#this happened last night btw I was too drunk to notice the state of my feet so I slept like this 😭😭😭

[thedickcavettshow]

if I may offer a word of advise to any person out there who may be as stupid as me - do not walk through a field of stinging nettles barefoot

[bbyheedeungie]

You have me now | Cat hybrid!Jungwon AU

Pairings: Jungwon x Reader ft. Bang Yedam

Genre: fluff, angst

Warnings: depression, slight nudity

Word count: 1.7k

Synopsis: Going through some tough times in your life, you come across someone who is struggling as well. And now you never thought you'd find solace in your cat, Jungwon.

Author's note: this is my longest fic yet! I got very emotional with this one. Btw, thank you for all your support! 😭❤may all of you have someone to depend on in your darkest times.

Dark gray clouds cloaked the skies, with vicious thunders warning everyone that heavy rain threatened to pour mercilessly. It was 5pm, your last class had ended long ago but your teacher had to make you stay to discuss important matters with you; your failing grades in his class. And to make matters worse, your boyfriend had just broken up with you through a text.

As you make your way through the gates of the school, you groaned as the cold rain engulfed you within seconds.

"Guess this day can't get any better huh."

You make a sprint for it, not caring about getting your socks muddy anymore as your arms make a futile attempt to shield yourself from the rain.

Amidst the harsh cry of downpour, you were stopped at your tracks by the sound of weeping meows, not too far away. And there it was, under a tree was a small kitty crying in sorrow as the cardboard box which was probably supposed to be its home melted away in the rain.

You've never been one to keep pets, but you've always had a soft heart when it came to animals that is why without hesitation, you scooped up the poor kitty in your arms and ran home.

You were dripping wet, shivering as the warmth of your apartment slowly welcomed you and your companion. You settled the kitty on a rug as you took a warm shower and changed into an oversized shirt and sweatpants. When you finished drying yourself, you notice that the kitty barely moved an inch from how you left it, still shivering.

"Hey kitty, you'll be okay now." you cooed and stroked its wet head and ears. It looked at you cautiously yet gratifyingly and you were shocked at how much emotion its eyes held. Almost like a human.

"That's kinda odd. But you have very beautiful eyes though." you smiled.

Never having owned a pet, you were honestly unsure on how to take care of it. And so, together with your wet books, you blow dried the kitty with your hair drier. You giggled as the kitty flinched lightly and its fur stood up, probably new to the sound and sensation of your hair drier. Your laugh fades as your eyes train upon the scars all over the poor kitty's body. You could have easily missed it because of its dark fur but as it dried more, it became more visible. You knew battle scars when you see them. As your fingertips lightly grazed your scarred wrists, your heart can't help but ache for the small cat.

"I won't let anyone or anything hurt you again. I'll take care of you from now on, okay? You can depend on me." you assured and it meowed in response, tilting it's head sideways as it blinked at you a few times.

At dinner time, you rummaged all of your cabinets for anything you can feed to the small cat. The rain hadn't ceased yet, withholding you from going outside to buy proper cat food. For the time being, you decided that a can of tuna will suffice.

You placed the bowl of food in front of the kitty, taking a few seconds before it cautiously moves closer to it to sniff it.

"Well go on, don't be picky." You raised your eyebrows, placing your hands on your hips. The kitty meowed and did that thing again, tilting its head and blinking at you before dipping it's head into the food. It only took a few minutes for it to finish eating and you felt like a proud momma. Poor little thing must have been very hungry.

That night you decided to let the kitty sleep above your blanket, settling into its place at the foot of your bed. Suddenly, the sound of raindrops have never felt so calming as you slept soundly that night for the first time in weeks.

The morning welcomed you with bright sunshine beaming through your windows. You hummed in content as you snuggle closer to the warm body that cradled yours.

Your eyes shot wide open at the sudden realization and shoved the person away from you. You stumble out of your own bed and stare at the gorgeous boy that blinked at you confusedly.

"Come back to bed, I want to sleep some more." He whined sleepily, tilting his head as he blinked at you. Why did it seem familiar to you?

You combed through your hair profusely, trying to stay calm as you rake your thoughts on what had happened last night. Did you got drunk and brought a boy over? Your blanket covered his body up to his neck but you were sure he wasn't wearing anything underneath, remembering how warm his skin felt on yours. You slap yourself internally and took a deep breath.

"Umm hey, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. Last night was a mistake." you said awkwardly, fiddling with your fingers. He blinked at you, seemingly hurt.

"I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?" He said sadly and sat up and attempted to reach out to you, your blanket sliding down to his hips. His entire torso was now in full display and you quickly stopped him.

"No, stay! Don't come near." You shrieked as you look away with your hands covering your eyes.

"Do you regret taking me in last night?" He asked bitterly, looking down to his hands.

"What, what do you mean?" You remove your hands from your eyes and glance at him, your eyes quickly falling to his scarred torso.

Just like—

"Oh! Did my human form freak you out? I'm so sorry, I'll change back."

My cat. Under the covers, was the kitty you took in.

To say that your morning was eventful was an understatement. You told him to change back to his human form and had him wear one of your oversized shirts in which he happily sniffed before putting on, and a pair of shorts that your brother had left when he last visited you. And now both of you are seated at the kitchen table, eating kimchi fried rice and eggrolls for breakfast. It has been 5 minutes of awkward silence when he decided to clear his throat.

"I guess I should introduce myself." He said shyly, his eyes glued to his plate.

"Please do." you nod, trying to stay composed.

"I'm Jungwon, and I'm a hybrid."

You take in a shaky breath. A freaking hybrid.

"I grew up in the animal shelter, where I was separated from my parents since birth. I don't know if they're hybrids as well." his fists clenched under the table and he took a deep breath, his eyes closed tightly. You quickly notice his discomfort.

"Hey, it's okay—"

"At the animal shelter, they didn't treat me well. The workers often lashed out me and hurt me when I couldn't obey them. And I didn't know why but I had this instinct of not to show them my human form. Honestly, this has been my longest time as a human." Jungwon said ruefully, ashamed to look at you in the eyes.

"When I was old enough, I escaped and ran away. I swore to myself that I am never going back to that place. And then I ended up under that tree, drenched and starving and you appeared and you—" he choked, his tears trickled down his face and you quickly sat up fron your seat, rushed to his side and engulfed him in a hug.

"Hey, you don't have to be alone anymore. You have me now, okay?" You said as you stroked his hair comfortingly.

Once he'd calmed down, you introduced yourself as well.

"I'm Y/N. I guess I haven't told you my name last night." you chuckled. He shook his head.

"No, but I kinda peeked at your school ID while you showered. Sorry about that." He said sheepishly, scratching the back of his head.

"No need to be sorry for." you giggled.

Your conversation was abruptly cut off by the sound of your doorbell.

"Huh, who could that be?" you muttered to yourself, leaving Jungwon at the kitchen.

You opened the door, revealing your ex-boyfriend, Yedam.

"Hey, I was worried when you didn't text me back." You scoffed at him.

"Why would you even worry about me? Didn't you dump me?" you couldn't help it but you were angry at him. How he treated you so lowly that he thought you didn't even deserve a proper break up, that just a text message will be enough.

"Hey, you can't blame me. Y/N, your grades were failing, you were diagnosed with depression. You were falling apart—"

"And you decided I'm too much for you to handle. Yedam, leave." Your voice broke, your tears threatening to fall.

"Y/N wait—"

"Y/N asked you to leave." a voice spoke behind you, his hand reaching out to rub your back comfortingly. I'm here Y/N, I'm right here for you.

He didn't like the way the man you were talking to was making you feel. He could sense how upset you are and it pisses him off.

"Who are you? Back off man, this is none of your business." Yedam tried to brush him off.

"Any business of Y/N is my business too. Y/N, is this guy troubling you?" He asked you, his beautiful cat-like eyes look at you with tenderness and then shoots menacing glares at Yedam.

"No, not all." You smiled at Jungwon, and Yedam saw it. How your eyes sparkled as you look at the boy. You were happy. And when your eyes flew back to him, it was empty.

"Yedam, we're over. This conversation is over too. I hope you live a good life and thank you for being part of mine. That is all." You stated, feeling proud of yourself for handling things so well. For being strong.

"Bye then." Yedam said, turning his back to the both of you not before shooting Jungwon a look and muttering "Punk."

Once you close the door, you let your tears stream freely. Jungwon worriedly wipes away those tears.

"That human makes me want to claw his eyes out. I hate him for making you hurt like this." he scowled. You only smiled at him.

"Y/N, you don't have to be alone anymore. You have me now, okay?" he said, repeating your own words.

[hwangsies]

LIMERENCE

(n) the state of becoming infatuated with another person

pairing: hyunjin x female reader

summary: you haven’t spoken a word to hyunjin since he ghosted you after a fun new years eve together, so what’s the worst that could happen when fate (or chaeryong,...well, same thing) pairs you up for a road trip across the country?

warnings: e2l (ish), university student!au, non idol!au ,a lot of swearing. alcohol consumption,long flashback, mentions of infidelity, hyunjin is a giggly sweetheart, smut as in: dom!hyunjin, unprotected sex (wrap it up luvs),fingering, oral (f recieving), slight choking, praise kink, hand & strenght kink (manhandleing oopsie), slight overstimulation, hyunjin is really enthusiastic about consent (as you should be, periodt), reader is nervous and scared of hyunjins big pickle (ew i hate myself), motel sex (but it’s not trashy i promise!)

8.6 k words ,meaning grab a snack and a drink,

and enjoy!<3

---

"alright everyone" your professor rubs his hands together "that was it for today... i hope you all have a great break and i'm very exited to see all of you again next semester. hopefully in person again" he chuckles.

You and your classmates exchange goodbyes with him before one after the other exits the zoom call.

"fuck" you sigh after closing your laptop and lean back on your bed.

"you did it girl" your dormmate chaeryong claps, at which you giggle before shifting your eyes to her on the other side of the room.

She's sitting on her bed, folding her clothes before putting it in her suitcase thats placed in front of her.

"finally" you sit up and watch her roll up a pair of socks.

"my last class was yesterday and mrs kim teared up" she giggles "it was kinda cute not gonna lie"

"oh god" you snicker.

"hey did you find someone to take to yongin?" you ask, remebering chearyong talking about wanting to find someone to share gas expenses with in exchange for a ride to her hometown.

"oh yea, i did" she turn to you "i think you know him, seo changbin?"

You furrow your brows in thought, you feel like you've heard of the name.

"he's a music major, one year above us, hes also from yongin" she continues folding a pair of jeans "funny you'd ask actually cause he told me one of his friends was looking for a ride to seoul, isn't that where you're going?"

"Yea i was thinking about finding someone honestly because gas is really fucking expensive if you aint rich" you say, placing your laptop onto your nightstand.

"Mm you aint gotta tell me girl" chaeryong mumbles, folding a sweatshirt.

"so who's that friend?" you ask, stretching out on your bed.

"he's in his grade, hyunjin"

Your neck almost cracks from how fats you whip your head “hwang hyunjin?”

"Oh yea" she points at you "you know him?"

"unfortunately" you huff.

"o-oh, what"s the tea?" your roommate wiggles her brows at which you shake your head.

"nothing much really" you sigh, leaning back again "he's just like the most arrogant and stuck up fuckboy ever"

"wow, well thats not nothing" chaeryong laughs "any reason as to why you think that?"

"you could probably ask any girl on campus and she'll tell you the same" you scoff.

"really girl?" chaeryong squints an eye at you playfully "cause i've only heard of him being hot but never of him being a hoe. And you know i'm the first to know the hot gossip" she winks.

Laughing defeatedly, running your hand through your hair.

"it's just- we hit it off at the campus' new years eve party, like really hit it off- at least thats what i thought"

"oooh spill it spill it" chaeryong leaps over to your bed to sit at the end of it.

"well there's really not much to spill, i gave him my number and he was talking all that smack about taking me out and stuff aaand to make a long story short i never heard from him again"

"well" chaeryong speaks slowly, biting her lip guiltily "i dont think you'll be very happy about me giving changbin your number for him, then?"

"you did what???" your eyes almost pop out of your head.

"sooorryy" she jumps up from your bed, clutching her hands apologetically "i didnt know"

"aaaaarghh" you whine, burying your face in your pillow.

"maybe he won't even text you though" chaeryong tries to console you, but the damage is already done...

-

unknown number - hey i got this number from changbin, i heard you're driving up to seoul, i'd love to tag along if you're looking for someone to share expenses with -recieved at 9:12 am

You huff looking at the message on your phone.

After chaeryong had left last night you really convinced yourself that he couldn't possibly dare to reach out to you.

But here you are reading his message after just waking up, and your day is already ruined.

you - who is this? - sent at 9:56 am

You know who it is, but you're not going to give him the satisfaction of thinking that you do.

Scoffing when he answers almost immediately.

unknown number - this is hyunjin, did i reach the right person? - recieved at 9:57 am

You have two choices at this point.

1. be petty and bitter about a boy who probably doesn't even remember you.

Or 2. move on and help someone who is also just trying to get home and also maybe get some closure.

So you curse your mother for rasing you so well and suck it up.

you - yea sure, i planned on leaving tomorrow at around 6 pm - sent at 10:02 am

Damn you and your common human decency.

he sus - oh okay great :) i only have one suitcase and a backpack btw so i wont take up alot of space or anything - recieved at 10:05 am

he sus - also i feel weird bc i dont know ur name or anything changbin literally just sent me the number and nothing else lol, also 6 sounds good should we meet at the main building then? -sent at 10:06 am

You're quite honestly not shocked that he seems nice over text because he was the same when you met on new years eve.

you - sure lets meet at the main building, my car is white and my name is y/n - sent at 10:09 am

Cringing as you press the send button because you are 99% certain he won't answer anymore; not that you'd care, obviously.

he sus - alright y/n see you tomorrow at 6 then :) - recieved at 10:14 am

You raise your brows when your phone lights up with his message, does he really not remember you?

Was he that drunk?

Well, it doesnt matter because you don't want to pay for all this gas alone and he seems to be the next best option to fix that.

So you shrug it off and get out off bed to run some last errands and start packing.

-

Your heart is beating unreasonably fast when you take a turn towards the main building at 5:55 pm the next day.

Calm down y/n it’ll just be 5 hours and who says you have to talk to him?

However you do know deep in your heart that you only wanted to arrive just a little early so you could complain about him being late.

That plan got cut short because your eyes fall on him as you pull up to the main building.

He’s- oh my god he’s blonde. You stop your car and he looks up at you.

“it is you!” hyunjin smiles at you when you step out of the car.

“who else would it be?” you ask, a little irritated at his reaction.

His face drops a bit when he sees you clearly annoyed by him, but the doesn’t blame you; he’d be mad too.

You open your trunk for him to put his weirdly small suitcase into, looking him up and down as he lifts it inside.

He’s wearing dark baggy pants and a windbreaker jacket, the top part of his chin-length blonde hair is pulled back into a messy ponytail.

He seemed to have bulked up as well, shoulders looking broader than what you remember.

The hair is different than the jet black hair that you remember on him, but it suits him very well; to be honest he would look good in any hair colour, not that you’d care though.

The first thirty minutes of the ride go by agonizingly slow and in complete silence.

When you drive onto the freeway you can’t take it anymore and mumble something among the lines of ‘wanna listen to some music?’.

You don’t wait for an answer, pressing the radio button right as you finish your sentence.

“uh, actually” hyunjin starts, his hand lifting to turn the radio back off, your eyes snap towards him, is he serious? Turning off your radio in your car?

“I wanted to address this situation” he says rather quietly.

You scoff “what? You realized that this is awkward just now?”

“no- I mean- yes I understand why you would think that but I just really want a chance to explain myself” he stutters.

“explain yourself” you repeat after him before mumbling “sure because there’s so much to explain”

“listen, I know you think I’m an asshole who just ghosted you b-“

“listen, I can handle rejection, you could’ve just said that you weren’t looking for something serious and I would’ve accepted that. The thing I’m mad about though is you literally making false promises and shit” 

Hyunjin blinks at you “can I please just explain to you what happened?”

You let out a long huff “sure” you wave your hand “go ahead”

“when you and your friends left at around 4, you wrote your number on my arm with your eyeliner, correct?” he asks.

Glancing over at him, you nod.

“after you where gone, I was already pretty drunk but then my friends decided to drag me with them to a different party that was still going” you see him fiddling with his hands in your peripheral “well I got super fucking shitfaced at that party and ended up puking on this one guys shoes”

You raise your eyebrows and hold back a laugh, which he notices.

“its okay you can laugh” he chuckles as well.

“anyways that guy was not very happy about it and busted my lip before kicking me and my friends out, so then back in the dorm my roommate sat me in the shower because I was full of alcohol, blood and puke”

“ew” you chime in.

“and when I woke up the next morning your number was gone” hyunjin looks over at you “we don’t have any mutual friends, I didn’t know what your major is so I couldn’t even asks for you in the administrating office, and then the covid lockdown happened and here we are”

“you called the administrating office?” you look over at him, he nods a little smile on his stupid pretty lips.

“yep, so, sorry to tell you but your eyeliner is not waterproof” he jokes at which you playfully knit your brows at him.

“believe me, I wanted to text you. I really wanted to take you out; and when you sent me your name yesterday I didn’t know if this was a lucky coincidence or if you’re a different y/n, that’s why I didn’t say anything” he explains.

You take a deep breath as you realize you have to apologize for going off on him just now, you believe him but you hate apologizing.

“well, I feel like an ass for going off on you like that after hearing all this” you chuckle “I’m sorry” you eye him shortly before looking back on the road.

“it’s okay, you don’t have to apologize I get how it looked, very much sus” he laughs with you.

-

Coming back to your car after you took a bathroom break on a highway rest-stop, you see hyunjin sitting in the drivers seat.

“what do you think you’re doing?” you smile as you sit down on the passenger seat.

“I thought maybe you’d like to sleep since its dark already and you’ve been driving for almost 3 hours” he suggests while putting on his seatbelt.

“well, I wont say no to that” you shrug and put your seatbelt on as well.

“so when did you go blonde?” you ask curiously.

“uh- around end of june” hyunjin chuckles “it was a dare if I’m being honest but I ended up liking it and got it redone”

“oh okay” you check out his profile once more and follow his hair with your eyes “I like it”

“yea?”

“yea, which is weird cause I’m usually not into blondes at all” you wonder.

“hm” he grins “must be me then” he says before winking at you.

“pfff, in your dreams” you rebuttal playfully, at which he laughs and mumbles a ‘true’.

You don’t react to it because you think your ears are playing tricks on you.

“hey I have a question too” hyunjin says.

“what’s up” you lean your arm against the window as you look over at him.

His face is slightly lit by the lights of the other cars, no seriously, how can a side profile be so perfect?

“why did you even agree to take me with you if you thought I ghosted you?” he grins.

You laugh “well, I’m a nice person and I know not a lot of people there are from seoul and my mom raised me right, okay?”

“okay okay” he giggles, the way his eyes crinkle when he does makes you smile everytime.

“or…did you have such a good time with me on new years that you just had to jump on this opportunity?” he quips, carefully stealing a peek at you.

“sure, why do you think I was so upset when you didn’t text” you feign sadness.

The both of you laugh before falling into comfortable silence.

When looking outside your window, you think back to said new years eve.

-(flashback)

“oh my god” you said, stepping into the big hall that usually is the universities gym. But whoever planned this outdid themselves.

A dj was placed on one of the tribunes and a whole buffet of drinks and punches on the other, as well as a big disco ball hanging from the ceiling, making the room shimmery and shiny.

You could see people coming out of the doors that connected into the universities hall on one side and into the locker rooms on the others, as if it wasn’t already packed.

“this is fucking insane” lia, your roommate from last semester, squeaked while grabbing your arm and jumping a little, her voice overpowering the blasting music..

“I wanna get fucking hammered tonight” you turned to her.

“oh babe don’t worry,  we didn’t come here to drink soda” she laughed before spotting some of your other friends.

About five minutes before midnight you and some more girls gathered at the buffet of drinks and started doing shots.

You all had decided that instead of kissing someone at 12 o’clock you’d ring in 2020 with a shot, because alcohol can’t cheat on you.

You were laughing at something when some people started the countdown.

10!

9!

8!

7!

6!

5!

4!

3!

2!

1!

“HAPPY NEW YEAR”

Every one shouted and celebrated in union as you downed your shot.

“happy new year babe” lia hugged you after downing hers.

“happy new year!” you shouted into her ear, full of relief that this stressful year was over.

“lets do another one” she grinned widely after your whole friend group had shared their wishes with each other.

A girl you didn’t know very well handed you another shot, just as you emptied your glass you heard a guy yell something before stumbling into your back.

“jesus” you stumbled forward a bit before turning around, ready to throw someone a dirty look.

“I’m so sorry, are you okay?” in front of you suddenly stood a tall dark haired young man with almost too perfect facial features, frowning a little out of concern.

“nothing happened” you smiled, taking a step towards him so he’d hear you better.

“I’m glad” he replied, a grin slowly stretched across his handsome face

“I’m y/n” you giggled as you held out your hand.

His eyes crinkled with his smile as he took your hand in his “I’m hyunjin” he said before pressing a kiss to the back of your hand.

“okay guys let her have her fun lets go over there” you hear lia usher your friends away from behind you.

“happy new year y/n” he said before instinctively pulling you a little closer to him when a group of people passed behind you.

“happy new year hyunjin” you replied, a slow blush creeping on your face from how intensely he was taking in your appearance.

“well yea happy fucking new years to me for running into you” he joked before taking a sip, your brain wasn’t able to function anymore so you just giggled and nervously pushed your hair behind your ear.

It had been way too long since you’d talked to a guy, especially someone as attractive as him

“you’re fucking stunning” hyunjin complimented you and lifted your hand with his to make you spin for him, to which you complied because you took a long time getting ready and always appreciate being appreciated.

“thank you” you were crimson red by now but hoped he wouldn’t see because of the dimmed lights.

“how come I’ve never seen you around? I would’ve remembered you” he tilted his head.

“oh this was my first year here and I live on the other side of campus so…” you nodded slowly “but yea I would’ve remembered you too”

He grinned before downing his drink and putting on the table next to the both of you.

“wanna dance?”

That’s how you found yourself on the dance floor with hyunjin pressed against your back.

Slowly but surely the alcohol made you braver; and it didn’t take long for the dj to play perfect songs to grind yourself against his toned body to.

His reaction was instant, hands gripping even harder at your waist and his own movements matching your own.

You looked back at him just to have the air knocked out of your lungs, a barely there sheen of sweat was covering his forehead; his pupils were dilated and his lips were slightly parted before his tongue swiftly swept over his lower lip.

He looked like sex on legs and moved like it too.

His plump lips formed into a grin when he noticed you staring, you didn’t know if it was the alcohol running through your system but you so desperately wanted to kiss him.

“can’t stop looking at you either, pretty” he lowered his head to mumble against your cheek before pressing a kiss there.

“you’re so goddamn sexy” you blurted out as you turned around to face him, running one of your hands through his dark hair before positioning them on his firm chest.

He threw back his head as his chest vibrated with laughter.

“don’t laugh at me” you laughed as you locked eyes again.

“you’re cute when you’re drunk” hyunjin brought one hand to your face to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear.

“you dont even know me sober” you giggle “also i’m not drunk!” you protested playfully, his hands found your waist in the meantime to pull you flush to his body; at which you gasped almost inaudibly.

“oh really?” he looked down at you, clearly amused “didn’t you drink like 5 shots half an hour ago?”

“well well well, I didn’t know I had an audience” you countered, looping your arms around his neck.

Hyunjin prodded at the inside of his cheek with his tongue before looking away for a swift second, slightly embarrassed because he just exposed himself.

You felt yourself gush a little when he licked his lips again after bringing his gaze back to you.

“so you almost knocked me over on purpose?” you grinned even bigger when he shook his head laughingly.

“listen” he chuckled, leaning down unnecessarily close because you could hear him perfectly fine but you weren’t going to complain.

“I actually didn’t run into you on purpose, that was my friends doing after he saw me notice you” he said.

You mouthed an ‘ahh’ while nodding, feigning disbelief.

“I’m serious” hyunjin laughed “I still have to thank him later; I would’ve probably chickened out”

He got quieter at the end of his sentence, his eyes jumping to your lips when you wet your lower lip with your tongue quickly.

“i-m glad he pushed you then” you replied, trying to hide the fact that your heart was pumping your blood in record time.

“yea” he inched his face closer to yours as you tilted your chin up to meet him in the middle “me too”

His eyes switched from your lips to your eyes one more time before closing the gap between the both of you.

His lips were firm but soft at the same time in the way they moulded against yours, you swore you could hear lia squealing from somewhere but maybe you were just hearing things.

But when his tongue touched yours in the most tentative way you lost contact to what was going on around you, slinging your arms tighter around his neck and deepening the kiss.

A tiny groan escaped hyunjins throat when you carded your fingers through his hair to tug on it and release some of the adrenalin that rushed through you.

He was slow and explorative and let you take control from time to time before sucking on your lower lip and making you loose it.

You didn’t know how many songs had passed; to be honest you didn’t even remember what song was playing when you started kissing.

All you knew in that moment was hyunjins lightly flushed cheeks, swollen lips and dark glistening eyes.

“let’s go somewhere else?” he questioned in a whisper when you bit your lip, nodding at his question.

He grabbed your hand in his before manoeuvring the both of you through the dancing and celebrating crowd.

Before you knew it, hyunjin pulled you into the entrance hall of the university where multiple people had the same idea as you.

Couples scattered across the big room, some just talking, most of them however making out heavily.

“come on” he softly tugged at your hand, smiling when your gaze falls on him.

He lead you up the big flight of stairs onto a floor of the building you’ve never been to, stopping in front of a random room before pulling a small set of keys out of his back pocket.

After unlocking the door, he opened it to let you step inside.

It was a dance studio, the wall right across from you was just one huge mirror through which you could see the big couch in the back of the room and the water dispensers next to it.

“why do you have the keys for this room?” you asked, giggling.

Hyunjin grinned as he closed the door “I’m a dance major, we all have keys for the practice rooms”

“that’s so cool” you beamed “I wish I could dance” you looked around the room, walking towards the mirrored wall a little bit.

“you were moving just fine earlier” hyunjin came up behind you, nimble hands finding your waist as he looked you up and down through the mirror intensely, now that you were under the bright lights of the room.

You couldn’t help but to smile a little at that, the tight little glitter dress that you had chosen really did accentuate your curves in the best way possible, paired with the cute black heels which made your legs look way longer than they actually are.

“but that was like club sexy dancing, you know?” you elaborated.

“hm” he hummed amusedly “whats wrong with sexy club dancing?” you turned around to him.

He didn’t look to shabby himself, all in black, a chic button up with some jeans and a belt; accessorized with rings on his pretty fingers, a  dainty silver necklace and some small earrings.

Some might say he was underdressed, but the way he carried himself with such confidence, and that face of his must for sure be a panty dropper, you thought.

“nothing but… I don’t know, teach me something” you pleaded.

“what do you want me to teach you?” he laughed.

“I don’t know a pirouette or something” you suggested, laughing as well.

“okay” he grinned “this is like the base stance” he positioned himself correctly before looking at you to see if you were following his instructions.

“mhm” you hummed, replicating what he was doing.

“and then you get momentum with one leg to be able to swing yourself around, like this” hyunjin explained before executing a perfect pirouette and ending it back in the base stance.

“that was fast” you chuckled.

“your turn” he grins before moving behind you “try to keep your eyes on yourself in the mirror otherwise you’ll loose balance”

“okay” you said unsurely.

“I’ll catch you if you fall” he winked at you, at which you scoff playfully before carefully swinging yourself into a pirouette.

You landed on wobbly legs but before you could tip over hyunjin stabilized you with a firm grip on your hips.

“you’re a natural” he grinned at you through the mirror.

“well thank you” you playfully feigned cockiness before he spun you around himself.

A few seconds pass of the both of you taking in each others features in silence, the only thing you could hear was the faint music of the party downstairs, before hyunjin spoke up.

“can I kiss you?”

You fell into giggles again as you let your forehead rest against his collarbone before looking up again “we’ve kissed before”

“yea but that was like a moment and I don’t want to catch you off guard or anything” he mumbles cutely.

“mm” you nod “ you can kiss me”

And with a smile, he does.

You weren’t surprised when his first gentle ministrations turned into more desperate ones rather quickly because you could feel the warmth spread in your lower regions as well.

He walked the both of you over to the couch, only parting from your lips when he sat down on the black leather material of the couch.

“come here, pretty girl” he took your hand to help you straddle him, your dress riding up but you couldn’t care less if he saw your safety shorts, and he didn’t seem to care either by the way he feverishly connected your lips again.

His hands travelled down to squeeze at your waist before smoothing over your ass and grabbing a handful of each cheek, you moaned into the kiss when you realized how big his hands were.

Your own hands were squeezing at his shoulders before one moved into his soft hair while the other softly rested on his cheek.

The kiss was messy and desperate, teeth clinking together and tongues licking at each other.

The things that riled you up the most however were his groans and praises.

“you’re so fucking sexy” he groaned before moving down to kiss at your jaw and down your neck.

A needy whimper escaped from your throat when he started suckling the sensitive skin at the base of your throat.

“fuck-hyunjin” you moaned when his teeth grazed over your clavicle.

Your hands fumbled before landing on his belt, at which he pulled away from your skin, gently taking your hands off of his belt.

“I’d love to take you out first, actually” his pretty kiss swollen lips twitched up into a shy smile as he pants.

“oh” you were taken aback, you were almost certain that this was something regular for him “I thought-“

“I mean if you just want to fuck we can fuck of course” he chuckled “but- I actually think you’re really cute and fun and I’d love to get to know you better”

Your mouth stood a little agape “uh- I mean-I” you stuttered, your brain not functioning properly because of the alcohol running through your veins but also him!

“its okay if you just want, you know-“

“no!” you blurted out all over sudden, making him flinch a little “sorry, uhm- its just been a while since I had a date” you smile apologetically.

His expression visibly brightens “that’s okay” he giggled “so is that a yes?”

You grinned, leaning in to just barely brush your lips with his, his head twitching upwards in an attempt to connect them fully.

“yes” you whispered, at which he smiled brightly before pulling your in for a kiss by your neck.

-(flashback end)

“y/n”

“hey, y/n” you grumble when you feel someone gently rocking your shulder.

“mmm-what?” you peek your eyes open just to see hyunjin smile at you.

“good morning sunshine” he teases as you sit up in your seat when you realize you aren’t driving anymore.

“just kidding its not morning” he says as you look around your car, realizing your on a parking lot.

“where the fuck are we?” you whip your head towards him “did you bring me here to kill me? kidnap me?”

“wha?- no” he laughs “no, I’m sorry. Right after you fell asleep there was this huge traffic jam because of an accident and we stood there for almost 3 hours so I drove off and found this” he points out the rear window, where you see a small motel building.

You look back at him before checking the time on your phone, seeing it was indeed almost midnight.

“fuck” you swear to yourself.

“I didn’t know if you wanted to keep driving because I was getting tired so I thought maybe-“ hyunjin starts rambling guiltily, not wanting you to thing that this was an attempt to get in your pants.

“hey” you put your hand on his shoulder after taking off your seatbelt “this is good, you made the right decision I think we both could use some sleep” you say.

You each take your suitcases and walk inside, it’s an old building but it looks pretty clean for a motel off of the highway.

“good evening you two” an old lady sits behind the, probably just as old, reception.

“good evening, could we get 2 single rooms, please” hyunjin speaks up politely.

“I’m afraid we only have 2 double bed rooms available, if you’d like to take them, they will however be more expensive than the rooms for one” she explains politely.

“its okay, we’ll take one of those, please” you decide, hyunjins head snapping towards you.

“is that okay?” you ask him.

“yea- sure” he nods.

“alright, room 301 it is” she hands you the key before stating that you’ll have to checkout before 12 pm and what the room costs.

“do you accept card?” hyunjin asks at which the friendly old lady nods before taking his card and swiping it through her little machine.

“I’ll venmo you half of what you paid” you say after unlocking room 301.

He tsk’s at you before shaking his head “don’t, it was my idea so I’ll pay”

“are you sure?” you ask closing the door behind you when he turns on the lights.

“yup-oh” he exclaims.

“this room is cute” you say, it’s small but the walls are a soft sunflower yellow, decorated with paintings of autumn leaves .

The bed looks clean, and when you smell the mouse gray blankets and pillows, they smell fresh as well.

“stop smelling the pillows” hyunjin laughs.

“I’ve never been to a motel, I thought everything would be dirty or ancient” you confess comically.

He chuckles as he comes out of the small bathroom “the bathroom is clean too, don’t worry” he says when you look at him expectantly.

“I’ll sleep on the floor if you want” he offers as you open your suitcase to get out your toothbrush and pj’s.

“it’s fine, hyunjin I’ve slept in the same bed as a male before” you joke.

“well how am I supposed to know that?” he counters, at which you throw your pj shorts at him out of reflex.

When you realize what you had done it was too late, he was already holding them out in front of him before giggling.

“very cute choice” he mocks the small white shorts with red hearts all over it.

“stoop” you whine, trying to fish it out of his hands but he holds them over his head like a kindergartener.

“I remember why I don’t like you” you pout, crossing your arms.

His face drops alongside with his arms “I thought we were past that”

You use his moment of weakness to snatch your shorts out of his hands “gotcha”

-

“see I told you I was gonna take you out” hyunjin beams at you before looking down at the various snacks he took from the motels vending machine, which were laying in between the both of you on the bed.

“and so luxurious too” you joke, crossing your legs.

“only the best for you” he grins when you open a pack of fruit jellies.

“you know, I was thinking about new years” you say “ and I realized that it was your fault!”

Hyunjin throws his head back as he groans playfully “why?”

“if you hadn’t lost your phone when we got back downstairs, I wouldn’t have had to write my number on your arm; or you could’ve just given me your number and I could’ve text you. But you didn’t even know your own number!” you laugh in reminiscence.

“listen” he laughs “I was drunk and you’re hot! I couldn’t think” he defends himself before taking a bite off a chocolate bar.

You blush a little but play it off with a laugh.

“but yes, I admit, it was indeed my fault” he dramatically holds his hand in front of his eyes.

“yeeees!” you exclaim victoriously.

“I’m kidding though” you pat his knee “I forgive you”

“I’m glad” he smiles.

After the both of you are done eating way too many sweets, you find yourself being really comfortable when talking to hyunjin.

He’s funny, doesn’t seem like he’s full of himself and just in general seems like a very kind person.

“I thought you were a fuckboy when me met” you confess, looking at him.

Propped on one elbow looking down at you, while you lay on your side towards him, his face illuminated only by the little lights on each of your nightstands.

“you did?” he asks confusedly.

“yea” you chuckle “you were so confident and…sexy I don’t know” you place your hand over your face in embarrassment.

“oh that was the liquid courage talking, I’m usually pretty shy” he shakes his head smilingly when you peek through your fingers.

“don’t lie” you push his shoulder softly.

“I’m serious!” he laughs.

“you were the first guy to approach me at a party” you pause “like ever”

“no way, you’re lying now” he furrows his brows.

“nope” you shake your head.

“but I was really close to not talking to you as well, I’m sure there were many guys before me that just didn’t have the liquid courage, like I did” he speculates.

“maybe” you say.

“have any exes?” he asks after a few seconds.

“yea, one”

“well how did you meet him?”

“he showed me around on my first day of freshman year, I transferred like in the middle of the first semester so I wasn’t with any other freshmen” you tell him.

“why’d you break up if I may ask?” hyunjin asks carefully.

“oh we were only together for like three weeks, you can’t even call I relationship. He used me to make his hot ex jealous and cheated on me with her” you say “but hey they’re back together at least” you scoff.

“i’m sorry” he mumbles at which you look up at him.

“it’s not your fault” you chuckle.

“well, still no one should feel that way” he says “you know that you were way too good for him right?”

You nod.

“what about you? Have any exes?” you ask back.

He snickers “only one in seoul”

“why didn’t you last?”

“it was a long distance situation, she was super jealous and couldn’t trust me. which I can understand to a certain degree but everytime I went out she wanted me to facetime her and show her what kinds of people were there with me. That was just too much” he explains.

“wow” you chuckle “that doesn’t sound fun either”

Hyunjin shakes his head “nope, but hey we got rid of ‘em, didn’t we?”

“yea” you giggle “plus if I hadn’t broken up with him I would’ve probably never gone to the new years eve party”

“I guess I owe him something then” he grins as you scooch up on the bed.

“can I kiss you?” you ask after a few seconds of silence.

“hm?” hyunjins eyes almost spring out of his head.

“I don’t want to catch you off guard” you grin as you repeat his words from the night you met, sitting up.

He licks his lower lip as a grin stretches over his face as he sits up as well “do your worst”

You get up on your knees to shuffle over to him, when you get close enough hyunjin grabs one of your thighs and lifts it over his legs so you’re straddling him.

Once you sit down on his lap, your eyes lock again and you’re once again baffled as to how someone can be so god damn attractive.

His eyes flicker from your eyes to your lips expectantly, a shaky breath leaving his lips when you lean in.

Your lips connect and it feels like all the pent up energy of liking him since that night finally gets set free, sparks glowing behind your lit and his hands leaving a trail of fire where ever they go.

They squeeze at your thighs and waist, pulling you impossibly close to himself.

A whimper tears from your throat when his tongue licks at yours, he tastes like chocolate and what could only be described as him.

He moans into the kiss when you tug at the blonde locks that weren’t pulled back into the ponytail; before pulling the hair tie out of his hair to free it and finally card your fingers through all of the blonde glory.

Before you realize what’s going on, hyunjin lifts the both of you before dropping you on your back and crawling above you.

The fact that he just lifted the both of you from a sitting position as if you weigh nothing makes you feel all types of hot.

“you’re so hot holy shit” you pant as you push his long hair out of his face.

