#Well. Guess I’m just gonna have to DO IT MYSELF but I don’t have THE TIME at this MOMENT
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stollengoods · 1 day ago
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The Longer the Wait, The Sweeter the Kisses
Requested Nam-gyu Fluff~
Warnings: Cursing, slight smut but not much (they don’t go all the way), mentions of drug use, overdose, and recovery.
Summary: Your friend Mi-na is tired of you third wheeling her and Thanos so she has him set you up on a date with his friend Nam-gyu. Surprisingly you and Nam-gyu really hit it off. So much so you invite him to your place, but what happens when you guys start making out/touching each other and you inform him that you won’t go all the way ?
P.S. This one’s a bit long… I apologize I got carried away haha
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Thanos and Mi-na were cuddling on the couch while you were sitting in the arm chair beside them. He booped her nose with a blue colored finger nail, “You’re so cute.”
She giggled touching her forehead to his, “You’re so handsome.”
“And I so want to kill myself right now.” You murmured, scrolling through your phone.
In the background you saw Mi-na’s head turn towards you. “I told you it was just gonna be Thanos and I this weekend. You’re the one who invited yourself, remember ?”
You scrolled mindlessly on Instagram, “Yeah, but I didn’t think you guys would be like this.”
“It’s called being in a relationship.” She remarked and you snorted, “Gosh, thats what I have to look forward to ?”
“I used to think that way too until I met my soul mate.” You heard their lips smacking and immediately felt sick.
“Ewww, if I ever get like that shoot me. Please.”
Thanos chuckled and your friend giggled rolling her eyes, “When are you going to get a boyfriend y/n ? You’re old enough to drink why don’t you go to the bar and find one, you’ll get one asap.”
“Yeah… there are several reasons why I would never do that, plus I think what you’re describing is a hook up not a boyfriend.”
She huffed, “Well maybe you need a hookup, you’re like always a negative nancy.”
You looked up from your phone and glared at her for a second before looking back at your screen.
“See ! That’s what I’m talking about.” Mi-na said.
“Oh !” She put a hand on her boyfriend’s shoulder, “Baby, why don’t you set her up with one of your friends ?”
You immediately clicked your phone screen off and shoved it in your pocket, “Fuck no.”
Thanos looked over at you confused and Mi-na furrowed her eyebrows at you and tilted her head towards Thanos basically telling you your being rude.
You awkwardly laughed, “I’m sorry, that came out wrong… it’s just I’ve seen Thanos’s instagram. All him and his friends do is drugs, drink, and party. That’s not my scene, I need someone more-“
You were about to say mature but bit your tongue, “-what’s the word I’m looking for… umm- mellow I guess ?”
Thanos nodded his head in understanding, “Everyone has there preferences.” He shrugged.
“What about Nam-gyu ?” Mi-na asked Thanos with a smile on her face, “Didn’t he just make 3 months sober ?”
Thanos raised his eyebrows, “Oh yeah, I guess I do have a mellow friend.”
“He’s an ex addict ?” You asked, not very surprised since it is Thanos’s friend.
“Yup, he almost died of a heroine overdose a few months back and has been clean from drugs and drinking ever since.” He grinned, “I’m proud of him.”
“I’m sorry did you say- Heroine ??”
Thanos nodded, “Yeah, I’m surprised heroine was the one that got to him. He was on all sorts of things: cocaine, ecstasy-“
Mi-na put both her hands on his shoulders, “Alright babe, he can fill her in, you don’t have to give her his whole backstory.” She raised her eyebrows at him and you knew that look too well, she was basically telling him to stop talking. “You’ll scare her off before she even goes on the date.”
“Yeah because if there’s nothing better than an addict, it’s a recovering one.” You muttered.
She crossed her arms, “Okay, so now he’s too mellow ?”
“No.” You narrowed your eyes at her, “I would love someone who doesn’t drink or do drugs but Mi-na he’s in recovery.”
“And ?”
“And ?! What if he relapses ? I don’t want to be somebody’s mom.” You spat, crossing your arms as well.
Mi-na pulled out her phone, “I think you’ll change your mind once you see a picture of him. He’s really cute.” She glanced over at her boyfriend, “I’m saying in the sense that she would find him cute, I know her type pretty well by now.”
She tossed her phone to you, “He’s the one in the white t-shirt.”
“Oh yeah, I recognize him, he’s the one that’s always holding onto Thanos whenever Thanos posts pictures of him and his friends.”
“He’s not always holding on to me ?”
You turned the phone so they could see the screen, “Dude he’s literally hugging your arm and his head is resting on your shoulder.”
Thanos looked at the phone, “It was cold that day.”
