#tw ideation

[aspd-culture]

Aspd culture is: “It’s just a girl harmonizing with her fan” so close! Actually it’s the sound of realizing that I am unable to form a meaningful relationship and that no one will never understand me except another sociopath and then it would it be really true love? I am ultimately destined to be the loneliest animal in the universe, I want to be put down like a rabid dog.

aspd-culture-is

[artbybai]

Have Mercy On Me // Finally, Peace

Z Broly Angst doodle fan comic whatever

Ramble ( TW // Ideation headcanon )

Had the devastating realization/headcanon that maybe Z Broly saw fighting Goku as his only way out of the hellish suffering he was being put through by his own father all his life. There was no rivalry. Death was his only escape. Broly likely knew that he’d end up killing himself by letting loose all his power at once, or that Goku could at least be the catalyst for it.

Maybe Broly wasn’t even fully trying to destroy the Z Fighters, but just making it a good show for his father to give him the impression of doing his bidding—until Paragus ran. Abandoned him, after everything.

And then Broly didn’t care anymore. His efforts, wasted; every day he has ever been alive. His freedom after crushing Paragus wasn’t worth sticking around for anymore, given that the Z Fighters and everyone else would already consider him a threat in need of being put down for good, anyways. A freak. The devil himself. Nobody would ever even try to save him, like he once did for another, even as a baby.

Broly was screaming for mercy when he called for Kakarot, challenged him to fight, threatened to take away everything Goku loved. Of course the Z Fighters were in mortal danger, BUT, they were still in good enough condition that a senzu bean could heal them. That just… Sticks out to me. Broly easily could have one-shot TPK’d every single one of them once he went LSSJ.

He just wanted to escape.

(Of course I’m reading way too far into it all lol BUT this character speaks to me personally somehow. Broly’s tragedy of a story tears at my heartstrings like no other character before him the more I delve into what his character can be and mean. His story is a powerful warning and a heartfelt comfort, a devastating mirror.)

[sk1nny-boy-fades-away]

think of all the times you've wanted to k1ll yourself and told yourself no because you weren't skinny enough to die yet, take that energy and channel it into denying yourself food.

[limpwristjesus]

Idk but as a transmasc but also a nonbinary lesbian, some of y’all’s takes on Mutsuki’s gender are unserious as hell because y’all will use textbook experiences of dysphoria to argue that he was never actually trans and never consider that his relationship with gender doesn’t have to be a cis one even if he doesn’t feel like manhood fits him. The idea that him thinking he’s trans was simply due to trauma and discomfort with the male gaze is especially unserious because being openly transmasc around cis men is a harrowing experience and if anything it unlocked a brand new flavour of violence. It also made me suicidal and dysphoric to the point I seriously considered detransitioning for some time and I likely would’ve if I wasn’t in community with other trans people.

That’s not even getting into that what really made me understand that I was actually suicidal was the existential dread that conceptualizing being subject to men’s attraction caused me. Considering Mutsuki’s preexisting trauma, and then being terrorized by torso and still being made to play the part of a girl as bait for the auction and the people who landed him in that situation in the first place being his coworkers, I can absolutely him wondering if being trans is worth it and maybe just denying himself and living as a girl might work out better. Especially since that imposter syndrome and dysphoria is very much a thing for trans people irl.

Like if y’all are gonna litigate this y’all should consider the narrative instead of reproducing anti transmasculinity 101.

I don’t have access to the JP raws and I’m not at that point in my reread but take this as a preface to all my future analysis. This post sums up what I meant really well.

[thewisecheerio]

Soulsborne Games and Depression

There are lots of videos about Soulborne games saving people from depression, anxiety, or other mental illnesses. The one linked is a particularly good one. The gist is that overcoming something hard—even "just" a game—tricks your brain into believing in your own self-efficacy, which has knock-on effects for other parts of your life. https://youtu.be/keIWG6hSD7Q?si=t9yfpJFzb_XC0N05

TRIGGER WARNING:

Depression, ideation

But something that I think is under-emphasized in a lot of these analyses is how the beginning of these games mimics the feeling of depression really well. This mimicry makes the later successes feel so important.

Elden Ring starts off with

You are a Tarnished of no renown. You are maidenless. You are fated, it seems, to die in obscurity.

