#but i want to get better
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this is going to be the summer of learning how to render iāve decided
#coloring has always been my least favorite part of making art#but i want to get better#iād also like to keep working on drawabox
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I really wish I could partake in horror films. like that's a huge chunk of art I can't access. I really want to be able to do it but last time I tried I ended up Unwell for several weeks. but some of them look so intriguing :(
#my therapist suggested starting small so i'm thinking of trying to compile a list of less-scary-horror to start out with#but unfortunately that's a very subjective scale so it's hard to know how to start#last one I tried was midsommar which I really enjoyed as a story BUT#I then had severe paranoia that lasted weeks about someone coming to Get Me and being alone in the house was hell#(not even really a theme in that film! which is why i thought i'd be okay!)#i think just the act of watching horror is something triggering in itself#but i want to get better#so i need to tread delicately
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thereās something sooo sickening about how dunmeshis whole energy is like sometimes something terrible and awful happens to you and it changes you forever and nothing can make you the person you were before but thereās still love and thereās still sharing a meal together and thereās still living
#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#itās so AOUGH!!!#especially mithrun and falin and thistle#but everyone has some element of this#itās also so important that the characters in majority DONT get what they want#marcille never gets to even out the lifespan between races#falin is never returned to her pre chimera state#mithrun never got to truly be the version of himself he want to be#like idk i could go on#but thereās smthn to the fact that not all the problems are fixed#and actually most of the time itās better they arenāt#IDKKKK IRS JUST SO AOUGH
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mentor
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#gojo satoru#megumi fushiguro#jjk art#jjk spoilers#jjk manga spoilers#jjk leaks#pulled another allnighter fr Angst's sake cries i havent slept.......but i couldnt help myself i was out all DAY i hadnt drawn all DAY#do u know what that does to a mf i felt all antsy and Wrong#so i cracked an energy drink i think i may have a problem honestly but hey at least u get ur daily dose of megumi angst#remember how i said i considered including gojo in the yuuji/tsumiki/megu squared train piece#well this is me making up fr Not including him there#i ws right his and megumi's relationship deserves its own homage smile :)#anyway @ anon who wanted a gojo/megumi hug.....ik it's not exactly a hug but you can forgive me im sure <3#dare i say it's better than hugs jeremy.....#honestly fr all my gripes w gojo i Did get kind of emo abt this?? but i feel like. the majority of my emotions r on megumi's behalf#also might have been the mukashi mukashi no kyou no boku on repeat that'll also do it#seriously debated putting translated lyrics as the caption but it feels like a copout doing 2 lyric-captions in a row#also i do have some shame. miku lyrics r a bit.#anyway art notes uhhhhh finally got gojo's hair to not look Yuuji#who knew the trick was to make it longer smh maybe sleep deprivation n 10 hours of staring at a screen Does make simple problems hard#oh file name 'proud of you' btw
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I think so many people are so deeply alienated from themselves that they have no clue how to exercise their free will and autonomy. For some, this alienation runs so deep that they are afraid of their own autonomy and humanity. It is completely understandable why one would have those feelings, but it can be worrisome.
I want to help others who feel this way, so here are small things I have done to exercise my free will:
Add "guilty pleasure" songs to playlists and actually listen to them (I have a ton of late 1990s-early 2000s music I listen to now proudly that I never listened to in the past out of shame)
Getting the dƩcor item, bath set, bed spread, ect. in the patterns you like, even if it's "childish" (I got a dinosaur-themed wastebasket from the kids' dƩcor section and I adore it)
Taking a new route to get to a place you go to often
Eat dessert first
Celebrate well, and often
Collect things that are "odd" or don't seem like an "acceptable" thing to collect (somebody on my "for you" page collects dandelion crayola crayons and it was so cool!!!!!!)
Incorporate one new piece in an outfit you wear frequently (e.g., a new chain, a necklace, ribbons, bracelets, ect.). Challenge yourself to add onto the outfits if you feel up for it.
Sing along to songs without worrying that you sound "good" or your intonation is completely accurate
Read a book from a genre you weren't allowed to read as a kid (comics, thrillers, mysteries, anything!)
Walk without having a specific destination or goal
Pick up a new craft without expecting yourself to master it or to ever be "good" enough. Get your hands messy.
I don't want to shame anybody for not feeling as though they have free will or that they are exempt from exercising it. However, I wanted to give ideas so that you might read this list and find your own ways to express your intrinsic autonomy and will. You deserve to be a person, to feel alive, not just living. That is what our lives are for.
#mental health#mental health support#positivity#if anybody has ideas of their own definitely include them!#i just think being stuck with this feeling that you don't have autonomy and that you ultimately aren't an equal person or a person at all..#...in comparison to other people can be a really troubling and dangerous place to be in...#...and that isn't the person's fault for feeling that way. they didn't pluck those thoughts out of thin air...#...like i have felt that exact way all my LIFE because i have been abused for. probably 2/3s of my life...#...only within these past few years have i even FELT alive. frankly it's going to take a while to repair what i have been left with...#...so i know the feeling and i want to help others feel even a LITTLE bit alive. you deserve it...#...you deserve to take in a deep breath before slowly realizing 'oh my gd this is what it feels like to be alive' and SMILE about it#i want that for you even if it is brief. even if it is small. even if it is a whisper. i want you to feel alive#unironically getting rid of the idea of 'guilty pleasures' has made my life SO much better
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The FNAF Vanessas meet their younger selves..