Mi-na laughed grabbing her phone, “Anyways, he’s single, sober, and cute. He’s perfect for you y/n.”
You pursed your lips, you were pretty lonely. You had friends but they all had partners which made it hard for you to hang out unless you wanted to third wheel like you are now.
“I mean… he is kind of cute I guess.”
Mi-na shrieked, “Yay ! Thanos will send him your number.” She kissed her boyfriend on the cheek and clapped her hands in excitement, “If this works out, we could even go on double dates !”
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You and Nam-gyu had texted back and forth for a few days now, planning to have your first date this weekend. You suggested getting coffee and Nam-gyu loved the idea saying that he knows the perfect spot and sent you the address.
Once there, you spotted him sitting down. “Hey Nam-gyu right ?”
He looked up from his phone and smiled, quickly putting it away. “Yes and you must be y/n.” He stood up and gave you a friendly hug.
You felt yourself blushing from the contact, you knew he was touchy feely with Thanos but figured it was because they were friends.
He smelled of the ocean mixed with amber and you could tell from how healthy the ends of his hair looked he recently got a haircut.
“You’re going to love this place. It has everything: coffee, teas, desserts. It’s amazing.”
When you guys got to the front, the cashier asked what you guys wanted. Nam-gyu answered it fairly quickly, not giving your eyes much time to scan the menu above you.
After the cashier entered his order she looked at you, “umm-“ You made eye contact with Nam-gyu, “What would you recommend ? I’m more of a coffee person but there’s so many options.”
“Hmm… do you like your coffee more on the bitter or sweet side ?”
“Sweet.”
He smiled, “Then I’d suggest their Carmel Macchiato. It’s sounds boring, I know, but for your first time being here I’d start with that, it’s really good.”
You nodded your head and turned your attention back to the cashier, “I’ll get a small Carmel Macchiato please.”
“Okie dokie.” She typed in your order and then smiled while reading out your total.
Nam-gyu pulled out a twenty dollar bill and told her to keep the change, “Thank you.” She said, “We’ll call your order out when it’s ready.”
You guys walked over to a table and sat down across from each other, “Thank you for buying my coffee.” You blushed.
“Oh yeah of course.”
You rubbed your hands together under the table feeling them sweat. You haven’t been on a date in a while and have never had an actual boyfriend before so this was all new to you.
“How did you and Thanos meet ?” You asked, trying to ease your nerves by getting him to talk.
“I used to work at this club downtown and the owner of the club would always let him come in for free because it would attract more people to his club. After a while of being there, Thanos and I got familiar with each other and one day he asked me if I knew anybody who sold drugs. I hooked him up with one of my buddies and we started doing them together, the rest is history.”
You weren’t expecting him to be such an open book but felt yourself slowly becoming more comfortable around him, he seemed like a chill guy.
“One Americano and one Carmel Macchiato.”
“That’s us.” Nam-gyu said, he went over to the counter and grabbed your coffees. When he came back he handed you your drink and you thanked him.
“You wanna go take a walk ?” He asked.
“Sure.” You grinned, following him outside.
You actually preferred this, walking side by side instead of sitting down and looking at each other face to face. It took a lot of the pressure off and you found yourself talking a lot more than you thought you would.
He told you about his battle with addiction and how it nearly killed him. You felt bad for judging him so harshly when Thanos and Mi-na told you about it.
Getting his side of the story made you realize that he wasn’t just a a sleazy guy who drank and did drugs to have fun, he had past trauma that he was dealing with. Now that he’s sober, he told you he’s found better ways to cope like going to therapy and exercising.
He finished his drink first, throwing it away and a few minutes later you finished yours, throwing it in a trash bin as well.
You only knew him for about 30 minutes but already felt safe with him, like he was a long time friend.
“So…” you stopped walking and finally faced him making eye contact, “What now ?” You asked with a smile.
He returned the smile, “I really enjoyed our date and would like to continue it but it’s up to you. We can hang out another time if you’re busy.”
It was weird, you felt special for the first time in a while and that excited you. You didn’t want this date to end anytime soon either.
You bit your lip, “I had fun too.” You said, rocking back and forth a bit. “Would it be odd of me to ask you to hang out at my place ?”
“No, not at all.”
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When you got to your place, Nam-gyu removed his jacket and you told him he could hang it up on the coat rack. He wore a brown tank top underneath his jacket and, every now and then, you caught yourself stealing glances of his veiny arms; and at the way the material would outline his chest and abdomen.
You guys continued chatting on the couch as you guys tried to find something to watch on Netflix. You ended up settling on a comedy that neither of you have seen yet.
He clicked a button to play the movie, setting the remote down on the arm rest next to him and then threw his other arm over the couch.
