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thatsnicebutimmarried · 5 years ago

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So I watched Descendants 3 and I have Hot Takes TM

Yes I know, I am a good decade and a half older than the target audience of these movies, and no, they are not cinematic masterpieces but they also aren’t trying to be, and it’s 2019 and cringe culture is dead and we’re allowed to unironically like bad things now so just hush, okay? They’re not bad, they’re not fantastic, they’re fine, and there is entertainment value and I find them at least mildly entertaining but they leave me with Thoughts.

First off, again, they aren’t bad, but they also are not exactly something everyone needs to run out and watch. They’re all three Disney Channel Original Movies and that’s all they are really trying to be. They aren’t perfect and if you think too hard about them then they fall apart or get real weird so just don’t do that. It’s meant to be a fun colorful disney movie aimed primarily at kids and teens. They don’t have to be Oscar-worthy, they can be just fine. And they are. All three. This one is possibly my favorite of the three, actually.

So hot take #1: yeah, the music is pretty good, but for the love of God, I wish they didn’t produce the music so much like a pop song that it sounds super out of place in what is supposed to be a movie musical. They’ve done this in all three movies and it annoys me in all of them. The music is great, but auto-tuned and electroniced and synthesized to the point that it really strains suspension of disbelief that they might actually be singing in the scenes instead of very obviously lipsyncing to something recorded in a studio and mixed and edited and slapped over the scene they’ve filmed. And given that suspension of disbelief is already pretty flexible in musicals, and I am someone who has always loved musicals and has worked in musical theatre, it is really saying something that this has managed to throw off the suspension of disbelief. I’m painfully aware of the lipsyncing, not because they are bad at it, because they aren’t, but because the vocals are so over-produced that it feels out of sync with the scene. And that sucks, given that so much of the music itself is fantastic. I think “My Once Upon A Time’ is the only song that didn’t make me feel like I’m watching someone lipsync to something that was recorded in a studio. Obviously that’s what you are watching in literally ANY movie musical, but a good one will trick you into thinking they are actually singing what you’re hearing. Even in some of the numbers where that should be easier to do, like in “Do What You Gotta Do”, where even the dialogue sounds prerecorded. It’s especially painful in what are otherwise knock-out numbers. Because ‘Queen of Mean’ is a fucking BANGER. LIKE YES QWEEN YOU TAKE THAT STAFF YOU TAKE YOUR REVENGE YOU GET YOURSELF SOME GOOD HAIR. Also “One Kiss”. Should be great, except that it’s clear that Sophia is lipsyncing.

Hot Take #2: Could Audrey not have kept her ‘evil’ hair? Because those pink to blue curls are SO MUCH BETTER than blonde with washed-out pink and blue streaks. Someone get Dizzy on this girl’s hair STAT.

Hot Take #3: I have worked in costume design. I have a degree in fashion design. These movies both delight me and test my patience when it comes to the costume design. Everything is either hit or miss, or good in concept but not so great in execution. We continue to see just...too much leather. I mean, it’s okay I guess with the biker outfits, but with everything else, just chill a bit. ALSO, if you’re gonna have Mal rock a truer purple hair with cooler tones, then please stop putting her in warmer magenta and violet outfits. It just looks weird. Also wtf is her outfit in the opening? Way too much leather, and waaaaay too much green splatter. Like find a balance between her colors, please.

Hot Take #4: Not really a hot take, but Cameron Boyce was probably the most talented out of all of them and I’m really fucking sad to hear about his death. He was a talented kid and too young and honestly probably the best thing about these movies, not gonna lie. I’m so heartbroken for his family and friends. Carlos continues to be a freakin cinnamon roll and he made a necklace for Jane with their goddamn ship name on it and that is the cutest fucking thing.

Hot Take #5: God I forgot the dog fucking talks. Why does the dog fuckin talk

Hot Take #6: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: where is Evie’s frickin army of dwarf slave labor or little mice and birds and deer who help her do all this sewing? I sew for a goddamn living. You expect me to believe that one girl with a home sewing machine (what is that, a fucking Singer? Girl should at least have a Viking, a Bernina, or a Juki), no serger, no industrial straight stitch machine (how the fuck is she sewing all that leather without an industrial???) , is somehow responsible for her entire wardrobe, Mal’s entire wardrobe (at least for her numerous public appearances), special things for her guy friends, as well as the formalwear for the entire female population of Auradon Prep. And somehow still has time to like, go to school/have a social life/advocate for the kids of villains? Hell no. It takes me and my business partner working 60+ hour weeks just to get through all the alterations during prom season, but this one self-taught girl with a home machine makes all these clothes all by herself? Sure. There is some magic involved here. Why does this upset me?

Well when people come to your work and expect miracles because they see girls on tv making 30 formal dresses all by themselves and expect you to be able to completely overhaul their prom dress in two hours, then we’ll talk about whether or not I’m allowed to be bitter.

Hot Take #7: Look, you can have Harry flirt with girls all you want, but he is still exuding Big Queer Energy and there is no convincing me he is not at least bi. There is nothing straight about that boy, okay. This is the hill I will fucking die on.

#8: Gil and Jay are also exuding some super queer energy. Like they go on that world sightseeing trip as friends and come back as boyfriends. I don’t make the rules, I just call the queerness when I see it. Gil is giving me major Soft Gay vibes.

#9 “put your Vs up in the air” *deep breath* Did...did no one vet this? Did anyone, like, point out that, V can be short for...never mind. Okay.

#ignore me #look at me having thoughts about a teen tv movie

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peachymhaechan · 6 years ago

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“How could you not know?”

Genre: angst to fluff

Warning: language, underage drinking, drug use, mentions of sex

Pairing: Haechan x female reader

I’m sorry but this gif killed me so now you all have to suffer with me:) love you, babes!!

you and donghyuck had been best friends for as long as you could remember

you had gone to the same elementary school but didn’t really talk until middle school

the first time y’all had talked to each other was a full on roast session

he walked up to you with a few of his friends and went, “who let you out of the house with that shirt?”

oh no, sis

he did NOT just say that to you

“who let you out of the house with that damn attitude? fix yourself before you try and come for me, dumbass.”

and that was that

he looked at you with wide eyes and a blush on his face and he was Sold

you owned his ass and he owned your ass from that point on

you two became inseparable pretty quickly

anywhere one would go, the other would follow

that included parties, sleepovers, vacations, etc

your parents loved hyuck so much

they loved him like he was their son

sometimes you would have to stay after school and you’d get home to find hyuck sitting at your dining room table with your parents, eating dinner and gossiping like he was part of the family

anyways

you and hyuck were very close, the definition of best friends

as a result, you both had the same friends for the most part

it was senior year and most of your friends had left and gone to college, but you had a solid group of friends: renjun, jeno, jaemin, Chenle, and jisung

Chenle and Jisung were your freshmen babies okay

haechan was like their dad and you were Mom™️

full on Mother

one time some little freshman bully tried being mean to your boys

the entire friend group (aka Dreamies) were not putting up with it, but you went fucking ape shit

you dead ass found him after school in the parking lot

you waited in your car for three hours for the dick to be done with baseball practice so you could kindly talk to him:)

and by that I mean scare the ever living shit out of his bitch ass

to make a long story short, you basically said that if he ever tried to talk bad about the boys, talked to the boys, looked at the boys, or even breathed near the boys you would show up at his house at three in the morning and cut his dick off and tape it to his forehead, then everyone at school would call him a rated r unicorn :)

needless to say, the boy started crying, ran home, and jisung and Chenle never dealt with him again!!

so one day you were driving your children to school

hyuck was in the passenger seat with the aux, jamming out at seven in the morning, how the fuck did he have so much energy?

the other boys squeezed in the back (very illegal, pls don’t do this!! not safe at all, babes, pls be good drivers and follow the laws of the road and be conscious of your safety and the safety of those around you!!)

you stopped at the local coffee shop bc hello?? tired teenagers trying to make it through the day

so y’all drank your coffee and jammed out to shitty early 2000′s pop while on the way to school

when you pulled into the parking lot, nobody wanted to go inside

I mean,,, it’s school, who tf really wants to go to school when you don’t have to

so yall waited in the parking lot until right before the bell for first period rang

during that time, hyuck took the opportunity to tell everyone about a college party mark had invited everyone to

“what??”

“mark told me to invite all of the Dreamies to a party that him and his friends are having, and-”

“A college party?”

“Yes, and-”

“Where there will be alcohol?”

“Well, yeah, and-”

“No way.”

you stood your ground (at first) which made everyone upset

“But Y/N, we want to go!” a chorus of whines answered you

“No way, you’re all too young, and I don’t want to have to drag your bitch asses home when you get plastered,” you argued

“Y/N we are literally the same age,” Renjun, Jeno, Jaemin and Hyuck all said at the same time

“Okay but who drives y’all everywhere? Who gives y’all the answers to the homework? Who fakes your parents’ signatures to get y’all out of school early? Who helps you when you are injured and becomes a nurse? Who lets y’all take over my house when my parents aren’t home? Who cooks y’all food all the time? Who stands up for y’all when people try and be mean?”

radio silence was the response you got

“That’s what I thought. We might be the same age, but I take care of you guys all the damn time, and most of the time, nobody notices. Plus, Chenle and Jisung are fucking babies. There is no way in hell they are going to a college fucking frat party.”

for a couple of days, you had won that argument

but then you were facetiming hyuck one night at two in the morning and he managed to convince you otherwise

“FINE FUCK OKAY, WE CAN GO TO THE PARTY”

cue his squeal and “thank you thank you thank you!”

the next day at school you told the boys to be ready in time for the party

“if you’re not ready and at the door when I get to your house, you’re not going. You can walk,” you told them, still a very strict mom

they all were very excited obviously

bc I mean,,, wow very cool, high schoolers at a college party?? wow very cool

the days leading up to the party were normal

for you, at least

normal drives to school, normal things during school like sleeping through college algebra, skipping class with hyuck to watch Netflix in the basement janitor’s closet, and normal drives home from school, normal dinners with hyuck and his parents, and normal facetimes at one in the morning with hyuck

like I said earlier, you did everything with that boy

no wonder so many people at school thought you were dating

I mean, that and the whole holding hands and hyuck kissing your cheek and hyuck constantly clinging to you thing

but ya know sometimes a homie just needs a kiss on the lips😔🤠

but then the day of the party came and all the boys could talk about was what they would do at said party

“What do I wear?” Jisung asked

“Wear that cute little umbrella hat and your “mommy’s little angel” shirt, dumbass. you wanna be flexin on them hoes, don’t you?” you replied

“How do I not get drunk but still drink?” Jeno thought out loud

“Drink water, fool,” you answered in typical mom fashion

“I’m scared, what if there are scary college kids there that make fun of me?”

