#WAYNE WON

[cyniicism]

WAYNE WON AND YOUR FAV DIDNT IM SO FUCKING HAPPY OH MY SHIT BRO IM LOSING IT IM HYPERVENTILATING

SOMEONE HELP IM GOING FERAL

also we kinda won w mkulia!! not julias mullet tho..

[farshootergotme]

I like imagining a scenario in which Jason, Tim and Damian are arguing about Dick and just keep trying to one-up one another:

Damian: I was his Robin and he clearly likes me best.

Tim: I mean, technically I was his Robin first. And that last statement is debatable (and wrong).

Damian: Tt. You were father's Robin, I was Grayson's only before the original Batman returned.

Jason: Oh, for fucks sake, why does that even matter? He accepted me as Robin first and gave me his old costume, try topping that.

Tim: Been there, done that.

Jason: Not first you haven't.

Tim: Irrelevant. I think being accepted as Robin and being his Robin first puts me above you both.

Damian: Richard made me Robin on his own accord, father's intervention was unrequired.

Tim: Do you think that maybe that was because, I don't know, Bruce was 'dead' at the time?

Damian: I don't see how that refutes my argument, Drake.

Tim: He didn't even want you as Robin, he did it so you didn't go running off to the league.

Jason: Face it, brat, Dick didn't have much of a choice on the matter. With me, on the other hand-

Tim: I can give you a list of reasons why what you're about to say is wrong.

Jason: Stop trying to be a smartass, you-

Damian: This discussion is getting sidetracked. I can win this argument with the simple fact that Richard planned to adopt me.

Jason: Get in line kid, he tried with me first.

Tim: Wait- what? Damian makes sense because Bruce... but you? Full offense, by the way.

Jason: I was a redhead and a circus kid, he had all the reasons to adopt me.

Damian: Todd, you're a brunette, you're spitting nonsense.

Tim: And you most definitely did not grow up in a circus. I've heard your backstory from Dick himself.

Jason: You had to be there.

[redsray]

Batkids playing any kind of board game but make it extra competitive because whoever wins gets to choose what Bruce wears for the next gala.

Bruce, in a sparkly top and skinny jeans:

Reporter: Ah, who chose your outfit tonight, Brucie?

Bruce: That'd be my eldest, dear!

Dick, behind him, full into the gala persona: Flattering, isn't it? He should wear it more often, don't you think, sweetheart?

Reporter, flushed: Oh, absolutely.

Bruce (to Dick): Get a new fashion style. Please.

Dick: Never.

Reporter: Who would be responsible for your wardrobe tonight, Brucie? It's certainly a statement.

Bruce, head to toe in a pink suit and Hello Kitty accessories: Gorgeous, isn't it? All the credit will have to be given to Jason, though, I'm afraid.

Reporter: Your second son, if I'm not mistaken?

Bruce: The very one.

Jason from across the gala hall, trying to not cough up his drink with laughter:

Tim, next to him: He's pulling it off, though. Little spins and everything.

Jason: Still ridiculous. That's Batman right there, Timbo.

Tim, snickering: The Dark Knight, huh?

Bruce, dressed in a collared white shirt, sweater and skirt, looking like he just came out of a light academia novel:

Reporter: Wow, Brucie. Who do we thank for that wonderful outfit choice?

Bruce: Ah, flattering, is it not? Tim's choices when it comes to fashion are wonderful, if not a bit simple.

Tim, nodding from behind him: Only the finest satin skirts. Charming, right?

Tim, to Bruce: Don't call my style simple, Mr. all I wear is black.

[Jason handing Dick $10 in the background because Bruce does, in fact, pull off a skirt.]

Reporter: Oh lord, what a gown! Who influenced your fashion choice tonight, Brucie?

Bruce, in a long green and black gown with gold accessories, nothing short of royal-looking: I fear only one person I know could choose an outfit as gorgeous as this one.

Damian, proudly next to him, in a smaller, matching gown: Only the most exquisite. You lot in this flimsy country cannot compare.

Bruce: Yes, Damian has a fine taste in fashion. He gets it from his mother.

Damian, quieter: Well certainly not from you.

Bruce, dressed in an elegant white dress shirt, long black pants and a corset with red accessories, a fan in his right hand:

Reporter: What an entrance! Anyone to give credit to for the wardrobe, Brucie?

Bruce: That'd be my daughter, she certainly shines with her choice of clothing.

Cass, grinning with a matching fan: Very pretty.

Bruce: Thank you, Cass.

Reporter: Woah, that's certainly new. Any reason for this choice of clothes, Brucie, dear?