A thought popped into your head of scooting over and leaning into his side, but you knew that would be kind of weird. Then again, it seems that Nam-gyu’s love language is physical contact so maybe he wouldn’t mind ?
You casually scooted yourself over and Nam-gyu’s head turned. You looked up to meet his eyes, “Is this okay ?” You asked, scooting into his side and placing a hand on his chest.
He nodded, “Yeah I don’t mind.” His hand dropped to around your shoulders as he went back to watching the movie.
You tried watching the movie as well, you really did but all you could think about was his body against yours. The heat radiating off of him made you want to snuggle into him more like a weighted blanket.
Half way through the movie, you were able to concentrate on the plot a little bit, until Nam-guy’s thumb began rubbing back and forth on your arm. It was a simple gesture and you were pretty sure he was doing it unconsciously but it made the inside of your stomach fill with butterflies.
When the movie was over, Nam-gyu looked over at you. “It was alright, I thought it was kind of funny, how about you ?”
You turned and made eye contact with for a split second before licking your lips and attaching them to his. You were surprised by your hunger for him and you could tell he was shocked as well by the way he didn’t react for a few seconds.
When he reciprocated the kiss, you positioned your body on top of his. Your knees on either side of his legs, as your hands went to his hair.
His hands made their way to your hips pulling you closer into him and you moaned. Pulling away from him, you ripped your shirt off over your head, throwing it to the floor before reattaching your mouths.
His cold fingers snaked up your back, unclipping your bra. Once done, you threw it to the floor as well. One of his hands cupped your breast and you broke the kiss leaning your head against his.
“You okay ?” He whispered.
“Yeah.” You breathed, “But…”
He removed his hand from your breast, waiting for you to finish.
You sighed, “I know I’ve only known you for less than a day and I really like you.” You watched as your hands trialed down his chest, “And don’t get me wrong I really like what we have going on right now.”
You looked him in the eyes, he was smiling listening to you. “But I’m also not the kind of person to hook up with someone after just meeting them. I want to get to know you better before we get to that point.”
His hand cupped your face, caressing it with his thumb. “I respect that. Since my sobriety I’ve made a rule for myself as well, to not hook up with anybody unless we are dating. I’ve been doing good so far but I’ll be honest if you hadn’t stopped, I don’t think I would’ve stuck to it.” He blushed biting his lip.
You giggled, “I like that rule, I think I’ll adopt that as well.”
He smirked, “Does this mean cuddling is off the table too ?”
You rolled your eyes at his silly question, “Off course not.” You smiled before wrapping your arms around his neck and sinking into him. He interlocked his hands behind you while resting his head on your shoulder.
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sufferu · 3 days ago
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Finally read the most recently translated Arc 9 chapters (up to chapter 18).
Aldebaran is fucking crazy but we all knew that. Wasn’t prepared for him to start paralleling all of the IF Routes and also Natchuki Subawu like that though oh my GOD. —Well I WAS, but not to THAT EXTENT—
Including a parallel to the pinky promise scene was vile lmao. Love it
Heinkel is amazing. Truly the universe’s punching bag. I’m really wondering about his “sturdiness” now lol — but also, him and Reinhard…!
PETRA KNOWWWS— But she only read that one Book, hmm…? So she only knows a little bit… BUT ITS ENOUGH—
I wonder if the Witch of Envy would have come out if Petra had read Any Other Book, or if it was specifically because Subaru had confessed about Return By Death that she surfaced like that…
I love that none of these people were trying to kill Aldebaran lmao. Ezzo, Garfiel, Reinhard, and I’m pretty sure Felt, too — all of them were just trying to fucking pacify him. And then he kept killing himself over and over again. What were they thinking in all those loops? What the fuck was that?
What do you MEAN Reinhard doesn’t actually have the [Divine Protection of Wind Reading]?! I mean it makes sense in context but WOW. OKAY.
(…BTZ just got ever so slightly easier to write, not gonna lie— like I had plans for how to deal with that, but I guess I don’t need them after all)
…You know, I knew that Al would be paralleling Subaru and Subawu and all the IF Barus. I did NOT expect to see Arc 3 Rem being paralleled by an “all-purpose maid” character who is explicitly, openly, and gleefully facilitating Aldebaran’s sprint towards his own self-destruction and eventual suicide. That’s — wow. Even when Amnesiac!Rem isn’t around, Arc 3 Rem isn’t getting even a single break in the subtext of the story, is she?
Interpreting Priscilla as a symbol of fate within the story of Re:Zero really adds a whole other layer to Aldebaran’s internal contemplation about her character and how she interacted with those around her.
