#They got the first sex scene too HAHA love that for the gays

[itsanidiom]

(^ u ^;) 

[ladysomething]

not really unique but maybe some kind of actors/movie star au where max and charles are the two it boys of hollywood and therefore have always been pitted against each other as rivals. however, they’re casted together in a movie with an esteemed director that neither want to refuse. then they fall in love woopty doo !!

firstly it's not your job to make the concept unique! that's on me baby! so don't stress about it, and I love this idea!!

also... this one got so long haha

ok so to keep the past tension, for sure they were on like. a Disney channel show together growing up. pit against each other like Zendaya and Bella Thorne.

they were playing best friends and had amazing chemistry, but secretly couldn't stand each other. Max is definitely a repo baby, whereas Charles is so pretty he gets a lot of opportunities. they both resent each other because of it: Charles thinks Max gets everything because of his dad, whereas Max thinks Charles get everything because he's pretty.

eventually they have a big fight on set, and the show gets shut down because of it. maybe they get physical - maybe they just refuse to work with each other anymore

Max is the first one to rebuild his image - he works and works on as many movies as he can, trying to only be in Serious Dramas so people know he's a Real Actor

whereas Charles kind of disappears from acting for a while and instead turns to modelling

cut forward, they're both very successful in their fields. Max already has an Oscar, whereas Charles is getting brand deal after brand deal

and then, like, Scorsese or Greta Gerwig or somebody incredible goes to Charles and pitches a movie to him

some kind of really angsty, dramatic, gay love story set on the Italian coastline (heh heh, just because I think I'm funny, let's make the movie be based on Give Me That Fire lmao) (even though that was set in London) (lets make it GMTF but set in a restaurant on the Italian coastline lol)

anyway so Charles turns them down at first and says he doesn't act anymore, but Greta Gerwig is like, "No, I want you in this part, and you can have first pick of your co-star."

So Charles, "I want Max."

Max is tentative at first, doesn't want to work with Charles, but Gerwig says that Charles picked him and so Max ends up agreeing

it's super awkward between them at first, so they end up having to do some bonding exercises to try and ease the tension, and while they do it they apologise to each other for their behaviour as kids and congratulate each other on their successes

filming is much smoother from there, and Charles and Max end up admiring each other's skill

Charles appreciates how hard Max works, and how much more he achieved that his than his father, while Max is impressed with how good Charles still is even though he hasn't acted in years

they end up kind of being like ... "Hey, you're not too bad?" and spending a lot of time together outside of filming

maybe Charles spends a couple nights in Max's hotel room

they film that really intimate sex scene from GMTF and afterwards they're both so emotionally spent but also a little turned on from the tension and the kissing, even though its a Film Set and they're not actually that sexy to film

Max absolutely falls in love first - he realises what he's feeling for Charles, and pines hopelessly from a distance

meanwhile Charles is terrified of being Known and Knowing Somebody, and he can't let himself fall in love

but Max is so sweet and charming and the more time they spend together they more he realises just how wrong he's always been about Max

anyway, by the end of filming they're both hopelessly in love but neither have admitted it

they part ways, Charles going back to modelling, Max moving on to his next movie, and then they're reunited for the press tour

they end up confessing their feelings during the tour and having an intense affair, but at the end of it they decide to go their seperate ways because of how busy they both are ... though obviously neither of them actually want to seperate. they just think the other person does.

anyway the movie comes out and everybody loves it, they praise their acting and the range of emotions Charles showed and how well Max embodied this lonely chef and the chemistry the two of them had and how well it told the story of these people who had been in love and who's relationship had fallen apart, but then who had wanted to try again anyway despite it (yeah obvi it's a metaphor for Charles and Max's relationship in this universe too haha)

it ends up getting nominated for a bunch of Oscars, and Max gets nommed for best actor and Charles for best supporting actor

idk if Max wins but Charles definitely does

and at the after party they find each other and it's just inevitable, really, that they'd kiss again

anyway from there they'd basically just make it work, because they admit they're in love and want to give it a go, so they do

Max keeps acting, and Charles gets to choose between modelling and acting, whatever he wants. idk exactly how it would end aside from them being very happy!

[scrapyardboyfriends]

Well that was...something. Haha.

When I got to the almost kiss scene, I honestly just burst out laughing? Is this supposed to be working for us or Aaron? Cause it's...not. Aaron was right when he said John needed to work on his routine because again that was straight out of Nate's least sexy ever affair with Moira playbook.

Just..."because you know why we're both still here" is somehow a lot better than "I know what you want" which feels like Nate's "you know you want me".

Like if I were Aaron, I would have laughed in his face at that embarrassment of flirting. I would have been like "mate, does that ever actually work for you?" Except that I guess it did in their forced first meeting.

Besides the obvious, I'm just really struggling with the convoluted, contrived way they've set this all up.

It reminds me of the Ben thing too, just automatically putting this weird romantic/sexual framing on it before it has a chance to reach that place on its own.

Just like, imagine instead of his hook up app, Aaron decided to go to whatever gay bar is in Hotten these days and try and meet someone and John showed up looking to get a drink while in town for his mother's funeral. We see them meet, chat a little, maybe actually see some natural banter/chemistry and then they leave and sure, hook up in his dumb van. And then Eric's car is still in the shop because I don't know, Mack went out as Aaron's wing man, per Vic's request, and got into work too late to fix it, so he encourages Vic to drive Eric to the funeral.

Then at least they met without the explicit trappings of a hook up where it was pretty anonymous and barely had an exchange before it was like "oh well we were supposed to have sex so let's have sex".

Could also have had Aaron just run into him on the side of the road and generously helped him fix his car enough to get it to the nearest garage where oh look, he meets Vic. But they could have been flirting while he was fixing the van and then kissed and ended up having sex in the van.

Just like...anything other than this nonsense where they have this super contrived hostility based on such a nonsensical plot point of John driving off with Aaron's stuff for no reason.

And then I might buy that Aaron would actually still have some attraction to him despite everything and a scene like today might have worked better for me??

I just don't know how believable it is that Aaron is attracted enough to John that he would go there based on that kind of pitiful flirting after all of this other nonsense, after he knows this is Robert's secret gay half brother and all of those feelings came up.

Sigh...

The Mack and Aaron friendship stuff is still fun, aside from the fact that this little war they have with John is so baseless and yes, their actions are super immature. But I still like the trio of the two of them and Vic interacting. Tiny slivers of silver lining.

Also...John is just an asshole. I just don't know what issue they have with bringing in likable characters. At least Robert was a smooth talking charmer to mask his inner turmoil. John could be making the village fall in love with him with his charisma while hiding secret pain. I'd like that kind of character a lot more than angry guy.

I feel like the only people that like John so far fall into five categories: 1. Robert antis who will like any non Robert Aaron ship 2. People who just hate Aaron and/or Mack and enjoy a character who also hates them 3. Sugden fans desperate for scraps 4. People who find the actor attractive 5. And people who think this is all leading to a Robert return

I'm only really approaching number 3 and he's too annoying for me to care yet and I'd like 5 to be true but I refuse to get my hopes up because I still feel like this is all happening because Ryan said no. I think it's just going to be a terrible, flat enemies to lovers story where John's sad sad military past will come out and Aaron will end up comforting him and getting him to open up and then they'll suddenly be couple with very little relationship development. Even with Robert mentions, I don't feel like this is leading to a return or to any kind of Aaron revelation that he still loves Robert and therefore doesn't want to be with his secret gay half brother.

I'd love to be wrong but...

[chemicalarospec]

my dad invited me and my brother to watch Firefly with him and it's actually really good??? (idk why I expected it not to be-- probably because the last time I tried one of his old Spaceship Shows (the one with the puppets) it was too sexist and too slow to get through.) First of all it should have been ILLEGAL for them to not have a single Chinese character in this show, but as a Chinese person I do like the aesthetics of the show and how they mashed up traditional Western and Chinese styles. The pronunciation is hilariously bad (IF ONLY THEY HAD A CHINESE ACTOR, HUH), but I like it because it's funny. (Me and my brother do laugh out loud every time.)

But the characters are actually so good?? First of all we got THREE FOUR (I didn't count right lmao) female main characters, no smurfette principal here! One of them doesn't even have any implied romance so far okay technically River doesn't but I was thinking of Kaylee and she has a crush on Simon lol. Kaylee, my favorite -- I LOVE how her appreciation of girly feminine stuff is portrayed as something that should NOT be mocked and does not negate her more "masculine" role as the mechanic and that she can nerd out WHILE being feminine. There's also how Mal, the main character, and Zoe, his first mate, have a longstanding and deep connection that's entirely platonic! Men and women CAN just be friends! Do note, Zoe (who is awesome btw) is married to another man, the pilot who is honestly so far the most boring character, and Mal is interested in Inara. Who, speaking of, I also love how so far Inara's profession as a (unionized it seems!) sex worker is treated with respect. River is the most ~okay~ in terms of sexist writing as a weak and mysterious and mentally unwell but sexy woman, but since she's not the only woman it doesn't feel like a big deal. (I feel like she's going to become more grounded, at least I hope so because I want to see more of her personality!) Misogynistic comments are challenged when made! Of course the writing isn't perfect but it's a LOT better than what I expected (and if a modern show didn't do the things I'm praising here I would be offended btw).

Also River's brother Simon is a complete dandy (I think it would be stereotyping for me to call him gay lmao), I love that for him. Episode one he bleeds from his mouth like a dying c-drama boy-- I just had a Vision of the resemblance and now I can't get it out of my head, all he needs to do his open his eyes super wide and then he'd be a dying c-drama boy. He cares for his sister so much, it's super sweet even though he REALLY sucks at dealing with psychosis(? would that be the term to describe her episodes?). Book is an instant icon of course, he's just there forcibly being the moral compass lol. Christianity in space smh. Despite being mr sexism I also love Jayne's character - he's funny (love a guy who's always trying to kill) and the question of his loyalty is intriguing. Mal is a kind of a Generic Protagonist Man but his backstory is solid enough that means his brooding attitude actually makes sense. The "Badger" side character is funny/interesting too, and my bro says he looks like Captian Sparklez haha. (Wash (Zoe's husband) is there. Sometimes he's funny.)

Going back to the design, I am partial to Victorian or whatever aesthetics, so I love how they threw that in along with the cowboy thing, and there's a lot of individual pieces merging Chinese aesthetics with that that I think do a great job. It speaks to my mixed heart <3. The costuming is actually so fun (mostly speaking to crowd scenes), so many characters get to wear distinctive outfits . Also kind of Killjoys vibes because they say "shiny" haha. I respect how space shots have no environment noise, only cowboy music lollll. Visual effects are interesting; you can always Tell but it does seem to me the best they could do at the time.

Wow this post turned out longer than I expected. So a recommendation for Firefly I guess! Forewarning, the parts with the "Reavers" are pretty dark/grotesque -- actually, there's significant violence throughout the show, the Reavers are just the worst.

[anachronistic-falsehood]

yes hello I would like to order one jrwi. haha. anyways ur actually gonna make me start listening to this shit I can’t do this I can’t take more pain whiskey stop making it look enticing

HI HELLO!!! HI. jrwi is a rly fun ttrpg podcast and i've only listened to 2 of the campaigns so far but they're SO GOOD. the patreon is the main place to watch/listen to the episodes but people have put together youtube playlists of the video versions :3 i'll give u a couple of them here if u want :3

prime defenders- FAVOURITE ONE RN BECAUSE I JUST FINISHED IT. it's about teenage superheroes!!! starts out as kind of a sitcom-esque series where the stakes are very low. but then the stakes get high. and things get dire. and just. soooo many things happen. like it goes from zero to one hundred REAL DAMN FAST. and then it somehow goes past a hundred in season two. every character is so fucking good and i love them all and i think u should watch it, it's got 64 episodes total and there are a couple of oneshots in that playlist too if you want to listen to them!!! bizly dms this one and he's sooo fucking good at doing voices and stuff i love every single npc <3 HIGHLY RECOMMEND WATCHING THIS ONE TBH. ITS SO FUCKING GOOD.

the suckening- VAMPIRES IN LOS ANGELES BABEY!!!!! this one is the first one i listened to and it's what convinced me to get the patreon so i could listen to the rest. this is a google drive of audio recordings from the final seven episodes (the first five are available for free on their youtube and spotify) but i can def put together a playlist of the youtube versions and send it to you!! this is just what i had on hand. anyway it's so fucking good. literally parts of this had me crying laughing. it's a comedy horror and it's SO GOOD. charlie slimecicle dms this one!! it's got 12 episodes total right now and theres going to be a season 2 :3

blood in the bayou- again this is a google drive but i think there are video versions if you'd prefer and i can def make a playlist and send it 2 u :3 this one is 4 episodes so if you're looking for something to just dip your toes in u can start with this!! i haven't listened 2 it yet but it's a horror and it's got lots of blood and gore. and bugs! lots of bugs. i love bugs <3 i need to listen to this one. also dmed by charlie

apotheosis- this one's a youtube playlist!! dmed by condifiction!!! i don't know much about the plot of this one personally but i think it's about a team of three people, one of whom is trying to kill, god, another of whom is trying to become god, and another guy who i think is just. there to be a fucking nerd. i know barely anything about apotheosis but i DO KNOW that two characters canonically have gay sex. i have watched the gay sex scene.

