#They wouldn't have formed those connections without the trauma

[keruimi]

His Only Exception

Obanai x reader

Warning: Angst and comfort. Platonic Relationship. I have so many ideas for Obanai but it's tiring to make sure its plot is not repeating. But I hope you enjoy this one!

Would you choose the Moon that was in your darkest time, or the Sun that brightened the whole world you lived in?

_____________________________

Ever since I was born, I was taught how cruel the world can be. Born from a family of broken people, I was raised to close my emotions.

To be the master of it before it became my reason of failure.

I remained detach to the people around me, maintain the acquaintance nature with them.

Until I met him at the age of 13.

Someone who was scared of me the first time we met.

"Please calm down. I won't harm you" I tried to soften my voice down to calm the boy brought by the Flame Hashira, Rengoku Shinjuro.

Kanae-san assigned him to me since we were at the same age and she is still helping out the injured ones from a mission.

She saw me as the only suitable person to tend him.

I set down the kit I was holding as I gave him a side glance who was looking at me warily.

I walked towards the window with a sigh and opened it to let the fresh breeze of the day in.

In hopes that he won't suffocate with my presence.

This was the first time I felt clueless about a situation. I really don't know how to act next.

My first hesitation...

If I approach him now or try to make him lower his guard on me, it could start a fragile relationship between the two of us.

The actions I thought wouldn't help our situation at all.

If Kanae-san was the one doing it, with her good personality, he would trust her.

But I don't know how to show kindness to a person who was violated by his own family.

He has his own traumas, his own fear. And if I directly confront those, it would break the communication between us that haven't even started.

I looked around the room as I looked for something that could relax him.

"Where is Rengoku-san?" I heard him mutter under his breath that made me turn my head to look at him.

Thank goodness he started the conversation first.

"Rengoku-san is preparing for another mission" I answered his question before I took a book from one of the shelves.

It might help him escape from the reality he experienced.

"If you don't mind me asking, do you love reading?" I ask him without my usual monotone voice so I can quickly heal him.

I need to finish this...

He slowly shook his head that made me nod before offering him the book I took.

"Well this might be one of the times you will need it" I offered it to him as I saw how his gaze fell on it.

"I don't know how to"

It felt like my world stopped when I heard those words from him.

The time I finally found a crack on his walls...

I didn't realize how my eyes shone from his words before a smile lifted from my lips.

"Let me teach you then. So you know a way you can escape the world we live in."

Reading a book that was never connected to the real world can heal and change his perspective about the society we lived in.

It was supposed to be a way to get him comfortable with me in just one moment.

I never knew I would cherish it on my entire life.

That day was the first time I gave effort on communicating with someone. The first time I forgot my fears that I might experience the more I continue my actions.

The first time I really stayed for someone else's comfort.

Ever since that time, there was no day I didn't visit him in his room as he slowly healed from my guidance.

Mostly everyone knew how important he was for me.

The first person I opened my heart with.

"Iguro, open your arms like this" I showed it my arms that were wide open like it was welcoming a hug.

He sighed knowing where this would lead to and he didn't hesitate opening his arms to embrace my form.

"Thank you" I whispered as I basked in the warmth of his embrace.

He never fails to silently comfort me on my lowest. When everything became overwhelming when I started to change for him.

From a nonchalant person to a caring one.

Most of the people in the Demon Slayer Corps were shocked by the change that happened when he entered my life.

Even me...

He is not aware of the effect he had on me.

But maybe because of my happiness that I became a light to someone's life. I became someone valuable to their life because I chose to be kind.

When I didn't push anyone nor question what hurt them.

It made me love myself. It made me yearn for the happiness I should experience because I deserved it.

I thought I deserved it.

Until he became a hashira, that became the beginning of our bond that was slowly breaking.

The time he became strict with my practice, the more he wanted me to push myself to my limits so I can become stronger.

For the reasons I never knew.

The times when I saw his tired gaze on mine. When I sometime sense him almost giving up on me.

It continues to ruin me.

I never really wished to become a fighter, but I chose to, so I can be beside him.

So I can keep reminding him that I was still beside him.

But the more our strength became different, the more I felt him slowly slipping from my grip.

I don't want to lose him...

Because I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it.

I train everyday so I can reach his expectations. Yet there is one thing I am afraid the most...

And that is when the time will come he would see me differently than before if I failed his expectations he set for me.

My father's words of not letting anyone change me was ignored knowing that if I don't experience this challenges...

If I keep running away from it, I would never gain anything.

That's what I keep telling myself so I can continue everyday.

Until she entered his life that I noticed I was not that someone significant to his life compared to him in my life.

Mitsuri Kanroji, the first person that introduced me to the emotion called 'jealousy'.

Almost 7 years of my growing affection for the serpent Hashira, without any effort, she managed to catch his eyes because of her extraordinary strength.

The thing he wants me to have.

It made me so wary of her that I didn't notice the toxic personality I had would be shown to her.

Yet her kindness made me doubt myself more. Knowing him, he would never like my treatment for her.

So I just ignored her.

But the more my insecurities show up, the more I notice his presence disappearing from my life.

That I always saw him with her.

The time I already knew that I was the one who lost him.

The first man who made me cry for so many nights. The first man who made me love myself...

And the first person who made me hate it.

If I let myself experience the hardships of life, there can be a chance I can become someone strong like he is.

If I just didn't cower, if I just got out of my comfort zone, I could become a better version of the person than who I am now.

No matter how much I tried to look for him, to approach him. The thought that I would ruin his moment with her halt me from my actions.

That the bond I was trying to save by myself, was finally drowning.

From being his friend, to becoming someone who gazed at him from far away.

I started to notice his treatment on her compared to others.

She was the only exception from his strict and merciless personality. Because even I, experienced it.

The more I saw the difference between me and her, the more my mental health deteriorated.

The main reason I started to become more distant to him, until my mere presence completely became like a wind.

The reason I started to question my real worth to the people around me. To the people I tried to not connect with because I already have him.

So this is what my life was before he entered it. It was really lonely...

I felt a tear fall from my eyes as I stood on top of the hill as I gazed at the headquarters I lived my whole life with.

Having this moment, it made me question if I regret letting him enter my heart. Because if I didn't, I would never cry for something I already expected.

My Father told me how difficult to overcome the first heartbreak.

It was indeed difficult.

It felt like my air was cut off as my chest tighten from overthinking.

But am I really overthinking?

I can hear my harbored breaths as I try to stop the feeling of agony from consuming me.

The torment I made myself experience, the suffering I knew I would feel the moment I soften up to someone else.

This is the thing I feared the most.

That my mind will become my own enemy.

I really shouldn't have...

I regret-

"Y/n?" I felt my body went numb the moment I heard him behind me.

After a year of being distant to him, my destiny let me confront the person I have been avoiding.

Is this one way of improving?

Is this the moment I need to overcome this obstacle so I can learn?

I didn't know it would be difficult.

I can't even find the strength to face him. After I finally manage to set my mind in one thing, I let the cold breeze of the night dried my tears before I manage to face him.

His gaze greatly reminded me of my old self.

The one who always held a blank stare. Something that would be difficult for the other person to interpret the emotions hidden beneath those eyes.

What is it?

That's one thing I want to let out of those very moment but I didn't manage.

I want to stay away from him so it would hurt less.

But my movement completely did the opposite that I found myself walking toward his direction as I just let my head rest on his shoulder.

Our surrounding were silent as he can't find the words to express what is currently happening right now.

Even I don't know why I did it. But I just needed something, a comfort so I can find the strength to walk away.

But thinking about 'comfort', I felt myself stain his haori as my tears I am trying to hide finally fell.

Yet I didn't let out a sound.

I just let the tears express the emotion I am feeling right now.

It hurts...

It really does...

I felt his hand slowly raise to gently caress my hair that made me snuggle deeper in his shoulder. My actions made him put his hand on my head to keep me still.

"What's wrong?" He ask in a whisper that made me want to just broke down sobbing.

Why am I crying? Do I have the rights to even cry for my one-sided love at him?

"Y/n" he called for my name again when he notice my body was staring to tremble as I try to prevent my cries from being heard.

"I don't know why I love you" I cried out as I pulled away and covered my face with my palm.

"I want to remove those feelings for you because it hurts" I continue as I tried my best to breath.

"I don't want to keep loving you"

"Y/n"

I remove my hands from my face as I let the tears freely fall on my cheeks as I put my eyes on our surrounding, except for him.

Because I can't face him.

"She is perfect for you. You both look so perfect that made me almost forget I used to be there. I was the one who used to be beside you" I stated between quick inhales like I was barely able to breath.

"I just wish for our memories to disappear like bubble so it wouldn't hurt-" I put my hands on my head in frustration as I uttered those words but I felt his hands on top of mine when he heard me let out those words.

"Y/n please"

"Why do you need to abandon me!" I cried out as I can't keep to myself the feeling I felt for almost a year.

Those days made me feel so lonely and useless. It showed me how much I reached in life.

"I..." I trailed off as I felt him pull my body towards him as he surrounded his haori on my trembling body.

"I felt so lonely" I sobbed out as I felt his arms around me tighten as he just let me cry on his shoulders.

"I never wished to be somebody else until you chose her" I keep letting out the thoughts that keep repeating in my head on those periods of time. The thoughts that ruined the love I have for myself.

"I'm trying my best, I really am" I whispered as he tightened his arms around me.

"You have no idea..."

He shushed me down when we both started to notice how my words are getting more breathless the more I talk.

"Deep breaths"

I clutch my eyes shut as I felt it sting a little. I finally snuggled myself more on his embrace as I tried to control my emotions.

"Is this friendship, still surviving?" I ask him as I look at his own eyes that made him lean his forehead on mine.

"Of course. More than you thought"

~•°•~

"Did you really leave me?" I asked him the question that needed an answer while I stared at his back as he looked at the scenery from my window.

"No"

"But ever since she arrived, I can't remember any day that you were with me"

My body felt more relaxed now but the slight feeling of numbness on my chest is still present as I found him making his way over to my bed.

"I'm sorry" he sat beside me as he pulled my head to rest on his shoulder.

"I was not aware of how wrong I treated you" he mumbled as my eyes softened from his words.

"I wanted you to learn to protect yourself. I didn't mean to make you measure your worth just because of my expectations."

I felt Kaburamaru slither around my neck as his owner ran his fingers on my hair to soothe my emotions down.

"I was not confident that I could protect you. I'm sorry that I pressured you into something that is not your forte."

I removed my head from his shoulder as I lay down on my bed when the fatigue, physically and mentally, finally entered my system.

"But why didn't you spend time with me anymore?" I asked him as I put my hand above his own ones as I heard him sigh.

"Hashira has tight schedules. We always need to train and go to missions. When I saw you cry while I was training you, I decided to not continue and let you do the usual things you did before"

He started as I saw him look over to me. I felt him squeeze my hand that made me look up to him with my drowsy eyes.

"I didn't manage to make time for you"

I heard how his voice broke from that sentence as he give a quick grip on my hand before letting it loose.

