#I care a lot about people. even the people I don’t talk to anymore or like ppl I regard as like acquaintances
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i was kind of expecting it (because of the danny motta pandemic), but the amount of people that just. write off octavia as some sort of ungrateful brat is really pissing me off.
we, as the viewers, have a much broader understanding of stolas, his life, and his relationship with stella. we are also made to look at it in a positive light for stolas, because we are shown instances of stella and her brother being the terrible antagonists they were written to be.
and most importantly, we do not have an attachment to stolas and stella’s relationship.
octavia instead, has had her life recently upended, has seen her father do a 180 change and (in her eyes) ruin his whole relationship.
her parents are divorcing, and they’re going about it in the worst way possible. they keep badmouthing each other, and they are, quite frankly, very dismissive of octavia— stolas as well, even if he doesn’t mean it.
and then, her father risks his life for the guy he destroyed his family for. and she is left with her mother and uncle, who clearly don’t have her best interests in mind.
of course stolas deserves to be happy, and of course he can love both blitzø and octavia at the same time, but what a lot of people don’t get is that she is a hurt child, who is very lonely at the moment, and who has not had the time to process everything.
instead she has to watch her dad fawn over his affair partner, talk shit about her mother even after the divorce, and then he suddenly leaves and oh! he will be banned from their house for a hundred years.
of course she holds resentment over her father!! he hurt her, just as much as her mother hurt her!!
because yes, stolas’ hatred towards his ex-wife is justified, but he has subconsciously let that feeling cloud over his love for octavia.
for a child, seeing your parents go through a divorce is really fucking tough. even if their relationship wasn’t the best, even if the love wasn’t there anymore, your parents splitting up still feels like a point of no return. as someone who went through that, i cannot tell you how many nights i spent as a teen wishing my family would go back to normal, even if the rational part of me knew that their separation was a much better outcome, and that the normal i hoped for hadn’t been that in years.
their divorce is only a couple of months old, it isn’t nearly enough time to begin getting over it, especially if you don’t have a good outlet for your emotions— which octavia doesn’t have.
and as i’ve mentioned earlier, the fact that her parents hate each other so openly is also another big fucking problem!! it does nothing but make the child in between feel bad, because they feel guilty for still caring about both of them, like their love for their parents is wrong and tainted.
(again, stella is terrible, and we can all agree on that— but octavia doesn’t know the full extent of it!! sue just wants her family back!!)
i feel for stolas, and it’s so, so obvious that he loves his daughter more than anything in this world, but i also understand why octavia wants some distance from him.
even though he didn’t mean to, he failed to think of how his daughter was holding up, until it was too late.
(and to everyone that says octavia hates her dad, go fuck yourself and pick up a pair of glasses. there is a difference between being hurt by someone’s actions and hating them. she went to IMP to give him his meds. she saved stolitz + IMP from andrealphus. learn some media literacy before you speak thanksssssssss<3 )
#helluva boss#helluva boss sinsmas#octavia goetia#VIA GET BEHIND ME!!! I WILL NOT LET THEM GET TO YOU!!!!#i’ve said this before#but the people that hate on octavia have probably never had to go through being a child of divorce#this is not stolas critical btw. i love him and i want him to be really happy#just look at my banner. the moment the buckzo-goetia family becomes true i will die a happy woman.#i just wish people looked at octavia with a bit more empathy sigh#she is me and i am her i fear#i just have a couple more years of experience and hindsight
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genuinely i think if i have to see taylor swift’s name one more time i’m going to start breaking things.
#i liked her casually as a kid#and i still like a lot of her music now#but i can barely even fucking listen to it anymore bc she is EVERYWHERE#like literally i don’t care about her and i don’t care about travis whoever#and i don’t even care about her in a negative way like i don’t care if she’s selfish and narcissistic and a performative activist#and her jet emissions or whatever#bc literally 90% of celebrities are like that she’s not special#i am just so tired. of people ALWAYS talking about her#and being expected to have an opinion and be up to date with whatever meaningless drama is going on#genuinely no hate to my friends that like taylor bc i don’t mind that#it is more just like. Everywhere#i cant even go on tiktok without seeing her name 300 times i cant DO THISSS#ok. rant over. 😭
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🫀.
