#Please just let me feel better again
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Me: two days in pain again
Yesterday it was way better
Today: yay pain free
The universe/my body:
Hey, how about feeling like you haven't slept and eaten in days and like even breathing is too exhausting of a task?
Well... Thanks I guess....
#Chaos rambles#I'm so tired of all of this#The way I had started to work out again and then my body just keeps doing shit#Please just let me feel better again#Let me work out#Let me fucking breathe#I needed to put this somewhere#So sry if you're following me and forced to see this
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Wait you guys are actually buying Disney products I thought it was a joke
(READ TAGS FOR FULL CONTEXT Sorry itâs long dies
#Honestly Iâm only bothered bc I feel partially responsible (WTF EGOMANIAC OVER HERE)#I know I canât control other peopleâs spending habits and my own habits are. Less than ideal !!#But when I wanted to spread my love for Wreck it Ralph I didnât want people to get that takeaway đ#IMPORTANT NOTE âźď¸Itâs okay to express your love for something through buying official things !!! That DOESNâT make you a âbad personâ !!!#Still ! I think we have to let ourselves feel bothered by things and we need to be more critical of exploitative companies#Of course I chose to watch inside out 2 with my mom in theaters so Iâm not immune lmao. Also using amazon / Etsy ⌠just as a whole#But if you need help finding Disney movies without supporting them please just ask me!! PLEASE donât use Disney+ if you can avoid it#I know we are all capable of finding our fulfillment from better places. But sometimes itâs hard#Capitalism sucks and yet thatâs how we are endlessly pressured to live :(#Weâre all at different points in our lives. Sometimes self care involves consumerism#Be hopeful that it someday wonât have to#Txt#again Iâm sorry if this comes off as horribly egotistical to even consider being single-handedly responsible for#Social media is bad âŚ. numbers badâŚ. Distorts reality and your perception of yourselfâŚ..#Or as me trying to guilt trip people in any way. Genuinely do what makes you happy but WE CAN BE HAPPIER & HEALTHIER I KNOW WE CAN#Wreck it ralph#Rant#Also sorry I have huge beef with streaming services I donât mean to enforce that on other people but also. Sharing my opinion
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Had a friend recently tell me a funny idea for a couplesâ shirt combo
#sorry iâve been dead for three months. the past yearâs been absolute hell on my cofidence and motivation as an artist#it will unfortunately happen again#also for the record i donât think any of them are stupid. this just feels like something Johnny would do#hanzo hasashi#scorpion mk#kuai liang#sub zero#johnny cage#mortal kombat#mk11#subcagecorp#subscorp#<- fuck it this counts and i want more attention#polyamory#my art#click for better quality#please let this do well iâm so tired of sharing art making me sui/cidal
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#high potential#high potential abc#morgan gillory#adam karadec#my gifs#again. no will not post my gifs at normal times. i do my best work in the middle of the night thats just who i am as a person#also again please feel free to let me know if anything looks off or if you have any suggestions for how to make my gifs better :P#im still learning but im having a lot more fun than i thought i would.#like im having enough fun that im willing to put up with how slow my computer is <3#i will probably gif other shows at some point but bigger fandoms scare me. so#high potential 1x03
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in the amelia pond au, ameliaâs aunt does still send her to therapy between doctor adventures, but since amelia is now secure in the fact that heâs Definitely Real since both rory and mels have also met him and because she lost a tooth last week from tripping on the stairs of the tardis, she doesnât bite any therapists this time around. and besides, her therapist is a very funny lady. she reminds amelia of her doctor, with how her voice will flip and jump in volume and accent and tone on a whim, with how sheâll talk to amelia like theyâre conspiring together. she keeps the pictures amelia draws of the doctor and their adventures for her, even hangs one or two on the walls. she listens very intently to every detail, which no adults in ameliaâs life do save the doctor himself and river song, whenever sheâs around. and best of all, whenever she tells ameliaâs aunt that amelia is doing just fine, donât you worry, sheâll grow out of this, she winks at amelia so that amelia will know her therapist is only playing along to wave away her auntâs suspicion.
it is a little odd, though, that she insists on only being called Missy. but amelia is quite used to odd by now.
#not the point of this post but. please do imagine amelia and rory and mels and the doctor all having escaped from Real Actual Danger#rory has the energy of a cat with its fur all puffed up and looks like heâs either going to start crying or yelling at the doctor#mels is standing on the box the doctor got her so she could see the tardis console better and studying the way he flies it very intently#and amelia is still full of energy and adrenaline and canât stop racing around the tardis like a hyperactive gerbil. because if she stops#she might have to be scared instead but if she can run long enough sheâll forget to be scared at all and when she collapses exhausted all#sheâll have left are the exciting happy memories#and then she misteps racing up the stairs. shouts! the doctor and mels and rory are all at attention immediately. mels moves first but rory#is closer and helps amelia back up. and then the doctor is crouching down in front of her. âlet me see. oh thatâs a lot of blood. thatâs.#how much blood are you able to lose again? its more than this. probably.â ameliaâs whole face hurts. but the doctorâs rambling is familiar.#it helps. and heâs only so talkative when heâs sure he has a solution. besides. roryâs headâs nestled on her shoulder and melâs got her#hands. the doctor wipes blood off her nose and her chin. tilts her head up and goes âaaaâ sticking his tongue out until she does it too.#and he tells her to feel her upper row of teeth with her tongue. she does until she finds the gap.#it still hurts. hurts more when she nudges it with her tongue all bleeding and raw. but she just lost a tooth! and you know what that means.#they have to find it. or else how will the tooth fairy leave her any money?#(the doctor hears her say that to mels as they search. and he glances off to the side and makes a note to go back and make sure it *was* her#aunt leaving her those coins. and not something else. which he does. and finds out her aunt wasnât leaving her any coins at all.#he canât just let that stand! so the doctor becomes amyâs tooth fairy as well.)#and that is how amelia loses a tooth on the tardis.#amelia pond au
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Deacon loves two things: Ymber and digging himself a grave.
Fulj hates one thing: Deacon.