"Mitsuri is a hashira so I need to be with her. But of course, that can't be my reason, right?" He looks over to me as I lift a small smile, urging him to continue.

"But she was the only one willing to be in my presence and I let her. I started to miss you but I can't find you anywhere. And if I did, you are urgently helping shinobu at the mansion"

"Maybe that's why I treated her less harshly than the others" he sighed out.

"But it doesn't mean I love her like how I love you" I felt my chest warmed from his words that I almost forgot what I went through.

But I need more reasons. And without being told on, he keeps going. He is not defending himself, he was simply expressing because he knows I would understand him.

"It was my fault that I made you feel that way. It dawned on me that I really don't know you" he whispered as I saw how his eyes softened.

"I never had someone cherish me more than themself"

A tear fell from his eyes as he wiped it before gazing at me.

"Give me another chance to treat you right. I promise, I'll be better"

I sat up on the bed as I rested my chin on his shoulder. "Did you romantically like her?"

"No" he answered without any hesitation that made me wrap my arms around his waist.

"Even if I did, she would just remind me of you. After all, you were the one I was scared to lose"

"I'm sorry" he mumbled that made me lift a small smile on my lips.

"Make time for me please. Being a Hashira made you lose time for me" I uttered as he wrapped his arm around my waist before pulling me closer to him.

"I will give you my time" he assured me that made me smile and land a quick peck on his cheeks before I laid down again.

"Stay with me tonight. I want to cherish this moment with you" I told him that made him let out a small smile, based from his eyes before I pull him to my bed and he wasted no time to wrap his arms around me.

I am finally back at his arms again...

[thesweetnessofspring]

"Peeta coerced Katniss into a relationship" - He literally said that he liked her, she had no idea who he was until the Reaping, and got in with the Careers to protect her so they wouldn't have to interact much in the actual Games. In his mind, the most she would have to do is answer questions after she won about how she felt about him. Maybe say some nice things about him and wistfully say she wished they'd gotten a chance to know each other. Then go home and live her life however she could after. Even Katniss admits that Peeta made her memorable and secured her sponsors, which gave her burn cream and food. Peeta manipulated the Capitol and never even came clean to Katniss that he'd really, actually liked her for a long time until the cave--after she had risked her life to save him. Prior to that, there is an understanding between both of them that they're acting to save both of their lives. Look me in the eye and tell me that all of this was a grand plan for Peeta to lock Katniss down. Haymitch even says it--"he wanted it to be real." Like you think Peeta fantasized this is how he would first get to know Katniss? That was Plan A? That he knew the Capitol would "let" two victors win? Or, that when the audience wasn't looking, he was forcing and guilting her into being in love with him for real?

"Peeta made Katniss feel bad about not liking him back" - This traumatized sixteen-year-old amputee who just got back from hell didn't perfectly respond to thinking someone who was willing to die with him rather than live in a world without him actually wasn't sure of her feelings. The horror. Hang him for being upset and hurt! And how absolutely awful of him to apologize for being hurt and offering to be friends! Other than Katniss knowing he loved her and she wasn't sure how she cared for him, what did he do to make her feel bad? What did he do on purpose to bring out those feelings in her?

"Peeta was the Capitol's choice, not Katniss's" - Right, because I'm sure the Capitol absolutely loved the fact that the two of them outsmarted the Gamemakers and starting the rebellion with those berries--they wanted that and NOT the highly emotional, dramatic death of one of them, the reminder that humanity is evil and must be controlled. Snow just loved that so much, he thanked Seneca Crane by killing him.

"Peeta didn't know Katniss" - ok, and? That's like, literally most of the human population who don't know each other from birth? They had known each other for a year prior to Snow holding Peeta hostage. Then they had their unspecified amount of time where they "grow back together."

"They're only together because of the shared trauma of the Games" - Suzanne made it abundantly clear that these two get along really well and have a connection before the Games. Even without the bread (although that is a cornerstone of their relationship forming) the way they both silently agree to take care of Haymitch instead of call an attendant, the way they sell each other's strengths to Haymitch, the way they flirt during the Opening Ceremonies, and just about everything else points to them having a natural chemistry and interest in one another. And also, literally, what do you think make relationships stronger? Everything going perfectly, or having someone help you through a hard time, proving you can trust them to keep you safe? With this anti-shared-trauma mindset, no one in this world can love anyone else because they all have shared trauma of their oppression. Only Capitol/District matches here, people! Hayffie shippers only.

[loredrinker]

Solas Before the Veil

Firstly, spoilers below...

It hit me yesterday - my whole perspective on Solas through the spirit lens has been shaped by the Veil as it exists now, this physical barrier separating the Fade from the physical world. 

But Solas made the choice to form a body in a time before the Veil existed. 

In the pre-Veil world, spirits weren’t alien or separate entities. They existed naturally alongside the elves, Titans, and dwarves. The Fade wasn’t a separate realm - it was woven into the very fabric of the world. There was no “crossing” into the physical realm because spirits were already a part of it. They weren’t outsiders; they were neighbors, collaborators, even friends. 

This realization has my mind spinning. This is why I love Solas as a character: the layers, the vastness of interpretation. 

No Veil. No twisting of purpose. 

There was no Veil for spirits to be pulled into or corrupted by. In those days, they didn’t “crossover” in the way we think of now - they used lyrium, the blood of Titans, to form physical bodies. 

His transformation likely wasn’t tied to the risks of corruption that spirits face in the post-Veil world (still a possibility). Without the trauma of “crossing” the Veil, spirits like Solas could become physical without risking their essence being warped (I'm not saying experiencing human emotions and the shock of being human wouldn't be traumatizing). In this context, it's not Pride vs Wisdom. Instead, it’s the natural struggle of a spirit becoming man. 

I am reforming a lot of Solas thoughts - from his connection to Mythal, to his pride, his decisions, even his relationships. Oh my god. Bear with me, this might ramble – this came up during Christmas dinner with my sister, and we ended up debating it over a lot of wine afterward. 

The world before the Veil wasn’t governed by absolutes like good and evil, or even spirit and demon. Those are oversimplifications. 

What if lyrium, the blood of Titans, acted as a stabilizing agent? A way for spirits to create physical forms without losing their identity or purpose? That would be so different from the chaotic, dangerous processes spirits face in present day Dragon Age. 

Still thinking this through.

Anyway, this is shifting how I see Solas, his choices, and what it means to be a spirit-turned-man (immortal man). 

(This thought made me think of an awesome 10 part breakdown I read just before Veilguard came out from @nadas-dirthalen.  They have amazing insight and concepts related to Solas, Lyrium and Titans that I need to reread if I'm going to go further with these thoughts).  

MYTHAL PERSUADING VS BINDING

I stand by my belief that Solas, despite his reluctance and hesitancy, chose to take a body. Where I once saw that choice as something that helped him avoid becoming completely twisted (as per this post), I’m starting to see it in a different light. 

I’ve never quite bought the theory that Mythal might have bound Solas. This perspective makes even more sense in this context (to me). 

How could Mythal have bound him? There was no Veil that would force a spirit to change. Lyrium was needed to create physical bodies. She couldn’t physically force him into corporeal form against his will because the act of using lyrium to transform a spirit into a body would require cooperation. Sure, it’s possible that in the pre-Veil world, spirits were metaphysically bound to serve beings like the Evanuris. But that kind of binding was different - a spirit might be compelled to act in service while still remaining in its natural form. 

The act of physically transforming into a body with lyrium, though? It’s physical. It would require active engagement with lyrium’s magical and physical properties.

For the transformation to succeed, the spirit would need to align its will with the lyrium. Does that sound right? The body it forms would reflect the spirit’s essence, and that process seems like it would require both consent and intent. Solas had to choose to take on a physical form by engaging with the lyrium. 

So, if a spirit has to actively engage with lyrium and use its own will and essence to shape a physical body, then Solas didn’t just choose. He committed. (And let’s take a moment to appreciate what a fine body he shaped.) 

And Mythal would have needed Solas to act willingly. Binding him would’ve completely undermined the very wisdom she sought from him. If she needed his insight and perspective, she also needed him to act freely. We are led to believe a spirit of Wisdom can’t function under compulsion. (Spirit of Wisdom Codex: "I am not certain the spirit would have talked so freely had it been shackled at the time.") 

Solas’s reluctance to take a body, as per his warnings to Mythal about the risks of using lyrium, tells me he understood exactly what the transformation entailed. He knew the dangers - not just to himself but to the morality of what they were doing, including the horrifying reality of exploiting Titans for their blood. And why wouldn't he? He was a spirt of Wisdom. 

There’s no question that Mythal persuaded him, manipulated that persuasion, appealing to his purpose, emotional manipulation - but she didn’t force him. 

He still agreed. 

He wasn’t drawn to physical form for power or glory but out of a sense of...what? Duty, loyalty and purpose? To Mythal? He didn’t take a body to dominate or conquer the physical world. He did it because Mythal needed him as a counterbalance to the growing chaos and imbalance caused by the Evanuris.  

And then? He regrets it. Big time. 

That regret, to me, is so telling. Regret is a reflective emotion - it stems from owning up to your own choices. If he’d been bound or coerced, his feelings would’ve leaned more toward resentment or anger at Mythal. Instead, he’s consumed by regret because it was his decision in the end. 

NO BINDING – NO TWISTING OF PURPOSE 

As a man, Solas struggles with pride - not as some twisted perversion of Wisdom in this context, but as a human emotion. 

Solas’s decisions are just so much more painful, awful, delightfully complex, and utterly infuriating because of all this. The layers! They’re impossible to ignore. And honestly, the whole Mythal geas thing always bugged me. It felt too simple, too black-and-white. Something about it didn’t sit right. 

If Solas was under her geas, how could he choose to walk away from her? How could he burn her vallaslin off his face? Some say Mythal marked him with the vallaslin as soon as he took bodily form; others think it came later. Does anyone actually know? Either way...the vallaslin might have been more symbolic since there’s no evidence Mythal used it to enslave her people (or is there? I'm too impatient to look right now). 

But if it did have magical enslaving powers? That makes Solas’s agency even more impressive. Despite that, he still chose to remove it – successfully. (Let's say Mythal did have some sort of magical power over Solas, could the burning off the vallaslin have severed that?)

Anyway...getting distracted. Sorry!

Ok, so lyrium. It’s the blood of Titans.  Titans are "earth," so by taking on a physical body, Solas connected himself to the earth. He became man - human in a way he wasn’t before. 

Pride isn’t some monstrous force he has to overcome. It’s an intrinsic part of who he is, shaped by his choices, struggles, and human experiences.

Solas is what he has always been, a man, all too aware of his failings.  

Solas has been revealing who he is all along.  

Anyway, I'm still thinking through a lot of this and how it might change more perspectives (like how I view the various endings, how his time with the Evanuris shaped him, the Inquisition time). Lots to chew on and things may shift again for me. But I’d love to hear other thoughts - even if it’s to tell me this doesn’t make any sense or if I got anything wrong.