#listen who is going to write this fic where#louis suffers from syncope and has and ICD#and basically knows harry and his heart starts acting funny again#and he tries to avoid him even tho Harry is very likeable and pleasant and hot#and louis just can’t stay away because for some reason they happen to be in the same place very often (same dorm? idk something like this)#and Harry doesn’t push him#maybe he dates someone else in between ? idk up to the author#but then a kiss happens? and louis’ heart seems ok with it#so louis gets courage and lets harry stay close and they start something very cautiously#and when they have sex for the first time louis gets soooo excited his heart starts acting funny again and yes he passed out#and harry freaks out A LOT but does the right things and all#and then louis is embarrassed and doesn’t want to speak to harry anymore#but harry spends nights and days around the hospital room#he talks with friendly doctors and nurses (not about louis but just in general bc they see him there all day)#and so nurses and docs tell louis there’s this guy outside#who never asks for louis or anything he just stays there#because he wants louis to tell him what happened and the doc explains there is nothing to be ashamed of#that this guys really seems to care and louis cant spend his life avoiding people and relationships and be alone forever (very brutally)#and he’s just a boy so … lets harry in and harry is sooo insanely smiley but also he tears up because he had been so scared#(he hates get teary in front of louis bc he doesn’t want to make a big deal out of this and louis would probably find it weird)#and he brought Louis flowers (he did everyday)#and they don’t really talk but harry is happy with being there#and louis’ heart seems happy too because his heart starts racing#louis jokes about it being Harry’s fault if his heart is stupid#and harry smile drops and he says his sorry#and Louis reassures him and idk whatelse happens but like they will change their meds at some point and he will be fine lol#who writes it? cause i cant lol
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does anyone else feel like they need to Make Fan Content That Is Also Good And Interesting in order to make/keep internet friends so as to be worth other people’s time
#the internet is one big networking tool#genuine question because like. i know it’s unhealthy but i also feel like that’s kind of the economy created by the internet#i’m not advocating it and i’m also not trying to be self-deprecating#i was never great at art and i haven’t posted anything i’ve written in like 5 years#like for example. i put off making a dragon age blog for a while bc i don’t Do anything. even now that ive made it i feel like i don’t have#a leg to stand on to talk to my mutuals. we are always competing for attention on the internet#i’ve known a few people where like. i thought we were actual friends and not just fandom colleagues but i always felt like i had fo Prove I#Was Talented to keep them interested and like. again not healthy but i’m wondering how common that is#maybe that is just fandom colleague behavior and i misread the situation but uh#also to be clear i’m not trying to like. blame anyone or victimize myself#i’m mostly curious because i have seen people talk about how making friends on the internet is so much easier and i’m wondering#where that idea came from. bc i still think it’s hard. but i wonder if it’s easier if you’re one already posting Original And Interesting#Content. i mostly just make memes and meta at this point and it doesn’t get a lot of attention. which is fine#i’ve just found it markedly harder to meet people since i switched tacks#one of the reasons i burned out tbh. among other things. i’ve been picking writing up again but i don’t post anymore#honestly realizing this has probably bitten me in the ass before bc i’ve had friends who share stuff they’re proud of and i don’t jump on it#bc to me i’m trying to be like ‘you don’t have to prove yourself to me. i like you as a person’#but probably comes off like ‘i don’t care about the things you care about’. hm#mine
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“I’ll be fine i just need to uhhhhhhh idk kill” but like…what if i did haha
#my stuff#dear diary and the several thousand mfs who can see it. Despite arguably good academic performance today feels like a bad day#bc i skipped lab to take a nap#and i feel lonely and incapable of connecting more than superficially with my classmates#like i can talk to them and i do and we get along well but i never…hang out w em#or at least not as much as they seem to without me#it’s not a malicious thing i think a huge part of it is groups of ppl living or working in the same space#and i’m in a different lab building than a lot of ppl#idk…struggling to find anything that sparks joy. unable to see the future with optimism#it’s just day after day of Job where i’ll beat myself up on weekends if i don’t do Even More Work#bc that’s the nature of grad school. always homework or literature review to do like i give a shit abt the latter#i don’t care what other people are doing i don’t wanna obsessively comb through journals to make sure i’m doing Brand New Shit#i want it to stop#i don’t want to read anymore. i don’t wanna have to worry about my job outside of work.#i want to cry and scream and#like i don’t wanna quit after i worked so hard to get here#i don’t wanna wuss out#but i’m always tired. i’m never rested or relaxed or truly enjoying myself#why is this only hard for me…how tf is everyone else able to read and remember and understand this much??#like yeah maybe i should be on adhd meds but those are fuckin spensive and a pain in the ass to get#i’m tired of being tough#i want to curl into a ball and be told it’s going to be okay and that i can rest and have it not be a lie or a half measure
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rambly rant in the aftermath of this whole situation. I wasn’t gonna say anything because I didn’t have anything new or smart to say
but now I really wanna implore my followers to think critically in light of tumblr “drama”. because it’s dangerous. inflammatory posts are so easy.
imagine being called some of the worst words for one second, could you as easily defend yourself? even if you knew you had done nothing, how easy does it seem to convince an angry mob that they’ve got it wrong? definitely not as easy as making the fucking post at least.
I don’t want to talk whatever allegations. its not about the post of the week. its about the culture around drama, and free-for-all that surrounds it.
the lack of critical thought and understanding that smart, grown humans are able to give these situations is sad. past blind gut reaction anger and disbelief, do yall do anything with those thoughts afterward? parroting some talking head without thought isn’t insight. the people who make these posts on anon and think that gives them free reign to do the most despicable shit,
if you wish real harm, if you doxx, if you threaten someone’s life or innocent people who aren’t even involved - you’re straight up a bad person. the person you’re calling out may be a bad person too, but there’s no way you’re the “good guy” there.
can you actually think about what you believe in regards to the thing?
some of you seem to think everyone acts in service of you and your beliefs, instead of their own reasons and beliefs.
