#so i have to reduce the volume
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canon-gabriel-quotes · 1 year ago
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Transcript:
COME ON MACHINE, FUCK ME LIKE AN ANIMAL.
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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 6 months ago
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hope you feel better soon!
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I am riddled with ailments, but I stay silly!
#ask#non mdzs#My health journey has been: Hernia -> acid reflux -> Vocal pain due to aforementioned reflux -> chest infection.#I'm terrified to know what's about to hit me next. Please let it be something kind. PLEASE.#The consequence of living with linguists is that you'll wake up with a wacked up voice -#suddenly you're sitting you down in front of a program called something like Praat having your shimmer and jitter levels calibrated.#They gave me a GRBAS of 33012. I have a fun thing called a pitch break where a whole octave just does not exist.#My vocal pain was bad enough I ended up seeing a speech pathologist and that whole experience was super neat!#I learnt a lot about voice - to be honest I might make a little comic on it after some more research. Fascinating stuff.#For example; your mental perception of our voice modulates the muscles of the vocal folds and larynx.#meaning that when you do have changes (inflammation = more mass = lower frequency)#your brain automatically attempts to correct it to what it 'should sound like'. Leading to a lot more vocal strain and damage!#And it gets really interesting for trans voice care as well - because the mental perception of one's voice isn't based on an existing sampl#So a good chunk of trans voice training is also done with the idea of finding one's voice and retraining the brain to accept it. Neat!#Parkinsonial Voice also has this perception to musculature link! The perception is that they are talking at a loud/normal volume#but the actual voice is quite breathy and weak. So vocal training works on practicing putting more effort into the voice#and retraining the brain to accept the 'loud' voice as 'normal'.#Isn't the human body fascinating?#Anyhow; Now I have vocal exercises and strategies to reduce strain and promote healing.#Which is a lot better than my previous strategy of yelling AAAH in my car until my 'voice smoothed out'.#You can imagine the horror on the speech path's face. I am an informed creature now.#I'm my own little lab rat now. I love learning and researching. Welcome to my tag lab. Class is dismissed.#I'll be back later with a few more answered asks </3 despite everything I'm still going to work and I need the extra sleep.#Thank you for the well wishes! And if you read all of that info dump; thank you for that as well!
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lenskij · 1 year ago
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another reason why my week is particularly shit: I've finished the one piece I have at home and there's a hold queue for the next volumes.
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jumbo-the-mumbo · 3 months ago
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my roommate keeps blasting her zoom church service throughout the apartment and singing out of tune christian pop songs. im losing my sanity.
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dravidious · 1 year ago
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Cavern of Dreams just got an update that was 560 bytes. Not megabytes, not kilobytes, bytes. Little baby micro update
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communistkenobi · 7 months ago
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(taken from a post about AI)
speaking as someone who has had to grade virtually every kind of undergraduate assignment you can think of for the past six years (essays, labs, multiple choice tests, oral presentations, class participation, quizzes, field work assignments, etc), it is wild how out-of-touch-with-reality people’s perceptions of university grading schemes are. they are a mass standardised measurement used to prove the legitimacy of your degree, not how much you’ve learned. Those things aren’t completely unrelated to one another of course, but they are very different targets to meet. It is standard practice for professors to have a very clear idea of what the grade distribution for their classes are before each semester begins, and tenure-track assessments (at least some of the ones I’ve seen) are partially judged on a professors classes’ grade distributions - handing out too many A’s is considered a bad thing because it inflates student GPAs relative to other departments, faculties, and universities, and makes classes “too easy,” ie, reduces the legitimate of the degree they earn. I have been instructed many times by professors to grade easier or harder throughout the term to meet those target averages, because those targets are the expected distribution of grades in a standardised educational setting. It is standard practice for teaching assistants to report their grade averages to one another to make sure grade distributions are consistent. there’s a reason profs sometimes curve grades if the class tanks an assignment or test, and it’s generally not because they’re being nice!
this is why AI and chatgpt so quickly expanded into academia - it’s not because this new generation is the laziest, stupidest, most illiterate batch of teenagers the world has ever seen (what an original observation you’ve made there!), it’s because education has a mass standard data format that is very easily replicable by programs trained on, yanno, large volumes of data. And sure the essays generated by chatgpt are vacuous, uncompelling, and full of factual errors, but again, speaking as someone who has graded thousands of essays written by undergrads, that’s not exactly a new phenomenon lol
I think if you want to be productively angry at ChatGPT/AI usage in academia (I saw a recent post complaining that people were using it to write emails of all things, as if emails are some sacred form of communication), your anger needs to be directed at how easily automated many undergraduate assignments are. Or maybe your professors calculating in advance that the class average will be 72% is the single best way to run a university! Who knows. But part of the emotional stakes in this that I think are hard for people to admit to, much less let go of, is that AI reveals how rote, meaningless, and silly a lot of university education is - you are not a special little genius who is better than everyone else for having a Bachelor’s degree, you have succeeded in moving through standardised post-secondary education. This is part of the reason why disabled people are systematically barred from education, because disability accommodations require a break from this standardised format, and that means disabled people are framed as lazy cheaters who “get more time and help than everyone else.” If an AI can spit out a C+ undergraduate essay, that of course threatens your sense of superiority, and we can’t have that, can we?
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zolass · 1 month ago
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Live, Lust, Love Ch. 01
Bottom Male Reader x Male Yandere Harem
Finally here with Live, Lust, Love, this is going to be in 2nd POV to see what I like more, second or third, so I'm sorry for the confusion.
In general this fic is NSFT/NSFW content, ik this is a ran through idea for stories but Live, Love, Lust is gonna be one of my babies. It has DD:DNE content as well, and yes a yandere harem.
cw: exhibitionism and voyeurism, mentions of multiple rounds. sry if I missed some
1.7k words
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Lewd moans reverberated around the warm and dimly lit bedroom, the bed looked soft with a plush blanket and pillows, a few shelves with some toys on it, or other interests– figurines or books with plants and other decor in the empty spaces.
Audible wet squelching and the squeaking of a chair, while you were simply lost in the pleasure. Your thighs quivered, while your head whipped back as the silicone dildo – which you had placed on the chair – disappeared and reappeared with every time you lifted and dropped your hips. Your legs were spread open, as your teary eyes barely saw the lit up screen from your live stream, you only heard the little dings every time someone donated money.
Your face was sweaty underneath the mask that covered basically anything except your mouth and eyes, while your hair clung to your skin. You could only feel the immense pleasure shooting up your spine, while your cock was weeping precum – bobbing uselessly between your legs. 
Even when your legs started to tremble in exhaustion, you simply kept chasing the all too familiar feeling that started to bubble in your groin. While you forced your legs and body to go faster, the moans spilling from your lips seemed to grow in volume as well until a high-pitched moan left your open hanging mouth– your eyes rolled back as your back arched, the toy buried until the hilt inside of you as you reached your third orgasm on stream.
Ropes of cum dirtied your stomach and chair, while some landed on your mask and lips– which you licked away as your eyes found the camera again. An exhausted yet satisfied smile formed on your lips as you leaned forward, letting your legs and knees rest on the chair, “Thanks guys for joining me today,” you chirped happily, gaining another few donations and a lot of messages that begged you not to go, to keep talking to them, while some wished you already a good rest. 
You blew a kiss towards the screen, while waving your hand, “Until next time,” your voice was laced with sweetness as you said those words – but the moment you stopped the livestream you couldn’t help but let out a heavy sigh as you leaned back. Slowly you tried to get up from the chair, while your legs were feeling like jelly– trembling underneath your weight as you held onto the furniture of your bedroom as you made your way towards your bathroom. 
After you cleaned yourself up and your legs trembling reduces itself enough for you not to immediately face-plant the moment you let go of your furniture, you dressed yourself in simple silky shorts and a top, before you cleaned your setup which means the chair, toys and desk. 
Only after that did you give yourself the sweet realization of your today's income, a small smile formed on your lips. A couple thousands were added to your bank account which still felt ridiculous, after all you only started out because of a little bet you had with a friend– but when you saw the numbers on your bank account reach new highs– you possibly couldn’t stop.
You still went to work– but with the additional money you could live more comfortably, without the stress on bills or food. It was a bit ridiculous you got pleasure and money and all you had to do was let others watch you on the infamous cam-site ‘Elysium Live’ which is an invite only platform– except you want to be a camgirl or camboy, then you’ll have to send prove, while they already rate you if you’re good enough for their site or not.
After you said that to your female friend– a friend of yours who also did it once but didn’t really gain a reach – first was suspicious and then wanted to simply break the bet off until you had to reveal that you already sent a video over. It did take a few hours until you suddenly got an email and a one-time entry key. Well after that you started with it and quickly realized that people on this platform paid quite a lot.
Now it was a second and better paid job that you worked, not that you could complain, especially now that you have had three days off to stream you had to work tomorrow again. So after glancing at the time which read 3 PM, you simply walked into your kitchen to make yourself a late lunch. Sometimes you think about how many people might be streaming on the platform, as it does have profiles and a small tap on the profiles in which viewers can leave comments or requests, like a social media – just with cam boys and girls.
Of course you’ve gotten some quite – disturbing comments that you reported and within twenty minutes the comment was deleted, with a few others that quickly followed. You can’t lie, the support system seemed to be really good, handling the reports quickly, which was quite satisfying service for the– employee’s. 
With your lunch plated you walked back to your computer, you had to list down some of the requests that slipped in during the livestream, jotting only those down you would feel comfortable with. You really wanted to have access on your phone as well – but you weren’t sure if it was possible or even if you even wanted to open the app in public.
You tilted your head at some of those requests– lingerie. Not something you would shy away from but, how could you get it without having to walk into a store all awkward– telling a lie about buying a gift for your girlfriend that didn’t even exist– or you could be bold and shameless simply saying it’s for yourself. You’re going to figure it out when the time comes, as for now you could focus on the ones you can already do on the next livestream.
The next day you had gotten ready for work early before driving over with your bicycle, you planned on getting a car when the money you have wouldn’t put a too deep dent into your pocket that could make you worry about your bills again. It’s not like you stream every day, so it was a slow process, but fun nonetheless.
As you finally arrived at the corner store you worked at, you quickly secured your bike before stepping into the staff room from the back. You quickly changed and walked out to the front, greeting your coworker and friend, Melina. “Well well well– if it isn’t our favorite camboy,” her teasing voice was hushed as a smirk formed on her lips as she saw the half-hearted glare you sent her way. “Ha-ha so funny, also don’t forget that I was able to buy you a really nice birthday gift with the money I made,” you shot back with a small winning smirk on your lips – after all the brunette loved your gift.
“I know that, after all was it my idea to start this bet with you–” suddenly the door opened making the bell ding, the two of you glanced at each other as Melina made a zipping motion with her fingers across her lips, as the two of you nodded. No talking about it until the end of the shift.
Which was how the two of you continued to work together, chatting over various topics that came to mind, while you either restocked or stood at the cash register together to gossip. Everything was going peaceful as ever until the door opened again, close to the both of you’s shift end, and in came what you would consider a handsome – even gorgeous man. 
You couldn’t help but watch as the dark haired man grabbed two pairs of energy drinks, before he stepped closer until he stopped right in front of you– putting the drinks down, which automatically made you focus on them for a split second, seeing faint scars, before quickly looking back at the handsome man. He was wearing tailored clothes – a suit – he had hazel eyes and a charming smile on his lips. 
Quickly clearing your throat in embarrassment from being so obvious in ogling at the man, you quickly scanned the drinks and typed in, “That would be 3,56–” you were suddenly interrupted by the man who suddenly placed a fifty bill on the counter making you raise your eyebrows, “Do we know each other? Sorry that I’m asking but you seem – quite familiar,” the man suddenly questioned, making you frown just a bit before shrugging and shaking your head, “I don’t think so.”
A frown formed now on the other’s eyebrows before they raised while his eyes widened slightly as if he realized something, a small melodic chuckle left the man, before he grabbed the drinks, “Then I’m sorry, must’ve been someone else– oh and you can keep the change,” with those words and another sexy and charming smile thrown your way before the man stepped out of the store.
There was a long moment of silence, before you looked at Melina who let out a gasp. Her mouth hung open while she stared with raised eyebrows and eyes between you and the door, “That dude was hot, and rich– did you see how he came in here?” suddenly the chattering began as you only tried to process what just happened, before focusing on putting the money in the cash register. “He’s a flirt and definitely has some hots for you– like gawd damn did you see how he basically undre–” you put your hands over her mouth, stopping her from continuing. 
“Melina– take a breath I think the heat is rising to your head,” you only warned her to not push it further. Making Melina roll her eyes as she only nodded, “Fine-fine, I won’t continue until– our shift is over,” she announced after you dropped your hand. Both of you glanced at the clock, over the two of you which showed that there were only seven minutes left until your shift was over making you internally groan as you wouldn’t hear the end of her rambling about the ‘sex eyes’ the guy gave you. 
You weren’t sure of what her motives were– but one was for sure she didn’t want you to stay single now that you were in your late twenties. Maybe that’s also why you made a dash for your bike the moment your shift came to an end, throwing your working clothes into your locker, only to hear the complaining of Melina. “I know where your house lives!” she yelled after you while you left her in the dusk.
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canon-gabriel-quotes · 2 years ago
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Transcript: Machine, help me! I've been trapped in a microwave for the past 14 hours. Please, machine! It won't stop spinning and I'm starting to stink! Please! The noise is driving me insane!