“Then Y/N starts a fist fight and we leave the party early, no big deal,” Hyuck told a worried Chenle

anyways

it was time for the party

and you were lookin cute or whateva

so you left the house- an EMPTY house bc parents were out of town, YEET

first stop: bitch ass hyuck’s

you honked the horn to let him know you were outside and he ran outside with two bowls of ice cream in his hands

“Hyuck?? What the fuck??” you asked as he got in the passenger seat and handed you a glass bowl, full of ice cream

“I thought you’d want some,” he sweetly replied, thoughtful as ever

“I mean yeah, I’m always a slut for ice cream, but I’m literally driving.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll feed you.”

and so he fed you spoon fulls of ice cream as you drove to pick up your dolphin, flirt, panicked gay, toddler, and aggressive baby

once they all were in the car and ready to go (aka nervous as shit), y’all headed out to Mark’s party

you knew you were in the right place bc y’all could hear the music from the party a block away

bitch?? it’s 11 o clock?? aren't your neighbors pissed??

but then you remembered you were surrounded by different frats and sororities and nobody within a three mile radius cared bc they were most likely shitfaced, so. ya know

you parked the car and piled out

you ever see a clown car?? bc that was y’all getting out

anyways

there are string lights thrown everywhere, beer cans littering the front yard, some guy throwing up in the bushes, a couple making out on the front steps, and a random fog machine in the doorway

cool

the freshies and even your fellow seniors were in awe

you were the only one who hadn’t been pumped for this party but you were starting to look forward to it??

but you had to be the designated driver:/

sike hyuck could drive

you led the group of scared but excited little ducklings into the house and were greeted by a tipsy Mark picking you up in his drunken happiness

“Y/N!!!!” he yelled into your ear and fucking. spun you around and shit

“Hello, Mark! How much have you had to drink so far?” you asked, shocked that he could be that fucked up when the party had only started less than an hour ago

“So much!! Haha anyways-” he set you down on the floor and greeted the others

he knew the freshmen babies from going to hyuck’s “bangers” and shit

and by banger I mean the #gang watching john mulaney in hyuck’s basement and playing cards against humanity until three in the morning

he gave the boys hugs, him and hyuck did their dope ass handshake, and he took everybody into the kitchen for drinks and to socialize

“this is my frat house, do you guys like it?”

“Mark, since we are best friends I think you deserve my honesty....” you started and glanced at Hyuck

“It’s a shithole,” you both said at the same time

Mark laughed and told you both, “Thanks, I appreciate it. It usually looks better when red Solo cups aren’t laying everywhere.”

mark led y’all into the kitchen and the first smell that hit your nose was alcohol, and the second was weed

luckily the people carrying a bong left the kitchen and went out in the backyard so the initial impact was gone

the scent still lingered tho which was not so cool!!

and as a result, made you latch onto your children

there were people in there making out, and they were about one clothing item away from doing the deed in the middle of the kitchen

Chenle and Jisung grabbed your hands so you knew they were //afraid//

Mark stopped and said hi to people along the way, all matching the stereotypical frat boy look

“Hey Yuta, pour everyone a drink, would you?” he asked some guy standing at the island with a bottle of vodka in his hands

the boy oozed narcissism and made you want to punch him in the face when he made eye contact with you and winked

the boy had the audacity to wink ?? boy if you don’t

donghyuck scooched closer to you and introduced himself

“hey, I’m donghyuck.”

“I’m Yuta, and you are?” he asked, wiggling his eyebrows at you

“Jailbait. Fuck off and hurry up with the drinks.”

a cackle sounded behind the group and a few boys appeared next to mark

“I think that’s the first time any girl has ever talked to Yuta like that. I’m Johnny and this is Jaehyun, Taeyong and Lucas.”

opinion on Johnny: chill, very tall

opinion on Jaehyun: tall, pretty smile

opinion on Taeyong: sharp features, mom friend vibe

opinion on Lucas: tall (again), fuckboy but a sweetheart

opinion on Yuta: fuckboy and full fuckboy at that

Yuta handed your drink and you took a sip while everyone watched, waiting for you to make a face or something

“Really?” Jisung asked, shocked that you didn’t have a problem with it

“Mama didn’t raise no pussy,” you told him, taking another sip

Yuta handed everyone their drinks (thankfully he gave Chenle and Jisung hardly any in their cups, bless up bitches)

Mark dragged y’all outside where the pool was

and bc there was a pool there, there were a bunch of drunks swimming

and beer pong set up, which meant more drunk party goers

“you still have to meet more people!!” - drunk mark gesturing to literally everyone in the damn building

“this is Ten or Shitty Phone, whichever you prefer,” he said, smiling at a short boy who was engrossed in a game of beer pong

“Doyoung and Jungwoo....” the two boys were terribly dancing to a Chase Atlantic song

“Winwin, Kun, and Taeil..... that should be it.... I don't know half of the people here to be 100% honest with you guys.”

“Great, thanks! We will leave you to it, dude. I’m sure we will find you later on in the night,” Hyuck said, telling Mark to go and socialize at his own party instead of just standing with the lame high school kids that were there for some reason

jeno and jaemin clung to each other, fighting over who would be on their teams for beer pong while Chenle and Jisung were fascinated by everything

“wanna play beer pong?” Hyuck asked, to which you automatically agreed

let’s just say that wasn’t your first rodeo to beer pong and you knew you could kick some major ass at it

“you and me on a team?”

“yes, you fool.”

so you two played against the winner of the game that was going on at the time (Yuta and Taeyong) and completely forgot about your children oof

since they won the previous game, they went first and missed the first shot:)

you and Hyuck did rock paper scissors to see who would go first on your side

you won, so you picked up the ball and got it in a cup on your first try (you go sis!!)

Yuta and Taeyong looked at each other in shock and also slight worry while Hyuck smugly smirked like //yeah bitch that’s my bff, what’s good//

to make a long story short, you and Hyuck only missed one shot the entire game

Yuta and Taeyong, however, missed seven

obviously team full sun won

by the time you had played over half the party guests, both you had quite the buzz while Hyuck didn’t drink that much so he was A-Okay

after a short bit of time, you decided “It’s too hot out here”

“Y/N, so help me God, don’t-” Hyuck started but got stopped mid sentence by buzzed Y/N starting to strip

rip to your favorite jean jacket that was ripped off and thrown into the pool

rest easy queen, you will be missed:(

after that, the party was a blur

you thought they’d play a bunch of rap but they played indie and alternative over the speakers (not that there are any complaints here tbh)

occasionally you’d spot your kids and stop to talk

of course there was a red solo cup in your hand, full of some hard ass liquor that you definitely should not be having

“RENJUNNIE, MY BABY BOY!!!”

“Y/N, I’m two months older than you-” only to be stopped by a completely drunk Y/N pinching his cheeks

let’s be real tho: we’d all love to pinch that boy’s cheeks, sober or not

“Y/N, where is Donghyuck?” Renjun asked, slinging an arm around your shoulders and trying to get through a crowd of people to find Hyuck

“I don’t know but I miss him.... can we find him? Oh, wait, can we find Jeno and Jaeminie and Jisungie and Lele? I need to make sure that they’re okay!!”

“Y/N honey, I think you’re the one that they should be checking on to make sure you’re okay...”

“Junnie, I love you so much, I hope you know that. I’m so incredibly glad you are in my life, and- oh, is that tequila?! Doyoung, be a doll and pour me a glass of that, would you?”

cue Renjun trying to motion to Doyoung to stop but doyoung really had nothing to lose so

you grabbed the cup from doyoung before Renjun could reach it so he was very :)))))) oh really doyoung haha :)))) yotl bitch !! haha :)))

he dragged you to the backyard where donghyuck was talking to mark

“HYUUUUUUCCCCCCKKKKKKIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!”

about half of the people outside turned to you, who had been practically laying on Renjun

you yelled hyuck’s name with your head down and after a couple of seconds you popped right up like nothing was wrong and walked over to him

him and mark looked at each other like //fuck dude//

“my boys!!” drunk y/n cooed

you had no idea where jeno or jaemin or Jisung or Chenle were but it was okay bc at least you had three of your sons together

“I want to go swimming. Mark, can I go swimming?” you asked, sounding completely normal for a couple of seconds before cackling and telling everyone that it was a false alarm

“Y/N, honey, I don’t think that is a good idea, please do not go in the-”

nice try, mark. you tried.

the devil works hard but shit faced Y/N works harder

within seconds, you ripped off your shirt and shorts and shoes and jumped in

which then caused everyone to stare, which then caused everyone to realize what a good idea swimming was, which then caused everyone to jump in the pool

meanwhile, Hyuck, Mark, Renjun and the others (who were all standing on the side and getting videos of everything your kooky ass did, thanks guys) were in pure shock

never did they ever think that you’d be the difficult drunk

but whaddya know!! life sure is crazy sometimes :)

“Y/N, please get out, Y/N, please-” Renjun kept saying, reaching down for your hand on the side of the pool

you remained unbothered tho

until Hyuck came over and all he did was give you a look but you understood and became very uwu

“hyuckie!! my baby hyuckie!! I love you so much!!” you screamed and swam over to him

he smiled and said, “I love you too, Y/N, but I need you to get out of the pool.”

“Why?? Are we going to get something else to drink?? Are we going to dance??”

“Yes we can dance, but only if you get out of the pool,” he said

he helped you out of the pool and put his jacket around you and mouthed to Renjun “get the keys and get in the car”

cue Renjun immediately collecting the others and bolting to the car

“Donghyuckie!! Can we talk to Mark before we go and get another drink??”

“Yes, sweetheart, let’s go say goodbye to him and thank him for inviting us, yeah?”

“Are we leaving so soon?”

“Yes, unfortunately we have to go home.”

“But why?”

“Because the party will be done soon and we have to go and get Jisung and Chenle home before their bedtime.”

“TIME TO TUCK IN THE BABIES!!”

“Yes, exactly!! Now say bye to Mark!! Bye, Mark, thank you for inviting us!!”

“Bye, Mark, I love you! I will miss you so much, thank you for inviting me! I love you so much, I- I would kill someone for you, you know that? I will literally murder someone if it means you are happy. I will do it. You say the word and I will cut off the problem immediately, and-”

mark was fucking shaking in his boots but also slightly flattered??

wow, get you a best friend that is as dedicated as you are to mark

mark cut you off by hugging you and giving Hyuck a look that said //get her home right now lmao she is fucking wasted//

so before you got the chance to run off (Hyuck already knew you were gonna do that smh) Hyuck threw you over his shoulder and carried you out

Renjun, jeno, jaemin, Chenle and Jisung followed and watched as angry y/n pounded on hyuck’s shoulders and back because she wanted put down

“DOYOUNG! TAEYONG! MAKE HYUCK PUT ME DOWN!”

“sorry, sweetheart,” Taeyong said, knowing that Hyuck wasn’t doing that just for the fun of it

“JOHNNY, TEN, YUTA, WINWIN PLEASE HELP ME!!!”

they laughed, and Yuta said, “Nope, looks like Donghyuck has everything under control.”

JUNGWOO, KUN, LUCAS GET ME DOWN- JAEHYUN, PLEASE HELP-”

meanwhile, Jeno had his phone out and recorded the whole thing

Hyuck managed to make it through the party and to the car without losing anyone

AND without you causing any serious damage to his back

Renjun ran to the car first and unlocked it and started it up

Renjun got in the driver’s seat, Jisung got in the passenger seat, and the rest of y’all piled in the back

again, illegal, don't do that

also don’t drink underage

you sprawled out on everyone’s laps, your feet on jaemin’s lap and head on hyuck’s lap

“Hyuckie, play with my hair please,” you whined, looking up at him with puppy dog eyes

of course he played with your hair, he wasn’t a damn idiot and also heard you talking about how you’d kill for mark so.....