I know angry people are gonna start shit bc you have the critical reading skills of a goldfish so again, this isn’t a judgement about the situations that have cropped up in dc spheres last few days. I can’t say anything that hasn’t been said before. It’s about how y’all react to it. Drama isn’t an excuse to become a horrible person for a few days. And if you take any chance to publicly act like a shitty person, maybe you just are a shitty person.
It shows that most of you have no fucking clue of what you’re talking about. Publicly airing your problem w someone isn’t public service.
we all understand that a subjective bad interaction isn’t proof. it doesn’t criminalise someone to be shit person to talk to, but that’s 90% of the rbs.
If you have a gripe with someone, you talk about it in private, or to friends, or block them. And if you’re gonna call someone out, make sure you can line up the facts. Not assumptions.
The vagueness is so distasteful. If you don’t have enough fact to label them with that word publicly, maybe mind your business and dislike the person in quiet. no one said you’re not allowed to dislike someone.
have some fucking class. unless you’ve made sure that what you’re saying in the Whole truth, it probably isn’t. it’s your belief, and your belief isn’t any more important or right than anyone else’s. so many of you are seriously, seriously embarrassing. good job doing absolutely nothing for the betterment of anyone.
#‘I understand why dc is used’ but apparently only the dc you personally wanna consume#??#people who’ve followed me probably knew how I felt about this thing already so this shouldn’t be much of a surprise#i literally have my own gripes with a lot of the topic discussed#firsthand as a victim#yet every victim ive talked to seems to agree that even our personal gripes don’t set the rule for what someone can use to cope#if you send anonymous hate I really really genuinely don’t support you as a person#I hope you go away#bc some of the reactions to drama in the last year or so has been#foul#they’re not even cosplaying care anymore it’s just straight up any excuse to act crazy#ring ring#tw.discourse#I guess but not really bc I genuinely have nothing to say about the stupid slew of posts that have been going around
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I cannot fathom the level of self importance some people must have to behave this way
#it’s more so selfishness lmao#idk I’m getting unnecessarily worked up about this but 6 months ago I kinda vanished off of everywhere and then I noticed she deleted some#messages#girl I would’ve responded later calm down gosh the messages aren’t going anywhere nor are they disappearing#dora daily#I think of all people who should be mad you’re the last one because tell me why you were so viscerally rude to me since the beginning and#played a massive part of the roaa situation by being complacent when oh ! I thought you’d side with your alleged best friend ME#girl you have no right to complain at all not to mention you take FOREVER when you have no excuse to reply back but when I’m struggling I#apparently have zero excuse ☠️ girl bye#not to mention the fact that when I was so frustrated with myself having these bad headaches and being so incapable of doing anything when#exams were so close all you had to say was what can I do#well bitch what could I have done when you were at hospital#I guarantee you I was the only one texting you 24:7 asking how you were#reassuring you that it’s okay to feel upset about being in the fucking hospital and you don’t need to have such toxic positivity all the tim#oh but when the other girl had freaking back pain from her period or something apparently that’s more of a concern#girl bye#not me who has chronic headaches and cannot even study and nothing sticking cause it’s that bad#oh but go ahead compare it to your chronic illnesss like yes it’s horrible and yes it impacts you a lot#but I don’t think it impacts your brain and memorisation capacity#not to mention how fucking jealous she is of everything like I can say oh god I was so stressed and girl she has not felt stress in her life#compared to what I go through yet she is jealous of the fact I can stress ? tf?#and when I say I almost passed out cause of exhaustion she doesn’t give a shit when I was being so serious#in truth I’ve come to realise nobody does seem to care at all lmao they all think I’m lying#why would I lie about that be so fucking fr rn#anyways this is why I simply don’t want to talk about my physical condition with anyone anymore because they’ll think I’m a liar anyways 🤷♀#not to mention the fact if you even knew me a little you’d understand that it’s so impossibly hard for me to feel comfortable enough to#complain to talk about me feeling sick or sad or whatever I only do it here cause no one follows me and no one will rlly see it at all#but even here I feel like my throat closes up and I can barely breathe when I do complain#so pls …#this one sided friendship thing is crazy cause girl how do I shake you off?