there's also riptide which is their publicly available campaign thats fully up on their youtube and spotify!!! it's dmed by grizzly and it's about pirates. i have not watched it myself yet because it is like. over a hundred episodes at the moment??? it is a large undertaking but i will brave it eventually. i have heard from very reliable sources such as my mutual mac that it is very good. i personally rly think u should watch prime defenders :3 it's very good :3 it will not grab ur heart and rip it into two pieces :3 trust me

[bright-omens]

Do you have any miles headcannons it can be angst or fluffy or a little bit of both. It's up to you

Haha. You gave me too much power. Also, I wasn't super sure if you meant general headcanons or, like, x reader kinda ones, so you get general hc's (if that's not what you wanted, I apologize and will write whatever it is you actually wanted lol). Anyways! On with the headcanons :D

TW: Angst, slight mentions of SH, mention of panic attack, mention of drugs, mention of sex

Fluffy headcanons

He absolutely adores the piano. I think it's canon that he at least knows how to play the piano, but I feel like he really likes it and kinda uses it as a stress reliever of sorts

I feel like he'd also just like the sound of a piano being played, which is what made him want to learn in the first place (The mental image of him serenading his lover by playing the piano. I ascend)

Personally, I feel like he's neurodivergent in some way, so when he gets really excited or happy, he stims in very subtle ways. Like, watch the scene where Miles is telling everyone to go to Tiger's race, and that's what I'm talking about

He's the type of friend that's there for his friends no matter what. He will drop everything just to help them if they need it

He is a little shit though and he will mess around with them and tease them if they do something stupid

I honestly feel like his mom is actually really supportive of him being gay and encourages him to wear what he wants and to do what he wants to do (y'all saw how she kept Simon from the party right? I know she said it was because he was spreading rumors about her son, but part of me feels like it's because she knew and didn't want him to be exposed)

In a modern AU, he's a Swiftie and also loves Lana Del Rey (but only specific songs). I take no critisism

I feel like he definitely had an attraction to Adam at one point, but then Nina showed an interest in Adam, and he backed off. Adam never knew that Miles liked him, and was confused as to why Miles started acting slightly differently when him and Nina got together

Miles did get over the attraction though, so it's not like he was heartbroken or anything

He ends up knowing a lot about cars after dating Tiger

I also feel like Tiger was his first actual relationship. Before Tiger, it was all just one-night stands

Angsty Headcanons

After the Tiger incident, he has trust issues

It takes him a while to fully trust someone again (especially in a romantic sense)

He's back to one-night stands and uses it as a coping mechanism

He also falls further into drugs for a while

We never see his dad in the movie, so I feel like he just kinda...left him and his mom, which really upset him when he was younger, but now he really doesn't care

He kinda went into a really dark place after the whole Tiger incident

Once he realized that he had no friends, he had a panic attack on the train and just cried the entire time

When the letters were first revealed, he briefly considered harming himself

If he ever does get a boyfriend again, I feel like he'd do his best to keep said boyfriend at arms length. He'd feel terrible for it, but he just wanted to protect himself

He misses his mom and his friends, and will cry himself to sleep sometimes because of how much he misses them and wishes he could see them all again

That's all I have! Sorry this took so long, I've been busy and swamped with work these last few days and I hate it lmao

[cyberdragoninfinity]

*slides in, falls over a table* so I heard you like zoneporia :3

(you actually got me pretty on board with it and I just wanna hear you ramble about it, only if you want to though)

YESS....HAHA, YESS!!!!!!!!!!! <--*WITH EACH PERSON ZONEPORIAPILLED BY MY HAND I GROW STRONGER*

i tend to fare better with specifics rather than just broad rambles, especially being just not a very shipbrained person in general, but hmm....mm....... god I just like them. So Much. I love you old people I love you the marriage of flesh and machine under the embrace of divinity i love your God and His Most Loyal Archangel i love you MESSY NASTY BREAKUPS!!!!

I'm an aro/demiromantic Aporia truther, i'll analyze ships through the lens of the beautiful ways aromantic people love and interact with the people they care about until i collapse into the earth, and there is never not something that warms me very deeply thinking about Aporia going through life under the assumption the feelings he felt for Eurea were a once in a lifetime occurrence, only to find a spark of joy and companionship once again decades later amidst a Polycule of THe Oldest Men You Can Possibly Imagine. In the glory of a man seeing himself as God. Aporia THE 'not romantic not platonic but a secret third thing (so devoted the lines blur)' of all time to me. He gave Z-one everything. Z-one gave him everything he could. they are both such deeply fucked up miserable unwell people and in the wake of Paradox and Antinomy's deaths they deserve only each other. Miss me with "first loves," we're on LAST LOVES NOW!!! A love burning in the embers of the literal last two people alive on Earth!!!! Z-one's chasing an Aporia that died However the Fuck Long Ago while the Aporia he brought back carries every weight asked of him and wants nothing but to share the hope he was reminded of with Him.

and z-one FUCKING KILLS HIM FOR IT!!! LIT HIM ON FIRE IN FRONT OF CHILDREN!!! YEAH SURE I'LL BE NORMAL ABOUT THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

im just obsessed with them. it's my god given duty to hook people on this dynamic that's just THERE. IN THE TEXT. MESSY AND VIOLENT AND TRAGIC. Their duel is the visual yugioh equivilent of your parents having a fight in the kitchen. Live performance of "The Chain" (Fleetwood Mac) ass duel. Divorce is real in Yugioh 5D's. They make me sick in the head and I cannot apologize anymore for this. Z-one doing delicate mechanical operation on Aporia's beat up robot body is one of Yugioh's most absolute This Too Can Be Gay Sex scenes. christ alive. and now theyre back in Duel Links and their entire dynamic is getting localized and it's making me explode.

ETERNAL FRIENDS. THEY WOULD FIND AND DIVORCE AND/OR KILL EACH OTHER IN EVERY LIFETIME. GRANDPA AND GRANDMA. GOD AND HIS PET LIGER. ZONEPORIA HOPELESSSHIPPING NUMERO UNO!!!!!

[iftheshoef1tz]

Since i answered some of your questions on someone else’s ask, @legionsofthehungry, i figured I’d make a separate post and condense a little!

Why did you decide to write about azriel and eris, a pairing many consider a crackship but could be categorized as a rarepair?

I definitely consider it a rare pair, not a crackship, since az and eris have had several (very memorable) interactions in canon. When i first read acotar last year and decided to delve into fandom for the first time since 2016, i thought i might want to write something, but i felt i didn’t have anything interesting to say for feysand or nessian, despite loving those pairings. I’ve always loved me a good ETL, and i discovered azris on reddit, where i first started interacting with the acotar fandom. It just felt right!

Was it something that came to you full-form? Or were you surprised at any point by the story wanting to go in a different direction? How much of the story do you have outlined in advance?

It cracks me up to tell this story (so i tell it all the time) but originally obpbl was intended to be only 2000 words. No, I’m not missing a zero, lmao. Then, i was like, oh, it’ll be 25k. Then, maybe 75k. And then i got to 150k and was like ?????? Guess I’ll never know!! Helena and Kyros weren’t originally intended to feature so heavily; kyros was originally supposed to be evil! But i realized i wasn’t particularly interested in writing that angle for the story and thought it would be more thematically interesting to have this golden retriever dude really upending azriel’s conception of the kind of people who live in the hewn city. And i meant to keep thanatos around for longer, but it felt kind of stuck when i tried to keep him around, so he literally had to go to the chopping block, haha.

As for planning, i originally wrote about 7-8 scenes in the first, like, week of writing, and then started fitting the pieces in around them, using those pre-written scenes as kind of structural pillars to build towards. But i took so many detours along the way - like the mating ceremony originally wasn’t going to happen before i daydreamed up the “are you a sadist, lady elain?” bit, and most of the interactions with ren were written and then HEAVILY edited after i decided on the events that just happened in chapter 35 back in august. I think i usually thought ahead in the plot about 7-8 chapter ahead of where i was writing, depending on what the characters ended up doing. (The gay sex cabin chapters were only supposed to be one long-ish chapter HAHA)

How long have you been a fan of acotar> did you read tog/crescent city? Are there other fandoms you’re a part of or would like to write about next?

I read acotar in October of 2021! I started cc earlier this year and devoured them (bryce quinlar can step on me and i would thank her), and I’m slowly working my way through tog because of writing/work commitments (chaol is my sweet dumb son and i love him; manon could step on me, preferably at the same time as bryce, and i would thank them both). I’m not really part of any other fandoms at the moment, though my last one before this was teen wolf, and i have been reading dramione fics on the side when i have the time/mental bandwidth. I’ve written one cc fic (High For This), and i am planning an eventual sequel, as well as a what-if about Sam Cortland with the summary inspired by Slaughterhouse 5 - Listen: Sam Cortland has come unstuck in time.

Do you have other hobbies you engage in or is writing something you devote most of your free time to (or even do professionally)?

Writing right now is mostly what i dedicate my free time to, but i also do needlework (my page’s header is something i stitched for a friend!), i love to bake, and i am learning how to make hand bound books! I’m very glad I don’t write for a living, to be honest. I teach music as my day job, and going to school for it sucked out a lot of the joy of making music, and i don’t want that to happen to my writing too. Although, I’ve been encouraged to write some original stuff, so who knows what’ll happen!

[lucidpantone]

The Gayest show on TV: The Rainbow Posse of PValley

Let me tell you about the gayest show currently on TV that no one seems to talk about on Tumblr. PValley is masterpiece of queer story telling. All the stories they depict are heart wrenchingly beautiful, dark and raw. If you want a cutesy pootsy love story thats not at all graphic this is not the show for you. Firstly PValley embraces the body particularly celebrating black beauty. We see it all: Titties, booty, members, threesomes and lots of gay sex. PValley writers have explicitly said if you aint down for the gays then turn the damn TV off because the gays ain’t going anywhere. Ok lets talk queer storytelling......

The Love Story...... they are many little love stories occurring on PValley but the love story front in center of this show is between a non-binary character and a gay character: Uncle Clifford & Lil Murda.

Meet Uncle Clifford: I mean what can be said. Uncle Clifford is the moment she is a style icon, a business woman, holds her grandma down and she can work a pole too. Uncle Clifford is also the partial owner of the Pynk Strip club in Chucalissa, Mississippi.

Uncle Clifford’s Bae & the Music Man of Chucalissa: Lil Murda.

Gawd this love story is sooo beautiful and its written so well plus a lot of the proselytizing of love happens through music since music is a major part of the show. Also any Meghan Thee Stallion fans in da house? Because she is about to premiere on the show in her first acting role as Tina Snow. This couple has really resonated with so many people and I love that as an audience whether queer or not we are all rooting for these two to make it. However we got a little drama because lets meet lil murda’s ex bae: Big teak.

Big Teak is lil Murda’s first love and they met in prison. They were both doing a stint and fell hard for one another. Lil murda got out early and big teak served a total of 9 years inside. He just got out tho and well he is eye-ing his man. I am not gonna give to many spoilers away but these two they got some steamy scenes together..... honestly is hard not to like these two together because they do have a beautiful 1st love connection but ya know I am team Uncle Clifford! Now lets move on to the ladies.

Farrah is giving me “am a lesbian but just realized it vibes” hahaha. She can be mean sometimes but honestly thats her appeal. I am convinced this woman is just realizing now after years of marriage she actually prefers the V to the D. She is so whipped for Mercedes that heart eyes are popping out of her skull anytime she is around. She meet Mercedes through her husband because he wanted permission to have a side chick and well now the ladies are finding ways to become a twosome and cut the threesome out haha.

Mercedes I mean she is the top bish in charge at the Pynk. Mercedes is the top dancer at the Pynk and pretty known for her skills on the pole in her neck of the woods. She got pregnant young and her mom aint shit but honestly she has hustled hard over the years to open her own dance gym. She met Farrah via her husband because she initially signed up to be his side-chick but now her and Farrah are in their own entanglement so we will see where the future leads. 

[huskymaine]

Unpopular opinion : kakairu ship is overrated

strongly agree | agree | neutral | disagree | strongly disagree

I am not actively ship it, but I can see the appeal of this ship. They got shy-shy in their conversation about Naruto, Kakashi’s ‘tough way’ and Iruka’s ‘soft way’ at handling Team 7’s Chuunin Exam, Iruka protected a kid and the Kakashi came and strongly grabbed the Pain’s hand from Iruka, those scenes are indeed very alluring and potentially create many romantic fluff and domestic scenarios. Because of that, I don’t think this ship is a crack ship despite the little amount of canon basis compared to other Kakashi ships like KakaObi, KakaGai, and even KakaYama. Also since KakaObi, KakaGai, and KakaYama are fully developed only on part 2 (KakaGai got some development on part 1 too and KakaObi was hinted) making KakaIru has the advantage of an early start. It’s really not weird or surprising that KakaIru has the most contents among Kakashi ships.

