#THE MUSICAL CANT END WITHOUT THAT
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All I wanna know now is how Odysseus gets the determination to get back home next saga. Cuz isn’t the next song I’m not sorry for loving you? What is calypso gonna tell him that makes him not depressed anymore? BITCH UR THE PROBLEM, STOP SPEAKING. Is Hermes gonna come in and be like stfu bitch cmon ody ur wife and kid are waiting for you?
#hermes fr gonna be like calling Odysseus ofy#peneleope HAS GOT TO CALL HIM THAT OMG#PLSSSS#THE MUSICAL CANT END WITHOUT THAT#LIKE EVEN ATHENA#ATHENA YOU HAVE TO NICKNAME YOUR BABY BOY#epic the musical#epic#odysseus#epic the wisdom saga#epic the wisdom saga spoilers#hermes#calypso#biggest calypso hater
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Transcript:
Gabriel : Please, council. I know I failed you, but surely there's another way besides turning me into a marketable plushie?
No!
AAAAAHHHHH-*Squeak*
This is my lowest point, but I know it can't get worse from here.
Who's that? Someone approaches! Perhaps they could help me?
You! Listen, I need you to get me out of here.
What is that claw descending upon me?
No!
EGH-*Squeak* It squeezes me pretty tight!
Agh, oh it's carrying me to the exit. Thank heaven!
It's about to- *Squeak* AGH! Oh!
You had missed, fuck!
Try- try it again.
Come on I know you have another quarter, yes?
Yes, try it again, yes.
Okay, this time I'm out.
I'm out! I'm- *Squeak* AGHHH!
AW YOU FUCK.
V1 : YAYYY.
Gabriel : SUCH A- JUST BREAK THE GLASS.
FUCKIN' IDIOT.
Audio source
#ultrakill#gabriel ultrakill#this was annoying to edit because of the music 😭I tried#his endless torment - being picked up and dropped just short of the exit#also V1 is there and its probably the one controlling the claw#very sporadic posting will continue for uh idk how long#I have not had time to edit#if this sounds like 2 different clips stuck together (especially the no effect version)#its because he started the request without the filter lol#cant these 2 flirt normally#oddly specific rp happening here#of course gabe ends up inside of a claw Machine. typical.
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IM SO NORMAL ABOUT MAMMALIAN SIGHING REFLEX (im so not normal about it)
#mammalian sighing reflex#wilbur soot#i cant live without music idk bout u#wilbur#william gold#i dont think it will ever end
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Qualia sisters designs GO (ft shitty mockups of their donut designs)
#i wanted to do more with the comic thingie but i soooo eepyyyy#adhoc labs#fandroid#melody qualia#harmony qualia#rhythm qualia#treble qualia#i randomly started thinking about them and now i need to develop all of them and their relationships#harmony is the eldest and falls into the trap of becoming really overprotective and overbearing#especially after humanity collapsed or whatever the fuck happened in the timeskip#she knows melody had been sneaking off to adhoc for a while and was NOT happy about it#but melody is a slippery one and kept sneaking out anyway#after or sometime during the timeskip she started to spend more and more time at adhoc waiting for fandroid to wake up#harmony couldn't leave qualia because. shes the eldest. she's got rhythm and treble to watch after her.#harmony argues with beepo to let her call through adhoc for a while before he lets her#and melody isnt happy about this (on top of the whole my best friend is in a coma deal)#she gets into a nasty fucking argument with harmony that ends in tears and a blocked contact#after a while the radio silence from melody DOES start to get to her#but beepo won't let her back in as per melody's request#(i also hc melody and bpo friendship real during the timeskip hehehaha)#and when 404 starts being 404#beepo cant even deny her requests to access because hes too focused on the bot raising hell#which starts to freak harmony out AGAIN because now shes getting radio silence from basically the embodiment of adhoc#i just think this character with little to no canonical content is neat#together they can make wonderful music but melody doesn't need them because fandroid can compose just fine#but the other three can't without melody#a choir never complete#anyway treble is transfem aaaand post
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since were living in this new age of understanding when it comes to how becoming famous (especially tabloid famous/infamous) at a young age negatively effects your mental health and psychological development i think its time that ppl start reevaluating how they talk about the sex pistols
