#Stuck having to socialize with my parents

[neo-neos]

.

[birdyverdie]

School is starting soon!! I can't believe I'm excited for the stressors of classes OURGH...

[telesodalite]

This is a bit random, but I've been thinking about Misfire a lot lately, and it struck me, that with his adhd, the whole implied/hc'd substance use is only sometimes considered as a form of self-medicating? And, idk, I find the concept interesting.

Like, yeah sure, within the canon implications it's just stereotypical stuff, so it can be interpreted as wholly recreational, and whatever one might call accidentally catching a high from blood you've taken from a corpse.

But like, his adhd is emphasized as an important aspect of his character, so surely it's impacted his millions of years worth of life with its symptoms? Both good and bad?

The Decepticons in idw1 are weird, in many ways lol, but in the sense that they're the faction defined by their oddballs and rejects. They're the unwanted, the belittled, the different, the oppressed, the strange, the mad. But at the same time, any deviance from their impossible and ever-changing standards is punishable and looked down upon.

It's a classic, almost frustratingly stereotypical case of a system built against oppression becoming the oppressors. But that's not the point here.

The point is that they opened their arms and offered the idea of freedom to those who felt different from the pre-war standards, who felt belittled by it, or betrayed by it, and promptly went and turned around on these people to make them feel belittled and betrayed and made different from their own new standards.

Abuse, in many forms, runs rampant within Decepticon ranks. From the very top, to the very bottom. Any deviation or perceived weakness is an open invitation for such actions. Throw in the DJD, and there's no escape from it. No way to get out, only fit in and keep your head low, or become the very thing you originally wanted to fight against and be free from.

Substance abuse is mentioned in canon enough to assume that certain amounts of it were almost expected across both Decepticon and Autobot ranks and contingents. But considering the condition of Decepticon standards and communities, it can be assumed to be a bit more rampant in their case.

So, Misfire. We don't have much context for his background and what all he's seen and done.

It's implied he did some spywork, or at least made some cross faction connections during the war with Brainstorm, which might've been a big enough deal that it caught the attention of Skids, because he's aware of Misfire of all people, knows he changed his name right at the end of the war, and considers Misfire somewhat as a nemesis, which, might I remind thee that Skids was part of a secret special operations unit, a secret special operations unit under fucking Prowl!? So uh, possible big interesting stuff that never got explained there.

(The possible spy bit keeps me up at night I swear to god, bcs wtf were all those tiny implications supposed to mean?!? I need to know all the details of that possible spy drama so bad, omg)

Then, we know he "accidentally" killed "a dozen" other cons towards the end of the war, and that he was going to be jailed for it.

So Misfire's life obviously went down the drain before the murdering a dozen fellow soldiers bit, but considering every awful and challenging factor of being a sub-par soldier in the Decepticon army/air force, what kept him from doing something like that earlier on?

More important, what got someone like him through the war? What kept him going? What kept him alive? Well uh... the same thing that kept a lot of Decepticons going I guess. Substance abuse.

Ok so where does the self-medication angle of this whole thing come in Teles?? My answer to that would be, uh, inherently ig.

Because think about it, you're just some kinda weird guy, caught in the middle of one long ass war. You're never good enough, can't achieve the one thing you've been gunning(lol) for, and are just sorta flying by the seat of your metaphorical pants through life. You're a solider, and a victim of systematic abuse because of that, and at some point, you're possibly a perpetrator of that abuse*. On top of all that, you've also got raging adhd during all this stress and trauma, and man, quieting those racing thoughts and numbing that constant buzzing itch in your body probably feels really good when you're escaping your extremely stressful situation for just a bit.

It feels better to be more detached, to be "calmer", less caught up in a hundred thoughts at once, more focused, more in control. Eventually this becomes the subconscious focus of his using to ease the stress. It "fixes" something. Makes things "right". So casual escapist substance use tumbles into substance abuse and addiction.

How this factors into his post-war life, idk, you decide ig.

I figure the scavs being broke and cut-off from others could play a part in Misfire having to wean himself off of whatever substances were most common among his ranks, but he's also probably creative enough to make stuff from whatever they pick up. Anything considered to be "hard stuff" would likely be frowned upon or policed by Krok tho, because of the whole traumatic experience with Roadbuster and his extreme brutality due to perceived Syk abuse.

But then again, the scavs are all still very much cons with vices, and 100% constant sobriety is apprently a challenge or punishment for cons and bots alike post war.

-

*(Expanding on that bit via another ramble I had lying around that i thought i'd include)

When considering Misfire's adhd, most things emphasize the hyperactivity and impulsiveness in general without also emphasizing the negative sides.

