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#The way I had started to work out again and then my body just keeps doing shit
jamiethebeeart · 2 days
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“But it’s not gay if he’s dead.” Danny’s head whipped around to stare down the street at two guys walking on the other side. He thought he was free of hearing that phrase ever again. Heart thudding in his ears, he crossed the street to tail these two guys. There was no way? Right? I mean Danny was something like 1,000 miles away from his hometown. There was no way two random guys in the big city of Gotham would’ve ever heard of –
“I don’t know man, it’s never been confirmed whether or not the “big guy” was actually… ya know?”
Danny seethed in frustration at the vague conversation. He stepped around a group of kids as he barely made the end of the crosswalk countdown.
“Nah, Red makes too many uncomfortable jokes about death to not have died.”
Danny sped up, weaving in between people to catch up before he lost the conversation in the din.
“It’s Gotham, we all make jokes about death.”
“Ya, but not like him. He seems to revel in them, like he actually kicked the bucket, permanent-like, not like those people who – I don’t know – cardiac arrest and are technically dead for a couple minutes until the EMTs get to them or whatever.”
A car puttered down the road – releasing a huge plume of exhaust in between Danny and the guys. Danny sighed, fully intending to return to his original path with the reassurance that they weren’t talking about Phantom. Then the next damned sentence came out of one of their mouths.
“Ok sure let’s say you’re right. Is it necrophilia if his body started decaying before coming back?”
‘Fuck it’ Danny thought as he turned back around. He had to see how this conversation ended – definitely not because the answer to that question kept him up night. Absolutely not. Call him a cat because he was just curious and not all at invested in the answer.
“Oh! Dude, shut the fuck up! Why would you – that’s disgusting! Are you kidding me!”
“Answer the question Mr. It’s Not Gay if He’s Dead – necrophiliac: yes or no?”
“No? Have you seen Red’s body? No way a dead guy could have muscles like that – I mean you gotta have working bodily functions right? To build muscles or whatever the fuck? Like have you seen his abs? Or, shit, just his arms - I mean swoon worthy, what I wouldn’t give to have him hold -”
“…….”
“- me…. What are ya looking at me like that for?”
“When, exactly, have you seen his abs.”
“Aaaah - that’s not the point –“
“Sure as hell hope that’s the point.” Red Hood stepped out of an alleyway they were walking past. Even with a helmet on, Danny swore the guy stared straight at him. He was so fucked getting caught listening in to this conversation – could he play it cool? Danny was cool right? Yeah, he could totally pull this off, act totally normal and keep walking. Hunching his shoulders some and turning his body away from the three men, he walked past. Or tried to. Red Hood caught the back of his shirt, stopping him from getting away. Unless Danny was willing to expose his powers to get out this situation, the best he could do was play dumb and hope Hood let him go without too much hassle.
“Boss!”
“Hey Boss – you didn’t happen to only hear the second half of that, did you?”
Red Hood growled, “the part about necrophilia or the part about my abs?”
Danny twisted his head back to see Goon #1 turn pale. “Uuuh – uh- um,” met Red Hood’s question.
A choreographed roll of the eyes, “Better question, why are you talking shit out on the streets and not paying attention to your little stalker,” Hood gestured to Danny.
“I’m not a stalker!” Danny huffed. His eyes widened. All three guys looked over at him. ‘SHIT’ Danny thought. He did not want to catch anyone’s attention more than he had, much less all three.
Goon No. 2 looked at him, as he resumed his squirming in Red Hood’s grasp, “So who are you?”
Danny glanced up to see Red Hood staring down at him. Today just wasn’t his day. “Hood,” Danny blurted out.
Silence. The tips of Danny’s ears turned bright red
“Uhm, I mean, a tourist?” “In Crime Alley, kid?”
"I'm not a kid," Danny muttered.
Hood shook Danny’s shirt hard enough to also shake Danny himself. “Try again. I’ve seen you around often enough to know that’s a lie.”
“It’s true!” Danny lied. “I was visiting the city, my wallet got pickpocketed with most of my money, so now I’m… kind of…. Stuck here? Indefinitely?”
Goon No. 1 laughed at him, “do ya think we’re dumb? You have a cellie right? No way you’re ‘stuck here’.”
“Exactly, so who do you work for? Penguin?” A jab towards Danny’s face. “Riddler?” Another jab and a step towards Danny. “Is it Two Face?” Another, even closer jab. Danny went cross-eyed looking at the finger in front of his nose.
“Back off,” Hood said. Danny breathed a sigh of relief at being given some space. And then the next words came out of Red Hood’s mouth, “Get lost you two – and stop gossiping on the street. And you-“ Hood turned back to Danny, “ – you’re coming with me.” Danny gulped. Today was going down as another shit day in the books for sure.
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Hello! Many people have said this but ill say it too, I LOVE YOUR COMIC SO MUCH ( ´ ▽ ` ).。o♡
I really wanted to ask you about how you do the backgrounds? (Something i struggle with) whats the process? Like from start to finish, also, to do the rise backgrounds do you use reference from the show and generally real photo of ny? Or do you come up with them? And last question- The shadow and light on the background- Like HOW
i know it’s a lot of questions but i’m just so curious qwq and wanna learn to be better, thank you again in case you read this and respond, in case you don’t, i hope you have a nice day and a wonderful life uwu keep up the great work! (≧◡≦) ♡
Backgrounds are a really broad subject and I'm always a little overwhelmed when asked this question. Just like drawing the human body, backgrounds take time, repetition, and practice!
My answer got a bit long, so it's going under a read more :) but if you digest info better in video format I found this on youtube
youtube
It pretty much goes over everything I wanted to say, but in a much better way. I wish I had found it before writing all this out lol
ok, first of all, I'm not a teacher nor was I built to be one of those cool helpful art tutorial people who do a full coloured tutorial filled with illustrations. This is just going to be a messy "how I do backgrounds / environment layouts from start to finish." kinda thing.
... lets start with a sight tangent.
Sketch from Life!!!
If you want to get better at backgrounds I recommend doing some sketching out in the real world!
When I was first getting into doing backgrounds I went to cafes and parks to just sketch the buildings and objects. Sketch rocks, flowers, clumps of grass, garbage cans, bottles, tables, street signs, etc. If you are drawing a tree observe how the trunks twist, how the bark flows, or how the leaves are bunched.
If you can't leave the house the same still applies! Sketch the interiors of your house, the walls, or common objects like chairs and bookshelves. How are objects stacked? items on the floor?
If you aren't comfortable with drawing outside or in public you can take some photos to draw from! They are good for practice and you can use them again as references later. Alternatively you can find pictures online of buildings and objects to sketch as practice.
All spaces have objects in them, it becomes easier to draw those kinds of spaces when you already have spent time observing and sketching them.
ALSO! They don't have to be good sketches! It's just to build out your mental catalogue and strengthen your perception of perspective.
now the actual thing...
BACKGROUNDS
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(the pictures used for this are my own. I dug them out of my 2022 folder)
Backgrounds have slightly different rules based on what you are making them for. Videogame Environment Concept Art vs Animation Layouts vs Comic Backgrounds vs Illustration backgrounds.
They all follow the same basics, which I will go over here, but the intention and function of those designs are going to be different. It's all about how you set up the scene and what it's purpose is!
Brainstorming and Thumbnailing
I like to think about a location as though it is a character. An abandoned old house with creaky sagging floorboards is very different from a futuristic space ship with sharp metal floor panels. A gas station has a very different feeling from a library.
I usually start by asking what is this location's story? Why was it built and for what purpose? What kinds of things does this room need to fulfill that purpose? You don’t need solid answers, but its good to be thinking about it while you are working.
Next, sketch some ideas for how this place is going to look. For me, this usually involves drawing the idea from multiple angles and then making lists & small sketches of the objects I think should be filling the space.
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Example: The main character of my original work is a Wanderer. They collect a lot of things on their travels, but those items have to be small enough to be easily carried in a backpack. I wanted his room to be in the corner of an attic, walled off by curtains, and filled with trinkets. You can see some of my brainstorming above.
References
I only look for references after I've done some sketching and planning; this is to solidify my idea first so that I don't accidentally copy anyone else's work. I will make a moodboard with pictures of lighting, colours, items, rooms with specific ceiling beams, old chairs, etc. basically whatever I feel fits the vibe.
Honestly, I don't use references as much as I should. For ROTTMNT fanart I look at backgrounds and screenshots from the series to study the style. I also reference actual photos of NYC to get a feel for how Rise condenses the visual information.
In general, it's good to have references of real life objects/locations, because there are so many details like cracks in pavement, stickers on polls, crowning on buildings, fancy fencing, weird chair legs, etc. that you might not think of. It's the imperfect details that can make a location feel more alive.
Perspective
Once you have your chosen sketch we move to.... the infamous perspective boxes. Doing backgrounds is just learning to be comfortable drawing So Many boxes and carving items out of them.
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Many better artists than myself have made videos on perspective, vanishing points, and all the technical bits. Videos like THIS ONE and THIS ONE are helpful (this post is great too!!). There are probably a lot of classes to be found on Skillshare or Schoolism. I learned a lot of this in my college art course, so I can't give you a specific video which helped me.
You can get by and be a good artist without learning this stuff. There are quite a few successful artists who have admitted they never bothered to learn perspective (one of these people even made a whole graphic novel series).
I personally avoided properly learning this stuff until I was in my 20s because I thought it would be boring and difficult to do. tbh I really wish I had learned it earlier because it's so much fun to make those silly little boxes imo. It looks scary and complicated but, just like drawing humans, it just takes time, repetition, and practice to develop the knowledge and skills.
Cleanup
You have your boxes and lines! Cool! Now to make a scene out of it. Fill in the details, get everything placed were you want it! Generally, the lines of each item will point back towards the horizon line, but they can have different perspective points.
Generally you would want to clean it up and get your room completely sketched before doing the lineart. I tend to combine the steps (not recommended)
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Lineart
I've mentioned how I do this before. Closer objects have thicker lines and more detailed inside. Further objects have thinner lines and less detail. I didn't quite achieve that balance with the image below, but it's close enough.
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Colours and Shading will have to be a separate post. In the meantime, I highly recommend the book "Color and Light" by James Gurney. I used to borrow it from my local library and a good chunk of my knowledge was learned from it :)
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theshift · 2 days
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The Breakout
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Before everything fell apart, Marcus had a life that he was proud of. He wasn’t some thug or low-life; he had his routines, his ambitions. Boxing was his escape, the one place where he felt in control. He spent hours in the gym, the sound of fists hitting heavy bags and the smell of sweat filling the air as he trained. There was something about the discipline, the focus, the rhythm of a good fight that made the chaos of the outside world fade away. He wasn’t a pro, but he was good—damn good—and he was starting to get noticed. On weekends, he’d run along the river, feeling the early morning breeze, imagining his next match. Life wasn’t perfect, but it was his, and he had a future lined up. That was before it all got ripped away—before he was framed for a crime he didn’t commit. Now, that life seemed like a distant dream, one he’d never wake up to again. The real world, the one he’d worked so hard for, felt like it had vanished forever.
Marcus had been in prison for two long months. His life had been ripped away, and now he was just another inmate waiting for judgment in a system that didn’t care.
But even worse than being locked up was dealing with Officer Nathan, the patrol officer who took sick pleasure in making Marcus’s life miserable. Nathan was cruel. Every day he found a new way to degrade Marcus. Whether it was spilling his food on the ground or shouting insults that cut deeper than the metal bars around him, Nathan loved to remind Marcus who was in control.
Today had been no different. As Marcus sat on his cot, his mind still reeling from the news of his sentencing—fifteen years—Nathan showed up at his cell with that same smirk.
“Well, well, look at you. Fifteen years, huh? Guess you’re gonna rot here for a while,” Nathan sneered, leaning against the bars. “Bet you thought you’d get off easy. But nobody cares about some low-life scum like you.”
Marcus clenched his fists, staring at the floor. He couldn’t believe it. Fifteen years for something he didn’t do. His whole life—gone. He swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to ignore Nathan’s voice.
“You know what the best part is?” Nathan continued, his voice dripping with cruelty. “You’ll be here, getting old and wasting away, while I’m out there. Free. Living my life. Makes you wonder why you even bother fighting, doesn’t it?”
Marcus’s body tensed. “I didn’t do it.”
Nathan barked out a laugh. “Sure, that’s what they all say. Keep telling yourself that, Marcus. Doesn’t change a damn thing.” He tapped the bars with his baton, a sharp clink ringing out. “You belong here. And I’m going to make sure every day feels like hell for you. Count on it.”
Marcus couldn’t take it anymore. The injustice, the humiliation—it all boiled inside him. He couldn’t live like this, not for fifteen years. His hands shook, his breath coming in sharp gasps as his heart pounded in his chest.
“Hey, what’s wrong? You look like you’re about to cry. Go ahead,” Nathan jeered. “Cry like the pathetic loser you are.”
Something snapped inside Marcus.
“You think you’re untouchable,” Marcus muttered, his voice low, trembling with rage.
Nathan raised an eyebrow. “What was that?”
Marcus slowly lifted his head, eyes burning with something darker, something Nathan had never seen before. “You think you’re better than me because you’re on that side of the bars? Because you can do whatever you want to people like me?”
Nathan chuckled, but there was a flicker of uncertainty in his eyes now. “Yeah, I do. What are you gonna do about it?”
Marcus’s lips twisted into a cold smile as he stood up, his body humming with a power he had always kept hidden, a power he had refused to use until now. His gaze locked onto Nathan, and the room seemed to thrum with a strange energy.
Nathan stepped back from the bars, suddenly on edge. “What’s your deal, man? Sit down before you do something stupid.”
But Marcus didn’t stop. His eyes were like burning coals, and a strange pressure filled the air around them. He closed his eyes, focusing inward, feeling the dark energy swirling within him like a storm, ready to be unleashed.
He had never wanted to use his gift, but this was different. This was survival.
Marcus's body felt weightless as he reached out mentally, a strange, ethereal sensation that began to rise from the depths of his chest. The connection to Nathan was immediate—a tether of energy, dark and tangible, latching onto him like invisible chains. Marcus’s mind surged toward Nathan, slipping through the cracks of his consciousness, feeling his presence as if it were a physical thing.
The shift was sudden, a jarring sensation that sent Nathan stumbling backward. His hands shot up to his head, as if he could physically block Marcus’s intrusion, but it was already too late. Marcus could feel Nathan’s mind now—panicked, scattered, full of raw terror.
“No—what are you doing?” Nathan’s voice was sharp, trembling with fear.
Marcus’s smile widened. His consciousness flooded Nathan’s mind like dark water, consuming him, pushing past every mental wall the officer tried to erect. It was a slow process, deliberate, like sinking into quicksand, inch by inch, until Nathan’s screams became muffled in the back of his own mind.
Nathan staggered back against the wall, his body twitching as Marcus took over. From the outside, it looked like Nathan was having some kind of seizure, his face contorting in shock as his limbs jerked, resisting the possession. But Marcus was relentless. He pushed deeper, feeling his own awareness settle into Nathan’s body as though slipping on a perfectly tailored suit.
Nathan's mind screamed, trapped now as a mere voice, a presence that Marcus could feel but had full control over. “Stop! Get out! You can’t do this!”
Marcus ignored him. He flexed Nathan’s fingers, feeling the strength of his new form. The once-familiar prison walls looked different through Nathan’s eyes—sharper, crisper. Marcus rolled his shoulders, testing the muscles that now responded to his command.
Inside, Nathan’s terror grew. “What are you—get out of my body!”
Marcus’s laugh, low and cruel, rumbled through Nathan’s throat. “Oh, Nathan… you’re not in charge anymore.”
With one final surge of effort, Marcus forced Nathan’s consciousness into the back of his mind, shoving him deep into a corner, trapping him in the prison of Marcus’s old body. Nathan was now locked away, his pleas for help falling on deaf ears as Marcus stood tall in his stolen skin.