Bruce, in a snapback cap, loose jeans and a band t-shirt, complete with rings and a chain around his neck: Well, all of my children are creative, but... Duke might just take the cake for this one, love.

Duke, losing his absolute shit next to Jason, Dick and Tim: You look great, B.

Steph doesn't usually go to galas, but she participates in the game nevertheless. If she wins, god help Bruce, because it's a gamble with her. He either ends up wearing a gorgeous outfit with eccentric and trend-setting accessories or literal checkered pyjamas. Worst yet, he has to say he picked it himself, since he can't directly blame Steph.

[ghostbsuter]

There was a teen in the cave.

A teen no one knows and looks like he could be a wayne, stands in the cave.

"Actually, I'm a wayne." He says with a shrug.

Bruce, Batman, carefully thinks of the implication.

"Not yet," The teen, Danny, doesn't say anything. Simple smiles. "You're not a wayne, yet. You will be. But not yet."

Then Bruce sighs, dropping the batman mask in order to take in the teen.

"Does future me know of the time travel?"

Dannys smile grows into a grin, deciding to take pity on the man. "You, grandbat, have..." He makes a vague gesture. "Theories, which none of your children ever confirmed."

The bat's mind short-circuits at the choice of words

Dick is sputtering incomprehensibly, there are Baffled expression all around.

Because.

Because that child isn't Bruce's, but one of theirs.

"Who is it?" Jason demands, hand clenching his gun uselessly.

Danny continues to smile, a hint of mischief now peeking out.

The cave is filled with theories, some yell, some sob, yet all eyes leave danny.

All but one pair.

She had known the moment his body language switched just enough for her to read.

She had known the moment he disappeared before the clan.

Had known when his hand found hers, shoulders bumping.

Her heart clenches, throat dry and memories of her childhood flooding to mind.

So she asks, voice soft and hesitant.

"Am I a good mother?"

And danny looks up at cass, adoration and pride laid out plain for her to see and accept.

"You're the best."

And so they both watch the clan together, silent and comfortable.

(Cass doesn't question when she finds him, how and why. All she knows is that she's more attentive when out on patrol, looking and waiting.)

(This is how Cassandra Cain-Wayne returns one night from patrol, a child, barely out of toddler stage and clinging to her form.)

(This is how the Batclan officially meets one Daniel James Cain-Wayne, freshly washed and clothed, a cookie in hand and hiding shyly behind Cass.)

(When they meet, all they say is "Welcome home, danny," and "Good to see you again.", Danny doesn't necessarily get it, but that's okay. Maybe his new mom will explain it one day when he's bigger.)

[bbbbbbbbatman]

superbat batfam identity porn shenanigans

Bruce and Clark know each other's identities, but the rest of the batfam does not know that Clark Kent is Superman.

The kids are trying to set their dad up on a date and Tim is like "well he obviously has a thing for that reporter, Clark Kent, we should start with him"

And Dick gets real upset bc "what are you talking about, he's obviously in love with superman!"

Damian, "Father does not have feelings for the alien!"

Jason, "Hate to break it to you, brat, but he's had a thing for the alien for years"

Cass, "but he is always so happy to see Clark at events"

Long story short, attempts at setting them up devolve into an all out war between the batfam about who Bruce should end up with, and thus commences the increasingly insane shenanigans to set Bruce up with Clark (Superman) or Superman (Clark)

Team Clark: Tim (he's a top notch reporter who loves to write about injustice and he's a more feasible option than Superman), Damian (he seems weak and bumbling but is a better choice than the alien), Cass (he was very nice when he spoke to her at a recent gala), Duke (Bruce clearly favors Clark to other reporters and even requests him specifically), Diana (was recruited by Tim, knows Superman's identity, but thinks this is hilarious)

Team Superman: Dick (superfan, absolutely wants Superman as his stepdad, and have you seen the way they look at each other?), Jason (I don't care about Bruce's love life (liar) but you'd have to be blind not to see that they're in love), Steph (why settle for a boring reporter when you could have Superman, have you seen his muscles?), Kate (got dragged in, thinks it would be funny if Mr. No Metas In Gotham ended up dating a meta)

(Alfred won't take sides bc he knows)

Bruce knows what's going on and on one hand is trying to figure out the best way to ask Clark to reveal his identity to his kids without telling him why so they stop and on the other hand isn't sure if a united front would be better or worse than a competition

Clark is oblivious, he's just happy to be spending all this extra time with Bruce

[weewoow-20706030]

Bruce is the only member of the batfam that has no tolerance for spice. Dick grew up in a travelling circus, he has had food from all over the world. Jason grew up on the street, he ate what he could get. Tim's parents went all around the world, and had food and recipes from all around the world, whenever they were home Janet would make exotic meals. Damian grew up with Talia, he grew up on middle eastern food. But Bruce? He grew up on Alfred's British ass cooking, he thinks pepper has 'a little kick'.

