#Well. Guess I’m just gonna have to DO IT MYSELF but I don’t have THE TIME at this MOMENT | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lynzishell · 23 hours ago

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Atlas: I’m going out for a run. Asher: ‘kay. Atlas: Looks like the taco stand is open today. I can bring back lunch. Asher: ‘kay.

Atlas: Are you sure you’re alright? Asher: Yeah. I’m fine, I promise, I’m just tired. Atlas: Hm.

[Knock at the door]

Atlas: For the record, I don’t believe you. But I can wait til you’re ready to talk.

Atlas: Hey Lex. Lex: Where is he? Atlas: On the couch. I think he needs you. Lex: I’m on it.

Lex: Baaabe, you look so sad. Asher: I am sad. Lex: Are you really watching Lost Dog’s Journey Home right now? Asher: What? It’s my comfort movie.

Asher: What are you doing? Lex: I am curing your sadness with cuddles. Asher: Feels more like you’re crushing me. Lex: Well, in the words of my comfort movie, [in her best old lady voice] ��It has to hurt if it’s to heal.”

Asher: [small chuckle] I don’t think this is what she meant. Lex: It could be. You laughed. Asher: … Lex: Do you want me to move? Asher: … No. Lex: Didn’t think so.

Lex: I’m sorry about Jasper. Asher: Thanks. Me too. Lex: Congrats on getting married, though. That’s exciting. Asher: Yeah, I’m really happy. Lex: Wow. Convincing.

Asher: I am! I just… [groans in frustration] I feel weird. Lex: Alright. Sit up. Talk to me.

Lex: Now, what do you mean “weird”?

Asher: I don’t know. It’s like… when we went to Selvadorada… it feels like the world we left is not the same world we came home to. I know it sounds crazy, but I don’t know how else to explain it. Everything looks and feels and even smells different.

Lex: To be fair, when you came home, you’d lost a dog and gained a husband. You’re starting a new chapter in your life. Things are bound to feel a little different. Off even.

Asher: I guess. And it’s not just those things. We’re giving our notice at work on Monday, and we’re gonna start looking for a new apartment. New career, new home, all of which are things that I want, things I even suggested, but I can’t get myself to be happy or even excited. I just feel…

Lex: Overwhelmed? Asher: Maybe. And, as if that isn’t enough, there’s something else. Lex: There’s more? Babe, no wonder you’re paralyzed on this couch. You need to slow down. Asher: That doesn’t feel like an option. Lex: Of course it is. Asher: …

Lex: Okay, well, look, everyone is coming to my place tomorrow. You should come. Hang out with friends and take your mind off things for a bit. Asher: I don’t know. I feel like I’d be such a downer. I don’t want everyone to see me like this. Lex: Maybe it will boost your mood. You might even have fun. Asher: …

Lex: Just stop by. You don’t have to stay long if you don’t want, but at least come say hello. Asher: … Lex: Please? Asher: [nods] Okay. You’re right. It might be good to see some friendly faces, get out of my head for a bit.

Lex: That’s the spirit! Asher: Ahhh [laughs] What the hell?! Lex: I love you.

Asher: Love you too. Now get off me please. Lex: Only if you let me pick a movie for us. Asher: Fine. Atlas is bringing home tacos. Should I have him grab you some? Lex: Obviously!

#ts4 #ts4 simblr #ts4 story #sims 4 #sims 4 storytelling #the goode life #sims 4 challenge #starsignchallenge #starsignlegacychallenge #gen1 aries #aries pt5 #atlas goode #asher goode #lex mcphee

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kavehater · 4 days ago

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I fear I do not know what to do now that I’m free 🫠

#you mean to say I just can do nothing ?#that feels so wrong #I feel like I have to do something rn #stop this is actually insane I don’t need to sleep from 10 ish till 2 am anymore ?!!#and I don’t need to study from 3am till 10 pm anymore ?!#I feel like crying I can’t believe it #like people don’t wake up at 3 am to do things ?!#above everything though I’m so terrified of things going back to how they were a month ago #bro if i went back to that period I would’ve soon actually committed suicide I’m not even gonna lie #like srsly it was so bad I fell down so hard #and yet of course nobody was there with me so #I had no friends to help me through that time no support nothing #and in truth I still have nobody I can rely on #I only can ever truly rely on myself which sucks cause I’m not reliable with these things #anyways if I don’t come back I guess you can be certain that I had succeeded at killing myself ar long last LOL #I don’t think anybody realises JUST how bad things are for me yk #not that they care remotely #which is okay I guess #I just wished someone would care for starters #and that someone would prove they cared even though that seems like it’s too much to ask for someone like myself #clearly I don’t deserve anything at all #oh well #dora daily

