desperately needed. He didn’t try to force anything, didn’t press for more. Instead, he just gave you a small, almost hopeful smile and turned, disappearing back into the crowd.

And as you stood there, your heart still pummeling into your ribs, you couldn’t help but wonder if you’d been wrong about him after all.

[sickofthistoxicshit]

Thanks for your response to that other anon about Tommy; you’re totally right. I also was intrigued, even liked him and Buck after their first kiss. But his closet comment and behavior on their first date, like he didn’t care that Buck has LITERALLY just figured out his bisexuality and that’s A LOT to process, his dismissive attitude towards Buck’s ideas and feelings (the bachelor party henley, the “enjoy it while it lasts” at the medal ceremony)….and then add in the way some fans have gone 0 to 100 on them so quickly, even calling them endgame, and likely at least in part JUST because it’s two men…it’s become such a turn off. I was neutral, even wanted to like them at first, but now am counting the days until it ends. And it’s not because I’m a BoB or would dislike any Buck LI that isn’t Eddie. And I don’t agree with anyone getting HATE (we can sideeye and judge people’s actions ($cameos$) But I think seeing Buck in a canon male/male relationship has caused some people to lose their damn minds. Ship and let ship! Stay in your sandbox, we’ll stay in ours!

LOL I am so removed from all the crowing bummies that I have to ask wth is BoB?

I actually went to look it up and found some interesting options, I am going with this one:

"Bob" is a generic and common name, and using it can be a way of avoiding formalities or creating a relaxed and approachable atmosphere

If you have the other meaning go ahead and tell me, like bummies I understand what benefits me in the moment😂

I kinda wish ppl will look up the meaning of "comphet" (I actually looked it up) that Ryan keeps bringing up in his interviews - that way ppl can stop saying crap things about him being the one to derail Eddie-T because he was supposedly against it. - Which is bullshit, Tim repeatedly said it was because the Natalia actress couldn't come back and M actress could. - Also, Originally T was supposed to be Lucy, she just couldn't come back so they took Lou in a pinch, so Obviously the endgame sure as shit wasn't the pilot.

And you're right, T's attitude was condescending at best, I was talking about it with a mutual the other day, and said that if they really had an interest to build BT properly, also by the time they came up with BT they knew they were being renewed for S8, they could have slowed into this. Actually make Buck's coming out story, a coming out story, not "So first date was a bust, how bout you come to my sister's wedding?" like who does that?

They could have started as friends with Lou being a gay guru, they could have had private dates until Buck was actually out to everyone and ready to be seen in public.

There could have been feelings involved that developed over time.

I gave the example of Tim-Ashley vs Nolan-Bailey from The Rookie, while Ashley was fairly kept to the background (btw she got more screen time than T, just saying) while Bailey was constantly and still being weaved into the story, intricated into Nolan's life, because he was meant to end up with her.

What ppl, who seem to have never watched good tv in their lives, don't seem to understand is that there is a way to write a story, and 911 not only screwed up spectacularly with Buck and Eddie's storylines, but they managed to make it clear from the get go that any LI to come along would be written just bad enough for it to be clear that they are not lasting.

Even furious, Eddie never walked away from Buck. Even when Buck was an asshole in 2x01, Eddie stood his ground and insisted they sort it through making it clear that they are on the same side, that he cares about him and wanting to be his friend. - His partner, a team.

Tommy, like all his predecessors, walked away as soon as something didn't fit his little comfort zone. Tommy walked away on that first date, he didn't contact Buck after that, Buck had to make contact and apologize for not being comfortable on his first date with a guy, like how messed up is that?

And Tommy's little acid retort in front of Eddie in the restaurant before that? From the side it's hilarious for someone who was never in that position. It was mean and uncalled for, but not exactly a surprise because T was never much of am understanding person, he was pretty much an ass from the get go in S2, only difference now is that he is out of the closet.

How did Athena put it when Michael first brought his new bf home after they got divorced? "If Michael had cheated on me with a woman, no one would have expected me to slap on a fake smile and welcome her into my home."

And that is exactly what the GA expects us to do, so what if Buck injured Eddie for attention? He's bi now.

So what if T was an ass and pretty much dismissive towards Buck and talks to him often in a bored way like one talks to a child? He's gay now.

A certain sexual preference does not excuse bad behavior. A person's behavior is supposed to be taken at face value, and not excused just because that person is now seeing someone who happens to be of the same gender.

Crappy behavior is just that - crappy behavior - equal accountability and all that.

I actually liked Taylor for Buck in S2, I think Lucy could have been perfect for him in S5, but the writers made sure to smear their characters in the eyes of the GA from the beginning, thus ending up with another failed relationship, while Buck's relationship with Eddie thrives from one episode to another for the last 7 seasons. One has to wonder about that even if they don't ship buddie.

