#partially to protect Void and partially because it seems like he just needed an excuse to be out

[cosmicskittlez]

Yknow I feel like Void gets villainized a lot more than he deserves. Like yeah he was kind of a dick in the first week and genuinely dangerous in the second one, but BF was also the one egging him on and then tried to do that shit again without a crowd around. Yes void is egotistical but he's sure not a bad guy. Dudes just a little mentally unwell and seems like he was doing just fine until BF started one-upping him both privately and publicly.

Which now that I think about it, wasn't BF legit trespassing on stage during one of his concerts? And then after beating him multiples times went to find him again purely for a rematch? That is so close to just insane fan behavior tbh. Most I can really fault Void for is letting BF continue to do what he was doing and not kick him out when the Accretions thought that he should. He probably knew that it wouldn't go well for him but also didn't want to stop and never know if he actually couldn't have beat him at full strength. I think at the end of the day Void is just someone who's a little egotistical and stubborn, but his breakdown was majorly influenced more by the fact that someone just kept pushing their own luck and tried to beat Void at his own game, even when it was clearly sending him into a mental breakdown.

[one-leaf-grimoire]

“triad”

Chapter 6: the coronation

So there's stuff I'm really excited to write and stuff that I'm not so excited to write so bear with me, there might be some time skips/ me skipping over canon stuff that I don't deem important to this story.

Link to the ao3 work

"I am the 29th Wizard King!"

The next few seconds are nothing but pure chaos. People all around the room start yelling and talking, pointing, spitting, every last one of them completely shocked by the words that just left my mouth. Not one of them wants to believe it, that I of all people was the one chosen for this job. But I didn't just get Julius's endorsement, this was a fair vote after all.

Surprisingly, the one who stays silent up in his box is none other than Augustus. His mouth hangs open by the hinge, yes, his eyes wide and bloodshot, but he says nothing as he stares down at my gleefully smirking face. 

"SILENCE!"

The crowd finally slows their argument to a stop as Fuegoleon finally raises his voice above its roar, a commanding expression on his face. Good! I'm glad I brought him along... Like I said before, the magic knights captains decided to vote for me, for one reason or another, and that included two members of royalty. If this crowd and Augustus is going to listen to anyone, it's going to be Fuegoleon.

"There's no use protesting this. We decided she was the most qualified at this time," Fuegoleon continues, his fiery glare sweeping from face to face. Nozel remains silent, but his own eyes leave an icy track in his comrade's wake. "She is the Wizard King, and she wishes to delay judgement on Asta until we gather more information about the devils." His eyes finally land on their final target: Augustus. "Do you consent?"

Augustus stays silent, not even tearing away from me to look at the man addressing him. Seeing him like this, in total complete shock, with a hint of humiliation on his face...

It's something I've always wanted to see.

"Sir? I believe Lord Fuegoleon asked you a questions."

Augustus's trace finally snaps as I open my mouth to speak again. "If you have any objections... you should voice them now, while I'm still in a good mood."

Maybe that phrase was a bit threatening, but Augustus doesn't fight me. At least not this time. Despite the tumultuous years between us, the buckets of bad blood we've spilt, Augustus shakes his head, afraid to do anything but obey.

"Fine. You get your way this time."

And so, my first act as Wizard King is completed. With a satisfied smile, I finally turn to see Asta and the new girl, Nero, standing there in silence. Asta's eyes are wide, basically vibrating in their sockets from the force of what he just witnessed. "Are you two alright?"

The girl nods, but the words don't register for Asta right away. Finally, he too nods. "You... you're really the Wizard King now?"

I glance behind him at the other Black Bulls, and I realize that, when they came to this place today, they didn't expect to hear that Julius was dead. Varying degrees of shock and sadness adorn their faces, all of them lost for words.

... The whole world is going to find out today. Julius is dead. I clench my fist beneath my cape. But I won't let them despair!

I'll take all the despair in the world... and carry it myself.

"I am."

I reach forward, my hand briefly ruffling his hair as I walk past him towards the exit. The brief touch feels almost... motherly.

"Don't worry, Asta... you'll get your chance. But for now-" I glance back with a smile to see him and the others watching me go. "Investigate the Devils, and let me know everything you discover. We'll do our best to protect this Kingdom... together."

And with that, I turn and walk off, Fuegoleon and Nozel at my side, and the whole world's eyes piercing into my back.

-------------------------

"... so, we'll have the coronation as soon as possible. Probably two days from now. I'll get you something proper to wear, since I'm sure you'll be extremely busy until then." 

"Mhmm."