Nathan, now trapped in Marcus’s body, staggered forward, horrified at the sight of his own hands—Marcus’s hands—reaching out toward him, mocking him. He tried to scream, but Marcus simply sneered. “Enjoy being on the other side of those bars. I’ll make sure to give you the same treatment you gave me.”
Marcus felt the real Nathan's panic, buried deep inside his old body, helpless and confused, as the guards dragged him away. “No! You don’t understand—I’m not Marcus! I’m Nathan! Please!”
But no one listened. To everyone else, it was just Marcus losing his mind.
Meanwhile, Marcus—now fully in control of Nathan’s body—strolled through the prison halls, relishing the newfound power. Nathan’s voice screamed in the back of his head, but Marcus simply tuned him out, reveling in the freedom and control he had never felt before.
“You’ve had your fun, Nathan,” Marcus muttered under his breath, his voice sounding strange but powerful. “Now it’s my turn.”
Nathan was trapped inside Marcus’s body, powerless, screaming silently as Marcus turned and walked down the hallway in his new form. The other guards greeted him with nods of respect, completely unaware of the switch.
As Marcus settled into Nathan's body, something unexpected surfaced from the officer's memories—Nathan was secretly into men. Hidden beneath his tough exterior and cruel demeanor was a desire he had never dared to act on, a truth he kept buried deep, afraid of what it would mean for his image as the hardened officer. And to Marcus's surprise, Nathan had even found him attractive, though he would have never admitted it. The irony was delicious.
Now, with full control of Nathan's body, Marcus realized he could have the life Nathan was too scared to embrace. He wasted no time. With Nathan’s face, his fit build, and authority, Marcus quickly began to attract attention, something Nathan had always fantasized about but never had the nerve to act on. Marcus, on the other hand, had no qualms about indulging in what Nathan had suppressed. Within days, he had hooked up with men who were drawn to his new appearance—something Nathan had always dreamed of but never had the courage to pursue. It wasn’t just about the power; it was about taking Nathan’s secret desires and living them out in ways Nathan never could.
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More days passed, and Marcus, now in Nathan’s body, relished every moment of his new life. He took over Nathan’s duties, tormenting the real Nathan—trapped inside Marcus’s old body. Every time Marcus walked by, he could see the fear in his own face, the panic in Nathan’s eyes as he tried to tell the guards what had happened.
“Nobody’s listening, Nathan,” Marcus whispered one day as he passed by the cell. “They think you’ve lost it. Crazy, isn’t it?”
Nathan, trapped and powerless, screamed, banging on the bars of the cell. “Stop this! Please! I’m not Marcus! I’m not him!”
But no one believed him. To the other guards, he was just another inmate losing his mind.
Marcus continued his life as Nathan, basking in the power that came with it. He spent a week tormenting the real Nathan, letting the other guards treat him the same way Nathan had treated Marcus. The irony wasn’t lost on him, and he loved every second of it.
One day, Marcus stood in front of a mirror in Nathan’s office, staring at the reflection of Nathan’s face. A thought struck him.
“Why waste this? Why stay here as some low-life prison officer?” he murmured to himself. He grinned, running a hand over Nathan’s strong jawline. “I could do so much more.”
The next morning, Marcus handed in Nathan’s resignation. He was done with this place, with this pathetic life. He had bigger plans. He left the prison behind without a second glance, the real Nathan screaming in his own body, now doomed to serve the sentence Marcus was supposed to endure.
And Marcus? He moved to the city, reinvented himself as a model. Nathan’s looks, once wasted on cruelty, now served Marcus well. The spotlight loved him, and he embraced his new life, his new identity.
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As Marcus rose to fame, Nathan remained locked in a cell, forgotten, living the nightmare he had once created for others.
And Marcus? He was finally free.
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mrs-stans · 20 hours
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Sebastian Stan Tells All: Becoming Donald Trump, Gaining 15 Pounds and Starring in 2024’s Most Controversial Movie
By Daniel D'Addario
Sebastian Stan Variety Cover Story
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It started with the most famous voice on the planet, the one that just won’t shut up.
Sebastian Stan, in real life, sounds very little like Donald Trump, whom he’s playing in the new film “The Apprentice.” Sure, they share a tristate accent — Stan has lived in the city for years and attended Rutgers University before launching his career — but he speaks with none of Trump’s emphasis on his own greatness. Trump dwells, Stan skitters. Trump attempts to draw topics together over lengthy stem-winders (what he recently called “the weave”), while Stan has a certain unwillingness to be pinned down, a desire to keep moving. It takes some coaxing to bring Stan, a man with the upright bearing and square jaw of a matinee idol, to speak about his own process — how hard he worked to conjure a sense Trump, and how he sought to bring out new insights about America’s most scrutinized politician.
“I think he’s a lot smarter than people want to say about him,” Stan says, “because he repeats things consistently, and he’s given you a brand.” Stan would know: He watched videos of Trump on a loop while preparing for “The Apprentice.” In the film, out on Oct. 11, Stan plays Trump as he moves from insecure, aspiring real estate developer to still insecure but established member of the New York celebrity firmament.
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We’re sitting over coffee in Manhattan. Stan is dressed down in a black chore coat and black tee, yet he’s anything but a casual conversation partner. He rarely breaks eye contact, doing so only on the occasions when he has something he wants to show me on his iPhone (cracked screen, no case). In this instance, it’s folders of photos and videos labeled “DT” and “DT PHYSICALITY.”
“I had 130 videos on his physicality on my phone,” Stan says. “And 562 videos that I had pulled with pictures from different time periods — from the ’70s all the way to today — so I could pull out his speech patterns and try to improvise like him.” Stan, deep in character, would ad-lib entire scenes at director Ali Abbasi’s urging, drawing on the details he’d learned from watching Trump and reading interviews to understand precisely how to react in each moment.
“Ali could come in on the second take and say, ‘Why don’t you talk a little bit about the taxes and how you don’t want to pay?’ So I had to know what charities they were going to in 1983. Every night I would go home and try not only to prepare for the day that was coming, but also to prepare for where Ali was going to take this.”
Looking at Stan’s phone, among the endless pictures of Trump, I glimpse thumbnails of Stan’s own face perched in a Trumpian pout and videos of the actor’s preparation just aching to be clicked — or to be stored in the Trump Presidential Library when this is all over in a few months, or in 2029, or beyond.
“I started to realize that I needed to start speaking with my lips in a different way,” Stan says. “A lot of that came from the consonants. If I’m talking, I’m moving forward.” On film, Stan shapes his mouth like he can’t wait to get the plosives out, puckering without quite tipping into parody. “The consonants naturally forced your lips forward.”
“If he did 10% more of what he did, it would become ‘Saturday Night Live,’” Abbasi says. “If he did 10% less, then he’s not conjuring that person. But here’s the thing about Sebastian: He’s very inspired by reality, by research. And that’s also the way I work; if you want to go to strange places, you need to get your baseline reality covered very well.”
A little later, Stan passes me the phone again to show me a selfie of him posing shirtless and revealing two sagging pecs and a bit of a gut. He’s pouting into a mirror. If his expression looks exaggerated, consider that he was in Marvel-movie shape before stepping into the role of the former president; the body transformation happened rapidly and jarringly. Trump’s size is a part of the film’s plot — as Trump’s sense of self inflates, so does he. In a rush to meet the shooting deadline for “The Apprentice,” Abbasi asked Stan, “How much weight can you gain?”
“You’d be surprised,” Stan tells me. “You can gain a lot of weight in two months.” (Fifteen pounds, to be exact.)
Now he’s back in fighting form, but the character has stayed with him. After years of playing second-fiddle agents of chaos — goofball husbands to Margot Robbie’s and Lily James’ characters in “I, Tonya” and Hulu’s “Pam & Tommy,” surly frenemy to Chris Evans’ Captain America in the Marvel franchise — Stan plunged into the id of the man whose appetites have reshaped our world. He had to have a polished enough sense of Trump that he could improvise in character, and enough respect for him to play him as a human being, not a monster.
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It’s one of two transformations this year for Stan — and one that might give a talented actor that most elusive thing: a brand of his own. He’s long been adjacent enough to star power that he could feel its glow, but he hasn’t been the marquee performer. While his co-stars have found themselves defined by the projects he’s been in — from “Captain America” and “I, Tonya” back to his start on “Gossip Girl” — he’s spent more than a decade in the public eye while evading being defined at all.
This fall promises to be the season that changes all that: Stan is pulling double duty with “The Apprentice” and “A Different Man” (in theaters Sept. 20), in which he plays a man afflicted with a disfiguring tumor disorder who — even when presented with a fantastical treatment that makes him look like, well, Sebastian Stan — can’t be cured of ailments of the soul. For “A Different Man,” Stan won the top acting prize at the Berlin Film Festival; for “The Apprentice,” the sky’s the limit, if it can manage to get seen. (More on that later.)
One reason Stan has largely evaded being defined is that he’s never the same twice, often willing to get loopy or go dark in pursuit of his characters’ truths. That’s all the more true this year: In “The Apprentice,” he’s under the carapace of Trumpiness; in “A Different Man,” his face is hidden behind extensive prosthetics.
“In my book, if you’re the good-looking, sensitive guy 20 movies in a row, that’s not a star for me,” says Abbasi, who compares Stan to Marlon Brando — an actor eager to play against his looks. “You’re just one of the many in the factory of the Ken dolls.”
This fall represents Stan’s chance to break out of the toy store once and for all. His Winter Soldier brought a jolt of evil into Captain America’s world, and his Jeff Gillooly was the devil sitting on Tonya Harding’s shoulder. Now Stan is at the center of the frame, playing one of the most divisive characters imaginable. So he’s showing us where he can go. The spotlight is his, and so is the risk that comes with it.
Why take such a risk?
The script for “The Apprentice,” which Stan first received in 2019, but which took years to come together, made him consider the American dream, the one that Trump achieved and is redefining.
Stan emigrated with his mother, a pianist, from communist Romania as a child. “I was raised always aware of the American dream: America being the land of opportunity, where dreams come true, where you can make something of yourself.” He pushes the wings of his hair back to frame his face, a gold signet ring glinting in the late-summer sunlight, and, briefly, I can hear a hint of Trump’s directness of approach. “You can become whoever you want, if you just have a good idea.” Stan’s good idea has been to play the lead in movies while dodging the formulaic identity of a leading man, and this year will prove just how far he can take it.
“The Apprentice” seemed like it would never come together before suddenly it did. This time last year, Stan was sure it was dead in the water, and he was OK with that. “If this movie is not happening, it’s because it’s not meant to happen,” he recalls thinking. “It will not be because I’m too scared and walk away.”
Called in on short notice and filming from November 2023 to January of this year (ahead of a May premiere in Cannes), Stan lent heft and attitude to a character arc that takes Trump from local real estate developer in the 1970s to national celebrity in the 1980s. He learns the rough-and-tumble game of power from the ruthless and hedonistic political fixer Roy Cohn (Jeremy Strong), eventually cutting the closeted Cohn loose as he dies of AIDS and alienating his wife Ivana (Maria Bakalova) in the process. (In a shocking scene, Donald sexually assaults Ivana in their Trump Tower apartment.) For all its edginess, the film is about Trump’s personality — and the way it calcified into a persona — rather than his present-day politics. (Despite its title, it’s set well before the 2004 launch of the reality show that finally made Trump the superstar he longed to be.)
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And despite the fact that Trump has kept America rapt since he announced his run for president in 2015, Hollywood has been terrified of “The Apprentice.” The film didn’t sell for months after Cannes, an unusual result for a major English-language competition film, partly because Trump’s legal team sent a cease-and-desist letter attempting to block the film’s release in the U.S. while the fest was still ongoing. When it finally sold, it was to Briarcliff Entertainment, a distributor so small that the production has launched a Kickstarter campaign to raise money so that it will be able to stay in theaters.
Yes, Hollywood may vote blue, but it’s not the same town that released “Fahrenheit 9/11” or even “W.,” let alone a film that depicts the once (and possibly future) president raping his wife. (The filmmakers stand behind that story. “The script is 100% backed by my own interviews and historical research,” says Gabriel Sherman, the screenwriter and a journalist who covers Trump and the American conservative movement. “And it’s important to note that it is not a documentary. It’s a work of fiction that’s inspired by history.”) Entertainment corporations from Netflix to Disney would be severely inconvenienced if the next president came into office with a grudge against them.
“I am quite shocked, to be honest,” Abbasi says. “This is not a political piece. It’s not a hit piece; it’s not a hatchet job; it’s not propaganda. The fact that it’s been so challenging is shocking.” Abbasi, born in Iran, was condemned by his government over his last film, “Holy Spider,” and cannot safely return. He sees a parallel in the response to “The Apprentice.” “OK, that’s Iran — that is unfortunately expected. But I wasn’t expecting this.”
“Everything with this film has been one day at a time,” Stan says. The actor chalks up the film’s divisiveness to a siloed online environment. “There are a lot of people who love reading the [film’s] Wikipedia page and throwing out their opinions,” he says, an edge entering his voice. “But they don’t actually know what they’re talking about. That’s a popular sport now online, apparently.”
Unprompted, Stan brings up the idea that Trump is so widely known that some might think a biographical film about him serves no purpose. “When someone says, ‘Why do we need this movie? We know all this,’ I’ll say, ‘Maybe you do, but you haven’t experienced it. The experience of those two hours is visceral. It’s something you can hopefully feel — if you still have feelings.’”
After graduating from Rutgers in 2005, Stan found his first substantial role on “Gossip Girl,” playing troubled rich kid Carter Baizen. Like teen soaps since time immemorial, “Gossip Girl” was a star-making machine. “It was the first time I was in serious love with somebody,” he says. (He dated the series’ star, Leighton Meester, from 2008 to 2010.) He feels nostalgic for that moment: “Walking around the city, seeing these same buildings and streets — life seemed simpler.”
Stan followed his “Gossip Girl” gig with roles on the 2009 NBC drama “Kings,” playing a devious gay prince in an alternate-reality modern world governed by a monarchy, and the 2012 USA miniseries “Political Animals,” playing a black-sheep prince (and once again a gay man) of a different sort — the son of a philandering former president and an ambitious former first lady.
When I ask him what lane he envisioned himself in as a young actor, he shrugs off the question. “I grew up with a single mom, and I didn’t have a lot of male role models. I was always trying to figure out what I wanted to be. And at some point, I was like, I could just be a bunch of things.”
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Which might seem challenging when one is booked to play the same character, Bucky Barnes, in Marvel movie after Marvel movie. Bucky’s adventures have been wide-ranging — he’s been brainwashed and turned evil and then brought back to the home team again, all since his debut in 2011’s “Captain America: The First Avenger.” Next year, he’ll anchor the summer movie “Thunderbolts,” as the leader of a squad of quirky heroes played by, among others, Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Florence Pugh. It’s easy to wonder if this has come to feel like a cage of sorts.
Not so, says Stan. His new Marvel film “was kind of like ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest’ — a guy coming into this group that was chaotic and degenerate, and somehow finding a way to unite them.”
Lately, knives have been out for Marvel movies as some have disappointed at the box office, and “Thunderbolts,” which endured strike delays and last-minute cast changes, has been under scrutiny.
“It’s become really convenient to pick on [Marvel films],” Stan says. “And that’s fine. Everyone’s got an opinion. But they’re a big part of what contributes to this business and allows us to have smaller movies as well. This is an artery traveling through the system of this entire machinery that’s Hollywood. It feeds in so many more ways than people acknowledge.” He adds, “Sometimes I get protective of it because the intention is really fucking good. It’s just fucking hard to make a good movie over and over again.”
Which may account for an eagerness to try something new. “In the last couple of years,” he says, “I’ve gotten much more aggressive about pursuing things that I want, and I’m constantly looking for different ways of challenging myself.”
The challenge continued throughout the shoot of “The Apprentice,” as Stan pushed the material. “One of the most creatively rewarding parts of the process was how open Sebastian was to giving notes on the script but also wanting to go beyond the script,” says Sherman, the screenwriter. “If he was interested in a certain aspect of a scene, he was like, Can you find me a quote?” he recalls.