[starry-bi-sky]

i have been unmedicated for the entirety of spring break and thus have had little interest in writing this down, but i have been thinking about this for the entire week (as well as a dpdc clone danny au that resulted in it becoming its entirely separate batman au that includes a teenage vigilante bruce wayne, an ocarina, and me entirely incapable of making a batman au without making bruce dirt poor but we're not talking about that) and so i've finally went 'fuck it' and forcibly grabbed my laptop. I will get this done in one sitting even if it kills me.

BUT. This is about neither clone^2 danny nor about who i am calling Ocarina Batman. This is about my Danyal Al Ghul Au and more SPECIFICALLY it's me thinking about his relationship with Sam and Tucker specifically.

Tucker and Sam? Adore this asshole (affectionate) with every fiber of their being. And it is very much a reciprocated feeling, but Danny's thoughts will not be delved into much other than he would kill for them.

Tucker? The only person currently capable of getting a deep, loud, belly laugh out of Danny. Sam can get him to smile and to laugh, but it's the kind that's a chuckle-under-the-breath. The quiet, looks-down-while-huffing laughter. Snorts once with laughter and then grins stupidly.

But Tucker? Tucker can crack a slew of stupid jokes and Danny will be incapacitated for the next five minutes because he's laughing so hard that he can't breath. He lands one well-timed pun or quip and Danny will be close to tears. His laughter is their favorite sound in the whole world.

Sam is lowkey jealous of this ability, and she's gotten a belly laugh out of Danny a few times. But alas, it is Tucker who wields this power and has gotten it the most times out of the two of them.

-

They're also both physically affectionate with Danny as much as possible. It started roughly around when they were 12-ish, a year since they befriended Danny, and they noticed that he sought after touch but never seemed to initiate (and was in some ways repulsed by it). They started slowly being more touchy with him. Hooking a finger around his to lead him somewhere, tapping his wrist, looping arms. Little touches, grabs, etc, to get him used to it, and once he started doing it back they started increasing it.

It's gotten to a point where he will now just. Lay on them. Like a lizard sunbathing on a rock. Leaning on their backs when they're sitting in class before the bell rings, his chin on their heads. He'll talk about anything with his arms looped around their shoulders.

If they're sitting on a couch at either of their houses, he'll lay his legs on theirs. Him and Tucker will press their feet against the other's and try and push against them (newsflash: Danny always wins, Tucker claims its the ghost strength but Danny's been winning since before his accident)

-

Naturally, both Sam and Tucker know where Danny keeps his weapons on his person, and are allowed to grab them off of him if they need it. His only requirement is that they don't lose his weapons if they take it and forget to return it immediately.

They both understand how big of a thing this is from Danny, and so they do their best to treat his weapons with a lot of respect and care because they know its his way of saying he trusts them.

-

Sam and Tucker are so fond of Danny it's insane. Like fr. That's their goddamn best friend, and they are so protective of him. Emotionally, physically, you name it. They will tear the head off a grown man if they need to, Danny's had scars since he arrived in Amity Park and Sam and Tucker both are going to find the person who put them there and make them pay for it.

One time, Tucker overheard a bunch of upperclass girls speaking nastily about Danny and about the rumors surrounding him, calling him names like 'freak', 'monster', etc. Danny was with him and heard it, and seemingly appeared unbothered by it, even telling Tucker that he was used to such rumors.

Tucker was so furious that hacked into the school system later that night and tanked those girls grades. They were kicked out of their clubs and had to go to mandatory tutoring for the rest of the year. He made sure to leave some way of letting them know it was him who did it.

And Sam doesn't like using her money for things, doesn't like abusing that wealth. So instead, whenever her parents talk bad about Danny, she causes a media incident that has her parents scrambling to deal with. She does something wild, outrageous by her parents' standards.

She heard some boys on the basketball team making fun of Danny once, similar to those girls had. She kicks up a fuss about something eco-unfriendly at school and forcibly holds a protest on the same day of the big home basketball game, forcing them to cancel the event and reschedule to a visiting school.

She anonymously donates money so that there's new uniforms for the team but oops! Looks like she "forgot" to donate enough money for them to get uniforms for all the team members, and strangely enough those boys in particular didn't get them! Looks like they'll have to wait until more money gets donated for the basketball team to get their new, nice uniforms. The old ones look so ratty in comparison, right?