That moment where he almost punches Grimlock comes to mind a lot.

It could be viewed as just a side-effect of perpetuated Decepticon abuse, a knee-jerk reaction that may have been turned on him during the war for his mistakes, that he in turn expresses towards others "mistakes".

Something to also consider here though, is how the impulsivity of adhd can make violent reactions worse, anger and/or frustration harder to control, and harder to hold back from expressing outwardly or physically, especially if left unchecked or untreated for a long time.

But Misfire stops and takes a second to collect himself before becoming somber as he considers Grimlock's perspective.

This instinctually violent reaction is not something he wants, or likes, and judging by how much time has passed by that point in the comic, this has been something he's been working on and is still working on.

But what about while he was still an active solider? When holding back was seen as a weak or foolish response? How did the impulsivity play into it? After being treated like that himself, struck or beaten for mistakes, at what point did it snap and he found himself standing over another solider as they stared up at him with that same fear and shock and hurt he had felt. How did that affect him to know he was capable of doing that without thought?

Because, ya know, he's done bad things too...

[rosicheeks]

-

[ducktollers]

if im bein real i am so deeply frustrated with my art every single thing i draw looks and feels wrong everythings worse than i envision it feels like i cant seriously improve anymore i cant decide on a style i like doing i cant find a brush that does what i want i have no creativity or self expression i only feel remotely skilled when im using an exact reference and even if im satisfied with a finished product its still not good enough and feels like i will never be good enough to be successful and why is instagram full of teenagers that are better than me and how fucking good would i be now if high school me didnt slow down drawing and university me didnt almost completely stop drawing. so anyways

[none-tadashi-left-hiro]

I literally don’t know how to talk about and process this without sounding like some sort of weird incel but maybe that’s what’s going on

[the-pea-and-the-sun]

i look for irl friends everywhere but its always. my fucking coworkers. like inevitably the place im gonna find my best friends isnt gonna be through school or hobbies its the other ppl who are also working alongside me for just above minimum wage.

[vargaslovinghours]

Y’all are being subjected to my Sims 2 tests, so there

The other set of Vargases came over for a visit and Scriabin picked up Shmee and started talking to Scriabin through him. Very normal, very usual

I downloaded some circle-glasses recolours and hghghh they look so good! Closer every day to his final details! Getting ever closer!

Edgar too! I made him a custom hair with a lighter undercut - I’m mostly happy with it, probably could’ve shifted it a shade closer to his skintone but the texturing was weird no matter what :P And his stripey shirt! I wish Body Shop didn’t have that hands-on-hips pose lol, it looks so much better in-game, but that’s all the better :)

I got some new clothes for Todd as well! As soon as I saw this ‘fit I was like “Oh that’s 100% Todd there he is.” Scriadad hug ♥ So cute

Foot-dancing together stopp it’s so cute!!

The way he looks at them stoppp <3 <3 They kept doing this right up til they left for home haha, Todd’s giggles are the cutest

Used SimPE to save him to the Body Shop, I now have infinite copies of The Boyyyy ♪

Moved him in with his “parents” as just shadow people basically, they’re not gonna matter in a bit as long as I remember how to get the Social Worker/Adoption process to work properly. Get her Todd!!

Wanna play? :D

Menacing :(

Look, Todd, your new dads are here! Initially I wasn’t sure who I wanted to adopt him, got lots of options; the first passes, the married couple with their own Todd, Johnny?? He definitely doesn’t have the facilities for a child lol But these are the ones that showed up on their own, so the married Vargases are the winners!

Scriabin cares more about him than his actual parents ;; A stranger off the street shows him more care! Not that it’s a high watermark

Look at him being a good dad!

Weh, he just wants friends ;; Poor baby

Best timeline, thank you

While we wait for CPS, let’s get some other interactions in! Nny is mean so he tended to prank the other two with a nose flick - mostly Edgar lol ♪ Now kiss

“Oh please don’t break all my bones~ :3” I love Todd looking up at them haha <3

Pffft, I think he was talking about the other Scriabin and just how attractive he is. Classic Scriabin. Alternatively, also funny to imagine him bragging himself up about how he’s just so handsome that Edgar can’t help but love him hahaha ♪

Allow me to tickle you with my KNIFE! >:D

Get a load of this guy lol

He ended up passing out at one point - I forgot which motives make CPS show up >.> - and completely 0%’d his comfort, but for some reason stargazing increased it?? It’s the same ground wh

Is two not enough to satisfy your butterfly bloodlust child?? He ended up with three, I had him release them before he was picked up by the Social Worker - success!