Building a dynamic through improvised scenes, Stan and Strong stayed in character throughout the “Apprentice” shoot. “I was doing an Ibsen play on Broadway,” says Strong, who won a Tony in June for his performance in “An Enemy of the People,” “and he came backstage afterwards. And it was like — I’d never really met Sebastian, and I don’t think he’d ever met me. So it was nice to meet him.”
Before the pair began acting together, they didn’t rehearse much — “I’m not a fan of rehearsals,” Strong says. “I think actors are best left in their cocoon, doing their work, and then trusted to walk on set and be ready.” The two didn’t touch the script together until cameras went up — though they spent a preproduction day, Strong says, playing games in character as Donald and Roy.
After filming, both have kept memories of the hold their characters had on them. They shared a flight back from Telluride — a famously bumpy trip out of the mountains. “He’s a nervous flyer, and I’m a nervous flyer,” Stan says. Both marveled at the fact that they’d contained their nerves on the first day of shooting “The Apprentice,” when their characters traveled together via helicopter. “We both go, ‘Yeah — but there was a camera.’”
Stan’s aggressive approach to research came in handy on “A Different Man,” which shot before “The Apprentice.” His character’s disorder, neurofibromatosis, is caused by a genetic mutation and presents as benign tumors growing in the nervous system. After being healed, he feels a growing envy for a fellow sufferer who seems unbothered by his disability.
Stan’s co-star, Adam Pearson, was diagnosed with neurofibromatosis in early childhood. Stan found the experience challenging to render faithfully. “I said many times, I can do all the research in the world, but am I ever going to come close to this?” Stan says. “How am I going to ever do this justice?”
Plus, he had precious little time to prepare: “He was fully on board, and the film was being made weeks later,” director Aaron Schimberg says. “Zero to 60 in a matter of weeks.”
The actor grappled for something to hold on to, and Pearson sug gested he refer to his own experience of fame. “Adam said to me, ‘You know what it’s like to be public property,’” Stan says.
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Pearson recalls describing the experience to Stan this way: “While you don’t understand the invasiveness and the staring and the pointing that I’ve grown up with, you do know what it’s like to have the world think you owe them something.”
That sense of alienation becomes universal through the film’s storytelling: “A Different Man” takes its premise as the jumping-off point for a deep and often mordant investigation of who we all are underneath the skin.
The film was shot in 22 days in a New York City heat wave, and there was, Schimberg says, “no room for error. I would get four or five takes, however many I could squeeze out, but there’s no coverage.”
Through it all, Stan’s performance is utterly poised — Schimberg and Stan discussed Buster Keaton as a reference for his ability to be “completely stone-faced” amid chaos, the director says. And the days were particularly long because Oscar-nominated prosthetics artist Michael Marino was only able to apply Stan’s makeup in the early morning, before going to his job on the set of “The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel.”
“Even though I wasn’t shooting until 11 a.m., I would go at like 5 in the morning to his studio, or his apartment,” Stan recalls. The hidden advantage was that Stan had hours to kill while made up like his character, the kind of person the world looks past. “I wanted to walk around the city and see what happened,” Stan says. “On Broadway, one of the busiest streets in New York, no one’s looking at me. It’s as if I’m not even there.” The other reaction was worse: “Somebody would immediately stop and very blatantly hit their friend, point, take a picture.”
It was a study in empathy that flowed into the character. Stan had spoken to Pearson’s mother, who watched her son develop neurofibromatosis before growing into a disability advocate and, eventually, an actor. “She said to me, ‘All I ever wanted was for someone to walk in his shoes for a day,’” Stan recalls. “And I guess that was the closest I had ever come.”
“The Apprentice” forced Stan, and forces the viewer, to do the same with a figure that some 50% of the electorate would sooner forget entirely. And that lends the film its controversy. Those on the right, presupposing that the movie is an anti-Trump document, have railed against it. In a statement provided to Variety, a Trump campaign spokesman said, “This ‘film’ is pure malicious defamation, should never see the light of day and doesn’t even deserve a place in the straight-to-DVD section of a bargain bin at a soon-to-be-closed discount movie store, it belongs in a dumpster fire.” The campaign threatened a lawsuit, though none has materialized.
Asked about the assault scene, Stan notes that Ivana had made the claim in a deposition, but later walked it back. “Is it closer to the truth, what she had said directly in the deposition or something that she retracted?” he asks. “They went with the first part.”
The movie depicts, too, Ivana’s carrying on with her marriage after the violation, which may be still more devastating. “How do you overcome something like this?” asks Bakalova. “Do you have to put on a mask that everything is fine? In the next scene, she’s going to play the game and pretend that we’re the glamorous, perfect couple.” The Trumps, in “The Apprentice,” live in a world of paper-thin images, one that grows so encompassing that Donald no longer feels anything for the people to whom he was once loyal. They’re props in his stage show.
“The Apprentice” will drop in the midst of the most chaotic presidential election of our lifetime. “The way it lands in this extremely polarized situation, for me as an artist, is exciting. I won’t lie to you,” says Abbasi.
When asked if he was concerned about blowback from a Trump 47 presidency, Stan says, “You can’t do this movie and not be thinking about all those things, but I really have no idea. I’m still in shock from going from an assassination attempt to the next weekend having a president step down [from a reelection bid].”
Stan’s job, as he sees it, was to synthesize everything he’d absorbed — all those videos on his phone — into a person who made sense. This Trump had to be part of a coherent story, not just the flurry of news updates to which we’ve become accustomed.
“You can take a Bach or a Beethoven, and everyone’s going to play that differently on the piano, right?” Stan says. (His pianist mother named him for Johann Sebastian Bach.) “So this is my take on what I’ve learned. I have to strip myself of expectations of being applauded for this, if people are going to like it or people are going to hate it. People are going to say whatever they want. Hopefully they should think at least before they say it.”
It’s a reality that Stan is now used to — the work is the work, and the way people interpret him is none of his business. Perhaps that’s why he has run away from ever being the same thing twice. “I could sit with you today and tell you passionately what my truth is, but it doesn’t matter,” he says. “Because people are more interested in a version of you that they want to see, rather than who you are.”
“The Apprentice” has been the subject of extreme difference of opinion by many who have yet to see it. It’s been read — and will continue to be after its release — as anti-Trump agitprop. The truth is chewier and more complicated, and, perhaps, unsuited for these times.
“Are we going to live in a world where anyone knows what the truth is anymore? Or is it just a world that everyone wants to create for themselves?” Stan asks.
His voice — the one that shares a slight accent with Trump but that is, finally, Stan’s own — is calm and clear. “People create their own truth right now,” he says. “That’s the only thing that I’ve made peace with; I don’t need to twist your arm if that’s what you want to believe. But the way to deal with something is to actually confront it.”
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hibiscusseaart · 3 days
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huge ass post with MadaTobi Babies
its finally done, its almost 1 am, I started at 7 pm
OK SO HERE THEY ARE
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So a little lore and then I'm gonna introduce them.
As you may remember from my earlier post, Tobirama (they married when he was 19) after the marriage, decided to create a child to tie Madara to him and the village stronger just in case Madara would try to leave the village. He couldn't destroy the village if there's his kid running around, right?
So Tobirama started learning biology pretty early in their marriage + Itama (@oh-no-its-bird 's one) helped a lot too. Mito helped with the seals to make an incubator. Tobirama didn't want a surrogate mother just because he was afraid that Madara would get attached to the mother of his children and he didn’t want that (plus he's jealous but doesn't realise it 🤭).
He created some sort of very real transformation jutsu that would trick his body to think that he has ovaries and he'd get the eggs that way! But he couldn't keep uterus and ect for 9 months, plus this jutsu is HARD to keep on for very long periods of time. It's easier to make a few organs from chakra that could produce real eggs than a whole new system. Plus Tobirama really didn't want to get pregnant and he wasn't sure he wouldn't fuck up his own body. Tobirama, with as gray morale as his, could just scrap failed embryo and start anew. He can't do that with his own body.
Anyway, incubator it is!
At first he did all of that in secret, stealing Madara's sperm (that's... a thing now) for his first experiments while they had sex. (Tobirama fucking Madara real hard that he’d pass out after and then take samples) ANYWAY
So he announced about his plans when the first stable and pretty healthy embryo was ready.
The first baby, Motoko! The melanin quee. She got all of it. Nothing left for her brother or sister. Ofc she's not THAT dark skinned, but she is for an Uchiha who are mostly white as a paper in canon.
(Tobirama is 21 for reference)
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Her name literally means "Experiment seed first". Tobirama named this project this way for secrecy if someone would overhear his talks with Itama and Mito. It’d be Uchiha clan head’s child so hush-hush.
The name meanings + kanji! Hope I got them right, I have no japanese knowledge
oh and there is flirting with past and time in general in this name so it might be Tobirama reminiscing his first timeline. Like Motoko didn't even EXIST before.
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So when he presented the embryo to Madara and Hashirama, they were ecstatic of course.
Madara almost cried. Hashirama became a river of tears.
Madara never really hoped for his own children since he married Tobirama cuz, well, they're both men. Doesn't really work that way. But Tobirama made it work and Madara is in love all over again.
Madara refuses to leave their future baby for a long time, just looking at them in the incubator. But the baby doesn’t need much there so Tobirama makes him leave and live a life while they’re waiting when the kid is ready.
Oh and Madara was SO against the name that basically means “experiment seed 1”. But when Tobirama asked if he got smth better, he ran away to his compound and tried to find the PERFECT names. He got lost in so many variations and never really decided. So when the kid was “born” (Tobirama just… took her out of the incubator*) and medics checked her, Madara took her in his hands, started crying and while he was having “A moment” Tobirama wrote her name as Motoko, cuz they needed it for administration and Uchiha clan.
*come to think about it, wouldn’t it fuck up a kid a bit? i mean, children develop under pressure of their mother’s organs and they’re in tight position. maybe test tube kids don’t really like to be wrapped in cloth? as i know ppl do that with newborns to imitate feelings like they’re in the womb.
But this name also can be read as “Festival child” so its kinda cute? Madara def told her that that’s exactly what her name means. No seed 1.
Interesting thing, when Tobirama made the baby, he thought he’d make a boy first, a heir. But something went wrong and the kid developed to be a girl. Tobirama was confused why. But technically, the kid is a boy with XY chromosomes but bc of their development and being a genetic experiment something went wrong and they developed as a female (its a real thing btw).
In the long run it didn’t really matter except that Motoko can’t have her own kids bc of all hormonal weirdness. And I don’t think that Tobirama would figure all of that out. He’d think he made some mistake when choosing gender, but kid was born healthy after all. Ofc when they found out that Motoko can’t have kids Tobirama will blame himself, that he ruined his daughter’s life. But she’s would be ok, she had her little siblings growing up and other clan kids so she’s done babysitting.
Okay for her personality! I think she’s kinda like Shisui? Very happy kid, spoiled rotten by her uncles (Hashirama and Izuna compete who is THE BEST uncle) and Tou-san (Madara). Btw Tobirama refuses to be called Kaa-san or any motherly terms. He’s barely holding a kunai in his pockets when Madara calls him wife.
But she’s also very Uchiha with temper and protectiveness. She was trained to be very much Uchiha cuz she’s the future clan head so her jutsu’s are strongly fire natured. Oh and her secondary nature is eath! She took it from the Senju side :)
Good sensor, but not as strong as her other siblings. Have really good chakra reserves and vicious on the battlefield.
Surprisingly looks really like Madara and Izuna’s mom. Her face is all that. Has soft dark hair and soft features. Considered to be very beautiful among Uchihas.
Oh and as you can see, I wrote that she has the Mangekyo. She got it when she was around 14. She was already really strong and cuz of her family, she got cocky. So, you ask me, who died? I think it’d be her female teammate (maybe from Hatake clan? idk I take suggestions) who she was in love with.
So yeah, she got a reality check. Because she got Mangekyo, Tobirama didn’t want her baby to lose her sight, so he improved his own seals that helped him with his albinism. Seals improve his sight and protect from the sun. So he drew Motoko tattoos on her face, like his. Years later it’d be a new feature of the main line.
But before that, when Motoko is 12 and Tobirama is 29, after 8 years of research (and possibly sealing/killing Black Zetsu in the meantime) he decided to try to make another kid. He still wanted a boy.
And he was successful. Meet Akemori! The Music King
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The name was suggested by Hashirama. It means “red forest”. Red eyes, plus he sensed that the kid has a bit of mokuton!
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But on the downside, Akemori was born an albino. Tobirama himself was really lucky, cuz he had a strong health and I hc that he still has healing abilities, but not as strong as Hashirama’s. But it still helped him in his childhood.
Not for Akemori tho. He was a sickly child, almost blind and burned on the sun easily. Tobirama had to put seals on him when he was about 3 years old. But even then his eyesight was still poor. Seals can’t fix everything.
Tobirama, once again, feels guilty that he didn’t notice any mistakes when he was creating the child.
And being born almost blind in Uchiha clan of all people wasn’t really nice. Though he is still clan head’s child and has a whole bunch of very powerful adults to protect him. Plus his older sister who loves him very much and wants to protect him from any harm.
But because of health issues Akemori was never really trained in shinobi arts. Well, he was trained (his fathers are literally… them) just that he could protect himself, but no one expected him to go on missions or even become a shinobi at all. Uchiha elders treated him as a potential political marriage pawn (even though Madara and Tobirama would never let them do that). Akemori caught on that and never had the motivation to become a shinobi at all. He was offended and said that he’d NEVER become a shinobi.
Madara was a little mad at that, cuz they’re SHINOBI clan, what the hell. But he shut up the second Tobirama sent him The Look. Tobirama was ok with Akemori’s wishes, like his twin and himself are shinobi by necessity, but they finds more joy in research.
Akemori was trained in Mokuton by Hashirama of course, even though Senju elders bitched about him selling clan secrets to Uchiha. But Hokage does what he wants.
Akemori’s mokuton isn’t as strong as Hashirama’s, plus he never really wanted to fight. But he was good with plants so he joined Itama-oji in his research a lot! Especially since Hashirama is busy with Hokage stuff, Itama was delighted to get a new helper.
Akemori is also a really good sensor because, like Tobirama, he had to compensate his bad eyesight. Basically, Akemori is a very Tobirama’s kid.
Surprisingly, he awakened the Sharingan! He was 6 and some foreign ninja (prob Kumo) thought it’d be cool to steal a kid with the Sharingan. Because of his naturally red eyes Akemori got stolen. Ofc when Tobirama felt his kid out of Konoha bonds, he sounded the alarm in the whole Uchiha clan to check on their kids whereabouts and was first to chase the kidnappers.
Kumo nin were killed by a very mad Tobirama and bc of the stress Akemori awakened the Sharingan. It wasn’t much of a use for him, since he’s not a shinobi. But at least Uchihas acknowledge him as a fellow Uchiha and not just Tobirama’s carbon copy.
(btw noone outside immediate family actually KNOWS where the kids coming from. They don't see any pregnant women in the main line house or anyone in the clan with the same time who gave birth these days. Tobirama himself or god forbid Madara aren't ever seen pregnant. Where the fuck kids are coming from? Do they just spawn in the house or what)
(they basically do spawn)
Sharingan helps Akemori to actually see! At least he could see something and could read. But stll, its not really strong, cuz not trained enough.
Basically Akemori is a perfect mix between Senju and Uchiha with Sharingan and Mokuton, but he was nerfed by albinism.
Being almost blind boy who can navigate only with his sensing, doesn’t gives him much hobbies. Ofc he helps Itama and he studies plants and medicine a lot with him, but he still needs a hobby. Books don’t work for him, any type of handicrafts too cuz he can’t just use Sharingan all the time, his head hurts and sometimes he doesn't want to remember a whole book perfectly. He’s also not very interested in training as a hobby.
So in his tweens while Itama and he were traveling (with Uchiha escort (prob Motoko) just in case) to the near town for some medicine and plants, he noticed (heard) a group of musicians and he fell in love.