“Renjun, take the backway, there is almost never any cops there.”

“I know.”

Renjun tried his best to drive home as quick as he could even though he had your ass in the back of the car

“Can we stop at McDonald’s?”

“No, Y/N.”

“But chicken nuggets!!”

“We have those at home.”

“No we don’t!!”

“No nuggets, Y/N.”

and then you started crying real tears because no nuggets:(

but finally you guys got home safe, thank you Renjun

the people in front got out first, then jeno and jaemin who were by your feet

Chenle and donghyuck helped you out, helping you walk since you were too wobbly to do it yourself

Renjun unlocked your front door and everyone went inside

they all practically lived there so they knew where the blankets and pillows were, and they went into the kitchen to get snacks

Jeno ran upstairs to get clothes that the boys had left there before in case of an emergency sleepover

Hyuck helped you up the stairs

“Do you want to take a shower?” he asked you

“Yes. Can you bring me clean pajamas please?”

“Yeah, go jump in the shower and I’ll lay them on the toilet.”

You somehow managed to shower without throwing up or falling over and when you got out you found new pajamas laying on the toilet and that Hyuck had taken your dirty clothes (aka your bra and underwear and his jacket since you stripped at the party)

you stumbled to your room, where Hyuck sat on your bed and played with the frayed end of one of your blankets

“I got you a glass of water and medicine,” he said when you walked in the room

you flopped down on the bed next to him and laid face down on your pillow

“Are you okay?”

“Mmmmmmmphghapppp” (y’all know what that means)

“I’m going to go downstairs now-”

“Don’t.”

he couldn’t hear you because you mumbled, so he walked away but before he was out of your reach you grabbed his arm and said, “Stay.”

he stood still for a couple of seconds, just processing what you said

finally, he laid down next to you and rubbed your back bc he knew you were feeling very not so good

“You okay?”

“No. I feel terrible,” you told him, not slurring your words anymore (yay!)

“Well, you drank a shit ton, so I’m not surprised.”

“I don’t think I’m ever going to drink that much ever again,” you groaned, rolling over to look at him

Hyuck smiled, but noticed you rolled over to look at him

poor boy was so whipped that he stared into your eyes and didn’t even realize it

“What are you looking at?” you asked, smirking a bit

“You.”

your brows went up and all you could think was //oh shit//

“I like you,” Hyuck boldly admitted, deciding that that was it, enough was enough,

he was going to finally admit his crush on you after five years

it was like he was the drunk one and not you

you responded with a stunned silence

“How could you not know? I’ve liked you since we first met. Any time I’m around you, I feel safe, I feel- I feel like me, like I can breathe, like I can do anything I put my heart to. You give me butterflies in my stomach, you make me dizzy, you give me reason to try and do my best in life. It’s you, Y/N.”

o o f

y/n.exe has stopped working

“That’s good to hear,” you said, smiling and blushing

“Why?” Hyuck asked, confusion and scared bc he just laid his heart out to you

“Because the feeling is mutual.”

Hyuck immediately broke out into a big smile and started giggling

“I’d kiss you but I’m still kind of drunk and fee shitty and my mouth probably tastes like alcohol.”

he smiled and then yawned, wrapping his arms around you and pulling you into his chest

“I really shouldn’t be doing this in case you throw up but I don’t really care, this is... nice,” Hyuck whispered into your hair

“But the lights are on and hurting my head,” you whined, wrapping your arms around his waist and snuggling closer

“I’m too lazy to get up..... RENJUN!!”

cue tired Renjun running up the stairs bc he thought something was genuinely wrong

Renjun burst into the room yelling “IS EVERYTHING OKAY? WHA- yo what the fuck?”

“Shhhhh, she’s asleep. Can you turn the lights off please? I’m scared to move and piss her off,” Hyuck sheepishly asked, partially lying

there was a reason he yelled for Renjun

he knew Renjun wouldn’t make a big deal out of it but if you or Hyuck ever crossed him, he’d tell everyone in a heart beat

so all you guys had to do was not do him dirty and y’all would be okay !!

you fell asleep in hyuck’s arms and woke up a couple hours later with one bitch of a hangover

but you being you, you wanted to cook food for the boys so you forced yourself to get out of bed

somehow you got away from Hyuck without waking him up

you went downstairs and saw jeno, jaemin, Renjun, Chenle, and Jisung all in one big pile on your living room floor, blankets and pillows thrown everywhere

you took a picture of the boys to use as blackmail (but also because those boys were your best friends and the most important people in your life and wanted to treasure one of the rare moments where everyone was 100% peaceful and calm)

you started cooking pancakes and bacon, all while nursing a hangover

Jisung was the first one to get up, and he wandered into the kitchen half asleep with bedhead

he sat down at the dining room table and zoned out

you set a glass of orange juice down in front of him and ruffled his hair, saying “Close your mouth, you’ll catch flies.”

one by one the boys woke up and wandered to the source of the delicious smell coming from the kitchen

“Y/N, are you wearing sunglasses?” Jeno asked, stealing a piece of bacon and going into the dining room

“Yes. Don’t steal any more bacon, you fucker.”

donghyuck was the last one to get up, so he stumbled into the kitchen and didn’t even notice the glasses, but he saw you and

homeboy

homeboy done did it

he gave you a back hug

in front of all of the kids ?!

you weren’t upset about it tho lol

he rested his head on your shoulder and said, “Damn, we knew you were a classy bitch but you didn’t have to flex on us this early in the morning.”

“Hyuck it’s literally 11 in the morning and I have a hangover,” you told him, leaving your spot to take the food over to the table

Hyuck smirked and sat down next to you, avoiding the many stares of the others

others including mark, who randomly was sitting at your dining room table?? you asked no questions

“Close your mouths, you all look like trout,” you replied to the stares, putting a couple of pancakes and bacon on your plate

“Are you guys going to explain or should I ask what in the fuck is going on?” Jaemin asked, cutting right to the chase

and of course Renjun sipped on his orange juice, knowing exactly what in the fuck was going on

“I mean.... Y/N is cute or whatever so....” Hyuck announced, blushing and trying to act tough but failing miserably

“He’s alright I guess...”

“Well it’s about damn time!” mark exclaimed

“Mark how the fuck did you get in my house?”

“I still have the spare key your parents gave me four years ago,” he admitted, shoving his face full of pancakes

the rest of breakfast was spent eating with your boys and reviewing the night before

you said, “I DID WHAT?!” at least ten times (I can’t say I blame you tbh)

by the end of breakfast, everyone was full and had laughed so much that their stomach hurt

they all helped you clean up and do the dishes (angels!!) and then it was time for everyone to leave:(

since some of the boys lived close, they just walked home

but Renjun and jisung’s parents had to pick them up (and since hello!! your parents weren’t home!! they had their parents pick them up from hyuck’s house next door, oooo clever boys)

and since you and Hyuck were ever so kind, y’all drove mark back to his frat

Hyuck drove tho, you were still too fucked up to drive so you sat in the passenger seat and mark was in the back blabbering away

when everyone except for you and Hyuck had gone, it was.... pretty nice

instead of beating around the bush, y’all got right to the chase

“want to go on a date on Saturday?” Donghyuck asked, not caring to phrase it differently since the feeling was mutual

“Yeah, sounds good, text me details,” you said, giving him one last hug before he went home

as soon as he got home, the boy texted you details for your date (a moment he had been dreaming about since middle school)

and let’s be real, you had been waiting for that moment for a really long time and you’re glad drunk y/n was impulsive because hey!

you snagged the best boyfriend ever! and there is nothing you wouldn’t do for him, and there’s nothing he wouldn’t do for you!

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thokage-archive · 7 years ago

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:0 klance for the ship ask thing?

please send me a ship and I will tell you

KLANCEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

who’s the cuddler: Keith, but in a very lowkey way. He doesn’t make his desire to be constantly cuddling with Lance obvious, he kind of just slowly inches himself closer to lance on whatever bed or couch they’re on till their legs are intertwined or till he’s lowkey the little spoon. Lance doesn’t mention it, he’s kind of used to all his little siblings curling up to him whenever they were tired & their parents were at work. If anything he just finds it endearing & sort of slowly strokes Keith’s hair as he relaxes more because he knows his younger siblings always found it comforting.

Keith’s love for cuddling doesn’t end with Lance though. Shiro was the first person he ever felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable around. But slowly over time Keith has grown close enough with each of the paladins that they are all well aware of his habit to just curl up like a cat next to the nearest one of them & k.o. after a particularly long or stressful mission. Hunk & Shiro are probably the only two he cuddles with anywhere close to as much as he cuddles with Lance.

who makes the bed: Neither, they’re both lazy as fuck teenage boys & could care less. Plus they’re always getting called out of bed at crazy fucking hours by Allura or Shiro to fight some gross galra bitches or something so yeah, neither. At the garrison, it was another story but only because they were forced to keep their rooms clean for daily inspections like at boot camp.

who wakes up first: Keith, but more so out of habit from the garrison, it’s not something he really ever stopped doing once he got kicked out. He’s okay with it though because he doesn’t sleep a lot as it is and he likes watching the sunrise. He used to like taking his hoverbike out on mornings he woke up particularly early and watch the sun set fire to the desert landscape as it creeped up over the mountains. He would think about Shiro, his Dad, and where his mom might be or if she was even alive, and just kind of quietly mull things over & wonder how his life got to where it was.

who has the weird taste in music: Hmmmmm….. depends on what we’re defining as weird, but personally, I’m gonna say neither. Lance listens to a lot of reggaeton, early 2000s r&b and of course the bops & bangers of today (you bet your ass he’s gonna be happy as fuck when he gets to earth and sees how popular despacito and mi gente got because he was always made fun of by white demons at school for listening to Spanish music).