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thedickcavettshow · 17 days ago

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if I may offer a word of advise to any person out there who may be as stupid as me - do not walk through a field of stinging nettles barefoot

#I’m not about to post a photo of what the bottom of my feet look like (at least not for free) but #just imagine the absolute last thing you would want the bottoms of your feet to look like. That’s what mine look like rn #I haven’t been genuinely fr fr drunk in a long ass time (2 weeks) so I guess this is what I get eh #this happened last night btw I was too drunk to notice the state of my feet so I slept like this 😭😭😭#so now I’m going to have a hangover soon AND I’ve got a literal BILLION tiny needles in my feet #Maybe next time I decided to get hammered I’ll put locks on my shoes to prevent myself from taking them off #Although bright side I’m glad I was just in a field and not walking around barefoot in a street where #I could step on broken glass or hypodermic needles or something lol so. silver lining #But fr idk what to do about it I feel like I’m still too drunk to start plucking them out rn my hands are too shakey #So I guess I’m just going to wait around like this until I’m sober enough?#& love how I was posting about staying in last night lol. Nice try mf you really thought you were just gonna watch a movie then go to bed 😭#I drank well over half a bottle of whiskey last night lmfao I don’t wanna know how many shots that comes out to be… over 10 at least 💀#Maybe I have a problem……. nahhhhhhhjhjjjhhhhhh

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trash-bin-ary · 2 months ago

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I can go on that ramble about the future and housing and aromanticism though now. It’s like man, the future is already something that is so inconceivable to me. To then have the sexuality that does not allow me to slot in the cookie cutter you find a romantic partner that you end up moving in with is terrible. And like In this economy I sure can’t live alone, and I know at least when I’m sick I desperately want someone to be there. And then there’s I’m likely to move around a bunch how do you deal with that housing, other than the work having paid housing. like constantly having to find somewhere that’s looking for roommates and it isn’t terrible? And then long term, when I find a job I stay at for a while (that’s remote so I’d love to live in a remote place) is it like I find a place to stay and then I’m stuck there forever and I just have to hope that I make good friends at this new place. (Friends that don’t want to live exclusively with a romantic partner no less.) I want to live with close friends so bad and I’m not sure if that’s a feasible thing for my future. I’m a person that has so much hope so I have to assume that yes it will work out, I do believe that. But man just hearing someone mention it, sparks that hope.

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trashbaget · 8 months ago

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tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”

#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with #but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this #i can’t just. talk to the guy #if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that #i can barely even say hello to him #don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like #ah fuck there he is #okay you can do it just say hi #just say what’s up #and then he’s already gone #also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin #ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍#but like. i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction #or like. an actual conversation.#which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or #i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what)#anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴#i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at #least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.)#anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault #too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair #but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side #where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20 #mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡#but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number #who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21 #his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦#cheers to being fools universe

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gregmarriage · 9 months ago

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ottd, or whatever

#it’s a really cute look but i started to not feel as confident in it after i left the house #my face is censored bc i don’t feel good about myself rn #but i wanted to hold on to the joy and confidence i had that lasted all of five minutes #i’m probably not the person to carry off this kinda look but i’ll damned if i’m not gonna try #i’m trying out different looks and styles i would never have had the confidence or courage to wear when i was younger #but i just feel frumpy and clownish #and not clownish in the good way i like #but i’m posting to get people’s opinions #and like i said to hold onto that confidence #also i’m always torn between mobility aids (mainly my walker) being a good fashion accessory #bc it helps me walk but i don’t feel confident out in public with it #and it takes so much energy and effort to pretend i’m not #‘fake it til you make it’ well why do i have to fake it?#why can’t i be blessed with confidence?#why is my body so bleh #ugh anyways!!!#or don’t i’m not your mom #enjoy i guess?#gwen rambles #gwenposting

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mostlykind · 1 year ago

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the call with the doctor was so useless 😭 he just referred me to the nhs talking therapies which is genuinely sooooo bad I’m not bothered for it

