#it’s easier to care from a distance. less of a sit back and watch thing more of a

[cherrysnax]

@ anon sorry I accidentally deleted ur ask!! to answer ur question though, I think it’s a bad idea because.. i fear rejection i guess and I suppose what I fear more is the opposite

[byunpum]

Mama's Boy | Part 6 (final)

Pair: Jake x neytiri x human reader (trio couple) x sully children's

Warning: conflict, family problems, soft moments.

Note: You don't know how difficult it is to do something again that you already had done. I tried to make it like the previous one, but I think I'm missing some parts. Still, it's quite long. And I feel like it was lacking in the end… I wish it was the work I had already done, because that was great. Still, I hope you like this part a lot. Thank you very much for your support with this mini-series. There are many more coming!! btw I recently opened a KO-Fi…. if you want to leave any tips or support I would appreciate it (it would help me to buy real coffee xD).

AVATAR MASTERLIST | Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6(final)

You had to live with the continuous rejection since you agreed to be a couple with jake and neytiri. That was something you knew was going to happen. But when it was just you, everything was cool, you never cared. You always ignored the bad comments and went on with your life as if nothing had happened. But as soon as you became lo'ak's mother, things changed. Now you were a mother, one who wanted to be accepted among the group of mothers in the clan. When it was only neytiri who had neteyam, you used to accompany her. And nobody said anything…but now it was difficult. They were always saying comments about you and lo'ak. How they didn't believe that you were his mother, or that you weren't good enough for him and your family. Somehow this started to get to you. Trying to protect lo'ak was always difficult for you, but you always managed to find a way. But now you felt you weren't…much less in your current state.

You hadn't seen your family for months, now you have the chance to be reunited with them. And it seems that since you arrived things have gone from bad to worse. Or so that woman says…ronal. You didn't want her words to affect you, but hell…they were. You felt bad for your family, for lo'ak and even for the child that was on the way. It would have been easier if you had never involved yourself with Jake, and that your children could have a normal family, that lo'ak could have a normal family. He would have been happier.

You had left Ronal's hut, you were walking slowly. You still didn't want to go home, you knew everyone already knew the news. And even you didn't know how to react. You just passed by the shore, and you noticed that in the distance you could see lo'ak. He was alone…you knew from his posture that he was sad. You carefully descend the woven paths, and jump down to the sand. To now close in on your child. -"Hey…" you speak, watching as the boy turns and smiles softly. "Hi..mom" lo'ak turns, to stretch out his hand. Helping you to sit next to him, you settle in. Pulling your knees to your chest, the night was cold for your liking. "Mom, are you feeling better? Neteyam said you are in serious condition" says lo'ak you could see the worried eyes. You stroke his arm a little, holding it now to make him come closer to you. "I'm fine…I'm just a little sick, that's all," you explain.

"mom said you were pregnant, is that true?" asks lo'ak, you look up to see him. You could notice how his little ears pinned back. - "I see the news is spreading fast around here….but yes." You touch your stomach, then look up at lo'ak. - "There's a baby here," you say, looking back out to sea. Lo'ak notices this reaction of yours, something was happening to you. You weren't his mother as usual…you looked sad.

"Aren't you happy?" asks Lo'ak. -And you? What do you think?" you ask him back. Lo'ak was silent for a moment, looking sideways. He thinks carefully about his answer. "Well… I feel jealous" says lo'ak pouting a little. This makes you chuckle a little, he looked so adorable. "Well… yes I'm happy, I just feel even bad and…nothing" you didn't want to worry lo'ak anymore. He was still so young, you didn't want him to carry your stupid traumas. He had been through so much at such a young age, and telling him your problems wouldn't help him much. -Mom… will you still love me?" lo'ak looks at you with wide eyes. - "My baby… the arrival of this baby won't change anything… sure, he'll get a little attention because he's the youngest. But you will always be my prince" you pull lo'ak to you, watching the boy. He settles down, to lay his head in your lap. Settling down in the sand. - "mama loves you so much…so so much" you speak, stroking lo'ak's hair. You look down, to see him. He was growing so fast, you still couldn't believe it.

After a while, you and Lo'ak decide to go back to the hut. When you enter you can see that everyone in the family was there, it seems that you were waiting for you. - "Hello" you greet, stepping carefully inside. While lo'ak was in the back making sure you were okay. You were still a little weak. Neytiri gets up from where she was, approaching you towards her. -"you're supposed to be with ronal" says neytiri, seeing you roll your eyes.

. -I'd rather die at home," you joke, but you see kiri and tuk's little face is one of worry. "are you going to die?!!!" tuk starts to whine. "No, no honey…it's a joke" you try to apologize to the little girl. -" No, she gave me this medicine and told me I could come back…I'm better" you speak, but you can see neytiri's and jake's face. It was one of happiness, they were waiting for you to say something about the creature that was on its way. -"Besides…I heard that you had already come with the news that I was pregnant" you cross your arms. Neytiri laughs nervously, "I'm sorry, I'm excited." You give Neytiri a smile.

You knew how exciting this news was for everyone. You had hoped to be pregnant for so many years, and it never happened. After lo'ak you wanted to have a baby two years later, but nothing. Neytiri was always there for you. As much as you, she also hoped that you would have a baby. But hopes were lost with time. Even when neytiri announced that she was expecting tuk, she felt bad for telling you the news, neytiri felt that she had betrayed you. You responded to her, telling her she was a fool, you were so happy for the arrival of little tuk. You were so happy about the arrival of the little tuk that you eventually forgot the idea of having another child. But here you are… you finally got what you were looking for. And you felt so guilty at the same time.

That night everyone had a quiet dinner, no one argued and everything was peaceful. Celebrating the news of a new member. Neteyam was teasing lo'ak, saying that he would no longer be your baby. While kiri was playing along. Meanwhile, tuk put his ear to your stomach, hoping to hear something -" I can just hear your guts mom" tuk pouts in annoyance, and you start laughing." Baby…it's still too small" jake says, he was next to you, he had you wrapped in his arms. "But I'm supposed to be able to hear him…he doesn't talk" tuk complains, she didn't know much about babies. "Don't worry…when he's born he's going to talk to you a lot" says neytiri, taking tuk on her lap. "I want it to be a girl…so she can be my best friend" tuk settles down on neytiri's chest, looking for the sleep. "Well…whatever it is, she/he is going to be your best friend, I promise" you watch as tuk smiles softly. And begins to drift off to sleep. Eventually all the children begin to go to their beds. Leaving only the adults awake.

Neytiri settled tuk in her hammock, and went over to where you and Jake were sitting. You were both outside the marui, talking. "Well…they're finally asleep," jokes Neytiri, sitting down next to Jake. "And wait till this little kid gets here…. the calm will go away" jake laughs a little, touching your stomach. But he can tell how serious you were. Jake looks at neytiri, to make sure she noticed your behavior too. You didn't used to be like that, you looked sad. Like something was wrong with you. Jake thinks you are still upset with him…but you had said that this discussion was going to end. -"Ma y/n…is something wrong?" asks Neytiri, getting up from Jake's side to sit on your right side. Bringing her whole body closer to your side. -" Yes…just, I feel a little sick" you speak. You don't want them to start asking questions.

"You're sure…because you looked fine a while ago" Jake knows something is wrong with you. You sigh loudly, taking a deep breath -" I think it would be best if I went back to camp" you begin to speak. -" Y/n…you can't go back to camp. They know who you are…they are looking for us and they can hurt you. No…you stay here with us" jake was getting a little agitated, it was too dangerous for you to go back. The situation with the RDA was quiet, but that didn't mean they wouldn't attack. Neytiri touches Jake's shoulder to calm him down. -"But why do you want to come back, don't you want to be with us?" asks Neytiri, she seemed to be calm. "Of course I want to be here…I love all this…but I feel that I am a problem for you. You guys were peaceful before I was here. Since I've been here it's been all arguments and problems. I want to go back and leave you alone" you had started to cry, you felt so silly. Here making a drama out of something so stupid.

"Why do you think that? Ma y/n you are not a problem for us, never say that" neytiri hugs you on her chest, giving you a kiss on the crown of your head. -Y/n look at me" jake takes your chin to look at him a little. " We have arguments like any other family, and that's normal. This whole situation of a new home…I know it must be hard for you. If it's hard for us, it must be twice as hard for you." Jake speaks. -" But you're not the cause of any of our problems…if we're talking about someone causing problems, it would be me. Because I bet if you two were alone, you'd be happy" that comment from Jake makes you laugh a little. Neytiri wipes the tears from your cheeks. "I know that being a sky people…and the whole acceptance thing has always made you uncomfortable and maybe it's a problem for a lot of people. But not for us, not for me. You are our family…and we will always be united," says Neytiri as she caresses your cheek.

"Let's stop crying, it's not good for you. Neither you nor our baby" Neytiri pulls down a little, and gives you a soft kiss. "See…I'm the one who's left over here" jake jokes, making you both laugh, breaking the awkward moment. You take his hand, inviting him to join you. -"By the way…why were you thinking those things?" neytiri asks. You pull away from her a little. "Ahh it was a comment ronal made…but never mind" you watch as neytiri's ears perk up and her nose wrinkles. "calm baby" jake says, looking at neytiri. You knew what neytiri thought of ronal. They had been in the metkayina clan for a while and she still couldn't tolerate that woman. But she would deal with this, neytiri wasn't going to leave it at that. ++++ The next morning, you felt a little better. Better in health and in spirits. You needed to have that talk with Neytiri and Jake. Their opinion was very important to you and setting the record straight helped you feel better. Jake and neytiri left early for a day of hunting that tonowari and ao'nung invited them to, while you stayed at the marui with lo'ak, kiri and tuk. Neytiri had gone for a 'walk', she didn't tell you exactly where she was going. But you didn't think much of it, Neytiri wasn't a troublemaker, so you stayed calm. -"Good morning mama" lo'ak just got up, sitting down next to you. You were humming, while tucking one of his braids behind his ears. "Are you hungry? Here's some fruit" you hand him his portion of fruit. The boy was snoozing, still sleepy. "Ahh my poor baby" you hug lo'ak. -"A giant ugly baby," says Kiri. The girl had been sitting next to you. Lo'ak pulls out his tongue at his sister, they were about to start arguing, when you scold them.-"Hey, it's too early for you to start with your stuff, let's eat" you say, taking Kiri's hand so that she sits next to you and starts eating. Tuk was still asleep, so you leave her alone.

"Lo'ak…after you finish eating, could you please go get some more fruit." you speak, you see lo'ak nod his head, the boy had his mouth full. "Kiri…you should go and join your brother" you can hear the girl complain, "ahhh mama!!!" kiri complains, lately she wanted to stay all day at the marui. You knew she missed spider, but it wasn't right for her to do nothing all day. "You're going to go and stretch your feet and hands and your whole body, yes?" you look at Kiri, she was grim-faced. Sometimes she looked so much like grace, you adored her. "Ok, I'll go…but I'll come back quickly. I want to be with you" kiri rolls her eyes, and keeps eating. After eating kiri and lo'ak walked out of marui, leaving the place still and quiet. You hope that this day will continue to be quiet. But you are not aware of what Neytiri was about to do.

Neytiri had a mission when she woke up that morning, and she was going to accomplish it. No one was going to talk about her partner, no one. And for Ronal to say those words to you, it hurt her very much. Neytiri knew that she was not very welcome in the clan, and the only reason they were still there. It was because they needed it and because Tonowari had accepted it. She arrives at where ronal was, the woman was on her way to her marui when she met neytiri. "hello," says ronal. And neytiri greets her, insisting that they should talk. Ronal thinks for a moment, she had already dealt with Neytiri. And she knew she was a strong woman, and that the only reason she would talk to her is because something had happened. Ronal invites Neytiri into her marui. Neytiri sits down, analyzing the whole situation around her. -"So what brings you here?" asks Ronal.

"First I'm grateful for the help towards y/n, thank you" says neytiri. Seeing how ronal lowers her head and laughs to herself. -"Yes, you're welcome, after all that's my job," says ronal.

"yesterday… when y/n came out of your marui, she told us that you had told her that it was better for her to go back to the jungle, and that we were better off without her. I'd rather you stay out of our business and save your opinions," says neytiri, and from the tone of voice it didn't sound kind. Neytiri didn't care what position Ronal had, no one was going to meddle in her business. -"I don't think I said anything that wasn't true, or am I wrong?" ronal knows how to get neytiri out of her mind. "Our life as a family is not your business," neytiri says.

"What family? The strange inter-species gathering you have, because you yourselves became a point of opinion when you accepted that demon into your family" spits ronal. Neytiri takes a deep breath, clenching her hands. "I recommend you keep quiet…" says neytiri, trying to control herself. "I thought it was a joke when they said that demon was your mate, but now it turns out you have a half-Na'vi child and another on the way, who knows how I will come." Ronal doesn't know what she is provoking. Neytiri is holding back, but it is driving her point across. "She will still be a demon, and everything that comes from her will be" those were ronal's last words, until neytiri got up from the ground. Pulling out her knife in one swift movement. Approaching ronal, she curled her up in her seat.

Placing the weapon to her neck. "Let this be the first and last time you talk about my family like that…you don't know how things happened. I WILL NOT ALLOW YOU TO TALK SHIT ABOUT MY MATE AND MY CHILDREN, EVER!!!" neytiri screams. The woman is furious, neytiri had been through a lot of anger with you, and it wasn't because of you. It was not because of you, but because of the people around her.

Neytiri was not a fan of humans, if she could be away from them so much the better. But she loved you, you were different for her. She saw you as a creature and not as a human. You and neytiri have known each other for years, since grace school. You know everything neytiri has been through and you have always been there for her. It was painful for her when you two had to move away from each other, it was almost like another loss for her. But since you two became a couple with Jake, her anger about the comments made to you had grown. The na'vi saying nasty things about you, no matter that your children were there. Saying that you were too extra in their family. But when neytiri was going to react to those comments, you were always there to stop her, telling her to ignore them. But yesterday, it was the straw that broke the camel's back. Neytiri had gone through so much these past few months, and when she finally felt a little happiness with the arrival of you and a new baby, this idiot comes to ruin her life. This idiot came to ruin it, she was annoyed. Why weren't you here to stop her. -"I recommend you put down that knife," says Ronal, looking into Neytiri's eyes. These were black with fury.

By coincidence or by pure luck. Kiri and lo'ak were passing by ronal and tonowari's marui. When they saw the situation forming, lo'ak and kiri immediately run to stop their mother. Lo'ak grabs neytiri from behind, pulling her off of ronal. -"Mom, what's wrong? Calm down!!!" says lo'ak, while kiri stands in front of her mother hugging her. Neytiri is a little upset, screaming to be released. But her children were holding her back, they didn't understand what was going on. -"Kiri goes and gets dad," lo'ak orders Kiri. The girl runs off as fast as she can to look for her father. While lo'ak tries to reassure her mother. -Mom calm down, why are you acting like this?" lo'ak is confused, he has never seen his mother act like this before. "Don't you dare say a damn thing about my family!!!" shouts neytiri.

