#tw ideation

[cuppajj]

I was looking back at some asks and saw how Saint Vanilla plans to purify himself after he purifies everybody- and- is the poor guy suicidal..? Like I know in his eyes it probably isn’t because it’s ’purification’ but my poor bud, my poor pal if he is. And if he isn’t, I’d love to honestly see what he is! you made Saint such a complex but SUCH a lovely character that gets my lore brain tingling.

The thought process is more possible than you think… At the very least, the beast certainly seems to feel a little envy for those he purifies. I wonder if he sees that final outcome differently for himself than everyone else?

Do you think that he sees doing himself away as atonement for everything he’ll do?

[aspd-culture]

Aspd culture is: “It’s just a girl harmonizing with her fan” so close! Actually it’s the sound of realizing that I am unable to form a meaningful relationship and that no one will never understand me except another sociopath and then it would it be really true love? I am ultimately destined to be the loneliest animal in the universe, I want to be put down like a rabid dog.

aspd-culture-is

[artbybai]

Have Mercy On Me // Finally, Peace

Z Broly Angst doodle fan comic whatever

Ramble ( TW // Ideation headcanon )

Had the devastating realization/headcanon that maybe Z Broly saw fighting Goku as his only way out of the hellish suffering he was being put through by his own father all his life. There was no rivalry. Death was his only escape. Broly likely knew that he’d end up killing himself by letting loose all his power at once, or that Goku could at least be the catalyst for it.

Maybe Broly wasn’t even fully trying to destroy the Z Fighters, but just making it a good show for his father to give him the impression of doing his bidding—until Paragus ran. Abandoned him, after everything.

And then Broly didn’t care anymore. His efforts, wasted; every day he has ever been alive. His freedom after crushing Paragus wasn’t worth sticking around for anymore, given that the Z Fighters and everyone else would already consider him a threat in need of being put down for good, anyways. A freak. The devil himself. Nobody would ever even try to save him, like he once did for another, even as a baby.

Broly was screaming for mercy when he called for Kakarot, challenged him to fight, threatened to take away everything Goku loved. Of course the Z Fighters were in mortal danger, BUT, they were still in good enough condition that a senzu bean could heal them. That just… Sticks out to me. Broly easily could have one-shot TPK’d every single one of them once he went LSSJ.

He just wanted to escape.

(Of course I’m reading way too far into it all lol BUT this character speaks to me personally somehow. Broly’s tragedy of a story tears at my heartstrings like no other character before him the more I delve into what his character can be and mean. His story is a powerful warning and a heartfelt comfort, a devastating mirror.)

[sk1nny-boy-fades-away]

think of all the times you've wanted to k1ll yourself and told yourself no because you weren't skinny enough to die yet, take that energy and channel it into denying yourself food.

[limpwristjesus]

Idk but as a transmasc but also a nonbinary lesbian, some of y’all’s takes on Mutsuki’s gender are unserious as hell because y’all will use textbook experiences of dysphoria to argue that he was never actually trans and never consider that his relationship with gender doesn’t have to be a cis one even if he doesn’t feel like manhood fits him. The idea that him thinking he’s trans was simply due to trauma and discomfort with the male gaze is especially unserious because being openly transmasc around cis men is a harrowing experience and if anything it unlocked a brand new flavour of violence. It also made me suicidal and dysphoric to the point I seriously considered detransitioning for some time and I likely would’ve if I wasn’t in community with other trans people.

That’s not even getting into that what really made me understand that I was actually suicidal was the existential dread that conceptualizing being subject to men’s attraction caused me. Considering Mutsuki’s preexisting trauma, and then being terrorized by torso and still being made to play the part of a girl as bait for the auction and the people who landed him in that situation in the first place being his coworkers, I can absolutely him wondering if being trans is worth it and maybe just denying himself and living as a girl might work out better. Especially since that imposter syndrome and dysphoria is very much a thing for trans people irl.

Like if y’all are gonna litigate this y’all should consider the narrative instead of reproducing anti transmasculinity 101.

I don’t have access to the JP raws and I’m not at that point in my reread but take this as a preface to all my future analysis. This post sums up what I meant really well.