#my characters#waiting on some info on the next commission so i indulged in ocs today bc i doubt i will have as much time for lil comics for a bit#deacon is so devoted hes like yeah i would kill for a deity that could easily kill anything himself but yknow teehee#and fulj just did you tell him you needed therapy also does he even know youd murder in his name#deacon caught red handed haha no of course i havent told him it should be obvious enough haha.... and its in his defense not his name :c#man really does have some issues but i love him so much and hes so devoted but like. unhealthily after a while#he does in fact need a chill pill and therapy but to be fair#ymber has needed therapy for centuries and yet he just bottles it all up and suffers so#its pretty unhealthy until they yell at each other one (1) time bc they are so insecure about things and get mad over very valid reasons#but then theyre like you know what that was necessary and i still want to stay by your side if you let me#and then fulj is like dude hey sorry you seem really happy did you fu- and ymber is like no please stop there we have not#fulj just squinting cause have not is very different than will not but whatever she doesnt wanna think about that with deacon involved ew#and eventually fulj is like hey ymber im sorry to say but i really do hate deacon and i dont even know why but he makes me uncomfortable#while deacon is just. in the room. hearing this and thinking how he knows she thinks hes weird but wow that wording hurts#and ymber doesnt wanna fill in memories better forgotten by fulj which she had forcefully removed#so he just says oh well his hair and clothing are black and you had someone in the past that you might see in him and its not a pleasant en#so you know maybe its that idk#and fulj is then WHATST i was rude to him for someone i cant even remember? lame im gonna try SO HARD to be nice to him now#and deacon just still sitting there with some food like this is v awkward and i wish i could not be here for it#and later he asks ymber about who he resembled and as ymber is descibing her it clicks in deacons head and he gets really sad#that he might somehow remind fulj of the woman she loved before she was punished for loving a mortal#and he feels kinda bad pestering her so much with his curiosities about deities and he kinda gets it#the fact hes close to ymber might remind her at the core that she was once that close with a mortal if not closer#anyway story time in the tags again#im so obsessed with these peeps and i have made them suffer so much but they do all end on a happy note#its still funny and nice to me that while fulj is creeped out by deacon and doesnt like talking to him#he still expresses the most emotions to her - he tries hard to remain serious around ymber and collected and obedient at all times#and when out and about with ymber he has to be intimidating and refuses smiling but fulj?? all sunshine and smiles and emotions easy to rea#and she is just that is so weird go away i hate you
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Focus (Or: The Unfortunate Destiny of Not Running Laps)
(Don't forget to read the warnings, they are v important!)
Kanene's notes: I am here to call out RUOYE!! BECAUSE THIS ENTIRE FIC IS FRUIT OF ITS SMUGNESS WHILE CAPTURING LANG QIANQIU IN THE FOREST. Like for REAL it just stopped, looked at him all :] and then captured him like jhgfdfgh pls stop being so silly it's killing me.
Warnings: This is a tickle fic and is basically an AU based in the idea I had in this post. Long short story with no spoilers: Xie Lian decided to tell the truth sooner to Lang Qianqiu and the boy had time to deal with his feelings and their relationship didn't become too strained, even if they parted ways. Another modification here is that the nameless boy that is always by LQQ side is called Xiao Mengyou, like I've seen he be called in the fandom. Besides that, nothing more! There's brief light bondage (thank u Ruoye) and some feet tickling during lqq's revenge, in case u don't like that. But it's the famous fluff with light angst, tickle fights and lot of silliness. Around 6.500 words.
[~*~]
Lang Quianqui discreetly managed to take in a deep breath, eyes glued on his preceptor, body unconsciously falling into the defensive stance that has been taught to him for years. It was hard to keep himself still. His entire being was thrilling with energy, an adrenaline that had not dissipated since he woke up and realized what day was today. The energy had fed his mind and body constantly as he fell along the main forms and drills theyâve been covering since the start of the day, over and over, each correction of Fang Xin over his posture and handle of sword only serving to make him buzz even more with nerves and the wish to impress him, trying harder and harder to focus until his movements went from stiff and tense to fluid and natural, striving for perfection.
Attentive eyes watched him like a hawk, more staring than normal, looking for something that Lang Qianqiu didnât know if he was hiding well. It made him grip the handle of his sword more firmly and his movements quicker. The prince didnât know if it was just his imagination, and the mask didnât really help in his analyzes, but he could swear that he saw his mentorâs face glimpse into a confused frown as he accidentally kept stammering clumsily through the stances that he had already mastered a few months ago, even being on his best today barely reached the excellency he had every other good day. Still, he continued to strive for perfection.
Training with Fang Xin was⌠incredible. In the last year exactly, for the first time since he was only a kid receiving his first wooden sword, Lang Quianqui felt excited to go train, never once getting bored during the lectures, never going through his lessons unchallenged, each and every teaching pushing him to through his limits in a way that left him thoughtful and expectant to expand them even further, see how far he could get. His Guoshi had a different method of teaching and after his parents saw his improvement after a few months into his classes, together with his clear joy in having them, they gave the adult free reign of his studies, changing his routine as much as he needed, as long as it didnât harm his other responsibilities. They supported them with materials and rooms as necessary and always listened with proud smiles when Lang Quianqui went to ramble to them all they had done and accomplished that day.
Fang Xin valued both the training of his mind and body, much to Lang Quianqui chagrin, especially as he kept dishing out writing punishments and calligraphy exercises that would leave him grumbling about missing the better days with old teachers who would simply have him running laps for slipping into quick naps during their lessons. Usually such commentaries only resulted in more writing and longer punishments, when Fang Xin listened to it. In the end, it was fine. After the initial glooming and pouting, he got to realize how the books that he had to copy always proved to be interesting, challenging his mind with stories and theories he hadnât thought about before and giving him even more ideas to share with his teacher later, who always listened to him carefully, - even with an ever-lasting air of satisfaction that brought a smug glint in his eyes and a pleased hum in his words - no matter how long he spent in his musings, prodding him with questions and small lectures until he arrived to conclusions that would make the adult nod in a hidden pride, or at least, he hoped so. Â
It was no surprise to him to find excitement and anticipation in his mind for each class, wondering what would be the main skill trained today. If they would focus in his flexibility and quick thinking to get the upper hand into surprise attacks and uneven grounds (his mother almost had an heart attack when he fell out of the roof and broke her window with an accidental kick) or his ability to coordinate planned attacks with strong strategies that would exploit his opponentâs weakness and entice his own strengths.
For today, as it seems, they were going to stick with spars and practical learning. It was probably good, with how many mistakes he had already made just during the warming up and how distracted he was today, waiting impatiently for the end of the class. Having a close range exercise that would force him to focus unless he wanted to explain to his preceptor why his mind was flying away, a dangerous but not impossible possibility, was very good, especially because he wouldnât be able to respond his teacher if he asked and Fang Xin would immediately catch his lies or any attempt to stir the topic away and he really, really couldnât risk to get any punishments today.Â
Afterall, Fag Xin Guoshi probably was already extremely displeased with his performance. Even if he was too polite to show. Lang Qianqiu gritted his teeth and embraced himself.Â
There will be no more mistakes from now on. He will do his best!
They circled each other for a few seconds before the buzzing energy became stronger than him and Lang Quianqui jumped in his direction, starting the fight. He feinted an attack on the teacherâs right, jumping away from his defense and immediately falling into another attack. Just like the first blow, this one was quickly blocked and the crown prince was pushed to the side, Fang Xinâs blade pressing against his sword with such a strength that Lang Quianqui had no other option but to start backing up before the sword was pushed to his throat, trying to at least stabilize himself.