Likewise, the depression tells you

You are nothing. You don't matter. Why don't you go die in a ditch somewhere?

And fighting it, you say

I am something. I matter. And I will persist.

[lifenconcepts]

Y’all have no idea what you’re doing when you mess up a character. Sure, a bit of blood is nice, but if you REALLY loved them then you would put them in misery and anguish. here are some ideas :3

physical, emotional, mental distress, ill, harm..

Chop off a limb, their reaction can be plentiful expressive and entertaining.

Make an ordinary human quality an over abundance. there’s lots of opportunity here. Such as too much hunger (basic) or having enhanced vision (sensitive eyes too) or too much blood in the body or lots of one substance or limb like having 2000 eyelashes idk man. Make the consequences believable so it doesn’t resemble a superpower (like super hearing but their ears constantly are in pain and they get migraines from it and they ring).

Throw them into an unlucky situation where their vehicle messes up and if they’re on public transport then it just brings them somewhere wildly different than what they wanted would be nice if they also didn’t have a safe place.

Give them a sudden overwhelming emotion, play god, make them absolutely manic or depressive or unprompted hostile. It’s fun.

Give them a random delusion. There’s lots of possibilities here from commonly represented ones like feeling watch’s and what not but you can experiment! Make them afraid to take off their clothes, make them unable to walk through door frames, make them disconnected with their body (could be one on its own), make em irrationally afraid of pots, make them desire to destroy every slug in the world, there’s so much creativity to be unleashed!

Get rid of the most loved and prized thing in their life, this one’s a classic.

How would they respond to threats? Threats to their well being, to their home, to their belongings, to their financial stability, to their families, to their friends and pets, to their sanity, to their body, to their life?

Teach them a false belief and allow them to destroy themselves.

lead them into a false sense of security and rip it out of them at the very moment they need it most.

fuck it. Teleport them to a messed up place. Crumbling building, country without the language they speak, planet where there’s no air, they’re suddenly in the sky, no recollection how they got there.

Ruin their job or hobby for them.

The one thing that’s least likely to happen happens and what seems to be a one in a quadrillion chance actually happens (such as a bit of dust travelling so fast it blind them, or a sandwich causes them to slip and slide down the stairs and crash into a metal wall).

Make nobody able to understand them (interpret it however. Could be just language wise or just unable to comprehend their bodily cues and constantly misunderstand and misread their behaviours and thoughts).

Eh strip them away from their humanity or something. No more emotions, no more soul, no more love, no more morals. Only pain and suffering.

have them choose between two things equally dear to them (common trope but not common enough).

Make them a sad song personified, take Simon & Garfunkel’s Sound of Silence for example, or any of The Smith’s songs (incredible, really).

Make them suddenly have a desire to destroy themselves, an idealised fascination with something strange such as wanting to see red on themselves or want to feel the raw bones in their hand.

A tad bit of insanity is always wonderful. Truly.

ANYHOO if anyone needs help to think of a plot for their story or fanfic please feel free to request me, I have dozens of theories and ideas of how to not only make a believable thing but also an interesting character and truly effective hurt! I insist, I can help!

[serotoninstan]

came here for sewercidal postings but saw maomao on the dash so i'll leave now

[withoutalice]

max eats so much it unbelievable to anyone watching. he can't help it and it makes him sick.

whether it's buying out all the sugar cookies or all the caramel popcorn or stacks of frozen pizzas; pastries on sale and boxes of donuts, as much pasta that can be made in a 4 gallon pot; huge bottles of condiments like mayo and ranch, it's probably only going to last him a couple days

(tw for health complications, using the bathroom and sui-ideation)

he wakes up and his brain is already trying to kill him. he doesn't get good sleep from nightmares anyway, but the waking moments are worse. his thoughts are so loud and he has to distract himself or he's scared he'll do something bad. he can't be a threat again.

