#Stuck having to socialize with my parents
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#Ignore this#Stuck having to socialize with my parents#bored out of my mind#Should try to get her to watch KP or something lmfao#Iām forced to watch regular tv content š©
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anything can be a good omens au if youāre unhinged enough
#share ur wildest au ideas in the reblogs/comments if u want to pls#iām still stuck on my h2o just add water au#crowley as rapunzel? gut-wrenching the hunger games au? superstore au with all the found family vibes?#riverdale au but theyāre the parents oblivious to their kids establishing new time lines left and right#jurassic park au and theyāre both dinosaurs just trying to munch on some grass#ineffable wives in a the wilds au making out on the beach while everyone else is fighting for their lives#glee au theyāre teachers from another school reporting mr shue for being creepy af#crowley knows all the dances to high school musical in a modern family au#desperate housewives au but they donāt have any annoying husbands#barbie fairytopia au with rainbow wings do i need to say anything more#love island au they have a fake dating arrangement to get social media famous but they fall for each other anyways#claireās au aziraphale gets his first piercing crowley shoots it#durex au crowley and aziraphale meet filming an ad for- [gunshot]#ok lemme stop here#good omens#aziracrow#gomens#good omens fics#good omens au#foolish talks#to write
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School is starting soon!! I can't believe I'm excited for the stressors of classes OURGH...
#ill be moving out of my parents house on the 13th. and be starting on the 19th! oh god. that's 9 days#i think im excited because it means i can finally LEAVE THE HOUSE#i hate being stuck in the house with very little to do and simply doom scroll. caged bird energy fr#(family restrictions. i loooovee those)#pros: freedom. cons: a lot less free time + stress + no birds#however. the pros genuinely outweigh the cons...i treasure my independence wayy too much! (except i will miss the feathered balls...)#but on another note. im excited for so many things! See my roommate. cook meals for myself. have actual privacy...yknow basic autonomy :D!#oh i can finally wear the clothes i like judgement free! and i can go places without curfews! and i can play my music outloud!#OH i can finally kick up my social activities again!!#this bird speaks#GAH!! so excited!!#this summer āvacationā was genuinely the worst overall#saving grace was Art Fight and the DD friends i've made ngl. so thanks yall huge hugs to yall!
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The fact that itās July already actually makes me want to cry I felt like Iāve done nothing of note this year š
#irl stuff#vent#it feels like life moves too fast for me and people move on whilst Iām stuck here forever#like right where you left me by Taylor Swift#itās also obvious just how autistic I am and I get nowhere because of it#whether thatās jobs or relationships or being independent#I literally needed help from my parents to get a doctors appointment because I have too much social anxiety#maybe this was too high of an expectation but I look up too much to fiction#I thought I was going to finally fall in love at 19 š#can 20 please be better
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#anyone know how to deal with overwhelmingly jealous and envious thoughts?#I just canāt stop comparing my life to other peoples#just went to my sisters new place#I would literally kill for a place like that#but Iām still stuck in my parents basement#not having a safe space to go#I eventually got over it while I was hanging out with family#but when I left I had to bump into a group of girls#all dressed up#looks like they were either going out or getting back from a club or something#and damn#I miss those days#I only got a taste of it very briefly before I was even of age#like 18-19#and now Iām fucking 26 and I donāt have friends to go out and have severe social anxiety#when I see people like that having a good night or whatever#I just get so sad and jealous#Iāve been wasting the past 6 years of my life#literally just trying to survive#and then everyone else around me is actually living and enjoying their lives#obviously itās not all sunshine and rainbows but they have the support system or a place or something to lean on when something bad happens#I have nothing#I have no support system#not able to heal or really live in my current place#been struggling to just get out of bed#trying ro figure out a job but when I canāt even get out of bed how the fuck am I gonna do that?#struggling A LOT right now#shut up rosie#delete
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I literally donāt know how to talk about and process this without sounding like some sort of weird incel but maybe thatās whatās going on
#like#I just want a support system itās not that deep#but I hate feeling all triggered and emo and whatever abt it as if Iām some sort of tragic martyr#Iām just another 20 something living in USA with no good social support services#like this is just what happens#like Iām processing to myself in the tags and it sounds like something some drag queen would roast you for#like hi you never got enough attention from your parents and itās obvious#like girlllll??????#I need to chill#no I do need to let myself process these emotions like I know what the healthy mindset is for this but GODD#a nerve was hit apparently#like thereās no more looking for parental figures the older you get#the people you wanted to be your parental figures are now just like your age???#what the fuck do I do with that#volunteer at a nursing home I guess#how do people stop pitying themselves forever about this and just live their lives like what the fuck#how do u do that when u still feel like u donāt have a solid support system irl like I guess really no one was coming to save me from#my parents like Iām just stuck here with no idea of where else to go#I have been getting very good at keeping myself open to change and new beginnings and whatever#but holy FUCK can someone hurry up and like let me live at their place for free and be nice to me and I will also be nice to them and maybe#I will be able to make money in a way that is not traumatizing and then we pay off our house and are friends with everyone and can handle#whatever life throws at us#like what about that huh#like what the fuck#ok I think I got all the weird ranting and being stupid and processing out
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i look for irl friends everywhere but its always. my fucking coworkers. like inevitably the place im gonna find my best friends isnt gonna be through school or hobbies its the other ppl who are also working alongside me for just above minimum wage.
