#WANT TO PARTICIPATE IN IT SO BADLY
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if Bruce had a Jewish mother (an alive one at least, oy) she would take one look at him shirtless, think about it for .5 seconds, and go “it’s too much” and walk away without explaining.
#I know this in my heart of hearts#every older Jewish woman I’ve met#they’d ask#what do you need all that for#bruce wayne#batman#dc#Martha wayne#I know you would’ve set him straight girl#well not STRAIGHT#alfred so badly wants to be like Martha but he can’t#he can’t call this goyische nonsense#because he’s actively participating in said goyische nonsense#jewish bruce wayne
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MegOp week I love you!!
#KNOW THAT I WANT TO PARTICIPATE SO BADLY BUT MY DAY JOB IS EATING MY TIMEEE#thank you for the food nonetheless#megop#maccadam
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This is a personal post.
#random personal stuff#personal whining ahead feel free to ignore#I made the mistake of dipping into the folder of emails from That Man (which I've kept just in case)#just to see if I could take it I guess? which was a mistake#they're full of pretentious rambling and posturing and jargon to establish himself as The Authority#then they drip with flattery: he says I'm brilliant and have so much potential to live up to etc. etc.#but then the little jabs - and the big jabs - the condescending 'I know you can do this'#he would rip me apart in class until I quit speaking up because I was afraid#and then send me emails informing me that my participation grade was lowish and I needed to work on 'playing the game'#and tell me that I was free to disagree! but it had to be based on more than silence#as if he didn't know that he was the reason I shut down#you're not really free to disagree if disagreeing means you get mocked and belittled?#so I couldn't even protect myself from the verbal attacks because I had to provide him fodder for mockery or else get marked down#he made me apologize to a classmate for my 'reticence and impatience' during her presentation on a loaded topic#that I didn’t want to discuss my views on in front of him#and he was so so careful in those emails not to say the worst things but in class...!#and my replies were so subservient#I wouldn't bend on my views but I wanted approval so badly as if what scum like him thought actually mattered#it's over now he's not my problem I know it was not my fault#do I still want to scream at him? yes#do I still want to tell the VP of academic affairs (my old adviser/mentor) the whole story? yes (can't - pointless now)#anyway I am going to go do chores and move on with my day thank you for listening
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I guess I didn’t really think through posting the new comic on americas Shopping Day. If it flops I’ll have to assume people are too busy foaming at the mouth at the mall, wrestling over holiday gifts to enjoy a gay little romance.
#ramblies#I don’t know how much of tumblr will be participating in shopping day#probably some?#I need a new coat quite badly but we don’t want to brave the crowds so we’ll venture out tomorrow to see what we see
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#nightcrawlerweek#day one#swashbuckling#badly rendered not finished but I wanted to participate so#guy that will buckle swash like it’s never been buckled before#sword too I guess#also I am very aware arms don’t work like that in my defense I started this many months ago
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rewatched dreams reveal for squidcraft 2 and 😭🫶🫶🫶
#wahhh so cute how they both freaked out at accidentally revealing him too early 😭#i want dream to participate in more events so badly i wanna see him make friends with all these streamers#something like dedsafio was perfect because of how long it went on for but of course its super unlikely dream would participate#in something so long 😔
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election thoughts
calling trump voters 'dumb' is ignorant. some of these people are dumb but a lot of them are just selfish.
blaming third-party voters is ignoring the issue re: over half the country was willing to vote for trump anyway. likewise, pointing out that trump won the popular vote and that third-party votes wouldn't have made a difference is ignoring the voting system. conversations about third-party voters in general are not fruitful. some people are just going to vote third-party and expecting them to suddenly not do so is naïve. there is no scenario where third-party voters should have been the 'tie-breaker' to begin with.
a lot of people (americans and non-americans) don't understand how the electoral college system works and in general i'd advise you to do some research before you share your take. americans you should know this anyway and don't use the excuse of "i wasn't taught" if you have tumblr then you have the internet so look it up and start reading. i don't expect non-americans to know a foreign country's voting system but if you want to share an opinion please take a bit of time to learn about it before you do. i'm tired of seeing the same dialogues by people who clearly just don't understand the actual structure of the voting system.
pointing fingers at different demographics you think are to blame is useless. if you're going to find a group to blame, then blame the majority, i.e. white men and white women. otherwise your blame is completely unhelpful and misplaced.
saying she only lost because she's a woman or a poc (or both) is also misguided. its not entirely wrong but once again you are misunderstanding some fundamentals of how extremist politicians find success, and likewise are ignoring some obvious issues re: the democratic party and their campaign strategies.