[bl00dlight]

In your most recent ask you spoke about how Ewan said Aemond has the code to be able to walk out on people thus he wouldn't allow himself to be vulnerable/being loved can't help him. But I also have to remind you that Ewan also said that Alicent would be the exception to that code, he wouldn't be able to walk out on her for example, and he also said, and I quote; "I think that's the only way you can beat Aemond, is with love." So I'd argue that saying he'd refuse to be loved or refuse to be genuinely close to someone isn't quite correct. Because talking about show Aemond, I think Ewan has been making it quite clear that Aemond would be willing to be close to people who care for him. All I'm saying is that I don't think things are so black and white, I think Aemond, the one from the show at least, would be able and willing to form connections.

I mean yes, no I agree. I said that he'd be able to form connections.

But I think what Ewan meant by that quote isn't "you can fix Aemond with love." It's that you can BEAT Aemond with love. Those are two separate ideas. What Ewan meant was, in that context of him saying that was to do with why he kicked Alicent out of the council room. Which I talk about, and Ewan talks about Aemond not wanting Alicent in the room because she MAKES him vunerable/emotional. And Aemond doesn't want to feel those things, he doesn't want to be put in a position of weakness. He is a character defined by fear. And for him genuine vunerablity = fear.

What Ewan meant is, you can dampen his worst impulses with love. But you can't make him feel more secure with love. Because love makes him feel vunerable aka beaten/weak. Love doesn't mean you'd fix him. Because what happens when you trigger his insecurities? What happens when you do what Alicent and Helaena both do and point out he is violent/cruel?

I think it's a deeply unrealistic idea to frame Aemond as basically, he'd call the whole thing off, this entire personality would go from violent, power hungry, controlling etc

To loving family man - if he is just given some love/care/affection.

He literally PAYS the Madame to do that exact thing and still walks out on her. Because she means nothing to him. He was confessing something which is MASSIVELY vunerable - that he feels guilty for Lucerys - he exposes himself completely to her; yet feels nothing for her. He can just abandon her. Which is Ewan says is Aemonds philosophy. Don't get attached. You can't get hurt if you're not attached.

“Don’t let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner.” That’s the code his character utilizes so he’s able to maneuver around this world without getting caught by Al Pacino."

But unless you were his family members (the ones he actually cares about) Unless you were Alicent and Helaena - he'd be using you as a substitute. Which Ewan also talks about Aemond finding substitutes for that love he so desperately wants. A substitute is not the same thing.

He hasn't exactly been very kind to Alicent has he? When she puts her hands on him he pushes them away after he told her to go back to 'domestic pursuits'. He has trash talked her all season, called her weak.

I think in season 1, yea. His character would be more willing to be close to others: but his character was in a place of greater stablity.

But season 2 is a whole different story. He is like 18 years old and has experienced an unbelievable amount of trauma in the span of a few months. And now? All the stablity he once has is completely gone. Remember, trauma is something that pulls you further and further down into your worst impulses. Why? Because it's a survival reflex. Aemond in s2 has lost ALLLLLLL the love/stablity he once had with his mother/family. Which again, was already very dysfunctional anyway. But it was managed. And Aemond wasn't in a position of power like he now is.

Alicent tries to be close with him.

I don't think you've quite interpreted what I was saying, I wasn't saying Aemond would refuse love/care - in fact I have a whole section discussing how that's exactly what he wants. Only it wouldn't be a functional idea of love and care for the person who was giving it to him.

The ask was specifically asking me how I think he'd behave in a relationship where he is loved and cared for. And I said... well exactly how he behaves with Alicent and Helaena (who both do love and care for him).

I mean, if you want to take Alys for an example - we don't really know what their relationship was like or the dynamic. But just from the fact in the books there was clearly, a romantic element to it - Aemond isn't fixed. He gets worse. He grows more violent, more wrathful, more vengeful. He kills and destroys everything around him whenever he feels the slightest bit threatened or insulted.

And if we apply that to show Aemond? Well... yea makes sense. Alys would just be another substitute. He can siphon what he wants as long as he has power. He can let you get close as long as you never threaten him, as long as he never starts to feel like he might be vunerable in the relationship.

As I said - I never said Aemond can't form connections. He can and he does. I said those connections wouldn't be stable. Put it this way, Alicent is Aemond's greatest vunerablity. And he treats her like shit now that she has turned away from him.

How could a man who has never been shown unconditional love? Ever express that? I don't think I'm being black and white. I think it's actually more black and white to interpret what Ewan said as equalling Aemond is easily fixed with love. Because it's not what he said. He said he is BEATEN by it.

And what does Aemond not want? To be beaten. He doesn't want to feel vunerable or weak. So why would he lean into that if he feels he is going to be beaten? And why would he distance himself from Alicent to the point of stripping her from her only power - if it wasn't for the fact that his love for her makes him feel vunerable?

It's black and white to think Aemond is uncomplicated enough that he would just change his entire way of being for love.

He wouldn't. Love threatens him. It beats him.

And the only way to negate any of that would be to basically give in to whatever he wanted, whenever he wants. To have no power, never complain if he mistreated you or others etc.

Again, S1 proves that even with the stablity of his family - he still lashes out towards others. You're forgetting that Aemond wasn't just hurt by Alicent. He was hurt by HIS ENTIRE FAMILY. His brother, his nephews, his cousins, his half-sister, his father. They all neglected him/bullied him etc. This man would not trust anyone lmao. And he literally doesn't we see that time and time again.

Alicent was the only one who ever stood up for him. He is attached to her.

And Helaena too, Helaena has likely never questioned him before or made him feel bad. They share an affinity for being the outsiders so she has only ever made him feel comforted most likely.

It's not until Alicent and Helaena turn away from him - that he fucken loses it on them. Okay Alicent was rightfully upset with Aemond in episode 1 of s2 for killing Luke and he has been hating on her ever since?

Aemond literally assaults Helaena when she refuses the idea that she would help him kill people.

Yea, you could get "close" to him - but my whole post was that being close to him wouldn't be you were exempt from his abuse. And any love/care he feels for you wouldn't be something he LEANS into unconditionally. Because his ego/his wounds are bigger than just that. It's not black and white to see that.... any connection with him would be dysfunctional.

I explicitly stated he is absolutely capable of love and care and connection. But my whole post was about the fact... it would be a nightmare and wouldn't be how you think of love/care/connection. We are talking about a man who has more power then like... well, in a sense he's the equivalent to a billionaire with a nuke - who also rules the world. Oh and also he has been abused and traumatised.

There is a zero percent chance he would form healthy attachments/connections.

[annierosaart]

Exusiai, Sankta Empathy and why she's unique

With @ouroborosorder's encouragement, I've decided to make a full post about this topic, because it's been destroying my brain for the past month.

Mainly, after reading Guide Ahead, Enforcer's files and seeing all of Exusiai's appearances, I've noticed a lot of implications about her character that are killing me inside.

Those being that she's cut off from the Empathy, like Mostima (and Enforcer! More on that in a bit), and always has been, and that cascaded into an extreme amount of isolation and trauma for her.

I'll explain this bit by bit, because it is. A lot. So, read more!

The Empathy, falling and being cut off from it.

As we know from Mostima, when Sankta fall, they lose not just their patron gun, but also their emotional connection to other Sankta. This is common knowledge of course. But what's less common is the fact that you don't need to fall to lose that connection.

Falling causes it, but we have another canonical, explicit example of it happening without that, and a heavily implied one.

The canonical explicit one being one of the protagonists of the Guide Ahead event:

Enforcer, aka Ezell himself! We find this out through his Post-E2 dialogue:

While this can be interpreted a few ways... The CN text is much less ambiguous;

"萨科塔人能察觉互相的心情，这在我们之间是一种不必特地强调的常识。但是很遗憾，在某个时刻，我忽然发现自己失去了那种同族间的感应。不是身体上的病变，我只是......开始思考。"

Roughly translating to:

"Sankta can sense each other's moods, and this is a common fact among us that does not need to be specially emphasized. But sadly, at some point, I suddenly found myself losing that sense of communion/kinship among my people. It wasn't any form of injury/ailment, I just …… started thinking."

What this is implying is pretty clear. Falling is not the only way to lose that connection, being different enough, independent enough, also cuts you off from it. Which leads me to my next point that ties this all together:

How this relates to Exusiai

It's no secret by now that Exusiai was treated like shit by Laterano. But something that stood out to me about her treatment was that, after Guide Ahead, we learned most Sankta are quite like her. So why is she unique? Why was she treated differently for her actions?

Well.

From the get go, her file reveals that she's different from most Sankta:

"She is different from most Laterano in that she is an unabashed optimist." - File 1

"Exusiai is my polar opposite. She seems to get along fine with anyone, but lets very few people close to her." — Texas

Weirdly specific things to mention, which get even stranger when you read her module.

It feels weird for her to be grilled so hard on something like this, especially when we know that her incidents were all legitimate accidents (as per Texas's record). Why? Because, if she's a Sankta, it should be easy, or at least, easier, for the counselors to believe what she's saying if she's telling the truth.

Instead, they accuse her of lying, hiding something, of being a Sarkaz (racism alert)... Despite the fact that it's difficult for Sankta to hide things like that from others. Because of their connection with each other. So why do they treat her like this?

They even prove her point by hurting themselves with her gift, she never means to hurt anyone, so why do they treat her so harshly?

Because she's never had this connection.

From the accounts we get of her childhood, we know she's been:

Ditched multiple times by her sister and Mostima, despite the fact that Lemuen cares immensely for Exusiai, so, the fact this is a repeat occurrence feels out of character for her. Why would she hurt Exusiai so blatantly?

Has canonical PTSD from the Kazdel incident, enough that she gets upset just thinking about it, and again, no one who could have felt that did anything to comfort her. Otherwise, she wouldn't be so obsessed with getting closure on it.

(Just like a certain phoenix....)

We know the Sankta literally celebrated her leaving, despite the fact Sankta destroy shit daily, just for funsies. She was chased down by the Notarial Hall because???

All of these feel so odd, contradictory, if she was connected to the other Sankta. That's a big if. Because the truth is, it all makes sense if we go with the big possibility that she just... Never had it to begin with.

It explains why she's treated harshly, unfairly. Why she doesn't let people get close, why she's seemingly "gullible", because she was surrounded by people who were "in on it", while she never was.

It's especially emphasized by her record medal, that draws attention to how she makes her own choices, despite seemingly being a "standard Sankta".

This recontextualizes her entire character, because frankly? Her happy-go-lucky attitude is a big fucking mask. We just need to look at two of her lines to see this. Her idle line, and her promotion 2 line.

Her promotion 2 line would only happen in the context of her being trusted, and trusting the Doctor in return, with their life and her own life, respectively.

"Leader… No, savior, I pledge to this gun in my hand to protect you until the very end of this world."

Which comes off as out of nowhere for such an unserious girl, doesn't it? And then, you have her idle line, which only happens when the Doctor is assumed to be asleep... And thus not listening to her.