#idk if its the minimum wage thing or the job field im in. maybe something about a kitchen job just attracts the coolest ppl ever#either way kind of hate that development of my social life is always dependent on like. having to work for money#but it kinda selects for ppl i can get along w ig. like dawg i just cannot be friends w rich ppl#never could relate to like. the stereotype of highschool rich bullies who make fun of u for being weird an poor cuz like#most ppl at my highschool were also pretty poor but. kind of feel like im encountering that in my adult life#like either theyre stuck up an dont wanna interact w me at all#or im like. trying to connect w someone who thinks its normal that both their parents own a tesla#having friends who are like. poor or who were also in foster care is kind of more important to me#than having other friends who are queer i realized#like. i just have more in common w someone raised by their grandparents who isnt that familiar w queer culture#than i do w someone immersed in the culture whos parents make 100k#but i mean now i sorta have both im no longer the only queer in the kitchen#my boss is like the most badass dykiest dyke ive ever seen#i mean im gonna keep trying to find non-worker friends though. my boss told me i should go to a gay bar skfhjgsdj
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Yāall are being subjected to my Sims 2 tests, so there
The other set of Vargases came over for a visit and Scriabin picked up Shmee and started talking to Scriabin through him. Very normal, very usual
I downloaded some circle-glasses recolours and hghghh they look so good! Closer every day to his final details! Getting ever closer!
Edgar too! I made him a custom hair with a lighter undercut - Iām mostly happy with it, probably couldāve shifted it a shade closer to his skintone but the texturing was weird no matter what :P And his stripey shirt! I wish Body Shop didnāt have that hands-on-hips pose lol, it looks so much better in-game, but thatās all the better :)
I got some new clothes for Todd as well! As soon as I saw thisĀ āfit I was likeĀ āOh thatās 100% Todd there he is.ā Scriadad hug ā„ So cute
Foot-dancing together stopp itās so cute!!
The way he looks at them stoppp <3 <3 They kept doing this right up til they left for home haha, Toddās giggles are the cutest
Used SimPE to save him to the Body Shop, I now have infinite copies of The Boyyyy āŖ
Moved him in with his āparentsā as just shadow people basically, theyāre not gonna matter in a bit as long as I remember how to get the Social Worker/Adoption process to work properly. Get her Todd!!
Wanna play? :D
Menacing :(
Look, Todd, your new dads are here! Initially I wasnāt sure who I wanted to adopt him, got lots of options; the first passes, the married couple with their own Todd, Johnny?? He definitely doesnāt have the facilities for a child lol But these are the ones that showed up on their own, so the married Vargases are the winners!
Scriabin cares more about him than his actual parents ;; A stranger off the street shows him more care! Not that itās a high watermark
Look at him being a good dad!