#myart#chloesimagination#comic#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf vanny#fnaf vanessa#vanessa shelly#vanessa afton#fnaf movie#security breach#fnaf fanart#MORE SCENE VANNY š©µš©µš©µ#also this is a semi sequel to the Mikes ver I made#seeing I think the Vanessas deserve the funny too š¤#I like to think Vanny would tell her younger self white lies#she knows at that age she just wanted to know life would get better for her#seeing teen her was stuck living with her awful father#Vanessaās life does get hard again as an adult but.. SINCE HW2 I think sheās in a better place#finally stood up to her abuser and all so it does get better#WHILE MOVIE VANESSA ā¦#bit more manic here BAHAH#listen if younger Vanessa loosen screws on her fathers suit#would anyone even know šš¾#she could get away with it-#Movie Vanessa of course would want to prevent things anyway she can#the Afton kids always being a lil crazy is so real
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As a reminder that good exists out there, a coworker recently confessed to me that he found out his child is questioning their identity (kid's gender redacted for this post). The kid is keeping it from him, so he can't say anything to them or show that he knows, but he's doing his best to get mentally prepared and educated so that he'll be ready whenever his kid does feel comfortable enough come to him.
For context, this guy is a big, bulky middle aged dude who loves sports and typical outdoor "manly" activities. As his coworker and friend, I know he's a kind and sweet teddy bear of a person, but his kid probably views him as a stern, authoritarian figure, the way most teenagers view their parents. His family lives in a conservative area, so I'm sure between that, their dad's looks and interests, and the fact that their dad is a Figure of Authority, the kid is worried that they won't be accepted.
But you know what? When he found out about his kid, the first thing he did was reach out to his closest queer friend and ask for resources for parents of questioning children. His biggest fears are that his kid will be bullied or discriminated against and won't feel comfortable enough to be themself. His second action was to find himself a mentor in another parent who went the same situation (kid coming out in a conservative town). The other person is preparing him for some of the struggles his kid may face and the fights he may need to take on as a parent to make sure his kid is safe and treated well.
Something I want to emphasize for people focused on language as the primary method of allyship is that when we spoke, he used some outdated terms and thoughts about gender and sexuality. That does not make him bad. These were the terms and thinking used about questioning teenagers when he was growing up and he never needed to learn more current ones. But now that he does have that need, he's throwing himself in head first because that's his kid and he's darn well going to make sure that his kid feels welcomed and has a safe place to be themselves even if they never come out to him.
#I'm so proud and happy for my coworker and I've been trying to figure out how to let him know how amazing I think he is#what gets me the most is that he's keeping this super down low to avoid giving any hints to his kid#he has a lot of queer friends so he already is known as an ally but there's always a chance it will be different if it's family#and he took that chance and crumpled it up into a ball and slam dunked it into the garbage for three points#and decided that even if his kid wants to hide it from him for the rest of his life he will still do what he can to make their life better#pflag#parents doing their best#parenting win#good news#allyship
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something in me feels wrong like a part of me was replaced with something so ill fitting that everything around it shuts down
#maybe itās just spring again#maybe the what if would have been better#but i want to get better#i canāt live like this forever#vent post
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Danny is gravely injured by the GIW, his voice box is severely damaged.
Making use of his own voice is impossible, but through some ghostly means Danny doesnāt quite understand, he can mimic others voices he hears just fine.
Itās a ghostly ability he found out he had a few years ago, with just a sentence or two heard he can do a flawless impression of that person. Now itās not so flawless. The mimicked voice warps and fluctuates pitch, itās crackly and he has a hard time not switching between multiple voices with every sentence he speaks.
His voice is reduced to an uncanny frankenstined attempt at speech that activates the average persons fight or flight response.
Itās no surprise that Superman is startled when he calls out for survivors while freeing the ghostly captives and a ānot a deerā version of his own voice responds back.
#bones prompts#dpxdc#danny phantom#dp x dc#Iām listening to creepcasts āthe thing in the basement is getting better at mimicking peopleā#and even though that creepypasta is so corny and bad I wanted to mess around with spooky mimickry Not Right voice stuff with dpxdc
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the wandering painter, part one
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#artists on tumblr#illustration#animated illustration#animation#backgrounds#animated gifs#background illustration#myillust#landscape#plants#scenery#summer#hiii! just wanted to share an artwork i made that's super fresh from the oven ksfknsf#'the wandering painter' will be a series that consists of artworks that has elements that i struggle to draw and am trying to improve on!#ive always really struggled with the process of painting (for example) clouds fields grass grasslands flowers etc#despite the end result coming out satisfactory imo but i cant deny that it most of the time feels like a fluke#so this series would consist of my journey of improving how to draw said elements/areas more confidently :D#this artwork in particular - i studied and practiced how to paint/draw silver grass better along with grasses and clouds#i feel like im sorta getting the hang of it but theres definitely room to study and experiment how i can paint it better#so yeah! nonetheless i really hope you'll like this! and i hope you'll have a lovely day/night ahead <3333
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The tags are me venting btw so donāt worry bout looking at em
#venting post#but therapy is scary when youāre black & poor n trans#because obv thereās bias#and money worries#but I want to get better#I want to be a better person#for people I know and people out of my life#because they deserve it#but itās so scary man#because the world feels like itās ending for me#and I need to go to therapy#both for me and them#but Iām scared of them not getting how complex my everything is#Iām unstable as is yknow#but I want to try#I just have a week to go#before I can force myself to be better#I just need to make it there
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Tommy basically said "the DSMP was good because it was, and still is, loved" and that basically sums up my feelings on the matter too.