equating education to intelligence to voting preferences in general is ignorant. you are forgetting how many factors go into someone actually receiving formal education. you are forgetting how many factors go into someone's state of residence. i was going to explain this further but i think no one cares so i'm not going to bother because the explanation got too long. also, see point 1. there are plenty of very smart people who vote for trump anyway.
talking about abandoning the south or red states is pointless and if i hear or see anybody suggest such measure i am automatically assuming you are a foul person. equating democratic states to morally or inherently good and republican states to morally or inherently bad is such an unbelievably superficial and foolhardy judgement and goes against all principles of unity and community that we should be fostering at a time like this.
americans ignorant to the effect that us politics has on the world need to wake up.
i don't blame non-americans for their resentment against the sphere of influence of us politics but i wish they would be less dismissive of the genuine effects this election will also have within america.
acting as though anybody doesn't have the right to be scared about the implications of this result is shortsighted at best. my concern goes beyond my own afflictions – how can you say that concern is misplaced?
i have more but i think that's it for now bc its kind of exhausting to talk about. and i guess what's done is done. idk. i'm not hopeless at all. but i'm fearing more and more than the hope i insist on having is childish. but the alternative is complete self-destruction and i have no intention of going down that road again. so childish hope it is.
#idgaf if no one reads this i just needed to post it in a place where i thought it wouldn't really generate that much noise#fortunately none of my family or friends voted for trump. so i haven't had to have any hard conversations yet regarding that#but i still don't want to talk about the election in general with them because we're all pretty upset about it#anyways. probably going to log off for a while because the only thing i really talk about on here is sports#and all of my sports are going badly at the moment anyway#and i'm busy and finding it hard to focus with everything that's going on and i think tumblr is just pissing me off too much at the moment#not that people are doing things wrong but i'm just finding myself getting more and more reactive and i don't think that's a good mindset--#to be in when participating in an online community#i guess my point is when i say i'm going to log off its not some sort of dramatic move or anything#i am just trying to consolidate my mental energy#obviously the stress of the situation is just making me more reactive than normal and i don't know how long itll take for me to cool down#i also think i've found that tumblr tends to tank my mental health sometimes because i get too comfortable doomposting#which is like the opposite of what i should be doing right now#so again i think i just need to screw my head back on before i decide to dive back in and pretend things are normal#anyways. sorry. yeah. its been a long couple of days
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i posted that stupid shit on my instagram i might just kill myself fr
now im afraid i wont sleep for another 24 hours damn 😭😭
#took me like 50 hours but we did it 🔫😼#i might still delete jt#the anxiety is no joke#like no joke#ahahs7bsudbdus#im so tired man#so like fuck me.but i cant justify killing myseld before trying. after that i can. somehow. Im tired and i want nothing more than that but#maybe i just want to stop the pain. nevertheless#i hope someone anyone who sees. that even if im being too open or too vulnerable online i hope it inspires someone a little bit to do the#same. i hope the reactions wont be too harsh. just dont ask me abt it irl cuz ill cry.#fuck mental illness and traumas man. acchan i hope it wasnt so suffocating for u. at least hopefully the people who loved u could make it#better.#tbh now my anxiety ia better cuz nobody is awake xddd#whatever its not that serious. only for me ig#sorry ppl the mental illness really said emphasis on the illness these past 2 days. i didnt think id live it so badly but here we are. well#i hope with this i managed to get something heavy off my chest. i hope i can continue for just a little longer#to see if it's worth it. i dont even wanna think abt tge fact imma have prom on sunday. why is that im always most suicidal when i have to#graduate? i skipped elementary graduation cuz of it. im not skipping this one but im not participating in the dance cuz i knew id somehow b#at a bad place and i wouldnt have a partner also. hmm whatever. i should sleep now maybe. i feel good now a bit. really have to sigh get my#shit together now.#not sunday friday the 50 hours no sleep getting to me
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it turns out we were all the gay cousin
#melonposting#the 'gay cousin' thing is very funny to me considering how many of us in the family are queer#i am... so are at least two of my siblings... and now one of my cousins is trans! wahoo#i'm reminded of something funny though#my synagogue holds a 'queer shabbat' every june. quite nice of them#among other things they try to have more queer people participating in services. so my brother read torah that day! yay!#but for getting someone to carry the torah around the synagogue they asked my other brother#...who is not queer#and he asks me in a hushed voice during the service if i can carry the torah instead of him#and i'm like um? i don't know how?? i've never done it before??? what if i drop it????#and he's like no it's fine it's not even that heavy#and i was like why do you want me to do it so badly anyway???#and he's like... it should be someone who's ACTUALLY QUEER#i almost cracked up. he said it so bald-facedly lol#i was too nervous so he ended up doing it. i bet he felt rather silly about it though