âConcentrate on your footwork.â Fang Xin chided, his voice even and calm as always, showing no hint of strain. The arm that was not holding his weapon was curled on his back and he didnât move a single step in his direction. Lang Qianqiu was sure that if he glanced at his forehead, there would be no sweat. He, on the other side, could feel his breath already beginning to speed, arms trembling as he tried to not be overpowered. âThere is always going to be someone stronger and taller than you during war and you canât afford to lose. Donât try to outstrength them because you wonât. Prioritize your speed and versatility.â
âRight!â Lang Qianqiu agreed, immediately dropping himself to the ground, the preceptor's sword passing with a quick gush of wind just inches from his face as he tried to trip the other, rolling around and quickly jumping to straight himself again when more attacks went in his direction.
Fang Xin pivoted around the same spot as the young prince sprinted and threw himself at him in a mix of misleading attacks that attempted to both pull his attention elsewhere and open his guard. Extra, even if rare, punches and kicks tried to make him lose his balance. Itâs been exactly one year, yet Qianqiu hasn't been able to make him move around the arena one bit.
A sudden kick going to his face made the boy yelp and twirl to his left, only to almost get a sword going right to his flank, but blocking it with his blade at the last moment.Â
âFocus.â His teacher remarked, starting a series of strikes aiming for his torso. âPull your sword closer to your body. Youâre paying too much attention in protecting your face and not losing your stance that it leaves your entire flank unprotected.âÂ
As if to prove his own words, his blade quickly aimed to his face, only to be immediately pushed away in a move that wobbled the otherâs grip on the handle. Before the prince could explore that, however, Fang Xin speedly twisted and turned his attack back to his sides. Again, Qianqiu almost didnât manage to rotate his long blade enough to catch it, being pushed away as the sound of metal scraping metal filled the training grounds. âKeep on rolling and jumping, if you must, just do not lose your balance and attention to your surroundings.âÂ
He striked again and, following his words, the young one threw himself on the ground and rolled away. Panting as he straightened himself, he watched his preceptor, reading his sword.
Before he decided to attack, Lang Qianqiu went first, deciding to just make his moves up as he goes. He jumped and twisted, aiming for the neck. He watched as the adult glided aside with an effortless grace and turned to block the blow, pushing the blades upwards, weakening his grip on the sword at an alarming speed. The thought of using their closeness to kick him away had just crossed his mind when a purple and white blur appeared right by his sides and-
He jumped away with a squeal, his lips being pulled in an unexpected smile, hand running to cover his ribs, skin still tingling.
What was that!Â
He turned around, pulling his sword even closer, face red from the embarrassing sound that just escaped from his mouth without his permission.Â
Someone had just tickled him!Â
Still reeling with the sudden bust of energy and tickly sensation, his eyes immediately stopped at Guoshi, staring at him warily, but being only answered with the same calmness and collectedness that always filled his every action and words.
Maybe was it him who�
âDo not charge right back in without correcting your mistakes and very much less without a plan.â Fang Xin went back to his initial stance, one hand holding his sword and the other resting calmly on his back. His posture had no flaws, his lips held no grinning smiles and his voice got no playful cadence that betrayed his serious tune. âRemember what I said, use your speed and versatility. Ready?â
âŚNo, it couldnât be him. The imperial preceptor would never step down to do something as silly and childish as tickling. He probably imagined it?Â
Once more, he watched his surroundings with narrowed, attentive eyes. Maybe it wasâŚ
There he was.
Behind him, on the other side of the arena, his friend smiled at him. Lang Quianqiu shuddered in alarm.Â
Since a couple weeks ago, when Qianqiu had used the otherâs distraction to unleash a playful surprise tickle attack on him, Xiao Mengyou had been using his every opportunity to tickle him senseless back, going even further as to wait the end of his last martial class - when he usually laid on the cold ground to get his breath back - to immediately attack him with pokes and wiggling fingers the very moment Fang Xin Guoshi turned his back and pretended to not hear them fooling around, leaving the prince giggling and squirming until he was tired enough to not immediately get him back as revenge.Â
(Too lost in their own game, none of them noticed the initial moment, when the adult turned back promptly at the squeal of the prince, ready to defend, only to stop and smile amusedly at the joyful friends in front of him, leaving them be and enjoy their own playfulness. There was a deep melancholy pooling in his eyes in that evening.)
Seeing that the attention was still on him, Mengyou made a walking motion with his fingers on his palm and then a thumbs up. Lang Qianqiu felt his eyes wide and he took a wobbly step backwards.
Did he just⌠confirm that he was the one who tickled him?
Watching his face, Xiao Mengyou smiled a tiny grin and nodded.
Lang Qianqiu bristled and started to head into his direction with firm steps. Mengyou frowned and tilted his head to the side, in apparent confusion.
âLang Qianqiu.â The crown prince automatically froze with the clear commanding tune on the otherâs voice, posture straight as he turned around to his teacher, suddenly remembering that they werenât alone in the arena.Â
âYour lesson is not over, yet. Focus.â His Guoshi seemed more amused than annoyed, though. Lang Qianqiu internally exhaled in relief. How embarrassing, his mind was really all over the place today. âLetâs start again.â
Nodding, the younger one went back to his stance, eying his opponent before charging straight in. He swore he listened to Fang Xin huff in exasperation, but the sound of blades colliding resonated louder and quickly pulled his attention back to the spar.
This time it took longer before he got distracted and another poke attacked his armpit as he tried to push his teacherâs hand out of his swordâs handle. He squeaked and jumped backwards, quickly scurrying away as Guoshiâs blade followed him without a rest.
And so, the onslaught of brief, equally light and impossible to ignore, tickly touches kept following him.
A prodding on his side and a loud yelp.
Another poke on his belly and a wheezy snort.
A tickle across his entire spine that made him jump and almost lost track of his teacher.
A scribbling on the back of his neck that pulled a couple of giggles out of his throat and sealed that silly, wobbly smile forever in his face.
All through this, he kept his fight. The adrenaline of waiting for another tickle attack and the wish of stop being so childish, giggling and squirming in front of the person he looked up the most, made him the most focused he has been the entire day, falling and rolling and charging blow after blow, fuelled by the bolts of electricity that ran across his meridians every time he saw a blur of white and purple in his peripheral vision and felt titters bouncing in his throat long before the ticklish feeling even touched him, descending in chuckles and huffs of laughter as he managed to escape another playful attack.
He had just managed to run right behind Fang Xin in an attempt for a surprise attack, when he felt something latch on the back of his robes, scurrying across his neck and jumping in between his articles of clothes. There was no escaping from the loud, surprised shriek that ran from his throat the moment he felt the tickles dig in his armpits, making both of his hands lock on the handle of his sword and his arms to clue to his sides, the attempt of protection being too late to stop the soft - so extremely, absurdly soft - sensation that ran up and down his pits, prodding and drumming and pulling hysterical giggle after hysterical giggle from him. His legs stumbled and his shoulders bounced with the energy and need to squirm away, but he kept his stance.Â
The tickling traveled to his back, scribbling freely on his ribs and poking incessantly his spine until the young prince gave up from his form and turned around in pursue of his attacker, eyes closed from laughter, trying to push whoever was targeting his shoulderblades with so much wiggling and scratching away. His cheeks were in flames with the way squeaky hiccups began appearing in between his crackles.