#sex pistols#hoodie talks#i mean i would think this regardless but seriously#any conversation about the sex pistols that doesnt include just how young they were and how mistreated by the public and press they were#is an incomplete one that doesnt address crucial aspects of their story#you cannot understand why sid vicious ended up dead from suicide at 21 without talking about this!#you cannot understand why johnny rotten is the way he is now without talking about this!#johnny got famous at 19! he spent his entire adult life famous! and by famous i mean infamous aka The Bad Type Of Famous#he was the designated acceptable target of an entire nation during some of the most formative years of his life#'why is he so mean and defensive?' oh idk maybe its bc ppl stabbed him bc he sang a song they didnt like!#imagine being 20 years old and every journo in the country is either writing about you being the voice of your generation#or about how youre the spawn of satan who should be hung from the nearest lamp post#imagine youre 20 and the government is saying that shit about you too#imagine youre 20 and every single thing you say is picked at and poured over and ascribed countless different meanings#imagine youre 20 and you cant even walk down the street without being harassed by someone you dont know#imagine youre 20 and someone sticks a razor in your hand and disables you for life bc you wrote a song they didnt like#imagine youre 20 and your neighbor barges into your flat bc your music was too loud and stabs your 14 year old friend#and then when you ask the police for help they tell you that she deserved it for hanging out with you#now imagine the kind of person youd be if you lived through all of that#and now imagine that every time you ever sorta lashed out or were kinda mean ppl said 'shut up you whiny attention whore'#imagine if everyone collectively got together when you were 19 and decided that you didnt get to be a person anymore forever#thats what johnny lydon's life has been since 1975#punk rock posting
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lazy scribbling of my baldur's gate 3 characters
#*emerges from 430 HOURS of life-changing playtime blearily like a lost and confused kitten*#i lost my interest in drawing bc everything is too sad & horrible right now. it was a luxury and privilege to lose myself in this instead#what follows will be my personal and trivial emotions about that#i'll do better proper drawings later. for me. they are both so very dear to me... deeply dear...unforgettable journeys of fate#truly have played like one possessed for the past few weeks. you have no idea. what do i do now. what do i do.#their personalities are so vivid to me though they mostly made the same choices. both intersex and they/them - canonically <3#i missed out on FOUR PARTY MEMBERS in my first playthrough due to not understanding anything whatsoever.#gloaming ended up with wyll and pavane romanced karlach and astarion. and ended up with the one i did NOT plan on. this wasnt the plan#one of the most fulfilling romance paths i've ever..i cant say more..it all got too immersive and now i have to just.. MOVE ON ??????????#live in THIS world where i can't gut imperialism personally and emerge alive from that?#without Long Resting? without my character requesting a kiss from their beloved after a tough day ??#without preparing my little spells? without channelling divinity from my death god to keep us all alive?#without dyeing my man's clothes fancy colours for him? without him Approving whenever i lie and double-cross our enemies#without sharing clothes with my ex? without choosing to eat the heavy food first so that the weight is easier on her Carrying Capacity?#without orchestrating ways for all of my friends to kill the abusers that ruined their lives for a decade or even 200 years?#without experiencing degrading horrors on a daily basis but in a cathartic way where we always make it back to our rooms at the inn#WITHOUT SPEAK WITH ANIMALS???????????#at least there's music. just like with persona 5 that will always be with me. always#like how p5 melodies take me back to those feelings. those rich and personal feelings.... BUT THIS WAS A WAY MORE NUTS EXPERIENCE#i thought i would hate it. i did at times. thought it would desensitise me to various things. it did. but there was so much more..it was...#Well anyway *continues my life* imagine if dnd was real..something to think about
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Ok so I was wondering like
Top 0.005% of listeners. That's Pretty Damn Small. But I was wondering Just how small...
357.1k monthly listeners
0.005% of 357.1k is... just under 18...