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was going through my blog trying to track down an old post i made talking abt my feelings on jolene and it was. much longer than i remembered it being. and haha yeah i still agree with it. i need to fucking. sort out my feelings on that character and that subplot
#like. its just been A Thing where once i thought abt it too hard it was just Wow i hate this actually#its not entirely like a visceral discomfort but its a sort of like. its unpleasant to think abt this for too long#like??? the easiest way for me to explain it is that normally its fine like ok a pursuer antagonist character to add lil backstory#but the moment you toss in the implication that she still has romantic feelings for him it jumps up to WOW THIS IS UNCOMFORTABLE#for me. for me. like just all of it? and some fan stuff that influenced it like. bad jokes and uncomfy phrasing that leans to linebeck bein#like an unwilling participant or ‘giving in’ like fan stuff also REALLY hasnt helped so i just. yknow avoid it#salty talks#might delete later but i didnt delete the og so whatever#like she is absolutely just. badly written. shes a joke and poorly written and its just. there and there are implications#it does just come down to. shes badly written and the way linebeck reacts to all of it doesnt help#like when i worry abt like. coming off as sexist. its like nah shes just fucking badly written#casca is a similar kind of character as someone aggressive to her love interest and lashing out at him despite having feelings#but shes like. well written. and guts reciprocates. and you like. see them communicate and grow closer#here youre just given a disastrous fucking aftermath where communication is completely broken down#and while the aggressive party still has feelings the other party actively wants to just not engage with it and actively doesnt care#cuz like. he literally does not bring her up or allude to her outside of her being immediately relevant i cannt see him being interested#GOD. i just need to write all this out i keep justifying myself with it i need to. get it out#im narrowing down. something. for how i think their backstory together goes with it being a lot of miscommunication and it just being like#a bad situation anyways with their last actual encounter being a violent one and its like yeah no that was a trainwreck#i know its a fucking like. comedic(????) subplot in a lighthearted childrens game#but it has Vibes to me and that game does have some darker vibes to it we all know that#and it just. i dont like her. i dont. i remember i used to be like. alright with her. and then i thought on it too much#casca addendum ig. shes objectively not like. well well written. but all things considered. shes pretty good#like im p sure she was made to suffer to make guts feel bad but. she does happen to be a kickass character in the midst of that
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Nintendogs but it’s an animal shelter instead of a pet store and there are no purebred dogs.
Your choices are:
- probably part dachshund (?)
- floppy ears with a bold personality
- brown fur and the biggest eyes you’ve ever seen
- not sure what type of dog he is but his tail wags constantly
And, perhaps most excitingly,
- a turtle that the game treats as a dog because animal shelters have all types of animals and the devs thought it would be cool (they were right)
#nintendogs#just IMAGINE#video games#i have wanted this game for years#i want a pet turtle that participates in dog shows so badly okay
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One of the worst things about the curse is just not knowing what I can do. It’s my college’s reunion weekend and someone offered to give me a ride so I can go to the folk singing, and I’ve been feeling better lately so maybe I could do it! Or maybe I would be so tired by the time of the actual event that I wouldn’t be able to sit up and it would send me into a crash cycle for the rest of the month. There’s no way of telling.
#curseblogging#obviously i hate it when i'm so tired that i *know* i can't do anything#but i think the times when i'm doing well enough that it feels like a complete gamble are worse#because i want to participate in things so badly#but i don't want to exacerbate the curse#and even with all the pacing techniques and paying attention to my body i just. it's impossible to tell.#i probably shouldn't go. it will go late and there's nowhere for me to rest if i need it#and i probably don't even have the energy to walk across campus#but i hate that that's the answer.
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the pain of wantign to participate in something time sensitive thinking "oh I can definitely do this and I'll try to be super unique and think outside the box and I'll make it high qualit-" and then realize other people can and have done it significantly better than you could have and you are, in fact, not unique
I hate being a slow artist and also a procrastinator,, if I'm not invested in the idea I'm drawing I'm gonna put it off for a stupid long time until I feel bad about it and then I just don't finish/post/give the art to anyone and it's a viscous cycle
yeah I remember why I didn't like to post anything online or join events I'm not 100% sure I'll be able to complete
#vent#i just. lose motivation so fast like that#i thought anything i draw was supposed to be fun but when i put too much thought or work into it and i dont think it meets my standards#my want to draw just totally dies#i want to participate so badly but i cant get my ass to actually want to draw anything#all i have is my art because my personality is dry and i dont have anything interesting about myself and i cant even produce it#im such a lost cause#frostythoughts#i guess
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Had a fucking abysmal day at work on Thursday. Started my hunt for something new yesterday, and I already have an interview scheduled for Tuesday. The recruiter phoned me within minutes of receiving my CV and called me ‘heaven sent’ so I’m hopeful. To my current boss – you think you can do my job? Do it, then.