In the family marui…

Jake arrived with neteyam, carrying a basket full of fish. "Love…look at all the stuff we brought, neteyam was amazing. Next time I'm going to take lo'ak with me" jake was so happy, coming up to give you a quick kiss. "mmm I see, congratulations" you kiss him back. Moving closer to neteyam, to help him. "Thank you mom," says neteyam. - "Honey…go and eat your breakfast, yes?" you say. Handing him his fruit packet, your poor boy had left very early and you know he hadn't eaten. "hey, where's neytiri and the kids?" asks jake, sitting down next to you. "Neytiri told me she was going for a walk and told the kids to go get more fruit" you say. -Perfect" says Jake getting down to give you a kiss on your shoulder. "I love you…I don't like it when you're mad at me" Jake speaks in your ear. You laugh a little, because you were still mad at him. But he knew how to play your game.-"mmm we'll see…I love you too" you look up, waiting for jake to give you a kiss. When an altered kiri runs up to marui. "DADDY I NEED YOUR HELP WITH MOM, SHE IS DISCUSSING WITH RONAL, SHE HAD HIS KNIFE ON HER NECK" kiri yells, the girl was so upset. "What?" you guys stand up quickly. Following the girl. "Neteyam, kiri stay with tuk, please" you ask that favor, and walk out behind jake.

Tonowari had arrived on the scene, trying to calm everything down. "SHE was the one who started saying all those things!!!" neytiri is defending herself. "I told the truth!!!" ronal on the other hand defending her point. While tonowari was trying to understand what happened. He had in front of him two women with a strong character. Jake approaches and you were behind him. "Mom" lo'ak walks up to you, holding your hand. "What happened?" you ask, this was crazy. Lo'ak looks at you, lifting his shoulders. Neytiri was screaming and so was ronal. And on the other side was Tonowari and jake. - "mom come on, let's go!!!" lo'ak was dragging you with him. The boy didn't want you to be there, he thought it was a dangerous situation. Little by little you move away from the group, and you decide to listen to lo'ak. And you both walk towards your marui.

You were nervous, because lo'ak didn't know what had happened, much less you. And the best thing you did was to walk away, you are getting really sick. Suddenly you see how jake and neytiri enter. - "neytiri all that…" jake starts. - "Nobody is going to be talking about my family, my children…nobody." neytiri was so upset. "What's going on?" you get up from the floor, looking at jake. - "listen to me…we will stay here until the baby is born, then we will leave" says jake. What was going on, this was a lot of information to process. But with the look Jake and Neytiri were giving you, you knew they were serious. This was a choice they had made, and they had no intention of changing it.

When the dust settled, Jake explained everything. This agreement he made with Tonowari. After all the discussion was calmed down and explained. Tonowari knew that Ronal could be cruel when he spoke and didn't mean what he said. So he didn't blame neytiri too much for reacting that way, but he also had to defend his partner. Jake couldn't believe what that woman said about his partner and son. This was the limit, he was grateful for everything they had done, but everything had a limit and Ronal had passed it. So it was decided that when you gave birth, they would go somewhere else. Tonowari insisted that they stay, but jake refused. -"But we could leave now," you say. -"I think it's best to wait for the baby to be born, and for you to be healthy. Then we'll go" Jake looks at Neytiri. She was the one who had the idea, she couldn't stand to be around that woman anymore. -"It's for the best!" says Neytiri.

That same night, jake approached lo'ak. The boy had done a great job, defending his mothers. Jake was proud of how he had acted. Lo'ak was cleaning some fish, as Jake had told him earlier. Jake went over and started to help him. "You know… I'm proud of you. You were very brave out there, thank you for helping" says jake, noticing how lo'ak's little eyes widen with excitement. Lo'ak thinks it's the first time his father has ever told him he was proud of him. After the encounter with the RDA, things between them had mended somewhat, but not for long. And seeing that his father was now trying to get closer to him was pleasing to him. "That's what you should do, sir," says lo'ak, lowering his head. "dad…you can call me dad" jake smiles at lo'ak. " dad" lo'ak speaks, leaning closer to his father.

Neytiri and you were watching everything from afar, both of you shared a few glances. You were happy, that finally their relationship was at a good point.

8 months later…

Your pregnancy went normally, no problems had occurred. Although the atmosphere was a little heavy, nothing happened. You always had someone by your side, and there was always lo'ak behind you. Since that accident, lo'ak never left you alone at any time. And you were also grateful for the company of your child, the pregnancy had been very tiring for you. After long months, liuk was born… a beautiful baby girl. A girl with human appearance, but with na'vi characteristics. Na'vi ears, with a tail and her distinguished Queue. She was also of human size, she was very strange. But precious and unique at the same time. Everyone in the family could not believe what they were seeing, this was very strange.

"Mom…no wonder your belly was so small" says neteyam, looking at her newborn sister. Compared to when you were pregnant with lo'ak your belly was bigger than normal, but with liuk…everything went like a normal pregnancy. -"Yes" your voice sounded tired, the delivery was quite fast, but painful. Neytiri at your side, taking care of you. She had attended your entire delivery, along with Jake. She said she didn't want Ronal's help, she wanted to leave this place as soon as possible. On the other hand Jake looked worried, you looked very weak. In a week they were supposed to leave for somewhere else, but on second thought, he doesn't think it's right. He thinks it's not the right thing to do.

Lo'ak was sitting on your right side, holding your hand. Drawing circles on your palm, while his sisters watched and carried the baby. He hadn't been holding her, he was worried about you. It had been a couple of hours, and you still felt very tired. "lo'ak…love why don't you say hello to your little sister" you look at him, laughing a little. You knew he was nervous, telling kiri to hand the baby over to lo'ak. He holds her carefully, - "she is…very small" says lo'ak. You laugh, you were watching your baby holding your new baby. You wanted to die of tenderness. Lo'ak touched the baby's nose, and then her tiny feet. His baby sister was so tiny and adorable. -"She looks just like when lo'ak was a baby, doesn't she," said Jake, moving closer to lo'ak to take a closer look at his daughter. "Yes… they look just like each other," says Neytiri. Jake takes the baby in his arms, to put her on his chest. He was afraid… very afraid to leave.

Leaving this clan was dangerous, very dangerous. And now he felt much more afraid… they had a new member in the family. And one who was very weak, you had to hide and not expose yourselves in this way. He knows what had happened, but you could all come to an agreement. Jake had to talk to you and Neytiri about it. They had a safe home, their children had already adapted and they had a newborn. They had to stay. That same afternoon, without wasting any time, Jake decided to talk to Neytiri and set the record straight. He made her understand that the best thing to do was to stay in the clan. Neytiri did not take this well, she wanted to leave. But she also understood Jake's point, things could get worse. Neytiri apologized to Ronal, and the woman apologized to her. Tonowari and Jake argued and left everything in a good state. After all, nothing had happened between the families, just that misunderstanding. Although neytiri prefers ronal to stay away from her family.

After three months, life seemed to be calmer. Things seemed to be back to normal. There were no arguments and everything was harmonious. You were on the beach, with lo'ak. You were still healing, but you were feeling better. Meanwhile lo'ak was holding his baby sister on his chest in a kangaroo that you and neytiri had made. The baby had grown a little, but still looked human-sized. You had talked to Norm, who told you that in a couple of days he would see the baby. Everything about her was impressive. -"Mom…I think she's heavier," says lo'ak, stroking his baby sister's head. "mmm I think a little…but that much" you were looking for some snails to make something nice for the baby. - "mom look at that over there" lo'ak points to the sand, watching you reach for it. Without noticing ronal's presence.

The woman had approached you, silently. She felt like she owed you an apology. After talking to jake and neytiri. And even with Tonowari…she owes you an apology. It was very wrong of her to say those things about you and your children. She had not taken the task of knowing you, and she only judged you. – “Hello,” she says slowly, seeing how you look at her with surprise. It had been a long time since she last approached you. –“Hello” you speak embarrassed. Lo'ak holds her sister tightly against her chest, protecting her from her. If something happened, he was ready to defend her. –“I come here to apologize…I know that how I have expressed myself towards you, it is not the best way. I hope you forgive me” she says ronal, she still sounded a little smug. But you decide to accept her apology, you wanted to keep the atmosphere as it was at the moment. –“don't worry…everything is fine” you say. You felt so uncomfortable right now.

“Well…take this” Ronal hands you some kind of drink. She looks at you with concern and then you look at her. –“don't worry…it's nothing bad. It will help you heal faster, the recently given birth women of the clan use it” Ronal laughs a little. You accept her gift, and thank her. Ronal says goodbye and continues on his way. Out of nowhere you feel someone take the drink from your hand. “Mom, don't take that…it could be poison,” Lo'ak says, pouting. Caused you to laugh a little. You take a moment to look at the little people in front of you. They were amazing and you had created them. “I love you so much” you touch Lo'ak's face, he laughs a little at you. And he looks at his little sister again. You knew that your children's lives were not going to be easy, but they would always count on your help.

p.s omg, why do I have so much trouble finishing this series, ahh I feel like something is missing!!! ahhhhhh cries in a corner

Tag: @baybaybear1@hoodiepandaninja16@teyyyteyyy@anika-rose-walker@victoria2054@raviolisblog@jessi-dan@neteyams-wh0re@jimfiqs@bitchykittenconnoisseur@chershire23@holynightnacho@danilezilla@thepotatoislost @esposadomd @ratchetprime211 @juneonhoth @rulerzreachf4n44 @mimimroawwww @l3laze @myheartfollower

[baby-yongbok]

One Shot

Mafia!Lee Know x Fem!Reader

Genre: Angst

Summary: Despite being a Mafia boss your husband has a big heart. He has a thing about protecting you and your sister, he's sworn his life to keeping you both safe in everyway that he possibly can so when your sisters partner Jisung is found out drunk with another woman your husband goes full protection mode. It doesn't matter that Jisung is his best friend, he'll do anything to protect you two.

Word Count: 1,064

Warnings: Guns, Mentions of blood and injuries, fainting, Mentions of anxiety

A/N: Happy Birthday Dear Minhooooooo, Happy Birthday to youuuuuu. + This is post #1 of the posts that I have planned for our wonderful, Lee Know. The rest will be posted tomorrow! 🎉

Also, this is just a One Shot that I wrote based off of this ongoing daydream that I have 😭 I liked it so I just thought that I'd share it. 💕

✨️Masterlist✨️

 “Minho, please don’t shoot. Don’t shoot.” My hands instinctively wrapped around his waist. I wanted to pull him away from all of this and hold him, I wanted to calm him down and hum to him for hours but no matter how hard I pulled at his shirt he wouldn’t move and he wouldn’t put the gun down. 

“Get back, Y/n.” I know he wants me to listen to him, the bass in his voice tells me so. He means what he says but I just don’t have it in me to leave him.

“Listen, baby you gotta put the -”

“Y/n, back the fuck up.” It would hurt less if he yelled at me but that growl that spilled from his lips already did all of the damage, reluctantly removing my arms from around his waist, I took a step back.

“I told you already, pull the fucking trigger.” The lack of emotion in Jisung’s voice didn’t make it any easier for me to process what was unfolding in front of me. My husband and my sister's fiance were at each other's necks and I’m the only one here to witness it. What makes it worse is that Jisung is Minho's right hand man, everyone looks up to him as a second boss and Minho loves him like a brother.

“What the fuck are you doing out here, Ji? With some bitch you just met. Your pregnant fiancee is probably at home wondering where the hell you are.” 

“You think I want to be home with her listening to her talk and talk about a baby?” Jisung is clearly beyond drunk but what he just said and the laugh that followed isn't helping his case right now. Minho is in full protection mode, he has a habit of getting a bit intense when it comes to someone he cares about, especially my sister and I.

 I’ve heard people say that my husband is a heartless monster who only cares about murdering and money but they don't know him. They don't know how sweet he can be. Even now I can see through his anger, I can see how hurt he is that Jisung would go behind my sister's back when they're months away from starting a family. 

“You made a baby with her, now be a man and go home. Go take care of your fiancee before I put a fucking hole in your chest.” I can’t help but cringe at the thought of Minho shooting him but Jisung doesn’t seem the least bit phased which brings me back to what I said about him being drunk. 

My sister had come to me a week ago saying that Jisung seemed like he was distancing himself and that his anxiety about the baby was getting more and more intense as the months went by but I never thought that it would be bad enough for him to go out to a random bar and get ridiculously wasted.

“ I can’t.” Jisung hangs his head, stumbling towards us a bit and Minho takes the safety off almost as if by instinct. “I’m not gonna be a good dad.” 

Minho slightly lowers his gun and his shoulders relax a bit at the sound of his friend opening up. “What are you talking about? Of course you will.”

“I won't, I can't be good enough for her. Look at what we do for a living.” Sitting on the ground in the alleyway, Jisung pulls his knees to his chest and rests his elbows on them. “She’s too good for me.” 

For the first time since I’ve ever met Jisung I’m standing in front of him and watching him cry. Never in the eight years that I’ve known him have I ever seen him display any emotion besides angry and happy. Minho lowers the gun completely, clicking the safety on before placing it back in the holster on his belt. A weight is instantly lifted off my shoulders once I realize that this entire situation is turning around for the better. 

“Jisung, you gotta go home, man. It’s okay to be scared, that's normal but you can’t go and get wasted then leave with some girl you don’t know at all because you’re scared you won’t be a good father. You gotta try harder than this.” 

“Do you think she will forgive me? For being such a fuck up.” Taking a step closer, Minho runs his hands through his hair. 

“You aren’t a fuck up, you’re scared and that’s fine. You two should talk to someone, I can help you find someone but you gotta do something differently. You can't do reckless shit like this.” Minho stops in front of Han and kneels down to his level.

“I don’t think she’ll forgive me.” 

“Ji, you gotta-” I jumped as Minho was interrupted by the bang of his gun. I swear that it was loud enough to ring in my ears for years to come. It all happened so fast, Minho kneeled down and right when he went to pull Jisung into a hug he snatched the gun out of the open holster and put it to his head. “Han!” 

Minho tackled him, a hopeful attempt at stopping him. I stood there, shocked and praying that the bullet didn’t hit him. Praying that Jisung maybe forgot to click the safety off or Minho got him down just in time. 

“ What the fuck.” Minho groaned laying next to a crying destressed Jisung. 