Weh, he just wants friends ;; Poor baby
Best timeline, thank you
While we wait for CPS, letās get some other interactions in! Nny is mean so he tended to prank the other two with a nose flick - mostly Edgar lol āŖ Now kiss
āOh please donāt break all my bones~ :3ā I love Todd looking up at them haha <3
Pffft, I think he was talking about the other Scriabin and just how attractive he is. Classic Scriabin. Alternatively, also funny to imagine him bragging himself up about how heās just so handsome that Edgar canāt help but love him hahaha āŖ
Allow me to tickle you with my KNIFE! >:D
Get a load of this guy lol
He ended up passing out at one point - I forgot which motives make CPS show up >.> - and completely 0%ād his comfort, but for some reason stargazing increased it?? Itās the same ground wh
Is two not enough to satisfy your butterfly bloodlust child?? He ended up with three, I had him release them before he was picked up by the Social Worker - success!
He rolled a new Want as soon as Todd was taken away - āWants to see Ghost of Toddā Woah, dark! :0
And here he is on the married Vargasesā lot!! Success!! I did it right!! Heck yeah! :D Unfortunately they were uh, indisposed at the time. Good job guys pft
Goes right for Shmee, he really is Todd <3
#The Sims 2#My queue is too backlogged on main! And I /have/ been working on a lot of Vargas-specific Sims 2 retextures so it's fine lol#These are still tests - as said up top lol - so these events are ''non canon'' to what will eventually be my actual Vargas family#The beats will be similar tho! It's mostly just a lot of tweaking at this point to get everything just where I want before the domino falls#Edgar Nny and Todd are all so close to done - Scriabin still needs a bit more work lol of course he's the problem member āŖ#It'll be worth it tho! >:3c Handsome lad <3#Did find out some interesting things with the Social Worker/Adoption process :0 Most importantly that adoption basically wipes everything#Wipes memories and family relations and changes the last name! So I'll have to go in with SimPE to change his name back once I'm there#I love SimPE haha āŖ I mean it's just an extension of how much I love TS2 but I just ughsjkhagf it's a good program!#It's extremely powerful and easy to get lost in if you don't know where to look but it's also incredibly user-friendly if you do know#Like - it's as easy as ''Open this sub-menu. Click this button. Rename this. You're all done'' it's just jdsflf Sims 2 my beloved <3 <3#I decided to cheat down the Casils' relationship with Todd before everything else - thus why his father is menacing him for the prank#I've seen Sims with not high enough friendship to not take a water balloon as a fun invitation but not between a parent and child!#It's subtle but the parent being mad and the kid cowering :( It's sadly appropriate for Todd#I stuck the Casils in a box to wait things out and they ended up glitching frozen in bed - they're effectively dead by Motive but can't move#So they can't die /or/ live - feels fitting#If you'd like to recreate CPS taking your child away without straight up torturing them! - Hunger. You just need hunger lol#Alternately you can also have them miss class if you'd prefer to feed them - both will result in being taken away after long enough#If I return to this save it's gonna be confusing since both Todds are identical and have the same names lol#I do have a bunch of new clothes! Second shopping trip :D#There's something oddly fitting for the Vargases to adopt twin/clones lol - fun shenaniganary until the Final Version comes to pass#Although now that I think of it I Could also give them a toddler!Todd hmmmmmm#It's an idea :)
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people won't fucking FORGET me i can't handle this anymore there's always a friend who wants to go someplace a friend who needs someone to go to the store with a friend who hasn't seen me in a while who wants to hangout, and i can't let those friendships decay i just can't i can't be this kind of asshole again, but it feels so shit it feels like i can't fucking relax cuz there's always something tomorrow something next week and something to do at school between classes and holy SHIT leave me ALONE please fucking stop talking to me i just want to relax and do things i enjoy.