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so normal about dinahboose 🙃😭
#i don’t even know if people ship it anymore all the stuff i see for it is pretty old 😭#dont care 😎#i know im evil#im such a multishipper tho.. cooking oil is so sweet at times…#i feel like if your gonna ship greaseball or c.b with dinah i think everyone has this lil yeah dw they get better tho#which is so me im like#AWWW GUYS THEY ARE SO CUTE#but i only ship them when c.b apologizes to rusty and everyone 😡#then its okay 🥰#so many thoughts about what c.b did tho..#cuz i feel like him braking/crashing rusty and being on electra and greaseball’s side is kind of out of immatureity and naive(ness?)#just a lil bit#and dinah helps him realize good morality in some way#but what i love about dinahboose above any other c.b ship is that i feel like c.b could also improve dinah as well#like during theres me he’s so supportive and guenuine and i feel like he would totally give dianh advice#i’m still figuring out caboose’s character tho because he is.. confusing#a lil deranged guy 😭#wow ok that was a lot of tag talking alright gn everyone#trainrot#dinahboose
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@ anon sorry I accidentally deleted ur ask!! to answer ur question though, I think it’s a bad idea because.. i fear rejection i guess and I suppose what I fear more is the opposite
#i have an issue where despite wanting to feel close to people I kinda hold everyone but like two people at arms length#I care a lot about people. even the people I don’t talk to anymore or like ppl I regard as like acquaintances#it’s easier to care from a distance. less of a sit back and watch thing more of a#aw I see a post on Instagram im so glad ur doing well I’m gonna mentally send good vibes and go about my day#it’s#it’s easier being a ghost I suppose#idk whenever I try a restart a friendship it never works#you can’t just rebuild connections#or at least I can’t#maybe im too different or maybe I’m too similar#also whenever I hype myself up to do something I’m afraid of doing it backfires spectacularly. so no actions means no expectations means no#consequences! and I know that makes me a bad person but consider that it’s for everyone’s best interests#this is probably just a weird phase of nostalgia anyway#and you should never reach out simply for nostalgias sake. you will have unrealistic expectations for urself and other ppl ^_^#im content w my mostly happy memories ^_^#should I tag this as#asks#nonnie#? in spirit I guess#I think I have like. one mutual from that time but I’ve changed my name like 60 times bro prolly don’t even recognize me which is for the#best#now… what am I gonna draw today#i guess im also afraid of what it means that I could’ve had more friends if I didn’t uhhh split or assume#that no one liked me in the first place#it already happened w a dear friend and I can never fix it so#why try
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~ ~ ~
#I think I’m lonely in a way I can’t fully describe#I have a partner and friends and family but still often feel alone even when I’m with them#I don’t feel close to anyone at times and I don’t know if it’s outside circumstances or just me#like with my partner being asexual we don’t really do certain activities that I’d like to partake in more often and I can’t hold it against#them for how they do/don’t feel but at the same time I’m craving a physical connection I can’t have and am struggling#doesn’t help that I think about sex all the time nowadays and would really like to be having it and experiencing/exploring certain things#it’s not always easy to take care of oneself that way and still also try to console the ace partner apologizing for who they are#and yeah hall passes are great but only if you have someone to use it on and I’ve never had anyone want to be with me sexually#moving on to bestie I don’t feel my same love and affection being reciprocated and that sucks because I really do anything I can for him#and am like that with pretty much all of mt friends where if they need me for something I’ll be there#but a lot of the time it seems like he really only wants to talk/hang out with me if he’s at work and I can come visit with him#any time I invite him to do something with me outside of work he flakes and so it’s not even worth inviting him anymore#and yeah there’s rare times where he’ll call me a bunch in one day but it’s always just to tell me some gossip from work#not that gossip isn’t fun but still don’t you want to jus talk to me? I always want to just talk to you even if it’s about nothing at all#I’m always the one putting myself out there for him and being there for him when he calls me but I almost never get that same response back#and it’s like I know he has a family so I know he can’t always drop everything for me nor would I ever expect that but just some matching of#my energy would be nice you know? but then I feel guilty/selfish because I feel like I shouldn’t ask that of him when he does have a life#away from work. and I mean I guess I do too but it’s different because partner and I don’t have kids and don’t do much aside from sit around#together or have tea or other things most often done at home. and I don’t live with partner full time yet so I also still have other freedom#outside of just being with them. and other responsibilities I take care of but not on the same level as a wife and kids I guess#idk now I just feel like I’m whining but tbh all this stuff is weighing on me and just making me feel really shitty#I don’t know how to fix these issues without sounding like a selfish bitch and I’m obviously not going to cut anyone off but I don’t really#see any other solutions forming either. so it’s like I guess I’ll just keep my mouth shut and keep feeling bad until the end of time since#that’s the easiest thing to do and then no one else is hurt or upset aside from me#I just feel like I’m destined to float through life never getting back what I need from my relationships but still giving everything because#I don’t know any other way to be. I don’t know how to set boundaries even for myself so I’ll just keep giving and giving until I’m dead#and yeah I guess I am still a lot happier than I used to be and I appreciate the people in my life#just sometimes feels like they don’t really appreciate me back is all#so now I have to lay here next to partner and have all this shit running in my mind and try to get over it on my own#reasonably I should just go to bed but the loneliness is gnawing at me and idk what to do to make it go away
