#These ppl have such bad disordered eating
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hey btw if you're in the USA at 2:20 p.m. ET on Wednesday, Oct. 4, they're testing the emergency broadcast system. your phone is probably going to make a really loud noise, even if it's on silent. there's a backup date on the 11th if they need to postpone it.
if you're not in a safe situation and have an extra phone, you should turn that phone completely off beforehand.
additionally, if you're like me, and are easily startled; i recommend treating it like a party. have a countdown or something. be surrounded by your loved ones. take the actions you personally need to take to make yourself safe.
i have already seen mockery towards any person who feels nervous about this. for the record, it completely, completely valid to have "emergency broadcast sounds" be an anxiety trigger. do not let other people make fun of you for that. emergency sounds are legitimately engineered to make us take action; those of us with high levels of anxiety and/or neurodivergence are already pre-disposed to have a Bad Time. sometimes it is best to acknowledge that the situation will be triggering for some, and to prepare for that; rather than just saying "well that's stupid, it's just a test."
"loud scary sound time" isn't like, my favorite thing, but we can at least try to prevent some additional anxiety by preparing for it. maybe get yourself a cake? noise cancelling headphones? the new hozier album? whatever helps. love u, hope you're okay. we are gonna ride it out together.
#watching ppl go from being like ''support neurodivergent ppl~~!"#to being like ''if this is going to give u a panic attack ur fuckken stupid''#like..... gets me#yeah man. i know im going to be triggered by it . in the old fashioned term. it is GOING to give me a panic attack. it's pretty much certai#and i shouldn't have to tell u about what i have survived for you to be okay with that.#you can just trust that i ALSO don't want me to react to it. i'm not gonna be having a FUN time.#dismissing that bc you think it's stupid.... like is the whole problem.#these sounds are workshopped by entire teams of people to get you to pay attention and move quickly.#they arent meant to be fun and exciting.#OBVIOUSLY it's gonna set ppl off.#but yeah there's something so fuckken demeaning about ppl being like. well that trigger isn't valid bc u haven't undergone X#dude i have ptsd bc i was abused as a child. like plain and simple. the fact im 30 and afraid of the dark tells you how bad it was.#i shouldn't have to ask u for permission to be mentally ill.#the reason it's a fucking disorder and not a fucking choice is that I DO NOT CONTROL IT.#like how is it any different from when ppl are like ''oh public speaking isn't that scary'' like FOR YOU#for YOU this isn't scary. now if i could fucking eat my own amygdala...
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Omg Nick said Orlin had bulimia in his video 6 years ago which he made to address accusations that he has bulimia
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very tired.
#meadows.txt#my job offer seems to have fallen thru#which means a lot of bad things compounding#and i am very very very tired of being at the mercy of ppl who force me to do paperwork#that they don't even bother reading#truly one has not known lack of control over your life#until a govt agency deciding your entire life stops caring about you#which is all to say i am. too tired to talk most days#all days?#and eating disorder treatment revealed i have PTSD which like lol ok i mean. i knew#but no one ever believed me#so now i'm digesting THAT#which is to say...#i'm too tired to speak but i think of ppl a lot and this is all the energy i have
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#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying#shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl#in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated#bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not#her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet#so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive#personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd#compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from#happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is#like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil#not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am#barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me#and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them#but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and#thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard#to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds#nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of#brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but#that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer#defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it#i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else#excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things#unrelated#ed mention#i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama#bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]
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scared as fuck for thanksgiving aaaaaaa