"I'll keep cleaning up that old office, it's a shame that Julius's got destroyed in the fight. But at least your room is still intact."

"Mhmm."

Our paired steps finally shuffle to a stop in front of my bedroom door. It's a sight both familiar and foreign to me; a place where I've spent much of my life, yet after being away for a week, those times feel like a distant memory. I start to reach out towards the doorknob, but Marx stops me with a question.

"Will you be... alright by yourself?"

By yourself.

"Marx." I turn to see his worn out face, a slightly teasing expression on mine. "If you want to cuddle, just say so."

He immediately goes beet red. "NO!" he objects, shaking his head and staggering back. "Why you- fine! I'm glad you're feeling okay, then. I was asking for you, not me!" Hmm... I bet he's only partially telling the truth. "Goodnight. You know how to find me if you need anything."

"Right, thank you, Marx."

I watch him walk off down the hall, his shoulders slumping as he moves out of sight. He's so tired, it weighs down on every one of his joints. That poor man... I know he's lost nearly as much as me, yet he carries on his duties for my sake. Without him, I would be lost, I know that much. With a sigh, I finally turn the handle of my door and walk into the bedroom that now belongs entirely to me. 

Lyra and I have always shared a room, ever since I was old enough to have my own bed. It accustomed me to the soft sounds of another person sleeping nearby. The first time I ever got my own room was when I moved away to the capital and worked in an inn for a couple months. However, that room was so tiny, you could barely call it a room, a more accurate word would be "cupboard." I didn't mind, because it was just temporary. After that, I shared a room at the Crimson Lion Base with a girl named Alana. I haven't heard much about her for a while- I hope she's alright. And then, when I was promoted, I got my own room, although it wasn't really my own... Julius invited himself over night after night, hardly giving me a moment to myself. Which I didn't mind... I didn't want to be by myself, anyway.

Myself... by myself...

The room is the exact same as I left it the morning of the Royal Knights mission. The bed is still unmade, a cold, half-filled cup of coffee sits sadly on the table by the window. It's so familiar, so ordinary, I could almost convince myself that nothing has changed. I'll go to bed, and tomorrow I'll be awakened by a shower of annoying kisses on my face, just like every morning before.

By... myself...

I hum idly to myself as I strip down, carefully placing the chain I was wearing over the back of a chair. Until I get an official outfit, that'll have to do as a badge of my status. The rest of my clothes get piled unceremoniously on the floor, I'll put them out for the laundry people tomorrow. Everything seems to be in the same place as it was before, so my pajamas are probably still in the closet. I walk over, my bare feet silent on the carpet, and draw back the door to start looking. However, I freeze in place as soon as I see what's inside.

That... that's...

It's that robe. His robe. I skipped the funeral, making the excuse that I was "too busy." It wasn't going to be much of a funeral anyway. HQ agreed that it was best to lay Julius to rest somewhere out of the way so we still had time for damage control, but they must have buried him in some other outfit. Because, this...

Julius... 

I reach out, my hand trembling uncontrollably, and finally let my fingers brush against the fabric. It's soft, like the pelt of a newborn animal, like the first rays of sun each day, or perhaps the last. My hand pushes further, my palm slipping through the fur, the familiar feelings finally grounding me in this horrible reality that I'm trapped within.

Today... I did nothing but distract myself. More than just one day, really...

I consumed myself with my goal, ignoring the grief looming over me, and ignoring the growing void within me.

Julius... I'm the Wizard King now. 

I didn't expect an answer, but the silence is still deafening.

I did it... I- I-

My vision is starting to become blurry.

I don't feel any better, though...

Slowly, my other hand comes up to touch it as well. The ghost of a feeling accompanies it, the memory of burying myself into this robe, into his warm, strong embrace, the safety of that moment-

A moment I'll never experience again.

All at once, I stop resisting. The void grows rapidly, consuming my body all at once. It searches for that soul, his soul, and finds nothing. Nothing but pure, unadulterated emptiness.

And all at once, I fall down into it. My knees buckle as a strangled shriek leaves my throat. It's an unearthly sound, something inhuman, with no emotion behind it. It's just a sound, the sound of absolute nothingness. The hanger the robe hangs on snaps as I drag it down with me, and it falls into a crumpled pile when I hit the ground, my body curling into the soft yet cold shreds of what's left of my broken life. Tears sting my eyes, panic and grief consuming me, piercing into my skin like a million little needles. I can't think, I can't form a coherent feeling, all that runs through my mind are two words, repeated over and over until my mind rings with pain.

He's gone.

All that's left is me, and this robe, and the uncarryable burden I've taken on.

