#Sorry in rambling >_< and also probably wrong
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fangdokja · 1 day ago
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Heeeyyyyy it's me again lolll, sooooo have you checked out love and deep space (otome game with fighting monsters)? If not then you should, there are many hot characters there, i was rereading you paternal privileges and thought that "oh this is so zayne(one of the characters from love and deep space)" cuz if he's going to have a twisted side this really matches him well
Yeahhh, heyyyy. Prepare for unstructured Fang Dokja rambling.
Glad to see that you're also enjoying and reading the other stories. Paternal Privilege vibed more in Ao3 than in Tumblr, but I personally liked it as well. One of my first sex stories in general. Got lots of practice in it. And, in Ao3, people loved the ending haha. Thanks for sharing your input on it. It's appreciated :))
OK. I knew I'd get this question one day. And, I know some of you are Love and Deepspace (LaDs) fans (and also K-pop fans, especially you guys, I don't know why you're following me ahahhaha, but it's welcomed. Sorry, don't know much about K-pop like I hardly know DC).
OK SO! Of course I know this game! I played the game it was inspired by, Mr. Love Queen's Choice for more than 3 years! DADDYYYY VICTORRRR. I still have my account, whahhaha. Yes. This is bringing back memories.
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And in Love and Deepspace's early release, like official first day, I was there! So, yes, I've played it.
Playstyle and graphics were cool. And, as a competitive gamer in general, ofc it was right up my alley. A bit clunky at first release, needed some adjustments, but generally good. It was way better in terms of graphics than Mr. Love, especially the interface and menus.
Though, I'd say what turned me off is I related more to the MC of Mr. Love than LaDs. Didn't really vibe with the MC of LaDs, a bit too emotional and outspoken for my tastes. Felt ENFJ (sorry, can't relate AT ALL to ENFJ's and ESFJ's especially) not gonna lie hahhahha. But, it's been so long since I played, so sorry if I get details wrong. Anyways...
I was just not vibing with the MC, and low-key plot as well. But, then again, maybe I expected too much. It usually happens when I do. I get so excited than it falls short of my expectations, and then I'm like ehh. So I just low key turn off my brain. It's also to prevent myself from spoiling myself. You have no idea how many times I've unwittingly spoiled myself in ANY fandom! It's genuinely unreal. So, it's like I have to stop thinking so I don't ruin those "huzzah" or "woahhh" moments for myself as a reader or audience.
Ok, back to the topic.
Why am I not making yandere content on it? Simple.
Because of this RULE:
Some characters remind of me of real life people too much, like for example, most “soft” and “green flag characters”. Reminds me of my friend’s boyfriend. And that person is gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss. It’s fricking weird. But in general, most reasons I don’t write certain characters is because it reminds me too much of people I know in real life.
My friend and I don't share stories. AT ALL. That includes any fandom, manga, anime, manhwa, video games, etc. There are some exceptions, but usually we have separate fandoms.
So, when I introduced this game to share with my friend. Majority of the characters, from the graphics to their behavior, fit my friend's boyfriend more. Reminded her of him more.
Didn't really find anyone that reminded me of my husband (only 4 main guys before). I do play games, or do anything really to spend time with him. And even in things like this, I do this so I can analyze my husband, think about him and brainstorm, etc. Just basically husband simping for me.
So, in conclusion, probably not gonna talk a lot about Love and Deepspace. And besides, I don't think the MC is like me anyway, so it's fine. I just have to not look at ANY fanart, 'cause man IT IS EVERYWHERE. I have to LITERALLY avoid it like the plague so I don't tempt myself.
Uh... I have a gaming addiction. HAHHAHAHA
Sorry, but strict rules being obeyed here as well in the friendship. We DO NOT SHARE STORIES. End of story. Hope you guys understand, though.
Yes, we're weird.
WARNING: The information below is just extra husband simping. Proceed with caution.
God, I am waiting for official international release of this game ESPECIALLY (when it comes to otome games):
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My LORD, I will waiitttttt. If it's possible to release, Your will be done!! haha
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As you can tell, I'm weak to muscles ahahahahahahhahahaha. Why? I love my husband so much, he's so handsome. I am weak.