But I am admittedly very, veeerrryyyyy picky when it comes to consuming KakaIru contents like fics or fancomics. Why? Because I just love Kakashi’s canon story and characterization so much while in my opinion some KakaIru contents overrate the impact Iruka has on Kakashi and vice versa to the point that it massively deviated from their canon version.

Unfortunately, it’s hard to be a picky person in the sea of KakaIru contents and find one from the million KakaIru content that was ‘clicked’ for me haha. Very often I stopped reading KakaIru fics halfway because I just feel disagree downright annoyed with Kakashi’s (also Iruka’s) characterization as the story goes. So sometimes I filtered out KakaIru tag when I am in the mood to read fics or fancomics. Sorry.

I mean like, Iruka and Kakashi are acquaintance at best, stranger at worst. And truthfully, there’s nothing wrong with that. Romantic story between two acquaintances and even strangers are valid especially when they have common interest, in KakaIru’s case namely Naruto. But, sometimes its shippers try to push Iruka and Kakashi to be each other’s “one and only” too hard, and that resulted in a complete erasure of other people that was already in Kakashi and Iruka’s lives. For example, I read a fic that portrays Kakashi didn’t have any real friend before he met Iruka. That truly left a bad taste on my mouth because Gai is the realest friend you can ever get and there’s nothing fake in Kakashi’s friendship with Asuma and Kurenai. Or the description that “Iruka is the only one who can touch and melt Kakashi’s cold heart”. Uh, canonly Obito holds that role and then kinda bit Team 7. In canon when Kakashi and Iruka met and talk on the first time, Kakashi is already a quite warm person (see Kakashi’s conversation with Inari). Also those who portray Iruka as the only one who can surprise Kakashi, say hello to Kakashi’s beloved Most Unpredictable Number One Hyperactive Knucklehead Ninja (PLATONICALLY).

Then in Iruka’s case, I know that a filler episode made Kakashi to be the one who convince Iruka to accept Naruto, but on Chapter 1, it’s wholly Iruka’s effort to sacrifice his life for Naruto and acknowledge his existence. To give the credit to Kakashi for the sake of romantic story is quite bit....unsettling for me. Also about Iruka’s grief for his parents. You can hate Hiruzen all you want, but the one who told Iruka that he was not alone after his parents’ death is Hiruzen, not and never Kakashi. Lastly, indeed Iruka was dramatically saved by Kakashi from Pain and maybe also in other fillers episodes, but he was still a trained ninja. Him tearfully praying “Kakashi-san (or usually “Kashi”, when the fic is already at the point of calling nickname), please save me!” every time he encounters danger is a huge disservice for him, don’t you think?

Not to mention KakaIru contents that completely strayed from canon like secret ANBU Iruka or Popular Sex God Kakashi...

So yeah, while I understand the appeal of this ship and think there’s nothing wrong the fact that it was the most popular Kakashi ship, I was a bit saddened by the fact that majority of those huge number of shipper contents have a very little care of canon characterization to the point that it feel for me like I don’t read a story about Kakashi and Iruka, but a story about two strangers that were named Kakashi and Iruka. I know that it can’t be helped for them to go hard on headcanon land since KakaIru has a very little canon basis but still...

(Or someone can pretty please recommend me KakaIru fics and/or doujins that have Kakashi and Iruka in character?)

[problematicpervertpod]

recs on recs on recs

Yaoi/Manga I’m reading/have read. Please support the artists on official websites. If you have recs or want to chat about any of these get in my messages right the fuck now my dudes. Also spoilers, also this probably doesn’t make sense to anyone but me, also I think I’m funny sorry in advance.

Dangerous Convenience Store

Tags: Ongoing, self aware lead for the most part, gangs, smut, love triangle, possessive, not rapey, seme is like the fucking hulk compared to uke, college, age gap, good art, muscular bodies, seme is adorable/romantic in sp chapters, sexual awakening, meeting the gang (in two ways!), FAINTS OF CUTENESS/HOTNESS, the memes after every chapter got me gagged, HAHE hahahahahahahahahaha, OMG DO I GET SOME CNC?! (update: short lived), we stan a vocal man (Ahjussi), thigh fucking, my mans be like my thighs hurt fuck my ass instead DECEASED, ass smacking, these memes are so good god damnit, rimming

8/10, I live for Ahjussi (Am I spelling this wrong..)

The New Employee 

-love love love

Tags: ongoing, we stan supportive boyfriends, healthy relationship, boss/employee, smut, office setting, good art, 10/10 will re-read, muscular bodies

Love Shuttle

Tags: completed, ABO, enemies to lovers, possessive, coworkers, fake relationship, strong omega, the art sucks but I like the story, art gets better after the 1st season, alphas eyes change colors when happy/anxious, muscular bodies, 7/10, update 10/10 art is meh but fml this storyline is basic af in the best way and it’s the fluff/smut I need, when you’re caught by the folks *cringe*

Hold Me Tight

Tags: ongoing, boss/employee, bodyguard, gio can’t feel heat until felix comes along, uke is strong af, horny bastards, smut, possessive, tragic childhood, moving in together right away, rich seme, felix in a bunny costume though *heart eyes*, dialogue is great, rape in a technical sense but the vibe is written like both characters are all good after? Ex. hospital scene…dub con, ART IS GREAT, hand holding during sex, 10/10 will re-read, muscular bodies

Yours to Claim 

Tags: ongoing, love triangle, Dom/sub dynamics, smut, main is big switch energy, reincarnation, jealousy, manipulative, possessive, self aware lead for the most part, toxic af, GREAT ART, college, rich semes, 10/10 will re-read and not even finished, SONOFABITCH that cliff hanger!! Season 3 come thruuuu (I have to wait until November? *cries* BUT MAH LOVE TRIANGLE!!, I want a THROUPLE GOD DAMN IT

The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation

Tags: obsessed with this story, will the incense burner scenes make it?? No tags because I'll never forget this one haha wangxian 5ever, send me all fanfics/fan art you have about this story, love Dark Wangji, Jadecest, ABO/omegaverse, Bottom Wangji/Top Wei Ying, and honestly anything regarding this fandom

Bj Alex

Tags: completed, great art, 11/10 will re-read, cam boy, fanboy, seme is an asshole, uke is so sexy, jealously, rich seme, enemies to lovers kind of?, CHANWOO IS MY BOY FOR LIFE, Chanwoo MD supremacy, BDSM (like really really), fuck I love Chanwoo, college students, rich seme, emotional rollercoaster, uke soft body, mean seme, college life, that one nosy bitch ass guy trying to expose my boys needs to fuck right off, seme split/fake personality, dub con 

Anti PT

Tags: ongoing, 11/10 re-readable, porn with feelings, love triangle, jealousy, attempted non-con, personal training wink wink, main love interest is actually the best, second male lead is a god damn creep, first time, smut, great art, sex addict/constantly horny uke, I WANT A HWI, 

Related: https://www.anime-planet.com/manga/anti-pt/recommendations 

Payback

Tags: ongoing, both are psychopaths tbh, revenge, gangs, uke sells himself to seme, violent seme, entertainment industry, brunette supremacy, what this motherfucker gonna do? hehe , great art, muscular bodies, dead dove do not eat, my mans must be GOOD looking/animal magnetism cause everyone losing their fucking minds, okay this is a comedy I’m dying, he tried to scare him with wanting to be a top but my psycho said REVERSEUNO BITCH I’M A VERSE (wait jk apparently *sigh*), anonymous masked sex (sad n’ kinky)

My Suha

Tags: ongoing, wow this gets dark, possessive af like holy shit, terrible people all around uke, rape, boss/employee, office politics/family politics, smut, characters that are punchable, dead dove do not eat, *velociraptor noises*, avoided this for a while but I’m back because nothing can be more emotionally devastating than Banana Fish, TIE HIM UP, FUCK HIS FACE ALKSJD:ASKD, FUCK SUHA UR SO HOT that dirty talk though YAS, glad I picked this back up lmao, GOD DAMN IT just when the package arrived then this red head fucker *screams*

Shame Application aka Dirty Vibration

Tags: completed, friends to lovers, model seme, cute af uke, love triangle, entertainment industry, smut, kink, all kinds of sex everywhere, realized feelings, mutual pining, jealousy, rich seme, blonde seme, big brother 1984 always watching, 10/10 would re-read, porn with plot, they were roommates!, ~straight~ seme, first times, great art, remembering some cringe but considering the story it’s par for the course

Will You Subscribe

Tags: ongoing, season 1 completed, enemies to lovers, cam boy, office politics, boss/employee, hiding a secret, public sex, stalkers/creepy men, emotionally stunted characters, mutual pining, idiots in lust, lingerie company, slut shaming, jealousy/possessiveness, season 2 bebeh, HOLDING HANDS *velociraptor noises*, LMAO okay my mans is not THAT old how tf does he not know netflix and chill, BUNNY COSTUME (quickly becoming my new fav trope in manga, A+ gang), oh we stan a good boy, wtf is wrong with wanting to do cam work, ‘I wish my marks could become permanent’ *omegaverse wink*, *works for lingerie company* *doesn’t understand where bf gets sexy costumes* like wut kind of fuckery…, cross dressing ftw, roleplay, classic BL miscommunication trope

Hyperventilation

Tags: completed, high school crush, unrequited love, mutual pining, smut, quickie (short story), class reunion, apparently furry with the extra chapter turning my man into a bunny but c'est la vie! https://myreadingmanga.info/korean-bl-animation-hyperventilation-engsub/ this is the animation of the same story, different endings but same in tone (this site is spammy AF but the English subs are so hard to find for this) 8/10 

Unmei no tsugai ga omae da nante

Tags: only one bed, ABO, office setting. Coworkers, enemies to lovers, competitive, equality in the omegaverse, dubcon, real dicks and not lightsabers, fated pair, art is cute af 8/10

K’s Secret

Tags: buckle up buttercup, dead dove do not eat, angst, pining, somnophilia, dub con, non con, boss/employee, manipulative, stalking, forced relationship, tragic childhood background, weird art but gets better,  uke: don’t threaten me with a good time but seriously stop threatening me, possessive & obsessive, seme is like the fucking hulk compared to uke, wow were going full psycho stalker hm?, dating a narcissist is all fun and (mind)games, con non con… ? honestly who tf knows, domestic!, OW MY HEART, the t/n WAP note sent me, ch 51 translated by gen z, do special ep= furry? Wait there’s a maid costume, bunny costume, directors friends keeping it real, rough translations 8/10

Enthusiasm

Tags: ongoing, dead dove do not eat, uke buys seme, masc boys, muscular bodies, fight club, master/slave, rich uke, revenge, real dicks not lightsabers, rough sex, cuckholding, daddy issues, suicide, wow the end of ch 5 punched a hole in my heart, penile implant life,  rough translations makes the storyline wonky, nvm back to lightsabers *star wars noises*, HAD ME FEELING SOME TYPE OF WAY I CAN NOT, shibari, possessive, wait this is cute *velociraptor noises*, angst, no kithes for you “bestie”, OBSESSED, honestly choke him pupper, STAY THE NIGHT ALKSDJA:SLDKJAS:LKDJA:SLDKj, problematic but I’m riding for these two, 

Ichimai Goshi Fetish

Tags: completed, short, fetishes DO start in childhood don’t they *ruminates*, author: describes ML as a beautiful 2D character meanwhile: ML IS 2D character, fellas is it gay to kiss the homies?, “real dudes don’t interest me” is a MOOD, comedy, jealousy, college setting, dialogue is A+, not lightsabers but not dicks either, first time, when you’re fucked so good you think you’ve died, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4uEq5Nx6ko, hero/villain roleplay. Fluff n smut 10/10

My Purrfect Boss

Tags: completed, tooth rotting fluff because blondie is so FUCKING cute little sensitive soul, golden retriever boyfriend, pure comedy, DECEASED, MY MAN JUST DID THE SLOW BLINK, office setting, boss/employee, ~wasted~ (red dead redemption meme),  FFS SO CUTE, he put a ring on it right away beyonce would be proud af, he protecc he attack but most importantly he hit it from the back, jealousy, honeymoon phase of dating, the ex is a snake (update: oh wow literally), I’m picking up abuse/PTSD vibes based on how Kang reacts to his ex :(, classic BL miscommunication plot, immediately no meme audio (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6XWSGfYnps) ,  I WILL STRAIGHT UP MURDER CHA WTF!!!!!!, gang rape, spiked with drugs that force heat, me rn:*screaming/rage*, psychotic ex/abuser, HE PROTECCC, actual relief after that scene jesus fuck, okay YES kings I see you, okay this is giving me cuteness aggression, hi yes I’d like to adopt a cat and a dog please 9/10