#cat's rambles#neptune is complaining again#tw ed#<- for the tags#also homophobia n transphobia warning#ok i rhink this is enough tagd to add the rewd more#me n my family are going over to my transphobic family friends house and i Do Not like it rhere. at all . for obvious resdons#and their daughter makes fun of mr for being gay i think and treats it like a joke (i came out to her on accident)#and her little brother is . odd but thats not too bad#but i moslry dont like the daughter and i’ll probably have to spend time w her bc shes my age#and she makes fun of how i dress. um. and im plannjng on going in my faggiest fit possible out of the sruff i packed#so im scared to talk to her? yeah. she Will make fun od me i cancalready tell rbsjwiwhahahahhdhshvhahah. hah#ane fucklk dont get mevstattervon the food. rhamsgivign food is terrifying#rheresvso much of it n ppl afe expecter to eat and im so scared. im so fucking scared#whyyyy do i have an eating disorder ough cant i just br loke normsl or somehtjnf . sigh.#and my parents wull most definitely make sure i eat so i cant do anythung except knvm ognna stop uapping now#ok thank you for listejing if you did. sorry#delete later
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“he let the intrusive thoughts win”
PLEASE for the love of god learn what intrusive thoughts are I hate it when people say this oh my god
#intrusive thoughts#my sibling and I were just talking about how frustrating it is#like no eating an entire tub of ice cream is not ‘letting the intrusive thoughts win’ please be serious#my sibling was comparing it to ppl being like ‘I’m a little bit ocd’ or whatever like that shit is so dumb#‘I’m a little obsessive compulsive disorder’ is what you’re saying like do you even hear yourself????#words have meanings btw#I get that the ppl saying this stuff don’t have bad intentions or anything tho#it’s not like if you do this then you suck and I hate you lol#I just wish ppl would think a little bit more about what they’re saying sometimes
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Gonna get spicy for a second and say that everyone loves spewing hate about narcissistic (NPD) parents and how awful parents with personality disorders are, but if someone were to make a post with the exact same cadence about ADHD parents they'd get shot in public at first sight
#rambling#Lemme clarify and extend my point here (cos I feel ppl could really misinterpret this one)#Am I saying people should just accept the abuse of parents if said parents have a personality disorder? No#Am I saying people with ADHD parents have it worse or that both experiences are comparable and exactly the same? No#What I'm saying is that ppl are much more eager to call out abusive or neglectful behaviour from ppl w personality disorders bc#they're seen as 'scary' or 'monstrous' and inherently evil so they have no qualms going full force at it. They think -pd ppl are the devil#But adhd in ppl's general views could never be the source of such pain from a parent to a child; ADHD ppl are seen as childish#and harmless and clueless and silly and tbh a bit stupid. Besides they could never hurt a 'monster' by jumping the gun at -pd ppl right?#'normal people don't have personality disorders so this can't affect me! But normal people can have adhd!'#That's the core of my complaint: one is dehumanised as a destructive monster; the other is as an innocent victim child#And both (parent w -pd & w adhd) can be pretty bad in their own uniqie ways! But such a thing is never considered - for the#societal construct of the child - that neurodivergencies get pushed into - is of an untainted pure inherently clueless being below human#From my exp and the exp of other friends lemme say: having an adhd parent can suck so much ass! Lol#I grew up with two opposing ideals troubling my mind: my mothers obvious overwhelming love; and the shadow her constant absence cast#She loved me so much and did as much as she could; but constantly forgot about my care and my needs and made rash choices#I think about that more and more as i age; especially as i go to doctors over and over for problems i have had since forever#It is an awful feeling to have sink in your heart: how a parent's love isn't enough; how 'maturing quick' isn't a blessing but a curse#As i grew i stopped telling my mom about my needs my school things and my life bc i got used to her forgetfulness and lack of organisation#It meant irregular eating schedules & inadequate meals. In 5th grade I'd eat table scraps at school cos my mom couldn't remember#how I'd tell her over and over that the food had to be in a specific way or it'd get burnt in the school's oven#I'd go to the 'first' dr appointment to deal w an ongoing problem & then she'd forget to schedule the following ones#You get the idea#Kind of a weird post w a strange framing device but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Smth triggered this thought last night#I'll also never forget a few months ago when i went go a specialist for my hEDS - told her I've known all my life but never got treatment#Also just. The crushing feeling of the dr saying ''you should've gotten your own med team to work ur case since u were young!'#And just. silently nodding & wanting to cry feeling validated but also so hurt looking @ the obvious neglect#Anyways hey how did this therapy session go Doctor
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idk if this is a Hot Take or not but
"""raw vegans""" are almost always trying to hide an eating disorder just as much as obsessive dieters
#anyone can have a Problem and make excuses using diet culture!#i only drink juice and eat fruit on bad days and ppl say “wow look at you being healthy”#n O thats not healthy shut the fuCK up a body needs protein#eating disorders /#ed /#text
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also if you have relatives/friends who will not in a million years admit that they are racist/homophobic/etc. since they know this is a bad thing they shouldn't endorse or be, then calling them out directly often leads to denial and deflection and getting really defensive and not backing down.