“ditto” he only grins before attaching his lips to your exposed collarbone and sucking a bruise into the skin.

“take it off” you moan as you tug on the dark blue calvin klein shirt he’s wearing.

His lips release the skin of your collarbone before sitting up to pull the shirt over his head.

If your mouth wasn’t already open from your heavy breathing, you would’ve opened it now because his body is more sculpted and toned than you had expected.

Your hand lifts to smooth over his abs, muscles flexing as he connects your lips again.

His one hand slides from your waist up to cup one of your breasts, gently palming the soft flesh.

“I know I said I wanted to take you out first but-“ he mumbles against your lips.

“you bought me a lovely dinner” you interrupt him, threading your fingers through the hair that’s falling down into his vision.

He grins, dropping a short peck to your lips before his the grin gets wiped off his face “I don’t have a condom with me”

“I’m on the pill” you let him know “I got tested before the lockdown and I haven’t been with anyone since soo…”

“yea, me too, I was tested a few months ago” he nods.

You nod back, biting your lip as you absently play with his hair.

“do you trust me?” hyunjin asks, observing your demeanour.

“yea- yea I do I’m just nervous” you smile awkwardly.

“no” he coos before kissing you “why are you nervous?”

“just haven’t been with anyone for a while” you confess.

Hyunjin nods understandingly “if you don’t want to do this we’ll stop”

“no I really want to” you look into his eyes as confidently as you can.

“okay” he smiles, planting his lips on yours again.

“can i?” his voice gives you goosebumps when he mumbles against the sensitive skin under your ear, his fingers slowy undoing the loose knot of your heart shorts.

“yes” you say when he locks eyes with you.

“I love these shorts” he softly presses a kiss to your knee, trying to calm your nerves a little, before he gently rocks your hips to pull them off of you.

You blush a little out of embarrassment but smile when you lift your hips to help him.

“cute” he whispers when he see’s your panties have a little bow on the front.

He chuckles when you hide your face in embarrassment, pulling you closer to him again by your thighs before you let him kiss you again.

“can I take this off too?” hyunjin whispers, softly pulling at the fabric of the tank top you’re wearing, at which you nod.

You are still wearing a bra when he pulls it off so you take it into your own hands and unclasp your bra.

Your nipples stiffen a little at the sudden exposure to air, as well as to hyunjin’s admiring gaze.

“fuck” he muses when palming your breasts in his big hands, gently pushing them together an running his thumbs over your nipples.

A whimper involuntarily leaves your lips when he wraps his plump lips around one of the perked up nubs and sucks gently.

“so fucking pretty, princess” you feel yourself pathetically clench around nothing at his praise.

You feel one of his hands wander downwards to provide some friction for you, he slots his lips against yours when you tentatively roll your hips against his hand.

Hyunjin feels his cock get even harder when an almost desperate moan tumbles from your lips against his. So he ads a little more pressure and starts circling your clit with two fingers, your sighs of pleasure mixing into the kiss.

“you’re so sensitive baby” he whispers as he parts his lips from yours “can I go down on you?” he grazes his lips over your chest, looking up at you seductively.

You nod as you bite your lip, hyunjin placing a few kisses on your tummy before shortly sitting up to also free you from your soaked panties.

The first stripe he licks up your slit, and how he swirls the tip of his tongue around your clit expertly sends you to heaven.

His hands are gripping your thighs to prevent you from closing your legs, your hands are tangled in his hair and the sheets.

“hyunj-fuck” you cry out when his tongue enters you.

He carefully prods one finger at your entrance “is that okay?” he asks, his voice hoarse and dripping with lust.

“yea” you sigh.

Once you adjust to one finger, he adds a second one, curling them upwards to search for that specific patch inside of you.

“yes-fuck right there” you moan when his fingers press onto the sweetest spot inside of you, tugging at his hair a little harshly. But you feel him moan against you, getting lost in your taste as he sucks your clit in between his soft lips.

Your hips buckle against his mouth as your eyes roll backwards, feeling the warmth of your orgasm approach rapidly.

“fuck fuck yes-hyunjin” you cry out just before he tipped you over the edge with his skillful ministration, your orgasm rushing up your spine and into your head, endorphins spreading everywhere.

A cry of pleasure fills the room as your thighs starts trembling with the aftershocks, clamping around his head when he drives you into overstimulation.

“oh-shit-“ you pant as you softly pushed on his forehead to get him away from your clit, his fingers still inside you, guiding you through your high.

He nibbles on your inner thigh apologetically. You can still hear your heartbeat in your ears after hyunjin removes his fingers from you and sits up, gently holding your legs together to help you calm down.

“fuck” you mewl, a soft smile tugging at his lips.

He’s wanted to do this for so long and there you are, with all of your naked glory in front of him.

While he’s daydreaming about you, you sit up and start fiddling with his sweatpants.

“you want more?” he quips, once he realises what you’re doing, leaning in to kiss you.

“mhm” you humm into the kiss affirmitavely when his hand holds you close to him by your jaw.

With a quick last peck to your lips he simultaneously shimmies the soft black sweats and his boxers off of himself.

You apparently visibly gulp at the sight of his cock because hyunjin smirks cockily “like what you see?” as he crawls above you again, his lips finding yours again and not waiting for an answer.

“I don’t know if you’ll fit” you mumble when he suckles at the soft nook of skin under your ear.

“we can stop here” he offers softly before locking eyes again.

You shake your head as you reach down to fist his length, slowly pumping it and smearing the few drops of precum around.

“no, you’re just really big” you huff with a shy smile on your lips at which hyunjin groans.

“you’re gonna be the death of me, you know?” he mutters against your lips before kissing you deeply, his hand smoothing over the slope of your waist before coming up to gently pinch at one of your nipples.

Eliciting a soft high pitched moan from you, this only spurs him on.

Rolling his tongue against yours desperately and making you taste yourself before sinfully sucking at the wet muscle.

All the while you’re stroking him with your small hand before cupping his balls, as if he didn’t already feel like he’s gonna blow his load way too early.

“please” you whine, guiding his reddened tip towards your entrance.

Hyunjin releases a shaky breath before replacing your hand with his, rutting his hips against yours a few times, coating his length in your wetness.

This already had your toes curling, suppressing a whine as you lock your legs around his waist.

“tell me if it hurts, yea?” he breathes, only pressing inside you after you nod, dropping a kiss to your swollen lips.

“fuck” he swears softly, tucking his face in the crook of your neck when he breaches your tight walls for the first time.

Your fingers tighten in his hair at the back of his neck when a subtle sting flares up inside of you.

“ah-“ your body flinches a little when he presses further inside, hyunjin notices, observing your expression before kissing your cheek and sitting up slowly.

“you’re doing so good, baby” he lifts his thumb to his lips, swiftly kitten-licking the digit before bringing it to where your bodies join.

Gently rolling your clit under his thumb to distract you from the pain.

“you look so perfect like this” his other hand travels over your stomach to gently squeeze at your breasts “all spread out for me”

You whimper, arching your back when hyunjin thrusts into you carefully; the pain slowly subsiding and the ache to be fully filled up by him growing exponentially when his cock rubs against your g spot.

“hyunjin” you moan, gripping onto his hand, which is resting atop your breast.

“yes baby, I’m here” he groans at how tight you feel once he’s balls deep inside of you, abandoning your clit to grab you by the hips for leverage.

His other hand resting on your cheek now, after a few trusts you moan “harder, please”

Hyunjin groans and fulfils your wish, at one particularly harsh thrust, you latch your lips around his pointer and middle finger, sucking at them.

“oh my god-that’s so fucking hot” he grunts through clenched teeth.

His cock dragging along your walls deliciously, filling you up to the brim as you hum around his slender fingers in pleasure.

“you like my hands that much baby?” his jaw is clenched and the grip on your waist is rough , the contrast to how sweet he was just a few minutes earlier had you clench around him furiously.

“fuck-“ he breathes when you nod to the best of your abilities, eyes wide open and holding his gaze.

You only release his fingers from in between your lips in favour for a loud high pitched moan when his other hand finds your clit again, rubbing harsh circles into the bud.

“-gonna cum-huynjin” you dig your nails into his biceps, eyes squeezing shut.

“yea?” he grits through his teeth the fingers that were previously trapped in your mouth now wrapping around your bared throat.

Not squeezing tightly, just resting there as if to show you that you’re his now.

Your thought gets confirmed when he rasps “you’re gonna date me after this, right pretty girl?”

You do look so pretty right now, tits bouncing and skin slapping because of the fast rhythm that he’s snapping his hips into yours, not to mention the subtle sheen of sweat that’s coating the both of you.

A desperate breathy chuckle tumbles from your lips “ yes-yes fuck” you feel your second orgasm creeping up on you.

“cum for me princess, all over my cock” he urges you on, his tip hammering into the sweet spot inside of you repeatedly before you crash into your second high of the night.

Your body convulses in pleasure as you call out his name mixed with profanities, your toes curling so hard you’re not sure if you can ever uncurl them again, and your nails probably leaving painful indents in his skin.

His thumb on your clit slows down until you grab his hand for him to stop, his hand around your neck grabs your free one, holding both of your hands over your head now.

“so good, baby” he mumbles, kissing your lips; mostly just breathing into each other as he rocks you through every wave of your orgasm.

Hyunjin looses himself in you not long after with a guttural moan and his eyes squeezing shut.

You coax him through it when he rests his face against your neck again, running your fingertips through his damp hair and over his broad back, muscles tensing under your gentle touch.

i“don’t fall asleep on me” you whisper sneakily, grinning when he chuckles against your neck, tickling the soft skin there.

He props himself up again to scan over your features, pushing some hair out of your face before kissing you tenderly.

“you okay?” his hand resting at your temple as he gently runs his thumb over your hairline.

“more than” you assure him, cupping his cheeks to pull his lips onto yours again.You think you can never get enough of his lips, anything about him for that matter; not when he makes you feel so cared about and safe.

“so does this mean we’re dating now?” he whispers after he has cleaned you up and tucked the both of you in bed.

“hmh” you nod your head sleepily, positioned on his bare chest.

“so I can spoon you once we fall asleep?” he asks, grin evident in his voice.

“you can spoon me but you can’t wake me up in the middle of the night if you get horny” you mumble jokingly, enjoying his fingers running down your spine as your eyelids get heavier.

“okay” he giggles softly, pressing a kiss to the crown of your head before you whisper your good nights to each other.

And as promised, he doesn’t wake you up in the middle of the night because he’s horny.

It’s you who wakes him, because after 10 months of wasted time, you have a lot of catching up to do.

-

a/n: oml this is my first ever long fic so pls pls pls give me feedback, i had so much fun writing his even though it made me feel even more single but hey :))))

allsooo i waited til after work to publish this and i just saw i hit 500 followers?!?!?! thats crazy to me omg i started this like 2 months ago and so many ppl liked my stuff so much that they decided to follow me?? so i just wanna say thank u thank u thank u for hitting the follow button even though im very unorganized and everything i do is spontaneaous and not thought out well. but hey i guess there is a reason that u followed me so thank u!

(i’d love if u sent me an ask with the first one of my writings that u stumbled across, and how <3 ...only if u want tho no pressure) 

anyways thank u so much for reading if you’ve made it this far! i hope you have a great day/ night! much love

-aj

(this is a work of fiction and does not represent the real actions of stray kids or hwang hyunjin)

[padme-parker]

no regrets [AU!Anakin Skywalker x Reader]

Summary: You leave Anakin, only a letter in your place.

Word Count: 2.5k

Warnings: some swear words I think, angst, mentions of cancer, some fluff if you look hard enough, this is pretty fucking cliche btw!

A/N: so I was listening to Lewis Capaldi’s discography and that shit was so sad. Like all of his songs are so fucking sad that it inspired me to write this. Mainly the songs: “Forever”, “Fade.”, “Before You Go.” and “Headspace.” (I highly suggest listening to his songs while ur reading!) along with a handful of songs I was listening to while writing this. Also this is my first time uploading my writing so forgive me if it's all over the place. I was just excited to write this lol.

The thumping of the bass made his ears ring, that’s the first thing Anakin noticed when he got home. He was totally and completely shitfaced, drunk out of his mind. The next thing he noticed was the deafening silence. Sure, it was midnight but he knew how much of a night owl you were. He also knew how much you loved to paint at night, a slight breeze from the open window, and music quietly playing in the background. Loud enough just to be heard by the two of you, quiet enough so he could hear the stroke of your brush against the canvas. Oftentimes he would come up behind you, lightly grasping your hips and began to sway along to the music. And some nights he would just sit back and watch you. However tonight wasn’t one of those nights. Tonight would be different, and the next night, and the night after that. Anakin walked towards the bedroom, careful not to wake you just in case you were asleep. When he walked into the room, his eyes immediately searched for you, but landed upon emptiness, that’s when it caught his attention. The last thing he noticed was the envelope placed upon his pillow. 

Grasping the envelope, Anakin took out its content. It was a letter, just for his eyes.

Dear Anakin,

By the time you read this, I’ll be gone. Believe me, I wish I could’ve done this in person but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. As I write this letter, you’ll be out celebrating with Obi Wan and Padme. Enjoying life, that’s what you should be doing. And I know it must be shitty to come home to this, but I just couldn’t leave while you were still here. There were so many things I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t. But you deserve to know this.

The truth is, I don’t love you anymore, Anakin. I’m not sure when I fell out of love with you, but the one thing I knew was that I couldn’t stay and drag you down with me. Sometimes I wonder how we got here, how I got us here. Then I remembered why, him. In the past six months I met someone else. At first we were just friends. But there was something between us, a connection. The second I laid eyes on him, I knew that he was the one I was supposed to spend the rest of my life with. Yet, there you were. Anakin, you were- and still are my world, but he’s my whole fucking universe. Without him I feel like I’d cease to exist. Each day, the more I fell in love with him, the more I fell out of love with you. Until one day, I came to my senses and realized what the hell I was doing. All those days I spent with him, coming home late at night, you never questioned me. Stars Anakin, I’m so sorry I took advantage of your trust. I never thought we’d end up like this. I never thought this would happen.

You deserve to be happy. But we both know that’s not something I can give you. You deserve to be able to move on without ever having to see me again. That’s why I’ve decided to leave. Not just move out of the apartment, or town, but move out of state altogether. Please don’t come looking for me.

I want you to know that none of this is your fault. Anakin, I love you so much, but we’re just not meant to be. You were my epic love, not my soulmate. But remember, you’re still someone who had a huge impact on my life. I don’t think I could ever forget you, nor do I think that I want to. I know that even on my deathbed, I’ll be thinking of you.

Forever Yours,

Y/N

P.S. take the time you need Anakin, but don’t get hung up on me. There are people out there who love you, you just don’t see it yet.

He let out a sharp breath, dropping the letter, and began to sob. For the next hour, all he could do was cry. He struggled to breathe, he couldn’t believe what he was reading. What did I do wrong? Where did I go wrong? Was I not enough? He wanted to scream, but chose not to, sparing his neighbors from hearing his sorrows. Anakin was spiraling, he was heaving now. Struggling to breathe he crawled out of his room and into the living room. Your painting materials still left in the corner, easel propped up, and miscellaneous pieces of art scattered across his home.

Anakin couldn’t escape from you, you were unknowingly ripping the air out of his lungs. Everywhere he looked, he was reminded of you. It was ironic really, how was he supposed to move on if he had to see everything that reminded him of you.

-

A couple of years passed since you disappeared from Anakin’s life. He had moved on but deep down inside he never really did recover. He was sad at first, but then became angry. How could you use him like this? But of course, like you promised, there were people there for him. Obi Wan and Padme had always been there for him, especially Padme. She was the first one to check up on him when he wasn’t returning their calls. The first to get him to stop crying, the first to cheer him up, the first to get him to go out again, and the first person to say “I love you.” since you’d left. Anakin had felt like he was betraying you, he had fallen in love with someone who wasn’t you, but then he remembered what you did and said. He had the right to move on with someone else.

When Anakin felt like he was ready, six month after your breakup, he asked Padme to be his girlfriend. A year and a half later, he asked her to spend the rest of her life with him. Nine months later, they welcomed their twins into the world.

Both Obi Wan and Padme had been there by his side, along with Dean. He met Dean at the bar, both of them looking like shit. It started with a simple nod, then their small group of three now had four people. Dean became close to Obi Wan and Padme too, helping Anakin to return to his life before you left. It was going well until today.

Anakin moved out of his old apartment a long time ago. He donated most of your belongings and sold your paintings. Except for one. It was a painting that the two of you had created together. A minimal black outline of your silhouettes from your favorite photo together. Simple, but it had meaning to it. The picture itself was taken at a party, a drink in your hand while Anakins was thrown over your shoulder. You were smiling at the camera, drink aimed towards it. However, Anakin was looking at you, a big goofy smile on his face. If there was one memory of you he wanted to keep, it was that one. So instead of selling the painting, he kept it. Obviously he didn’t hang it up, instead he kept in it buried deep inside his closet. Only taking it out whenever he really missed you.

Even though he kept the painting, every aspect of you was completely erased. It’s like you never existed to him. Instead of lining the halls with pictures of the two of you, they were filled with pictures of Anakin and Padme. A small polaroid of them on their first date. A picture at the bar of Anakin, Padme, Obi Wan, and Dean. A bunch of wedding pictures. And finally, pictures of his family. He’d memorized every corner of his new home, never wanting to forget about it because he knew at any given moment, his life could be ripped from his fingers. Everything had been ingrained into his memory, from the toys scattered across the floor to the pristine kitchen. Where Padme was currently making dinner, “Hey Ani, you’ve got some mail, I put it on the table.” He walked towards the table and picked up the envelope, he could recognize your handwriting. Anakin felt like the world was playing a sick joke on him, after all these years, why would you write back now?

“Hey Padme, I’m gonna go change real quick.” He didn’t wait for Padme’s reply before he ran off to his closet, he knew he needed to be alone when he read its contents. Locking the door, he ripped open the envelope and took out your letter.

Anakin,

I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear from, but you deserve to know the truth. The real reason as to why I left. By the time you read this, I’ll be dead. Remember how I told you that I had met someone new? That was a lie. In those six month, I was at multiple doctors' offices getting tested. I knew something was wrong with me but none of the doctors could tell me why. Until one was able to. I had stage 3 ovarian cancer, the chances of me surviving were low. That’s why I left.

Anakin’s eyes went wide, the paper shaking in his hands. “Cancer… she has..” he whispered to himself, he could feel the tears starting to roll down his face. All this time, he hated her for something she never did.

I knew how much you wanted to have a family, and it was something I wanted to give you. But when I found out that I couldn’t do that, I knew you’d be crushed. This was something we both had dreamed of. It was easier for me to make up a lie. I wouldn’t allow myself to put the both of us through this pain. You shouldn’t have to bear my burdens. I wasn’t going to let you waste your life away trying to take care of me. So I hid the truth from you and left like a coward. Understand that I needed you to hate me, Anakin. That you wouldn’t come looking for me or just expect me to come back one day. Even though I did want to come back, I had to hold myself back. I knew you were going to move on eventually.

Do you remember the guy I was talking about? The one who I was so “madly in love with” that I left you? Yeah, well his name is Dean, He’s one of the nurses who was taking care of me during those six months, and for the past couple years he’s been my eyes. Anakin, I never fell out of love with you. Even as I lay on my deathbed, you’re all I can think about.

Dean says that you’ve moved on and married Padme. I’m going to be honest, at first I was shocked and a little sad. But then I remembered why I did this in the first place. Anakin, I’ve seen the way she looks at you. Even when we were still together I could tell how much love she had for you. She didn’t act on her feelings because I was still there, which I’m grateful for. But once I left, she saw the opportunity to comfort you, so she did. You looked at me like I was your whole world, but Padme, she looks at you like your her whole damn universe. Truth is, you weren’t my world, you’re my fucking universe Anakin, even if you don’t know it. You weren’t just my epic love, to me, you were my soulmate. But you and Padme? The two of you are soulmates, made for eachother. Dean has shown me pictures of the two of you. I’ve never seen you so happy, even when we were together. I know she brings out a side of you that I was never able to.

There was a point where I was getting better and I wanted to come back. To apologize and maybe try again, but Dean advised against doing so. At that moment in time, you had just proposed to Padme. Who was I to come back into your life just to take away your happiness? So I watched from afar. I watched as you went on with your life and completely forgot about me. And I did it with a smile on my face, because you were happy. Anakin, simply knowing that you were happy and content with your life made me happy, even if I wasn’t the cause of it. For a while, I was better. Then it got worse, my cancer got more aggressive. From there, I was condemned in my own home.

As the months went on, I got more sick and closer to death. After your wedding, Dean came over to my place and showed me videos of you and Padme. I couldn’t help but let out a few tears, you were getting everything you wanted. I really wish I could’ve been there to see you, Ani, but I wouldn’t want to ruin your wedding. I was so ecstatic for you when I’d heard that you were having a child! Twins nonetheless, you must’ve been radiating joy. I really am happy for you Anakin. I only wanted the best for you.

Do you remember the night on the rooftop? You cooked dinner for us on our two year anniversary. It was the most romantic thing anyone had done for me. Do you also remember what we promised to each other? “No regrets.” As simple as it was, I broke our promise, Ani. I regret not telling you. I regret leaving you. I regret ever hurting you. Anakin, I am deeply sorry for any pain I’ve caused you. But if I hadn’t left, you wouldn’t be where you are right now. Do you regret not looking for me?

Anakin stopped reading for a second to think, did he regret how things played out? He wiped his tears before continuing,

Don’t get me wrong, I would’ve loved to stay with you, Anakin, but I couldn’t let myself. I hope the universe will continue giving you what you want, because you deserve it, Ani. You deserve to be happy.

Forever Yours,

Y/N Y/L/N

P.S. somewhere across the stars and galaxies, I’ll be watching over you. I’ll always be with you.

Anakin dropped to the floor, the letter along with him. Muffled sobs could be heard on the other side of the door, but Padme was too preoccupied to hear. Why didn’t I go after her? Why didn’t I try harder? Why didn’t I notice? He asked himself. The truth was that Anakin did regret not going after you, he regretted not trying to get closure from you. Because he knew that if he had gone after you, you would’ve told him the truth. He knew you would tell him the truth because he knew that you couldn’t look him in the eyes and lie to him. That’s why you left, only leaving a letter behind. And he knew if you told him the truth, he would have forgiven you. He would’ve spent the rest of his life, right next to you. Making sure you were alright. Anakin knew he would’ve taken you back in a heartbeat, because he still loves you. Even after you falsely broke his heart and left him, his love for you outweighed the hate he felt.

He got up somberly walking towards the hidden painting. He took it into his hands along with another object. He sat back down, now clutching the memory to his chest. His heart felt heavy, but nothing felt heavier than the small black velvet box resting upon his grasp.

“No regrets, huh?”

.

(A/N): Okay so I know that the goodbye letter is all over the place, but if I was writing a letter to someone I love, my thoughts wouldn’t be able to process properly. So forgive me if some of it seemed random, I’m still new to this stuff. I also feel like this is very cliche but when I heard Forever, my mind was immediately like “omg this song is good inspo for a sad fic.” I also feel like I should’ve added more flashbacks but I’m not sure where they would’ve been placed.... anyways I hope you enjoyed it :)

[quietmyfearswith]

narcissist {carter baizen x fem!reader} 1/3

narcissist {carter baizen x fem!reader} 1/3

status — ongoing series

warnings — cursing, mentions of drug and alcohol intake/abuse, attempt at angst

word count (without the lyrics) — 1,995 words

a/n — so this is for @baezen’s the other guys writing challenge and my prompt was alcohol is the only constant in my life; the prompt will be italicized and bolded btw ! i was listening to narcissist by no rome and thought that the song fits perfectly with carter baizen and the prompt as well fit well into the story ,, listen to the song here if u want ,, feedback is appreciated and hope u guys have a lovely day !! :> y/f/n = your full name

masterlist | series masterlist

Took a picture of all my flaws

Or you can take a video on your phone

And you know that I would talk

But I'm too afraid to pick you up and go home

The ding of the elevator signaled me to step out of the elevator, and I did with a sigh — frustrated with the website that was opened up on my phone. Upon entering the penthouse, I headed for the master bedroom where the subject of the article is currently passed out on his bed.

Knocking three times, “Carter, you up?” My question was met with silence; despite this I still went ahead and entered his room. Clothes laying on the ground, a few beer bottles and shot glasses on the coffee table near his television, and his keys and wallets placed on his bedside table — the indications of how he had spent the night before; by hopping on from bar to bar and purchasing any kind of drink that had alcohol in it. At least this time he’s alone and not someone he had just slept with.

Approaching the side of the bed, I shook his back that was not facing me, hoping that this would wake him up from his deep slumber. He groggily groaned, turning to look at me with his sleepy and tired state, “Oh hey, Y/N. What time is it?”

I put my down and phone bag on the ottoman that was at the foot of his bed and looked into his walk-in closet for an outfit that would make him look decent and not look like he got dragged and passed around by people, “Well it’s way past time for you to correct your actions since people have already been talking about the stunt you pulled.”

This probably confused him as he sat up and tried to rub off the exhaustion he felt, “Can you be more clear with what you meant with that? Also, I really am curious about what time it is.” Going back from Carter’s closet — which happens to be made of glass and mirrors — and placing the down his outfit which consisted of a two piece Burberry suit that consists of a checkered maroon suit with a matching plain, maroon slacks and laying it down on the bed, “The time now is 9:28 in the morning,” I reached for my phone and shoved it to him with the website I have previously read still opened, “And this is what I meant when I implied that damage control was too late.” 

His shirtless upper body hit the back of the headboard as he began reading the content of my phone, “Spotted, Carter Baizen spending his earned wealth at various bars and clubs late last night. You may have previously known him for being the resident bad, playboy that you see in your school, but now just when it was starting to look like he was getting his act together, he reverts back to how he once was when he was a reckless teenager. I guess some old habits just die hard, don't they? You know you love me, xoxo, gossip girl.”

I laughed at the disgusted face Carter made after he finished reading what had got me annoyed earlier, “Well, at least I’m living my life well. Not compared to this jackass loser who keeps on documenting and reporting the lives of others since theirs is probably uneventful.”

I'm feeling Dazed like a magazine

Finding my own sanity

Wishing it'll all go away

Now we're smoking off the balcony

You're telling me profanities

Maybe it was never okay

“For fuck’s sake, Carter, do you not see the bigger issue here? It’s not just about how there is some loser out there talking about the life of others. But it’s about you how you are living your life! You are now a CEO, a fucking CEO! I don’t think business partners would be eager to make transactions and ventures with someone who acts as if they had just gotten their license and are now going out every chance they can to enjoy this privilege!” Carter looked at me coldly and was about to argue back but I continued to give him my two cents, “On top of that, I  think as well that the frequency of your alcohol, and possible drug intake is alarming, as well. And it's gotten to the extent that I feel like you should be seeing a professional to help you cope with this.”

I concluded my statement of concern and alarm by folding my arms together and looked at him seriously. Carter stood up and headed for the bathroom, I followed him and leaned by the door as he was washing up his face and waited for his reply. He stared at me through the mirror as he was drying his face, “I appreciate your concern, I really do. But I think you’re overreacting a little bit.”

I threw my hands up and scoffed at disbelief, “Seriously, Carter? Do you not recall the various times wherein I had to pick up your drunk or high ass — and by the way, there are some instances wherein you’re both high and drunk — from whatever bar you were misspending your money on.”

He turned around to look at me and crossed his arms — in annoyance, I presume — and fought back, “So what if I get blackout drunk a few times? It happens to the best of us! Have you not enjoyed yourself completely and just passed out from exhaustion from spending a night out? Oh wait, you probably haven’t! Which explains why you’re so fucking uptight!”

With one hand massaging my temples, I managed to remind him in a calm tone, “Did you forget what happened two months ago?”

345, that's where we stayed

She told me I'm a narcissist doing it again

Took a bunch of acid and she told me, "not again"

Now I've gotta tell her that I'm lovin' her friends

345, that's where we stayed

She told me I'm a narcissist doing it again

Took a bunch of acid and she told me, "not again"

Now I've gotta tell her that I'm lovin' her friends

My dreams of riding a unicorn while eating cake was suddenly interrupted when a loud ringing woke me up. Stretching my hand and patting for my phone on the bedside table. Recognizing how I had an incoming call, I swiped to accept it even though I was not awake or aware enough to check who was calling. “Hello?”

“Is this Ms. Y/F/N?” a woman asked as soon as I greeted her, I took a second to check my phone and only then did I notice how it was an unknown number that called me, “Yes, this is she, who’s asking?” My bones had suddenly become frigid in anticipating what the girl on the other end had to tell me. “Well your information was listed on one of our customer’s wallet and we had to call and let you know that Carter Baizen has passed out from drinking which resulted in him collapsing on the floor, head first.”

I let out a grunt as I put the call in speaker mode and got off the bed to throw over a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, “Was he with anyone when he was drinking? And is he unconscious? And what address is your bar, by the way?” I was already outside my apartment and headed for my parked car by the time she had replied and given me the information I asked for.

Curse words and frustrated mumbles were leaving my lips as I was driving around the city, hoping to get to Carter faster and in time to prevent any unfortunate event from happening. Upon arriving at the bar, I was already opening my door before I had even parked my car and stormed inside the establishment.

“Hey, I was called in earlier for a patron who passed out and fell head first?” I approached a girl who was mopping floors near the entrance door, she nodded and told me that she was the one who called me and led me to where Carter was. They were kind enough to move him from the floor and lay him down on one of the booths.

I quickly took in his state — there were a few buttons of his long-sleeved polo that were unbuttoned, there were faint traces of alcohol in his shirt and face, while there was also a bit of blood residue from his head wound as a result of collapsing from the floor. “Thank you for calling me right away and for taking care of him, but I was wondering if you or another staff would be willing to help me bring him to my car?” the girl nodded and called for one of their male employees to help me bring Carter in.

That night was probably the most nervous and anxious I have ever felt; knowing that Carter could possibly be facing health problems from drinking too much and hitting his head. Seeing him this way has always affected me and has made me feel responsible for his well-being — not only because I was hired as his assistant, but because I was the only one who managed to tolerate and be with him for this long time. 

Fortunately enough, the doctor ruled that there was nothing currently wrong with his liver and kidney following his night of over intoxication. But that didn’t mean that he was completely out of the woods; I was warned of how if he spends more nights like this, it could probably lead to the failure of his organs to properly function. To add even more salt to that wound, he informed me about how Carter hitting his head was also dangerous and that it could have resulted in a serious head injury — but that wasn’t the case in this scenario. The medical official also told me that Carter was lucky for it did not lead to any complications and that he should be safe from it as long as he drinks responsibly and moderately to avoid these things from happening again.

And I've been seeing somebody

But I've not found a way to tell you

That I'm seeing somebody

There's not a nice way for me to say that

I've been seeing somebody

You know I want you to be happy

Since I'm seeing somebody

And then maybe we can get on with it

“You know, you don’t need to bring up what happened every time?” He said as he walked past me to grab his clothes and get dressed. I rolled my eyes and sat down on the ottoman as I stared at him, “I don’t need to? That’s where you’re wrong, Baizen. The only reason why I keep bringing it up is because — guess the fuck what — I’m the only person who gives a fuck about you! I’m the one you call every time your ass is too drunk to drive or when you’re high as the fucking clouds! Or if you can’t call, guess who’s name and number you have written down in your wallet? It’s mine! So yes, I bring it up every fucking time since I don’t want you to seize your night so fucking hard that you end up deceased the next day!” I angrily let out.

He was done dressing up by the time I had yelled out my grievances, “I’m sorry that I can’t stop myself from drinking or having a night out!” This unapologetic remark from him just angered me further, “Well then let me help you! Let a therapist or some other professional help you get through this! You don’t have to do it alone, Carter.” I reminded him as I stood up and put my hand on his shoulder, to show him how I was gonna guide him through this.

He pushed my hand away and walked towards his dresser and put on some cologne and began fixing his tie, “No, I don’t want your or anyone else’s help. Alcohol is the only constant in my life; it always has been and it always will be.” when these words have left his lips, I froze up in disbelief and hurt. I was there with him when he was struggling to establish himself as a businessman, saw his struggles and victories, and even outside of work I was the only who cared enough to make sure that he was fed and hydrated despite his busy schedule.

“What do you call me then?” I sadly asked him and this got him to stop his movements and turn to me. However before he could explain himself or go near me, I had already collected my things and headed to exit his room and suite, “Be at the office before 10:30 am, you have a meeting with representatives of the Eichner Enterprise at 10:30. The rest of your schedule will be emailed to you.” 

[darkthoughtss]

Don’t Get Too Close

Chae Hyungwon | Chapter Five

pairing: Hyungwon x Reader

genre: angst, smut

warnings: mature content, swearing, detailed sexual content, r-rated 

word count: 2284

A/N: The dates are now written in every chapter, I hope it’ll help with the understanding of the timeline. And btw, I really SUCK at writing and smut is literally a very challenging genre to write and I dared to try it out anyways so yeah.. You’ll see a lot of “smut” in this chapter but don’t get too excited. This fanfic is mostly angst, so get ready for an angstful last chapter next week and enjoy! <3

Previous chapters: 1 I 2 I 3 I 4

18/4/2020 - 1:51 am

Surprised, you opened the door. Hyungwon stood leaned up against the doorframe.

“What are you doing here in the middle of the night?” You asked, bewildered.

The smell of alcohol suddenly hit you and you could tell he was drunk. His gaze started from your feet and slowly trailed up your body. He bit his lip and you crossed your arms over your chest when you realized he was staring.

“Perve!” You said and hit him.

He laughed, “I’m sorry!” He exclaimed as you kept hitting him.

“Explain yourself,” you commanded, your cheeks dark red from embarrassment.

“Are you drunk?” you asked.

“Nope,” he said.

You sighed, “Get in,” you said. 

He lifted both of his eyebrows in surprise and smirked as he went inside. You closed the door and turned around, your eyes widened when you realized Hyungwon stood right in front of you. Hyungwon placed one hand on the door right next to your head with a thud. He locked the door with his other hand and you gulped when you noticed how close he was. His fragrance and his presence made your body react. His gaze slowly fell down to your face and he smiled as he saw you were blushing.

“A penny for your thoughts?” He asked teasingly.

Your heart was screaming at you to close the little space between the two of you and pull him into a kiss. You wanted to feel his body against yours. You wanted him to touch you and embrace you. You bit your lip, trying to refrain yourself and your thoughts.

His smirk disappeared and he clenched his jaw. “Not answering?” He said, licking his lips as his gaze fell down to yours. Your heart started beating faster as he leaned towards you. You closed your eyes tightly and pushed him off of you. You denied your temptations and went inside your living room. 

Your living room was connected with the kitchen. You grabbed a glass from the cupboard in your kitchen and filled it with water. Hyungwon walked inside the living room, and you could feel his stare. You placed the glass of water on the table.

“Here, have some water,” You said, still a bit taken aback by the fact he came to your house so late and in a drunken state.

“You’re dangerously sexy,” Hyungwon whispered under his breath.

“What?” You asked, not thinking you heard it properly. 

“Do you really feel secure inviting a man inside so late?” He asked.

“Man?” You scoffed playfully, looking him up and down. 

He clenched his jaw, annoyed.

“You’ll regret saying that,” he said with a smirk.

“Really?” You asked in disbelief, before you broke out into a smile. “I’m just kidding, I know you won’t hurt me. Don’t you think I know y-”

Before you finished your sentence, he took two firm steps forward and grabbed your thigh with his left hand and your waist with the other. He pushed you against the wall behind you and pressed his body against yours. His lips were dangerously close to yours. He caught you off guard and your body reacted before you could think. You could feel his breath on your neck as you moaned by his touch. Only now, you realized, how much you had yearned for him. 

“Are you sure you know me that well? How can you doubt me as a man?” He asked with a lifted eyebrow.

You couldn’t resist anymore and gave in.

“If you were a man you would’ve kissed me by now,” you whispered, your eyes locked with his.

His strong gaze suddenly softened. He hesitated. You could tell he was fighting with himself by the way his body tensed up. It confused you. Didn’t he want you? His gaze fell down to the floor and he let go of you. You couldn’t help but feel disappointed.

“What is it?” You asked, confused.

“I...” Hyungwon trailed off. You could tell he was torn and sad. It made your heart ache. 

“Here,” you said and took his hand. You gestured him to sit on your couch. “Tell me what’s going on,” you continued, softening your voice.

He looked at you with a painful expression. 

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be here,” He said and got up.

You grabbed his hand, stopping him. “Why?” You asked.

“I didn’t think straight when I came here. This is all my fault,” he said and pulled his hand back, as he walked towards the door.

“Don’t leave,” you called, almost begging.

He stopped in front of the door. “This is for the best,” he said coldly and placed his hand on the door knob.

“Please,” you whispered. 

He stood still and you took the chance to come closer. You slid your hands around his waist and embraced him from behind. 

“Don’t leave me,” you said.

Your heart felt heavy. It felt like he wanted to say goodbye forever. You couldn’t let it happen.

He placed his hands on yours. However, he slowly pushed them off. 

“Hyungwon,” you begged, “Look at me,” you said. 

Hyungwon knew that if he saw your face it would become harder for him to leave and make the right choice.

“Please look at me,” you repeated. 

He turned his head and his gaze slowly found yours.

“I like you,” you admitted. “I like you so much my heart aches when I think about you because of how much I miss you. My heart flutters when I see you, when I hear your name... I can go on and on. My life is a complete mess and you know that because you listened to me when no one else would. So please don’t leave me, you’re the only person in my life that ever cared so much for me,” you said, trying to hold back your tears. “You make me feel happy, valuable, cherished and loved and I couldn’t ask for more.”

A painful expression washed over his face as he cupped your face with his hands and pulled it towards his. Your lips hit each other so softly and perfectly that it felt like it was always meant to be. You couldn’t focus on anything else but the two of you. Your heart skipped a beat and started beating faster than before as he moved closer to you. His fragrance filled your head and his touch made you yearn for more. He kissed you passionately as he grabbed your thighs, lifted you to your surprise, and carried you towards your bedroom.