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#i hate I hate I hate how deeply I feel things sometimes#not every little sad little thing needs to feel like a hole through my ribcage#I’m just so sick of feeling undesirable#jobs don’t want me#no one wants to commission me#nobody wants to try to start a new friendship with me#I feel like I can never say the right things#I get too excited and I talk too much and I say something that’s not Bad by any means but just a little bit odd#and it chases people away#I feel like every conversation I have is a series of blunders#I feel like someone doing a very poor cosplay of a human being#like the whole job search thing is so frustrating#but right now it’s especially just that I can’t make friends anymore#I’m just really lonely#I love love love my d&d group but they can’t hang out 24/7 and I get jealous of them having other friends#(not in a ‘hey you can only hang out with me’ way but in a ‘I wish I had other people too’ way#but I try to make friends with coworkers and they just kind of blow me off during conversations and seem very uninterested#that girl on YikYak bothered me more than I wanted to acknowledge and admit#idk I just got excited at the prospect of making a friend only to realize she decided I wasn’t someone she wanted to be friends with#I’m too scared to talk to anyone in classes and they’re all busy anyway#like even when I try to make friends through things like the D&D club people seem to brush me off#I know I can be A Lot#I’m clingy and talkative and have no filter and I’m horrible with social cues#I’m an acquired taste I guess#I just wish people irl cared enough to acquire it#and to be clear I don’t think any of y’all will really see this but if you do none of this is about you#I love you guys so much and you make me feel so loved and so welcome and so comfortable#I just wish I had that irl#I’m sick of being lonely
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you try not to get jealous. it does you no good. but sometimes you get a little miffed when it comes to how women treat your husband, arranged!gojo.
you see how the women giggle at him, how they bite their lips whenever he walks by. you see them giggle to each other, the way they try to catch his attention.
and though most ladies of the high society act this way, some of the servants around the estate, the women of the town, and others behave like this too.
they act as if he’s not married, as if that ring on his hand is purely for decoration. and sure, maybe a couple months ago it was for show but now things have changed and you don’t appreciate those ladies all that much.
and gojo notices.
he knows you’re getting better at talking to him about what ails you, but he also knows that it’s a a lot to get used to at once. he sees the way you tense up at their whispers, the glares you throw their way when you hear his name in their conversation. he understands because he’s the same as you, his feelings mirroring yours.
so he decides to comfort your worries a bit indirectly.
“what…” you whip your head around as gojo stops at a random spot in one of the hallways, taking you away from your tea time with shoko as he fails to give any explanation for his hurried responses, “what are you doing? you have that meeting with your counsel and-”
“missed you,” is all he’s able to say as he slams his lips onto yours, earning a surprised yelp in response.
your back hits against the stone wall, one of his hands against your head to protect it from bumping back as your gasp in surprise, letting him slide his tongue in your mouth as he sloppily kisses your lips.
“satoru, w-wait,” you try to stop yourself from whining out loud, your fingers cuing into his artic strands as his hands move down to hold your waist, “it’s daytime, p-people, people can come…” you can’t speak anymore because he doesn’t let you, lips slotting against each others as your eyes screw shut, heartbeat in your throat as he hands squeeze as your skin.
“i missed you,” he just repeats, nipping slightly at your bottom lip as you mewl, feeling his lips trail down your chin to your throat as you tilt you head upwards to give him a better angle.
you almost want to laugh because it’s only been hours since you’ve seen each other, but for gojo it feels like days since he’s seen you.
you peek slightly too look at him, see the way his lips attack your skin, sucking and biting, surely leaving marks as he makes his way down. you love the way his hair is slightly wavy, most likely from his bath after sparring.
you’re almost too intoxicated from his feverish kisses to notice the sounds of incoming footsteps, but the loud overbearing giggles is what pulls you back to reality.
you tense up, scrambling to push him away from you but he won’t budge. if anything, he seems to be motivated, moving back up to your lips to steal your words away.
“t-there’s people coming!” you try to warn him but he doesn’t seem to care, his blue eyes gleaming with a different look as your whine from one of his hands moving upwards to your chest, giving one of your breasts a light squeeze.
“so?” he murmurs, lips hovering against the corners of yours as his brow cocks upwards.
you go to say something else but he tilts your chin upwards to meet him, one hand balancing on the wall behind you, one on your hip, his hair messy from your fingers gripping at him.
you don’t feel like moving, too drunk off of him to even notice the ladies as they round the corner, not looking their way as you hear their squeals of shock, the way they try to hurriedly leave.
you glance slightly to the right as gojo moves back down to your neck to get a look at them, your fingers still tangled in his hair, one hand draped over his neck, squinting slightly as you remember their faces from last week, when you overheard them talking about your husband.
there’s a slight tilt in your lips as you hear their scrambled apologies, the way they try to leave as fast as they can. you try not to gloat too much in their looks of envy and jealousy.
and if you focused just enough, you could feel the smile on his lips.
“you missed me?” you ask a little breathless, a coy tilt to your voice.