"…Lord, is this someone we gotta save too?"

We see this mask slip away every time Mostima is involved, when people get hurt, she suddenly turns dead serious, quiet. Reserved. Not at all like the Exusiai we assume her to be.

Closer to a... Lemuel.

Hell, she even canonically drinks the most out of all the PL members. Do with that what you will.

Further proof is her kindness. She's canonically the kindest, most generous member of PL. And we see that a lot, she tries to keep Bison up to date on what's going on, she worries for her friends being hurt, she dives head first into danger for them. Despite the fact none of them are Sankta.

When it's canon that Sankta are just... Cold. Distant towards other races, because of their Empathy with each other. It's only natural. Yet, she manages to be kind all the same. Understanding all the same.

And this all truly comes together when you realize Sankta can just... Lose that connection.

To summarize:

The implications of Exusiai's character, of Lemuel's character is that she's one of the few non-fallen Sankta who also lack a connection to other Sankta, and that... That has colored how she acts around people. How she deals with the Kazdel incident. How she copes.

Exusiai's entire personality is a coping mechanism.

One that falls away when she lets her guard down. One that's deeply unhealthy-- She's broke all the time, she's constantly mentioned getting drunk, she doesn't let anyone in, she doesn't talk about her issues.

She ends up paralleling a lot of Fiammetta's character in a way that I adore. She needs a hug. She needs closure. Someone who gets it. And Fiammetta would.

As a bonus:

Fiammetta is weirdly protective of Exusiai.

(From Mostima's Record)

Fiammetta's medal text weirdly parallels Exusiai's...

Fiammetta says these after seeing Mostima blatantly toy with Exusiai's feelings all night...

Food for thought.

Sorry if this is disjointed, I just. Have a lot to say about her.

[pocketdaan]

Moonscorch is both the right and wrong term for why Daan "transforms" into Pocketcat, imo.

right, in that Pocketcat is a servant of the Moon God and Daan's being transformed via Moon God methods alongside the Moonscorchification Beam lighting him up.

wrong, in that Daan wouldn't have had Pocketcat haunting him if Daan hadn't experienced a fucked childhood trauma + gotten involved with Sulfur Cultists, so this isn't his Moonscorch form in an ideal world where Daan didn't go through those.

For sure it's not the same type of Moonscorching that others go through, though. Their Moonscorch is meant to expose what's inside but Pocketcat has always been outside of Daan.

(Long theories and analyses under the readmore...)

If you strip them away from the context of Old Gods and look at them as separate people, Pocketcat and Daan aren't much related. Aside from vague connections like upperclass life / their attire / pocket-hand. And while Pocketcat can embody an abuse cycle (in the sense of Daan doing things based off of his childhood experience), that's what Pocketcat is, with or without Daan. He's more of an external thing.

That Moonscorch transformation scene... Pocketcat is crawling out of Daan's body like a parasite slowly sapping the life out of its host. I think it's less of Daan becoming convinced and more of Daan submitting to Pocketcat's wills. When the last sentence goes "The mask and jacket fit you perfectly!" it's not what Daan's thinking/feeling. "Daan" isn't an entity in that body anymore.

Daan's passivity (in the narrative of his story) could be one aspect of having a Blank Soul, but not necessarily that Pocketcat deals have a Blank Soul requirement. I think Pocketcat's shown to be a capable enough parasite to thread his way through a person's insecurities regardless of the soul type.

I also think the thing that shows the core of Daan's insecurity is actually unrelated to the Pocketcat transformation - it's how Pocketcat's Room changes to a murder investigation.

Daan ever only turns to Pocketcat's deal when he feels hopeless at discovering the truth behind his fiancee / father-in-law's murder, he wants to be useful in ways he couldn't back when he was a kid abandoned by his parents. This is the 2nd time he's lost people around him to Old Gods. On top of grieving the life he'd never have with his new family, it's been tearing his old wounds open.

If he were Moonscorched without Pocketcat interference, I think it'd be something similar to restlessly searching for answers while being haunted by childhood traumas. Becoming Pocketcat'd through Moonscorch puts much emphasis on the childhood trauma and no outward signs of investigative behaviors - 1 insecurity is paid attention to in the context of Pocketcat's prey preferences, who was already like that before Daan was born. So, yes, it doesn't feel like a proper Moonscorch by Termina standards.

[quinnydoll]

Everything Given

BIG CW for the start of this fic, a lot of exploration of very dark emotions in this. There will be discussion of depression, self-hate, and suicidal ideation, in addition to typical generally intense emotions present in Empty Spaces fictions. If you're not prepared for that, please do not read further.

This one has lost so much in its travels, which it began well before it became a doll. If it had expected to make this many mistakes, to stumble this dramatically, to hurt this much, it never would've taken the first step, but here it is now.

It finds it difficult to explain the trauma in detail, as any time it tries, it discovers an inability to be thorough, whether that's through sheer forgetfulness, or just hesitation to point a full picture out of fear of scaring others away. Instead, it will explain to you what emotions it experiences internally, as much as some of them scare it as well, using its own vague scattered memories as a vessel to describe what it feels. So, fellow traveler, take a seat, and get yourself a cup of tea. It hopes the beverage will keep you warm and comfortable for the course of our talk.

It started when this one made the journey to the one it felt at the time was the person it was going to spend its life with. There was someone it considered its best friend, someone who it was under the impression would never abandon it. Have you ever had a piece of clothing, one well worn, to the point that a loose, frayed thread causes the fabric to begin to slowly unravel?

That can happen to friendships, too, it seems. Before this one knew it, after everything, after the bad decisions this one made, the hardships it put its friend through, they wanted nothing to do with it. It felt like a piece of itself that was supposed to be there, and the only one it felt could give it back wanted nothing to do with it ever again. It hadn't known this before, and had opted to just force itself to find something to fill the void left behind, but after so many, this hole was unable to be filled.

However, you can learn to live without that part of yourself, if you're determined to persist enough. Believe it or not, something will grow over it. Scar tissue formed, and it took it a while to realize that something was still missing from it. This was the biggest step it had taken towards being the doll you see before you now.

Do you remember that person it mentioned before, who it believed it would spend its life with? This person did many things to hurt it, especially when it came to its own needs, its own desires. Intimacy is a dangerous thing, especially in regards to allowing those who you shouldn't to get close to you. It shouldn't have let her proceed further after the first trauma, but it did anyway. It repeatedly made the same mistakes, watching this person give to others what it had asked her to give it, even well after it had finally broken, after it had become a doll.

There's a special kind of pain when the one you've allowed to call you theirs gives you up. It will never understand this from her, but she broke her promises, and broke this one further. It had already given up on its malice, so of course it never had any recourse aside from acceptance, but it felt as though it was all over. It scrambled for what life it could, what else it had left.

...

It's been a mess since then. It's unable to make the connections it once had, it's unable to feel the Purpose it once felt, and what was once a confident step forward into life, is now a weary and weak attempt to find whether it's even safe. It's so tired, so spent, so weathered, that its own mind seems to betray it.

"Wouldn't it be easier to just give up, to just let go?" Its inner voice asks it.

It distracts itself with its travels, resigns itself to keep moving forward, to live to the best of its ability. It doesn't know how capable it even is of doing this, all things considered. It's moving, of course, but it doesn't know that it's moving forward specifically. Sometimes, due to all this, it of course wonders if its inner voice is right. Would it be easier to just give up?

...

But, there are still many who it knows would hurt if it did. It values their feelings above its own, and cannot stand to see them hurt, or to know that it will. For this reason, it supposes it will continue. Its joints may be wearing down, its cracks widening, and the internal structures holding it together growing weak, but it will continue for as long as it can. Perhaps once the day comes that it can no longer carry itself, it will finally have someone to travel with...

[teaandtoastandthyme]

Lockwood & Co - Books vs. show preferences

First, things about Lockwood & Co that I like better in the books. (Book and show spoilers abound in both these lists.)

The timeline. I'm actually very confused about what the timeline in the show is supposed to be. I could see a somewhat condensed timeline making sense for screen adaptation, but I felt like the show didn't give the characters enough time to know each other as well as they supposedly did.

Which boy drew his rapier first in the Archives. In the show, Lockwood draws his rapier first to defend both Lucy and himself against Kipps' nastiness. In the books, Lockwood draws his rapier in quick defense against Kipps' rapier, having used his words rather than his sword to provoke Kipps. I just like that bit of character portrayal better.

The scene at the Combe Carey well. I think Lockwood's "No, Lucy. That's not the way it's going to be." is such a powerful foreshadowing line about how they help pull each other away from the call of death. And it would have fit so well with some of the other scenes they added for the show.

The Skull's dialogue. Certainly most of his best sarcastic lines are in later books, but they didn't set his character up well to make those remarks. While the tone of the show is a bit different than the books, it seems they could have kept at least a little of his ridiculous nature.

The plan (or lack-thereof) for infiltrating the relic auction. While certainly the trio (plus Flo) are plenty chaotic in this part of the books, they DO have a pretty well-thought-out plan to get into the auction and get the bone glass. They're not just winging it. There are several minor plot holes and/or convenient plot devices in the show that wouldn't have had to happen if they had kept the Winkman auction scene a little closer to the books. And it would have highlighted that these kids actually are smart. (And that Lockwood is actually good a making plans sometimes.)

And now, things I like more about the show adaptation:

George's physical characterization. The books' use of Lucy's voice to disparage George's appearance can be overwhelming to the point of distracting sometimes. I appreciate that the show allowed Lucy and George to have some conflict without it involving making fun of physicality in any way. There's enough of that already in the world. That is literally my least favorite part of the books. (Though at least Lucy does mature a bit over the series in this respect.) [Edited to clarify: I have nothing against George in the books or the way he looks, just the way the others talk about it!]

The expansion of Norrie's role. I think this was a brilliant move to highlight the trauma Lucy experienced and heighten the stakes a bit. And it was also the perfect device for explaining parts of the world in narrative form.

A deeper exploration into mental health and suicidality. The books contain these themes, but I love the way the show brought these characters' experiences of trauma and mental illness more fully into conversation with each other and with the story. It was masterfully done, without romanticizing or preaching or toning down.

Lockwood giving Lucy the diamond necklace before the party. When I first watched this scene in its entirety, I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. I am so used to male characters telling the dressed-up scrappy female character how stunningly beautiful she is, and I hate it. I hate the way it shifts the agency and purpose of the woman's appearance. I've said before in other posts how much I appreciate that Lockwood just lets Lucy be in this scene. She doesn't need him to compliment her appearance because her appearance is not for him. And then, of course, the necklace can be more about connection and relationally rather than approval or beauty.

Clues about Lockwood's parents and the nature of the Problem a little earlier. It ties the stories together into one larger mystery a bit sooner and quite effectively, I think.

What about you? What are your favorite changes in the show, and what do you like better in the books?

[l-in-the-light]

How clingy is Law when being in a relationship? 👀

I sort of answered this one before, though it's kinda scattered among many different asks. I will put it all together for you here, fill up the blanks and summarize neatly.