Same pattern here with T. I was prepared to like him with Buck, I was prepared to see Buck making his way out of the closet with someone who would make him feel safe to do it, not kiss him unprepared under the pretense of coming originally on Eddie's behalf. Not that crap show that was that restaurant date. Not Buck apologizing after feeling insecure and exposed in public for the first time out of the closet and so many other things. - I'm getting the same vibes as Taylor looking through her phone in disinterest in 4x11 as Buck recites some google fact.

And you're right, the fans going from 0-200 after one kiss was just ridiculous, like chill people have you never seen two men kiss before?

I have, on screen and in RL, I grew up with lovely lgbtq+ friends from childhood, it's not all that. When my gay best friend dated someone who didn't treat him right, I told him to get rid of him. When my cousin's gf treated her like property and like she owes her something I urged her to find a better more nurturing person to be happy with.

Two men kissing is not endgame making, hell, from experience two men having sex (hot as it is) is not endgame making.

Love, passion, trust, security, fun, friends gatherings where they're cute and gross, can be made into a healthy endgame making relationship.

Buck and Tommy have physical attraction, they make for a steamy picture but nothing else.

And Lou, I am just... I don't know, I would have preferred not to find out the things he's done as cast of 911, I am just so disappointed.

I loved Lou, now it's just meh. Like he's trying to make as much money as he can before he finishes his way in the show is all kinds of wrong. Also very misleading to the ppl who are hanging on his every word. (And I don't think Oliver likes it either, he is pointedly ignoring any scene with T, not promoting anything that doesn't involve Eddie and Christopher or Buck's own development).

Even Ryan didn't know he was going to get shot until he got the 4x13 script, he was sure he was being killed off until he talked to whoever was showrunner at the time lol.

So Lou can't know he just talks out of his ass and make himself look bad in the process.

And I agree, ppl should be free to ship whoever they desire, but they are not entitled to force their desires upon others, I'm talking about both sides of the ships not just one. (Although I gotta say I've never got hate asks until a certain ship popped up this season. A lot of hateful - now blocked anons - that I refused to give stage to.)

These toxic battles are useless and made this season worse than it's writing.

All that's left is kick back and hope this season's last episode can salvage the poor and repetitive storylines we got this season, - I mean even Henren and Bathena got a replay of S4.

And don't even get me started of the fart shaped storyline Eddie got after switching last minute.

I'm tired lol

didn't mean for this to become this long monster, If you made it this far thank you, sending LOTS of love. ❤️

[oscconfessions]

(dec 9 2024) (please lobotomize me)

why do i genuinely get mad when i think about Four (BFB)'s characterization being inconsistent (not about pre/postsplit i think that was a justified change but happened a lil too fast). and like,. in tpot with the retconning of his reformation after bfb 30 was all about "heyyy Four is like. he was bad butnow he is working thoug his shit hey he's getting over his problems hoorayyy he is getting Betternow" and then NOOOOOOOPE boom they are now in the POT of T and they are Murder Baby yet again. huh????

liek what happened man maybe i misinterpreted something but i think hes in tpot as meanbitch badguy just because Four is like. the new mascot of the series whos rlly popular hes basically a symbol of BFB as a whole (for good reason!) and they cant Chaaanage him noooo!. /s and also because ppl really didn't like his "new "personality (????)which is a whoole other can of beans. and hey they. like. neeeded the mean foil to the nice Two youcuoldnvejustbroughtinanewxcharacter4that?????? and hell Four could still have been in that season just like. idk. maybe hasd some sort of subplot where he finally forgives Two we don't have to have Four mull over ift forever if hes apparentlt gotten over his shit THIS ISNT NEGATIVE 2 ANYTHING IM JUST POITNING OUT THAT LIKE. HUH????

one more thing is ifeell like. the EXIT is jusy weird to me. like you would have assume that if four was reformed he whouldve like. brought out the exitors at some unspecfied point in time after bfb 30 but nope hahab the exitors are sStill In There WHY. WHY??. WH why. alnd also wtf is up with the other rooms what does this mean does the EXIT mean anything am i loooking for patterns where there ar none IMGOIJGINSNAE

speaking of which i wanted to point out that the first few minuted of out of the blue, and at least some of the prior exit stingers take place DURING POSTSPLIT when four is supposed to be MORE EMPATHETIC AND VISIBLY EMOTIONAL? wiuldnt he like. be sligthly less insane about the exitors or somethijg.im going to shitb on somebodys car i swear to god

also when are we getting elaboration on Fours backstory you cant just drop one of the most mentally unstable characters in this shos to date who is also a damn Alien From Outer Space and go "ah nah he doesnt need any more elaboraton on his backstory *explains 1 (one) thing and rides on home with massive jetpack*" HUHHH???? WHY IS HE SO UNSTABLE WHY IS HE LIKE THIS WHERE DID HE CIME FROM WHERE DID HE GO WHERE DID HE COME FROM COTTON UYE JOEPLEASE WRITERS IM CLAWING AT THE WALLS AN DEATING YOUR TILET MPAPPER GIV EME ANSGTY FOUTR BACKSTOEY HAHAYRARRRGAGGGGGGHHHH

sorry i have the Mentall Ilness <3

.