You could feel his biceps tighten as he slowly laid you down on your bed without breaking the kiss once. He pulled away for a moment and kept his eyes locked with yours. He pulled his shirt off and revealed his abs, and if you weren’t red enough already you blushed even harder. Fuck, he was hot, you thought. When he closed the space between you again, he kissed you even harder than before. He continued to kiss you as his hand trailed down your waist to your ass. 

“Are you sure about this?” He asked, as he slowly kissed your neck and continued down to your collarbone. 

“Yes!” You whispered. 

He grabbed your ass even harder and you moaned loudly. His vein on his forehead appeared in response. 

You pulled him into a passionate kiss. He slid your dress up with his hand and felt your thigh. He groaned as he slapped your bare ass. While kissing him you unbuttoned his jeans. He helped you and kicked them off, which left himself in his boxers. Your hand cupped his hard dick and he moaned by your touch. You pulled him down, so the two of you switched places. You started trailing kisses down his well-toned body while slowly stroking his dick with your hand.

You pulled down his boxers and his dick sprung up in front of you. You gasped in delight by the sight and threw his boxers across the room. As your lips slowly surrounded it, not breaking eye-contact with him once, he let out a loud groan as he watched you. You kept his eyes locked with yours as you sucked on his dick and stroked it with your hands. His head fell backwards in enjoyment. 

You pulled your dress over your head and revealed your naked body in front of him. His eyes widened and he blushed, when he saw you. He cursed under his breath. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful, Y/N,” he whispered as he grabbed you and switched places again. The both of you felt emotional as your bodies were pressed up against each other, naked. 

“How did I get so lucky?” He asked. 

“I’ve asked myself that a hundred times before you just did,” you whispered, looking deeply into his eyes. 

He grabbed your face and kissed you so passionately the both of you could feel electricity. He started touching you with his hand and you moaned loudly when he entered you with his finger. He kissed your neck and started trailing kisses down your body again. 

“Hyungwon,” you moaned. 

“Mm?” He responded in-between kisses. “Let me make you feel good,” he continued.

You nodded your head, and he went lower. You moaned loudly as he reached your private part and grabbed his hair in your hand. 

“Oh my god!” You squealed. It felt so fucking good. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he said as he continued. You moaned as he sucked your clitoris and pushed his fingers inside of you. You yearned to feel him inside of you.

“Please,” you begged as you looked at him. “Let me feel you,” you continued. 

He smirked, “My pleasure,” he said as he got up. He stroked the tip of his penis around your vagina, and you moaned by his touch. You wanted him so badly. As soon as he pushed himself inside of you, the both of you moaned in sync. He lowered his upper body to kiss you as he slowly thrusted inside of you. You moaned in-between the kisses. 

All your problems faded away and you felt more connected to Hyungwon than ever. You finally understood why people were so obsessed with sex or making love. You looked into his eyes as he thrusted into you, your foreheads pressed against each other as the both of you breathed deeply. The two of you watched each other closely, as you could feel him inside of you, and he could feel you around him. At that moment, it felt like the two of you had become one. 

He fastened his pace, and you moaned his name loudly as he made hard, fast thrusts inside of you. He grabbed your ass hard. Your hands trailed up his abs and around his chest to his back. You digged your nails into his back as you could feel yourself coming. He kissed you passionately when he felt you tense up. 

“I can’t, I’m coming,” you whimpered. 

“Me too,” he moaned. 

He made three last, hard thrusts. And you moaned as your body vibrated and you pulled him closer. He moaned loudly and you felt him come inside of you. He fell down on his back beside you of exhaustion. The both of you looked at each other while heavily breathing. 

18/4/2020 - 9:09 am

You drew circles on his chest with your finger. It’s been a while since you woke up, but you didn’t want to get out of his embrace. This moment felt so perfect that you didn’t ever want to leave it. 

You had lain there for a while. He really meant it when he said he liked to sleep in. You observed him one last time before you decided to get up. When you tried to push yourself away, Hyungwon’s arm tightened around your waist and pulled you down. 

You laughed, “You were awake?” you asked. 

He groaned and held you closely to him. You stared at his face, while his eyes were still closed. 

“I need to get up,” you said with a smile. When you lifted yourself a little bit, he snuggled up under you. He ignored what you said and buried his head in your neck. 

You let out a sigh and stroked his hair. If this were a problem, you wouldn’t mind having it, you thought. 

“Okay, five more minutes,” you whispered.

18/4/2020 - 9:34 am

Ten minutes had passed.

“Hyungwon,” you laughed, “I really need to pack my stuff today or my manager will kill me, and I have a surprise for you that I don’t want to ruin,” you said and softly brushed his hair away from his face.

“Pack?” He mumbled.

“Yeah, my tour starts tomorrow,” you whispered, a bit sad. 

He suddenly got up, his eyes still closed. “What? When are you coming back?” He asked. You could tell he was surprised.

“It won’t be long, about three months,” you said.

“Three months?!” He said with disbelief, as he opened his eyes.

“It’s okay,” you said and smiled at him as you touched his nose. “I will be back,” you continued, “It won’t be far either.”

“And I’ll be here, waiting for you and missing you,” he said, as he ran his fingers through his hair, concerned.

You laughed, “I’ll miss you too.”

He observed you for a moment and then slowly leaned towards you. The both of you stared in each other’s eyes as your noses touched. You giggled and gave him a nose rub with your nose before escaping from the bed. You pulled the blanket with you to cover yourself as you ran inside the bathroom.

“Get back!” He exclaimed, as he grabbed a pillow to cover himself.

You laughed, “Come get me!”

[yzssie]

TOO MUCH CHAMPAGNE

This is for the lovely anon who made this request.❤ ❤ Thank you so much and hope you like it!❤

Also, I hope you’ll all let me know what you think about it, I always appreciate you and your likes, comments, reblogs, asks! I like to interact with my readers because you all show me so much support and that’s why I am still here, writing. So I would love to hear you out! Thank you for everything darlings T_T ! You’re the best!❤ ❤

Characters: Tom Hiddleston and Reader(Y/N)

Chapters: 1/1

Warnings: smut, dom Tom

Summary: Car and dominant Tom Hiddleston. Lol ok let me do something longer, but I think that was sufficient lmao. You’re the co-star of Tom Holland on the third Spider-Man movie and get invited to one of Robert’s famous dinners, where champagne gives you problems, again. (Too many Toms here btw, hope you won’t get confused)

Words: 4.5k

“Excuse me for a second,” Tom Holland takes out his vibrating cellphone and answers it.

“Hello!” his excited tone shows that the person on the other line is someone he likes a lot.

“Hi, kiddo! Heard you're in the US?”

“Yes, Robert! I'm doing a press tour with Y/N for the new Spider-Man movie.”

Robert?

“Nice to hear it's doing great. As expected.”

“Thanks!” he nervously strokes the back of his head and you suppose that the Robert he's talking to might actually be Robert Downey Jr.

“Hear me out. I saw that both you and Tom, the other Tom, got it? Ahahah, anyways, saw that both of you are in the US so I'm having a dinner or a party whatever you want to call it, tonight, with most of the cast from The Avengers and some staff from Marvel. Have any plans?”

“Well I was supposed to just hang out with Y/N in town,” he looks at you and you shake your head and show him an ok sign to tell that it won't bother you if he can't join you tonight.

“Are you close with her?

“Yea, yea? We are. Why?”

“Is she the one who plays the fire kiddo?”

“Yes, that's her.”

“Isn't she also friends with Sebastian?”

“That's right. You know, they ar,”

“Then she’s also invited!” Robert cuts Tom.

“Ok, Mr. Downey! I mean, Robert!” he chuckles from the excitement.

“Cool, see you at 8pm. Gonna text you my address in case,”

“I have it!”

“Oh, ok, bye!” a soft chuckle is heard from the other side of the phone.

“We’re gonna partyyy!” Tom ends the call and you look at him confused.

 *AT THE SHOPPING MALL*

“No way Tom, I am not coming to a party full of famous people I admire, yet I don’t know and I am not wearing this!” you sigh when you get out from the fitting room in a black dress that accentuates your forms right where you need, hiding away some parts you weren’t that confident with.

“It’s a party, Y/N! And everyone is nice enough for you to feel comfortable.”

“Yea, me, the most social person on this planet. You do realize you all know each other? I’m just going to be like the third wheel…”

“You are friends with Seb.”

“Yea, you and Seb. Great!” you raise your hands in the air, sighing.

“And Tom,” he adds smirking.

“And Tom?”

“Yea, heard from Robert that he’s also here and he will come.”

“Then there’s another reason to don’t go,” you get back to the fitting room but Tom’s hand stops you.

“Didn’t you say you like him?”

“Shhhh,” you press your hand into his mouth as if a random Tom Hiddleston will appear from the fitting rooms.

“Yea, well, remember last time right? I spilled champagne all over his pants,” you facepalm yourself. “God, so embarrassing,” you mutter under your breath.

“IT’S FINE, you know he is nice and he wasn’t bothered,”

“I was! I made a fool of myself!”

“C’mon, imagine how rude it will be if you don’t accept Robert’s invitation! It’s the first time and he doesn’t even know you…”

You squint your eyes at him and stare to each other for like one minute before sighing and going back to the fitting room.

“But I am not wearing the dress!”

*LATER THAT DAY*

“I’m wearing the dress,” you whine when you exit the taxi you and Tom rode.

“It’s for the best, trust me,” Tom smiles at you and you can’t help but roll your eyes.

“I will die here, Tom, look at me! If you let me alone for more than 10 minutes I will melt to the floor and,”

“Y/N!” an unknown yet familiar voice startles you.

Oh my god, it’s Robert Downey Jr!

“Hello, uhm, Mr. Downey! Nice to meet you,” you shake his hand and he laughs.

“You can call me Robert. I am glad that you both made it. Kiddo?” he takes Tom in a hug and pats his back.

“I am happy to see you all again. It seems like ages!” Tom says and you are both led inside the house.

“Look Y/N, it might be a little bit overwhelming for you, but don’t worry! Some people are coming with their partners so you can just call yourself Tom’s girlfriend,”

“That would be awkward,” you say and Tom scoffs.

“Trust me Robert, that is going to look disastrous,” he laughs and you do the same. “Besides, I think she would prefer to be called like that for another certain Tom,” your eyes widen and you shut his mouth with your hand.

“Am I one of the Toms qualified for that?” a low chuckle is heard from behind and you just want to curse your existence and Holland’s when THE CERTAIN TOM joins your conversation.

“Tom!” Holland hugs Hiddleston and you’re sure your heart can be heard as it beats like crazy now.

“Y/N,” Tom leans to kiss your cheek and you do the same, trying to regain your composure.

“Hello, Tom,” you smile back at him and you gulp when you see his blue suit matching his eyes perfectly. How can someone look that good? Last time you met him he was looking like a teddy bear, but now you notice that he has shaved his beard and cut his hair, turning back from Tom Cuddleston to Tom Hottieston. You internally laugh at your own joke. Wow, you’re so fun Y/N, way to party, you mentally scold yourself. Though, the way that white shirt is wrapping around his torso makes your legs tremble.

“So you guys know each other, see, there’s nothing to worry about,” Robert states as he looks around. “Now, if you excuse me, I have guests to greet,” he spins around and heads for the door.

“So how have you both been? I have heard the new movie is a big success, I would love to see it soon!” Tom Hiddleston ask you and Tom Holland.

“Very nice actually! The press tours are fun as always, especially that I got stuck with Y/N,” he laughs and pats your back while you softly giggle, shyly rubbing your hands.

“Y/N?” Sebastian’s voice interrupts your conversation, well, more like the two Toms’ conversation as he takes you in a big hug.

“Seb!” you smile in his hug, instantly feeling safer.

“And who is this gorgeous lady?” Anthony Mackie joins you.

“This is Y/N. She’s a friend of mine,” Sebastian introduces you to him and you excitedly shakes his hand.

“Hi, big fan!” you say. You honestly love Anthony’s humor, you always wanted to meet him.

“Oh oh, thank you, I could have bet that you’re one of Sebastian’s fans by the way you guys hugged. 1-0 for me, Vanilla Ice!” he lightly punches Sebastian’s chest while Seb rolls his eyes.

“Trust me lady killer, she’s just being nice,” Seb adds and you shake your head.

“That’s not true!” you laugh and for a moment you could feel a certain stare set on you.

“That’s what she also told me when we first met, maybe you’re right,” Tom Hiddleston playfully answers to Sebastian’s remark and you blush.

A lady appears and offers all of you champagne. Oh no, not champagne. Pretty sure he will remember that embarrassing moment again…

“I should be careful with it,” you softly whisper and Hiddleston grins.

“It’s fine Y/N,” he takes a sip and sets the glass on the little table next to you. “It was only an accident, I didn’t mind it,” Tom reassures you.

All five of you start to talk about different topics and after more sips of the champagne, you feel more comfortable, especially when Anthony makes jokes most of your conversation.

“Holland man, did you shrink more or is Y/N too intimidatingly tall?” Mackie jokes and Tom’s sarcastically laughs. “C’mon man, let me introduce you to some shorter girls,” he takes Holland away and you all laugh at his lack of reply.

“Tom!” a lady’s voice is heard and you turn around to find an unknown face greeting Hiddleston. He excuses himself from both of you and goes to the lady, kissing her cheeks and starting to talk with her.

“So,” Sebastian says.

“So?”

“Nu ai de gând să faci nimic?”

(Aren’t you going to do something?)

“Să fac ce?”

(What?)

“Orice doar să nu te mai holbezi la el ca și cum ar fi un desert și tu ești la dietă de 10 ani.”

(Anything else than staring at him as if he is a dessert and you have been dieting for 10 years.)

“Seb, ai noroc că nu ne ințelege nimeni.”

(Seb, you’re lucky that nobody understands us)

“Astăzi ai șansa de a schimba ceva,” he winks.

(Today you have the chance to change something.)

“Nope. Data trecută am vărsat șampanie pe pantalonii lui și crede-mă, am vrut să intru în pamant. De abia duc o conversație cu el!”

(Nope. Last time I spilled champagne all over his pants and trust me, I wanted to become one with the ground. I can barely have a conversation with him)

Sebastian rolls his eyes.

“O să mori singură.”

(You’re going to die alone.)

“Uhum, mersi de încurajare.”

(Uhum, thank you for cheering me up)

The whole night went smoother than you thought, you met most of the old cast of Avengers and everyone was really nice. You drank a little bit more alcohol than you wanted, because of Anthony. You had some moments when you felt a little bit left out when they were talking about things during filming, but that also gave you a chance to join their conversation when they were explaining to you what happened.

You aren’t drunk, you couldn’t just do that there, but you became more easy-going after three or four glasses of champagne. You are thinking about having some fresh air and excuse yourself from the group. All you could see since one hour ago was Tom Hiddleston’s thighs as he was sitting with his long legs a little bit too spread for your dirty thoughts. Definitely, the alcohol influences you a little bit, you feel as if you could be blunter, more straight forward and you actually did flirt a little bit with him, only to laugh it away because you were afraid of ruining whatever relationship you have with him and it was also too dangerous because of Tom Holland who could spill out the fact that you like him.

Going out in the garden, you wander a little bit around the front entrance when a sudden pair of arms engulf you. Something is instantly wrapped around your eyes and when you open your mouth to say something, one of his hand covers it. You panic as you’re dragged somewhere and you crunch your nose at the smell of his cologne, recognizing it immediately. Or are you imagining things? Are you already drunk? A beep indicates you’re near a car which he unlocked.

“Get in and don’t move, pet” the husky British accented voice sends tingles to your core and you nod, relieved that your senses didn’t leave you. Or did they? You’re currently into a weird kinky situation with the man you crush on and you don’t question anything but just follow what he says. Your rational sense is certainly gone. He closes the door and gets inside the car, starting the engine.

“Hands,” he orders and you show them. Something wraps around them too, and by the feeling of it, you could guess they’re some silk strings, which you’re curious where he got that from. Your breath hitches as he hovers onto your body, putting your seatbelt on. “Now you’re going to be a good girl and listen to me, ok?” he whispers into your ear and you weakly nod. A sudden slap on your thigh makes you gasp. “Words baby girl, I want to hear words.”

“Yes, sir,” you inhale and you could imagine his smirk at the name you called him by. His hand on your thigh wraps around your flesh, making you squirm in the seat.

“Good girl,” he hums and strokes your burning flesh. You arch your back to meet his touch, a soft sigh escaping from your pouty lips as if begging him to taste them. He hisses at your reaction, bulge already painfully yearning for release. He dreamt of having you in this submissive position since last time you have spilled champagne on his lap while you were discussing something trivial.

Every time he had touched you, your chest would also stop for a moment to take in the needy sensation of contact. Biting lips, eyes avoiding his stare for so long, smiling eyes, all these betrayed your try to hide your feelings. He also became attracted to you in many ways. You were very quiet at first, a fact which made him want to know more about you. And so he did. He enjoyed your company even if you always met through Holland or social events. He did think of asking you out someday, but he never had the chance. Especially that you were both busy nowadays. You were always making sure to express your admiration every time he was sharing his interests in many things like literature, art. Then, he started to notice your physical appearance. Your curves started to catch his eyes and he was stealing glances at your long legs whenever you were crossing one over another. You were listening genuinely to his words, lips breaking into a shy smile and eyes searching for more.

And that night, that night you unleashed the dark part of him. A creeping blush after too much champagne to handle your conversation and stammering words gave away the attraction you felt for him. Tom Holland left you alone and you were stuck on the chair, uncomfortably alone in a room full of famous and unknown people. He decided to keep you company and sat next to you. You probably didn’t expect him to come over and as time was passing, you were drinking more and more champagne while conversing with him. The alcohol gave you more confidence and you were becoming blunter and more talkative. Until your hands knocked the glass of champagne right onto his lap. You let out a gasp and you started to apologize repeatedly while taking whatever was on the table to dry his pants. He reassured you that there’s no problem and he can take care of it, but you were already patting the champagne stains with a table napkin. That’s what triggered him. Your trembling hands were on his lap, rubbing his thighs, dangerously close to his crotch. You were slightly bent over, giving him a good angle of your breasts and ass tightly wrapped with the thin material of your dress. He imagined you between his legs and he stopped you from doing any more damage to his mind. He became so tense after, that he needed to take some fresh air outside. He then realized that you misinterpreted his reaction as annoyance and you tried to avoid him, which made him more frustrated.

But after what he found out today he will have you, ravish you in any way possible, until you’ll chant his name like a prayer.

“Tom, where’s Y/N?” Holland, obviously drunk, pats his back.

“I don’t know, I think she went out for some air one minute ago,” he answers, keeping a hold of his drunk friend. He couldn’t drink tonight as he came with his car. He probably took one or two sips of champagne comparing to most of the people there.

“Oh, I thought you, she, ya know,” his mouth is already starting to run “spoilers”.

“We what?”

“She’s mad after you man,” Tom finally confirms his suspicion. “I mean, didn’t you see her staring at you? Trust me, she would probably take you right here, right now,” Holland laughs.

“Would she now?” Hiddleston playfully answers but Holland failed to see his already darkened eyes.

“Yea man, she has some kinky shits inside her head, she might look innocent but,” Sebastian suddenly stops Holland from speaking.

“And she’s going to kill you if she finds out what you’re blabbering,” the Romanian man drags him away.

“Please,” you interrupt Tom’s thoughts as you wriggle your lower part, trying to get his hand moving. He slapped your thigh again and you moan.

“Did I allow you to move?” he growls and you bite your lips while you shake your head. He brings his fingers to release your lower lip from your teeth and he forces one in your mouth. You suck on his finger and lick it, gaining a throaty moan. You bite on his finger at the hungered sound of his voice and he grins: “Greedy now, aren’t we, darling?”

His draws out his fingers and they slip between your legs, right inside your panties. His slick fingers outline your clit and then presses down on it.

“Tom,” you cry out his name at the quivering feeling. His fingers draw circles on the swollen bundle of nerves and you wiggle in the seat. Your tied hands grip on his hand working between your legs.

“You’re dripping, lord,” he groans satisfied by your aroused state. His pointer slips easily into your pussy and his lips bury your moan into his mouth. His tongue darts on your lower lip before invading your sweet cave. You become dizzy from all the tantalizing sensations and before you know, your orgasm releases on his long fingers.

“Oh my God,” you sharply inhale and his tongue moves now on your neck, showering your neck with kisses to help your shivering body calm down.

“Did I allow you to cum though?” he whispers into your ear and your breath hitches as he bites on your shoulder.

“I’m sorry, sir,” you reply.

“Oh, you’ll be,” he bites on your cleavage this time and your chest raises up.

“Can I see now please?” you beg, “Touch?”

“No, you didn’t quite listen to me, pet,” he mockingly sighs and you whine. His touch leaves now from everywhere and the car’s motor starts. However, he takes off his tie which he used it as a blindfold and you finally meet his hypnotizing blue eyes. You stare at each other for some seconds, the eye contact intensifying the tension between you two.  A faint blush could be seen on his cheek also and your eyes wander on his torso, then down where his bulge is painfully big. You bite your lips and you glance at him again. He smirks seeing your reaction, “We’re going to get to that part too.”

He grabs the wheel and leaves the parking lot.  

“I hope I didn’t pass out from the champagne and this is a dream,” you mutter and he chuckles.

“Let me show you how real it is again,” his hand travels to your legs but this time he grips the dress and raises it up till your waist, exposing your soaked panties from the last orgasm. The coldness of the leather seats makes your burning skin cool down a little bit. He tugs down your panties and takes a quick glance at your glistening pussy before returning his eyes on the road. “Shit,” he moans.

You close your eyes and sink into the seat as his fingers are rubbing your folds, teasing your entrance.

“Mmm,” you moan when he adds two fingers this time. “Please.”

“You haven’t been a good girl as I told you, love,” he steals another glance at you and the grip on the steering wheel tightens. He curls his fingers inside you, hitting a sweet spot in a matter of minutes. “Hold it in,” he orders and you bite your lips. How could you hold it in? Your body is already writhing from the oversensitivity and you scream when you come undone for the second time.

He sighs but he’s half proud of how easily he can pleasure you. He stops at the traffic lights and takes in your whole state. Few sweat drops could be seen on your temples while you are trying to breathe normally.

“This calls for a punishment,” he undoes his belt and pulls down a little bit his pants and boxers, revealing his rock hard erection, already precumming at your sight. He releases your seat belt and yanks your head by your hair in front of his lap. You struggle a little bit to find a good position because your hands are still tied and you finally stroke his whole shaft with one slow lick. His legs shudder to your wetness, grip tightening more on the wheel. Your tongue darts his tip, circling it before finally take him into your mouth. You both moan at the contact and you try to relax your neck muscles to take as much as you can. He grips a fist of your hair, trying to focus on the road when the lights go green. He wasn’t expecting this to be so distracting and after a few sucking, he stops you. You stubbornly go back to what you were doing, trying to get as much as you can from him.

“Fuck, Y/N, I’ve said stop,” he shouts, but you bob your head faster and the car suddenly makes a left turn and the engine stops. “Goodness,” this time his hand pushes you down further and you’re trying you’re best to don’t gag. Seconds after, his shaft pulsates into your mouth, releasing his seed. You swallow it and get up to see that he stopped into an empty parking lot on the highway. He roughly makes you straddle his lap and his lips ravish yours, hands squeezing your waist. He peels off your dress and you try to undo his shirt but end up ripping the buttons open. Your mouth lands on his torso, tracing your lips on his pecs, enticing a low sound from his throat. You lick his Adam’s apple next and you arrive at his jaw, feather-like kisses covering his skin. His heart might swirled at your actions because he cups your cheek and makes you look at him, the same deep staring of his blue crystals devouring your soul.

“I will ravage you, consume everything you have for me,” his eyes land on your black lacy bra, “Over and over again,” he groans into your ear and he suddenly plunges into you. You moan loudly and arch your back over the wheel. He starts slow and deep, making sure to fill you up until there’s no space between you two. He undoes your bra and takes one of your breasts into his mouth. He grazes his teeth over your nipple while the other hand massages and pinches the other one. You start to jump faster on his lap and he hisses.

No, he wants to make you beg, make you cry for not listening to his orders. You must be punished.

He ceases your movements, holding your waist down and you whine.

“Please move,”

“I think you forgot your position here, pet,” he slaps your ass and you moan.

“I’m sorry, sir, please, forgive me,” you look at him and he smirks.

“I am afraid I can’t do that so easily,” he sweetly smiles at you and licks the other breast, tongue flicking your bud. You try to move but he’s pinning you down quite strongly and you find yourself begging for him to move. You need him, you want to be completely engulfed, owned by him.

He takes you off him, throwing you on the backseat. He undresses himself completely and lunges forward you. He takes you into another messy kiss before he traces down a line from your jaw to the valley of your breasts, to your stomach and stops right between your legs. His hands bury under your ass, groping it. You feel his breath hitting your core and you moan when his tongue finally makes contact with your clit.

“Ahh,” you scream when he nibbles it. The pain mixes with the pleasure from his fast licks and you reach for roof handle to overcome the expecting orgasm, but he stops. “No,” you desperately beg.

He turns you over and takes your hands at the back, tying them with the previously used tie. Your ass is now higher than your upper body, exposing your drenched vagina. He hisses at the wetness waiting for him as you wiggle your butt a little bit but he slaps you again.

“Impatient, aren’t we?”

“Sir, I need you, please!”

“Do you now, pet?” he strokes your abused butt cheek and slaps the other one too.

You yelp and nod.

“Let me hear your pretty mouth begging, babygirl,“ he slaps you again and your breath hitches.

“Please, I beg you, I will obey to you from now on, just,” you don’t finish the sentence as his chest presses your back and he dips into you. Your face lays on the leather from the power he slams into you and he raises you up. He supports your frame by grabbing your breasts, playing with them as he hastily thrusts into you. Only slapping sounds and moans could be heard now inside his car. He starts to breathe heavily into your neck as he feels his dick clasped by your tight walls, indicating that you’ll cum soon.

“Cum now, pet, feel me inside you,” he groans and he gets rougher until you finally orgasm, encouraging him to do the same. He slows down his movements as he spills everything he kept in, inside you, few strokes needed to empty himself all the way.

You collapse onto the backseat and he does the same, however, he tries to support his weight a little bit with his arms.

“This, was, fantastic,” he breathes and tugs away your hair to kiss your back.

You moan as a reply, still trying to recover from everything. “So it isn’t a dream,” you smile and he chuckles.

“Luckily you have Holland to spoil everything,” he tries to get dressed.

“What?” you turn over, confused at his words, but he only kisses you. “That shit,” you mutter.

“Now, be a good girl and let me drive until my hotel,” he kisses your forehead and slides on your dress.

A/N: Who else had that interview with Tom Holland playing in mind while reading that line? =))))

Taglist opened! Please tell me which one you would like or if you want to be removed/changed. If you can’t see your tag please tell me and I am sorry!!!!! Thank you <3 (crossed usernames means that tag isn’t working T_T) 

TOM/LOKI GENERAL TAGLIST: @drakesfiance, @cutiepotpie177 , @brokenthelovely , @heart-shaped-hell , @ultrailoveharrystylesblog , @mooncrow123 , @screw-real-life-i-pick-fandoms , @powerstrangerdacre , @abrunettefangirlnerd , @darkprincessloki92, @little-moonbeam-666 , @youreawizardjulie , @writingmi , @lokislilslut , @abelstnbhd, @januarycalendargirl , @yuna-belikova , @joyofbebbanburg , @timevortexheart , @captainrainbowpanda , @thesisterofthedevil , @spunky-89 , @unlikelytigerqueen , @loreleyfromouterspace , @bitchwhytho , @justafandomsuckup , @this-side-of-midnight5 , @gabealien12 , @asgardianfloozy , @lokissidehoe , @witchbitch-stuff , @dawnlaufeyson , @captainchedder , @bloominess , @yurio-plisetksy , @buckybarneslovesteve , @casuallyobsessivewitchcraft , @uhh-katie-griffiths , @belindak04 , @what-a-fantasy , @lotus-eyedindiangoddess , @marveloushiddleston

[theshinobiway]

can i get a Neji imagine with him being jealous of the reader being so close to Sauske (as friends) btw love your blog💗💗

Good Golly Gee this took longer than I expected. First I had difficulty coming up with a setting and the plot for this scenario, so I ended up throwing darts at a board (metaphorically) and decided to roll with it. Thus, The setting is post-war Konoha around the time of “The Last.” Sasuke is back in Konoha (and had a decent redemption!) and Neji is alive, though he was heavily injured.

This is one of my rare times where I wrote it with a female reader simply because (most of my readers tend to be female or fempronoun-identifying) and the prose flowed much better with a specific pronoun. “They/Them” is sometimes difficult to portray as an intimately personal address. Can English just get a Gender-Neutral pronoun already? I’m open to creating other versions of this story with different pronouns if requested, just send me an ask!

That also being said, I have the mappings for a Part II to this scenario that I would be open to writing at a later date (I need a break from this one, lol.) If there’s interest, let me know!

Thanks as always for contributing to the blog! :)💚💚

Neji Hyuga — Untouchable Stars

“He just doesn’t get it!”

You slammed your drink down, the telltale blush of your night’s exploits covering your face as your best friend barely restrained a groan from his seat.

“He may not, but for the hundredth time the Hyuga’s too much of a coward to make the first move. You need to be more direct. Just ask him out, already.” 

Sasuke shot you the side-eye from his seat as he coolly sipped his own drink, watching you down your third.

“And what if you’re wrong and he doesn’t like me?!”

“What’s not to like?” Your longtime friend gave you a small smirk.

Were it not for his current—secret—relationship with a certain pink-haired friend of yours, it might almost have been flirtatious. But, both she and you knew where his eyes were, and both of you could read him well enough to know loud and clear what every gesture of his really meant.

If only you could read the Hyuga just as easily.

“Oh? Go on…” You intentionally drew out your words, less from drunken slur and more from your disbelief that this was headed anywhere that didn’t end in an insult.

“Well, you’re great at a lot of things.” Sasuke shrugged his comment off, but it did much to lighten your mood.

“Really? Like what?!” You threw your glass down, now more than halfway convinced he was being serious.

Sasuke gave you his characteristic smirk for reassurance—the closest you could ever get to a real smile—and you were elated.

Until he opened his tactless Uchiha flapper.

He held up his hand to count. “For instance, confessing your sorrows to everyone in the vicinity, drowning in self-pity, drinking away your feelings…and making sure everyone in this bar and the few surrounding know that you have the biggest crush on N-“

          Sasuke liked to think himself one of the most accomplished shinobi in the village.

          But Sasuke was not more accomplished than a drunk, flustered you that currently had an arm wrapped around his neck before he could speak.

He tapped out within seconds, wheezing.

“What in the world—ugh—are we still children?!” He sputtered, rubbing his throat and reaching for his drink before deciding better. The burn of the alcohol wouldn’t help right now.

“Oh, sure! In that case, should I go around spouting off about your secret relationship?!” You fired back, punctuating your answer with an aggressive slurp of your drink and a boorish stare.

Sasuke hadn’t been public in the slightest about his relationship with his pink-haired teammate, though being his closest friend, you were privy to much that others weren’t. Sakura herself had respected his wishes to keep most of their relationship private. Naruto on the other hand…well, if there was anyone it would come from…

“You wouldn’t have the gall.” He grumbled, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

“Because I’m a good friend!” You sneered, downing the rest and raising your glass. “Another!”

“Seriously, are you going for a Mountain Round tonight?”

It was a common drinking game in Konoha. One shot for every Hokage, and every Hokage had an accompanying drinking song. Most tried to get through all of them on their twentieth birthday to celebrate their coming of age. If you didn’t stop soon, you’d be making cheers to your fifth—and passing out in the street like the fifth.

“I’m going for a number of shots that make me forget his name tonight!” You swung down your drink, letting the burn roll over your tongue. No matter how bitter it was, it couldn’t match you yet. “Let me know when I’ve stopped talking about him.”

“Done, and you’re done.” Sasuke took the finished glass out of your hand and set it on the bar, sweeping you away from the counter.

“Hey! I’m still walking!” You tugged at his arm, but you were out the door of the bar before you could make a scene. “I’m not sloppy—"

“That’s not the goal of a nightly outing, now time to get you home.” Sasuke grumbled, cursing the very man that put you in this state.

The situation had been the same since you were kids—you were head over heels, a certain someone was none the wiser, and Sasuke was left hearing all about it—but the only difference was that the complaining could now be, ahem, augmented by alcohol.

But Sasuke, being the great friend he was, managed to get you out of the bar and on the steady path to home and a restful sleep despite your struggling. On a separate note, you vaguely recalled that you were meeting someone else tonight, but for the life of you, you couldn’t remember who it was while you were being dragged from the bar whilst on the receiving end of a lengthy lecture from your Uchiha friend about your ‘limits.’

Sasuke liked to think himself the wisest of the two of you.

In any case, you weren’t exactly a fan of being manhandled—drunk or sober—so you decided to concoct the best plan you could to get out of his deathgrip on your arm.”

“Hey! What’s that?!”

”What?”

Sasuke was not more clever than a drunk, troublesome you.

No sooner had he fallen for the childish trick (which he would say later was the result of his own inebriation and not because you were actually clever,) you shot out of his reach and made a dash…straight down the steps of the bar.

“Ack—!”

And then, right when it seemed you would meet the ground first, a sudden familiar shout of your name brought you back.

“(Y/N!)”

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Just then, seconds before you bit the dust, and the whirlwind of movement brought your latent nausea to a not-so scenic ending, you were whipped back up to your feet and the merry-go-round of lights were kept steady enough for you to send an insult hurling back at—

“N-Neji?!”

“You’re…drunk?”

          There was nothing more sobering than the realization that you might have made a fool of yourself in front of him.

‘Of all the times for him to find me—now, really?!’

You were held up by two strong arms and the last remaining shred of your dignity, but the look on the aghast Hyuga’s face told you he was waiting on an answer. In your best hazy stupor, you put your best foot forward and managed a perfectly elegant, coherent:

“I don’t know.”

Neji tilted his head, thoroughly taken aback—first by your sudden appearance in his arms, and now an answer that he had expected just as much. Realizing he might have been staring, he suddenly averted his gaze until Neji’s eyes flickered to Sasuke, who stood close behind. They narrowed immediately.

Neji’s arms held you in a firm grip, letting you a chance fully regain composure. Or what you could, with your arms interlocked with his and a small voice screaming in the back of your head.

Whatever chance you had of dignity was shot all to hell the minute you realized he was close enough that you could catch the characteristic scent of the Hyuga compound—aged wood. Without realizing it, you were unconsciously leaning forward into it. Luckily, Neji hadn’t noticed, too intent on staring down your would-be caretaker.

You couldn’t see Sasuke’s expression—you were far too absorbed in Neji, who hadn’t released his grip of you though had regained your balance—but with your extensive knowledge of the Uchiha, whatever he likely did was taunt the Hyuga with a look. Sasuke had a wonderful talent for ticking people off, and Neji was no exception—in fact, he took absolute pleasure in it sever since their first meeting.

Neji spoke first, clearing his throat and putting his practiced composure forward.

“Need I ask why (y/n) is currently in this state?”

Why was he always so irresistible when he looked so stern? You were practically drooling over him—but for some reason, the normally observant Hyuga kept his gaze ahead.

“Huh. Because she…can’t hold her liquor?” Sasuke scoffed back at the Hyuga. “I didn’t realize I was her keeper.”

Holding an inebriated you upright and staring into the face of a man that didn’t seem to take it seriously, Neji was less than amused at the snarky reply.

“And you let her get like this, or did you intend for this happen?”

“She can make her own decisions, as any other adult, Father.” Sasuke curled his lip back at him.

Neji took the bait. Sasuke’s cheeky grin was perfectly misconstrued—as Sasuke surely expected, and Neji’s grip on you unconsciously tightened as his eyes narrowed to slits.

“And just where are you going this late in the evening?” Neji snapped back.

Sasuke had always suspected another side to your ‘unrequited’ love for a while, but it wasn’t always clear. This, however, was an ample opportunity to test his theory.

The results spoke for themselves.

And while he was tactful enough to save your face in front of the object of your affections, playing coy to rile up a potential suitor was all part of his assessment of the Hyuga. Neji might have been a little too commanding in response for Sasuke’s taste, but Sasuke was also too much of a smart aleck to make things simple—no, if Neji was even remotely responsive to his insinuations, Sasuke was going to be just as curt and press him on.

All with the same smirk plastered on his face.

It was difficult to keep track of the conversation when you were in Neji’s arms. All the flush in your face couldn’t have been caused by alcohol—not at this point. In your daze, you caught a brief wind of Sasuke’s snide reply.

“I thought we settled this when we were kids, Hyuga…” Sasuke leaned forward, truth of the situation be damned if it meant he could have a chance to get under the Hyuga’s skin.

”I don’t answer to you.”

Sasuke knew of your affections and clearly could tell he has projected an image of the situation onto the Byakugan-user that was not so accurate—but at this point, perhaps this is what the Hyuga needed to make a move.

“Your arrogance becomes you, Uchiha.” Neji then shot back a taunting look of his own. “The only reliable quality about you, as it were.”

Relinquishing his grip, Neji managed to put you fully upright, facing Sasuke head-on. “A wonder you’re still friends with this one.”

“Neji, He’s just—" you were cut off almost immediately.

“Really? We’re still very close though, we’ve been friends for…how many years now, (y/n)?”

You stumbled over a reply, turning your head just enough to shoot Sasuke a look that screamed murder if he continued.

“A wonderful display of your friendship, tossing friends from balconies. You care to express your friendship elsewhere, perhaps with your pink-haired admirer? Perhaps if she heard of your recklessness, you might find yourself airborne instead.”