First of all, would he be clingy at all? And if so, in what ways? Let's cover the "yes" option first, because he would be, but perhaps not in "usual way" when you think of someone being clingy (which is sending messages constantly, always seeking your attention, literally clinging to you physically in any way they can - those things Law would definitely never do).

Overall, I think Law would be a caring and dedicated partner in a romantic relationship, loyal to the grave type, never one to betray. His love would know no boundaries and his partner would be always on his mind. But it would be probably a bit heavy though, considering everything he went through. He would be always worried about losing that person, he would also sacrifice the whole world if needed just to prevent that from happening. He's like "I would drag you forcefully to safety if I have to, even against your will". Other than that he wouldn't limit their freedom.

But his experiences and overdedication to keep that person safe definitely suggests some form of clinginess indeed, it's like his own emotional wellbeing depends on his obsession of keeping the other person safe (it's definitely a result of his trauma, but also his "older brother" overprotective nature. A dangerous mix!). I mean, look what he does in One Piece Red, he literally stores Luffy inside Barto's barrier and rolls him around, just to keep him out of trouble, this is his personal fear of losing his important person taking over him completely. Though we're talking about Luffy so he didn't have much choice, but I have a feeling he would do it for anyone else important to him as well. You could totally see it as kinda clingy (but so is Luffy towards him, so I guess it's alright. They match each other's crazy in this regard, after all).

I actually think jealousy can also be a form of clinginess, and I think Law is capable of showing at least a bit of that. He would be very childish when jealous. Any time his partner shows unusual interest in someone else, he would try to extinguish it immediately, but never directly. He would try to find a less personal reason to show his partner he should drop the interest in the new person, especially if he's afraid it would make him lose the special connection he has to his significant other.

But if his partner would actually betray him or have a fling, I believe Law would also be very forgiving, even if his partner really hurt his feelings. And it's not because he's that benevolent or good-natured, patient like an angel. It's because he would forgive just about anything as long as his important person is safe and sound, so for that reason he would totally disregard his own feelings, needs and wellbeing. It's not very healthy and also carries a hint of clinginess. And his hurt over the betrayal would actually run really deep in him, because Law believes a relationship without mutual trust is not worthy being called a relationship (the same way he thinks about alliances). In the longer go this could totally lead to a breakup, just not immediately. When you think about it, Cora-san lied to him a lot, especially about not being a Marine, and that was important to Law. Yet he allowed Cora-san to lie to him and forgave him. I think this tells us a lot about Law. I can see him doing the same to his partner, even asking them "Are you betraying me?" and just accepting if he's lied to, without pointing it out or doing anything about it.

Now let's cover the "no" option, as in: he isn't clingy. Let's not forget he is very emotionally withdrawn so besides the few scenarios I listed above, he wouldn't actually cling to anyone. At times he might also act very distant or push his partner away, just because he thinks that will be better for them in the longer go or because he feels like he cares way too much. He has a lot of issues and those issues aren't going away in the relationship (don't believe in the "love will fix you" crap, it's just a fairytale, you bring your traumas into your relationships, they're not gonna magically disappear). So unless it's a life-endangering situation, Law's first instinct would be the exact opposite of clinging to someone - he would actually just go away, push them away, not to impose himself on his partner, or suffer quietly on his own. Unless it would be about his pride as a captain, but we're speaking romantic relationships here :D

It would take a lot of effort to make him get into an actual romantic relationship, but once he falls in love he falls in love for life. Just look at his dedication to Cora-san after all. There's no way anyone can take that spot in his heart, it would be the same if he falls in love romantically. So he would be extremely commited and to only one partner. If you want to see it as definitive answer that "yes, he's very clingy", then go ahead, just please remember it's really nuanced in this case. His clinginess has the flavour of "I will devote myself to this person for life, but they won't even know they mean the whole world to me" kinda way, pushing his own needs to second place or even further. But it would occassionally show, because you can't completely hide a love that is so big. This dedication though doesn't sound very romantic, or maybe it does?

Also if you want to see how a potential date with Law could look like I'm leaving you with a link: https://www.tumblr.com/l-in-the-light/760451338590191616 in short: he would be so devoted to his partner they might feel overwhelmed by it. Would that be considered clingy though? Please let me know what you think about that, anon :D

[multiplicity-positivity]

genuine question, how can you be a system and not have dissociative disorder or vice versa? isn't "seperate identities/people/minds/ what have you" both of those things?

also, what exactly distinguishes DID from just being a system?

Hey, it definitely is possible to both be a system without a dissociative disorder and to have a dissociative disorder without being a system. This is a huge question that has lots of different angles... but we'll give our best shot at parsing a response.

Preemptively going under a cut because we just know this is going to get long.

Being a system without a dissociative disorder:

There are many, many forms of plurality besides just DID. DID absolutely is not just “separate identities/people/minds”… rather it is a mental disorder based in repeated childhood trauma. Lots of systems out there aren't even disordered at all, don’t have a history of repeated trauma in childhood, or their system is disordered, but doesn't qualify for a DID diagnosis. Here's some examples of systems who wouldn't have DID, but are still absolutely plural:

Someone who created imaginary friends who views those imaginary friends as separate beings who share their mind together. They might have created these imaginary friends in childhood and they just never went away, or they might have created them later in life. If someone with imaginary friends likes the plural label or thinks the presence of imaginary friends makes them a system, they're plural and their system is valid.

Someone who consciously created a headmate through practice or using guides to aid in this process found online. There are lots of websites out there where folks have put together resources for creating a headmate from scratch, from daemonism to "tulpamancy" and more. If someone who consciously chose or created a headmate feels like they're sharing their mind with another being, and if they want to use the plural label, they're more than welcome to.

Someone whose system was created through trauma, but who doesn't qualify for a diagnosis of a dissociative disorder. Many systems find that they are trauma-formed, but they don't experience amnesia or dissociative barriers, or perhaps while their trauma responses are disabling or disordered, their plurality simply isn't. A person's system doesn't just disappear if they don't qualify for a dissociative disorder. Many systems may have created headmates to cope with trauma consciously or unconsciously. They're still plural as long as they wish to identify this way.

Someone whose cultural or spiritual beliefs include plurality, or who considers their plurality spiritual in nature. Many systems may find their plurality inherently connected to their religion or spiritual practices and beliefs. Whether they believe they're sharing their mind with angels, spirits, deities, ghosts, or anything else, these folks are still welcome in the plural community. As far as we understand, there are many cultures and religions outside of the west where spiritual plurality is commonly practiced and understood.

These are just a few examples. We could continue this list infinitely (eg writers who share their minds with their characters, patients who use the Internal Family Systems model to build self-esteem, etc etc). If someone feels like they're plural or more than one, or finds the plural framework useful for them, they're welcome to identify as plural. So there are nearly limitless ways to be plural or a system without having a dissociative disorder.

Having a dissociative disorder without being a system:

It is also entirely possible to have a dissociative disorder without being a system.

First of all, some folks with dissociative disorders may start out as systems, but reach a state of oneness through healing, recovery, and fusion. These people still absolutely have dissociative disorders, but through a process of healing, are no longer systems.

Also, many folks with dissociative disorders may technically qualify as systems or plural, but don't benefit from using that language to describe themselves. So while they may have separate parts, they prefer to call themselves "A person with (DID/OSDD/etc)," use exclusively "I/me" pronouns, refrain from naming their parts, and/or their parts may identify with their own body at different ages rather than having their own separate, distinct personalities. Even if a system with a dissociative disorder HAS alters with distinct and separate personalities, they don't have to identify as plural or a system if they don't want to. We firmly believe these are opt-in labels.

Further, there are more dissociative disorders than just DID and the type of OSDD which presents with alters. There are many ways that OSDD may manifest, and it is absolutely possible for some folks to be diagnosed with a dissociative disorder without being a system. They may have less distinct parts, they may lack amnesia, they may feel like one person who's fractured or in pieces rather than "sharing their mind with others," and they may not feel fractured at all, but still have lots of problems with dissociation. There's also DPDR (depersonalization/derealization disorder), which is a dissociative disorder that is not characterized by having parts or alters at all. These folks still definitely have a dissociative disorder, but they're more impacted by depersonalization and derealization and don't have separate parts or alters at all.

(note: depersonalization and derealization are both symptoms of dissociation and are almost always found in those with dissociative disorders that DO present with alters like DID. But it is possible to have a disorder where the DPDR exists without alters or parts.)

Hopefully this was able to demonstrate how DID does not = system, and how system does not = DID. There so much diversity within plurality, and there’s so much diversity within those struggling with dissociative disorders, and those two things (plurality and dissociative disorders) don’t always overlap.

At the end of the day, we’re just one system sharing what we believe. If you’d like to learn more about dissociative disorders and other forms of plurality, our resource post for questioning systems might be a good place to start. It’s not exhaustive by any means, but there’s plenty of resources included for a jumping off point.

Let us know if you have further questions or if this response doesn’t make much sense, and we’d be happy to try and elaborate further. Also, to others who read this, feel free to correct us if we’ve been misinformed or if something we said here is inaccurate.

💫 Parker and 🐢 Kip

[runabout-river]

I disagree that a sequel is necessary. While I see the potential for new storylines, the idea of introducing a completely new set of antagonists doesn’t appeal to me. Starting from scratch with villains can feel like a major challenge, and bringing back old ones would only lessen the impact of their original arcs. I don’t want to see previous antagonists resurrected, as it would feel forced and undermine the emotional weight of their defeats.

There's also the power vacuum left by the deaths of major characters, but that doesn’t automatically mean the story needs to continue. Sometimes, the best choice is to let things end naturally rather than create a new threat just to keep the series going.

Jujutsu Kaisen's ending might not be saved by a sequel. If Gege is tired of the universe, it could show in the quality of the continuation. Forcing a sequel when the creator might not be fully invested could result in something lackluster, and I’d hate to see the series lose what made it great in the first place. I also feel strongly about the need for Gege to rest, especially with the health concerns and breaks he had.

I prefer complete, well-rounded stories, and I’m concerned that a sequel would compromise that. In the end, I just don’t want a sequel to happen, as I believe Jujutsu Kaisen could have ended on a stronger note without needing to push the story further.

About the villains: would you say Sukuna's and Kenjaku's arcs are completely finished? Have they been used to their full potential?

Kenjaku eg. has a background connection with Yuji but no actual relationship with him in-story. There is no push and pull between those two and their past hasn't been dealt with either. Kenjaku also has no realtionship with Nobara and Megumi and only a small one with Gojo. As a villain he did much but his interpersonal connections were severly lacking except for Choso which was one-sided.

A potential sequel could present us the relationship and history with Kenjaku and Yuji that hadn't been dugged into until now. Not to forget Heian era history.

For Sukuna its a bit more complex. He had a deep relationship with Yuji and build one with Gojo during their fight. He showed a different side to him through his relationship with Uraume. But what was extremely missing and cut out in the end was a relationship with Megumi. Megumi's end to his own arc was also cut out.