“You should’ve let me…” Minho sat up and looked at me, anger and concern were shining in his eyes and as if I read his mind I subconsciously pulled out my phone to call for help.

“Y/n, Call Chan and tell him where we are, tell him I’ve been shot and that we need help asap.” 

“You’ve been…” I didn’t want my eyes to trail down his body and search for a gunshot wound. Hell, I didn’t even want to be here but I am and my eyes found exactly what I didn’t want to.

Minho was holding his torso tightly applying pressure to his wound. 

“Y/n, don’t.” I couldn’t even hear Minho say anything to me before I blacked out. I fell to my knees and before I knew it my limp body was sprawled across the ground and everything around me faded into darkness.

[astarionfreak]

You'll hate me (make love)

// Astarion (Ascended) / Fem!Reader

You left Astarion after he completed the ritual. You lost the love of your life. You mourned him. Now, a year later, you return to him in a moment of desperation. Astarion grants you one last night with the man you lost.

or: Ascended Astarion pretends to be his spawn self as Tav's dying wish and they fuck on his grave. Why? Because I felt like it.

18+ • NSFW • 5.3K words (1/1) | Read on AO3 (a teaser is available below)

Tags: About to Die, Porn With Plot, Smut, Penis In Vagina Sex, Vaginal Fingering, Oral Sex, Gentle Sex, Gentle Kissing, Vampire Bites, Vampire Sex, Blood, Sad, Sad and Sweet, Angst, Bittersweet

Writing soundtrack: Shameful Company | Nothing Matters | Heavy In Your Arms | it is what it is

This is the last place you should be.

He’s not the man you fell in love with. Not anymore. The Rite of Profane Ascension corrupted him — of course it did.

Seven thousand souls were sacrificed. Astarion gained all that power. Something like that doesn’t come without a price. His price was losing you.

You left him. You swore that he’d never see you again after the brain was defeated. And, yet, here you are merely a year later. Standing inside his palace. Waiting to lay your eyes on him one final time.

You were told to sit in a chair at the vast table that fills the middle of the room. You do not sit. Instead, you pace while you wait. You don’t keep track of the time. You don’t want to know how long it’s been since you arrived — how long you have left.

What you do know is that he’s here. He’s messing with your head, even now. This, the making you wait. It’s all part of a game.

That’s all anything is to him anymore. That’s all anyone is, just playthings to keep him entertained.

You’ve just about convinced yourself to leave when his voice stops you. Not his footsteps. His voice. You never even heard him approach, but he’s in the room.

“Well, look who came crawling back after all this time. Have a change of heart, my dear?” His voice has a pleasant lilt, but there’s a touch of vitriol just beneath the surface.

You spin on your heels. Your breath catches in your throat when you finally see him. His sharp features. Those familiar, but distant eyes. The smug look that mocks you now.

“No,” you say.

There was no change of heart. Even if you did want him to take you back, it wouldn’t matter. It’s far too late for that.

“If you’re here to beg for my help, I am more than delighted to tell you the answer is no.” Astarion takes a few strong strides toward you — then he pauses.

His body stiffens, just momentarily, before he slips back into a comfortable stance.

“Astarion . . .”

You forget what you were going to say. You’re too distracted by the way he’s staring at you now. There’s something in his eyes that you could mistake for concern if you didn’t know him better.

“What’s going on, Tav?” he asks.

Not a pet name. No more mocking tone. Just him. Your name coming from his lips sounds like home.

You don’t know what you expected. But it wasn’t this. You have to remind yourself that this isn’t him. This is the thing that stole his face. 

But does it even matter? Do you even care? You came all this way, after all. You know what you came for. You came for him.

One last rotten night.

Your voice shakes when you speak, “You can tell, can’t you?”

He nods stiffly and finally closes the distance between you. His eyes never leave your face. He’s searching for something there that you know he won’t find.

You didn’t want to tell him, not really. You didn’t want this hanging between you, but maybe this is better. Maybe this will make the inevitable easier to swallow.

“How long?” he asks.

“I don’t know.” You watch the muscles in his jaw work through your obvious lie. He is holding back his anger, and his frustration with you.

“Tell me how long you have left, Tav.”

“A day, maybe,” you say. “Maybe less.”

He reaches for you, a warm, gentle hand cupping your face. Warm. Another reminder of the man he isn’t.

You lean into his touch. You crave him. Despite everything, you are happy just to be near the visage of the man you loved. The man who, though he never said it, you know loved you.

You hold your breath.

Astarion seems to be holding his breath too. He’s warm. His heart beats. Everything has changed. The pad of his thumb gently brushes over your cheek. “I’ll fix this.”

You laugh. For the first time in a long time, you laugh and it’s genuine. “There is no fixing this, Astarion. I’m going to die.”

His hand moves down, fingers feather-light as they dance across your neck. Until he finds the place where he bit you the first time he fed.

There are no scars. There is nothing to remind either of you other than the memory alone.

“I’ll turn you,” he says.

There was a time when such words would have sent a chill up your spine. Not anymore. It’s too late for you. Even undeath won’t unwind your fate.

Continue reading on AO3.

[dozing-marshmallow]

Hello!!! I really love ur blog btw can you do a Cody x Yandere fem reader? Like she is more low-key and chill than Sierra, she is more easier to befriend Cody??

Hiiyaa!!💗 Thank you so much for all the love, I'm sorry I couldn't get back to you sooner!!

I hope you all have a wonderful read and a beautiful day💖☀️ CODY X YANDERE! FEMALE! READER ONE SHOT

Ah, Cody.

The love of your life.

You loved him the moment you saw him walking down the dock in the introduction episode.

"Coooooooody! Isn't our couple ship so beautifuuuul?"

Though, this walking encyclopaedia just had to join this year.

But that's alright. You've been patient and it's always rewarded you.

And now, the opportunity has presented itself once again.

“Is she bothering you?” you asked tenderly to Cody before oozing poisonous words to your rival,“Sierra, why are you such a whore?”

She gasps,“Am not! A whore would have eyes for many guys! But not me! I only have eyes for my Codykins!”

You had to hold your scoff in. Her Codykins? Who does she think she is? His girlfriend? His wife? His soulmate? All those positions have already been taken by you!

Straining yourself from the temptation to strangle her, you marched forward with your relaxed demeanour,“Cody, do you like Sierra?”

“Um... No... Not really...” he flinched, your poor baby has been wired to automatically expect her touch,“I-I’m kinda spooked by her...”

“Spooked? By me? Why me?!” she screeches in ignorance.

“Because you violate his privacy and think it’s cute to harass him?” sarcasm veils your tone,“The boy avoids you like the plague, Sierra. I don’t see what’s so charming about being voted by loverboy in every elimination round our team faces.”

“(Y/-(Y/N)!” your darling exclaims in panic. Looks like he wasn't planning to tell that.

Your strong stomach sinks for a moment, but you knew what you were doing was for his good,“No, Cody. You want her to back off? Tell her exactly how you feel.” you affirm, directing your attention to Sierra for the ultimate reality check,“Cody doesn’t care if you cry, moan or die. In fact, neither of us do. So do us all a favour and-“

“Oh blah blah! Like I’m gonna take whatever comes out of your mouth as Cody’s truth!” she shamelessly interrupts by shoving her hand in your face,“So clueless! Isn’t she, Cody?” she asks, cooing to the man at question.

How vulnerable he was...,“Uh...well actually...” he gulps, yes yes yes!,“I...I'm with (Y/N) on that...”

HAHA,“W-What?” she splutters, reeling her hand back,“What do you mean, my love...?”

“Uh...well...you’re just...”

A good lover will always step in to help,“The worst thing that ever came in your life?” you finish for him, your voice a complete polar opposite to what was going on in your head.

She gasps again,“He doesn’t think that! Stop trying to sabotage our relationship! Tell her, Cody!”

“No...she’s right. A-About everything.”

“Cody! Don’t let this wretch brainwash you!" she begs, rushing over to your precious, burning her desperate hands all over his face...

How dare she?

"Brainwashing?" your rage is converted to a calm head tilt,"Aren't you cute. Didn't you hear him?" you put your hand on your hip,"He doesn't like you. There's something to write for your blog."

Realisation was a stab to her chest."Y-You took m-m-my...." Sierra couldn't even finish her sentence before her blubbers took over, sprinting away hysterically.

You and Cody watch in silence as the volume of Sierra's heartbreak ceased; not because she was crying any less, but because she was all the way down the other end of the plane.

“Well, that went better than expected.” you smirk, though it withers as you turn to face your prize, appreciating the distance muffling her sorrows.

"Whew... I uh feel so relieved... But uh..." he nervously points to the direction she ran off to,"Will she be alright?"

You take a sit next to him, noticing how he shifts closer,“I wouldn't worry about it. She’s the moron here, not you. You feeling any sort of remorse for her is exactly what she wants. If you even try to get good with her after this, I won’t be here to save you the next time she’s swooning over you, understand?”

That was a lie, but he bought it well,"Right..." he nods. You were enticed by the implication that he preferred the future with you and no Sierra,"Hehe...you know, you're really cool, (Y/N)... Even cooler than Gwen."

"You just figured that out?" a smile tints your face to convey play.

And it paid off!,"Yeah. It's a bit embarrassing... But I coulda really had someone like you in my life before all...this." your heart swells as he leans on your shoulder.

You allowed it for the rest of the plane ride. Obviously.

You didn't need to overanalyse two previous seasons to learn anyone's fatal flaws.

It's simple- Sierra tried to win Cody's heart by knowledge.

You won by personality.

At least, presentation.

[yandere-fics]

♡ How They Act With A Darling With Separation Anxiety ♡

♡ Theanna will use this to push the marriage along, afterall she can only take you with her everywhere, including under the garden once the two of you get married so if you want to not be separated from her for even a second then you have to marry her right away, it's for the best. If you're that anxious being away from her, it only makes it so much easier for her to manage every aspect of your schedule, if you want to go somewhere she disapproves of then she can just decide not to go with you and you won't go. ♡

♡ This one is a bit of a toss up on how good of a scenario this will be for you, on one hand she's taking you basically everywhere with you on her travels, on the other hand since you're going everywhere with her it means the anxiety around being separated from her will get worse because if you are separated even worse things could happen. She'll do her best to always be at your side, she also gets a small bit of separation anxiety if she even has to leave you while you sleep at the inn for some minor investigations but she keeps you very close to her side whenever she's able to. ♡

♡ Pauline definitely has separation anxiety, I've written a lot of scenarios too where she is separated from you for an extended period of time and can no longer be apart from you for any period of time, she might tease you about it but she's really glad she can use this as an excuse to have you with her literally everywhere. It's a pretty good set up for you I would say and if anyone has objections to you always being there then she'll kill them, after all they gave her dumbass anxiety, the least she can do is punish them. ♡

♡ Raphael sadly has things besides you she must focus on like council and while she would like to bring you with her, the other advisors would complain if you could hear the secrets, Theanna doesn't care but it would be obnoxious hearing the other advisors complain so what does she do? Obviously gets something from Ainsley so you don't hear anything at the meetings and are instead just hearing soothing music thee entire time you sit on her lap, it's a good solution, you're relaxed and happy on her lap and she can satisfy your desire to always have her with you. Yes if this was the modern world she would absolutely ipad kid you. ♡

♡ Abigail will get you set up with your own squad of knights so even if she has to be away you'll still feel her presence and will be less anxious and if that doesn't work she'll try to station one of her family members with you at all times she can't be, of course she would try to be at your side as much as possible however seeing as that isn't always possible you'll have to put up with this for the time being. If that still doesn't help then she will instantly quit her job in the capital, claim her title as duke and have you by her side constantly in her manor back home. ♡

♡ Veronia only really leaves to collect treasure for you so if you would prefer her stay home instead of getting the treasure then that's what she'll do, she'll still hunt for you though so you'll have to watch her skin some animals, you could also just come with her when she goes to steal if you're okay being carried in one of her giant dragon claws while the others and her mouth are filled with gold and trinkets. Pretty sweet set up for the person with separation anxiety though, I would say. ♡

♡ Bibi is honestly not the best for this, sure she can take you everywhere with her but she's liable to wander a bit and then make a little joke about it when you get anxious, would not recommend cause although you're technically always in the same room with her, when she's on stage for executions you can't be on stage with her really so there's so distance. ♡

♡ Would recommend, she's perfect for the person with separation anxiety, you never have to leave her tower and she's constantly putting a lot of focus on you with her experiments, you might get a little bit lonely when she's doing hr immortality research but if you want you can always just sit on her lap and the problem is solved, everything she's doing to for you, not that the other's aren't doing the same thing but for her it's extra clear everything she does is about you. ♡

[missingexaltation]

(Mini little fic idea, post Vecna)

Eddie wanted Steve and Wayne to get on, and at first, he was utterly ecstatic when they did.

But Steve starts to come over to watch various sports games, laughing and jostling with Wayne on the couch whenever one of their teams wins a point, or scores a goal or whatever, Eddie starts feeling inadequate and useless.

He watches from a distance, too wary to approach, too scared of upsetting the equilibrium. After all he's spent years rolling his eyes and grumbling about football and baseball and basketball to take a seat next to them now. He's more than made his bed now, years of sulky teenagehood in the making. It's not their fault, he knows. It's all his own, a drama of his own creation.

He watches as Wayne laughs and jokes, haphazardly waving his beer and cackling with delight, with the sort of son that he deserves. A son that brings calmness and stability instead of late night police escorts and a mountain of medical bills.

The empty, cavernous hole in his chest aches as he sits there (pretending to work on his campaign), through game after game, match after match. Wayne had given up so much for him. He could have had a family of his own, instead of raising his brother's useless, wretched kid. He could have gotten married, had a real home and an easy life. A beautiful, doting wife to give him the world.

Instead, Wayne had been cursed with a fuck up for a nephew, a shitty fold up bed in a shitty trailer and a job that was ageing him before his time. A vexing, frustration of a life that he didn't deserve. That Eddie had made worse by default.

Eddie knew he was selfish, and loud, and easily excitable and distracted. That he was used to getting his own way in these walls, barely noticing and sacrificing a thing while Wayne quietly suffered instead. It had been the same for his parents. They'd wanted a normal kid too, but even his dad's temper hadn't been enough to dampen his ability to irritate.

He'd tried to be quieter for Wayne in the past. Better behaved, his personality crammed into a tiny internal box to make himself more palatable, easier to love and want around. But Wayne had been offended by it. Claimed Eddie shouldn't have to change himself for anyone, not even his guardian, to be honest with who he is.

But looking over at them now, Eddie felt like he should have tried harder. Sure, 'being himself' was the fucking care bear motto spat out by well meaning adults trying to convince the weird kids they'd be ok. But he could have tried harder not to be so difficult, he could have watched Wayne's sports games with him and graduated high school and handed over his earnings instead of buying dumb shit.