Keith, however, is more of a 90s/early 2000s alt-rock/“emo”/indie music sorta guy, but like before emo was a thing. He listens to Radiohead, the killers, cage the elephant, green day, Tegan and Sara, smashing pumpkins (some 80s music like the Smiths, a-ha, the cure, talking heads, pixies, etc). While some of his fave more modern bands are the neighborhood, sir sly, bad suns, foster the people, and a little bit of pop-punk like the front bottoms, modern baseball, moose blood, FIDLAR, and tigers jaw. His playlist is like a moody aesthetic grunge playlist.

who is more protective: Lance, he can’t help it. It just comes naturally to him since he’s so fiercely protective over his siblings as it is. He always has Keith’s back in a battle (& vice versa of course) but he really goes that extra fucking mile. They are genuinely an unstoppable duo when they battle together, it impresses even Allura how well adapted they are to one another’s fighting style. They’re a lethal team. And you can also bet your ass that they are constantly sparing with one another (& with Shiro or Hunk for the extra challenge).

who sings in the shower: Lance! He’s not a morning person but once he’s up he’s up, and he enjoys doing his morning routine. It keeps him grounded & is a calming methodical way for him to start his day. When he sleeps over in Keith’s room (or Keith in his) Keith always hears him singing something in the shower. He normally sings in Spanish & it really got Keith feeling some typa way because it’s just so so soooooo pretty. Lance singing in his first language just feels…. right, natural. He sounds so comfortable and at ease with himself by the way the words just seem to roll off his tongue & it’s easily the most confident he’s ever heard Lance, he probably thinks Keith can’t even hear him. But honestly, he could sing Keith to sleep every night & you would hear no complaints from Keith.

who cries during movies: Both! But they are far too proud to admit it. Pidge will see a tear rolling down either of their faces & make the biggest deal out of it in the world, announcing it to all the other paladins by shouting “OH MY GOD LANCE ARE YOU SERIOUSLY CRYING RIGHT NOW?! AHAHAA”

At which point Shiro will chime in with something along the lines of…

“Now Pidge it’s perfectly reasonable to cry in this situation, in fact, it’s healthy for him to be expressing his emotions with us so openly-”

*cue lance screaming* “SHUT UP PIDGE, I am most definitely NOT crying” (he says as he rubs his eyes furiously)

*now cue shiro looking into the camera like he’s on the office completely abandoning whatever speech he was about to give while pidge & lance scream at each other in the background*

who spends the most while out shopping: Lance, but only because skin care products are so goddamn expensive. Even in space, it seems he can’t get a decent moisturizer for less than 1,000 gac.

who kisses more roughly: Keith, that boy loves him a good ass Lancey Lance make out session & you legit cannot convince me otherwise. While Lance most certainly surprises Keith with little pecks on the lips or cheek, Keith is always the one initiating their makeout sessions & holy smokes talk about intense. Keith can’t help it, he holds on to Lance like he’s afraid he’s gonna slip away if he doesn’t. He’s not used to having nice things and he doesn’t exactly know whatever this thing is between him and Lance but he does know he’s not willing to let it slip away like everything else seems to in his life. He kisses Lance like he’s the only breathe of air he’ll get all day. Smashing his lips against Lance’s, desperately gripping at his waist, pressing their bodies together like the fate of the universe is at stake and the only thing that’ll save it is them holding onto each other. He leaves Lance gasping for air, but for Keith, every moment he spends away from Lance is when he feels like he’s suffocating. Kissing Lance is what he imagines a clear head feels like, kissing Lance is what it feels like to be on solid ground after floating around aimlessly in the clouds your whole life. Kissing Lance is like coming home after a long vacation and feeling the peace you had forgotten being at home brings. For Keith, its the only home he’s ever known.

who is more dominate: Keith, he is a hot head at his very core & the idea of not being in control annoys him. But everything is a compromise in their relationship. They know when to pick their battles with each other & when it comes to piloting the lions, Lance is Keith’s right hand as always. He trusts Keith’s battle instincts & trusts him to lead Voltron. Now, however, that Keith is on mission with the blade, Lance finds himself questioning Shiro more and more. He finds himself thinking of ways out of their situation but unsure of himself and unable to voice his opinions. He wishes Keith were around… wishes for his unending encouragement of Lance. He knows what Keith would say if he was there… “don’t get so in your own head Lance, speak up. Say what you need to say. No one here is going to judge you, we trust you, we need you” he’d say that like it were the most obvious and truthful thing on earth or any other planet… and Lance would believe him.

my rating of the ship from 1-10: (first can I apologize that the last two lowkey turned into Keith & Lance like one-shot stories lmao, peep that black paladin Lance content I’m fucking dying for) UM 12/10 A QUALITY FUCKING SHIP WOW. Pretty much the only ship I’m literally dying to see become canon. I think they have a very interesting dynamic & are a very plausible ship. I don’t really even ship anyone else in Voltron that much (aside from Hunay but even then Hunk & Shay lack content so RIP ME).

THESE THINGS ARE SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE, SEND ME MORE SHIPS!

#barkugou-catsuki #asks #kaitlyn talks #vld #voltron #voltron: legendary defender #voltron legendary defender #klance #keith kogane #lance mcclain #lance #keith #shiro #pidge #hunk #paladins #red paladins #bp lance

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still-single · 7 years ago

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His Electro Blue Voice – Mental Hoop LP (Iron Lung/Maple Death)

RECOMMENDED

Wanna know what loneliness feels like? Try having an uncontrollable fear of the term “post-punk” when used in any context or in any combination on behalf of describing or promoting something as-yet-unheard. Unless that something is on Iron Lung, a label with constantly good taste, and a knack for ferreting out bands/artists with both the chops (songwriting, hooks, mood, all sorts of nuanced ineffables) and the teeth to navigate the inspirational underground landscape of yore that somehow otherwise maintains a production rate of 341 enemies of relevance per day. Iron Lung has at least had my casual attention since a particularly rejuvenating succession of Chaos in Tejas experiences (2009-2011), but it appears they’re 2 - 3 years into a hot streak. Dreamdecay’s Yu has become my LP of 2017, warming up to Behavior (great live, tho) and thanks to a house-sitting request over last Thanksgiving (aka someone else’s record collection to peruse) I now know that DIÄT has a couple of bangers I pine to dial up daily until I come across a used copy of Positive Energy. Plus there’s a bunch of other titles I’m certain I’d cross the street for, because I already did within these halls of online opinion.

This Italian band’s 2013 debut long-scraper, Ruthless Sperm, was released (into the loving arms of public indifference) by Sub Pop after a few 7”s had surfaced across different imprints since 2007. I’m not saying HEBV was too abrasive for Sub Pop, who still takes a risk or two for a label of their girth, but rather that now would be the time for such exposure (it being the moment when something like Exhaustion can do just fine for themselves). As for the “post-punk” tag I noticed repeatedly before the sounds hit … yeah, I suppose it’s here in pretty broad strokes but it isn’t the first (or even the fifth) thing to kick me in the ears, and in no way is it an immediate and obvious foundational springboard from which bands like Behavior, DIÄT, NOTS, Publicist UK and Dark Blue all have their own unique ways of getting all David Copperfield so as to produce good-to-great end results. Not to get off track, but if you read that as my stating that those bands sound anything like one another or HEBV, then start over or start elsewhere.

With Mental Hoop, HEBV prefer to perform their hat trick on a chunk of history much more suited to output on an industrial wavelength, sounds that could date back anywhere from the late ‘80s to the early ‘00s as a point of authentic origin. It’s a big part of what separates this album from the lesser, more organic Ruthless Sperm. Under the umbrella just referenced, I hesitate to mention a supporting role played by what was long ago received as “industrial metal” when it’s true metallic content was frequently up for debate. Lest any readers get the wrong idea, let it be known without any misunderstanding that if any Wax Trax release made as much as a half-step in the direction of sounding this good, well, it probably wouldn’t be a Wax Trax release to begin with. Same goes with that third type of Godflesh song that no one ever mentions; not the silly Godflesh (too much of it), the pretty Godflesh (the rare instances of Jesu prediction), but the bark-free intensities with more melodic, heavily echoed deep canyon or disembodied high-end snarls/screams that popped up on the overlooked self-titled debut and Slavestate EP. Still, when placed next to that stuff, someone would just issue me a classic “what the fuck are you thinking? Who lets you write about music?”

The percussive part of this album falls into the unknown between organic and machinated mainly because it’s overpowered by sheets upon sheets-if not loops upon loops-of guitar and synth pummelling out simple chords, providing gap-filling noise or hiding nuanced beauty in the cracks for real listeners. When HEBV really strike gold, as they do here on at least three tracks, they evoke a rather visceral and caustic strain of the noisiest noise-pop, driven by amazing hooks of rare quality. I keep wanting to make an Atari Teenage Riot reference but have no idea how to bring it around to convincing anyone of Mental Hoop’s closing verdict. For fans of everything mentioned above … barring of course, the garbage. Great cover/packaging, black vinyl, only 300 available stateside, and you cannot have mine. (https://ironlungrecords.bigcartel.com) (http://www.mapledeathrecords.com) (Andrew Earles)

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a-slut-for-smut · 3 years ago

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@let-all-bleed-and-burn aww thank you for the tag my dear, you'll regret tho cuz imma go a little nuts on this one lol

1. Obokuri-Eeumi - Ikue Asazaki (Samurai Champloo)

You don't need any context or any understanding of the lyrics for this song to haunt you for the rest of your days. It's a folk song about a mother selflessly toiling without complaint so her children can have a better life and makes the sequence its played over in the show ever that more poignant

2. F*ckin in the Bushes - Oasis (Snatch)

idc that the Gallaghers are dickheads, whenever i hear this song my brainrot always imagines Mikasa and Levi squaring up fight club style and proceeding to beat the shit out of each other (with Mikasa going absolutely feral) and its HOT

3. Me & the Devil - Soap & Skin

peak Alutegra theme song, just take one listen to the lyrics and try to convince me otherwise

4. On the Nature of Daylight - Max Richter (The Arrival)

No lyrics, just achingly haunting somber feels. Richter is a master at this. His Vivaldi Four Seasons recomposition is also excellent.

5. Waves Crashing on Distant Shores of Time - Clint Mansell (Black Mirror)

No lyrics, just chill ethereal vibes veiled with memories, tinged with dreams . Really does evoke wave imagery tho, great episode too.

6. God's Whisper - Raury

just an amazing hype anthem w/ themes of overcoming oppression

7. Hurt Me Soul - Lupe Fiasco

Lupe's one of those rappers who could have made it mainstream/big time easily but opted to focus his music on his personal social commentary/the plight of african americans. His bars are straight fire- you will be humbled. Lyrical poetry at its finest.

8. Boys Wanna Be Her - Peaches

Perfect "girl power"* song, also great bisexual hype anthem. *pls watch The Boys if you havent, its perfectly executed

9. The Touch - Stan Bush (Transformers The Movie)

im a whore for 80s ballads/sick guitar shredding solos and nearly all songs on this OST is an absolute banger. and im always severely disappointed its never available for karaoke :(

10. You Belong to Me - Jo Stafford

yeah im a whore for sappy 1940-50's love songs too, sue me. Whenever this song comes on- me and mine stop what we're doing and have a little slow dance, i like to stand on his feet hehe :)

taggin some lovelies, feel free to go nuts or not :D (and anyone else who wants!) xoxo

@warbarbie @originalladyscythe @ackermanshoe @gilly-bj @helena-thessaloniki @fefipranon @stalactice @ally147writes @writebecauseyoucannotbreathe @mylienated @caviaporcellusx @djmarinizelablog @kuruus

i was tagged by my melodramatic tsundere comrade @what-breaks-my-heart thank youuuuu!!!! 😘😘

Rules: List 10 songs you really like, each by a different artist, and then 10 tag people to do the same.

i just used my spotify recently played playlist for this bc an algorithm manages to neatly list my current obsessions better than my brain:

INVU - TAEYEON

Drawer - 10cm

Why - Janet Suh

OK! - NCT U

About Last Night - Monsta X

Red Sun - Dreamcatcher

Our Beloved Summer - Kim Kyung Hee

Red Thread - ONEUS

That's What You Get - Paramore

Oh, Calamity! - All Time Low

tagging: @fierycavalier @nymeria8 @kero-verdade @cruwlwinterr @iamacolor @sleeping-star @cupofteaandstars @kookyeonsus @oyzoe @haedahl enjoooyyyyy x

#told yall i have eclectic tastes :D #<3<3<3 #tag game

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footbaliimagines · 7 years ago

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attention (a hector bellerin imagine)

this is the sequel to happy birthday (if you haven’t read that yet or want to refresh considering I posted it about 45 years ago it’s linked here) but more so from hector’s perspective this time. it’s vaguely based on attention by charlie puth (an absolute BANGER) and I hope you like it :+)

maybe you just hate the thought of me with someone new

you just want attention

you’re just making sure I’m never getting over you

It’s July, the peak of summer, and the weather outside is humid and surprisingly warm for London. Hector and his friends are celebrating for one last time before the new season begins, as a final hurrah and opportunity to go out and not worry about the consequences before the return of strict dietary regimes, a cycle of unending training sessions and weekends busy driving up and down the country. The club is hot and sweaty, with the thumping bass and sporadic bursts of bright light not helping the humidity in the slightest.