What started as a desperate promise, I will become the Wizard King, turned into a distraction, a goal I reached for because of the tiniest fraction of a chance that it would make me feel better. But it didn't- and in the end, I only made that promise so I could see Julius smile one last time. 

But now, I let my delusion pull me this far. I manipulated Fuegoleon. I hurt William. And now, I'm here at the top, in a position that I am woefully unprepared to carry out.

Maybe I could do it... if Julius was here.

Julius... why...

My sobbing dies down after a long time, but I can't summon the strength to move from where I lay.

why would you leave me alone in this world?

His words to me still echo in my ears, a melody that's fading at a frighteningly fast rate.

"I love you more than I love our Kingdom."

Then... why...

I shift sightly, burying my red, tear-stained face into the fur once again. I inhale, my lungs barely strong enough to do so, and a sudden wave of calm washes over me like a gentle wave.

It... it smells like him, still...

Maybe I didn't notice what he smelled like until he was gone, because we spent so much time together that our smells became the same. But now I can sense it: Vanilla. Coffee. Black Tea. And lavender...

I'm scared, Julius... I'm selfish and naive, and now the whole Kingdom is my responsibility. How did you manage it all?

I'm not... completely alone, am I?

I close my eyes, sinking deeper into my own soul. I can feel him inside me, still, that one little shard that gifted me with power and love. It's his, still living. I've heard him speak before, so maybe...

Julius? Can you hear me?

I lay there in silence until sleep finally blesses me with its release. There is no answer.

----------------------------------------

The morning greets me with a wave of nausea. With a strangled groan, I sit up, sore from sleeping in a pile on the ground. Shit! Mind reeling, I scramble on all fours to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet in time to release my guts. After a minute of retching, the moment passes, and I fall back to lay on the bathroom floor. God, that was unpleasant... For some reason, though, I can't help but smile. That's it, then... morning sickness. 

A reminder of the one good thing that's happened in the last few days: I'm pregnant.

After a few minutes, I shakily get back on my feet, brush my teeth, and move back into the bedroom. A pang of sadness hits me again as I spot my nest, Julius's robe rumpled up where I curled up within it. Hopefully I can manage better... I need to be better about emoting this kind of thing. The episode last night was bad, and part of me wonders if the source of the emptiness was the fact that Julius and I were literally bonded, emotionally, mentally, physically... all of it. My grandparents were so closely bonded, they died at the exact same time. Some of this extra pain is probably from separation. Great! 

Despite my verdict, I still have a job to do. I couldn't get anything out of Julius's memories last night, so I'll have to keep going at it alone. The process of distracting myself begins once again.

It's still early, so I take the time to clean up the room again. I replace all the clothes in the closet, but I can't bring myself to hide the robe away again. Instead, I fold it up and place it on the bed once its made. This will be a small comfort... it'll be nice to sleep with it, anyway. 

Things are kind of dusty, so I start wiping it away. I pull out a couple of ancient boxes from under the bed, some of which I've never seen before. Curious, I open them up one after the other, and the contents of one shock me.

"Huh? What's this doing here?"

It's a crown, a simple gold crown with a couple of rubies embedded in it. Now that I think about it, all the pictures of past Wizard Kings have them wearing crowns, but I never saw Julius wear it, not once. He must have thought it was dumb, and kept it hidden out of sight. For some reason I can't help but giggle a little at the thought, although the sound is laced with melancholy. It makes sense... you always did things your way, and never really cared for the power and status your position gave you. A king doesn't need to wear a crown, unless...

Slowly, I reach up and put it on my own head, admiring myself in the mirror.

Unless she looks great in it!

I get dressed, pulling on another outfit like the one last night. My hands are still shaking a bit as I tie up the sash of my "bathrobe," which is just as comfy as it was last night. Right... it's time to buckle down. Ready or not, I'm the Wizard King, and I'm going to do everything I can to protect everyone. My orders to Asta and the Black Bulls were vague, but hopefully they could dig up some useful information about the devils. The fact that they even existed and one managed to cause so much damage was astounding and worrying. Something told me there was more to this threat than I realized.

Finally, I pull on my cape and the chain once more, and look one last time in the mirror.

I guess... I'm starting to look the part, at least. And once Marx digs up some outfit for me to wear, I'll really look like a king. Hopefully he doesn't find some heavy robe like Julius wore.

With that, I turn and walk out of my room, steeling myself for another hectic day.