Guys. I'm within the top 20 listeners for IAMX. Period. 🫣
#speculation nation#16K MINUTES OF MY 59K TOTAL MINUTES FOR THE YEAR...#A LITERAL 27% OF ***ALL*** MUSIC I LISTENED TO THIS YEAR........#cant help gettin emo i guess#like i knew he'd be indisputably my top artist but. holy fuck.#THIS ALSO ISNT INCLUDING THE SNEAKER PIMPS ALBUM... which ive listened to obsessively too#as an extension of the obsession with his music. bc he sings in it.#SOMETIMES AN ARTIST HITS U LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN and ur left like. yeah. yeah .#helps that hes got so many albums so i spent Months slowly making my way through them all.#but then i just kept listening to him bc his music just... scratches an itch in my brain idk.#in part it's the grief. Metanoia was a crutch of an album after my uncle died.#and also with my cat... it was just. nonstop IAMX. for Months.#ive been branching out more again recently bc i do like some variety in the music i listen to#but if i want music but dont know what to play it just always ends up going back to IAMX#because it's dependable. it's enjoyable. it's Comfortable.#his music feels like a reset button for me. like returning to a dark room to sleep at night.#it's not dark for the sake of darkness. but for the comfort of it. existing honestly. existing without fear of judgement.#and bringing the analogy together i really have listened to his music to help me sleep a few times#not often just bc i usually dont listen to music as i sleep. im a light sleeper so i need white noise.#but there were a few times i found myself without a working fan. so i turned to his music to act as white noise instead.#not actual white noise of course. but the function of it. the Comfort. the familiarity.#pick one of his lowkey albums and just let it keep going. and it works. it does.#so like. it makes sense. it does. i understand entirely why i rank so high in his monthly listeners.#it's just a bit mind boggling to actually see the tangible numerical value hfkshdjd bc. man. man...
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E&T: A Truly Slothful Start
*points at Erebus* Bro is NOT built for this lmao (btw I drew the sloth demon a v long time ago enjoy)
Suggested battle music: Grandma (Destruction) from NieR: Automata (spotify | youtube)
←Previous - Masterlist - Next→
Ingredients: combat whump we fight monster, amputation hehe (not gory tho!), slight drowning, undescribed eye whump
PART III: Untitled World
The things that hit him first were the suffocating darkness and the awful chill in the air.
Erebus knew he didn’t belong here. All around him, strange rock formations jutted out every which way, no sign of life among them. There didn’t seem to be any source of light, and yet everything was clearly visible, casting hardly any shadow. The silence was nearly absolute, pressing in on his ears. The only thing he could hear was the freakishly loud sound of his own heartbeat, amplified by the collar around his neck.
Wait, the collar-he reached up for it, fingers closing around the awful strip of leather that he’d been forced to wear since the start of his captivity. He had a sword, he had claws, and N...no one would make him wear another one if he broke it. So he should take it off, right? He should destroy it. He’d always hated it, the way it meant he was owned, how it let-let people put leashes on him and lead him around like a dog. She...she’d said it herself, that he had to wear it so he wouldn’t forget that he belonged to her, but now they were...not together. So it shouldn’t matter.
But he couldn’t stop thinking about when she’d taken it off for the procedure with the envy demon, about how utterly, embarrassingly exposed he’d felt without that stupid collar. Maybe the feeling would pass, and he would just have to get used to being without it. He hadn’t worn one for the vast majority of his life, so it should be easy to adjust back, right? Besides, it was more than just a collar, it was a way for her to know if someone other than her was touching him, and that was violating, it was...it was a way for her to know he was alive. Assuming it worked, assuming whatever signal it was could be sent to another world.
Erebus lowered his hands, still chained together, as he blinked away tears. He-he was really here, in this other world with only a slim chance of ever going back. He’d take every tie to his old life he could get, no matter how painful. And if the spell on the collar worked, then…he owed it to her to let her know he was still alive. He could wear the collar for a little while longer. The muzzle, on the other hand...he didn’t mind tearing that off and throwing it away in the slightest.
Shakily, he stood, grabbing the sheathed sword in front of him. Being expected to fight was…strange. But, looking at himself now, he was practically designed for this, almost every modification giving him some sort of advantage. It made his blood run cold to think about how this had been the plan from the start, how obvious it seemed now. He wanted to lay down and sob and process what had happened, but everything was so different and strange that he didn’t feel safe enough to let his guard down like that. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he buckled the sword belt around his waist and began looking around.