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OSBORN I JUST KNOW IT'S OSBORN aghhhh. especially him. But seriously. huuu well, my husband doesn't like talking about himself with anyone else besides me, so just have to use "analogies" like characters lollll.
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Though, none can compare to my husband, of course. He's leagues above anyone else huuuuuuu. I love him so much.
I also told you guys. I relate to these memes. VERY. VERY. VERY MUCH.
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You have no idea.
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WAHAHHAHAH.
*exposes self*
But, I just love my husband so much. So, so, so much.
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Yandere! Stepfather & Stepdaughter
Novella 1 : Paternal Privilege
He’s your family, but he doesn’t act like it.
🔞Pleasure in every strike, pain in every kiss.
🔞In the end, love is both their salvation and their damnation.
🔞His love is suffocating, but she’s forgotten how to breathe without it.
🔞Love shouldn’t feel like drowning, but he’s the only one who can save her.
She fell, but not by accident. He made sure of it.
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its-a-me-mango · 2 days ago
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Hi this was me the whole time so now I get to ramble.
omg I love your ideas for them, I love them so much and do think something like that would kinda set things rolling for them but not in the way either of them plan/intend lol
Like SMG3 has NEVER seemed like the romantic type of guy to me, he's too in denial about his emotions and expressing them, so falling for someone is not something he'd display so openly. He'd probably just gradually spend more and more time with her over a long period just doing normal relationship things with her without ever expressing how he feels, and I think Karen would be the same way too.
Because Karen is 100% dedicated to her children like we can always see that, so some random guy showing up and professing his love to her would very likely land him in the trash. So it would be a very slow but natural build up and I EAT that shit up fhdhudjdjd
Idk the idea of SMG3 gradually getting more and more integrated into Karen's life and especially with her kids just seems the most realistic stance for them, don't get me wrong they could still absolutely be all fluffy and sweet at times but that stuff feels more like an afterthought type deal, like SMG3 stepping up to be a step dad comes first and THEN they get all mushy with it BDHDUSJSKDK
Literally just this because it's really funny
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Like, hang on I'm fully going crazy here, like their first kiss would honestly just be something they do because they haven't done it yet. Just them sitting on the sofa watching TV together after getting the kids to bed and they're just like, "Hey I don't think we ever kissed before?" "Oh yeah... Do you wanna?" And then they do aBMND GGGRGRGGRGGRGRGBAAAAAAA I love them sorry.
I just think they're very cute and silly together and also Karen would excuse a lot of his villain stuff because you know, past assassin type thing, so she's so used to it ixtigdxkgjfx god I need to go cook now I have ideas. Y'all can come to me for idea because good lord I am full of them. Also sorry to ramble on your post after so long, I stopped being a coward and now nothing stops me.
Hey hear me out real quick I need to share this rarepair ship name with someone before I go insane.
SMG3 X Karen should be called CatCafé
Okay thank you
I adore that name holy shit.
Hmmm what could their dynamic be though….
OH! Back when SMG3 is still a villain, he’s rambling to her about his next evil plan and she’s just like “that’s nice honey,”. UNBOTHERED QUEEN!!
They met when he tried robbing her workplace during her shift and she kicked his ass. One of those “what a woman…” type of things. She encourages his villainy like it’s a hobby he has and he’ll probably do some grand romantic gestures for her or smth idk.
Anyway, I LOVE RAREPAIRS!!
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microvibing · 8 months ago
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I like ward *gives him an existential crisis*
Character From marble sky comic by @ somerandomdudelmao, you should def read it right fucking now cuz its awesome
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gentle-hero-blog · 7 months ago
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Actually wait ok i'm not done. i'm actually so serious abt this. I think that a large part of the reason i got attached to metroid when i was younger is because it was the first media i discovered where the main female character was allowed to look like this:
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and like. people thought she was cool. BOYS thought she was cool and I had never seen boys think a female character was cool before, much less want to be like one. she had all these interesting traits that I had only ever seen in male characters (person of few words, calm and ruthless bounty hunter persona, highly respected for skill, her appearance isn't mentioned Ever, etc etc). and that was formative for me and my relationship to gender i think
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eri-pl · 1 month ago
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A long post about why chromaticism is awesome
(in the context of Ainulindale) and what Melkor did and what he didn't and what Rúmil got wrong
Because 17 of you voted for it, one for "don't care" and one for "we don't need anti-Melkor propaganda" which isn't true: we do need more anti-Melkor propaganda :D (Told you I'm going to ignore some of the votes! I like him ok? I just don't like what he did.) (It's not even particularly focused on that… )
So, long post below cut:
Inharmonious?
