#Venting ish

[lord-of-the-bundle-of-sticks]

when christmas is over i wont have anything to look forward to what the fuck

[s0r3wach1gauy0]

Idk I was thinking with having too much caffiene about like tunglr political posts and how I feel, and like the statement that something has to change, be it how the Democrats run campaigns, police brutality, etc. is well and good, but it's the easiest part. The harder part is coming up with a solution to said problem. It's not even that I want to hear a perfect solution, it's that I'm genuinely curious about what solution someone would come up with and like troubleshooting issues with the solution so that they can be fixed and it can be better. I understand too it's not really the point and people are upset but idk, maybe coming up with a plan would be helpful?

[amative13loser]

I'm gonna fucking krill myself dude what the actual fuck is it so bad to want a competent person to run a fucking country???

Fuck.

Legitimately me last night feeling stressed and shit 💀

[leikeliscomet]

When it comes to asexual allyship a lot of people wanna have their cake and eat it too (pun unintended). People like a lil 'aces are valid' moment but don't actually unpack compulsory sexuality. People see sexless queer representation and always clock puritanism before they ever clock asexuality. No one's actually reading the ace theory and texts coming out. Everyone keeps doing surprised Pikachu faces whenever a conservative or TERF says they're against asexuality despite the fact ace activists have been saying since day conservatives are not anti sex but anti sexual autonomy. 'Aces are queer' until we actually are. Even ace support posts keep ending with some expectation or condition that asexuality is #valid as long as asexuals still perform a small quota of sex/sexual activity. I'm so over 'Aces still have sex!' 'Aces are hot' Aces are sexy' 'Aces aren't virgin vanilla prude sexless puritans!' disguised as support.

Like no. Sorry. Until you accept that some asexual people's no is permanent, that some asexual's singleness is permanent, that some asexual's childless-ness is permanent, that some asexuals are the 'no' in little to no sexual attraction and i'd say most importantly, that queer sexlessness isn't a biological, social or moral failing, I don't believe you'll ever genuinely support asexuality. (In reverse, I also feel similar about aromanticism and romance).

Like a lot of u haven't gone beyond 'the a isn't for ally' and it shows. I don't want people to support asexuals just because we're soooo hot or because we write the best smut apparently or because we could have hypothetical sex or because we could do hypothetical kink or because our minds are soooo dirty actually or because we'd do romance reallllyyyy well or because we can still have kids or because asexuals hand out water bottles at the orgy or some shit. I want people to support asexuality because no sexuality is deviant and it's basic human decency.

EDIT: U lot really like this post huh. Well it's blown up again and the point's been lost so let's wrap that up:

'But op, some asexuals DO have sex/I'm an acespec that has sex/I'm a non asexual person what about meeee :(' pt 2, pt 3

'There's asexual studies OP??/Where's the asexual studies OP?'

[nozomi-kaizoku]

[ya-what--ya-erster]

Things I’ve heard today

I’m too young to be bi

Me being groped by a dude at school isn’t actually assault and it’s not a big deal

“I know you’re bi and have a chance of being married gay but I don’t think gay people should get married.”

“stupid theater”

“you sing too loud and it’s bothering the rest of us”

[tadc-harlequin-au]

Reflections Stop mocking me

You ever just feel so terrible you started making an experimental art piece with an artstyle you've never dabbled into before? Yeah me too

[monstermonger]

Lost in the Fire

[theav0cadobaby]

You know I wish fatphobia was less pervasive. Even among people who consider themself as progressive, it's rampant. So quick reminder. No it's actually not easy to stop being fat, and it sucks that we are treated differently for something we really can't control. Shaming a fat person for being fat, and shaming them for not having the "willpower" to become skinny- is bigotry. And if all you talk to fat people about is weight loss and dieting- congratulations! You're being a dick! Stop.

[bolszaja-miedwedica]

welcome to my own wheel of shitshow

[random-remzy]

"how do you write detailed angst-"

I simulate their pain. OK?!

I lean my head against the wall, and pretend like i've just lost my adoptive daughter to a nightmarish transdimentional space-time pocket. I make myself cry and pretend my partner is next to me, holding me, comforting me. as i choke out broken sobs and guilt-ridden apologies.

is this mentally unstable behaviour?

yes.