[lovehigher]

I hope next week isn't bad bc....it's the 3 yr anniversary of my v close friend + lover passing away....and I'm like very proud of the ppl I have in my life (: and the fact I'm not dating a crazy mean man and having fun + caring but I'm like maybe I should turn off my phone next week bc it legitimately still upsets me very badly bc I miss them a lot. they would be proud of me and stuff but yeah I am trying to shake this feeling of wanting to be alone in my grief which honestly isn't something I should do but also it's weird when....someone u cared about so deeply and intimately was suppose to be #here and we were suppose to be doing shit #together but then they're not alive is like kind of insane and figuring out dating atm is scary and fun but also idk I hope for the best but I realize my schedule is insane so I'm ok with having 0 ppl on my roster bc I'm kinda bad at messaging and getting back to everyone so idk I'm just figuring it out one day at a time! also I don't want to hurt anyone either :| or myself! I have a very sensitive heart and I rly do care about so many ppl but then I just also have weird trust issues bc of that #mean #man from last year which is sad bc lowkey ruins the fun for others now tbh....I was so free before that crazy situation and now I'm like very cautious

[leftoverbriocheloaf]

Fanfic Writer Interview!!

@xerx thank you so much for tagging me!! I'm honored and v excited to answer <3333

How many works do you have on AO3?

Right now I have 29 works on AO3!! That's kinda crazy to me just because I only started posting last summer and didn't think it would go anywhere,, but almost 30 and still going strong!!

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

Language Barrier: I'm genuinely shocked this got so popular?? I'm happy to know that ppl love the "didn't think you could understand my language" troupe as much as I do!! It's one of my shorter ranpoe stories at 2.3k (I like to write longer fics bc I hate myself apparently) but I love it dearly <3

Interesting?: I loved writing this fic!! I am insane about them and continue to be!! It's also ranpoe (I wonder if you can guess the ships I like,,) and also my second longest fic ever at 32.6k. It's a high school au bc I love them living happy lives and being normal (ASAGIRI PLEASE) with a healthy(?) amount of rivalry on Poe's part! It's also one of the few fics where I bounce around in POV, which is something I love doing but find really hard

Good Shot: What can I say. I saw Poe w a sniper and went HOT what who said that. not me. But I also decided that he and Atsushi would make great friends (which led me to deciding they're siblings and writing a whole story about that) but I'm just a sucker for Poe adopting random members of the ADA by accident. Ranpo is just really proud of his bf. This one is also shorter at 2.8k but I got to write a really cool (totally not biased) fight scene so it's one of my favs

Feelings Are Difficult, Even For Geniuses: Guys this was one of my first fics I swear I've gotten better at naming them (I have not). 9.0k words of mostly Poe getting beaten up I have no words,, It's a bit more graphic (violent not sexy unless youre into that idk) than most of my stuff and definitely one of the more angsty ones, but it has a happy ending so dw he's fine

Henna Berries and Padisarahs: Ok this is where I shamelessly admit I'm a genshin player and while I haven't played in. forever. the sumeru quartet grabbed my heart and threw it out the window. Cyonari for the win. 5.2k and soulmates!!

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do!! I love comments SO much y'all have no idea how much they mean to me,, They've made me so much more confident in my work and eager to share my stuff and I really appreciate it!! I try and respond as fast as possible (I have responded to a comment within five minutes before and I still wonder if that commenter thinks Im a freak) but sometimes I'll hold off until I can finish the next chapter (if applicable). I also am a huge yapper (if these responses didn't make that clear) so I love talking to you guys <3

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

Tbh I don't really write angsty endings?? I might eventually, but they make me so sad :') Which. they're supposed to. I'd have to say Feelings are Difficult, Even for Geniuses only bc the fic itself is angsty and it's implied that Poe is gonna have to work through some shit emotionally after the events of it? It might be An Author, a Raccoon, and a Reaper though.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

This is gonna be hard bc every single fic is a happy ending tbh.. Give it a Shot! is an octopath traveler ii fic that I loved writing the ending for (guys you should read fics from the octopath fandom they know whats up) but For the Hell of It might be my favorite ending that I've written!!

Do you write crossovers?

I haven't written any crossovers,, Mainly bc I feel like the fandoms I like are all just too different? I haven't found any ways to mush them together but maybe I'll write one eventually!

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Nope! Everyone's been really nice :)

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Sorry y'all I'm a sex-repulsed ace so it probably won't happen? I mean never say never tbf but seeing as my face literally burns when I write two characters kiss it probably won't be soon lmfao

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so? I hope not?