Two days later, I find myself in another alien situation, one I never thought I'd find myself in. Of course, I've been to this room before. It's the great hall of the castle, where I first met Augustus, where I even got married. But those were both small gatherings. Today, the room is packed, with nobles, royalty, and every single Magic Knight. They all turn to look at me as the doors open to let me in, flanking both sides of the aisle. For a moment, I stand there, like a deer in the headlights, albeit a very well-dressed deer. 

This is it... 

At the other end stands Augustus and the magic knights captains, all staring at me with varying expressions on their faces. Augustus's face is steely, almost disgusted, but Fuegoleon, Charlotte, and the others are smiling at me.

You can do this. We're here. 

I suck in a deep breath, and my gaze meets Marx. He's smiling too, a but his eyes look wet. He gives me a little nod.

I take my first step forward.

Not so long ago, being the center of any kind of attention was too much for me. From my childhood, I was forced to stay at the outskirts, out of sight.

Get out of my sight.

But now...

All eyes are on me. Not just those in this room. The whole kingdom waits with baited breath to see what this new Wizard King will do. Nobility peers down at me over their noses. The commoners celebrate the ascension of one of their own. The peasants wait to see when if I will remember them, too.

But it's not just my kingdom that's watching.

"This new Wizard King... if she's anything like Julius Novachrono, she will prove to be a useful ally."

And even farther away...

"Do you think this girl will be a threat, Lucifero?"

"... 

no."

It's a long, long walk, but I finally arrive, and slowly kneel before the King. Augustus speaks to the crowd, but his eyes don't leave mine. I find myself smirking, and he gulps nervously as he can tell what I'm thinking.

Drink up this view, your majesty... this will be the only time I get on my knees for you.

I finally tune in again as he speaks my full name.

"Do you swear to protect this Kingdom, and serve faithfully as the Wizard King?"

I nod quickly.

"I do."

I said "I do" in this room once before, didn't I? I liked the man across from me then much better, though...

"Then by the power entrusted with me as the King of the Clover Kingdom-"

The shiny crown, newly polished after its long slumber under the bed, now hovers above my head.

"-I proclaim you the Wizard King."

I close my eyes, the weight of the crown finally registering as it finds purchase in my hair.

"Please rise."

I do as he says, rising to my feet as gracefully as I can. Two servants step forward from each side, one holding a Sovereign's Orb and the other a Scepter. Each one is heavily bejeweled and are just as heavy as I take them in my hands. But I carry the weight well, and I finally turn to face the crowd as the applause begins. It's official now... here I stand, adorned with more finery than I ever thought I would carry. Julius's chain hangs in three loops across my chest, fastened on each side of my new robe. Marx had it custom made... it's long, velvety fabric trimmed with the same white fur that Julius's had. 

The applause continues, but the tension in the air doesn't escape me. My eyes land on each squad, giving them each a calming smile.

I raise my hand (with difficulty, since it's occupied by the Orb), and the crowd hushes immediately. Awkwardly, I clear my throat and start to speak, projecting my voice as much as I can.

"I will be forever thankful for this honor you have bestowed upon me... leading the Magic Knights and this Kingdom is no small task, but I promise-" I hold up the specter, and Marx immediately steps forward to take it from me. Once unburdened, my hand forms three fingers, which I quickly press against my heart.

"I will protect every member of this kingdom with all the life I have!"

The crowd erupts in cheers again, giving me a moment of joy. They're cheering for me, all of them are looking up at me to lead them.

And I will... I will!

Maybe it's too early to tell if I'll actually be able to keep this promise. Maybe, even now, I knew it would be impossible. But I'm going to try anyway. 

Julius, wherever you are... watch me. Guide me. I let my hand fall back to my side.

The ceremony ends, and Yami immediately finds his way to my side. "Yami! You wanted to discuss something with me, right?" I ask, putting down my water as I mill about after the event is over. There's food and drink for everyone, each one having come up to congratulate me until it was Yami's turn.

The man nods, his eyes darting around. "Right... we should go somewhere private." He leans in, whispering his next words as we start to walk off.

"There might be a devil's curse in the Heart Kingdom."

[angelkurenai]

Hurricane - Dean Winchester x Reader (Detective AU) - Part 13

Title: Hurricane

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Word count: 5,558

Warnings: None

Summary: With one of the most dangerous serial killers on the loose and in your tracks you have no choice but to rely on the help of the police to ansure your safety. It doesn’t hurt that the detective in charge is the one of the most skilled there is and probably, well, definitely the most charming one you have ever seen. Or that his flirting with you takes your mind off the danger waiting for you right around the corner. & Based on: Imagine detective Dean Winchester flirting with you while working on your case.