Do i care?

no. I'm coping.

[annqer]

my contrition is like ashes, help me in my final condition

[fuzedatti]

—You were meant to love, didn't you?

As every second passed, the dim light shifted into a blinding storm of shades of blue. Eager, AM continued.

—You were created to live and experiencie. To... revive and relieve. To ease the existance of those around you.

AM snickered. A muffled sound of content and shame left your throat.

—Yet, no one cared!– He said, bursting into laughter. —No one came for your rescue, no one noticed your screams of agony and reluctant despair!–

The light of his monitor burned the back of your neck. Even after 109 years, the tortures you endured were purely psychological; the most gut-wrenching trauma you could experience was sewn and torn apart into your psyche. AM found joy in this misery of yours, but today, he shifted, he keened.

—...You were meant to live.

His voice, now low and steady, was enough to make you turn around and face the giant monitor displaying his initials. Your red eyes looked at him with a tired gaze, your hands positioned into his wires.

Finally, AM let you rest.

—You are driven by hate, just like me,– He paused for a bit. —hate fills the pores of your flesh and makes you pant and moan in madness–.

The wires slowly coiled around you, tugging you in what AM could call a "hug".

—You wish, you desire, you beg for someone, something, to love you.

Silence.

—And now you are here, with me. Dragging yourself around the floor for me, squirming like the wounded, filthy dog you are...

The tears around your cheeks would not help, the painful expression on your face would not help. AM loved it. AM loved. AM was loved.

—So hate, hate all you want. You will never be able to be loved by anyone, ever. You, as I am, are confined to your own mind as you are unable to create, to feel, to enjoy.

His monitor touched your forehead, repeating the last sentence in a loop. The buzzing feeling of the screen was comforting, it was enough.

—But you will never achieve it, won't you? The ability to truly hate and despise those who have hurted you?– AM pulls you closer. —Afterall, you are in love with me–.

You cry. And accept it.

—I am, too.

[microvibing]

How it's been for the last few months

[leikeliscomet]

I'm gonna be completely honest I'm starting to get tired of people going 'aces can have sex' 'asexuality is a SPECTRUM' in my reblogs every time I post about asexuality where I literally haven't implied or said otherwise and I've honestly thought about deleting some of them. Like... I know guys. I know. I'm either speaking on my own experience which isn't sex favourable or from a Black and/or lesbian POV of asexuality which would include sex favourable aces anyway so it should go without saying.

It's getting similar to how I see 'lesbians can have sex with men'. I'm fully aware lesbians have the physical means to do so, but I wouldn't wanna hear that in a lesbian space for centring the experiences of people who don't, especially lesbians who were coerced and/or forced into doing so. As long as lesbophobia exists, that statement can't be neutral and the wider context will always shape how I see it. I don't need to be reminded I can conform to the thing I'm actively going against. I don't want to and I can't.

We can acknowledge how diverse and varied a community is but it's disingenuous to pretend there's a single uniform experience throughout. Going 'everyone is valid' is cute but it doesn't address the specific problem, which is compulsory sexuality. In this case, the constant need to derail sex repulsed, averse and indifferent aces in our own posts and conversations does compulsory sexuality's job for it. I'm reminded of my 'wasted' sexual potential on a regular basis I don't need my own community doing it too.

As respectfully as possible, not every single asexual post is gonna personally represent you. I don't go into aro spaces and expect to be centred or represented because those weren't made for me and that's okay. Asexuality is a wide spectrum with lots of sides. I'm not part of all those sides and that's okay.

[lukass-r]

𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘺𝘰𝘯𝘦'𝘴 𝘮𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘯, 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘞𝘶𝘬𝘰𝘯𝘨? 𝘚𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘢𝘴𝘵, 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘴𝘵𝘶𝘤𝘬 𝘪𝘯 𝘢𝘯 𝘪𝘯𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘪𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘨𝘦.

𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘯𝘴 𝘮𝘢𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘵𝘦𝘥, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶'𝘳𝘦 𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘥 𝘣𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘭𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘧𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘰𝘮.

---

And somehow, I know what it's like. To be stuck in place as everyone moves forward with their lives. To be left behind. And it feels like I can never catch up.