keruimi

[keruimi]

My Sanctuary

Warning: Angst and Comfort

Pairings: Yukimiya Kenyu x Medical Student! Reader

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I love soccer

That’s how it’s always been. From the moment I first touched the ball to the first time I scored beneath a sky full of stadium lights. That feeling... it stayed with me. A current in my blood, a rhythm in my bones.

It wasn’t just a sport.

It was my language. My rebellion. My only safe place in a world that constantly tried to mold me into something I wasn’t.

Out there, on the field, I could breathe.

I could just simply exist.

Not as someone’s expectation. Not as the face on a magazine cover.

Just… me.

And that field, that green place, that echoing crowd... it was the only place that never asked me to be anything else.

It was my sanctuary.

It was the only evidence of who I truly wanted to be. Who I was without the world dictating my every move.

But I was losing it.

Not because I was slowing down.

Not because my body had betrayed me.

But because the world was slipping out of focus.

First, it was the brightness. The way the sun seemed to pierce too deeply into my eyes, leaving behind a lingering haze.

Then... the blur

The soft bleeding of shapes at the edge of my vision. And soon, even the faces I had memorized, the teammates I could once read with a glance, became shadows in motion.

It was like watching the world fold in on itself.

And no matter how tightly I clung to the light, I could feel the dark brushing at the edges of my sight.

Most days, I woke up with a quiet kind of dread. A stillness that sat heavy on my chest.

Was today the day it would all go black?

Would I wake up and never see the field again?

Would I look in the mirror and not recognize the boy who used to dream big?

It was a kind of fear that didn’t shout.

It whispered

Constant

Inevitable

Unrelenting

Until she came.

Y/n.

She didn’t arrive with a flash of light or sweeping declarations.

She simply appeared...

A student, barely older than me. Fresh-eyed, soft-spoken. Assigned to assist with my treatment, to monitor the slow decline of something I loved more than myself.

She wasn’t grand. She wasn’t loud. She didn’t try to fix me.

She just stayed.

Her presence was quiet, like the warmth of the sun through a hospital window. Constant in a way the rest of my life never had been. And when she spoke, it was never to comfort me with empty words. It was to remind me of what I still had left. What I could still protect.

She taught me how to care for my vision... gently, patiently. Drops at the same hour every day. Adjusting light levels. Protecting what little clarity I still had.

And when I was too exhausted to care, she cared for me.

She’d sit beside me during the worst of it, when I couldn’t even find the strength to pretend. When I felt more like a shadow than a person. She never looked away.

Never pitied me.

Never treated me like I was disappearing.

And little by little, her presence began to quiet the fear I carried like a second skin.

She didn’t promise I’d keep my sight. She didn’t make guarantees nor promises.

But she fought for what was left of me.

And in that fight, I found something I hadn’t felt in a long time.

Hope.

Not the loud, fiery kind. Not the kind that makes you believe in miracles.

But a quiet hope. The kind that settles in your bones and tells you, "You'll be alright."

Her fingers learned the shape of my jaw when she wiped away tears I didn’t want to admit were there. Her voice became the thread that led me back when I felt myself spiraling into panic. Her footsteps in the hall, the gentle click of her pen, the rustle of her notebook pages...

Those became my new constants.

And without realizing it, I stopped counting the days in fear. I stopped waking with dread. Because even if my world was darkening, she was always there, steady and clear.

She made the air less suffocating.

She made the silence less sharp.

She made me believe that maybe I wouldn’t lose everything after all.

Not because the illness was gone. But because she was here.

She became the line between me and the dark.

A hand I could reach for when I couldn’t see the ground beneath my feet.

She reminded me... It’s not always about fighting to see.

Sometimes, it’s about having someone who sees you.

Even when the rest of the world goes dim.

Y/n wasn’t just my comfort.

She was my assurance.

My proof that I didn’t have to carry this alone.

My promise is that I wouldn’t have to face the dark by myself.

And maybe that’s why I stopped calling the field my sanctuary.

Because when I think of safety now…

When I think of the place I can breathe...

It’s not a patch of grass or the roar of the crowd.

It’s her.

The woman who finally sees the man, a version of myself in the field.

My sanctuary.

[keruimi]

Until He let me in that Day

Pairings: Itoshi Rin x Female Reader

Warning: Slight Angst

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I am an observant person.

It’s not something I chose, really. It’s something that grew in me quietly like a second set of eyes. I’ve always watched before I spoke. Always listened before I acted. Because I found safety in understanding people, in predicting how they’d move, what they’d say, what they wouldn’t.

So when I met Itoshi Rin, it was instinct.

Watch

Read

Adjust

And maybe… stay.

He wasn’t like other people. He didn’t mask his distance with charm or small talk. He wore it plainly, like armor, daring anyone to try and get close.

Most didn’t.

But I did.

Not because I wanted to be different. But because I saw something in him that mirrored a part of me. The part that stays quiet, the part that wants to be understood without having to explain.

At first, we barely spoke. He was ice, and I knew not to push. But I continue to watch. I paid attention.

I noticed how he tied his shoes in double knots as always.

How he preferred the farthest bench, even if it meant walking further.

How he never looked people in the eye for too long, as if it gave them permission to reach him.

I didn’t try to reach him.

I just stayed close.

I gave him space when he needed it. I didn’t force conversation. When he trained late into the night, I waited, not because he asked, but because I wanted him to know someone was still there.

And somewhere in that silence, I became part of his routine.

He started talking more. Not a lot, but just enough that I saw the cracks in the walls he’d built. Little pieces of him slipped through. His frustrations. His loneliness. His obsession with being the best, not out of ego, but out of something deeper.

A wound.

He once said, “I have no one. And I prefer it that way”

I didn’t reply.

I just looked at him and nodded.

Because sometimes understanding is the loudest kind of support.

And little by little, he let me in.

Not fully... Not enough to call it love. But enough that I felt it. That warm flicker when he’d meet my gaze after a goal. The way his eyes searched for me in a crowded room. The rare moments he’d sit beside me and just...

Exist...

Without trying to be anything other than himself.

I didn’t fall in love all at once.

It was gradual. Quiet. Like falling asleep beside a warm window during the rain.

But I never said anything.

Not because I was scared of rejection, but because I was scared of losing what we had.

Rin’s life is built on structure.

Precision

Sacrifice

He doesn’t chase emotions. He chases goals.

And if I told him how I felt...

if I handed him that truth and asked him to hold it, he’d have to put it down to keep running toward his dream.

And my feelings are something that he can't afford to carry.

I’ve always known that.

I’ve always known that if I became something more than a friend, it would complicate everything.

Because love, to Rin, is not romantic. It’s risky. It’s uncertain.

It’s another thing he could lose, another weight that could pull him off course.

And yet, it still hurts.

It hurts when I catch him glancing my way in the middle of training, like he needs to confirm I’m still there. It hurts when he pauses before leaving, like he wants to say something but doesn’t.

It hurts when people ask if we’re together, and I have to laugh like it’s ridiculous, like my heart isn’t quietly breaking in the background.

We’re just friends.

But it felt like we were not.

Not with the way he looks at me when he thinks I’m not watching.

Not with the way I memorize the curve of his shoulders as he walks away from me again and again, toward something I can’t follow.

I know him like the back of my hand.

I know his favorite kind of weather... overcast, cool, just before rain.

I know he carries pain like it’s stitched into his skin.

I know that he still tries to be the kind of person his brother would be proud of, even if he pretends he doesn’t care anymore.

I know that he dreams of being the best striker in the world. And I know that to pursue those dreams, he should be the type of person that won't lose anything.

Not me.

Not anyone.

And I accepted that. I had to. Because even if he means the world to me, I will never be his world.

I wasn't supposed to be part of that.

Because he was never mine to have.

But I was his.

And maybe, in some silent, painful way, that was enough.

Because I wasn’t supposed to exist in his world.

Until he let me in that day.

[keruimi]

His Unseen Longing

Pairing: Itoshi Sae x Reader

Author's note: I don't know but I'm quite proud of this one! I hope you all enjoy it!

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Itoshi Sae has always been a difficult puzzle, someone that people couldn’t solve, not because the pieces were missing, but because no one ever figured out where they truly fit.

He was neither a hero nor a villain. Not cruel, yet never kind. People watched him with awe, judged him with speculation, praised his talent, and questioned his choices, but they never truly understood him. Perhaps, that was how he preferred it.

He made no effort to maintain his image, not even in his own country. He had turned his back on Japan’s national soccer team without any hesitation, choosing to chase a vision that lay far beyond what his homeland could offer. He was not tied down by national pride or public expectation.

Glory never held him.

But ambition did.

To most, he was untouchable. Distant. Cold. A genius with no one to stand beside him.

Even Rin, his younger brother, his shadow and storm, couldn’t understand him. Rin loved him with the ache of longing and hated him with the fire of rivalry. He wanted to surpass him, to beat him, to become someone Sae had to acknowledge. But even Rin, who had once looked up to him with starry eyes, couldn’t answer the question...

Who could ever reach Sae’s heart when even he couldn’t?

So the world settled on an answer.

Itoshi Sae doesn’t fall in love.

There was no space in that heart of his, no room between the hunger for greatness and the obsession with perfection.

And if he did fall, surely it would be with someone like him. Someone self-assured and unyielding. Someone who didn’t play for the team but for the win. Someone who viewed relationships the way athletes view rivals.

To conquer

To surpass

To dominate.

And Sae believed that too.

That belief became unshakable the moment he laid eyes on Hakira Lynn, the U-20 national female volleyball team’s famed defender. She was every bit of the storm he thought he wanted. A woman of strength and quiet arrogance. Not the kind who smiled after a game, but the kind who watched the opposing team crumble and found satisfaction in the silence that followed.

Lynn didn’t shine on the court, she struck. Her role wasn’t to dazzle but to break rhythm, to block momentum, to make the opposing Ace hesitate mid-air.

She was not a weapon.

She was the wall.

Every time she blocked a spike, her pride swelled. Every reception, every dive, every win added another layer to the fortress of her confidence.

Sae watched her and thought, this is it.

This is what I’ve been searching for.

Unapologetic. Powerful. Proud.

She was, in every sense, his reflection.

He thought he had found his match.

Then came the quarterfinals.

One mistimed landing. One sickening twist of her ankle. And suddenly, the indomitable wall cracked.

Without her, Japan’s defense crumbled like loose bricks. The match slipped through their fingers. And for someone like Lynn, it wasn’t just a defeat, it was the beginning of something darker. Something hollow.

Sae knew that kind of loss, the kind that didn't show up in the final score but carved into your soul.

So then why…?

Why didn’t he feel anything?

No sorrow. No anger. No pain for her.

Why didn’t it hurt?

He tried to forget it, to bury the question. But confusion sat heavy in his chest, festering. And in the days that followed, it never left him. It haunted the silence.

Then, one evening, as he wandered the quiet halls of the national training complex, he heard it.

The dull echo of a volleyball slamming the floor. Again. And again.

Followed by a cry. Not the sharp sound of pain, but something deeper.

A soul breaking.

The door to the gym was cracked open. Light spilled through the gap like a secret he wasn’t meant to see.

He shouldn’t have looked.

But he did.

Because somewhere inside, he still wanted to understand.

Why didn’t his heart ache for the woman he thought he loved?

Lynn was in the center of the gym, surrounded by stray volleyballs, her wrapped ankle trembling under her weight. Her movements were frantic, desperate. She hurled ball after ball, each one landing with a thud that echoed against the walls like falling dreams.