But if you just say 'hey, it was kind of rude to say X' or 'i think you were making H uncomfortable by bringing up X/making X joke' then they're more likely to listen w/out immediately going to level 10 defensive mode.
Also, ppl who will staunchly deny being a racist/fatphobe/homophobe/etc. will be more likely to agree to simply being 'a bit of an asshole last night.'
The goal is not to get the person to make a complete 180. It's to get them to be a little bit less of an asshole next time. And then rinse and repeat until someday they're, like, barely an asshole at all.
GRADE SCHOOL SJWS stop using social justice language to explain shit to your conservative parents IT’S NOT GONNA GO THROUGH now all they have are some new words to make fun of. don’t tell your mom she’s being fatphobic tell her she’s being a dick
#i have a lot of family and friends who can be dicks about stuff#sad thing is a lot of them don't actually think they're being harmful#like they legit do think that making a racist joke IN FRONT OF a person of that race is like...something they'd be cool with#like no i'm sorry but yes they are laughing at the joke but like very uncomfortably#they are going to find an excuse to leave any second now and u will not understand why they had to go so early#also the fatphobia is strong in this family. fat is also strong in this family#so it's like even worse somehow#like jesus christ it's one thing if it's my skinny-ass baby sister with a long history of body image issues and eating disorders#who is making the fat-shaming remarks#but Dad? my guy YOU are not a skinny guy. you've very much got a classic dad beer gut going there#you are in no position to be throwing these stones#the inside of his mind must be wild because he knows he has a fat beer gut and is like proud of it#but he also does not consider himself fat. like does not cross his mind#also majority of our extended relatives are fat. this is america. not surprising.#he somehow has them all put into separate categories of like good and bad kind of fat ppl but i can't figure out the metric#it's not something simple like gender or age or ppl over a specific weight#at this point i have given up on figuring out what's going on in his head#my middle sister and i have had great success on getting Dad and baby sis to simply not say shit in public#no racist jokes no fatphobic remarks. save it for car rides and family dinners#where the only ones suffering are me and middle sis#and not some poor innocent waitress or retail clerk or somebody behind us at the grocery store#baby steps
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ive never hated a doctor quicker than i have now.
#daisy.txt#im gonna rant in the tags and >> has to do w it so i'll just tag it with a tw so anyone doesnt get exposed to this kind of shit#fatphobia tw#mr bone doctor guy... can you please talk to my father abt the fractured bone and treatment for that#instead of going off on a VERY LONG speech abt how hes fat and needs to lose weight or he'll die#like. you can talk abt how he needs to lose weight without harping on it endlessly.#was it relevant? yes but not to the extent of 'i'm going to rant about this for several minutes before i even talk to you about the actual#injury that you're here to see me about. btw sugar is the devil and poison dont put it in ur body ever'#like. my guy. i know ppl with eating disorders. ive seen ppl say this kind of talk directly contributed to the way they felt abt food#like. say what u fucking mean. EXCESSIVE amounts is bad. not all sugar is automatically bad.#like. yes i know he has a point! my dad and i both agree he has a point! but i heavily disagree on how that message was put across#he has a fractured bone in his upper arm. this doesnt mean 'rant for several minutes abt how all sugar is poison.' and then be wishy-washy#as hell with the actual reality of shit. we went from 'yeah we'll need a CT scan ur gonna need surgery'#to him bringing a coworker in who said 'are you sure that (bone fracture he said) is what it is? it looks like (diferent thing) to me'#and him agreeing like oh yeah thats it#(nothing against getting a second opinion btw like im glad he did!!! but the man didnt say 'you might need surgery' he said 'you will')#(and i think he could have held back on the definite until he KNEW)#and then he went from 'its 50-50 surgery or let it heal let me talk to my colleagues in [city]' to#'ok theyre not gonna do surgery they think it can just heal naturally and i agree w them'#like. my guy! im glad u got a second opinion but can u literally not come in guns blazing with 'UR DEF GONNA NEED SURGERY' if ur not a hund#on whether or not he'll need surgery??? cite it as an option bc the moment he walked out of the room my dad and i looked at each other like#'well... fuck.' because we thought he'd have to have surgery!!!#these tags are getting long but holy fuck i do not like this guy. something abt all of it together just pissed me tf off