#apparently i'm ' just a freelancer ' but also i'm afforded zero flexibility or fluidity#( that is to say nothing about how she ranted to me about another freelancer – one of my dear friends – in a completely inappropriate way )#( literally been friends with this girl for YEARS and everyone in the office knows )#good news is said friend is leaving too#i have no notice period so if i get this new job i'll be starting on the 6th november#good riddance to bad rubbish ✌🏻#sorry for not being around here or discord#my head has been spinning#catch me playing overwatch badly if you want#i'm going to try to participate in sinday tomorrow#got so many tasty prompts i want to sink my teeth into#i hope you are all well please know that i love you ♡#◈ — ooc; saddest little baby in the room
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some of the threads probably could've been handled better but as a whole I love alphinaud's HW character arc so much
#saint.txt#spoilers#major spoilers#ishgardposting#long post#in tags#the reason him being the mouthpiece for ish.gard at zenith annoys me so much is not just bc he robs esti.nien of a much-needed moment#but also bc alphi.naud should not be seeing himself in the ishg.ardians. he should be seeing himself in the *vault.*#HW spends most of its runtime explicitly forcing alphi.naud to see for himself the real actual cost of war after an entire series#of patches where he has played with soldier's lives like they're distant toys or tools and even then doesn't fully conceptualize it#until esti.nien extremely bluntly tells him he's sending someone he cares about into mortal peril like he's asking them to go to the store#as much as I hate it HW through sohm al directly challenges him bc he just blindly follows the ishg.ardian assumption that all#drav.anians are vicious and violent monsters hellbent on destroying poor innocent ish.gard and in his own complacency#he has directly participated in perpetuating the violence and war crimes committed against the drav.anians.#I don't want alphi.naud standing in for esti.nien to relay how badly the vault has betrayed its people#I want alphi.naud's threads to line up and for him to have a genuine realization that he has done a horrific act of violence to an innocent#party and have to struggle with what this means for his sense of self. He killed dragons in sohm al and justified it as self-defense.#alphi.naud should stand there at zenith and for all his conviction realize that he sees himself in the vault. bc he has directly sent#soldiers and friends who trusted him directly to their deaths with a flick of his wrist while he sat nice and safe from on high#nice and safe and protected from the realities of his violence / and perpetuated a great act of evil bc of his own complacency.#that he treats someone he cares abt more like a tool and never considers there is a real chance that for every battle he sends them into#they might never walk out of again - just as the vault sends scores of dragoons and knights to die needless deaths against dragons#and he only realizes this fact once someone else very well-acquainted with the cost of war points it out to him#HW's threads of 'you do not need to be intentionally evil or an asshole to perpetuate evil acts' is so good
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#i haven't really participated in any discourse as of late but watching that movie kinda made me think about dwd and mp#like. we know the holivia mess was such a shit show and i know that they wanted to make it look like they met on set or whatever#but i think that that stunt was in the works way before the movie deal even happened#we know that harry was seen with the mp novel in 2019. which isn't out of the norm for him because he has previously owned art by queer#artists. so in that moment of time it passed by easily. however now that we know that harry literally read that novel letter to letter and#convinced the director/producer that he would be best for the role it means that he's wanted to be part of it since 2019 itself#knowing that i think his team was already on the lookout for a role for him where he could play the straightest man possible to cover up his#role in mp. dwd was also in the talks for quite some time before that given that the script#was out in 2019 and olivia acquired it in the same year too. while yes shia was originally cast for it and we all know how that ended#but i'm just thinking about how mp started in 2019 too and dwd started around the same time his team was definitely aware of it#and it aligned perfectly that shia fell out of the movie and harry got the role and olivia got the contract of her lifetime#like. i don't think that harry organically got the role and then the stunt happened. i think harry getting the movie was FOR the stunt to#happen so that it could overlap his role in mp#i fully think the contract was ''you get an actor and a public boyfriend and we get a beard and a public straight narrative''#so like tldr version : harry wanted mp badly enough that his team found the most straight role for him and saddled him with a beard to cover#up his role in mp. and it worked too because his scenes in dwd blew up and people still thirst over that#even though mp got way more success than dwd did#which is also why they were pushing so hard for it to be a theatre release first and then onto streaming unlike mp which went to streaming#straightaway. apart from the select few theatre releases they did#and also like. so many actors who have played queer roles in media get asked about their sexuality repeatedly. like kit connor#or nicholas galitzine to the point where it becomes an obsessive need for the public to know about it#and by doing this harry doesn't get asked about it explicitly (maybe he has them banned idk) and still gets to do whatever he wants however#he wants. okay byeeeee#my policeman#don't worry darling
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