Sae watched.

He didn’t move.

There was no instinct to go in. No pull in his chest. No ache.

And that terrified him.

Was it all a lie?

Was his connection to her only built on admiration... and not love?

He was turning away, ready to leave the scene behind, when another presence entered his line of sight.

A woman, soft in her every step, quiet in demeanor. She didn’t rush. She didn’t speak.

She simply walked into Lynn’s storm and stood beside her.

Lynn resisted at first.

But then she broke.

“I want to be the best…” she sobbed, clinging to the woman’s frame like a drowning person grabbing onto the shore. Her voice cracked with grief.

“I want to take this team further… but fate ruined it for me, Y/n.”

Y/n…

Sae’s breath caught.

The woman didn’t flinch. She held Lynn with a warmth that contrasted the cold air in the room. She didn’t tell her to stop crying. She didn’t offer hollow promises.

Her eyes remained steady. Gentle. Unshaken.

And then, she spoke.

“I know it hurts, Lynn. I know how heavy it feels right now… but let yourself heal. Let your body rest. Let your heart breathe.”

Her hand moved through Lynn’s hair, slow and soothing, like the wind after a storm.

“And when you return to the court… don’t carry this pain as your downfall. Carry it as your reason. Let it remind you who you are. Because when the world sees you again, they won’t see your tragedy.”

“They’ll see Hakira Lynn. The Nightmare of the Spikers.”

And in that moment, something shifted in Sae.

Because her words didn’t just soothe Lynn.

They reached him.

Y/n, the gentle setter. The quiet tactician. The steady current beneath the wild waves of her team. She was not the fire. She was the water that made everything grow.

She wasn’t like him.

And that shook him more than he was willing to admit.

Because in a world that has always felt cold, ruthless, and sharpened like blades…

Someone like her existed.

Not in his journey.

But in someone else’s.

For the first time in years, Itoshi Sae felt his heart beat falter, not from adrenaline, not from triumph, but from something terrifyingly unfamiliar.

Longing.

She wasn’t the woman he thought he wanted.

But maybe…

She was the woman he had always needed.

The one who could soften the ice that had settled in his soul.

The one he didn’t expect to fall for.

But longed for.

[keruimi]

The Line Between Admiration and Love

Pairing: Niko Ikki x Influencer! Reader

Author's note: Already sleepy when writing this so the writing is a little bit messy but I hope you all like it. Niko my boy is too underrated for his own good!

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It all began with a song.

Niko couldn’t quite remember how he first discovered her channel. Maybe it was just a cover, a soft voice blending with the melody, a simple moment that tugged at something deep inside him. Her voice was calm, genuine, a sound that spoke to him in ways words never could. He hadn’t even noticed her username at first.

But the videos... those stayed with him.

Y/n, a YouTuber who shared music covers and anime vlogs, unknowingly made her mark on Niko’s life. Her videos became his escape. Her laughter, light and easy, filled the gaps between his intense practices. Her voice, smooth and familiar, became a comfort. The sound of plastic rustling as she unboxed another limited-edition figure, her joy as she spoke about her favorite anime characters.

It was all so real, so full of life.

He started looking forward to those short breaks, his phone screen illuminating the moments in between the tension of practice. Sitting on a bench, earbuds in place, he found himself lost in her world, forgetting about the stress for just a few minutes. Her enthusiasm, her happiness... it was infectious. Her joy became his, too.

He found himself following her passions, even picking up little habits. He tried unboxing surprise boxes, just like her. He began to understand her love for figurines, the way they held sentimental value beyond just being collectibles. The more he watched, the more he saw how she lived, how deeply she felt about the things that made her smile.

How small things makes her day better.

Niko had never imagined himself falling in love. His life had always been about goals, about focus. Romance had never been a priority.

And yet, here he was. A fan, an admirer. Just another name in the sea of viewers, watching from the other side of the screen. That was his place. It was harmless, right? A simple appreciation.

But love?

That was different.

He kept the line drawn. Admiration was one thing, but crossing into love? That was a completely different territory.

Then one day, after a grueling practice, Niko found himself scrolling through his feed. A live stream notification from Y/n popped up. He clicked on it without a second thought.

There she was. Y/n, sitting casually in front of her camera, laughing and chatting with her viewers. Her voice was warm, her energy contagious. She was singing a song, her fingers strumming a guitar, when the chat exploded with a comment that caught her attention.

Bluelockidiot: Y/n-san, have you seen the soccer match yesterday? It was Blue Lock against the U-20 National Team! You should check it out!

Niko felt a sudden rush, his heart skipping a beat. The excitement he’d felt when he stepped onto the field echoed in his chest.

Y/n paused mid-song, tilting her head. “Oh? I’ve been hearing about Blue Lock a lot lately. Was that the game with the U-20 team? I haven’t watched it yet…”

The chat quickly flooded with excited messages urging her to watch.

She laughed, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “Alright, alright, I guess I’ll watch it. But only because you guys won’t stop talking about it.”

The screen shifted, the match starting in real time. Niko’s breath caught in his throat. There he was, on her screen, his world suddenly colliding with hers. She was focused, eyes fixed on the match as the game unfolded before her.

When Nagi scored, she burst out laughing, her eyes widening in awe. “He’s so fast! What the heck?” she exclaimed, her hands clapping together. “That was so clean.”

Niko couldn’t help but smile. Her energy was impossible not to feel.

But then, it happened.

The play. The pass from Itoshi Sae to Sendou, smooth and dangerous, and there he was-

Niko Ikki, sliding in like a shadow, cutting off the chance before it could even blossom.

It was a fleeting moment. A second in time. But it was enough to catch her off guard.

It was enough to make his mark on her world.

Her hand flew to her mouth, eyes widening in surprise. Her breath caught, a soft “Whoa” slipping from her lips as she watched him.

And for the first time, Niko felt seen. Not just as another player on the field, not just as a piece in the game, but as someone who was seen, someone who amazed a person like her.

For a moment, the world seemed to stand still.

Y/n stayed glued to the screen, her fingers hovering above her keyboard, her gaze never leaving the match. The chat exploded with excitement, but Y/n didn’t rush. She took a deep breath, her voice soft as she spoke to her viewers.

“Okay, okay, let me break it down,” she said, a playful grin tugging at the corners of her lips. “Nagi was insane. His control, his speed- ridiculous. And Reo? The defensive switch-up? Obsessed.”

She hesitated for a second, then looked at the screen, a small, shy smile forming on her face.

“But if I had to pick...” She trailed off, almost as if she were confiding in them, her voice dropping lower. “I think... I like Niko Ikki the most.”

Niko’s breath caught in his throat. His grip tightened on his phone without him even realizing it.

“He’s so... mysterious,” she continued, her voice soft, as if she were choosing her words carefully. “He doesn’t try to be flashy, but he’s always in the right place, doing exactly what’s needed. Like the way he intercepted that pass from Sae? That amazed the hell out of me"

She paused, a small, almost bashful laugh escaping her lips. “I think that’s really cool. The kind of player you wouldn’t expect to stand out... but then, when it counts, they do.”

Niko’s heart raced. He was stunned, speechless. She didn’t know he was watching. She didn’t know he was there, hanging on every word. Yet, in that moment, Y/n had seen him. She saw him as more than just a player—she saw the way he moved, the way he thought. She saw him.

And in that moment, the line he had drawn between admiration and love wavered. The boundary he’d built so carefully was no longer so firm. Because now, in the quiet of his room, holding his phone, Niko realized that this was more than just liking someone from afar.

It was falling in love.

And for the first time, he understood what it felt like to truly cross that line.

[keruimi]

I Had Her

Pairing: Bachira Meguru x Female Reader

Warning: Angst with Comfort

Author's note: I read how some people hate Bachira for what happened to Nagi. But let me tell y'all as a Nagi Stan that Bachira has no fault in that chapter! Leave my baby alone! (He was my first favorite hehe)

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Others called me weird, especially when I started playing soccer. I never understood why.

I never understood what was wrong with me.

I was just a kid who loved playing soccer.

But the people around me didn't treat me that way.

Ever since I was a kid, both my allies and foes had names for me—ones I slowly got used to.

Weird.

Monster.

Strange.

No one called me creative, or genius, or even talented. Not that I needed them to. But as I grew up, I started to realize something that confused me more than those words ever could:

I never belonged anywhere.

I thought good players were always welcomed, that talent was enough to find a place in a team.

But time and time again, my teammates—my so-called allies—proved me wrong.

"Am I really that weird?"

I was never chosen, never truly wanted. I became a player with no home, a person with no tether. My hands would reach for others, but they would slip away before I could hold on.

So, I stopped trying.

Until she approached me.

Y/n. A new classmate. A girl who walked into our first year like she had always belonged. The kind of person who could talk to anyone and make it seem like they had known each other forever.

It was during one of those dreaded group activities when I first met her. The teacher told us to form our own groups—something I had long since learned to hate. Because no matter how many times this happened, the result was always the same. No one ever picked me.

But this time, before the silence could settle in, a hand reached out.

"Hey Bachira, do you want to join my group?"

She asked it like it was the most obvious thing in the world, a grin on her lips like she had already decided for me.

I thought it meant nothing. I knew... just knew... that with time, she’d become like the rest. The longer she stayed here, the more she would be influenced. She’d learn to look at me the way everyone else did.

So, I didn’t let myself hope.

But then, she chose me again. And again. A duo project, a class activity, a simple walk home. Always her hand reaching, always her voice cutting through the loneliness.

"Me? Are you sure?" I asked one day when she asked me to be her partner in an activity again, unable to stop the disbelief from slipping into my voice.

She tilted her head, as if my question was the strangest thing in the world. "What kind of question is that, Bachira? Of course, I’m sure!"

And something in my chest ached.

I kept telling myself it didn’t matter, that she would eventually change, but she never did. She stayed. She watched my games. She cheered for me. She defended me against the whispers and rolled her eyes at my bashers.

One time, she even scolded my groupmates when they didn’t include my work in the final output, furious at how they had wasted my effort.

Even one time during a match. When our team lost and my so-called teammates blamed me for hogging the ball.

I was left alone in the arena as I leaned my back against a wall, rethinking everything in the match.

Until I felt a presence crouched down beside me, making me look up from my daze. And I saw her...

I saw Y/n once again.

She had a sad and gentle smile on her lips, something that softened my heart and hurt it.

Why is she looking at me that way?...

"You did great out there! Cheer up, Bachira, there’s always next time," she stated in a cheery voice like she was trying to lift the void from my mind and the hollowness of my heart.

And I felt my heart stop when she lifted her hand up, offering me food with a fork.

She was holding a can of pineapple, offering one slice.

No one had ever done that for me before.

No one had ever remembered my favorites. Even the smallest details or information about me.

How could I not feel something? How could I not feel sad, happy, overwhelmed—everything at once? Because for the first time in my life, other than my mom...

I had an ally.

A person who made me feel like I wasn’t a mistake, who made the world feel a little less lonely. What I thought would be a small interaction became a routine. Until she finally became part of my day.

"Why?..."

The question left me before I could stop it, lingering in the quiet classroom as we cleaned up after school. I couldn’t even look at her when I said it. I was afraid. Afraid that if I met her eyes, I’d see something that would make this warmth shatter.

A lie. A joke. A cruel twist of fate.