#i did it before for anxiety and depression and the woman. bless her. was a whitey who did not get it #and I’ve said it before if I need therapy I’m going to go with a Muslim woman - preferably even hijabi - just so she UNDERSTANDS #and I don’t have to explain every bit of background / contrxt before getting to an issue #which is what I would end up doing here #shall I just invest in a therapist #cos even to this dr I felt sooo silly even saying oh yh I get severe anxiety thst I’m going to go hell 😀#like if u don’t understand the religious context I just sound dumb #anyways dunno what to do next I guess #I don’t wanna refer myself to the nhs one #just gonna continue dealing with it as I usually do . which is not v well but whatever #rahma’s rambles

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bbq-potato-chip · 1 year ago

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going to start eating sugar straight out of the bag at this point

#I want a TREAT but I’m AT HOME and I can’t BAKE anything #Pacing around like an animal in a cage I need chocolate chip cookies warm from the oven NOW!!!#Well. Guess I’m just gonna have to DO IT MYSELF but I don’t have THE TIME at this MOMENT #srry im just. Hm

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agenderarkham · 1 year ago

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What if I exploded rn. I think it’d be good for me personally

#I left work earlier than I needed to today (didn’t get overtime that I want and enjoy) bc I had a doctors appointment today but then I show #up to the office and oops !! I guess someone forgot to schedule it tee hee you wanna sit there for an hour so we can squeeze you in no well #you’ll have to reschedule then what’s your availability oh you get off work anywhere from 1230 to 230? how about an appointment at 1 o’clock #LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE YOU THINK THIS IS MY FAULT EHATS THE POINT OF YOU SITTING THERE IF YOU CANT EVEN #SCHEDULE A FUCKING APPOINTMENT ??!!??? AND they’re making ME call my insurance to make sure it covers the orthodics I’m trying to get #so like. if you can schedule an appointment properly. and you’re making me call the insurance company to make sure they’re gonna cover the #shit that your doctor decided was best for me. what the fuck are you doing all day #also I cut my finger on something I literally don’t know what bc I’m so fucking about to explode frustrated and angry I’m having to lay on #my bed with the lights off and my sunglasses on so. fun #ALSO I go to leave after angry crying in my car for a few minutes and my key is stuck and wouldn’t start for a few minutes. what a wonderful #day that I’m having huh. can’t wait for my birthday on Saturday where I’m just gonna be sad because all my friends are moving away and a #bunch of people I know have died. what a week huh !! and here I thought I could start to treat myself a little better and start going to the #gym and get some good news at work but NOPE I GUESS ILL GO FUCK MYSELF #sorry. I’m feeling bad lately 👍#vent #Arkham rambles #arkhamrambles

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raeathnos · 1 year ago

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#oh I am straight up not having a good time rn #long story short I got in a big ducking fight with my mom yesterday over something dumb #it’s complicated and I don’t want to talk about it #but it was my fault and I did apologize #there’s some shit she did in the past that’s related that I know I’m never getting a fucking apology for but whatever #but I can tell she’s pissed and my apology wasn’t enough #and I know her well enough to know that she’s going to let it sit and stew #and in sometime in the near future when we’re both alone she’s gonna explode at me #very much not in a good mental place for that and not looking forward to it #in the mean time I feel like I gotta walk on eggshells and my anxiety is fucked cause I’m just waiting to be exploded at #I’m disappointed in myself because I feel like I acted like she does which is something I try very hard not to do #but also like I did apologize which is something she never does #which also has me upset #this was over something small and stupid and she’ll turn it into the biggest shit and how I’m a terrible daughter and all that #meanwhile I went through so much shit from her as a kid included getting disowned multiple times #for really stupid reasons (didn’t like that I was a tomboy - was personally insulted that I was depressed)#and Ive never gotten an apology for any of those and know I never will #and additionally know not to talk about them because she’ll just twist things and play the victim #so I guess the gist of it is I’m mad at her and I’m mad at myself for how I acted but also that this is #bringing back a lot of bad memories I’d rather not remember right now #also it was inventory today so I had to be up at 2am and I only got like an hour and a half of sleep #so I’m dying physically mentally and emotionally atm #I am straight up having a bad time #it’s the not knowing when I’m going to get screamed at that’s getting to me rn #my anxiety is so bad #I need to get out of here

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void-tiger · 1 year ago

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Well…if there’s one (1) good thing about having a crush, it’s that when I’m (for the moment anyway) not worrying about the other person’s boundaries and terror about whether I’ve stomped on them or not + my own frustration at how slow things are to just communicate verbally and directly instead of constantly dancing around nonverbal reads (that are two-way, I suppose but still no substitute, can still mean just about anything)…

…yeah. I do let myself be selfish. Acknowledge what I want instead of burying it so deeply away from my consciousness to not “take up space” I suppose. Finally give myself some damn permission to fall in love with another person “despite” being ace, and “despite” being chronically ill and struggling with my mental health.