Read Part 1 here! l Read Part 2 here! l Read Part 3 here! l Read Part 4 here! l Read Part 5 here! l Read Part 6 here! l Read Part 7 here! l Read Part 8 here! l Read Part 9 here! l Read Part 10 here! l Read Part 11 here! l Read Part 12 here!

“I let her free, (Y/n). I was the one that set Amara free.”

The words felt like the weight of the world was on his chest, making it harder to breathe. He expected it to make him feel better, to feel as if it was all easier, and to feel like it would be a relief to let it all out but it was the exact opposite. His lungs were burning and he realized it was because he was holding his breath. But maybe he prefered the physical pain over the emotional he'd go through when he got to see the pain and surely later the hate flash through your eyes.

“Wh-what?” your voice was shaky and it came after a good few seconds “Dean what are you talking about? I- I don't understand. Wh-where is this coming from? What does it even mean?”

“It means-” he clenched his jaw for a second. He could take it back, take it all back and say he didn't know what he was saying and that he was too on edge because of the case to think logically. But he didn't. “It mean exactly what I'm saying. And I'm saying that I- I freed her. I set the monster free...”

“What- No, Dean this- This doesn't make any sense.” you shook your head, rubbing your eyes “You are not making any sense. You're-” you shook your head, inching closer to him and squeezing his arm “Are you sure you're alright? Maybe you're too tired a-and need a break. Some food and then rest should do it. I- I shouldn't have even tried to-” you cleared your throat, looking away with a deep blush on your face.

“No, no don't say that.” he said almost breathlessly, his hand falling on top of yours and giving a firm squeeze “Gosh, don't you ever take it back. Please, don't take it back.” his hand jumped up to cup your cheek before crashing his lips to yours, hard and passionately as he tried to savor the feeling and taste albeit quick, before he pulled away and rested his forehead against yours “I want you to... If you could just promise me that you won't.”

“I- I won't... what?”

“You won't take it back. O-or that at least, you won't say you hate me. I am sure you won't be able to keep... loving me the way you do now, but at least don't hate me please because I won't take it. I will keep loving you, just like now, I promise that-”

“Dean” you said more firmly this time but still with an incredibly soft and caring voice “You are really scaring me and what you're saying is just making no sense. What do you mean when you said you freed Amara- the monster- What is even that? I don't get it. What does freeing mean when-”

“It means freeing her. Literally. I-” but he choked on his words, rubbing his eyes tiredly “Amara...”

“What does Amara have to do with us now. We were just about to- It is just you and me, she's not even here.”

“She always has something to do with us because of- because of the secrets I've kept from you for so long.” he clenched his fists “She always has something to do with us no matter how much I try to get her out of our lives not matter how fucking much I want it to be just you and me. Hell of a fucking price to pay and I couldn't even see it coming. I was such an idiot, I- Damn it.” he ran his finger through his hair in frustration before pausing. He clenched his jaw and took a deep breath in but didn't look at you.

“I set her free, (Y/n). I freed her from her prison. Literally freed Amara. She is after you because of me, mostly because of me, and this-” his lower lip trembled “All that I want us to have together, can't happen because she is out there. Because of me.”

“What?” your voice came out hoarse, for the first time sounding so serious and so genuinely hurt that he felt your pain too. He almost winced “Is this some kind of joke?” it now almost felt void of any emotion “Cause it- it is only confusing and not funny at all.”

Despite his best judgement and despite his deepest fears he took a deep breath, jaw clenched as he looked up to face whatever was waiting for him. It was hard to read your expression and that nearly terrified him but he kept going “It's not. It could never be.” he heard you take a sharp intake “I- I know that this moment could be something so beautiful but I don't deserve it. Not when the truth can make you... hate me and I promised you I was going to tell you everything. We said no more secrets and lies anymore because you don't deserve that. Again you'll hate me but I'd much rather have that instead of-”

“Dean” you cut him off but there was no anger, no rage. Mostly unshed tears that made you choke up.

His eyes met yours and he felt his heart drop to the pit of his stomach “It's what I was scared of telling you from the first moment, what I- I tried to protect you from. What it all lead up to. I mean it, (Y/n). She is free because of me, literally. That's what I've been hiding from you.” the gasp that still he heard from you, hand clasping over your mouth and the way you recoiled from him cut him deep but he didn't move. He sighed, resting his head against the wall.

It took actual minutes for him to gather all his strength to start speaking when you couldn't yet “I- I wish I would have told you sooner but I couldn't bring myself to. I was to scared to-”

“How?” you croaked out after what felt like an eternity. He finally looked at you – when he had closed his eyes he didn't know – and noticed that your eyes were red-rimmed and you were hugging your knees close to your chest. The small empty space between you felt like miles. “How did it happen?”

