#Therapy is the next step
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Kissies <3
#woy#wander over yonder#wander#commander peepers#woy wander#fanart#sketch#digital art#disney#woy peepers#Wip#shitty quality#Stargazing#Starry eyed#wander x peepers#wandering eye#My art#I can't show the whooooole thing but yeah#They love each other and that's everything that matters#i may have a problem#Or two#Therapy is the next step#yippeeee
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#*#ive been thinking about this since i made it and i saw that tweet yesterday pslkjhgfhj like why is he doing the exact same pose#also i had to redo this bc i really thought phil was 38#like....i fr thought he was 38 and was shockedd he was 37#and i dont use snapchat bc im an adult so i used ig to make this#phan#silly philly#okay so theres a#so i can find this again sfdghjnhfdfgfh#also it's fun talking in the tags#i worked today and im soo tired#like this year has been really tough mentally#and while i did do some of the things i set out to do#i need to prioritize my mental health next year#like i actually need to get help and deal with my issues and start going to therapy#i had way too many of what i can only describe as ptsd episodes this year#like......idk dude i recognize that i need help and yet i dont take the steps to do it#and next year i need to like i HAVE to#but yeah....2024 was great in some regards and in others i hit rock bottom which sucks#but i want to get better#i just need to actually take the steps to do it#i have so much unprocessed trauma that ive just been holding in
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ive decided to do 1 thing every day that makes me irrationally anxious to prove to myself that its not a big deal, and shaking and quaking i have made it through day two 🫡 i was on the verge of crying but im so pleased with myself i never wouldve done this two years ago is this healing
#yayayayay#btw its nothing crazy just things that im 100% sure are not in any way harmful and ive been actively repressing myself from being able to do#such as communicating my needs or allowing myself to do smth that looks fun but im too anxious to do in front of anyone etc#the end goal is to be able to let go of my anxiety from years of being socially rejected and manage to fully unmask#and not care if people think im weird#i wanna be able to stim in public instead of getting so stressed i have a meltdown :(#im being so responsible and mature its kinda scary#ive downloaded a mental health app 😭#in a few years who knows i might even be brave enough to cut off my dad#baby steps though#(not me doing all of this and refusing to go to therapy)#i really think im self sufficient enough to therapise myself 💀#to be fair im gonna start psycology classes next year so i'm 1 year away from technically being qualified. kind of /j#who am i britta?#alex says shit
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Had a doctors appointment to get my back looked at
Got xrays done and prescribed a muscle relaxer (tho I couldn't pick it up cause the pharmacy was closed)
#zuka rambles#if they find anything on the xray the next step would be maybe an mri#or surgery or physical therapy#but we'll see I guess
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i ate an edible a few hours ago and wow no fucking wonder i've been miserable since October, i have had zero pain control since i quit smoking weed every day. DAMB. this shit does work.
#i finally have a pain plan with my doctor tho. at least an outline of steps i can take#starting physical therapy soon. which does work on me most of the time#also getting my blood tested. spine specialist is next#im working on it. finally#eeeegh. owch my whole body
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Not to discount the importance of mental health services but it is a little funny to me when people explain their no cult AUs as like "The Seeds went to therapy" like the only thing needed to interrupt that chain of events was some twice a month talk sessions. Maybe a little CBT thrown in for flavor. Damn guys you almost overreacted there :/
#to be clear i know people are just using go to therapy as a shorthand here#im just imagining john getting ready to go into the torture bunker and then going mm#janine said i might need to take a step back from all this for my well being#shes gonna be disappointed next session if i tell her i went in :/#far cry 5#fc5#jacob seed#john seed#joseph seed#faith seed
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how many times do we need to learn as people that irony and hyperbole can be harmful because 'jokes' aren't easily distinguished from genuine thoughts and feelings until we stop rewarding people for speaking or posting about violence
like even if you're joking/don't actually believe that/think whoever you are insulting is bad/immoral/fictional therefore deserves it - ad hominem attacks always do more harm to the people who share those characteristic then the individual you intend to cause harm to or discredit