He tried to open his eyes to better escape and fight his revenge, but there was already tears blurring his vision and, the moment he felt that soft touch worming its way to his sides, all he could do was sheath his sword and swing it around blindly, ignoring how silly he must been looking (he would never forgive himself if he cut Xiao Mengyou by mistake).Â
Strings of âno, no, no, let go!â fell in waterfalls from his mouth, yet they did nothing to stop his sides from being lavished in tiny pinches and a playful spidering. His head was thrown backwards with the force of his laughter as he hugged himself, unsuccessful to himself from being tickled to pieces.
A strong, warm hand was laid on his shoulder and, lost in his laughing fit, Lang Qianqiu almost couldnât catch when Guoshi said to let him go and the tickling feeling magically disappeared.
The prince couldnât help the way he wobbled on the same place, tittering snickers and wheezy chuckles still filling the air, and leaned on Fang Xin, his Guoshi rubbing his shoulder while keeping his other arm tightly close to his body. His face had that expression he always carried when he was about to lecture him and leave another writing assignment, but it disappeared as quick as it came when he noticed Lang Qianqiu watching, his eyes instead twinkling with a suave amusement.
The crown prince had just gotten his breath back when his eyes traveled the rest of the arena and he saw his friend just a few steps of them, looking strangely uncomposed with a red hue painting his face. Lang Quianqiu squinted warily as he noticed his gaze and jumped on the same spot, getting closer.
As he opened his mouth to say something, the prince beated him to it, quickly straightening himself and turning around to bow politely at Fang Xin.
âI request a small break, please, Guoshi!â
Also looking a tad restless, but never losing his posture, Fang Xin nodded, getting his sword and walking away, probably to read some poem book as he always did during their moments of rest. Lang Qianqiu paid him no mind and instead swiftly turned back to his friend, who still looked flushed and confused.
âYour Highness, are you alright? I saw-â
His words morphed to a shriek when the crown prince jumped on him, no other word exchanged or mercy in sight as he energetically clawed his belly, chasing his loud squeaks until a high pitched laughter began to fill the entire arena, promptly making Xiao Mengyou immediately try to muffle it all behind his hands.
âWait! Why!!â
With the flourish of someone who had done this plenty of times before and would continue to do so for plenty times more, Lang Qianqiu simply huffed - half amused and half annoyed - and turned around, successfully sitting on his legs and trapping him in a very tickly destiny. Mengyou, with the same ease of someone who had been in this situation plenty of times before and knew very well about his future fate, started to squirm and trash much before he felt his shoes being pulled out, pleas falling from his lips like raindrops during the summer.
âYou Highness, no! Not my feet, please, please! You know, you know I am the most ticklish there. Your Highness, just leave them alonEHEHE! NOHO!â
Lang Qianqiu did not, in fact, leave them alone. Instead, he dodge a kick - not before leaving a few scribbles on that sole for his trouble - and grabbed his other feet, holding his ankle down in a firm but gentle grip and spidering his fingers from the lowest point of his heel to his toes in a way that he knew it would leave his childhood friend crazy, watching with a smirk as he clamped his hands even harder over his mouth. Still, he was unsuccessful to muffle the uncontrollable crackles and squeals at each tiny scribble that escaped from his lungs. For this he blushed even more, kicks getting more energetic.Â
Mengyou tried to roll away and escape, but, since the attack that hit Lang Qianqiu a couple of moments ago had been unrelenting, following his every move and tickling him everywhere, so was his comeback. His blunt nails chased his squirming no matter where, delivering scratches across his entire sole and focusing his pokes and scribbles on the sensitive spots he already knew it tickled the most.
The crown prince huffed with no heat when another strings of pleas and a few protests mingled together with the stray screeches that he managed to fish every time he concentrated his tickling right in the middle of his arch, changing from soft touches, full of circles being drawn slowly on the sensitive skin, to scratching it with no mercy, hysterical giggles and bubbly laughter dancing mingled in the air. Finally, when another squeaky âYour Highnessâ escaped his friend, Lang Qianqiu declared enough. He turned around fiercely and crossed his arms, staring directly at his friend, who barely watched him back with how much squinting in a big smile his eyes were.
âYou were the first one to start it! Even attacking me in front of Fang Xin Guoshi.â Just the reminder of how he completely lost his composure and giggled like a kid in the middle of the fight made his cheeks burn hot. The fact that the other simply kept watching him with gleaming eyes and restless titters also didnât help. âDonât you think I am being fair?â
Xiao Mengyou kept snickering and snickering, head turning around in an attempt to hide his silly, disheveled state. Lang Qianqiu almost pouted with how even the most ruthless attack to his most ticklish spot couldnât make him stop hiding his face.
When more moments flew away with him staring at his friend and the other being lost in a mess of giddy giggles, he reached skillfully behind him for his toes, burying his wiggling fingers right under them and spidering energetically, a joyful smirk appearing easily in his face at how this finally made Mengyou low his arms and sit up, trying to push him off his legs without any real force.
Seemingly as his words finally sank on the otherâs mind, Mengyou answered. âYou t- attacked me first that day! I was only getting revenge.â A snort flew from his lips and his face got even redder. âItâs been such a long time, too, Your Highness. Why tickle me back now?!âÂ
Lang Qianqiu was speechless. âSuch a long time? That is it!â
He got out of the otherâs legs, waiting as he took his breath back.
His childhood friend looked at the crown prince with a mix of surprise and wariness. Lang Qianqiu took the opportunity to turn around and run his gaze across the arena, noticing that Fang Xin Guoshi was nowhere to be seen. Uh. Maybe he got hungry and went to grab a snack? Well, since he still had some business to complete, Lang Qianqiu didnât care to think too much about it.
His golden eyes glinted with mischief when they turned back to stare at Mengyou, who jolted on the same place and braced himself.
âLetâs have a tickle fight.â Lang Qianqiu copied him, also preparing himself, determination clear in every trace of his expression. Mengyou felt slightly amused with how serious he was taking this. âThe first one to surrender wins and the loser canât get revenge anytime soon.â
Mengyou looked thoughtfully at him and the crown prince was sure that his friend havenât made his mind, and yet wasted no time in looking for the perfect place to strike, somewhere that would make him boneless and closer to surrender, that would make him forget everything besides how much it tickled and swapped his energy quickly. He found himself doing just the same, eyes locking on his knees before they widened in realization.