Following Namsoo to the Bathhouse

Tags: completed, same author as, “My Purrfect Boss”, A+ comedy once again, JUNIOR, gay awakening, “fap myself to death” DEAD, facial expressions are ridic, my minds telling me no but my body, my bodyyyy’s telling me yaaaaa, ya boy is literally losing his mind over this, actual lightsabers lmao, FLUFF, permasmile, 6969, THINKS THEY’RE GOING TO EAT RAMEN, dense gay, own your skin wtf okay hannibal calm down, everyone is officially cray,  ah I also am barfy when drunk, denial really is something hm, classic BL miscommunication plot, when people pleasing too far, happy ending 🥺🥰, side story: our crazy gets his very own crazy (ashton Kutcher from spread vibes), public sex, sex sparkle 9/10

Alien in my Closet

Tags: ongoing (maybe completed but def ongoing on the site I use), not rapey at all?? You’d think it’s impossible in this medium ffs, anti pt vibes, cute art, fluff ‘n smut, red head!!, they were roomates!, sex toys, bsdm, D/s (brat)dynamic or maybe owner/pet, bondage, *tiffany hadish voice* this is noiceeee, con humiliation/degradtion, SANTA CLAUS, edging, marking, one lotus please (he’s clearly read the 4 agreements and karma sutra), con non con, exhibitionism, the wrist thing stays on people, Katoptronophilia,  roleplay, is it stalking when you bring your friends?, lotus: welcome home cheater, the chin on the head thing gives me cuteness aggression, the twins are my favs, when ur crush vanilla af 😭, haesung: experiment on me daddy, no dick until halfway through/fingering supremacy, bedroom sessions has me gagged, voyeurism, wait they haven’t kissed this whole time I forgot (audio: https://www.tiktok.com/@ryley/video/6976701880277748997?lang=en), sunbae is sus, YES FINALLY A FUCKING SWITCH COUPLE AKJSDHALKSJDHASKLJDHALS KJDALKSJD (update: sort of), there’s a missed opportunity for an anal probe joke, damn it okay maybe sunbae is chill, 3 musketeers, my heart*implodes*, *velociraptor noises*, 12/10 would re-read such fluff my heart 

On Doorstep

Tags: completed, age gap, reese has ptsd, jimmy going from 0 to 100, jimmy really got down on his knees at work, ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) deepest part you say, real dicks, ride him like a rodeo, quickie/short story, porn with plot

Gorani Jeon

Tags: ongoing, omegaverse, no alpha though, animal hybrid, art is beautiful like it's drawn on paper not a screen, 40 inch weave yours came in a pack, historical (non-modern), lord send me a sexy man pls, the memes after each chapter are golden, taking the phrase licking wounds literally, is that an eggplant or are you just happy to see me hehe, ahhh so inhibitors do exist here, vertical 69, here lays Bau fucked to death by Ran, WHY HE TOUCHING MY MAN, these chickens are dope, stomp on his dick, that’s what I call a happy meal, fucked right out the front door I’M DEAD, mpreg, i need a tiger+mountain god spin off (whoops dad/son my bad), slice of life, cute fluff 8/10

Room to room

Tags: completed, college setting, A+ dialogue, absurd size difference, unrequited love,  sexsomina, dubcon, angst, death by a thousand cuts emotionally, insecurity, body envy, pining, friends to lovers, they were roommates!, homophobia, sexual assault, PTSD, gays in denial, the tattoo 🥺 ow my heart, truly this is 90% smut, “going from unrequited love to fwbs is shittier than I expected”, dowan *bad blood by t swift* when he sees garam, ch 22garam reminds me of my ex and that’s not a compliment, I’m not gay but my boyfriend is vibes, triflers need not apply, spanking, 😭😭😭😭😭 my heart hurts, is anyone getting a bit of a puppy play vibe? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vni9ZWmDXis, handcuffs, lots of head we stan, dowan’s gotta a touch of a foot thing or maybe body worship thing, asdlfgkjs ;dlkfgjsd;flkgj;sdflkgj;sdlfgjs;d/gkdf SO CUTEEEEEEEEEEE, roleplay. They broke the bed no use of crying over spilled milk ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°), side stories delivering man in uniform and sex toys AND puppy, asdlkjaslfkasdjfl;askdfjasdf the shirt thing is so hot, watersports, I take it back this is 98% smut 9/10

Mistake Lover

Tags: completed, when ur bff is back on their BS, love triangle, coworkers, i swear all these ukes look the same to me at this point (which is very cute), GE!!!! (wangxian flashbacks), wait no smut?.... Paused

Yagi to ookami no hatsujou jijou

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, literally on my reading list because a comment said “nice cock 10/10”hahahaha, animal hybrids, scifi/aliens, me during chapter one: am I a furry? No. Am I? Relevant audio https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=noJNIqvDfoo, hotties when human GOD DAMN, bi king, okay I stan this girl changing gears take your opportunities honey!, does blondie have a tinder or how is this happening? (update: called it), feminization, dubcon/noncon, marking, heats, idk about 10/10 cock but not lightsabers, translation is ruff (get it?), a yankee hahaha, literal wound licking, googles chimera, *claps* yes king selfish call his ass out, tail holding caaaayoooot, not that isn’t usually copious amounts of cum but really this is a lot 8/10

Make Me Bark

Tags: completed, $250 a month rent?? *cries in Californian*, god damn it these grey haired 2D men are really hot fml, “next months rent is a looming concern but I hope it’ll get better” followed by apartment on fire is how I feel about reality, rare characters that smile way more than they frown, sex toys, kink, puppy play, owner/pet dynamic, sugar daddy/baby, college setting, harness, muzzle, leash, tail plug, shirt thing!!, soaked briefs, playing barbie IRL, omg meet cute at the adult store, intercrural sex, possessive/jealousy, ah fuck yes I saw this panel on IG but it didn’t have the source but now hehe, whipping, choking, spanking, *bookmarks*, simp city, childhood friends, side couple cute af, yeonsoo: sorry I’m an anti romantic, size queen, mens lingerie, domestic, mutual pining,  these bestie pairings are *chefs kiss*, skinny but muscular bodies/no ridiculous size differences, “does he have a big dick?” “probably” “well tell him to come” GAGGED AJKSDHALSKDJHA this dialogue pure comedy, exhibitionism, human auction, maid costume, men in heels, topping in a dress, girl at the bus stop HAHAHA, ffs this is so cute, side stories: it’s a small world afterall, dynamic role reversal, pink haired boy is guru, SCREAMING AKDJA:SLDKJA:LKDJA:LSDKJLAKDJA:LDJAL:SKDJASLKDJA:SLKDJLAKSDJLASDJ:LASJD:ALSKDJASL:DJ:ASLJDPUTARINGONIT!!!! 11/10 

Gurume no fukurami

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, food fetish, feeding fetish, age gap, throuple-eqsue? There’s 3 people involved, paused ch 1 pg 30

Under the Green Light

Tags: ongoing, thank you IG for rec’ing this, brunette supremacy, neurodivergent?, lmao @hag, this statue is everything I wonder if it’s based on a real piece?, we went from talking art to being pinned to the ground REAL quick, translations rough but not as rough as my mans here, draw me like one of your french girls vibe, sass master, these dicks are ridiculously huge which is saying something for this genre, i love a verse/switch, “first time he’s asked someone to stop so his self-esteem is hurt” HAHAHAHA, stealing bae’s shirt, facials galore, car sex/public sex, jin not into praise kink clearly, sort of slut shaming jealousy, marking

Walk on Water

Tags: completed, for being about porn it’s not that smutty (i take it back), “don’t even think about running away” got me like https://giphy.com/gifs/VABbCpX94WCfS, actual dicks (lightsabers later must be the cleaners not the OG), muscular bodies, blonde seme, brunette uke, k mcqueen is everything, honestly haven’t loved a couple this much since chanwoo x MD and I LOVE THEM, jealousy, orgasm denial, the angles/frames of the art in this are insane (11/10), emotional intimacy CUTENESS HASIHDLASKDHJLAKSJDH, i wanna lick lick lick you from your head to your toes, dirty talk A+, bestie you turned out to be Judas you judgy fuck how dare you touch my man, Ryan is 50 shades of fucked up bb needs therapy, Chang and yeowoons sexual tension is *chefs kiss*, I ship it/all my ships sailing, woof non con but expected tbh, YEAH BABY YEAH *Austin powers voice*, fml I don’t want this story to end, meeting the Hets ™ would make me nervous too, spiderman kith, mirror sex sjkadfhasldjkfh, 34+35, JOI but with a partner? Not D/s, promises are made to broken hehe, that feeling when you understand the title, omg the fan art is so cool!! 15/10 would re-read seriously I can’t explain how well the artist used angles/how she portrayed the scenes was fucking MASTERFUL

Woof Wolf

Tags: that's my best friend (saweetie), red heads, werewolf au, college setting, students, shoot a shot in your mouth while I'm riding, facials, marking

Sexual Awakening of an Ex Delinquent 

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, sexual coercion/non con/dub con, tiddies, bondage, nipple play, edging/orgasm denial, candy in ass wow, food kink, kink in general, rich seme working class uke, lightsabers,  big dick Jesus fuck, exhibitionism, public sex, men's lingerie, Blondie is a sweet baby angel, self hatred/homophobia, sexual narrating that has me like oof 😣 that's not how this works but okay, the sweet spots thing is a great line, man is a slave to the sweets, lmao at the meme at the end of ch 9 fucking facts, kidnapping plot, rapey guys all around this story, tattoo/back story reveal has me like *nods head yes*, my throats broken has me gagged, crazy amount of sfx noises that distract from the art (I really appreciate cleaners I realize), first times, rushed ending feels,  would rate 6/10 not terrible but probably won't read again.  

With Your Tail Yes

Tags: ongoing, IG rec, quickie/short story, on man brunette looks EXACTLY like a different character by another artist like for real duplicate, home boy pulled Elle Wood’s Bend n Snap and we are HERE FOR IT, lingerie/cross dressing, okay compilation of short stories, great artwork but wtf these are far too short (maybe uploaded wrong..?), *immediately makes deal with the devil because yum*, ah okay previews THEN stories, human animal hybrid situation, lightsabers, fucking imagine your crush delivery the sex toy you ordered online HAHA *dies*, buys toys because men ain’t shit is a VIBE, you know he’s always wearing matching sets because he’s 100% that bitch, dub con/non con, knotting (unexpected), exhibitionism, public sex, good ol’ fashion blackmail to get your lover to stay with you trope, sexual assault/attempted rape, victim blaming, shibari, leashes, D/brat dynamic sort of, copious amounts of cum, lube? What lube?, marathon sex, first time, 75 hours?? Immediately no meme, 7/10 mostly for art/concepts but not execution

Heat and Run

Tags: ongoing, IG rec, omegaverse, friends to enemies to lovers, multiple couples as main to sides then sides to mains, my heart dropped because I thought the first sex scene was incest but then realized I’m mixing up all the characters derp, dense gays, this is america (the shooting comment WOOF reality feels bad man), blondes have more fun, real dicks, dubcon/CNC dealers choice, mutual pining, idiots in love, big alpha energy BDE, there are moments I feel Hayoung on a spiritual level and not sure that’s a compliment hahaha, orgasm denial/edging, istg if he bonded without Hayoung permission *jenna marbles BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII YOU BETTAH NOT*, also I was hoping the idol was him but realizing it’s probs his sis, *deep sigh*, BDIRL, wow racism, oh no oh no no no no no meme audio, listen everyone needs to get into therapy to break that generational trauma is all I’m saying (not excusing abuse at all, trauma isn’t a free pass), NO ONE WANTS TO PLAY A GAME WITHOUT KNOWING THE RULES :ALKSDHJALKSDJA:SLKDJTRUE, matthew singing bo burnham: I’m problematic *background singers ‘he’s a problem!’*, i ship it yolo, JAEHO STAN (no means no!), mpreg, god damn it I am so worried about him getting roofie and the party scene hasn’t even started ABO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TOO ME, OH THANK JAEHO, dayummmm that clapback was real fuck him UP, me clapping: MARK HIM MARK HIM, GOD DAMN IT WITH THESE ONGOING FUCKING CLIFF HANGERS FML, marked via knotting? Okay that’s new, but also like normal marking I think, fucking til bottom pees trope

Heaven Officials Blessing

Animated series season 1 complete. Live action currently filming (same director as Untamed too UGH SO HAPPY)