Until she wrapped her arms around my own, nudging me with her hip, her usual grin never fading.

"What do you mean why?"

I stared at her, hands still gripping the broom and dustpan, unable to process her words.

"Haven't you heard of me?" I tried again, like I needed her to realize something, like I needed her to understand who she was choosing to stand with.

She just scoffed, punching my waist lightly, making me yelp as she pulled away with a knowing look.

"My mom always told me not to judge a book by its cover." She hopped onto a desk, looking at me with the same unwavering eyes that had reached me all those times before.

"Who am I to judge you, Bachira? I don't even know you yet."

And just like that, she laughed. Tossed her head back and laughed like this conversation wasn’t unearthing something inside me, something I didn’t know I had buried so deep.

She stopped her laughter before letting her gaze fall on my figure.

Like she knew what made me ask those words.

"I don’t let other people’s opinions dictate how I see someone," she softly muttered, like it was simple.

Like that’s how it was supposed to be.

But it wasn’t simple.

Because at that moment, I felt something shift.

I felt my world tilt.

And I fell.

I fell in love with her, in the way she saw me without hesitation, in the way she made my world feel more bearable.

Because in a life where I had always been seen as strange, a monster, a player with no home—

She looked at me and saw me.

And for once, I wasn’t alone.

For once, I had someone who stayed.

For once...

I had her.

[keruimi]

Blue Lock Masterlist

🤍 Comfort/ Fluff

💔 Angst

_____________________________

Reo Mikage

The Space Between Us💔

Bachira Meguru

I Had Her💔🤍

Niko Ikki

The Line Between Admiration and Love🤍

Itoshi Sae

His Unseen Longing

Itoshi Rin

Until He let me in that Day💔

Yukimiya Kenyu

My Sanctuary💔🤍

_____________________________

Back to the Main Masterlist

[keruimi]

The Space Between Us

Pairing: Reo Mikage x Reader

Warning: Angst

Author's note: This story is inspired by the pain I felt when I heard the news about Nagi Seishiro. I'm too heartbroken and then I thought of what Reo's reaction will be.

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Volleyball was my world. From my first hesitant step on the court to the rush of triumph in my final spike, it was everything I knew. The sweat, the bruises, the hours spent alone, pushing myself further—it all led to this one moment. The moment I was chosen to be part of the U-20 Japan Volleyball team. It felt like a dream come true, like I had reached the peak of my happiness. I was finally where I was meant to be.

And then… I met him.

Reo Mikage. The golden boy, the son of privilege, the one who had it all without even trying. I hated him at first. How could someone like him, so effortlessly at the top, be given everything? He became the captain of the soccer team without breaking a sweat, and I couldn’t help but resent him for it. It felt unfair, like he was living in a world where everything was handed to him, while I had to fight for every inch.

But then I watched him play.

That’s when it all started to change.

I saw the fire in his eyes, the hunger in his movements.

He wasn’t just another rich kid; he had talent, passion, and a drive that matched my own. That same feeling of longing I had for volleyball was there in him, but in soccer. And I couldn’t ignore it. I couldn’t stay angry at him, not when he showed me how much he cared.

And before I knew it, we became friends.

It wasn’t planned, it just happened. His curiosity about my place on the U-20 volleyball team turned into something deeper. We started sharing pieces of ourselves—his struggles with his family, the weight he carried alone, his loneliness before Nagi Seishiro. He opened up to me in ways I never expected, and somewhere along the way, I found myself falling for him.

I promised myself I would never be a burden. I swore to love him with all of my heart, without asking for anything in return. I wanted to be the person who stood beside him, who understood him, who supported him as he chased his dreams. I swore I wouldn’t hold him back.

We were perfect. We were happy.

Until everything changed.

The invitation to Blue Lock came, and with it, everything between us began to slip away.

I remember the last time I saw him. His voice was soft, almost a whisper: “Wait for me…”

And I believed him. I held onto those words like a lifeline, telling myself that everything would be okay. I focused on my own path, pushing myself further in volleyball, believing that our love could survive this distance. But soon, the messages stopped.

What had started as long conversations, filled with promises and laughter, turned into cold, distant texts. "Our next match is starting." No good mornings. No good nights. No late-night talks.

I felt it. I felt him slipping away.

And yet, my love for him never faltered. It was there, like a constant ache, like a shadow I couldn’t escape. I remembered the pressure from his parents, the weight he carried. And that’s when everything shifted.

I buried myself in studying business. I stayed up late learning about the Mikage Corporation, trying to understand everything I could to help him. I thought if I could ease his burden, if I could somehow prove to his parents that I was worthy of him, maybe he wouldn’t have to carry so much weight.

But I didn’t realize, in doing all of this, I was losing myself.

I stopped playing volleyball. I stopped caring about the one thing that had once been everything to me.

Reo became my world. And volleyball… volleyball became a distant memory.

And then, I lost my place on the U-20 team.

It was like a slap in the face, like waking up from a dream to find it shattered. All of it, everything I had worked for, all the years of dedication, suddenly didn’t matter anymore.

I saw it then. I saw the path I had taken. I wasn’t playing volleyball anymore. I was buried in my studies, trying to become someone I wasn’t. I was losing myself, piece by piece, for a dream that wasn’t even mine.

I was doing everything for him, but in the end, I had nothing left for myself.

So when I watched him play in his debut match against the U-20 soccer team, something inside me broke. I didn’t know how to feel. Should I be proud? Should I be happy for him?

I watched him, his face lighting up with each goal, his joy shining through. But all I felt was emptiness. The last message I sent him had been seen, but it was never answered. And I wondered…

Why am I the only one losing myself in this relationship?

I watched him, and I felt my tears fall. But the tears didn’t come right away. They didn’t hurt at first. It was like my heart had already accepted the truth. That while he was growing, becoming the man he was meant to be, I was falling apart.

“Wait for me…”

His words, once so full of hope, now echoed in my mind like a haunting refrain. I let out a bitter laugh, empty and hollow, as if the sound could fill the silence inside me.

The question isn’t whether he still has me to return to.

The real question is… will he even look back?

I tried to reassure myself with all the reasons I made the choices I did.

Why did I study business? To take the burden off his shoulders. To prove to his parents that I could be the partner they wanted for him.

Why did I want their approval? So that maybe, just maybe, we could have a future.

Why did I stop playing volleyball? Because I thought I could give him something that mattered more.

But now, the questions feel like daggers in my chest.

Why did I lose myself?

I loved Reo Mikage, and I thought that was enough.

But now, I wonder… if he reaches his dreams, will he still look back?

If I break things off to find myself again, will our relationship have a chance in the future?

I can’t find the answers.

I don’t have them.

Only Reo does.

But he’s no longer reachable.

[keruimi]

A Senior's Sacrifice

Warning: Angst!!

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Sugawara Koshi had known from the moment he first saw Kageyama play that the day would come when he would have to step aside.

He had seen him before, back in middle school, long before Karasuno’s gym was anything more than a dream. Kageyama’s name was whispered between players, written in tournament brackets, spoken with both admiration and disdain.

The King of the Court.

Sugawara had been curious. What kind of setter earned a title like that?

And when he finally saw him in action, he understood.

There was something terrifyingly sharp about the way Kageyama moved, how his hands guided the ball with precision that seemed almost unnatural. He didn’t just set—he commanded. The ball obeyed him, as if it had no other choice.

Sugawara had always believed that a setter was the backbone of the team, the silent force that shaped every play. But Kageyama? He wasn’t just a backbone. He was a storm. A presence so overwhelming that even the most skilled players were swept up in his current, forced to keep up or be left behind.

So when Kageyama walked into Karasuno’s gym, Sugawara didn’t feel fear.

He felt relief.

Because if Kageyama was here, Karasuno had a chance to be great.

And Sugawara loved this team more than anything.

But God, it hurt.

It hurt because he knew.

It wasn’t that Kageyama had stolen his place—Sugawara had been the one to step down. He had done it willingly, knowing it was the right choice. Knowing Karasuno’s future was brighter with Kageyama leading the offense.

But knowing didn’t make it any easier.

Every practice, every game, every perfect toss that soared into Hinata’s waiting hands—it was another reminder that the role Sugawara had held for years was no longer his. He still practiced. He still cheered. He still stood on the court when they needed him. But little by little, he faded into the background.

And sometimes, when he sat on the bench, watching Kageyama take the position he had once called his own, Sugawara wondered—

How long until they don’t need me at all?

—

Semi Eita had fought for his starting position with everything he had.

He had trained, pushed himself, earned his role as Shiratorizawa’s setter. He had believed that being the best meant proving that he could lead a team to victory—not just through Ushijima, but as a setter who could hold his own.

He had believed that Shiratorizawa was more than just its ace.

But Coach Washijo didn’t see it that way.

Washijo didn’t want a setter who thought for himself. He didn’t want someone who tried to create his own plays, to spread the offense, to stand out.

He wanted a setter who would follow. Someone who would feed Ushijima the ball without hesitation, without question, without trying to prove anything more.

And Semi?

Semi thought Shiratorizawa deserved more than that.

But his thoughts didn’t matter.

Because the moment Shirabu walked in, the decision had already been made.

Semi had been better. More skilled. More experienced. But Shirabu was obedient. Shirabu was easier to control. Shirabu wouldn’t challenge the system.

So, when Washijo made his choice, Semi didn’t even get the chance to fight.

He wasn’t asked to step aside—he was forced.

And there was nothing he could do but accept it.

—

The finals were everything they had worked for.

The culmination of sweat, blood, and years of training, and yet—

Sugawara and Semi weren’t playing.

Not really.

Sugawara stood on the sidelines, Karasuno’s voices ringing in his ears as they fought for victory. Every point, every set, every spike—it was Kageyama’s now. And Sugawara had long since come to terms with that.

He had.

Hadn’t he?

But when his gaze drifted across the court, his eyes locked on another figure standing just outside the Shiratorizawa bench.

Semi Eita.

Their eyes met for only a second.

They didn’t know each other.

Not really.

But the tension in Semi’s jaw, the way his fists clenched as he watched the game unfold—the way his lips pressed into a thin, unreadable line as Shirabu set for Ushijima again and again—

Sugawara knew that feeling.

Because he had lived it too.

They weren’t the same. Their stories were different. Their struggles had taken different shapes.

But at the core of it, they had both been left behind.

For the sake of the team.

For the sake of something greater than themselves.

For something that hurt just the same.

And for the first time, Sugawara wondered—

If he had met Semi sooner, if they had ever talked, ever understood—

Would it have made the weight of being replaced a little easier to bear?

[keruimi]

His Blessing and Heartbreak

Warning!: Angst and Manga Spoilers

Author's note: Hi Everyone!!! I'm back and sorry for not being active for a year. I lost my motivation and Senior highschool life is really draining. But I hope you enjoy this little sibling angst. No romance for now, just family.

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They were born into the same world, with the same face, the same voice, and the same hands that could set and spike with perfect coordination. From the moment they could walk, they were side by side—one never too far from the other. Atsumu, with his insatiable hunger for greatness, and Osamu, with his easygoing smirk, the steady presence that kept him grounded.

They fought like rivals but moved like mirrors, always in sync, always knowing where the other would be without having to look. They threw insults like serves, shoved each other in hallways, stole food off each other’s plates, yet still split the last rice ball in half without thinking. And at the end of the day, no matter how much Atsumu barked orders or how much Osamu rolled his eyes, there was something unshakable between them. A rhythm. A silent understanding. They played best when they played together.