She’s wearing that dress again.

And she’s swaying side to side, head tilted back ever so slightly, hair tumbling down her back in messy, loose waves and hips moving to the beat. The flashing lights of the club are reflecting off the silver of her earrings and her dress is gripping her curves, taunting him, teasing him, as she sucks on her straw. It’s an innocent action but Hector’s mind can’t help but wander elsewhere.

He wasn’t expecting her to come tonight.

(It’s probably a good thing, too, a blessing in disguise that he was unaware, because otherwise he probably would have convinced himself that turning up at all was a bad idea full stop, and that staying at home, wallowing in Game of Thrones, would be much more appealing.)

Hector clenches his fists and leans back on the sofa behind him. His friends are surrounding him and laughing and knocking back shots, slapping his shoulder and his knee and whenever a particularly good song comes on, jumping to their feet. All he can do, on the other hand, is watch her.

It feels creepy, and he knows that deep down he shouldn’t be staring at her so intently, but coming out and wearing a dress like that and dancing like that so nearby meant that anything else would have been virtually impossible.

She has to know what she’s doing.

(She must know.)

And it must be on purpose.

Hector can’t help but muse that it’s all probably a massive cry for attention- and not just anyone in the club’s attention, because if this were the case he wouldn’t care and he’d be happy for her to go home with anyone she pleases- but his attention.

(She was doing a pretty damn good job at capturing it, if that were the case.)

She flips her hair over her shoulder and gives him a look, dipping her head forwards slightly. They’re standing metres away from each other, and the space of the dancefloor between them is littered with people, but she’s always had this funny habit of being the only person he could focus on in a crowded room. When they make eye contact again, she presses her lips together in a smile.

(Or rather, an attempt at a smile. It was more a mixture of a glare and a frown, and her eyes are burning into him to such an extent that he when he stands up to greet her, he nearly trips over his own feet.)

Her eyes are gleaming under the lights, shrouded in smoky eye makeup and narrowing slightly, captivatingly, as she sends a coy smile his way.

“I didn’t think you were coming tonight.”

They were familiar words, reminiscent of his birthday party and the last time they spoke, and he’s ready to burst out laughing at the coincidence when Little Mix start to play in the background again.

(Alex’s doing, probably.)

(He can’t say he blames him.)

“This is becoming quite the occurrence, isn’t it?”

Hector nods and exhales. “Yeah, I guess.”

“It’s been a while.”

“How have you been?”

“Fine.” She shrugs, dismissively and calmly. “Are you here with Emily?”

“No.” He replies, and he watches her ears prick up and her eyebrows raise slightly. “She, um, couldn’t make it tonight.”

“Ah,” She nods slowly, before convincing herself that they must have broken up and running with the assumption. There’s a hint of a smile on her face that makes Hector’s blood suddenly run hot. “That’s a shame.”

(To her, it really, really isn’t.)

“No, what I meant was that-.”

She continues, smugly, “You don’t have to explain. Some relationships don’t work out, it’s not a big deal.”

“We’re still together.” He clears his throat. “She’s just busy tonight. We’re still together.”

She grimaces. “That’s embarrassing. Sorry about that.”

He watches her eyes dart nervously around the room, everywhere apart from looking at him, and the smile she had previously adopted, that sadistic pleasure she had taken when thinking they had broken up, has dissipated entirely. Hector almost takes pleasure in watching her squirm.

“No worries.”

“So, you and Emily, then?”

Hector nods slowly, “She’s a friend of Calum’s. We met through him.”

“How long?”

“About a month, give or take a week, I guess.”

She compliments, “She’s lovely.”

(She’s not lying, and she knows deep down that it would be ridiculously unfair to harbour any bad feelings towards Emily.)

(But vodka is currently clouding her judgement, and it hurts, so much that sometimes she thinks she can’t breathe, and heartbreak has made her bitterer and angrier than she’d ever care to admit.)

Hector swallows, his throat dry and restricting his ability to breathe properly, and he runs a hand through his hair. It feels wrong, to talk about another woman with her, and it feels like cheating, in some weird, warped way, despite their current relationship being non-existent, or civil, at best. “Yeah, things are going great.” His voice cracks ever so slightly, revealing the lie he’s telling, but he swallows and nods quickly to play it off as a tickle in his throat.

In reality, things aren’t going so swimmingly. Arguments relating to his apparent inability to commit and disagreements about the direction in which their relationship was going were becoming increasingly common.

(But she of all people doesn’t need to know that.)

“I’m happy for you.” She looks across at him, and maybe it’s the vodka rushing to her head or maybe she’s finally accepting things, but she smiles at him and speaks, “I want you to be happy, Hec.”

(Her smile is sickly sweet, and he knows her too well to fall for it.)

“And I want you to meet Jack.”

The next thing Hector knows, there’s a 6”4 brunette stood next to her with his arm looped around her waist and his right hand offering a handshake. Hector watches his hand snake up around her ribcage and squeeze her side, and he’s almost certain he can taste vomit in the back of his throat. “Nice to meet you.”

She watches his face fall, and smugly asserts, “He’s training to become a surgeon.”

It produces a dull ache in his bones and an emptiness in his gut, and he nods and swallows, smiling forcibly. He’s almost as attractive as a man could possibly be, Hector muses, he’s tall, sculpted, handsome, and he’s virtually drowning in self-pity until he stumps up the courage to look at her again, and he notices the way that she doesn’t make proper eye contact with Jack or appear to listen to what he’s saying at all.

(It’s then, to Hector’s great satisfaction, that he realises Jack’s being used for nothing more than to piss him off.)

(And to his annoyance, it’s been 2 minutes and it’s already working.)

She turns to Jack, placing a well-manicured hand on his chest and fluttering her eyelashes, “Can you grab me another drink, baby?”

Hector leans back and smirks. If she seriously thought that this was going to grab his attention and get a rise out of him- well, he could watch this shit show all day. Jack nods, and wanders towards the bar, and she settles beside him. “He’s great, isn’t he?”

He rolls his eyes, narrowing his eyes and sighing, mock-dramatically, “Makes me wish Emily was here. She would have loved to see you again. God, she probably would have got on well with Jack too!”

“What a fucking shame that is.” She smiles, that sickly sweet, forced smile again, and turns to gesture to Jack again, who was queuing at the bar. “Did I mention that Jack was-“

“Actually, I was saying to Emily before-“

“I don’t want to fucking hear about Emily!” She squeaks out.

The outburst seems to shock her just as much as it does him, and she groans in embarrassment, leaning back against the wall and twiddling the straw of her drink between her fingers. It’s a tell-tale sign of nervousness, of backing down from their verbal battles, and he’s intrigued. When she speaks this time, her voice is softer, and it’s almost like she’s pleading. “Can we just not talk about Emily, please?”

“Why?

“I hate the thought of you with someone new. Thinking- no, knowing, and seeing with my own two eyes- that you’re getting over me is just a bit of a kick in the guts.”

“Yeah, because I’m having a great time sitting here watching you fawn over Jack too.” He rolls his eyes. Hector sighs, and he approaches her; both the familiarity of her perfume and the way that she slowly, carefully, shifts her body in his direction don’t go unnoticed by him. “But I’m not.”

“Not what?”

“Not getting over you.”

“Um-“

“And I’ve wanted to tell you that for a while now, but every time I hold back.” He shakes his head and sneers, “Because I know that’s exactly what you want. You want to watch me squirm and get me to admit to you that I still love you and that I’m not over you, and I-“

“Hector, what the fuck-“

He shakes his head and snaps, “I’m not stupid. Is that why you’ve come here tonight, in that kind of dress and with your makeup done all special, when I know for a fact that you hate clubs in this part of town? I can tell you’re after my attention, and I just wanted to say that it’s doing my fucking head in.”

“You are unbelievable.” She scoffs and shakes her head, before placing her drink down on the table beside them. “I came here tonight because, believe it or not, I have friends here too! And funnily enough, how I dress and how I do my makeup are my own fucking choices, so I don’t think- no, I know- that you have zero right to talk to me like that.”

Her words sting slightly, and he winces before sipping gingerly at his beer. “You’re right. I was bang out of order, and I’m sorry. Sorry.”

She nods curtly, as if to acknowledge his apology but deem it unworthy of a response.

Hector can’t help but probe further, “But come on- he’s not really your boyfriend, is he?”

She scrunches up her eyebrows, and crosses her arms self protectively over her chest. The proximity between the two of them that is swiftly dashed, and she takes a step back. “Actually, he is.”

“You’re such a bad liar.”

She huffs and rolls her eyes, uncrossing her arms. “Well- he’s not my boyfriend boyfriend per se, but we’re still seeing-”

“I knew it.” Hector laughs and knocks back the rest of his beer, propping himself up with his right arm on the ledge between us. “I know you far too well to fall for your little white lies.”

There’s a change in the tone of his voice, and instead of spite there’s some fondness evident. The smile they exchange, a nervous, small smile, is the first of the night not to be laced with malice or another ulterior motive.

She winces, feeling her heels pinch her toes, and leans onto the same ledge for support. Their arms are mere centimetres away from each other now, and the tension leaves his neck for the first time that night. “Still watching Game of Thrones?” She flashes her gaze up at him.

“Attempting to.” He chuckles. “It’s getting a bit stupid, and there are too many storylines. I can’t keep up.”

She giggles and teases, “Just because you can’t concentrate on more than one storyline at the same time doesn’t make a show stupid. It makes you stupid.”

A pleasant lull settles, but Hector’s still too wary to let himself relax entirely, given the way things ended last time. She dips her head, and whispers, glancing back up at him, “Hey- do you want to get out of here?”

He freezes and raises a single eyebrow, “But you have a boyf- that guy.” Hector gestures at Jack in the corner.

The way she smirks, and the subtle roll of her eyes, as if she’s diminishing any importance of Jack to her in the slightest, gives Hector the slightest inkling of hope. “That guy doesn’t mean anything to me. He’s nice and all, but the second we take things outside of the bedroom it’s like talking to a brick wall.”

“So- is he your boyfriend or not?”

“He certainly hasn’t stopped me from flirting with you all night, put it that way.” She rests her hand on his forearm lightly, and she cocks her head towards the exit. “And the fact that you have a girlfriend hasn’t stopped you either.”