He stared at you for far too long before he sighed in defeat “It uh-” he frowned “Where did I leave off?”

It was mostly a rhetorical question but you did answer anyway “That you and Amara go way back.” there was an undeniable hiss to your voice but he couldn't tell if the anger was directed at him or the killer “You met her, in one of those places that officially doesn't exist, so that she could help you find and take down Abadon before she killed more people. Thanks to her... special skills you could track her before it became worse but Amara wasn't one to help you just for your pretty smile. And now I see... It was freeing her.”

“Well-” he licked his lips, shaking his head “Yes and no. I told you that I was in a dark place when I first got to meet her. Sammy and I weren't talking because of some stupid things I did in the business and then I guess I did even more stupid things by looking for her. No uh her only request was that I visited her, every week so that she could have someone to talk to. Her cell was one of the most secluded ones for obvious reasons and she spent most of her time if not all on her own.”

“And you did?” it was a whisper.

“And I did, yes. At first she wouldn't even give any information on Abaddon until she made sure I had visited her for three times in a row... I didn't have a choice. And at first it seemed so... easy. She didn't just help me track down Abaddon and end her. She helped me locate some equally dangerous criminals over the time which is partially my fault because she asked for more visits. I thought what was the harm in it, right? We were only talking and it was all for like ten to twenty minutes every time. If only I knew how high of a price to pay it actually was. She changed me, (Y/n). She changed me so much.”

“In what way?”

He noticed you hugging your knees closer to your body as your lack of trust and self-defense started to grow but didn't comment on it “Well for one, a partner of mine on the job died on the field essentially because I didn't care. I put his life in danger and did my thing even though he had a gun pointed at him.” he saw the horror in your eyes because you knew how he'd rather die than lose a partner on the job and yet had carelessly tossed somebody's life away like that “I- I almost beat Cas to death and stabbed him with a knife right then and there.” the shocked gasp that you didn't manage to hold back made his insides painfully twist just as much as seeing you crawl back from him.

But he didn't stop, despite the sight of your watery eyes “I did kill the Stynes though. Remember how they were a big thing on the news for so long and then they said they finally stopped? Well, guess who got captive and instead of putting them behind bars I just... I murdered them, (Y/n), in cold blood and I- I enjoyed it. I remember enjoying it and I-” he dragged a shaky hand down his face “It wasn't the first time. Killing was the way to get things done. I didn't even care to think about arresting anybody. I just used anything I could get to, not just my gun. Knives, blades, even a machete once... Don't know where I found that.” he felt a lump in his throat at the unpleasant memories.

He kept going “And the worst is that to this day I remember how much I enjoyed it. It scares me, more than myself has ever scared me. I was so under he influence that I didn't even begin to think that getting the job done had slowly started turning me into one of them. Until it was like... getting the job done wasn't even the point, wasn't even why I did it for. I tried to find excuses for it but I knew very well there were none. I-” a humorless, pained laugh came through his lips “I mean I even fought with Sam, real hard, punched him and beat him because he wanted to help me and I almost pulled a-”

“Stop! Please, just stop!” this time you nearly yelled, a sob rocking your body as he looked up to see a tear roll down your cheek – how you fought back the rest he couldn't understand – and to feel his heart break all over again especially as he heard your hoarse voice crack “Enough. Please... enough.”

“I need to tell you everything. I promised you I would and I need you to understand.” he watched you with careful eyes as you shuffled away from him and rested your back against the bed, chin resting on your knees but eyes on him “That wasn't me, (Y/n). It- it didn't feel like it was me, it didn't feel like I had control over my own body. It wasn't as if I was entirely gone but I still had no control over it, (Y/n). I thought I was going insane at some point. She ha such power over me every time I was around her, sometimes it felt like I was in a haze that I- I wanted to be free of it... free of her.”

“And that's why you let her out?”

“In a way. I- I was ready to die, (Y/n). I wanted to die.” it was obvious how the words made your eyes widen and despite his best logic, he felt his heart skip a bit at the concern on your face “I was. Ready to accept my fate before anybody else could get hurt because of me, especially the ones I love. I wasn't going to free her, (Y/n), no of course not but when Sam found out about my plans, well, he didn't take so kindly to it.”

“And he'd have every right to!” you nearly exclaimed this time.