#part of that is of course that ''going home'' isn't relaxing it's just waiting around for the next big anxiety-inducing event#and weekends aren't relaxing either because it's just more parent time#i do think my social battery would increase a little if i ever fucking get to live alone finally#but in the meantime i'm stuck doing community service because if i don't then nobody will#i can't refuse to do something helpful or nice for people when the alternative is going to binge and hate myself in my room#i just want to be far far away so badly#then i'll have an excuse#im well and truly stuck. either i go and i have a dreadful time before during and after.#or i don't and im missing out and im an awful friend.#before you hit me w the ''you're allowed to skip on an event your friends won't hate you!!!!''#i want to skip ALL OF THEM#and friendships are watered like plants okay my friends are legitimate not being friends w somebody who never hangs out#jesus christ i want a pause button i want to be stuck in a time loop for a little while#thinking about tomorrow makes me want to rope#i can go to school 9am to 3pm. but technically there's no class.#then my friend wants to go to the night museums for her birthday#which leaves like. five hours at least in the middle. in which we'll have to hang out.#and she wants to get food.#if at any point of that i go home it's the day my mom doesn't work so. i have to spend some more incredibly unsatisfactory time with her.#god it's making me want to rope even more than usual#vent#broadcasting my misery
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hmm i think i am not coping. very well
#i feel like ive hit a wall in my ability to handle anything and idk how to hold myself together anymore#i see myself spiraling terribly but i am so exhausted in every single way that i cannot bring myself to care#and itās going to kill me one day but i cant even care abt that#july was so horrible. so so bad itās the worst month ive had since my dadās passing#i feel so incredibly empty and stagnant and stuck i feel like i am in a tar pit and ive been here before#but i no longer have the strength to claw myself out of it#nor the support of others (irl i love u mutuals)#i quite literally only have my brother at this point and with how physically abusive he can become itās not like thatās a relationship i#truly feel supported and safe in but itās all i have#ive always been isolated severely by my family + the Issues have always made socialization so exhausting#i feel like im just floating and no one knows me nor cares bc how can they. i either just push people away to avoid getting hurt or i dont e#even try. and when i want to itās a task so daunting and draining#i donāt have it in me despite knowing the lack of human connection is absolutely destroying me and ripping me to shreds#despite knowing a community of some kind would help#but i also feel like i offer fucking nothing and am worthless so would i even accept the help given to me. probably not#i wish i wasnt so intense of a person in every single way. and yet i will never be enough either#i feel like ive been clinging and digging my claws into my sanity that was not really present in the first place#ive been put through so much i couldnt cope with so repeatedly and so young i think by the time i wqs 10 i had already hit a wall but you#cant just stop living so itās only compounded on top of that#it feels unhealable it feels like just part of me now.#i see a complete absence of a future for myself and i have no one to stay alive for anymore#not my parents not my pets not my friends and i dont know how to stay alive for myself bc itās not something ive ever wanted#idk anymore. ive never felt so utterly lost and alone and broken lmao.#no wonder this relapse has been so all-consuming#dlt ltr
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still feeling bad even after food and a couple hours of sleep. how mean
#one of these days the yearning for an understanding person to come home to at the end of a day will end me#until then i will probably have to complain about my stupid suffering#why must humans be a social species and why must i crave things i cannot have lol#why must i be stuck living with people i cannot ever trust again. want to be around people i like and who i can be vulnerable with#tbh if i still was as whiny in real life as i am on here most days i'd only get to hear 'shut up' and 'tough luck. man up'#and that is Not It. would only make me feel worse. so i keep quiet and keep to myself#which does not solve my original problem at all#maybe one day. maybe one day i can just be a beloved pet that doesn't get scolded or belittled for seeking comfort#that one thing my parents said to me 15 years ago still haunts me#'only people who deserve it get hugs' which was used to deny me comfort/affection. because apparently i am not worthy/deserving š#i was 13 going through the most vile shit at school but bc it affected me negatively and my parents didn't like me at my mentally illest#they just straight up denied me any type of comfort or support. took away my belongings. made me stay in my room for months on end#as corrective punishment. but none of it made me better. just made me worse. idk idk idk#all the shit they put me through. the emotional and physical punishments. the beatings borne from frustration#and still some part of me wants to seek comfort from them. BUT I SHOULDN'T. they broke my trust and my heart and soul so many times#it'd be straight up suicide to open up and be vulnerable with them again... lole running chest first into a wall of knives. no.#sorry. really in it tonight. gonna try to be more normal tomorrow
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Nope, I'm still crying