“so much,” he mumbles as he glances up at you from his white lashes, his pupils blown wide, lips messy with spit, red and swollen as he presses a slopping kiss to the slight skin showing of your chest.
“you’re so immature,” you chide, trying to look away, the hide the bashfulness in your face but his hand cups your jaw, pulling your face back down to see his.
“they had to see for themselves,” he tells you, his voice wavering on something darker, “had to see who the only lady gojo is.”
and you smile, eyes a little hazy as your fingers slightly tug on his soft strands, reveling in the way his eyes roll back and his lips find their way back up to yours.
yeah jealousy wasn’t the best. but thank the gods your husband was just as petty as you.
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A list of things I’m frustrated by:
#1. my right skate won’t fucking tighten right it’s being stiff so I can’t skate properly again. they don’t fit right but I can’t do shit now#2. I’m not enjoying ice hockey as much right now bc of that and the people being. not annoying but. I’m disconnected from them#3. feeling disconnected from everything because of the residual barriers I put up but also the ones are just There bc of outside forces.#4. of them the disconnect that comes from not like loud music/crowds/drinking when you’re at uni.#5. the fact that the friends I have most access to I largely don’t like that much bc half are straight and southern and rich and annoying#6. the fact that a different group of friends basically just stopped talking to me and honestly didn’t really want me around that much anywa#7. the fact I don’t care that much about that. any of that. and I’m not Cool with not talking to them anymore but it’s just Happened yknow#8. the fact that’s a significant portion of the queer people I know here. and the others aren’t people I’m anywhere near as close to.#9. the way it’s my third year here and a bunch of people are graduating and opportunities to meet new people went to hell like two years ago#10. i Can meet new people and in fact am even now but everything is so much effort#11. how that’s probably how it’s gonna be the rest of my life bc being an adult sucks. I’ll get Maybe one more shot at meeting a bunch of#people quickly if I do a phd and move but that’s hellish for other reasons and I lose a lot in doing that. but I lose a lot no matter what#12. graduating sucks and so many of my friends are doing it this year. I’m not but next year will suck bc of flatmates and everyone missing#13. feeling on the edge of hockey friends bc they’re fucking hockey players and make dumb fucking jokes. and how I can’t do that#14. anxious isolated gay boy I was never gonna be cool with that and there was never any way I could’ve been on the team#15. the fact I decided not to go for the team partly bc of that and the fact I dont regret that decision. bc I like ice hockey but I couldnt#17. knowing the answers to most of my problems bc I’m at That point where I have the self awareness and maturity to some extent to see#exactly what’s going on and what’s up with it and the right way to go about things. and still feeling the fucking feelings anyway#18. the weird fucking position I occupy both w queerness and the north/south thing weirdly where I’m gay+northern + surrounded by Not#and neither feel like they belong to me. distinctly Other but not in the right way and both sides see that. always a little off#19. being socially aware enough to see exactly where things are awkward or done badly but not knowing in the moment how to make it Not#20. the way the shit The Asshole said abt my anxiety has stuck with me so much and I still think abt it all the time#21. the way he was my fucking first. a lot. and then did That to me and there’s been nobody since and that’s fine but see point 17#22. the way shit is slow to fade both with Him and current guy (very different things that are fading) even though both are fucking dumb#23. current guy being the fourth and should know bettering and knowing that’s bullshit too and I hate it. gonna start biting#24. not having the means time or opportunity to meet other people instead. and feeling dumb abt wanting to. and abt not doing some stuff#25. the fact this list is long enough that I’m gonna run out of tags and there’s still more but it’s 4am and I’m done#luke.txt#I’ll be fine once I’ve slept on it all. I should do something abt this probably but idk what right now and I should sleep mostly so. night!!
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Doting
Tags: jjk men as dads, tooth-rotting fluff, comfort drabbles
Synopsis: How the JJK men treat you while pregnant (spoiler warning- they dote on you.)
An: This is my formal apology for writing Nanami angst on the “Baby’s first words” post 😔 it will never happen again (can we stop with the death threats now?)
SATORU • SUGURU • TOJI • SUKUNA • NANAMI
SATORU
Oh, your loving husband is all over you while you’re pregnant. He genuinely has such a cute fascination with all the changes your body is going through. He seriously thinks you’re so strong for carrying his heir.
He loves rubbing your bump. In fact, he will always be touching it in some form or fashion while you two are together. When he’s away on missions, he has you send him pictures and updates on your pregnancy as if anything major has changed in a couple of days.
You best believe he is ready to indulge you on your every craving, no matter how strange. It’s three a.m and you’re crying because you need that specific brand of chicken wings and a can of whip cream? He’s heading to the store immediately to fetch whatever you tell him to.
He genuinely worries about being a good dad. Many nights he lays his head on your bump and talks to you about how teaching didn’t come naturally to him. He wasn’t born knowing how to meet people where they’re at. He use to expect people to be able to meet him on his level. He worries that he may inadvertently put a lot of pressure on his kid, and that’s the last thing he wants due to how he was raised. He just wants his kid to be a kid.