 it came into the heart of Melkor to interweave matters of his own imagining that were not in accord with the theme of Ilúvatar [to make himself more important]
Let me ask you a question: Did Melkor sing music that wa snot compatible with the theme of Ilúvatar? Yes, you say, 'tis in the quote.
Nay, I say. It came into his mind to do so. So he did try. But he did not do it, because it is not possible. He simply assumed that what he sang was fundamentally incompatibile. Also, it was too loud and badly timed and confused many of the Ainur. Yes, it was ugly and didn't work well. But it was not, on fundamental, harmonic level, incompatibile, as:
And thou, Melkor, shalt see that no theme may be played that hath not its uttermost source in me, nor can any alter the music in my despite
So: no. contrary to common way of talking about it in the fandom, Melkor didn't play anything fundamentally … how to phrase it? The themes were fundamentally good, just in wrong place and too loud.
["A lot of evil is a misprioritized good" is a thing that probably has a lot written about it already.]
The nature of discord
So, time for some music theory (Yay!)
"Discord" is Tolkien's word for "music I don't like, eg the Beatles and jazz", but generally, discordant notes mean notes that aren't part of the current harmony, or even part of the scale, and make spicy intervals with the notes that are already being played.
Except.
A better word for such notes is "dissonance" or "tension". Because they aren't inherently wrong or ugly. They are something that feels like it needs to be dealt with, they create more energy in the music.
Sure, a stiff classical music teacher (the kind who tries to be Mozartier than Mozart and cleans the trumpet only on the outside, you get the vibe) would tell you that you can't have a second, or a tritone (the famous "devil chord" allegedly) and so on.
That's not true.
You can have those, just not for long, and not too loud and they need to go somewhere and so on and so forth. But used properly, the tensions make music richer and alive.
(But of course when someone decides to be a jerk about it and plays them for too long and too loud… Every sensation made too long and too intense becomes pain, and empowering something that should be temporary always ends up badly.)
Fire isn't inherently wrong, but when it gets out of control and burns everything, it's bad. Cold isn't inherently wrong, but freezing to death is nasty. Change isn't wrong, but can be.
Well, "change isn't wrong" becomes true when there are imperfect beings: beings that can change without becoming less. Like, you know, mountains, and trees, and Men.
What was Melkor's calling?
I think it was to add tensions. But to add them in a normal amount. And this required him to do two things: a) to sing keeping the harmonic tension regardless of everyone else singing differently, and b) to not overdo it and frigging accept the fact that everyone else is singing together.
Well, he managed to do half of it. :F Yay. :F I'm gonna make him a sticker saying "you tried". :F
And yes, this is difficult. That's why the most powerful of the Ainur got the job! And he still messed it up. Because he preferred his pride than the actual job.
But yes, I believe his job was to sing "in discord", just politely. And then at the end on the Music get quiet and yield, because that's what you do with the tensions. And then go happily hang out with your fellow Ainur who would appreciate what he did. Because it's very much not "he was made evil", just "he was made different and other, and became evil by trying to make everything like him when he was supposed to be the contrast".
[Pause, because I made myself sad about how much he messed up such beautiful ideas]
Men (and Elves)
Rúmil says they were created only as a response to Melkor's discord. So, without evil there would be no free will, and no people. Right?
Wrong. Rúmil, go home and rethink your life.
If Melkor did what I described above, the themes would still be able to progress normally, just without drama. And we would have Men and Elves and whatnot, because I don't but a "people are inherently a result of evil" setting, my BS detector flares red on that. (Should I say "sorry"?)