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No :( I'm hoping to get good enough at Spanish to translate my own fics though!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! But not any that I've posted,, I'm working with my irl friends on a few different fics, but they're still in progress :)

What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Guys i can't choose. don't do this to me

(ranpoe, criminos, sskk, kohiiai, cyonari, xingyun, chiakana, dan heng/march/stelle (idk the name) are all favs tho)

What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Ok one of my favorite fics that I'm writing is a fic about Higuchi getting amnesia before the events of the main series and slowly getting her memories back but finding herself outside of akutagawa its like 50 pages so far but im not even done w the guild arc.. im hoping i can finish it but we'll see!! I just think Higuchi deserves love and a MC moment <3

I also have a fic where Poe uses the book after they've lost to send himself back in time to try and fix everything! But (in my fic at least) Arahabaki is outside of the rules of the book, so Chuuya also retains his memories,, I just think they could be a very interesting duo and have a lot of potential as begrudging allies (and guys. mafia poe. guys) but it's very long and idk if I'll be able to see it through (T-T)

What are your writing strengths?

I think I write dialogue well! I have trouble working through certain characters, but I like writing two really smart people bc I have to strike a balance between having them not mention things (bc they're obvious to them) and still letting the reader know whats going on.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I have a lot of trouble continuing fics bc I have so many things I want to write that I usually overwhelm myself trying to string plot points together,, Scenery is also SO hard for me to write idk why (@xerx we're opposites lmao <3)

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think it can be done well, but I usually prefer to italicize and just say in the notes that a character is speaking in another language so readers can understand what they're saying. However, if you're writing a story where you don't want the reader to understand either, I think it can be really interesting!

What’s a fandom/ship you haven’t written for yet but want to?

Honkai Star Rail,, and Dungeon Meshi (farceille my loves)

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

I think it's a tie between For the Hell of It and A Hop, Skip, and Jump (Back to the Castle)! I love my aus, if you couldn't tell. But royalty aus will always have a special place in my heart (and that fic is certainly not the last royalty au i'll be writing for ranpoe) <3

Tagging: @jeaninthetrees, @amythecinnabunny (if you have an ao3 and I didn't tag you you should lmk so I can :)) )

[valla-chan]

Was looking at that recent 'girlhood is a spectrum' post and it's wild how common it is for trans women to lose like huge chunks of memories from when they were a kid due to such strong detachment. I assumed this was a lot less common than it is but it's also quite validating in a way.

The level of memory I have for my childhood is never very strong but never totally gone either, I have all the resulting mental affects and hobbies and speech patterns and interests and stuff still, and I do strongly remember playing various games and whatnot but a lot of IRL occurrences are either wiped or hold no emotional significance for me. A lot of photos I remember the photo being taken or shown or edited but I don't remember how I felt or being at that location unless I've been back there more recently.

I really dont think cis ppl understand that growing up trans basically means that your entire sense of self and belonging in the world is disrupted from the moment you are old enough to be aware of your own body and social role?

I would say "I don't know why it feels so traumatic to grow up this way" but I think that realistically I've heard enough people talk about it that I kinda do now, which is that when it comes to gender roles, trans women are basically considered the most undesirable thing you can be, especially when being "male" is always seemingly on the table of possibilities of how to be, and that is basically the most desirable role for others to put you in. And being that basically requires that you throw away all personhood as you were meant to be and want to be, in favor of causing no waves.

And it's like... That shit never really goes away for a huge chunk of your life? As a kid I wasn't even aware I was even doing it! but looking back it feels so intentional, that even though I didn't know the reason, the mechanisms that enforce masculinity and suppress femininity were acting up on me from day one. And you subconsciously have this feeling that something is wrong but it's never validated, never discussed, rarely even ever made aware of let alone FELT, ffs.

I felt like an observer for my life, a pair of eyes that would eventually turn into a person, or maybe not... And I loved activities where my self could be expressed through things I Did rather than who I Was. Providing thongs for others to make them happy, creating content on the early web, being good at school and getting good grades, etc etc... you learn to Be what you Do, you learn to Be what you are Not, you learn to Hate what you Are.

And I really do mean that, I really did learn to hate what I was, iirc! It seems all too common that trans women would have an interest in women's culture, such as fashion, female puberty, sex appeal, identity, anything that could be put through a male-enough lens to pass as something normal to other males in your peer group and family, even if done with this constant layer of irony and uncertainty and emptiness...

And now it feels like that was all a dead end. The person I do remember being, from when I dig deep into what I do remember, is basically not a lot like me outside of hobbies/interests and humor and masking.

Really who I am now is actually based on the complete opposite of who I was as a kid, which is to say, I took everything I liked that I wasn't socially allowed to, and I shoved that onto an abstracted female character in my brain for safekeeping.

When I look back even harder I remember that I even had alternate account for her online which I would use to have conversations with myself or my friends to see how it was to give these thoughts a voice or something. It's hard to recall the reason, except I guess, I suppose, that there was no outlet; no other way for these ideas to escape without driving me crazy since I didn't know transition was even possible let alone an option for little personless me, how am I supposed to adapt my identity if I don't have one? (Checkmate liberals)

And I guess ultimately it's all been said by people more eloquent than me, it's all been gone over in my own head already, but I think everyone's story is worth something, and I need to learn to value my own for what it is. I wish that I could learn more from what I was crushing down and putting aside onto fake characters and projecting onto others... Maybe more so than learning, id like to experience it. But there's no real way to go back to childhood, let alone one that I made up to cope with my real one, despite my real one being pretty damn cushy on the outside (aside from some shit but this post is not about Fathers and whatnot)

Cause right now I feel like I don't really have a relevant childhood to point back to or take comfort in, aside from origins of hobbies and other material interests. It's not comforting. No matter how many facts and images I do manage to dredge up, I don't Feel it. Even the sweetest memories I can fish up actually hold... basically no emotion. I've done shrooms, and seen my friends access and address pivotal moments of.their childhood while tripping, and coming out the other end refreshed. For me it's just blank slate, but I still feel like a kid. (Fulfilling in its own way yeah, but 2 bad trips has deterred me from going back to that for quite some time now.)