Tags: ongoing, same author as my fav ever MDZS, just finished season 1 animated on netflix and can no longer avoid this because I LOVE THEM, all the memes on IG make sense now, Prince voice: Dearly Beloved (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aXJhDltzYVQ) we are gathered here today to dive deeper into a fandom I will never escape, ART IS AMAZING (https://tenor.com/view/incredible-talented-lady-brilliant-gaga-gif-14857187), group chats are always chaotic tbh, wait a minute meme audio: bride = bottom? How tf did I not get that the first time round *sigh* always hoping for a verse couple, the asst. Boys I ship hard, the sass, fuck this is going to just be pure angst isn’t it *straps in, has fluffy manga queued*, even if no smut 11/10 gege porn, not subtle, god FUCK this ART IS SO FUCKING GOOD THE TALENT skjas;ldkfja;, 🥺, traumatic cliff moment *mdzs flashbacks*, HC smirk is my new favorite thing, no fucking but lots of touching, size difference, horror, gore, wuxia, great side characters, my ear feels tingly too lmao, SOMEONE BETTER GET THESE MF SNAKES ON THIS MF PLANE (cliff), umbrella moments got me uwu, gimme at least didi pleaseandthankyou, FUCK I LOVE THIS ARTIST she keeping us WELL fed with these extras DAYUM, wind/earth master ship please sail, CALL ME DADDY IM DEAD, HC has LWJ energy like you are not qualified to talk to me LOL, WAIT this totally counts as there was only one bed trope, also I’m already excited about omegaverse ff (send me recs please please please)

4 week lovers

Tags: ongoing because apparently I want to torture myself, mutual pining/”unrequited love”, college life, friends to lovers, blackmail ur crush into sex trope, public sex, I was going to tag possessive body language but possessive in a general sense apparently (starting strong yessss), sure jan @unrequited love dialogue, THEY WERE ROOMMATES *cackles*, sus haha, rough translation, pure comedy, shirt thing!, casual abuse :( (back story, traumatic childhood), I’m getting TharnType vibes (but not quite…), that note is precious, cry during/after sex, great angles, dialogue A+ 

Burlesque Night

Tags: completed, quickie/short story, stripper/body guard, coworkers, lust at first sight, magic mike vibes, fridays = getting fucked on stage O-O, well that was traumatizing af, took a bullet, real dicks, LDR, CUTE, I’m not in love with you… sure jan, OH WOW MASTER dlksaj;alsdkja;lsdkja;sld, gay awakening/first time, the art detail is *chefs kiss*, disappointed but not surprised :( :( :(, we stan a yes and lover, shirt thing, still not sure wtf the vertical anus thing is but full circle moment haha, you know what fuck it I’d re-read this 9/10

My one and only cat

Tags: ongoing, cat hybrids, god damn it I’m totally in furrydom ffs, ah well here we go, idol hot = loneliness wahhh /s, so hot he literally transforms other beings, omg a cat cafe CUTE, fuck that cat is cute *so fluffy*, stalker status, comedy, real dicks, I think the uncle would be supportive/jealous even I hope they talk about it I’m dying to know his thoughts, big tiddies, if this ain’t the cutest shit FLUFF/SMUT, copious amounts of cum, ate it with the panties on, CAKE, xmas, his milkshakes bring all the boy(cats) to the yard, trifling bitch

Imitation Mate

Tags: completed, omegaverse, alpha x alpha. Class rivals YAS, childhood frans, enemies to lovers omg this is all the shit I want, manipulation 1000 but yolo I ship it

Mr. 100% Perfect

Tags: ongoing, so relatable, OCD?, hoarder, when I read the title I thought mental illness and I was right, masks ugh RELATABLE, getting back together w ex, woof sibling drama/manipulation, suicide attempt, omg their communication regarding the psycho is REFRESHING, OMG JEJU ISLAND I see it in every fucking kdrama ever but this is the first time I’ve seen it mentioned in a manga *hm* interesting, furry furry everywhere, eye contact, finished reading season 1 pause for an omergaverse cause, okay I’m back and season 2 starting STRONG #1 men are gross #2 mans just went right to a blowie while mf was trying to pee lmao i can NOT the germs barf, fuckboi extraordinaire stressing over a textback is *great*, that istg face is perfect, HYUNGGGG, hand on his heart OW MY HEART, vibe check LOL, here for this plot dev, END OF SEASON2 NOOOOOOOimnotready. Head bonks CUTE

The origin of species

Tags: ongoing, omegaverse, sex tape, blackmail, i already don’t like this teacher, size difference, ‘JUST DIE’ hahahahahaha, I’m in love with noona, wait Ahjussi means uncle/mister? Dangerous convenience store has a new meaning to me now, DECEASED @they won’t, copious amounts of cum, alcohol to have intimacy *sighs in early 20s*, also WTF THEY ARE FUCKING AND THERE’S NO PHERMONE STUFF! What’s the point of being ABO without smell *swaggy p meme???*, wait okay ch 11 it begins, stockholm syndrome but since childhood I’m fairly certain *looking at you teacher I don’t trust these mfs*, dubcon obviously, also the can’t be knotted thing has me *cardi b meme that’s weird that’s sus* obvs poor bb about to get preg af, five word horror story: I won’t hurt you again *why tf you lyinggggg why u always lyinggg meme*, white collar crime, what’s the point of a contract when there’s no actual choice

How to Chase an Alpha

Tags: ongoing, lowkey been avoiding this one not because I think it’ll be bad I just..idk the brain is a weird thing, page 2 and I love mains attitude fucking gagged sass me bb, starting with rough translation but it be that way sometimes, GROUNDS HIMSELF BY TOUCHING HIS BLACK CARD I CANTTT, pheromone city fuck it UP, MC is a MOOD, mutual pining, when u and bae both hire PI’s to get info on each other, R-E-S-P-E-C-T, shirt thing, fucking chuffed about the rival fucking bring it, funny art, cheated on ugh mah heart I saw it coming and it still hurt, pure comedy this airport scene is so funny to me wtf, LDR, good ol murica fuckboi, LOVE HIM RIDE FOR UR MAN/MORALS, liams a little rapey rapist hm? No one’s ever said no… well being flooded with pheromones isn’t consent my dude, istg liam = I love it when they struggle, obvs jealousy/possessive tag but such is ABO, cat suit, BUNNY suit, sexy costumes, god damn it I love them that proposal/mpreg so cute, imprinting AW, ugh baes fam is so cute I needed that bc I wanna strangle wooyoungs dad, THE SECETARY is my fucking fav never stops being A+, SEC+LIAM?? Here for it *i ship it*, FUCK SO CUTE 12/10 re-read, fluff n smut, excited for how to chase an omegaside story hyung needs love!, JINI is mood, sales king I’m dying, that collar is ~hot~ btw

Egoism

Tags: completed (because jesus I can’t with ongoing, theheartbreakTM), UPDATE FML THE HEART BREAK IS REAL also no smut, omegaverse, hey stepbro, starts with rape, possessive/jealousy (isn’t all ABO?), age difference (6years, alpha is younger *can I get hyung plz lord*), HYUNG, woof this dad SUCKS, child abuse, rape culture *sigh*, I wanna get jacked like rick and summer and beat tf out of the dad, me n my cat, TELL EM HONEY I love this MC, traitor indeed, beta x omega btw, fated pair, coercive sex, didi going to be his own demise, BREAKUP/TIME SKIP NO this is BL hell, the rona is mentioned in this, ALL I WANT IS TO HEAR YOUR STORY WAHHHHHHHHHH also YES MY SHIP IS GOING TO SAIL I CAN FEEL IT, okay honestly frustrating a bit but also liked it yah 7-8/10, won’t re-read unless I’m looking for hurt though cause the comfort is BRIEF

Yarichin bitch bu

Tags: ongoing, reading because I watched this anime after seeing it mentioned in the comment section of -im-being-harassed-by-the-sexiest-man-of-the-year, anime was 2 eps a fucking wild the way this is uploaded SUCKS, no reality porn what plot rape-y ridiculous and now I need to read the source apparently haha, I need to know much more about yuri and blue hair guy ASAP (they have the spin off*adds to list*), high school setting, smut, studentsxstudents/teachers, photography club my ass, sex toys, kinky, crossdressing, gay awakening, unrequited love, jealousy, fake relationship, two faced people, OCD, COMEDY, rich people problems, hoarder, inferiority complex, one bed, toono is a dumbass in this love triangle or denial might be a better word, they are cousins my dude stop shipping it (I say to both toono and myself LOL), I wanna see Yuri’s face laksdjf;aldskf, vibrator #18 line is fucking iconic, yaguchi is about to get real interesting (BPD?), lies/manipulation, oh toono you sweet summer child, YURI i can’t wit chu, wait did he just punch the student because he won’t kiss him or???, dubcon/noncon obvs, finally my verse couple but they’re not a couple (yuri/tamu), they all care about each other is a weird way awwww, love confessions to pet vibrator scene are ICONIC MY DUDES I CAN NOTTT, lowkey living for Yuri’s drooling at this point, Jimi gives me such bad second hand embarrassment, Yuri the switch verse bb I’ve been looking for need more!, internalized homophobia, blackmail, MIDDLE FINGER IN THE AIR YAS KING, the heartbreak of ongoing/hasn’t been updated in years

Yarichin bitch bu dj wa

Tags: not completed I think, years old though, see above you know what it is, so cute omg, FIRST KISS AW, degradation kink?, MY VERSE COUPLE I’ve finally found you, biting, choking, rough sex, sex toys, they had fun together for another two hours DECEASED

Fucked by my Best Friend

Tags: ongoing, friends to lovers, body swap, Porn what plot, cannon threesomes in past maybe??(MFF for sure but MMF??), beach life, revenge, he became a HOT woman so honestly get over it, sloppy seconds, first off you’re both sluts second lmao this is going to be wild hm?, fellas is it gay if you kiss the homies, classic did you cum guy jfc, that’s how you get preg dumbass, ah the joys of being a woman /s assault in der clrub, *DEEP SIGH* @ you almost being raped turns me on, YES TURNING BACK DYING, gender has nothing to do with this LOL but true. Also yes cannon threesomes/orgies, googles frotting, mans like narrating playtime, intecurial sex public sex, lingerie, this is the closest thing to straight manga I’ve read hahaha, THE SCIENCE OMG FUCKING RIDIC :you need a mass amount of semen within you SURE JAN, possessive. Objectification, she trying to fuck without Shion LMAO, 34+35, do you think he’s on r/nofap, dry orgasm honestly impressed with mans rn ngl, spit as lube, anal fingering, just helping the homies find their prostate, bottom shaming (disappointed but not surprised), bis/gays in denial smh, question if he has a wet dream will he turn into a woman?, shirt thing, lol at female orgasm =anal in switcharoos mind, paging doc perv, shion is enjoying dressing up hm? Same dude, biggest reality gap is believing shion got admitted to a college HAHA, bad anatomy all over the place dude, rui is a dedicated exhibitionist, HE SO TIGHT BECAUSE THERES NO LUBE team no lube over here apparently not even a courtesy spit, yandere territory sort of?, Mayu with the dick wet comment is *chefs kiss*, THE HEARTBREAK OF ONGOING WAHHH I can’t believe I read all this but I can? 8/10 problematic possessive porn

[solradguy]

would be an easy choice, and someone else is probably going to do it, so how about Ky?

No Sol for the Sol blogger 🥺🥺🥺🥺 jk Ky's good haha

⚡ Overall opinion of them:

Tbh I really didn't like Ky when I first got into Guilty Gear because he was the "stick in the mud law abiding citizen" guy at first glance, but his lore is so complex and his character is a lot deeper than that now that I know him better. He's probably not in my top 5 favorite GG characters or anything, though I don't dislike him. He's neat. I'm looking forward to getting to work on his novel and learning more about him.

⚡ Gender/sexuality headcanons:

It's hilariously easy to make gay jokes about him and Sol because of the official art from X thru XX but, if I had to put Ky on the Kinsey scale, I think he'd be either a 1 or 2. Straight for the most part with the occasional gay/bi moment. I also think that if you asked Ky about his sexuality (assuming the person asking him was someone he was comfortable opening up with) he wouldn't have an answer right away, like sex/sexualities aren't something he dedicates a lot of time thinking about. Heteroflexible-romantic with asexual leanings, or something like that? He would NEVER. EVER. even SLIGHTLY consider cheating on Dizzy.

⚡ Favorite moment in canon:

It was raw af the first time I watched the Xrd story and Elphelt shoots him and he just gets back up because he had the Gear stuff going on at that point. I think that was the scene where my opinion of him started changing because him being a Gear went against like EVERYTHING I thought I knew about him up til then.

⚡ Favorite moment in a fanwork:

I'm gonna skip this question because I don't read fanfiction and don't really have anything to put for it dngkd

⚡ Favorite line, in canon or otherwise:

The change in Ky's match dialog with Sol throughout the series is really cool. Starting with Missing Link, his dialog has a lot of self-doubt in it up until about Rev where he starts getting some confidence in himself: [ML] "Sol! Why did you hold back!? Am I not worthy..?" [X] "That look you're giving me...I feel as if I haven't won." [Xrd] "Sol... Victory is mine." [Strive] "You were supposed to give it your all."