But the game changed.

Osamu saw it first—the difference between talent and passion, between what he was good at and what he truly wanted. Volleyball was fun, but it didn’t set his blood on fire like it did for Atsumu.

"It's just that..."

"You love volleyball a smidge more than I do, Tsumu."

It wasn’t a big speech. It wasn’t a dramatic declaration. Just a simple truth, spoken like it had always been obvious.

But to Atsumu, it wasn’t.

Because volleyball was everything. Because their entire lives had been built around it—waking up early for practice, staying late after school, running drills until their legs ached, pushing each other to be better, faster, stronger. They had always played side by side, from the moment they first held a ball in their tiny hands. It was never just a game. It was them.

And now Osamu was saying he didn’t want it.

Atsumu laughed at first, like it was a joke, like Osamu would wake up the next day and change his mind. Called him stupid, told him he’d regret it. But the first time he saw Osamu looking at something that wasn’t volleyball—watching the steam rise from a fresh batch of rice balls, his hands moving with the same precision they once had on the court—Atsumu felt it. The weight of something breaking.

"When we're on our deathbeds, I'm gonna turn and look you right in yer face! And say I had the happier life!"

He had screamed it in the middle of their worst fight, voice hoarse, hands clenched into fists. The words had come out sharp, like knives thrown in the dark. And Osamu—Osamu, who always met him head-on, who never backed down from a fight—just look at him in anger. Just glare, like Atsumu was the fool for not understanding.

Like happiness wasn’t something you could measure.

Atsumu knew it wasn’t about winning or losing. Knew that Osamu wasn’t choosing against him, wasn’t leaving to hurt him. But knowing didn’t make it easier. Because the moment he let himself accept it, it would become real. It would mean letting go of the version of their future he had clung to so desperately—the one where they played together forever, side by side, just like always.

And he wasn’t ready for that.

If Osamu just knew how much his presence had shaped Atsumu’s life.

If he just knew that Atsumu wasn’t angry because he didn’t understand—but because he did.

Because later, when Atsumu found himself standing on the court alone—really alone—he felt it. The silence. The missing presence that had always been there, the rhythm that had always matched his own. He tossed the ball into the air, set it perfectly, spiked it like it was second nature—but it wasn’t the same. It wasn't just about playing together. It was about knowing, without looking, that someone was always there to catch him.

He had spent his whole life thinking he was the stronger twin. The one who wanted it more, the one who pushed harder, the one who refused to settle for anything less than the best. But for the first time, Atsumu wondered—had he ever been strong on his own, or had Osamu been holding him up all along?

It should’ve been a clean break. It should’ve been as simple as Osamu walking one way and Atsumu walking the other. But it wasn’t.

Because even after Osamu stepped off the court, even after he traded a volleyball for an apron, even after their futures stopped aligning the way they once had, something still tied them together.

Because the next time Atsumu came home late from practice, exhausted and starving, there was a neatly wrapped rice ball waiting for him on the counter. No note. No explanation. Just there, like it had always been.

Because one night, when Atsumu was mindlessly setting a ball against the wall, Osamu walked past and caught it without thinking, tossing it back like it was second nature. Like nothing had changed.

Because even now, when Atsumu stood on the court, tossing the ball into the air, he swore he could still hear it—

The echo of Osamu’s voice, the ghost of their laughter, the rhythm of a game they used to play together.

Maybe his twin wasn’t on the court anymore. Maybe they weren’t walking the same path.

But they were still side by side.

Just like they always had been.

[keruimi]

Happy Birthday to me!

Thank you to everyone who reads my stories even if my vocabulary is still not as honed as the other authors I admire. Sometimes, it's hard to put your imagination into words, you know?

But feel free to give me advice on how to improve my writing skills! This is the only talent I can be proud of so improving in this one would really help my confidence a lot.

I hope everyone has a good day ahead!

[keruimi]

The Faceless Girl in my Dream

Pairing: Obanai Iguro x reader

Warning: Angst, Soulmate, Death

A/n: If I can't move on, no one will! Another angst for my most favorite character in the series! Are you all tired that it's always Obanai? I'm sorry🥹. But I still hope you all enjoy it!!

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Tales of soulmates continue to exist in the world I live in. Especially if that destined one is meant to complete the imperfect you.

But I thought that was impossible.

Born from a clan of sinners, my relatives didn't hesitate on killing their own partners in exchange for a life of luxury.

They said that the heartache you will feel is unbearable that will knock the air out of you if they ever leave.

But those people didn't portray that pain.

They still look happy even if they stab their lovers with their own bare hands.

That's why, meeting that fated person seems like a hindrance. It was something I don't ever want to happen in this life.

Because I knew for a fact that they can't brought their self to love me because of my tainted blood.

I also don't want to love someone because we are fated to be.

So I focused on protecting the life of the weak one. Leaving the life of seeking for that one woman.

Even if the world physically engrave her presence in my life, with the tattoo of thunder surrounding a lotus in my arm.

I can't bring myself to look for her.

Because I know I can't give her the happily ever after that everyone wanted.

Sooner or later, I will die as a member of the demon slayers.

Without seeking for her.

Until my world turn into chaos when with just one moment of her passing by.

A woman wearing a light color of yellow kimono as she strut with elegance.

It was the day I entered the life of a slayer.

Also the same day when I started to dream of a faceless woman. A person that made my dream like a paradise.

I was at loss of words with the things that started to happen in my life.

The thought of her being that faceless woman once passed by in my mind before I shrugged it off.

But I never pursue that curiosity. A gut I didn't follow. Because I might fall deeper than I intended.

Until I became the Serpent Hashira.

All those dreams started to make sense.

The dream where I live happily without the thought of seeing the next day.

"Obanai, would you allow me to take a look at your arm where your soulmate tattoo is placed?"

That question caught me off guard but I obliged on the Master's words.

"Amane, what does it look like?"

"It's a tattoo of lightning encircling around a lotus flower" I put my sleeves down once I heard him take a deep breath that made my heart restless.

"Hearing about your breathing, I already knew it would be you"

I kept my silence before one of his daughters approached me with an envelope in her hand.

"This is the will of the Lightning Hashira, Y/n"

I took the paper from the kid and I immediately felt an uncomfortable feeling in my chest.

What is happening?

"Y/n is a pure hearted kid. A kid that longed to meet someone that is meant for her"

Soulmates...

That's the first thing I thought and my hands trembled uncontrollably like a surge of emotions just escaped from the chains I surrounded my heart with.

"Yet when she reaches the age of six, her parents shed the skin where her soulmate tattoo lays" my thoughts froze from his words as I prevent myself from looking up to him.

"She didn't remember the tattoo well. Except for the image of a serpent" I heard myself taking a deep breath from his words.

We both know where this is going. And that conversation with the master is the heaviest burden that I will carry in my entire life.

Before, I don't want to meet my soulmate.

Because they are destined to be my weakness.

I can't fight against fate itself. Sooner or later, I can't deny the bond they build for me.

I just don't want to lose my happiness for the same reason of dying.

Leading me to question myself before. What's the use of soulmates when they will be the reason for your death?

Seeing the tomb in front of me, serves as proof to me that I just jinx myself.

"She is the sole reason why we are still hidden from Muzan's eyes. That lady who lured him away from this place by sacrificing herself"

"Without any hesitations in her veins" the master spoke out as his eyes clearly portrayed the eyes of a grieving man.

She is just two years older than me. That elegant woman I once met even by a second.

The same day she died on that guy's hand.

She was a strong woman who fought with him even without orders from the Master.

Protecting the Master's family was her only thought until her last breath.

I kneeled in front of her grave but my eyes seemed to finally run out of tears.

I can't bring myself to cry for her.

She protected the location of the Ubuyashiki Family with her own life.

Because its the family that is holding her last will. The family that became her reason to live again.

She abandoned the thought of soulmates and life just to protect that family.

"But, meeting you was a dream she has yet to abandon"

I felt a sudden tear on my left cheek when I recall the Master's last words before I left.

That showed me that having her as my other half is like a blessing.

She was too beautiful for me.

All this time, my deceased soulmate is the faceless girl in my dream.

Like she is sending me a message.

That she is not in this world anymore. Like the future that is meant for us can only be experienced in that dream of mine.

And it made my heart feel heavier.

Dear Soulmate,

I have probably taken my last breath when this reaches you. I know its not a good start for a letter but I can't help it.

Because I already dedicated my life as a Hashira.

But before everything, I want to apologize. Because the dream you wanted will just fall apart as you read this letter.

I don't want to reject you, whoever you are.

But I know for a fact, that I could have treated you better if we didn't live in this world where demons exist.

A life where you can find happiness with the destined soul meant for you.

I'm sorry if I failed that role.

I can't just bring myself to dedicate my life to loving you. Seeking for you.

But I hope you know how much I want to look for you. How many times I broke my family's rules just to find you.

I just want you to know how much I love you even before I met you.

Yet I'm also thankful that we didn't meet. Because it would be too painful if the other one leaves.

After all, we can die because of heartbreak.

If isn't too much...

If you can grant me just this one wish.

The dream that I broke in this life, I promise you, I will certainly make you happy in the next life.

Where you would allow me to make up everything to you. Where you can allow me to be your partner in the next life.

Maybe that way, it will make me breathe easier. That I will leave this world with good terms with you.

Where you won't hate me. Where you can appreciate even this slightest effort of writing my last will for you.

Soulmate that is destined to be mine, I love you even if the world breaks us apart. Even if our destiny didn't line up our future better.

I wish you a life that you can be proud of. A day where you can find the comrades that will make you keep moving forward.

A life full of blessings and happiness for you.

A Life where you can find your purpose like I did. I love you, don't forget that.

Sincerely, L/n Y/n

And like deprived prisoners, my eyes once again have been filled with tears that started to escape.

Even if she is gone. My heart started to get attached to her because of the memory she left behind.

That I started thinking of a life I can have if we ever met before she leaves this world behind.

Will my heartbeat quicken with just a glimpse of her like what they say? Will I soften my strong facade just for her? Will I do the most stupid things just to make her smile?

So many questions that lingered my mind but I knew only her presence could answer that.

And I would never find the answer until the next life.

Even with those thoughts, I know for sure that I won't regret having her as my partner.

Because her being mine is the biggest blessing I could have received if they didn't take her away from me so early.

We're destined together.

But not fated to meet each other

And that realization hurts

[keruimi]

He is Having a Fever

Pairing: Obanai Iguro x reader

Warning: Fluff, slight spoiler under his mask

A/n: Having difficulties posting this since there's a problem in tumblr. This is just a scenario unlike the usual oneshots because I'm running out of ideas so my apologies. I hope he is not ooc in this one and I hope y'all enjoy it!

_____________________________

One thing that is difficult when this guy gets sick is taking his food. This man being picky in food is tough enough but getting a fever where taste buds can get unpredictable is like a mission itself already.

You don't know what to cook for him without him getting nauseous.

Intake food became difficult for him because of what he went through in his childhood so you can't really complain when it comes to feeding him.

Another reason is his mask. He hasn't really shown you what's under his mask so that's another hindrance when you take care of him.

Especially on the first time he indeed got sick.

He was in denial at first until he finally couldn't ignore the hot feeling that couldn't be removed. It feels like he just finished his training.

The hot feeling of getting work up but at the same time, the feeling of fatigue like you just don't want to get up.

It was confusing.