Neji clearly had no idea they were dating. Not that he really spent extended time around either of them to tell.

“Oh, and what would you know of her competence? Were you looking for an introduction?” Sasuke tilted his head, jeering at the man barely holding himself back. “Unfortunately, she’s—”

“Sasuke-kun!”

The heavens bequeathed a blessing to this gradually deteriorating situation in the form of Sakura, who was now hurrying her way up the street.

You forgot she had been invited to join you after her shift at the clinic.

“Sakura.” Sasuke smiled, a rarity from him. You were still startled by it now and then, which is why it caught your attention.

And Neji saw where yours went.

“Sorry I’m late, the patient needed extra bloodwork done—Oh!” Sakura noticed you and Neji, standing close together, and evidence of the Hyuga’s agitation was still clearing. It took all of a few seconds for Sakura to surmise what might have transpired moments before.

Perhaps in the future, Sakura’s social finesse could rub off on Sasuke.

“I’ll be taking him out of your way before he causes more trouble.” She nodded towards Neji, who looked ever so slightly more agitated than normal. You put your hands up defensively, trying to remember how words were formed as you battled the fog clouding your mind.

“Oh don’t worry about it, he’s been—”

“Oh, your face is so flushed!” She placed a small hand on your cheek and gave you a wink, grabbing Sasuke’s hand with her other, then glancing back at the Hyuga. “Neji, get her home safe, would you?”

Before the Uchiha could protest about her grip, he resolved already to let himself be carried off, letting you helplessly watch as they left. Sasuke gave one lest telltale shrug as they got further away, communicating all you needed to know.

‘Hey, I tried to help. Good luck.’

You flickered your gaze at Neji’s figure before looking away once again.

‘What the hell am I supposed to do right now?!’

Drunk you didn’t sign up for this. Sober you wasn’t too far behind.

And yet, the only answer you got was the accelerated beat that drummed through your ribcage as Neji stood close.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

‘Not only did he have the audacity to let her stumble around in this state, but it’s almost as if he was toying with the idea of bringing her home. Was the full attention of one of the more renowned kunoichi in the leaf not enough?’

He knew why the Uchiha might find interest in her. What he didn’t understand in all of his genius was the hold that Sasuke seemed to have over other women, even given his reputation.

‘The way that she gazed at him when he smiled at Sakura…’

He felt a familiar, painful curl in his chest when he saw it. That wasn’t where he wanted to see that kind of look directed. When he clearly saw the situation unfold with the Uchiha and the medic-nin in front of her, he felt the deepest empathy.

‘Unrequited.’

He clenched his fist. ‘She doesn’t deserve someone like that. She deserves far better than you.’

Sakura caressed her face, apologetically. ‘At least she can be courteous about it,’ he grumbled in his thoughts, knowing that all the kindness in the world couldn’t help.

When Sasuke gave an uncaring shrug in her direction, he was ready to snap the other arm off.

‘You have everything in front of you, and this is how you act?’  Neji watched your helpless expression as they walked off, and another pang of ache went through his chest until he gave one last glance to the offender’s retreating form.

‘How dare you.’

The sheer frustration of it all was enough for him to feel his blood pressure rise.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

The last of your efforts went into staying as sober as possible, hoping his wouldn’t be a night to remember for all the wrong reasons.

“Are you well enough, like this?” Neji’s voice cut you out of your trance.

“O-Oh, yes, I’m fine.” You shook your head frivolously to be more convincing.

Bad idea, because it only made you dizzier.

“I’m sure you aren’t unfamiliar with this condition.” Neji hadn’t meant for it to sound so harsh, but the line between straightforward and blunt was not so easily tread.

“H-Hey I’m not that kind of person! I just lost track of how many I had is all, but I don’t make a habit of it!”

Neji gave you a disinterested blink before he sighed, hands placed firmly on his hips.

“Relax, (Y/N). I’m well aware that you aren’t the kind to overindulge. I’m sure it was an accident. Regardless of how it happened, though, you ought to be escorted home.”

Neji paused, as though he thought better of the situation than before.

“Should I find you another…friend for that?” He gestured to the surrounding streets. It wasn’t necessarily dismissive, but it still had a bite to it.

That bite wasn’t meant for you, but himself.

You furiously shook your head. Drunk confidence egged you on, hoping you could somehow finesse the situation. You were determined to salvage as much of your reputation as the alcohol would allow.

“I can get home, y’know, if it’s alright with you…”

“Not a wise choice.”

You sounded confident in the moment, but Neji wasn’t convinced. And surely after walking a few blocks in one direction, future you would be agreeing with him. Which is why his immediate dismissal of the idea wasn’t surprising.

It couldn’t hurt to ask.

“Well wisdom could say you’re the…best choice, then?” You ended tentatively, but Neji’s brows lifted and the corner of his mouth twitched.

What had sounded vaguely like drunken rambling to you had actually…charmed him?

“Flattering.” He replied, flatly, though some amusement drifted across his face.

It wasn’t a clear acceptance, so you were ready to retreat until he turned his body and waved for you to follow.

“I haven’t forgotten the way, luckily for you. Let’s get going.”

You didn’t hesitate then.

  A few moments of walking in silence passed before he looked over his shoulder to catch you timidly following, bunched up and holding your arms, last bastion of humanity devoted to keeping your body mobile.

“Are you.. cold…?” One of Neji’s hands drew to the string of his Haori without a second thought.

“Oh, I’m just still a little…” Embarrassment filtered from every hand gesture to the way you avoided his gaze. You started the night intending to forget about him. And now, here he was, walking you home.

Couldn’t he have found you three drinks sooner?

       A sudden warmth around your shoulders snatched your attention from your pouting. Neji’s haori hung over you, still warm from his wear. Your face would have flushed further if the alcohol weren’t already occupying your face. The self-conscious posture tipped him off to your internal self-lecture.

“I already gave you my thoughts.” He reassured you for the third time that night, then, satisfied that you were warm, he took a moment to glance at how the fabric, meant to hang loose even on him, swallowed your frame.

The corners of his eyes crinkled for a moment before he turned to continue on.

“Still, the last thing I want is for you to think badly of me…” Were you whining? A bit, but more than anyone, Neji understood the importance of a good image. Therefore, he had no issue with a bit of sympathy slipping into his tone.

“One accident is hardly a threat to your reputation.”

“It wasn’t really an accident, though.” You twirled the hair at the base of your neck, wobbling to the side and out of the busy street.

Neji arched a defined brow in response and paused in long silence.

“Then what called for the occasion?”

You weren’t sure if the question was meant to fill the emptiness of the silent street, or to perhaps silence the overflowing thoughts of a quiet mind.

“Oh well, you know…” You blinked bashfully, looking away as a light dusting of pink—that didn’t originate from your inebriated state—decided to make its way to your face. “…just…thinking about the chances I don’t have with someone I really admire.”

There was something to be said for drunk honesty.

Unfortunately for Neji, not everything was said. Which meant there was always room for interpretation.

Or in his case, a severe misinterpretation.

“I see.” He clicked his tongue, averting his eyes forward as he let go of your shoulder. “Unfortunate.”

“You have no idea.” Crossing your arms over your chest, you wondered if he could read the subtext.

Gods, he can read everything from a faint twirl of the hair to the way you blink, can’t he just read your mind?

‘On second thought,’ —the realization struck when his gaze suddenly grew cold—‘perhaps it was best he couldn’t.’ One thought of that glare revealing itself unto you when you confessed was enough to make you retreat from your advances—even drunk you wasn’t that foolish.

Rather, drunk you was just sensitive enough to think better of a drunken confession that may have ended in a sobering heartbreak.

“I’m not so sure…” Neji didn’t mean to respond outloud, but all the better that you hadn’t heard him, too focused on the now beating heart that was going wild in your chest at the thought of him walking you home.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

Walking on the street was enough to set his heart alight. And, when the adrenaline was coursing through his veins and he was consciously aware that you might be more honest than normal, he couldn’t help but ask a more pressing question.

“Perhaps you would have preferred the Uchiha to walk you home?” He didn’t mean to be so curt, but the events from earlier put him his own self-depreciating mood. And he also feared a certain response.

“What? Absolutely not!” He half-heartedly glanced at your sudden outburst. Of course, you wouldn’t be brazenly open about your crush, but—

‘Hold on—where are the signs of denial?’

You weren’t kidding when you seemed to imply you were glad to be rid of him.

“I get enough time with him as it is—” Neji’s eye twitched.

‘I’d rather not be reminded of that.’

“—And I’d rather him spend his time with Sakura than worry about me.” There was a tinge of melancholy to your voice. To you, you were envious of how close they had become, wishing that for yourself.

To Neji, he heard that you wanted that closeness with him for yourself and let a pitiful smile, his split-second question subsided.

“How selfless of you.” He sighed. ‘I couldn’t even entertain a thought such as that, unfortunately.’

“Not really, I was lucky enough to spend time with you instead. It’s been so long…” You wobbled without meaning to, catching yourself on his arm as one step was simply too much for your body to keep up.

While you took a second to register, Neji’s attention was all on you at once and his arm stiffened of its own volition. Then, his face bled concern. Without meaning to, his hand covered yours, making sure you kept your grip.

“Sorry, I—Oh! They’re open early this year!” There were few things that could get you as excited as one certain treat. The colorful sign of the food stall flickered in the distance over the crowd, just barely legible in your blurry vision. He followed your attention in a second.

Neji let a small groan of frustration, knowing all too well your addiction to a certain stand’s seasonal delights.

“Home, (Y/N)—”

“Come on!” Neji’s insistence was futile the minute you snagged his hand. How could he protest an opportunity like this? He didn’t expect tipsy-you’s strength, either, judging by how easy it was to pull—ahem, drag him with you.

          Could a heartbeat be felt in fingertips? With the way it resounded in his chest when you grabbed his hand, Neji might have thought so.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

“There, are you quite ready to go home now?”

“How are you so-ooo grumpy when you have the best thing in the world in your hand?!” You munched happily, letting the taste cover your parched mouth, washing away the lingering staleness of the alcohol from earlier.

“I had that earlier.” He grumbled, just out of earshot. He hadn’t intended to, but it was clear when he was agitated. You vaguely registered his speech, but you had other occupations—like the snack in front of you.

“Oh, what?”

“I said at least the food might sober you up.” Neji shook his head to snap out of his own thoughts and bit into his serving, rather unimpressed with the fare. But given that he was able to share it with you, he found ways to enjoy it.

The alcoholic haze that blurred your vision before gave the world a surreal, almost painted expression. Scenes that would not have fascinated you before were prime entertainment for the intoxicated. Lights danced around the street, peeking out from the silhouettes of the passers-by as they went about their ways, unconcerned for the magical visions that surrounded them. And Kami, and the smell of the food stands was enough to make you hungry for seconds.

When you found your way along the scene to the image of Neji beside you, serenely enjoying the evening bustle through the streets, you couldn’t help but reflexively swallow.

Was the taste always this sweet?

“Did I get some on my face?” In the moment it had taken you to consider why your snack was more delightful than usual, Neji had caught your rather obvious stare.

And you had been staring for an uncomfortable amount of time.

Cue a drunken panic.

‘Quick, something clever, something bold that you can maybe play off as a casual—’

“Ah, yeah, the uh…the cute! It’s all over your face!” You intended to wave your hand over your cheek for emphasis, but drunken limbs don’t like to listen—

They like to make you forcefully smack yourself in the face instead. Hard.

Nailed it.

Neji gave you a dead silent stare. Bewildered.

“I…what?”

Neji had just seen you stutter out an odd mix between a pickup line and a sincere answer, then whack yourself in the face. He was honestly doing his best to process the scene. His head tilted.

A stroke? Were you having a stroke?

“Oh, boy! Time for me to get home!” You shot up, tossing the remaining part of your container in the bin and were perfectly fine to hurry off to cover up your reddened face.

Your home wasn’t far from where you were, but Neji made sure to keep close eye on you—especially after that display. Somewhere in your racing thoughts you lambasted yourself for walking so fast, giving up precious moments that you never got with the object of your affections.

“It’s a bit darker down this way than I remember.” Neji called from close behind as your rounded into your secluded neighborhood. It was one of the few that managed to not be fully developed, and houses still stood a decent bit apart.

“There aren’t many lamps around here, so most of the light used to come from the sky…” You mused. It was an older part of the city, for sure, and you brushed your hand knowingly over where the railing to your steps would be.

But the tragedy was that the light pollution took away another relic of a bygone time.

“I always remember the stars being, well, brighter!” You sighed, turning back from the porch to ponder in thought as Neji made his way next to you, sure to catch you if you stumbled over the steps. “It’s hard to see some of them now, though, with how big the town’s grown. Even on the Hokage mountain now, the lights of the city tend to block out the sky…” Leaning back over the porch railing, you shot him a half-hearted glance. “Do you remember the time we watched the stars as kids?”

“Mmm…There were a few times, as I recall.” He sounded vaguely bemused but gestured at you to come away from the railing. Not a bad idea in your state.

You perked up immediately. So, it wasn’t just you that remembered.

“And how it all kinda began just…by chance?” Your legs moved automatically for you, responding to his beckon while the last remaining braincell attempted a coherent conversation.

          The nights spent with Neji, legs thrown over the side of the mountain as you spoke about life, dreams, and all that stood between were the perfect picture of your teenage years. You had taken a walk that summer evening after your teammates had gone home and found yourself in the northern grounds above the Hokage mountain.

There wasn’t much development on Hokage mountain back then, save for the arena that the final rounds of the Chunin exams were always held in, along with some miscellaneous work buildings. Past the arena, the mountaintop still remained wild as ever. It wasn’t a prime spot for foot traffic, despite the view.

Of all the places for Neji to find you, the cliffside overlooking the village was a peculiar spot in the nighttime. Not the place one would expect a familiar face, but then it happened, and so it was. You thought the only reason it ever happened was by sheer possibility.

“Until it wasn’t.”

You glanced curiously at him, wondering what he meant. As kids, there were a few occasions he had asked if you would be making your way there that night, and if his presence would be welcome to join.

It fell off in routine soon after he was promoted in rank and his duties more than doubled. Then you assumed it was just meant to be the past, that he had other things to occupy his time. You may have grown apart some in those years, but you always wondered what he remembered about those nights.

“I mean…our conversations were…productive.” Neji cleared his throat into his fist. “It was a nice change of routine.”

‘Productive? Routine? Who else would describe childhood memories like that but him?’ You nudged his side with a small grin dancing on your face, startling him. Of course, he drew himself back into his stoic shell when he realized you were teasing him.

“You could just say you liked spending time with me then.” Leaning over, you shifted once more to place you both back within the same distance.

Neji’s straight face refused to betray him, though by what might have been a trick of the light, you thought you saw his face flash a bit of color.

“I wouldn’t be that blunt.”

“Then say it pretty.” You knew you were obviously giving him eyes right now, but a flustered Neji was too much to pass up on. He saw it, but doesn’t mean that he believed it was too serious.

“You need to get rest if you’re speaking like this.” Neji ushered you back inside with a grunt, waving you inside before you could embarrass him further.

“Say it…!” You pressed on, perhaps being a little too cute for your own good.

Neji knew he wasn’t about to get out of this one. He swallowed, looking for every conceivable method of escape before resigning himself.

“I wouldn’t be opposed to another visit sometime…for old time’s sake.” If you weren’t drunk, you might have picked up on the tinge of hesitation in his otherwise self-assured and carefully worded response. Hesitation—not reluctance.

Your eyes lit up immediately at the invitation.

“Yes! Yes, yes, yes!”

You intended to give him an impulsive hug, but your inebriated body’s translation of the thought was closer to a full body slam.

Thus, Neji forgot how to breathe—and your grip wasn’t very tight.  

“Oh, ow—is it really that…exciting?” He managed to free the arm that had been wedged between you and the porch and placed both of his hands prudently upon on your shoulders.

He wasn’t sure if he was meant to ask a question in that moment, because it brought your face up close to his.

Much closer than it had ever been.

For the second time that night, you found your way into his arms, pressed against his chest in your inebriated haze. He was so warm against the cool night air, and you got lost, looking on his expression for every hint of his thoughts right then. There was too much to be said, but you didn’t want to come back, lost so far in the moment as you were.

Dreams weren’t ever as good as this.

Long, dark strands of hair fell around his face, tickling yours as he held onto you, making you forget he had even asked a question. Because right now all you could think about was that…

“You’ve always had the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen..” You couldn’t help the smile that you meant for him.

Those beautiful eyes in question widened in shock at your words, and his world silenced when you did.

Save for the heartbeat—was it his or yours?—that reached his ears.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

The deafening pulse of blood in his ears was all Neji could hear. With his eyes locked on your lips, the uncomfortable realization that his body was not within his control for some strange reason took over his rational thought.

Then again, he also wouldn’t admit to himself that it was due at least in part to his proximity of the source of those honeyed words, either.

The playful glint dwelled still in your gaze, then in the corners of your smile until it dropped, as quick as a light could be put out with a flip of a switch. One he struck down with his pesky self-denying habits before he remembered how foolish it was to wander in the dark.

“You’re intoxicated.” He swallowed and finally spoke bluntly, setting you upright.

When your hands didn’t displace themselves from their grip on his shirt, he grimly reached for them. He couldn’t allow himself to hope for what he knew was truly not meant for him.

But in that moment, the first murmur of doubt crossed his mind.

It whispered in his ear when his hands reached yours—they were so small compared to his—and passed over in the soft light in your eyes. One that didn’t come from the street lamps, the mirroring of the shop windows, or even from the moonlight.

It was his reflection, and he never thought he could be so bright—until he saw himself through your eyes.

Dreams really weren’t as good as this.

Neji’s voice lowered to a whisper, somewhere between talking to himself and to you.

“What are you thinking right now?”

It was pretty simple, actually. It was the same thought, every time you saw him cast against the night sky the times you met then, and even now. You let the years finally come and speak their due.

“I always thought you alone were brighter than any of the stars.”

It wasn’t often Neji was without retort—and even if he happened to not respond, it was on his terms. Those offending lips rendered him speechless, and he lowered his head as if closer inspection would reveal just how.

And when they rose to the occasion, he fidgeted once, twice, wondering if this really wasn’t a dream, if those few centimeters were really all that were left between you, and if he really was leaning down to close that distance.

In a dream could he feel the warmth, the weight of you in his arms, or the way in which you drew to him? Could he see everything he wanted so clearly in this one glance, as though the stars had dropped from the very heavens to light the eyes that gazed at him with this adoration? If in a moment, the night air wouldn’t disappear at once with the smell of the dried grass, the fallen leaves, and the smell of sake—

Sake.

“You’re drunk.” Neji whispered hoarsely, drawing back at once and shifting so that your head was closer to his shoulder. He hadn’t wanted you to see the expression on his face right then.

You panicked, heart racing at the tide of events that shifted within seconds.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

You buried your face in his shoulder, too embarrassed that what was nearly a romantic moment had ended this way. It wasn’t clear how he had meant what he said, after you had clearly—in your mind, clearly—been trying to kiss him.

‘You’re drunk, and you’re acting foolish’?  That seemed far more like him than any alternative.

“Sorry…” You murmured, barely audible with your face in his chest.

Still, he held you for few precious moments, perhaps letting this embrace be his only selfish action for the night.

“You need rest.” Still, he didn’t move quite yet. You didn’t, either.

“I know…” Reluctantly, you drew away from him, avoiding his gaze. Neji shifted his weight, politely opening the door to your home for you and ushering you inside.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“What?” You blinked, your head still spinning from earlier.

“The…stars…?” Oh. Obviously! Still, Neji looked genuinely concerned. You immediately moved to compensate for your memory.

“O-oh, I thought you meant earlier as in…” You waved off furiously, trying to remember how to speak. Neji thought he had missed some unspoken courtesy and just as hurriedly racked his brain to figure out where he had faltered in his propriety.

“I could check on you in the morning, if it be necessary?”

He wouldn’t tell you that any hour could be yours, if you only just asked.

But you would have been too modest, anyway.

“If you aren’t too busy, I think…well, you’ll probably be busy, you have so many important things and—” You rambled on, not sure where the aim of it was, fidgeting with your hands. “—I don’t want to ask you to—“

You stilled only when Neji caught your hand, bringing it to his face.

He pressed his lips to your knuckles, turning his eyes to meet yours. You flushed, feeling his breath still ghosting on your hand. He might have said every word you ever wanted to hear just then in the way he looked at you.

“Tomorrow. Goodnight, (y/n).”

And when he left, you sank down to your bed, hand on your chest, your heart playing those words, unspoken, but felt in your chest.

Thump. Thump. Thump.

[alwayschoosechocolate]

One-night stands and one-shot chances (Part ii)

University AU

Pairing: Jin x reader

Who says sex has to mean anything? Who says you can’t just screw around without all the heartache? Who says only guys get this privilege? What happens when the biggest playboy on campus suddenly meets his match and gets a taste of his own medicine?

Genre: casual sex, mentions of sex, bestfriend!Hoseok, onenightstand!Jin

Wordcount: 1700

Masterpost with the other parts of the story can be found here (x)

"Hobi, let's just do half an hour more, and then we can go home," you whined at your best friend, who was currently draped across the table in a very over-the-top dramatic way.

"You do realize, we're the only ones still here, right?", he groaned, lifting his head from the table to shoot you a dirty look. "Everyone else is at the party having a social life. The party, which is at my house btw!"

Rolling your eyes at his comment, you just shook your head in annoyance.

"Hoseok, there’s a party at your house every weekend,” you claimed, looking down at the calculations again. “And we'll be at the party too. In about an hour."

"But everyone else will be shitfaced at that point, y/n!", Hoseok whined at you.

"Come on, how long have you known me?", you smirked at him. "I have a bottle of wine in my bag and some shots. Don't worry, we'll catch up."

"You really are amazing," he chuckled, as he bent his head over the books again. "You do know Jin's gonna be there, right?", he asked, sneaking a glance at you.

It had been a week since Jins and yours little escapade. Not that it mattered. It was sex. It wasn’t like you had been on a date with the him.

"Do I know, that the guy, who lives in the same house as you, is gonna be at the party taking place at your house?", you asked in amusement, not taking your eyes off the books in front of you. "Yeah, I kinda figured."

Rolling his eyes at your sarcasm, he turned back towards the books again for a few minutes... Before he broke the silence once again.

"I just wanted to make sure that nothing more is happening there," he said, feigning indifference as he kept his eyes on the pages in front of him.

"Hobi," you groaned, finally looking up at him. "Have I ever gone back to a one-night stand?"

"No."

"Do you want more with Karen?", you asked, hinting at your friend whom he slept with last week.

"No," he answered again.

"Then what makes you think, that I would want more from Jin?", you asked in amusement.

"I don't know. I just wanted to make sure that you wouldn't be hanging around the house all the time," he chuckled at your words, attention still on the pages in front of him.

"Don't worry. If I hang out at the house, it will only be for you, babe," you winked at him, earning you an eye-roll and a smirk.

"Good! That's all I need to know," he grinned. "Now let's get this done! I need to get drunk tonight. I vote, we do a shot the second we finish this next part, " he suggested, looking back down at the books.

Already pulling the bottles out of your back, you placed them on the table in front of you.

"Way ahead of you," you stated matter-of-factly.

"Have I ever told you, that I love you," Hoseok joked, sending you heart eyes.

"Yep, every time I give you alcohol. Now, turn back to your books, Jung."

--

As promised, you walked into the party a little hour later, already a bit buzzed from the shots and wine consumed on the way. The house was already full of people and alcohol. The second the two of you stepped through the door, Taehyung grabbed Hoseok, dragging him away for some drinking game. Mouthing a half-assed apology at you, he let himself be dragged away, leaving you with his bag. Sending him an eye roll, you picked it up, slinging it over your shoulder as you made your way through the crowd to Hoseoks room.

Depositing the bags in his room, you quickly checked your reflection in the mirror, before turning to the door to join the party. What you didn't expect, was Jin’s figure watching you from the doorway.

"Really, doll? You didn't have to make yourself pretty for me," he smirked at you.

"Believe me, if I had made myself pretty for you, - " you said, walking towards him with swaying hips, coming to a halt in front of him. " - you would have noticed," you ended, bobbing his nose with you finger, as you winked at him, before moving around him to get to the party.

As you walked to the kitchen to get a drink, you left Jin in the hallway looking after you with a dumbfounded look, before he pulled himself together, straightening up with a confident smirk.

Fine, you liked playing hard to get. He could play that game as well. Debating the best line to use on you, he walked into the kitchen to see you talking and laughing with Jungkook and Jimin.

"That's a beautiful dress, baby," he whispered in your ear, as he pressed his chest against your back, and his crotch against your ass. "But it would look so much better on my floor."

"Hmm. I don't know, Jin," you answered, as you arched your back, pressing your ass closer to his crotch. "I've seen my clothes on your floor and frankly it looks better on me," you winked at him, as you accepted the drink from Jimin, before moving to the living room, where you had spotted some of your friends, when you arrived.

"You still sure, you didn't lose your touch?", Jimin asked in between laughs at your blatant rejection of his friend, earning a dirty look from Jin.

"Yes. Just you wait. They always come back," he stated confidently, although his ego already had been a bit bruised by your indifference.

He spent the rest of the party lurking around, watching you laughing and dancing with your friends, flirting with whichever guy, getting close enough to you.

"What a tease," Jin commented with a huff, as he watched you dancing with yet another good-looking guy.

"Who are you talking about?", Yoongi asked, as he handed Jin a beer before sitting down next to him on the couch.

"Y/n."

"What do you mean?", he asked with a confused expression, eyeing you across the room, as you draped your arms around the guys neck, drawing him closer as you danced. "She isn't acting any different than normally?"

"Well, she is a bit cheap, isn't she?", he groaned in annoyance, as he took a swig of the beer.

"Don't let Hoseok hear you say that," Yoongi snorted, letting out a surprised gasp, as Hoseok dropped down between them.

"Don't let me hear you say what?", he asked, grabbing the beer out of Jin’s hand, taking a sip of it as he eyed the older.

"Nothing," Jin stuttered, suddenly feeling uncomfortable under his gaze. Hoseok might be known as the sunshine of the house, but he was fiercely protective of his friends, and Y/n had been in his life since they were kids. Jin was not in a mood to test exactly how strong Hoseoks protective gene was.

Squinting his eyes at him, Hoseok turned the gaze towards the party scene in front of them, trying to pinpoint what could have caused a reaction from Jin. As his eyes landed on you, making out with a guy across the room, he quirked an eyebrow at Jin.

"You guys are talking about Y/n," he stated, not even leaving room for a discussion. "And what exactly did you say about her, that I shouldn't hear?"

Although his tone was teasing and light, Jin was well aware of his comment being out of line, so he chose to keep his mouth shut.

"She has a very casual relationship with sex, doesn't she?", Yoongi spoke up, speaking his mind as always.

"No more than any of us, I would say," Hoseok shrugged, eyeing you across the room, as you laughed at something the guy had told you.

“But shouldn’t she maybe be concerned about her reputation?”, Jin meekly added.

Almost choking on his beer, Hoseok threw his body on Yoongi as the laughter shook trough his body, leaving Yoongi and Jin to exchange confused looks at his reaction.  

“Ya. Dude, if you’re worried about my reaction to that shit you’re saying right now, and I can tell that you are,” Hoseok laughed, gesturing to Jin’s hesitant look. “You really don’t wanna let Y/n hear you say any of those things.”

Looking back at your figure still flirting with the vest guy – really who wears a vest to a frat party?! – Jin had no trouble imagining you taking issue with his words.

“Hear her say what?”, Taehyung asked, as he threw himself across the couch.

“Sexist comments,” Hoseok smirked at him, remembering the last time Taehyung had made such a comment at y/n.

Taehyungs eyes widened at the memory. “Yeah, I wouldn’t do that, if I were you.”

“But really,” Jimin interfered, having joined them along with Taehyung. “How is she okay with it? Most girls I sleep with always want more afterwards.”

Laughing sarcastically at his comment, Yoongi pushed Jimin off the couch in feigned annoyance, making the others roar with laughter as well.

“No, but seriously, Hobi,” Taehyung whined. “How is she so cool about it?”

“I don’t know,” Hoseok shrugged. “It’s just sex. It doesn’t have to be a big deal. You guys know that better than anyone,” he smirked at them.

“So, what does Jin-hyung have to do, to get her to sleep with him again?”, Yoongi laughed with a gummy smile, making the others snicker. “Because he obviously didn’t live up to his reputation last time.”

Jin sent him a dirty look, trying to hide his embarrassment. He had prided himself on being the best shag on campus. The one guy, everyone came back to seconds for. Except Y/n. She had been frightening indifferent about the whole thing and Jin for that matter, making him second guess his skills in bed.

“Hobi,” you squealed, interrupting the gossiping, as you wrapped your arms around you best friend, possible depriving him of oxygen a few seconds. “Is it okay, if I leave my bag here? I’m gonna head out,” you winked, getting a chuckle from Hoseok.

“Sure think, babe,” he laughed at you, as you got up to move back to your guy waiting in the doorway with a smirk. 

“Jin, I don’t care what you do with her in bed,” Hoseok smiled at you, masking his icy tone towards Jin. “But if you play with her heart, you and I are no longer friends,” he ended his statement with a cold look at Jin, before he emptied the beer and pushed himself off the couch, to go find the pretty blond, he had been talking to earlier, leaving Jin confused and a little taken aback.

Your heart? Jin had no interest in your hear. But he wouldn’t mind one more night with that ass of yours, he thought, as he saw it dissapear out of the door. He only needed to figure out how to get you back into his bed again. 

// Part iii //

[artificialqueens]

Underneath The Mistletoe, Part 3 (Bianca/???) - Albatross

AN: short chapter but the next one is the final installment and will be a lot longer!

Saying their goodbyes to one another a short time later, Bianca hurried back to her car to call Willam with her updates.

“It’s not Dela and definitely not Manila,” she stated with a short huff of annoyance.

A snort of laughter quickly echoed through the phone’s mic. Rolling her eyes, Bianca waited out the storm until Willam regained control of herself, or at least enough that she was able to ask, “How’d you find out?”

“Texted Dela,” Bianca replied simply as she set her phone on speaker mode and began to drive home. Once she was clear of the driveway, she added, “She took Jinkx home a little bit after 2. Couldn’t have been her. You made out with Jinkx, by the way. Dela saw it.”

“Yeah,” Willam drawled out, sounding a little pleased with herself, “Sounds right. Jinkx had been trying that all night.” There was a short pause, probably reminiscing, Bianca realized, but then she heard Willam inquiring, “What about ‘Nila?”

Bianca stayed quiet for a few moments, debating if she really ought to tell Willam about this but ultimately, she decided, it didn’t really matter. Willam would probably find out from the couple at some point anyways. So, keeping most of the details to herself, she replied back, “I stopped by their house to drop off gifts. Ended up kissing her before I left. Definitely wasn’t her at the party.”

Immediately a loud, echoing burst of laughter filled her car as though Willam were right there with her. Bianca had thought it would die out soon enough but she was dead wrong. Almost half of her drive home was spent listening to an unending seal-like laugh coming from someone she was questioning for the upteenth time, why they were friends. In the end, Bianca’s self-conscious irritation, especially with Willam cackling out “I gotta tell Adore!”, got the better of her and she abruptly ended the call to stew in silence.

Upon arriving back home, she found her notification light flashing away as if to continually mock her. Of course it was only because of Willam. Bianca was inclined to ignore it but it seems Willam did have something of potential use to share about another party guest and potential suspect:

W:😂😂😂😂

W: daaaaamn!!!

W: but you do you

W: btw i was looking through trixie and katyas posts. trix had waaay too much to drink. 

W: she was making less sense than katya!!! 

W: god she’s a mess. i love her

W: but talk to trix

Interesting. 

Bianca thanked her for the information and made a mental note to follow up on it if nothing panned out with Phi Phi. After Manila, Phi Phi seemed to be the next most likely. She was there alone that night, as far as Bianca remembered, and it wouldn’t be the first time they’d gotten a little too close while drunk. Usually it only involved Phi Phi hanging off her or burying her face into Bianca’s neck before being interrupted by a roar of laughter. But it wouldn’t take much of a stretch, especially if both of them were drunk off their asses, for Bianca to picture herself kissing Phi Phi. That stupid mistletoe was probably just the right catalyst they both would need in order to cross that last remaining line.

Deciding that Phi Phi seemed even more like a viable suspect than before, Bianca could hardly wait for their dinner date. They had decided on Thursday night, the last free night Phi Phi had before flying out the next day. She hadn’t been thrilled giving up that chance for a good night’s rest before rushing off to the airport in the morning, but for Bianca…well, Phi Phi always made some extra allowances, Bianca had noticed. After all, Bianca knew she could be difficult to book for a casual hangout most of the year anyway; she preferred to keep herself busy and last minute offers or even inviting her out a week or two in advance would often yield no results.

It was almost a miracle this year that both women happened to be free at the same time, especially so close to the holiday itself. And each snatched up the opportunity to meet up without another thought. Now all Bianca had left to do was find out just what Phi Phi remembered from that night.

*******

Raja: Ladies!

Raja: Do we have a story to tell you.

Willam: go on, girl. I got something even better to share after you

Raja: Just steal my damn spotlight, huh?

Raja: Fine. So Bianca came over and-

*******

The night of their dinner date was pretty relaxing, all things considered. Though the restaurant was a tad crowded, it was nothing overwhelming and the women had no trouble tuning everyone else out. They caught each other up on recent events and ordered drink after drink to accompany their meals. If the service was slow, neither really noticed, preferring instead to just focus on each other. Come the end of it, both women were laughing away about anything that came to mind as they walked back to their cars. Bianca handed over her gift first, something she had taken a chance on in the hopes that it would work out.

Back in the spring, she and Phi Phi had been hanging out with a couple of other friends. At some point in the conversation, Phi Phi’s eyes lit up as revealed that some new game was announced to be released for one of her favorite series. Bianca, and a few others, rolled their eyes at the announcement, but Phi Phi was as excited as ever as she described (in a bit too much detail, in Bianca’s opinion) why the series was so incredible. She spouted out every hope and theory she had for this new installment based on the limited information in the trailer.

Bianca distinctly remembered telling her, “Girl, you are almost 30, why are you still playing those things? Just drink like the rest of us.”

But Phi Phi emphatically defended her choice. Even then, Bianca was a little amused by the passion she had for both this series and other games as well. A few others made a comment or two and then the conversation shifted once again to something else. A movie or something, Bianca thought, but that game that Phi Phi mentioned stuck with her for some reason.

That same night Bianca tried watching the trailer but admittedly nothing really stuck out to her about it. It had that fantasy element that Phi Phi adored combined with the fighting aspect that she seemed reasonably good at. Other than that, nothing spoke to Bianca the same way it obviously did to Phi Phi. She did notice a few things listed in the trailer that were of interest; the release date was still months away but pre-ordering was already in full-swing. She had no doubt Phi Phi already gave the gaming company her money but there were a few offers otherwise for a variety of merch items. Everything from blankets to water bottles, they stuck either a logo or character from the series on anything that could be printed with a design.

But one of the characters did stick out to her…she’d seen it often enough in Phi Phi’s apartment in the form of little dolls, plushies, and even her phone case. There was no denying that this was probably Phi Phi’s favorite character, not just of the series, but in general. And this one seemed to be popular with a number of others as well; many items had the red “Out of Stock’ warning that Bianca felt she’d seen all too often while shopping for herself.

There was one figurine however, that really stuck out. It was an alternative outfit design than what was depicted on almost every other piece of merchandise and of course, was out of stock to boot. But in all the times Bianca had been around Phi Phi’s apartment, she didn’t remember seeing that particular figure anywhere. And when she looked at the price on the website it wasn’t hard to imagine why. She nearly choked on her drink as she saw what the cost was normally. No doubt since it was unavailable through the game’s official site that the price had now skyrocketed.

But it didn’t take a genius to know that Phi Phi probably wanted that figure more than anything. Likely she was waiting and hoping that it becomes available somewhere, perhaps even on the game’s site itself, and she can snatch it up without it costing an arm and a leg. And just in seeing that figurine, Bianca knew what gift she wanted to give Phi Phi for the holidays. She scoured the internet, hoping to find a decent price and kept herself updated whenever a new listing would be added. Finally after a month or so, an ad came out on Craigslist and within a few minutes Bianca was contacting the seller and exchanging shipping information.

The amount she paid meant nothing, hell, she’d even pay triple now, just for that look of absolute joy on Phi Phi’s face. It was even more stunning than Manila after receiving her bracelet back. A wide toothy grin broke out and even her attempts at hiding it did nothing to dull the happiness exuding from her very being. She immediately engulfed Bianca in a tight hug and refused to let go until she had said ‘Thank you’ at least a hundred times.

An unknown tension released itself from Bianca’s shoulders as she returned the gesture and let Phi Phi cling to her for a few moments longer. When she finally pulled away, she looked like she was dying to say more but bit it back in order to shakily hand over her own gift to Bianca. Her eyes drifted to the ground more than once as Bianca tore back the paper. Once it was finally free, a jewelry box was left staring back at her and her heartbeat picked up as she opened the top.

Inside was a beautiful pair of stud earrings. Sapphires so blue they almost looked black in the dark of night and cut into an oval shape set in sterling silver. Surrounding the sapphires were a ring of amethysts and on the posts themselves, small diamond chips extending down the short length. The design was incredible…and quite familiar.

As if sensing her thoughts, Phi Phi mentioned with a hint of nerves, “Yeah, when we were at the mall that one time, I saw you looking at them for awhile. You didn’t say anything but…”

“Thank you!”

Bianca truly couldn’t find the right words to express how much she loved her gift. She’d honestly forgotten about these earrings until now. She had intended to go back another day to pick them up but life just always got in the way. She always found herself too busy to get back to the mall or on the rare instances when she was there, she’d completely forget about heading into the store. 

But Phi Phi didn’t forget. 