“What are you implying?”

“What do you think I’m implying?”

She picks up her jacket in the crook of her arms, downs the remainder of her drink before tossing it to the table and grabs her handbag. When she smiles at him this time, it’s different, and it sends his stomach flipping. Her eyes are seductive, captivating, and when she runs her tongue over her top lip, Hector is pretty sure he momentarily forgets how to breathe. She leans down to his ear, and her perfume drifts over towards him, “Let’s get out of here.”

There’s an extra swing in her hips as she walks away.

(And Hector can’t help but follow her.)

ummmm am i dreaming or have i finally actually posted this

i know i’ve said this has been done for literally like months but every time i’ve re read my draft i’ve found things i didn’t like and you guys know how fussy i can be (there are still bits i want to change with this but i thought it’d be better to just bite the bullet and get on with it) i really hope you like this!!! as always please let me know what you think :)

millie xxx

#my writing #hector bellerin #hector bellerin imagine #hector bellerin fanfiction #footballer one shot #football imagine #footballer imagine #footballer imagines #arsenal fc imagines #arsenal fanfiction #footballer fanfiction #football one shot

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mixtapekings · 4 years ago

Text

Listen Review of Future’s ‘High Off Life’ by djbooth.net

Future’s ‘High Off Life’ is a familiar journey through a terrain of toxic lust, sleepless paranoia, wealthy boasts, and deep-seated trauma.

Hip-hop recognizes Future, born Nayvadius Wilburn, as a multi-Platinum, GRAMMY-winning trendsetter who doesn’t follow anyone’s rules but his own. Instead of working inside the industry, Future works around it, doing as he pleases from a mountain top built upon his tireless work ethic. Consistency, as much as talent, made him into a superstar.

So it should come as no surprise that Future decided to release his eighth studio album, High Off Life, during a pandemic. While some of his peers are waiting until the storm passes, Future moves forward, releasing new music as if unphased by the world’s tragic predicament. With features from Young Thug, Lil Uzi Vert, Drake, DaBaby, and more, High Off Life is the biggest release of the week, but will it be the best?

In usual 1-Listen album review fashion, the rules are the same: no skipping, no fast-forwarding, no rewinding, and no stopping. Each song will receive my gut reaction from start to finish.

1. “Trapped In The Sun”

The atmosphere feels like the beginning of an epic tale of a man turned monster. “That yellow Lambo outside.” Boss talk. Future makes trap music sound like Greek mythology. The bounce is infectious. The production could score a remake of Scarface. Brags on top of brags. Future is a super-villain, and he does not hide it. Future is in his mixtape bag. He has mastered “Former drug dealer who made it out of that life” lyricism, but I heard this story before. Strong start. Will revisit.

2. “HiTek Tek”

Let’s see where he goes. Banger! ATL Jacob tag! The bass would devour a weaker rapper. Future is like a toxic Energizer Bunny who loves any beat that makes him sound like he’s in the center of chaos. “I started off po, but not no mo.” He’s flexing like the rich rapper that he is. A lot of tricks. Future still finds the fun in rap. ATL Jacob is a beast. This song is full of sound effects. I laughed at him bragging about having the Glock on him while sitting courtside. Why sir? Why do you have that on you? The production reminds me of What A Time To Be Alive. This one is good.

3. “Touch The Sky”

Southside production. This is good. “Off the top rope, Andre the Giant.” Future is full of wealthy stunts. Is he one of the best braggers in rap? [Editor’s Note: Yes.] I’m loving this. “I can tell she got a man by the way she text me, nigga.” This man is a monster. “I perform with my drum” is a robust double entendre. Yeah, we have a keeper. I’m a sucker for Future and Southside collabs. These two are mad scientists wreaking havoc. Doctor Robotnik meets Shadow the Hedgehog. Future is the Shadow of hip-hop, and Drake is his Sonic.

4. “Solitaries” feat. Travis Scott

How many collabs does Future have with Travis? Wheezy tag! Shouts to Lil Wayne, lol. Future sounds lively. This man just said, “Coronavirus diamonds you can catch the flu.” Future is his name, outlandish is his language. Travis is getting to it. Not mad, but not in love either. I would have loved it on Travis’ Birds in the Trap Sing McKnight. Skip.

5. “Ridin Strikes”

Every Future album is a reminder that he’s richer than you. “Ridin Strikes” sounds like you should play it in a tank. He’s getting some bars off. My only issue with Future is, the subject matter starts to get stale. He overstuffs his album to the point where I crave a change. Can he hear my thoughts? The beat just switched. A news clip. Oh, this is something. I would watch Future in a bank robber movie. Give him a role like T.I in Takers. Alright, I’ll keep this one.

6. “One of My”

A simple build-up. He’s taking his time with this one. Yep! His vocal texture is the perfect tone for a ghost story. “One of my niggas ain’t got no soul.” YEP! We have the one. Future hangs out with some terrible guys. I wish we had a way of seeing a person’s karma. If Future lives his raps, I know his karma is in dangerous reds. I wish this were the intro. Imagine a Future styled GKMC; that was probably Monster. “One of my niggas ain’t got no soul” is the spookiest lyric of 2020.

7. “Posted With My Demons”

This beat sounds like a bottomless pit of despair. This is not what Tory Lanez meant by Demon Time. Future jumps on haunted beats and tells you about the monsters underneath your bed. High Off Life has been mostly about his past trails and his present riches. “All this dope I sold.” There’s a lot of darkness in this man’s heart. He looks like such a wholesome man. “If the streets don’t kill you first, it will make you strong.” Future makes trap music; real trap music; music that represents the inescapable cycle of darkness that will corrupt saints and cause angels to fall from heaven. Keeper.

8. “Hard To Choose One”

If you like trap Future, this album is for you. Future’s delivery sounds slower than usual. I wonder if that’s because Lil Baby raps so fast. The two have similar perspectives, except Lil Baby has a good heart. He’s practically the Little Mermaid compared to Future’s Ursula. Don’t mind me; I have animation on the brain. Love his flow here. “Load up my rifle; I don’t go to bed.” Future is haunted by something, and no one can convince me otherwise. The last three songs have all been killer.

9. “Trillionaire” feat. YoungBoy Never Broke Again

Jeff Bezos is going to make this song his ringtone. Youngboy is taking advantage of all the attention he’s garnished over the last year or so. Future aligns himself with young rappers who compliment him. Future is singing his heart out. I kind of missed him singing. Youngboy is singing, too. This is a started from the bottom rap ballad. “Trillionaire” might be the breakout record. YouTube views are going to be crazy.

10. “Harlem Shake” feat. Young Thug

I have a good feeling about this one. “Choppa make them do the Harlem Shake.” Future loves to rap over beats that sound like they would play in a strip club with a low health score. Just filthy. Thugger! I wish the tempo were a few BPM faster. Thug was cool. He didn’t explode as I expected him. That was mild. A cherry bomb, not an atomic one. Eh, not in love. Feels lazy. Skip.

11. “Up The River”

Maybe it’s because I’ve been in the house, but High Off Life sounds like an outside album, not a quarantine album. Future didn’t make this album for a world socially distancing. Okay! We got some heartfelt reflection. The super-villain dropped the act. Nevermind. “Got no room for mistakes.” Can someone please put Future in the studio with Mir Fontane. Those two would make something crazy. I hope the second half leans into this direction.

12. “Pray For A Key”

Out of all the things Future could pray for, he prays for a “key.” Super-villain. There’s some premium trauma on this album, word to my boy Michael Penn II. “I been dying to go berserk.” Not a bad record. I like the production. The synth in the background is a nice touch. “Used to pray for a key.” This is… Cool.

13. “Too Comfortable”

“Bitch, don’t get too comfortable.” Sheesh, that’s how you feel, man? I wish we could get a For The Love of Future reality show. That would be premium television. We got something here. I like the production; I also like the tone, flow, and energy. Future is such a subtle talker. No matter what he says, it never sounds as malicious as the words are. Who made this beat? It’s gorgeous. [Editor’s Note: Southside.] Oh, he just mentioned his son. He’s opening up. Dang, that was short-lived. What is Future’s real-life like? He’s a mystery. It’s part of the allure. “Better not get too comfortable.” I’ll keep this one—the most personal song on the album. Well, besides the one about his friends with no souls.

14. “All Bad” feat. Lil Uzi Vert

I love how shameless Future is. He doesn’t care if you judge him; his life is his life. Uzi brought a change in sound. All his beats sound like they belong in video games. Gotta love the colorfulness. “I’m from a whole different world.” I believe it, sir. “My nickname is Yung Spendit.” That’s a solid nickname haha. This one is a trampoline. I love that Uzi is back to releasing music. He’s a walking cartoon. “I am way smarter than you.” Baby Pluto and Pluto Sr. are a good combo. “If I hang up, don’t call back at all.” Future is a rap star who doesn’t dim his light for no one. I wonder when was the last time he apologized to someone. Probably never. You don’t become a superstar apologizing.

15. “Outer Space Bih”

The keys are gorgeous. Future has a solid beat selection. They’re distinctive, but only a handful stand out. This one does. “I’m a driving drug store.” I see “Outer Space Bih” being a favorite. “I got two G Wagons in my ears.” Future stunts are becoming more impressive. I see why he and Drake get along. They like to make us all feel poor. Keeper.

16. “Accepting My Flaws”

This title sounds like an outro. Who is that? Dang, someone is ranting. I wonder how Future would acknowledge his flaws? 808 Mafia tag. Yes! Man, this sounds like driving a hellcat in hell. Feels like a Future classic. HE’S GETTING TO IT. “Drink my blood, baby, we going digital.” I hope we never find out what Future does in his private life. I know it’s nothing good. Two minutes in and I’m ready to run it back. He’s on a roller-coaster. “Fuck them all, we don’t show them sympathy.” So far, not one mention of his flaws. I love it. “Lord forgive me I been on a rampage.” He has been fighting his demons; he’s been fighting the cup. Oh man, this is good. Easily the best record on the album.

17. “Life Is Good” feat. Drake

I like this record. It’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde in rap form. “Baby got an ego twice the size of the crib.” Can’t imagine a woman with an ego bigger than Drake’s mansion. I can’t believe these two dropped this song in January, and life immediately got bad. How Future catches the beat switch is something serious. Lyrically, he sounds so alive. “Life Is Good” is one of his best rap performances on the album. He gets into a completely different zone when Drake is featured. Rap would sound completely different without Future. “Life Is Good” is a keeper, but this album doesn’t need to continue.

18. “Last Name” feat. Lil Durk

“I take care of families.” Oh, wait, we have something. This is sweet. Melodic Future bleeding it out. “I can’t go to sleep, I’m too paranoid.” I guess that’s why he wants a Draco in London. Being that famous can’t be fun. Lil Durk sounds great. Pray that all rappers get the healing they deserve. So many great songs inspired by deep sorrow. “Laughing to the bank got me running wild.” Future and Durk tag-teaming the last verse was sweet.