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lazy-ahh · 6 days ago
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Hi, Lazy-ahh! Can I ask for main Mark x AMAB reader? In another universe, reader lost his Mark. He somehow travels to main Mark’s universe. Out of desperation, reader murders the other version of himself to take his place and have a second chance with his boyfriend. But it’s only a matter of time before Mark finds out.
REPLACEABLE
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pairing mark grayson x (alternate dimension) AMAB reader
in another dimension, you lost mark. now, you'll destroy anything—even yourself—to get him back. but when mark starts noticing the blood under your nails, you realize: some ghosts can't be buried. and some loves aren't yours to keep.
taglist @hhoneylemon , @queermaeda , @yujensstuff , @thebatsgreatestfailure , @roryroro
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you miss him.
it’s a hollow, gnawing thing, chewing through your ribs like a starving animal, leaving behind nothing but an ache so deep you swear it’s carved into your bones. you miss the way he laughed, loud and unguarded, the way his nose scrunched when he teased you, the way his fingers tangled in yours like he never wanted to let go—like you were something precious, something worth holding onto.
but your mark is gone.
you don’t remember much about how it happened, the memory too traumatic to remember yet too painful to forget—just screaming, the metallic tang of blood in the air, the way his body hit the ground too hard, too still, the sickening crack of impact that still echoes in your nightmares. you remember clutching his face, your fingers smearing red across his cheeks, begging him to wake up, to breathe, but his eyes stayed empty, staring past you into nothing.
you weren’t fast enough. you weren’t strong enough.
and then, somehow, you weren’t in your world anymore.
you weren’t even given the chance to grieve yet, to mourn, to scream into the void until your voice gave out. one second, you were kneeling in the wreckage of your life, and the next, you were standing on a sidewalk under a sun that felt too bright, too cruel.
this universe is almost the same. the same streets, the same sky, the same stupid posters of omni-man and the guardians of the globe plastered on bus stops, their smug faces grinning down at you like some sick joke. but then you see him—mark, your mark, alive and whole and laughing, his voice ringing through the air like a punch to the chest. your breath stutters, your chest cracks open, and suddenly you’re drowning all over again.
he’s right there.
you watch him for days, a ghost haunting the edges of his life. he goes to class, he texts his friends, he flies off to fight bad guys like nothing’s wrong, like the world hasn’t ended. it seems like he had just recently gotten his superpowers, his movements still a little unsteady mid-air, nothing like the effortless grace of your mark. your mark had gained his while he was trying to save you during a villain attack, his body slamming into yours as he shielded you from debris, his eyes wide with panic and determination as his powers finally sparked to life. you’d been walking toward a comic store to buy the latest issue of seance dog, his hand warm in yours, his voice teasing as he argued about which volume was better—as cliché and romantic as the scenario was, it was yours. but this mark wasn’t your mark. he didn’t have the memories you two shared, the inside jokes, the quiet nights pressed together under the glow of his laptop screen. he just lived his life happily and heroically, like he didn’t die in your arms. like you didn’t lose everything.
and then you see him. no—not him. you.
the other version of you in this dimension. it seemed like you didn’t get superpowers, didn’t go through the intense training that carved your body into something sharper, something meant to survive. you were... normal. soft in a way you hadn’t been in years. this version of you didn’t get to go on dates where you and mark just flew through the vast, endless night sky, the air cold and biting as you clung to him, the world below reduced to scattered lights while above you, the cosmos sprawled out in all its glory—endless stars, streaks of auroras painting the dark in rippling greens and purples, depending on where the two of you decided to go that night. you didn’t get to fight side by side, didn’t get to know the rush of battle, the way mark’s laughter would cut through the chaos as the two of you pulled off some stupid, reckless stunt, the way he’d press his forehead to yours after, breathless and bleeding, whispering, we make a good team.
but this you—this soft, powerless, ordinary you—was the one who still got to hold mark’s hand. who still got to kiss him goodnight. who still got to exist in a world where he was alive.
it’s not fair.
you don’t plan it. at least, you don’t think you do. but when you see them together—mark’s arm slung around his shoulders, his smile so bright it hurts, like looking directly into the sun—something inside you snaps. something dark and cruel and selfish, something that’s been festering deep inside you, rotting you from the core, finally consumes you whole.
he was walking home alone. it’s easy. he was normal. you were not.
you remember not even letting him scream. every time the memory comes crashing back, it’s like watching a scene play out from somewhere outside your body—like you’re floating in the back of your own mind, numb and detached, as the darkness in your veins pulls your strings, as your hands move without your permission. you let it happen. you let yourself drown.
you had gracefully landed behind them, silent as a shadow. your reflection in the dim streetlights would’ve been horrifying if they’d turned around fast enough to see it—your eyes sunken, bruised with exhaustion, your lips chapped from biting back screams, your hair a mess from nights spent clawing at your own scalp just to feel something. you looked like a ghost. like something already dead.
you remember the way they turned around, playful and fond, expecting it to be mark, only for their expression to twist into surprise. then—wonder? awe? you remember feeling perplexed, watching as this other version of you lit up, rambling in passionate excitement about how cool it was to see another version of himself. you had explained, briefly, that you were a superhero in your dimension, that you fought alongside mark, and their face had glowed with admiration, with playful jealousy, with this aching, innocent want—god, i wish i could do that. i wish i could be out there with him.
then, you remember telling them, voice hollow, that your mark died. because you were too weak. too slow. too human to save him.
and their expression—it falls. their smile shatters like glass, their eyes widening in something like grief, like understanding, because they love mark too, and the thought of losing him—
you watch the exact moment realization creeps in. their breath hitches. their fingers twitch, like they want to reach for you, or maybe run. their lips part—wait—
but you’re already moving.
"but... don’t worry," you whisper, and your voice doesn’t even sound like yours anymore. "you’ll be able to fight alongside him too. it’s just... it wouldn’t be you." your hand brushes their cheek, almost tender. "but then again, we are the same person anyway, right...?"
their face twists in horror.
you don’t let them scream.
(≧∇≦)ノ☆
mark notices something's off.
not at first. at first, you're perfect—maybe too perfect. you know all his favorite foods (the way he likes his burgers slightly pink in the middle, how he picks the mushrooms out of his pasta but will eat them if they're chopped small enough). you remember every stupid inside joke, every embarrassing childhood story his mom told you that one thanksgiving. your hands find all the right places—the spot behind his ear that makes him shiver, the way his shoulders tense after patrol that requires just the right amount of pressure to melt away. you curl into him on the couch like a dying star collapsing inward, pressing your face into the warm hollow of his neck, breathing him in like he's oxygen and you've been drowning for months.
maybe he is. maybe he's the only thing keeping you from dissolving completely.
"you've been clingy lately," he murmurs one night, fingers tracing idle circles along the knobs of your spine. you've lost weight. his voice is fond but there's something else there now—a question. "not that i'm complaining."
you tighten your arms around him like he might vanish if you loosen your grip. "just missed you."
he laughs, soft and warm, but it doesn't reach his eyes the way it used to. "i was gone for, like, two hours."
you press closer instead of answering, your fingers twisting in the fabric of his shirt.
silence stretches. then his hand stills on your back. "...y/n?"
"mhm?"
"look at me."
you don't want to. but you do.
his brows are furrowed, thumb brushing under your eye where the shadows have grown darker, more permanent. "you look like shit." it's supposed to be a joke but his voice cracks. "when was the last time you slept? actually slept?"
you try to smile. it feels like tearing open a wound. "'m fine."
"bullshit." his hands frame your face, calloused and warm and so painfully familiar it makes your chest ache. "you're shaking. you've been—i don't know, jumpy? like you're expecting something to—" he cuts himself off, swallows hard. "talk to me. please."
the concern in his voice is worse than anger would've been. you want to laugh. you want to scream. you want to tell him everything—how you wake up choking on his name, how every time he leaves the room you're half-convinced he won't come back, how sometimes you still smell blood when there's none there.
instead, you press your forehead to his and whisper, "bad dreams."
it's not entirely a lie.
mark exhales, long and slow, his breath warm against your lips. "okay," he murmurs, like he doesn't believe you but won't push. not yet. "okay. but you gotta eat something, alright? and sleep. actual sleep. i'll be right here." his arms tighten around you. "not going anywhere."
you close your eyes.
(you don't tell him that's what your mark said too.)
(≧∇≦)ノ☆
it's the little things that give you away.
the way you flinch when a car backfires two blocks away—too loud, too sudden, too much like that day. how you forget cecil's name during dinner when mark mentions him, even though the other you had known him since freshman year. the way you sometimes stare at mark across the room like he's a miracle, like he's already gone, your fingers twitching with the need to touch him just to prove he's real.
and then there are the nightmares.
you wake up screaming more often than not, sheets tangled around your thrashing limbs, your throat raw like you've been swallowing glass. the images never fade—blood on your hands, mark's vacant eyes, the way his body had felt so heavy when you cradled him. you scrub your skin raw in the shower until it's pink and stinging, but the phantom stains remain. you see them in the dark, in the flicker of streetlights through the blinds, in the rust-colored water swirling down the drain.
mark always wakes when you do.
his arms are around you before you can choke out another sob, pulling you against his chest where you can feel his heartbeat—steady, alive, here. "hey," he murmurs into your hair, voice thick with sleep but achingly tender, "it's okay. i've got you." his lips press against your damp temple, your forehead, the corner of your eye where tears still cling. "breathe, baby. just breathe."
you want to sob harder at the pet name. the other you had loved it too.
your fingers clutch at his shirt like a lifeline, nails digging into the fabric as you try to anchor yourself in the present. mark doesn't complain, just holds you tighter, one hand rubbing slow circles between your shoulder blades. "was it the same dream?" he asks softly.
you nod against his collarbone, unable to speak past the guilt lodged in your throat.
"wanna talk about it?"
you shake your head.
he doesn't push. just shifts until he can tuck you under his chin, your ear pressed over his pulse point. "listen to that," he whispers. "i'm right here. not going anywhere." his fingers card through your sweat-damp hair, gentle and sure. "you're stuck with me, y'know?"
a wet laugh escapes you, half-hysterical. if only he knew.
when you finally drift off again, it's to the rhythm of his breathing and the warmth of his hand still tangled in yours—like he's afraid you'll disappear if he lets go.
(you wish you could tell him he's holding a ghost.)
(≧∇≦)ノ☆
he finds out on a thursday.
you don't know how. maybe he followed you when you slipped out before dawn to scrub blood from under your nails in a gas station bathroom. maybe he found the shallow grave you dug behind the abandoned church, the dirt still loose after three weeks of rain. maybe the other you's friends noticed their texts going unanswered, their calls ignored, the way you'd flinch whenever someone said their name.
but when you push open the bedroom door—still smiling, still pretending, still holding the takeout bag from mark's favorite burger place—he's standing in the middle of the room. the blinds are closed. the lights are too bright. his face is pale as milkglass.
"where's y/n?" he asks. his voice is too quiet, too careful, like he's holding back a hurricane.
your stomach drops through the floor. the bag slips from your fingers, greasy fries scattering across the hardwood. "i'm right here."
"no." his hands are shaking now, clenched at his sides like he wants to hit something. or you. "the real y/n. where are they?"
you open your mouth. nothing comes out but a thin, wounded sound.
mark's eyes drag over you—the too-sharp angles of your face that don't quite match the photos on the fridge, the way your fingers twitch toward your pockets where bloodstained gloves are hidden, the defensive hunch of your shoulders like you're waiting for the world to end. again. his breath hitches. "oh my god." his voice cracks down the middle. "you—you're not them. what did you do?"
the grief in his voice is a knife between your ribs. you can feel yourself splitting open at the seams.
"i had to," you whisper. your voice sounds shattered, like you've been screaming for years. "i couldn't—i couldn't lose you again."
"again?" his face twists like he's tasting something rotten. "what the fuck are you talking about?"
"you died." the words pour out of you like pus from an infected wound, thick and putrid with guilt. "in my world, you died in my arms—your blood soaking through my clothes, your eyes going blank while i begged you to stay—and i—" your voice fractures, "i wasn't fast enough, i wasn't strong enough, and then i was here and you were alive but you weren't mine and i just—" your knees hit the floor with a sickening crack, but you don't feel the pain. "i just wanted you back."
mark stumbles back like you've physically struck him, his shoulders hitting the wall with a dull thud. his hands fly up to clutch at his hair, fingers twisting in the dark strands until his knuckles bleach white. "so you killed him?" his voice is barely recognizable—raw and shattered. "you killed yourself just to—to what? replace him? wear his face like some fucked-up mask?!"
"i didn't want to be alone!" you scream so hard your throat tears, the taste of copper flooding your mouth. "you don't understand—you're alive here, breathing and whole and—" your voice breaks into a whimper, "and i couldn't—i couldn't keep waking up to a world where you don't exist—"
mark's crying. really crying—the kind of sobs that wrack his entire body, tears streaming down his face in hot, silent rivers. you've never seen him cry before, not even when he broke his arm during a fight, not even when his dad disappointed him for the hundredth time. his breath comes in ragged, wet gasps as he slides down the wall, his legs giving out beneath him.
"you're a monster," he chokes out, the words barely audible but cutting deeper than any blade. his red-rimmed eyes meet yours, and the look in them—horror, grief, betrayal—makes your stomach twist violently.
you collapse forward, your forehead pressing against the cold floor as your body convulses with silent sobs. the weight of what you've done crushes you into nothingness, until you're not sure you even exist anymore. the last thing you hear before darkness swallows you whole is mark's broken whisper:
"i loved him."