Behind where he’d appeared, there was a bag lying on the ground. Inside was a cloak with holes for his wings, a knife, and a bedroll. Well, better than nothing, but he wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do about food and water or lighting a fire. Maybe that demon tongue would be coming in handy, after all. He put on the cloak, grateful to have something to help him keep warm in this place, along with the shoes he still had on from their trip to the desert.
Nothing else here, he began carefully making his way along one of the stone cliffs, leaning on it since there had never been a chance to fully heal the gash in his leg. Progress was slow, and maybe it would have been a good time to think things through, but he couldn’t stop tears from forming in his eyes at the mere thought of what had happened, so instead he just focused on the pain in his leg, flaring up brighter with every step.
Time felt impossible to grasp, as if this place was outside of it entirely, but at some point Erebus reached the end of the maze of stone. He was greeted with what looked like a vast ocean, but the water was unnaturally calm, not a single ripple on the glass-like surface. Had there been stars above, it would have been beautiful, but under the canopy of uniform blackness, it just looked like a cold, empty void.
Erebus hesitated to step out in the open, no walls to protect him, but the silence was so absolute that he couldn’t imagine there was another living thing anywhere near him. His leg didn’t hurt quite as much anymore despite how much he’d been walking, so he was able to hobble to the water’s edge and investigate, setting the pack down to make moving around a little easier. The sword, however, still hung at his side, just in case.
The water was clear, and as far as he could tell, there was no sign of life in it whatsoever. It was jarringly different from the seaside at home, where you could hardly take a step without spotting a shellfish or aquatic plant. Here, it was just pebbles, no broken shells or bits of dead coral among them. He crouched and dipped a finger in, finding the water both cold and salty. The ripples created by his finger traveled far, seeming to get bigger as they traveled along. Suddenly, even bigger ripples rushed to meet them from farther out, and Erebus’s stomach knotted in terror as he bolted upright, pulling out the sword, having to hold it with both hands since they were still chained.
He strained his eyes in the darkness, looking for whatever had caused the disturbance. Was that...there was something in the water out there, he was sure of it. He took a few steps back, sword still held in front of him, watching the strange shape grow larger and larger as it approached. The moment the tip of its nose emerged, the surface of the water erupted, spraying Erebus with cold mist and shooting tendrils out into the open air that coalesced into a large sort of web. Arches of water now crisscrossed all throughout the space, severely limiting how much he could fly around, especially since he never had a chance to practice it much. In the middle of the watery network was a large bubble, and when he saw what was inside it, Erebus’s jaw dropped.
The creature was enormous, big enough to swallow him whole in one bite. Its pale gray body was long, with two pairs of flippers that were almost as big as Erebus and a webbed, spiny ridge going down its back. A cruel, curved hook jutted out from the end of its tail, almost as sharp-looking as its conical teeth. As Erebus looked at it in horror, it turned its gaze to him, its blank white eyes staring into his own identical pair. So this…this must be a sloth demon. He was supposed to fight that?
He could leave, just run and hide, this thing couldn’t follow him through those rocky canyons, he could stop and take a moment to think, but this was an enemy right in front of him, and no matter how terrifying, it had revealed itself, no more surprises. Erebus tightened his grip. If he could-could beat this thing then he could really rest. It would be safe here. He would be that much closer to going h…somewhere that wasn’t here. He could do this. He had to.
Despite how much he was shaking, Erebus took flight and approached, finding it difficult to do so while he was holding the sword, but not enough for him to fall out of the air. The demon just watched as he flew past the jets of water, and Erebus hated those blank white eyes boring into him, which just made him loathe his own all that much more. How…how exactly was he supposed to attack it? It was so huge and he couldn’t see any kind of obvious weakness, not to mention that it was surrounded by a sphere of water. While he knew his eyes worked underwater, he could only imagine his wings would be a hindrance, not to mention the heavy sword.