She had recognized the interest Bianca took in those earrings and had gone back for them. That meant more to her than words could ever express.

Closing the box, Bianca stepped forward until there were only a few inches of space left between. She had just enough time to see Phi Phi swallow back a nervous gulp before their lips were pressed together and a pair of hands were resting firmly on her hips. Her own free hand found its way to Phi Phi’s face, tucking back the loose waves behind her ear, before cupping her cheek and letting their lips glide against each other until it came time to part.

Though this still wasn’t the kiss she was looking for, Bianca almost wished it was.

There was something there…something that she hadn’t felt in any of the other kisses. That tiny little spark was present but there was nothing calming about this kiss. It left her nerves on edge…like they’d been thoroughly fried by a sudden jolt of electricity…

Even Phi Phi didn’t seem too certain of what to say. Her eyes looked a bit dazed and an almost goofy looking smile rested on her lips. It took a few seconds for her to find her way back to reality, only then did she dare let out a nervous laugh, “Wow…really liked those earrings, huh?”

“I do,” Bianca assured her, taking a step back so they both could get some breathing room. “I really do. Thank you.”

“No problem,” came the vaguely distracted response. It seemed like the conversation would end there, that they’d part ways to each bang their heads on their steering wheels before driving home but Phi Phi dared to make one final inquiry before Bianca slipped away. “Hey…when I come back, after the holidays, I mean…do you wanna meet up again? Just us, like we did tonight?”

Finding herself relieved at the proposal, Bianca confirmed, “I’d love that…Pick a date and I’ll make it work, promise.”

With that understanding, the women said their goodbyes and returned home. Before falling into bed, Bianca texted Willam a quick update.

B: Not Phi.

W: what? kiss her too?

B: Yes

W: gross

W: lol

B: She was better than you.

Bianca let out a soft laugh as her phone became flooded with message alerts. Ignoring them for the time being, Bianca instead let her mind wander to her dwindling suspect list. Though that kiss with Phi Phi was a nice turn of events, she certainly wasn’t the same person she’d kiss beneath the mistletoe. Thinking back on it again, Bianca was sure there was another detail she remembered but just couldn’t pick out what it was. Something familiar…

But she didn’t dwell on that for long before realizing she now only had two names left (if she ignored Willam’s earlier suggestion of certain person, and of course, she would). 

Trixie and Shangela…Well…Willam did mention that it looked like Trixie had been drinking a bit that night…perhaps it really was her, after all.

But would she remember anything if they had?

Maybe Katya knows something…it certainly seemed like she was posting a lot of her roommate that night…but then again, when isn’t she? About half of Katya’s posts on any platform are of the various tactics she uses to annoy her roommate. Hell, it was a wonder that Trixie hadn’t killed her by now. 

Mmm…she still had yet to deliver their gifts…perhaps a visit this weekend is in order? 

Bianca was dead certain that if either of them knew something, she’d find out before too long. After all, they both turn into quite the chatterboxes when placed together and neither was above spilling secrets if the right buttons were pushed. Or…with a little luck….all she might need is just a bit of alcohol and some encouragement and off those two would be recounting the party and everything they remember…

*****

The next morning Bianca awoke to no less than 23 messages from Willam revolving around her kiss with Phi Phi. A few were demanding to know why Phi Phi was better, some even accusing her of lying and then finally it just devolved into sulking and name calling, ending with a simple text of ‘hateful old cunt.’

Sending back a short series emojis to further taunt Willam, Bianca let the conversation die with that and moved on to her next person of interest. She sent a quick inquiry to Katya to see if both she and her roommate would both be at home tonight, or failing that, when they’d be together so she could drop off their gifts.

A flurry of emojis flashed across her screen less than half an hour later and somewhere mixed in with all of that and a few nonsensical words (thank you button-mashing), Bianca learned that Sunday night they’d both be in for a ‘quiet’ evening together. With that understanding, Bianca sent a confirmation that she’d be over for a quick visit while out dropping off gifts for them and a few other friends she’d not yet seen. 

******

Later that week, the group chat came alive once more and immediately Willam tuned in to see what was developing. Things had been silent for awhile but now it seems Bianca was back in action and one of the other girls had news.

Trixie: You were right Willam.

Willam: i always am

Willam: about what this time?

Trixie: B’s coming over tomorrow. Katya just told me. At least i think that’s what her text said

Sharon: Does she know?

Trixie: Katya?

Trixie: No, I haven’t told her if that’s what you’re asking. But I know someone told Adore.

Trixie: Willam

Sharon: Willam

Vanessa: Willam

Jinkx: Willam

Willam: what? it was funny!

Mariah: She better not ruin this for us.

Willam: she won’t. as long as i keep her updated. that was our deal.

Willam: she’s having just as much fun as we are

Mariah: If you say so. No one told Phi Phi, right?

Sharon: I haven’t heard anything since Willam told us. 

Sharon: Pissed off at her. Why wouldn’t she tell me? You sure it actually happened Willam?

Willam: trust me, bitch. it happened.

Sharon: Bitch.

A few further texts of name calling were exchanged before the conversation reverted back to Trixie. She had precious little information to go on but anything she knew, she gladly shared with the group. By the time the conversation faded out for the evening, Willam was dying to know what would happen. She was certain that something huge was gonna go down Sunday night. But just what, she could only guess.

[chantelle-x0x]

Lies and Heartbreak - M!Raleigh Carrera x MC (Diana Walsh)

A/N: It’s been a damn hot minute since I posted for Choices, so I’m back with angst. Also, I will make a face claim aesthetic, but for now MC is Shay Mitchell and Raleigh is Diego Boneta. All mistakes are mine btw xx 

As this is my first fic in a while, I haven’t found my tag list yet, so lmk if you wanna be tagged in future, but as for this moment I’m gonna tag my angst sister @the-everlasting-dream and the lovely @choicessa

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in the fiction. All rights go to Pixelberry Studios.

Word count: 2,228

Pairing: M!Raleigh Carrera x MC (Diana Walsh)

Rating: PG/T15+

Warnings: Angst, alcohol consumption and a swear word.

Summery: It’s time the fake relationship between Diana and Raleigh to end, but she didn’t think he’d break her heart like very other woman he’d known.

Diana knew that there was something different about Raleigh when she met him. He couldn’t believe that she didn’t know who he was, and that did attract him to her a lot more, so when Diana was told she had to have a fake relationship with Raleigh and she saw how chilled out about it he was, she was excited. After a few weeks of faking a relationship, Diana developed real feelings for Raleigh, she knew it was a bad idea to fall for him but how could she control her feelings? He would touch her in very delicate ways that sent tingles all over her body, and she was sure she was doing things to him too. There were times when they’d be out on a “date” in a fabulous restaurant and he’d rest his hand on her thigh, rubbing circles with his thumb. He became quite a softy around her and she loved it so much; he was a different person around her, in private, and Diana felt so special, but all special things have to come to an end eventually.

‘Hey, Diana!’ Raleigh called as he saw her walking into the studio.

‘Oh hey, Raleigh.’ Diana greeted back, kissing his cheek with a slight smile. There were always pap around the outside of the studio, but Diana couldn’t lie to herself, this was becoming a very good habit, Raleigh was like her drug and she was addicted to him. Raleigh smiled at her and entwined their hands together.

‘We need to talk.’ He whispered to her in a tone she was all too familiar with, something bad was going to happen.

‘Yeah, sure.’ She said while hiding her fear. They entered the studio together with their heads down. Obviously the paparazzi picked up on them wanting personal space because something was going on, so they surrounded them.

‘Hey, Raleigh! Is the Diana, Raleigh relationship going to last long?’ One pap asked, while another asked, ‘Diana! Is it true that Raleigh is cheating on you with the other contestant from One in a Billion, Jaylen? Is your relationship on the rocks because of this, or is this just another rumour?’ Diana knew this was what she was getting herself into, but gosh she hoped Raleigh wasn’t doing that to her. Maybe this really was all a game to him, just part of his job.

‘We have to go, dude.’ Raleigh said, pushing past the crowd. They finally managed to get into the studio and Diana laughed a little at how this was now her life; getting away from paparazzi when anything serious was about to go down.

‘You needed to tell me something?’ Diana asked as she sat down on one of the chairs. Her hair was tied up in a ponytail today while a few strands framed her face.

‘I was told by my management that we can finish up with the whole dating facade in the next couple of days. Your album hit number one on the charts within the first week and your team wants to keep you in the spotlight with a breakup. Obviously it’ll look amazing that you can still do shows and act as though everything is okay even though you're breaking down mentally and emotionally, but in reality you’ll be absolutely fine.’ She hummed in response and slumped a little in her seat.

‘And how do you feel about it?’ She asked. Honestly, Raleigh had fallen hard for the woman sitting in front of him. She was witty and funny, but sweet and kind. He could get on her nerves but she could get on his, yet in the end, they’d always have fun together. He had never been in a real relationship and this kind of scared him, but he knew that his rep wasn’t a good one. Diana needed someone like Avery, not him. So, he lied.

‘I feel normal. I mean, this was all for the fame, nothing was real.’ That hit her hard because of what happened only a couple of weeks before.

‘Nothing was real?’ Diana repeated and Raleigh nodded. ‘So, when you took me home the other night and I invited you inside, when things started to get really heated between us and we went to my bedroom, the things you promised me, they all meant nothing to you?’ This was killing Raleigh, everything he hoped Diana wouldn’t say, she said.

‘Don’t take it personally, Di, I say whatever to get a woman into bed.’ Tears brimmed her eyes but she would not allow herself to be vulnerable in front of Raleigh, not again. So instead, she smiled softly.

‘You’re right and this is my fault since I should’ve known better. This was all nothing, it wasn’t supposed to mean anything for either of us and I’m sorry I let my feelings come into play. I just hope things won’t change between our friendship though.’ There were few things in life that Raleigh hated, but he hated this. He never thought that fake dating Diana would cause him to have feelings, real feelings.

‘Of course we’ll still be friends. Look, I have to go but if you ever need a late night call, I’m your guy.’ He winked as he left. Diana had never really experienced heartbreak and although she knew that it hurt people, she didn’t know that it could hurt her so much. She was pretty closed off in life, so opening up was never her forte, then Raleigh came along and she changed. Unfortunately, she changed for a guy, Raleigh Carrera of all men.

The day passed by slowly and Diana found a dark and sad side of herself, so what better way to use that than turn it into music. ‘I’m gonna be the next Taylor Swift.’ She thought as she packed her guitar away. She pulled out her phone and dialled a number.

‘Shane, hey. I need to get out. Meet at the club?’ It was short conversation before Diana left for her apartment and changed into a short and tight black, sparkly dress that had spaghetti straps; the dress left very little to the imagination. Hank rolled around in the limo and soon they were picking Shane up.

‘Damn, Diana.’ The girl blushed and scooted over, giving a champagne flute to her best friend.

‘Raleigh announced our “relationship” was over this afternoon to the public, I’ve been dodging the pap as much as I can, but I’m done being the good girl form a small town. Even I need to get out and be bad sometimes.’

‘I’m here for that, Di. Just, be careful okay?’ She downed the whole flute and giggled.

‘Always am. Thank you so much for always being there for me, Shane. You’re the best friend a girl could ever ask for.’ You pull up to the club. ‘Now let’s go get dancing and drink a little too much!’ Shane laughed at his friend, but stepped out with her. Diana went up to the bouncer and without a second glance, she and Shane were allowed in. Now the night was finally going to get started.

Diana went straight for the drinks and Shane followed her, but was soon distracted by someone who caught his eye. ‘Go, have fun, Shane!’ She yelled over the music. He apologised and thanks her before dancing with them. Diana was soon met by a guy, blonde hair, blue eyes, not Avery but similar. She was taken onto the dance floor and started grinding against him. This was not the way to get over someone or get through tough time and she knew that, but Diana was done being told who she was meant to be. There would be a day when most people had gone through this faze and she was doing it now. Soon, in her drunken state, she was pinned against the club wall by this 6’2 man and sighing as he left marks on her neck. She’d regret it the day after, but the future was the future and the past was the past, now was the present and she was living in the now. Shane saw her about to leave with this man and pulled her away.  ‘What the hell, Shane?’ She shouted angrily.

‘I wasn’t going to let you go home with a stranger, Diana. You’re going through something, I get it, but this isn’t you.’

‘I’m sick and tired of people telling me who I am, Shane! This is me! I’m gonna be like this sometimes and it’s different, but if you can’t handle this, then just leave. In fact, I want you to go.’

‘Come on, Diana.’ Shane touched her hand but she pulled away sharply.

‘I need to be alone, Shane. Just leave.’ Shane wasn’t an idiot, so he left her and went out the door of the club. Diana took his leave as a cue to do shots by her lonesome. A woman sat next to her and recognised her.

‘OMG! YOU’RE DIANA WALSH!’ She shouted.

‘Please keep it down. Look, if you don’t tell anyone I’m here, I’ll buy you a drink.’ Diana said with a small, drunk smile.

‘Awesome! I won’t say anything to anyone, but isn’t it awks since Raleigh’s here too?’ She hadn’t noticed that Raleigh was sitting in a booth with his arm slung over some woman. A woman that wasn’t her. No amount of alcohol could prepare the girl for this. It was still raw for her and the last thing she wanted to see was Raleigh with another chick. Not replying, Diana told the bartender to add whatever the woman wanted to her tab and left. Confidence was a new thing she gained, and the buzz in her made her that much more. She walked over to the table Raleigh was sitting at.

‘Looks like you moved on fast.’ She spat at him. Raleigh had his signature smirk gracing his features. ‘Now isn’t the time to fall for him again, Diana.’ She told herself. If he had known she was going to be there, Raleigh would not have been there too. It hurt him to see her like this, drunk out of her mind and the pain she was feeling was all too evident on her face. She tried so hard to hide it, but it was all too easy for him to read her at this point.

‘Now, Diana, moving on would require me needing to be into you.’ The moment that sentence slipped through his teeth, he regretted it. The sharp breath Diana breathed in indicated that she was taken aback by his hurtful worlds.

‘Emotionally, not literally.’ Jaylen chimed in. Jaylen, Jaylen was the woman with Raleigh. That took a moment for Diana to take in.

‘Out of everyone, you’d choose to be with Jaylen!?’ Diana was almost crying at this point, but she concealed it as best she could.

‘D’you know how amazing it feels to win? I mean, I didn’t win One in a Billion but I did win Raleigh. I mean, he did choose me over you and that in itself is a win.’ The world spun and Diana almost lost her balance. Jaylen laughed and mocked her for not being able to sustain her alcohol, but Raleigh got up and rushed to her like he was an olympic racer.

‘I’m fine.’ She hissed at him. If Raleigh could take back breaking things off with Diana, he’d do it in an instant; the look of her breaking and falling apart in front of him, because of him, was wrecking him from the inside out. She broke out of his light grip and pushed him away from her. ‘I don’t need your help, Raleigh. I never did and I never will again.’ She sighed and then started laughing, not caring about the judgment she was receiving from Raleigh’s friends. ‘You know what’s funny, Raleigh?’ He raised an eyebrow in question. ‘I never trusted anyone but Shane, then I got into this industry and for some insane reason, I decided I’d trust you too. You reminded me why I didn’t trust anyone to begin with.’ With that, she wobbled her way out and bursted into tears as she walk out the door. Paparazzi would feed from this, but Shane stayed for her. He hugged her and let her hide her head in his chest. He tried his best to shield her and ventured for Hank to give a helping hand. They made it into the limo and Diana fell on one of the long seats. ‘Thank you, and I’m really sorry, Shane.’

‘I’m always there for you, Dee.’ He smiled at her as she started to close her eyes.

‘I don’t know why I try to fall in love, I always fall for the wrong ones.’ She started laughing again. ‘Raleigh’s a great actor. He made me believe he wanted me too.’

‘Diana, maybe he’s just scared he’s going to hurt you.’ Shane suggested.

‘Maybe, or maybe he’s a dick and I was too blind to see it.’ She smirked. ‘Ah well.’ Soft snores left her a few seconds after she said those last two words.

‘Goodnight, Diana.’ Shane said chuckling. There would be repercussions for her actions, but Diana would deal with it the next day. Tonight, she needed to sleep and get over Raleigh a little.

[shen-gong-oops]

say your truth

Based on a book; Alternative Universe - Modern Setting; Clarke gets dumped but girl bounces back; Clarke's got some issues mentally btw; 19k +

Towards the beginning of summer, her boyfriend emails her stating it's best that they take a break from their relationship. His fellowship is in Africa and she's secretly a mess. In a spur of the moment decision, she ends up working for a catering company and oddly enough playing Truth like a pair of middle schoolers with one of her co-workers.

read on ao3

@bellarkebingo

The library was awful today. I know you love the job and I know I should be grateful for the opportunity but I just need to vent. Josephine was her usual Josephine self: spoiled, bratty, did everything she could to make me feel like less of a person. Everything I did had to be one upped by her. Or she had to make herself seem superior in every way. And Jade follows her around like a puppy. Whatever Josephine does, Jade does too. I know it’s childish and I know you have more important things to worry about than whether or not I’m making friends. It’s just lonely without you. Wells is so busy with Glass and you’re in Africa saving the world. I’ll get used to it. I know I will. Josephine and Jade won’t get to me. But I really wish you were here.

Love, Clarke

________________________________________________________________

Clarke hid in the back corner in the den nearest the bar waiting for Wells, and by extension Glass, to make their way to her. They had been stopped by a member of the council, probably inquiring about Wells’ summer internship at City Hall. Her friend, and by extension his date, were taking too long. She was dying out here. She had carefully navigated the waters, treading long enough to keep herself afloat. She spoke when spoken to, never engaging anyone herself. People asked about her summer job at the library; about her relationship with Cillian; about her pre-med courses at Sanctum State. Her responses carefully chosen. Each answer never giving a whole truth. She loved the library (truth) and working there was a dream come true (she wanted to claw her eyes out); she loved her boyfriend Cillian (truth) and loved how he was halfway around the world and living out his passion (she was proud of him, truly happy he was accepted into the fellowship but was Africa necessary?) She loved her pre-med course (complete lie, she contemplated lighting her textbooks on fire during the first week of school.)

Now if only Wells would leave Diana Sydney to her hor’ derves and come save a friend that would be great.

Looking about the room, she noticed a few men milling about on the other end of the bar. They were talking loudly about some college football game that one of them had lost a sizeable amount on when her mother made her way through the crowd to her.

“Party seems to be going well.” Clarke said, aiming for something pleasant.

Her mother shrugged, hand latching onto Clarke’s. She recognized a few of the men’s faces but could only name one: Marcus Kane. “The party would be better if the guests were being fed more. Do you mind checking how things are going?”

From the corner of her eye, Clarke could see the bartender’s hands clench around the neck of a bottle of Bordeaux. There were two servers on staff tonight carrying trays around, there was the bartender, and the very pregnant owner of the Dawn Catering Company, who was operating out of the kitchen. When they arrived, there was an issue on whether or not her mother had requested for someone from the catering company to man the bar. According to the owner Diyoza, her mother had insisted she retained another service for the bar but her mother insisted that she requested for Diyoza to provide the service. Even if the contract showed Diyoza was correct, one of the servers was relocated from milling about the floor to manning the bar.

“It’s fine.” Marcus said, leaning against the mahogany of the bar, “Bellamy here is fantastic at whipping up drinks. Can I have another by the way?”

Clarke made her way to the kitchen, weaving passed guests. Doing her best to dissuade anyone from striking up a conversation with her. She made it out of the den and into the hallway. She watched as the male server pushed open the kitchen door, silver tray of pigs-in-blankets in hand. The female server had her empty tray tucked under her left arm. She raced over. He picked a pig off of the tray and tossed it up into the air towards the female, who easily caught it in her mouth.

“Undefeatable.” She sung, pushing open the door to the kitchen.

Clarke entered slowly behind the girl. Watching as a heavily pregnant woman, her brown hair pulled into a low ponytail, stood in front of the oven pulling out a tray of cheese puffs. The girl stood by the counter armed with a spatula, swiftly plating something onto her tray. “You should have called Rae in. She would have helped.” The girl said.

“I wouldn’t do that to her.” The pregnant woman answered. She stood up straight, hand supporting the swell. “What I should have done was put Miller on tonight. But no, he had to go on vacation this week.”

The girl turned around with a refilled plate and noticed Clarke, “Do you need help? Bathroom is at the other end of the hall.” She said with a smile. Using her free hand she gestured left, “It’s opposite the den.”

The pregnant woman turned to face her. The top two buttons of her white blouse were popped open, a thin scar ran across the expanse of her neck. “She’s not happy?” Clarke shook her head.

The girl raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. The woman sighed, “O this is Clarke. Her mom is our employer.”

O’s lips pursed. “Oh.” She nodded before leaving the kitchen.

“I was anticipating having three servers tonight. I was anticipating Bell to be working the floor.” The bartender she assumed. The woman extended the spatula O had been using. “How good are you with a spatula?”

That’s how Clarke found herself in the kitchen rotating out trays of cheese puffs and crab cakes. Trays of pigs-in-blankets and jalapeño poppers. O, or Octavia, bounced in and out of the kitchen. A comment or two about a hunter or a gatherer. Murphy, the male server, would drop the tray onto the counter loudly and grumble about them fucking hunters and that next time Bell would be the one dealing with them and Murphy’d be on bar duty. Once he left, Diyoza informed her Murphy said that every time but Bellamy was the only one who ever manned the bar. Better with people than Murphy. And not as chatty as Octavia.

Adding in a new tray of crab cakes, Octavia stormed in followed by Murphy. Both with matching dark red stains on their white button-ups. “Drunk hunters are the absolute worst.”

The door to the kitchen opened, Abigail Griffin now entering. Octavia’s eyes widened as she dragged Murphy over to the sink, distracting herself with dabbing at their stains. Her mother’s eyes were narrowed in annoyance but when she noticed Clarke in front of the oven she cocked her head to the side in confusion. “Clarke?”

“I had questions about the world of catering.”

Her mother nodded, letting out a sigh. Before she could say anything Diyoza stepped away from the counter. “Is there a problem?”

Her mother and Diyoza discussed the lack of food offered to the guests and how both servers were chatting causing them to bump into one of her guests. Diyoza turned her head to look at the pair.  A silent conversation happening amongst them.

“I have wine now on a guest and my carpet.”

Her mother walked out of the room, pointedly asking if Clarke would be returning to the party.

“We weren’t talking. I was out of napkins and stole a few from Murphy’s plate.” Octavia explained. Their shirts now a purple color.

Diyoza thanked Clarke for her help. The woman all but shoved her out the door, telling her to enjoy herself. “Ever want a job in catering you’re welcome to call me. Always need another.”

________________________________________________________________

She sat on her balcony. She could see the caterers packing up their van. Octavia walked alongside a male pushing a server cart. “It took me a bit to recognize Clarke, the girl helping Diyoza.” Octavia’s low was low but carried through the quiet night. “You remember her?”

“I don’t think so.” She watched as the male slowly loaded the cart into the back of the van. She hadn’t recognized the deep baritone voice. Bellamy she presumed.

“You definitely do.” Octavia countered, “Her dad-” Clarke pulled her knees closer into herself. Bracing herself for the comment. Everyone made the same one. While she should be used to it by now, the pain was still raw. But Octavia was different “-volunteered at the soup kitchen on Walden, remember?”

It took a beat before Bellamy spoke. “Tall, blond guy? He’d give us extra bread rolls?”

“Yeah… those were some great bread rolls. The highest quality bread rolls.”

It looked like Bellamy nodded but she couldn’t be sure. He closed the door to the van after everything was packed. His head turned to look back at the house, and for a moment his eyes met hers. “I don’t think they were the highest quality bread rolls. Not like we had much to compare to.”

________________________________________________________________

Clarke,

I have written and rewritten this email several times so I apologize for taking time to respond.

In your past emails you’ve written about your disinterest working at the library. Talking about how you haven’t bonded with your coworkers but yielded unnecessary pettiness at one another. At least you acknowledged the childish nature in your last email. I wonder if you are taking your job at the library seriously and hope that in light of what I need to say you will remain there, and dedicated to your work.

Then there is your growing reliance on me as portrayed in your last email. Our expectations for this relationship appear to be different. I believe a break from both each other and our relationship would be best. It will allow for us to understand what we want for ourselves and for our relationship. We are entering into our senior year and this crucial year will affect proceeding into medical school the following year. We both need to be determined and diligent in our work and I am unsure if we continue with your relationship that will be possible. I hope you understand this is the best option.

I will be back stateside in early August. We can convene then to discuss if continuing our relationship is what’s best.

Cillian

________________________________________________________________

Her day at the library had been like every other. Another day spent contemplating jumping out a window. In true Josephine fashion, she went out of her way to make Clarke out to be an invalid, incapable of handling the most menial of tasks. They only duties Josephine deemed her smart enough to handle was emptying out the outdoor bin where people could return their books or changing the posters for upcoming events in the entryway. A person had come up to her, asking about books options but Josephine made a show about how Clarke wouldn’t know anything. “Just a trainee.” Clarke wanted to smack that sugary-sweet smile off of Josephine’s face. Apparently, she and her fiance were having issues.

Cillian’s email left her feeling numb.

Her house was empty, her mother called away for a weekend long conference upstate. Her home felt cold and quiet, like a mausoleum. Sure, she and her mother hadn’t had a well and true conversation since the accident. Mainly they spoke about Abby’s job and Clarke’s pre-med courses. Both carefully tiptoeing around the other but at the moment the stillness was unbearable. Clarke needed to get out, suffocating in the silence. She climbed into her car and drove. No destination in mind.

A break. Cillian wanted a break. Sometime to find themselves, to find what they wanted in life. The pause button hit on their relationship. Breaks were never good. Simply a means to delay the inevitable break-up.

A break. What were they the dysfunctional Ross and Rachel?

When the light turned red, she heaved an exasperated sigh. She rested her forehead against the steering wheel for a beat, her eyes drifting upwards just enough to see the road. She thought they were strong going into this summer apart. The loneliness was expected. She was always lonely. Had been for a few years now. But she was wrong. Had he met someone else? She wouldn’t blame him if he did. She wasn’t the same wide-eyed girl she was in her juvenescence. The light inside her diminished the night his heart stopped beating. Cillian made her feel alive, for a few passionate moments, before she fell back into the darkness of the world. They weren’t strong enough- she wasn’t strong enough.

The streetlight reflected off of a white van a row over and two cars up. The van stopped before making a right on red. On the back of the van was a rising sun. Instead of a straight line for the horizon, it had three curving lines in varying greens, blues, and pinks. An aurora borealis. The Dawn Catering Company.

Once the light changed, Clarke followed after the van. It made a left and then a right at the stop sign before continuing down the winding road coming to a stop at Arrow Manor in the historic district.

She drove passed the van three times debating whether or not to pull over. On the fourth try she did. Her hand hovered over the door’s handle. Taking a breath, she willed herself out of the car. The van was parked about twenty feet away, both back doors wide open. The back looked half empty. A server’s tray was placed onto the ground beside the bumper.

“Can I help you?” Beside her, a woman stood with a hand on her leg brace. Dark brown hair pulled tight into a ponytail. Her brown eyes narrowed. Clarke never thought she’d see those brown eyes again.

Raven Reyes. Maybe this was a bad idea.

“I was looking for Diyoza.”

Arms crossing at her chest, Raven nodded her head towards the building. “Kitchen’s in the back.”

A few moments of tension passed between the two of them. Murphy grumbling about serving forks broke silence.

“I didn’t realize you worked for Diyoza.” Clarke vaguely remembered Octavia mentioning someone named Rae could have helped the night of their party.

“I think you’ll understand why I didn’t want to work last weekend.” A hand rested on Raven’s shoulder. Her dropped to her arms to the side, eyes growing soft. It had been two years. Two years since Clarke found out her first boyfriend post-accident had made her the other woman. Broke up an engagement.

The brace was new. The only time she saw Raven, the other stood in a little black dress and wearing a pair of white Chuck Taylors. The woman had a white sash that read ‘Head Bitch in Charge’. She was out with friends celebrating getting an internship. Ended up drunk on Clarke’s front porch demanding if she was seeing a Finn Collins. Now that she thinks about it, Octavia may have been the girl to drag Raven from the property before anything else happened.

“What’s up?” Murphy asked, dropping his chin onto the other’s shoulder. Raven tried to move out of the way but Murphy stayed with her. Following everywhere Raven moved. The other woman chuckled, gently knocking her head against his. “Diyoza is in the kitchen silently freaking out. O washed the utensils last night and probably forgot the serving forks.”

Raven rolled her eyes, hand pressing against her thigh. She lifted herself into the back of the van to search.

“It’s not like O forgot your supposed to put them-”

“Got ‘em.”

Murphy groaned, cursing Octavia’s name. Clarke followed Murphy and Raven up to the building. Diyoza stood in front of the stoves sliding three trays of meatballs onto the rack. Diyoza sees her and laughs. “Come to see the inner workings of the world of catering again?”

Clarke cut off anything else Diyoza could have said. “Did you mean it? When you offered me a job?”

The woman didn’t say anything. Her blue eyes scanning Clarke from head to toe. Maybe this was a bad idea. First rash decision she had made since- jumping into bed with Finn. She shouldn’t. She had already been struggling to stay afloat. The email felt like an anchor wrapping around her ankle.

Never saying yes or no, Diyoza explained the typically clothing attire for servers. White dress shirt and either black slacks or a black skirt. She discussed when Clarke would be paid, when Clarke would get her work schedule, emphasized Clarke would be joining a hectic world.  At the library, she was put through an extensive training course. With Dawn Catering, she jumped headfirst into shark infested waters.

Diyoza called Raven over. The other lifted up an empty server’s tray, balancing it with the left hand. “Firstly, make sure your tray is clear of used napkins at all times.” Murphy balled up a napkin and chucked it at Raven. Without batting an eye, Raven caught the napkin on the tray easily. “No one wants to eat off a gross ass tray.” She then flicked her wrist listlessly, tossing the balled up napkin in a perfect arc towards the garbage bin.

“Gross ass.” Murphy repeated.

“Two,” To emphasize her part, Raven held up two fingers, “you don’t matter. You are a spec in the carpet. A shadow on the wall. Hold out your tray, paste a stupid smile on-” Diyoza coughed and sent a glare at Raven, “and ask if they want whatever shit is on your plate.”

Diyoza grumbled to herself, turning from the oven. “Please do not say it like that. Yes, you are not a guest of the party. You are hired to facilitate it, not enjoy it. Smile and make sure to clearly state what is on your tray. Even if you have- I don’t know gelite fish and uh haggish, say you have gelite fish and haggish.”

Murphy held his empty tray towards Clarke. “Care for a shitball.”

“Hey! Aurora’s meatballs are divine!” While she sounded affronted, Diyoza still laughed, chucking a napkin at his head. Aurora? Was there another owner?

Raven walked over to the counter, plating meatballs onto her tray. She placed a small square of napkins onto the tray. She held the tray out to Clarke. Raven grumbled, the side of her fist pounding against the metal of her brace. She bent her knee slightly before extending it four times. Clarke didn’t mean to stare but the brace took up a substantial part of Raven’s leg. She wanted to ask if Raven would be okay but Clarke held her tongue. She assumed the other would be fine, it was her job.

“Murphy you’re on champagne.” Diyoza called over her shoulder, gesturing to the crate in the corner. “Stemless flutes.” Murphy sighs before walking over to the crates.

Raven has a tray of poppers. She holds out the tray towards Clarke. “To avoid gatherers, once a person takes two things off your plate, walk away.” Gatherers? “Two and done. Otherwise they’ll pick you clean.”

Murphy, now armed with a tray of filled stemless champagne flutes. “If they don’t let you leave they become hunters and hunters are assholes. Elbow them or knee 'em in the dick.”

“Please don’t do that.” Diyoza grumbled.

Raven leaned against the door leading from the kitchen, not putting enough pressure to open it. “If you do a walkthrough and your tray ain’t going, don’t push it. Come back and get something else. I’d recommend swapping for meatballs but you already got 'em.“ Raven used her hip to push open the door. Silently telling her to keep her chin up.

"Don’t forget to feed the old people!” Murphy called out.

Murphy and Raven flowed through the ballroom. The blushing soon-to-be bride plucking a champagne flute from Murphy’s tray without turning away from the group she spoke with. A male tried to corner Raven with her poppers, a hunter. She simply opened her hips wider and limped in the opposite direction. Two and move, right. Holding her chin up, Clarke worked her way around the room. She nearly bumped into one of the bridesmaids before even one meatball was taken from her tray. Raven gripped Clarke’s forearm, pulling her gently from where the bridesmaid stood wobbling in her too tall heels.

She makes it around the room without any huge complications. She angles the tray too much when allowing for one of the elderly women to pick from the meatballs. Nearly got cornered a few times by hunters and gatherers. During her second tour around the room, this time with ham biscuits, she did bump into one of the guests. He gesticulated wildly as she passed, smacking her right in the face. Her grip on the tray slipped. A few biscuits slid off but they never reached the floor. Instead they landed on Murphy’s now empty server’s tray.

He maneuvered himself swiftly through the crowd. “You get used to this.” He whispered as he passed, returning to the kitchen to stock up on more champagne flutes. She couldn’t imagine getting so used to catering that she’d know exactly when a mistake would happen. When hor’ derves would hurtle down to the floor.

By the end of the party, they had narrowly avoided the soon-to-be bride having a breakdown. The napkins weren’t to her liking. The engaged couples’ names were followed by an ellipsis, implying that there could be an ending to their happiness. She did pretty well for at most three minutes of training if she did say so herself. The majority of her training came from being on the floor. Gatherers tend to stand closest to the doors. Getting their pick of the platter. Hunters were easy to spot. Certain gatherers carried themselves differently. Shoulders rolled back. Their hips squared. They stood like a wall, whether consciously or unconsciously, to prevent the server from traveling too far. Two and go, that’s it. Two and go.

Diyoza thought she had done well. So that was a plus. Asked for Clarke to call her on Monday to setup a schedule if she was interested.

It was a whole new experience being a caterer at a party. Growing up she had attended several high end parties a year: typically fundraisers for anything and everything. For once, no one tried seeking her out at this party. She was one with the wall. And no one cared to hold their tongues around walls. She knew more about this random family than she knew about her own family.

Amidst packing the van, a horn behind them beeped in a rhythmic pattern. “Did she-” Murphy started but never finished his sentence.

“Guys I got wheels!” Octavia cheered, jumping from the front seat. “Your girl finally got a car.”

Diyoza waddled over, hand on her stomach. “You bought an ambulance?”

“I bought the only car to embody my personality. It’s a statement, like I am.”

“Statement alright.” Raven walked over. She placed her hand on the hood of the vehicle and chuckled. “You would buy an ambulance.”

Bellamy climbed out of the passenger seat as everyone milled about observing the car. Octavia, noticing Clarke for the first time, raced over to her, “Clarke! Do you like it? My new car is refurbished and ready to take the world by storm. Bell,” she stopped talking for a moment to point him out “my brother over there, was against it but I think it’s original!”

“It’s also final sale.” Bellamy tacked on. He walked around to the back of the vehicle, throwing open the doors. Without a word being said, he held out his hand and helped Raven climb into the bed. Murphy quickly following after. He looked over at her and pointed to the back of the ambulance with his chin, “You in?”

Octavia began explaining they were heading down to the Ridge, Bellamy vehemently denied they were going there but Octavia ignored him. Clarke tried to answer the other, but anything she could of said felt trapped in her throat.

Looking at the ambulance brought back memories. The ice on the road. The brakes squealing. The world blending together in a hue of dark swirls as the car careened off the road. The fencepost. She could feel the air leaving her lungs as they did that night. Did the airbags deploy? She believed they did. The next half hour was a blur. But she remembered the fluorescent lights beaming down on her. Remembered the two bodies hovering over her. Her voice hoarse as she called out for her dad but never received an answer.

She hadn’t noticed Bellamy swiftly moving over to her. His voice was soft as he said her name. Everyone quietly watching what was going on.

“Sorry just tired. It was a long day at work and then coming here.” There she went lying again. “Think I’m going to head home for the night. Sleep it off.” She made her way back to her car but didn’t leave right away. She watched as Bellamy walked Diyoza back to her car. His aunt teasing him about something before affectionately messing up his already messy curls. He helped her into the van before jogging back over to the ambulance. Octavia waved goodbye as she pulled from the curb, calling out that she’d see Clarke for their next gig.

She made it back home in under thirty minutes. She hadn’t even realized she hadn’t thought about that damned email all night.

_______________________________________________________________

Catering was interesting to say the least. Diyoza ran the business like a tight ship. They had lists upon lists of things needed for each job and who was in charge of packing said things. They had a breakdown of whose turn it was to drive the van, whose turn it was to be on clean up tray - walking around collecting used glasses and napkins. No one wanted to do it, hence the need to rotate people through the position. A list for who was on liquids. Clarke only recently got put into liquid rotation. Octavia’s name was permanently stricken from the list apparently. A list for who did what during dinner.

If something needed to be done, Diyoza had a breakdown for it.

Didn’t prevent accidents from happening. One thing she learned from catering was how to get a stain out of a white blouse. Also to have an extra white blouse. During a 50th anniversary party, a drunk son of the couple had bumped into (read: laid out) Nathan Miller, another employee of the catering company, who happened to be on liquids that night. Clarke unknowingly passed by to help one of the gentlemen from his seat and ended up with chilled rosé dripping down her sternum.

The previous night while serving dinner, a little boy knocked over ranch dressing onto Raven’s slacks, thankfully avoiding the brace.

Mishaps happened but for some reason she enjoyed the chaos. As weird as it sounded, it reminded her she was alive. For once she wasn’t just going through the motions. Catering, and the subsequent mishaps, provided a break from her regularly scheduled life.

Was it bad that she preferred the chaos?