âWait!â He scrambled to take off his own boots. âNow we are even.â
âYour feet arenât as ticklish as mine, Your Highness.â As it always did, his voice stumbled just the tiniest bit over the word âticklishâ, but it still maintained a grumbling tone. Lang Qianqiu held his chin pensitive. âAnd the imperial preceptor will be back soon, there is no need.â
He was right.Â
âMy sides are my most ticklish spot.â As he conceded, the crown prince began pulling the string that kept his stash together, robes starting to loose up as well. âThat is fine, I will just take off my upper robes.â
âDo not!â In a flash, there were hands pulling his away and quickly tying his stash firmly back. Mengyouâs voice stumbled again, tune equally serious and a tad hysterical. âWhat are you thinking, Your Highness?! What if Fang Xin Guoshi comes back or your parents decide to oversee your lessons today? How will we explain if they see you in that state? It would be irresponsible of you at least and shameless at worst!âÂ
Properly admonished, Qianqiu let out an awkward laugh, scratching the back of his head. âI didnât think about that.â Then he shook himself and focused on the matter at hand, gold, intense eyes watching Xiao Mengyou again. âWe must have a fair tickle fight, still. I canât have it any other way!â
Sigh. âItâs easier to worm my hands on your robes than for you to do the same with my boots during a ti⌠our fight. I will just put my shoes back.â
Lang Qianqiu gaped at him. âHow is that fair? Youâre hiding your ticklish spot while you just said itâs easier to get mine!â
âWell, you already got me there!â
âYouâre making excuses, you tickle me on my sides all the time!â
âYes, just like now.â
âExact- wait, wh-â But before he could finish, Xiao Mengyou was already jumping on him, skilled fingers working their way to his sides and squeezing in a much more energetically determined way than his attack during his lessons, making his muscles lock up in place as squeaking laughter immediately escaped from his lips. Before he could lose all his force to the laughter, the crown prince attacked back, and soon two sets of giggles, squeals and crackling laughter were filling the air.
Until the sighing mentor came and declared the break over, even if there was still a different kind of gleam in his eyes.
The same gleam that stared now right back at him, in the middle of that forest, centuries later, with the former king of YongâAn alone and Fang Xin, no, Xie Lian being accompanied by the very own Ghost King, his friend.
Lang Qianqiu tried to escape the white silk that had so suddenly wrapped itself around him and rendered the younger martial god immobile on the floor. It was futile.
âWhat is this!â He tried to wiggle and squirm, but the fabric kept a firm, yet non bruising, hold on him. Like this, there was no way he could show his former Guoshi how he had grown his combating skills and how he probably could, if not take him in an equal fight, at least be a worthy opponent. An explosive indignation at the unfairness of Xie Lianâs tactic began flaring on him. âLet me go, this is not fair!â
âYou didnât specify that we should only use swords in our fight. Ruoye is my weapon, afterall.â If Lang Qianqiu had ever doubted that Xie Lian was indeed his old mentor, all of it would be gone now. The scolding, teaching tone was just the same, even after all the time. Although, it felt more tired, now. Older. âBesides, you should always be prepared for your opponent using unhanded tactics and surprise ambushes. If this was a real combat, you'd be dead already.â
Hua Cheng chuckled and for a moment Lang Qianqiu felt a wave of deja-vu wash over him, reminding the younger one about a similar situation when he had been rendered immobile in the past.Â
(That is right, Qianqiu realized, with shame beginning to fight against him and prickle his skin, his Guoshi had been there too, hadnât he?)
After such a true, yet unforgiving point, his lips pressed into a thin line, displeased. It was all just the same and infinitely different from those days when he was a teenager.Â
For one, even with everything, Xie Lian seemed much more carefree. It was in the teasing tilt of his smile as he kneeled closer, in the slight slouch of his form, in the way he chatted and displayed emotions that had never been present in his in the imperial preceptorâs face before. Fondness, insecurity and, especially, indecision. Fang Xin Guoshi seemed sure in every step he took. When he lied to him and when decided to tell the truth, when he saved his life (again and again and again) and refused his invitation to a duel right after Lang Qianqiu discovered his identity. His Guoshi had been giant, indestructible, bigger than anything that crossed his way. Sometimes, Qianqiu still saw him that way, in his dreams and nightmares.Â
Overlapping the image of his teacher and the kind god that ascended thrice seemed impossible.
Then he remembers him rescuing him in the Ghost City. He remembers being equally saved when he was twelve. He remembers his resolute composure when he confronted him about being his former Guoshi and the warm hand on his shoulder when Xie Lian woke him up after the heavenly conference. The way that he looked at him now. Serious. Admonishing. Somehow still soft.Â
Suddenly piercing together those two images wasnât really difficult at all.
Very different and yet the very same.
âLet us fight seriously this time! Only swords, no other weapons, until one of us surrenders or blood is drawn. Let me go, Guoshi.â
Xie Lian sighed in the same way he did centuries ago, when Lang Qianqiu kept pestering him to teach him said foolish maneuver that saved his life. The young one trashed more energetically in protest. âI told you once, didnât I? âDo not charge right back in without correcting your mistakes and very much less without a planâ. Tell me, how could you have prevented me from winning the fight?â
Immediately his mind blanked with both the nostalgia and surprised feeling that ran through him and the former king stopped trashing, looking at his Guoshi with wide eyes. Xie Lian, then, looked horribly unsure for a moment, but in his next blink that expression was gone and he watched him in expectation, not taking his words back.Â
Lang Qianqiu could understand.
There was anger and indignation bristling in his chest. He wasnât that kid anymore, looking for the approval of his mentor, the person that he looked up to the most, the person that deceived him, who left a young boy, alone, scared, betrayed to rule an entire angered kingdom.Â
As soon as the anger came, however, it soon went away, leaving only tiredness and nostalgia behind. Lang Qianqiu didnât feel as furious as he had been when he discovered the entire truth, a long, long time ago. He wasnât as single focused on it as he once had been.Â
Itâs been so many years. So many centuries.
(Sometimes he still felt like that kid.)
As time passed in his silence, Xie Lian looked awkward, perhaps sad, and he recomposed himself, preparing to leave.
As usual, Qianqiuâs mouth moved first than his brain.
âI couldâve dodged Ruoye!â
Xie Lian froze on his way up, searching his face for something. He must have found it, since he went back to his kneeling position and Hua Cheng stopped looking at the younger with something dangerous in his glare. Lang Qianqiu itched to finish their previous fight. Before he could think too much about that, though, his former guoshiâs voice cut through his thoughts.
âIt would follow you no matter your move, which was already hindered by your surprise and slow reaction. Itâs a spiritual weapon with long range. Youâd still lose.â
He wanted to protest the use of âlosingâ on this occasion, since his victory truly couldnât hold any honor or weight after using such an improper ambush. However, before he could get a single word in, something white appeared in his vision field.
Lang Qianqiu blinked and turned to Ruoye, who seemed to shake in what seemed like an⌠attempt to a wave⌠or maybe it was a threat? The martial god would answer it in kind, even if just for the curiosity of seeing what the apparent sentient weapon would do, but his arms continued to be glued to his torso.Â
Something in his face must have answered it, since the silk twirled happily.
And then immediately proceeded to attack his defenseless neck and ears in a soft, light kind of tickle that made shivers run across his spine and his lips turn into a gigantic smile.
An old memory tried to resurface.