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Pretty disturbed to see this eating disorder encouragement on my dash , "based on your likes" where it KEEPS POPPING UP. Thank God this is something I've never personally had issues with ED, or this shit would seem like it was literally haunting me. I don't know how it's based on my likes since I don't think I've ever liked anything about eating disorders on this site, but idk. Also good(?) for the op to tag "tw eating disorder" as though they recognize that the montra of self-harm they've posted might be triggering to SOME people, but for them personally I bet starvation is a perfectly healthy and effective weight loss tactic (derisive sarcasm)
If a disorder could be solved with simple facts we'd live in a better world, but still its worth repeating that starving yourself is not a healthy or effective way to lose weight. Do not let yourself get trapped in any corner of the internet where you can post something like this and people agree without a much greater number of people reminding you that no, this doesn't work, and also no, you probably don't need to lose weight. Eat when you're hungry, eat your carbs and proteins and sugars and FATS, and exercise a reasonable amount, and you'll look better, feel better, and be healthier than you will from skipping meals.
#tw eating disorder#tw ed#eating disorder#and don't think 'oh it's bad for other ppl but I'm the exception I do need to do this'#thinking I'm the exception and that I have to hold myself to a higher standard than anyone else IS something I'm familiar with#and it's only ever made me more depressed#you are not the exception to biology
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see the annoying part about having a panic attack is i have one and then my day is ruined and i simply continue to anticipate having Another one
#and i feel super gunky because i like nearly puke and then i spiral about that for like 30 minutes and then i calm down for another 30 mins#and then i m just. done. for the whole day. which is why i prefer having them at night actually#because i panic. and then it calms down. and then I calm down. and then i just go to bed. but it's 5 pm#so i like. cannot go to bed yet. im simply. stuck awake#also i have to?? eat dinner?? after getting so anxious during lunch i nearly puked?? and eat a SNACK after dinner?? hello?????#when ppl are like 'oh its just anxiety its not that bad' i wanna punch them in the face. pls try having severe panic disorder and ocd#and like. get back to me. abt that. bc i do think u would change ur tune very quickly bitch.#summer's text tag
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🦋
#hmmmm.#so i know that like. i come across-- pretty purposefully i knowww lmao-- as someone who Hates doctors#(&like. perhaps medical personnel in general lmao.)#i will give that this is a fair assessment based on my semi-regular bitching. lmao.#but also like i deal w medical personnel&aspiring medical personnel like. a lot lmao.#the actual amount of these ppl i deal w vs the percentage that i go ballistic over makes it a nonissue as far as im concerned lmao.#(actually quite reminiscent of when ppl accuse me of hating yt ppl just bc i complain about them specifically as if i dont live in portland#where the percentage of these ppl i deal w is damn near 100%&would be if i didnt purposefully go out of my way to change that lmao.#it is not my fault that i deal w specific things that can be chalked up to specific categorizations&am willing to note why that is lmao.)#anyway so i had to work around a new oncologist for a variety of reasons lmao&the new doc i have also specializes in#disordered eating which i guess makes sense as a gastric&intestinal focused oncologist&we had the most fascinating preintake convo.#lately my gastroparesis has been like. absurdly bad lmao. its always been a problem but the last couple months ive been dropping weight#again like crazy bc my food isnt getting digested-- just thrown back up after a few hours bc human bodies arent meant to ferment shit lmao.#the meds i started taking a bit ago for it have been helping but not enough to help me gain any weight back-- im back to being#solidly under a 100lbs lmao&its been wreaking havok all over like. everything. lmao.