Now I guess I'm at the point where this is something I become aware of quite often and feel quite sad over. Something akin to derealization took a lot of my early 20s as well, and with all these things combined, I feel like I don't really know how I got here- despite the fact that I can trace it back through events and factually say, yeah, that's how it all went down. I've seen those services where you can upload childhood photos and have them photoshopped to be the opposite gender in order to help relive dysphoria over past... And I won't lie I have considered it, just to see! But it would be fake... It would be like acknowledging that I am fake, or something. Or that I literally come from a rebound of suppressed emotions that boiled over, rather than actual lived experiences (once again excluding most hobbies cause those are tried and true. Keep feeling the need to put this disclaimer as it it matters.)

And like, I dont want to be fake. I don't even really want to be trans, I don't think I ever wanted to be, I just wanted to be myself from the get-go. I personally subscribe both to born in the wrong body and identity changed over time cause realistically it's like, both? There was no belonging in my body, only crude fascination in what a mess everything was; how nothing seemed to align to anything I was supposed to be, despite never once actually realizing that for myself. For a long time that being funny was enough to get me by.

So I guess to make this post worthwhile, because I desperately want to ask this:

How do y'all cope? This is not rhetorical, btw. How do fellow trans ppl, esp transfems but really including any mostly fully transitioned person, deal with this feeling of not really having a past or at least one that feels applicable? How do you rationalize and happily exist with the knowledge that your personal development happened through made up characters and unassuming daydreams? How do you learn to connect and live your younger self when you hated him (/her) even while being them, and who actively sabotaged your own existence for safety reasons?

I feel like I've had about 5 years out of my 25 to get up to speed on what type of person I am, as to not waste any more of my youth before it's gone. I feel like I should have had 2 decades of this like everyone else; like my age suggests. I feel like I got cheated out of experiencing life as a human being that had time to develop and find myself before having to worry about money and independence and adulthood.

I have an ask sitting in my askbox asking about my favorite story from highschool and I would absolutely love to tell a story but it wouldn't be a story about me. I don't have that many stories about me. I don't know what to talk about when people talk. How do y'all cope with the feeling of it? Can you? How do you be okay with having childhood toys that mean something to you but you can't recall moments with them? How do you love your family to that normal level when you only remember key events? How do you come to terms with never having been to school as yourself? How does any of this ever get resolved??? I cannot bear to keep wishing and yearning to be present in my own past without being vocal about it, how do you do it y'all???

Hope you liked the random images from my phone, I wanted to make this post more fun to read than a giant text wall lol. Happy holidays and good luck to all people who are struggling to reconcile identity, self, family, and this time of year!

Please reblog, this may be a personal post but I am hoping it connected ya with others!

[batri-jopa]

Watched Big Eden last night and want to share my thoughts:

[Full of spoilers. If you haven't watch the movie - just go ahead and watch it. It's good! - is all you need to know👍]

Henry - yep, he is cute. Bonus points for prominent nose.

Landscapes - very much okey. Lake. Mountains. House with wood in and out <- as if it was all designed especially for me to stare at it forever and wonder if I'd like to live there

Music in the background - consequently Country and songs are commenting the scenes the way they are expected to👍 [if I were obsessed with this movie like I am with ATWD I would check out all their lyrics but for now I'm satisfied enough]. Yeah, all of this very much okey. I like the mood that it gives

Henry's getting out of the lake all soaked up wet like Pride and Prejudice's Mr Darcy - also okey (umm... am I there to wonder if somebody was watching him behind the trees? Nah, I doubt it)

the local community - authenticly friendly people (not like in Wet Sand when seemingly "friendly" neighbours hide their despise for you as well as their own domestic violence right behind their snarky smiles🤮). These guys seem nice and - surprise! - are nice. And "keeping the secret" is challenging enough to be enrichment for someone who's doing nothing all day...😜

the widow going from "I'll introduce you to all the single girls!" fluently into "in that case I'll introduce you to all the single boys!" after just a little mind-shaking <- cute actually

I might wonder how probable is to a little town be full of gays all of a sudden but considering that most of luckily married couples left this place and only ppl who got back or never left are still-singles-for-some-reason I now believe the little town full of middle-aged queers to be more probable than I ever thought before🤔

Now:

Dean. WTF is wrong with this guy?! Definitely not "straight as an arrow" - straights don't kiss other boys like that... Saying he "wants" but "can't" - what... what is that supposed to mean??? Is he like Irakli from And Then We Danced and his "I can't" is rooted in a worry abt what ppl would say? But Dean's divorced so "free to be taken" and most of all - it's fucking USA 2000!!! so why would he really give a shit!? Or maybe he's more like Clive from Maurice and believes in some kind of morals that prevents him from being able to be intimate with a man? Well, personally as an ace person I suppose his romantic and sexual orientation might be split into biromantic-heterosexual: that he falls in love regardless of gender but when it comes to sexual desire - he only feels it for women. So when Dean is with a woman it does seem as simple as being straight but when to focus on his feelings for Henry alone - it's more like alloromantic-asexual. What I mean is: he's "homo-romantic" (he really loves Henry in the way to truly care about him, treat him as family, dance with him in public (I loved that🫠) and even kiss him) but also "homo-asexual" (not feeling comfortable to go to bed with a man). I mean I can imagine if that's how it works with Dean (and also with Maurice's Clive BTW) - it's confusing as hell and that the guy really struggles that he can't give himself fully to someone he loves the way Henry desires him to... Poor guy😟

which is not to say I don't understand Henry finally couldn't stand it anymore after 20 years of waiting and another 6 months by the side of someone who seemingly "can't make up his mind"😖😮‍💨

thank goodness Dean gets a girl right away because screenwriter is a very nice person who doesn't want a character to suffer (I feel ya there screenwriter!👍 What you can do with the character who actually did nothing wrong other that having their romantic-sexual orientation fucked up...)

Pike - nice guy but quiet one. Morbidly shy. I can't say I don't feel it, I myself was like that as a teenager but I fought with it. And I fully understand the way you prefer to express your feelings with deeds instead of words, I really do... (for some reason I even made one of my OCs to act like that). But you can't play "Secret Santa" to the end of your days, man, that's not a life...😮‍💨 Especially don't do this to someone who's as lonely as you🙄

poor Henry - his choice is either someone who's not sure what he feels or someone who knows what he feels but wants to hide it at any cost... WTF is wrong with all these guys and their fucked-up communicating skills!🤦 And Henry is just so nice. Patient, forgiving, waiting, understanding... (Fuck this altogether😫)

[BUT! there's a hint they could all improve thanks to art-therapy. Surprisingly talking about art and legends is the only thing Pike can get excited enough to talk about feelings! (not his own but... still that's something)]

"Did we teach you shame?" <- Henry, he knew. Not from your words but still.

was the whole "going to the airport" just a prank strategy right from the beginning meant to forcefully pull Pike out of his shell? Because I'm not sure how feel about it. Well since it worked and nobody died (Pike coming back from the airport was probably not the most attentive driver...😵‍💫) then I guess it was... okey?

Now there's the kiss. While dancing. Is it romantic? I guess so... (as aromantic person I can only guess). And what about kissing extremally shy person who's probably paralized from embarrasement when kissing IN FRONT OF ALL THE PEOPLE? Okey, I suppose it was not their first kiss actually... It was not as naturally build up as the one between Henry and Dean (spending time together, alone, after a day of intense emotions - as short as it was it felt very much organic🫠) Make me think: maybe that kiss between Henry and Pike was actually meant to be a public act of "let's show them all we're over this already, shell we?". Or maybe it was their first kiss indeed, Pike felt how Henry really so soooo much wanted it that he decided to sacrify himself and ignore his own discomfort only not to let Henry feel let down again... And why does Pike not lift his hand to touch Henry's neck or his face, is he really so paralised by the thought of everybody watching? Or maybe it's Henry's fantasy while they'll actually kiss each other later when left alone finally?

[Ps - I just got the joke with cutting out stars for the flag from the movie beginning: Henry's a painter specialised in depicting stars!]

All in all: very much OKEY movie!👍

Signed: autistic creature

Alright, jokes aside - I liked it! Might not be very great movie to make me laugh and cry in turns but definitely pleasant one. Very pleasant. Wouldn't mind to watch it again one day. Maybe I'd spot more little details? As fairy-tale as it was depicted I want to believe in that world full of good people, where there's no fear of violence and no villain (Dean is NOT a villain). And I really want things to be nice for them. For all of them❤️

[ca-suffit]

I'm so disappointed by Armandstans recently,i naively though that there would be some kind of solidarity because they are 2 moc but i guess antiblackness is stronger, probably also for shipping reasons they are trying to sidelines him,i think at this point i prefer lestans over them.

It's infuriating,i'm glad next season the focus is less on Louis let's see who 's gonna take the blame now.

I know Louis is far from perfect, you can criticize him but i rarely see good takes that 's why they think we want to absolve him from his wrongdoing which is completely false.

I have always been extremely critical of his actions toward Claudia.Louis is not an angel but his deserves a nuanced treatment just like his vampires peers.