âWhahat is this?!â He protested in between his teeth. Tiny, high pitched giggles made his shoulders shake, Qianqiu did his best to both hold them in and try to escape the tickly attack. He scrunched up his shoulders, except this only encouraged the soft weapon to scritch excitedly behind his ears until he turned to hide them, leaving his neck open once more. He tried to shake his head, still the maddening, gentle scratching sensation followed him with no problems, dancing across his skin without a single worry. âDohonât! Let me go!â
An amused huff cut his silence. âMy, had I known about this, his capture at my kingdom wouldâve been much smoother and quicker. Maybe I could even have given a different, more exciting show to my subjects, raise his price a little.â
For a moment Lang Qianqiu imagined it and the scenario was so alarming that he immediately shook his head to expel it, throwing the embarrassing thought away. His giggles suddenly became much more difficult to keep at bay and, were it not for that, he would have some good words to share about Crimson Rain Sought Flowerâs clearly childish provocations!
âSan Lang, donât tease.â But Xie Lianâs tune was much more amused than chiding, hiding something in the depths of his words.
Lang Qianqiu turned around to demand he take his weapon away, but, just as he opened his mouth, Rouye decided to run across his spine and unleash an onslaught of unrelenting pokes and prodding on his sides, which made him arch his back and freed laughter to pour in waves from him, hysterical giggles twirling around every squeak and snort and suddenly the memory that had been itching in the back of his mind resurfaced.
The afternoon that Fang Xin Guoshi completed one year teaching him. Xie Lian never shared with the royal family the date of his birthday, so they decided to begin the tradition of celebrating this accomplishment instead. Lang Qianqiu couldnât stay still during the entire day, excitedly waiting for the end of his lesson, when he would be free to drag the imperial preceptor to his surprise gathering. His focus had been completely impossible to hold and he only managed to get distracted from the commissioned gift he had asked for Xiao Mengyou to bring him when, out of nowhere, during their sparâŚ
He then gasped in realization, turning his gaze at Xie Lian, narrowing eyes glistening in accusation, even if he was still unable to stop his uncontrollable loud laughter, especially as the prodding traveled to his ribs, spidering on them while getting dangerously closer and closer to his armpits, making him involuntarily squirm and snicker even more in anticipation.Â
Even so, he obligated his laughing mind to concentrate on his former mentor's silly shiny gaze.
âIt was you!â And, as if reading his mind and acting in protest, Ruoye drummed in that awful space where his pits and ribs connected, pulling a high pitched squeal out of his throat together with, of course, more crackles. âAnd Ruoye! You were the ones tickling me that day, not Mengyou!â
Xie Lian looked to the side with a way too innocent face to be genuine, a tiny, closed lip grin resting in his face, an almost silently amused, bigger smile escaping him. He didnât say nor deny anything. It was all the confirmation the former king needed.
As he continued to snicker, giggle and squeal, Qianqiu remembered about his ârevengeâ taken on his actually innocent childhood friendâŚXiao Mengyou definitely was going to kill him when he went to apologize that night. He could only hope it was not by the same way that Ruoye had decided to kill him that moment.
(Lang Qianqiu knew it was all a false hope, though.)
Xie Lianâs voice cut his thoughts.
âNow, again. Give me at least three ways you could have avoided this and Ruoye will let you go.â
Qianqiu felt the urge to grumble at this, but he snorted instead, starting to kick and protest when the soft silk gave the underside of his knee a curious poke.Â
It was all futile, though, his mentor was known for using different methods of teaching and centuries didnât change any of that, as it seems.Â
Lang Qianqiu could relate, he also had at least one feeling that truly didnât change after all this time, as well.
He would rather be running laps.
#Ticklish!Lang Qianqiu#Lee!Lang Qianqiu#Ticklish!Xiao Mengyou#tgcf tickles#tgcf tickling#Kanene's fic#Kanene's fanfic#LET'S GOOOO!!!! I FINISHED IT!!!! *FINALLYYYYY*#I am so so sooooo happyyyyy teheeeee#I feel like they are kind of ooc because I can't see xl trying to insert himself again in lqq life's after.... well everything#but maybe in this au where everything goes better... maybe..... bruh. the amount of PRIDE u can see in xie lian's pov when he first sees lq#it makes me want to sob#no kidding. when I started to write that moment in the forest I remembered the canon. closed the fic and went to watch funny videos to cope#hgfdfghjklkjhg PLEASE LET XIE LIAN BE HAPPY WITH THE 8765456 KIDS HE ADOPTED PLS#LET HIM AND HUA CHENG HEALTHILY BULLY LQQ WHILE HE GETS ALL BRISTLING AND >:[ angy boy#also rip mah bro mengyou dfghjkjhgfdfghj got tickled just because <3 <3 <3 how dare he be so cute <3 <3 peace and love#I like to think that in this au HC keeps pestering Lqq Just Because and Lqq keeps wanting to duel him#hgfdfghjkkjvbn And Xie Lian also teases him but in his Own Way and Lqq only gets even more >:00 while Mengyou tries to#put some rational thoughts in him because no. you can't win against them STOP calling them to duel you#sad spoilery thoughts ahead#have u ever stopped to think how lqq still calls XL 'guoshi' centuries later? How his teachings are so intengrained him even after so long?#how xl sacrificed himself just to keep lqq's belief that life can be black and white and fair? how this belief about faireness#was what kept his subjects alive? 'cause lqq refused to blame and kill them even tho every elder around him kept pestering him to do so#have you ever think about how he was just 17 and alone? how xl kept saving his life even centuries later? I do. I do think about it
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I feel so near to the howling of the wind / Feel so near to the crashing of the waves / Feel so near to the flowers in the field...
[moth and compass is a collaboration with @natdrinkstea!]
#em draws stuff#oc time again hehe#moth and compass#the light keeper: luna maitland#LONG TIME NO MOTH AND COMPASS!! HERE SHE IS :3#it feels like forever since I've just let myself paint around instead of fast scribble or big limited-palette colorblocks#and coming back to my usual brushes just felt so much easier in comparison - relaxing even though I didn't realize I was stressed!#well. I did know I was stressed but not About This.#feel like I've got a better idea of how to quick-render an effective background now!#genuinely I'm pleased enough with this that it's going in the portfolio#<- he says as if the portfolio is getting used for anything and isn't just a folder on his phone with his favorite art pieces of his own#caption lyrics from 'feel so near' by dougie maclean which I have had on a cd for over a decade and is very precious to me
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i miss my wife tails
#the wife is a fictional middle aged man#another one of those days where i just miss him a lot for zero reason at all and theres nothing i can do to make it better#i was hormonal earlier but then i started feeling bad about it and now im just needy. arms outstretched to nothing. hold me please. frank.#and yeah im thinking about him and kids again. saw something on twitter that like shot me dead#so now ive just been sitting here. thinking about him holding a baby in his arms. its not his but it has nobody else to hold it#and i know that while he will never let himself keep it for a moment in time hed love it like his own#god sorry im going thru something. give this man a child. force him to be the father he was always meant to be
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Endeavor is almost a perfect allegory for what the society in the mha universe does to people who can't be heroes or use their quirks in a way to benefit society, which is cast them aside or pass them over without over giving them a second glance until uh-oh! Suddenly they're worth being noticed because they're a threat.