#something something this is likely due in part to the Bad mania lmao. but seeing as im probably stuck w my fucked up head#regardless of the nature or nurture of it all as w most of this shit it doesnt really matter i just need to find a way to fix it lmao.#so anyway we were talking about the mental issues that are starting to surface-- bc if i throw fucking everything up i dont want to eat#(which is i guess the mirror version of what my problem was for YEARS before my diagnosis when i would eat whatever the fuck i wanted#bc it all caused me pain no matter what so if its a choice between a salad&beef jerky+coke+ice cream its literally a no brainer lmao.)#(... i actually won more than one ice cream eating contest back when it was still a thing i could do back home lmao.)#but anyway part of my thing right now is also like. im having a difficult time wanting to eat bc theres the obvious fact that cooking#for myself feels like a huge waste of time&energy if im just going to puke it all back up&be in pain again anyway.#&the other part of my thing right now is that i fucking hate wasting the amount of food im wasting doing this shit.#both these problems are like. life long problems that any permadisabled poor person will def recognize lmao#but lately its been SO BAD. the holy trinity of wasted time+money+food has literally just been too fucking much lmao.#&the doc thus far is really receptive to the practical problems like this as well as the more specific to me+nuanced problems#which is just. so incredibly relieving. at least for right now lmao.
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please for the love of god don't read the tags if disordered eating triggers you in any ways pleeeease please avert thy eyes!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#DON'T LOOK IF IT'S BAD FOR YOU PLEASE. I BEG OF YOU DON'T KEEP READING#okay. TW DISORDERED EATING btw#okay now i start okay??? alright#i can't staaaaand ppl at working asking so much shit about my eating habits holy shit#not me having to LIE about what foods i like or am able to eat just to get them off my ass#and it doesn't work#i lie and say I can't cook#i lie and say I don't like sweets#i lie and say i eat a lot when i get home#bc i don't have lunch at work except for like. an apple or a yogurt#i don't have lunch at all#the only meal i eat is dinner#and they won't get off my ass#why do they care what i eat and what i don't#why won't they leave me alone#don't mind the very obvious very blatant anorexia!!! mind ya own business!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#tw disordered eating#tw eating disorder#ed mention#ed tw#tw ed
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Astrology Observations- 013
I notice Cap Mercurys think so maturely even from such a very young age. These were those kids that always wanted to hang around people older than them. They are old souls at heart and sometimes it’s harder for them to connect with more childlike energies. People their age can see them as boring because of their serious demeanor.
Leo Risings never like to show the sides to them that make them look bad in anyway. These people have big egos so any assumption from others that they aren’t anything but great can take a big toll on their self esteem. They come off so confident but most are really insecure & don’t think they are interesting so they tend exaggerate a lot of facts about them to keep people thinking they are really interesting and amazing. (U guys don’t need ti do that people already think you are before you even speak)
Capricorn risings always look so annoyed when people are speaking to them. Most of the time they are. They have very honest expressions and when someone says something stupid or uninteresting they are more willing to show their uninterested while most are just willing to smile and take it out of being polite. This is why they can come off as rude or snobbish but really the just don’t have time for bullshit. (I definitely think Wednesday Addams has this placement) many don’t know they are being rude but most don’t have the energy to be fake if they really don’t like what the others saying. Very Real people many mistake them for being Scorpio risings.
Venus in Scorpios were probably shamed a lot for their their sex appeal/drives. I notice these people have a very provocative vibe to them that causes a lot of ppl to sexualize them ( especially the women). I’ve seen women with this placement be virgins and still get slut shamed. People always assume they sleep with mad people even if it’s not true.
Moon in 5th housers are actually very secretive about their talents. A lot are so talented but most tend to keep their hobbies and interests to themselves unless they really trust you.