In a potential JJK 2, Megumi dealing with Sukuna (in whatever form he would appear, a curse or trauma) would delve into that missing part of JJK which had existed since the Cursed Womb arc. What would also come from there is Sukuna's past and why he agreed to become cursed objects in the first place.

As a personal opinion, I would like new desaster curses eg a Death Curse. That would bring that curse-centred feeling back to JJK that was missing since Shibuya.

And of course, I wouldn't want a sequel that isn't made with passion either. If Gege has no desire or love for more stories of JJK (outside of maybe small chapters or light novels) than he shouldn't be forced to continue it. If he has health problems that's the same thing.

But just like me who simply assumes that Gege would love to continue the story, you assume that he wouldn't. But in reality we can't tell in any way what Gege thinks about this and if he even has a potentially bad health status. We get small glimpses of him, which is standard for mangaka, and there isn't much to go from there.

He said recently that he's happy the story ends. Yes, JJK will end with chapter 271. That's a statement of fact and can't necessarily be used to say a Part 2 won't come. In the past, sequel anouncements also took months if not years. We can't tell.

What I wanted to say at the end is, I don't think JJK is a well-rounded story. As it stands now, it has superflous plot elements that should've been trimmed down to make it a well-rounded story. Instead we had last chapter were we went through the fat so to speak and cut it off after the meat has already been cooked.

(Please don't roast me for my metaphor, I hate cooking)

There is a reason why "JJK Part 2" is a popular theory/demand and that's because there is room for one that most people have no problem seeing. I don't think that BHA and Demon Slayer had such big Part 2 feelings outside of a niche demand which always exists with all manga and anime that end.

So I don't think JJK would be pushed into more stories. I think it has the groundwork to build those naturally from everything the story has presented us during its run.

[izzysillyhandsy]

The more I think about it, the more my Stizzy's Revenge theory makes sense. I'm so excited about it I have to add few addendums:

It mirrors Stede's dream so well

"Stede, Blackbeard, and Izzy are on an arc together. Whether they're in stories together or not, their ultimate arc is together. I think, by the end of this season, the last episode, that first scene [in S2 E1] will be gratifying. I won't say why, but their fates are tied together." (David Jenkins in this interview)

Wouldn't it be totally unexpected but at the same time really gratifying if, instead of being an obstacle to be killed, Izzy was the connecting element between Stede and Ed? If the three of them reached the conclusion together that Stede's and Ed's path are too divergent at the moment - and that each has to do their own self-discovery for a bit?

It also would be incredibly funny to see Stede sailing away with Izzy of all people and leaving Ed behind. I mean who would have thought this was even remotely possible at the start of S2?

(what this would do to the fandom though...)

It would take Ed's needs seriously - taking it slow

I think it would be such a relief for Ed if Stede understood that Ed was (at least for now) finished with piracy and needed time away from everything and everyone to reconnect with himself.

Not a breakup, they're still in love, still together and they'd definitely reconnect later - when they're both ready.

Izzy needs a break too

As of Ep 7, Izzy is doing his best to suppress his heartbreak and trauma - and you could almost believe he's moved on. His performance of best-breakup-ee ever must be exhausting though.

Remove Ed from the picture for a while, let Izzy gather his strength (and he's done so much already, he can do it!) and give him Stede who's maybe not in the same boat, but who's the one person in the world who can at least begin to understand.

And then, after a while, have that talk with Ed.

Stede and Izzy are actually really good together

With Stede, Izzy is patience itself, but he also knows when to tell him what's what. With Izzy, Stede doesn't have to hold back. He can be as childish and bad-tempered as he wants.

From a showrunner standpoint, those two play off each other really well. I could see one or two episodes in S3 with them doing pirate stuff without Ed (before the inevitable reunion).

Also, if Ed and Stede get together again at the end of S2, were do they go from here? Back to pirating? Unsatisfactory - we all know Ed doesn't want this anymore. Open an inn? And what's supposed to happen in S3?

Stede sailing off with Izzy would make for a fascinating storyline and a great starting point for S3.

The symbolism of the flag

I'm obsessed with this flag. I love the ambivalence - it could as easily be Blackbeard (with the spear) and Stede (with Ed's heart). But I prefer the Stede and Izzy version.

First Stede: he's the angry skeleton - baring his teeth and holding Blackbeard's spear (and don't forget the merman scene in Ep3 - Stede's holding a spear like trident there too). This symbolizes Stede finally becoming a real pirate - something, I think, that is very important to him. He would drop everything for Ed, sure, but in my opinion that wouldn't be good for him. Stede needs this.

Secondly, Izzy: I love that they made Izzy smaller (he's even got fewer ribs) and generally softer looking. He's holding either Ed's heart (he's been doing that for a lifetime anyway) or his own, as a sharp contrast to Blackbeard stabbing it.

Both their left (heart) hands form the name "Ed", protected by their arms, tails and whole bodies. They're like yin and yang, darkness and light, feminine and masculine.

They're not touching - without Ed, there would be no connection (and it's really difficult to imagine those two becoming friends otherwise).

Swimming together, complementing each other, protecting each other and their shared love. Isn't that beautiful?

Finally, the last episode is called "Mermen"

Need I say more?

[animehouse-moe]

Chainsaw Man Chapter 150: Dream's Next Stage - The Future of Denji and Chainsaw Man.

Yes yes, this is the day after the chapter. I wanted to get my thoughts in a row because what gets introduced here is pretty massive as for, well, sort of the entire purpose of Chainsaw Man?

It's a lot to unpack in one go, hence why it took a while to really get things sorted out, but I think it's really worth it in understanding the purpose and context of Denji and Chainsaw Man as a character. So, here we go.

To clear things up, when was the last time we heard Pochita speak? That'd be chapter 90, all the way back in part 1 where Power "eats" Pochita and is revived from Denji's blood.

Though, it's not like there's exactly "many" instances of Pochita speaking. The only time it happens is when a character is close to death, and the medium both times has been Denji. Pochita is unable to speak on his own, somewhat similar to Yoru's predicament when finding Asa.

Because of that, it's hard to truly argue that Pochita's speech is purely facilitated by Denji himself, but I think it's hard to believe that the line has not been blurred between devil and human here. We even see it with Asa and Yoru through their short time together despite their bickering, so what would happen in a willing contract like this one that's been going on for so long?

Well, really the only answer is the fact that Pochita has become a de facto representation of Denji's subconscious, or id (if you're a Freud fan).

And I think that's really really easy to explain. Lots of information, but following the logic is plain as day. Let's start without words, as that's arguably the purest form of Denji.

There's a few ways you could take this sequence. The first is that for Denji to really connect and interact with Pochita, he's had to emotionally and psychologically regress. Considering the amount of trauma and repression that Denji's put himself through, the idea is rather straight-forward: Pochita represents a better part in Denji's life. Sure, he was living in absolute poverty and was going to die of sickness, but he didn't know any better. He didn't have a world placed in front of his eyes only for it to crumble to dust.

The second way is really just a variation of this. For Pochita to be represented as his own entity, a time where they were perceived as separate was required. With that comes the idea that the experiences of Denji have also been the experiences of Pochita, and to approach each as an individual you need to isolate those shared experiences.

Either way, the supporting argument for this concept is Pochita's phrasing. "Our dream". Not "your", not "Denji's". "Our", dream.

You wouldn't think it too important a phrasing, or that it's "nothing to really focus on". But look at what Pochita says in the very first chapter. Pochita very firmly presses the idea that it's Denji's dreams, not their collective dreams.

Anyways, with the idea of Pochita representing something akin to Denji's inner voice, we can move onto the next idea: the present, and future.

I've been a massive proponent of Denji's identity crisis since Chainsaw Man's been taken away from him. What was originally phrased as a method of rebirth for the boy has now become an illusion of the freedom it was supposed to represent. Because of all of that, I don't really feel like there's a lot to add to that aspect- Denji (though personified/illustrated as Pochita) has always been aware of his connection to Chainsaw Man. It's not something he could run or hide from, it's something that's been his beacon of hope as Denji.

And that's where the present takes us. With Chainsaw Man gone from Denji, he's been left with a hole in his heart. An entire aspect of not himself, but his self has been missing. That's bred doubt, uncertainty, unhappiness, and all manner of things. He had a life that he dreamed about. He lived with friends, he got to laugh and fulfill his first dream- all because of Chainsaw Man.

Denji is the dreamer, but without Chainsaw Man to achieve those dreams, Denji can't go anywhere.

It's really clear as day. Denji never really dreamt before Chainsaw Man. He never really aspired to living or existing. Until he became Chainsaw Man. He gained a home, he gained fame and popularity, power beyond belief. And he got a family.

Which begs the question, what has Denji done? He got to kiss Asa, but then had contact cut off with her. He got to hold a penguin, but then that was taken away from him. And I know, "hey, it's not like Denji's dreams in the first part weren't taken away", but the difference is the fact that he never got to experience these ones.

Denji himself is incapable of growth, incapable of escaping the hell that exists in front of him. In the same breath, Chainsaw Man can't experience the dreams of Denji. It is, unironically, the duality of the boy that leads this series.

Denji alone cannot dream. And Pochita illustrates that expertly, once more with simple phrasing. Pochita deliberately counters their earlier use of "our", with "your" to address Denji's future.

And this phrasing really points readers in one direction: the assimilation of Chainsaw Man and Denji.

The two have always been together, but they've also always been separate. A definitive yin and yang, as opposed to a singular, balanced entity.

Now, it might not mean much since Denji's already said as much as "I wanna be Chainsaw Man" earlier in the manga (chapter 133 to be exact), but this instance is obviously different.

It's the kind of thing that is incredibly obvious when experiencing it in the literal sense, but explaining it can get a bit messy, so I'll try my best.

Young Denji is the one saying he wants to be Chainsaw Man, not current Denji. The Denji that would go on to not have a choice in being Chainsaw Man, the one that Chainsaw Man became a crutch for, a curse for.

But in the same breath, this young Denji certainly knows what awaits him. Pain, suffering, loss. And yet he still chooses to bear that burden. Because it's who he is.

This interaction, between Denji and his inner self/Pochita, is Denji not accepting Chainsaw Man as a part of himself, but that Chainsaw Man is Denji. It's an absolutely huge aspect of character development for Denji, and leans towards hinting at a third revelation for him down the road: the acceptance of Denji.

To drag this on longer than it needs to be, the idea is that Denji requires Chainsaw Man to live, in a sense. Denji places his agency and ability with Chainsaw Man, when it should be the other way around. Because of that, Denji's acceptance of himself is really shaping up to be the final frontier for his story, whenever that might be.

Anyways, great chapter that puts a hell of a lot in front of the reader with very little reading or effort. Fujimoto continues to be a genius, what else is new at this point really?