(≧∇≦)ノ☆
he doesn't turn you in.
you don't know why. maybe he pities you—sees the hollows under your eyes, the way your hands never stop shaking, and thinks you've suffered enough. maybe he's too horrified to think straight, his mind still reeling from the blood under the floorboards, the missing person posters plastered across town. or maybe, in some terrible, twisted way, he understands. because he's lost people too—nearly lost himself a dozen times over—and that kind of grief does things to a person. makes them desperate. makes them dangerous. especially if that person was the love of your life. your soulmate. your heart. your everything.
but he doesn't look at you the same.
he doesn't touch you—no more casual brushes of fingers, no more sleepy cuddles on the couch, no more pressing kisses to your scars like they're something precious. doesn't smile at your stupid jokes, doesn't light up when you walk into the room. doesn't say your name like it means something, just avoids it entirely, like the syllables burn his tongue.
you broke him.
(and you wonder, with a sick sort of clarity, if this is how your mark felt when you died in your world. if he'd screamed himself raw, if he'd begged some higher power for a second chance, if he'd have done something just as monstrous to get you back. the thought makes you nauseous. you understand now. you wish you didn't.)
you leave before he can.
you don't belong here. you never did.
the last thing you see is mark's face—angry, grieving, alive—his mouth forming words you'll never hear, his hands reaching out like some part of him still wants to catch you. then the portal swallows you whole, and there's nothing but static and the phantom feeling of his fingers slipping through yours.
(you hope, wherever you end up, that there's a version of him who still loves you. but you know, deep down, you don't deserve it.)
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3.1k words and I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMOREEEE WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS TO MYSELFFFFFF AHHHHHHH thank you so much to the lovely anon who requested this! <33 hopefully you didn't cry as hard as i did when you read this...
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muntitled · 6 months ago
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Rich Boyfriend Chronicles
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Pairings: Zhong Chenle x Fem!Reader
Summary: You know how Chenle got when it comes to money. You know how he got when you spent it. More specifically, when you spent his money.
Warnings: Language, Established Relationship, Codependency, So Slight!Toxic relationship, Humor, Domestic Fluff, Slight Angst, Jealousy (Weaponizing Jisung (sorry Jiji)), HighMaintenance!Reader, Hyperfem!Reader, Coercion, Smut (+18) mdni, Ownership kink, Needy!Chenle, Unprotected Sex, Premature Orgasm, Dom/Sub Themes, Dubious Consent, Drunk!Chenle, Dirty Talk, Degradation Kink, Praise Kink, Subspace
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He wonders when you’ll arrive…
You were supposed to be here already. To save him from his friends and their incessant banter.
As Chenle watches the rain droplets running down the restaurant window, he suddenly wishes he never told you to go ahead and have your shopping day alone in the district. He brought you to his city and yet, you weren't even here to enjoy it with him.
But you had pleaded so prettily…
“It's not like I’m going away for good Chenle, I promise I'm just going to shop in the district for the day,” You were already interlocking your van cleef bracelet around your wrist (a bracelet that he bought) and Chenle had watched from his post sitting at the desk. The hotel room was already littered with Chenle's wires from the various gadgets he had set up. His PlayStation was plugged in the moment you two checked in.
“Besides, I'm sure you'll want to enjoy your day off before you're tied down with schedules for the rest of our stay here. Mark said promo in China would be no joke.”
Chenle had spent the morning of his day off consumed by a new video game, but at the sound of your departure, he lowered his headsets and swivelled in his chair to watch you. His eyes glazed over the sundress that hugged your body with my trepidation and much suspicion. His headphones hung lazily from his neck.
“Who’s taking you shopping?” He hoped his inquiry sounded less like a crazed control freak and more like innocent questioning.
A knowing kind of smile had blossomed across your face then as you stalked towards him with your hands behind your back.
“Why?” you tucked a stray braid behind your ear as you neared him, “You jealous?”
Chenle's body immediately tensed when you plopped yourself on your lap.
“Don't be stupid,” he hid behind his usual snark but you could feel his tense muscles shift underneath you. "We have dinner tonight with the others." He was significantly smaller in stature compared to the volume that accentuated your curves but his hands wrapped tentatively around your waist all the same. Chenle's eyes were wide as he looked up at you and his hands held a slight tremor as they rubbed feather light circles on your hips.
“Where did you even buy this bracelet?”
You froze on top of him. “uh, church-”
“They sell van cleef necklaces at church?”
“W-Well..." you swallow thickly, your arms encircling around his neck. "It was a sale! Yes, a church sale, the money's going to charity! Praise the lord-”
“The only charity my money is going to is to you.” he buries his face into your neck and you squirm when he wiggles his finger into your side, eliciting a wave of giggles.
“Who's taking you shopping?” He asked again.
“Well, you are, Chenle,” Your words barely registered in his fogged up bain because you were bending down now, and your lips were tickling the side of his ear as your left hand drifted down his clothed torso, “This is my first time in Beijing,” Your whispers sent the boy hurtling into that very primal part of his brain that was only filled with one thought and one thought alone.
“You want me to have a good time, don't you? That's why you invited me?” Chenle's brain had been reduced to mush and his grip on reality was fumbling by the minute. All he could think about was your hand lining his boxers.
“Yea-” his voice cracks and he lifts his hips ever so slightly, trying to steer your hand to the right place, “You want me to have a good time on this trip right?”
You were absolutely diabolical. Watching his eyes flutter shut as the Beijing sun drifted through the curtains, extenuating every needy twitch along his visage.
In complete vulnerablility he said, “Yeah,” he whispered again, “Fuck, I’ll give you anything, I’ll do anything, just… carry on-” The smirk on your face grew until you were swiping your palm over the hard bulge in his sweatpants only momentarily before you drifted your hand to his left pocket. The little amount of contact was enough to have Chenle raggedly exhaling as his hips stuttered and a rash shiver wracked through his spine.
You sit back up again, on your haunches, still seated on his lap with his wallet dangling from your fingers.
“Shopping allowance, please and thank you,” You hand him the wallet with a cheeky smile and a bowed head.
Chenle rolls his eyes, turning his head to stare out at the Beijing metropolitan beyond. His whisper is starkly incredulous as he mumbles a quiet “This Girl…”
“Quick,” you had urged, now bouncing in silent anticipation as you waited for him to hand over what it is you needed. In that very second, Chenle's hand digs into your hip. “Don't do that,” his fingers dug into your hips, immediately stopping your excited bounce, “Or you’re really not going shopping,”
In hindsight, Chenle should have perhaps withheld his card and forced you on this dinner with friends. However, he also couldn't deny the very suspicious ache in his gut that curled and coiled during these times when you needed him. It makes his head dizzy with lust.
He wished he didn't let you go.
Despite the hushed cacophony filling the Dim Sum restaurant, Chenle cannot help but think his table is the loudest of them all. Haechan and Jeno’s back-and-forth does nothing to allay that slight trickle of embarrassment that crawls up the back of Chenle's neck and he lightly rubs his face with both hands, wanting nothing more than to sink into the restaurant's leather seats. He raises his phone, perfectly content with tapping away at his social media while they bickered around him.
"You're gonna cover our bill.” Jeno says very sternly as the bottom of his beer glass hits the wooden table. His lips are pursed as he swallows his drink, but his eyes are dead serious. “Jaemin covered it in Copenhagen.” Jeno's finger prods at his chest hidden under a thick fleece sweater, “I did Rotterdam. You're covering the bill, Haechan.” Jeno rarely had to say anything above an unreasonable volume, and Chenle was much the same in that regard. When Jeno said something the first time, people usually listened. He rarely had to speak up for a second time but Chenle supposed that was why God made Haechan. To infuriate Jeno.
Chenle sinks further in his seat as he immediately scrolls into your chat. He types his ‘Where are you?’ with the urgency of a broken man and he frowns when you don't respond within the immediate minute.
Chenle did not like that.
He much preferred you when you were messaging him compulsively, especially when the two of you found yourselves apart.
Your text arrives, but not soon enough.
[17:21, You] Are you having a good time, baby?
[17:22, Chenle] No, Haechan and Jeno are acting like hooligans in front of everyone and Jisung thinks I don't notice him leaning over my shoulder to read this text.
Chenle looks up at the boy next to him, a very unimpressed deadpan painted across his face.
[17:30, You] Tell Jiji I say hi
[17:30, Chenle] No.
“Tell her I said Hi back,” Jisung whispers. He winces, not even a second later, grabbing his arm and lightly cradling the spot where Chenle just shoved him.
“Ah!” Haechan hollers from across the table, “Kids, no fighting-”
“Focus on paying the bill.” Jeno mumbles.
Chenle doesn't look up from your chat as his hands suffocate the little digital box. He's breathing heavily, suddenly uncomfortable with this little hypothetical crush you have on Jisung. He knew you were joking to piss him off. You knew that he knew you were joking to piss him off, but Chenle still rolls his eyes anyway. He tucks his chin into his hoodie as he grumbles.
[17:39, Chenle] I'd seriously rather be here with you
[17:40, You] Aww babe I miss you too
[17:40, Chenle] How much?
[17:41,You] Like… Alot, Idk?
[17:42, Chenle] Show me
[17:42, You] Show you what?
[17:43, Chenle] How much you miss me
[17:44, You] i'm still trying on dresses if you wanna see
Chenle's eyes widen slightly as a zap of excitement strikes through his stomach. He quenches his dry mouth with his beer.
Meanwhile, this round has continued to go unpaid with Haechan, ever the stubborn bull.
Almost immediately, a Facetime call lights up his screen and Chenle immediately rises from his seat, scooting out of the booth and heading straight for the bathroom.
"Okay, well I don't feel like paying for anyone's food," Haechan folds his arms in defiance and juts his nose up to the sky, all while turning his head very smugly.
It's the last thing Chenle hears before he's answering your facetime as he slinks into one of the bathroom stalls.
His phone is lowered, his brows furrowed in frustration. All of that eases away however, the second your face is projected onto his screen. From the mess in the background he can see you're back at the hotel.
The way his heart skips a beat at the sight of you should've been incredibly embarrassing but Chenle doesn't care, because you've propped the phone on a shelf, giving him a more-than-perfect view of the dress you were trying on.
“How’s my little monster doing?” You ask distractedly as you zipped up the dress. Chenle wishes he was there to help you zip it back down. Unfortunately for you, your boyfriend wasn't in the business of appearing like a lovesick puppy. He only leans his back against the stall as he says, “Where are you? I thought you'd be here by now?”
“You actually believed I'd willingly want to have dinner with your friends?” You give him an unimpressed look as you throw your braids over your shoulder, admiring the cocktail dress in the mirror.
“There's only so much flirting from Jaemin I can handle, Chenle-”
“Jaemin's the reason you ditched m- wait.” Chenle murmurs distractedly as he brings the phone closer to his face. You watch with a smirk as he says, “Turn around.” You do as he says, turning slowly to show him how this particular design snuggly around your curves. His breathing is heavy.
“I look good, right?”
In classic Chenle fashion, he skirts past your fishing for a compliment to directly say, “That looks expensive.”
“But I look so pretty.”
“Take it off-” there's an urgency in his voice that fuels you with an immense sense of power. You knew it was a good dress. It's better than good. The manner in which the sweetheart neckline dipped was anything but innocent, and you knew Chenle would like it.
“Why don't you come take it off for me?”
A wispy curse drifts out of his mouth as he throws his head back against the wall before he says. “I'll be there soon.”
Chenle is rushing out the bathroom as he pockets his phone, carelessly swerving past the other tables in search of his own.
The bickering has yet to cease. He's so happy you're saving him.
“And where are you going?” Renjun asks with a frown on his face.
“The hotel.” Is all Chenle says as he slips on his letterman jacket. Below him, Jisung blushes a deep red, Having clearly understood the implication of Chenle's words.
"You're a child."
"I'll be a child." Comes Haechan's rebuttal, "A child that's not covering the bill-"
Chenle observes this as he stands before the table, ready to head out.
"Jesus, stop being kids!" Chenle finds his voice somewhere amongst the rubble of the conversation. "'I’ll cover this round, just stop fighting, God-”
Chenle's hand is already reaching into his denim jeans, patting idly for his wallet.
“Would you look at that,” Jeno says, sending Haechan the deadliest glare he could muster, “An actual adult.”
“Doesn't Chenle's dad like… Own the city?” Haechan deadpans, “So I expected him to pay anyway-”
This statement only brought about a fresh conflict, which Chenle disrupts with his slightly deflated interjection.
“Uh… guys…” One by one, they all snap their eyes towards him and Chenle's shoulders sag. A sheepish kind of smile crinkles Chenle's eyes.
“One of you are gonna have to cover the bill- I don't have my card,”
“Why don't you have your card?” comes Jisung's interjection before Mark slips in, “That's very irresponsible of you-”
Chenle was already giving them a farewell salute before turning his back on the table.
He's typing hurriedly across the screen of his phone, already ordering an Uber.
“Just charge the bill to my room,” he tells the man stationed at the front of the house. They exchanged the necessary details before he's off.
-
You know how Chenle got when it comes to money. You know how he got when you spent it. More specifically, when you spent his. You're not sure where that kind of desire came from, perhaps from some part of his brain that wanted to take care of you.
Since you last spoke, you've been seated idly on the bed with jittery nerves, your nails tapping against the water bottle. The relics of your shopping spree sit idly in the corner and you watch yourself idly in the mirror. It's a floor-to-ceiling that sat directly adjacent to the bed.
You're nervous. That much is clear. Bubbling just beneath the surface, however, is sheer excitement.
The ice cold water flowing down your throat had done little in quelling the heat that had ignited along the expanse of your skin. Everything feels too tight suddenly. This tiny cocktail you had slipped into, suddenly feels like a fucking torture chamber. Even your braids feel tight in their high ponytail. You need to get rid of it.