When someone with Venus in the 7th house likes you they will talk about their future a lot with you. This one guy had a big crush on me and would always joke about getting married and starting a life someday ( he made it sound as a joke but in a way I can tell he meant it). Also can be obsessed with weddings. I have a friend with this placement who says she’ll only wanna get married to experience having her dream wedding lol
Venus in 2nd house women always have people buying them things bro. They don’t even have to ask and men will be buying them expensive gifts or paying for their food or trips. Definition of pretty privilege.
Mars in Aquarius like very eccentric things in bed. It’s almost like they enjoy the opposite of what should be expected in bed. Like the women would like to take normally the male role in bed and vice versa a man with this placement could like a very submissive role. The weirder and more out of place the more turned on they get. Can also be really experimental they are willing to try anything once even if it’s outlandish.
Mars in Aries are usually natural athletes. They have amazing endurance and can become pros faster than most.
Virgo moons usually have bad stomach problems or eating disorders. They are also always giving unsolicited advice no one asked for. They feel this need to solve everything but it can come off as kinda judgmental.
Mars in Pisces are usually victims to bullying. They usually have a hard time asserting themselves and standing up so they get pushed around a lot easier by stronger more dominant energies.
Cap moons are always in denial of their feelings
Mars Square Venus synastry can be really awkward at times in a friendship. Theres this bizarre sexual and touchy tension usually that both aren’t fully comfortable with. The mars person can come off a little too strong and can treat the Venus as if they own them. This attraction can be one sided sometimes with the mars person wanting the Venus and the Venus getting repulsed and distancing themselves. I’ve seen the mars person get jealous if the Venus would hang out with others whether it be other friends or family. And if the Venus is dating someone else this can get really heated on the mars end. Venus will feel the attraction but I notice it’s not as strong.
Venus in 5th house synastry is soooooo flirty. These are those cheesy cringey couples that are always acting like little kids around eachother. It’s actually a really sweet placement. This person will be able to bring out your inner child.
Venus in Libras are always crushing on someone. They jump into relationships I think faster than people with Venus in Aries the only difference is that they can maintain longer term partnerships & don’t bore as quick (even if their feelings are a little superficial). They just don’t know what to do with themselves when they are alone.
Scorpio risings I notice get really strong reactions out of people (like Lilith/asc people) their words make others blood boil even if they really don’t say anything offensive or rude. Most people are jealous of their authenticity which is why a lot of Scorpio risings are quiet and not as willing to open up. People just hate on them so intensely for the littlest things. They also have this ability to know if people are genuine or not which can be intrusive to certain people causing intense reactions. They can see thru everyone’s mask which can make other feel uncomfortable to be around them. This is why they usually have few friends and the friends they do have are as authentic as themselves. Literal human lie detectors
Men that have a water sun with a water moon are BIG SIMPS
Cancer sun women will be passively rude to you if they don’t like you or are jealous of you. They won’t straight say it but they will say little comments in a nice way that’s actually really rude. Then usually play victim if confronted
Everyone’s crush in high-school was either a Scorpio sun or a Libra sun/rising. Tell me I’m lying
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it's crazy how useful brainwashing yourself to get you to do what you want is (lemme cook)
i went from having no disordered eating habits/no motivation to restrict, to eating under 1000/day because i uninstalled all social media and replaced the apps i mindlessly click on to tumblr and ana gcs (so i'm forced to look at skinny ppl and think about my life choices when i get bored instead of scrolling 💀)
specifically before i sleep and as soon as i wake up i look at thinspo and fatspo to reinforce the mentality i want
i look at thinspo while doing things that give me dopamine
i try and post regular public updates/make connections to help with accountability
i convinced myself that fried/fast food is disgusting through repetitive exposure to how the foods r made
and i replaced insta (my most used app) with duolingo so i can finally stop putting off learning spanish!! (off topic but still awesome to me)
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obviously the bad thoughts of being fat and ugly play a big part but this has really helped me make a change, and i'm genuinely so proud of myself for sticking to it even for such a short time so far :)
not to mention that most of the ed community i've seen are so lovely + supportive and i wish the best for you all <33
#tw 3d shit#tw disordered thoughts#tw ed implied#eating disoder trigger warning#4nerex1a#tw ed ana#a4a diary#starv3#ed rant
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