The gnawing, desolate guilt consumed him. Steve was sweet, charming and polite, a parents dream (also...absolutely fucking gorgeous and the best sex Eddie had ever had, but that was besides the point). He could understand why Wayne has found it easy to befriend him, hell Eddie unquestionably loved the bones of him, but it put in sharp relief how Eddie just didn't measure up to the barest minimum standard, let alone what his uncle deserved.

So instead, he started taking on extra shifts at work, pulling as many as he could so that he could try and convince Wayne to drop his hours and start taking it easy. He kept the house tidy and even helped nurture the blossoming little something that was growing between Wayne and Claudia, spending more nights with Steve so that they could canoodle out of sight of Dustin's sullen glares.

He was exhausted, but it was worth it to see Wayne less on edge, back on the day shift since Eddie was finally picking up the slack. Now he had time for 'guy nights' with Steve, expanding to include Sinclair and the newly resurrected Chief Hop too.

"You're a good kid, Ed." Wayne told him one evening, and despite everything, Eddie was unprepared for the avalanche of emotions that it unlocked.

I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.

His brain chanted, automatically.

But I want to be.

[lacrimosathedark]

As an acespec person who is likely some kind of arospec too, Alastor ships give me mixed feelings.

Like, I'm extremely uncomfortable with people really sexualizing Alastor, especially in art. It feels...gross. At the same time, I see people staunchly against people shipping Alastor in any way that's not platonic, which...makes me frustrated.

Look, he is canonically ace, but 1. asexuality has levels, 2. Alastor has no idea what ace means, and 3. words are stupid.

I had no idea I was nonbinary or ace as a kid. I knew how I felt, but I thought it was within the range of "normal". I thought I was "just a person" and "a romantic". I thought I was "picky", and that's why everyone was having crushes while I was chill by myself or with friends. I thought maybe I was scared at the idea of being that vulnerable with someone as someone with anxiety, trust issues, and who grew up falling asleep to Law and Order SVU. And I'm a Zillenial.

Alastor is from a whole other century, in a much more repressive society. If I today needed the internet to figure out that my experience is abnormal and there's a word for it, back when the internet wasn't a thing and queer circles were trying to hide from sight, how the fuck is he gonna know? Especially when he loathes seemingly anything that's past his time, which the concept isn't but the term is as is the way he might find out about it. Fuck, we know he doesn't know what ace means.

He also has no reason to seek out an answer. I wasn't looking when I found my answers. I stumbled upon people who shared experiences who had words that clicked with me. Hell, it'd be easier to think it's normal with how much "waiting until marriage" has been historically pushed. He doesn't know there's even something to look for.

In all likelihood, he thought the "right person" might come along someday, but he also had other priorities and didn't care if he found them or not. Why would I go searching for a love I may never find when I can spend my time focusing on my career, dancing with friends, and plotting various murders? That sounds like a lot more fun and a more effective use of time, wouldn't you agree?

And look, in general "finding the right person" isn't a "cure" for asexuality anyway. Except it can look like that on the surface if someone is anything other than 100% sex-repulsed asexual. And (allos writing aces don't seem to know this) sex-repulsion can also be very spectrum-y too, and actively fluctuate.

I'm demisexual, and would actually consider myself sex-repulsed. I have never liked viewing sexual images or videos, it makes me borderline nauseous. I absolutely will not read pure smut. The concept of engaging in sexual activity myself makes me cringe. To me, sex generally brings to mind too much physical contact and gross bodily fluids. I'm disgusted by even getting other peoples' sweat on me. I'm okay listening to friends talk about their interactions only to a limited extent--I need to be able to have distance and not be given extreme detail.

But if I think about someone I actually like, or if I'm reading a story that has had a buildup in the relationship, it's...nice. It's a very different experience. It seems less like too much touch and gross bodily fluids and more like intimacy. It's...I'd almost call it pleasant? It's hard to describe, but it's a complete shift in mindset depending on circumstances. Most of my inherent reflexive disgust just goes away.

There's a chance Alastor could be like that. He is, quite clearly, some kind of sex-repulsed (thank you Angel Dust) but that doesn't completely block him out of sexual interest. But Angel is...excessive about that side of his personality. And that could be part of why the repulsion seems so strong with him. There are levels of tolerance. I can watch Hazbin Hotel and Angel Dust, but I can't comfortably watch Helluva Boss because the first episode Stolas is...very explicit. It's just too uncomfortable for me to sit through. (this also isn't a judgement of whether it's a good show or not, it's just not for me)

And even if Alastor doesn't experience attraction, he could still have sexual engagement with someone for other reasons. I don't think we have solid confirmation that he's aro, but even then that is again a spectrum and Alastor has no inkling on the concept.

He could involve himself in sex because he has romantic feelings for someone and that outweighs his disgust. Or perhaps even intense platonic feelings, disconnecting the act of sex from romance entirely. QPPs can do anything they want and honestly I feel like those labels are super blurry anyways, because what denotes an action as romantic or sexual or platonic besides intent and perception? Like, friends can cuddle, happy lovers can sleep in separate beds, people joke about kissing the homies good night. Words are messy and nothing matters.

He could also use it as a manipulation tactic. Because if there's one thing we know about Alastor, it's that he's a manipulative little shit. And while the reward would need to be extremely high, I could see Alastor using someone's attraction to him against them in that way. Why would he not use every tool at his disposal?

And from personal experience, a lot of writing in the fandom is through the lens of Alastor being non-sex-repulsed asexual, or otherwise demi- or greysexual. And while I could definitely use more fluidity in the sex-repulsion category (cuz unfortunately a lot of people write it as either completely repulsed or not repulsed whatsoever), at least a good number of people are trying to be respectful. Just because they ship Alastor with someone doesn't mean they are being disrespectful or casting aside his orientation by default.

And while Alastor being enthusiastic about it is extremely ooc and I hate that with my very soul, people are allowed to play with fictional characters how they want to. They aren't real. Neither are the Barbies whose faces you smashed together as a kid. They aren't actively hurting real people, and don't necessarily think differently of real ace people.

I'm aware that I may be projecting my sexuality onto Alastor given that he has shown sex-repulsion that I relate to. Maybe I think the idea of him being romantically involved with someone is cute. Maybe I don't mind the idea of him doing sexual things for love or other personal gain like power or control. But who the fuck am I hurting by doing that? Who is anyone hurting by doing that?

And dude, you're watching a show about redeeming sinners, showing that some of the worst people can change and puritanical people are irrationally judgemental asshats. Someone portraying an ace character as not 100% sex-repulsed is a weird line to draw there.

If you're a 100% sex repulsed asexual who's uncomfortable with people shipping Alastor, that's perfectly fine. But not every asexual completely shares your experience, and life itself is uncomfortable. And for better or worse that isn't going to change. I suggest you simply avoid engaging as much as you can for your own peace of mind if nothing else. Blocking tags and accounts is actually great for that. Someone doesn't have to be a dick for you to block them, and you won't have to see their content anymore. Tumblr Savior is a helpful tool too.

This is my very longwinded way of saying just because Alastor is aroace doesn't mean he can't be in a romantic-coded relationship, a qpp that isn't specifically stated to be such, or engage in sexual acts. And writing him ooc is icky but also completely fine and people can do what they want.

[imakemywings]

This Shadow will not Endure

Fandom: The Silmarillion

Characters: Amarie, Finrod

Summary: For the first time since Finrod's rebirth in Aman, he and Amarie are intimate.

Rating: E

Length: 5.4k

AO3 | Pillowfort

___________________________________________________

There were times still that Finrod struggled to anchor himself in the moment. Moments when it felt he was watching or hearing things happening to someone else, not to himself. In the worst of these moments, he could hear instead the echo of Sauron’s voice in the back of his mind like nails scraping through his flesh, feel the coarse weight of chains against his wrists, feel the wetness of his men’s blood against his hands; in these moments, he flailed mentally to grip something present to reassure himself that he was not still a prisoner of Tol-in-Gaurhoth, simply being tormented with a vision of peace he would never know again. In the less extreme, he felt only adrift, curiously watching a scene play out in front of him without actually being a part of it.

He had a sense Amarië was beginning to draw on this. She had a knack for touching his hand whenever he was sitting or standing there, nodding along, appearing—or doing his best to appear—attentive, while his mind distanced itself from what was going on around him.

“Ingoldo?” she said, her fingers delicate against the back of his hand. He experienced these things: first, the touch of Amarië’s hand, breaking through the fog around him; second, the sound of her voice, suddenly clear where before it had been as if spoken through a door; last, the rustle of the leaves beyond the window, drawing him back into the world as if he had been holding his breath but now drew in again.

“Yes?” he said, refraining from shaking his head, as if that would make his voice sound more like his own.

“What are you thinking of?” she asked. Atya had called him “distracted.” He didn’t mean it badly—and it was true. But it felt like such a light word for the preoccupations of Finrod’s mind, even now, years out from his return to Aman.

Finrod observed the room.

Amarië’s front room faced the garden with wide windows and the flowering bushes she had planted outside offered just enough privacy from passers-by; the sunlight filtered through the playfully waving leaves to throw dappled shadows over the front room floor, reaching up to where they sat on the couch to speckle their feet and illuminate the side of her face nearest to the window, lighting up the port wine mark that darkened nearly half her face. On the shelves were a mix of Amarië’s things and gifts from friends—if he had cared to, Finrod was sure he could have placed certain gifts with certain friends merely by the mark of their particular artistry. Behind him, behind the side door that connected Amarië’s apartment to the rest of the house, where dwelt her parents, along with her older brother and his husband, the rest of the family was being too quiet to hear. The room was warm, almost perfectly so—he felt entirely comfortable in his light robes.

“You,” he said. A smile twitched on Amarië’s lips. Today she was dressed in pale pinks and yellows, which complemented her complexion and made him think of the tulip beds laid out around the Fountain of Falling Stars downtown.

“I am interested,” he insisted, looking at her once more. “Tell me again.”

“Oh no, it was dull enough to go through it the first time,” she laughed. “Even I don’t care to share it again. Suffice to say one of my friends is terribly upset about nothing, but it will pass quickly.”

There was a moment then when he looked at her and debated pressing the issue, insisting she should share anyway, while Amarië considered whether to press the issue of his distraction and insist he tell her what he was really thinking about.

“Do you remember that time we went camping with Turukáno and Elenwë?” she asked instead, and was rewarded with the smile that tugged at Finrod’s lips.

“I assume you mean the time Elenwë got us lost? How could I forget?” he said.

“The same way you forgot the cover to our tent, I imagine,” said Amarië, which earned her a deeply wounded and awfully exaggerated look.

“The weather was supposed to be clear,” he said, as he had said all night through the hail as they huddled the four of them in a tent made for two. “Do you remember how you traded places with Elenwë in the night?”

“It wasn’t on purpose!” she exclaimed. “I only got up in the night and she must have rolled over when I was out…I do remember Turukáno’s face when he woke up in the morning holding me instead of her!” They both laughed and Amarië felt something light and tight in her chest at what seemed to her to be the clearing of clouds off Finrod’s face.

“I do think if it had been anyone but you, that response would have been quite a bit more energetic,” Finrod snickered. Amarië never would have been so well-acquainted with Turgon but for Finrod’s bringing them together so often.

“I think the tent might’ve taken a tumble. You and Elenwë could’ve been more help,” she pointed out, as she had before.

“We thought you two could sort it out,” Finrod said with a smile closer to the loose, easy manner he used to carry before the sky had gone dark. But just as readily, there slipped into his gaze a drop of sorrow that had not been there before and Amarië’s heart sank. Mentioning Turgon was always a gamble—Finrod delighted in memories of his oldest and dearest friend, a cousin who was like a brother to him, but he also grieved their long separation and that he no longer knew Turgon’s fate in Middle-earth. She shifted nearer to him on the couch, laying a hand on his leg, crooked under him so they could sit facing each other.

“I haven’t been camping in quite a while now,” she hinted.

“Perhaps we should go,” he said.

“While the weather is nice!” she agreed.

“The weather is always nice here,” Finrod said with a faint chuckle that was somehow wearier she would have otherwise expected. He fell silent and Amarië took his hand and rubbed it between her fingers. He squeezed her fingers in response and after a moment, his gaze returned to her. He reached out and smoothed a few loose strands of hair back behind her ear and Amarië caught this hand too, and turned to press a kiss against his palm.

“Only if you wish to go,” she said. “There are many things for us to rediscover here; I would not be terribly picky.”

“Neither would I,” he said, feeling his heartbeat more acutely at the touch of her lips. “I will go anywhere you like.” As long as I am permitted, he didn’t add. He didn’t need to—not when his own mother was still avoiding him on the basis of the slaughter at the Swanhaven. No one in Valmar or Alqualondë wanted to see him; a great many in Tirion didn’t either, but they didn’t have the option to refuse him entry, certainly not when Finarfin sat the throne of the high king.

“Always so accommodating,” said Amarië with a playful smile, leaning in nearer. “And if I wished to remain right where we are? Right here?” She watched his expression.

“Then I would wish to remain here as well,” he said, curling his fingers around her hand. He wanted to say he would always prefer to be where she was, but it seemed like a hollow sentiment after he’d spent nearly six hundred years apart from her by his own choice. So he said nothing.

“Good,” said Amarië, and she kissed him.

They had kissed since he had been home—since they had realized neither of them had ever moved to break their engagement—but it had not gone much further than that. Finrod’s recovery had been a slow process and neither of them wished to rush anything, and there were moments he simply found being touched at all intolerable. He hated that—hated that Sauron even now could make his skin crawl at the touch of his beloved.

Now, though—now Amarië’s kiss chased away the last of the shadows muddying the edges of his mind and he leaned into it, breathing in with delight the smell of her hair and the perfumes she wore. She had no plans to make it a quick affair either—she moved nearer, pushing him back against the seat of the couch so they were clumsily piled half on top of each other, and her mouth parted against his. He opened too, readily welcoming her and one hand moved up to brush over her face and delve back into her strawberry blonde hair, though he made an effort not to make a mess of her braids.

When finally she drew back for air, she gazed down at him and Finrod felt tremulous: as though she made him into some delicate, wobbly thing which could be crushed with no effort at all. He wanted to throw himself at her; he wanted to hide under a quilt; he wanted to stop feeling that his emotions were some runaway cart perpetually out of his control.

“My sunshine boy,” she said softly, stroking his cheek. This was something new—she had not had the notion of sunshine before, when the had been first engaged. It would have been more appropriate then, he thought with chagrin. But before he could let these doubts dig in, Amarië was kissing him again and he made a sound in his throat like an animal whimper. Amarië pressed closer to him, warm and heavy on top of him and he gripped her waist to keep her there until she shivered and he could feel that she was becoming aroused.