And since the football team gets most of the sport money, that might just take awhile. And if (and when) they kick up a fuss? oops! Off the basketball team you go, :) such unsportsman-like behavior is unfit for the team.

(The only good thing about how corrupt the school system is is that she can use it to her advantage too.)

The both of them know that Danny suspects them for the sudden misfortune falling on these people, but he doesn't call them out on it. He's kinder than he used to be, but not kind enough to vouch for people who speak badly of him. Sometimes, he might just congratulate them on not getting caught.

Because Danny is their wonderful, hurt friend with a "slightly" Blue and Orange Moral code, and enough scars that people have been calling him a criminal (and worse) since he arrived in Amity Park when he was ten. And they'll be damned if he gets hurt anymore.

[cheesburgirl]

THE friend group ever.

[gothamite-rambler]

Tim After Fighting Damian pt 2

An hour later after Tim and Damian broke free from their brothers holding them back then fought and sparred until both were restrained again.

Bruce: Okay, you both got a little angry, and now that we've calmed down you're going to talk to each other maturely.

Damian: May I talk first?

Bruce: Nope. Not after the water comment. Also... Jesus, Damian.

Damian: I'm simply being accurate, that's how his mother died.

Tim growled glaring at Damian, but Dick, sitting in between the two, turns Tim's the to face forward.

Dick: Jason did the same thing they don't mean any harm with it.

Tim: Oh no, that half pint brat definitely meant to piss me off! Just like Jason did and I will beat his ass like I did JASON!

Jason: Can I stop being brought into the conversation, I said I was sorry.

Damian: And I would say it again you anorexic moppet!

Tim: At least Bruce WANTED me!

Damian: I read up on you, you're just a stalker who didn't want to leave!

Tim: LISTEN HERE YOU LITTLE ELF ON SHELF, I'M THE REASON YOU'RE ALIVE! IF IT WASN'T FOR ME YOUR DADDY WOULD BE SIX FEET UNDER!

Jason (shocked): Wow.

Dick (pinching the bridge of his nose): Yep, he went there.

Bruce: I feel like my past didn't need to be brought up.

Damian (tapping his knee with his fingers): I will give you credit for that, but you did enough. How about you visit-

Bruce covered Damian's mouth and lifted him to take him to his office.

Bruce: I already have an idea of what he's about to say and I'm just going to go scold him in my office for 5 minutes. Tim, I'm very sorry that he said all of that to you. Especially the extra stuff about your mom in hell.

Tim (pouting and then breaking into sobs): It's okay, he's right... I'm nothing but a poser! I'm not meant to be here... I should have just stayed with my parents and then when they died... I should have lived on the streets.

Tim sobbed as Dick hugged him tightly. Even Jason leaned in, giving him a reassuring pat on the shoulder to comfort him. Meanwhile, Damian groaned and shrugged off Bruce's hand, clearly unimpressed by the display of affection.

Damian: Faker!

Bruce: For the love of- Stop it. I have to talk to you and afterwards you are grounded for... til... A week!

Damian: A WEEK?!

Bruce: You heard me, let's go.

Bruce carried Damian to his office while the boy kept screaming that Tim was faking the hysterics. Once Tim heard the office door close, he stopped crying and lifted his head.

Tim: I don't like him.

Jason (impressed): You're a good actor.

Dick: Yeah, I can't even blame you for reacting like that, he went too far... Although you went too far with the never wanted line, but he did start by mocking you for your dead parents. So, I'm not sure. Good performance though.

Jason: I was around Damian for seven and a half years, trust me he went too far.

Tim nodded and then stood up, heading to his room while ignoring the bruises he had from sparring with an 8-year-old.

Based off this post (want to give them the credit they deserve)

1st pt it's connected to

3rd pt

[demonicsuffrage]

in the batcaved. straight up "traumatizing" it. And by "it", haha, well. Let's justr say. My Robins

[thewrittenpodcast]

Damian: I HATE YOU

Jason: then next time, don't steal my monopoly!

Dick: damian, give jason his 200 dollars, you landed on his property

Damian: no

Damian: he is in JAIL

Damian: i am not giving money to a CRIMINAL

Jason: THATS NOT HOW YOU PLAY

Duke: why are you screaming

Tim: shut the fuck up Duke, you don't get to talk after stealing my last railroad

Damian: I WISH I WAS NEVER BORN

Jason: ME TOO YOU THINK I WANTED THIS

[cyniicism]

thank the lord i was incorrect.

also still foaming at the mouth bc wayne won and the MKULIA SVENES

[ghurab-alzilal]

Damian, at the kitchen : No!