I'm not going into "does free will need evil to exist, or just the possibility of evil or some secret third option" because I don't want to go into real-world philosophy with this post.
Chromaticism AKA: what do you mean "rarepair", it's not a rarepair!
OK, so back to the music theory. Remember when I said that dissonant notes are, among others, notes outside the scale? Those are called "chromatic tones" and are used to add more emotion to the music. Usually the sad types (and scary, yes, this too) of emotion.
So, Nienna. The Vala who, among other things said about her, gets probably the best, awesomest description line in the whole book. My fav. The gothy psychopompy evil-in-early-versions weird lady whose windows gaze West of the West, to Darkness. The edgiest but never crossing the edge (unlike you, Melkor!), the one who prefers to weep for so long than to rise in pride.
I love her so much.
Her reaction to Melkor's dissonance was to weep. And how do you weep in music? Chromaticism. Which is a type of dissonance, technically.
Oh, if only Melkor didn't get it into his head to try to court stalk and pester Varda… :(
Also, the text doesn't say that Nienna was one of the main singers in the Third Theme (like Manwë was in Second), but the vibes very much suggest it. And honestly, with a theme that's not finished it is honest to not discuss who was the star of it?… anyway she is closely tied with the Third Theme, I'm sure everyone will agree on that.
So yea, the Third Theme, I'm so veryveryvery about it *deep breath* I'll try to keep it on-topic
The one was deep and wide and beautiful, but slow and blended with an immeasurable sorrow, from which its beauty chiefly came.
I cannt imagine "immesurable sorrow" in music without chromatic tones. I don't care what Rúmil would say, I don't care what Tolkien would say, the Third Theme is (if we imagine it as not physically music: it is the metaphysical equivalent of) chromatic. It just is.
It's sad and subtle, and the description sounds very much like a minor scale, but don't get me into scales and chord types, because then I'll digress into places we pretend aren't part of the discussion.
But yea, "minor ending with a Picardy third" would be a good approximation of the general feel, I guess.
Oh, and do you know how do you make a chromatic thing work— how do you make any "dissonant" (in classical terms) chord work? (No, Melkor (and Stravinsky), not by repetition!!!)
You put it into open voicing.
So, what is open voicing? I'm glad you asked. Imagine you're playing on a piano. Open voicing is when the notes are far apart and you would need longer fingers to play them at the same time. It's generally the notes being far from each other in terms of pitch. This does reduce the dissonances, because for example C4 and D4 clash much more than C4 and D5. So you put the notes in separate octaves as much as possible and it works, and it makes a chord that would be clashing into a beautiful epic-sounding and generally awesome.
Now, ask yourself: Where have we seen (heard?) about something like that? Because we have.
and in one chord, deeper than the Abyss, higher than the Firmament, piercing as the light of the eye of Ilúvatar, the Music ceased
OK, you can argue that the "deeper and higher" mean it is wide, but it doesn't imply that it's a chromatic chord. the implication goes only one way. True.
But "piercing"? Can a purely diatonic chord feel piercing? IDK
…is diatonic/chromatic even still a question at this point?
So, chromatic is a good thing, right? So, Melkor—
Noo… Not like that. Chromaticism is like— like fire. Or electricity. It can make good thigs better, and beautiful things more beautiful, but it's tricky, and needs to be used properly.It's like admin mode on your computer. Like "see advanced settings" button.
Also, Melkor did …provoke (for lack of a better wors) chromaticism in the Music, but his song on its own is the very opposite of chromatic. Which is sad and ties very well to one of my earlier posts.
He's not nuanced. He's just
had now achieved a unity of its own; but it was loud, and vain, and endlessly repeated; and it had little harmony, but rather a clamorous unison as of many trumpets braying upon a few notes
which is as non-chromatic as you can probably get :(
I made myself sad again, end of post.
Edit: Yeah, no, I went to take a morning (noon) shower and ofc realized there's a lot of it left. Like: why is Melkor-being-not-chromatic a sad thing if the chromaticism is tricky?