With the Strive quote especially, he says the line with a lot of force/annoyance, not in a way where he doesn't feel like he deserves to have won. I know this isn't like a single quote/what this prompt asks for, I just really like this part of his character development.

⚡ Characters I love seeing them interact with:

Sol, obviously lmfao. I have to admit that I'm not really familiar with his interactions with many of the other characters... It would be interesting seeing some healing with his relationship with Sin in the future.

⚡ Last thing before sleeping headcanons:

Oh you just know this man's got a whole bedtime ritual haha. Brushed teeth, mouthwash, face wash, and a quick comb through his hair before bed. Maybe he reads a little from a (non-work related) book before lights out too.

⚡ Sleeping habits headcanons:

I can imagine Ky's bed and pillows being so perfectly comfortable that he doesn't move like at all once he gets into it. I do think he owns multiple pairs of matching light blue and white pajamas with his initials monogrammed onto the chest pocket, though (and comfortable soft brown leather house moccasins).

⚡ First thing after waking up headcanons:

Good morning smooch for Dizzy <3 Ky seems like the kind of person who wakes up and then immediately gets dressed and ready for the day, but also skips breakfast and has only coffee more often than he'd like to admit...

⚡ Favorite locations headcanon:

Hmm... I don't know Ky well enough to get a feel for the kinds of locations he seems like he would enjoy... Maybe sneaking down to the farmer's market with Dizzy when he can to buy little baked treats that he normally can't get the chefs at the Illyria castle to make? He seems like he might enjoy walks in nature parks too but doesn't ever have the time to get away to go on one...

[commander-diomika]

[Image ID: Screenshot of a tumblr reply from user @weareallfromearth ​​ saying “Holy shit I would V much like to know what you’d do with ZolfWilde.” End ID]

This was in response to me tag rambling that if Alex “I don’t Actually Have That Much Experience in Courtship” Newall and Ben “I just Realised I’m Too Straight For This” Meredith don’t know what to do with Zolf/Wilde, they should hand the ship over to me. 

*rubs my gay little hands together.*

I initially characterized them offhandedly as Enemies-to-Lovers but that’s not quite it, is it? On reflection I would say it’s more of an Opposites Attract situation.

Oscar Wilde, as re-imagined in the RQG universe, is a homme fatale; a dangerous, attractive man, skilled in encouraging people to underestimate him, wearing different masks, never quite being able to trust or be trusted by anyone.

There is NO personal/professional line for Wilde. He lives his work, and his work is subterfuge and interpersonal manipulation. (whether or not he started this way in his field as a journalist, or was forced to become this way by the changes in his world, is another post.) He is a person who either cares very deeply what people think of him, or is has decided that manipulating what people think of him is the way to get what he wants, and from the outside it makes no difference.

Zolf Smith does not care what people think of him. He isn’t even skilled at being kind and empathetic to people he cares about; he has no time for emotional manipulation or genuine charm. He doesn’t even have a fantastic grasp on his OWN feelings, let alone other people’s. He’s grounded, disinterested in frippery or appearances. Which is why Zolf and Wilde started out so deeply at odds with one another.

Despite the differences in the interpersonal approaches, they have plenty of common ground.

They are both deeply dedicated to a cause. They care about their work to the exclusion of all else. They are both pragmatists who have their own internal moral code, and are willing to bend or break other people’s rules in order to get the job done. They are fundamentally good people. Despite their rocky beginnings, they can respect each other because of these things.

And they might have maintained their mutually disdainful, begrudgingly respectful working relationship and that could have been the sum total... Except then the world fell apart. The Meritocratic organisation was initially compromised, then disintegrated. The blue vein plague isolated everyone and made it even harder to trust supposed allies. The Cult of Hades was on everyone’s ass making their life difficult, the other PCs disappeared off the face of the planet. Zolf and Wilde ended up in a situation where they had no one else they could trust.

Familiarity breeds contempt, but maybe if the contempt is already there, it builds Something Else. Wilde was stripped of his magic in a way that made it much harder for him to keep people at a distance and (pardon the pun) project the illusion of the debonair playboy. Zolf would have had the chance to see through Wilde’s masks, and get a better understanding of what parts of Wilde were a calculated tactic, and what was his genuine self.

Whatever betrayal transpired that gave Wilde his scar and hardened him, Zolf was privy to. He was either there and saw it happen, or he was close enough in the aftermath to see Wilde properly vulnerable for the first time in their friendship. Hell, maybe Zolf was the one who rescued him and patched him up. That was a chance for Zolf to realise that this insufferable man is a friend who he cares about deeply. At this point, he’s cared for awhile, but has been too wrapped up with his own spiritual difficulties to have space to admit that to himself.

And Wilde, oh Wilde, he’s desperate to be seen and known and loved, but he’s never allowed himself. He’s never felt SAFE to. He doesn’t let people get close, treats every conversation as a battle to be won. His safety and his power lies in being admired, but never loved. So even as trust and fondness for Zolf blossoms within him, he won’t for a second allow himself to hope that the fondness is reciprocated

With all that out of the way, this is my version of events.  

Wilde is a slut (affectionate), and Zolf is gray-ace, so if there’s any bridging of that gap in terms of physical intimacy, it has to be from Zolf’s side. Giving canon a tender massage into place, that first instance of Zolf grabbing Wilde by the collar changes. (This happens on the Vengeance after Zolf has taught Wilde to steer the ship). Zolf drags Wilde down to say “I’m glad to see you perked up.” That moment now involves a whiskery kiss on Wilde’s cheek, and the man would be absolutely FLOORED by it.

I’m talking slow-mo glittering lights as Zolf stomps off blushing, unsure what just came over him; Wilde touches his cheek in bewilderment for a stretched moment before realising he’s completely agog, and he let go of the wheel for a dangerous length of time. Every interaction, every moment they’ve spent together over the last two years is flashing before Wilde’s eyes and a new context is being applied rapid fire. I’m talking the italacised oh kind of moment.

(on top of Zolf being witness to The Betrayal, throw some other moments of almost-intimacy into said flashbacks. I’m talking late nights, Zolf doing his gruff-yet-kind caretaker thing, cooking for Wilde, maybe sharing quiet and rare downtime with Zolf reading a Campbell novel on a couch in Wilde’s office)

Wilde is realising, “Oh this is allowed, oh this is reciprocated, this is possible.”

And of course they don’t talk about it, because what’s a slowburn if they immediately go and TALK about their feelings? No, the kiss goes completely unremarked upon, and Wilde continues to needle and tease and get under Zolf’s skin, except now with an added warmth in his eyes because he finally gets it. He finally understands that Zolf cares, that Zolf loves him, he’s just not the kind of dwarf that knows how to express it.

And Zolf, frustrated by feelings he can’t express but is beginning to understand, can hear the undertone of “haha, you looooove me,” shining through Wilde’s deliberate antagonism. They continue their time on the Vengeance just a little easier and closer to one another.

And we continue on to the death/resurrection arc, and Wilde’s spirit pushes for Zolf to open up about his feelings, because if not when he’s literally past death’s door, then when? When Zolf finally manages his “I need you,” it’s like a dam has broken for both of them. The second collar-grab and “We’ll go on a holiday or somethin’,” is now followed by a full kiss on the lips, not particularly erotic but passionate, (it’s the epitome of kissing someone to shut them up) and Wilde makes a surprised and delighted squeak that he would be glad he can’t quite remember when he returns to land of the living.

Once returned, Wilde might not remember everything that his spirit said or did, but he remembers the kiss. The comfort and ease that the two of them share in 179 (Eat Drink and Be Merry) is there, only instead of the two characters still being in a place of questioning their feelings for one another, it’s been answered.

Whether or not this relationship is sexual in nature is kind of up to you and what kind of fan works you like to read/write. I think there are wonderful scenes to be written an explored in many directions.

Wilde allowing himself to enjoy sex for intimacy and closeness instead of using it as a tool/ Zolf not being one for sex but Wilde’s never slept more soundly than when he’s being held in Zolf’s arms/ Zolf realising that the unfamiliar feeling he’s been struggling to express is the desire to rail Wilde til he cries/ Wilde realising that if his partner doesn’t want it from him, he’s actually quite content without sex/ The two of them being mean, antagonistic bastards to each other while fucking but Make It Kink (of the trusting and RACK kind). There really isn’t a single bad interpretation.  

So really, I’m not doing anything different with them other than reading between the lines, giving canon a little nudge, and sticking the landing. This isn’t to disparage the concept of queer platonic partners. (I’ve got one!) or to talk shit about Ben or Alex (I DO respect their craft).

It’s just to say I find these two characters , and everything they’ve been through, PAINFULLY romantic, tropey, and delightful. I’m looking forward both to how Ben and Alex play the QPP, the fanworks I’m gonna read and hopefully write, and the inevitable tragedy that you KNOW Alex is gearing up for.

[wildsunscorpion]

How Bum Geon Woo communicates through his body language (Plus how he's actually giving the special treatment Eui Joon's been yearning for)

I reread DCS for, like, the tenth time now. Yes, I'm obsessed ohmygod! I'm liking how these two characters are written so far. I originally wanted to break down just Chapters 20-24 of DCS because the first time I read it I got just a little annoyed with how Geon Woo (a.k.a. Ahjussi) was, let's say, just kind of pushing Euijoon's limits. But I ended up doing more than just Chapters 20-24. Dios mio.

I was just a little tired of seeing the same trend with guys in manhwa. They always seem to be domineering, especially if their partner is the "sweet and naive" archetype. (Eui Joon, I think, does not really fit into this mold.) Of course, that's usually because they're dealing with their own issues, and I don't really blame them.

But I like DCS because it justified that kind of behavior in Geon Woo when he was having sex with Eui Joon (in Chapters 20-24, particularly). Lol I'm probably the only one who realized this later than I should have ehehe. I'm still posting this tho.

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD‼️‼️

His antics speak volumes. It's amazing how I missed all those details just because the sex scenes were. Steamy. As. Fuck. Good lordy! Geon Woo is definitely a man of few words (He once said Eui Joon makes him talk like he would for a whole year, haha!), so it would make sense to communicate whatever's going through his mind in a situation through body language.

I also want to add the times that he makes the effort to hold a conversation with Eui Joon. Geon Woo doesn't really talk when he doesn't need to, so it's important to pay attention to his actions.

☙ ☙ ☙ ☙ ☙

Chapters 0-12

The first time we get a glimpse of Geon Woo's side of the story was when Eui Joon finally confesses to the person who's been his crush for 3 effing years, Hyeon Woo. Eui Joon is inexplicably happy when Hyeon Woo says he'll consider and comes to the convenience store in good spirits. Geon Woo, keen as always, notices, and when Eui Joon tells him what happened this is what we get:

It's the way it was framed. How we see his reaction from behind rather than from the front. He turns away, seeming to go inward and brood once again.

Afterwards, another gangster comes. The guy challenges Geon Woo for taking too long at the front of the line. Geon Woo asks Eui Joon if he smokes, and when he replies that he doesn't, Geon Woo "borrows" the lighter on the countertop and uses that to throw a stronger punch to the man behind him, who temporarily falls unconscious. Geon Woo turns back to Eui Joon, seeming to have something else to say. But he sees the frightened look on Eui Joon's face and decides to keep it to himself before leaving through the door.

"And..." He pauses, turning to Eui Joon. "... Never mind. Good work."

JUST WHAT WAS HE ABOUT TO SAY?!?!?!

In the succeeding panel, Eui Joon is nonplussed. He wonders out loud, "What is happening?" Couldn't have said it better, girl. Geon Woo was just taking out his frustration and he had the perfect opportunity at the moment.

The second time was when Geon Woo invites Eui Joon to drink after the incident with Hyeon Woo (who basically asks Eui Joon to cheat with him and inebriates him—probably with the intention to take advantage of him). From the side stories, we learn that Geon Woo has taken an interest in Eui Joon after seeing him for the second time, and when he comes by through the hallway—finally discovering they were neighbors—and witnesses the two, he sees it as a chance with Eui Joon.

He invites Eui Joon out to drink, after Eui Joon's suggestion for a dinner at 2 in the morning fails to entice him. Eui Joon rambles his questions away, wanting to get to know him better, but Geon Woo doesn't immediately answer and catches him off guard when he "casually" inquires after his sexuality. Not the smoothest move there, lol, but in the side stories we see that wasn't really his intention.

"Damn it, why did I ask that question? It just slipped out..."

He answers Eui Joon's questions afterwards, surprising Eui Joon with the fact that he's actually been listening to what he's been saying for the past minute. We're starting to see just what kind of a person he is (Listening skills are always a plus in my book).

A little later, we see them on their way back to the apartment. Eui Joon asks Geon Woo to tell him anything interesting because he's been the one talking all night. Geon Woo acquiesces, asking a question that may have been part in consideration of Eui Joon's vulnerable state, and perhaps also part due to the possibility that he worried about him.