It worsened when he refused to cooperate with you and just believed that medicine alone can heal it without resting.

"Obanai Iguro! What did I tell you about resting huh?" You called for him when you saw him training with his friend, Sanemi.

A lot of arguing took place before he abided by your wishes and followed you back to his estate.

"I was just out for a short time and you already went training. You really want your fever to spike up again"

He just sighed at your words before you felt his warm body hug you from behind.

"I can't stay still especially when you're not with me" he murmured that made you glance at his sleepy eyes.

You sigh in defeat before you pull him to his bedroom followed by a cough from him.

You sigh in worry before you take a bucket of clean water to wash him up.

You quietly unbutton his uniform as he lays his back on the bed frame.

"If you keep training without even taking a slight rest, you will really not get better" you spoke up again before he helped you remove his uniform.

"I thought it would be fine since--"

"Resting at night is not included" he sighed once again when you cut him off before you wash his body with cool water using a towel.

"Love, you really need to rest, okay? This will not take a week anyways" you spoke in a softer tone that made him lean on your hand that rested on his cheek.

"Let's remove your mask so you can breathe better" you once again ask him to remove it and he shook his head without any hesitations.

"Love..."

"I can't. I'm too scared to remove it" he whispered and you can't help but soften your gaze on his figure as he looks down on the blanket.

"You know, I won't leave. Sooner or later, you will show it to me" you set the bucket of water at the side table before walking to the closet to get his pajamas.

The moment you come back, it seems like he became more tired without the use of his mask.

It made you smile since he seems to get more comfortable without the bandages in his mouth. He can breath better.

"Love, do you want anything for dinner?"

He seems to tense up a little before he relaxes again when you help him change his clothing.

"I don't know. Can I just sleep?" He mumbled and laid his head on your shoulder that made you comb his hair.

"We can't do that. How about Zosui? It's nice to eat it in the cloudy weather" you spoke and you hear him hum as an answer.

"I don't want to be alone in the room" his words made you smile before you lay him down on the bed.

Your lover can really get clingy when he is under the weather. You decide to lure him to sleep so you can cook dinner and after a few minutes you finally manage to go to the kitchen.

You took your time making the rice soup as you check around the house to secure if everything is lock before finally finishing the meal.

You brought it to the bedroom along with yours so you can eat together since he won't oblige if he will be the only one eating.

You put the two bowls on the side table and put the bucket of water at the floor near the bed to give more space for the food and go back to the kitchen to get his water and medicine.

You started to wake him up after you prepared everything. He groggily wakes up as you peck the corner of his mouth that makes him freeze for a minute.

It was indeed the first time you saw his scars but the thing you prioritized the most right now is his fever so you could careless about it.

You pull the blanket off of him up to his knees so he can cool his body a little with the cold breeze tonight.

"Dinner's ready, Love" you assist him on sitting up but his slightly widened eyes are still gazing at you that lifted a small smile on your lips.

You cool down his food before offering a spoon of it to him. He slightly opened his mouth to receive it.

"You need to eat a lot so you can recover quickly." You mention as you mix his food for a while and continue helping him out before he lends his hand like he is asking for the food that made you give the food.

You sat beside him and he immediately rested his body to yours while he resumed eating as you started eating your own portion.

Sometimes, you tend to forget that he doesn't like to feel weak or useless even if he is having a cold or fever.

But you can't really help it when you love him. There is always the instinct to look after him since this is the only time he will lean on you.

The only time where you can take care of him instead of him always looking after you.

You glanced at his direction and saw him almost finishing his food.

"Do you want more?" You spoke up after the comforting silence as you nuzzled your head on his shoulder, feeling how warmer it is compared to his usual body temperature.

You felt him shake his head making you nod before putting your bowl down to get his water.

You wait for him to take his last bite before you take it away from his hands and lend the glass to him.

You took the wet towel again before you wiped his body again as an attempt to cool down his temperature.

"Take your medicine" I gave him the pill and he drank it without a second thought before putting the glass at the side table.

"How do you feel now?" You asked him as you raise his arm to run the towel on it as he just watches you do your own thing.

"Slightly better" he spoke followed by a kiss on your forehead before he leaned back at the bed frame.

"Eat your dinner, I'll wait for you here" you heard him in a more stable voice after eating the warm meal making you nod your head and clean the bowls and go your way to the kitchen.

When it's time for bed, you see him slightly hesitating on pulling you to him since he doesn't want you to get infected but it seems like he forgot that a while ago so you chose to sit beside his head and play with his hair to lure him to sleep once again.

"Thank you Y/n" he spoke with his arms around your waist while he rested his head near your legs, giving him a comfortable position feeling your presence with him.

"I love taking care of you Obanai" you murmured as you kept playing his hair as you saw him slowly closing his eyes.

"Because you got to see me in my vulnerable state" he grumbles with a slight disapproval making you let out a small laugh.

"Well, it showed me a different side of you" the atmosphere was warm and comforting, something good to be true as you felt him tighten his arms on your body making you run your hand on his arms to soothe the tension out.

"I'm glad to see every side of you" you whisper when you notice slightly drifting to the dream realm as you close your eyes to also rest.

If you just know...

You already fulfilled his dream.

And that is being beside him

[keruimi]

Her Radiance

Pairing: Giyu Tomioka x reader

Warning: Angst, spoilers I think (Not sure)

Note: Hi everyone! Before all of this, we have reached 50 followers (which is already a lot for me) it meant the world to me. These days, I have been thinking of what to post and since I want to cry, I read the manga again that gave me this idea. There's one request in my inbox for almost two months requesting for a Giyu fluff but I'm having a hard time fulfilling it so I chose Giyu for this oneshot to make it up for them. I hope all of you enjoy it and comment your thoughts about it! (I enjoy reading them)

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It has been six years since I met her. A woman whose grace and beauty match up with the swans.

A woman who became the Light Hashira. A title that has been given to her by the people who started to love her.

An unknown woman who just started to light up someone's world like a mother. She, whose status is like an older sibling in the corp.

A woman who made my eyes wander around my surroundings, just to at least catch a glimpse of her comforting beauty.

A person who became my weakness.

It all started when I reached the age of fifteen. Someone who asks for shelter in the pouring rain. A simple request that started everything.

When I first met her, her eyes held an exhausted gaze. A woman I thought wouldn't want to continue to live. Her silent silhoutte around the Ubuyashiki manor didn't move my heart at all.

That's why I thought I wouldn't fall in love with her.

Until she started to change like something came up to her. She started to become someone's comfort. Ranging from the lowest status on the corps till the highest.

Her once dull presence became something so warm and comforting

That I can't get enough of it.

I can't even count how many kakushis and slayers grew up under her wing. Until she became respected by everybody.

Until she got the title of the Light Hashira.

And one thing led to another. Thoughts about her keep appearing out of nowhere.

Until my mind completely has been filled with thoughts about her.

Yet I knew, that she would not see me more than a comrade of hers.

We have no interactions. But my eyes would always be on her form.

Her form where the smile on her lips never leaves. An eye which is filled with happiness.

Anyone would think that she is a fragile person because of her kindness.

But I think that nothing can break a woman who's already broken.

Because I knew, she also had a past like the rest of us. No one ever arrived at the corps with someone they love.

They always arrive alone. And their loved one would follow suit.

The thoughts on her mind remain hidden until she gets drunk after a celebration.

It was the first interaction I ever had with the woman I secretly admire.

"I was a product of my parents' first marriage. We were happy until their divorce occurred in my life"

I heard her mumbling behind me as I kept giving her a ride on my back to the way to her manor.

"They started to have their own family and I got completely left out. Like I never existed in their life" she slurred out but I can fear the emptiness of her tone.

"But my brother..."

"He became the second parent to me" I started to feel liquid on my shoulders making me halt on my steps.

"Until he left this world without me. To every kid or person I met, to the people I became nice with, I never forgot to mention him" she stuttered out as she began to chuckle.

"Like telling them that the person they love, grew up in the care of someone loveable like him." She reaches out her hands to the clear night sky like she is trying to reach the moon.

"I became someone like him to continue his footsteps that became the light in my own world. He is the sole reason why I chose to continue"

"That's why... I will not hesitate on dying, even if I'm scared of it" she rested her head back into my shoulder as I felt how my eyes started to gloss.

"Because I knew he was waiting for me"

And I confirmed that night. No one should love them because they won't be able to learn how to love you back.

Because they have already fulfilled their own goals.

I knew that, but I can't help myself fall in love more. I want to love her, the same way she loves others.

So she will feel again the emotion that she said to have lightened her world.

Yet, I can't fulfill that one simple goal.

When the fight with the demons started. I keep wishing, that the Gods can kill me just for her stead. Just for her to continue living even if she wants to reach her end.

I fought my eyes to keep open and my body to move when I saw her handling Muzan alone when we were thrown to the building.

I need to get up

Because if I don't, I will completely lose her from my grasp.

Get up

Like how I lose the people I love.

But my body won't follow my mind. I watched her fight without faltering, even with many injuries that began to be put in her body.

Get up

And my vision finally turned black. The moment I opened it again, I focused on fighting that my mind completely forgot about her in that one moment.

That one moment its a lot of time that made her slowly slip away from me.

And I'm not aware of it.

Fighting the demon version of Tanjiro made me wear out too.

And after that, I wanted to rest without a doubt.

Until she entered my mind again

"Y/n-san! Quick! Heal her!" I look back faster than I have ever done and saw her being surrounded by a lot of kakushi.

My feet quickly moved on their own accord but it lost its strength when I was close to her.

But I didn't manage to touch her.

"Giyu-san!"

Y/n...

I forced myself to crawl towards her and saw her eyes looking at the morning sky above us.

I quickly reached for her hand and felt her slow pulse that made tears fall from my eyes.

"Y/n, don't leave please" I found myself whispering to her as a Kakushi helped me get closer to her while others tried their best to heal her.

"Giyu" I heard her speak weakly that made me raise my head from the dirt to look at her.

"You were so lonely when I first met you..."

"It reminded me how the world ruined who I am. How my destiny tortured me" she stuttered out as she began to gasp heavy breaths that made me tighten my grasp on her hand.

"We were both lonely people that chose different paths"

"You reminded me who I was back then. You were the reason why I felt like I started to heal the wounds I obtained from those painful battles I fought by myself." The tears that have been built up from her eyes started to escape making me rest my head on her arm to stop myself from crying.

"Thank you, because you made me feel I am not alone. Made me feel like I am no different from others"

"I thought I could heal you... But I couldn't..."

I can feel her slowly losing her breath that made a sob escape my lips.

"That's why..."

"I'm sorry"

I heard the other people around me hold back their own sobs as someone's hand gently closed her eyes that made me break down crying.

As I finally felt her last heartbeat.

[keruimi]

Your Dream

Pairing: Obanai Iguro x reader

Warnings: Mention of Sexual Abuse, Death, Total Angst

Note: It has a similar plot with my other Obanai Oneshot but why do I feel like this hurts more? Anyways, I am back to writing Kny especially when it's angst. And yes, it's Obanai Iguro again, my favorite character. The only reason I wrote this is because of the Obamitsu Angst in my fyp like stop reminding me, it really hurts. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it because I don't want to suffer alone.

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It was a normal life I live, working as an average kakushi who is mostly assigned in the kitchen.

When an odd request from Oyakata-sama changes my routine. When he assigned me to deliver meals to the new pillar, the Snake Hashira, Obanai Iguro.