So, to be explored in a next post some day:
the ("dynamic" says too little, "self-defeating" claims too much... complicated?) nature of dissonant non-classic chords
the nature of Men, their out-of-FateMusic-ness and how does that relate to chromatic and non-chord tones and music in general
idk, probably more
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keideez · 5 months ago
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winged weapon
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Happy late 4th anniversary ultrakill!
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transmascutena · 6 months ago
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Good evening (or morning, depending on your timezone).
Absolutely no hate, but I want to ask how you reconcile your enjoyment of the show with the reality of what Ikuhara has (most likely) done?/gen
I understand Death of the Author, but what drew me to Utena in the first place was its theme of critiquing the patriarchy and calling out abuse, which feels somewhat hypocritical now. I resonate with this show, and many of Ikuhara's other shows, on a personal level, which is why I am especially disappointed with the accusations since I now have to wonder how that reflects onto me as a person...?
Obviously I don't know you personally, but you seem to spend a lot of time and care on your analyses (which are great btw) so have you also struggled with this?
Again, there is like zero judgement when I say this and I'm absolutely not trying to come off as hostile (in case that is how this reads). And, there is no pressure on you to answer this and I'll completely understand if you want to ignore the ask.
Thanks.
hi, i've been thinking about this as well since yesterday, and it is kind of tough to figure out how to feel about. i think it's important to remember that ikuhara did not make revolutionary girl utena alone, for one. he had a whole team of writers and animators and producers and so on, that it would not exist without. obviously ikuhara played a big part in the show's creation, but far from the only one (if it was, i have no doubt it would be very very different), and . idk what my point really is here but i don't think his actions reflect on the show as a whole. it still is what it is, it still says the same important things about our society's systems of abuse that we've always talked about, even if the director didn't understand it or didn't want to understand it or however you want to put it. and by extension i don't think it reflects on to all the people who have enjoyed the show, who have seen their experiences in it, who have learned from it more about how this kind of abuse works and so on. and i think we need to be aware of what has (allegedly, but again, i believe it) happened, but i don't necessarily think we need to write off the show just because he had a hand in making it. because it is just as important as we've always known it to be, you know? though i think there are (as there has always been and there always is in anything) elements of the show to be critical of, and maybe some new things as well in light of this. i'll have to think about it more.
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froschli96 · 5 months ago
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you know, i always find it really funny when dudebros complain about syndicate and odyssey being too "jokey" or not "taking its characters seriously" or whatever…
like, did y'all collectively sleep through "it's-a me, mario!", "i meant besides vaginas", ezio inventing the latte, bartolomeo's... just... *gestures vaguely* entire character, etc?
like, it's fine to have preferences of course, i myself prefer a more serious and grounded tone, but these are usually the same people who tout the ezio trilogy as "peak assassin's creed", call ac1 a glorified tech demo and hate on connor for being "too serious and boring", like? make it make sense!
#asscreed#ac syndicate#ac odyssey#dont get me wrong#i do have problems with syndicate and even more so with odyssey#but it's not the tone lol#honestly i think kassandra is the protagonist that's the most similar to ezio if you really think about it#but bc she's a woman she's suddenly 'overpowered' and 'unrealistic'#yall don't remember the insane things that ezio survives in revelations do you#speaking of which#been replaying the ezio games lately#and i have something to confess...... i really don't think ac2 is good#ac brotherhood was a BIG improvement#in terms of story pacing for one (none of those insane unmotivated time jumps... well aside from the strange montage at the end)#and the characters are a lot more fleshed out (probably bc there aren't like 20 of them)#and the handling of female characters is MUCH less egregious#maybe bc there's only really claudia and caterina left LOL#lucrezia is a little annoying i guess... but she gets a pass bc she's cesare's sister and really they're the same kind of crazy lol#and hey we actually get to see how dangerous sex work can be and how it's not just a way for sexy nuns to give inner peace to men#even cristina gets fleshed out!#and i like that we get so see ezio being a little bit of a selfish prick in her missions#and making bad decisions in interpersonal relationships#at least i THINK that's what we're supposed to take away from it... but who knows maybe it's just supposed to be a tragic love story...#i hope not.... i hope the player IS supposed to think that ezio's treatment of her is bad. otherwise.... :/#sorry for rambling#guess im just kinda surprised by how much i enjoyed brotherhood#it had been a long time since i last played it#also the modern day is really good!#that you can talk so much to everyone and also being able to read their emails and the mundane banter... idk i just think its neat :)
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rosiesriiveters · 7 days ago
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Rosie in episode 7 is so special to me, because when you re-watch it, you can just see why he’s going to ultimately choose to re-up. You can see it from the first scene he’s in. It’s this guilt of responsibility that will not budge from his shoulders. It’s all these things that keep happening around him and Nate Mann just rocks this role SO well because Rosie has such little dialogue in this whole episode but it doesn’t matter, because you can feel this burning guilt and responsibility building and building in each scene.