[18:03, Chenle] Open the door
You've already zipped the dress down when his notification flashes across your screen. Your feet are muted against the carpet as you open the door.
Your boyfriend stands on the other side of the threshold, dressed in his simple grey sweatpants and letterman jacket. A single gold chain glimmers from the fluorescents.
“We answer the door naked now?” He raises his eyebrows, hair damp with rain as he asses you in nothing but your lace underwear.
“Well I was undressing when you arrived-” Your words immediately drown under the weight of the kiss that Chenle crashes against your lips. He immediately crowds you by the doorway, pushing the door shut with his foot as he pushes you up against the wall, his tall frame hunching over yours. His hands greedily sink into your hips and his jaw is tight as he peppers kisses everywhere.
He kisses you desperately, and fervently, it barely registers when he's pulling away.
“Thought I told you to keep the dress on.” He's rubbing dizzying circles against your cheek as you look up at him with hazy eyes.
He wanted to fucking eat you alive.
“You were taking too long,” you pat his hand still firmly on your cheek, “Take your shoes off.” You lightly coax him out of his sneakers before smiling up at him with your lopsided swollen lips and smeared lipstick. Your hand interlocks into his as you lead him deeper into the apartment and he follows like a limp piece of skin, a helpless puppy with no sense of direction other than your safe navigation. “You have lipstick on your face,” You giggle before leading you both deeper into the hotel suite.
“I don't care-” Chenle says, before immediately setting his eyes on the myriad bags sitting idly in a corner. All sorts of labels were affirmed on the cardboard faces of each bag and Chenle looked back at you. You at least had the gall to appear sheepish, wrapping your arms around your exposed stomach like a child awaiting her scolding.
“Who possibly needs this many clothes?” There's a scolding edge to Chenle's voice as he shakes off his letterman jacket. He walks closer towards you. Your heart rate picks up as you avoid eye contact. Choosing instead to keep your gaze on Chenle's chest, which, almost far more harrowing, is being covered by a thin compression shirt. He looked borderline edible.
Your panties are drenched at the very sight of him.
The frown on Chenle's face is teasing, as he locks his hands behind his back, only waltzing closer and closer. His eyes narrow.
You're tripping backwards onto the bed, appearing even smaller underneath a looming, Chenle. He must be drunk.
You're tilting your head up at him, “How much did you and your friends have to dri-”
“Are you already wet?” That sentence alone allows you to conclude quite quickly that Chenle and his friend did, in fact, have a lot to drink. He licks his lips before descending on you until he's hovering slightly above you with his single chain dangling just above your head. There was no concrete way to deal with confident, drunk Chenle, you just sort of, had to take it all in stride until he was sober enough to be embarrassed about his forwardness.
You try to wiggle yourself out from under his frame but Chenle was already beginning to leave wet kisses on your neck, licking and sucking at the skin while producing the most obscene sounds known to man. He groans when he slots his hips between your steepeled legs. He lowers his hips to yours, dragging his clothed dick along the surface of your cunt and you moan involuntarily.
"Greedy, Greedy girl," he whispers, still burying his head between your neck as he humps against your clothed core. Your hips stutter upwards on their own accord, your jaw locked far too tight.
"Spending all my money like that-" he scolds, shaking his head in dismay.
"M'sorry," his snickers has your lips forming into a small pout.
"You're not sorry," his lips are inches from yours, "You're just gonna do it again-"
"-and again, and again..." you bio at his bottom lip, pulling it between your teeth.
Chenle's arms grow weak. "Shit-" he lets his hand slip between your legs as he continues with his face buried in your collarbone, exposing you to the fresh, oceanic scent of his shampoo as his lips begin to lick over your clothed breasts.
“I need you wet-” he mumbles, “Don't think I can waste time on foreplay tonight, pretty girl.”
You unconsciously lift your hips higher, immediately mystified by his ministrations. A slight gasp wrenches itself from your throat when your cunt meets his spindly fingers.
“Chenle-”
You're lying supine on the Clarifornia king bed and Chenle hovers above you. Fully clothed while you're almost naked. His hand is digging into the sheets beside your head as he hovers over you. Chenle's body acts as a great big shield, hiding you away from the city lights bleeding through the floor to ceiling windows.
“Condom,” you begin to say but your words are already escaping you and you're drifting off into fuzzy, foggy subspace. “Le- we needa-”
He shuts you up with a small peck on the lips, unbeknownst to you, he's already pulling his cock out and positioning the head right at your weeping entrance. “It'll be quick.” he says with a second kiss, “I'll pull out, I promise.” He's already swiping away your panties, exposing your weeping cunt to the warm air.
“B-But you're intoxicated- holy fuck!” He slowly eases the head of his cock through your folds and the lubrication from both your arousal aids in making the process less painful but certainly not less uncomfortable. “F-Fuck-’
“I'm your boyfriend,” Chenle breathes out as he pushes his cock further in, “You're not exactly taking advantage of me.”
Unable to stop himself from slamming his cock in, Chenle winces at the tight grip your cunt has him in. He needed this so fucking badly. He needed your warmth, your presence. The world seemed completely and utterly meaningless when you were there to provide meaning for him.
“Fuck, you're so tight, you're so tight, so, so tight-”
You're a whimpering drooling mess underneath him, with your head rolled to the side, eyes half lidded in ecstasy as Chenle made avid use of your body with his deep strokes that only grew more and more rough. “Fucking, fuck-”
“J-Just like that, - please don't stop-'' your breath is knocked out of you the deeper he goes and the discomfort quickly bleeds into pleasure. A pleasure so profound you're arching your back for him, forcing his cock deeper. Chenle's grunts turn into a slew of tiny, pathetic whimpers and you unconsciously squeeze around him as he bullies his cock further and further into your soaking cunt.
“You're making such a big mess, you know that?” You could feel it. Your wetness was seeping into the linen underneath you and all you could do was whimper silently, bottom lip protruding as you took every bit of everything he had to give.
“Quick,” he keeps whispering in his light-as-a-feather voice, “Y-You want me to fill you up, huh?” Chenle's mind is completely clouded with lust and ruts into you deeper and deeper, his pelvis brushing against your puffy clit.
“You wanna sit here with my cum leaking out of your cunt baby-” You're gasping, trying to wriggle your torso up.
“Chenle! You said you wouldnt-”
“For the fantasy, baby,” he places a reassuring kiss against your lips before parting those lips as he hits a particularly deep spot inside. “I-Its for the fantasy baby, relax.” You're both breathing into each other’s mouth. The coldness of his chains hits your chin in intervals and you're both sure that you might die of overstimulation. “You're so much work, you know that? So much fucking work-”
“Chenle I'm gonna cum-” You could feel your orgasm wanting to snap and your words only spurred him on quicker, “Fuck, me too-”
“Oh God, you feel so good,” His eyes were squeezed shut, so completely lost in his own pleasure that he barely registered you slipping into your own orgasm. All Chenle could feel was your cunt tightening around him before he nearly spilled inside of you.
“Fuck! Oh- fuck-” Chenle's clumsily grabs ahold of his cock already spurting cum before he's milking the rest out over your stomach “Jesus- FUCK!” it was the loudest you ever heard him and your chest rises and falls as you watch Chenle make a complete mess of you as if you truly were nothing more than an object. His object
“F-Fuck,” Chenle slumps over beside you but not before dragging you in by his side. It's like he wanted to live in your skin.
“I can't believe you came inside me.”
“didn't mean it,” He says, before nuzzling into your neck, already drifting off to a land where you never ever left him, even for a moment.
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thebluester2020 · 7 months ago
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[ZZZ] Kinktober Day 2: "Knotting"
Summary: After walking in on your boss and seeing that he was struggling with his rut, it's only right for you to let him knot you after walking in on him!
Warning(s): Gentle sex (Kinda? It's mostly focused on the reader being fucked while Lycaon has a knot ngl), Dirty talk, Lycaon being a tease,
Side Note(s): I should have mentioned this in my original post for Kinktober but I didn't so I'll mention it now—
These fics will unfortunately not be as long as the ones I typically write 😔. Here and there I may write something longer if I'm super duper inspired, or if I just find myself wanting more lore than anything but it'll be pretty rare since I'm pumping out a fic per day for this entire month 💪 ✨
Anywho— I hope y'all enjoy more of me ranting about how much I love the wolf guy.
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"The least you can do...is help me..."
That was the last sentence you remembered Von Lycaon saying to you before you were snapped back to the present via a particular harsh thrust, a moan tearing from your throat as you clawed at the wooden floor underneath you. To own up to your mistakes, you should have taken a hint that there was a chance that Lycaon was doing something...private via the rapid panting and groaning you heard from behind his door when you returned fresh from running some errands.
Now you found yourself stripped of your clothes and lying on the hard wooden floor, Lycaon's torturing you with his slow yet fierce thrusts as he rocked you steadily on his knot, your head locked into a headlock as a trail of drool escaped the corner of your mouth and trailed down onto the wolf thiren's forearm.
"L-Lycaon—fuuckkk..." You dumbly moaned, not knowing if you pleading for him to speed up or to let you rest for a moment.
He took it as a sign that you wanted him to speed up, the sudden increase in pace as he fucked into you with more vigor making your moans increase in volume and frequency. Lycaon smirked at the lewd sound of your pussy struggling to take his fat knot, and here he thought you were actually telling the truth when you told him so eagerly that you could "help him"!
"Such a shame Miss Y/N, where did all your confidence when you barged into my quarters go?" He said into your ear, his teasing tone making you clench as you unconsciously scratched at his forearm, struggling desperately to keep your head above the waters and not completely drown in the addictive feeling of his cock dragging against your walls. "Surely you can last a few more rounds?" He panted.
"You owe it to me for such a blatant display of rudeness earlier."
His ear twitched at you whining out his name before he stilled with a guttural hiss at your umpteenth orgasm. The sheer force of your orgasm pushing out some of his cum that he had so dutifully stuffed into you earlier, the idea of his precious seed being wasted...especially after you had begged him to fill you up and use you as he pleased in order to ease his rut. Although you did well to reduce his rut, the feeling of your tight walls wrapping so snugly against his cock eased the burning feeling in his chest that he struggled to get rid of earlier.
Still, the idea of you pregnant and round with his pups.
He couldn't get it out of his mind, the mental image becoming clearer and clearer in his mind as his thrusts picked back up to the brutal pace he set earlier. "L-Lycaon?!" You gasped. "W-What are you—Ah!—I thought you were—"
The wolf thiren clicked his tongue. "I won't be done with you for a while Miss Y/N." He said. "Until my knot goes down, I'll be making use of your services until then."
It seemed you were in for a long rest of the day ahead of you.
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sirfrogsworth · 11 months ago
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Hard & Soft: An Explanation of Light
I was watching a video from one of my favorite tech YouTubers, Mr. Whose the Boss. He was showing off some of his favorite tech and pulled out this tiny LED light.
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And then he placed a diffuser on the front and said this...
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"You can equip a softbox on the front which *massively* softens the light on your face."
Sorry, Arun.
No it doesn't.
I sometimes wish I could get a job as a YouTube lighting advisor. So many creators have to set up and use professional lighting but very few actually have an understanding of how their lighting works. And with just a little knowledge they could up their lighting game big time.
If nothing else, I could stop the plague of ring lights.
Ring lights are my nemesis.
*shakes fist at ring lights*
Arun repeated a classic myth. Diffusing a light does *not* make it softer. And despite the name, a softbox is fully capable of producing hard light. Especially if it is only the size of your granddad's wallet.
I'm afraid softboxes are a bit misnamed—much like how the tremolo system on a guitar is technically a vibrato mechanism. Tremolo is a fluctuation of volume, not pitch. Personally, I just stick to calling it a whammy bar because that is more fun anyway. And, like, what does "whammy" even mean in the context of a guitar? I'd rather call something by a nonsensical name than an inaccurate one, ya know?
What the hell was I saying?
SOFTBOXES!
They should probably be called "light homogenizers." Which is a mouthful, but more accurate.
Or, hear me out... WHAMMY BOXES.
Froggie Note: I am trying a color coding technique to help make the most important information stand out. Red means PAY ATTENTION and blue means "do your best to remember this." Let me know if this is helpful or annoying or if a different color combo is preferred.
Hard Light vs. Soft Light
Hard light is a less flattering light source that creates high contrast, sharp shadows, and accentuates texture.
Soft light is a more flattering light source that creates soft shadows and reduces texture like pores, blemishes, and wrinkles.
You can *only* get hard or soft light by changing the apparent size of a light source from the subject's point of view.
If you remember only three things about light, they should be...
Bright light = sharp photos, less noise Hard light = small light source Soft light = large light source
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Now, it's important to remember that hard light is not *bad* and soft light is not *good*. In photography, the oft-used parlance "flattering" just refers to the rendering of facial features and blemishes. So you might use a more flattering lens to make sure faces do not distort or a more flattering light modifier to reduce wrinkles.
But there are situations where soft light can be very boring and hard light can be much more dynamic and interesting. But if you have someone who is insecure about their skin or has a lot of blemishes, you can mitigate that by making the light softer. But if you have someone with great skin and a lot of angular facial features, you might use a hard light to show that off.
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Which of these do you prefer?
The one on the left was taken with a 7 foot diameter light source and is *very* soft. But the other had a 1 foot diameter and I think it is more dynamic and interesting.
You can also mix hard and soft light. And with something like a parabolic reflector or a beauty dish, you can even modify a light source to be hard and soft at the same time.