These characters sure do love commenting on death, suicide, immortality, and all that junk, don’t they? It really takes on a different tone when you realize that everything they’re saying is supposed to be applicable to Subaru in some way (and also Aldebaran).
Aldebaran needs to get rid of Natsuki Subaru “So that I can be myself.” …I really have the feeling that he read Subaru’s Book of the Dead and it blended their identities together somewhat, and that’s why he’s like this. Could also match with him losing his Authority when he got de-aged while Subaru didn’t — as well as why baby!Al was like. DRASTICALLY different from baby!Subaru, with him being a huge crybaby and all while Natchuki Subawu himself was off chasing shinobis and being a little hell-raiser. If that experience got temporarily reversed due to the whole de-aging thing, then that could very well explain all that. …Wonder who he would have been before that.
The idea of Aldebaran wanting to kill himself immediately after gaining his own identity WOULD parallel how Sphinx only finally got her own identity in the instant before she croaked.
The Witch of Envy IGNORES him, he says? …Huh.
Okay so Aldebaran SPECIFICALLY learned Al Shario from Echidna because she expected him to take over Volcanica and use it to fight Reinhard. Which means that she planned for this to happen. Which means that she planned for everything up to this point to happen. …There are a LOT of implications that come with that reveal. A LOT OF THEM.
Felt showed up with FIVE HUNDRED FRIENDS. REINHARD HAS FRIENDS.
Man tho I’m really looking forward to all the Felt Camp focus. They’ve had some really great moments already…!
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seventh-district · 1 month ago
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#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw negative#cw health issues#‘You’re such a heartless and hateful person.’ well have you ever considered that i’m not really a hateful person and i just hate You#like. call me whatever you want to i guess. im definitely selfish and probably heartless but hateful? idk abt that.#i only feel like i hate people that have given me good fucking reason to. sorry i dont have an infinite supply of tolerance & forgiveness??#but im a wee bit fucking stressed so you’ll have to forgive me for being a bitch. well no one Has to forgive me. do whatever you want#‘That 10-day old pasta salad is making me feel sick.’ MF that was made TODAY. IT’S FRESH AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT#if you feel sick how about you look down at the fifteen empty beer cans on the floor next to you and ask them what they think did it#dumbass. whatever man i have bigger problems than your self-induced tummy ache#i feel sick too but i know it’s my fault so i’m not bitching about it. i gave you fresh food while I ate the old stuff to keep from wasting#food. because you act like you’re fucking allergic to leftovers. and yeah it had probably gone off and that’s why I feel sick#but what you ate tonight was fresh as could be so we’re sick for two Very different reasons. and i know how to admit when it’s my fault#everything is my fault. my teeth and gums hurt and that’s My fault for not taking care of them. apparently 3 root canals wasn’t enough#for me to learn my goddamn lesson. i never do. so i’ll have to spend more money on that soon and thats My fault. the dog’s teeth need#cleaning too and that’ll come out of my pocket and i guess that’s My fault for not taking care of him either#i think i have another goddamn UTI and that’s definitely My fault so another $100 trip to urgent care it is i guess!#my Random Nerve Pain has moved to my hands so i can’t use them too much or it fucking hurts and i guess that’s my fault???#my neck pain is back and thats my fault for not clearing my bed off enough to sleep in a comfortable position#my eye keeps twitching and i guess that’s my fault too. i don’t know anymore i just wanna throw in the towel man im so tired#god the UTI tests i wasted money on are arriving tomorrow and if they’re packed in a way that shows what’s inside then i’ll have to explain#That to whoever brings in the mail. great great something else to worry about all night#the living room floor is caving in so now there’s Two room’s floors that need fixing so that’s super fucking fun! 😃#i need to talk to my bank and i need to talk to a tax professional and i need to learn to drive and i need to get an autism diagnosis#well i don’t Need the last one but i want it so bad. but im scared. that i’ll go to all this trouble and they’ll say i don’t qualify#and god it’s NYE now. Besties i’m not gonna get that NMbD NYE fic ready in time. i just can’t make myself write these days. i’m sorry.#i doubt anyone is gonna be That disappointed but I Am. in myself. 3 fucking years now i’ve failed to finish it. w h y. i Want to write but#there’s just too much on me rn. but when is there Not. sigh. idk what i’m gonna do but something needs to change. in my life. soon.
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kavehayati · 2 months ago
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I fear I do not know what to do now that I’m free 🫠
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thedickcavettshow · 3 months ago
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if I may offer a word of advise to any person out there who may be as stupid as me - do not walk through a field of stinging nettles barefoot
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mymelodyisme · 1 month ago
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Hello again hon it's me the christmas anon, I hope your doing well and your feeling okay, I saw your gum and tooth post and hope that's not anything serious you know? As for me I'm doing alright....theses last two days has been heavy on my mind but I think sooner or later I'll be okay.