Itama immediately bought him an instrument (maybe Biwa?).
And now the second son of Uchiha Madara became a musician! Isn’t it fun. Elders are furious.
Madara was baffled but “You do you, son. When you learn, show us? Oh and maybe you can copy someone else’s playing, but be discreet. They may not like that you’d try to copy their music. Shinobi don’t really like when we copy their jutsus too”
With age he learned to play several instruments (I take suggestions on which ones). Some people even thought that he’s trained to become geisha (he's not, he's just a pretty boy who plays music for fun).
When he grow old enough, Itama started to give him weed for inspiration and to relax. Akemori is prone to quiet anxiety attacks after he was kidnapped.
Okay, the final kid. She was born 4 years later after Akemori.
Nari! The pout queen
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Madara finally got to name his kid. Her name means “Calm, harmonic village”. Yeah he decided to name his kid after a village. It's still better than Konohamaru
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And she’s the final kid, because Tobirama finally got it and produced a “normal” healthy kid. Plus he's not sure how many kids (3) and students (another 4 and Kagami) he can actually handle.
She has very Uchiha coloring, but Tobirama’s facial features. She also inherited his stare.
She’s the baby of the family, but she grew up slightly strict and serious cuz she stayed a lot with Tobirama, cuz he decided he won’t spend another maternity leave out of the Tower. The first two times were a disaster when he came back.
Tobirama left on maternity leaves just cuz he needed to monitor his kids health, especially Akemori’s. Idk about Konoha maternity leaves, but they should be really short, since well shinobi are needed all year long and they can’t wait for mother-shinobi to spend a whole year on that. Though on the other side, mothers need time to recover or they won’t be able to perform good on their missions (plus they probably have a milk smell lol). Who knows, maybe Tobirama was the one who drafted a law about at least one year maternity leave. He got very popular among kunoichi (can you believe that I just remembered that this word exists)
Nari is really like Izuna, but got her temper under control. Maybe think of teen Kakashi but without dead fathers and angst. But also brat.
Her chakra is water nature and she has 0 affinity with fire. Still she did produce great fireball as their traditions dictated, even though it took her many trials and errors. After that she decided that she hates traditions like that. Got really rebellious in her teens, about 13 and even tried to challenge her sister (25) for the clan head position. She didn’t win ofc and was bitter about it.
Also because her sister and brother both have seals, she always dreamed of the same, cuz as a baby she thought that it’s something special for their family. But Tobirama doesn’t think she needs them cuz her sight is perfect and her skin is pale, but it doesn’t burn like Akemori’s.
It triggered interest for seals in general cuz “FINE if you won’t give me seals, I’ll just make them myself!”
Tobirama was completely okay with it. He always strives to encourage kids when they want to learn something new. So he sicked her at Mito. Though his aunt was quite happy to teach her niece sealing art.
also idk why i write evil near her. she's just a brat. though she has the potential to become Azula ish
And that’s it!
I will write more about them later cuz im tired. I have some other ideas I wanna expand. Like Tobirama introducing his pups to his Hatake aunt (did i tell you that i LOVE Hatakes?),
Oh and fun little sketches close ups for a treat
i love this Hashirama with the kids, ugh he's so father
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if you have any questions you can send them to my ask box!
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mummybear · 2 days
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My Brother's Best Friend - Chapter 7 - The Mating
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Words - 4034
Warnings: Swearing, Mating, Smut, P IN V, Oral (Female Receiving), Dirty Talk, Possessive Stiles, Protective Stiles, Marking, Biting, Think That's everything.
Characters: Stiles Stilinski, Reader/You/Sadie, Mentions Of Alan Deaton, Liam Dunbar, Allison Argent, Lydia Martin, Mellissa McCall, Scott McCall.
A/N: Hey guys, Sorry about the wait, I'm still really struggling with writers block but I had a few productive days and managed to finish this chapter and start something new for Dean, so we're getting somewhere at least! Hope you're all good and enjoy this! :)
Please do not copy my work or anyone else's. I have had more than enough of that the past few years, please try writing for yourself. Thank you.
Chapter 7 - The Mating
There’s an amazing softness beneath you, when you slowly become aware of your surroundings. It also happens to be when a sudden desperate whimpering from beside you pulls you all of the way out of any remaining sleepiness. You keep your eyes shut, all too aware of the unbearable thumping in your head. However, when you feel someone brushing the hair from your forehead, you can’t help but lean into the familiar touch immediately. Moaning contentedly when those same fingers skim your bare shoulder, your eyes snap open though when your skin practically sizzles on contact. You very quickly realise you’re face to face with Stiles, and his eyes flare purple. 
Once you manage to centre yourself, you can feel the worry rolling off of him in waves, almost as if it were your own emotion, though you’re starting to find it a little easier to tell the difference between your own feelings and his.
“Stiles, what’s wrong?” you whisper, your voice a little hoarse from sleep as you roll your body into his. 
Stiles remains silent as he reaches over to grab a bottle of water from the bedside table, almost like he’s trying to lean away from you. He doesn’t answer either, he merely responds to you in one worded grunt as he hands you the bottle. 
“Drink.” 
You roll your eyes but take the bottle from him, swigging a little of the liquid, all too aware of his eyes as they start to burn a hole into the side of your head.
“There, are you happy now? Bossy,” you snap a little annoyed with his attitude.
“Not yet. Eat,” he replies, softly but firmly with a sigh, handing you a sandwich before he runs his long fingers through his hair once again. 
Stiles helps you sit up and get as comfortable as you can, which is for some reason particularly difficult. Before finally leaving the room. You sigh to yourself as you start eating, settling back against the pillows, doing your best not to read too much into his actions or the silence that fills the moments. Clearly he’s worried, which you can understand, all things considered. So you try to rest while you eat. Though, you’re really hoping he won't be long in returning. 
You rest back against the pillow after placing the plate on the side. Grabbing the pillow from beside you, the one that Stiles had been using, so that you can hold it close and inhale his scent. 
You let out a needy whine as the need to have Stiles mate with you returns, like a burning wildfire, and you moan as your hips roll against nothing. Biting your lip hard as you breathe out a shuddering breath. Running your fingers through your hair while trying to get your breathing under control. 
You’d only ever experienced this extreme longing once before, earlier today, in Deaton’s office. 
Right before Stiles had to be physically ripped away from you and you were practically dry humping him in front of everyone. You stare at your closed door, fingers tightening in the sheets beneath you, as your breathing quickly becomes more rapid. Pulling off the duvet so that the cool air can soothe your naked body, you can feel the heat as it rolls away from you. Your chest heaves when you hear the floorboards creaking just outside your bedroom, your hearing like all of your other senses are on high alert. Your door creaks open and his scent hits you like a truck. You let out a shuddering breath as your legs drop open.
Stiles walks into the room unbuttoning his jeans as he makes a few long strides towards the bed, his eyes locked on your body.
“Do you need anything else?” Stiles questions you stiffly, as he tosses his t-shirt across the room.
“Just you, I’m so beyond ready for you.” You reply in a breathless moan, licking your lips as he pulls off his jeans and boxers, leaving him completely bare.
He fists his cock and pumps up and down a few times as he looks you over, a cocky smirk pulls at his lips, one you’d only seen on him a handful of times, as his eyes drop to look at your pussy, watching it drip just for him.
“Goddamn, that pussy is so fucking wet. You want this, baby girl?” he rasps, tugging at his cock as he kneels on the foot of the bed.
He crawls towards you on his hands and knees, and a shiver races up your spine.
“Is this really about to happen?” you whisper in awe as he stops between your spread legs. The awe of so many years waiting leaves you more than a little anxious, suddenly and your confidence slips slightly.
The smile that spreads across his lips is almost predatory, but you don’t mind being his prey, not even for a second.
“You bet your ass it is. About damn time too, if you ask me.” 
You grab his wrist as he reaches for your face and you look into his eyes, and he goes back to looking worried again.
“Stiles… Are you sure you want this? I know, we’ve talked about this a lot at this point. It’s just that I’ve known that I wanted you…and this, for years. You’ve only had a few days to decide, I don’t want you to wake up one day and resent me. This is forever… if we do this. I can’t stand the thought of you hating me,” you whisper, suddenly feeling vulnerable, you glance down at your hands now resting on his chest. You’re annoying yourself with your rambling, but you can’t have him coming to regret this one day.
“Sadie, look at me,” Stiles commands and it washes over you like a calming balm. Almost like he’s somehow controlling you with a gentle nudge of your chin, you lift your eyes to meet his eyes once more. He cups your cheek gently, “you won’t be able to understand this right now, but maybe one day you will, if you decide to become like me. This pull that I feel towards you isn’t completely sexual. Don’t get me wrong, there’s that part of me, a big part right now, that wants to claim you, possess you…” he growls out the last few words and you can’t help but smile when he shakes his head a little, like he’s clearing the fog. 
“Sorry,” he clears his throat, before continuing, “this will sound cheesy but you’re here,” he takes your hand and rests it over his heart. “I can feel you, it’s so deep rooted and pure, you centre me, you’re my other half. You make me feel more in control than I ever have.” 
“You’re cute when you ramble,” you can’t help but giggle as a tear slides down your cheek. You cup his cheeks, letting your fingers slide into the hair at the back of his head, you gently tug and he groans, letting his forehead drop down onto yours.
“Cute enough that you’re convinced?” he rasps against your lips, before he kisses away the tear.
You reach out and link his fingers with your own, letting them drop down either side of your head as you lay back, Stiles follows you, his forehead never leaving yours.
“Please, I’m ready,” you whisper against his lips.
“Whatever you want, my little Minx.” He rumbles, his voice like a caress in all of the right places. 
Right before his lips descend on yours, much more gently than you’d been expecting. Your fingers tighten their grip as Stiles lowers his body on top of yours, the feel of your skin pressed so tightly against his sends sparks across your skin. 
When he starts to nip at your collar bone you grip his body tightly. 
“No foreplay, Stiles. Please, I can’t wait anymore.” You whimper desperately clinging to his back, doing your utmost to pull him closer.
Stiles chuckles, softly brushing his fingers over your hip, “we can’t rush this too fast, at least let me make sure you’re ready for me.”
His tone is deep and husky, causing shivers to run over your entire body.
“Trust me, I’m ready.” You smirk at him as his lips brush the place his fingers have just left. You arch against the feeling.
“Hmm, let me check anyway. You can never be too sure,” he grins, forcefully tugging your legs over his shoulders, causing you to giggle as you run your fingers through his hair. 
He looks up at you and licks his lips, those chocolate brown eyes flashing purple for just a few seconds, before he dips his head and his tongue slowly laps at your clit. His fingers tighten on your thighs when you try to push into the feeling, desperate for more contact. You can’t hold in the whimper when he slides two fingers inside you, and his tongue starts to lap faster as he curls his fingers inside you.
Your muscles begin to clamp down around the intrusion as shivers race through your body. You give his hair a harsh tug, causing him to hiss against you, before a growl begins low in his throat. 
“Stiles, please!” You beg, continuing to claw desperately at anything you can reach as you feel the first flutters of your orgasm.
“Stay still, Mate.” Stiles growls his demand roughly, in a voice that no longer sounds like his own. He sucks on your clit a little harder and begins to scissor his fingers, before adding a third finger. You squeal at the tight fit, and throw your head back and grip the headboard behind you as you roll your hips against his onslaught. 
“Hold it. Don’t you dare come, little Minx. Save it for my cock.”
You squeeze your eyes shut tight and feel the blissful burn of your orgasm begin, right before Stiles pulls away completely. Your eyes snap open, anger burning through your veins until you watch him slip his fingers between his lips, sucking the taste of you from them as his other hand wraps around his thick cock and strokes it with firm tugs.
“Naughty girl,” he smirks, releasing himself and dropping so his body covers yours with his hands either side of your shoulders. You feel his cock nudging at your entrance and you whimper, arching your back, desperate for him to fill you and mark you as his. 
You bite your lip and nod at him as you hook a leg over his hip, and you both groan in unison when the bulbous head of his cock nudges at your entrance.
“Look at me,” he whispers softly as he gets down on his elbows and his lips graze yours.
Your mouth drops open and you suck in a deep breath, as the head of his cock is pushed inside of you, his thumb grazes your bottom lip and he licks his own lips as he pushes inside a little further.
“Oh god, Stiles,” you whine, throwing your head to the side and offering him the side of your neck.
“Mmmm, such a good girl. Your pussy is so fucking tight, fits like a glove, baby girl.” He withdraws almost all of the way, before slowly pushing forward and filling you a little more than the first time. You can hardly breathe, lost in a state of ecstasy, as his lips brush soft kisses along your neck. He licks over the place he wants to mark you several times, and you feel his rumble of pleasure before you hear it.
The pain is ebbing away and you're starting to feel more pleasure than you thought was possible, you hook your other leg over Stiles’ other hip and dig your heels into his firm ass. Stiles practically snarls as he snaps his hips forward fully filling you, before you can comprehend what’s happened an orgasm rips through you, one so powerful you almost don't feel his fangs and teeth as they sink into your neck as a possessive rumble fills the room. You don’t realise you’ve screamed until you hear banging at your bedroom door.
Stiles gently pulls away, seemingly uncaring of the shouting at the door as he laps at the mark on your neck, practically purring like a kitten as his hips begin moving, with long and deep thrusts. 
“Fuck off!” You half shout, half moan. 
Your fingers sink into the skin of his back as he bares his neck to you. You don’t even know if it will work if you mark him as human, but when you look at his skin you could swear you see the perfect place to bite him, almost as if it’s calling to you. 
Stiles moans as you lap at the skin, inhaling deeply before you sink your own teeth into his neck, groaning at the taste. You feel him shudder above you as he releases inside you. Before his knot latches inside you tightly, locking him with you for the next few minutes at least. You smile to yourself as you lick at the mark you’ve left behind briefly, hearing the contented noises of your mate. Stiles pulls the sheets over your bodies as he curls protectively around you.
“Mine. My Mate.” 
You giggle as he squeezes you tightly and nuzzles your mark once more, kissing it softly, before he buries his face in your hair and slips a leg between yours. Almost as if he needs as much skin touching as possible. He wraps his arms around you and you sigh as the rightness of the situation settles over you. Snuggling back against his chest, you can feel his pride at being your Mate and you can’t help but grin.
“Thank you for waiting for me, I’m sorry I took so long, Minx,” he whispers almost sadly.
“I would’ve waited forever for you, Stiles Stilinski,” you reply just as quietly, wrapping your arms around the arm you can reach. 
“Now sleep,” you rasp feeling the tiredness already catching up with you.
Next Morning
You wake with a start, a moan tearing from your lips as Stiles laps at your clit, before he sucks it between his lips with a rumbling moan. You let out a squeak when your door starts to slowly open, feeling Stiles chuckling against you, but he refuses to move no matter how much you push at his head. In fact, he makes matters worse by gripping your thighs tightly and pushing them wide. You bite your lip hard when he doubles his efforts, and Liam comes into view. 
Suddenly Stiles moves, his body so quick to cover yours and he glares at the man currently in the doorway.
“Mine. Don’t look at her. Get the fuck out, now.” He snarls in a voice similar to the one he used on you yesterday, it almost reminded you of an Alpha voice, but surely that couldn’t be right. 
Liam flinches, but you had to give him his due, he held his ground and instead of leaving he dropped his eyes to look at your floor. 
“Stiles, stop it. He knows who I belong to, baby. Breathe,” you murmur calmingly, carefully stroking his cheek, as he moves his eyes to yours and leans into your touch. He huffs and moves just slightly to rest his head against your chest.
You can’t help but whimper when his cock nudges at your entrance, “what do you want, Liam?” you ask shakily, since you're sure whatever reason he’s in here must be important. From what you understood, mated couples shouldn’t be disturbed for the first few days of mating. 
Liam seems to swallow hard, “Scott was worried after yesterday, he wanted me to check if you two needed food or anything? Especially with how bad Sadie was yesterday.” He practically whispers, seemingly only addressing Stiles.