[rhithefella-sillytimes]

A girl sinks into the dark depths of the ocean, bubbles floating up to the surface as she let out the breath she was holding. She thought she had her. She thought she had Alice back. But she was gone. There was no second chance for her. She couldn't forgive herself for what happened that day. She couldn't unsee the scorn on her parent's faces. Seeing him again on that cruise brought back those memories. Memories she would rather forget.

As her vision darkened, she felt... calm. Relaxed, even. She could see her again. She could apologize for what she did. Her parents would finally be free of the disappointment she had become.

She briefly saw the man swimming towards her, reaching his hand out before she surrendered to the void.

As soon as the lights started to dim for her, a pain rushed through her arm as many hands at once grabbed her, forcefully pulling her from the void.

Although she knows it is safety, she doesn't want this. She refuses.

No.

She pulls back, trying to bring herself back into the all-consuming darkness. She struggles, and struggles, until they let go.

She closes her eyes, thinking that this was it. It was over...

But this only lasted for a moment, as the sudden motion that grabbed her upward was back again. She didn't have time to react, let alone pull back as she returned into the light above...

She finds herself lying on her side, someplace else. No boat, no Ben... no Alice. It was a shore, filled with the busy lights and sounds of nighttime partying.

And above her, two figures were looming. It was a young man and a young woman. They looked to be about her age.

The girl puts her hand on her chest, taking a deep breath of relief. "Oh, good... Pierce and I was starting to think you were a goner."

Sophie opened her mouth to talk, before the girl stopped her. "Hey, no, save your strength. You'll have all the time to ask later."

Pierce looked nervous, and spoke to his companion. "Cass, I don't think we can stay here. We need to go somewhere where she can rest. She looks like she wouldn't last here in the outdoors."

Cass nods. "Oh, of course. Just carry her for me, ok?"

Pierce sighed. "Yeah, sure." He then picked Sophie up, and began walking with Cass.

Sophie wasn't sure what was going on, or what would happen to her. She doesn't even know if she could trust these two. She didn't even want to be saved in the first place.

But she was tired, so she said nothing as the two brought her along.

[thewisecheerio]

Soulsborne Games and Depression

There are lots of videos about Soulborne games saving people from depression, anxiety, or other mental illnesses. The one linked is a particularly good one. The gist is that overcoming something hard—even "just" a game—tricks your brain into believing in your own self-efficacy, which has knock-on effects for other parts of your life. https://youtu.be/keIWG6hSD7Q?si=t9yfpJFzb_XC0N05

TRIGGER WARNING:

Depression, ideation

But something that I think is under-emphasized in a lot of these analyses is how the beginning of these games mimics the feeling of depression really well. This mimicry makes the later successes feel so important.

Elden Ring starts off with

You are a Tarnished of no renown. You are maidenless. You are fated, it seems, to die in obscurity.

Likewise, the depression tells you

You are nothing. You don't matter. Why don't you go die in a ditch somewhere?

And fighting it, you say

I am something. I matter. And I will persist.

[lifenconcepts]

Y’all have no idea what you’re doing when you mess up a character. Sure, a bit of blood is nice, but if you REALLY loved them then you would put them in misery and anguish. here are some ideas :3

physical, emotional, mental distress, ill, harm..

Chop off a limb, their reaction can be plentiful expressive and entertaining.

Make an ordinary human quality an over abundance. there’s lots of opportunity here. Such as too much hunger (basic) or having enhanced vision (sensitive eyes too) or too much blood in the body or lots of one substance or limb like having 2000 eyelashes idk man. Make the consequences believable so it doesn’t resemble a superpower (like super hearing but their ears constantly are in pain and they get migraines from it and they ring).

Throw them into an unlucky situation where their vehicle messes up and if they’re on public transport then it just brings them somewhere wildly different than what they wanted would be nice if they also didn’t have a safe place.

Give them a sudden overwhelming emotion, play god, make them absolutely manic or depressive or unprompted hostile. It’s fun.

Give them a random delusion. There’s lots of possibilities here from commonly represented ones like feeling watch’s and what not but you can experiment! Make them afraid to take off their clothes, make them unable to walk through door frames, make them disconnected with their body (could be one on its own), make em irrationally afraid of pots, make them desire to destroy every slug in the world, there’s so much creativity to be unleashed!