And what is it I want?

To feel cared for. Cherished. By someone here. To wake up and have someone greet me with a gentle embrace mindful of the constant chronic pain especially in the mornings to not accidentally pinch things, but not treating me like glass, either. To be given autonomy instead of having it taken away—to do things together, FUN things, without being made to feel guilty about that “taking away” spoons from chores or “well why won’t you just work a job then!” but also respecting my need to rest periodically or take a longer rest after the fact.

To feel heard. To trust that there’s love enough for us to disagree and feel angry and frustrated and sad around eachother and with eachother without judgement, without the risk that things are forever one disagreement or misunderstanding away from falling apart completely or worse.

And please tease me. Teasing is a love language just as much as communication and encouragement and acts of service and finally being held. It’s verbal play, and I trust you to not bully me.

And…I’ve shown as much as I can, I think. I know you’re trying to mirror at least some of it. And I think I’m reading you correctly, but I wish I understood why you seem so terrified to talk directly to me.

#tiger’s musing #screw it. ‘don’t say i’m in love’ or whatever #and well. it will fade eventually. and I am very practiced at Behaving and keeping my feelings to myself #legit always have to do that the very few times I’m liked someone This Ain’t ‘Just’ Platonic Is It #because…guess what. the other person’s comfort and boundaries matters more to me #and friendships aren’t a ‘consolation prize.’ they’re the Good Shit #it’s…just that much harder when there isn’t that Direct Communication With Frequency for me #…bUT!! if he didn’t like me…why does he keep looking at me Like That?!#…right. hang in there for a few more weeks. I did hand over a script as..#…yeah. wonder if he realized /he’s/ the reason I finally found my nerve to write it the way I want #and for all my current ‘will you just RELAX and TALK to me yET?!’ frustration? he’s my muse for joseph!#I needed to see what a GOOD man even remotely looks like just as much as I needed someone like him #to accidentally or intentionally show interest (look. if ya gripe about wanting to do something. PUBLICALLY #(and it’s within my skills to make it available. guess what. I’m gonna call your bluff #(I’m too much of a writer and actress. if I see Checkov’s Gun I’m firing it!)#…does he realize that I basically told everyone off for pressuring him via social media and semi privately?#that the only reason why I started using facebook again was to get people to leave him alone?#(who knows. but that + him…kinda witnessing just How Bad my mental health is? is…when I think there was a turning point. maybe. probably.)#…I suck at socializing in Initial Stages. so much. it’s so uncomfortable #but…screw it. I’ve learned that I’ll use what power I have to change environments and make opportunities #even when it’s (deeply) uncomfortable for me to do so #…because sometimes you gotta blink first to make someone else feel safe. and hopefully latch onto that #and…yeah. guess I am patient. but also griping the entire time

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graevs666 · 2 years ago

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god i don’t wanna be here i don’t wanna exist

#i hate myself so much #I’m sick of myself and sick of this world #i got upset at Lexi bc they said they didn’t wanna hang lol like i just shutdown n went quiet even tho they drove to take me to the shops #bc I’m ill #like I’m tired of always getting hurt I’m so damn sensitive all the time #like idk i guess i just thought they were gonna stay at mine for a while like we usually do #n instead they just wanted to go home #which is obv fine like they can do whatever they want but im sick of getting upset over this stuff #n i always feel horrible and guilty when i get triggered whether it’s shutting down or passive aggressiveness #or having a meltdown over stuff idk i just feel so emotionally childish n even when i know it’s wrong to feel tht way it still happens #i just wish i knew how to be better and stop being like this #n my therapists just keep telling me well it’s okay and normal to feel this way because I’ve been thru bad experiences before n thts why #i feel abandoned and unloved #but it’s like I’m 24 i shouldn’t be so emotionally all over the place and get triggered all the time like i can’t function bc of this #n i end up just acting in ways i don’t like like if someone was acting this way w me id be exhausted I’m not surprised I’ve been called #exhausting and too sensitive and negative and immature bc i am n hell if u don’t like me dw i hate myself more ive literally been trying #to get better and it’s going nowhere i think i just gotta end myself fr #journal