19. “Tycoon”

One day, Future will realize that we don’t need 21 songs. “Took that Draco on a PJ, I ain’t playing.” Man, this album is a paranoia parade. As much as I like confessional Future, I feel like he told us everything we needed to know about his life in the streets on “Sorry.” “Tycoon” is a good song, but this deep into the album, it’s not hitting as hard as it should. Bloated albums do a disservice to the deeper cuts. Admittedly, bloated albums are terrible for 1 Listens. It’s like being held hostage in a studio. [Editor’s Note: I apologize.] Okay, that was a little dramatic. Good record, though.

20. “100 Shooters” feat. Meek Mill & Doe Boy

Tay Keith tag! Okay! These hi-hats just woke me up. A nice Nas/Belly reference. Meek! I haven’t played any Meek lately. Hearing his voice is refreshing. I could use a new Meek project. [Editor’s Note: He’s working on one.] Man, Future does not care about these ladies’ broken hearts. I’m sure he breaks up with women just to rap about it. This is a good record. I would’ve liked this song earlier in the album. Doe Boy! This is a solid performance. I would like on a gym playlist. Nothing says leg day like having 100 shooters outside.

21. “Life Is Good [Remix]” feat. Drake, DaBaby & Lil Baby

This album is longer than the wait at Red Lobster on Mother’s Day. “Help me fight my demons.” At what age should you be expected to deal with your demons alone? I didn’t mean that. We all deserve a shoulder to lean on, no matter your age. I can’t wait until Future drops a gospel redemption album. It’s going to be glorious. “Halloween gang in this bitch.” Why is Drake credited on this? My man did not come back as a guest star. The beat switch is meaner than a classroom of toddlers on silent lunch. DaBaby! Such a great rap voice. He found a good pocket. He delivered a strong guest verse. “You a throwaway, baby, it’s okay.” Man, rappers can be so savage. Lil Baby! The pure-hearted gangster. His flow is something else—a rapping roadrunner. I hope Lil Baby will always rap like the cops are about to raid the studio, and he has to finish the verse before they kick the door in.

Final (First Listen) Thoughts on Future’s High Off Life

Future’s High Off Life is a journey through a terrain of toxic lust, sleepless paranoia, wealthy boasts, and deep-seated trauma. Mostly, it’s another chapter from the book of Nayvadius. We have a familiar gospel on our hands.

High Off Life features Future giving the people what they expect. We have a hopeless romantic who relishes the ghosts of his past and refuses to look away from the prosperity of his present. The 36-year-old rap innovator delivers another long-winded recollection of guns, glory, girls, drugs, and demons with suave flows and hypnotic cadences over hard-hitting production from the usual suspects.

To his credit, Future understands that he is a roller-coaster. The kind of artist who follows a designated path of loops, twists, and turns without losing the rush that makes each ride thrilling. High Off Life adds 21 new attractions to his dark, twisted theme park. It’s just that, we’ve all been here before.

Listen to Future on Audiomack.

from Listen Review of Future’s ‘High Off Life’ by djbooth.net

#Albums #News #DJ Booth #future #High Off Life #Yoh Phillips

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thesinglesjukebox · 5 years ago

Video

youtube

THE WEEKND - HEARTLESS

[3.90]

Same...

Will Adams: In the night I hear him talk, the blandest story ever told. [4]

Alfred Soto: In Uncut Gems, Adam Sandler punches Abel Tesfaye after catching him in the bathroom trying to make it with Sandler's lover. Coke is involved. A decade of sweetly cooed swinishness later, The Weeknd isn't getting any more likable, and the harmonies and sense of space don't betray him. But he'll betray them because he's heartless. [5]

Katherine St Asaph: No matter how much excitement drains away from the real world, the Weeknd will always exist in the same land of cocaine, vodka sodas, reverb, sterilely debauched sex detailed with glassy anhedonia and crystalline contempt. Each successive single refines this sonic Patrick Batemanscape prettier and prettier, swapping seedy lofts out for palatial penthouses but otherwise changing nothing. Undoubtedly this all is aspirational to a lot of people -- even the self-loathing is in an indulgent "woe is me, the tragic dirtbag" mode -- and the biggest fantasy, even more than the models or drugs, is a life so status quo. [6]

Oliver Maier: The shiny visuals and pounding drum loops can't disguise the stagnation here; the Weeknd isn't saying anything new and he isn't even saying the same old stuff in an interesting way. He's coasted for years on being the protagonist of a story so drably self-serious that it belongs on prestige TV, a sensitive soul lured into the dark side of fame and helpless to avoid the associated pitfalls. Drugs, sex, etc. Of course, this narrative relies on the good-faith assumption that when he sings about being a tedious, arrogant sleazebag, there is some kind of self-aware streak in there trying to guide him back towards the light. Therein lies the not-particularly-exciting tension, one which will of course never get resolved, because how else is the guy going to sell records? His melodies? [2]

Kylo Nocom: With each reiteration of "Starboy," the hooks get more annoying, the rhythms get less dangerous, and the lyrics get closer to Blackbear. How sad is it that the part that sounded like a bounce break was less convincing than the time it was tried in an Ed Sheeran song? [2]

Edward Okulicz: He's in love! It hurts! He's not in love! It also hurts! He's a shit! You're a shit! Everything hurts! There comes a point where when someone leans so heavily on schtick that there's no reason to believe they're emoting -- or doing anything -- in good faith. [3]

Jackie Powell: Honesty and pain go hand and hand with The Weeknd, and that continues on "Heartless," a track that refers to on-and-off girlfriend Bella Hadid in the bridge, which is the most vocally stunning section on this cut by far. Repentance is a theme that Abel Tesfaye circles back to, and it's a relatable one. Humans have their vices and lapses. I appreciate a banger that taps into toxic self-hate and doubt. The Weeknd continues to show vulnerability amid portraying his chauvinistic womanizing persona, which is something I still have difficulty reconciling with. I don't know if I've gotten over his homophobic lyrics on "Lost in the Fire" and I agree that the phrase on this track: "Sellin' dreams to these girls with their guard down" is a little cringeworthy. The dark bass and beat executed by Metro Boomin are layered and dynamic. Instead of saying it slaps, it actually pops. Each manufactured snare cracks into the flow rhythmically. While the crisp and shadowy production matches the lyrical content on this track, there is a lack of symmetry in Tesfaye's change in aesthetic, partnered with the sound employed on this cut. Usually his lead singles mirror his change in appearance, as part of the fun of The Weeknd is his ability to play different characters. This is apparent on lead singles "I Can't Feel My Face" and "Starboy," which are both potent in their own right and represent how Tesfaye is an album and era artist. Although "Blinding Lights," which was released two days later, appears to be the cut that matches his new '80s gangster persona, I'm not sure if his latest character is inspired by his cameo in "Uncut Gems," where he plays a 2012 version of himself -- yes, his dreads are back. I'm curious as to how Tesfaye's acting debut informed his musical trajectory. What did he learn going back in time? [7]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Pretty much every Weeknd song released since 2016 feels like a three-minute pre-chorus: all bombast and build up with no punchline at the end. Who has the time? [1]

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: A friend recently remarked to me that even though they like the Weeknd in theory, they have never really gotten into his music because every song more or less sounds the same. "Heartless" certainly does nothing to disprove their statement. [5]

Katie Gill: Yeah this sure is a Weeknd song. He's doing the same shit that he's done before. Ooh, a pulsing beat and slightly indistinguishable falsetto. A monotonous rhythm? Don't mind if I do! We're gonna make a vaguely sexy track that screams "music that studios can cheaply license to play muffled in the background of club scenes," it's the freakn Weeknd, baby. [4]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

#The Weeknd #pop #R&B #music #music review

0 notes

sheilacwall · 5 years ago

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hip hop isn’t dead.: Ice Cube

Somehow War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc) is only the sixth solo album from rapper-slash-actor-slash-professional basketball league founder O’Shea “Ice Cube” Jackson. It feels like we’ve been discussing this motherfucker forever, or at least since 2007, right? Obviously the man has been doing a lot since his entrance into our chosen genre via N.W.A.: aside from his whole actor/writer/director side gig, he’s released compilations, been a part of multiple soundtrack releases, and even found time to create an entirely separate group, Westside Connection (alongside his protégée Mack 10 and his friend WC). But the man hasn’t ever truly stepped away from his solo career, which is part of the reason we’re talking about today’s subject.

War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Album) is the second half of a project that Cube conceived way back in the previous century (read: 1998). War & Peace, curiously named after the soft drink and not the Tolstoy doorstop, served as our host’s excuse to deliver the gangsta rap and social commentary he was best known for post-Jerry Heller, along with some attempts to construct a much broader audience through radio airplay, club bangers, cautionary tales, and skinny-dipping in the waters of different musical genres. Although for some reason I’m remembering this being announced as a double-disc effort, Ice Cube released the first volume, subtitled The War Disc, close to the Thanksgiving holiday in 1998, with The Peace Disc scheduled to follow soon after, as they were recorded and compiled at the same time.

The War Disc was met with mixed reviews, as Cube rested on his laurels a bit too much: there’s one song that is a direct sequel to one of his classic tracks, “Once Upon a Time In The Projects 2”; he leaned heavily on a younger artist signed to his label, Mr. Short Khop (who, interestingly enough, doesn’t appear on The Peace Disc at all); there’s a collaboration with motherfucking Korn called “Fuck Dying”. (Cube also appeared on Korn’s 1998 album Follow the Leader: both songs helped cue up the inaugural Family Values tour, which they were both headliners on.) But aside from a couple of tracks that played into his storytelling skills, The War Disc quietly vanished from rotation, leaving our host to retool the planned follow-up in an effort to course-correct.

War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc), the final album released under Cube’s deal with Priority Records, is definitely not what was already completed when The War Disc was released. For one, the very first track, “Hello”, is a collaboration with former N.W.A. bandmates MC Ren and Dr. Dre, a move which wouldn’t have happened in 1998, but made more sense in 2000 after N.W.A. officially reunited for a song off of the soundtrack for Cube’s Next Friday (and also after Dre released 2001, a blockbuster project that put him back on the map). In addition, the first single, “You Can Do It”, came from that same soundtrack and was Cube’s most popular radio hit since 1997’s “We Be Clubbin’”. So I get why he’d want to retool the project to capitalize on those strengths.

The Peace Disc vanished seemingly quicker than its predecessor, possibly due to the chart dominance of his friend Dr. Dre and Dre’s artist Eminem at the time. It did manage to sell over five hundred thousand units in the United States, but find me somebody who proudly has this one displayed in their collection. I dare you. I double dog dare you, motherfucker. Nobody gives a fuck about War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc), and I include Ice Cube in that description. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that the album is entirely bad, so let’s peek under the hood and review this sucker.

1. HELLO (FEAT. DR. DRE & MC REN)

O’Shea hits the ground running, commissioning an N.W.A. reunion that is much more successful than their official comeback on the Next Friday soundtrack (“Chin Check”, for those of you keeping score). A simplistic Dr. Dre. prescription, which bangs, lays the groundwork for Dre, MC Ren, and our host Ice Cube to… complain about the current (as of 2000, anyway) state of hip hop like the elder statesmen they are: they have a specific grievance regarding not being credited for “start[ing] this gangsta shit” (which absolutely isn’t true, but regardless of who you think kicked off the sub-genre, the various members of N.W.A. are cited as influences all. The. Goddamn. Time. Maybe not Yella). As far as old dudes talking shit as though evolution in language and culture hadn’t ever occurred, Ren comes across as alright (his comment about lesbians not exactly homophobic but still iffy nevertheless), while Andre sticks with his “I’m rich, I don’t have to do shit” mentality. Thankfully, O’Shea tears through his verse with a ferocity he hasn’t displayed since Westside Connection’s Bow Down, and I say that even though the phase of his career where he insisted on nicknaming himself the “Don Dada” is still represented on here. So yeah, this was a success overall. Thank God, right? I mean, can you imagine two subpar late-period N.W.A. reunion tracks in a row?