*leans over and kisses your head*
Better be taking good care of yourself too lol
-❄️☕️
Hey hon!!!! 🥳 I’m doing as well as I usually do. I 🥺 have a blister or something on the gum that connects the teeth to the chin. You know that little spot directly at the front center of your mouth that feels like a thin web yeah it’s tucked there and eating is a nightmare 😭 if it doesn’t go away soon I mean I’m not gonna do anything special I have to just wait till my dental appointment. So boooooo but at least I’ll be okay eventually, as will you!!! Life is like a tooth infection, you ache, and you feel it everywhere, but then you consume a nice little pill and it’ll make you feel better. 🤔 hmm that’s a horrible analogy.
But no, actually I do hope you’re okay 🥺♥️🩷 life can suuuuuuck and days can be awful and heck even a week or more can be stressful a time but what’s cool about being alive is that??? It doesn’t have to be so bad! You can be nice to yourself! You can surround yourself with people who are nice to you!!! And you can just say fuck it!!!! And walks outside and make it different. Running away to disappear into the woods dropping all socials and becoming some towns local cryptid is a perfectly viable option. I think I’d like to live in the woods as a witch but I’m 😭 a BIG baby when it comes to bugs. I wouldn’t survive in the wilderness for even an hour. I’m a delicate plastic flower. But no really, I say for the third time, you’ll be okay eventually. When I think about life I think back to how when I was little girl playing games like Homer Simpson Hit and Run. I always wanted to walk around the map and enter every building. And I knew that wasn’t possible. There’s nothing in them because why would the developers make that when they don’t have to? Well we’re real!!!
We can enter any building, go to any location, dig into the very ground we stand on and I think that’s kind of cool. There’s so much to life that we don’t think about and maybe sometimes we should be a bit more curious about what’s inside 🥳 treat yourself like a video game building. What can you find inside of yourself that makes you excited to take a peek. Idk!!! I hope that made sense!!!! It’s so happy to see you ♥️🩷
#I’m patting your face gently in between my hands!!!#things will get better! and if they’re not live begin them out of spite#that’s what I tell my best friend#the world wants you to suffer and I’m 😤 gonna fist fight the world#I GUESS I’ll do myself a favor and go take an ✨ibuprofen✨#but in return you gotta do something nice for yourself as well 🔫 or I’m coming for you#don’t be fooled by all this pink and hearts I will aim the gun and shoot with tears in my eyes… and maybe a little giggle because you can’t#take life too seriously 😤 joy and whimsy and what not#tbh I’m at a loss for the emojis I keep saying ‘ah yes snow coffee my favorite’#now I want coffee#I like to make it and then freeze it and eat it with a spoon#caramel and whipped cream if we have any 🥳 the only issue is I ALWAYS FORGET I PUT IT IM THE FREEZER#then it’s 1 am I’m in bed and I sit up like MY COFFEE#then I go ‘I’ll drink it tomorrow.’ but then I 🥺🥺🥺🥺 forget again and if I don’t I’ll let it defrost but then I FORGET I am defrosting it 😭😭#THEN I PUT IT BACK IN THE FREEZER like an idiot AND THE CYCLE CAN GO FOR A FEW DAYS#I have such a bad SIGH memory it’s ridiculous but whatever a few day old coffees never made me sick#we won’t talk about the tummy pains#anyways I hope my ranting was able to distract you from your pain 🩷♥️ I’m always here to blab if you need me#mys mail 💌#there’s so many words in my head and yeah I still choose to say things like ‘that’s happy!!!’ to describe something nice#me to you: that’s very happy!#MUAH MUAH#if you see a typo just know I was typing fast and we should just ignore my mistakes 🥰 I’m perfect
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trashbaget · 11 months ago
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tell me your failed/embarrassing flirting stories to make me feel better, i’ll go first: today i said “get out of my way” forgot to say “i’m kidding” then immediately said “bye”
#it is awful having feelings for someone you know and have an established friendship with#but crushing on someone i barely know is knew to me and i legit feel like an idiot every time i do something stupid like this#i can’t just. talk to the guy#if i say hey and he says sup i say ‘sup indeed’ like what the fuck is that#i can barely even say hello to him#don’t get me wrong i’ve DONE it but most days i’m like#ah fuck there he is#okay you can do it just say hi#just say what’s up#and then he’s already gone#also. like. the setting we’re in is soooo not good for talking or flirting realt because um. it’s work he’s my coworker.. so um. do i fuckin#ask him for his number?? or to hang out??? but like. he’s kind of a stranger to me what do i want to hang out for 🧍#but like. ​i dont want to do that until i have at least one successful interaction#or like. an actual conversation.#which is gonna be really hard to manage because he doesn’t talk much at all to anyone and i really only talk if someone talks to me first or#i’ll say something absolutely idiotic and ridiculous (and honestly i do that no matter what)#anyway so um. i guess i’m just gonna keep making a fool of myself until i get it right and hopefully i don’t screw it up 🥴#i lost all my confidence in the last year and i cant do anything chill or smooth anymore (i was never that good in the first place but at#least i could PRETEND i knew what i was doing. like i could sell it. the whole weird and lost bit.)#anyway. i felt better for like 5 minutes when some guy at the gas station flirt failed with me on the way home. but that’s partly my fault#too oops. in his defense he probably could not see that i had headphones on bc upon mirror inspection they were well blended with my hair#but i was waiting to cross the street and this guy tried to like nod and smile and i did not know it was to me until i got to the other side#where the gas station was and and like. tried again and i awkward half smiled and saw his face get all mushy and confused like mine FELT 20#mins before when i’d flopped so hard trying to flirt and by the time i’d processed WAIT i think he was FLIRTING WITH ME i was already gone 🤡#but at least it ended better than the poor 14yo who very confidently asked for my number#who. i shit you not. SCREECHED for a solid 44.5 seconds and bolted the other direction when i said sorry im 21#his friends were standing there like wtf too and one was like i am so sorry about him 🤦#cheers to being fools universe