I'm shocked at what I'm seeing too. I cannot believe how much worse the antiblackness has gotten now. We've seen Louis in two abusive relationships now and ppl are still victim blaming? Across BOTH?? I thought the parallels made it easier for everyone to see a much fuller picture of all these characters. I mean this post I made shows Lestat and Armand complaining similarly about Louis. This season showed a lot more of Louis' issues and it was great to see them! Claudia was over him too. He was fucking up all over, he was going crazy, he was insecure and lonely and lost. How the hell ppl take all that and wrap it up into "I don't know why anyone feels bad for Louis at all, he's not so innocent." What the fuck kind of thing is that to say??

The show keeps saying, thru itself and interviews otherwise, that everyone here is flawed. This is a bunch of traumatized vampires trying to navigate relationships with each other. They hate themselves, they hate each other, they hate immortality. It's a lot of figuring out what "enduring" means and how u do it without losing ur fucking mind in the process. Louis' self-medicating thru addicts and hooking up / eating ppl, his hobbies, Armand's theatre and the coven, whatever Lestat was ever fucking doing. It's all a bunch of vampires trying to give their eternal life purpose and manage a shit ton of unresolved grief. "Nuance" is a word that everyone loves using but does anyone know what it means? Cuz why does it keep coming down to "my side is better than ur side." Everyone sucks here! Exploring the ways they're all damaged is the part that's supposed to be fun! It's the tragedy of it and the beauty.

I am also interested in seeing what happens if Louis is not prominent in S3 to blame. Although I also have an idea of how it will look and there's gonna be no talking to ppl about it. I wish ppl understood their own racial biases and it was easier to communicate this stuff to anyone. Fandoms are always inherently racist and the fact that we can never move forward on this is sad af.

[cios-correct-opinions]

@starrynightarchive

big ol tl;dr for anyone looking:

if ppl "not appreciating" female characters by creating content for them bc they don't want to bothers you that much? there's only one thing you can and should do:

MAKE YOUR OWN CONTENT OR APPRECIATION POSTS OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU THINK PEOPLE SHOULD DO INSTEAD AND STOP DEMANDING PEOPLE CHANGE THEIRS. IF YOUR FANDOM SPACE IS LACKING IN CONTENT YOU WANNA SEE? MAKE IT. DO IT. NOTHING'S STOPPING YOU EXCEPT YOURSELF.

but if you don't wanna do that and you don't wanna pay someone to, then stop complaining.

(note re: the discourse thing/me wanting to "start discourse": i only reblogged onto my "discourse" sideblog bc i didn't want this on my main blog. not bc i think it's automatically discourse. political stuff just goes over here now so i can keep the things more separated for my own sake)

op of the post blocked me but im genuinely baffled at this response

because how in the fuck did you gather ANY of that from me saying this

brother all i did was define what the word means. like i am so baffled as to how you decided that i was implying op was transphobic or some shit bc i absolutely was not!

nor was i trying to start discourse. i was literally just saying that, in my experience in the circles i'm in and the people i've seen, doing both is possible and they often do both. i'm not a huge fan of cis genderbends myself in any direction because if i'm gonna genderbend they're gonna be trans given that i am also trans

and then theres this that i said

which everyone seems to have completely ignored. bc that's the crux of this. it's not that they dislike the canon women it's that they want to take their blorbos they love the most and girl them because that's how fandom works. it's about self indulgence. fandom is supposed to be you doing what you love the most, and engaging with the characters you love the most, bc it's about fun

why are yall trying to force people to post abt characters they may not care for for a number of reasons? bc thats what this feels like. it feels like you want ppl to talk abt, post abt, write abt, draw abt, etc, characters they are not super passionate for, simply bc you believe they should, bc you think what they do in fandom is some kind of formula for their like, actual real world beliefs

i genuinely cannot stress enough to you guys that most peoples actions in fandom are almost entirely divorced from any political meaning. or at least, they were, until people started acting like that was a sin actually and that if you liked this character or if you liked too many male characters and not enough female ones that means youre secretly a misogynist who just hates women so much because you don't post about them all the time

most of my fandom blorboposting ends up being about a handful of any random assortment of characters because that's who my brain latches on to, but that doesn't say shit about my feelings about any other character. specifically in bsd, i mostly post and talk about literally two of the characters WAY more than the others bc they are my favorites. this includes ALL the other characters, just about. most of my fanworks are for them and will continue to be for them because they are my OTP and my top two in this series.

why is this important?

because someone genderbending a male character or multiple of them in order to see a CHARACTER THEY ALREADY THINK ABOUT 24/7 AND LIKE A LOT AND HAVE A DEEP ATTACHMENT TO, as a woman, does not mean they don't love and appreciate the canon women. holy shit. that's what i was criticizing in the original post.