Maybe…maybe he should just retreat for now. Come up with a plan and come back. This was just…it was too much. Reassuring himself that the demon couldn’t follow him, he cautiously turned around and started to weave his way through the tendrils of-there was a sharp jerk on his wing, and suddenly Erebus was being dragged through the air, crashing into pillars of water as he went, barely registering the splash of his sword hitting the sea below as he scrambled to get his wing free of-of-it was that hook it was pierced through the top of Erebus’s wing he couldn’t get it out his fingers were slippery and freezing and useless he had to do something kick his legs flap his wings anything-
Just as those awful teeth came into view, Erebus managed to swing himself back, but the chain on his wrists was caught, wrapped around a tooth, his fall jerked to a halt, he was hanging by his wrists, the hook was gone but his wing wouldn’t work, he had to do something, that eye was so big and so close, watching him struggle, the beast’s throat humming with an ancient growl, hungry, he couldn’t just let this happen, he grabbed the tooth with his left hand and the chain with his right, he could do this, pull himself up enough to-
The great jaws snapped shut, and Erebus tumbled into the water below.
Cold shocked his system, despite the fact that his left arm felt like it was on fire.
He couldn’t stay down here. He had to get to the surface.
But, down there, a faint glint. Metal. His sword. His only hope of winning.
He swam towards it, progress slow and painful and-
His left hand was gone.
There wasn’t time to mourn it.
His remaining hand wrapped around the hilt of the sword. It was heavy, too heavy for him to swim up with.
He was running out of air. He had to try. This couldn’t be the end. Not here. Not so soon after-
The hook pierced through his wing again, and it was all he could do to hold onto his sword this time around.
The sloth demon pulled him up and out of the water with its tail, tossing him high into the air as it opened its great jaws to swallow him whole. His wings torn and useless, all Erebus could do was flap them desperately and hope it would be enough, hope he could at least-his foot landed on one of those teeth, holding him for just a moment before he slipped, but it was enough to aim his sword hold it steady launch himself down drive that point right down into the demon’s eye paint that awful soulless white with red hear the roar of agony so loud he could feel it in his bones and now the water was collapsing falling back down the great corpse falling with it he had to get away wrench the sword out jump back splash into the water struggle to the surface to the shore drag himself out of the water collapse on the shore and breathe.
He-he’d won, but just barely, and the losses were-Erebus bit back tears, looking away from the ragged stump at the end of his left arm. There was no way he could survive six more fights like that.
This horrible, hostile place was going to destroy him, and there would be nothing left of him to go back home.
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Tags: @dramaticcollapse @thehopelessopus @just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi @galaxywhump @as-a-matter-of-whump @mnmlover2002 @tears-and-lilies @yet-another-heathen @rippedjeansandfadeddreams @starnight-whump @unicornscotty @thebewilderer @kixngiggles @itallstartedwithharry @inky-whump @redstainedsocks @lonesome--hunter @his-unspoken-words @susiequaz12 @its-mysweetlittlesecret-blog @whumpasaurus101 @patheticlittleguy @jadeocean46910 @whumpinggrounds @pumpkin-spice-whump @suspicious-whumping-egg @befuddled-calico-whump @whump-in-the-closet @pumpkinsncoffee @aryreads
#i wrote something#erebus & terror#erebus#somiaken#combat whump#amputation#suggested music is just there for you to listen to during the fight sequence if you wish!! it has been selected as Fitting#yeah he was uh. he was sizzling in the frying pan like bacon for the last while but i have since dumped him into my giant campfire#delightful isn't it#IT'S THE MOMENT WE'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR: MAN DECIDES TO KEEP HIS COLLAR ON LMAOOOO#trauma and attachment to neteri go crazy#he will cry so much later dont worry but right now he is running on adrenaline and fear. terror if you will#he needs a cozy little safe place to do the sobbing#so let's go beat up the giant aquatic dinosaur demon im sure that will end well-oh no#his ass lucked out i sure hope that's not a trend 🤪 almost like he wasn't ready for this or something#hopefully the funky water bullshit was described well enough just a bunch of random arches of water basically#so it's more Water but the fight isn't totally underwater hooray#ah finally the handcuff chain wrapped around tooth incident i have been waiting for so long <3333#listen i cant say anything about sloth without saying TRULY SLOTHFUL rezero activity confirmed
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i fuckin. forgot how to make buddies.