#i wish literally anybody from school remembered me#literally only 2 people i was friends with hace talked to me in the past four years#i had the realization tonight that i was never given the choice to nurture most of my friendships#everytime i tried outside of school hours including trying to join clubs my mom would make me leave halfway through then lecture me#that she didn't have time to drive to town and get me#but as soon as my brother wanted to join junior air force she suddenly had all the time and energy in the world to devote to that#so what I'm getting here is that my friendships and interests weren't important enough or worth her time#i wasn't interested in Junior air force 1 cause it wasn't offered to me and 2 I'm not a boit licker#no#i was interested in the video game and board game clubs cause my friends were in them and they WANTED me to join#but after not getting to stay for more than one full session after a month i left the board game club cause it wasn't fair to the others#and i only went to the video game clu once and i don't remember much of it cause i was too anxious that she was gonna flip on me#i kept waiting for her text but instead she showed up at the classroom and made me leave#so when the same teacher that ran the board game club asked if i wanted to join the chess club cause he knew i liked chess#i told him i couldn't cause i was too busy because i didn't want to deal with begging my mom to let me join#she would have said yes but would have continued not letting me stay and being super passive aggressive#I'm not even in the year book for the year my friends graduated#the one thing she did let me do was drama and i hated every second of it. it was genuinely a bad experience for me#yeah i had friends in drama but it's not the same as hanging with my nerdy guy friends playing a star wars ttrpg#the worst part is she gets so defensive when i bring it up and won't give me a reason outside of 'I guess I'm just the worst parent'#it's in those moments i really remember she's the youngest in her family#OH!! it gets worse! she told me when i was younger that she had to be an honorary cheer leader cause HER MOM absolutely refused to#let her join cheer and she's alsways been bitter about it but then she turns around and did basically the same thing to me ffs#at least she was allowed to hang out with people after-school i wasn't allowed to do that either#no. instead i spent the hours after shcool alone most days and my weekends home alone in my room. and she wonders why my social skills are#maybe if I'd been allowed to work on my relationships outside of a classroom i wouldn't have felt so abandoned when everyone i knew#graduated without me. maybe if i didn't have to start back at square one socially again and had people to text and hang with after class#i wouldn't have dropped out. and i think only atlas knows i dropped out. idk how to text these people without spunding like I'm looking for#sympathy when they ask what I'm up to. like yeah I'm stuck at home with an anxiety disorder and unemployed trying to get on disability#prisma vents
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Looking back at your Ask boxā¦
ā¦ And realising you have Asks going back at least two yearsā¦
Which is a good thing bc I just accidentally found out someone blocked me that I think I only interacted w/ them all of once and I'm not sure why but I might know why and now I feel bad, andā¦
ā¦ Yeah. I'll. Uh. I'll go think about the Asks, maybe.
#Firebird Randomness#there's no real point in pursuing the other thing#I'm guessing it was my 01 melt down think I pushed a lot of people away w/ that one#I was twenty five and it was Covid and I was not in a great place emotionally#in it's own way 01 kept me going but damn did I get emotional about it#I still have pretty much the same opinions although I think I could explain them better now#I'm not stuck living w/ my parents I'm not in one of my most formative ages stuck in a global pandemic#I am constantly exhausted and burned out from work and thinking about going on meds again#I still have executive dysfunction and my social skills are subpar#I care to much and get worked up#I still have anxiety and depression#but I'm almost thirty (twenty nine end of this month!) I'm in a better living spot and I get paid okay#I still have weight and image problems and no motivation#but I don't have scurvy#gotta do my taxes#all in allā¦ Doing okay#I still love Horobi and Fuwa w/ my whole heart#test for whoever reads the tags: who wants to see my merch/display wall???#it's covered in dust and has some Hakuouki and DMC stuff on it as well but I still think it's cool!
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as happy as i am for lissie and marcus (even though I knew they were already together because I literally watched them make out with my own two eyes) it was honestly my last straw. Iām so tired of seeing everybody on my social feeds happy and in relationships when Iāve just had the worst week of my life and have basically given up on falling in love because if I canāt even drive how am I going to go to places where Iāll meet people?!?!? i have spent every Valentineās Day alone while my friends go on elaborate dates and Iām just so so tired
not the make out sesh š© oh to see them with my own two eyes irl... what a pretty sight it would be
this got quite personal and hit a little too close to home so im putting a lil keep reading thing
love :(( iām truly sorry you feel this way... but god i felt this ask so much... first of all, i'm really sorry about you having a bad week. it's completely fine to feel the way you're feeling, it must really suck, but i'm sure you'll get the license and you'll be driving shortly!! i am keeping my fingers crossed for you ā¤ļø
iāve always been very calm about relationships and love, very much āiām not in a rushā and āitāll come when itās timeā. iāve always been a hopeless romantic but i havenāt been stressed about it ā iāve always been so busy that i havenāt really had time for love, and i've been okay with hearing about friends and their great love lives while i've spent pretty much every weekend and holiday alone at home. butā¦ eventually, it becomes exhausting, you know? when falling in love for real just seems so far away and like something so hard to achieve in some way....