"Come to think of it... School has already started. Isn't it tiring to work 'til dawn? Aren't you working too much?"

Geon Woo's face is a little hard to read. So every subtle change in his expression says something. If you read the manhwa, you'll see the slightest bit of concern in his eyes. It's hard to catch until you've read the side stories (at least for me, haha).

One more thing I like about Geon Woo is that he doesn't meddle when it's not his business. He knows the state of Eui Joon's family—their inability to afford his college tuition, his hospitalized brother—and he knows he can help. I mean, I don't know how wealthy and powerful he is as a gangster but he probably has the means to. But he rarely opens the topic to Eui Joon.

Aaaand onto Chapter 8! Just before the first sex scene in the entire series. Eui Joon is crying because he had a shitty day both at school and at work, poor thing—all because of Hyeon Woo. He cries even more when he notices that Geon Woo, who came to the store every day, didn't come to the store that day. When he encounters him outside, he breaks down, catching Geon Woo off guard.

Geon Woo tells his lackey to leave and asks Eui Joon to stay. Eui Joon tells him he was fine and proceeds to go back to his room, but Geon Woo frightens him when he says he was already being nice. And then we get this:

"Ah, I don't mean it that way... Just a while."

That gentle tug is honestly so uncharacteristic of the usual ruffian behavior we often see from Geon Woo. It's a nice sweet detail that proves what he says in Chapter 26 (when he finally confesses) that he treats Eui Joon differently from others.

Eui Joon cries his heart out to Geon Woo, and Geon Woo just lets him. Afterwards, Eui Joon resolves to forget about Hyeon Woo. By finding someone, hmm, more physically endowed.

"I must find someone more good-looking than him. With a nicer body... And a bigger dick!"

Clueless guy basically described the man beside him.

To that, Geon Woo says:

"How long have you known me? You really dare to say anything like that in front of me?"

Which comes off as slightly hostile at first. The next panel shows a dark aura surrounding Geon Woo, which Eui Joon interprets as distress from his implications of doing it with him—whose sexual preference so far remains ambiguous (In the side stories, we learn that Geon Woo himself struggles with figuring this out.). But then, he surprises Eui Joon when he slowly leans in to kiss him.

CUE SEX SCENE! I pitied Eui Joon a little because he wasn't really in the best state when Geon Woo offered this. In Geon Woo's defense, though, from the moment he found out that Eui Joon was gay he saw doors opening. When Eui Joon said something like that, I think his attraction to Eui Joon finally caught up to him and he couldn't resist the opportunity. He definitely wasn’t distressed by the implication of Eui Joon’s words; he was distressed by the decision he had to make—to go through that door or not. Because he knew he wanted it, even though he was constantly denying it from the start.

“This dirty thought wasn’t something that I have planned from the beginning.”

The day after, Eui Joon is a little rattled. He doesn’t know how to treat Geon Woo after that—not when he realized that sex could be that hot and satisfying (uwu). Geon Woo appears to be unaffected while Eui Jon’s brain is in knots about everything. But the questions Geon Woo asks tell us that he’s beginning to show Eui Joon a little emotion. He asks to see Eui Joon’s face to inspect the healing bruise he got yesterday (the one that Geon Woo covered with a bandaid—which was so sweet, huhu). And then, he asks if he was tired after school.

“Let me see your face.”

“School classes. Are you tired after taking them?”

From my perspective, he wasn’t just asking for the sake of being nice to the person he slept with. The story still hasn’t covered much of Geon Woo’s history to know whether he had been like this with his previous partners. Although there was a moment in Chapter 27 during one of their conversations when he gave us a little glimpse:

Geon Woo: It's normal to cry over pathetic things at your age. Eui Joon: Have you cried like that before too? Geon Woo: No. Eui Joon: Then how do you know that? Geon Woo: I just... know. Because there was a guy like that around.

From the time Geon Woo invited him out to drink, I think Geon Woo was genuinely concerned when he asked how Eui Joon was doing.

☙ ☙ ☙ ☙ ☙

Chapters 13-26

Geon Woo's love language, I think, is his actions. He fights off the gangsters that bully Eui Joon into giving them discounts or even paying for them from his own pockets so they won't have to. He gives Eui Joon food and medicine when he finds out he was sick (the morning after having sex with him in the car for hours, lol). He likes taking care of the person he likes. So in Chapter 26, when he "confesses" to Eui Joon, that was Geon Woo pointing out that he's been doing the same thing all along.

"I mean, look at me just once... What kind of person I am. How I treat you. Take a good look at it. If you think that I'm good, then pick me. If not, you can throw me aside." "But. Before you do, you should understand this. Until then, I don't intend to let you get away."

This "non-confession" (he actually tells Eui Joon it wasn't a confession) actually says a lot about Geon Woo. His attitude towards their relationship is very blunt and straightforward. Once he's made a decision, he stops listening to his doubts and stands by it. I don't really know when Geon Woo decided that he liked Eui Joon. It was more slow-growing. In the side stories though, we see him considering this big-time when this thought crosses his mind:

"There's the common phrase of having the opportunity to meet your fateful love. If there's a sign for it, would it be possible to stay vigilant?"

AHJUSSI YOU SOFT-HEARTED ROMANTIC I CAN'T T^T He becomes more bold with Eui Joon afterwards, but he's still a little prickly. He's constantly weighing his options, trying to figure out in what way will doing the things he does for Eui Joon benefit him, if at all. In Chapter 13, when a customer comes inside the store and forces Eui Joon to pay for what he bought, he's on the scales. But then the memory of that morning flashes through his mind, and he remembers how the simple act of Eui Joon giving him his number had made him smile like an idiot. He beats the customer for him, taking the money he owed, and gives it back to Eui Joon. He even manages to casually ask him out on a date. The guy can be smooth as fuck.

Eui Joon: Are you saying... we should eat together? Geon Woo: Sure. I guess I've done something worth compensating. Will you give me my reward?

Take notes, people! At this point, Eui Joon has gotten him wrapped around his finger, and he didn't even know it! Of course, Eui Joon still thinks their relationship is only purely sexual, but then Geon Woo begins doing these uncharacteristically tender gestures that Eui Joon initially interprets as Geon Woo giving him special treatment.

"Let me see your face." "School classes. Are you tired after them" "I'm thinking that... You'll look good in short hair, too."

And Geon Woo even tries to initiate a conversation with Eui Joon when he feels like Eui Joon couldn't take the awkwardness. A good example was when Geon Woo treats him dinner at the restaurant.

"...." "Is this your first time coming to this kind of place?"

Somehow, these things he does still feel kind of forced, like he was genuinely annoyed at Eui Joon and everything he did. Even when he asks to do it with him again and Eui Joon refuses because he was still sore, there was a moment of frustration that shone through.

It was a sign that Geon Woo was still confused about the things he was feeling towards Eui Joon. He knew he wanted him physically, but then he doesn't take up the woman's offer that evening after Eui Joon refuses him. It wasn't actually written on paper, but knowing Geon Woo's character he might have felt uneasy about going through with it. Not particularly on Eui Joon's behalf, but it may have been unconscious because of his budding feelings.

His feelings were something that rattled him, and he was usually undeterred in any kind of situation. What rattled him more was that Eui Joon didn't know anything about what he was going through.

"Being naturally attracted to you, and going through unfamiliar emotions. This feeling should only be felt at an adolescent age."

We're seeing him from behind again. The use of this perspective in manhwas / mangas / comics usually makes you feel like can't tell what the character's thinking about, but most importantly that they're most likely about to go do or SAY SOMETHING DAMN IMPORTANT. Like, maybe, telling their feelings to the person they like!?!?!

"Eui Joon-Ah. I like you."

ASDFGHJKL DID ANYONE SEE THAT COMING?!?!?!

That actually surprised me hella lot. I'd originally thought Geon Woo was the tsundere type, but he was more honest with his feelings than I believed. However, he hadn't been completely convinced by these feelings until Eui Joon had offered to break it off. Suddenly there was an exit to his situation, but he didn't really feel happy about it. He was frustrated at not being able to properly understand what his words made him feel. Because the truth was he didn't want to break things off. He just wouldn't admit to himself at the time that the reason was he actually wanted Eui Joon.

We could see him debating it himself, poor thing:

"I didn't expect myself to be in a situation where I couldn't even understand my own feelings. I should've figured it out the moment I couldn't understand my sexual preference. I'm not that young anymore... What is this?" "No... It could also be a spur of the moment... It doesn't seem to be like that. It might also be due to pride, but I feel it's not necessary for these kinds of feelings to affect my pride... But even when it's like this, I still want to..."

Geon Woo decides to "have a little fun" before conceding to Eui Joon's request to "end their entanglement". But I've noticed that whenever something bothers Geon Woo too much, he takes a smoke. When Eui Joon makes the suggestion, Geon Woo does just that.

The slightly rough way in which Geon Woo treats him afterwards shows his frustration. He grabs his arm roughly and pulls him towards the car, but he doesn't realize he was hurting Eui Joon's wrist with his own watch until Eui Joon whines in pain—at which point Geon Woo just laces his hand through his instead. Which I thought was so sweet T^T

When Eui Joon freaks out about doing it at the school where he studies and asks Geon Woo to consider it for him, Geon Woo says, "Do I have to consider that for you too?" And when Eui Joon asks for him to do that, Geon Woo replies, "I guess I've been too nice to you." THE MAN WAS FREAKING FRUSTRATED!!! Geon Woo even challenges him to stay quiet, telling him no one will hear them if he does. Throughout the whole thing, Geon Woo wanted to dominate him, daring him to take what pleasure he could give him, but with an aggression that bespeaks the storm in his heart and mind. Reading it back, I realized just how damn hot that scene was. I mean, goddamn. After Geon Woo admits his feelings, there's a serenity about him afterwards. He no longer has to second-guess taking care of Eui Joon or expressing what he felt towards him. He gives him food and medicine the next day since he caught a fever. He "invites himself" to watch a movie with him since they both had nothing to do for the rest of the day. The guy was basically courting Eui Joon, haha. Not a confession, my ass XD

And then, when Eui Joon opens up about how he rejected Hyeon Woo, Geon Woo tells him he'll also wait for him for around three years T^T

MY HEART I CAN'T T ^ T ☙ ☙ ☙ ☙ ☙ So that's kiiind of a long breakdown. I included as little pictures as possible. Copyright and all that. I just really like this series so far. I want to be able to read the original someday. Hopefully I'd be able to learn Korean T^T. If you like this as much as I do, chat me up =D would love to hear other thoughts.

[broxklynn]

The End Of My Candy Love

Warning!

Alright, so. This post will contain a lot. First of all, it's gonna be really sloppy. I'm very emotional person and I easily get attached to games, movies and stuff. I know it's a bit weird, but yeah, I'm a weird person. Anyway, that's why there's a warning: there's gonna be a lot of sloppiness, grammar mistakes (at least I think so, specially since english isn't my native languange) and it's probably going to be long. So, if you're intrested in reading my thoughts about everything - good luck.

First Adventure

I first heard about "My Candy Love" in 2015, six years ago. So, I was basically a baby (I'm pretty young). And I started playing a year after, I got totally obssesed with Lysander and I fell in love, seriously, haha. I was into writing back then, but I couldn't find any ideas on "what to write?" and MCL gave me just that - inspiration (that's most likely why I'm just a romance freak).

My Story

You know, I was a child so I couldn't really pay for AP, but I always found some kind of way to get them. But then I got my phone I just used money from that, geez, I was nuts. The old AP system was so iconic, looking for Nathaniel, finding Kiki, I'm gonna miss it.

Anyway, I got along with Castiel pretty well (which suprises me 'cause I found about walkthroughs in 2017, like year after, so maybe it was because I was a brat?), but I adored Lysander. Oh, I also loved Ken (I was so sad when he went away) and Nathaniel. After I met Armin, I liked him too.

Again, being a child and playing a game like this I came across all diffrent kinds of emotions. I was laughing, crying, dying from embaressment (this thing with Nath and locker room, aaa) and getting seriously mad (Deborah's arc, Priya, Charlotte). I remember impatiently waiting for new episode to come out or crying my eyes out during Lysander's amnesia plot. Jesus. I loved the way Castiel was teasing Candy, I loved this cute-clumsy Kentin, I loved the old Nathaniel, I loved Armin and most of all - I loved my precious Lysander. I adored the interactions between characters, how funny or cringy they were and how much fun I had. I even like this secret-dating plot even when it got on my nerves. I still remember staying up late to watch videos like "lysander illustrations" and stuff. I also really enjoyed reading MCL manga and I spent hours trying to translate it from Spanish to English or my native languange (funfact: I still haven't finished it! I don't know where to find those mangas) or trying to draw something from the game up ending up terribly failing. Anyway, I was crying during the prom thing, my Candy was so grown-up, I got emotional, haha. So, 40 episode came in. I was pretty excited 'because, me, being extremely naive (I got to say, I've never had a problem with Beemoov before, I started playing MCL in 2016 and Eldarya in 2017, so there were no major issues with them, only the price of PA, I think) thought that my Lysander is going to propose (I was a child, ok?) and maybe, there's going to be a second season with us living together. Haha, how naive I was. Whole episode 40, really got me tearing up, I was a wreck, seriously (When Kentin couldn't take Candy's bra off I lost it or this whole ananas thing in Castiel's route, omg). But I finished it feeling happy. I truly enjoyed spending my time on this game. But, then this whole university thing came out. And the fact, that Lysander, Armin and Kentin won't be with us foe the next season. I spent entire vacation crying (I was a kiddo, ok?) and being mad at everyone. I felt like I got robbed. It was horrible.