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This technological terror of a light modifier is sort of like having 24 individual small lights around the edges but the entire surface of the reflector also acts as a single large light source.
And when it isn't atomizing Alderaan, it is taking photos like this...
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This creates a falloff of light around the edges of her face, nose, and arms while also reducing the intensity of the shadows. Lenses with longer focal lengths prevent distortion of facial features but also flatten our faces. So a modifier like this can bring back dimensionality.
Neat!
Now I just need $8,000 to buy the Death Star light.
There are a ton of possibilities when it comes to modifying light sources, but most people typically want the main light on the subject to be in the realm of soft and use hard light sources as edge lights.
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Also, everything is a spectrum and light is no different. There is a giant space in between hard and soft to play with. In fact, the hardest light possible would be cast on a subject floating in space.
And the softest light possible would be on a planet that has 100% cloud coverage that still allows sunlight to scatter through.
So, I have determined the surface of Venus to be the most flattering light in the universe.
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Look at how dark and sharp that astronaut shadow is! And I'm sure Venusian photography would be quite popular if you wouldn't burst into flames.
On planet Earth, noon on a clear day would be the hardest light and a very overcast day would be the softest light.
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How can the sun be both hard and soft light?
Well, the sun is quite large, but it is very small in the sky and very far away. It is the only thing humans can observe that is close to a "point" light source—the smallest light source possible that shines light equally in all directions.
But on an overcast day, sunlight scatters through all of the clouds and becomes a HUGE homogenous light source. The clouds become a singular giant light above us. And as you can see, the light is so soft the woman does not have a hint of shadow on her face. And shadows can draw attention to pores, wrinkles, blemishes, and other textures.
But wouldn't the smallest light source be a laser or something?
When photographers refer to a small light source we mean from the perspective of the subject being lit. This is referred to as apparent or angular size.
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But you also have to account for the size of the area the light source can illuminate.
This is the area a laser can light up.
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And this is the area the sun is able to cats cast light upon.
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It doesn't matter if a laser is close or far away, it focuses light onto a very small area. But the sun lights up half the planet. So look at imagine the apparent size of the sun in the sky and compare its size to half of the Earth. In that relative circumstance, the sun is a super tiny light source.
And the sun becomes an even tinier light source on the moon because there is no atmosphere or clouds to scatter and enlarge it.
You can change the apparent size of a light source in two ways...
The physical dimensions of the light and the distance from the subject.
A light with small dimensions can be a large light source if it is close enough and if the subject is small enough. So a flashlight could be a large light source for an ant if that flashlight is directly next to said ant. But a flashlight could never be a large light source to a human.
However, we can enlarge small light sources with modifiers.
A modifier can be a softbox. It can be a piece of paper. A large poster board. A wall or a ceiling. Anything that changes the nature of a light source can be a modifier. But not all modifiers increase the size of a light source.
So, you can take that flashlight, shine it on a wall, and reflect the light to make a giant light source capable of producing softer light.
But what you cannot do is put diffusion material directly in front of a flashlight and make the light it produces softer.
When Arun put that diffuser on the front of that tiny light, he was not making the light any bigger. He was only making the light more diffused.
What does diffusion *actually* do?
Diffusion scatters light. It makes light bounce in all directions and keeps it from being focused. And while this is an important aspect to making a light source larger, it does not change the apparent size of a light source on its own.
Diffused light is homogenous.
A homogenous light source has the same intensity across its entire surface area. And that homogenization is the key to creating a better soft light source. It can *assist* in making a light source larger, but only if you know how to wield that diffusion properly.
When you shine a flashlight toward a wall, you increase the apparent size of the light source.
Fantastic! You now have a softer light. Mission accomplished.
But if you do not diffuse it, you will create a hotspot.
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That bright hotspot will reflect more light than all of the other light reflecting off the wall. That reflected light has different intensities across its surface area and you end up creating TWO distinct light sources—one hard and one soft.
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This can sometimes be desired if you want to create graduated light that falls off like I showed earlier. But if it is not controlled well with a specialized modifier a hotspot can cause more problems than benefits.
This can reveal unwanted texture, double shadows, cause harsh glare, and it may not achieve the desired amount of soft, flattering light you were hoping for.
However, if you diffuse the light from the flashlight before it hits the wall, the light will scatter and reflect off the wall more evenly. You will create a more *homogenous* light source that acts as a single entity of light.
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Diffusion does reduce the overall intensity of the light, but that is usually a worthy trade off for the increased homogeny.
These pesky hotspots are actually a big problem with those cheap softboxes you can buy off Amazon.
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Many of them do not have enough diffusion to create a single homogenous light source. So they end up with a hotspot that gives you that double light source effect.
I was able to fix this with my friend Katrina's softbox by adding a layer of tracing paper in front.
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You can see the chip clip holding the tracing paper in place on the right side.
Photography is just problem solving all the way down.
A higher quality softbox will have a second layer of diffusion already built in to prevent this, so make sure the softbox has this feature before buying.
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Or invest in a roll of tracing paper and some chip clips.
Softboxes are an ingenious light modifier when built properly. They take a small light, diffuse it, enlarge it, and then focus it toward your subject. It's essentially a paradox of scattered & focused light. And since all of the scattering only happens *inside* the softbox, it gives you great control over how that light hits your subject. And you can focus it even more by putting a grid on the front.
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This keeps light from "spilling" off to the sides though it can reduce intensity a bit and create unusual looking catchlights in the eyes.
Whereas a cheap shoot-through umbrella kinda "shoots" scattered light all over the place and causes a ton of extra reflections off the walls and ceilings. That may end up giving you unwanted second, third, and fourth light sources contributing to your exposure.
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You can see light hitting the left and right walls and the ceiling—those pesky photons are going everywhere! And while it is giving a soft, flattering result due to that umbrella being so freaking big, you have almost no control over the light and how it affects your background.
So, yes, a softbox can make a small light source bigger, but that doesn't always mean you will get "soft" light.
This softbox takes a 10 inch LED panel and creates a 12 inch light source. This is mostly a scam product.
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The marketing says it makes the light softer.
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And while that is *technically* true, I'm afraid people are going to be disappointed if they think this thing is going to dramatically soften their light. A small increase in surface area like that would only be dramatically different if you were lighting a little toy car or the hypothetical ant friend I mentioned earlier. Something the size of a person is not going to see a difference in softness. Not to mention you are going to decrease the power of your light by adding diffusion and have no softening benefits.
Photography gear companies love taking advantage of new photographers because the desire to buy more gear to improve the quality of photos is quite strong. This is jokingly referred to as G.A.S. or "Gear Acquisition Syndrome." And while there is absolutely gear you can buy to improve your photos (lights, lenses, tripods), knowledge trumps any piece of gear at any time.
So, no, this scam softbox will not make the light appreciably softer. The only way to make this light softer is to find a softbox that enlarges it more than 2 friggin' inches, bounce it off something larger, or bring it closer to the subject. Move your light as close as possible and you will enlarge its apparent size.
Or, conversely, you can move your light farther away to make it hard.
Meaning you can technically make a softbox a hardbox.
Seriously, can we just do the whammy box thing?
So, what have we learned?
Soft light is more flattering to skin and reduces texture and harsh shadows.
Hard light increases contrast, sharpens shadows, and highlights texture.
Neither is good or bad. Soft light can be boring. Hard light can be interesting. A mixture of the two often produces the best result.
The only way to make light softer is to enlarge the light source.
You can enlarge a light source by...
Increasing the physical dimensions with a modifier.
Moving the light closer.
Reflecting the light off a larger surface.
Diffusion alone does not make a light softer.
Diffusion makes a light source more homogenous by mitigating hotspots.
Softboxes create homogenous light that you can direct and focus.
A softbox can still produce hard light if it is really small or really far away.
We should call it a whammy box.
How can you use this knowledge?
Well, the first thing you can do is...
DON'T BUY A RING LIGHT.
YES, I AM RANTING ABOUT RING LIGHTS AGAIN!
That giant hole in the middle of your light is a great spot for extra light.
And as we just learned, a larger light source is softer. So unless you specifically need a ring light and know how to use it (facial close-ups, camera goes in the hole), you are better off getting the biggest light you can fit in your space.
Look at how much bigger this light is than if it were a ring light.
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It's like all of these influencers are throwing perfectly good light into the garbage.
Sorry, let's try this again.
Once you avoid ring lights, how can you use this knowledge?
I know a lot of you reading this are not influencers or YouTubers or photographers. And you may be thinking all of this knowledge I just shoved in your dome is useless.
But here's the thing...
We all take photos.
And I think we all want our photos to look their best.
If you start thinking more about light when you take photos, I promise you will be able to improve their quality.
If you are taking a selfie, think about where you can go that has a larger light source. Perhaps you have a large window. Or you have a big overhead light or floor lamp that shines up into the ceiling.
I actually had this idea to create a mega light that could blend in with a house's decor, but secretly be a photography light for taking pictures of people and pets indoors at night.
Secret Photography Light Ingredients Cheap Floorlamp Dual Light Socket Adapter 9000 Lumen LED Bulbs
(Seriously, if you put that together, stick it in a corner, and turn it on when your kids or pets are playing, you will never have another blurry photo from inside your house unless they are going full zoomies.)
If you are outside on a sunny day, don't stand in direct sunlight.
Remember, THE SUN IS ACTUALLY SMALL, angularly speaking. Find a shady spot under a tree. Or put the sun behind you and face a big white wall so the reflected light smacks you in the face.
Walls are light sources!
The ground is a light source!
Remember that moon photo?
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You were looking at the sharp shadow earlier because I drew your attention to the sun being a small light source.
But the surface of the moon... HUGE LIGHT SOURCE.
How do you think the front of that space suit is lit when the sun is behind him? Either Stanley Kubrick has a big reflector offscreen or the ground is a soft second light source.
If you can't make it to the moon, just wait to take that selfie on a cloudy day. I think overcast light is a little boring, but your skin will look buttery smooth without using those stupid Facetune apps.
You can also wait for good light. Sometimes sunset has some nice, soft directional light because it has more atmosphere to scatter, diffuse, and enlarge it.
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If you are indoors, don't use direct flash on your phone. Never ever use direct flash if you can avoid it. But perhaps you are with friends and they all have phones too. Use one or more phones to bounce the flashlight off a nearby wall. Or open up a paper napkin and hold it just out of frame and shine light through it and diffuse it.
A piece of paper can even work!
Flashlight 3 feet away shining directly onto my face...
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Flashlight shining through a piece of paper a few inches in front of it...
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Flashlight shining through a piece of paper 2 feet away that is just out of frame...
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I started with a small light source.
I then made the light source a little bigger with the paper, but the diffusion was too close and it created the dreaded hotspot of doom.
And then I made the light source as big as I could by moving the paper as close to my face as possible without being in the shot. This also gave the light more room to scatter and diffuse making it homogenous.
Froggie Tip: I was using a pretty powerful flashlight, so with a phone you might get better results *bouncing* the light off the paper rather than shining the light through the paper.
So, before you take a photo, just think about how you can make your light source bigger, brighter, and more homogenous and you might be surprised how much better you look.
ANYONE CAN DO THIS!
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dduane · 2 months ago
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Hi, *insert childhood adoration here* just got home from work and don't really have access to true coherent thought. Um. Okay.
Do you know why sometimes, books in a series, from the same publisher, will be in two different sizes? My sister and I figured out that sometimes the exact same book from the same publisher will have two different thicknesses of paper and so one will be slightly thicker, but we can't work out the height and width thing. Same cover design type, like, same edition. Just. One of them is bigger. Do you know why?
Thanks for the wizard books that first made friends of my cousin and me.
First: you're very welcome. I'm glad to have been of service.
On the size question, though: This is one of the Great Imponderables that drives books' writers at least as far around the bend as their readers.
Now there are some explanations that make at least some kind of sense. Sometimes, for example, even within a single edition of a single book, there may be difference-in-thickness issues for some concrete reason: the challenge is discovering which reason (assuming the publisher hasn't themselves told you about it, which is likely to be the case about 99% of the time). ...A common problem is when, for some reason to do with ongoing geopolitical crap or national/international crises, the price of paper changes suddenly. This will cause publishers to try to reduce costs on a book by (the next time it goes back to press) changing the paper quality for something thinner. One of these changes might come between volumes of a series, which is why you might suddenly get a difference between the paper quality of book 5 and book 6 of what's otherwise supposed to be a unified set.
(There's also a similar weirdness in which going up a level of paper thickness will allow your publisher to shove a book of a given length into a slightly higher price point. So, whammo, it happens, and no one bothers consulting you about this detail.)
Or alternately: All of a sudden, somebody at your publisher decides that your series needs to be packaged in a slightly different format that—for reasons that possibly no one in the field even fully understands—is becoming associated with better sales at some other publisher (or some other imprint at your own publisher). So, bang, between one book of a series and the next, the next volume to come out is a quarter inch taller or half an inch wider. And/or 15% thicker (because the pulp of the paper involved has had more air pumped into it than previously). And your books will continue to look like that until some other fad or trend at the packaging end affects them.
(Or alternately, it doesn't affect them, because your publisher's focus has changed in some inexplicable way—or the in-house accountants have crunched their numbers in some new manner—and they've decided your books aren't worth spending the format-change money on.)
(sigh) Tl:dr; There's no damn telling. (It's vanishingly rare that anybody tells us, anyway.) And I wish I had a clearer answer for you than this. Apologies. :/
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ddejavvu · 8 months ago
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Ok so smut idea for Tyler! Tyler’s shy and sweet gf who gets all horny and needy while he’s gone so she sends him some nudes or like a dirty vid and Tyler is totally thrown because that’s not his sweet innocent girl?? Is it??