‘Is this fucker trying to say I can’t look after my mate.’ 
“Nobody is saying that, Stiles,” you sigh, softly running your fingers through his hair.
Stiles suddenly sits up, still covering you but he stares at you shocked, and by the look on Liam's face something strange had just happened, something that you’d clearly missed. Maybe it was a werewolf thing.
“Thanks Liam, we’ll be out in a minute,” Stiles whispers brokenly as he continues to stare at you in awe.
Liam leaves, and Stiles is beginning to make you nervous as you watch each other silently.
‘Can you hear me?’ Stiles asks and you gasp in shock, because although you hear his voice as clear as day his mouth didn’t move. 
“What’s happening?” you ask, suddenly extremely worried. 
“I didn’t say any of that outloud, Baby. Deaton did say this was possible. He told me, right after you passed out, but he also said it would only happen after you became like me. We have a mindlink baby, you can hear what I’m thinking and I can hear you.” 
“Wait, what? That’s a thing?” you question in confusion, considering you’d never heard your brother speak of such things before.
“It’s extremely rare. Usually it’s unheard of, I guess my mystical ass got a few extra perks,” he grins at you wiggling his eyebrows at you.
You giggle then suddenly you wonder ‘can he hear you?’
“Oh I can hear you, dirty girl. Want me to finish what I started?” he growls as his cock is pushed slowly back inside you.
You cry out in pleasure when he begins to thrust hard and fast, as if from nowhere and without any warning your body reacts instantly. You shiver as your body quickly heats at the sudden invasion, but he moves his fingers to your clit and begins circling the small tight bundle of nerves in firm circles, in time with his movements.
Stiles groans when you suddenly stop him, with a gentle hand on his chest, he’s reluctant to stop but he rolls onto his back. Especially once he realises what’s happening. He quickly helps you sit up, managing to keep his cock still buried deep inside you, so that you can’t help but whimper at how he’s somehow so much deeper at this angle. His eyes lock on yours as you get comfortable, and the connection between you sizzles like a live wire.
“Take it slow, Baby, you’re so fucking hot and I’m so damn deep, I don’t wanna hurt you.”
“You worry too much, Stiles, we were made for each other. I can more than handle you,” you moan out as you rest your hands on his chest and give an experimental roll of your hips, letting your nails dig into his skin, enjoying the way his grip tightens on you. Feeling a mix of pleasure and pain smash into you as you angle your hips just right. Arching your back as you continue to move, you try to push through it, keeping your eyes locked on Stiles’.
“Fuck you’re sexy, so damn beautiful.”
Your pussy starts to flutter and clamp down tightly around him at his words, “good girl, right there,” Stiles groans, his eyes locked on yours. You bite your lip and keep up your pace, feeling as though your body has a mind of its own as you chase your orgasm. Stiles grips your ass roughly with his long fingers, as he slams his hips up to meet yours and you still can’t quite believe how deep he is.
The sound of skin slapping against skin is intoxicating, as Stiles sits up wrapping your hair around his fist, tugging until your back arches and your breasts push out. He quickly latches onto one of your nipples and gives a firm suck, softly dragging his teeth over the sensitive flesh when you let out another loud cry of pleasure. Your orgasm is so close, that when he pulls away from your breast and presses his face in your neck and drags his nose over your claiming mark you violently shiver.
You rake your nails over his chest as he bites into your newly marked skin, lapping at it forcefully, causing your pussy to clench around him and more slick to run down his length. He pulls back to watch as both of your breathing increases, “My Alpha, please, gonna come,” you all but squeak, watching him closely as his eyes glow purple.
‘Mmm, I can feel it,’ he purrs inside your head, before you know what's happened he flips you both, so you're trapped beneath him. Getting up on his knees, he grips your thighs and pushes your legs back against your body. Forcing himself so much deeper than before, you practically scream as an orgasm rips through your body, Stiles’ fingers dig into your skin as your eyes fly open to lock onto his once more, feeling as his knot begins to catch inside you.
‘Your eyes are purple’ Stiles states with so much emotion, you feel tears begin to form in your eyes and you don’t know why.
Stiles lets out a growl as he finally knots you and you feel his warmth push inside you, he carefully releases your legs and you let them drop to the bed as Stiles’ body covers yours. Your chests heave against one another as he lays in your arms.
“Once we catch our breaths we should probably go down and speak to everyone, at least for a little while,” you whisper regretfully, hearing him let out a huff of annoyance. 
“Fine. Although, just to be clear I would love nothing more than chaining you to this bed and fucking you all day,” he rasps, kissing your sensitive flesh of your mark.
“Trust me, I would let you. But we need to make sure everything is okay. I don’t think they would interrupt just because Scott was concerned I hadn’t eaten,” you whisper running your fingers through his hair softly.
“You’re probably right, but please stay close, Minx. I don’t know how I’ll react to unmated males being near you at the minute, but I could guess.”
You carefully push his head up, so his eyes meet yours once again, “just try and remember, I’m wearing your mark, though even if I wasn’t, I have no interest in anyone who isn’t you.” You promise gently cupping his cheek. Stiles softly kisses your lips as he slowly pulls out, and you can’t help but let out a noise between a gasp and a whimper at the feeling.
“Sore?” he asks softly, you can hear the concern, but you can’t stop the laugh that bubbles up because he sounds very pleased with himself right now.
He sits up carefully with a shit eating grin plastered to his face, “shut up,” you laugh finally sitting up yourself. You take his undershirt which he hands you, before you pull on a fresh pair of painties and some loose fitting pants.
Stiles tosses on his plaid shirt and pulls up his underwear and jeans, tugging you to his side before you can leave, he wraps his hand around yours. He presses a soft kiss to your forehead and then you leave the safety of your room, doing your best not to wince with every step. When you come to the bottom step your mother and Scott are just walking inside, before you can go to hug them, Stiles pulls you back to him as Liam stands to help them with the groceries. 
You turn to look at him, finding those purple eyes glaring at everyone who isn’t a family member, “Stop it. You know I’m safe here.”
Stiles snaps his eyes to yours and shakes his head, and you can feel everyone's eyes on the two of you.
“It’s not them. None of them. Someone’s close, someone who doesn’t belong.” 
Everything happens so fast, Stiles locks eyes with Scott and sure enough you watch as your brother’s eyes begin to glow that deep red.
Stiles moves to stand by Scott, handing you off to Lydia and Allison. Liam steps in front of you as your mother stands beside you all.
“Stay here,” Scott and Stiles whisper in unison, moving as one to head out the front door.
Tags: @julzdec @lettersofwrittencollective @mogaruke @all-alone-he-turns-to-stone @lilulo-12 @charmed-asylum @defenderrosetyler @emilyshurley @foxyjwls007 @mylovelydame21 @akshi8278 @peaches007 @stylesismyhubs @peachyyybabyy @fantasy-myth1 @death-unbecomes-you @coffeebooksandfandom @magssteenkamp @screamxqueenx94 @brien-odylan @riseandshinelittleblossom @ceceliaking-18 @mrs-mitch-rapp93 @missindecision @deans-number-one-fan @onethirstyunicorn @flintthegoodboyo @ilovewriting06 @sexualtensiongrowing @you-dont-know-me-got-it
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Text
BUSHWHACKED
A TIME CAPSULE AU SHOWTIME ONESHOT
AU credit @mangotangerinepastry @the-amazing-digital-time-capsule
A/N: a non-canon alternate sequence of events when Caine and Pomni fall into that bush at The Anniversary Ball
WARNING: make out
~~~
He tripped over the trail of her dress and fell into the bush next to the path, taking Pomni with him. Pomni fell back first into the mulch between the plants. Caine went into the bush itself and rolled over on top of her. He braced himself up by his hands and took a moment to focus, the whole world was starting to spin in the wrong direction for him.
Pomni froze, bracing her hands on Caine's shoulders to keep him from collapsing on top of her. He blinked the haze away and made eye contact with her. Pomni wetted her lips nervously as neither of them moved. “Are we-...are you…going to get up?” She asked with no real urgency.
“Do you really want me to?” Caine's voice dropped an octave, his eyes half lidded with unmasked desire.
Pomni hooked her fingers in his tie and gently pulled him down. “No.”
Caine lowered himself onto his elbows, closed his eyes, and very carefully pressed his bottom teeth to her waiting lips. She was everything he dreamed and more. So soft. So gentle. The alcohol in his system had nothing on what holding her like this was for him. For a moment, he could pretend he wasn't a prisoner of time.
Pomni felt him relax with a soft sigh. Her hand on his tie held the back of his neck, her other hand cupped the side of his jaw. She felt protected, having him over her like this. He shielded her from the horrors of the capsule, and with him against her lips she could only focus on him.
Caine would've been satisfied with this, but Pomni moved her lips. She curiously kissed against different teeth. His breath caught when she lightly sucked at his front gums. His whole body tensed and he tangled his fingers in her styled hair. His teeth parted slightly to exhale hotly. "Do that again." He whispered.
Pomni held his head down as she fervently kissed his gums just below his front bottom teeth. Caine moved slowly against her, adjusting to what felt good. The best he could do in return was press himself to her mouth, wordlessly begging for her. When Pomni licked up his teeth, he shuddered. A new texture, a new experience, all Pomni.
"You feel so good." Caine said breathlessly. He didn't trust himself to move against her. He kept his hands strictly in her hair or the back of her neck for new angles, but the rest of him was still. He let her do as she pleased.
"So do you. I didn't think I would enjoy kissing teeth this much." She chuckled at herself.
Caine's teeth opened just enough for him to see her. "I didn't think you would either. Thank you for putting a fear to rest."
Pomni hands wandered down Caine's shoulders, to the buttons on his jacket. "I wonder what other parts of you I would enjoy..."
Caine about fainted from overheating. His neck was so red it looked sunburnt. "You're going to be the death of me." He lowered his teeth to her jaw, lightly nipping at her skin, working his way down to her neck.
Pomni's eager hands popped the buttons to the jacket to feel closer to his skin. His thin dress shirt hid nothing from her exploring fingers. Her ankle dragged up the side of Caine's leg until her knee rested against his hip.
Caine risked a touch. His hand broke free of her soft hair and lightly held her thigh just above her knee. Pomni moaning lightly was his reward. He wished he had a tongue to taste her skin fully. The gentle bites would do. Her touching him and making noises he's only ever heard in dreams was more than he ever thought he'd receive.
Pomni sighed contently and leaned back against his hand cradling the back of her head. "You have no idea how long I've wanted this."
Caine lifted his head to look her in the eye. "If it's anywhere near as long as my desire, I'd say a while. You're wonderful, Pomni. I've never wanted this with anyone before. You're...a lot of firsts."
Pomni smiled gently and held a long soft kiss to his teeth. "Then I'm honored. We don't have to go farther than this..."
"I think BUBLE would hang me by my fingertips if I did."
"When the guests leave?"
"That's a different story." Caine giggled and kissed her.
Pomni smiled into the kiss and gripped his shirt to hold him close to her. His thumb caressed pleasant circles on her knee. They experience each other in a romantic slow dance in the hidden shadows of the gardens. It was bliss.
"CAINE! HEY!! CAINE!? YOU HERE!?"
Until reality reminded them it existed. Gangle came rushing through the gardens looking for the Ringmaster. He was needed back at the party.
Caine and Pomni got up in a panic, furiously wiping mulch off each other and trying to look presentable. Caine couldn't close his jacket, some of the buttons were snagged on Pomni's dress. His shirt was half untucked and his hat went missing when he stood up too fast. Pomni's hair was an absolute disaster, completely disheveled. Her makeup was ruined and she still had bits of mulch stuck to the trail of her dress.
Gangle came around the corner, seeing the couple trying desperately to pull themselves together. She covered her mouth with her hands, not to hide shock, but to hide her smile. This was some of the best teasing material she could ever ask for. She was never going to let them hear the end of this.
"Oh, hey, Gangle." Pomni waved nervously while trying to fix her hair.
"Hey. Having a little fun mid party? I had a feeling you liked to live dangerously, Pomni, but CAINE!? Mr. By the Book? My my my my my, this is interesting." Gangle's smirk came through her voice.
"Not a word." Caine grumbled as he finally got unsnagged from Pomni and fixed his uniform.
~~~
A/N: Okay! I think I got Time Capsule out of my system for the time being! What was I doing before this..?
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kenzryesblog · 2 days
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Sylus x MC
Where are my panties?
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It started out as an accident. Really that's what Sylus told himself. Okay no it wasn't an accident. But all he could think about was how sweet she smelled when She had walked past on her way to shower. How could anyone smell that sweet and delicious especially after working out. He had been testing her strength and endurance. When really it was testing *his* strength and endurance to keep away from her. His hands clenched around the flimsy fabric which he had snatched from her laundry hamper in her room, his back against the wall as he pressed the soft fabric against his nostrils, taking a big whiff. God the scent was.. erotic. Making his lower stomach tingle, his other hand traveled down as he let out a groan. God he was so hard for her, all this cause of her. Her sweet scent. The way her body flexes when they fight against one another. Maybe he did want her to get stronger or maybe he liked to pin her down and sneakily inhale the scent of her sweat. See how sweet she smells when she's sweating and out of breath. All underneath him, at his mercy. Like predator and prey. He's like a lion on his next hunt.
Her voice rang out throughout the house as she searched for Sylus. Where was this man seriously? She heard the sound of panting and something.. erotic. Her steps faltered as she saw the small crack in the door. A gulp was taken by her as she swallowed down the lump in her throat. Her hand pressed against the door a slight creak and she heard him curse under his breath.
Typical. He got caught and is probably gonna try and look for an excuse. Before he could react she was already pushing open the door shutting it behind her. Her eyes zeroing in immediately, looking at his hard cock wrapped in her panties. A nice pair of black lacy ones he bought her. The hemming had slight frills at the top being sexy yet cute.
The way he was stationed on the bed, completely naked on his knees rubbing the fabric of her panties up and down his cock. In slow and steady strokes. It was pathetic. She just stood there watching, her tongue swiping over her lips.
The creaking of the door alerted him to her presence and he scrambled around trying to hide himself. She composed herself and clicked her tongue slipping inside.
"I've already seen it all, might as well continue. This is so disgustingly pathetic you know?"
"Couldn't wait till i got home so you're using my used panties to get off?"
Sylus quite literally begged her to let him touch her. Wanting to run his hands over her soft curves. He was a mess, his cock aching for a release especially inside her. It was always so warm and tight no matter how many times they did it. But she didn't repent ,and maybe that's one of the things he found so hot about her. Her authority and confidence to put her foot down and punish him.
There he sat in the arm chair stroking his cock with the fabric of her panties, his mouth stuffed with another pair of hers. She was watching him with little interest as she gave commands. Stop. Go. Stop. Faster. Stop. No don't start again. Over and over. It was edging him to a point he was crying and whining through the fabric around his teeth.
The woman watched him tilting her head, a few inches away from . So close yet so far. He looked at her with the softest look begging for her help, for anything she'd give up. So she leaned real close, where he could feel her breath ghosting over his painfully hard cock. Pre-cum dribbling out the tip and down his cock head. She spat down at the tip and used her forefinger to rub it against the cum before pulling back with a scoff. She watched the way his cock had twitched at the contact. His hips jerking at her simple touch. Soon enough his hips were thrusting against her hands as she rubbed her panties up and down his length.
She looked down as he whimpered crying out. His red eyes tearing up as he finally came. It came gushing out dampening the lace fabric of her panties even more.
"God you're so pathetic, You really got off from this?"
There was a smirk as she let the panties dangle from her finger before setting them aside and climbing into his lap straddling him. She felt his cock flinch and tap against her thigh. The poor angry red cockhead edged and overstimulated. Well she wasn't done. The woman was just getting started.
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alastwhorez · 11 hours
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may i request something where reader watches alastor undress. him slowly taking off his coat… sliding off the straps of his suspenders… rolling his sleeves up to his elbows…
Talking Body
♡ Pairing: Human!Alastor x Afab!Reader
♡ summary: Alastor has been neglecting you lately, so he decides to give you a show.