At the age of eighteen, I finally experienced the anger of a Hashira with just my presence.

Knowing I was silent my whole life, I never found the reason why the Hashira glared at me on our first meeting.

I can't even count how many meals have been ignored or thrown whenever I deliver it to him.

Feeding the Snake Hashira became part of my routine that I completely memorize the route of his manor since he doesn't want anyone to be with him.

"Y/n, please take care of Obanai Iguro's health for me"

Those are the words I hold onto as I tolerated the cold treatment of the Hashira.

I lost track of the times I stay outside the freezing cold when he doesn't want to open his door for me.

It became more torturing when my heart suddenly beat faster when he started treating me differently after a year.

When he finally started to accept the food I cooked and delivered to his manor. Even if he can't finish it, I am thankful that it wouldn't become a waste anymore.

I knew our simple interaction progressed more when he allowed me to come closer to his space. Even a job that I shouldn't be doing, I'm doing it for him.

Like cleaning his manor, grinding ink for him, and helping him sort different poetry he has written.

Those simple moments introduce me to the new side of him that I slowly fell in love with.

It made me want to try harder until the walls he built around him completely fall down.

Until he can finally open his heart to me.

But that friendship I tried to stabilize, brick by brick, became nothing when he met her in the Ubuyashiki mansion.

My effort is almost nothing with how easy she manages to make him soften to her.

And I started to look for the reasons why.

The friendship I tried so hard to build is ruined and I felt like I went back to the first time we met.

The cautious aura that made it difficult for me to connect to him.

And I knew those thoughts are really happening when the food I brought is left untouched.

"I have already eaten with Mitsuri"

It was the sentence I kept hearing but I didn't stop doing my duty of making his food for him.

Because I learned to love taking care of him.

Those tasty delicacies I used to love cooking, change when I noticed he was disgusted just by the smell of it.

I adjusted so many things that I completely forgot what I really love.

Just to serve him right.

I prevent the cough that is threatening to leave my mouth as I grind ink for the Hashira I am serving.

As he wrote the letter he always sent to her.

It was breaking me. But I have no right to feel anything for him.

I already knew ever since, that a high-ranking warrior like him is not meant to love me.

But the weak side of me silently yearn that he can return it.

But seeing how in love he is with another woman. I knew I never had a place in his heart.

But just a mere presence that accompanies him in the garden.

I was just a shadow he would never notice. A person that serves him, and he would not change his perspective on me.

I was beside him so I could serve him, not to love him.

I wipe the single tear and escape my eyes before he notices as I force my body to move according to what he wishes.

While he remained clueless of my emotion that I tried so hard to get rid of.

The emotion that broke my heart when I saw the ring in his room while I was cleaning.

I could never look at the mirror just to see how my eyes portrayed the pain I felt when I saw it.

"Obanai-san really liked Mitsuri, don't you?" I mustered up the courage to speak my thoughts with a slight teasing tone as my back faced him.

I bit my lip to stop the sob that is threatening to be heard as I heard shuffling behind me.

"Obanai-san must treat Mitsuri-san right. Marriage is a dream for every woman. Especially when they will have a good man to love" I turned to him with a smile as I slowly opened my eyes and saw how soft his eyes turned because of embarrassment.

I don't know his past. I don't know what he loves.

I don't know Obanai Iguro.

But I know he has a hard time trusting others.

"I hope you both live a happy life" I managed to let out but it came out as a whisper as I took my things and left the room.

I froze the moment I left his manor as the tears I managed to subside finally escaped my eyes as I found myself crying on the way back to the village I live in.

I knew it was coming but my heart won't stop aching. My eyes can't stop crying. My mouth can't stop sobbing.

I really love him.

But he is not mine.

~•°•~

I lost track of the years when the female kakushi started to serve me.

The only woman I allow to enter my manor with the excuse of serving me.

Because I thought of changing myself even a little no matter how much I feel fear or disgusted by a female approaching me.

Because she gave effort to providing me with the most comfortable thing I needed. Especially during my meal time.

Starting with a simple window being opened, creating less flavorful food that I can tolerate.

I knew she was adjusting for me so I let her presence in my everyday life. Until that became like a friendship I was thankful for.

I can talk to someone about things without including battles.

I love her like a family.

That explained how my body felt frozen when I heard the news of what happened to her on the way to my manor.

The news of her being taken advantage of by a man who manages to memorize her route to my manor due to her everyday routine of walking her way there.

The anger I felt was unexplainable that I can find myself hurting a fellow human.

I knew humans can be evil, but I didn't know I could hate them more than I hate demons.

But I thought I made a mistake too.

If I just let her stay in my manor so she wouldn't exert too much energy just for my food, I could protect her better.

I know I'm slowly losing control when my self-restraint almost fell apart when I visited her quarters and I found her silently sitting at the corner of her room, hugging her knees.

As the spark in her eyes completely vanishes.

"She refused to eat nor let another woman near her. When the others approach her, she flinches. We don't know how to approach her anymore" the Kakushi who led me to her room stuttered out as I felt my hand grip the wooden door in anger.

Yet my eyes badly wanted to cry for her.

"Shinobu tried to check on her but she started to cry whether she was near. We just confirm the situation when the evidence of the sexual abuse was present in her body when we found her unconscious in the forest"

"Stop talking" I snap at him who immediately keeps his mouth shut as my snake hiss at him who scurried away.

"Y/n, it's me" I knocked on the door even though it was already open to make her aware of my presence in the room.

I don't know how I control my voice who I thought will be expressed in a trembled tone.

I am a man.

That is the first thought that came to my mind that made me decide to sit at the floor near the door.

"Obanai Iguro, you know me, right?" I spoke again and she kept her silence making my hands tighten its hold on my pants.

I'm not used to this side of her.

"Are you scared of me?" I asked slowly as silence occupied the entire room before she shook her head a little.

"May I come closer?"

With that question, I notice how her hands tighten on the blanket surrounding her making me release a shaky breath.

I never knew I was willing to hurt a fellow human just for her.

It made me want to make the man suffer badly. Worse than what he did to her.

"I'm sorry" I was left speechless when those were left on her lips and I immediately shook my head.

"Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong. It was them that wronged you" I am not good at words but I wanted to completely express my concern and pain for her.

I badly wanted to avenge her.

"It was me who should apologize because I was not there for you"

"I am not your responsibility..." She whispered and I shook my head once again, wishing for her to look at me even once so she can see how badly I am hurt for what she has experience.

How desperate I am to show she was not alone during this time.

"You are. Because you are important to me" I felt tears in my eyes as Kaburamaru slithered his way to her and slowly circled around her shoulder in a protective manner.

"I am tainted..."

"You're not" I firmly stated. "I am the tainted one between the two of us" those words quickly left my lips without any hesitations and she finally had the courage to look in my direction.

"So don't look at yourself that way. For me, you are still the same Y/n that accompanied me" I stuttered out as I tried to stabilize my breathing.

"I will seek justice for you. That's a promise"

I saw how a tear left her eyes as she looked outside the window. Removing her gaze on me.

"In our generation, marriage is every woman's dreams. Is a symbol of acceptance. Is where you will really feel you are loved and chosen by someone" she whispered.

"But in order to be chosen, you need to be pure, compliant, and well-mannered. That's what it takes to be a good wife" she stated as Kaburamaru nuzzled his head on her cheek when he noticed her difficulty in breathing.

I badly want to lend her my shoulder to lean on, an advice to make her mind clear. But in this situation, we both knew she just needed an ear to listen to her.

Someone to comfort her with just presence.

"But if you don't meet those requirements, you will be shunned by society. You will lose the qualification that a wife has."

"Right now, I will not be the wife of someone. I will not be married to a man I will dedicate my life to. Because I don't have my purity that only my husband should have." She whispered.

It was a painful word to state out loud. But right now, I can't read her.

Because she completely closed off her emotions.

"I don't fit the standard that a wife should have." She whispered as she buried herself in her blanket that hid herself from me.

"And it hurted so badly"

I closed my eyes when she spoke those words.

And I hate myself because I can't do anything for her but just torture her attacker.

"What else is your dream other than marriage?" I ask her as she closes her eyes to rest it for a little while.

"I want to meet the one that is willing to spend their entire life with me" it was a hopeful wish.

Silence occupy the room and I thought she fall asleep until she whispered the words I never expected to hear from her.

"I love you..." It was barely heard but I knew it was the words she hide for so long.

That made it known to me that I could grant that dream to her.

But I decide to give her the time she needs to heal from that painful experience.

She needs to heal.

Those are the thoughts I could only think of as I laid her down in her bed in a more comfortable position when I noticed she had finally fallen asleep.

But I never expected that it would be the last time I would see her with her eyes open.

Because when I came back the next day, the news of her death was the one that greeted me.

It was a nocturnal death because her heart failed during her sleep.

It finally felt like my whole world collapsed and my mind completely shut down.

If it weren't for Sanemi being beside me, I would have completely fallen on the floor as I kneel in front of her room.

It hurts.

I wanted it to stop.

But I know that nothing could make her happy anymore.

Because that nightmare would continue living within her for the rest of her life.

I never manage to cherish her smiles more. I only shrugged the moments I have with her because I thought we would stay that way.

That I never knew I was running out of time.

It took every cell in my body to approach her cold body that is covered with white cloth as I kneeled beside her.

I silently slid the ring that she found on my mansion in her finger as tears continued escaping from my eyes as Sanemi just stood behind me.

I lost someone who made me feel like I have the family I never have.

In this life, we were parted to heal.

But I will make sure that her wish will be granted.

"In this life" I started to whisper as my lips lean on her fingers where the ring stays.

"As God as my witness, I promise to take you as my bride. Give myself as your other half" I keep mumbling as I squeeze her cold hand as tears continue to fall from my eyes.

"That even death can never separate us. Because in our next life, I'll make sure, that I will utter this words to you again"

And in that life, you will be alive to hear it

[keruimi]

One's Mistake and Responsibility

Pairing: Suna Rintarou x reader

Warnings: Cheating

Note: I really don't know how to put this in words but the plot is there. So early apologies when my words seems repetitive. I hope y'all enjoy

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Out of 8 billion people, why am I one of the unlucky people to be fated to a cheater?

Even after 5 years of being together, my husband's lust is unstoppable.

I can't even count how many women he has already slept with.

While I need to keep it together for the sake of the contract between our families.

I watched with doubtful eyes at the sultry smile of the flight attendant towards my husband on our way back home to Japan.

A boiling anger settled on my chest but I knew I need to watch my actions if I don't want to inflict my parent's business.

It was a duty I needed to protect. A situation I need to endure. And a role I need to take.

I let out an annoyed sigh making my husband retreat his hand from even reaching out to the woman who I gave a side glance with.

Recognizing me, she immediately left with an apologetic smile as I slapped the hands of my husband away from me.

"Don't even try ruining our name at the party later"

I grumbled before I looked away as I rethink my life decisions.

One day, I wish I could have the courage to completely leave behind this situation without my fear of the consequences.

Because the only reason I stayed is because I don't want to leave this kind of lifestyle I got used to.

The luxury, the power, and the authority I grew up with is harder to let go than I thought.

Not even my self-respect can reach my desire to maintain that kind of lifestyle.

The only reason I tolerated my husband's infidelity.

But I also desired to live while happily married.

Yet I know I can't get it in this marriage.

Those thoughts of infidelity conquer my mind even at the party as a reunion with his friends at the bar.