It starts with the conversation with Crosby about going to Texas or Florida and his heart clearly not being in it, but listening to Croz’s desperation to get out resonating with him.
It’s Black Monday - the mission that Rosie’s crew was grounded for that cost 150 of the 100th’s men. When the boys tell Rosie what they saw; that the boys that were on their 25th crashed and those that parachuted out of their planes were killed by the Germans anyway. It’s Rosie listening so intently, drinking in their stories despite the horror. He doesn’t try to placate their anger or their sadness, he just acknowledges it for what it is. It’s like you can visibly see Rosie taking and holding on to their words
It’s Rosie surviving 25 and the 100th throwing a party for him and his boys. And in such Rosie fashion, he seeks out Jack when he realises something is wrong, only for Jack to break the news: the tour requirements are changing. It’s 30 missions now.
It’s Shoens looking him dead in the eye saying congratulations Rosie. At least you’ll make it out of this fucking war alive.
And then it’s Rosie watching the parade of vans carrying bodies out of Thorpe Abbotts, unable to tear his gaze despite it all.
It’s all these - sometimes little, sometimes big - instances that build up make Rosie’s decision seem to just make perfect sense to the story, without it seeming overbearing or over the top. It’s understated, yet powerful (much like Rosie himself!).
He barely says anything throughout the whole episode, but I think that’s what makes it a perfect Rosie episode. Throughout the whole series, Rosie is usually the one listening, rather than the one telling a story - but his presence is still so big despite of it. Rosie doesn’t need to talk for the audience to listen.
And I think that’s reflected both in Rosie’s decision and the way Lt Col Bennett reacts to Rosie’s request. Despite barely knowing Rosie, he seems to understand the weight of Rosie’s presence at the base, and the weight of Rosie’s words. And I loved that Bennett decided not to blindside him with the new strategy, but instead allowed Rosie to make an informed decision. And Rosie’s reaction - unflinchingly meeting Bennett’s gaze and accepting his answer is the icing on the cake.
Rosie is outrageously humble! But understands how others see him and he is ready to take on the weight of that love, pressure and sheer resolve all over again.
#I JUST I LOVE HIM SO MUCH#i usually could not give a shit abt the actor/actresses but I am just so impressed by Nate’s performance to encapsulate Rosie so well like#in this episode when he barely speaks but I just feel like the emotions are portrayed so well#both by what people say to Rosie and how he reacts to it. what he sees and his reactions in response.#that scene when the bodies go by and Rosie watches SO intently and then takes his hat off#he blinks quickly for a moment and you can SEE the distress on his face - if not outright obvious#and when the boys tell him about black monday it's like you can see him shoulder that story and hold on to it. he's listening so intently#and I LOVE that he doesn't say anything to the boys in response bc there is nothing to say. 'im sorry' sounds too pitiful and anything else#might feel insulting. he just acknowledges their words and doesn't try to make them feel any different about it. rosie accepts their#feelings at face value and takes that with him in all his decisions going forward#like. this man contains multitudes and I want to understand all of them#i love the dichotomy between Rosie being literally just Some Guy#and then also being like. a legend who is loved and respected by like. everyone. it’s probably illegal to dislike him in the 100th#just like when Jack got all pissy bc a couple of guys said that Rosie was lucky. like they weren’t even been disrespectful they were just#saying Rosie must be lucky to have lived this long#and Jack is like WRONG BITCH THATS ALL SKILL.#like okay?????????#so valid tho#anyway that’s so rambly I just love him sm#rosie rosenthal#masters of the air#robert rosie rosenthal#robert rosenthal#jack talks#ch: rosie#tv: masters of the air
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tetsuskei · 13 days ago
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i know it’s my paranoia speaking and maybe i just need to get a grip and not be so sensitive but i can’t help sometimes that interacting with some mutuals is discouraging only bc the energy does not match ,,, it makes me feel less discouraged to reach out to ppl and idk how else to explain lol
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meamiki · 5 months ago
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kagepro day...