#i used to do it through roleplaying but i just cannot take that seriously anymore#its just not for meee#but idk how else to do it lmao#like ive tried talking abt music but i havent found a single person on aj who likes the same bands as me#and aj chat filters suck so i cant say the names of my favorite bands T-T#can i put this in the jamblr tag?#jamblr#yeah why not#i dont THINK this counts as a rant#but like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯#also i cant really talk about other things i like bc then people think im nine years old 😔#how does one talk about disney movies without sounding like a toddler or a disney adult who spends all their time on facebook#and i cant talk about space bc thatll just end up with me in a one-sided conversation with me infodumping endlessly#music conversations always lead to indie rock or taylor swift (neither of which i like)#the ONE PERSON i met with the same music taste as me disconnected before i could buddy them#kneeljng on the ground with my head and hands facjng the sky#this is slowly but surely turning into an ajpw blog isnt it
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Everytime I listen to 'Biggering' I mourn for what we could have had in The Lorax </3
Im not afraid to admit that I listen to it unironically. Its such a banger, especially the last part. Gonna forever hold a grudge that the song wasnt included in the movie </333
Gonna throw the song below VVV
#You know it gets bad when you're waffling on about The Lorax at 5am#'How Bad Can I be“ is aight and would probably draw the kids in more#which kids are their target audience but I do not care. I will stay mad#THE LYRICS AND BEAT AT THE END MAKE ME ASCEND TO HEAVEN#AND IM AN ATHEIST#Sorry Im getting sidetracked here#but yeah. banger. and no one can convince me otherwise#I have a very peculiar music taste ok?!!?!?! >:p#The silly song about corporations did NOT have to go so hard#For a kids movie too is insane /pos#Suppose I cant write this post without including the tag#The Lorax#This is my life now. Yapping about a kids movie's cut song at half five in the morning#Spotify#Lowkey think its college thats driving me insane enough to do these things#yeah thats gonna be what Im blaming now
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my beef with music while writing
#its so extreme#i cant write without a specific song on replay that fits the fics mood#and sometimes i get migraines from playing music for too long#i hate ittttttt#the only time i wrote without music is a lost bet and even that one was a challenge i posed for myself#(which i ended up losing by the end)
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Transcript:
COME ON MACHINE, FUCK ME LIKE AN ANIMAL.
Audio source
#gabriel ultrakill#ultrakill#wear headphones#suggestive#volume warning#if you dont wear headphone listening to anything on here. im sorry. i cant help you#finally. 6-2 uncensored#ok ok the title is a lie 6-2 is based but he should have said what he really meant.. :]#everyone say thank you gianni#i won't be adding the ones with and without music every time#but ppl might want to use this for somethin so I put one without music as well#ok i promise the next post will be Normal.#normal. im normal.....#sorry the volume levels are inconsistent#when i apply the effect it gets real loud#so i have to reduce the volume#and it never ends up the same volume as the non filtered clip lol
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listening to northern attitude thinking about stigmata trio like ohhhhh okay yeah theyre each the reason the other is still here i get it.
#like each of you were made seperately yet there so much overlap and your stories weave together without previous discussion to do so#like youve all seen your own version of hell and fully intened to fuck around and find out till that didnt work anymore#but now youre in hell again but youre in hell together now you wanna try this time#like okay#youre the dog and im the man#like i just dragged you into this cult with me after you got out of a different one#and this musical i ran across campus to show you touches on your specific childhood trauma#but i didnt mean to. please stay. they say the end is coming and i cant let myself believe them this time.#i can pretend i dont if youre the there#i need to sleep its 5:30 this melatonin did little
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btw im feeling a lot today bc my neighbor is having a bbq and i really wanna go but i had to lie and say i was working bc everyone there is a hardcore party goer and theres too many covid cases rn so even in an outdoor setting i would need to mask and that crowd would be super weirded out by my n95 and also it would suck bc i wouldnt even be able to eat. anyway. being at risk is like living in purgatory while 99% of the population literally doesnt care.