After every gig with Dawn Catering, Octavia asked if Clarke wanted to join the crew going out to some bar. Usually she said the Ridge and Bellamy would pop out of nowhere to tell her no. Octavia would just smile at Clarke and wink. Each night Clarke would decline. She hadn’t told her mom or Wells about her second job yet. Didn’t want to raise any flags on where she had been. Her mom had worked late the past few days and she used being at Wells as an excuse for being out tonight. She knew she shouldn’t push it but for the first time she agreed, only if she rode in Murphy’s car instead of Octavia’s.

She found herself squeezed between Octavia and Murphy in a booth at some dive bar off the main road. Murphy slid from the seat to grab a round, stopping by the pool table to ask what Miller and Bellamy wanted. Turns out One Drink Octavia is similar to Just Off Shift Octavia ranting about the hunters and gatherers. Two Drink Octavia challenged people to arm wrestling matches but Three Drink Octavia ranted about the bar’s lack of eligible men. She had a list of requirements the men unknowingly did not hit.

“These men suck.” Octavia grumbled, tossing back her vodka cranberry. “Should have gone to the Ridge.”

“Date women.” Raven responded, propping her braced leg up onto the leather seat.

“See any good candidates? Any good prospects?” Octavia turned her attention to Clarke, “For me the pools pretty shallow. Sadly, Miller seems to be my most viable option and that’s not going to work.” Raven chuckled from her seat muttering about growing a dick.

Clarke wasn’t much of a drinker. She nursed her hard apple cider feeling the buzz. “I’m sort-of dating someone.”

Octavia nearly bounced out of her seat, “Oh, I figured you were spoken for, didn’t I?” Raven simply nodded, dropping her head onto the back of the booth’s seat.

“Cillian and I are taking a break.”

Raven’s head shot back up at that, “Finn decided we were on a break when he met you. Never decided to tell me about the break though. Breaks are never good.” Octavia shook her head in silent agreement.

Clarke took a sip from her bottle, swirling the remaining liquid around. “Cillian and I just need some time to find ourselves and what we mean to each other. At the end of the summer we’ll discuss whether or not we want to continue our relationship. In an email, I overstepped on what he and I were-”

“Elaborate on overstepped.” Raven said, draping an arm over her eyes. The dim lights of the bar getting to her.

Your growing reliance on me. Our expectations for this relationship appear to be different. The sentences repeated in her head over and over. “I wasn’t focused on my job. I focused more on trivial things. And in an email I told him I missed him and how I loved him-”

Octavia basically sat in Clarke’s lap at this point, Octavia’s warm hands seizing Clarke’s ice cold ones. “He dumped you for saying you loved him?” She wasn’t dumped, they were on a break but Clarke simply nodded in response. That wasn’t the full story behind her relationship status but ultimately if one was to summarize what led to their break, saying love was the tipping point. “I thought Atom ghosting me right before he was supposed to come home for Thanksgiving with me was bad. Why wait until the end of the summer? Dump his ass and then punch him in the dick like Raven should have.”

Raven raised a thumb up in agreement. “Make the shithead sterile.”

Miller, Murphy, and Bellamy walked over with the drinks joking about something. Clarke’s back stiffened in the seat, not wanting to continue the conversation but Octavia had already moved on from Clarke’s relationship. She played with the curled end of Clarke’s hair. A woman Calrke recognized stood near their table, finger pointed at her in question. “Clarke Griffin, right?”

“Yes.” She mumbled quietly.

The woman’s blonde hair was longer and messier but they had gone to high school together. Had been co-presidents of the art club. They almost dated in sophomore year. “I thought so. I was with my friends over there and was like that’s Clarke!” Apparently Niylah was not very good at handling her alcohol. “Did you ever get into that art school in California? Painting and graphic design right?”

All eyes turned towards Clarke. If only she could shrink down into the bottom of the bottle and hide. “I ended up not going for art.”

“Really? Her paintings were so lifelike. Drew on everything, to the point where she could have even forgotten to write her name on a test and the teachers still would know it was Clarke’s. I loved that mural you did for the winter musical. Insane. She could have been in a museum!” One of Niylah’s friends ran over and tugged her by the arm, apologizing for the disturbance.

The table was silent for a bit and Clarke wished once more to shrink, this time into nothing. Murphy broke the silence by saying, “She was sloshed.”

“Extremely.” Bellamy agreed, tipping his drink back. One of the guys near the pool table called over to Miller, saying it was his turn. He forced Bellamy out of the booth and told Murphy to get up.

She watched Miller and Bellamy play against a pair. Miller getting in two stripes after the break. The game went on for a few minutes before Clarke quietly asked, “Why did you assume I was seeing someone?”

Octavia tilted her head to the side questionly before smiling and pointing at Bellamy, “Because I figured if you were single, you’d be asking about him. The curse of Aurora’s genes. She made attractive babies.” Aurora was her, and Bellamy’s, mother? The woman with the meatball recipe? “When I was in sixth grade, he was a senior and every girl in my grade seemed to have a crush on my brother. Him and his stupid motorcycle.”

“I got to ride both.” Octavia turned to glare at Raven. “I said what I said.”

Apparently, One Drink Raven didn’t have a filter, Two Drink Raven was tired and still no filter but Three Drink Raven had no filter in regards to who she slept with.

“Hey Michelangelo!” Bellamy called, leaning against the pool table. Did he just? “We need another, you in?”

Octavia rolled her eyes and Raven slumped over, head on her friend’s shoulder. “You almost lobotomize your brother once and he never plays pool with you again.”

“I’m drunk. I should not have pre-gamed.” Raven grumbled. So More Than Three Drink Raven?

Clarke walked over to the pool table. Murphy and Miller standing on one side, Bellamy on the other. “Did you call me Michelangelo?”

Bellamy shrugged, rubbing the small cube of chalk on the cue’s tip. “Seemed appropriate for an esteemed artisan such as yourself.” With a smirk and a wink he lined up for the break. “You’re with me. The last names want to beat me.”

“You cheated last time.” Miller chucked a peanut from the basket on the table beside him at Bellamy. “You didn’t call the last ball before the eight ball.”

Murphy dropped himself into the seat, leaning back to prop himself up against the wall. “If I asked you to ‘paint me like one of your French girls’ what would you say?”

She grabbed a cue off the rack on the wall, resting against the surface with her hip. “First of all I don’t paint anymore. Probably can’t even make a circle now.” The group seemed surprised by her statement. “Second, if I had my palette knife I’d stick it in your eye.”

________________________________________________________________

She was on liquids that night with Miller. He was circling the main room while Clarke was working through the country club’s old smoking and brandy rooms. Her mom had called her earlier that afternoon, while she was at Octavia and Bellamy’s acting as a doll to the former. Octavia did Clarke’s hair and makeup because you’re my friend and I do all my friends up. She felt Octavia had other reasons for the impromptu makeover but she was tired and annoyed and being pampered made her feel great.

Bellamy simply chuckled when he walked out of the shower shirtless to see Octavia fighting Clarke’s tangles.

She didn’t stare, excuse you. Well not that long at least.

She felt different walking about the room with her hair done. Octavia sectioned half her hair into a braided crown. The other half she left down in bouncy, barrel curls. The braid was decorated with white flower hair pins. Her face felt like a walking ad for Ulta Beauty. How was she supposed to blend in when she looked like this?

She had two glasses left on her tray when Bellamy flagged her down from his post at the bar. “Guys over there wanted refills. You mind bringing them over to ‘em.” He raised his chin towards the group near the mantle. She grabbed at the whiskeys sitting on the bar, placing them on her tray. “Oh, your mom is in the main room. Came by while you were in the kitchen. Asked for something with cucumber vodka.” He spread his hands out, gesturing to the selection of liquors behind the bar. “Does this look like a place where you have cucumber vodka?”

Her mom was here? Her mom was at the party? Her mom drank flavored vodka?

“Settled on a gin martini.”

Clarke looked up at the group near the mantle. One of the men shifted in his stance, allowing Clarke of view of his face. Fuck that was Kane. She raced behind the bar fully ready to hide for the rest of the party when she heard someone call out her name. She knew that voice, it tortured her everyday at the library.

“Blonde?” she mouthed, not turning to face the voice. Bellamy looked beyond Clarke, over her shoulder and nodded.

“Coming this way.” he mumbled, busying himself with cleaning a tumbler.

A left hand came to rest on her shoulder, diamond ring sparkling under the bar’s overhead lights. “Your mom said you were meeting up with friends from Sanctum State.” Josephine leaned on her elbows against the bar in a shimmering evening gown. “Didn’t realize you worked as a caterer.” The other’s voice condescending. She made a point of glancing down at Clarke’s tray and then taking in Clarke’s attire. “White blouse and black slacks, timeless.”

Josephine closed her eyes, stretching her neck back and forth. “The guy on hor’ derves in the other room is pretty cute. Can understand why you took another job.” Josephine disregarded Bellamy’s presence and took a tumbler of whiskey off the tray. “Mommy doesn’t know about your side hustle does she?”

Her mom was here. Kane was here. Josephine was here.

Bellamy filled another tumbler with whiskey on the rocks and placed it on the tray. “Sorry to interrupt but Diyoza needs you in the kitchen.”

Taking the opening, Clarke sped over to the men by the mantle. She kept her head down, eyes averted to the floor. Kane, who either didn’t pay attention to her or picked up on the fact she was uncomfortable, never acknowledged her. Twenty feet to the stairs, and then another thirty to the kitchen. She could make it. Three steps down the stairs she heard her mother’s voice. “Clarke?”

Taking a deep breath, Clarke turned around to face her mother. “I thought that was you.” Her mother stepped up to the top of the stairs. “I like the braid. Did your college friends do it?” Her mother’s voice fell flat, her eyes apathetic.

“Mom, I-”

“I saw the Kepas. They’re out in the main room.” Of course Cillian’s parents would be here. Her freaking luck. “Imagine my surprise when they asked how you were doing after the break-up.”

“We’re on a break. We’re not broken up.” She felt like a broken record making the distinction.

Her mother didn’t appreciate the clarification. She twirled one of the barrels curls around her fingers, “So you’re on a break and you’re working as a caterer. Anything else? Any piercings? A tattoo? Maybe a motorcycle?” Even if she was being reprimanded, when her mother mentioned the motorcycle, her brain instantly pictured Bellamy standing beside a Harley.

“No.” She felt like she was four again and got caught trying to run away. She wanted to sleep in the backyard after the snow fell but her parents told her no. Four year old Clarke packed up her backpack with her favorite stuffed animals, grabbed her blanket, and decided she would be running away to her playset. While it hadn’t taken her parents long to find her, she didn’t listen or wear her coat. The time out was terrible.

Dropping the curl, Abigail Griffin asked if her daughter would be coming home later. “I thought you were staying at your friend Octavia’s but apparently I was misled.”

“I am.” Clarke started. “Staying at Octavia’s. She just happens to work for the catering company. Her aunt is Diyoza.”

Her escape from life; her chaos in a mundane existence was no longer her secret. Her coworker knew, her mother knew, her mother’s best friend probably knew.

“You are still at the library, right? You made a commitment to the position-”

“I am.” Even if she hated it. Even if she wanted to quit everyday. Even if Cillian may not be committed to her anymore. “This is a side job.”

Her mother still looked indifferent, maybe even disappointed. During Spring Break, Abby encouraged Clarke to participate in an internship at Arkadia General Hospital under the guidance of Dr. Tsing. She hadn’t taken the library job at this point but had been speaking with Cillian about possibly filling in his shoes. Her reasoning for passing on the internship had been fearing she wasn’t comfortable enough with what she had learned in her courses to handle treating living patients. And while Abby believed the internship to be an opportunity to build off her educational foundation, understood Clarke’s apprehension.

Too bad Clarke was lying to her mother again.

________________________________________________________________

The van ran out of gas somewhere just east of nowhere and just north of looks to be no life on this highway. O chucked the keys at Bellamy the moment the job was over, jumping into the back of Raven’s car immediately. They were meeting up with a few people. While she agreed to this group date during the job, Clarke needed a bit to clear her head. She offered to ride with Bellamy back to Diyoza’s house, giving her some time to collect herself.  After the evening she had she needed to go out.

It wasn’t cheating. Cillian had officated a break. She and her friends could go out with a few guys. That was allowed. They are on a break. And she stopped all train of thought when she realized she sounded like Ross Geller.

Conveniently that was also when the van stopped because O forgot to put gas in the vehicle.

They opted to hiked down the darkened road, hoping to come across a gas station after calling everyone who could come get them. No one answered. O and Raven were on the group date; Miller was meeting up with his boyfriend for a Netflix marathon; Diyoza had left Bellamy in charge halfway through the job, after getting sick in the bathroom for a solid half hour; and Murphy, well he was Murphy. Did he own a phone?

Tempted to call her mother or Wells, she ultimately put her phone away. She wasn’t ready to give up her secret just yet.

She didn’t know how but somehow they had gotten into a handful of arguments over asinine things, such as if truly Dr. Manhattan was the superhero we deserve and then who was treated worse: the dog at the beginning or John Wick or Peggy Carter’s children and grandchildren post Endgame? The arguments were silly and she found herself laughing - like doubled over, hand clenching stomach laughing - for the first time in what felt like an eternity.

"I think we may be lost.” Bellamy muttered, glancing down at this phone. The brightness of his phone illuminated his face in a blue glow. His jawline more pronounced when covered in shadows.  Her eyes darted away quickly, glancing down at her own phone instead. She was not going down that path.

No new messages.

A few minutes passed before they got into another argument this time over how to pass the time. Bellamy, who is an actual nerd and that is amazing, kept recommending word games. His favorite game being where you have a four letter word and have to make a new word by changing only one letter. Clarke jokingly offered they could play Truth instead. She regretted it. Bellamy, after getting the rundown on the game, was adamant on playing. She hated Truth. The last time she played it was at Glass’ house in ninth grade where she was coerced into admitting she was bisexual.

“What’s your favorite color?” Clarke asked, leaning herself closer to him.

“Boo. Give me an actual question. None of that baby shit.”

She chuckled, explaining she merely wished to ease him into the game but he shook his head vehemently. He wanted to experience the game full on. “Still going to be a bit of an easy one okay? Why are you so against the Ridge? It’s just a bar.”

In the dark, she could make out Bellamy turning to face her. “Really? Okay.” He then turned back to face the road. “Octavia had us all go out for her twenty-first. We usually go to this other place but they’ve been under the impression O was already legally able to drink so we went to the Ridge instead. She ended up in a bar fight armed with a toothpick for a sword and almost died from alcohol poisoning. Woke up in the hospital with a huge smile on her face and said she wanted to do it again.”

She heard Bellamy clap his hands once and then turn back to her, “Unlike you I’m going full in, what’s up with the boyfriend?”

Clarke looked down towards her feet. He had heard some of her conversation with O and Raven. She honestly didn’t know how to explain her relationship with Cillian. “We’re not together but we’re not, not together. We’re on a break currently.” she started. “Before the break, he was annoyed with how I wasn’t taking my job - which was his job prior to his fellowship - seriously. How I spent my emails complaining about my coworkers’ gross treatment of me like a petulant child.” Cillian thought she wasn’t committed to the job as he was. Her relationship with her coworkers shouldn’t influence her ability to perform her duties. He was under the impression that if she were truy doing her job she wouldn’t have time to make nice or even converse with her coworkers.

“Then my emails showed how much I missed him and I- I got too clingy. He was my first decent relationship since I-” she stopped for a moment, trying to figure out her wording. She wanted to say the accident, she truly did but she couldn’t get the words out. “I graduated from high school. I relied too much on him. He’s top of the pre-med class. Really passionate about the field. We met in our Biology 101 class. He has this way of explaining everything and you just get it, you know? I had always been good at school but freshman year of college I felt out of my element. Cillian had this way of making everything seem easier.“

She turned to Bellamy for an acknowledgement but he was watching her instead. "I found it sweet. This attractive guy who didn’t need to, went out of his way to help me.”

Bellamy was silent. The only noise being their feet against the pavement. After a minute or two, he placed a hand on her shoulder. “Still sounds like a dick regardless.”

Clarke’s head whipped around. Her hair ended up in Bellamy’s mouth and she heard him cough for a moment. Oops. She had given Bellamy the bare bones of their relationship leading up to her and Cillian’s break, and that was his response. It made sense, he didn’t understand everything. “A dick?”

“People complain about scenarios they don’t like. Especially when other people aren’t treating them right. That happens, it’s human. And missing your boyfriend who’s, in some place I don’t actually know-”

“Africa” she supplied.

“And missing your boyfriend who’s in Africa because he’s in Africa is again normal. It’s again human. He’s a dick for not appreciating that.”

Bellamy’s hand squeezed her shoulder and she found herself leaning into his touch. Her cheek pressing gently against the back of his hand. Human. Her hand reached up to rest on top of his. She closed her eyes, allowing her feet to carry her down the road.

Bellamy’s jaw tightened, going over something in his head. Clarke wanted to press him, they were playing Truth for fucks sake. He could say what he had on his mind, but ultimately she opted not to. “Did you tell him about working with us?“

"No… for once this job was something that was just mine. My relationship went out the window this summer, my social life is tragic, and my work life sucked. I- I liked having something good. So I kept it to myself, at least for a little bit.

"Now getting away from me please. I’m going to piggyback off what you asked: what’s up with your girlfriend?”

Bellamy’s hand left her shoulder, dropping down by his side. “Last or current?”

He had a girlfriend? Octaia hadn’t mentioned anything about that the other night. The woman was probably model pretty, if his interest in Raven was any indication. Clarke’s heart sped up just imagining what the woman would look like. Of course he had a girlfriend. He was a good-looking guy, it made sense that he had a girlfriend. “Current.”

“Echo and I are on a break of sorts too.” His hands raked through the back of his curls, “We met in the Marines. When we came back she was a bit worse for wear. Something happened when she was deployed, something that changed her.” She could see him grabbing at something around his neck, loosening the buttons maybe? “That’s common though, war changes people. I was in therapy for a while afterwards.

“She stayed overseas longer than I had. She was an army brat, was in ROTC programs almost her whole life. Breezed through bootcamp. When she came back, she wanted a life outside of the military - basically needed to change her whole existence. She attends an outpatient clinic about a half hour from here. She’s not big on me seeing her while she’s in the facility. I told her it was fine, I wanted to help but she was adamantly against it. Her program ends the beginning of August and we’re going from there.”

He turned to her, his smile bright in the dark of the night. “Guess we’re both shit at love.”

She shook her head, her blonde curls falling around her. Her small smile hidden behind the wall of hair. “Your turn.”

He stopped walking and placed a hand on her bicep. “Why’d you really stop painting? The other night, your face screamed it was something deeper.”

She could feel her throat closing up. Why she stopped painting. Why she gave it up? She shoved her shaking hands into the pockets of her black slacks. Her body felt as cold as it had that day. “I painted everything when I was younger. I painted the walls in the den once. Dad thought it was hysterical but mom wanted to kill me.”

She could hear the tires screeching loudly into the night. “I stayed late at school. A group of us working on a mural for the winter musical. I had been too deep into the creative zone that I missed the last bus and missed everyone telling me they were heading out. I almost finished the mural- well it was done but I wanted to make a few changes.”

Her fingers laced into her curls, pulling at the ends. “I called my dad to come get me. It was pitch black out and had started snowing. Dad was careful- so fucking careful but that didn’t matter.” She could see the car skidding off the road. She could see the red and blue ambulance lights flashing from her right.

“The road was a sheet of ice and we skidded off into a tree. I was in the hospital for a while, but dad he never came home. The Medical Examiner said he died on impact. Didn’t feel a thing.”

They had to cut her out of the seat. She remembered being lifted onto the stretcher, voice barely above a whisper asking, no pleading for them to save her dad. The first responder never said anything about her dad as they raced Clarke to the ambulance. Just that she’d be okay. She wasn’t going to cry. She wasn’t but she could feel the tears beginning to well. That was the night her life changed. If she had only taken the late bus!

“You have survivor’s guilt…” Bellamy muttered, his voice trailing off. “You lived and he didn’t.”

The tears began to flow and her eyes shot up to meet his, “No, I don’t.” She hated that term. Kane’s mother brought it up once during dinner. She didn’t agree, she was at fault. She was the reason her mother shut down instantly the moment Jake Griffin was brought up. “I’m to blame. He came to get me. It’s not survivor’s guilt. He was there because of me.” She was guilty of her father’s death. She was the reason he died.

Bellamy wrapped an arm around her shoulder and tugged her into him. She expected the apologizes, the hollow I’m sorrys everyone offered when they heard her father died. Especially when they heard she was there. Bellamy simply pulled her tighter, resting his chin atop her head. “I felt the same way when I came back and others from my squad didn’t. You’ve been carrying this for too long, you need time to mourn.”

For the first time since she watched her father’s casket be lowered into the ground she cried in front of someone. Her head found the junction between his neck and his shoulders and she cried. Her father had been an amazing, vibrant person. That morning he woke up early to make her pancakes before she had to leave for school - as he did every Wednesday - but she was too excited rambling about the mural and all ideas she had for it. She probably ate at most one pancake. She raced out the door, to make it to the bus, her peacoat haphazardly buttoned. He would be lifeless and trapped inside a pulverized metal shell within twelve hours.

Bellamy’s front pocket began to vibrate. He made no move to answer the call, instead continued to rub his thumb against the middle of her back. She slowly extricated herself from him but remained close. He gave her a sad smile before answering his phone, “Octavia fucking finally. You didn’t fill the tank.”

________________________________________________________________

Almost all of Clarke’s important memories had Wells Jaha in them. He was her first friend, her best friend, and at one point in her life her only friend. Good times, bad times, didn’t matter the two were always there for each other. Yet the past two years her relationship with her best friend had been strained. Wells started dating Glass Sorenson during their freshman year of college. The pair both attending Phoenix State approximately three hours away. While Clarke, funnily, tried to find herself again at Sanctum State an hour away where no one knew her. Apparently she failed at that, if Cillian’s emails were any indication. She and Glass bumped heads throughout their formative years. Clarke, aptly nicknamed the Curve Breaker, and Glass a firm believer and in constant need of the curve. The latter making several snide comments about Clarke’s affinitive for knowledge. Clarke would have been content to never say a word to Glass, and for the most part she didn’t - except when it came to their mutual best friend, Wells. They’d put on a face, act civil around one another but the moment Wells left the vicinity they were as good as strangers.

Didn’t help that Clarke believed Wells was Glass’ rebounded after being dumped by her high school sweetheart Luke. But she held her tongue. Something she found herself doing quite often recently.

“You okay?” Wells asked. Glass and her mother went on a weekend trip to an all-inclusive spa resort - or something like that, she didn’t actually know nor care - leaving Wells free from her blonde grasp for the first time in what felt like forever. He had stopped by the day after her mother found out about her catering job, asking if she wanted to hang out with him. Allowing her an escape from her mother’s cold stare and the pointed questions.

Honestly, she probably would have agreed to hanging out with Glass over her mother.

She walked up to one of the stalls at the flea market selling vintage floral dresses. Was she okay? The question always seemed simplistic. A simple question, a simple answer. But that wasn’t true. Was anyone good? Shrugging halfheartedly, Clarke perused one of the stalls racks. She had been better. She had been worse too. “Eh.” she settled on. Simple.

Wells experienced Clarke post-accident. Experienced her guilt, her sorrow, her anger. Experienced the rehabilitation. Experienced Clarke receding into herself. He sat beside her at the wake, helping her weather the condolences. He stood beside her at the funeral, holding her hand in support. He knew good was relative.

Holding up one of the dresses to her, Wells continued. “I’m sorry Cillian broke up-” she didn’t have the heart to correct him. Useless at this point. “-with you via email rather than face to face.” The idea of looking into his eyes on Skype didn’t alleviate her pain. Maybe she’d listen to Raven and give up on men officially.

She knew her friend wanted her to face him, to look him in the eyes. Recapturing the ability to be so open, so vulnerable with each other that they used to have. But she was different- they were different. Glancing in the opposite direction, she could make out a row of food trucks parked near the middle of the flea market. One of the trucks stood out to her, specifically the name: Astraeus. She placed the dress back onto the rack and she pointed out the truck to Wells.

“That’s not a name you’d expect for a food truck.” He tilted his head to the side in thought, “I know it but I can’t recall why.”

They walked towards the makeshift food court but as they got closer Clarke came to a dead stop. Bellamy leaned out the window of the truck, forearms propped up on the sill taking a customer’s order. His messy, black curls pulled back with a headband. Wells said something back she couldn’t hear anything, her heart pounding in her ears. What was he doing in a food truck. The door of the truck opened, Murphy coming out with a large platter with several meals atop it. He weaved his way through the picnic tables easily, flowing passed bodies and strollers, delivering the customers their meals. Bellamy finished taking the order and turned away.

Bellamy and Murphy had a food truck?

Wells looked back and forth between the truck and Clarke. “Do we know Mr. Astraeus?”

Clarke barely nodded. He catered and had a food truck. How hadn’t she known he had a food truck? Without a word, Wells resumed walking towards the truck and Clarke wished one of the other vehicles would shift into gear and flatten her. She couldn’t go over there, not after last night. She was beyond embarrassed for crying like that, let alone in front of anyone. Bellamy, to his credit, seemed unperturbed by her tears but then again he had Octavia as a sister and was more than likely accustomed to dramatic outbursts. Last night, she sat in the backseat of Raven’s car, her body as far away from Bellamy as she could that she practically sat inside the back door. Feigning being exhausted after the events of the day, Clarke asked to be dropped off at home instead of sleeping at the Blake’s as planned.

Murphy spotted her before Bellamy did. He had a basket of fries in hand, placing it on the table in front of a small child. “Want a third job, which is basically your second job?”

He walked them over to the truck and Bellamy’s head popped back out the window. “I thought I saw you walking over.”

“I’m actually a mirage.” She shot back.

“Obviously you’re a mirage, why else would you be in this sweltering desert?” She hated the fact she laughed at that. She also hated the look on Wells’ face. Murphy threw open the door, yelling at her to pick something already because god Clarke, children order faster than you. Bellamy gave a small smile, shaking his head. “He’s great at customer service, can’t you tell?”

She chose something at random and Bellamy’s head dropped down onto the windowsill. Murphy could be heard yelling excitedly from somewhere inside the truck. “That’s my creation! I am now leading!” he cheered.

She chatted casually with Bellamy, and in a way Murphy. Wells adding a thought here or there. Each time he spoke, he looked pointedly at Clarke. Would people be offended if she smacked that smug grin off his face? Probably not?

They sat at a table eating and holy shit Murphy could cook. Very little was said between Wells and Clarke even though it was glaringly obvious Wells had thoughts he wished to voice aloud. Both were too invested in their meals. Too invested that they hadn’t noticed Bellamy plopping down into the seat beside Clarke. “Lunch rush is slowing down.” he explained, “You two shopping to your heart’s content?”

Whatever Wells would have said was drowned out by Clarke asking, “What’s the name about?”

“Truth?” He asked in jest. Truth. “My mom loved to cook. Never made a living out of it, and half the time we couldn’t afford nice ingredients but she came up with a library full of recipes. Half the catering menu is hers. Taught O and I to cook. Taught Diyoza when she got married how to cook. Gotta please your husband, mom would say, even though she’d never been married but whatever. And when my aunt got divorced within the year, mom said it was because Diyoza was shit at cooking.”

Bellamy pointed towards Murphy, “When he began hanging around our house more than his own, mom taught him too. It gave him an escape from life, I guess kind of how catering does for you. The moment school, or detention, let out he’d be in our kitchen. Murphy thought he was the Top Chef at one point, hosting competitions over who could make the best scrambled eggs.”

Stealing one of the fries off of Clarke’s plate, Bellamy looked up towards the name on the truck. “After twenty years of service, Diyoza, retired from the Navy and my mom had gotten really sick. For the last few months she was bed-ridden. To help out, Diyoza learned how to cook just incase O or I weren’t available. And when she passed, Diyoza opened Dawn in her memory since Aurora, my mom’s name, was the Roman goddess of dawn. While there is no Roman version, Astraeus is the Greek god of dusk.” Dawn and dusk. Actual Nerd Bellamy Blake named his food truck in a nerdy means to honor his mother.

Murphy stuck his head out the window of the truck, recalling Bellamy to their small kitchen. Saying goodbye to them, Bellamy stood up from his seat but before he left he informed Clarke that that had counted as her turn. She almost didn’t pick up on what he meant but it caused her to still. He wanted to keep playing. Even after her breakdown the night before. He wanted to keep getting to know her.

When they were in the car driving back to the Griffin residence, Wells looked over at her the smug grin back. “So I’m assuming the break is permanent. Mr. Astraeus was cute.”

________________________________________________________________

In the following weeks, Clarke learned more about Bellamy Blake and he in turn learned more about her. She probably knew more about him than she did anyone else. She learned how he enlisted in the Marines at eighteen. He got involved with a bad group of kids back in high school and nearly got arrested for a B&E. Additionally, when Bellamy was seven a parent came in to his class and spoke about how they were in the Marines. He went home and told Diyoza while she may be a Seal, she wasn’t one of the few, or the proud. They had a running joke since then that Bellamy would say the Marines were better.

She learned he feared he’d fail his mother, that he’d fail O and Diyoza and his future cousin. That his worst moment was when he punched a mirror at three in the morning, about six month into being stateside again because he couldn’t look at himself. He began seeing a therapist less than a week later at the VA hospital because Diyoza forced him into her car.

That the grossest thing to ever happen to him was that after saving up for a month to take this girl, Roma, he had a crush on to an amusement park, she puked on him after one ride and demanded they go home. He never called her again. (Not because she threw up, that happens, but because she blamed it on him.)

That Bellamy Blake loved with his whole heart. That one she learned through her own observations.

“Okay, most embarrassing thing to ever happen to you.” Clarke said, leaning her head against his arm. Octavia decided that they all deserved a nice Friday night to themselves since the wedding they were supposed to cater was called off. They all hiked down to a small, hidden cove less than a mile from Old Factory Lane where Bellamy, O, Raven, and Murphy lived for a bonfire.

The others were playing about in the water, moonlight reflecting onto the black surface of the water. Clarke didn’t have a swimsuit and Bellamy, who did have on a pair of swim trunks, offered to accompany her on dry land. They sat in the glow of the fire, watching the others merriment.

He thought about it for a moment before saying, “When mom was pregnant with Octavia, I thought she was dying. She was always throwing up, was so unbelievably pale, and she’d come home and practically pass out on the living room floor.” His head came to rest on top of hers,  “For one week I saved my lunch money to be able to afford buying her this gigantic bag of apples - though now I realize it was just a normal bag but I was six so the proportions were off.”

“Why apples?”

“Because they keep the doctor away.” He said bluntly. “My teacher had called my mom that afternoon saying I hadn’t been eating and asked if there were any issues at home. Imagine her surprise when I came home lugging this bag of apples because I thought she was dying. I will never live it down, that is O’s favorite story. When mom was sick, Octavia would come home every now and then with a bag of apples just to remind me. Mom thought it was hysterical.”

Clarke knocked her head against his arm, jostling him over. “That’s not embarrassing. That’s cute! I wanted something juicy.”

“Apples are pretty juicy.”

“I hate you so much.” And again, she hated the fact she laughed.

Bellamy stared her down for a beat. Dropping down into the sand, he covered his face with his hands. “My mom come home early the day I lost my virginity.” Now this sounded promising.

Clarke rolled over and propped herself up with her elbows. “Had no clue she was there. She wasn’t supposed to be home until nine that night and O was staying at her friend’s house so my girlfriend at the time Lilly and I thought we’d have the house to ourselves for a while. Lilly was mortified when she went downstairs to get water, wearing only my shirt, and my mom was sitting at the dining room table with a coffee in hand. ‘Don’t mind me,’ she said, ‘this old lady’s been there before. Two kids and all.’”

Bellamy groaned, tilting his head back. “Then, then after I drove Lilly home, mom was sitting at the desk in my room. Lilly had bought a few silly candles from the 99 cent store. They were half melted and there were some flower petals on the floor cause I bought Lilly flowers during our walk home from school since she thought they were pretty. It definitely looked like any cliche movie scene where the leads lose their virginity. My mom leans back in my chair and says ‘Next time, play some music or something. It sounded like she was being murdered.’

“Lilly never came to our house again.”

She tried really hard not to laugh, she did but oh my god. She made sure the day she lost her virginity her mom and dad would be out of the house. They were out at some fundraiser about an hour away and opted to stay at a hotel that night instead of making the drive back. “It’s not funny, I was scarred!” Bellamy all but whined. “The next morning, my mom gave me things to read on how to make it enjoyable for both parties and dropped a box of condoms on my bed.”

“Your mom was a sex positive person. That’s rad. Mine probably still thinks I’m a virgin.”

“Well she had a kid before she graduated high school and then another one a few years later, when she should have been in college.” Aurora had Bellamy in high school? “Mom was cool with us having sex. Said sexual exploration was normal in adolescents and she shouldn’t discourage it.”

Bellamy rolled over onto his side. His dark curls fell in front of his eyes and she had the urge to reach out and brush them aside. “Okay so you got embarrassing. Mine is if you could say anything to your mother what would it be?”

She had been waiting for Bellamy to bring up the night at the country club, been bracing herself but she still hadn’t been ready for the question. That night was a mess and he got to witness Josephine’s behavior first hand. He got a front row seat to her secret life blowing up in her face. Why couldn’t she be honest with her mother? Had there always been this gorge between them? Never able to bridge the gap. Had dad been the bridge connecting them and when he died that bridge came falling down?

“I- I don’t know.” she stumbled over her words. “There’s so much to say at this point. So much that should have been said, on either end. But I guess the main thing I would want to say is that we both deserve to be happy. We shouldn’t function long enough to get us through the day. When dad died, in a way, so did mom and I. We both rescinded into ourselves, never reaching out to the other. Never making sure the other stayed afloat. We both withdrew to prevent ourselves from being hurt further and inadvertently, we ended up doing the one thing we aimed not to do. We hurt ourselves more. We didn’t allow ourselves to grieve.” Her words were rushed, slurring together. She had no idea if Bellamy could understand anything she was saying but she needed to say it. She needed to get it off her chest - even if these words were never to be heard by the rightful set of ears.

“Dad’s stuff was in boxes before he was even in the ground. All traces of him wiped and if not for the memories I had, dad may have not even existed. I want her to know it’s okay to miss dad. It’s okay to be upset. Because I want to hear that too. That it’s okay for me to miss him. That’s it’s okay to be upset. Just trying to bring up Jake Griffin in her presence has her masquerading as a block of ice.”

Three and a half years. It’s been three and a half years and neither of them got to grieve. “I brought up seeing the school psychologist once after the accident. Mom was furious at the idea so I never went. Maybe I should have. Maybe then I’d be more open with her about my issues.”

The two of them sat together in silence. Bellamy’s hand reaching out to rest on hers, silently reminding her he was there. That she was fine. Octavia called out to them, telling them to join them in the water. When Clarke reiterated she didn’t have a swimsuit Octavia simply told her to embrace her inner Lady Godiva. Skinny dipping was not something she would do. “Just wear your underwear, it’s basically the same thing.” Raven offered, dunking her hair back into the water.

Bellamy wordlessly gave Clarke an out but she stood, gripping the hem of her shirt. Those in the water already chanting for her to do it. Chucking her shirt to the side and slipping off her shorts, Clarke raced towards the water, diving under the surface when she was near waist deep. “Lady Godiva on strike.” Bellamy said, slowly making his way through the tide.

Lady Godiva on strike. She liked that.

With the moonlight cascading him in this ethereal glow, Clarke’s fingers ached for a paintbrush. To capture the way his dark curls rested against his forehead. Or the way the moonlight illuminated his jawline. But she kept herself from his magnetism. Octavia climbed on top of Miller’s shoulders and Raven not as easily copied her and climbed onto Bellamy’s, forcing him into a game of chicken. Octavia gripped Raven’s hands but before Murphy got start the counting, she turned to face in the dark. “If you guys are done with your little game, want to take on the winner?”

Their bout began; Raven keeping her own against Octavia, the pair ebbing back and forth like the low waves. Miller and Bellamy both stood firm, casually talking about a video game they both desperately wanted to play. Taking Raven, and in turn almost everyone else, Octavia leaned over and kissed her. In Raven’s surprise, Octavia easily overpowered the other.

Miller and Murphy asked instantly when that happened as Raven, and Bellamy who took a fall to prevent Raven’s leg from ending up at an awkward angle, resurfaced. “After that dull date with those lackluster men, the one Clarke was supposed to come on but ditched for Bell.” she said proudly pounding her fists into the air in victory. “The date was uncomfortable but Raven and I kind of ignored them and had our own date. Then Clarke decided to be a spoilsport and go home instead of sleeping over. Raven and I kind of went from there.”

Bellamy ran a hand through his went hair, curls slicking back for a moment before bouncing forward. “Remember what my mom told me?” he asked, mainly focused on Clarke than the group, “Yea, I told the same thing to O.”

Octavia annihilated Clarke in the next round. It was no contest. Murphy spent a solid half hour complaining how he got stuck with her; at least Raven held her ground for a bit. Octavia on the other hand, wrapped her arm around Clarke’s shoulders from behind and Raven swam over to the pair leisurely.

“I would offer you what my brother’s relationship status is, but I’m positive with the game you two are playing, you already know.”

Raven’s hand rested on top of Octavia’s arm, “I still say just climb him like a tree and get over with it.”

“Raven!”

“What? I did that with the other Blake and it worked out for me. I would like to declare, I am amazing and made eskimo siblings out of actual siblings.”

Was Octavia telling Clarke to go for Bellamy? To make a move on her older brother? Wasn’t that something friends didn’t- well then again Raven and Bellamy had something at least physical at one point. But she had Cillian, well somewhat. Their relationship simply on pause. Plus, the Fourth of July was the next week and there was a possibility Cillian would be returning for a few days to see his grandmother. And in a month he’d be back for good and they’d hit the play button. She didn’t have time for complications.