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cherrysnax · 2 years ago

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@ anon sorry I accidentally deleted ur ask!! to answer ur question though, I think it’s a bad idea because.. i fear rejection i guess and I suppose what I fear more is the opposite

#i have an issue where despite wanting to feel close to people I kinda hold everyone but like two people at arms length #I care a lot about people. even the people I don’t talk to anymore or like ppl I regard as like acquaintances #it’s easier to care from a distance. less of a sit back and watch thing more of a #aw I see a post on Instagram im so glad ur doing well I’m gonna mentally send good vibes and go about my day #it’s #it’s easier being a ghost I suppose #idk whenever I try a restart a friendship it never works #you can’t just rebuild connections #or at least I can’t #maybe im too different or maybe I’m too similar #also whenever I hype myself up to do something I’m afraid of doing it backfires spectacularly. so no actions means no expectations means no #consequences! and I know that makes me a bad person but consider that it’s for everyone’s best interests #this is probably just a weird phase of nostalgia anyway #and you should never reach out simply for nostalgias sake. you will have unrealistic expectations for urself and other ppl ^_^#im content w my mostly happy memories ^_^#should I tag this as #asks #nonnie #? in spirit I guess #I think I have like. one mutual from that time but I’ve changed my name like 60 times bro prolly don’t even recognize me which is for the #best #now… what am I gonna draw today #i guess im also afraid of what it means that I could’ve had more friends if I didn’t uhhh split or assume #that no one liked me in the first place #it already happened w a dear friend and I can never fix it so #why try

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sarabyfleetwoodmacmp3 · 3 months ago

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💭

#I’m kinda done with horror movies tbh #and I’ve been done with them for a little while already but I guess bc I saw some that were coming out that looked cool I tried it again-#but now it definitely feels like I’m done #I’m just done with the disturbing things :/ the murder and the misery and stuff #it’s just not something I want to see really #I guess that also extends beyond horror movies and also includes dramas that are overly miserable or just movies that deal with the-#disturbing and super graphic violence and such #and it’s not only to protect my peace or myself mentally or whatever because these things do disturb me #but also because genuinely I don’t find them that interesting anymore? like I watch these movies and yeah they get to me and stuff but also-#I’ve come to realize I’m kinda bored? like if someone would turned off the movie I don’t think I would mind much #like I’m not really interested when seeing these movies I’m not invested or anything #like yeah I can think about these movies after watching them and seeing the themes in them and how well the movie #- was made and how smart it is and what it’s trying to say and-#- appreciate it for all those things but I’m just not really into it at the end of the day nor did it made me feel anything positive-#like after thinking about all of that I’m like ‘😐 alright then’ and realized I feel bored #* realize #and I don’t care if ‘it show a really important theme that’s part of reality and need to be talked about more’ or if it’s supposed to ‘start #a conversation’ I feel like I KNOW the theme I KNOW that it’s important and what that’s about and I’m aware and so are most people and-#conversations have been happening and so it like an excuse that’s used for filmmakers or something. I’m sorry but I don’t see the point and-#*its #feels overdone and something that has been talked about and is known. sorry if that sounds dumb of me or something #I’m just doneeee #like I KNOOOW bad things happen in the world and to people I KNOWW but I don’t want to see it in my free time I don’t want to see something-#traumatic as hell I get it!!!#so from now on I’m just not gonna watch anything like that anymore because I’m not having a good time so it feels like a waste of time then #online diary