He apologizes to his family, which is good! If you're a bad person and did terrible things, the first step in your own transformation and atonement should be to acknowledge what you've done and to apologize to those you've wronged. Great!
Thing is, Endeavor set off a chain reaction with his abusive, neglectful and downright irresponsible choices that it damaged everyone in his family for life.
I don't think someone who causes one of their own children to literally go up in flames, crying because they're finally getting attention from their father and family in the very end, ever deserves to be forgiven.
#mha#my hero academia#endevour#mha dabi#mha endeavor#im sure im gonna get some flack for this because for some reason lots of people think that he should be redeemed but no???#im sorry guys i like villain redemption arcs as much as the next person and i understand being confused over#why so many people forgive other villains vs endeavor#but theres something about being in a place of power and influence and using that to harm and neglect your family and having EVERYONE#EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD PRETTY MUCH JUST LOOK AWAY AND SAY OH ITS NOT MY FAMILY THATS HIS BUISNESS#BETTER NOT GET INVOLVED IT'LL SORT ITSELF OUT#that just doesnt sit right with me whatsoever#ive liked plenty of villains who do horrible things but i can still see their good side because they have their henchman or their own family#or that one person who they care for and will protect because thats their heart#im saying that even though endeavor FEELS BAD he really just didnt have a heart or care for anyone but himself until hmm#oh! after he became the number one hero#and after he got a scar that humbled him#theres a reddit post where the op talks about how people soften him and are willing to forgive him but i think thats coming from people who#very very thankfully no shade did jot have to deal with anyone like that irl in any way#OR people who are less into stories and allegories again no shade and take characters at a more surface level#its just another read on the character which of course is obviously fine but please please understand why people will never forgive him#mha spoilers#its like especially hard to not hate him when you find out that dabi had his mothers power all along#meaning he WAS that perfect child that endeavor had been looking for but he cast him aside too soon to even let that power bloom early on#god i hate Endeavor so much#love the way hes written story and character wise like he IS really well written#but fuck him all the same lol
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small update
ok so um I got my number theory paper today, and the TA had cut marks for me because i left the answer at 66^2 and not 4356 (fermat's little theorem) đ I even wrote the full proof
my friend told me I should mail the TA about this, I got 14/20 and should be getting 17or18/20 đ
scores aside, number theory is so much fun, so much fun. the only good thing here is that I know the concepts well, and I fully knew the paper (still fucked it up, because I'm so frickin slow while writing and time). and it hurts worse because there's not enough proof that validates my knowledge. which in turn makes me question if i actually do have any.
I am, in general, a person who does well in concepts but screws up the exams (70% of the time) and I'm trying, I'm trying to get myself out of this "exam paniK" that I often spiral into, just minutes before the exam. I hope I change and grow; I hope, I hope.
#im so sorry for this meltdown once again#so sorry#and for the paper - many people got 20#it was actually a very easy paper and yes 20 was doable#even i could've gotten a 20 had i not screwed up the way i did#and i feel so bad to even say âhad i not screwed up...â the excuse sounds horrible to my ears#well what is done is done#i can only try better next time#this course might just end up being the easiest to get an A#let's hope that I don't fuck up this one too#after seeing my paper i just returned it and came back#and my friend was like âok. why did u not ask them why you've lost so much when the concepts are all right there on your paper?â#and i was like âum so should i ask them?â she went âYES.â#but by the time i went back to the hall the TAs had left so i have to mail mine now#and im very worried that she wouldn't change the current grading#last time i missed an A in math by 1/2 marks and i don't want the same thing to happen this time đđ#oh god ONE good thing can help me right now please#ru's trying#JUST 1 good thing#just give me ONE#i was so out of sorts today i slept for ~5 hours during the day and missed my calc class#i deliberately missed it though bc i wasn't feeling up to mark#i regret not going but my brain simply said no we're not there atm so maybe it was for the better#once again im so so SO sorry for the meltdowns lately#it's been bad rains and cloudy days in my head for a while now#i hope for the sun soon
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hi, just letting you know that ahmed 90s-ghost doesn't verify fundraisers anymore! he quit after it got too overwhelming, so you shouldn't @ him asking him to. you can probably find the post about it by searching his blog.
Thanks for letting me know, Anon...
I get it... I REALLY do.
I understand. Y'know I used to be so excited to get Asks. It means someone wants to talk about art and silly cartoon characters with me. But now all I feel is dread. Not because I don't want to help, but because the help I give is never enough. I used to privately mesage back to those Asks, but one became 6 became 10 to... Well. I can't donate. Euros and dollars are valued a lot higher here, thus the opposite is also true. The value of our money is but a paltry bread's worth and even if I split it in crumbs, with the amount of people who approach me for help, it'll soon run dry, but I'm just a student who still rely on my parents financially. So I thought I'd share instead, but that quickly got out of hand. I post one thing and get multiple asks by the HOUR. I already had to apologize for struggling to meet demands before and I only had 3 or 6 rare to come-by short Asks about art. Now I have a hundred and counting I have to check personally. I didn't want to admit it, but I've also long been overwhelmed. I just didn't feel like I had the right to say so. I still don't. But the truth is, anyone can say they're verified too, which is terrible because not only will I be partially responsible for my followers who got scammed by bots or scumbags who take advantage of those at war with fake fundraisers, but even worse is that the help and money may not even reach those who actually need it. I thought I would be fine the first time. I don't really like posting too much about our depressing reality or watching news in general because my account was supposed to be a "safe SPACE" and a "nice little BUBBLE" for us to be happy and escape for awhile, so I didn'tmthink much about rebloggingit at first. I only wanted to help. But it just kept going and I got swept away. There's so many of them, but there's only one of me and I've been spiraling lately. So for now, I will no longer take any Asks about this subject (which I always avoid mentioning directly because the algorithm has it out for putting you guys down and I wanted you all to make it so I didn't tag those reblogs with such). I'll still take Asks provided they're related to my actual content and of course I'll still support raising awareness for Pal est ine, yet I also get it if this may appear selfish to some of you. I tried. I really did. But if you'd rather ignore, unfollow, or block me for this decision, I understand. I'm just sorry it had to come to this and that I wasn't strong enough to help more. -Bubs.