Drink after drink, I can't even count how many glasses I already took to get my eyesight blurry.

I groaned in frustration as I stumbled around the place of the establishment, finding the exit to leave my husband on it.

Until a silhoutte of a man with his eyes closed, sitting in one of the VIP booths took my breath away. There's no denying how my eyes trail on his well built body before I look back at his face once again and see his eyes already on me.

Before he stood up and made his way to me, like a body being pulled towards me.

It was the night where I enjoyed myself to my heart's content.

And also at night I committed one of the greatest sin.

And that's adultery.

Yet the lips of the man on my body seemed to be engraved on my memory that I never want it to stop when we started.

Yet it is one of the sins I despised to begin with.

It's the sin that ruined me.

And I didn't even know I would have the heart to do it.

I bit my lower lip to prevent myself from crying as I made my way to the bathroom to fix my mess up form as the man I slept with continued to lay on the bed.

It seems to be his apartment, with the masculine fragrance around the room. I took a few breaths, ignoring the ache from the lower part of my body as I wore the dress I wore last night.

I called one of my trusted friends to pick me up from the apartment building where I was taken to as I continue to cover my neck littered with evidence.

Evidence of my infidelity.

And after covering the memory of my tainted loyalty, I left the place without looking back anymore, nor even try to memorize the face of the man I slept with.

It was a past I never wanted to remember.

The moment I went back to the house after cleaning myself up, I began to notice the changes of the way how I look at my husband.

My eyes once look at him with disgust, now look at him with guilt.

That night never fail to bring tears in my eyes that I don't even want to let my husband near me.

It was a sin that pushed me to end my failing marriage.

Especially when that sin blooms permanent evidence of that night.

And that is two lines on the pregnancy tests I took.

With shaky hands, I ran out of the house and drove my way to a place far away. It was the reason that made me finally have the courage to break the marriage.

Before the whole world got to know about the existence of the kid in my stomach that can drag my family's name to the dirt.

It was a long time I endured just to finalize the divorce. My emotional distress, morning sickness. I hid it away in the eyes of everyone who looked at me.

I didn't even bring up me and my husband's infidelity as a reason for the divorce.

I simply don't want to see nor hear that word.

It was a secret I would take to my death. A secret I would hide to keep my name clean.

After the divorce, I went to the same bar to create a situation where I got pregnant that day, to hide it happening during my marriage.

It's one of the only reasonable things that I can think of. Finding its father is not one of them.

It's been so long since I have slept with my husband the moment I got to know about the other girls.

So the kid I'm carrying is really from the man that night.

There's regret, but there is happiness that I am free.

And now my problem is how to raise the baby without the world judging them.

Coming from a high-status family, there are many eyes on me.

So that secret should only stay on me.

I sighed on the new situation I put myself in as I caress the bump in my stomach. It's been 5 months ever since that night.

Yet the memories created on it still haunt me to this day.

Giving me the choices to let this kid grow up with an incomplete family or with a complete one.

And I knew I wanted the last one.

But how can I still disturb the father of my baby when he also has a reputation to protect.

A man I remembered on the night no matter how much I try to forget it.

Suna Rintarou

One of the best volleyball players representing our country.

It was a man with a status that I slept with.

My hands stop as I watch the TV Screen showing him who manages to score a block point.

"Look baby..." I stuttered as tears formed in my eyes.

"Look at your daddy..." I sobbed out as tears escaped from my eyes realizing that I dragged my baby to the mess I created.

It was my fate as a sinner.

The loneliness when I gave birth to my son alone. The guilt that I carry when I hold him.

That Suna Rintarou doesn't love me.

And I don't want his life to be tied to me just because of our baby.

Someone we never ask for. A complete accident.

But everything was my fault. If I didn't panic, I could have drank a pill before it developed.

But now I have the little bundle of joy in my arms, I don't know what my next move would be.

It's either choosing our baby or him.

I cooed my kid, Ryouki, who kept playing with his mittens as I observed his features.

Whose eyes is a complete replica of his father. It was simply his look-a-like.

If I ever show him to the world, it would be too obvious.

So I hid him from the rest of the world. I worked from home to take care of him better but there's always a feeling of desiring him to meet his father.

But I'm not ready to hear his words. Yet I don't want him to be absent in our son's life.

That led me to my current decision of attending his next game along with Ryouki who just reached 5 months old.

I can feel my son's excitement with his little giggles and blabbers as I make him wear a fox onesie that resembles his dad.

While his mom is going crazy with their next step.

The moment I arrive in front of the stadium, I can feel my whole body tremble but I force myself to put myself together for my son.

I sat on one of the VIP chairs without forgetting to wear my mask to keep my identity hidden.

I even wore a different style of make up for them to not recognize me.

Since I can already feel the many eyes on Ryouki who is looking around while holding a volleyball plushie.

That moment made me wonder if I did the right decision. So many hesitations completely get thrashed when me and the volleyball player locked eyes together.

It was after the match when our gazes meet each other and his never left anymore.

His eyes slowly trail below and I notice how his eyes widen a little before looking away and whisper to their manager.

I can feel my son's excitement with his hands flailing around when the player he has been looking at finally look at him.

Without even a minute, a security invite to personally meet the players which I nodded along.

I am ready to receive humiliating words. Just for my son's complete family.

Because it was my mistake to begin with.

They led me to one empty comference room as I made milk for him to take his afternoon nap when the door of the room once opened again and his stature greeted me.

I remove my mask before I bowed at him.

"Can I have this moment to explain everything?"

He sat in front of me as I feel like my chest is about to burst in anxiety.

His eyes never leave our son before he sighed deeply and massage his forehead.

"No need for explanation when he is clearly mine" I heard him mumble as I feel my anxiety continue to rise.

"I'm sorry. I panic that time so I didn't manage to prevent it from developing" I heard my voice tremble as his eyes continue to stare at our son that made him sigh once again.

"How do I say this..." He trailed off before his eyes found mine.

"I never found myself as a family man. I simply never thought of marriage and such" he continue his words.

"I'm sorry for being selfish Suna-san. I don't want to force you on being with me for our baby's sake. But I wish for you to appear in the most important times of his life. So it would make him feel complete. I don't want him to grow up with only one parent" I cut my words off when I notice him in front of me.

"Let me" he mumble before he took Ryouki from my arms who started kicking his feet in excitement and that seems to tugged a small smile from his father.

"He really is mine" he mumbled like a realization before he craddle the little one is his arms.

"I can try, Y/n" I heard his next words clear that brought tears to my eyes from the guilt and happiness I felt.

"I'm really sorry" I cried out that made him pull me towards him to lend his shoulder to silence my cries on.

"I never dream of loving and marrying someone. But it seems like fate decided for me and I know I would welcome this with open arms"

It showed me another side of the volleyball player. That no matter how unreachable he is, he still knows to understand someone's situation and willing to take responsibility.

That it hurted me that I did this to a good man.

But that guilt slowly disappear when throughout our relationship, I found myself slowly falling in love with him.

As our son grows, our love for each other also grows. But the thought of 'sense of responsibility' never left my mind at all.

Was it really possible for him to love me?

Even when we got married, that became one of my biggest insecurities.

Because I found love from an unexpected situation.

A situation where you shouldn't find it at all.

A relationship that formed because of responsibility.

A Love that is built because of a Mortal Sin

[keruimi]

Lingering Gazes

Pairing: Bokuto Koutaro x reader

Warning: Slight Angst and Fluff

Note: I don't know how to write it better but I deeply relate to the reader. I love calm boys like Akaashi but Bokuto took my entire attention away. Hope you all enjoy!

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When I was a kid, I always wanted someone to like me. The smart ones, and boys who can provide a good future for the both of us.

And the more I grew up, I found myself getting interested with the stoic and cool leading man in every drama I watch.

Someone who will gently treat me better than other girls. The type of man who is the dream of every lady.

And I thought I would never change that standard, even if those type of boys were the one who badly broke me.

Until I surprisingly found myself falling in love with the volleyball Ace of the Academy.

Bokuto Koutaro whose presence can immediately light up the day of the students he passed by with.

Like the Sun in my world. Like a medicine that can heal my wounds.

He is the opposite of who I wanted. Yet loving him felt so right.

But I am aware that I will just be another stranger in his eyes. An average student who is part of the audience who watched him play on the court.

Even if he is friendly, he still seems too far for me to reach.

A remarkable volleyball player in the history of the Academy.

I'm sure the type of man who will already make a name in the country would want someone as great as them.

No matter who they are. And it was discouraging.

Until that far admiration on the Ace gradually closes its distance when all the students are called to the gym for announcements.

My eyes never left his figure who kept showing his bubbly side to his friends who just keep up with the topic of his talking about.

A small smile made its way to my lips when I saw how happy he is everyday.

An unusual emotion to feel with the stress the school has given to us. That sometimes it made me think if he ever felt negative since he seems to be the only lifting up the mood.

A difficult role he manages to easily fill up.

"Y/n, what food did you bring today?" My classmate's voice made me immediately remove my gaze from the man before they look at where I have my eyes set on.

"Sushi" I whispered before I started to offer it to them and like a flock of hungry animals, they started asking for me which I always agreed on until I heard his excited voice in front of me.

"Can I have some too?"

"Bokuto-san" I heard his favorite's setter disbelief making my smile a bit bigger.

"Of course Bokuto-san. You can have the rest"

His eyes seemed to brighten up more when I lent him the container that has 5 more sushi as he gradually took it.

I can feel my cheeks getting warmer that made me start looking for my mask just to cover up the smile that is threatening to get bigger the longer he stayed complimenting the food I gave.

"L/n-san, my apologies for him"

"Did you make this? It's the best sushi I have eaten" Bokuto cut him off while still chewing the food that made my heart swell more.

It was the opportunity I took to get closer to the Ace.

I mean, it goes with the saying...

One way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

And with a man like Bokuto, that can mostly happen.

Small things can make him happy. That it pushed me to start learning how to sketch just to draw the grins that lift from his lips because of me.

Just to help me engrave that memory as one of the happiest moments in my life.

Because in even another way, I still manage to interact with my biggest crush in my entire life.

It was an accomplishment that made me different from who I was before when I just secretly liked him.

Now I started to openly show it.

And I know the people around him also began to notice.

How my eyes linger longer on his retreating back. The way my eyes seem to spark when I watch him play the sport he deeply loved.

The way I shakily gave him the bento I made for him.

It was obvious actions that he didn't think of deeper.

And it made me dejected that if I don't confess now, only my eyes would look at him with fondness.

And the hope of it returning will never happen if I stop moving.

That brought me in front of the gym doors with the sketchbook in my hands.

The best gift I can think of is to portray my feelings.

Is to show him how I look at him.

It was a lot of deep breaths before I mustered up the courage to knock on the door until his teammates teasing voice became more clear.

"We knew it!"

"Akaashi! This is your fault! You promise to not tell them!" I heard his screeching voice that made me put a hand on my mouth to suppress the giggle that is attempting to escape from my lips.

Until I stopped when I heard the next word of his friends.

"Bokuto, it's obvious that you like her. It is not difficult to know how you seem to be happier when she appears in your view!" Konoha's words stab an arrow straight to my heart when it reaches my ears.

He likes someone?

I stood silent in front of the gym door as thoughts began to appear on my head.

Who is it?

Is it fine for me to hope that it would be me?

Is she someone he knows?

Is he really in love with someone right now?