♡ warnings: 18+, MDNI, stripping, needy reader, neglected reader, masturbation, voyeurism, bodily fluids, Alastor is a tease, pet names. I think that is everything.
♡ an: Thank you so much for the request. I hope you enjoy! Not proofread, possible spelling errors
The day was long and boring. Being a stay at home wife you tend to run out of things to do by the end of the week. All the chores were finished and dinner was in the oven.
You were glad it was finally time for your husband to get home. You've missed him dearly. He has been working late hours at the radio station the past several weeks. Not returning home till late in the night, long after you have finally gone to sleep. This morning however Alastor had promised you he would be home on time. Telling you he had a surprise for you.
Since your husband has been working late he has started to neglect you intimately. Alastor was never one for physical contact but he always made sure you were taken care of.
You checked the clock and saw you still had about an hour before he should return Home and another twenty minutes for the food to cook. You decided it was a perfect time to take care of the ache between your legs.
You spread out on the couch, hiked your dress up over your hips and pulled the top down to expose your tits. Your hand trailed down your body till you found your Clothed cunt. You push your panties to the side and rub your finger up and down before finding your bundle of nerves. After a few minutes you slip a finger inside and start pumping.
You whine because it's not as good as Alastors cock, doesn't stretch you the same way. You speed up fingers trying to find release when the door slams Open.
Alastor is standing in the doorway with flowers and a shocked look on his face when his eyes land on you. You gasp and stop moving.
“My my my, what is my lovely wife doing?” He says smirking in a teasing tone.
Your mouth hangs open not knowing how to respond. “Couldn't wait for your dear old husband to come home? Tsk tsk tsk” He shakes his head back and forth. “Just what am I going to do with you darlin'?”
He shuts the door with his foot as he walks into the living room, playing the flowers on the coffee table. He grabs your hand and takes you to your shared bedroom.
He pushes you down gently to sit on the bed as he grabs a chair and places it in front of you in the middle of the room. He sits down and spreads his legs wide.
“I suppose I have been neglectful these past few weeks, but that doesn't mean you're allowed to touch yourself.”
You whine in embarrassment
“Now you're going to be a good girl and sit there and behave yourself. Bad girls don't get rewarded.”
You nod your head as you bite your lip
“You're going to keep those pretty eyes on me and you aren't going to move a muscle. Understand love?
You nod again and he whispers good girl.
You watch as Alastor takes off his jacket and hat, sitting them beside you on the bed, then you watch as he loosens his bowtie, pulling the fabric and twisting his head back and forth. Next he unbuttons the sleeve of his shirt and slowly starts to roll the right sleeve, exporting his toned, tanned arms, next me moves to the left side rolling even slower.
His eyes stay on you the whole time, a slight smirk on his face when you fidget on the bed and play with your fingers.
He spreads his legs further apart as he trails his hand slowly down his body stopping at his belt, he tilts his head to the side when your breath hitches. Laughing he slowly undoes the buckles and makes a shower of pulling the leather out of his lands. He folds it up and sits it beside you.
He runs his hand back up his chest and stops at his bowtie. He removes it, throwing it towards you. He fists his suspenders before slowly sliding them off his shoulders and removing them completely. His hand then lands on the first button of his shirt. He slowly starts unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time.
Your legs are rubbing together at this point and you're fisting the sheets on the bed. Alastor is smirking at you as he continues to agonizingly Slow undoing his shirt. When He finishes he lets it hang open and you have to hold back a groan from how delicious he looks.
He slowly lets the fabric fall down his shoulders then His arms, letting it hit the floor. He leans back in the chair and stretches. You watch as his Muscles Flex as he moves. He raises an eyebrow at you as you rub your legs together harder.
His hands run back down his chest and stop at his pants. He lifts his hips up slowly then sits back down. He unbuttons them and slowly slides the zipper down. His eyes are trained on you as he pushes them down his hips then down his legs. He folds them and sits them on the bed then he removes his socks next.
He's left in nothing but his boxers and you moan at the sight. He chuckles as your flushed face. You've hiked your dress back up because of your fisting the fabric. You can see the outline Of his cock and a wet spot forming on his boxers. He lifts his hips and slowly slides them down,leaving them forgotten on the floor.
You suck in a breath at his naked figure. His cock stands tall, leaking. He notices you biting your lip and decides to tease you some more. He wants to see how long you can control yourself.
He fists his cock, giving it a squeeze before lazily stroking it.
“Alastor” you say breathlessly and be chuckles
“What darlin'? I said good girls get rewarded and you've been a bad girl. Touching yourself While I'm Gone”
You whine
You can see the tip glisten from how much he is leaking. it's spilling over onto his fist acting as lubrication. He speeds up his first and moans your name as he throws his head back. While he isn't looking you lean back and spread your legs, pulling your panties down.
When Alastor looks back at you he is met with your cunt on full display and his breath hitches. You suck a finger into your mouth before it finds your bundle of nerves And you start rubbing. You throw your head back and moan, back arching.
He says your Name more stern this time and you moan out his name “Oh Alastor, faster”
He groans and his fist Matches the speed of your finger. Your other hand comes down and you slip a finger in then two. He cups his balls as he watches you matching your pace.
You're both moaning and growing, trying to outlast the other.
“fuck” He curses. Something he hardly ever does. “Look at you. All spread out and giving me a show. So pretty baby, prettiest I've ever seen ya.”
“Alastor! Yes, just like that” you scream as you add a third finger and speed up your pumping.
Alastor grits his teeth feeling his release coming. Your back arches as you feel yours.
“Squeezing me so well baby, pussy was made for me”
You moan feeling that familiar heat flood your senses. You scream his name as you cum all over your fingers.
Alastor moans your name, his eyes rolling back as he shoots his load all over his first. The sight of you pushing him over the edge.
You both sit there for a moment catching your breath. Alastor gets up out of the chair and crawls on top of you.
“That Was a good show darlin’ but how ‘bout I give you the real thing?”
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turnfires-secret · 17 hours
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" Experiment "
ALBEDO X MALE READER SMUT
Bottom Albedo, Aphrodisiacs, Biting / Marking
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Sex with Albedo is never boring. Being an alchemist, he comes up with all sorts of strange devices, elixirs and creations. Most recently, he had developed an enhancement elixir. One that could boost the taker’s combat and elemental abilities. The only drawback, however, was that before the effects begin to take effect, the elixir basically worked as an aphrodisiac. Since this was his latest creation, and creations needed testing… the amount of intercourse the two of you have been having had increased significantly. 
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 Its calm in the living room of your shared house, reading wasn’t usually one of your hobbies but on certain days it just feels right. From within the room Albedo had turned into an at-home lab you could hear some light crashing and the sound of something, or someone bumping into things. It wasn’t too uncommon of a sound. Though, 2 minutes later Albedo walks out of his lab looking more dishelved than usual. His hair that was usually done up and tidy had strands out of place, the result of running his hands through his hair. The collar to his blue button up shirt was undone aswell. 
He looks dazed as he walks over to where your sitting, taking the book from your hands, closing it and gently setting it aside. It’s cute how he straddles your lap and cuddles into your shoulder. You can tell his body is starting to burn up, his breathing is deeper than usual. Tell-tail signs that he had been experimenting with more aphrodisiac. 
“Again? I’m starting to think your just experimenting with that stuff so you can have sex”
Theres a small audible groan from him before he replies.
“Flase, While i do enjoy engaging in such acts with you, i have infact been making significant steps in my research…”
“Mhh~ whatever you say”
Using one hand, you push him backwards against the couch and pin his hands above his head. Your free hand goes down to work to unbutton his shirt. You decide not to take off his shirt fully, leaving it unbuttoned, and hanging off his shoulders. The blond haired man lefts out a small hum as you kiss his neck while your free hand fumbles with his belt and the zipper of his pants. His neck has always been one of your favorite places to mark, to kiss, to bite. Though Albedo doesn’t particularly mind the way small bluish-red bruises seem join the star that has marked his neck since his inception. It was pleasurable, a sign for your bond to him, a constant reminder. 
Freeing Albedo’s cock from the confines of his boxers, you reach down to his hole to find that Albedo seems to have already prep-ed himself for this. How cute. Using some excess lube, you lean down into his neck and slowly start to jerk him off. Using your full hand, then just afew fingers to play with the tip, then just your fingernail to run against the small slit at the top. Compared to your own, Albedo’s cock was smaller, was is strange to think that was hot? Repeating these motions, over and over rewards you with the blond haired man’s breathy moans in your ear as you work your ‘magic’. By way of the aphrodisiac in his system, he cums quicker and more than he usually would. 
Getting back up from where you were previously in te crook of Aledo’s neck you undress yourself, you push his legs forward in order to gain easier access to his hole. Leaning down, you let your lips meet his before slowly pulling away and pushing in. You find yourself buried in his neck, kissing and biting as you set a slow yet rough pace. Your hand comes down from pinning his arms, now more focused on keeping yourself stable. A pace that the chief alchemist clearly enjoys by the way his nails dig into the skin of your back and the small pleasured hums that escape his lips. It was slow but rough and hard. It jolted Albedo’s body back every time. It made it feel like every time you pushed in, it’d hit deeper and deeper. Each thrust was like clockwork, your cock hitting so deep inside that he swears he could feel it in his head. It sent the equivalent of a shockwave of pleasure through his body every single thrust.
“M-mh~ Ah~ Y-You can go a-a bit faster”
You do and the small hums turn into audible breathy moans and whines. This new faster pace only served to intensify it all. The pace, forceful and rough was almost violent. Despite this Albedo found his aphrodisiac infused body enjoying the sensation to the fullest. Usually it’d feel like his body was being ripped in two, however the aphrodisiac worked it magic making this near-violent somewhat painful pace you set feel like celestia on earth. 
Albedo had moved on from simply digging is nails into your back, now he was holding you against himself as a way to stabilize himself, as a way to not stray too deep into pleasure. However, you can tell the alchemist is close by the way his insides clench around you, the way he gets louder. 
“Ah- Mh~ aah~! I’m going to- mh~! Y-Y/N~”
With such an angelic voice like that, how could you resist? Fucking him just abit harder you both eventually cum in tandem with each other, both of you taking afew second to catch your breath. Albedo, the ever hard worker, uses his arms to prop himself up as you slide your dick out of his body. Staring down as your cum begins to leak out, ee lets out a almost tired sounding hum before mumbling something along the lines of:
“ Be a shame to let this go to waste, perhaps i could use it in an experiment…”
He turns his attention to you, kissing you gently before getting out from under you, his pants left disgraded on the living room floor and his shirt unbuttoned. He was always so resourceful, weather that was a good thing or not way yet to be seen… 
Oh well… It’s not like you could be mad at him for too long. 
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afawnable · 23 hours
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★ . . . god I'm newly eighteen and I'm so fucking horny. so to try and fix it I'm being the worst student known to man. turning up late. wearing the shortest skirts to show off my bare pussy. the thinnest tops with no bra so people will stare at my boobs. all so that I'll piss off my teachers so much. that they'll drag me to the staff room and lock the door.
★ . . . tell me to strip naked. and when i refuse they force me down. ripping and cutting the clothes off my body. not caring that they are literal scraps on the floor. a slut like me doesn't deserve clothes. especially when I've been such a bad girl. they'll take turns punishing me.
★ . . . spanking my ass till it's redder than the apple I stole from my math teacher that one time. then shoving my holes full of sex toys. forcing me to take orgasm after orgasm. all of them laughing at me while abusing my poor swollen cunt.
★ . . . writing words all over my body in permanent marker. like 'free use slut' 'cum dump' 'brain dead fuck toy' 'rape toy' 'breeding bitch' and more. and just as I'm about to pass out they slap me awake and drug me with asphoradic.
★ . . . telling me the main event is about to begin. forcing me to suck off and eat out all of my teachers while apologising for being such a bad girl. before forcing me to take multiple dicks at a time. stuffing me full of cum. taking me in multiple positions. recording me in the process so they can jake off to the video's later.
★ . . . they make sure all my holes get bred. to the the point where I'm covered in so much cum it's disgusting. but don't worry any cum that doesn't find it's way into my holes they'll make me lick myself self clean. a bitch like me shouldn't waste perfectly good cum.
★ . . . at one point the female teachers start feeling neglected and a bit left out while the male teacher rape all my holes. so they get out there straps and have there way with me. suffocating me while making me suckle on there massive tits forcing me to drink their milk like a good girl.
★ . . . and when my mouth isn't busy sucking on big fat heavy breasts it's it's busy chocking on nine inch straps and sucking on fat juicy pussy lips. the are loaded with my cum so I'm forced to taste myself over and over again.
★ . . . suddenly the door opens and in walks the principal vice principal and the school parent committee. the moment I see them I beg for them to help me to save me from his mess. but they just join in stripping down to nothing and joining in on the fun.
★ . . . I don't know at what point I stopped fighting them. maybe when they tied me down to the coffee table and started pouring hot wax over me. or maybe it was when I felt all of those hands touch and grope me. twisting my nipples leaving angry red bites and hickeys all over my body and shoving stuff in my holes to keep me nice and plugged. wouldn't want any of that spilling out now would we?
★ . . . or maybe it was when my best friends mom was riding my face. while she smacked my tits red with a flog. smacking harder when she noticed I slowed down telling me to put more effort in saying it was the reason I was such a bad student. and scolded me for being a bad influence on her daughter
★ . . . "thank god my sweet jessie is nothing like this, your enjoying this aren't you getting fucked like some cheap whore god but god do you have a talent with that tongue of yours. if I had it my way i'd lock you in my basement and keep you as my pet how does that sound? I'd buy you a nice shiny collar keep you in tight skimpy outfits or better yet nothing at all, turn you into mine and my husbands favorite bitch. what was that? no? I can't hear you guess your mouth is so full of pussy it's left you speachless not like i'd give a whore like you a say anyway."
★ . . . while my or three other friends dads filled me up with there dicks. two in my pussy and one in my ass. the three of them casually talking about work and fishing. and all discussing how my parents should take advantage of having such a slut daughter.
★ . . . "if I had one like her I wouldn't stop raping her no matter how many time I would get her pregnant, not to mention she would make a fortune if I rented her out. not that a slut like you would mind isn't that right sweetie. oh my wife would love you, young dumb and so willing to spread your legs. I can't blame for jason wanting to be friends with you"
★ . . . all of them agreeing to inquire if they could 'borrow' me a couple times a week. and continued to fuck me while my teachers graded my tests from final week. all naked and now nursing glasses of wine as they enjoyed watching me get fucked to death.
★ . . . eventually the principal vice principal and the school parent committee all had to leave. but not after taking there fare share of photo's and video's of my messy fucked out form. while also covering me in one final orgasm. before stepping over my limp abused body. leaving without another look.
★ . . . leaving me with my teacher once again. who first scolded me for failing all my test. before beginning my punishment. but stopped for a second when I cried saying my parents are waiting for me. see I had been trapped in the staff room all day and the sun was minutes away from setting. but they all told me not to worry as they had called my parents to let them know I will be taking private tutoring sessions which require me to stay in school full time. and they shouldn't expect me home for the foreseeable future. and to my horror they agreed signing the legal paper work with out batting an eye.
★ . . . "your folks were rather eager to sign you over to us, though I can blame them a stupid fucking whore like you could test even a saints patience. oh don't cry love we've found something your actually good at, being a brain dead slut! isn't that amazing?"
★ . . . and with that my punishment began. rape me till I was pregnant. which I didn't even have the energy to fight. as I was too tired and not on birth control. so I was definitely getting knocked up. and there was nothing I could do to stop it. while they all whisper filthy words in my ear. about how I'll definitely get pregnant with there rape baby. so I'll be forced to drop out and have to rely on them. but I shouldn't worry they'll all take turns looking after me. locking me up in there homes. keeping me naked well fucked and full of cum. letting them and there partners heck even there parents have there way with me. like the true whore that I am. but that was for later !!