Get rid of the most loved and prized thing in their life, this one’s a classic.

How would they respond to threats? Threats to their well being, to their home, to their belongings, to their financial stability, to their families, to their friends and pets, to their sanity, to their body, to their life?

Teach them a false belief and allow them to destroy themselves.

lead them into a false sense of security and rip it out of them at the very moment they need it most.

fuck it. Teleport them to a messed up place. Crumbling building, country without the language they speak, planet where there’s no air, they’re suddenly in the sky, no recollection how they got there.

Ruin their job or hobby for them.

The one thing that’s least likely to happen happens and what seems to be a one in a quadrillion chance actually happens (such as a bit of dust travelling so fast it blind them, or a sandwich causes them to slip and slide down the stairs and crash into a metal wall).

Make nobody able to understand them (interpret it however. Could be just language wise or just unable to comprehend their bodily cues and constantly misunderstand and misread their behaviours and thoughts).

Eh strip them away from their humanity or something. No more emotions, no more soul, no more love, no more morals. Only pain and suffering.

have them choose between two things equally dear to them (common trope but not common enough).

Make them a sad song personified, take Simon & Garfunkel’s Sound of Silence for example, or any of The Smith’s songs (incredible, really).

Make them suddenly have a desire to destroy themselves, an idealised fascination with something strange such as wanting to see red on themselves or want to feel the raw bones in their hand.

A tad bit of insanity is always wonderful. Truly.

ANYHOO if anyone needs help to think of a plot for their story or fanfic please feel free to request me, I have dozens of theories and ideas of how to not only make a believable thing but also an interesting character and truly effective hurt! I insist, I can help!

[ariane-ashen]

Such a bad time of year...Talking my mom off of a cliff again is no fucking fun. Especially in a time when I'm also at one of my lowest points ever, unemployed and staring at so many tribulations to come. She's homeless and suicidal, the only family I have left, I don't know what I can do. how can I help others when I can barely help myself? And it just leaves me feeling so scared and hopeless.

I really want to believe there's happy endings for so much of this pain but it gets harder and harder to see. It's hard to be completely brutally honest about my feelings because then it instills worry in those who care about me or at worst could get cops called like before. I really really want all this pain and worry to stop. It's so hard being stuck between the peace of knowing I could be dead soon and the fleeting hopes of knowing in my heart there's stuff to live for and things I love in life. Even though I so badly want to reroll my life and pray there's a new happier one when it's all over. I wish I could look outside and appreciate the snow falling, adoring the present moment and the things I cherish. But it's just so much for my awful brain that keeps telling me none of it is worth it. I'm so tired of crying every day

[serotoninstan]

came here for sewercidal postings but saw maomao on the dash so i'll leave now

[the-medusa-system]

TW: religious imagery, drowning ish, possibly ideation? I'm not really sure what's going on in this poem to be honest but we're proud of it because at least it sounds pretty. :)

Water black as night and thick as syrup.

The ducks glide past and I wonder

If I could do the same.

If I step out onto the waves,

Will I sink or swim,

Fall or fly?

I hope I get to rejoin the stars.

I wish to take part in their mystical dance.

The ripples make it shimmer

As though it were glass.

Will it bear my weight,

Do you think?

I guess it's a matter of faith,

Which I admit I'm losing more and more

The longer I stay on shore.

[disposablelimb]

i'm going to be really honest. i planned on killing myself if the election went badly. the only reason i'm saying this now is bc less than a week ago i found something i wanted to stick around for. so there isn't any reason to go reporting me or anything.

i still don't want to be alive but i have a reason to endure. and it isn't for any of the sweet nice reasons ppl typically stay alive for it's bc of a NASA satellite. i am not sticking around because i think my life is worth anything. i am not here because i believe things will get better for me or even generally speaking. i will not fight an endless, unwinnable fight. i do not believe in the power of community, or hope, or that good triumphs over evil. as a species we've been around long enough that if any of that worked we wouldn't even have gotten here in the first place. nothing like that is the reason.

i will stay because i want to see it with my own eyes, the birth of a sibling in our own stellar nursery. no of course i don't know if Europa really has life on it, and NASA's satellite probably won't be able to figure it out either. but the mission is an essential step to answering the question. ultimately i have always belonged to worlds other than the one i live on. my life rides with Europa Clipper.