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bbq-potato-chip · 1 year ago
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going to start eating sugar straight out of the bag at this point
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agenderarkham · 1 year ago
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What if I exploded rn. I think it’d be good for me personally
#I left work earlier than I needed to today (didn’t get overtime that I want and enjoy) bc I had a doctors appointment today but then I show#up to the office and oops !! I guess someone forgot to schedule it tee hee you wanna sit there for an hour so we can squeeze you in no well#you’ll have to reschedule then what’s your availability oh you get off work anywhere from 1230 to 230? how about an appointment at 1 o’clock#LIKE ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE YOU THINK THIS IS MY FAULT EHATS THE POINT OF YOU SITTING THERE IF YOU CANT EVEN#SCHEDULE A FUCKING APPOINTMENT ??!!??? AND they’re making ME call my insurance to make sure it covers the orthodics I’m trying to get#so like. if you can schedule an appointment properly. and you’re making me call the insurance company to make sure they’re gonna cover the#shit that your doctor decided was best for me. what the fuck are you doing all day#also I cut my finger on something I literally don’t know what bc I’m so fucking about to explode frustrated and angry I’m having to lay on#my bed with the lights off and my sunglasses on so. fun#ALSO I go to leave after angry crying in my car for a few minutes and my key is stuck and wouldn’t start for a few minutes. what a wonderful#day that I’m having huh. can’t wait for my birthday on Saturday where I’m just gonna be sad because all my friends are moving away and a#bunch of people I know have died. what a week huh !! and here I thought I could start to treat myself a little better and start going to the#gym and get some good news at work but NOPE I GUESS ILL GO FUCK MYSELF#sorry. I’m feeling bad lately 👍#vent#Arkham rambles#arkhamrambles
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raeathnos · 1 year ago
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#oh I am straight up not having a good time rn#long story short I got in a big ducking fight with my mom yesterday over something dumb#it’s complicated and I don’t want to talk about it#but it was my fault and I did apologize#there’s some shit she did in the past that’s related that I know I’m never getting a fucking apology for but whatever#but I can tell she’s pissed and my apology wasn’t enough#and I know her well enough to know that she’s going to let it sit and stew#and in sometime in the near future when we’re both alone she’s gonna explode at me#very much not in a good mental place for that and not looking forward to it#in the mean time I feel like I gotta walk on eggshells and my anxiety is fucked cause I’m just waiting to be exploded at#I’m disappointed in myself because I feel like I acted like she does which is something I try very hard not to do#but also like I did apologize which is something she never does#which also has me upset#this was over something small and stupid and she’ll turn it into the biggest shit and how I’m a terrible daughter and all that#meanwhile I went through so much shit from her as a kid included getting disowned multiple times#for really stupid reasons (didn’t like that I was a tomboy - was personally insulted that I was depressed)#and Ive never gotten an apology for any of those and know I never will#and additionally know not to talk about them because she’ll just twist things and play the victim#so I guess the gist of it is I’m mad at her and I’m mad at myself for how I acted but also that this is#bringing back a lot of bad memories I’d rather not remember right now#also it was inventory today so I had to be up at 2am and I only got like an hour and a half of sleep#so I’m dying physically mentally and emotionally atm#I am straight up having a bad time#it’s the not knowing when I’m going to get screamed at that’s getting to me rn#my anxiety is so bad#I need to get out of here
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void-tiger · 1 year ago
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Well…if there’s one (1) good thing about having a crush, it’s that when I’m (for the moment anyway) not worrying about the other person’s boundaries and terror about whether I’ve stomped on them or not + my own frustration at how slow things are to just communicate verbally and directly instead of constantly dancing around nonverbal reads (that are two-way, I suppose but still no substitute, can still mean just about anything)…
…yeah. I do let myself be selfish. Acknowledge what I want instead of burying it so deeply away from my consciousness to not “take up space” I suppose. Finally give myself some damn permission to fall in love with another person “despite” being ace, and “despite” being chronically ill and struggling with my mental health.