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lunarharp · 8 months
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wip thing...
of my bg3 avatar hellebore. i also did some casual nude studies of my 3 characters which i'll put under a cut... rather unlike me after all. (so WARNING for abrupt non-sexual full Artistic nudity lol...,,,,) (< won't be making a habit of this)
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they mean the world to me
#bg3 spoilers#?? idk. gith look so..Emaciated. And long. i guess we don't eat on the astral plane :) anyway..well..too much to say.....#it is very very very depressing having to live in the Real World after that final playthrough meant so very much to me.#i normally feel Hope & suchlike after finishing a highly immersive emotional game..but it's too hard this time and it hurtsssss lol yippee#i appreciate bg3 very much for being a place where i could access the concept of nudity & such like in a way that finally felt comfortable.#bodies are inherently non-sexual. they just Are a Fact of Life. this game being NORMAL about nudity from the character creation screen#makes it possible for someone like me to actually have a chance at accessing sensuality in a way that feels comfortable from there.#dont feel like putting it into words further. im ace. just very grateful to this game. even despite the horrors i will never ever forget it#augoh..gugf.. want to go back. my friends & love are in there.....i'm supposed to just move on? in the real world??? THIS place???? UHH????#my characters canonically look like that too!! i see them as intersex and not so much trans. They just look that way.#Diversity win!!! the people who enacted horrors upon you and are trying to kill you again respect your pronouns!!!! <3#I FAILED HONOUR MODE IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE..ACCIDENTALLY TOUCHED AN ITEM. MY LOVER TOUCHED SOME BLOOD-TOUCHED RAG ITEM @ THE CRECHE#AND MY PEOPLE MASSACRED US... YOU BELOVED PRAT. OF COURSE IT WOULD BE YOU AND IN THIS WAY#grateful for love triangle chaos...INTENSE EX DRAMA... IT HAD MAJOR REPURCUSSIONS THIS TIME...ohh so very much happened ohh my dear#truly don't know how to face the Real World now for real. I Don't Know. something has snapped. ive realised twt just makes me feel sad lol#if something in my spare time isn't at least half as fun as bg3....like.. it's not good enough. god we only have one wild and precious life#being Online makes me feel a loneliness so wretched and painful and horrible i really don't think this is the answer.#Why did you even start drawing in the first place? Why did you start this?#For real..the need to work this out and decide what on earth i'm going to do now has presented itself. Why try to get better..why be online#someone who has an imagination that can keep them so happy and fulfilled...has no business also feeling a loneliness as profound as this.#why was someone THIS introverted and withdrawn and anxious also cursed with such a restlessness?#What are you going to DO now? because hellebore and their lover are fine....... So what about you...?#hellebore..😭😭 AUUGHH!! I JUST WANT TO GO TO MY BED IN THE INN...PLAY ON MY VIOLIN THAT'S WHAT I'D DO!!!! i'd drink some ALE DAMNIT!!!!!#i was rereading My Lesbian Experience With Loneliness- the only time i've seen this level of emotional isolation depicted-and was grateful.#but then i read her latest book and now she has a debilitating substance abuse situation and it's upsetting.#I hope she finds what she was looking for. I hope we all make it. kind of wild that i dont do such major self-sabotage at this point myself#I truly think anyone who manages to find dear friends and achieve fulfillment and happiness with others outside themselves are amazing.#I see it happen from my tower. i hope we all make it. I hope we can make it through everything to come.#Why did i say all this on drawings of my characters naked. ah who even cares any more......
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adore-gregor · 7 months
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soooo
#guys i'm dating someone again 🤭#and i rly hope it works out better this time 🥺#i already think i'm starting to fall for him adgjk#we had a 2nd date this week and it was good#i just feel comfortable around this guy honestly more than with the last one#it's also happening slower like no kiss on the first date lol altough it was good then i'm not mad about it#it makes me feel less pressured#the first date we went on a little walk (actually up a pretty steep hill in the city xd but with a lovely view) and then coffee#2nd date we went for breakfast and i'll probably see him again next week 🥰#and yeah this he's just so sweet and genuine i love that 🥺 i don't feel judged by him and it all feels more effortless#(with the other guy honestly i did at times feel intimidated about how he had his life together and that he'd judge me for mine lol)#also he's much more my type looks wise what i typically like he has such a cute smile and warm eyes 🥰 and also he's reaaaally tall haha#he's over 2m tall to be exact 😆 but not in an intimidating way and i'm also quite tall so i like this fact 🙈#but one thing which was so cute is when we met how his face lit up omg 🥺 and like how he looked at me 🥰#(the other guy was mostly hot in the very athletic fit body way with this one i find him attractive overall and also kind of cute)#and yeah i keep thinking about him and if i should text him but i never really know what to text 😂 i'm the worst texter#at times i don't even text my best friend like it's never personal i'm just better to meet in person hahah#and i'm just much happier these days thinking about him dgjkll 🤭🤭
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gibbearish · 9 months
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the thing with autism right. is i know if i was having a full mental health crisis what i would end up doing is going to the emergency room and being like "hello, my name is (x) birthday (y), um i was hoping to talk to you about potential mental health inpatient care? i'm currently having a mental health crisis and don't think i can be trusted on my own" like if there's one thing i can be sure will live on in me no matter how hard the brainworms try. is my fucking customer service voice
#like itll be busted as fuck because ill be freaking out but you bet ill be sobbing my way through verbally drafting an email#ive done it before‚ like im a frustrated crier and once i start crying i cant turn it off so ive had a couple times where i had a breakdown#at work‚ cried about it a lot‚ and my lead pulled me into a meeting room after i calmed down to check in#and as soon as i started talking it just started again so i had to be like 'sorry th-this is just something m-m-my bod-dy does‚ i-i'm calm#m-mentally but i just c-cant turn this-is off‚ just try to i-ignore HIC it and f-f-focus-s on the w-wwwords‚#(tired of crytyping so just mentally fill it in yourself in everything else i say)#n they offered me more time to chill but im like no really i genuinely am calm‚ i calm down wayyy before my body does its gonna#keep doing this on and off all day‚ it takes hours for it to fully calm down and is on a hair trigger the entire time#so thinking about this will make it kick back up again no matter what unless we talk tomorrow‚ so if youre ok with bearing with me then cool#and theyre like. dang ok and just focused on what i said#or much more recently i was talking to my roommate‚ stopped‚ held up a finger + stood there silently for ten seconds‚#then was like 'sorry about that‚ i think i have to throw up. excuse me for a moment. what was that? oh gotcha yeah i'll message you if i#need anything‚ thank you'#and just typing it out like that it sounds like i was fine and just saw it coming a ways away. however that is not the case#i had had my covid booster and some other vaccine earlier that day‚ lost 5 vials of blood‚ eaten Nothing‚ drank only#acidic-ass apple juice‚ and had just hit my vape too hard#keeping it in once it made its presence known was a feat of will the likes of which have never been seen before#and still my sentences prevail
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screampied · 16 days
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𝜗𝜚 CHECKED THE RACK ?!
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☆ sum. bóob obsessed jjk men who just can keep their hands off of you, their sweet sweet wife. toji, choso, gojo, geto, nanami.
warnings 𝜗𝜚 . fem! reader, wife reader, feral handsy men, bóob fondling, unprotected, cowgirl, dry humping, praise, dirty talk, lactátion fantasizes, brief face-fucking, bréeding mentions, implied multiple rounds, overstim, petnames.
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☆ SATORU GOJO.
“god, really missed my girls,” satoru huffs, sucking in a single sharp breath as he buries his face right between your breasts.
you gasp, feeling him lick a single long stripe down the sloping valley of your chest before he roves his tongue to teasingly lap near your perked nipple. he takes a single whiff, and he’s enticed. satoru was always a clingy man. you had his cock stilled inside of your cunt the entire time you laid back against the cushioned mattress. despite it being so early in the morning, he couldn’t help but want more, want you.
pristine white tresses of hair rub up against your chest as he nuzzles further into you. “mhm, seems like they missed me too, mwah,” he kisses your left breast, feeling you cutely writhe. satoru’s still reclined back against the king-sized bed before he shoots you a sleazy grin. “tell me somethin’,” he whispers, and his hands suddenly grab onto your unsteady hips. you moan—feeling him start to leisurely rock you quicker into him. the bulbous curve of his shaft makes your legs merely collapse inward. “you touched yourself today, sweets? while i was work, hm?”
“n- no,” a soft whisper sprints out of your lips as you watch his hands tenderly guide your hips back and forth. you’re drenching his cock with your sweet syrupy sap, clamping down mercilessly within each sloppy thrust. so good, you bit down at the bottom of your lip before your tits start to bounce again. satoru glances straight toward them and he almost moans himself. the way they slap back against your chest. pap pap pap, he feels himself get harder the more he stares at your loud tits hitting against you, his cock sporadically and shamelessly twitching inside of you.
“no?” he repeats, and he noticed how your eyes dart away for a split second as you speak in a hushed voice. as his fat shaft continues to deeply barrel inside of your puffed cunt, he hums, cupping one of your springy soft breasts. “ ‘course ya did, you sent me those soapy pics of you in the bath on my break,” shit. you completely forgot, and you now start to whine as you’re just bouncing on his cock. your head fills up with nothing but clouded empty thoughts—not a single thought in your mind but the longing anticipation of satoru pumping you full of yet another thick load.
ruthlessly, the skin of your own starts to smack back onto your chest over and over as you thoroughly dig the centers of your knees into his thighs. “silly girl,” the white haired man playfully taps against your forehead, giving it a soft dumbing knock. ‘m making that my wallpaper by the way. fuckin’ sexy.”
as you’re whimpering the same repeated cacophonies of his name, you gasp, feeling his palm softly swat against your tits. “fuck, satoru!” you clench down on your jaw and your hips continue to sway. it was a tender delicate spank against your breasts, but he grunts once he feels your pussy squeeze against him the second he does it. you liked it. your body, he knew it—he knew every part of it, and he found it cute how you always responded to his lewd antics. “hngh, ‘m not gonna last, ‘s still sensitive, ‘toru.”
“you’re a kinky ‘lil thing, huh,” he lips curve into sly simper once he hears your cute hiss. you’re growing dumber and dumber the more your ass pounds against him and the brief sting makes him groan. his fat thick base sits right underneath you and you feel how full it is, so swollen. your mouth starts to salivate at the realization of just how deep he’s inside—merrily massaging your gummy clingy walls. satoru loved more than anything to give you a good filling after a long day of work. it was his treat to you, and he couldn’t resist when you were just so sweet. “ooh. like that?” he purrs, and you moan once he then gives your nipples a squeeze with two stubby fingers. fuck, your legs were shaking and he felt it—your body was a ticking time bomb. “yeah, yeah you do. pussy’s a sloppy dead giveaway, angel.”
“sato—ugh,” you moan, and he goes back to sucking on your tits. even whilst buried between your chest, he’s so pretty. satoru’s got the biggest cheekiest grin plastered on his lips as he’s got nothing but your boobs in his mouth. you’re still riding him but once his tongue slurps against your sensitive nipple - it’s over. your brain short circuits and your hands grab onto his hair hard. he’s drooling all down your chest and yet he doesn’t care about being messy. his tongue traces everywhere down your skin until he’s just tenderly sucking at any spot his lips can reach. “fuck, fuck, m- more please.”
“my wife’s got such a pretty body,” he groans, his lips ‘popping’ loudly once he removes your boob from his lips. glossy strands tear away from the slim cracks of his mouth before he rubs a thumb over your throbbing nipple. “y’know what though,” and his voice lowers. you gulp, still having his dick idle inside of your sopping cunt before he leans up close to your ear, pressing a hand down on your tummy. “you’d be an even prettier mommy. think ‘m ready ‘ta see that tummy round ‘n plump again, sweets.”
☆ TOJI FUSHIGURUO
“ah, ah babygirl. hold still, need ‘ta give the twins some extra lovin’ too,” a raspy voice whispers against the back of your ear.
you moan, slumping back against your husband’s chest. he still had his work clothes on and he’s just came back from home. it’s late evening, dusk preparing to set and yet—the first thing he made sure to do was to touch his pretty wife everywhere.
his bare scarred hands softly grab against both of your breasts, making them playfully bounce in his palms. “no bra too? such a good girl.”
“t- toji,” you whimper, almost forgetting that his cock was still buried deep inside of you. hes not even moving, you’re not even moving and yet you feel his thick heavy cock plummet through your goopy insides. he’s always been a clingy man, you knew that, and if it wasn’t your ass toji fushiguro was utterly obsessed with, it was your tits.
you were wearing nothing but a silky ivory colored nightgown. he peeped at how your perky nipples would rub and poke out against the showy soft fabric and he hums in sly amusement.
your hips were slow, painfully slow.
you were barely moving, but his cock was very much keeping your gummy insides occupied. his touch was fiery hot and you collapse back against his chest before feeling his lips kiss down your neck. “fuck, i still have to m- make dinner.”
“no need, hon,” he huskily snickers, and you let off another moan once he gives both of your breasts a firm squeeze. he’s obsessed, the rotund prints of his thumbs couldn’t resist to swipe and swerve all across your sensitive nipples just to feel you squirm and writhe on his cock.
oh, you could never stay still and it was his favorite thing about you. you cutely shiver from his touch, leaning into his grasp before hearing your own cunt squelch.
it’s screaming out a pretty sloshing ‘pop’ sound that echoes through the thin peeling dry walls and a wry smile compresses against toji’s lips. “already got my dinner right fuckin’ here,” and you moan once one of his hands creep down toward the curvature of your ass, giving it a soft spank. “ah, never said you could stop ridin’ me, pretty mama. work those hips more f’me. chop chop.”
“ngh, toji i’m gonna cu— oh!” you shriek, and as your jerking hips start to pick up again, slamming meaner and quicker against his lap, you gush right out. you end up cumming far earlier than you anticipated, all thanks to his rude blushing tip repeatedly kissing and mashing up against your most sweetest spots. you’ve never felt more dumb. you’re at a lost for words, stupidly dumbfounded. you’re moaning out inaudible whimpers as you hear your slick mess slosh down right between your pried open thighs. toji grunts, feeling your honeyed mess spray and cream all down his twitching lengthy shaft. his cock’s still plugged into your greedy pussy as your legs now grow limp. toji’s got his hands glued back on your tits and he playfully gives them a few bounces. “f- fuck.”
“did ya just cum from me playin’ with yer tits, baby?” he coos, a wolffish grin spreading against his lips.
so hot, your legs continue to spasm before squeezing shut, keeping his dick inside. you could barely even swallow without moaning out little whimpers of his name as your tongue’s just casually lolled out of your mouth.
“aw,” he tsks, giving your nipples that poke through your blouse a kittenish pinch. you’re weakly grinding against his lap whilst he’s whispering sweet nothings to you from behind. you’ve never felt more sensitive—and ripples surge all through your body as you ride out your orgasm, hearing toji’s breath get more rasp against the shell of your ear. “there there babygirl, ‘s okay. relax,” he whispers in a gruff tone as one of his hands slide down your body. you twitch from his callused fingers slithering down your chest. “such a messy cutie, should play with y’er tits more often if ya get like this, heh.”
☆ NANAMI KENTO.