[sleepy-shutin]

DID is a trauma disorder. if you disagree you are ableist, period.

like at this point i'm going to start calling people ableist for saying DID isn't caused by trauma, because it is. it goes against literal decades of research into DID.

and i genuinely cannot figure out for the life of me why people want to claim DID so badly, when other forms of plurality are right there. do you want to seem more valid? are you just that deep in denial of your own trauma? are you overly attached to hypotheticals? it makes no sense.

there are no good arguments for saying DID isn't caused by trauma in the face of everything we have.

"the DSM doesn't list DID in the trauma disorders section" because it's categorizing disorders by their primary symptoms and not their cause. that said, the trauma and stressor related disorders category is right next to the dissociative disorders category to display their close relationship.

"trauma isn't in the criteria" because people with DID frequently downplay or don't remember their trauma, so putting it in the criteria is useless if you actually want people to get diagnosed in the first place.

"but it says associated with--" what do you think 'associated with' means?

"but in the PTSD section it says--" it says that the symptoms can become apparent at any point in life, not that the disorder can be caused at any point in life, and if it did, it wouldn't say that in a completely different disorder entry. it would say that in the entry for DID.

"DID is underresear--" not it's not. my library of 20+ books and papers says you're wrong, and my friend's library of 1500+ books and papers says you're even more wrong.

"but there are so many reasons that someone could dissociate to those levels" and everyone who proceeds to list the reasons someone would dissociate to those levels proceeds to list either trauma that's normally downplayed, or other things frequently caused by trauma. there is no reason for someone to dissociate (i.e. disconnect themselves from their own lives and experiences) so severely that their neurology changes in order to categorize their life experiences into separate states of consciousness without trauma being involved.

"they just want you to final fuse and say your alters aren't people" if this is the case then why does the actual ISSTD, the international society for the study of trauma and dissociation, recognize healthy multiplicity as a completely valid form of recovery that patients can and should strive for if that is what they want with their treatment goals, in their treatment guidelines for CDDs?

"all dissociation is complex" this is a new one i heard today and it's just completely wrong on all fronts! no, daydreaming, a non-pathological and completely normal form of dissociation that everyone experiences, is not the same as what i've endured my entire life, and that's been me, floating through the world in an extremely detached manner for my whole life because the trauma i endured as a child has kept me from being able to connect to myself properly. daydreaming is not the same as having such a discordant relationship with your own body that you cannot look in the mirror without getting distressed because you can't believe that you have a body. daydreaming is not the same as being able to turn off all of your emotions during a stressful event because you don't know how to deal with them, so you don't. daydreaming is not the same as experiencing severe stress and/or trauma and shoving all of the memories and/or feelings from that stress and trauma into a completely compartmentalized and sectioned off part of your own psyche because you cannot cope with it.

like genuinely what are you people trying to get at here? is there an agenda that big psych is trying to push about DID? what does big psych, or literally anyone, gain from pushing that DID is a trauma disorder?

like seriously, think long and hard about what the long term goals of the people and professionals that say that DID is a disorder rooted in trauma are and the evidence that backs all of that up.

they have tried to find other causes for DID. they have tried to look into everything that can possibly cause DID, from 'they're making it all, alters and trauma, up for attention' to 'alters are the adult version of imaginary friends' and found that the only one that rang true when held up to the scrutiny of empirical evidence is that DID is a complex trauma-based dissociative disorder that occurs when a child is extremely traumatized over a long period of time.

the only people that say DID is not a trauma-based disorder are people who haven't read much more than cherry-picked screenshots of the DSM who just really, really want it to be true, and they haven't read a single god damn thing other than the DSM. because if they did, then they would no longer have an argument.

so, for once and for all, i'm going to dig through my personal library and screenshot sections of some of the books and papers that i have personally read and outline them below, quickly and plainly for all to see.

and all of that is ignoring THESE:

These tidbits from Dissociative Identity Disorder: An Empirical Overview - Dorahy, Brand, 2014, p. 403 & 412

This entire section from Separating Fact from Fiction: An Empirical Examination of Six Myths About Dissociative Identity Disorder - Brand, 2016

this section from Coping with Trauma-Related Dissociation: Skills Training for Patients and Therapists - Suzette Boon, Kathy Steele, Onno Van Der Hart

the opening portion of this essay from Dissociation and the Dissociative Disorders; Past, Present, Future - (2023) - Chapter 11: ATTACHMENT TRAUMA AND THE DEVELOPING RIGHT BRAIN: Origins of Pathological Dissociation and Some Implications for Psychotherapy - Schore

these sections from The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization, (2006): CHAPTER 4: Tertiary Structural Dissociation of the Personality

if anyone else is sick and tired of having this argument over and over, feel free to send these screenshots to anyone who keeps making the ableist argument that DID can be caused by things other than trauma.

DID is a trauma disorder, backed by DECADES of research, and if you continue to deny this, you are fucking ableist. i rest my good god damn motherfucking case.

[sophieinwonderland]

Sorry if this is a question you've gotten before. 😅

Context: We're a mixed origin system with a sort of complicated background. We don't have any diagnoses of anything that might have caused our plurality (i.e., mental health conditions like DID), aside from trauma that the host suffered as a kid, and only a couple of the alters were actually a direct result of that trauma? In the sense that they were the only two that formed specifically around the time that the abuse was taking place. It wasn't until the host basically had an epiphany that we've been plural this whole time without realizing that we got an influx of new alters, mostly fictives but also a few that aren't introjects from anything. And, really, those alters might have existed the entire time without the host knowing that's what was happening.

Anyway, it's funny because we have all these fictives in our system, right? But it's not like we could just introject anyone we want. Like, the host can't be like "oh I like this character. Let me just add them to the collective." We know this isn't the case because there are characters that we would absolutely love to have in our system that just aren't here, and don't seem like they ever will be (although we're keeping our fingers crossed).

So one of us was like "well what if we tried tulpamancy?" Which, I'm pretty sure that'd work fine, but lots of tulpamancy guides say not to make a tulpa exactly based on an existing character, and I guess I sort of understand why? You wouldn't want them to feel like they're not allowed to deviate from their source's canon or something, right? But, being that so many of us are fictives (including myself), I can't help but feel like this rule (if you can call it a rule) is kind of... I dunno, silly? Like, all of us fictives are just fine. None of us are freaking out because we don't align 100% with our sources' respective canons. Is there something I'm missing? Is there another reason for the "no existing character tulpas" rule that I'm unaware of? Or could we just... ignore it and do what we want? 🤣

I think this assessment is pretty spot on. If you already have fictives, and they're fine, then don't worry about it too much.

I've always thought that, while it's useful to educate people on risks associated with fictives, the guidelines tend to go too far, and may be a bit biased. While it's absolutely true that many fictives will suffer from existential crises due to their connections with their sources, it's never mentioned that some tulpas created from scratch without the foundation provided by being a fictive may end up feeling empty, like a hollow shell, and struggle with these feelings for a while.

Whether you choose to make a tulpa from scratch with no foundation, or you base your tulpa off of an existing character, both have their pros and cons. There are risks involved. And people need to be aware of those risks. But I don't see any need for a hard "no fictives" rule.

[zhouxiangs]

(1/2) hi. So i have to talk about the delicious toxic relationship between Way and Babe that series has served us. ( let's remove Charlie out of equation for a while).

True that everyone says it's because of Way manipulation powers their real friendship turned toxic. But I feel even if we take out Way superpowers out of equation for a while, their friendship was always toxic. And very deliciously toxic.

Hear me out, it's because Way is depressive person who isolates himself leaving no room for anyone to reach out to him.

I'll get back to this point later, but before lets go to beginning when Way was in Tony house. After Pete left ,Tony must have gotten crueler and dumped all the abuse on Way, making sure to keep this only enigma in his full control. How did Tony ordered Way to go impregnate Babe? Surely it couldn't be a just one sentence order like' go get this man and bring me baby'. 🙄 We know Tony manipulates all his kids with love and emotions, until he loses it finally. So wouldn't Tony have constantly manipulated a teenager Way into that there's a special alpha who only belongs to Way and Way only and he should go get him if he wants happiness in his life. ( in ep 1 Alan advices Way to confess, Way answer seemed like he really believe Babe will eventually come back to the person to whom he really belongs). So doesn't that mean even Way feelings for Babe are manipulated and planted in his head from beginning?🤔 I have no idea. This is so fucked up. But I do believe Tony successfully made Way believe in all those years that if he wants to get out of this trap, Babe is the only key.

For now lets go with general consensus that Way does approaches Babe with a purpose, but he starts caring about Babe and Alan for real as the time goes. (Reminding you again that I have taken Way powers out of equation for a while bcz this character has too many layers for me to understand in one go. )

In those flashbacks it seemed Way and Babe were really happy together achieving their dreams. And they WERE happy. I believe while at some points Babe bared his past, his pain, his traumas, his dreams to his friend, Way listened to all of it and was always there for other. ( The motivation behind this bcz of mission or bcz he genuinely interested in babe already or bcz he's kind of person who listens. Maybe all,maybe none. Idk.) In ep 1 Way says if he doesn't know everything about Babe then who else. And it's TRUE. Way really knows very much about Babe bcz he has always paid attention to other's emotional needs and felt a connection with him while in process. And that's why he fell so deeply. ( bcz love is exactly that, when we feel connection with someone). No matter if it's friendship love, or romantic love or just affection.

But ..but, what about Babe? From those flashbacks i feel Babe also felt something for Way, in beginning, even for a while. How could that love starved, super sensory guy not notice how much someone was caring for him? But could he form a connection with other on deep level to say it's love? No, he couldn't. Because unlike Babe, Way is isolated, depressed person who finds it difficult to share what goes through his mind. Unlike Way, Babe doesn't really knows anything about Way because Way never really allows anyone to come close to his actual real thoughts and feelings.

Surely Babe must have tried in beginning to get closer to other on same level, to listen about Way past,his problems. But couldn't as Way pretends to be all okay. So maybe with time Babe came to conclusion subconsciously that Way has no same emotional needs or problems, that Way doesn't need same care from him. Without that connection, Babe felt no romantic spark was there in between them and put those feelings under friendship.

Way has his own huge baggage too. When Babe felt loved with Alan and Way cuz he was honest, Way himself was always ALONE even in company of Babe and Alan, as he was trapped in his own mind. Those precious moments which only meant happiness and familial love for Alan and Babe, in them sure Way could forget about his initial lies for some moments but the tinge of guilt always stayed there preventing him from feeling full happiness.

Way gave his all, constantly but never thought of taking or couldn't dare to. But he does needed help. A lot of it actually. And that's when relationships turns toxic bcz healthy relationships are about equal give and take. We saw it in series many times, whenever Way has some problem with other,he never confronts him directly about it, but he mopes in corner, alone. ( Way didn't tell Babe that he's feeling left out until Babe himself comes to find him in ep 6. Even in ep 7, after being ditched on dinner, he goes in corner and Babe comes to find him). I think those fights are normal occurrence for them, even before Charlie came, but they weren't in beginning but started some time after, the first sign of their falling apart friendship.