"A New Chapter"

I was one of these people who just couldn't accept the change. Not in the world. Never. They stole my Lysander, Kentin and Armin from me and changed AP system to some kind of bullshit. God, I was mad. Really mad. Seeing Castiel was quite nice, but I didn't fill the void of my baby. But, oh, my, God. When I saw Nathaniel I just couldn't believe. I said I was mad? Then I was furious. I really liked the old Nathaniel, he had his own vibe, his backstory, his character and it was just, damn, amazing. But they changed him completely, for what? They wanted the second Castiel? Yeah, they got it. Priya as a love interest was quite a good move, tho. I even though I didn't like her (in highschool or in university) I liked the idea of adding a female interest. But the thing that hurted me, was the fact that Lysander was taking care of the farm. Like, no! He didn't want that. He didn't like the countryside. He had such a potential to become a author and Beemoov didn't let him. God, that broke my heart. Anyway, I didn't spent a single penny on MCLUL, but I have to say - I kinda enjoyed it. You know, it was the guily-pleasure kind of thing. I didn't like it as much as I liked highschool, but there were some good or funny moments. I loved Rayan's kiss scene. I adored Chani. Or Hyun making us watch "Toy Story". Nathaniel's ulgy green hair or all these crazy threesomes. I liked it. Kinda. I hated Nath tho. The ending, hm, it was okay, I guess? I do feel sort of nostalgic thinking about it 'cause I got some nice memories from it, in the end. But yeah, going on.

Love Life

Oh. My. Lord. I was so sceptical about it. Like, I was sure that, at this point they're going to do "My Candy Love Mid-Life Crises" next or some other shit. But in the end, I "kinda" like it. It wasn't good like highschool or fresh like university, but I was nice to see new chapters with our annoying-cringy Candy, that I love (btw, I started playing other otome games and I realized that Candy wasn't that bad). Meeting Eric was nice, even tho, this whole cheating plot really got me ragging. Like, damn, Beemoov, seriously? And if you going this, why not with old LIs? Just kidding. Anyway, I truly enjoyed meeting Dan and Eric, the two of them were quite a characters. I won't forget them, hah. I was happy with single ending, 'cause I think about it as a "open ending" when my Candy can go back to my baby and everything's going to be alright.

Regrets & Complaints

Now, now. Where do I start? AP system was a freaking nightmare. Replacing old Nathaniel with some kind of weird Castiel was a nightmare. Removing Lysander, Nathaniel, Armin and Kentin was a nightmare. Not finishing plots was a nightmare. And why in the whole Love Life I haven't seen Amber once? Why Alexy never mentioned Evan like they're not brothers? Why Castiel doesn't care that I was dating his bestfriend? And why, in the world, after changing the system finding Kiki is so damn easy? Why AP is so expensive? So many questions!

All The Good Times

But, I got to say. I will never forget this bitchy Castiel, cookie-monster Ken following us around. Or cute Nathaniel. Castiel buying Candy some kind of weird McDonald's. Or Lysander's parents exposing him having crush on Candy. Or seeing Kentin kissing Amber (ew). This super akward-funny sex ed lesson. Deborah's arc and losing my shit over it. Or Thomas (this weird child) stalking my Candy and her LI in the park. And Lysander asking us how to hide a body, aaa. Or Armin telling us he loves us. Or Kentin. And Cookie ripping this huge teddybear apart. Or the water fight in Kentin’s spin off. And crushing on Alexy and later on finding out he’s gay. Or spin-the-bottle game and Lysander getting jealous. Or Dake, being a creep for entire game straight. Or guessing what was guy's surnames. And for sure, I will never forget this demonic Kiki dog.

What it worth it?

In the end, yes. Have I ever told you that I want to become a professional writer? Silly dream, I know, but writing is a huge passion of mine, and well, my first story was based off My Candy Love (it is cringy as hell, but I feel kinda nostalgic thinking about it). All these years spending on playing game that I wasn't supposed to be playing was amazing. It was one of the best experiences I had in life and I will never, ever forget that.

What now?

Well, Beemoov is working on a new game and I'm kinda optimistic. I know, it's really naive of me, but I want to believe that they won't f*ck this up, this time. And going back to Sweet Amoris, well, I truly missed this place! And the teachers... And Kiki. I wonder, when it will be released and will Beemoov finally open up about telling us surnames and ages of love interests. Anyway, I want to believe they learnt from their mistakes.

In the end. Thank you, My Candy Love, for creating so many memories. I will be forever grateful. 

(I just re-read this post and it seems like I have really love-hate relationship with this game)

[finaledenialist]

so in one of your asks you said you dont think cas was in love with dean since the beginning and idk its interesting to me because everyone seem to think he was from the start so what is your take on that? idk im just curious haha

ohhh I wanted to make a post about this so thanks for asking!

disclaimer: I don’t want to rain on anyone’s parade I just have a different take on this whole thing!!! 

So. I see people are like: OMG he was in love ALL THIS TIME SINCE 4x01 and I am like: no. 

Was he lost since he laid his hand on Dean in hell? Yes. Was he instantly in love? Nah.

See, Cas in season 4 and 5 is starting to feel. He is conflicted, he is questioning, he doesn’t have ‘people skills’, he is confused by what he feels, he knows there is a ‘profound bond’ between him and Dean and he is rebelling for Dean, because Dean has a point and Cas feels Dean is right and apocalypse and destruction are wrong, and this human is so human and he never had that connection before. Add the sexual innuendos, the eye fucking and the tension between those two and this is what i call ‘classic destiel’. I do have a strong feeling this is partly Jensen’s and Misha’s fault though haha but I am also convinced that the jokes like ‘Cas, get out of my ass!’/’Blow me Cas’ are purely for ‘comedic purposes’ because haha gay so funny (keep in mind it’s still 2008/2009 and things were so different then BUT we still got Endverse which had not only sexual stuff implied but romantic as well - ‘all we have left, Dean and I, is each other, if Dean says it’s time to go in a blaze of glory, so be it’ (I am writing this from memory so these might not have been exact lines but you know what I am talking about).

And then in season 6 and 7 is where things start to get romantic. ‘I watched you rake leaves’, Dean’s blind faith that no, Cas can’t be working with Crowley behind their backs because come on it’s Cas and the whole 6x20 episode is *chief’s kiss* and then season 7 and Cas dies to make things right and Dean keeps his trenchcoat and moves it from every car they have been using that season to always have it with him because part of me always believed you’d come back. OK, but I was meant to be talking mostly about Cas’ point of view. Which takes me back to 7x23 and I’d rather have you, cursed or not. I think these words had a major impact on Cas. Something just clicked. Because he realized that he could say these exact same words to Dean and they still would be true. 

And then we got season 8 which was a major shift and it really moved stuff from ‘sexual tension’ to ‘romantic tension’ and it’s still called ‘season fanfiction’ because I wanted to keep them away from you in purgatory and Cas generally not feeling worthy of anything but I think this is when he started to realize that what he feels is not like ‘brotherly friendship’ but something much deeper but he had his issues (I don’t deserve to be saved from purgatory thing) so he kind of kept it buried. But this was when the Real Love really started. But did he admit it to himself? Well I am not in Cas’ head but something must have been on his mind - Naomi had access too his mind and she immediately recognized that there is a certain Feeling that is dangerous and Cas needs to be fucking lobotomized (I still have shivers thinking about it). Did Naomi knew it was love? Idk, but she felt something was going on - that is why she tried to mess things up between Dean and Cas (I only wish he felt the same way ouch my heart....) and Metatron also recognized it, quicker and better (maybe because he spent much more time on earth and was generally a little more powerful and knowing as the scribe of God) and he immediately used Cas’ grace to banish angels from heaven because Cas was feeling love for a human. But did he, himself recognized it as love? Did he admit it to himself? I still have a feeling that no. I still think that his ‘I don’t know’ after Dean’s ‘What broke the connection?’ was honest.

Now let me fast forward to season 12, because this post is getting too long already and while seasons 9-11 had some good episodes and even good destiel scenes I feel this was the time many people - rightly so - were starting to lose faith in canon destiel, starting with Dean not letting Cas stay in the bunker in season 9 and bros acting like they only call Cas when they need him. I repeat - there were still some good episodes, even great ones. And we were shown Cas worried about Dean and being there for him anytime Dean called, there was so much pining but once again let me raise The Question: did Cas know what he was feeling was love? Or was he still confused, not letting himself believe, not being able to name his own feelings and emotions? And this is merely my opinion but this is also time where many people started to be bitter and negative by how writers treated Cas (and other characters in general but I am not gonna dive into that dumpster now, especially the Cas-having-sex-with-a-reaper thing which was awful, but in retrospect is even more awful because if it was Chuck’s writing this seems like some kind of sick attempt to do a conversion therapy and I want to throw up; plus he thought? he was into his boss at gas’n’sip and he thought she was into him and what even was it if not a. bad writing; b. Cas being confused; c. Cas being confused about this bad writing).

So season 12. First of all 12x12, when Cas thought he is gonna die and the infamous line ‘I love you. I love all of you’ happened. I  am 100% sure this is when Cas realized. This must have prompted questions for him. Why did I say what I said? He blurted those words out but why like that? Aaaand after some thinking I think he realized why. He must’ve been like ‘oooops’. But then Jack was about to be born and he had to protect Kelly and then he died.

And then he is in the Empty who says - I know who you love, I know what you fear, there is nothing for you out there. She doesn’t know shit, she just has access to Cas’ mind and apparently those were his thoughts, already at that time, he thought there was nothing for him out there (again, his depression issues) BUT THEN CAS, MY SWEET CAS, THIS BAD ASS MOTHERFUCKER says fuck you Empty in one of his best monologues (before 15x18 I’d say it was his best but here we are) and she yeets him out, because HE decided HE is already saved and he doesn’t need a permission and you can preen and you can scream and yell and remind me of my failings but somehow, I'm awake. And I will stay awake and I will keep you awake until we both go insane. I will fight you. Fight you and fight you for... ever. For eternity. 

And then Jack dies and he takes the humiliating deal.  And now we’re at 15x18 and he says: ‘I have always wondered.... ever since I took that burden.... What my true happiness can even look like... Because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have’. SEE THESE WORDS HERE ARE WHY I CAN’T SLEEP AT NIGHT. BECAUSE THEY IMPLY at least to me THAT:

1. He was aware of his feelings, he knew what he felt was love at the time he took the deal. and after that he was like ‘I guess I am immortal now’ because the one thing I want is the one thing I can’t have so nothing else is going to make him truly happy; this also implies that there is only one thing he truly wants and the rest is just not that important, whatever else happens won’t make him happy which is heartbreaking;

2. He knew what he wanted, so this means that at some point he wondered, he imagined, he took his time to picture the ‘thing’ he wanted. Which is life with Dean. Because he is in love. LIKE HE THOUGHT ABOUT THIS, HE REALLY DID AND HE CONCLUDED THAT THIS IS OUT OF HIS REACH (now people argue if that is because he thinks it’s unrequited or because he thinks that something something hunter life-fighting all the time-no attachments lifestyle won’t allow them to have this sort of life - and frankly, knowing that he learned everything, or almost everything about emotions from Dean, who isn’t really good at them, I am not surprised if he is sure that this feeling is one-sided, because maybe he conquered his fears in the Empty the first time around but taking the deal must have made him anxious and Chuck still calls him self-hating so he probably thinks this is one-sided and he is unworthy of love anyway);

3. He tried to imagine different scenarios that would make him happy but eventually it all came down to That One True Scenario, out of his reach, that couldn’t compare with anything else, and he tells Jack - you know about that deal, it’s ok, I don’t see myself becoming happy anytime soon AND IT HURTSSS

so to conclude and tl;dr - I think Cas realized that what he was feeling was love after 12x12 although he felt it before but might have been confused by it. I do not think he was ~in love~ since 4x01. There was tension and there was pining but no. This feeling evolved, it didn’t *just* happen in the barn. 

also i am so sorry this took so long but i have thoughts and feelings and can’t form a coherent sentence since november 5th anyway thanks for asking nonny, ily!!!!