i also kind of feel you on the driving part... i decided not to get my license for a bunch of reasons, and idk how i'll get around without driving... but also as i am still living with my parents, it just seems impossible to meet someone, because where would i bring them? home to meet my snooping parents?? no way
i think we just gotta hold on to the hope that when it is the right time, it will happen. i don't believe in the whole "don't rush it" thing, i think that we're all allowed to seek and chase love if we want to, but i also think it's okay to take a step back and just breathe and be okay with the situation. unfortunately, our current day society is so formed around relationships, soft launches and hard launches and dinner date pics on insta and public proposal videos, that i feel like the pressure easily gets overwhelming. there's also something in the way that people think other people's love lives is any of their business, like friends and relatives asking me why i don't have a boyfriend, as if a partner is something i need to live my life? surely it would make it better, but i don't need to be reminded and hurt yet again over the fact that i'm alone, when i'm just trying to move on in life...
i'm trying to stay patient, open to any opportunity, and remembering that social media is merely a highlight reel and not reality. i hope you too can find peace in remembering that things will get better, we just have to work through this first. we will get through it and come out stronger on the other side. darling, if you ever need something from me, want to rant, or anything else, know that my messages and inbox are always open š
#ive really liked seeing drivers and their partners recently#but i think that in some way it's just like a coping mechanism to cope with the fact that im so very alone#i think it originates in the wish of being one of them even though i do feel very realistic and dont actually believe that it could happen#but i mean honestly#if we werent even the tiniest bit delusional#would we be here writing and reading the self insert fics??#like sure i dont do it just for that reason#i love writing and i love fiction no matter what kind and blah blah#but we could've all been reading random scifi or romance fics instead and yet so many people get stuck on celebs x reader#housing is really expensive in my city so not a lot of people move out early (like pretty much none of my friends have moved out)#and i just dont get how they manage to have partners and still live at home? are their parents not crazy like mine??#i am supposed to be moving out soon though but rn idk how that would change my situation#still have to deal with social anxiety and shit#this ask hurt so much#ive been hitting a pretty rough patch recently aswell and im kind of thinking that i need to break down fully to be able to build myself up#but its so goddamn scary#idk why im oversharing and ranting so much shfkdjf i apologize#i really hope you find happiness and a great love#i truly admire you for working through this despite how hard it all is#why does it all have to be so exhausting?#asks!
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š«§šš¤øššŗ
#um here are some emojis i find good and interesting#because im going to vent a little sorry#because i really am not doing well with being indefinitely stuck at my parents house in a place#that is physically isolated as well as socially#and i wanna die a lot#and i feel the need to just say it on multiple soc med platforms because i have something wrong with me#and ill probably end up deleting this#but umm i feel like a failure bc i cant get a job in a place i can actually live and i cant even get a temporary job here to make money#to help move or at least get out the house so im doing awesome and great#awesome#and great
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So funny fact about me: I have social anxiety, but EXCLUSIVELY for making friends with other neurodivergent ppl. I truly do not give two shits when trying to make friends with neurotypicals, but if I meet an ADHD or autism-haver that I want to befriend I start getting worried about being annoying or boring or rude š
This is mostly comedic in the extreme because like. No autistic friend is going to think iām rude and annoying for infodumping. No ADHD-having person is going to be put off by me talking a lot and being super distractible. AND YET!!!
#Sasha Makes A Post#Made friends with another ADHD-haver today and bless her she straight up offered me Adderall from her stash within 30 seconds#And then we hung out and ahhhhh I have been too stuck in my parentsā house the past month because I felt SO self-conscious socializing#Had a good day though
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