2. PIMP HOMEO (SKIT)

I know Cube’s trying to be funny here, but this was bad. At least it wasn’t homophobic, though, as the title may have implied. Absolutely misogynistic, though.

3. YOU AIN’T GOTTA LIE (TA KICK IT) (FEAT. CHRIS ROCK)

Fairly confusing, as “You Ain’t Gotta Lie (Ta Kick It”) isn’t really the love rap sort-of promised by the preceding skit. O’Shea spits his boasts-n-bullshit, which, interestingly enough, include proclamations of being a great father, while guest Chris Rock threatens to undermine the entire operation with his contributions to the hook. The concept isn’t set up well enough for this three-man production (this was credited to former Bad Boy Hitman Chucky Thompson along with Rich Nice and Loren Hill) to make any fucking sense, as Cube isn’t really hitting on anyone as much as he’s offering up facts about himself as though he recorded his bars while standing behind a podium, while Rock tries to come up with the most ridiculous lies during the hook. Dude is kind of amusing toward the end, but overall this shit was a misfire. It was good while it lasted, though.

4. THE GUTTER SHIT (FEAT. JAYO FELONY, GANGSTA, & SQUEAK RU)

LOL there’s a rapper named Gangsta? Have we officially used up all of the words? Anywhoozle, our host envisioned “The Gutter Shit” as a collaboration with like-minded West Coast artists, but could only convince Jayo Felony and two other no-names to commit, and my Lord does this Cube- and T-Bone-produced aural interpretation of a sad face emoji suuuuuuuuuck. The two artists on here that you’ve never heard of before or since seem excited enough for the opportunity but flounder when called upon, while Jayo is terrible as always. But the true loser here is our host, who somehow found the time to contribute two awful verses that wouldn’t even be stocked in the same type of store as the gutter shit he was once capable of. And what the fuck is with that reference to the previous track?

5. SUPREME HUSTLE

There is no planet within our galaxy where Ice Cube could have honestly believed that “Supreme Hustle” was a song good enough to make War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc). My guess is that the production trio from “You Ain’t Gotta Lie (Ta Kick It)” had called in a collective Make-A-Wish, as this elementary excursion into simplistic rap boasting is embarrassing as shit to listen to. At least our host sticks with his theme: each of the three verses places emphasis on “I”, “you”, and “we”, respectively. But there is no hustle to be found on here, and O’Shea’s hand-waving about what he considers to be the cause of domestic violence was puzzling as hell. I cannot stress enough how fucking godawful this shit was.

6. MENTAL WARFARE (SKIT)

…

7. 24 MO’ HOURS

When critics mention older rappers struggling to sound relevant with their newer songs, “24 Mo’ Hours” is what they’re referring to. If War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc) were released today, the Battlecat instrumental, which both sucks and doesn’t fit our host’s general aesthetic, which is a strange critique given Battlecat’s history of producing Cali-based bangers, would almost certainly be swapped out for something from the likes of Metro Boomin’ or Zaytoven, and it would still sound terrible. Ugh.

8. UNTIL WE RICH (FEAT. KRAYZIE BONE)

I heard “Until We Rich” on the radio once probably in 2000 or so, and then have apparently never thought of it again until right now, which I believe is an accurate representation of how forgettable this Chucky & the Thompsons production was. Guest star Krayzie Bone, still riding a Bone Thugs-N-Harmony career wave at the time, circles and underlines Slick Rick’s “Hey Young World” with his performance, which is dull, while O’Shea tries his darnedest to give listeners an optimistic, motivational speech, even going so far as to censor his own cursing, so as to reach as wide an audience as possible. Sure, “Until We Rich” fits the ‘peace’ requirement of this project, but at what cost?

9. YOU CAN DO IT (FEAT. MACK 10 & MS. TOI)

You two already know this song, which first appeared on the soundtrack for Next Friday in 1999 but was popular enough to justify Priority Records placing it on as many projects as possible, I suppose. For the handful of readers who somehow missed this footnote in popular culture, “You Can Do It”, a spiritual follow-up to “We Be Clubbin’”, the hit single from our host’s directorial debut The Players Club, finds Cube, Ms. Toi, and his boy Mack 10 putting their asses into a One Eye-produced club effort that is slight on lyrics, but is rather catchy otherwise. It sounds so fucking absurd today that it somehow shifts from “corny” to “entertainingly corny” during Cube’s opening verse and never once budges again. At least our host sounded engaged on here, unlike most everything else on War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc) thus far, and having Mack 1-0 perform over a fast-paced beat forces him to match that energy or die trying. Inessential, but it brings the pretty girls at the club out onto the floor, in case that helps you in any way.

10. MACKIN’ & DRIVING (SKIT)

Playing War & Peace Vol. 1 (The War Disc)’s first single, “Pushin’ Weight”, in the background of this interlude only reminded me of rapper Mr. Short Khop, whose career was abruptly halted after Cube stopped giving a shit about his young charge. I mean, why else would he not have been a good enough performer to make it to the second volume? Good call by the way, O’Shea.

11. GOTTA BE INSANITY

Curious, but not entirely out of left field when you remember “You Can Do It” was a hit, so why wouldn’t O’Shea go back to that well? The funky-ish guitar loop on this Mario Winans (!) production reminded me of Jermaine Dupri’s “Going Home With Me”, except I like that song and found this one to be middling at best, as Cube panders to the lowest common denominator while trying to get back inside the club. I can’t be sure who our host thought his audience was when he recorded “Gotta Be Insanity”, but he’s done enough good work and has earned the ability to record and release whatever he wants. Still doesn’t mean we’re all required to listen to any of it, however.

12. ROLL ALL DAY

As we all know and agree with every third Wednesday at our meetings, the best storytelling raps are the ones where you don’t realize the artist is even telling a story until the third verse. That’s what happens on “Roll All Day”, anyway. Over a One Eye beat that doesn’t entirely gel but has its moments, Ice Cube boasts about having purchased a full tank of gas (a fact repeated throughout, with a humorous callback toward the end) and offering to cruise around with a woman he just met in exchange for sexual intercourse. You know, standard-issue rap-type shit, but it begs the question: why is she so interested in the car? Has the woman in question never been inside an automobile before? Cube could have probably rolled up on a pedal bike and worked out a similar proposition just because he’s Ice Cube, but I suppose there’s no vehicle for a story there (pun intended). Regardless, he never gets that far, as by the third verse she’s [SPOILER ALERT FOR A NINETEEN-YEAR-OLD SONG] broken the car’s windows and, later, stolen it outright. His flow is strictly boasts-n-bullshit until the ending, where he reveals some of that sense of humor he tapped into while writing Friday. “Roll All Day” is meh, but the effort was appreciated, at least.

13. CAN YOU BOUNCE?

This was fucking terrible, and that’s without O’Shea making a Pokemon reference, which he absolutely does on here. So that happened. (Also, Younglord apparently produced the beat. Was War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc) designed as Ice Cube’s covert demo reel to hopefully snag a label deal with Bad Boy Records? Because the gambit hasn’t paid off yet.)

14. DINNER WITH THE CEO (SKIT)

…

15. RECORD COMPANY PIMPIN’

The flip side of EPMD’s “Please Listen To My Demo”, down to the same Faze-O “Riding High” sample being used, as Ice Cube and producer Bud’da urge the youth not to get involved in the rap game without learning the business side of the industry first. Advice such as this can only come from someone who was famously jerked around by their label in the past, as Cube was during his short stint with Ruthless Records, but while the man clearly knows of what he speaks, that doesn’t mean “Record Company Pimpin’” (a topic many artists have tackled before and since O’Shea put pen to paper) is an entertaining song to actually listen to. Our host should have taken these ideas and given a TED Talk instead. That’s not a joke: imagine how many people he could help in the process. But you can skip this track outright.

16. WAITIN’ TA HATE

So it turns out that War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc) is a stealth EPMD tribute album filtered through a Puff Daddy lens. That’s a lie, obviously, but “Waitin’ Ta Hate” is the second song in a row to pay homage to Erick and Parish specifically, although this time around producers One Eye and DJ Joe Rodriguez (that name gets to the point, can’t be mad at that) get lazy by choosing to just sample “So Wat Cha Sayin’” directly. For his part, O’Shea sounds downright angry on here, which informs an entertaining performance that isn’t reminiscent of his finest work, but let’s be real, it’s the best we’ll get at this point. The production doesn’t do much to differentiate itself from the EPMD standard, but maybe, this time around, it isn’t such a bad thing. (Side note to E-Double: you should give Cube a shout for a future collaboration, as the man is clearly a fan.)

17. N—A OF THE CENTURY

Accompanied by someone that could be that Pain In Da Ass dude whose entire shtick was aping flicks such as Scarface and Goodfellas to open up early Roc-A-Fella Records projects but likely isn’t, which means there were two of these guys in our chosen genre at some point, which seems wasteful somehow, our host caps off the evening lobbying for an award that doesn’t exist. Charley Chap’s production is too dull to properly reward Ice Cube as a winner of any competition, and O’Shea’s own bars aren’t worth wasting a paragraph on. At least we’re done here.

FINAL THOUGHTS: War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc) approaches self-parody at points, as Ice Cube genuinely seems to not understand just what it was about his work that listeners connected with back in the early 1990s. It certainly wasn’t this shit: nobody ever wanted to hear what it would have sounded like had Cube signed with Bad Boy Records twelve years after his prime. The O’Shea Jackson found on this project is a man who is content with his station in life: the only time he ever really comes across as passionate about anything is when he’s schooling younger artists on the inner workings of the music industry, a topic that obviously resonates with him. Even his generic threats on “Hello”, a song I fucking liked his performance on, sound more like amiable suggestions than anything. When Cube gets in his storytelling bag, he seems to at least be having some fun with this shit (not that it always translates for the listener), but when he’s simply talking shit, the momentum on War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc), or whatever little momentum exists, halts immediately. Twenty years removed from his debut solo project, this album proved that Ice Cube was no longer vital to the ongoing health of the local hip hop concern. He has all of his other ventures to fall back on, and of course he’ll always be welcomed at the barbecues, but unless he’s laser-focused on targets (we’ll always have the first Westside Connection effort), he loses the plot very quickly, and one can only coast on charm and the acclaim derived from your prior work for so long. I won’t go so far as to say that War & Peace Vol. 2 (The Peace Disc) is a “peace” of shit, because that pun is beneath me, but it’s plenty awful.

BUY OR BURN? Neither. If you absolutely must, stream the tracks listed below, but, you know, life is short.

BEST TRACKS: “Hello”; “Waitin’ Ta Hate”

-Max

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