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hauntswitch · 11 months ago
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Im so sorry but the L word is absolutely fucking hilarious - none of these women have an ounce of morality between them and yet they're all somehow still loveable characters. Despite the atrocities. And the bad 2000s haircuts. And the deeply questionable fashion choices.
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milfbrainrot · 1 month ago
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i feel like i type so much more than is reasonable when i do talk to people but i also don't get to socialize a ton so i just have soooo many words in me and if i'm like, tired or short on time, it is so much harder to restrain to the already-pushing-it point i can sometimes manage ;-;
#txt#i am used to posting long things that are essentially a conversation with myself because i either don't#want to bother others with certain topics or i just am used to anything i have to say really being... worth saying...#so i will sometimes go back and add more tags because i'm still thinking about it after the fact and the gap in time where someone#would have said something to prompt further thought is just. me continuing it with myself. bc i'm still thinking about it.#and then that translates into how i talk to other people where i sometimes feel like i either have too much to say without only#keeping what's of utmost relevant importance#(which is also due to me knowing if i don't say it Right Now Immediately i will forget if it does become relevant again)#so i am expecting people to read too much#and/or i then am not... listening to people? or i come off like im not listening to people?#even though i rly do try to be attentive i just forget sometimes to leave space for other people to talk because i am#used to only talking to myself so much lmaoo so i think i come off like i only want to Talk At people due to how Much i share#and sometimes i probably am not as attentive in convos as i would like to be but i try to be! i just dont know if the balance is there#but i also don't rly know how to be more concise bc of that mix of not wanting to forget and also not wanting to be misunderstood#and being so excited to get contribute etc#anyway there are also a lot of social things i HAVE been neglecting by accident i am so sorry if youve sent me an ask etc#and you've gotten silence i am getting to things slowly ;-;#i just mean moreover in active conversations the way that i act is like. i always worry i am doing something wrong all the time forever#and maybe i would worry less if i could put more of my thought dump energy into observing others more attentively#to get a better read on things lol#me coming back to this post as an example bc i had another thought:#i also type rly fast and my brain goes rly fast so while i do clean up what i say typically#others might find it more convenient to be more concise due to typing slower#whereas i don't think before i type i just type as i think one to one#i lose thoughts otherwise but Thinking Before I Speak is a lost art to me rip#but then if i am talking to people irl or on voice i am so much more reserved. i ramble a lot!!#but it's easier for me to fall back
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cosmicskittlez · 5 months ago
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Yknow I feel like Void gets villainized a lot more than he deserves. Like yeah he was kind of a dick in the first week and genuinely dangerous in the second one, but BF was also the one egging him on and then tried to do that shit again without a crowd around. Yes void is egotistical but he's sure not a bad guy. Dudes just a little mentally unwell and seems like he was doing just fine until BF started one-upping him both privately and publicly.
Which now that I think about it, wasn't BF legit trespassing on stage during one of his concerts? And then after beating him multiples times went to find him again purely for a rematch? That is so close to just insane fan behavior tbh. Most I can really fault Void for is letting BF continue to do what he was doing and not kick him out when the Accretions thought that he should. He probably knew that it wouldn't go well for him but also didn't want to stop and never know if he actually couldn't have beat him at full strength. I think at the end of the day Void is just someone who's a little egotistical and stubborn, but his breakdown was majorly influenced more by the fact that someone just kept pushing their own luck and tried to beat Void at his own game, even when it was clearly sending him into a mental breakdown.