“Amarië,” he started when they broke apart again, catching their breath, their lips flushed and swollen.

“Yes?” she said. Finrod looked stupidly at her, wondering what the devil he had meant to say, if anything. He was grateful these days for a single thought in his head he could put to words. Was it out of place to tell her he wanted her never to let go of him again (impracticalities aside, of course)?

“I missed you,” he said at last. Amarië’s face broke into a smile.

“I missed you too, silly thing,” she replied, and when she pounced on him again he surged up to meet her, heat welling up in his gut and sinking lower. Amarië shifted again and he pulled her to straddle one of his legs, where he could clearly feel her growing hard. She drew her knee up further and Finrod could not help but moan as she brushed against his groin. Amarië responded by pressing down more against his hip and he nipped at her lower lip, aching, aching.

“Findaráto,” she said breathlessly and the sound made him throb; he grabbed the back of her head and dragged her into another kiss; if she had something that must be said, she would have to make more of an effort—but apparently she did not, for she simply sank greedily into his kiss.

He was present, he was here; there were no voices; there were no sounds but his own increasingly desperate noises of arousal and Amarië’s heavy breathing; there was nothing but her hands on his chest, and—and—

Amarië’s hand had found its way between his legs and he gasped sharply as she palmed against him, unable to control the instinctive jerking of his hips towards her hand. It felt—perhaps it was an effect of the Halls?—it felt as if it had been lifetimes since anyone had touched him. Encouraged by this response, Amarië wriggled her hand down the front of his undershorts and drew out his cock, stroking him breathless, turning him incoherent with half-stifled whines and whimpers.

“Amarië,” he implored, for what he didn’t know. “Amarië.” He was shivering. “Oh.”

“Do you want me to?” she asked softly. She had not offered up ‘til then; she had wished to let him take everything at his own pace, once she had seen how delicate he was on his return.

“Yes,” he breathed. “Yes, yes, please. I need you.” That he felt bone-deep, as if for that moment, she was the only thing holding him together. Her hand stilled and she fell on him in another kiss; Finrod pulled her firmly into his lap and her weight on him was something divine; how could he think about anything else now? “Do you have…?”

“I do,” she panted, drawing back. “But not here; I haven’t locked the side door.”

This revelation resulted in Finrod immediately snapping his head around as if Amarië’s mother and father were like to burst through the door at once, and Amarië laughed.

“Remembering our close calls?” she teased.

“Do not make me think of that now,” he reprimanded her feebly, with no desire to relive young adulthood and the handful of times his up-until-then flawless image in the eyes of her parents had nearly been shattered by catching them necking somewhere in the house. Not that it had been much prior to their engagement, but still. Finrod, as a prince of the Noldor, had an image to uphold (a notion all the more bitterly amusing now).

“Come on,” she said, rising to her feet and pulling him along after. He pinned her against the wall near her bedroom door and kissed her senseless; Amarië put her hand between his legs again and he couldn’t stop himself from rutting into her touch, his face flushed, ready to fuck her hand if she would let him; he was not in a position to be choosy. If she wasn’t careful, he was going to finish before they got to do anything more.

But Amarië, this time, had the more sense of the two of them, and herded him into her room (and locked the door) before she started peeling his clothes off like he was a particularly delectable kind of fruit. Her hands roamed over his ribs, his chest, his shoulders; he wanted to press her fingers through his flesh and wrap them around his heart. Instead, he got to work on the fastenings of her robe, making relatively rote work of undressing her. For a moment then they just stood and looked at each other, as if walking onto a long-remembered road and trying to recall exactly where to go. Finrod was relieved that his hands did not tremble when he reached for her; when his hands slid over her pert little breasts and cupped them; when his lips met her throat, her neck, her collarbone; when he drew her against him and felt her squirm with her growing arousal it felt so simple, so easy: easier than walking through the front door on his first day back in Tirion.

One hand slid down over her hip to stroke her, rewarded with her hot hardness in his hand, with the way she twitched into his touch with a soft noise of satisfaction, a kind of sigh, as if she was receiving something she had been waiting for, leaning just a touch against him until he let go of her.

“Look at you,” he sighed, drawing his fingers from her throat down to her bellybutton. “Many wonders have I seen the world over, and all would I trade for a last look at you.”

“Then sound a little more joyful about it,” she teased, scratching at the nest of brown curls around the base of him. “Or have I not earned a portion of your joy?”

That brought a wry smile to his lips.

“I am duly chastised,” he said. “My joy in Valinor has most often its source in you. Let me make it up to you.” His hands moved almost reverently down her sides, then back to her ass, to squeeze and pull her nearer; he wanted to trace over every inch of her with fingers and lips and tongue, but he knew he would not last long enough for that, not now.

We have time, he reminded himself forcefully. We have time, we have time.

“Lay down,” Amarië instructed, pushing him back towards the bed.

She got the oil from where it was tucked coquettishly behind various creams and perfumes on top of her dresser and took in the sight of her beloved on the bed, Finrod the Fair, all golden hair and golden limbs and a shadow in his eyes she had never known before his return. She wanted to shout it away; to chase it out of this space that should be theirs, that should be sacred, and not a shelter for Finrod’s torments.

He had not told her how he’d died, not yet. Only that it involved a promise he refused to break.

She was gentle with her fingers; she was always gentle, and Finrod could weep about it (and once, when he’d been drunk, he had). Nevertheless, she was quick, guessing correctly she could not string him out much at all that day. Even so, he was writhing impatiently on the bed as subtly as he could manage by the time she got herself in position. (She knew him well enough to recognize both his impatience and when he was trying to hide it.)

“Are you ready?” she asked and he nodded quickly, looking up at her with those big brown doe-eyes for which she’d been weak since she was ten years old. There was a helpless vulnerability in him there, like he would not or could not hide that he was putting himself so much into her hands; it was a kind of courage, she supposed, but she and Finrod had always made these gestures so easy between them it had never seemed to stand out before.

Amarië smiled and took his hand and kissed his fingers, and then she entered him. Slow, slow, even though she had prepared him for this, because it had been a long time for him, and she didn’t want even a hint of pain. Her breathing grew labored and she restrained herself to the pace she had set; she had forgotten how good it felt to be inside him. She didn’t know if there was something particular about Finrod’s body, or if it was just that her affection for him rendered her particularly sated by his hröa. Looking at his face didn’t make it easier to control herself: he had a knit between his brows and his blush streaked vividly across his cheekbones and he was making these tiny noises as she pressed in like she was cracking him apart at the seams. When she bottomed out he let out a moan, reaching up to bite on his knuckle and Amarië drew in a quick breath, her fingers twisting up in the sheets.

“Alright?” she checked. “Are you ready?” Finrod made a high-pitched wordless whine and nodded, his hips twitching, his cock flushed and achingly hard. “Do you want this?”

“Please,” Finrod begged, a slight arch in his back as if he could urge her deeper. She leaned down to kiss him and he gasped at the pressure of her weight on his need; she swallowed that noise into her kiss and stroked his thigh.

“I’ve got you,” she promised softly, drawing back enough to look down into those warm brown eyes.

Finrod gave a shaky nod and cupped her cheek and gave her a quick kiss.

“I’ve got you too,” he murmured. She let them stay that way a moment, putting aside the animal need whining in her flesh, before she repositioned and began to thrust into him. The breaking cry that Finrod let out at that first thrust made her dizzy and she had to fight the urge to move faster, harder. She kept it slow and deep for now, and it seemed to be right, for Finrod was shuddering apart already, whimpering and moaning under his breath, his hips jerking clumsily up against hers.

“Do I need to make you turn over, Ingoldo?” she teased when his juddering motions interrupted her rhythm. He only gazed wide-eyed up at her and she kissed him gently, raking her nails lightly down his chest. “No, I would see your face today,” she declined quietly, stroking his cheek. She kissed him again and picked up her movement until Finrod was gripping the sheets as if trying not to fall from a great height, his breathing coming trembling and uneven, his cock leaking as desperate little noises spilled endlessly past his lips.

The world was Amarië and her sparkling eyes and the wobble of her breasts and her cock striking at his core again and again and her hand caressing—on his thigh, on his hip, his chest, his shoulder. The whole of Eä was condensed into how she looked at him as if—as if—as if she were in love still, even now, with him as he was. Without warning, Finrod climaxed, punctuated with short little gasps as pleasure rolled over him in shockwaves, leaving him limp and dazed on the bed.

Amarië thrust a few more times, but she saw how he flinched at this contact, over-sensitive now that he had finished, and she pulled out, using her hand instead. Finrod pushed himself up with one hand, and the other curled over hers, so together they brought her off until she too, spilled her seed across his belly with a low moan. The room was filled with the sound of their panting.

Amarië leaned in and kissed Finrod back down onto the mattress and then curled up against his side, laying her head on his chest.

“I will tell you,” she sighed, “my dreams did not recollect you nearly as well as I imagined they did.” They’d made rather a mess of dear Finrod, but she made no move to peel away from him to trouble herself with any cleaning; the sound of Finrod’s heartbeat was a blanket pulled around her shoulders she had been too long without. She rested a hand against his sternum, her thumb stroking the warmth of his skin.

There was a noise he made, which wasn’t quite right, and she knew it at once, before the shudder went through him and his breathing changed, so when she pushed herself up on one elbow and saw that he was crying, she was alarmed, but not surprised.

“Findaráto?” she asked, at once all anxiety and trying not to show it too much. “Did I hurt you?” she fretted. Choked, Finrod shook his head vigorously, covering his mouth with one hand.

“No,” he whispered, strained. “I—no, you did nothing wrong.” He struggled upright, wiping aggressively at his eyes. “I don’t know—I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize!” she exclaimed. “Is—is something wrong?” The question made her feel like an idiot, when Finrod was in tears in her bed; her stomach twisted in the way it did when she stepped off the stairs thinking there was one more step than there was. It was the first time they had—since he had been back and—Eru, had she been awfully, awfully selfish? Amarië reached out to touch his back, and then thought maybe Finrod would not want to be touched by her then and drew back.

“I should apologize,” she said softly. “Perhaps it was too soon for this.”

“No!” Finrod burst out, rubbing his forearm against his eyes like he could scrub the tears away. “I wanted this. I wanted this with you.” He looked over at her, glassy-eyed, with that worried furrow between his eyes she saw too often anymore and a tightness in his jaw.

“Still,” she said, carefully placing a hand on his arm. “Perhaps we were…too eager.” Finrod shook his head again, breathing slowly and deliberately, trying to regain a semblance of calm. “Do you want to talk about it?” she suggested after a moment.

“I can’t!” The frustration in his voice struck at her heart. “I don’t understand. Everything was fine—it was—but then—” He made a wordless sound of aggravation and doubled over, covering his eyes with his hands.

This time Amarië did put her hand on his back, rubbing between his shoulder blades. It rent her heart: her sunshine, her daffodil, her shoot of Laurelin to be so aggrieved and bowed with woe and haunted by phantoms and ghoulish memories she couldn’t begin to understand. Sliding an arm around him, Amarië leaned against his shoulder.

“It’s okay,” she whispered. “It’s okay, Ingoldo.” She stroked his hair awkwardly from her position and kissed his bare shoulder. “I’ve got you.” When they had paused there a few moments, she said: “Why don’t we lie down a while, hm?” She scratched her nails lightly over his back and re-arranged the pillows so she could lay comfortably back against the headboard, then gestured him over. Finrod lay down alongside her, head somewhere between her chest and her shoulder, and she carded her fingers through his thick golden waves. Frustration and embarrassment lingered in Finrod’s silence. She was not used to his having things to be embarrassed about around her.

“Tell me something about Endor?” she said. This was a prompt she used often when he lapsed into brooding silence or wistful looks; if she had to guess, she would say he was homesick. He had a whole (growing) journal of notes on his time there, for a purpose he had not yet revealed, perhaps on which he had not yet decided. It pleased her to see him with a project; it was good to have his mind focused on something.

Finrod considered her question as he usually did, careful in his selected response. Amarië guessed he painted a very pretty picture of Middle-earth—she did not understand, how he could speak so lovingly of a place which had left him shattered into so many pieces. But maybe she didn’t need to understand—maybe it was enough to listen.

“In many places in Endor, there are four seasons, very distinct and much harsher than here,” he said at last. “In winter, most of the plants die and many animals go to sleep—” There was no word for ‘hibernation’ in Quenya, “—during the coldest parts. There is snow, sometimes many feet deep even away from the mountains, and it falls like a blanket so that when you walk outside, the world feels almost silent. You must rely on stockpiled food or you will be very hungry. It is a time of danger for mortals especially, as they are more susceptible to cold than we are. Every year many of them will perish. So when the weather warms and spring comes, and the plants and animals return, there is much rejoicing. The peoples of Middle-earth, particularly the Atani and Quendi, have many celebrations for the changing of the seasons, and we did not wonder why, when we had seen them for ourselves.”

“You liked spring there, then?”

“I liked all the seasons,” said Finrod. “Each of them has its own risks, but also its own beauty. I liked to ride out into the woods during the winter and see the snow-laden branches of the trees and the places where ice covered the river. I liked coming back to sit by the fire and have mulled wine and take stock of our reserves.” He snuggled against her and she felt their combined fluid wet against her side. He did not say that he disliked traveling more than a few miles from home or over the plains in winter where the snow seemed to stretch out endlessly or staying out until his toes grew numb because of what it made him remember. He did not mention Elenwë then.

Amarië scratched her nails against his scalp, cradling his head against her.

“I wish I could have seen it,” she said honestly. Finrod hesitated.

“There is much in Endor I would have shared with you,” he said softly. “But there is much else I am glad you never had cause to suffer.”

“Still,” she murmured, and they both lay unhappy in their choices. Finrod’s arm tightened over her and he pressed his face against her breast and Amarië held him closer. Then he said:

“You should not have waited for me.”

Once, she would have said she had a good guess at what was going on in Finrod’s head at any given moment. Not for certain, for no one could ever be certain of Finrod’s mind but Finrod himself, and he had more control over himself than most gave him credit for. At times now she felt she grasped at that closeness, but too often it felt there was a shade between them and sometimes it seemed to her that he was crying out to her about something she couldn’t hear.

But her thoughts on this particular statement were the same no matter what had brought it on.

“Findaráto,” she sighed, “I am sick to death of being told what I should and shouldn’t do, so don’t you start. I have made my choices, the good and the bad, and I will live with them as I may. You worry about your own choices. And,” she added, “if you think my parents did not already make a titanic effort to convince me to put you aside and choose another betrothal elsewhere, you are as optimistic as anyone has ever given you credit for.”