He grabs the bag of donuts and starts shoveling them in, mouth thick with dough, roof of his mouth burning from the gluten and sugar. it lessens the intrusive thoughts. he eats quietly, sitting on the floor. once they're all gone he grabs his next snack, possibly energon soda, thick and syrupy. he attempts to sit as his table, but the chair crumbles. it shocks him into sobbing, so he silences himself with the drink. (this is the third chair he's broken, he swore he'd never let it happen again but it did and he wants to die over it)

that's only his breakfast. lunch is another box of cookies. but he cant just have something sweet, he needs savory. he chooses a frozen ready-bake lasagna. he snacks on a large bag salty chips while he waits in front of the oven. the snacks all gone even before the oven beeps, and he rubs his belly anxiously. once it beeps he pulls it out of the oven, waits a minute for it to cools, then eats it wetly and loudly on the tile floor infront of the oven. he won't risk breaking more furniture.

he's happy that he gets into a food coma until dinner, when he's asleep because his body can't adjust to the sugars its all better. [____] can't get him here, its like heaven.

If only waking up felt good. he wakes up ravenous, body shaking and cramping because of the sugar dropping. he whimpers and whines when he quickly pours juice down his intake. he feels like pizza for dinner. maybe some ramen noodles as well. he starts with boiling the water and heating the pizza just like he did for the lasagna. it'll take longer for these items to cook so max runs a system check.

max realizes that he has to go back to his washracks, his oil pan full from the liquids and sodas. he steps in there to void really quickly, struggling with aim due to his size. he decides to step under some solvent really quickly and wash up. when he exits he finds himself face to face with his dreaded mirror.

he can barely recognize himself and wants to extinguish his own spark because of his weight. close to dropping dead from my habits anyways, he thinks to himself. no point in making a mess, his brain whispers when he looks at his gun. looking at his self inflicted and war scars, the thoughts of the prison come flooding back. he shatters the mirror in reflex and sobs, moving back to the kitchen as fast as he can.

He knows he's eating himself to death; and the food is welcomed even more now than ever.

[massiveladycat]

TW: SUICIDE MENTION TW: STALKING i remembered this one movie i watched earlier and i rewatched it and now im thinking it was kind of,, strange?? like i love the art and i think the writing would be great with another plot, but what is this plot of a girl stalking a boy as his pet cat,, like if my dog turned out to be a real human boy i couldn't love him romantically thats like my SON like miyo's obsessed. stalkerish. i mean, it was a fine movie but it felt really weird that the relationship was forced. it was basically like “oh if you don’t like her back then she’s gonna disappear and it’s all your fault if she does” like seriously. the stalker should not win in any situation she was a creep to the dude. it’s not cute to constantly pursue someone when they aren’t interested and have shown (as stated by the best friend) no interest in her. it is, dare i say, predatory. she essentially sneaks into his house and finds out personal stuff about him to get closer to him. they weren’t sharing bonding moments, she was just delusional and attaching herself to him because he was unknowingly kind to her. miyo is DEFINITELY not emotionally stable. When the movie first starts you see her walking down the street while mumbling about her feelings. she heavily implies she was suicidal. then there is a scene where she literally says "I used to wish the world would end but then I met Kento" she was very emotionally dependent on him. when she got rejected by him she literally sold her soul, showing that she thought there was no reason for her to be alive as a human if she didn't have kento in her life. even after she sold her soul, traveled to a different realm, and was going to be stuck as an animal for the rest of her life her biggest concern was you guessed it KENTO. at this point, I don't think that Miyo even really has feelings for kento, kento is just the only thing preventing her from suicide. miyo and kento's relationship is not healthiest in the slightest. love isn't a fix for mental health issues. i’d have loved if Miyo realized her stalker behavior was a misplaced outlet for her pain and fear of abandonment and kento rightfully put up the boundaries part way through the movie but resolves to help her upon leaning the truth because he does care for her but not romantically. the two end the movie as friends, kento becomes a successful potter and miyo begins to build a loving relationship with her family again, because lowkey the family situation was something i'd like to see because i feel like people would sympathize more with "my parents are arguing and i dont know how if feel about my stepmom" for miyo's plot than "i will turn into a cat and stalk my crush"

[eloras-account]

tw

i wanna try again so bad but i know theyd be upset. why do i have to care if my death upsets people that i dont even know. i need thr balls to get over it. i dont care when people fuckin die half the time so why do i care what they feel after it wont even affect me??

iwanna throw up i cant do this anymore why are they making me stay here. i fucking hate you, you selfish fuck. why do you have to force me to suffer just so you dont have to be upset? youd be better off without me anyways. kys.