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Does anyone else get the feeling that at their core, all of mxtx's works are about cycles of abuses.
#idea dump#ramblings of a sleep deprived girl#heaven official's blessing#tian guan ci fu#scum villian self saving system#mao dao zu shi#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#mxtx#mo xiang tong xiu#cycle of abuse#I don't only mean the passing down of trauma#I also mean the abuses of an established corrupt system#that systematically hurts people that are less fortunate than those who actively benefit from it#to me this one is more prevalent in mdzs and why jin guangyao downfall is so upsetting to me#because he was coming close to breaking the cycle of abuse of both the system and of his family#but unfortunately it was his past actions in service of perpetuating it that doomed him#if he had realized a lot sooner that his father was not worth it#and started pursuing his own interests from the beginning instead of his father's approval he could have changed everything for the better#not to mention that unlike his father he actually treats his spouse with respect and doesn't intentionally hurt her#emphasis on the 'intentional' part (if you know you know)#just like Jin Guangyao became the new wei wuxian Nie Huaisang became the new Jin Guangyao#so i'm of the firm belief that since the system is still in place the cycle will repeat again#and Nie Huaisang will replace Wei Wuxian as someone else becomes his Jin Guangyao#sorry for this long ass essay in the tags lol#it's 3am so I'll probably do the other two another time#also let it be known that I'm only running on spoilers/fanfictions/wiki when it comes to svsss and mdzs#so if anyone bothers to read my essay tags be free to correct anything if I get something wrong#side note why wasn't mdzs about breaking cycles???#why didn't yanli become sect leader. Jiang cheng remain coreless. or Jin Zixuan marry into the Jiangs to show worth outside the norms#you can be a strong woman without being cruel. cultivation doesn't equal worth. and powerful women are beautiful and should be respected
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transmascutena · 11 months ago
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thinking about how akio sees his younger self in utena and wondering if there's any fondness there. doesn't change the horror of what he does to her obviously but i do wonder
#akio and utena#m#long ramble in the tags sorry:#the thing about akio is that he's so evil bit he's also so human#he has feelings. i just don't know what they are (if anything) toward his victims#he loves anthy at the very least i'm sure of that. even if he hates her too. just like she loves and hates him. the lines are blurry.#and i just. i have to wonder whether any of that extends to utena at all. we know anthy at times feels similarly about utena and dios#(and akio by extension.) the simultanious love and resentment. so it's not too unlikely i think.#like. even though he never had anything but bad intentions in getting close to her#i'm not sure it's possible to do everything he did and feel nothing#not that he has any meaningful amount of guilt or remorse for it. i don't think that.#and i obviously don't think he “loved” her in any of the ways she might have thought he did#but did he not care at all? did he not feel any kind of fondness or sympathy or just. idk. pity? for her?#whatever the case it wasn't enough to reconsider having her killed so you know. how much does that actually matter anyway#idk. i think about it a lot. how abusers are rarely entirely indifferent toward their victims#the role he's playing in her life is so fucked up but it IS a role he's playing and i wonder how much he you know... internalizes it?#how much does he believe the illusion of family that he invites her into? because akio DOES often buy into his own illusions.#(similarly i think it's possible that akio is fond of touga too. their mentor-protégé relationship is horrible and abusive#but that doesn't make it less real. you know? maybe real is the wrong word.)#when he talks in episode 25 about wanting utena and anthy closer that's obviously so he can continue to groom her#but is there something genuine there too? i don't know.#again. it obviously does not make anything he does better or even different. but it is interesting to think about to me.#on the other side of that coin does seeing his own past youth and naivete and desire to do good that he (maybe) once had#reflected back at him through her mean anything?#is there resentment there? that she is what he couldn't be? or more likely he just thinks that idealism is stupid.#either way it's something he wants to take from her. anyway ramble over.#i talk a lot about utena's feelings toward akio (familial vs romantic love and the way the two are intertwined in fucked up ways)#but not much the other way around. probably because utena is actually a sympathetic character whose feelings the show very clearly#wants you to analyze and think about.#which is... less true for akio i think. though he's still a complex character with complex motives. he's just harder to get a grasp on.
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