#discourse#long post#its genuinely erased so much of my enjoyment of 911blr knowing i have to check accounts or risk seeing bullying/hate#l like its an odd feeling to know that so many people in the same fandom as you actively hold hate or find hate funny against your communit#like tired of people saying others are too sensitive because we dont want to hear or see a person say they want to hurt themself or others#like sorry i put in the work everyday to not let my mental health backslide and to enjoying being alive and accept my queerness#while others seemingly have not#and i know the content i post/share is not all in the same circles as that certain blog and i hate that it still grinds my gears but#its so frustrating to see the cruel glee people have#saying things they would never say to anyone's face irl and only to other blindly devoted/similar bullies#like do these people realise that they are on a razor's edge between 'ironic jokes' and just outright bigotry and threats - like do they#literally the only thing seperating That and conservative bigots is that the bigots are honest about their hatred towards minorities#like a lot of people in the fandom seemingly still need to deal with a lot of intenalised homophobia/racism and just outright hate-#especially regarding queer men and men of colour#because i can not be emphasise enough#It is NOT GOOD OR HEALTHY to be a fully grown adult that actively derives joy from the idea of enacting hate crimes#like you can hate tommy you can want him off the show even want him to die like weird but go off#but its such a next step to unprompted talk about [a character i dislike/hate/dont ship/disrupts my fanon endgame] in derogatory ways -#with rhetoric that straight up is out of terf/rel. right/homophobic/racists bigots and evokes violent hate-crimes......#well i feel sorry for those people cause what a miserable life to spend so much of it unable to enjoy your own life that you target others#anyways I know this is too long but I'm just a very tired man who has studied history and education and working with kids i have seen it -#too many times- harmful words coming from harmful environments or creating harmful actions and thereby perpetuating the cycle of violence#also not super relavent but as Latino Australian i am genuinely appauled at how many people have in their bio they are also Australian-#while actively liking/reblogging and engaging with post that find homophobic violence a funny haha joke - as if activist in our country -#aren't actively trying to dismantle homophobic and transphobic laws regarding issues like conversion therapy#like I know professors that actively got fired for being gay while teaching in religious education context - and its still happening!#so for people to forget so quickly what progress has been made and how much it took and how easy it is to loose - disappointing#(and its the same people who wanna pretend mardi gras is nothing but a party as if 78rs didn't risk their jobs/safety/lives)
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Well at least he’s self aware
#now the next step is to go to therapy#or maybe talk about your feelings#batman#dc comics#dick grayson#nightwing#bruce wayne#this episode made me sob#self aware king#wfa webtoon#wfa#wfa spoilers#wayne family adventures
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wow i just saw the worst aftg take i've EVER seen 😭 like do i think the upperclassmen shouldn't be so surprised when andrew gets violent? yes absolutely. but we are not gonna sit here and pretend it's justified for him to respond to an open handed slap by choking allison out for several minutes because he was 'just reacting' 😭
#andrew is not 'reacting' he is OVER-reacting and him escalating the degree of violence when it's not necessarily called for is a part of him#its like that scene from enders game. the first hit is to stop it from happening now#the next hits were to stop it from ever happening again#and to be clear before i get anyone bitching in my notes: I AM NOT JUDGING ANDREW MORALLY#he is fictional i am analyzing him as a character#but we are not gonna woobify a man who literally murders people as an act of prevention 😭#the post was like 'andrew just reacts to other people being violent!' totally ignoring how the first time we see andrew do that it's becaus#gasp#matt had the nerve to get violent with kevin after kevin was literally holding neil to the wall by his neck#they were like “and of course no one tells matt he shouldn't punch people!” what is this? grade A in therapy?#and honestly i'll say it the real problem is that andrew steps into shit that just doesnt involve him#like it 'involves him' because it's his people#but matt pulling kevin off neil didn't need to involve andrew#aaron getting slapped for trying to guilt trip neil about seth being murdered didn't need to involve andrew#if anyone threw the first punch at andrew none of them would gaf that he punched back#he just a. escalates when it isnt needed and b. ensures no one in his group ever has to take any accountability for how they treat the rest#(and dont start with 'why do the foxes use violence for accountability' bitch its the foxes we can only expect so much)
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MY MUM JUST BOUGHT ME AND HER TICKETS TO SEE SIX?? UNPROMPTED???? SHE IS THE MOST CONFUSING WOMAN ALIVE??????? BUT YAAAAAYYYY
#she hates me but also doesnt but also does but not quite but does but doesnt but#see i have a worse relationship with my father but its so much easier because hes just an absolute bastard all round#my mothers flip flopping every day calling me an ungrateful waste of money one minute then buying me six tickets the next like??#what am i meant to do about that???#anywayz SIX TICKETS WOO FUCKING LOVE SIX#I WAS MEANT TO SEE IT RIGHT BEFORE COVID HIT AND I JUST HAVENT COME ACROSS IT SINCE#SHE SAW IT AND JUST BOOKED THE TICKETS FOR NEXT YEAR IM LIKE SO EXCITED#fr though why is she being so nice to be its kind of frightening#i think its because i had that breakdown in front of her before#she hasnt told me to get a job since then either#you guys dont understand how big of a deal that is#she always finds a way to tell me to get a job#anywayz everyone thank my mum for being a great mum <3#for the moment as least#dont want to jinx it#maybe marrying my step dad last month changed her psychologically#omg maybe shes started therapy#am a little afraid because im in the process of starting testosterone (yay!) but havent told her and i should be on it by december so uh#its gonna be obvious by the time we go to see it#so im *scared*#she may very well take the tickets away but LETS HOPE NOT#im so sorry ive written an essay in the tags lmfao#mummy issues#mummy issues going wild fr