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insanechayne · 4 months ago

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~ ~ ~

#every time I call someone my best friend they turn into a fucking problem that just hurts me and makes me sick #is it me? am I doing something wrong? am I not supposed to have close friends?#or am I just such a fuckup that by being myself it’s inevitable that I’ll ruin my friendships?#kissed my bro on the cheek last week when he wasn’t doing too great and in my mind I was doing it just as an extra way to be encouraging #and show my support and that I’m here for him cause tbh I’ve done that with plenty of other friends and it ain’t no thing #but after a week of wondering why he’s been distant and not wanting to be around me when I’m saying I just need some time with a friend he #finally admits that he thought that was weird and out of line. so I gotta backtrack and try to explain myself but now all the stupid little #pieces be fitting and I realize that he’s probably been misconstruing me wanting time with him as thinking I’m gonna try to flirt with him #or something else fucking dumb like that. despite the fact that that has never been the case and he knows me fundamentally as a person and #should know I wouldn’t ever do anything that could make either of us cheaters even incidentally. plus he’s basically like a brother to me #and I have an AFAB partner so it’s not like I’m trolling for cock anyway and he knows that too. but now I gotta go back through every #interaction we’ve had since that happened and analyze whether or not I was weird or awkward or inappropriate in some way that he could be #upset about at all. and also act like everything is fine and keep it pushing like normal and police every future action to be safe too #because of course he can’t just be straight up about anything or tell me if something bothered him no I gotta play a whole ass fucking #guessing game. and now I also can’t trust that my best friend who is supposed to know me so well won’t take things I say/do the wrong way.#can’t trust that my best friend won’t see me in a poor light now because it’s clearly been affecting the friendship #and like totally that’s my bad I overstepped a boundary I didn’t realize was there but you should have just fucking told me at the time #instead of pulling this shit and giving me anxiety and blowing me off and making me feel like shit #can’t rely on him or trust him or anything and what’s the fucking point of even having a best friend if this is what happens? I’m at the end #of my fucking rope right now so stressed and anxious and no matter how much I try to talk to him or anything he just brushes me off and #won’t let me explain or get my feelings out or anything else. but hey at least I was around for him the other day when he needed somebody #good thing I was there to keep him from going back to drinking or something else stupid and could help him out. cause that’s what really #matters right just being able to help somebody else when they need it even if they don’t reciprocate and are actively hurting me instead of #just being there for me as a friend. guess we try again tomorrow huh? what else can be done I suppose. just get to suffer and be riddled #with anxiety and stress and depression eating away at me and ruining my fucking life. can’t even enjoy the Olympics or anything else because #I’m stuck overthinking this dumb shit. just want this to be over and things to be back to normal. wanna stop being upset about this shit and #be able to let it go but I don’t fucking know how and I can’t keep losing friends because it’s killing me #personal

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exopelagic · 6 months ago

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I am baking cake at midnight and it is going to kill me <3

#it’s just gone in the oven which means at least 25 minutes and probably more like 45 bc I made a Lot #am also kiiiinda winging the recipe so my expectations are on the floor #this is. for a bake sale. pray for me #I’m gonna make the icing tonight and leave it in the fridge overnight I think for tomorrow morning #this has gone wrong at every available opportunity it was 100% not worth it #however! given the prices my friend wants to sell this at i May have turned this into like over £100 which isn’t bad #TWO CAKES. WHY AM I MAKING TWO CAKES #I’m procrastinating washing up the stuff I used to make the batter (hell) bc itssosososo messy and I just wanna shout abt stuff #primarily that I am once again so upset that I only get one more week of ice hockey before summer #there are two parts to this feeling: 1. I love ice hockey I’ve been having such a good time this past week while I’ve not had to stress #abt anything else. 2. gay. gay gay homosexual gay #like okay I’ve been worried abt whether this is an actual crush or I just convinced myself I like him bc pretty+queer #(because of course I can worry abt that). BUT yeah sorry no can confirm I like this dumb fuck this is so unfair #we talked a BUNCH last night and he’s just really cool.#ohhhh fuck I don’t think the oven was properly preheated bc I opened it for a while to fit the two tins in. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#anyway!! he’s really fun to talk to someone help like if he does turn out to be single I could in THEORY text him over summer. maybe.#his birthday will be coming up and my friend suggested that. I’m being insane but oh my god this is torture #I ALSO watched the newest dr who episode today and that did NOT HELP. one of the first things in a while that have given me like #this same specific feeling when I get into gay romantic media. the ‘reading gay shit on wattpad at age 14 feeling’ if you will #where there’s like this weight in the pit of my stomach. it’s NICE that doesn’t sound good but it is #is this what straight people get with romance all the time. I know I just don’t watch/read much anymore but also #there’s straight romance in literally everything so.#but yeah basically I need another month of fuck around time minimum when everyone’s in this city so I can get my shit together #ALSO. I ONLY HAVE A YEAR LEFT HERE. THATS TERRIFYING. a year is a long time but it’s also not this one disappeared and this is like.#WAY too early to even consider that but he’s gonna be here probably for a year after I leave and that could suck if anything does happen.#I guess in theory I’m taking a year before phd probably so I could work here. idk man anyway that one is actually insane of me I’m just gay #boy 😔. they shouldn’t be allowed to do this #on Wednesday he’ll be done with exams and so will my other friend who knows him well. so I will be able to 1. subtly see w her if girlfriend #2. potentially. MAYBE ask what she thinks I’m just trying to decide whether that’s too much to put on her. I think I’m being insane there #luke.txt

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