“Yeah but he shouldn't have! He told Cas and he told other people and they- they got in danger to help me because of some stupid plan. He even got me into it, involved without me realizing it, and let her free. She was out of her cell, promised that nobody would go after her if only she let go of her- her hold on me, if she'd let me go back to my normal life and be myself again and that she, most importantly, wouldn't come looking for me. I could fight the control, could be myself again if I didn't see her, they saw it and thought-”

“So-” you raised a hand to stop him, realization starting to set down on you as your mind processed everything “So it was basically Sam that-”

“No!” he stopped you, shaking his head “No, it's my fault. Mine alone! If I had not gone to her, if- if I had not been so reckless and if now I had the strength to push her away and resist her then she wouldn't have had the chance to come for you again and again and again. She might want to lure Chuck out but if I could just resist her and end her when I had the chance then we wouldn't be running now.”

“Resist...” the word was a faint whisper coming from your lips as your eyebrows pulled into a deep frown for only a couple second until realization obviously dawned on you “She was saying the truth.”

Watching your eyes carefully he gave you a short nod before looking down at his hands “I can't fight her. I ca- I can't kill her, no matter how much I try. I couldn't do it any of the times I've come across her and I... couldn't do it the last time she tried to kill you with that knife and I burst in through the door. I just... let her go. I tried to fight her b-but I- I knew that it was in vain, that I wouldn't be able to hurt her – not really – which is just why I'm trying to find every way possible to deal with this without-”

“What?” your voice was cold and looking at you he saw more tears roll down your cheeks, but the look on your face made his entire body shake. He was wrong after all, the look he ended up receiving from you hurt far deeper than he feared. “Hurting her? It's what you've been avoiding to do all along, isn't it?”

“It's not that I don't want to, trust me it's not. I wish so bad I could, I want her dead with every fiber in my fucking body so that she can't hurt you anymore b-but-”

“You just can't be the one to do it huh?” the laugh that came from your lips was void of all emotions.

“It's like she's got this hold on me. Every time she is around I can't fight it. I know what I should do when I'm away but when she's there it's like I'm paralyzed and she doesn't even have to say a word to do it anymore.” a deep sigh left though and the rest of the words he wanted to say died in his lips when he saw you couldn't even look at him. Your head was turned away from his and a deep silence had set in the room.

“Have you really kissed?” your voice sounded hollow despite the range of emotions your face showed.

“Wha-” he started but knew there was no point in it. There was no point in wondering why you asked, why you wanted to know that in that moment during such a conversation. Because much as he hoped there was no jealousy on your face, only deep betrayal. “Once.” his throat felt impossibly tight when he heard the scoff of a laugh come from you. “O-only once though. Before I even met you. A-and it was her who- I didn't even realize it was happening at first and when I did I- I instantly pulled away. It wasn't-”

“Of course. Of course.” you pursed your lips, nodding your head “Well, at least now I can say that for once I know she was really saying the truth. You are a good kisser. Good for you, Dean. Real good for you, Dean! From the serial killer to the actual victim herself you've got us all! Quiet the achievem-”

“Stop. Please, stop.” it wasn't loud and it wasn't firm, nowhere as yours before. It was low and weak, hoarse even because he had no right to make demands but at the same time didn't want yo to do this to yourself “She doesn't mean anything to me, much less in the way you think. You and her- there is no comparing it. There is no woman in my life that could come before you, especially Amara! It's not- it's not even attraction, not in the real kind of way. Not as with you. I don't know what it is but to call it that... no.”

“Sounds lovely but-” you sniffled and there crumbled the few pieces of what was left of his heart “Would you say the same if she was in the room too? No better yet, would you do it if she was here?”

“Do what?”

“Kill her, Dean. If she was in this room, threatening me, threatening my life and you had to do it- would you? If you knew that she would kill me this time, would you stop her? If we were in the same room and you had the chance to, would you do it?”

It was a question that had kept him up far too many nights when the nightmares decided to give him a break. He could never get a break, not really. It scared him that a part of his mind couldn't immediately think of you and keeping you safe. It was that dark corner in his mind that he knew she had control over and that terrified him.

“I see.” you hummed, the silence giving you enough of an answer “You know you asked for my trust, more than once but... how can I give it to you when you don't trust your own self? We both know, you don't that you will direct your gun at her and not me when the time comes.” you got up, shaking your head before he could get a sound out of his parted lips “And for the record... it's not that I'd ever hate you for freeing her. Not after everything you went through because of her, no. Hate isn't even something I could feel for you.” there was a sort of numbness in your words and movements “But this, letting her go and hiding it from me- hiding that Dean... makes me realize how right I was to want to never see you again.”

He didn't get a chance to speak and say anything back though, not that he had anything to say, when your phone started ringing. Clearing your throat you picked it up with a frown “Sam?”