All six of them hiked up the trail from the cove back to Old Factory Lane well past one in the morning. Miller piggybacking Raven and Murphy piggybacking Octavia as they sped towards the Blake household. Bellamy shook his head, carrying the cooler, hanging back to walk with her. Clarke carried her dry clothes in her hands, draped in an oversized sweatshirt of Octavia’s.

Leaning to her left, she bumped her shoulder into his. He, in turn, copied her actions. It felt juvenile, but she didn’t care. She leaned to bump into him but he stopped short, causing her to miss her intended target. “Ha!”

The streetlight from the road came into view, illuminating Old Factory Lane in a pale, yellow glow. The low light hitting Bellamy’s profile, highlighting the definition. For the second time that night, she wished to immortalize the moment in a painting. "Bellamy.” She stopped walking to look up at him. He stopped too, placing the cooler down on the ground. “If you could do anything, what would it be?”

He looked perplexed for a moment. Taking a small step forward and then a second, Bellamy shortened the gap between them. They were close enough for her to count every freckle on his face, to notice the small scar on his top lip. Close enough that she could just reach out and grab him. He thought over her question, eyes alight and expressive. She anticipated a plethora of possible answers, but she never considered the one he did say: “Pass.”

He was passing on the question? She voiced her question aloud and received a shrug in response. That was the question he passed on? “You know that means you have one more question to ask and then I win right?”

He picked up the cooler silently, continuing their way back to the Blake household. “I’m going to need some time to come up with a winning worthy question befitting the Truth Princess.”

She hated the fact his smile made her heart beat erratically.

________________________________________________________________

Today was the day. Was it bad she dreaded it? Cillian would be home for the day; he’d come to the library, they’d probably go for lunch, and they’d talk. He possibly would accompany her to her mother’s “barbeque” - more like soiree - later. Then he and his parents would head up the coast to see his grandmother. She’d get him for a few hours at most, wasn’t enough time to go over everything that has happened these past couple weeks.

She sat in her chair foot bouncing anxiously. She had reshelved reference books and rearranged the summer reading display to show which titles were still available. She cataloged the old magazines back in their archive section. And now she waited, watching the second had tick painstakingly slow. He’s be here in less than an hour.

To her right, Josephine and Jade’s conversation lulled. Or he came early. Averting her gaze from the clock, she braced herself to see her boyfriend/not boyfriend walking through the small hallway from the entrance. Instead, she saw a mess of familiar inky black curls.

“Hey Clarke, isn’t that your friend from you second job?” Josephine’s voice sounded higher, airier. “Friends with that cute one?” Murphy, Clarke thought, she meant Murphy. Jade’s eyes were fixed on Bellamy who immediately came over to Clarke.

He propped his elbows onto the half wall at the end of the desk. “Okay so I-”

“She’s a trainee, doesn’t know much. You could ask Jade or I instead.” Josephine continued the airy tone, leaning forward in her seat. “She and I would be glad to help.”

This went on a few times. Bellamy explaining he knew Clarke could help while Josephine and Jade insisted she was useless when it came to questions.

“Okay.” Bellamy said, walking over to their part of the desk, “I was on my way to get more mayonnaise when I get a call that Raven fell down the stairs and O is taking her to the hospital to have her leg checked out; would either of you be willing to work an event out at Eden Tree Park? It’s visitor’s weekend so Murphy’s upstate seeing his fiancee, leaving Miller, a heavily pregnant Diyoza, and I to man it.” To their credit, the two looked to be contemplating the pros and cons of working a catering job as opposed to the information desk at the library. “That’s what I thought.”

“What time is the event?” Clarke asked.

“One. I know it’s short notice and you’re not on schedule today cause of, you know.”

“Excuse me, but you’re still on shift until three today. You can’t leave.” Josephine snidely pointed out. She pushed her chair back, Jade copying her movement, effectively blocking Clarke from desk’s exit.

Clarke did what any normal person would do. She tossed her bag to Bellamy, firmly planted her hands on the desk and swung herself over. Throwing her gaping coworkers a taunting smirk, Clarke took her bag back.

“Ten out of ten on the dismount.”

“And to think, I never took a single gymnastics lesson.”

The fact she walked out on her - and Cillian’s job - didn’t hit her until an hour later as Miller and Bellamy set up the commercial grill.  Bellamy had told the story for a third time, voicing how he wished he quit a job with as much flair as she had. Oh god, she quit her job. She stood in front of the vegetarian and vegan alternatives to hot dogs and hamburgers silently freaking out. She quit her job. Cillian would be arriving at the library any minute now to speak with her. She quit her job. He’s probably called her already to ask but she hadn’t bothered to turn her phone back on, going from one job to the other. She quit her job.

Did she mention she quit her job?

Vera Kane hobbled over to Clarke’s options, asking for a roasted stuffed pepper. “You are a vision.” She was covered in sweat from standing outside in direct sunlight for an hour; cheeks turning red. “How have you been?”

Clarke first instinct was to lie and say she was 'fine’, as she normally did. But Vera Kane had been a therapist for a long time, she could read someone instantaneously. She probably knew exactly how Clarke was. Instead of answering Clarke shrugged. She was a mess, that’s as much as she knew. A big 'ol mess. The woman reached her frail hand out to rest atop Clarke’s, “If you ever need someone to talk to, my door is always open.”

“I’m not sure my health plan covers therapy sessions.” She said as a means to end the conversation but Vera gave her a soft, sad smile.

“Dear, how bout one on me. Sometimes talking it out helps and I’m here to listen.” Clarke’s eyes darted over to the grill, where Bellamy stood flipping a few burgers and plating others onto the tray. Sometimes talking it out was good. “You never know.” Vera finished, bidding her goodbye.

Aside from Vera’s odd offer at a free therapy session, the barbeque went smoother than any job Clarke had even taken with Dawn. Smoother than smooth. They actually brought more burgers and buns than necessary. The potato salad was a hit. And surprisingly, not once did Clarke see Marcus Kane, Vera’s son, and have to awkwardly explain to him why he found her outside the library. Because she quit her job. Then as they broke down the dessert buffet, Diyoza’s water broke. The woman hadn’t even noticed, just continued packing up leftover cookies and cakes. The host of the event did notice. She all but forced Diyoza into the catering van. Sent them all home, with a hefty tip - a baby gift Miller joked when they were piled into the van.

During the ride to the hospital, Diyoza easily chatted with her nephew and Miller. Every few minutes, she’d wince and place her hand to the bottom of her belly but aside from that you’d never guess the woman was in labor. Clarke on the other hand wanted to throw up. And when she stepped through the doors of the hospital, it took everything in her not to collapse on the spot. The last time she had walked through those doors she lost her father. Her heart pounded loudly in her chest. Her breaths came in short, shallow bursts. She had no idea how long she stood there, tears welling in her eyes but one second she’s focusing on nothing but white and the next her face is in Bellamy’s shirt as he hugged her.

“It’s okay Clarke, it’s okay.” He soothed, rubbing one of his large hands against her back. “Breathe with me. In and out. In and out.”

She couldn’t do this, she couldn’t be here. She needed to go but her feet wouldn’t move. Sensing her distress, Bellamy gently lifted her feet from the floor. The toes of her sneakers danced across the linoleum as he brought her outside to sit on one of the benches. “In and out. In and out.”

The tears began to stream down her cheeks. She turned into him and cried. Bellamy said nothing, just continued to rub her back soothingly.

When she found her breath once more, she slowly pulled away from him. That was twice now that she cried in front of him, twice. She hadn’t cried in front of her mother or Wells in years and she cried twice now in front of Bellamy Blake. Oh god, what did he think of her? “Putting your head between you knees is supposed to help, but that never worked for me.”

She tossed her head back with a groan. Why did he have to be there both times she was at her most vulnerable? Why?

“I have a question for you. It’s not relating to Truth so you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.” He said, eyes fixated on the crosswalk linking the hospital and the parking lot. “Why torture yourself with pre-med when you-” act like this? She finished for him. When she acted like this? “-could do anything else? If hospitals aren’t a good place for you mentally, why do you want to work in one?”

She opted out of answering. Bellamy did give her the out. Saying because my mom expects it of me sounded hollow. Saying she didn’t know why she tortured herself made her seem all the more messed up in the head. Who got up everyday to do something, to study something, that made them want to throw up? That had them shaking at the thought of the future?

She knew she should leave, should head home and get ready for her mom’s party. Prepare herself for the possibility of seeing Cillian but instead she rested her head against Bellamy’s arm.

“Hey Bell, Diyoza wants to call fuckface to let him know Hope’s forcing her way out. I vowed never to speak to him ever again so can you?” Octavia asked, walking out the sliding doors to the emergency ward. The Blakes swapped positions: Bellamy walking towards the doors and Octavia sitting beside her on the bench. “He’s a creep and I cannot believe he’s Hope’s dad.” Octavia rested her head atop of Clarke’s, “But he is also Hope’s dad and unlike our dads, he’s somewhat interested in being a parent. She’s almost ten inches along because we Blakes are impatient and Hope wants out!” O called out to her brother as he passed into the lobby.

It’s an odd, conflicting feeling to be present for a baby’s birth in the same hospital where she had been told her father passed. All sixteen inches and six pounds, three ounces of Hope -no middle name because she’s “a legend already and doesn’t need one”- Diyoza come into the world with a hearty set of lungs. She balled up her miniature fists the moment the nurse placed her onto Diyoza’s chest, snuggling into the warmth of her mother. The baby’s father was caught in traffic, according to Bellamy who got to cut the umbilical cord, and was the first of those present to hold Hope. To hold his cousin. The newborn was carefully handed from Bellamy to O to Miller and to Raven, whose leg was fine by the way. When it came time for Clarke to hold Hope if she wanted, Clarke’s eyes darted up to meet Bellamy’s, telling her she didn’t have to hold Hope if she didn’t want to. Inhaling deeply, Clarke allowed for the tiny newborn to be placed in her arms.

Such a small thing. Hope weighed next to nothing. Clarke gently brushed her fingertips through Hope’s hairline feeling the little tufts of brown fuzz. The newborn’s eyes were closed and her fists still clenched. “She looks ready for a fight.” Clarke’s voice wavered, her lips trembling. She hadn’t realized she started crying until Miller silently held out a napkin for her.

“Like mother, like daughter.” Diyoza chuckled.

They stayed a bit longer before Miller took the keys for the van from Bellamy to drive Clarke home. Begrudgingly, she turned her phone on once strapped into the passenger seat. The sun had long since set, cascading the sky into darkness. The blackness disrupted every now and then by bursts of color as fireworks danced across the sky. Her phone’s startup screen illuminating the car in blue light. Four missed calls from her mother. Two missed calls from Cillian. A few from Wells, Kane, the library, hell even one from Glass. Plus the array of text messages. Oops. Opening up her texting app, she glanced at one of the previews sent by her mother.

I will see you at ho…

Oh hell. Miller asked if she was alright. No, she should have said. She wasn’t alright, she should have said. Instead she nodded subtly, “Just tired.”

Walking into their home, Clarke noticed people milling about in the backyard drinks in hand watching one of the neighbors down the block’s fireworks display. Several partygoers came up to her, complimenting her on a splendid party - though none seemed to realize she had been absent from the party. Nor did they notice she resembled a penguin in lieu of wearing a cocktail dress. Her mother stood amidst a circle of her guests near the chocolate fondue fountain. A chocolate covered strawberry in hand. She looked away from Thelonious Jaha towards where Clarke stood.

Have you ever watched the disappointment spread on your parent’s face? Once alight with happpiness at whatever joke Jaha said, Abigail Griffin now looked capable of murder simply with her gaze. She placed the strawberry down onto a plate and pointed her perfectly manicured finger towards Clarke’s room. Her mother’s jaw tightened in annoyance when Clarke stayed put. With the fakest smile Clarke had ever seen, Abby excused herself from Jaha to walk over to her daughter. Even though her mother’s heels were two or three inches high, it felt as if she towered over Clarke in this moment. “Upstairs. We will talk about this later.”

“Mom, Diyoza went into-”

“Later.”

________________________________________________________________

She was legally an adult and legally able to buy her own alcohol. Yet here she was grounded. After everyone went home for the night, her mother brushed passed her curtly stating they would talk in the morning.

When morning came Clarke felt as if she were two feet tall. Her mother ripped into her. Detailing how this summer she barely recognized the person Clarke had become. How she had become lackadaisical with her commitments, instead choosing to spend her nights out into the wee hours with apparently a poor social group. Abigail declared that the root of Clarke’s evils this summer stemmed from Dawn Catering Company. That those employed by this company were bad influences on her daughter. That Cillian informed Abigail, after being informed by the always honest Josephine, that Clarke ditched her commitment to the library when one of her other coworkers appeared at the library and enticed her away from her job. Which wasn’t entirely true, she left out of her own volition but Abby wouldn’t let Clarke get a word in.

And when Abby went off about Clarke’s disregard for her commitment to appearing at her mother’s party and didn’t have the decency to call, that was the end. There is always a phone to use Clarke so do not attempt any explanations as to why you didn’t. You should have called instead of making me worry. While she knew her mother loved her and she felt awful for worrying her mother, something nagged at Clarke. Did her mother worry more for Clarke’s wellbeing or did Clarke foregoing the party and quitting a job she loathed interfere with the perfect image her mother sculpted for them? That Clarke threw a wrench into Abby’s storyline of a mother and daughter successfully bouncing back from such a tragedy?

Clarke wanted to say something, to say anything but ultimately nothing came out. Then her mother sentenced her ruling: Clarke would spend the rest of the summer working with Abby at the hospital and would steer clear of the deviants at Dawn Catering Company. Well her mother hadn’t used deviants but with the tone she used when saying employees, she may as well have.

Her sentence should be deemed cruel and unusual but Clarke didn’t fight. For a week, she sat silently in the passenger seat as her mother drove them to the hospital. Abby’s assistant had returned to college earlier that month to start their internship, leaving Clarke the coveted position. She mainly worked in her mother’s office doing clerk work: organizing files, answering calls, setting appointments. She never had to step foot in a ward but each time she walked through the employee doors she felt like she was suffocating. Thursday afternoon she sat at her desk toying with the notion of calling Vera Kane after a particularly bad panic attack. The only contact she had with her new friends were through covert texts or hushed calls late at night when her mother was either working or passed out.

On a Monday night, under the guise of going to a pilates class, Clarke found herself in the Blake’s driveway behind Bellamy’s motorcycle. Bellamy found her with her fingers clenched around the steering wheel and the engine still on. “You good there?”

“No.”

Nodding his head, Bellamy climbed into the passenger seat of the car, “Want to talk about it? I know you’ve been missing your daily dose of trying not to get dressing, sauce, or food onto a pristine white shirt.” He reached over, turning the keys and shutting off the engine.

She did. “Sorry I’ve been MIA, been busy at work.” she knew he wanted to ask about that, could see it clear on his face but she continued on. “Working at the hospital isn’t that bad anymore. I think I just needed to get over that hump. To walk through those doors at least once.” Why was she lying to him? “I’m good now but swamped.”

He sounded almost mechanically, “I know what you mean, I’m meeting Murphy at the truck in a little bit.” Forcing himself to say one thing but wanting to say something else.

As they sat there quietly, something felt off. It almost felt awkward. The incident at the hospital must have been a tipping point in their relationship. The night on the deserted highway was a fluke and he probably just assumed stress or something set her off but the night at the hospital, that’s when she made things uncomfortable between them. He glanced down at the time on his phone and she wanted to crawl into a ball. Yup, she ruined whatever it was between them.

“I’m going to get back with Cillian.” she declared. “We’ve been emailing a little bit here and there. Seems like we’re leading back towards what we were.” They sent each other short emails, nothing too in-depth relationship wise. Mainly it focused on Cillian’s grandmother’s health, which was rapidly worsening, and Clarke becoming acquainted with the hospital. Funny, now that she thinks about it, unlike with the library job, she never once mentioned how unhappy she was at the hospital.

“Is that what you want?” Bellamy asked, his voice trailing off.

Inadvertently, Bellamy asked his final Truth. Was getting back together with Cillian what she wanted? She turned quickly in her seat, the seatbelt rubbing against her skin. Looking at him, she almost said no. She didn’t want Cillian, not anymore. What she wanted was mere inches from her but she had ruined whatever was between them. “Yeah, I think- no, I know. Getting back with Cillian is what I want.” Her hands found the steering wheel once more. “Aren’t you going to be getting back together with Echo?”

Bellamy didn’t answer her, just stared at her puzzlingly. His eyes unreadable.

“Maybe you, Echo, Cillian, and I could hang out. I figured before school started back up again and I’m swamped with papers, I’d reach out to O for a double - she’d gladly drag along Raven.”

“Okay.” Bellamy sounded unsure of himself.

“I’m sorry, I should go.” She fumbled with the keys half hanging from the ignition.

He slowly climbed out of the car,. His hand rested on the passenger door’s frame. “Clarke, if you need someone to talk to, I’m here okay?” He stood on the front lawn as she pulled out of the driveway and down the road.

As she progressed back to her house, she tried to rationalize that she ultimately made the right decision. That whatever seemed to be happening this summer wasn’t real. It was all in her head. But for a moment she entertained the thought of ending it with Cillian. As her mother said, this summer she changed. But unlike Abby’s opinion, she changed for the better. She had friends for once, outside of Wells of course. She stood up or herself for the first time in a long time by quitting the library. She learned to be open with someone, she learned to be open with Bellamy and that conversation they had just now was the fakest conversation they have ever had. She knew more about him than she did about anyone else in her life. And he knew more about her than anyone else in her life did. She never once lied to Bellamy Blake until tonight.

Yet everything she told him tonight was a lie.

Turning on her blinker, Clarke made the first U-turn she could, flying back down the highway towards Old Factory Lane. Maybe he hadn’t left for the food truck yet. She slowed down the road but as she neared the house, there was a sedan parked behind the motorcycle. A tall, lean brunette climbed out of the passenger seat. Her hair cascading in perfectly styled waves. Then strode up the three porch steps and let herself in. Echo.

He was getting back together with Echo, just like she was getting back together with Cillian. Everything would be right in the universe once more.

________________________________________________________________

Her mother planned to host a fundraiser at their home to raise money for children with cystic fibrosis. The weeks leading up to the fundraiser, landscape architects covered almost every inch of their backyard turning it into a marvel of flowers and shrubberies. A topiary wonderland. Cleaning services swarmed, scrubbing the home  meticulously from bottom to top and then top to bottom.

Everything looked perfect but six days prior to the fundraiser, her mother’s usual catering company - the owner was unavailable back in June, which was why Abby had to hire Dawn - quit. Her mother in a frenzy, nearly knocked the door of her office into Clarke’s face. She asked for Diyoza’s number to take on the job. Clarke wanted to say no, that Diyoza hadn’t worked a job since the Fourth and six days wasn’t nearly enough time to prepare. She took in her mother’s appearance. Bags under her eyes, hair spilling out of her bun, and distinct frown lines. Instead, she offered the number. Diyoza agreed to the job, so long as Abby understood she wouldn’t be getting wagyu beef or fugu on fine china. There wouldn’t be anything fancy shmancy (actual quote by Diyoza).

The night before the party, the company utilized to rent tents, tables, and chairs arrived. As they arranged the backyard, one of the men mentioned how a storm was brewing and she may want the tables and chairs placed inside the house rather than outside. It was expected to hit around the time of the party. Her mother would hear none of it. Whenever the storm was brought up, she would immediately shut it down.

Maybe her mother should have adhered to the warnings.

The storm racked through the backyard, overturning tables and chairs. Even one of the tents lost three of the pegs holding the canopy in place, the fabric dancing maniacally in the wind. Several people had called frantically asking if the fundraiser was canceled to which her mother vehemently denied. Diyoza got everyone to work the moment she barreled through from the kitchen. Octavia, Murphy, and Miller were on rearranging the living room, the dining room and the den to allow for patrons to mill about easier. Stools, side tables, even the armoire in the dining room were quickly locked away in either her mother’s office or in the guest room. Small, circular tables were brought in from the backyard, Diyoza said it would give the room a bistro vibe - that they had planned to be indoors all along. Raven was on ambience, She dimmed the lights to a soft glow, she and Clarke hastily dried down the tables and laid out table clothes. They found a box of battery operated candles shoved into the back of the van. Raven decorated each table with a candle incase the storm knocked the power out. Clarke went to find air fresheners to hide in plain sight for when the room became stuffy and overcrowded. Her mother gazed out at the raging storm. Several guests parked their cars on the street but no one dared exit their vehicle. “It’ll be good.” Clarke said softly, placing a hand on her mother’s shoulder. “Diyoza’s the best. She runs a tight ship amidst the chaos.”

They intended on Miller being on the bar that night and the rest catering but plans changed and Diyoza broke her rule. Octavia would stand by the door, which Diyoza was quite adamant about standing in place, with champagne to greet each guest. Tipsy guests meant they would pay less attention to the crowdedness of the home. Once a substantial amount of guests had arrived, Octavia would be back on dry trays.

Diyoza would work double time on appetizers, getting as many baking sheets in and out of the oven as possibly. Well-fed guests would maybe notice the crowdedness of their waistline but wouldn’t notice the crowdedness of the room. Hopefully.

And little baby Hope was on sleeping in her carrier in the kitchen. She was already killing it at her job.

“Oh my god, fuck this-”

“Octavia!” Diyoza warned but the brunette ignored her aunt. She quickly relayed her tray to Murphy, nearly toppling the glasses in the process. Then stormed across the living room towards Clarke.

“Do you really not want to be with my brother? Because I’ve watched you two dance around each other all summer and it was both really fucking cute and really fucking pathetic. If you truly want to be with Cillian, okay sure whatever I’ll support you, but if you’re getting back with that dipshit-”

“Octavia!”

“-just because he’s safe and he’s what you know, that isn’t healthy. Hon, he dumped you for using the word love. Like I’m sorry, you voluntarily want to be with the same person who found you childish and petty and possibly a hindrance in his future endeavors? What was he firing you as a girlfriend?”

The room was silent. She turned to look at Murphy and Miller but they both averted their gaze, focusing instead on the drapes and the wood flooring respectfully. Raven nodded quietly in the corner. Diyoza broke the silence when both her hands came up to hit herself in the face before letting out a groan. Her mother was the first to speak. “You didn’t tell me he ended things after you said you loved him.”

It’s not like it would have mattered, Clarke wanted to say. It’s not like any of this mattered. She saw Echo at their house that night. Why would he lie to her about going to work when Echo was clearly coming over. “He got back with Echo.”

“Did he tell you this himself?” Octavia asked incredulously. The rain outside began to lessen, but the guests remained in their cars as if observing the scene playing out in the Griffin’s living room.

“No.”

Octavia left out a huff, tossing her head back. “Because you won’t talk to him. He broke up with her. Right?” The rest of the group agreed. “They both realized they wanted something else - someone else. Echo met this guy Ryker during her outpatient program. He’s a nice guy with Dissociative Identity Disorder. And Bellamy met you. They mutually decided they were better off apart.”

He was breaking up with Echo that night and Clarke happened upon him at possibly the worst moment. “Like I said, if you truly want to be with Cillian because you’re still in love with him, then do it. Don’t do it because it’s what you think you have to do. You’re allowed to be selfish.”

Raven knocked her shoulder gently into O’s, “I think you’ve made your peace. People are racing up the drive.” Instantly, Octavia put on a bright, toothy smile and grabbed her tray from Murphy. She held out her tray as each person entered almost as if she hadn’t grilled Clarke. Filited was more like it. She deserved to be happy. That’s what she told Bellamy the night at the cove, she and her mother deserved happiness for once.

She tugged on her mother’s wrist, thumb rubbing against an old, gold chain Abby wore. She led her mother towards their powder room and for the first time in three and a half years allowed herself to be honest. About everything: how the accident affected her; how she probably should have sought help and did call Vera the night before to set up her first appointment; how she hated pre-med and the hospital; and everything that happened over the summer. After she said everything she should have said before, Abby reached out and pulling her close. “I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t come to me about any of this. These past few years have been hard on us both.”

They had a nice good cry in the powder room. While Clarke fixed her now running mascara, Abby sat down on the lid of the toilet. “Your friend is blunt.” That’s Octavia for you. Doesn’t sugarcoat, tells you how it is. Apparently no disregard for an audience. “She cares about you.”

When Clarke finally pulled herself from the bathroom, she spotted the cropped brown hair of her ex. She could see Octavia glaring at him from her perch at the door. Guess she found out who Cillian was. Octavia’s eyes darted to meet Clarke’s. The brunette, lifting her knee minutely and then pointed subtly toward her crotch, mouthing ‘in the balls’. She was blunt alright.

Cillian found her within seconds, asking if they could go somewhere to talk. The rain had stopped but the clouds remained overhead, almost tauntingly. She led him through the kitchen where Diyoza pulled out more meatballs and Murphy eyed Cillian. Gaze scrutinizing every inch of him. Cillian looked tanner than the last time she saw him, clear skin radiating under the fluorescent lights. She led him out onto the back porch. The moment the backdoor shut, he began talking. He offhandedly mentioned how he missed her at the library back in July and it felt like a backhanded comment. He wasn’t sure where he wanted to go with their relationship. He hoped they could both explain what they expected from their relationship in the coming year. What they saw for themselves.

What did she see for herself? Did she see herself returning to him arms open wide?

Cillian continued on, babbling about designing a list of pros and cons and things they expect from the other but Clarke’s attention was focused elsewhere. From where she stood, she could make out a mess of dark curls through the kitchen window. Stepping further from the window, Bellamy’s face came into view. He laughed at something Diyoza said and her fingers once more yearned for a paintbrush. His gaze turned towards where she and Cillian stood. The smile slowly disappeared from his face. He gave her a curt nod of acknowledgement before turning on his heel and walking out towards the living room.

“Clarke are you listening?” Cillian asked, waving a hand in front of her face. “Are you feeling alright? I understand this uncomfortable and maybe even stressful-”

Clarke stopped listening, the window not allowing her a clear view of the living room. But from where she stood on the deck she did have a clear view of him walking towards his motorcycle. Without a word, she ran as fast as she could towards him. Her flats pounding against the walkway, her chest ached. She threw herself into his arms, almost overshooting him in the process but his arms slid around her waist. “I’m making an amendment.” she heaved, trying to catch her breath.

Cillian called out to her from the backyard but she ignored him. Bellamy looked over her shoulder woefully at Cillian but her attention was solely on the man before her. “I’m making an amendment.” She reiterated.

“An amendment?” Bellamy repeated questioningly.

“For someone to win, they need to answer the question the other passed on.”

For a beat, she thought he wasn’t going to say anything but Bellamy half hopeful and half nervous asked, “If you could do anything right now, what would you do?”

Without hesitation Clarke grabbed the back of Bellamy’s neck and tugged him down to her. If she could do anything, she’d kiss Bellamy Blake for all eternity. Lips parted as she pulled him even closer, their bodies flush against one another. She heard cheering coming from the house and Cillian’s voice drowned in the mix but she could care less.

“The idiots are watching.”

“Did I say to stop kissing me?”

“Bossy.” With a smile, he leaned back in to kiss her once more.

________________________________________________________________

Her pencil scraped across the page of the sketchbook, trying to capture every line of his form. Bellamy’s bare back was exposed from the blanket slug low on his hips, arms curled around the pillow he tucked his face into.

“Are you drawing me sleeping?” His voice gruff, “That’s not creepy.”

She pulled the sketchbook closer to herself, pencil hovering over the page. “I’m out of practice. Need to get better before school starts up again.” She dropped out of the pre-med program the day after her mother’s fundraiser, immediately declaring art as her major. Her favorite subjects to draw being her coworkers - specifically the Blakes. Aurora did have some gorgeous genes. “I looked at the syllabus and saw portraits are near the middle of the semester. I have an idea for a portrait that I can’t get out of my head.”

Bellamy’s head rolled to the side to face her, dark eyes appreciating his button up she wore. The sleeves rolled up passed her elbows and the buttons barely done. “It’ll be from my point of view, looking down to where a head is in between my thighs.”

Her rolled her under him, provoking a squeak from her. “Would you like me refresh your memory so it’s easier to recreate?” He lifted one of her legs onto his shoulder, kissing her way across her thigh.

“As much as I would love that.” She dropped her leg back onto the mattress, “We have furniture shopping to do with your sister.”

He groaned, hanging his head, “That’s not fair. She gets you for the whole year. I get you for three more days.”

Surprisingly, when Clarke told her mother she would be hanging out with friends from Sanctum State, she didn’t fully lie. Octavia did in fact attend the university, but due to their vastly different majors of pre-med and anthropology, the two never met. That and the student population was massive, it isn’t uncommon to not be acquainted with people in your major and year. Clarke roomed in a single dorm during her experiences in college and Octavia’s previous roommate graduated that May. The two girls opted to live off campus together for the next two years. Clarke would be in her second senior year due to switching majors and Octavia completing a joint BA/MA program.

At the present moment, between the two of them they had three pieces of furniture: a blow-up ottoman Octavia bought at some dollar store her freshman year; Clarke’s microwave oven which she illegally had in her dorm room; and a single dining room chair they found on the side of the road.

“Can you stop boning, we gotta go to Ikea!” Octavia yelled from somewhere in the house.

“I hate her so much.” Bellamy grumbled, rolling off of the mattress. Clarke stayed in bed a little while longer, watching him flit about the room grabbing clothes to change into. She pulled her exposed legs into her chest and rested her chin against her knees. Life this summer had been revitalizing. She saw Vera twice, and would see her once more with her mother this time before seeing the campus psychologist.

Her life continued on after the accident. She got to live and for once she felt like she could breathe. Her jean shorts were tossed onto the bed. “At least O cleaned out the back of her car. Otherwise you could probably just get a lamp in there.”

She likes to think Jake Griffin would have loved Bellamy Blake.

________________________________________________________________

This story took way longer than I anticipated and I feel it took forty years off of my life to be able to complete this. Just omg fuck that took so long.

[mooxnlights]

Protect You

Fandom: Peaky Blinders

Characters: Michael x reader, Finn, Isaiah, Polly.

Warnings: Cheating but not really, alcohol consumption, swearing, kinda angst but there’s fluff dw.

Word Count: 2,527

Requested: Yes

Anon: Hello, btw i love your acc�� can you do a michael gray x reader were they argue because she sees him kissing a girl (not because he wants to) so they are separates for a week and he can't sleep and gets drunk... so polly goes to talk to the reader and tell her what really happend and next night, she goes to see michael and they forgive each other (last part with fluff if u can plase!!)

A/N: It was kinda hard to find a reason for him to cheat without wanting to so I had to make up a tiny little subplot.

Y/N = Your name

You kept your head down as you made your way through the large crowds of drunks that were flooding the Garrison. You were meant to be meeting Michael for a couple of drinks with Isaiah and Finn after work before heading back to his for the night. With the amount of time you spent at his you were practically living there, Michael was actually planning on asking you to officially move in with him.

You breathed a sigh of relief when you finally caught sight of Isaiah and Finn waving you over to their table, after sitting down in a free chair you smiled over at the two boys noticing that Michael wasn’t with them.

“Hello boys,” you greeted with a smile before taking out a cigarette and placing it between your lips and lighting it.

“To save you from asking, Michael’s at the bar getting a round,” Finn said with a chuckle.

“Who said I was going to ask?” You respond giggling while standing and looking over the heads of people to find Michael. After spotting him you make your way over not noticing his tense frame nor the fair-haired woman next two him.

“I see your girlfriend has arrived,” the unknown woman stated to Michael after they both had caught a glimpse of you entering the Garrison.

“Who the fuck are you?” Michael questioned in a dangerous tone but yet quiet enough to not draw any attention to the two of them.

After the woman had taken the seat next to where Michael was standing at the bar waiting for his drinks, she began spewing out facts upon facts about him, his family and their entire schedules he felt his anger begin to surface. The Peaky Blinders just couldn’t catch a fucking break.

But none of that anger was the equivalent to how he felt right now after she had pointed you out, she knew who you were and obviously whoever she was working for did too. Forgetting about the drinks he turned to face her taking in her smug expression at the reaction she got from him and the way his entire body language changed at the mention of you.

“It’s not important who I am Mr. Gray,” she responded cooly while taking a sip of her champagne.

“You’re right, it’s not,” Michael began in a malice tone causing a smirk from the woman.

“I don’t give a fuck who you are, what’s important is that you, and whoever the hell you’re working for, stays far, far away from her. Because I swear to god if anyone, and I mean anyone, lays one goddamn finger on her, I will be coming for you.” His face was close to hers now making sure she heard every word.

“I wouldn’t go around making threats Michael, not when you have no idea what we’re capable of.”

The woman's eyes flickered behind Michael quickly before she continued with a smile. “Now, make a scene and I will shoot her in the head right here right now,” her face moved even closer as his paled at her words.

He reached for his gun but the still unnamed woman rested her hand on his firmly and abruptly pressed her lips to his.

You stopped in your tracks, the sight making you sick to your stomach. Holding back the tears that were already forming you threw your cigarette to the floor, it joining the shards of shattered glass from the stumbles of the drunken men and women surrounding you. You let out a deep breath before changing directions to instead walk past Michael, making sure to harshly bump your shoulder into his which was enough for him to pull himself away from the woman and notice your retreating form.

Ignoring her smirk Michael pushed himself away from the woman who let out a chuckle and began to chase after you, feeling nothing but anger at her but more so at himself for letting her get to him and throw him off guard.

You ignored his calls as you hurried away from the pub, having to stop once you were out of there and lean against the cold brick wall to let out heavy breaths, soon accompanied by harsh sobs as you finally let the tears fall.

“Y/N please just listen to me,” Michael pleaded as soon as he caught up to you, walking towards you trying to take your trembling form in his arms causing you to quickly back away from him.

“Don’t you fucking touch me Michel Gray!” You screamed, ignoring the various eyes on you from the people passing by.

“You don’t understand Y/N, please just-”

“Oh I understand perfectly Michael, I understand that I wasn't good enough and instead of being a man about it and telling me to fuck off, you decided to go out and shove your tongue down the throat of the first whore you find.” You had started walking now, turning your back on him and beginning the short walk to your flat.

“You know I would never do that to you sweetheart,” Michael responded softly while following after you.

You laughed pathetically at his excuse, not bothering to wipe your eyes as tears continued to roll down your cheeks.

“But you did Michael,” you stated sternly.

“Y/N, I swear-” Michael began before cutting himself off not knowing what to say. He never liked involving you in the darker side of the business, and he didn’t know whether telling you the truth would put you in danger and do more harm than good.

“That’s what I thought,” you mumbled at his silence before taking one last look at him and continuing your way back home, not hearing Michael behind you this time as you kept your head down.

After crying yourself to sleep that night you woke up the next morning to find Isaiah and another peaky boy standing out the front of your building, after asking about the unnecessary invasion of privacy from your window the only answer you were left with was that it was ‘Michael’s orders.’ If you weren’t so heartbroken you’d laugh at how Michael all of a sudden was trying to protect you after the pain he already caused. Expecting them to be gone the next morning they weren’t, only being replaced in the afternoons by two more boys who were then replaced by four boys during the nighttime.

This cycle continued everyday for two weeks, with you not caring enough to wonder why Michael constantly had men guarding your house, that was until you got a visit from Polly one afternoon and the men had dispersed.

“Isaiah claims you’ve barely left your place these past two weeks,” she states taking a sip of the tea you had just poured.

You didn’t say anything as you took a seat across from her at the table.

“Wish I could say the same about Michael,” she continued.

You let out a bitter chuckle at this. “Yeah I'm sure he’s having a great time. Must be fun to go out drinking and wake up in a different whores bed every morning.”

Polly tensed and put her cup on the table and lit a cigarette before responding. “Now Y/N, you’re lucky I’m an understanding woman or so help me God you’d be drenched in this boiling tea for disrespecting my boy that way.”

“He’s the one who disrespected me in the first place Polly, although I doubt that’s what he told you. Wouldn’t want to come across as an unfaithful coward to mummy.”

“Right,” she began before taking a drag of the cigarette. “I’ve had enough of this pathetic, pitiful sulking, from both of you. Do you really think Michael would intentionally cheat on you? Especially when he was meant to be meeting you?”

“Don’t have to think Pol, he did,” you sighed looking down at the table.

“No Y/N, he didn’t. For the past two weeks him, Tommy, John, Arthur and just about every other man in this God forsaken town, apart from the ones making sure that your stubborn self was safe, were out on a killing spree. Because the woman he was with that night was part of an organisation that were planning on taking every single person involved with this family out. She had her eyes set on you in particular which is why she went out of her way to get to Michael, to piss him off, knowing that she could do anything she wanted as long as she had you in the palm of her hand. She was going to kill you that night Y/N.”

“Was part of an organisation?” You asked hesitantly after taking a few moments to take in all the information.

“Michael wanted to leave her to last, happened this morning actually. He wanted to make her fear the way he did when he lost you to her little game,” she clarified ashing her cigarette in the ash tray you had on the table.

“And of course he's been drinking his weight in whiskey this whole time, so you could say he’s gotten his ass kicked quite a few times, I just thank my lucky stars he’s still alive,” she concluded with a slight glare, no doubt blaming you partly for this entire ordeal.

“Where is he now?” You questioned urgently.

Michael had never coped well with killing anyone even when it came to the man who abused him when he was a child, and now after learning that he’d been doing it for two weeks while being injured in the process, you knew you had to go to him.

“After the past two weeks he’s had he’d be at his house now that it’s all over,” she responded nodding at you as you stood up and ran towards the door, grabbing your coat along the way.

Luckily your flat wasn’t too far away from his house by cab. After paying the driver you climbed out and rushed up to the front door, knocking on it quickly before you began to pace in front of it awaiting for his appearance.