And what is it I want?
To feel cared for. Cherished. By someone here. To wake up and have someone greet me with a gentle embrace mindful of the constant chronic pain especially in the mornings to not accidentally pinch things, but not treating me like glass, either. To be given autonomy instead of having it taken away—to do things together, FUN things, without being made to feel guilty about that “taking away” spoons from chores or “well why won’t you just work a job then!” but also respecting my need to rest periodically or take a longer rest after the fact.
To feel heard. To trust that there’s love enough for us to disagree and feel angry and frustrated and sad around eachother and with eachother without judgement, without the risk that things are forever one disagreement or misunderstanding away from falling apart completely or worse.
And please tease me. Teasing is a love language just as much as communication and encouragement and acts of service and finally being held. It’s verbal play, and I trust you to not bully me.
And…I’ve shown as much as I can, I think. I know you’re trying to mirror at least some of it. And I think I’m reading you correctly, but I wish I understood why you seem so terrified to talk directly to me.
#tiger’s musing#screw it. ‘don’t say i’m in love’ or whatever#and well. it will fade eventually. and I am very practiced at Behaving and keeping my feelings to myself#legit always have to do that the very few times I’m liked someone This Ain’t ‘Just’ Platonic Is It#because…guess what. the other person’s comfort and boundaries matters more to me#and friendships aren’t a ‘consolation prize.’ they’re the Good Shit#it’s…just that much harder when there isn’t that Direct Communication With Frequency for me#…bUT!! if he didn’t like me…why does he keep looking at me Like That?!#…right. hang in there for a few more weeks. I did hand over a script as..#…yeah. wonder if he realized /he’s/ the reason I finally found my nerve to write it the way I want#and for all my current ‘will you just RELAX and TALK to me yET?!’ frustration? he’s my muse for joseph!#I needed to see what a GOOD man even remotely looks like just as much as I needed someone like him#to accidentally or intentionally show interest (look. if ya gripe about wanting to do something. PUBLICALLY#(and it’s within my skills to make it available. guess what. I’m gonna call your bluff#(I’m too much of a writer and actress. if I see Checkov’s Gun I’m firing it!)#…does he realize that I basically told everyone off for pressuring him via social media and semi privately?#that the only reason why I started using facebook again was to get people to leave him alone?#(who knows. but that + him…kinda witnessing just How Bad my mental health is? is…when I think there was a turning point. maybe. probably.)#…I suck at socializing in Initial Stages. so much. it’s so uncomfortable#but…screw it. I’ve learned that I’ll use what power I have to change environments and make opportunities#even when it’s (deeply) uncomfortable for me to do so#…because sometimes you gotta blink first to make someone else feel safe. and hopefully latch onto that#and…yeah. guess I am patient. but also griping the entire time
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graevs666 · 2 years ago
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god i don’t wanna be here i don’t wanna exist
#i hate myself so much#I’m sick of myself and sick of this world#i got upset at Lexi bc they said they didn’t wanna hang lol like i just shutdown n went quiet even tho they drove to take me to the shops#bc I’m ill#like I’m tired of always getting hurt I’m so damn sensitive all the time#like idk i guess i just thought they were gonna stay at mine for a while like we usually do#n instead they just wanted to go home#which is obv fine like they can do whatever they want but im sick of getting upset over this stuff#n i always feel horrible and guilty when i get triggered whether it’s shutting down or passive aggressiveness#or having a meltdown over stuff idk i just feel so emotionally childish n even when i know it’s wrong to feel tht way it still happens#i just wish i knew how to be better and stop being like this#n my therapists just keep telling me well it’s okay and normal to feel this way because I’ve been thru bad experiences before n thts why#i feel abandoned and unloved#but it’s like I’m 24 i shouldn’t be so emotionally all over the place and get triggered all the time like i can’t function bc of this#n i end up just acting in ways i don’t like like if someone was acting this way w me id be exhausted I’m not surprised I’ve been called#exhausting and too sensitive and negative and immature bc i am n hell if u don’t like me dw i hate myself more ive literally been trying#to get better and it’s going nowhere i think i just gotta end myself fr#journal
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seventh-district · 1 month ago
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it’s the last Sunday before Sunday’s banner ends so i suppose it’s about time for me to finally boot up HSR and pull him home… wish me luck