[analogadreams]

the ideations are back

[sk1nny-boy-fades-away]

dear lovely people of mental health tumblr, if you think YOU fucked up, today I lost a notebook with my $U1C1D3 MANIFESTO inside while AT SCHOOL. Mind you, I'm currently on "mental health watch" which is just a really shitty way of saying I had a breakdown and they legally can't get away with having implemented no safeguards if I did kill myself. I'm scared how this will end honestly. Or maybe you did fuck up bad and I'm overreacting.

[thevirgodoll]

The Year of Metamorphosis

This will be an ode to the year I have had as we turn the page into the new year… in hopes that this will reach someone who needs it. After many transformations, I do resonate with the saying that “the tears you shed this year will water the seeds for next year.” There were many, many tears and cries for help.

From abuse, suicidal ideation and attempts, episodes, grief over friendships/relationships, chronic pain, and overall a mask to hide it all in order to be who I felt like I needed to be. In the end I learned from my therapist that I don’t have to carry these things on my own. I’ve always have been known to be the go to, the strong friend, and handle things on my own. But I refuse to be a martyr…to be everything for everyone all of the time.

I didn’t truly want to end my life; I just wanted some relief, some rest. But I must give myself permission to rest. Knowing I can rest comforts me. Knowing I can say no. Knowing I can be vulnerable without condemning what I truly feel inside. Everything truly is on my own terms and I didn’t realize it could be due to trauma. The weight on my chest has been lifted, and the dull ache is lessening day by day.

Somehow, someway by the grace of God…I am still here. There’s truly angels protecting me. And while I would not like to endure more trauma for the sake of ~character development~… there isn’t anything I’d take back.

I’m deciding for 2023 I’m going to live… and not endure. I choose to believe that life doesn’t have to be endured or be full of constant trials and tribulations. And knowing there’s a future, a year where I don’t have to experience this…is more than enough to keep me here.

xoxo,

thevirgodoll.

[tiny-little-hobbit]

I hate being left alone with my thoughts at night. All I can think about is how easily disposable I am, and that I deserve it. All I do is fuck up. Lord please, save me from myself, I don't want to wake up . The world does not deserve having to deal with me in it.

[toby-the-crow]

[Ooc: tw for depression, self harm ideation and being told to self harm by your grandfather’s ghost.]

[She stares into the bathroom mirror.]

What?

[Looking closer, she sees dark markings like the ones Darner has under her eyes. A frown comes to her face. The marks are a sign of increased mystic stress. If she's stressed, she should go meditate...]

[Going to the dojo, she sits on the floor and closes her eyes.]

What a disappointment.

[She stiffens. Please, not now...]

What a disgrace. This is supposed to be the last member of our once proud clan? What a joke. I expected more from my only surviving grandchild...

[She can't move, as if someone has frozen her in place.]

May I give you a piece of advice? Cut off your wings. Maybe then you can at least fit in with the lowly humans, if no one else.

[A tear slips down her cheek.]

What's this? Tears? You've grown soft, Samara. How shameful that a simple suggestion was all it took to make you weep like a child.

[The voice fades, but whispers one last insult.]

You are a mere child, not the warrior I dreamed of. You do not deserve our name...

[Toby opens her eyes. She's looking in the bathroom mirror.]

[jonathancjones]

I don't know if I want to be around today. I'm clearly unstable and maybe I just need to step away. I've been battling a lot of demons since Feb. Been in and out of the hospital, almost died twice, been in and out of feeling like I should've for a while and trying to be strong for people who need me. Been battling multiple disorders, including one that's rare and there's nothing to really treat it with. I don't know. I'll probably delete this but I genuinely feel down on my luck. In my plights, I feel people have misjudged how weak I truly am.

Like damn, I'm suffering too, but I don't get the love and support most people do. Usually, I'm fine with that. I've always gone through stuff alone...but right now I doubt myself and how people feel about me.

My spottiness of being here has had everything to do with all of these factors. I feel like, in turn, I only get shunned for not replying fast enough or flat out ignored. I wished deep down people checked on me, or asked how I'm even doing but I've never been one to beg for someone to be concerned. It seems disingenuous. I shouldn't have to if they're my friends...right?

I hurt so bad...no one even knows... I'm just going to take the day off. Sorry, maybe I'll unfuck myself tomorrow.