#I'm so very sorry#asks#thank you for your hard work 90s-ghost#I hope you're doing better now#war serves no one#I know a lot of people needs help#but I can't keep up with the demand anymore#I'm feeling burned out and college just started back up again#I know I'm lucky to live the life that I do and I shouldn't get to complain#but I've been spiraling lately cause it's a thankless job that reminds me quick and repeatedly that I can't save everyone#I'm sorry for the onslaught of negativity from me lately#this wasn't what I made my account for#but I'll be back to making more content sooner than you think#it makes me happy and now I REALLY need that escape too#I know I'm a coward who's likely dooming people#I'm disappointed in me too#feel free to unfollow me#but never forget to support those families in need#they're just desperate to live like the rest of us#and please don't harass anyone because of this#that's the LAST thing I want to happen#I want to help them too but I'm stretched thin here#one person can't do this all on their own#so let's support each other instead and unite for this cause#I don't want this war. I don't want this discord.#the ones who does are monsters#people's lives are at stake and even if I barely helped#the same cannot be said if the lot of us were to do our part#please help these victims of war#but let's not forget we're not on our own.
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today is such a stark contrast to yesterday in how much i fucking hate today (vent/rant in tags bc i forgor to do it on my vent one)
#[đŽ] rambles ~#lmfao you speak up in this household? WRONG. MISTAKE. HOW DARE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH.#expressing your thoughts? fucking blasphemy#âoh you do know you can tell me anything anytime right? â what a joke#gods#fuck this shit#you know what i need to learn properly? keeping my mouth fucking shut. keeping my thoughts to myself.#why do i even bother#I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN SAY ANYTHING#just you know spoke the truth which is apparently forbidden or smth#its not my fault shes a hypocrite????? cant accept the truth thats her fucking problem#honestly i genuinely cant think of an adult around me who isnt a hypocrite but im sure there hopefully is#and then she comes again all sweet sickly smiles expecting me to shower her with love the next moment after being fucking scolded like hell#for saying ome single fucking line of my thoughts that she so encourages me to âexpressâ#as if everything is my fucking fault#atp i hate myself as much too bc why do i let myself get affected i should have grown used to this shit years ago#i should know better than to let her get to me yet look at me being a sentimental lil bitch#god i just wanna get out of here please#anyways shit this didnt go to my vent blog fuck im sorry yall had to read that guys please feel free to ignore lmao#but yk i had to get my feelings out somewhere bc wwll i bottle up enough already lol#tw vent
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I genuinely don't think I'll ever understand peopleâšď¸ like Everytime I'm sick it can't just be a sickness, I'm either dying or it's not enough. I'm so tired of not being believed or not being trusted. I feel like dog water and it feels like no one cares.
GAHHH why is the only thing that makes sense in life fiction. Like yes please take me to an apocalyptic nightmare at least i understand the world there đđ
#Idk#autism#Ig?#Please let me be in a different universe#Like I talk about how I'm sick and it's scary but then I either get told âyour dyingâ#Or âit's just mucus??â#like mb#Sorry my feelings are just a debate to you dawgđđ#I REALLY shoulda known better your right pal#Anyways I fell on my shoulder the other week and it stopped hurting#Then started again#Like full ouchie wawa#Idk man#I'm just tired#âšď¸
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me having gone to bed at 6 am every day for the past week and generally spiraling mentally while rotting in bed waking up this morning: a 4 mile hike in the heat is a really good idea right now, and while we're at it let's start like 3 art projects
#maybe my mom was onto something all these years telling me i'm bipolar#no i don't think i am but i do technically have a bpd diagnosis so like. mood swings up the fucking wazoo are not new#but i am not one to be like 'exercise will fix me'#i've also just come to terms recently with the fact that i didn't kill myself already so might as well start thinking of the long term#so not being in constant pain when im older is something im actually thinking of now#so like. gotta move more which i was doing during this semester! walking like 3 miles a day which didn't help brain but#it's gotta be good for you anyway even if i don't get the endorphins everyone says you get when working out#that's neverrrr been me bc also chronic illness w exercise intolerance#so it's like. wah i have a desire to move my body more and know it's beneficial#but chronic illness + mental illness + trying not to think about exercise in terms of weight loss bc i'm trying not to make that the goal#although certainly wouldn't be mad if that was the result but if i prioritize it over just overall health it's gonna make me obsessive#i'm saying a lot of words. i have no one to really talk to so i once again come to tumblr as a public diary#ANYWAY. trying to find balance with wanting to exercise for overall well-being but dealing with other factors like chronic illness#which has actually been under the most control it's been in years i barely even consider myself (physicslly) disabled these days#and also balancing the fact that while my disordered eating has never recovered and i still have extremely bad relationship with myself#im in a relatively better place with that. i'm not starving myself and im not going through binge/purge cycles#but my relationship with food and eating is still very much unhealthy#and i don't think that will ever really change bc it's so ingrained in the everything about me#i don't really know what i'm talking ahout anymore or what prompted this#i can't simply just say 'i'm gonna go for a hike today' and be normal about. always gotta psycho analyze myself#im in a very weird stage in my life where i feel like i have control over nothing and i barely even exist in my own body#im just like a cacophony of voices trapped inside a meat suit but im not in the drivers seat im stuffed in the trunk and tied up#and the guy driving is an old blind mind who should have lost his license his ass is NOT road safe!#so it's like i have all these ideas and desires and feelings and ahh!! but hey i'm locked up here let me out please#and also the state of the world. so bleak and hopeless and paralyzing that i've just kind of shut my feelings off so i'm rapidly switching#between numbness and overwhelming agony#what the fuck am i talking about
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What do you make of the idea of Blackspace kinda fusing with Hellmari after a post-good ending Omori gave her true life, therefore making her the entire realm by technicality? Omori would do that cuz he needs something to kinda fill the void that appeared when Sunny left and he's getting desperate after not finding anything in Headspace to do that...
(woooooooooo explaining my omori au lore-)
Truthfully this is so wildly different to my idea of headspace and omori and after-good ending that i cannot make anything of this! i think that's up to u to decide
#they kinda have to coexist anyway in my head#yes they had a big ass fight abt things and sunny's headspace is kinda all crumpled once again and white space is emptier than ever#omori's still the inner 12 y o kid who is also the anxiety and escapism and so many things and he isn't going anywhere immediately#so they do have to work together and fill it w new things. make smth of it and make it comfortable again in a better way#idk we're not letting the nightmares fester#your story is yours though its just so different from mine that it feels like a string of words that i can't tie togetjher#in a way that makes sense at least#so here you know your story best#also pleas#if u wanna put smth that u made and make me see it please let it be related to me and my blog in my inbox#i WILL spit my hcs and story at u if u put unrelated things here#i don't have the responsibility to react to Your omori content that i did not sign up or ask to see!#that's almost your own post material. let me come across it in the tag when i want to see it#and if i don't it was not meant to be#its an honor to receive your omori art of mari btw if u do put it here. just make sure it's not a constant and rather an occasion#cannot publish your omocontent for you#sorry for the tag rant its offtopic from the post#i do get severe urge to ignore/delete asks that seem wholly unrelated to my blog or a fully cooked personal omori post#and not an ask to tumblr user some mari thoughts who makes art and posts hcs and shares some art sometimes#OMORI Sunny#OMORI character#Knife boi#Son boi#my doodles
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