#i’m gonna need it bc i haven’t rlly played much since 2.3 so my savings are.. not Great#honkai star rail#hsr sunday#viddy game stuff#Seven.txt#it’s not that i don’t Want to play i just haven’t made the time to do so lately#i’m trying to juggle 4 live service gacha games at the same time and i am dropping all of the balls constantly 😔#i don’t feel like i’m doing much more than i used to but for some reason i seem to have a lot less free time for gaming lately#idk it’s probably just my time management getting worse#Anyways so yeah i haven’t played much since the Boothill hype. and i haven’t pulled a single new 5 star since his release#but i also haven’t played much at all during that time so i’ve only got 54 pulls saved :)#and if that’s enough to get me Sunday and his LC i’ll lose my fucking mind bc ain’t no way i’ll get that lucky#i Do have a good luck streak with Light Cones but i’ve only pulled for 3 so that’s not that impressive#i got Acheron’s on a won 50/50 at 14(!!!) pity and Aventurine’s on a won 50/50 at 22 pity so those were kinda insane to me#but then i don’t remember how it went for Boothill’s LC and i didnt log those pulls so i couldnt tell ya if the good luck streak continued#so anyways yeah probably gonna have to whale a lil bit but that’s ok bc it’s christmas time#i allow myself to whale (or. more like Dolphin perhaps) guilt-free on these games a lil bit on my birthday and christmas as gifts to myself#i used it on Xilonen and her sig weapon back around my birthday and now i’ll use this one on Sunday#ain’t no way i’m letting him pass me by when he’s the one that really hooked me into HSR in the first place#i was halfheartedly playing for a while but as soon as i saw the first hint of him on that livestream Penacony teaser i was Obsessed#don’t think i’ve ever been that excited for a character that i knew next to nothing about aside from a lil chibi avatar -#- and some line about him being malevolent. and i don’t even like the chibi style At All so that speaks to how strong his design was#or maybe it just shows how i see an angel coded character with weird-cool-head-wings and a halo and my brain worms start raving#well it’s 1am here so Technically it’s Monday now but shhhhhh it’s still Sunday in my Heart ok? and that’s what matters#and it’s still kinda Sunday on the American server bc the daily reset isn’t until like. 3am for me#but it’ll still probably record it as me having pulled him on the 23rd :/ oh well can’t turn back time#i guess i Could wait until Christmas morning but i don’t wanna flirt with the deadline so closely#this is close enough for me to count it as my Christmas pulls#and we spent Too Damn long without confirmation of his playability (though i always had faith in the leaks 😤🙏🏻) so i deserve this lmao#i mean i’ve waited longer. i waited for Scara! i waited for Baizhu! but still. all the ‘he wont be playable’ fearmongerers can kiss my ass
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gregmarriage · 11 months ago
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ottd, or whatever
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cherrysnax · 2 years ago
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@ anon sorry I accidentally deleted ur ask!! to answer ur question though, I think it’s a bad idea because.. i fear rejection i guess and I suppose what I fear more is the opposite
#i have an issue where despite wanting to feel close to people I kinda hold everyone but like two people at arms length#I care a lot about people. even the people I don’t talk to anymore or like ppl I regard as like acquaintances#it’s easier to care from a distance. less of a sit back and watch thing more of a#aw I see a post on Instagram im so glad ur doing well I’m gonna mentally send good vibes and go about my day#it’s#it’s easier being a ghost I suppose#idk whenever I try a restart a friendship it never works#you can’t just rebuild connections#or at least I can’t#maybe im too different or maybe I’m too similar#also whenever I hype myself up to do something I’m afraid of doing it backfires spectacularly. so no actions means no expectations means no#consequences! and I know that makes me a bad person but consider that it’s for everyone’s best interests#this is probably just a weird phase of nostalgia anyway#and you should never reach out simply for nostalgias sake. you will have unrealistic expectations for urself and other ppl ^_^#im content w my mostly happy memories ^_^#should I tag this as#asks#nonnie#? in spirit I guess#I think I have like. one mutual from that time but I’ve changed my name like 60 times bro prolly don’t even recognize me which is for the#best#now… what am I gonna draw today#i guess im also afraid of what it means that I could’ve had more friends if I didn’t uhhh split or assume#that no one liked me in the first place#it already happened w a dear friend and I can never fix it so#why try
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onlythebravest · 2 months ago
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