“Did they?” Finrod asked, sounding sweetly, naively surprised.

“Of course they did,” she said. “You remember how upset they were about the rebellion. I couldn’t have been too quick about it.”

“Mm.” Finrod made a chagrined noise. “That does explain a few things.” Amarië cringed.

“I will give my apologies for whatever it is they’ve done,” she said.

“You needn’t,” Finrod said. “I will be the last to advocate the necessity of apologizing for the actions of family members; I would never stop.” Amarië snorted and then wondered if perhaps he hadn’t meant that to be funny, but Finrod huffed as well and made some watery noise of amusement. He drew back from her to look on her face and she tried desperately to read his eyes. I knew you once as I knew myself, she thought. I will know you again. No shadow of Endor nor evil of Moringotto will keep you from me.

She had made a vow once, at twenty-two, that someday she would have Finrod Finarfinion to husband, and to that vow she held still (though Finrod had been asleep at the time she declared it).

“I missed you,” he said very quietly. Amarië bit her lower lip, her throat tightening and it seemed to her those three spare words carried a great deal.

“I missed you too,” she said. For several moments, they said nothing else, and then Finrod drew a hand up her thigh, too soft to be suggestive.

“I want you to know that I—please don’t take my response today as—I wanted to be with you. I still do. Right now everything is…” Again, the furrow of his brow, this uncertainty so unfamiliar to her in his manner, “…complicated. But complicated does not necessarily mean bad,” he added quickly. “If there was a problem, I would tell you. You…you know how you ease my fëa. Home isn’t home without you.” His voice grew softer still. “I trust you with all things, Amarië.”

Amarië nodded, finding herself unexpectedly reassured.

“I trust you,” she said. “Don’t let me hurt you, Ingoldo.” He nodded and lay back down, and Amarië resettled so they lay face-to-face. “Tell me more about the spring celebrations,” she said, tracing her fingers over his chest.

A smile crossed over his face.

“In some of the Mannish villages, they would crown the most beautiful youths in wreaths of flowers, so I am certain if you had been born a Man you would have received many such crowns…”

Amarië smiled too, and let Finrod talk until she could almost smell the cider and taste the honey-cakes of springtime, and they lay under the comforting blanket fortress of their stories as when they were children, and for a beautiful while, there was nothing else outside of that.

[i-luv-carl-grimes]

𝔅𝔩𝔞𝔠𝔨 𝔬𝔲𝔱 𝔡𝔞𝔶𝔰

S1 Ep5

Stars

Warning: abuse, language and lots of valance as well as gore if you are younger then 14 please don't read

************************************************

Even though everyone was trying to hide themselves from the rain I still sat in the same place having the summer rain come down drenching me that peace didnt last long though, just a few minutes. "Alright Rayne go change your clothes your all wet and covered in dirt," Lori said and I nodded

She lead me into hers and Carl's tent then handed me my other outfit (purple shirt one) and I quickly changed not letting my gun leave my sight, I walked out and Lori took my clothes. "I'll put them with Carl's laundry," she said and I nodded.  "Here kid," Daryl said and threw a gun holster at me, it was brown and a bit scuffed I nodded and put it around my waist, it was lose and hung off my hip but whatever, I put my gun in the holster when Carl walked over to me,  "mom never lets me touch a knife let alone a gun, you still haven't told me how old you are" he said and once again for the 15 millionth time handed me that stupid note pad.  'It's not important, you're not gonna know me for long' I handed it to him and his smile faded.  "More talk about leaving, you have a good chance here and you're just a kid there's no way you could live on your own!" he said each word that came out made me cringe.  'watch me' he let out, and annoyed sigh. "please? just for a little while" he said, 'your people dont need another mouth to feed,'. "what if your family comes back?" he said and his words ran through my head. "Carl I think that's enough give her some space," Lori said but Carl didn't listen. "you know, I still think my dads out there" he started but I sat up and stomped away.

if I stay quiet it'll go away.

Carl's pov:

did I say something wrong? "Carl hair cut get over here!" my mom yelled and I groaned I hated getting my hair cut, it was so annoying, but mom never let me grow it out, unfair right? "you know if you didn't move so much this would be easier," my mom said as she harshly moved my head back in place. "you know what really sucks? when you start shaving then you be wishin' for one of you mamas hair cuts," Shane said. "ill believe it when I see it," I said and he let out an airy laugh. "I'll tell you what, you get through this with some manly dignity, and tomorrow I will teach you somethin' special, I'll teach you to catch frogs, and trust me that is not something to be takin' lightly I'm willin' to share my secrets its a one time offer," he said. "why do we need frog?" I asked. "ever eat a frog leg?" he asked. "eww!" I replied. "he's right ew," mom said. "we get down on the last of that girls supplies you'll be lovin' those frog legs, lady, dont listen to her man, me and you we'll be heroes man feeding all these folks you and me Shane an-" "can Rayne come too?" I asked cutting him off but my question was left unanswered as the sound of an alarm went off in the distance.

Rayne's pov:

I was walking back to camp when I heard an alarm go off, that walk turned into a run, I knew something bad was going to happen when I got back to camp I seen everyone hugging with people I had never seen before, I looked at Carl and saw that he was crying then, a middle-aged man with curly hair walked out. "dad!" Carl screamed and ran over to him Lori followed as they all sobbed in each other's arms. everyone watched with the people they loved, while I just stood there alone. I looked down trying to hide the tear that had fallen from my cheek, I'm still so weak

-

it was night and everyone was sitting around the campfire, except me, I didn't want them to see me as a part of there group, after all, I wasn't, sure it was cold but I can handle worse. Ed and Shane started arguing about shit I would care less about, one thing I did know was that I didn't like Ed, that look he had, it was the look that my father would give before hitting me, or even just beating me, the look of complete disregard of what you're doing. it was probably the same look I gave my sister...before it was over.

-

everyone was settling down for the night, except me I was still outside sitting on top of Dale's Rv looking at the stars when a heard a shuffle and someone climbing up the later I gripped my knife just to see 2 familiar baby blue eyes I sighed and turned back around he then sat down next to me. "mom said you should get some rest" he said then like ALWAYS handed me that stupid notepad. 'ok' I handed it back to him. "please?" he pushed. 'what do you want from me? can't you just leave me alone,' I watched the way his face dropped and for some odd reason it hurt I then took the notepad. 'i'm 9' i wrote answering his question from earlier, I saw his smile come back. "I'm 10," he said then got up and walked down the ladder and back to his tent.

soon after I got up and walked to their tent the only thought on my mind was. 'did I just trust that kid with my age...he's just gonna die, save yourself the trouble'

I walked in and Lori pointed to a spot next to a sleeping Carl.

I didn't sleep that well, every time I closed my eyes the image of my family appeared in my head, but hopefully tonight will be the night I don't wake up from

[pleasedontdistractme]

Some things I wrote just before and after she died

3 Feb 2023

We walked east

This evening she had a sudden burst of vigour, and asked to go for a walk. Of course, of course!, I said, and we hopped up with wagging tails.

The light outside was strange and heavy. Indigo clouds sat in a solid ridge across the sky, and the sun beneath was sodium yellow, Lovecraftian and vulgar.

So we walked east, away from the sunset, and she tugged on her lead with energy I didn't think she still possessed.

As we passed a weathervane on a lower street it screeched and twisted to point southwest; a strange, warm wind for February. I turned my face to feel the breeze, like a breath, and that sickly yellow light leering out from the sky's lip reminded me that the world was about to end.

So we walked east, away from the sunset, with no destination in mind, anywhere but here, and she pulled and I followed and we walked-

further than we should have gone,

but no distance at all-

until all at once she stood stock still, drained, looking up at me, asking a favour she didn't want to ask.

I scooped her up, Of course, of course!, and carried her home, savouring the ache in my arms. It was finally night, and it was easier to walk into the darkness than the sunset.

—-

4 Feb 2023

Let me try again

I know more now, and I am better for her

So much better for her

I made too many mistakes to forget, but I can undo each one if you let me go back. I didn't deserve her but I don't deserve this

Give me the puppy, the wriggling creature that loved me instantly, hand her to me again, and I will make her less scared of the world. She will sleep next to me that first night while I watch over her and she will never leave my side, never sit home alone

I will be more patient, more fun, less tired. I have learnt to understand her better and be better and I need more time to show her what she has taught me

I will catch the blood bugs before they hurt her little body and I will live the full fifteen years I should have had with her, not just these four-and-a-half, which are not enough, not enough, not enough

Why is love not enough to keep her here? Where is its power going? It feels like it ought to be capable of anything, it wells up inside me and through the sorrow and chokes me, so where is it going if not to clutch her sweet fur and heal her?

I would do anything for her; please, let me do anything for her,

let me try again

—-

6 Feb 2023

The third oak in

It takes quite a long time to dig a grave, even a grave for a little terrier, even in good soil.

Jack chose a spot in the new woodland. He'd planted it and she'd provided amusing obstruction, a little white whirlwind.

He worked with quiet skill, shedding his jumper after a minute. I stood to one side with the sun on my back, smelling the good smells of the farm, keeping my thoughts narrow.

They'd walked through the growing saplings every tea break and lunchtime. Now she'll lie quiet, by the third oak in from the path, and he'll drink his tea in the tool shed.

After a while, Jack hit earth as hard as rock, studded with flints. This is as far as the plough ever got, he said. But we'll go deeper.

The last foot was all clay, and this pleased him, not just because it makes neat edges, but because a foot of clay is plenty dense enough to keep the rain out. She hated the wet, he said. I nodded, loving him more.

As he worked he cut his hands on the shattered flint and his blood, bright red, ran into the clay.

I kissed her little head through the shawl before he laid her down, and went off to walk her daily walk while Jack filled in the grave. I couldn't stand to watch.

I took the longer of two routes, winding through the newly planted woodland and the grass, all golden in the winter sunshine. Tiny creatures rustled either side of me, invisible in their careful homes.

I could have walked forever, away from the pain, melting into simple sensations. But when I looked back I saw Jack stand up, alone, and I cut back through the long grass.

We picked snowdrops, tied them with ivy, and left them on her grave.

Good girl, Día, we said. Well done.

[umbralsound-xiv]

Spilled Words.

I just wanted to get out of the compound, just for a few bells! I'm tired of healing people, tired of being yelled at, so i thought to at least do something useful and go look around where Adney had been found a few suns ago.

Q'kura angrily gestures to the floor with a dismissive wave, hand briefly raised to shove his glasses further onto his nose as they threatened to slip. "There's nothing! Nothing more here! They took the body, what else are we supposed to look for, hm? It's been two suns! Everything useful has either dried up or melted!" He regards Vex with a heaved sigh, gaze cut over his shoulder.

Vex lightly picked at her own claws, severely uninterested in actually looking for, well.. anything. Her crimson gaze lofts briefly to Q'kura, one brow slowly following the lift. "Welcome to the theme of the investigations." She uttered with feigned enthusiasm. Battered and bruised, Vex's spirit is unbroken despite the obvious beating she received in the more recent past, a solid bruise lining her jaw, especially.

Mahi'a hums something faintly melodic beneath their breath, watching the duo from a short distance. Other than sitting low amongst the rocky landscap, stealth didn't seem their priority - less so once they eventually picked themselves up to drop into the grass nearer the both of them, taking a curious look to the patch of ground that had been on the receiving end of the gestures. "Did it offend you somehow?"

"What?" Q'kura's nose wrinkles upon Mahi'a's approach, throwing another scathing glare into the floor. "No, no. We're… Investigating." His words came quickly, but they were chosen with no less care. "There's a murderer on the loose, and we're trying to catch her."

Great. People. Just what we need. That's fine, it's fine. I can't stand the curious types, it always ends with them just... Meddling, somehow. I don't have the patience for this!

Attention stolen by the sudden appearance of Mahi’a, Vex offers a slow blink at the familiar Keeper - the only recognition she truly offers being that of a faintly lowered ear. She cast a glance Q’kura’s way at his words, a short-lived mock-laugh of a sound leaving her.

"Investigating the ground," Mahi'a reasons with a small nod, making their way closer to view the offending grass for themselves. When they look back up it's with a small smile, as well as a -slightly- sceptical look towards Q'kura. "-You- are catching a murderer? Did they run out of Brass Blades?"

"They are busy." Q'kura remarks, off-handedly. "They are always busy. Whatever few forces they can provide can surely be helped by my own investigations." He sounded confident in his words, at least, as he paced around the grass. "But there is nothing left. Nothing i've seen, anyway."

"… Sure. And we have nothing better to do than to stare at the ground hoping a -clue- emerges out of thin air." Vex's tone is that of a complaint, and her gaze seems to remain on the Seeker at her side - making sure he knows it's him she's complaining to, or at.

"It doesn't sound as if your investigations are helping all that much," Mahi'a says solemnly. "Not for lack of trying, I'm sure. There may still be great revelations hidden amongst the grass, a little more staring could be the thing to draw them out!" They add the latter with a brighter smile towards Vex. "Maybe you should question locals? Ask them where they were at the time of the murder! Who was murdered, anyway?"

Oh, yeah, the locals! If they'd have known anything, we'd have known it by now. We know her description, that she's a Seeker with black and blue hair. L'kem said she moved quickly, and wasn't there for long. That she was an archer... Or at least, so he thought. Don't know what's rumour and not, considering all the muddle in the compound. Ugh, i'm not in the mood for idle conversation. And Vex is being tremendously helpful, as always.

"Well if you bothered to -help me-, Vex, this might be a little easier." Q'kura muttered back to the woman, before regarding Mahi'a once again with another small huff. "I was hoping for bloodstains. Footsteps. Something i could use. I prefer not to involve people unless i absolutely must." He raises his head, considering whether to respond. "A… Friend."

"...Rather not, -thanks-." She huffed back at Q'kura, tail swatting in the air a single time. Her eyes visibly roll at the Seeker's words, before her gaze settles atop Mahi'a - a little softer, than when it rested upon Q'kura. "-His- friend."

A curious look moves from Q'kura to Vex and back again, a small pause as Mahi'a watches the quiet interaction between them both. At least Vex provides some answer, and they dip their head to her while thinking. "A friend? Like, a coworker? Who would go around murdering investigators? That seems like a recipe for disaster," they go on. "Also, likely not the smartest decision to be out here if that -is- the case."

Q'kura shakes his head at Vex, sighing through his nose before regarding the Keeper again, pointedly not answering some of their questions. "And that's why she's with me. Silly to go alone." His eyes narrow behind his round-rimmed spectacles. "Why are -you- here?"

They don't seem like a blade. But something about them is suspicious, but i can't place it. They ask too many questions, and they aren't exactly dressing to be hidden.