“thought about you today at work,” nanami purrs, a husky baritone smoothing underneath his tone. your drooling wet pussy was so so closed to milking him yet again, and he’s just in awe at how you ride him good—bouncing on his fat cock with droopy half-open eyes. he’s exhausted, he’s been up and about his feet all day everyday, same old same old nine to five job but he was missing you. and now that he had you, he was clingy. nanami kento was clingy, so clingy to the point where you had to pry his hands off. he’s got you riding him in his creaking wooden rocking chair whilst he’s got a flustered grin curling against his slick glossed lips. “thought about you ‘n these pretty girls too.”
right as he said that though, he’s got two big hands squeezing against your tits, cupping them each in such a delicate manner. you gasp, continuing to rock back and forth against his halfway pulled down silk slacks before you moan. “fuck, ‘ken,” and his touch was so tender. his fingertips trace everywhere—every crevice and corner of your body. you still had your bra clasped on and he can’t help but openly gawk.
your wobbly hips continue to swivel all around him as your ass rigorously throws itself on his lap, smack smack smacking away. it feels sharp, your unpredictable movements that were once in sync with his grew more and more unsteady and it makes the aging rocking chair behave more and more rickety. it’s pathetically crying from the pounds of hefty weight crushing against it. “mhm,” you mewl through gritted teeth and your hands softly grab onto his wide wrists. a thumb of yours ghosts against the band of his rolex and he shoots you a needy grin. “kento, you never answered my question.”
“hm? oh,” there’s a playful glint in his eye, and you moan again once his head goes right between your springy tits. he’s showering every exposed area with a multitude of wet chaste kisses, making sure your skin knows who’s making it feel good - him. “oh, my day was fine sweetheart,” and a drawing hot breath gets stuck in the back of your throat, feeling his sly tongue slowly and playfully lap down the valley of your breasts. “mhm, so fine,” and his voice drops lower and lower. your hips start to slow down with seconds and he’s just toying with you. nanami’s hands now slither further down to toward your quavery hips. “my day’s even better now that i’m spendin’ it with my pretty wifey.”
and you let off a sweetened three second moan once he starts to latch his glistening lips against your swollen neglected nipples. shaggy blond strands of hair tickle against the upper part of your chest as he starts to suck, closing his eyes and allowing his mind to roam. “ah, i remember when milk used to come from here, my love,” he grunts, shifting between each tit — he’s tender, making sure to take his time whilst his hardened cock’s still hidden inside of your puffy cunt. nanami’s cupping each hand over your breasts before his gentle fawn eyes meet yours. the tip of his tongue swirls around your achy nipple before he groans right into your chest. “thinkin’ about that makes me wanna put another baby in you, sweetheart. f- fuck, all swollen ‘n plump. you’d like that?”
“y- yes,” you moan, and your hips start to frantically pick up again. the angered plump crownhead of nanami’s cock extends through each pivotal thrust and you feel it. the curving hook of his cock repeatedly thrashes up inside of you and you’ve never felt more full. he’s just so deep, you bite back a moan or two before your breathing starts to catch up with you. he’s tapping against a spongy texture and it makes your thighs squeeze together in sudden rapture. “want another baby, please. give me another..another baby,” your words start to chop as your hips become sloppy. your pussy’s got his entire cock slobbering down from the veiny sides with your sap and he grunts at the sloshing slickness.
“give you?” nanami softly rasps, and he raises a blond eyebrow at your needy demand. “oh, baby. that’s not how we ask. c’mon, be a big girl ‘n ask me the right way, sweet thing,” and he grazes a thumb over your pouting lip, kissing it gingerly. “talk to me nice, my love.”
as his cock roughly punctuates inside of you within each exaggerated thrust, you toss your arms over him, whimpering loudly. “please, please can i have another baby, ‘ken. breed me, make me full. want it so bad, want you.” and he leans in to kiss you. it’s passionate, his lips dance against yours whilst his tongue slides into your mouth, demanding access. you moan, feeling his solid weight continue to anchor into yours. slamming, he’s got your hips working to the bone and it makes him groan. nanami’s hand go back toward your tits and he gives them a nice good feel, smiling against your lips once he feels the full doughy mounds bounce and jolt in his hand.
“better be a g-good girl ‘n take it then,” he huffs, stammering over his own words. nanami leans in, going back to sucking against your tits. they slap and move move all against his face due to your rocky hips and a faint grin tugs on both sides of his lips. your hips grind further into him at full speed—full throttle and you moan once one of his hands gives your ass a squeeze which turns into a quick spank. “mhm, that’s it. ride me, honey. milk me, got so much ‘ta give you,” and your skin melts into him the faster you move. skin against skin and it smacks rough, ricocheting against both pounds of flesh and you whimper at the brief twinges of pleasure. each smack against flesh makes your ears ring and it’s only seconds before he’s cumming.
it’s a lot, a thick load of velvety ropes that deeply pours into your aching cunt. it’s so much to where it’s unapologetically dribbling down your thighs in creamy stringy clumps. it can’t fit inside of your cunt—he groans at the realization, cupping your right tit before going back to sucking against it whilst staring you straight in the eyes. “fuck, i- i need a minute,” and he’s gradually feeling his body succumb to defeat as his burly muscles tense underneath his business attire. with your tit still popped in his mouth, nanami shoots you a wry pussy drunk smile before lathering his tongue around your tender nipple. after a few seconds, he takes it out of his mouth before falling back. his and clench underneath his business shirt and he playfully smacks your ass, another hand dramatically fanning himself. “whew.”
☆ CHOSO KAMO.
“a- are you sure?” choso mumbles with a pout, and he’s panting heavily at the sight that’s right before him. you’re on your knees for him whilst your two hands cup under both of your tits. doing so—you show off your pretty nails he paid for about a week ago. you make direct eye contact with his leaking cock. his tip was a pearly pink, swollen with tears of pre-cum spewing from the sides. he’s got a hand wrapped around his length before he exhales. “i just—put it in between..?”
“mhm,” you softly coo, occasionally glancing at the black curly specks of hair that glue near his base. his happy trail, you stare at it for a while, watching his chiseled abs achingly flex before you puff out your bottom lip. “c’mon, baby. nice ‘n slow. ‘s okay. just pretend you’re fuckin’ me.”
an elongated breath gets caught in his throat at your lewd words. just pretend he’s fucking you. choso’s sable dark pupils dilate as he gives his throbbing cock a few single pumps. he’s slow, a thumb of his swipes against a pulsating vein that’s prodding on his skin before he slowly positions his dick between your plump tits. “f- fuck,” he murmurs, watching as two of your hands squeeze your breasts together. so soft, he watches you with cute widened eyes as his achy cock rests in between both of your mounds. choso’s so hard too, it’s almost painful at how much he’s throbbing but it feels too good to shy away. “baby, can you use your mouth too?”
“yeah, ‘cho,” you hum sweetly, and he hears the tease in your tone. it was probably a dumb question and he already felt a hot wave of embarrassment spray over his body. his breath continues to hitch as he sees you—gradually starting to bounce your breasts up and down with his twitching shaft caught between the slick valley. your dewy glossed eyes never leave his, and every few seconds you’d grab his shaft, using a hand to pull it up to your lips for a quick suck. choso whimpers, desperately craving for more. he’s never did such an activity like this before. a boob job, apparently humans call it that. he’s not a stranger when it comes to intimacy but this, he could get used to having his cock between your pretty tender tits. “mhm,” you purse your lips, briefly wrapping them around his sweltering hot tip. he’s close, you could tell he wasn’t gonna last long and the bouncing of his thigh gave it away.
“ugh, w- when you use your tongue, i—” he cuts off, a keen gasp ripping out from his vocal chords. you drag his leaky pulsating tip to smear around your nipples before popping it right back into your mouth. choso takes a mental image of this entire scenario, storing it in the back of his mind. but he just couldn’t take it anymore. “fuck it.”
you let off a sheepish giggle before it’s your turn to gasp once choso’s hand suddenly grabs the back of your head. you look up at him and he moans, pushing your head all the way down until his tip greets against the roof of your mouth. the edges of your nails pierce into his thighs as you’re now being face fucked, ruthlessly.
your head bobbles up and down continuously as your tits bounce in sync and you’re slobbering all down his cock. lustrous cobwebs of saliva start to string away from your lips and it’s so pretty. he’s trying to luxuriate in the feeling of your warm mouth keeping his cock warm.
so so good, he’s rolling his eyes in pleasure but that’s when you then feel his dick twitch inside your mouth and on your flat tongue once he spots you starting to drool. oh, and that was all it took for him to grow weak. glimmering sheeny strands of saliva cascade past your lips and further down the crack of your chest. it brings a brighter shine to your breasts and he’s never felt more turned on. “fuck, y- you’re so fuckin’ hot, baby,” he babbles, black arched brows contorting together in awe. choso’s tugging at your roots - pulling hard. you’re getting his entire dick wet with the help of your mouth—slurping inch after inch until his mushroom tip’s continuously kissing against the back of your throat. “ohfuckohfuckohfuck.”
as he’s blabbering out the same repeated cries, your eyes briefly widen once he’s shooting gooey ribbons of cum right into your mouth. the bittersweet taste never fails to make you squeeze your eyes shut for a moment. choso’s dick resumes to weakly pump down your throat as his milky hot cum sprays on the center of your pink tongue. twirling your tongue around his tip whilst your hands still play with your pretty breasts, you meet his gaze once he’s shaking—releasing his rough grip against the back of your head. “shit, was i too mean? ‘m sorry, ‘m sorry baby-”
and his voice slowly trails off once you pull his cock out of your mouth, hearing the loud ‘pop’ sound from your lips before you lick the side of your mouth. “i’m okay, ‘cho,” you coo, feeling yourself throb a bit at choso being rough for a change—it was just the image of him shoving you down his cock, watching you play with your tits, gripping hard on your strands all while whining. “you liked that, baby?”
“a lot, actually,” he grows sheepish. but even after the fact, choso can’t help but smear his achy tip against your swollen lips, before softly smacking it against it against your rolled out tongue. you looked a mess - his mess. strands of saliva land on his tip once he brings it toward your lips, watching you give it s quick kiss. but as he glances at your twitching cum-glossed lips, he desperately to kiss you and snatch a taste for himself but he knew he had to wait. choso starts to pant, wrapping all five fingers around his veiny length before stuffing it back between your tits. “one more,” and he lets off a soft moan once you spit on his cock, slimy transclucent drool glissading down the valley of your chest and onto his rosy tip. “you’re so n- nasty, heh. do that again, princess.”
☆ SUGURU GETO
“stay still,” he whispers, and you glance down at geto who’s resting his chin right between your breasts.
they’re all bare and exposed, his favorite view. he’s missed you all day and he couldn’t wait to pounce on his pretty wife. “my, look at these. jus’ waiting for me,” and he cups both of them, giving them bother tender kisses. fat silky covers go over the both of you and just seconds ago, geto was pounding into you raw until your pussy was literally overflowing with velvety ropes of cum. “untouched, i presume?”
“y- yes, sugu,” you breathe, feeling a bit tender from his delicate touch. he grunts, shifting a bit under the plump covers. his cock rests flat against the dull grey sheets before he starts to rut against your leg. a hand of yours finds its way to run through his strands, digging near his tender scalp. “didn’t touch myself all day. waited for you.”
a small hum leaves from him before he brings his crooked lips up toward your right breast. groaning, geto leand in to suck against it—he’s feral, sloppy rutting hips slowly grind against your thigh that’s propped up underneath him as his tongue flicks up and around your nipple. “ah, sugu,” your eyes squeeze shut for a moment as your fingers intertwine with his thin raven locks. his eyes were closed and he was so into it, his tongue circles around your nipple before he slurps—popping sounds shrieking out from his slim reddened lips. “fuck, don’t stop. . please,” and your words only made him grunt more. he didn’t even realize he was humping all up against your leg but he didn’t care.
this place—buried right between your tits, absolute heaven to him. .
he’s so sloppy too, he’s got strands of slippery saliva dripping past his perfect parted lips as he’s snaking his head down the crack of your chest. “oops,” he whispers, dark hooded eyes observing the mess he’s creating. your breasts were all swollen, the centers of your mounds were so shiny all because of his saliva. your nipples were poorly tender and glistening with drool. “sorry, sweetie. couldn’t help myself. had ‘ta get a taste of my favorite girls,” and his words get a bit muffled once he stuffs his face back in between your tits. you giggle but it quickly turns into a sultry long moan once he starts to greedily suck against the other neglected breast. “mhm,” and he groans loudly, the tip of his cock brushing up against your thigh. geto’s wearing sweats but even still, you could feel it. his dick rubbing off against the grey fabric, ticking all against your leg. he’s brick hard and with your tits stuffed in his mouth, it only made him ten times worse.
“fuh— fuck,” he snarls, and his half on boxers continue to snag against your skin. geto’s brows come together before he ends up cumming - it’s so abrupt, his eyes roll back and you can almost hear a whimper leave from his throat. “goddamn,” he huffs, and as his chest heaves in and out, he stares up at you with the most feral expression. his mouth’s open and no words come out anymore for a while—just breathy hot pants and faint whimpers. geto couldn’t have felt anymore embarrassed. damp grey splotches soak and create a patch near the center of his boxers as his hips grow substantially weak. geto’s shuddering, and you pull him close as his head’s buried between your tits. “you drive me c- crazy, y’know,” he moans, and he’s still feeling the sharp after effects. his cock was now soft and flaccid, bulging inside of his cerulean blue boxers that hide underneath his sweats before he pouts on your chest. “got me h- humpin’ your leg ‘n moaning for you, fuck.”
“it’s okay, suguru,” you whisper, silvery fingers still kneading through his hair. his face softens at your reassurance. his eyes meet toward your lips before you give his forehead a kiss. “good boy.”
“s- shut up,” he scoffs, both sides of his cheeks angrily flushing the second those two horrid words slither out of your lips. the audacity, geto’s still laid on top of you as if he’s practically glued against your body. he’s so hot against your skin that both pounds of flesh practically melt against each other. but, geto can’t help but pout more against your chest as he looks up at you, his pride’s nowhere to be found as he’s now happily nuzzling his face into your tits. “say it again, sweetheart,” and he sounds annoyed but he’s actually pleading for more—not only did you make him insanely sensitive but you also made suguru geto whimper. “tch. call me that again. see what happens. f- fuck.”
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gay-fordeath · 29 days
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#dont call anyone im safe im fine im just venting. tw for suicide/self harm/kind of intense language. ideally no ones reading this tho#bro i cant keep living like this#i dread waking up every day so much that i dread even falling asleep#i got insomnia medication in my system and my brain is still like nope absolutely not#i cant keep up at my job even when i am rested enough#i get headaches every other day#my instant mental reaction in the face of stress is to hurt myself (i have not)#like fuck. i work for the disability department of an insurance company#i know for a fact that (probably) every contract stipulates we wont cover disabilities as a result of self inflicted injuries#which is supposed to prevent ppl from taking advantage of the system or whatever#and im always like if someone goes to the lengths of actively injuring themselves to the point of disability#in the name of 'getting out of work'#that person is not 'taking advantage of the system' THAT PERSON IS FUCKING MENTALLY ILL#AND I WOULD KNOW BC I AM ONE OF THOSE PPL#do not come for me on some shit about wanting to disable yourself being morally questionable i cant be concerned abt that rn#i gotta focus on the fact that i hate my life so much id rather break my own right hand than continue it#its an improvement from the active suicidal ideation but its still a symptom of the passive ideation#fucking hell. im too self aware so i absolutely feel like im faking it or making shit up so i can be lazy and not work and whatever#but FUCKING CHRIST theres no way. if i had a choice i wouldnt let myself feel like this.#i just got to a point where i can live alone and support myself. i was so happy and so proud of myself. I don't want to lose that#but god every phone call i have to make for work makes me want to hurt myself. every early morning (and there arent many!!! i mostly work#from home!!!) makes me wish i was dead. i have to sleep for hours after work more often than not. i cant really maintain my living space#theres fucking. mold and discoloration and shit on a bunch of my clothes and some of my bags and shit!!#cause i cant fucking keep my room clean and my basement apartment got fucking humid over the summer and so much moisture got trapped#i constantly have dirty dishes getting moldy before i get to them#i just dont have the fucking energy. i want to take better care of my space. i want to be more social. i just want to go to sleep without#fucking dreading waking up. i wanna go a full week without a headache. i want my stress response to be something other than the intense and#overwhelming desire to cut myself. if i start again i dont know if ill be able to stop and i know i wont be able to keep it to my arms/legs/#easily hidden parts of my body. last breakdown i escalated to my face and i know ill pick up from there.#fuck
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