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Caught off Guard - Tyler Owens x Reader
please send me tyler owens requests!
this post is 18+, minors dni.
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Tyler's never had a problem with opening a message from you in front of his crew. You love him more than life itself, Tyler knows that, but you're almost painfully shy, and the most racy thing you've ever said to him over text was that he looked 'handsome'. In private, in the secluded space of your shared bed, filthier things come from between your sweet pink lips, but over text you're always civilized.
It's why he's so taken aback that he nearly doesn't turn the sound down on his phone when he presses play on the video you'd sent him. It's nothing but a black screen originally but your sweaty, flushed face pops into frame when you lift the phone.
All anyone at the makeshift table is able to hear before he turns the volume down is Tyler's own name, and he's wildly, viscerally grateful that it hadn't been something more suggestive.
"Woah!" Tyler coughs over a mouthful of cheap beer, chest heaving as you showcase your two fingers pressed together with a slick substance coating them, dripping from them, "I gotta- y'all eat without me, I'm- I have to go."
"Is Y/N okay?" Lilly peers up worriedly at him, the typically brash storm chaser reduced to a pouting mother hen at Tyler's urgency, "She sounds like she's crying."
"She's fine." Tyler's already jogging towards their motel room, struggling with the keys in his pocket to jam the card inside of the door, "Don't bother me, and- and don't let anyone touch my beer!"
He's fairly certain that before the door even shuts behind him, Dani is already chugging it, but he can't bring himself to care.
He reloads the video, turning the volume up so that he can hear your voice again, "Tyler, I- I need you so bad right now. I've been feeling- aagh! I've been feeling like this all day, and I just- I keep trying, but I can't do it like you can!" You sob, your face screwing up as you desperately try getting yourself off, "Look, look! This is- I'm so wet, Tyler I'm so wet thinking about you, and I just can't- I can't finish, I need you I need- hnngh! Tyler," You cry, tears spilling out over your lower lashes and down your humid cheeks, "I need you!"
Tyler's hands tremble as he jams his thumb onto the 'call' button. His jeans are uncomfortably tight now, and one of his hands is already palming against the denim before he realizes that he's even hard. He acts on instinct, tucking the phone beside his ear and panting when the rough fabric of his jeans rubs flush against the angled head of his cock.
You pick up on the first ring, "Ty!"
"Baby," He breathes, groaning as he unzips his jeans and frees his cock from the confines of his boxers, "Shit, honey, you can't- you can't fuckin' do that to me."
"I need you," You're still crying, perhaps moreso now that Tyler's voice is in your ear but your cunt is devoid of his erection.
"'Thought I was gonna bust at the fuckin' table," He scoffs, stroking over his leaking cockhead, "Shit, baby, sendin' me pretty little videos like that? You're feelin' brave today, huh?"
"It hurts, Ty," You sob, "I- I need you."
"Shit, say it again." He pleads, already fucking his fist with vigor, uncontrollably turned on by your sudden, bold change in demeanor.
"I need you!" You cry, and Tyler's throat grows sore with the volume of the groan he releases as you hopelessly grind on your too-small fingers, "Please, Ty, i need you so bad!"
"Shit," Tyler curses, wondering if he's ever cum faster in his life, slightly embarrassed yet still raring to go as he hears your needy gasps, "Oh, fuck, baby, you're- you're all mine. I've got you, we're on our way back home. I'm gonna- agh, I'm gonna fuck you into the mattress, baby, just you wait."
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callalillywrites · 1 month ago
Text
Allergies and Cuddles
Allergies have been kicking my butt lately. Height of that came a couple days ago when high winds really pushed around a lot of dirt and pollen. All I wanted was a nap and someone to cuddle with. Hence, the creation of this story.
Who better to cuddle up with than two super soldiers?
Relationship: Steve Rogers x Bucky Barnes (Stucky) x Female Reader
Word Count: ~1800
Summary: Steve comes home to find you curled up on the couch with Bucky, napping to reduce the affects of your allergies. Fluff and more cuddles ensue in this slice of life piece.
Warnings: Slightly worried Steve and Bucky; (over)protectiveness activated; comforting each other; teasing; established relationship; lots of fluff; Steve POV
A/N: As stated above, this story was wholly inspired and written quite quickly, so any and all mistakes are my own. Just wanted a bit of fluff to make myself feel better and this is what came out of that.
Stucky Masterlist | Main Masterlist
I do not give permission to have my works copied, translated, reposted, or fed into an AI machine.
****
A too-quiet apartment greeted Steve when he came home that evening.
When he would've called out, his enhanced hearing picked up the faintest of hums. Following it, he soon found himself upon a scene that tugged at his heartstrings.
Bucky lounged across their over-sized sofa with you laying across him, completely dead to the world. If he squinted, Steve could almost imagine the thinnest, cutest line of drool seeping from your slightly parted lips onto Bucky's shirt. One of your arms rested somewhere between yours and Bucky's body, but the one Steve could see had sneaked its way under Bucky's shirt, caging Bucky under you. No doubt you sought the warmth of his skin, something you often did when you weren't feeling well.
While you slept, Bucky had one arm draped protectively across you while the other held one of his favorite books. The book had pages threatening to leave what little binding kept them in the right place, but that never stopped Bucky from picking it up again and again. From the looks of this one, Steve would be searching out a replacement soon enough. Bucky's gaze would drift over to you every other line or so, just because he could.
The TV played some show that you'd gotten into recently, replaying one of the older episodes. The volume turned down low so it wouldn't bother your rest. Knowing you as he did, you probably had it up while you fought to stay awake, leaving Bucky to lower it once you were completely out.
Leaning against the wide opening from the hallway, Steve crossed his arms and just enjoyed the scene before him. If he had his sketchpad, he might've taken up residence in the nearby chair and sketched until he had both of you permanently down on paper, a memory no one could take from any of you. But, he didn't so he settled for mentally drawing this moment to revisit later.
"You gonna keep staring at us, or you actually gonna say something, punk?"
"Admiring the view." Steve pushed off the wall and crept closer, taking care not to disturb your slumber. "How long has she been out?"
Bucky closed his book though his attention focused solely on you for a moment. The arm holding you drew soothing patterns on your back as he mumbled, "About an hour or so. Found her trying to fall asleep at her desk in the office."
Sinking into a squat, Steve dropped a quick kiss on Bucky's forehead before turning his full attention on you. He could make out your red, slightly swollen nose as well as the puffiness that lingered around your eyes. The softest snores left you, telling him that your allergies had truly gotten the best of you.
"Her meds not working?"
Bucky shook his head. "I don't think she's been keeping up with them like she should. Her bottle's almost full, and it's almost a month old."
Steve's brows drew together. It wasn't a secret that your allergies could get bad, and you were usually on top of taking your medication to keep them from overwhelming you. Plus, you knew they worried about you whenever you weren't feeling up to your usual self.
"She took some before I made her lay down with me." Bucky's voice broke through Steve's thoughts. His own worry peeked through despite usually being the more level-headed of the group when it came to these matters. "Maybe it wouldn't be the worst to take her in and see if there's something a bit stronger out there. Nothing over the counter seems to help her anymore."
"I'll call Dr. Cho." Steve pushed to his feet, pulling his phone from his back pocket. "If she can't help, then she'll know who we can talk to."
"Tell her our girl didn't sleep well last night either. She tossed and turned pretty good. I'm that didn't help."
"Or you two can stop worrying and just let me sleep for a little longer," you groused, having been roused by your bladder to hear your boyfriends fretting. "It's the wind. Once it stops blasting away and blowing pollen around, I'll be back to normal."
"Sweetheart," Steve started.
Having had this conversation before, you lifted your head until your gaze could meet his. A steely determination stole over your features that had Steve stopping in his tracks.
"I'm going to be fine," your tone softened as you moved to capture Bucky's eye as well, "I promise."
"One week," Steve vowed.
You nodded, knowing he meant it. One week to get better, or they'd be taking you to the doctor. The last thing they wanted was to lose you when they'd worked so hard to rebuild their lives after having their old ones ripped away from them.
"Now, that's settled," you pushed up from your position against Bucky, "I'm going to the bathroom. Then, we're going to discuss dinner. I'm too gross to be touching food, so I'll let you two roshambo to see who's got kitchen duty tonight."
The bedroom door had barely closed behind you when Bucky turned towards Steve. His expression morphed into one of the softest looks he kept solely for his two loves. "Don't worry about it. It's my turn to cook anyway. Besides, you look like you could use some of her cuddles."
"You sure?" Steve couldn't help asking.
While the day hadn't been bad per se, it hadn't been a great one, either. So many reports had been perched on his desk first thing. All needed his immediate approval before missions could move forward. Sure, that was typically either Fury's or Hill's job, but they'd both gone on some mysterious vacation, leaving him to handle it.
Then, there'd been a small crisis or two where Tony's latest invention had gone a bit awry. It wouldn't have been so bad if it hadn't set Banner off, transforming him into the Hulk. A quick call in to Nat had helped, but it'd taken some time for Hulk to fully retreat and allow Banner the chance to return.
To say Steve was a bit wired would be an understatement.
Bucky tapped his shoulder, pulling Steve from his thoughts. "Yeah, I'm sure. Let her help you."
As if summoned, you stepped out of the bedroom. Your appearance looked a bit more put-together than it had when Steve first arrived home. Hair dampened and your face scrubbed. While your eyes still retained a bit of puffiness, they remained bright and alert as you closed the distance between you and Steve.
A cheeky smile flitted over your features as you asked, "Bucky lose, or did you pull rank on him?"
"He offered actually," Steve huffed, shooting you his best glare.
It had little effect as usual, but that didn't mean he didn't try now and then.
Your fingers slid between his and gently tugged him closer.
He went willingly.
His free hand dropped to your waist when you rose on tiptoe and pressed a kiss to his jaw. Your gaze roved over his features. A soft frown formed as you murmured, "You're looking a little piqued yourself. Off day?"
"Something like that, sweetheart."
A soft noise escaped you. Your hand tightened around his as you tugged him toward the couch.
"Koala or weighted blanket?"
Steve's entire being sagged at the way you so easily read him. He honestly had no clue what he'd do without you and Bucky in his life, and he really didn't want to find out.
Bending slightly, he pulled his hand out of yours so he could grip you around the waist and lift. Your arms and legs wrapped around him without hesitation, allowing him to do what he wanted most. He dropped onto the couch, his legs stretching out on the floor. His arms snuck around you to hold you as close as he possibly get you while his head sank to your shoulder.
Your fingers inched their way up his neck until they scraped against and through his hair. Soft kisses pressed into his shoulder and neck where you could reach within the cocoon of his arms.
"I'm sorry," you whispered at some point, breaking the silence that had settled between you. "I'll do better about taking my allergy meds. It's just been a crazy week, and I hadn't meant to forget. It honestly didn't hit me that I had until the winds kicked up a few days ago. Please, don't worry about me."
Steve tightened his hold. "Always gonna worry about you, sweetheart. That's what you do when it's the people you love."
"Okay, that's a fair point, but I'm still going to do better. I don't want you to worry unnecessarily." You pulled back enough to meet his gaze. In the same cheeky tone as earlier, you added, "How's that?"
"Better," he murmured, shaking his head and huffing with pure affection.
You must've been satisfied because your cheekiness turned impish. "You are quite tense, Captain, and Bucky missed his workout because of me. It seems only fair after dinner that we have a special training session. Get all these kinks worked out and make sure you both stay in top physical form. What do you say?"
As if to further your suggestion, you wiggled in his lap until Steve moved his hands to grip your hips. A groan slipped past his lips when you managed to wriggle once more before he could fully keep you still.
Stealing a quick but searing kiss, Steve's grin grew. "I'd say I hope you've kept up your stretching routine, sweetheart, because it's going to be a long training session tonight. May even last until the early morning before I'm fully relaxed."
"Oh, my poor Captain," you crooned sweetly, pressing a kiss to his lips. "We won't stop until you and Bucky are fully satisfied."
"And what about you, sweetheart?"
"Oh, don't worry about me," you pressed another quick kiss to his lips before trailing down his jaw towards his neck, "I know I'll be properly taken care of in more ways than one tonight. My two super soldiers never let me down."
"Damn right, we don't," Bucky said from the doorway. "Dinner's ready. Better eat up fast because that special training starts in an hour."
Steve let you scoot out of his lap after claiming one last kiss, patting your butt as you moved towards the kitchen.
You tossed Bucky a salute, saying, "Yes, sir, Sergeant."
Steve's heart had never felt so full as he watched Bucky sweep you up, your giggles spilling out as you traded kisses with him before he sat you like the precious being you were in your spot. All three places had been set while he'd held you with the small candelabra his mother had left him burned brightly with the new candles you'd chosen a few weeks ago.
Home.
He was home.
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thedilfdiaries · 9 months ago
Text
Escapism
Joel Miller x f!reader
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Masterlist
Wordcount: 5,733
Summary: The grumpy Joel, one bed, who did that to you trope fic no one asked for/ Ellie matchmaking for Joel
Warnings: 18+, smut, joels a grump, ellie's there, reader experiences a tiny bit of ptsd from being captured prior to meeting joel and ellie.
Notes: Ty to @evolnoomym for the moodboard and beta reading and @syd-djarin & @joelslegalwhre for the beta read. and @saradika-graphics for the divider.