While Q'kura doesn't respond to certain things.. Vex seems to have the intention to - as well as she can. "- Yes!" She speaks a little louder, as if trying to interrupt Q'kura's own question by speaking over him. "People with grudges, I'd imagine! But who knows if it's against a single person, or entire group." She almost hums her words, a little too joyfully, really. She's -definitely- trying to cause Q'kura some stress.

"A poor investigator and a bodyguard, I see. That does make a lot more sense." Mahi'a considers feigning confusion, instead their train of thought is thankfully interrupted by Vex, appearing almost equally as delighted by the grim topic. "Maybe! Maybe. Surely it must be just the one, what could a whole group have done to warrant this kind of violence?"

"There are some sadistic and vengeful people in the world. Some people don't have any reason. I don't know!" He cuts a glare back to Vex again, walking by her and half considering shoving her before he talks himself out of it. "And i just started looking! Hardly poor. Unless you judge people the instant you see them." He clears his throat, gazing to them again. "Ah, but you didn't answer my question. What are you doing here, Keeper?"

Vex met Q'kura's glare with a steely stare of her own, her weight shifting from one leg to the other as she placed a hand upon her hip and flashed a small yet toothy grin her fellow Seeker's way. "Oh, I'm sure they have their -reasons-..."

"I suppose so… What if they're some kind of vigilante? We might have this all backwards, the murderer isn't the bad guy after all. Well, that may depend on how you feel about law enforcement…" Mahi'a muses over the thought, watching Q'kura walk closer. "Is that relevant to the investigation? Or are you trying to get out of your work now?"

No, i didn't want to be here in the first place, but anything was better than either being yelled at by Eanwin, being punched by Vairg for looking at him funny, or tending to the injuries he's caused somewhere along the way. And the idea of being possibly sent to look after the mess he made of X'llaya... ...I'd rather not. I saw what was left of Hichort, and i'd rather not end up in the same grave.

"No, i'm wondering why you're here meddling, so close to where one of our fellows was murdered not all too long ago. Unless you -know something-, hm?" Q'kura quizzically tilts his head, a small swat of his tail at his heel. "-We- might have all this backwards, you say. It sounds like you're searching for them, too."

Vex lightly rocks on her feet, remaining quiet for the time being. She silently eyes Q'kura, then glances to Mahi'a.

"See, this seems like a proper investigation now," Mahi'a says brightly, regarding Q'kura's expression. "Better than staring at grass, anyway. I can't say I am searching for anyone myself, I wouldn't know where to start with an investigation. Especially if anything happened out here. Between weather, animals, who knows what else, how are you meant to find anything? Nobody sent you out here to get you out of the way while they do the real searching, did they?" For a moment they look almost sympathetic before shaking their head. "I saw you both over here and got curious, I hadn't realised it was so serious. I still have doubts about that, actually, but that's irrelevant!"

"Don't be stupid, of course not." Q'kura retorts, one ear flicking in displeasure at the assumption. "I came to see if something was there, it isn't, and so we'll be on our way soon enough. You should take your care, Keeper. It seems she's content on shooting down anyone who gets in her way…" As his voice trails, he gazes over to the rocks beside him, brow knitting.

"... Are you sure?" Vex snorted with amusement as she regarded Q'kura, flashing a knowing grin his way. They were, in fact, both on the shit-list of many. "In the way of -what-, I -wonder-." Vex slips her hands into her pockets, again rocking back and forth on her heels. "She certainly wants -something-, hm?"

Shut UP, Vex! Are you content on telling them absolutely everything? ...I knew it was a mistake to bring you along! Ugh, honestly...

Mahi'a hums, quite clearly doubtful over Q'kura's dismissal of their theory. "What -were- you looking for, then?" they ask curiously. "What if I see something suspicious, is there someone I should tell directly or are the Blades good enough?" They glance backwards at the thought, in the direction of the bridge and settlement beyond. Their gaze returns back shortly after, nodding as they look to Vex. "Now this sounds like investigating. What could they want, who will they kill to get it… The detective novels say you should get into the mind of the killer, you know."

"Well, i wouldn't know. We know she's a Seeker, and she seems to have some kind of penchant for ice magic. But we know nothing, nothing else." He finally turns to regard Vex, eyes narrowed. "You are -not- helping me. Need i let Vairg know about your unhelpfulness?"

"We can sit and make some guesses!" Vex beamed a disingenuine smile Q'kura's way. ".. And what is mister eight-finger gonna do? Sulk at me?"

Mahi'a nods slowly to vague and all too surprising description, clearly taking the time to memorise it. "Guesses might be the right route, that isn't a lot of information to go off at all! You may have better luck going around asking every Seeker you see how they feel about ice," they suggest before staring at Q'kura. "Are you threatening your colleague?"

"Shut up, Vex. I'm fairly certain he has unfinished business with D'khoreh, if you'd like me to remind him?" Q'kura snaps, brow lofted, before training his gaze on Mahi'a. "No such thing. I'm simply reminding her. What business is it of yours, Keeper?"

I like D'khoreh. I do. He's a little snivelly, and something of a doormat, but that suits me well enough. He works when he's told, and sometimes when he isn't. He means well, and that's gotten him into trouble. It's gotten -me- into trouble. It's fair to say he deserves whatever punishment they have in mind for him.

A small flicker of a flame dances across her right shoulder, out of view for Q'kura. Her expression remains the same, as if unphased by his words. "Plenty of people he has unfinished business with. Maybe he'll lose the rest of his fingers, too." She turned and took a few steps closer to Q'kura, leaning closer. "I heard -you- are on her list, with him." She then glances Mahi'a's way, and offers a subtle nod.

His response gains a frown in return. "A threatening reminder, then. I don't think people should be threatened for doing their job, I thought that was a reasonable thought everyone had!" Threats aside, their gaze follows Vex, eyebrows raising as she speaks. Subtly isn't their forte, and they soon appear fairly excited instead of concerned. "And you're out here even so? That is -brave-. Maybe I had you all wrong, here you are putting yourself out in the field while a murderer is after you! Even returning to a point of interest, these are tactics I would never have expected!"

"She… She wouldn't be out here." Q'kura swallows a little sharply, but no less confident for his words. Notably, he'd tied his hair in such a fashion the telltale mark wasn't all that obvious unless one were truly looking. "One can only hope. At least you don't have to clean up after his mess." Eyes narrowed, he speaks vaguely enough to Vex, but his distaste for the man is apparent all the same.

...She wouldn't be out here. She has to rest sometime, yes? Besides! You can't even see my mark behind my hair, unless she has some seriously excellent vision. ...She wouldn't be out here. She has no reason to suspect me! No reason at all!

“Maybe she’s watching you right now.” Vex smirked. “Blame yourself for that one, none but -you- put yourself in those shoes.”

"She could be," Mahi'a agrees, ominously. "Waiting for the perfect time to strike! That or she's going to follow you home to make sure that you're alone, it's an endless cycle of investigators getting murdered…" They trail off, having tuned in to the topic at hand with only a faint understanding of what they could be discussing.

"In which case, we're all equally in trouble if she's watching. What makes either of you think she'd spare you? What does she even want, anyway?" His last words are muttered, but his eyes don't quite land on either of them, much too predisposed with checking anywhere that might serve as a good lookout spot. "You're awfully comfortable with the idea. Both of you."

"Lurking in the shadows... Watching." Vex annoyingly wiggled her fingers Q'kura's way. "Oh, I have a guess!" She -beams-, full of feigned enthusiasm.

"I'd like to consider myself an optimist and go with the assumption that I won't be murdered today. It's worked every other day before now," Mahi'a explains happily. "And if it did happen, I'd be dead, no time to think about how I'd been so wrong!" They watch him with some entertainment. "There's probably no use looking around, I bet a good murderer would be impossible to spot if they were stalking you."

"She was spotted once. We know what she looks like." Q'kura replies in chiding manner, ear twitching in irritation, and he doesn't even look Vex's way before snapping at her again. "Shut up, Vex, i don't want to hear it!"

Vex, having no intention to do as told, rocks herself forwards anew, head tilting. "Maybe she doesn't like that thing on your face." A hand extends towards Q'kura, as she seeks to casually flick a finger against the frame of his glasses, seeking to force them askew upon his face. "Or maybe just doesn't like your face."

Mahi'a does their best to refrain from laughing while they watch Vex harass Q'kura, their smile as far as they let it go. "These are good guesses, you should keep them in mind," they acknowledge with as much feigned seriousness as they can manage. "We might not know for sure until you murders you specifically - maybe if she tries today we can ask her? Like a trap!"

"I am -not- going to be murdered!" He shoves Vex away with the flat of a hand, exasperated and worried even by the idea of it. "And even if she does just swoop down from the heavens and fill me with arrows, you two will join me! She didn't spare Dologadai, she won't spare you. We've lost several of our best healers now!" Colour; anger began to rise in Q'kura's cheeks. "Eanwin is going to run us all into the ground, especially if that bastard keeps carving people up the way he does!"

"I'm sure several of them thought the same!" Vex staggered back from the shove, keeping a grin on her lips. "Join you, huh? Amazing. Maybe we should lure her out - you can be the bait!" She beams. "Oh, quit your whining - you lost -two-." She scoffed.

"That's the spirit, optimism in the face of your demise!" Mahi'a encourages him. They clasp their hands together behind their back, gleefully watching Q'kura and his anger. "If we move juuuust out of sight she might take her chance, thinking he's alone… Though that might be a bit too cruel if you're one of the last healers around."

"Don't be ridiculous! You're not going anywhere without me, Vex!" His teeth bared with those words, gaze darting upwards again, before the glare lands on Mahi'a for a change. "One of the last competant ones! I have drank so much ether over the last few suns i swear i can taste it when i breathe, and for what? Putting people back together that should be dead to rights, or those who don't deserve it!" His voice rose in volume with his growing frustration…

I'm beginning to think it was a mistake in dragging that bloody Viera back with us! Sure, we have X'llaya now, but at what cost? The boss seems happier, and i'm in his good graces, but i'm lumbered with having to put him back together every time someone wants to break him, and Vairg seems to want that to be every other sun. And he's the fragile, flimsy sort! Ugh... If i wanted to babysit, i'd never have left the tribe. They should have just let him die in the arena when they had the chance!

".. Wanna bet?" Vex grinned. She rocked back and forth, huffing. "I'm sure there's a few broken bones for you to tend to when we get back! -If- you dare to go near -her-."

Mahi'a grins brightly once Q'kura's attention returns to them, no point hiding that they were enjoying themselves all along. "Victims of the murderer?" they ask curiously after his rant. "Has she really hurt so many of you? I'm surprised you aren't warier being out here!"

"You can't heal dead people, and she's not keen on leaving anyone alive. Besides, no one can be here forever, yes? If she attacks, i can and will defend myself, and i won't be so stupid like the rest and actually bother to use a linkpearl! And as for Eanwin, i'm hoping she's so tired she doesn't have the energy. Sod the lot of them, i'm going straight back to my bed when i'm home. I am -so tired- of healing broken bones!"

".. Nope. Not the killer." She cast Q'kura a glance. "But there's a mess your -favourite- Viera left behind. Sure she could use healing." Her hand raises, offering a small thumbs-up Q'kura's way. ".. So tired she doesn't have energy to yell at you? Are you delusional?"

Mahi'a tilts their head before nodding. "That's somewhat good news then, isn't it? And in a way, if they're all injured then they can't be out here getting murdered like your friend, it's a blessing in disguise!" they try and reassure, badly. "It doesn't sound as if you'll be able to go to bed so quickly…"

"Which Viera, Vex? I'm tired of both of them! I'm tired of cleaning up after him, and i'm tired of fixing the other one. I'm tired of both of them. If i never see another Viera again, it will be too soon." His ear gives another sharp flick. "No, but i can at least hope she'll yell quieter, or be unconscious." Another glance to Mahi'a, then. "And no. Likely not. People are already beginning to get reluctant to leave."

Vex peered to Mahi'a, lightly shaking her head. "Wrong kind of people getting hurt." She stated, before squinting at Q'kura. "The one who is two fingers short." Vex smiles, genuinely - a bit too happy about the fact. “So yell at you in the morning, instead. Got it.”

Mahi'a makes a face of distaste and nods. "You do have your work cut out for you. Why stay if it's so bad? Exhaustion on one side, murder on the other! Cut your losses and find a new job, one where you're not having nightmares about various viera."

"There's not usually so much murder." He doesn't elaborate further, however, not wishing to say more than he had. "Most likely yelled at in the morning, yes, unless Vairg lost his temper with her too. That's a sight i'd prefer to be far, far from…"

".. Plenty of other -horrible- shit, though." Vex exclaims, and turns to stare -directly- at Q'kura.

"Maybe that is why a murderer is after you and your friends…" Mahi'a 'determines', nodding a few times at the thought. "Oh, well! You might catch her if you stare at the grass enough, or she'll see that it's the perfect opportunity to murder you before you can even think of the possibility."

"There's horrible shit in every corner of the world, Vex." Regardless, he sighs. He'd have to return back sooner or later. "And she won't." Q'kura barks back at Mahi'a, grabbing at Vex's shoulder. "Come on. We're going home."

"And oh the -corners- we have back -home-." The last word left her more akin to a snarl, certainly not considering the compound her 'home'. An automatic hiss leaves her as Q'kura grabs her shoulder, flames briefly flickering across her frame before dying out. Her ears pin back.

Despite the previous smiles, Mahi'a's expression comes close to a scowl as Q'kura grabs Vex, especially considering her reaction. "What a shame your investigation has been cut short," they lament. "I do hope you avoid running into the mysterious ice Seeker on the way back, it would be a shame not to see you out here if someone else is killed instead."

"Not if she finds you first, -Keeper-." Q'kura bites back. Her flames do indeed run up to his hand… But harmlessly move away before they do any kind of damage. He continues to half-drag Vex away, intending to return.

"-- I can walk on my goddamn own." Vex hissed at Q'kura as he dragged her along, features now pulled into a frown instead.

Mahi'a waves a hand towards them both before folding their arms, watching both depart with a frown.

Something about that Keeper puts me ill at ease. I don't know why. Maybe i'm being paranoid. They were more prying, and found far too much humor in winding me up. ...Going back to the compound isn't all that much fun, but it's better than being out here in the firing line. Investigatory work is beneath me, anyway...

[dearweirdme]

I don't understand why taekook were never allowed to console each other except on stage one time and when Jungkook said this is how you feel when I cry. It's not like jungkook can't we have seen rosebowl movement. When Jungkook was crying very badly on stage and hobi came to pick him up we can see tae holding himself back and being concerned.

I think company has made jimin go to person to console people. He is really caring no doubt about it, we have seen the way he handled tae in bv. But still I generally see him mostly consoling other members also. You think this is something company wants to highlight?