"Bokuto-san, why don't you just confess to L/n-san?" It made me snap from my train of thoughts when the familiar voice of his setter stated those words.

L/n...

Me?

"But Akaashi" my mind went blank from the conversation I am eaves dropping on right now but it didn't fail me to imagine that the Ace is pouting right now.

"Wow" I muttered breathlessly from the new revelation.

The happiness I felt was unexplainable and only the thing I did to save myself from humiliation is to back away and start running away from the gym.

Just to let this happiness be expressed.

"Oh my gosh" I felt tears form in my eyes as I stood in the school garden with the sketchbook on the bench.

I can't prevent the squeals that bubble up in my throat as I jump around in delight.

His untold feelings made me happy.

And at that time, I am not aware of how his eyes my energetic figure around the garden.

All this time...

His eyes also lingered on my form.

Like how my eyes watch him

[keruimi]

Her Breaking Point

Pairing: Semi Eita

Warnings: Angst with a happy ending. Slight mention of self-harm

Note: It feels like he is very out of character but I think it really suits him the best. Not proofread. Hope you all enjoy it!

_____________________________

I am known for being the girlfriend of the popular student of the Academy.

Semi Eita.

A talented musician with flawless volleyball skills that makes anyone love him.

Including me...

Ever since we became a thing, I was the happiest among the two of us.

An average student that have no talent nor knowledge. I just simply did my best just to be accepted in the academy.

But I have no forte.

I treated him right. Treated him better than I did with myself.

I loved him more than who I am.

The never-ending judgement whenever I walk through the hallways. The doubting snickers from what I can really give to my boyfriend.

Everyone questioned our relationship.

The whispers were so cruel that even I questioned his feelings.

He have nothing to love on me.

I have a bad personality, I'm not good at anything.

I simply have no worth to be with him.

Yet I tried my best to not be possessive on every action he did. I wanted to trust him.

I don't want to suffocate him with my worries that it would make me look paranoid.

That I allowed him to talk to any woman who approached him. Never prevent him from receiving the gifts that were meant for him.

Until the new manager of the volleyball team arrived in his life.

A woman who simply at his worst times when his mind started to break down.

A woman who soothes his worries with the words he needed to hear.

Comforting words that should be stated by me.

His volleyball training became a stumbling block for us to have our alone time together.

Meaning more time with her.

Those thoughts never left my mind when I started to walk back home.

If it weren't for the strict coach. I could have at least be persistent.

Always remind him that I still exist. That our relationship still exists.

Yet a feeling that I am sharing my boyfriend so easily started to occupy my mind. That I don't care who he was with.

But it really hurt me.

When after those moments with her, he started to really become distant on me. When it feels like the relationship label was the one left for me to assure myself.

The more I watch from the sidelines, the more I notice how their relationship improves. While ours started to deteriorate.

Until it started to feel like there were no 'us' in their world.

He treated her better. While I watch in the sidelines because I couldn't force myself in.

It was not my place to be jealous or ask for something when she was there more than I did.

It made me feel so damn inferior.

Until the last straw truly threw every faith I held for our relationship.

When one day, waiting in the park as cloud started to gather in the sky. When minutes turned to hours.

Until I finally accepted the thought...

Of him forgetting our second anniversary.

I can hear my footsteps on the wet concrete floor as the rain poured hard on the place.

It was cold. Very cold.

I thought I should let it slide like usual. I let it slide because they focus on winning the spring interhigh preliminaries.

I gave him space for him to focus on.

But I realized that I was never his distraction.

When with the slight gap between the gym doors clearly displayed the bond between my boyfriend and their new manager.

They were laughing at the bench during their break time as they had talk with the team.

It made me realize, I was never part of it.

I was never part of his passion nor his life.

It was just a temporary feeling that he seemed to have forgotten long ago.

That I realize there's no use in our relationship anymore.

When he looked at her the same way he did to me when we both fell in love with each other.

I unknowingly let go of the umbrella I was holding as my biggest fear finally drowned me.

I made no effort to keep our relationship stable. I simply let him slip away from me because I don't want to be a possessive partner.

I don't want to let jealousy take over that would make him think I never trusted a man like him.

And I knew I shouldn't give him my entire faith.

I felt my feet step back little by little before I decided to turn my back on the gym.

With trembling hands and anger blooming in my chest. I throw my phone to the ground as I stomp on it many times to ease the uncomfortable feeling in my chest.

The jealousy, the hatred, the pain, and the heartbreak.

I don't know how to remove them from my chest.

I'm so jealous.

I thought if I had nothing to give, I could at least be understanding of him. I can make him feel free without restraining him from anything he wishes to put his mind to.

But it was damn difficult.

The rain, the heavy breaths, and clouded mind was the only thing I remember until I see red in my vision.

That brought me the present where a hand held the scissors that cut through the skin of my wrist.

Yet it didn't ease the pain I'm feeling.

It was simply impossible to forget the pain.

Forget everything in the world around me.

I heard knocking on the door of my dormitory as I heard his muffle voice which fueled the anger within me.

It hurts. Why did I make myself for granted.

"Y/n, answer me please"

The time when I finally started to hate him.

I felt the blood on my wrist trickled down on my hand as I slowly sat down on the floor of the living room.

I don't want him to enter my heart anymore.

Avoiding the man became easier, when I got sick the next day and that turned into a week until I'm finally suitable to attend classes again.

"Y/n? Are you really fine to attend class today?"

I heard my dormmate ask me as I pulled the sleeves of my uniform to hide the marks I gave to myself as I felt a tear escape from my eyes.

It's really tiring to hide everything.

"I'm fine"

I wipe the tear that manages to escape and find the courage to face the outside world again.

I conserve myself by finally starting to respect my space instead of tiring myself to make anyone like me.

When it is only temporary.

"Y/n, someone's looking for you" my classmate uttered when the last class was finally finished.

I looked on the window when I heard her words as the reflection of the mirror showed his silhouette approaching the table as I didn't bother looking back at him who settled my things on the side before he sat on my table, waiting for all of the students to leave before he started to talk to me.

"Y/n.."

"Let's break up" I decided to bring up the thing that prevented me from being who I was.

A relationship that should only be considered a label and title, not a sign of rights.

Yet amidst the anger, it felt like my heart ached when I uttered those words.

"Can we please not go there?" I heard him muttered yet I never bothered to focus my gaze on him.

"Why not? Its the best decision I can choose"

I felt his breath hitched from my words as I stood up from my seat to start packing my belongings so I can escape towards the comfort of my own bedroom.

"Y/n please, I didn't mean to forget about it. I was so busy and tired that it slipped from my mind but my presents and plans for our anniversary are already prepared at that time"

"So?" I snap at him as I finally turn to look at him.

"How does that change anything when your presence is not there? You wasted my time Semi" I watch how his eyes glossed from my words as I looked back on my bag to close its zipper before I felt his arms surrounded my body making me stay still in my position.

"I'm sorry please. It won't happen again. I'll do anything, just stay. I can't bear losing you" he cried out but only one word appeared on my mind.

"Liar..." I felt that word slip from my mouth as a whisper as I heard a sob leave his own lips.

"Y/n"

"Get off me" I removed his arms from before I took the straps of my bag when he kneeled in front of me that made me halt from my steps.

"Please, give me a chance. I'll do better. Just..." He bit his bottom lip as I felt my chest started to feel heavy that made my hand turn into a fist.

"You don't know how much I suffer when I choose to stay." I started off as I looked out to the window where the sun hid behind the clouds that block the light I need to calm my mind down.

"You don't know how worthless I felt when I chose to stay. Why don't you just ask your manager out?" I glanced at him down who looked up at me as he took a hold of my hand.

"I don't like her that way, Y/n. I promise"

"Promise and promises. But was never fulfilled." I look at him with glossy eyes.

"I never felt like I was yours to begin with. I never feel like I am your partner. Other than the first few months of our relationship before that time started to fade, what else did you give?" I snatched my hand away from his grip as I took deep breaths to calm myself down.

"You never tried giving me the time I needed because of practices. You never give boundaries to other women just because I stayed silent. Don't you know she became my biggest insecurity?" I stuttered out.

"Semi Eita, out of everyone. You are the person who made me feel like I'm not deserving of any love."

"Let those words sink in"

And I left the room in tears as I found my way back to my dorm.

I want him to leave. Leave and never look back like what he always did.

But it became difficult when he started to give his time to pursue me again.

Yet where will this end up again. That painful cycle will just repeat once again.

"Y/n, I brought you lunch since your dorm mate told me that you have been skipping lunch for weeks." His voice was so soft that I thought it was not the Semi Eita I once knew.

The hot headed, and competitive person I knew.

I slightly pushed away the bento before I continued working on the script for a grouping as I heard a sigh before he rested his head on the table.

"Y/n, it hurts"

It felt like those words made me want to stop from continuing my work as I felt the urge to just let out everything.

The pain I heard from his voice. The exhaustion was so evident that it feels possible that the moment he will stand up, he would lose consciousness.

"I badly miss you" his voice tremble followed by a weak sob that made me stop from typing on the keyboard.

We both feel like strangers to each other.

It felt like we couldn't see the person we once loved so much before.

"Stop it Semi. You're losing yourself"

I heard a low laugh before his hands reached my own ones.

"I really love you Y/n. I really do that why it hurts so badly" he stuttered out as I felt him tighten his grip on my hands.

"Is there really no other way to make things right?" He whispered as his grip loosened before he drew circles on my hands that began to remind me how much these small moments meant everything to me before.

But right now, it was something I never seek for anymore.

I got so tired that I'm not sure if that love I held from him is still here.

I don't know if it still existed.

Yet a part of me doesn't really want to lose him. A part of me questioned whether I acted too quickly.

Times when my mind became my own enemy just because of him.

Moments when I chose him over me.

"Semi-"

"I love you" he whispered that cut me off as I stared at his features that focused on the hand he was caressing.

Is it worth giving him another chance?

Just for the love that bloomed between the two of us before?

Those were the words that I thought to myself before. When that heartbreak and anger took over my heart until the love and happy memories I created with him saved the relationship I chose to leave.

I sighed in relief as I felt his thumb slowly apply the cream on my wrist as I leaned back my body on him who supported me from behind as my thoughts started to drift to the past.

I don't want to make him feel the feeling I felt before. The feeling of losing yourself because of love.

Because at that time, he was really so different from the man I loved.

The time where he would kneel in front of the dorm just to let him into my life once again.

The time he started to give me flowers, gifts that he usually never gave me. And even taking one flower from it so he knows when to buy me a new one.

The time when he never left my side no matter how much I wanted him to leave. The time he completely chooses me over the things he needs to finish.

It was those small things that made me want to give our love a second chance. A chance where we could be the better person for the other.

Where I can start to learn to speak for myself, say anything I wanted to say so the other would be aware of what could hurt me and what couldn't.

I was not that persistent that it became a miscommunication of feelings. Those miscommunications became a reason for small mistakes to be completely noticed.

It was a tiring memory but the warmth he radiates from his body as he soothes the wounds in my wrist.

He brought it up to his lips and left a small peck on it before giving a peck on my neck then to the corner of my lips making me smile and turn to look at him to give a quick kiss on his lips.

That break up became the reason for him to look after me better. Make the first move about everything if I started to hesitate on my words.

He finally made me content and secured.

A relationship that once hurt me. It became something we started to really cherish.

A bond that confirmed that...

He is mine and I am his