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The world changed in the blink of an eye. Civilization, with all its comforts and securities, crumbled under the weight of a relentless pandemic. The infected roam the earth, their minds and bodies ravaged by a virus that turns them into mindless, ravenous creatures. Humanity, once the masters of their domain, is now just another prey in a landscape that has turned savagely against them.
You are on your own for months, ever since the virus claimed your sister and the raiders took everything else. Your husband and son, Ethan, are lost to the chaos, leaving you with nothing but the clothes on your back, a backpack filled with meager supplies, and a book - "No Pun Intended: Volume 1" - a cherished memento of a life that once was.
The days blur into a testament to your will to live. You scavenge for food, avoid the infected, and keep moving, always moving. The world is a graveyard of memories, and you are just another ghost haunting its ruins.
As the sun dips below the horizon, painting the sky in hues of orange and purple, you find yourself in the remnants of a once-bustling town. The buildings stand like skeletons, their windows shattered, their doors hanging off their hinges. It is here, in this desolate place, that you decide to make camp for the night.
You choose a spot behind an overturned bus, its rusted shell providing a modicum of shelter. You gather what little dry wood you can find and build a small fire. The can of beans you scavenged earlier in the day heats slowly, the metallic smell mingling with the scent of smoke and decay that seems to permeate everything.
As you wait for your meal, you allow yourself a rare moment of stillness. The book lies open in your lap, its pages a portal to a time when puns and laughter were the greatest concerns of the day. You are so lost in the world of words that you almost don't hear the low growl that signals the approach of danger.
It happens in a heartbeat. One moment you are alone, the next an infected lunges at you from the shadows, its bloodshot eyes and snarling mouth a terrifying vision of death. You have no time to react, no time to defend yourself. The creature pins you to the ground, its fetid breath hot against your face.
Panic surges through your veins, a scream lodges in your throat. Darkness creeps in at the edges of your vision, and you brace yourself for the end. But then, the deafening crack of a gunshot splits the air. The weight of the infected creature collapses onto you, its lifeless body trapping you beneath its bulk.
For a moment, time stands still. You lie there, stunned and gasping for breath, the world around you reduced to the pounding of your heart and the ringing in your ears. Then, as quickly as the nightmare has descended, the weight is lifted from your body. You scramble backward, your hands and knees scraping against the rough ground, until you reach the sanctuary of your sleeping bag.
Looking up, you are met with the imposing figure of a large, rugged man. His rifle is still smoking from the shot that has saved your life. His eyes, hard and suspicious, bore into you as he demands, "You bit?”
Your hands shoot up in surrender, tears threatening to spill as you vehemently shake your head. "Please don't shoot, I- I wasn't bit," you plead, your voice quivering with fear.
The man nudges his gun towards you, his voice gruff as he commands, "Get up slowly."
You rise to your feet, hands still raised, and perform a slow pirouette to prove your uninfected state. Satisfied, he lowers his weapon.
"I totally could have done that," a smaller, younger girl boasts as she steps out from behind him. His daughter, you presume, exudes a mix of bravado and youthful naivety. 
"I told you to stay in the woods," He chides her.
The girl ignores her father's reprimand, instead, bounding over to your belongings. "No fucking way!" she exclaims, holding up a book that clearly means something to you. "No Pun Intended - the first volume." She chuckles, turning to the burly man. "Can you believe it?"
You rush over, snatching the book from her hands. "That was my -" Emotion chokes your words as you clutch the book, a tangible piece of your past. "It was my sister's," you manage to say, hastily stowing the book in your bag.
The man surveys your camp, his expression a mix of concern and disapproval. "Ya know it ain't safe to be camping out in the open like this," he remarks. You follow his gaze, taking in the vulnerability of your setup, and release a heavy sigh. "I - I know. There used to be more of us - a group. We traveled together, always finding safer places to go. But now - now I'm on my own, alone and..." Your voice trails off as you turn away, taking a seat by the dwindling fire. "Well, it doesn't matter anyway. I'm not gonna survive too long out here alone. It's only a matter of time. If you weren't here, I'd have been dead already. But thank you for your help. Help yourselves to some food, I don't have much else to offer you."
Abruptly, the girl's head bobs up, her eyes sparkling with excitement. "Come with us, oh yeah, it's going to be a blast. Finally, another girl around here!" Her voice rings out with a mix of eagerness and camaraderie.
"Ellie, quiet!" the man snaps, then pinches the bridge of his nose between his forefinger and thumb, a clear sign of mounting frustration. "We don't have the space for anyone else."
You stand by, a silent observer, as the man and his daughter, Ellie, butt heads over the possibility of taking you with them.
"You're just going to leave her here alone," Ellie emphasizes, her voice sharp as a knife, "to die? Come on, Joel." Her plea hangs in the air, reminiscent of someone who's just found a stray puppy and can't bear to leave it behind.
Joel's gaze flickers to you as if searching for a reason to abandon you. He heaves a sigh so heavy it seems to carry the weight of the world. He turns back to Ellie, frustration etched on his face, then looks at you once more. "You have five minutes to pack your things, and then we're leavin’. With or without you." With that, he strides off into the thicket of trees, leaving Ellie behind with a look that speaks volumes of his exasperation.
"Sorry, he's not always so grumpy... well, actually, he is," Ellie admits with a sheepish grin. "Don't mind Joel; he's just set in his ways. I'm Ellie, by the way."
You can't help but giggle, kneeling down to gather your belongings. "It's nice to meet you, Ellie," you say, your voice tinged with a mix of relief and curiosity. "But why do you call your dad by his name?"
"I ain't her dad," Joel's voice cuts in, as he reemerges leading a horse by the reins.
"He's not my dad," they echo each other, their voices intertwining in a strange harmony.
"Oh," you reply, hurriedly stuffing your meager possessions into your sister's old backpack—a white and black checkered bag adorned with random sunflowers. You hoist the thick black straps over your shoulders and roll up your sleeping bag, tucking it under your arm. Rising to your feet, you dust off your flared blue jeans. "Sorry, I could have sworn you two were related, the way you bicker like that."
Ellie nudges Joel with her elbow, a playful smirk on her face. "It's just Joel. He's old and cranky."
Joel stands there, stoic and unamused, the reins held firmly in his grip. "Need to find shelter before nightfall," he declares, his tone leaving no room for argument.
"Why can't we just stay here?" You ask, genuine curiosity lacing your words.
"The fact that you almost got killed by one of those things, and you couldn't even hear it creeping up on you, should make it pretty damn clear why not," Joel retorts, his voice rising as he gesticulates wildly, emphasizing the danger lurking in the shadows.
"Be fucking nice, Joel!" Ellie interjects, smacking his arm with back of her hand.
"I am being very nice by lettin’ her come with us. Now why ain’t we movin’?" he asks.
"I have no idea where we're going, lead the way, cowboy." 
"Actually, Joel was a contractor before this, super cool, right?"
You can't help but laugh. "Yeah, totally."
"What's so funny?" Joel asks, his brow furrowing as the three of you begin to navigate the rugged terrain.
"You actually managed to make being a contractor sound like the epitome of cool to young Ellie here?"
Joel's patience wears thin. "Can we all just keep quiet until we find a place to hole up for the night?"
Ellie clears her throat, her curiosity piqued. "So, what's the story with your group?"
"Ellie, you don't go asking people you just met that stuff." Joel snapped. 
You let out a soft chuckle, the memory of your past still vivid. "It's alright. My sister got bitten. I had to...you know, in the middle of the night." The weight of that memory tugs at your heartstrings. "My husband and son, Ethan, they were killed by raiders who tried to overrun our camp. They took me captive, but I managed to escape. And now, here I am." You pause, the chilling recollection making you shudder. You shake off the dark thoughts, not wanting to dwell on them now.
Ellie offers a sympathetic smile, and you catch the hint of one on Joel's face too. "That's rough. I'm really sorry that happened to you," Ellie says, her voice gentle.
"Thanks, Ellie," you murmur, your gaze falling to your boots, a mix of gratitude and embarrassment washing over you.
You look up at Joel, who seems to be wrestling with his own thoughts. "So, where are we actually heading?"
He takes a moment, staring off into the distance before heaving a sigh and meeting your eyes. "My brother and his wife are part of a large group just north of here. We can make it there. It's not far—a couple of days' travel at most."
"We should find a spot to camp soon. It's getting dark," Joel suggests, scanning the surroundings.
With the three of you working in unison, the camp comes together quickly in the shelter of the woods, hidden from any unwelcome eyes.
"Wanna get the fire going?" Joel asks, kneeling on the ground and rummaging through his bag. He extends his hand to you, offering a small amount of kindling and a pack of matches.
"Uh, sure," you reply, your voice tinged with uncertainty. The truth is, you're still pretty green in this post-apocalyptic world, and tasks like starting a fire are always more challenging than they seem.
You step forward and accept the kindling and matches from Joel, then set to work. Carefully, you arrange the kindling, trying to remember the techniques you've been taught. You strike the first match, the flame flickering to life. With trembling hands, you bring it close to the kindling, only for the wind to snuff it out.
"Shit," you mutter, hoping no one noticed. You try again, but the result is the same. On the third attempt, you realize Joel has been observing you all along. Each failed attempt makes him wince. Finally, on the fourth match, he's seen enough.
Joel stands abruptly and strides over to you. He takes the matches and kindling from your hands and, in one swift motion, ignites the fire. "Just go set up your sleeping bag," he says, a sigh of exasperation escaping him as he avoids your gaze. The sting of being a burden weighs heavily on you.
You rise slowly and move toward your sleeping bag and backpack, which are nestled beside a tree just off to the side of where Joel and Ellie are sitting. You drag your things closer to the newly lit fire and spread out your sleeping bag. As you search through your bag, you pull out a small handgun and begin to load it.
"Whoa, cool!" Ellie exclaims, bounding over to you and eyeing the gun with interest.
"It was my husband's," you tell her as you finish loading the weapon. "I'm going to get us something to eat." With your bag slung over your shoulder, you head toward the edge of the camp. But before you can leave, a hand grips your upper arm, halting your progress.
You turn to face Joel's frustrated expression. "No, absolutely not. You can't even start a damn fire. How are you going to shoot us something to eat?" he challenges.
You pull your arm free, determination flashing in your eyes. "I can handle it myself. I did fine before you came along, and I'll do fine after you're gone." You resume your course, but Joel isn't done yet.
"I'm not letting you go out there alone. I saved you once; you don't get another chance," he calls after you.
You turn back, extracting your arm from his grasp for the last time. "I didn't ask for your saving or help. You have no obligations to me. Thank you for saving me once, but I don't need it again." With that, you continue into the dense woods, leaving Joel standing there, conflicted. He returns to the camp, muttering to himself, "Fuck sakes. You stay here. Don't fucking move. I'm not in the mood to save two of you today." He grabs his rifle and follows you into the woods, the setting sun casting long shadows across the forest floor.
A few moments later, he hears your gun go off, and panic starts to seize him.
After about five minutes, he finds you huddled over something, "What the hell? You can't just go shooting your gun off like that. Raiders, fucking infected, someone's gonna find us." His voice is laced with urgency.
As he approaches, he sees you covered in blood, and fear races through him. But then he realizes it's not your blood. You've actually killed a deer.
You turn around to see Joel standing near you, his expression a mix of relief and irritation.
"So now what? You even know how to skin it?" Joel challenges.
You shake your head, "No."
"What was your plan then? To just try and drag it by yourself back to camp?" He's exasperated, but there's a hint of concern beneath his gruff exterior.
You shrug, admitting your inexperience. You've always known you're not very good at hunting, but the desire to contribute, to ensure a decent meal tonight, drove you to try.
"Come on, I'll teach you," Joel says, resignation in his voice. He shows you how to skin and butcher the deer, his frustration still evident. It's clear he resents the extra burden you represent. 
After you've all eaten your fill and packed away the rest for tomorrow, you and Ellie crawl into your sleeping bags, while Joel takes the first watch.
In the dead of night, a sound pierces through the silence, and you jolt awake. You see Joel leaning against a tree, his vigilance unwavering. As you approach, you offer, "Here, let me take over. Get some rest."
He turns to meet your gaze, "No. I don't know you, can't trust you."
"I don't know you either, and I trusted you to keep me safe," you rebut. 
"I think saving you before I even knew you is proof enough of my trustworthiness. You've done nothing but add extra work for me since I've been here. I'm not lettin’ you keep watch. You couldn't even hear the damn thing when it was close." Joel's frustration is palpable.
Your eyes narrow as you step into Joel's space, "Fuck you, Joel. I never asked for your help. If you want me to leave, then tell me to leave, and I'll go." Despite barely knowing the man, his words sting.
Joel rolls his eyes, a silent admission of the care he feels for you, a care he'd never voice. His tough exterior belies a growing attachment, one that complicates his solitary existence. He avoids looking at you, his gaze skittering away whenever your eyes meet. "Go to bed, please. I've got this," he says, his voice a low rumble. Joel doesn't turn his attention to you until you retreat to your sleeping bag, where you curl up, seeking warmth and comfort. As you drift off to sleep, he watches over you, a silent sentinel in the quiet night. There's a palpable sense of relief that washes over him when you finally succumb to sleep.
The next morning, the sound of footsteps rouses you from your slumber. You blink against the bright morning light, using your arm as a shield. Rolling over, you're greeted by the sight of Joel's back; he's crouched, presumably packing his bag for the journey ahead. The remnants of sleep slowly clear from your mind as you extricate yourself from the sleeping bag and roll it up. To your right, Ellie lies fast asleep, her soft snores a gentle backdrop to the morning.