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hearing my parents argue over who had the worst childhood is explaining so much about my brain tbh. my ma wins by a mile btw
#i truly think i inherited the worst parts of their emotional side then there is the third part#logical phoenix who sees reason alone and is the best advice giver to friends#which is also why i could genuinely never seek therapy#bc im so convinced i assess situations correctly and know what next steps to take#and it doesnt help that i am always right when the situation unfolds and goes exactly the way i predict it to#plus im so wary of psychiatrists i can't help but think wowww so your day job is just#manipulating people into letting their guard down so theyll tell u their secrets. 😐#girl! what the fuck are u on!#idk where im going w this lol#🫀
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Cant sleep, fighting the paradoxical demons of being a pack animal with autism
#this is my first text post in like 7 years#im so fucking devastated because i want to enjoy going out and trying to make friends or have a good time but i just dont like it#i get so jealous when i see my husband enjoy normal friend activities like i wish that was me so bad but i just cant talk to people anymore#this is a vent post with most of the vent in the tags but like ive tried so many clinical things to curb the more severe autism symptoms#next step is tms therapy and hoping vibrating my brain with magnets at least helps me cognitively#autism#developmental disabilities
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When I’m so emotionally constipated that even experiencing emotions vicariously through the fanfics that i read makes me deeply uncomfortable
Especially when characters that are supposed to be equally as emotionally constipated start talking about THEIR feelings.pls
#not complaining about the fics ofc#i love my fanfics#they’re the only thing keeping me sane#my screentime is actually concerning#maybe the next step is therapy#fanfiction#fandom#specifically batfam tbh
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why is joining uni group chats the scariest thing. i don't even know why joined them. i'm in a snapchat group with people on my course and we're discussing modules and i've sent a few messages and have actually been open but like... i'm still awkward which is like how can i be awkward over textttuhhhhhg and then one girl sent a voice memo and then later on i sent one bc it would've been too much to type and like why did i do that. like why. why why why why. like literally why. ive been trying to better my social anxiety but i think i just made it worse lol
#I mean I still do not like socialising#but I thought it'd be nice to try and put myself out there#baby steps you know#honestly it kind of helps#social anxiety exposure therapy??#I just need to go to the grocery store by myself next
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feeling so fucking normal about the glass coffin right now (<- on the verge of exploding)
#i listened to rory by foxing while editing my own coffin/shipping fic. fool that I am#i think it would apply equally to hoff/rigg and hoff/strahm. desperate to be understood. desperate to be loved.#fandom sucks for not acknowledging hoff/rigg that much. the fact that strahm is his (failed) rebound is utterly hysterical#my crush failed the test I set for him so now im risking it all on this insane freak who hates me#go to therapy and learn how to flirt like a person#god. the fact that he takes a needle in with him. he wanted strahm alive so fucking bad it's not even funny#why did they have so few interactions. it doesn't even make sense. he's risking it ALL on this insane freak who HATES him.#like if he DID get in the coffin what the fuck was the next step. what the hell happens next. learn how to flirt like a person you freak#i think I hauve covid#espeon cries
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I really need to get better and not want to hurt myself
#i had a self-harm relapse 3 days ago and my ankles are still bleeding. this is ridiculous.#in my 7 years of on and off self-harm i've never had this much bleeding#yes the goal was to make myself bleed but it has gotten all over my sheets and my comforter and soaked through an entire bath towel#this is not a sustainable way of living#in order to stop hurting myself i need to actually want to stop hurting myself but idk how to do that#i didn't self-harm for the entire 4 weeks i was in residential this summer but that was only because i didn't have access to anything sharp#i dont know what to do. i know a million skills and i sometimes try to use them but there are times where i simply dont want to use them#like that self-harm relapse#im so sick of the blood. but i like seeing it when im doing it. there are times when i want to make myself bleed.#it does feel really good to self-harm sometimes. and i do want to hurt myself.#im doing much better than i was this summer. so much less suicidal but im still so depressed that i want to inflict physical harm on my body#i dont know how to get out of this depression. the only options really left are tms or ketamine or ect#i want to start tms but it's just so much work making appointments and calls#what if i do tms and it helps? i would step down from php to iop and then outpatient therapy. but i cant go back to school until next fall#anyways don't self-harm because you may end up deeply annoyed by it 7 years later#tw: self harm
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