[sk1nny-boy-fades-away]

dear lovely people of mental health tumblr, if you think YOU fucked up, today I lost a notebook with my $U1C1D3 MANIFESTO inside while AT SCHOOL. Mind you, I'm currently on "mental health watch" which is just a really shitty way of saying I had a breakdown and they legally can't get away with having implemented no safeguards if I did kill myself. I'm scared how this will end honestly. Or maybe you did fuck up bad and I'm overreacting.

[massiveladycat]

TW: SUICIDE MENTION TW: STALKING i remembered this one movie i watched earlier and i rewatched it and now im thinking it was kind of,, strange?? like i love the art and i think the writing would be great with another plot, but what is this plot of a girl stalking a boy as his pet cat,, like if my dog turned out to be a real human boy i couldn't love him romantically thats like my SON like miyo's obsessed. stalkerish. i mean, it was a fine movie but it felt really weird that the relationship was forced. it was basically like “oh if you don’t like her back then she’s gonna disappear and it’s all your fault if she does” like seriously. the stalker should not win in any situation she was a creep to the dude. it’s not cute to constantly pursue someone when they aren’t interested and have shown (as stated by the best friend) no interest in her. it is, dare i say, predatory. she essentially sneaks into his house and finds out personal stuff about him to get closer to him. they weren’t sharing bonding moments, she was just delusional and attaching herself to him because he was unknowingly kind to her. miyo is DEFINITELY not emotionally stable. When the movie first starts you see her walking down the street while mumbling about her feelings. she heavily implies she was suicidal. then there is a scene where she literally says "I used to wish the world would end but then I met Kento" she was very emotionally dependent on him. when she got rejected by him she literally sold her soul, showing that she thought there was no reason for her to be alive as a human if she didn't have kento in her life. even after she sold her soul, traveled to a different realm, and was going to be stuck as an animal for the rest of her life her biggest concern was you guessed it KENTO. at this point, I don't think that Miyo even really has feelings for kento, kento is just the only thing preventing her from suicide. miyo and kento's relationship is not healthiest in the slightest. love isn't a fix for mental health issues. i’d have loved if Miyo realized her stalker behavior was a misplaced outlet for her pain and fear of abandonment and kento rightfully put up the boundaries part way through the movie but resolves to help her upon leaning the truth because he does care for her but not romantically. the two end the movie as friends, kento becomes a successful potter and miyo begins to build a loving relationship with her family again, because lowkey the family situation was something i'd like to see because i feel like people would sympathize more with "my parents are arguing and i dont know how if feel about my stepmom" for miyo's plot than "i will turn into a cat and stalk my crush"

[analogadreams]

the ideations are back

[thevirgodoll]

The Year of Metamorphosis

This will be an ode to the year I have had as we turn the page into the new year… in hopes that this will reach someone who needs it. After many transformations, I do resonate with the saying that “the tears you shed this year will water the seeds for next year.” There were many, many tears and cries for help.

From abuse, suicidal ideation and attempts, episodes, grief over friendships/relationships, chronic pain, and overall a mask to hide it all in order to be who I felt like I needed to be. In the end I learned from my therapist that I don’t have to carry these things on my own. I’ve always have been known to be the go to, the strong friend, and handle things on my own. But I refuse to be a martyr…to be everything for everyone all of the time.

I didn’t truly want to end my life; I just wanted some relief, some rest. But I must give myself permission to rest. Knowing I can rest comforts me. Knowing I can say no. Knowing I can be vulnerable without condemning what I truly feel inside. Everything truly is on my own terms and I didn’t realize it could be due to trauma. The weight on my chest has been lifted, and the dull ache is lessening day by day.

Somehow, someway by the grace of God…I am still here. There’s truly angels protecting me. And while I would not like to endure more trauma for the sake of ~character development~… there isn’t anything I’d take back.

I’m deciding for 2023 I’m going to live… and not endure. I choose to believe that life doesn’t have to be endured or be full of constant trials and tribulations. And knowing there’s a future, a year where I don’t have to experience this…is more than enough to keep me here.

xoxo,

thevirgodoll.