Hi anon!

You know what made me love BTS as a group (even before I came aware of Tae and Jk)? It's how all the members combined makes for such a well balanced and high functioning group of friends/members/brothers. Every one of them has a 'function' or personality that adds something to the group. None of them can be missed or replaced, because it would make for the whole group dynamic to shift. They just work together and it shows in how far they have come together.

I don't think Jimin has been appointed the go-to-person for emotional support. I feel Jimin is very much naturally inclined to comfort people. I think he is sensitive himself and he seems very emotionally intelligent. This makes him a very emphatic person. He is also a physically affectionate person, so for him to automatically reach out and comfort someone with a hug comes naturally (imo). He is this way with all members. I am so happy that Jimin is a part of BTS (aside from loving his voice and dancing abilities) because I think his comforting ways have been very much needed for a lot of members. I wish Jimin had a Jimin for himself, but I think Tae is also a very comforting source and Jk has also learned how to be comforting to people. It is certainly possible that the company tried to show those moments of Jimin comforting people more than others, but to me it isn't artificial or anything. Maybe some editing choices were made, but that is quite normal for any band.

As I mentioned, Tae to me is also a person prone to be comforting to others. I feel Tae is slightly less sensitive himself, and therefore might clock in to distress a bit slower. He is very atuned to Jk though and I feel he always knows when Jk is feeling uneasy. A lot of those touches we've witnessed are soothing in nature, and Tae can often be seen watching Jk from a distance. That moment you mentioned to me absolutely portrays Tae holding back.

So why? Why do they backhug and hug and touch, but why do we not see them comforting each other explicitly when one is upset (there are moments that they do though, it's just never a highlighted moment)? I think it's because that is one of the things that they have been explicitely told not to do. Imagine management having to deal with an in-band relationship. What do you tell your idols about how they are to behave? You come up with examples. You tell them for instance, to stop hugging each other as much. Now the conscious decision to hug someone is much stronger when you see someone upset. So it’s much easier to hold back when you are conscious of wanting to do something. When Tae for instance sees Jk crying, he will be conscious of wanting to hug him. His next thought will be “but i’ve been told I can’t.” It’s different when for instance they are just sitting aside each other and a hand drifts to the the other’s leg or when they stand next to each other and hug. When emotions are high they become more pronounced and easier to identify. Actions belonging with those emotions are also easier to identify and therefore easier to stop.

But, we’ve not been totally devoid of them consoling each other. It’s just often in subtle ways.

I think they’ve been told not to be overly affectionate. Which is why we seen subtle things, but not strong actions.

One moment that to me personally conveys a lot, but which also could be easily debunked by others is this one.

To me this is Jk automatically reaching out to a very distressed Tae. Jk’s face softens, he reaches out and comforts Tae. But, he catches himself and you can see him get uneasy. He looks around and his face gets tense. I think Jk broke character here. I think he did something he wasn’t supposed to do.

[single-malt-scotch]

thinking about the Process of building up to where i now have this blog i think it is easy to admit i had like, an era of distaste for present day mcyt, that obviously was built on nostalgia and annoyance for a growing and mostly young fandom-- i think many can say that with things they fall out of or watch grow while theyre away from it lol. tho some of that was built off the way tumblr/ppl in general shot down much of mcyt by declaring all facets of it as 'rpf' in a very strict and not fitting way which i wanted to agree with while hating my older self's joy for it, and it took a while to unlearn.

but more than anything im glad ive distanced myself from typical fandom interaction bc it allows me to enjoy this on my own so much easier. aside from not following much of any fandom blogs and thus not seeing constant discourse on my dash, i also just dont care about shipping in the slightest and its hardly bc of my own choice to not do it-- its just that overall with every kinda fandom thing i just.... couldnt care less if one thing is popular or the other. i dont follow the tags bc i know i dont care to see whats there, and maybe im not a huge fan of some duos but in the end? i just cant care enough to be mad about it even if i dont really seek it out. its just guys...just people... theres nothing i find inherently obnoxious there and bc i set my own boundaries theres hardly an instance where i feel the need to be annoyed by the ppl who do post about it.

if i was 14 year old me in mindcrack era, you wouldve have been hearing Opinions. but im too old to care that hard about people getting paired up for whatever reasons ya know. im not even strictly living in a bubble... i still post to the tags and draw but i just know im not gonna care about a majority of the fandom's general postings so i just sit back and let it go by in the background. ive learned to just let shit go on without needing to seek it all out bc i know i dont want to see it all anyways.

[xhatake]

"why don’t i make you a cup of tea, and you can tell me all about it?" minato <3

This was more uncomfortable than Kakashi had expected. It's hard to look Minato in the eye, to swallow the tight lump that burns his throat. The shadow of grief had stretched over Kakashi for most of his life, it was nothing new... But he had always thought it made him stronger. harder. His sensei had been kind enough to care for Kakshi while he grew, to provide him with a space full of love. For all the love Minato & Kushina had to spare, Kakashi had just as much confusion about who he was, how to feel about it. Surely their warmth was supposed to melt his icy walls, surely they could close the distance Kakashi kept forcing between them.

Every time Minato took a step forward, Kakashi took two steps back & now he felt he had nowhere else to go. Obito was dead. He was not the only one grieving, but he could not help but feel alone. He was responsible for this tragedy & the only ones who seemed to acknowledge that were the Uchiha. They compensated for everyone else's understanding tenfold. it was difficult to navigate life as it was, each potential road winding & weaving in a million dangerous directions.

He sits at his sensei's kitchen table. Minato seemed to notice Kakashi's reluctance to look him in the eye because he gives Kakashi space, getting to work on the tea he promised Kakashi. Kakashi was thankful for this, it was hard to talk about his feelings while connecting to a sense of self, the feeling of being. But he felt like his heart was driving him crazy & if he didn't share his internal conflict, it may explode.

" It's just that... It feels like his funeral was last week, " It had been two months, a week & three days since Obito's funeral. There had been no body, save for the eye in Kakashi's skull. Kakashi had to fight for the right of Obito's legacy, to keep his final gift. He was still fighting. Kakashi feels strangely sick as he leans forward, using his palm to hold his head up & hide the concealed eye on the process. Sometimes he thought of tearing it out himself, presenting it to Fugaku Uchiha & being done with it all. He knows this will not resolve things, but maybe they could become someone else's problems if he did. He lets out a shaky breath, unsure of how long he stays silent. Kakashi appreciates the room he's given to catch his breath. Sometimes it feels Minato is the only person who knows how to give him that stretch, to slow time long enough to think, " Things keep happening so quickly."

Kakashi's scarred hands fall to the table in front of him, raising his gaze only when Minato sets a cup in front of him. Kakashi watches the steam wafting off of the hot tea within & Kakashi draws it closer, holding the cup with either of his hands. The tea is too hot to drink yet, but the action is grounding. It keeps him from drifting into racing, invasive thoughts of what he should do to keep from feeling this way. It was terribly selfish of him to be thinking of his own feelings. Everyone had lost things, everyone would continue losing things, it was the way of the world. He probably sounded like a child, whining about his dead friend. Minato-Sensei had a thousand things that were better than watching Kakashi's tea cool over a thick silence. So Kakashi searches for his voice again, for fear of wasting his teacher's time.

" I just feel like... " Feel. what a strange word to say aloud. It made him more human than he wanted to be, " Things would be easier if I died out there instead. Obito would have been better at dealing with this stuff than me. " He still can't meet the worried gaze across from him. Kakashi taps his finger against the side of his up & chooses his next words very carefully, " Maybe he could've made Rin feel less sad. Maybe he would have been better at helping you too. " He deserved better.

[toukatan]

You read every gojohime fic???? That's amazing!!! What are your favourites?

hello anonie! i guess i can say i’ve read at least a good 80% of all the fics, at least. probably. most likely because the fic tag at the start of the year was tiny and now the community’s grown so much there’s almost 600 of them. that’s insane to me. like hello?

i have a lotta fics that come to mind, that i should honestly make a master post on because i love them all. so here are a few many that came to mind immediately as i typed this up.

gojohime fic recommendations!

multichapter

limitations by ohmytheon 

“Parenthood chooses you," her mother used to tell her, but Utahime never understood that saying more than the moment she realized she was pregnant with Gojo Satoru's child. They were never meant to be something serious - never meant to be more than they were - and yet they both suddenly find themselves in a world that doesn't care about their desires - and that brings them closer in a way that no one else can understand. It won't be easy and it won't be kind to either of them, but it appears as if the universe has other plans for them

no one is what they were before by ohmytheon 

The world broke when Gojo Satoru turned on jujutsu society. It's not the hopeful place it was before, but Utahime has never been one to give up. Until she's placed in a dangerous position directly in his path, and she finds herself trapped in a web that doesn't seem intent on ever letting her go.

and touch me like you never by ohmytheon 

In public, Gojo is a special grade bastard, especially to Utahime, and has been all their lives. He knows exactly what insults to throw and what buttons to push to drive her up a wall. In private, however, he's got quite a few other things to tell and show her, which only makes things more confusing. It would be easier if she could avoid him entirely, but for some reason, he won't let her go entirely.

gravity by aerfei

This is Utahime, fierce and indomitable, and this is Satoru, who despite holding the world’s regard, still craves something that Utahime has had all her life. Coming together is sometimes an act of desperation, and sometimes a deliberate choice. Or: An Iori Utahime character study, through the lens of her relationship with Gojo Satoru, starting from the beginning and ending at the Goodwill Event arc. Manga spoilers and (at least 95%) canon-compliant through (at least) chapter 135.

count every single leaf in autumn by florieneofthesea

“I told my family we’re dating.” Utahime’s hand hovers over the door. “What?!” (or: Gojo tells his family that he's dating Utahime to get them off his back, so of course they invite her to the dreaded family dinner™)

favourite colour by otherthingsonhold

At 28, Satoru Gojo's responsibilities only start to multiply. With his clan looking to him to lead the family, and the balance of the universe in his hands, Gojo isn't thinking of much else. But when his mother brings something to his attention, the only thing Gojo can do is follow through. But how is Utahime Iori part of all of this?

gojo catoru by ashittywriter

Utahime is tasked to catsit a suspiciously large Persian dollface cat with pristine white hair, the most boop-able nose, and to top it off the cutest cerulean eyes. Too bad the cat also happens to be her idiotic colleague Gojo Satoru.

at the tail-end of spring by florieneofthesea

Utahime doesn't expect to remember her ex's number off by heart but it comes in handy when she's a little less than sober outside a club in a city she's not familiar with and her battery on three percent. She just wishes things turned out differently for them. (Or, post-break up exploration where outer forces refuse to let them have their happy ending.)

a second chance by onewordmore

In another world, it wasn't Geto who sneered down at humanity, regarding them to be worthless monkeys that deserved to die. In another world, it wasn't Geto who openly defied the Jujutsu Council and brought down terror and fear to all. In another world, it wasn't just Amanai Riko who died that day, amidst the cheers and delighted cries of the insane. And Utahime was going to learn, first hand, the consequences of her own death.

from you to me by onewordmore

A drabble series regarding Gojo and Utahime. From fluff to smut to angst to love. This is going to have it all.

oneshots

oceansize by aerfei

The marriage is arranged by their families, small clans both, with all their hopes and traditions laid gently upon the shoulders of their only heirs -- and yet, this distance is impassable.

under the cover of darkness by ohmytheon

It takes a little alcohol, early morning hours, and a game of truth or dare for Gojo and Utahime to admit some difficult truths to each other.

risk/reward by ohmytheon 

No punishment had ever been more effective in making Gojo do his actual job than receiving praise from his secretary - or more grueling than when Utahime withheld it.

like a good roommate by ohmytheon

Utahime has a problem: her bed wasn't delivered to the new apartment. Her ridiculous roommate, Gojo, has a solution - but he's kind of panicking on the inside.

aware of us by halspur 

“We did alright, didn’t we?” Gojo put his phone down after taking several dozen photos of Tsumiki walking across the stage, his eyes soft. “I mean, we were just kids, too.”

love song by halspur

“Because you’re weak.” Gojo said, muffled into the thin skin of her throat. “I can’t leave you alone.”

tear you apart by halspur

“I don’t want to be mean to you,” Utahime’s cheek was pressed into his spine, her voice muffled. “I like you.”

cuddles are for clean boyfriends by just_trying_my_best_everyday

Utahime finds Gojo Satoru sitting right behind the door, blindfold hanging on his neck, completely soaked in blood and petting her cat with both hands. And he stinks.

honey by florieneofthesea

Gojo Satoru experiences love a decade before he fully realises it.

roots by florieneofthesea 

At the start of winter, Utahime starts to cough up blood. She thinks maybe its just the lingering damage from her last mission, but the coughing persists and it starts to scratch her throat, and itch at her lungs and when she finally makes the trip to Tokyo to ask Shoko for her help, she doesn't even get the first word out. Shoko welcomes her at the entrance to Tokyo Metropolitan Technical School and Utahime hacks up a single, pale blue petal, smattered with blood. She stares down at the flora on the ground and wonders if she's been cursed. Utahime looks up, and Shoko's eyes are wide.

to have and to hold by ashittywriter

“M’sorry," Gojo said his voice slurring at the end. "But please go away, I have a girlfriend." Utahime blinked in confusion. What the fuck? 

souvenir by PrettyKittyLuvsU

“Aha!” Gojo tugged something out of his pocket, his long fingers curled around it as he held his hand behind his back. His other hand waved before him, a cheeky grin splitting his lips. “Ora, ora! Hold out your hand.” Utahime stared flatly. “Ora, ora!” Gojo persisted, continuing to wave his hand as he grinned. “Hold out your hand already!” Utahime scowled at the hand swaying infront of her face. She had half a mind to slap the man instead, but her students were closely watching. Even Gojo’s students, the second years mainly—for Sukuna’s vessel was apologizing profusely as the brown haired girl continued kicking him while the quiet one made no effort to stop her— looked in fascination at whatever ridiculous souvenir Gojo wanted to hand her. Utahime slowly lifted her arm, already planning on throwing the thing back in Gojo’s annoying face. Gojo gets Utahime a very special kind of souvenir. Set during the start of the Goodwill arc.

dayum this exposes me huh? i do be reading a lot but what can i say i love to see it. all these fics are amazing, to the writers y’all are doing fantastically like my goodness you be really putting ya girl in a loop with some of these fics with your plot-lines and doing it flawlessly. can’t thank them enough for them, their hard work and time!

be sure to show the writers some love and support with comments, bookmarks and fight that dayum kudos button when it smiles at you because lemme leave more—

i think they’d really really appreciate it when they hear the bing and be sure to check out all of their stories including the ones in the pairing tag! happy readings 😙✨