He’s the best, most loving and compassionate dad to your baby, more than you could ever hope for. Even if teaching didn’t come to him naturally, being a father did.
SUGURU
He’s such a “sit down and let me do it for you” while you’re pregnant. He cooks, cleans, works, and tends to you completely throughout your pregnancy.
Suguru gets hyper fixated on your health during pregnancy. He only feeds you the yummiest and healthiest foods while you’re pregnant. He encourages for you to sit on the yoga ball and do (very) light exercises. He just wants the best for you and his baby.
Whenever I said he tends to you, I genuinely mean he tends to you. He’ll gently brush your hair at night time, rub your back when your belly is becoming heavy to carry around, serve your breakfast, lunch, and dinner in bed, carries around emesis bags and breath mints for if you get morning sickness while you two are out.
This man is the king of enforcing your boundaries to people when they don’t listen. That really annoying family member that insists on being there for the birth even though you’ve already explained to them that you want this to be an experience for just you and Geto? Yeah, he’s made it very clear to them that they will not be at the birth if they want to be in your kid’s life.
He is absolutely not afraid to hurt feelings if it means his wife and future child are safe and cared for. He really don’t give a fuck who anyone else is. You and his child are first priority.
TOJI
Toji is definitely the type to express his love and devotion for you in other ways than the most conventional methods.
He is so incredibly gentle while you’re pregnant. He doesn’t rile you up as much or play fight with you anymore. He constantly reminds himself that you’re carrying another life inside you and that you have enough on your plate.
This man… whew does he love seeing you pregnant. Toji’s the type of man to feel so feral when he looks at you heavily pregnant with his kid.
He adores your body. He’ll rub lotion all over you and oils to help your skin accommodate to the stretch of carrying a kid. He massages your body and absolutely worships it while he’s rubbing the lotion and oil on you.
Your breasts are sore? He’ll gently massage them until they feel better. Your back hurts? He’d be the type to lift your bump up and take the weight off you for as long as you ask him to so you can feel relaxed for a few minutes.
And look this is probably TMI but like, if you got a clogged milk duct due to breastfeeding, Toji would unfortunately be the type of man to fix that issue with his mouth. i’m sorry but he would.
Final thing is, you better believe that he doesn’t allow anyone to get too close to you. He is so unbelievably protective over you while you’re pregnant. If he could, he’d lock you up at home to prevent anyone from getting close to you.
SUKUNA
On the outside, he acts very nonchalant and unbothered by your pregnancy. On the inside, he is constantly plagued by the thought that your body may not be able to carry his heir. The thought of losing you or his child haunts him.
He will secretly observe and take notes on your body and how it is changing. If he catches you expressing any sort of short windedness, he will immediately send you off to bed rest. Though, you’re usually able to convince him to take you off of it by the next day.
The only servant he trusts to tend to you is Uraume. No one else in his court is allowed to be anywhere near you unless he gives specific instructions. Still, he hates leaving you in the care of Uraume. He trusts them, but he wants to be the one to take care of you.
He loves holding your body close to him at night. All four arms are wrapped around you and holding you closely. Since he doesn’t need much sleep, he will stay awake rubbing on your tummy all night long. One time, he felt the baby moving in your stomach while you were asleep. He was so intrigued that he woke you up and told you to “make them do it again”.
Now, he will randomly approach you at any given time while you’re heavily pregnant and hold his hand out so he can feel his baby moving around inside of you. It soothes his worry.
During birth, Sukuna was a complete mess. The amount of blood lost during birth fucking terrified him. He was panicking and yelling at anyone to do something to save you, even while everyone was assuring him that you’re okay and this was natural.
After 9 long excruciating months of extreme worry and constant fear, he finally feels peace when he’s cradling a newborn in his arm and a sleeping wife in the other arm. All of his hard work to protect you paid off he thinks.
NANAMI
Oh, to be pregnant by the king of domestic love himself.
Nanami is the type of man to immediately start working on a nursery for you as soon as you reveal to him that you’re pregnant. He immediately changes the guest bedroom into a nursery that you design for your little baby.
He reads up on all the parenting books and articles. He’s constantly compiling things to either do or to not do during pregnancy and even while raising a kid.
Like Geto, he tends to your every need. He is a total house husband all while working 40 hours a week. When he’s at work, he is constantly calling and texting you to make sure that you’re okay and taking care of yourself, but let’s be fr he literally did everything for you before he even left for work (meal prepped for you, set out your clothes for you, put out all your self care items in case you want to bathe).
When you express concerns of your body getting bigger to him, he does everything in his power to show you that he loves and respects your body for creating life. He literally cherishes and worships your body for hours if you let him.
Like Toji, Nanami is protective over you. He constantly has an arm around you if you two are in public, and he watches everyone who dares to get close to you like a hawk. If he gets a bad vibe about anyone, he’s immediately stepping in front of you and taking over the conversation.