You leave Ellie to her dreams and approach Joel. He's focused on his pack, his shirt inching up to reveal the taut skin of his lower back. You catch yourself staring and quickly bite your lip, a futile attempt to redirect your thoughts.
Attraction? No, that's not it. He's infuriating, self-centered, and yet here you are, sharing this strange journey with him and Ellie, who might as well be his daughter.
Joel looks up, his eyes betraying a deep exhaustion that seems to have settled into his very bones. "We're leaving once the sun's up. Make sure you're ready. We'll cover more than half the distance by nightfall," he informs you, rising to his feet and hoisting his pack over his shoulder.
You find yourself captivated by his deep brown eyes, noticing for the first time the kindness hidden beneath his gruff exterior. A silent exchange passes between you, a moment of unspoken understanding, before Joel clears his throat and breaks the connection, turning his attention to the horse.
The tension in the air is almost tangible as you both look away. Once Joel has secured everything onto the horse except for Ellie, he gently wakes her.
The three of you fall into a rhythm, traversing the desolate landscape. The day stretches on, filled with endless walking. As the sun begins its descent, casting long shadows across the land, fatigue sets in. But Joel, ever perceptive, anticipates your need for rest.
"There should be a town up this road," he says. "We can find an old house to spend the night. No need for watches tonight; we all could use some proper sleep."
As night falls, Joel guides the horse with practiced ease over the unforgiving terrain. Before long, a small farmhouse emerges from the twilight, its isolation suggesting it's been long abandoned.
Ellie's voice cuts through the stillness. "Is this the town you were talking about? It's tiny, Joel. There's barely a house here."
Joel just chuckles, a soft sound that carries the weight of countless stories and experiences. "Sometimes, the best places are the ones that are hardest to find."
The three of you brace yourselves for the night, the assurance of safety and rest offering a much-needed refuge from the relentless challenges of your travels.
"This isn't the town, but it's likely safer to camp here. Raiders might be patrolling near the town. Now go inside and get settled, Ellie, help me with the horse."
You move silently into the house, scouting for a suitable spot to bed down for the night.
Ellie and Joel lead the horse towards the barn at the back.
"So, you planning to make a move, lover boy?" Ellie abruptly inquires, her voice laced with playful mischief.
Joel's eyes narrow in confusion, "What?"
"Ugh, it's so clear you two are head over heels for each other. It's adorable how you bicker." She giggles, mimicking air kisses.
Joel dismisses her with a shake of his head, "Mind your own business, would you?"
"So it is true! You like her... ha! I knew it. Can't wait to spill the beans."
Joel's eyes widen with a hint of panic as he secures the horse to a post, "Ellie! Cut it out, this isn't the time for matchmaking. I'm not in love. I wouldn't bat an eye if she left."
Ellie smirks, her eyes gleaming with a devious spark. "Oh Joel, dumb dumb Joel. Don't worry, I'll help you out." 
Joel pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing, "Ellie, please, just drop it, head inside. I'll be there shortly. And don't say a word to her!"
By the time he finishes, Ellie is already darting back to the house.
Upon entering, you're arranging an old, grimy mattress when Ellie bursts in.
"Hey, lucky for us, there's another mattress upstairs. I figured we could each -"
Before you can finish, Ellie dashes up the stairs, calling out, "I'll take this one!" She pauses at the top, looking back, "And tell Joel I'm really upset with him and I don't want to talk."
Perplexed, you try to stop her, but she's already disappeared, the door shut behind her.
As the door closes, Joel steps in, and you turn to face him, "What happened with Ellie?"
Joel looks up, puzzled, as he sets his gear aside, "What do you mean?"
"She just bolted upstairs, saying she's upset and doesn't want to talk to you."
"She's a kid, I don't know. So this is the only bed then?" 
"Well, you must have done something to upset her. She dashed upstairs and staked her claim on the other mattress."
The realization dawns on Joel. "Goddammit, Ellie! Get down here now!" he yells, but his call is met with silence. He races up the staircase to the closed door, pounding on it. "Ellie, come out here. We need to talk."
"No! I'm not talking to you. I locked the door, you can't come in," her voice is muffled but defiant. Joel continues to pound on the door. "Ellie, get out here."
"I can't hear you..." Ellie's voice trails off, barely audible.
Frustrated, Joel descends the stairs, his gaze shifting between the bed and you. "You can have the bed. I'll just crash on the floor in one of the sleeping bags."
You raise your eyebrows, surprised by his offer. "Just get in the damn bed, Joel. We're two grown adults; we can share a bed for one night, can't we?"
He looks like he's about to argue but then relents. "Fine... whatever." He grabs a sleeping bag from his pack and tosses it onto the bed. You slip under the covers, turning away from him. As Joel settles down to sleep, the room falls silent.
After a few minutes, you hear him chuckle softly to himself.
"What's so funny?" You turn to face him, a hint of irritation in your voice.
"Nothin’, just thinkin’," he replies, the chuckle turning into a full-blown laugh.
You sigh and turn back around, but his laughter is infectious. "Seriously, Joel, if you don't stop, I'm going to punch you in the face." You turn to face him again, trying to suppress a smile.
"It's Ellie," he says, the laughter subsiding. "I know why she's upset."
"Then why aren't you talking to her about it?" you ask, curiosity piqued.
He studies you for a moment, his gaze intense. "It ain't that simple. She thinks she's doin’ us a favor by making us share a bed."
Your cheeks flush with warmth. "Oh."
"So I guess that means it's your fault," he teases, a smirk playing on his lips. The atmosphere shifts, becoming both more relaxed and more charged at the same time.
"How is it my fault?" you challenge, playing along with his playful tone.
"If I didn't have to keep saving your ass, we wouldn't be in this situation," he jabs, his tone light and teasing.
"I think you owe me, if anything, for that deer I killed," you retort, a small smile tugging at your lips. The tension that's been building over the past day begins to dissipate.
"Oh yeah?" he says, inching closer to you on the bed.
You swallow hard, your heart rate picking up. "Mhm, you sure owe me big time."
His eyes flicker to your lips, then back to your eyes. Suddenly, he leans in and kisses you, his hand cradling the back of your neck while the other pulls you tightly against him. The kiss is gentle and sweet, causing your thoughts to scatter as you surrender to the moment, pressing closer to him. 
 In the quiet hush of the room, you pull back slightly, your gaze meeting his. Joel's face is mere inches from yours, his eyes brimming with unspoken desire.
Nervously, you wet your lips with the tip of your tongue, whispering his name like a secret, "Joel..."
A smile tugs at the corners of his mouth as he slowly leans in, closing the distance between you. His forehead gently meets yours, a tender gesture that sends a shiver down your spine.
"God, I've wanted this since the moment I saw you," he confesses, his voice a low rumble that resonates deep within you.
Without warning, his hand shoots out, capturing your wrist in a firm yet gentle grip. He pulls you towards him, your bodies aligning, pressing tightly against each other.
Your lips find his again, this kiss more urgent than the last, fueled by a hunger that has been building since your first encounter. Joel's lips move against yours with a newfound intensity, his tongue exploring, claiming every inch of your mouth.
You surrender to the kiss, losing yourself in the sensation of his lips on yours. His hands begin to roam, tracing the curves of your body, eliciting a soft moan from you. The sound seems to spur him on, and he deepens the kiss even further.
You can feel the heat of his skin, the strength of his muscles beneath your hands. His grip on you is firm, sending waves of pleasure coursing through your veins. He breaks away from your mouth, his lips trailing a path of fire down your neck. His hot breath against your skin causes goosebumps to rise in its wake.
His hands slide lower, gripping your hips with a possessive intensity. Joel lifts himself off the bed, pressing his body against yours, the evidence of his arousal unmistakable.
A gasp escapes you as he grinds against you. Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him closer, while his hands explore the softness of your breasts through the fabric of your shirt. A whimper slips past your lips as he teases you with a gentle squeeze.
You can feel his smirk against your neck as he continues his descent, leaving a trail of kisses and small love bites in his wake. The sensation of being consumed by him is intoxicating, and you find yourself yearning for more, desperate to feel his skin against yours.
"Joel...please..." you beg, tugging at his shirt, eager to remove the last barrier between you.
He chuckles at the desperation in your voice, a sound that only fans the flames of your desire. His lips return to yours, and he begins to move his hips in a rhythm that matches the urgency of your kisses. Your body responds instinctively, arching against him, seeking friction.
"Ahh..." you groan as his bulge hits just the right spot, causing your body to tremble with anticipation.
"Shh... just relax. I'm going to make you feel so good," Joel whispers, his voice a promise against your ear. He quickly strips you of your shirt, tossing it aside, leaving you exposed to his hungry gaze.
You bite your lip, your eyes fluttering closed as the sensation of his hands on your skin sends you reeling. His touch is electric, igniting a fire within you that only he can quench.
"Look at me," he commands, and your eyes snap open to meet his intense gaze. His face is a portrait of desire, his eyes dark with need, his hair tousled from your eager hands. His fingers find the hem of your pants, and he takes his time, drawing out the anticipation as he peels them off your legs.
He plants a gentle kiss on your belly, causing you to sigh with contentment. His lips continue their journey downward, and you can't help but arch your back, moaning softly as his fingertips graze your sensitive flesh. His tongue darts out, teasing you, tasting you, driving you wild with need.
The years of longing, the pent-up desire, it all comes crashing down as his tongue delves into your core. You can't hold back the moans that escape your lips, each one a testament to the pleasure he's bringing you. He continues to tease you, his hands tracing a path back up to your breasts, his fingers teasing your nipples into hard peaks.
The sensation of his mouth on you is almost too much to bear. You come undone, your body shuddering as wave after wave of pleasure washes over you. Joel's mouth is relentless, his lips and tongue working in unison to draw out every last ounce of your pleasure.
As you come back down to earth, your breathing slowly returning to normal, Joel pulls away, his lips glistening with the evidence of your desire. He wastes no time in shedding his own clothes, revealing the full extent of his arousal.
He positions himself at your entrance, the tip of his shaft teasing you, promising you the release you so desperately crave. And then, with one powerful thrust, he's inside you, filling you completely.
The world around you fades away as Joel sets a punishing pace, his hands gripping your hair, pulling just enough to send shivers of pleasure down your spine. You match his rhythm, your bodies moving together as one, each thrust bringing you closer to the edge.
Sweat beads on your foreheads, your chests rising and falling in sync with each other's breaths. All you can see is Joel's face above you, his eyes locked onto yours, filled with a passion that takes your breath away.
"Joel..." you whisper his name, a benediction, a plea, a promise. Your fingers thread through his hair, caressing his cheek, feeling the stubble beneath your fingertips.
With a final, powerful thrust, Joel reaches his climax, his body shuddering against yours. You hold him close, feeling the aftershocks of his release mingle with your own.
For a moment, the only sounds are the ragged breaths filling the room and the pounding of your hearts. In this moment, there is nothing else—just you and Joel, two souls intertwined in the most intimate of dances.
You lie there, your breaths heavy as they echo in the quiet room, your gaze fixed on the ceiling above. In the stillness, the sound of your own ragged breathing mingles with Joel's intense scrutiny of your body. It's then that he notices the jagged scar marring your torso. His fingers trace its length, a silent question hanging in the air. "What happened?" he asks, his voice a mix of concern and curiosity.
The question yanks you from the serenity you'd found, hurling you into a tumultuous sea of memories. "Uh - it's nothing, just a battle wound," you reply, your voice trembling despite your attempt at nonchalance.
He looks at you, his eyes probing, seeing right through your facade. "Who did this to you?" he presses, his tone insistent.
Tears well up as you feel the rough pads of his fingers grazing your scar. You pull his hand away, sitting up on the bed's edge, turning away from him. A heavy sigh escapes you before you begin to unravel the story.
"When the raiders took over our camp, they brought me to some abandoned warehouse a few cities over. They held me there for weeks, torturing me, starving me. They left bruises everywhere. Every night before they would sleep, they would have their way with me." you confess, your voice wavering. "One night I guess I fought them a little too hard and I was awarded this fucking thing as a lovely reminder."  You gesture to the scar on your abdomen with a trembling hand.
Joel moves closer, his cool hands unexpectedly cradling your face, turning you to meet his gaze. He wipes away your tears, his eyes locked onto yours. "I'm here now, baby girl," he assures you, his voice firm with conviction. "Ain't nothing gonna happen to you like that ever again, you hear me?"
A small, sad smile tugs at your lips as he leans in, his lips brushing against yours in a tender kiss. He then reclines on the bed, drawing you into the sanctuary of his arms. Your head finds the rhythm of his heartbeat, a comforting lullaby that resonates against your cheek. In this moment of vulnerability, you allow yourself to trust in his promises, your defenses crumbling as sleep claims you, cocooned in his embrace.
"I knew it!"
Suddenly, a sharp whisper slices through the silence, "I knew it!"
Joel startles awake, his heart pounding in his chest. There, at the foot of the stairs, stands Ellie, her eyes wide with the realization of the scene before her. He glances down at you, still nestled against him, and for a moment, time stands still. With a quick gesture, he signals Ellie to be quiet, his finger pressed to his lips. "Go back to bed," he commands softly.
"But I'm not tired -" Ellie protests, her voice a whisper in the dark.
"Now," Joel repeats, his whisper now a stern command. Ellie sighs dramatically, rolling her eyes, but she complies, her footsteps retreating up the stairs. "Jeez, okay, lover boy," she mutters under her breath.
Relief washes over Joel as he watches Ellie disappear from view. He turns back to you, your peaceful slumber a stark contrast to the tension that just gripped the room. He gently kisses your forehead, his whisper barely audible, "I got you, baby girl."
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