Damian: Don't you dare to talk back to me!

Damian: I said "no" and I overrule you!

Raven, in the living room : Would you please stop arguing with the cat?

Damian, arriving at the living room : I might as well.

Damian: I think he's winning.

Alfred (the Cat), following him : *meowing intensifies *

[redsray]

Wayne gala but all of the batkids were forced to go so now they are SET on giving Bruce the biggest headache ever while also entertaining themselves. read: they have a bet going on who can have the most ridiculous headline in the paper the next morning. some honourable mentions include:

Bruce Wayne's (il?)legal Ward(?) Stephanie Brown Claims to 'Always Have at Least Three of Bruce's Wallets' on Her Person. (With Interview! "Always have to be prepared, y'know? S'not like he'll notice one is missing.")

Eldest Wayne Son Richard Grayson Seen Falling Face First Into the Chocolate Fountain at Recent Charity Gala: Proceeds to Get Back Up, Laugh it Off and Return Thirty Seconds Later Unphased. (With Bonus Interview! "My hair just falls back into place perfectly, even after exposed to melted chocolate 30 seconds beforehand.")

Jason Todd-Wayne's First Public (Official!) Appearance Since He Returned: Everything You Need to Know, From Claims of An Alien Kidnapping to Punching the Newly-Hired Bartender! (With Exclusive Interview: "He looked at Cass weird. Creep. Should send him to those aliens.")

Bruce Wayne's Youngest Damian Wayne Denies Bringing Mysterious Pets to Recent Gala; Allegedly Does Not Notice the Hoard of Animals Hidden Behind Him, Including a Cow. (With New Interview: "Pets? Here? Foolish. All of my pets are safely in their wing of the manor. Do not disrespect their name.")

Timothy Drake-Wayne and His Gala Experiences: Wayne Middle Child Is Caught Falling Asleep At Multiple Tables During the Charity Gala, Claims to 'Not Know What Sleep Is' When Asked. (Bonus Interview! "Sleeping? At tables? Please, I have some class. What even is sleep? Is this a new social custom I am unaware of?")

see also: Timothy Drake-Wayne Denies Ownership of Skateboard Placed Under Bruce Wayne's Chair Despite His Name Clearly Etched On the Back.

Bruce Wayne's Newest Ward Duke Thomas Accidentally Spills Punch On His Guardian; Proceeds to Make Wayne Thank Him Because 'That Suit Was A Fashion Disaster'. (With Exclusive Interview: "That suit looked like it was picked out by Dick. That's not a good thing. It looked better with punch spilt on it.")

Eldest Daughter of Bruce Wayne, Cassandra Cain, Reported Hiding Behind Each of Her Siblings in Succession Throughout the Recent Gala; When Asked, Each Sibling Denied Seeing The Young Woman. (With Added Interview: "Fun game. Hide and seek, with paparazzi. Fun to scare.")

[applepiwri]

au idea where all batman’s kids never became vigilantes/heros and all went straight to villainy.

why, you ask? because bruce was out so much dealing with gotham rogues and the justice league that they hardly see him anymore. and, after all, the best way to get the bats attention in gotham is to be an absolute menace.

imagine bruce coming back from some long mission off-world to find that gotham has several new rogues who have seemingly staked a claim on different parts of the city. they are all causing panic and havoc.

dick gets to flip around the city and cause his own brand of chaos, jason gets to try and run crime alley again, tim finally gets to have his villain arc(he’s so been planning this for months guys), damian is releasing so many animals from the zoo and getting them sent off to places that will rehabilitate them, cass is having a blast just stalking bruce while he is losing his mind on various gotham rooftops, and duke keeps using his abilities to like, flash bang creeps and assholes on the streets in broad day light. babs is probably eating popcorn and hacking into bruce’s comms with alfred to watch the chaos unfold. steph went around in a fake batman costume, really poorly mimicking bruce’s voice, and saying the most random shit to civilians.

the opportunists are endless. the plot holes are prevalent, but ignored

[bbbbbbbbatman]

Clark takes Bruce to a county fair and when he asks about the games Clark is just like "oh all the games are rigged so they're basically impossible to win" and ofc Bruce immediately takes that as a personal challenge and is determined to win this stupid fucking game and Clark is regretting bringing him as he sits to the side and watches as Bruce spends way too much money on a tacky carnival game. Eventually Bruce does win and gives the massive teddy bear prize to Clark and please just picture Clark walking around with a teddy bear almost as big as he is