Nanami is the best partner to have during birth. His reading of articles during your pregnancy really paid off. He is supportive without being overbearing. He listens to your needs and tends to you without question. Constant praise and encouragement while you’re giving birth. The moment he gets to snuggle with you and the baby is the moment he realizes that he cultivated the life of his dreams. He has the family he always wanted.
#jjk#jjk fanfic#jujutsu kaisen#fanfic#drabble#gojo satoru#jjk gojo#jjk nanami#jujutsu satoru#satoru x reader#jjk satoru#jjk suguru#getou suguru x reader#geto suguru#jjk sukuna#sukuna x reader#jujutsu sukuna#sukuna#toji x you#jjk toji#toji fushiguro#toji x reader#nanami fluff#jujutsu nanami#nanami kento#nanami x reader#jjk fluff#tooth rotting fluff#jjk drabbles
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#i could be a very reigned in and pleasant thing you know#i’d give up a lot#no weed? i can do that. if you help me taper a bit#(i admit my consumption is higher due to a negative stress cycle)#i won’t play the obnoxious activist. i may even end up changing my opinions if you can make me believe what you say#i don’t want to be greedy and just take every little thing just to take it. i’m not salacious. I don’t throw myself at people#trust that i’ve had the chance too#but at this point i’m not itching for a variety of empty little connections#like what? for brief sloppy idealized sex? that doesn’t mean anything? and probably isn’t even the kind of sex i want?#hilarious that that’s a dealbreaker for me#i’m sorry i’m so sorry but i can’t play dom anymore#well maybe a little. if you really want to#but i need to feel that care. that warmth. that i belong. that i’m truly desired#desired for me and not just what i do#it’s hard to explain it but i felt that way a lot in past relationships#like it was my job to be the one who desires. And pour my desire into attention for my partner#and i mean#every time i tried to talk about it? i got shut down. so i just tried to make do anyway#i mean are you gonna give up your future because she won’t tie you up?#(or even really seem like she wants to touch you. or try to make an effort in conversation or basically anything in my life)#and like also? if it’s very serious? all i need is you to care about it#like you don’t need to give me success. if you give me safety.#call it foolish but i feel like there’s greatness in me. and maybe if the right knobs were tweaked i could manifest it#but it would be enough to do it just for you#if i was loved and safe#i wouldn’t feel like a failure if i could create. And still have a place in this world#that’s my real fear too. that i’ll never get it. that my talent and brain will never be enough to win in this world#at least not without totally throwing away my soul#if say. nothing changes and then my parents die i’m totally on my own. 40hrs of my time for barely anything. potential permanently stifled#i wouldn’t feel that way making art and supporting your household. that’s meaningful. my time wouldn’t be wasted
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Saw that the Tumblr icon on my iPad changed so I went to see what’s up and WE FINALLY CAN REPLY WITH THE BLOG WE WANT !!! THANK YOU !!! Now staff make it so when you block someone it’s block on all sb too thanks I’m tired of blocking 3 times
#I’m tired of forgetting to add this is blah blah main when someone somment something on my sideblog 😭#my phone is sadly too full for the update but at least my iPad is ! I’ll answer on it when someone comment ckdnjdnd#now I’m leaving again !#oh I should update that my mom recognized she fucked up (will she learn a lesson though? only time we’ll tell us)#so she apologize my dad didn’t care but he went to get her at work today and they’ve been talking like nothing happen#since they had to go grocery shopping cause the fridge was empty#idk if they talked or they just decided it was better to not say anything and fight again#so I’m happy again don’t wanna d*e anymore until I look for job at least fkdndjdn#which is what I should do but I’m ignoring my problems reading ncjdndjnd#i waited at least today see if my parents were still on the verge of divorcing or not and they seem okay so I guess i’ll check 🙄#pray that I found something nice 😭#I’m tempted to find something that maybe I could work 4 days a week and not 5 but I’ll never find that#cause honestly I only pay for my phone and Sowon food + litter (and vet if needed) I don’t need that much#I did promise them I would pay for Puppy’s pills if I work though cause it’s like 200$ maybe less maybe more even I can’t remember a month#my mom is struggling bad since he got those pills it’s a lot for her small salary#I’m so lucky that my parents let me be even if they struggle but I feel so bad I need to get diagnose soon cause I’m difinetely anxious#and it’s ruining my life#also had to get check for ADHD and Autism words from my doctor for the ladder I’m personally not sure ? everyone tells me no#but those people knows nothing about autism they only person that says there’s ‘’high chance’#is bestie and she study in psychology a little for her field so I trust her judgement way more ! but maybe it’s just a mix of the other 2#that make it seem like I may who knows one day we’ll have the answers#okay I’m talking to much now I’ll go don’t know if I’ll come back soon but at least I wanted to tell you I felt better !#we are back at the normal worries only 🤪#alex.txt
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