He rolled a new Want as soon as Todd was taken away - “Wants to see Ghost of Todd” Woah, dark! :0

And here he is on the married Vargases’ lot!! Success!! I did it right!! Heck yeah! :D Unfortunately they were uh, indisposed at the time. Good job guys pft

Goes right for Shmee, he really is Todd <3

[anaalnathrakhs]

people won't fucking FORGET me i can't handle this anymore there's always a friend who wants to go someplace a friend who needs someone to go to the store with a friend who hasn't seen me in a while who wants to hangout, and i can't let those friendships decay i just can't i can't be this kind of asshole again, but it feels so shit it feels like i can't fucking relax cuz there's always something tomorrow something next week and something to do at school between classes and holy SHIT leave me ALONE please fucking stop talking to me i just want to relax and do things i enjoy.

[angelstrawbabie420]

hmm i think i am not coping. very well

[robinsnest2111]

still feeling bad even after food and a couple hours of sleep. how mean

[prismatica-the-strange]

Nope, I'm still crying

[firebirdsdaughter]

Looking back at your Ask box…

… And realising you have Asks going back at least two years…

Which is a good thing bc I just accidentally found out someone blocked me that I think I only interacted w/ them all of once and I'm not sure why but I might know why and now I feel bad, and…

… Yeah. I'll. Uh. I'll go think about the Asks, maybe.

[httpiastri]

as happy as i am for lissie and marcus (even though I knew they were already together because I literally watched them make out with my own two eyes) it was honestly my last straw. I’m so tired of seeing everybody on my social feeds happy and in relationships when I’ve just had the worst week of my life and have basically given up on falling in love because if I can’t even drive how am I going to go to places where I’ll meet people?!?!? i have spent every Valentine’s Day alone while my friends go on elaborate dates and I’m just so so tired

not the make out sesh 😩 oh to see them with my own two eyes irl... what a pretty sight it would be

this got quite personal and hit a little too close to home so im putting a lil keep reading thing

love :(( i’m truly sorry you feel this way... but god i felt this ask so much... first of all, i'm really sorry about you having a bad week. it's completely fine to feel the way you're feeling, it must really suck, but i'm sure you'll get the license and you'll be driving shortly!! i am keeping my fingers crossed for you ❤️

i’ve always been very calm about relationships and love, very much “i’m not in a rush” and “it’ll come when it’s time”. i’ve always been a hopeless romantic but i haven’t been stressed about it – i’ve always been so busy that i haven’t really had time for love, and i've been okay with hearing about friends and their great love lives while i've spent pretty much every weekend and holiday alone at home. but… eventually, it becomes exhausting, you know? when falling in love for real just seems so far away and like something so hard to achieve in some way....

i also kind of feel you on the driving part... i decided not to get my license for a bunch of reasons, and idk how i'll get around without driving... but also as i am still living with my parents, it just seems impossible to meet someone, because where would i bring them? home to meet my snooping parents?? no way

i think we just gotta hold on to the hope that when it is the right time, it will happen. i don't believe in the whole "don't rush it" thing, i think that we're all allowed to seek and chase love if we want to, but i also think it's okay to take a step back and just breathe and be okay with the situation. unfortunately, our current day society is so formed around relationships, soft launches and hard launches and dinner date pics on insta and public proposal videos, that i feel like the pressure easily gets overwhelming. there's also something in the way that people think other people's love lives is any of their business, like friends and relatives asking me why i don't have a boyfriend, as if a partner is something i need to live my life? surely it would make it better, but i don't need to be reminded and hurt yet again over the fact that i'm alone, when i'm just trying to move on in life...

i'm trying to stay patient, open to any opportunity, and remembering that social media is merely a highlight reel and not reality. i hope you too can find peace in remembering that things will get better, we just have to work through this first. we will get through it and come out stronger on the other side. darling, if you ever need something from me, want to rant, or anything else, know that my messages and inbox are always open 💗

[rustedpipe]

🫧🛝🤸🚇🏺

[weresehlat]

So funny fact about me: I have social anxiety, but EXCLUSIVELY for making friends with other neurodivergent ppl. I truly do not give two shits when trying to make friends with neurotypicals, but if I meet an ADHD or autism-haver that I want to befriend I start getting worried about being annoying or boring or rude 😭

This is mostly comedic in the extreme because like. No autistic friend is going to think i’m rude and annoying for infodumping. No ADHD-having person is going to be put off by me talking a lot and being super distractible. AND YET!!!