Way needed to be listened but couldn't say first and In the end, Babe is always left guessing other's thoughts and that starts to frustrates him with time. ( Because Babe is not good with guessing or seeing people beyond for what they are representing themselves as ). Way stars to feel exhausted and empty with time by just giving, considering he was also stalling Tony for 10 frigging years.

When Way constantly says if you have problem come to me, he might have been asking for help himself. And babe always replies with ' yeah,i know'. Not for once does Babe says if you have problem, you can also come to me. Like Babe was conditioned to always being the one to receive care from other. He stopped wondering or never wondered if vice versa could be possible too. In ep 1/2 when Way shows him rumors on phone, Babe just dismisses it saying Way is always the one who handles all matters beyond racing for him. Babe was too much used to Way always being there for him to look after his matters. Way obviously start to feel drained with this one sided care.

It started to get toxic, they start to fight more and Way conditioned himself to show his real thoughts even less, yada, yada. The communication between them failed more and gap widened.

But they both still held on to it, way too tightly that it was choking them. And I mean both. Because that's the only place from where they received whatever form of love.And this doomed friendship exploded with Charlie entry, when Babe felt he could get his emotional and sexual needs fulfilled at one place and stopped giving Way time. When in ep 6, Way says it's enough for you if I'm just by your side., he really meant it as he realised Babe doesn't care to stand by his side the same.

In ep 7 when Babe says to Alan after their fight that it's bcz of what Way said in past that he couldn't dare to love. (Sure Way said that but I thought main reason was until Charlie he couldn't get closer to anyone bcz all those alphas stink to him. 🤔. Plothole?? ) Hey, but a good sign of toxicity from Babe himself bitching about his best friend to another friend. And that Babe himself was getting fed up of this friendship where they couldn't understand each other anymore. but still held on. Why? Bcz it was easy, bcz guilt, bcz he still cared. Maybe all, maybe none.

Babe says it many times that Way is most important person in his life, his only friend whom he cares about a lot. He believes it But he couldn't reach out to Way, couldn't really help other, couldn't see him. Way thought he gave Babe everything he could ever need for other to love him back, but didn't give his real wounded self, didn't give other the chance to really connect, to help him, To form a real bond. Really deliciously toxic😌, I would say it's poisoned. If somehow Way blurted out his feelings to other before in 10 years and these two would have gotten in relationship, it would have been so suffocating that none of them could breathe.

Now, lets bring back Way powers. Actually I don't really have clear idea of how often, how much, since when and in what way did Way used his powers on Babe to manipulate him. Way powers ranges from making someone sleep, paralyze, commanding them to do exactly that to just planting ideas. If it was just for Tony mission , wouldn't it be easier to force Babe in beginning Or make other fall in love with him with his powers instead of torturing himself in this toxic relationship for a decade? ( another reason why I feel Tony sent him with the idea that Babe belongs to him. Yk, soulmate kinda thingy , I'm sorry I don't know much about omegaverse. And so why Way was waiting forever ) Yet he never crossed that line with other except planting ideas that he was always there for Babe. Until of course Charlie came. As his desperation grew and he became bolder.

Now I have many other questions too, why he was saying to Babe that no one would love us, it's better to be alone. If he wanted Babe to fall for him, how would this even work? Shouldn't the manipulation be like, look how much am I caring for you, no one can love you more than me, reminding other of his good deeds at every point? Like remember how Vegas used to say to Porsche that how he is better in this, better in that and different unlike Kinn who is too heartless and impulsive. Isn't that how a selfish manipulator mind works?

Now lets go back to how I said Way felt connection with Babe when Babe must have revealed his trauma to him. I'm sure Way couldn't felt more closer to anyone other than him after hearing those things. Did it gave him consolation like two prisoners in same cell? But unlike Way, Babe with time must have dared to get out of this cell and Way couldn't dare as Tony was still breathing on his neck behind the scenes, fearing loneliness so he held Babe closer. Also Way could see the cage that Tony has put over them that Babe couldn't and Way really believed he could keep Babe safe only by keeping him with himself. ( that makes me wonder What were the terms of Tony if Way failed in the task? Was Tony going to send some other enigma or was he going to kidnap Babe then force him and sell him? If Babe fell for some other alpha, wouldn't it be a clear sign Way failed?) Or Way felt he alone was trapped in his own trauma and Tony has conditioned him in believing Babe is the only key. Way couldn't use or hurt Babe cuz he really cared for him but also he couldn't let this key go away from himself cuz then he would felt there literally is no hope for him.

How exhausting it is to pretend to be okay and happy for 10 years in front of your family kinda friends ? Babe was the anchor he held on to as Tony showed him. Even surrounded by people all the time, he was still alone trapped in his thoughts and weaving the trap more and more day by day with guilt, lies, that there was no space left for anyone to come closer to real self. It was only until Pete who literally crawled in his mind to read him.

I still don't really know what exactly driven him to do things the way he did. He is too complicated, in addition to above mentioned points he could also be carried jealousy, possession, obsession etc, etc.

And what exactly did he aspire to want from Babe? Love? Freedom? A sense of belongingness? Help?

Way is a character with so so many layers on whom I still don't have a clear reading as most people here have only two reactions to him either they hate him or love his face. But Way is more than a pretty sad pathetic face with horrible character. His eyes always expresses his villainous deeds doesn't stems out of lust or bad reasons but of trauma and fear. That alone makes him a very unique villain than those one dimensional cartoonish villains, better than Tony and Winner.

Does that negate him from what he did to Babe? No. Not at all. What he did all those years and what he was trying to do in ep 9 is definitely horrible and fucked up shit. He betrayed his only friend of years in worst way possible, when he could have chosen differently. Babe doesn't deserve any of that shit.

But that's not the point, I'm talking about here. The point is how a genuine happy friendship of people stemming from same origin as we saw in those flashbacks turned so so toxic to reach at this ugly point and how beautifully it was portrayed, their fallout, their flashbacks.

I have only started this series a week ago, so I don't know what happened but i feel fandom has majorly divided itself in two groups of Charlie haters and Way haters. And it makes me sad when they carry biased views towards these characters, also because of novel spoilers when clearly series characters are more in depth. Idk, someone said it before but character or their dynamics are not meant to put in just two categories of hate or like by putting our moral compasses on it. They are meant to tell a story. Characters aren't always simple to understand but complex, interesting or uninteresting. And It's not fair to judge every single thing in this fiction by actual world logic because by that logic Dean and Winner are also tragic characters and right on their own because this competition was definitely never fair to them, and they deserve most sympathy. But that's not what series is about, we need to roll by what they portraying and understand why, instead of pushing our own judgements on this fictional omegaverse .

(2/2) And i wish people would stop judging with comments like how could people still like Way. Like come on, this is 2024. When I say I like Way, it doesn't mean i support real life SA. What kind of fcking logic is this?? it means the character is interesting to me. When he says things like I never thought of hurting my family after clearly hurting and betraying his friend, he makes me curious where the hell is he coming from to say things like this. He makes me curious why he never confessed in 10 years and instead resorted to condition his friend into being dependent on him. How fucked up he is in his head to cry after attempting to force himself on his friend ?

Way deserves more reactions than simple hate, and dismissing him of his complexity. Babe and Way ( and Charlie) deserve more than people blaming and defending them and praising their beauty.

Like please 😭look past their fixed ships, these characters have so much more story to say, their interrelationships are beautiful too. Do you people really wanna see just two boys kiss and just hea? No drama? That's boring!!! And i would say pit babe is the only bl to achieve this, showing bonding between characters outside of fixed pairs.

Similarly putting our own judgement on characters choices, like ' how Babe could even think of saying he could forgive Way one day after this all. I would never. ' it's annoying. We are not Babe. Instead why not be curious that why Babe said so? Babe himself is not a simple character but has his own complexities. Even after being betrayed by everyone he loves, he is still full of compassion and he opens his heart for love again and again.

Babe was grieving two closest things to his heart, his lover and his most important friendship. He was very alone, and sidelining his hurt by putting all energy on his revenge on Tony. The friend who always said come to me whenever something bothers you, That friendship whom he needs the most now, doesn't exist anymore. It's still unbelieving bcz few days before he had everything in the world. And then the said ex friend comes to apologises and asks if things could go back. Babe hopes for the same too, cuz he still can't believe he has nothing left now. Babe hopes, for things to go back too when he had Charlie and everything, and stop hurting so he says maybe one day, but not soon. No matter how much people hate it, Way was a very important person to Babe and 10 years of feelings doesn't disappear in one day and neither the hurt of betrayal from same person. It hurts too deep. His reaction might have been different if Charlie was alive. Of course their friendship is too broken to mend again, but hoping of different circumstances is another thing. And i also liked this reaction bcz it showed the hints of their toxic dependent relationship. They had already let go of it all but still, still after all this horrible betrayal, they still kinda hanging on. Bcz despite everything Babe believes or want to believe that not everything was a lie.

In ep 10, After losing Charlie, first place he goes to seek was Way, when naturally he would have barged in Tony house like before. But Babe was still hurting from that betrayal and he needed answers from Way. ( See how even this time Way was moping in corner and Babe has to come confront him first. It's nothing I just like the pattern. In ep 12, first time Way seeks other out to communicate and it wouldn't have happened if not for Pete.)

And compassion is a far thing but wishing death upon Way character is just too much. Isn't it better for him to stay alive, repent for the hurt he gave to others and heal himself too. Cuz u can't deny he clearly needs help.

Arghh. Thanku for entertaining my giant thesis. I was gonna talk about Babe and Way relationship but somehow ended up with Way character analysis. Their toxic relationship feels most compelling and really stands out to me. It's so rare to see such a well written relationship in bls. there's is lot more to unpack, and i was so in feels that I has to write something. I'll write thesis on Charlie some other day but he's perfect for Babe bcs with him Babe doesn't have to guess as Charlie is pretty straightforward with his needs and emotions ( I mean aside from initial lies and fake death he is honest and communicates, which makes it easy for Babe.). While Way emotional baggage was too much for Babe to handle. Since Pete volunteered himself so good luck to them, as he's the only one who can really reach out to him.

hi anon! thank you for sending this, sorry it took me a few days to reply and this isn't really a proper response (sorry about that), i was saving this in case way got the end that i feared and. well.

i really just wanted to say that i love your reading asdsa and share it bc some of us are coping with today's ep by rolling in waybabe tragedy (i'm some of us) and this is just perfect for that. for the record i don't think waybabe could have ever happened, they're sooo one-sided and painful and delicious to me <3

also about the times way used his power on babe and the not daring to love: to me it was clear that it was from the beginning something they both thought about themselves and what brought them close (something that way did tell babe twice? during the series once he started to make him stop loving charlie. lol as if he could.) and that stopping babe from loving someone was something new for way. i don't think there was anyone that was a thread before, alpha smell or not; i think babe fell in love with charlie because it was charlie.

Babe himself is not a simple character but has his own complexities. Even after being betrayed by everyone he loves, he is still full of compassion and he opens his heart for love again and again.

babe is my perfect angel baby full of love and forgiveness and i can't believe we got that twice in this ep, i love him so much.