also like. most of the ppl doing the genderbending i see are either women or like, somehow woman-aligned, or wlw/attracted to women in some way, etc. and most of them are making these genderbends bc theyre attracted to the canon character. it's self-indulgence it's ALMOST ALWAYS self-indulgence guys it's FANDOM that's what it's FOR you CANNOT FORCE SOMEONE TO CARE ABOUT A CHARACTER FOR ANY REASON AND STILL MAKE AN ETHICAL ARGUMENT OUT OF IT JFC

it wasn't meant to be discourse on my end either. i was trying to offer an alternate reason or perspective of approaching what op seemed to think was an issue given the wording of the post, by offering my personal experience. i also never said op was wrong, by the way, my expression of disbelief was also put alongside me going "maybe it's just the people i follow" because i tend to follow people who, when they do genderbends, are also avid fans of the canon women too, they just like the men they're genderbending more. hence why they're doing that.

this expectation within fandom that people must create content of female characters - or ANY characters - lest they be accused of despising them or not appreciating them is going to be the death of fandom and i'm so fucking serious. you CANNOT insist people spend their time making shit for FREE that they aren't 100% jazzed and excited about in FANDOM SPACES and then get mad when they don't do that and expect fandom to be something that continues for generations as it has in the past

and for the record seeing as how op reblogged with this which. where do i even start lmao. ik they've written me off as a woman-hating misogynist so i'm not expecting good faith arguments in response from them but, c'est la vie

[nerves-nebula]

i think my mother might be abusive.

She's really controlling over the smallest things, and will get mad if I don't do things exactly the way she wants. She has really high standards of me, and it feels like to reach those standards,I'll have to lose anything that makes me happy.

But she can also be really nice.whej I was a little kid, she would make me really elaborate birthday cakes. She truely loves me.

But I feel like the love is stifling, like I can never tell her anything for fear of judgement. If I do anything she doesn't like, I'm persecuted,and she always wants me to do horrible things like manipulate people, be fake, and cheat and lie and be a bad person just to get good grades or something.

Am I wrong?

ok bud look your first mistake is asking a random internet stranger to validate you cuz like. what if i said NO? you're setting yourself up to be hurt if it turns out im a dickhead. and your second mistake is thinking you can be wrong about how you feel.

now i might have a stricter definition of love than most people but i'd ask if your definition of love includes someone completely trampling over your desires (i've found a lot of peoples do, when it comes to parents)

nah but fr thats just what i did when i was with my parents and it made me realize oh hey they dont ACTUALLY love me. they like the idea of their child and of being parents but those fuckers don't know shit about me. and if that counts as love then so does like. a creepy stalker who's obsessed with me. i mean they both "care" about me right? and if boundaries/what I want doesn't matter to them, then how do i differentiate the two kinds of "love"? i literally don't tell my parents where I live because I don't want them to do shit like move in near me or visit me cuz if they did i wouldn't be able to stop them.

yknow my mom made us a lot of deserts. a lot more than most ppls mothers i think. it was probably the nicest part of my childhood. and she cooked these huge elaborate dinners based on whatever we wanted for our birthdays. if i wanted bacon wrapped filet mignon (one of her favorites, so i'd sometimes ask for it cuz i knew she liked it and i loved my mom and wanted her to be happy) or taco pizza or hot cross buns I'd get it. and she'd spend all day cooking and we'd set the table with the fancy plates and it was. nice. she did a lot of things a Good Mom was supposed to do.

she was and is still a horrible bitch to live with.

THE POINT IM TRYNA MAKE IS THAT YOU'RE ASKING ALL THE WRONG QUESTIONSSS MAN. abusive parents are often not abusive 100% of the time cuz they're people who do Other Things, they're not like machines for abuse. There's no reason someone can't abuse and manipulate you and also make you a cool cake. I can't tell you if your mom is abusive idk ur situation, but you can tell me if you feel abused or steamrolled or manipulated. which it sounds like you do, so. there's that.

normally the next step would be to try to talk to your mom about this but

If I do anything she doesn't like, I'm persecuted

that doesn't seem feasible rn sooo. idk. my way of dealing with it was to make as few waves as possible until i moved out for college.

[11queensupreme11]

What if later on in the story where there is a prediction one of the seven demigods could die during the battle, the ROR gods might be worried that Percy might die if they are not there to protect her? I know that in the books that Percy and the other demigods went to meet Asclepius to get an antidote that can bring someone back to life but it can be used once. I am not going to say which person died and was brought back. I was wondering in ROR world, how would the gods react to someone being brought back to life like would they also be upset? I mean PJO Zeus and Hades were not happy at all about someone being brought back because they think it would disrupt balance of life and death.

hades and the other underworld gods would definitely be displeased UNLESS the resurrection was supposed to happen, and thankfully that's the case for jason, hazel, and leo!

but anyway, ur first question, the thing about the seven is that FOUR OF THEM SHOULD'VE DIED. back in pjo series, it was literally stated that the number 3 held huge importance. back in battle of the labyrinth, chiron even stated that every time more than 3 kids left for a quest, ONLY THREE would return while the others die or are left behind. the quest to rescue artemis was proof of that; 5 ppl left, but only 3 came back.

and yet that went out the window when hoo came (another reason i didn't like it ughhhhh).

but back to ur question, yeah they would definitely be freaking out!!! they absolutely don't give a shit about the other six, percy's their number 1 priority and they're pretty much ripping their hair out every time she's put in danger