#what if i do tms and it helps? i would step down from php to iop and then outpatient therapy. but i cant go back to school until next fall
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I really need to get better and not want to hurt myself
#i had a self-harm relapse 3 days ago and my ankles are still bleeding. this is ridiculous.#in my 7 years of on and off self-harm i've never had this much bleeding#yes the goal was to make myself bleed but it has gotten all over my sheets and my comforter and soaked through an entire bath towel#this is not a sustainable way of living#in order to stop hurting myself i need to actually want to stop hurting myself but idk how to do that#i didn't self-harm for the entire 4 weeks i was in residential this summer but that was only because i didn't have access to anything sharp#i dont know what to do. i know a million skills and i sometimes try to use them but there are times where i simply dont want to use them#like that self-harm relapse#im so sick of the blood. but i like seeing it when im doing it. there are times when i want to make myself bleed.#it does feel really good to self-harm sometimes. and i do want to hurt myself.#im doing much better than i was this summer. so much less suicidal but im still so depressed that i want to inflict physical harm on my body#i dont know how to get out of this depression. the only options really left are tms or ketamine or ect#i want to start tms but it's just so much work making appointments and calls#what if i do tms and it helps? i would step down from php to iop and then outpatient therapy. but i cant go back to school until next fall#anyways don't self-harm because you may end up deeply annoyed by it 7 years later#tw: self harm
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