#I WANNA DO DRUG WITH MY NEIGHBOR AND INSTEAD I HAVE LONG COVID#i think the universe is spitting on me#the levels of restraint i need to have to remind myself that its not worth it#i kinda have to keep thinking about the infection and the bad relapses#even though its super traumatizing lol#bc if i dont force myself to remember i would just go bar crawling like tonight ngl#but then i remember being too weak to moan#and how terrifying those hours were#i remember the days where ive been too weak to move in my bed too weak to breathe without effort#and it kinda kills the urge lol#but it sucks!!! that i have to think about this all the time!!#i wanna forget those horrible times fr but the pandemic is ongoing#the mental fortitude i need to survive this fr.#just bitching#medical cw#i live alone rn i cant have a big PEM im not doing another survival week unable to feed or clean myself#im NOT lol#last year was harrowing and this time around i am more prepared and i WILL not end up at the bottom of the hole again#sorry i need to give myself this pep talk bc i hear the music outside and fuck i wanna drink and smoke weed 😔😔😔😔😔😔
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RE4 REMAKE IS A MASTERPIECE AHHXJCKVKELCKEOCMEOFNEFOENDNFBWMDSNFKEKCKWKSKWKSKKW
#so. i finally finished it.#resident evil#resident evil 4 remake#brooooooo i cant even begin to talk about any of it its just So well done#feels like the original but. modernized and without some of the stumbling blocks that plagued an otherwise perfect game#stellar music stellar voice acting stellar gameplay#captured the period perfectly with all the terrible tech and just general early 00's action movie-ness#im so in love#I'm also so glad to have picked up re2 last summer because i would never have forgiven myself if id missed this#i will now be playing it a billion more times#fuck#like#dude#<3333#end credits song slaps hard wow omg#also the characterization of Luis?? and Krasuer?? and Leon?? and Ashley?? and Ada?? they did so good#do wish Ashley had been a little more annoying because I like her that way but that's tiny
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My grandmother gets mad when i hear her "private" conversations about me, but she speaks so fuckign loud?? Shes talking to my grandfather on speaker in the other room and i heard her say "if she lost 30-50 pounds, she's still going to be a bigger girl, or fat, because of her structure of her hips, legs, and thighs. I dont know how much she weighs now. She's extremely tall for a girl. She towers over guys her age and these things bother guys. There are guys interested in a heavy set girl, but other guys don't want to take the time to get to know someone, they judge based on looks" to which my grandfather replied "thats from society. she's still beautiful"
Stop talking about my weight and my height. I wish I were fuckign shorter, and I've already lost 50 pounds within the past year. I'm so insecure about these things and to imply I won't find someone to love based on my appearance not being accepted by society rly hurts. Like ??? This is why I can't stand my family. I'm the topic of every conversation and it's always negative or "oh I wish she was skinnier and shorter so she could actually find a man to love her"
#whats stupid is ive only had like 2 boyfriends actually in my life#and they were my height or shorter than me#ive casually dated a few people who are taller than me but that has never been about my personality and what i bring to a relationship and#only based on how i look/how i can 'preform' for them#that nonbinussy if you will#and now i rly cant trust whether people like me for me or not because all ive heard is how i should kill myself so i can please society and#im not going to be loved and apprecisted becauze 'the young and stupid men want a toothpick not her'#ive been loving my body so much because i can see im slimming down#and im consistently between hating my body and loving it. it provides for me but its also a contributing factor to why no one loves me how#i want to be loved apparently#accordijg to family^ not to me#this is why i make videos etc so i can feel good about myself but its not authentic#i love when people love my music and what i can do and take an interest in my interests#becauze without that i have nothing. i am nothing. i like so many differwnt things and i want to believe somwone will love my humour#and intellect. over my body. but i still want them to love my body and think im oretty#im not asking for much#rly getting mad at them pushing me to find a man. becauze until i moved out at 18 they didnt want me dating because they didnt eant me to#'end up like her mother' as in getting pregnant at 17 and not finishing school#as soon as i left and i turned 18 she was asking me when i was going to start having kids#like you have to be kidding me with this shit. her mother had her at 19. she had my mom at 19. my mom had me at 18. even on my fathers side#my great grandma had my nan at 18. my nan had my dad at 17. my dad had me at 16#so for at least 3 generations (including all the cousins and shit) there have been young parents#but i wasnt allowed to? until i became a legal afult???#idek if im fertile and im afraid to find out if im not because i want to have kids#and if i find out i cannot girve birth it will break me. i know theres ivf and adoption but i also know i will never have the finances to#explore those options#so natural birth is the cheapest and only option i currently have. but no one wants a baby. and i cant with sound mind and body put someone#through the disjointed and fucked up life that i had#this is just a whole ass rant post. i need to walk the dog and bake before i go to my friends house for horror movie night#which ngl im looking forward to deapite the 'friends' they are
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