You cursed under your breath as you felt tears spring to your eyes as they had every day for the past two weeks whenever you thought about Michael. This time it was in grief, grief at the time you two lost and anger at yourself for the pain you must of caused him, for not listening to him. You had never in your wildest dreams imagined that Michael would cheat on you, he was a good man, raised to be one by both his mothers despite the business he was in, you just wished you'd thought of that when you were spending all this time ignoring his phone calls and staying hauled up in your flat.

After standing outside for two minutes with no indicator that he was coming you banged on the door again.

“Michael it’s me, please open up,” you called as you ran a hand through your hair in nervousness.

Within seconds the door was flung open and you almost gasped at the sight of him. There were bags under his eyes and judging by the redness in the whites of them he’d been taking snow to stay on his feet from not sleeping. He had a fading bruise on his cheek and you could only hope that was his only injury from all he had been doing for two weeks straight. His hair was disarrayed and his clothes crooked he hadn't been taking care of himself and just the thought alone caused a pain in your chest. There was also dried blood on the sleeves of his shirt, he obviously hadn’t cleaned up yet from this morning.

“I had to,” he whispered noticing your gaze on his shirt. “They were going to hurt you.”

You didn't say anything but instead nodded your head as tears began to fall from your eyes, your heart breaking for him with every passing second. Michael lowered his head in what looked like shame and moved to the side with the door open so you could get inside and away from the cold. Walking through the entrance you kept your eyes on Michael as he gently shut the door, still refusing to look at you.

It became clear he wasn’t going to make the first move and provide any physical contact. He wanted that to be up to you after the way you had left things, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it, he was just grateful to be in your presence again and hear your voice.

When he finally turned around to face you it only took one look at the pained expression in his eyes for you to fling yourself into his arms. Michael hesitantly raised his arms and wrapped them around you.

“I love you,” you mumbled into his shoulder.

“I love you too,” he breathed out in relief holding you tighter.

“Polly told me everything, I’m sorry I doubted you Michael.”

“Don’t,” he said before pressing a kiss to your forehead. “Please can we just try to forget about it all?”

You pulled away and looked up into his eyes knowing that was all he wanted, to forget about the pain he caused you, the pain he went through, the things he did in order to protect you. Not that he would ever take them back, he’d do anything to protect you, no matter how much it would affect him because he knew that at the end of each day you'd be there for him.

“It’s okay, we don’t have to talk about it,” you whispered taking his face gently in your hands.

Michael nodded his head, taking in your beauty after not seeing it in person for these few weeks. Your words and touch being all the comfort he needed in this moment.

“I’m never going to let anything hurt you,” he stated assuringly, more so for himself than you.

“I know you won’t,” you responded leaning up and placing a soft kiss to his lips.

“I mean it Y/N,” he began after pulling away from you. “I’m going to protect you, from anything and anyone that ever tries to hurt you.”

You simply nodded your head as you slid off his waist coat and began unbuttoning his shirt, feeling the need to get rid of the reminder of what he had been doing these two weeks, more for his sake than yours.

Michael gripped onto your hips firmly, keeping his eyes trained on yours as you did your best to contain your emotions after seeing the few scars and bruises that became visible on his body after removing his shirt and tossing it to the ground. Bringing your arms up around his neck you pulled his head down so his lips could meet yours once again but in a more desperate and passionate kiss, letting every emotion pour into it after having been apart for such a short amount of time compared to what others had gone through but knowing you could never go that long without him again.

[samthewrestlingfan]

Bad At Love: Kenny Omega

Hi there, Lovebugs!

Here is a new lil Kenny fic! This is my first time writing Kenny, so please be gentle <3

Let me know if you like it! I enjoyed writing this one :)

Next this to come out will be the next chapter of BELIEVER. (No I haven’t forgotten about it!)

btw this is hella long and im sorry.

Characters: Kenny Omega/OC

Warnings: Alcohol, angst, MILD smut, fluff.

(gif credit: @toosweetme)

I took a swig of my beer, before I practically slammed it down on the table.

You’ve got this, Ella. If he shows up, just ignore him.

I felt a nudge on my side, snapping me out of my daze. “You doin’ okay?” Marty asked.

I nodded at him quickly, returning my attention to my alcohol. I heard an audible sigh come from him, “If you keep acting like this, you’re only going to draw attention to yourself, and how uncomfortable you are.”

“I’m not uncomfortable, Marty. I’m just…” I droned off, not bothering to continue my sentence. Marty excused himself leaving me with my drink and the Bucks on opposite ends of the table.

Truth be told I wasn’t anything; mostly because I wasn’t allowing myself to feel anything. My plan was to enjoy my night out with my friends, and not let Kenny Omega and his inability to think with anything but his dick ruin that for me.

“Els! Come grab a shot with me?” Matt offered.

I perked up at his behest, “Definitely.”

Matt ordered quite literally a whole tray of sake shots, and as we waited for them, I began to loosen up.

Matt cleared his throat suddenly, “Look, I know this probably isn’t my place, but you’re my friend, hell one of my best friends, and Kenny is too. I just don’t want to have the two of you lose a great friendship over this…”

I nodded as he spoke. He was right, I knew what I was getting when I fell for Kenny. I just never expected things to turn so sour so quickly.

Kenny and I had never see each other as more than friends. Ever. At least I didn’t, then one night it just clicked.

…and by clicked, I mean we fucked.

***

“Please let me help you…” Kenny chuckled.

I hiccuped, “Listen you, go back to the party, I’m f-fine!” I laughed, practically falling face first into the side of the elevator.

I was drunk as a skunk and everyone knew it.

“Ella, I swear to God you are the most stubborn person I’ve ever known.” Kenny said grabbing my arm to stabilize me.

I leaned into him and laid my head on his strong shoulder, “Yeah but you love me for it.” I inhaled his scent, he smelled like man and sex and ecstasy. Again, I’m pretty sure this is the alcohol talking.

He kissed my forehead, as the elevator reached my floor. “Let’s go drunky.”

***

I pushed open my hotel room door, Kenny following swiftly behind me.

“Alright Beautiful, Let’s get you in bed.” Kenny held my waist, guiding me into the dimly lit hotel room.

I groaned to myself, “Ughhh, I don’t wanna be alone.” I flopped myself on the edge of the bed, bending down, unstrapping my heels.

Kenny walked toward the bathroom, “You know you contradict yourself a lot? A second ago you told me to go back to the party.” I heard the bathroom door click closed and decided to hurry up and change for bed.

The room was spinning as I undressed, barely able to make out what I was ripping off from where. I was stood in the middle of the room,  and my black thong and matching bra, searching for my pajamas.

“Oh…right.” I mumbled to myself, remembering they were in the bathroom.

I stumbled through the room, and knocked on the door leaning against the frame, “Ken, I need my pjs.”

He swung open the door, “Fuck you’re–” I watched his eyes scan me up and down, “Whoa.”

I snuck by him, grabbing my clothes off the vanity. “What?” I asked.

Kenny cleared his throat, “Ella the tequila may have stolen my filter,  but you look,” He bit his bottom lip, “Incredible.”

My face burned at his compliment, and from my current state of intoxication. “Ken you’ve seen me in my gear, this isn’t that different is it?.” I spun around, giving him a nice view of my round behind, teasing him a bit.

He ran his hand over his face, “Oh-ho-ho, you have no idea…”

I climbed onto the bed, Kenny following quickly after me. I rested on the edge of the bed, my knees dug into the mattress to keep me from wobbling.

I reached out for Kenny and grabbed both sides of his lapel, pulling him into me slowly.

“Still want me to stay?” He asked almost hopeful, placing his hands on my hips.

I paused for a moment, allowing my eyes to connect with his. I saw a hunger in them, one that made a throbbing erupt from between my legs.

“I do.” I breathed.

Kenny brought his face close to mine. “Is this okay?” He asked.

I nodded. He brushed his lips against mine, and ran his rough fingertips up and down my sides. “Is that okay?”

I swallowed hard, “Yes.”

Without hesitation, Kenny kissed me. Hard. His hands searching for every curve my body had…

***

And the rest is history.

Except for the past few weeks, Kenny hadn’t spoken to me outside of work. He stopped calling, stopped texting…everything just stopped and he was gone. Kenny was never just gone, he always woke up with me, our limbs tangled together. He would kiss me good morning, then ask if I wanted to grab breakfast.

“Ella? Did you hear me?” Matt asked, eyebrows raised.

I looked to him quickly, “Hm? Oh yeah. Thanks, Matt.” I said. Truth be told, I stopped listening. I’m sure he was just telling me what everyone was telling me. At this point, I was sick of hear it.

I downed another shot, before excusing myself. “Matt, I’m just gonna run to the bathroom.”

His eyes widened. “But Ella didn’t you–”

“Matt,” I interrupted. “I’m fine.” I gently rubbed his shoulder before turning to walk–or stumble my way. The bar was dim, and smelled like an odd combo of memories and mistakes.

As I turned the corner I stumbled and slammed into the wall.

“Fuck…” I said as I hit the ground.

I heard a gruff laugh, “Nice mouth.” I looked up to see a strong hand held out for me.

God has a sick sense of humor. I thought to myself, realizing Matt must have been trying to warn me.

“You just gonna hang out on the floor all night?” Kenny said sarcastically.

I begrudgingly held my hand out, allowing him to help me up. I rose to my feet, crossing my arms in front of me.

“Thanks.” I spat.

Kenny smiled softly, brushing a stay piece of hair out of my face. “No problem, Els.”

I continued toward the bathroom, a billion thoughts running through my head. Does he hate me now? Was I not good enough for him? Has he moved on to someone else? Someone better than me?

“That’s it.” I grit my teeth together, and stomped back towards Kenny.

“Hey!” I shouted at him as he walked away. His head turned towards me, stopping mid step.

“You. Me. Outside…now.” I grabbed the sleeve of his jacket and yanked him towards the door.

He walked with no hesitation. Outside onto the dirty street, and down the small side road next to the bar, he finally stopped to perch against the brick siding.

Kenny’s eyes bore holes into mine. There he was. Right in front of me, and I had every opportunity to say everything I was feeling.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?!”

…and I choked.

“What?” He asked offended.

“What nothing!” I yelled. “You’ve completely ignored me for the past few weeks. You can barely be in my presence for more than two  minutes without finding a reason to leave!” I was screaming at the top of my lungs, and it felt damn good.

I took a deep breath, “You made me feel like shit, Ken. You made me feel used. Was that your plan? Get your dick wet, then ignore me for the rest of your life?”

Kenny took a step towards me. “Are you done?”

I scoffed, “Unbelievable! I can’t believe I was stupid enough to think Kenny Omega could ever give two fucks about me.”

“Don’t say that…you know I care about you.” He said, hurt painting his words.

“No you don’t. You cared about having someone you could fuck on a moments notice, well jokes on me huh.” I flipped him off, walking away swiftly but he pulled me back.

“Oh no, you don’t get to scream at me like a psycho then just walk away.” He held me still so I couldn’t leave. I snatched my arms back and crossed them in front of me.

“What could you possibly have to say to me to–” Kenny put a finger to my lips. “Ella, please, as much as I love your voice, just…shh.”

Kenny stepped back and brushed his hair back. “I haven’t been with anyone else.”

My eyes flashed to him. “What?” I asked.

“You. The last time we we’re together, you we’re the last person I was with.” He said confidently.

I rolled my eyes, “What does that matter Ken?”

“I don’t know. I’m just offended that you think so fucking little of me.”  He rested his hands on his hips. My head was so foggy from the booze that I couldn’t tell what emotion he put behind that sentence.

“You haven’t exactly given me a reason to think otherwise.” I said, slurring my words despite my best efforts.

“Really? So I guess the years of friendship before any of this happened were pointless?” It was Kenny’s turn to get loud now. I guess I kinda deserve it.

A chill ran up my spine, the cold air registering with my flush body causing me to shiver. Kenny noticed, and stopped his pacing to walk toward me.

He let out a small laugh, before removing his jacket and placing it over my shoulders. “See? I’m not this heartless monster you made me out to be.”

This is the Kenny I knew. Sweet, and kind and always taking care of everyone. “Thank you.” I smiled softly.

“Did you ever think that maybe I didn’t want to hurt you?” He mumbled suddenly.

“What?” I questioned.

He cleared his throat. “Ella I’m not good at this stuff. I don’t know how to do the whole one girl thing.”

I scoffed, “Did I ever ask you for that?”

“No, but it’s what you deserve.” He spoke.

“Kenny, I knew what I was getting when we started whatever we were doing.” And that was true. I needed someone and so did he. We were more than comfortable with one another and it seemed to be enough, until my dumbass caught feelings.

“I was sick to my fucking stomach thinking about you with someone else. I couldn’t sleep without you next to me. I don’t know when I became such a fucking softy.” He laughed.

I placed a hand on his cheek. “Why did you just up and disappear then?” I said.

He sighed. “I needed to know if what I was feeling was something or if we had just gotten too comfortable with each other.”

I looked up to his eyes, “Well?” I asked.

He paused before he spoke, obviously trying to word what he wanted to say, “I fell for you, Els. I fell hard. I know I’ve been dick and I’m sorry. If you’d give me the time, I promise I’ll spend as long as you’d like making it up to you.”

My heart skipped a beat as he spoke. I didn’t know what to do beside stretch up and kiss him.

…and that’s exactly what I did.

I tangled my hands in his hair, our mouths getting familiar with one another again. Kenny pulled back and rested his forehead on mine. “I’ve missed that, Els.”

“Me too.” I said.

He stood up, offering me his hand. “C'mon. Let’s go celebrate with our nosey friends.” Kenny said gesturing to Nick and Matt’s faces in the window.

I took his hands and gripped it tight, “Can I buy my girl a drink?” He asked as he held the door.

My stomach churned at his offer. “Not a chance, Babe.”

[chongjojunsalsa]

Ice Pops

Word Count: 3079 words

Pairing: Seokjin/Everyone (because i’m thirsty like that)

Summary:

sunshinehobi i don’t know about you guys but that ice pop made my boner pop

[ alternatively titled: Popsicles, because they have a different name for it everywhere I swear]

Note: also posted on ao3, but tumblr is irresistible. come find me or continue reading under the cut!

The tension surrounding the coffee table in the Bangtan dormitory is thick and heavy and not something everybody is willing to wake up at 2am for. An emergency meeting, Yoongi had called it, while frantically knocking on everybody’s door in the middle of the night, his face a shade paler than it already is.

So around the table they sit, muttering under their breath how this is fucking stupid, let me go back to sleep, groggy eyes directing expectant stares at Min Yoongi while he paces back and forth, trying to think of a way to put his thoughts into words without making it sound too blunt. Nobody in their sleep-deprived state seems to notice that Seokjin is not sitting in his usual seat, wedged in between Taehyung and Yoongi, except for Jimin, who raises his hand half-heartedly and mumbles, “Why are we conducting an emergency meeting without Jin hyung?”

At the slight mention of Seokjin, Yoongi freaks. He slaps a hand over Jimin’s mouth with unnecessary strength, wide eyes darting around maniacally, his voice urgent and frenzied as he hisses, “Shut up, he’ll hear you.” Jimin grunts in pain and shoves Yoongi away, eyebrows furrowed in irritation, it’s too early for Yoongi’s bullshit.

Namjoon flattens his lips into a thin line, he knows how Yoongi is when Seokjin stays elsewhere for the night. “Yoongi hyung, Jin hyung isn’t even here, he can’t possible hear you,” he points out and barely manages to avoid the hand coming for his mouth.

“Yah! This is really an emergency!” Yoongi slams his hand onto the table in frustration unexpectedly, startling an already dozing off Taehyung and causing him to tumble off the couch. He glares daggers at Yoongi as he seats himself back onto the couch, a hand cradling the elbow that he’d hit on the coffee table. All of a sudden, the members are alert, it’s rare to see their second eldest hyung this worked up. He wouldn’t act this way unless it were really an emergency. They exchange worried glances and comply immediately when he gestures for them to come closer.

Yoongi has them huddled towards the centre of the table and they wait, at the ready - they think - of whatever he has to say to them. He lowers his voice to a soft drawl, “Have you ever seen hyung eat an ice pop?” All at once, they scatter, profanities rolling off the tips of their tongues in a series of “fuck this, i’m out“s and ”what the fuck, hyung“s. Like Jimin had mentioned earlier, it’s too early for Yoongi’s bullshit. In fact, any time is too early for Yoongi’s bullshit.

“Hyung, you’re drunk, aren’t you?” Hoseok presses the back of his palm on Yoongi’s cheek, to which the latter slaps his hand away indignantly and scowls.

“I’m not drunk, you shits,” he snarls and blocks their way as they try to make their ways back to their respective rooms (read: attempt) with his small stature.

“Let us go and Jin hyung won’t hear a word about this,” Jeongguk finally speaks up, the first words he had spoken since they had gathered around the coffee table, a wry smile playing on his lips. Yoongi’s expression darkens considerably, but he concedes anyway, he won’t hear the end of it if his hyung were to corner him and question him about the emergency meeting he held at 2am in the morning, only to ask the members if they’d seen him eat an ice pop. Truly mortifying.

But Yoongi knows he can’t possible go to war all by himself again, it was already that difficult surviving the first time. He needs comrades, he needs a plan.

suga&spice created emergency meeting. suga&spice invited rapmoney to emergency meeting. suga&spice invited sunshinehobi to emergency meeting. suga&spice invited chimmers to emergency meeting. suga&spice invited taelien to emergency meeting. suga&spice invited seaguk to emergency meeting. suga&spice invited everythingnice to emergency meeting.

suga&spice oh fuck

suga&spice removed everythingnice from emergency meeting.

suga&spice ok hear me out u have to see him eat an ice pop

chimmers so that wasn’t a bad dream

sunshinehobi wtf hyung

taelien yoongi hyung rly wants us to watch jin hyung suck a popsicle off

chimmers ice pop*

sunshinehobi theyre the same thing dumbass

suga&spice how did u know

sunshinehobi that they’re the same thing??? i’m not a dumbass like jimin lol

chimmers bitch

suga&spice no as in that is literally how he eats an ice pop like hes eating d

sunshinehobi oh my god

chimmers youre kidding

taelien LOL R U SRS

seaguk that probably happened in your dream hyungie~~~

suga&spice i texted jin hyung and he said hed get ice cream w us shut up maknae

taelien ice cream or ice pops??

suga&spice hed get an ice pop either way

chimmers this better not be disappointing

sunshinehobi ive always wondered what jin hyung looked like eating d

chimmers ^

taelien ^

seaguk ^

suga&spice dont make me regret this wheres namjoon btw

seaguk still sleeping lol

suga&spice wake him up and meet me outside the dorm in five

“I don’t get what’s so interesting about Jin hyung choosing between Zesty Lime and Cherry Bomb,” Namjoon tells Yoongi blandly, to which he responds with a flick to his cheek - right in the dimple - and an annoyed but otherwise barely audible ‘sh’.

“Wait for it, you impatient fuck,” Yoongi grits his teeth at the other members’ fidgety restlessness. Seokjin was taking his time to choose a popsicle, completely oblivious to the fact that the other members had been hiding behind the shelf in the convenience store, in patient wait for him to just shove it down your throat already.

Shut up, Jimin.

After twenty seconds or so of flirting with the cashier, she blushingly tells him that he need not pay for it, to which he replies with a sly wink and a flying kiss. She looks like she’s about to faint, but immediately tends to the next customer as soon as he shoves a packet of cigarettes onto the counter. Yoongi rolls his eyes, but it’s better that she doesn’t witness what he knows is about to happen.

When Seokjin is done unwrapping the ice pop, the other members’ incessant pockets of whispers cease and they wait with bated breath for what Yoongi had been fearing for his life for - except Namjoon, the bastard doesn’t check his messages.

He first wraps his full lips around the tip of the Zesty Lime ice pop he had opted for, shuddering in unsullied delight as the refreshing iciness melts onto his tongue in a burst of flavour. With his lips still on the ice pop, his tongue pokes out from on top his bottom lip, first to collect any juice that has dissolved onto his bottom lip, then to curl around the popsicle and lick a stripe towards his lips before disappearing into his mouth again.

Fuck, Yoongi can already feel the wretched and all-knowing twitch in his jeans.

Without warning, Seokjin shoves the whole ice pop into his mouth, the whole fucking thing, his plump lips stretching around the end of the popsicle, red from effort and the frigid ice pop. Yoongi can’t possibly ignore the small choke erupting from the back of Seokjin’s throat or the tears bunched around the edges of his eyes, all the while allowing the ice pop to stay in its place. The last straw is when he hollows his cheeks.

Yoongi dares to chance a glance towards the other members. Namjoon has a trembling hand over his mouth, Hoseok’s jaw has gone completely slack, Jeongguk is muttering a long string of curse words under his breath, Jimin’s tongue is swirling on his bottom lip, and save the best for last, Taehyung’s face is a brilliant shade of red. Yoongi would laugh at them if it weren’t for the gradually taut feeling in his jeans, fuck, and he knows it isn’t even the worst part yet.

And as if Seokjin had read Yoongi’s mind, he moans around the popsicle in unadulterated pleasure, eyes lolling up for a split second before flitting back to maintain a loving gaze at the popsicle, painfully oblivious to the mortified stares the others were giving him (cashier included, whoops). When he decides that he’s done - thank God - he pulls the ice pop out of his mouth, the bright green of the popsicle reappearing at a sickeningly slow pace, and finally, finally coming out of his mouth with a slick ‘pop’ sound. (Yoongi vaguely remembers wondering if that’s why they called it an ice pop.) Everybody tries their best to ignore the glossy string of saliva connecting Seokjin’s mouth and the ice pop.

“What– what the fuck was that?” Jeongguk is the first one to speak up, his voice coming out as a squeak more than anything.

“That was way worse than any porn I’ve ever watched,” Namjoon has the cheek to say, and Hoseok hits his shoulder.

Yoongi smiles bitterly. “It’s already my second time witnessing this, and I still can’t get used to it.”

At this, Jimin chuckles and licks his lips. “Au contraire, Yoongi hyung, I think I could get used to this.”

“You’re disgusting.”

“I cannot believe you’ve been hiding the good stuff from us, hyung,” Hoseok mumbles, still recovering from the daze.

“Firstly, I’ve only seen it once before this. Secondly, who are the fucking idiots who ignored me when I was trying to tell them about this?” Yoongi sneers, face marked into a frown.

“You didn’t tell us he was going to deep-throat a-”

“Yah! What’s going on behind here? A secret cult meeting that I wasn’t invited to? I’m hurt,” Seokjin’s voice joins the conversation unexpectedly, his signature squeaky laugh bouncing off the shelves, and everybody startles. “Aren’t any of you going to get anything?”

Nobody knows how to respond for fear that he had been listening in on their conversation the whole time. To everybody’s relief, Taehyung breaks the silence.

“Ah,” Taehyung gestures towards a stream of juice flowing down Seokjin’s finger, onto his palm and down his arm. “Hyung, do you need a tissue for that?”

Seokjin responds in the form of a slight shake of his head before bending his head towards the trickle of juice down his right arm, and licking it, his tongue curling and flicking at every single last drop of juice. For some godforsaken reason however, nobody seems to be able to take their eyes of him, the way his tongue works up his arm (his arm, for God’s sake) in a way no person should ever be allowed to. Ever.

He pauses halfway, somewhere at his wrist, hooded eyes suddenly darting up at the rest of them, holding them in an accusatory stare, and Yoongi thinks it’s specifically directed at him. He gulps. Seokjin’s gaze doesn’t tear away from them until he’s done, and when he is, he simply beams at them and walks away, stuffing the ice pop down his throat once again.

“Do you think he knows?” Jeongguk croaks out, and everybody looks over at Yoongi apprehensively. And Yoongi doesn’t know how to respond to that.

Soon enough, everybody decides on an ice pop, Taehyung and Jeongguk opting for none - dietary reasons, they called it - and they make their way out of the convenience store, steely eyes too trained on Seokjin to notice a certain somebody sidling up next to Seokjin.

“Jin hyung, do you want to try my ice pop? Mine’s pink,” Jimin has an arm around Seokjin’s wide shoulders, his other arm outstretched towards the taller male in an attempt to feed him the Cherry Bomb. Seokjin gladly accepts any offers of free food he sees and allows his tongue to coil around the tip of the dark pink ice pop, humming in approval of Jimin’s choice. Jimin’s internal victory dance is short-lived as he is torn away from Seokjin’s side by a wild Taehyung.

“Hyung, I know you don’t like using tissues, but you’re making a mess,” comments Taehyung as he swipes his thumb on the corner of Seokjin’s lips, and bringing it to his mouth. Seokjin subconsciously flicks his tongue at the spot Taehyung’s thumb had been resting just moments ago, leaving Taehyung very flustered, who resorts to burying himself in Jin’s broad back to hide his pink cheeks. Yoongi would like to say that this was the end of the maknae line’s tactics, but it isn’t.

“Can I have a lick at your ice pop, hyung?” Jeongguk appears out of nowhere, and flashes a blinding smile at Seokjin. Yoongi lets out an audible gasp, the nerve of that brat, he knows how weak Seokjin is to the maknae, he’ll have to depend on the fact that Seokjin can be stingy with his food.

Seokjin chuckles at Jeongguk and ruffles his hair. “Only for my Jeongguk,” Seokjin coos and extends the arm holding the popsicle to Jeongguk, who responds more than happily by sticking it in his mouth and side-eyeing anybody who was throwing jealous glares at him. He smiles around the ice pop, but eventually moves away from it, a satisfied grin playing at his lips.

The elder hyungs can’t help but click their tongues at their dongsaengs, immature brats, Namjoon says. Except that he says it with the tone of voice that gives away the fact that he wants to be young enough and cute enough to get away with anything those “immature brats” just did, Yoongi duly notes.

Yoongi knows better than to brood over this, so he does the only thing he knows how to do in this sort of situation. He, in this opportune moment, decides that he is going play the roommate card, the card deemed the most despicable in the Bangtan dormitory, according to everybody but Yoongi.

But Seokjin beats him to it.

“Yoongi-chii, can I have a bite of yours?” Seokjin had somehow managed to shake off the three brats and sling his arm around Yoongi, a smile on his lips as he leans in to taste his ice pop, with absolutely no regard for Yoongi’s decision. Consent is important, kids.

“Yah, this hyung,” Yoongi bites back at him - albeit a little too affectionately - in the pretence of not enjoying all the attention the oldest hyung was spoon-feeding him. He loves it, he’s just had enough dignity to keep it in his pants so far, which reminds him of the boner residing in his jeans, which he has artfully hidden with a jacket tied around his waist.

Hearing Seokjin burst into his trademark laugh, Yoongi can’t help but smile.

chimmers changed his nickname to jinmin. jinmin changed the group name to jin’s tongue appreciation cult.

jinmin ah thats better

suga&spice changed the group name to he will call the cops on us. jinmin changed the group name to jinnie oppa fan club!!!!.

suga&spice fuck no only the nickname stays

suga&spice changed the group name to emergency meeting.

jinmin i like my nickname very much tqvm

jinmin updated the group picture.

suga&spice is that when did u take that wtf park jimin u creep

seaguk ah

seaguk changed his nickname to jinkook.

jinkook i dont mind it though???

taelien changed his username to taejin.

taejin neither does yoongi hyung but he isnt about to admit it

jinmin ;) no need to say thank you boys but i will fight you on the nickname thing

suga&spice that is a fucking picture of jin hyung eating the popsicle if he chances upon any of our phones were dead

jinkook i like living on the edge

suga&spice u are all horrible people i never should have let u sorry bastards know about this istfg

taejin esp park jimin u sneaky rat

jinmin jeongguk though????

jinkook ha

rapmoney since when did we have this group

suga&spice u were sleeping

jinkook arent you lucky we woke you up

taejin lol joonie hyung went back offline

jinkook lol

suga&spice uhh btw just asking but how do you change your nickname in a group

jinmin thought you’d never ask press the settings bar at the top right corner of the group chat the group chat ok if you do it elsewhere you’ll change your nickname in that chat there’s a button all the way at the bottom that says change nickname press it

suga&spice removed nickname function in emergency meeting.

taelien YOONGI HYUNG i h8 u

suga&spice wait i swear that was an accident uh wtv it was confusing anyways

sunshinehobi am i late to the party anyways i don’t know about you guys but that ice pop made my boner pop #shameonme

chimmers #shameonme

seaguk #shameonme

rapmoney #shameonme

taelien #shameonme

suga&spice oh look joonie’s back on and btw all of u are nasty ass bitches

seaguk really now

chimmers i think you should be the most ashamed

suga&spice #shameonme

sunshinehobi #shameonyou

chimmers #shameonyou

suga&spice STOP

taelien #shameonyou

It’s an hour to showtime and the members of Bangtan Sonyeondan are holed up in their dressing room, some of them drumming their fingers on the pristine white couches while staring at the wall on the opposite side of the room, some of them aggressively tapping on their phones, letting slip a curse word or two once in a while.

Seokjin, meanwhile, is thinking of what to do for his next Eat Jin, and he’s hungry to hear the members’ opinions on the idea he’s settled on.

“For my next episode of Eat Jin, I was thinking I could have something sweet to eat,” Seokjin muses out loud, tapping a finger on his chin. “A popsicle, maybe?”

At the mention of popsicle, all the members swivel their head around at him with wide eyes and parted lips and flushed cheeks. “No,” they respond, creepily in sync.

Seokjin’s head tips to one side, doe eyes wide with innocence, eyebrows arched up in confusion. “Why?”

“No reason,” Jeongguk replies hastily. Hoseok offers an unapologetic shrug.

Seokjin looks offended and while crossing his arms over his chest, huffs, “Then each of you is going to buy me a popsicle to make up for that.” His frown quickly melts into a toothy smile.

Taehyung is sent into a coughing fit, along with Namjoon. Jimin merely mirrors Seokjin’s expression.

And Yoongi doesn’t quite miss the way the edges of Seokjin’s lips quirk up into a knowing smirk.

[chanzicoup]

“Away From Home” (BTS Suga x Reader)

A/N: Again, not requested but I feel guilty for never posting so I’m really trying here. I hope I get some requests soon because then I'd have something to write! BTW this is written based off of what I heard about Suga's past and it is not meant to offend anyone at all.

Count: 1.9k

Genre:  Angst w/ fluff at the end

Warning: Mentions drugs, alcohol, and being homeless

Request Regulations

~Blake

Everyone dreams of the day they leave their parents houses and enter the adult world. Everyone is scared at the thought but at the same time they can't wait. Everyone but you. You had no fear of leaving and excitement wouldn't be the right word to describe how you felt about being on your own.

A drunk as a father and a cheater as a mother would do that to you.

You practically grew up without your parents' supervision. Their marriage crumbled right after you were born because now they couldn't leave the house to do their dirty deeds even though they each knew what the other was doing behind their backs. When they were home they only threw you a bone every now and then, literally. They'd feed you their scraps and allowed you to fend for yourself. Eventually you learned how to cook your own meals and how to get your own food. Still you were skinny and quite short. Even while having nothing you never stole from anyone, you began working under the table at multiple illegally functioning restaurants who you may or may not have threatened to report to some bureau if they rejected you for work. You were smart and went for the buildings on the side of town you knew your parents never went to.

Your parents took your money and used it mainly for their habits while the state paid for your home. You hated it but it kept them from going at you as much so you had to put up with it. You went to school during the day and worked most of the night so you were never really home. It was decent to live with until you managed to get kicked out of school.  They said it was because of your "misbehavior" which was totally false because you never spoke nor did anything wrong. You sat in the back of the class and did your work, granted it wasn't always correct but it was still a passing grade. The only thing that seemed to be possible to be the cause of your expulsion was Mariam Kim, the Principle's daughter who had always loved getting on your nerves since kindergarten.

You left willingly, after all it was senior year and it wasn't like school was doing you much of a favor. You didn't have any career dreams or felt like you needed to go to college. You could do just fine on the streets considering your circumstances. When you didn't feel like going home you had no issue making yourself comfortable in an alley no matter how cold it was outside. Anything seemed better then going back.

Until today, your birthday, also known as the day you are legally an adult. You were anxious to go home only to get the heck out of there. You could feel the liberation and for the first time in years you had smiled. You had saved up some tip money to buy one of those jackets that was really thin but was as warm as the beach in the summer time and stuffed it into your book bag that no longer held textbooks. You wore jeans, converse, and a black t-shirt that had been covered by another black hoodie of yours. In the lightly packed bag you had a few pairs of shorts for future sunny days, a blanket for when it got cold, some food that was easy to carry along with water bottles, other necessities and spare money that you were careful to hide in a sandwich bag that was stuffed between clothes. You didn't have a phone so there was no such thing in your luggage. Now that you didn't have to give any more money to your parents you could actually save up for something better than a sidewalk to mark your residence. Tonight was the night, you were finally free.

You left a sarcastic note to your oh so loving family that said you were gone but had no detail about where you were going because let's admit, you had no idea either. Sticking the note on your father's beer bottle that stood tall on the coffee table you slung your bag over your shoulder, tied your hair, and put on a cap. You looked behind you one last time as if finding some reason to stay, you thought you were missing something. It didn't hit you until you remembered, your father's pocket knife. He kept it because it had a built in bottle opener but he was irresponsible enough to leave it on the kitchen counter for your better access. You went back and grabbed it before leaving. Your parents would be home any minute so you have to create as much distance in the least amount of time.

Running through back roads and blending yourself into the crowds of people walking from wherever they were last at seemed to cut it because within the hour you were on the opposite side of town. You knew this area well, definitely better then your parents did. You roamed the way a little bit, it was late and you were tired from running. You stop wen you see an old mattress against a building and poorly hidden behind a dumpster.

Setting your bag next to it you ignored the smell of the trash and brought your knees to your chest, your bag still safe on your back. Pretty soon you were asleep and didn't notice anyone standing by your new bed.

My back aches as I count the coins and bills in my box, even though the bag on my back is basically empty any weight seems to be multiplied by the end of the day. When I finish counting I realize it's not a lot but it's enough for a hot meal and that's something I hadn't had in weeks. It's been stale bread and over ripe fruits the grocery stores were going to trash if I hadn't asked to take them. Thankfully they took pity and gave me what they had. Sitting on the streets and selling the songs I had produced and treasured didn't bring in much but I had no other choice. My parents kicked me out when I told them my dream was to have "Min Yoongi" written on CDs as the performer. They didn't approve and eventually I was out.

I walk up to the snack cart that was owned by an old woman and ordered a serving rice and kimchi, she graciously plopped some in a container and handed it to me after I gave her all the money I had.

"Here you go dear." She said politely. I bowed and mumbled a thank you but she called me back.

"Take this too." She handed me something that was generously sized and wrapped in tin foil before smiling so that her eyes did too.

"What's this?" I asked, I had to be honest when I say this, but the warmth from the item felt legendary in my freezing hands. It wasn't very cold out earlier but apparently the weather thinks playing games is okay.

"It's chicken. I always see you laying down on that dirty mattress and I'm sorry that I can't help any more then this." She coos while wiping a counter down.

"Ma'am it's fine, you don't have to do this." I may have nothing but I don't feel okay taking this with out giving anything in return. I try to hand the food back to her but she refuses.

"You'll be doing me a favor by taking this. I'm getting ready to close up shop here and I would've had to throw that chicken away because no one bought any."

"Thank you so much." She waves me away playfully and I take my leave. I'll have to do something for her at a later date if I see her again. 

I walk back to the alley I've "claimed" as my own for three years and see someone in my bed. It wouldn't be the first time someone tried to steal my spot.

"Hey!" I yelled, "get off of there!"

The person looks up and I see it's a girl, a young teenage-looking girl. I back off a bit when I notice, only because I was surprised. I usually see old men here, and on occasion middle aged drug addicts, but never someone younger then I am. 

"Got a problem?" She snapped. I would do the same thing if some stranger woke me up how I did to her. 

"Yeah I have a problem, this is my spot!" I said defensively, possibly sounding like a toddler whining over it's place in a sandbox. She looked at me and then down one the mattress as if she was buying herself time to think.

"You can have the mattress but I'm not leaving this spot." Is she negotiating with me over something that's mine? The nerve of this kid. I like her. She knows her stuff.

"You know what, I like you. Keep the mattress. But I'm gonna share it with you because I don't want my clothes to get dirty on the ground." I didn't wait for her to answer before sitting next to her and opening the bag of food. She turned away and put her head back down.

"Want some?" I asked. She shook her head and tightened her grip on her legs when a breeze passed by. I nudged her shoulders and she looked up again.

"Rule one of being on the streets: Take Any Food You Can Get. You never know when your next meal is, especially if it's a warm one." I unwrapped the chicken and used the foil as a plate. I gave her exactly half of my food and took exactly half of the chicken so we had even portions. The old woman gave me a spoon and a fork back at the snack cart so I handed the spoon to the girl and  kept the fork.

"Why are you like this?" Asked the girl.

So she does speak! Call the press, we have executed in conversation.

"Like what?"

"Giving? Is that the word?" She looked down at the food and played with the foil a bit before continuing, "You said it yourself, take any food you can eat. Why are you giving me some when I don't even know who you are?"

"Because I know what it's like to be alone. I can tell you just left home because your clothes aren't stained and your hair isn't nappy." She blushed out of embarrassment and if I heard correctly she chuckled.

"Yeah, but I've been on and off the streets for years. I've never spent more then three days out here before now." She answered.

"What happened?" I don't expect her to answer, but it's obvious she isn't another addict, she's skinny but doesn't give off that vibe. Also her skin and eyes tell me the opposite.

"My parents aren't good. That's the summary." She said blankly. I didn't press, I knew it was something she didn't want to talk about right now. I could tell we'll be the dynamic duo of loners.

"Mine didn't approve of my dreams." I confessed. She looked at me with understanding eyes. She knew what it felt like to be alone.

"My name's Yoongi." I introduced.

"Y/N" She whispered. Noted, she's not much of a talker. We ate our meal in a comfortable silence before falling asleep. She passed out first, probably because I wanted to make sure it was safe before I got some shut eye too. Her head fell onto my shoulder and I wrapped my arm around her to keep her warm and I fell asleep too.