#sure you can talk about the controversies about former members#and how the types of people involved in the writing shaped the narrative in ways that are increasingly troubling to look at#but it was also a project that was and still is loved by many of the (to our knowledge) better people involved#and it inspired so many artists and writers and musicians#people made friends through it#it helped people get through the worst parts of lockdown#my opinion of the dsmp for a while now has been pretty bitter. even when i wanted to remember it fondly it was tainted#and i dont think the worst aspects of the story or the ccs should be ignored#but its also so nice to have the opinion of 'yeah. it was good'#despite everything else there was something worthwhile in the dsmp#dsmp#tommyinnit#okay thats enough dsmp posting in 2024 lmao
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if we could stay connected, just like this
#ok last orbit niigo post im emubrained again and also i miss leoneed#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#mizuki5 spoilers#proseka#mizuki akiyama#mizu5#nightcord at 25:00#hurray !#meltdown released an amazing translation of the event so i read it and had my final cathartic transgender cry about it#and now i have ~4 assignments due on friday so i have to stop drawing mizuki. sad.#i recommend everyone watch meltdown's translation#please. its very good and better than the mtls floating around#i Get why people wanted to see it translated asap like i Get it i didnt understand half of the wordplay or kanji but like . wah#its so crazy how this event breached containment n how many people are rooting for mizuki even tho they dont play the game so i just#think its a shame that the translation everyones reading isnt really accurate/lacks the nuances.. Ok sorrynits a good event.#ive just been thinking abiut that for a few days and i love talking in tags. Adios#real Orbit heads will know this is an Heartorbit reference (that tarot card sketch i did almost 2 years ago and said i would finish)#(i havent finished shit)
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I think my copy of the game is broken they've been doing this for 30 minutes
Crop of the Biolizard edit I did bc it makes me laugh:
#art#sonic the hedgehog#sonic#shadow the hedgehog#rouge the bat#their dynamic is so funny to me like hello what episode of Untucked is this#I am rotating them in a 2 bed 1 bath apartment in my mind#Also very proud of how this turned out I think I'm finally finding a comic rendering style that doesn't make me want to rip my hair out#Simplify baybee it's a comic not an illustration you can get a little crazy with it#Spoiler alert. Getting looser with lineart and better at colour schemes and simplifying shading. Is good actually.#It's so much easier to eyeball what a colour would look like in a setting instead of colourpicking the OG palette and struggling with...#...like 9 overlay and multiply and soft/hard light layers#Approximating colour genuinely looks better than forcing local colour into the piece. As long as the values are still there it works out#comic
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Iām in the South. Iāve got ears to the ground. Republicans are SWEATING at the prospect of Kamala being nominated. Theyāre not sure Trump can beat her.
Letās prove them right.
#us politics#kamala harris#us news#joe biden#2024 presidential election#go vote#I want to see him in a prison jumpsuit. itāll match his face.#I am FIRED UP#if we get off our asses and vote heāll be a thing of the past#that alone should be motivating#Iām gonna lose followers posting stuff like this#but I need the anti voting crowd to tell me what the actual plan is#do you have a candidate in mind or are you just waiting for something better to come along#we have 3 months
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98 lovemail doodles >_<
#trigun#meryl stryfe#milly thompson#nicholas d wolfwood#i was able to convince my friend to start 98 after we got back from AX HAHA and so i wanted to doodle the gang again ^_^#it's so funny how i always draw trimax ww super grumpy but then my 98ww is always such a goofy goober BAHAHA#trimax ww is still pookie to me tho dont get it twisted!!! ^_^#but yeah it's fun to decide how i want to differentiate between the different versions of ww#also i love 98 meryl so much she is so let me speak to the manager core (heart eyes)#and the color palette for vash i referenced from the lost july episode bc I LOVE IT SOOOO MUCH THE COLORS IN THE PLANT STATION SCENES#idk what it is abt it but it tickles my brain. so pretty T__T#man im fr that type of artist who is posting different versions of the same drawings on different platforms LOL#but yall on tumblr and ig get it better imo hehe. when i post on twitter im like fucket whatever#i usually dont post on tumblr/ig until a day or two later so by then i make a couple of changes/finish stuff/color stuff#so here u go enjoy the colored versions of these doodles HAHA
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