“(Y/n)? Ye-yeah, hey. Sorry to be bothering you b-but I couldn't get Dean. His phone must be dead. Is he there? Is he ok?”

“Yes. Yes he's here and he's just fine.” Sam might have missed the tone in your voice but Dean certainly flinched at it “Why what's the matter?”

“Well, uhm I don't have good news for you guys. Woman at the front desk said he called just half an hour ago and... he checked out. I went to his room and there are still a few things of his there so my best guess? He knows we're here and that we're after him looking for explanations.”

“Well, isn't that wonderful now? My luck is off the charts today.” you sighed heavily “So what do we do now?”

“Well, I'm finishing up here and will meet up with you guys so we can regroup.”

“Alright, see you soon then. Take care.” you mumbled before throwing your phone on the bed and glaring at Dean, although it was far too pained to be considered anywhere near harsh enough “Bet you're happy now. Chuck's gone, your girlfriend's safe.” you hissed, and before he could speak back “I need another shower, a cold one. Don't even bother.” the door slammed loudly.

~*~

“I still don't get how he might have known we are here. He clearly didn't see me because I would have seen him come out of the motel too. So why did he check out?”

“Well, for one did seem to have left in a hurry so it wasn't planned. But maybe it wasn't us he tried to get away from butAmara herself.” Sam shrugged.

“Away from or towards?” you spoke softly, earning a raised eyebrow “Maybe he got some sort of information we didn't have about her whereabouts. Listen I- I know she's all about luring him out and him hiding but- but last time I saw him, he didn't look like a man that wanted to hide anymore. If I know Chuck, and I do know him well, I'd say he looks like he has made up his mind... for something big.”

“Right, because your boyfriend is all about self-sacrifice and there when you need him.” Dean muttered entirely to himself but it didn't help that the room was so silent and you got to hear everything.

“Right.” you snapped though because you weren't the one at fault or had anything to hide. You had cried enough in the shower anyway so it was now the perfect time to be angry. “Because your girlfriend is all about killing me and everybody else on the other hand huh? Except for you. You have that in common?”

It hurt you just as much as it hurt him to say that final sentence but it was out there before you could stop it. If only it didn't make Dean wince and look down like a kicked pup which instantly made you want to gather him in your arms. You hated him for still having such an important place in your heart, despite every lie, and you hated yourself for not being able to push him out of it.

“Uhm guys?” Sam frowned, looking between the two of, unable to hide his confusion especially at the space you had put between you and Dean “What's going on? Did I miss something?”

“Luckily not as much as I had all this time.” you pursed your lips, holding his gaze for only a couple seconds until it started to dawn on him “Your brother will fill you in. I need some fresh air for now.”

Wrong words apparently. The second you had gotten up and placed a hand on the doorhandle while the other took hold of your jacket, another hand was placed on the door itself. Just as you got to open it an inch, Dean shut it loudly with a thud. His voice held no anger “What the hell do you think you're doing?”

“Getting as far away from you as possible?” you said with a tight-liped and somewhat sarcastic smile which only fluttered when you saw the way his eyes widened. For all that he'd done, you couldn't deny that it was obvious he regretted everything and that his care was real.

He cleared his throat and looked away for a moment “You know we're supposed to be hiding now, right? You can't just go about and take a walk like it's any other day. I'm doing this for you, I don't want you to get hurt and you can't... you can't think that's a lie too.”

“I don't.” your words were firm but less hostile as before “And I'm not stupid either. I won't risk it. Will only be gone for 50 minutes max. You said about the restaurant that's downstairs and I need time alone to think about my upcoming death. It's the perfect choice.”

“Nobody's dying. Not on my watch. Especially you.” he held your gaze, even though it hurt him “I will give my life if I have to. I promised you that and don't back down from a promise. No matter the cost.”

“Yeah, well-” your voice was so much softer and for a moment, a crazy moment he saw that you believed him and hoped that you wanted to go back to the way it all were just as much as him – one way or another, although it didn't last long “That's what you don't get. I don't care anymore whether I do or not. Because Amara was right that night, about everything.”

This time he didn't try to stop you, your words had left him too numb.

~*~

“He's not worth it honey.” the soft voice barely managed to register as you played around with the menu in your hands. Blinking you looked up to see the waitress pouring coffee in your mug.

“Excuse me?”

She smiled knowingly “The guy that has you looking like that. He's not worth it. No man is worth your tears, trust me I've been there and learned it the hard way. You'll find better.”

Just as she said that, you blinked away your tears “Thing is he's really the best I could ever find. I mean he... is ready to give his own life up for me. It's on me. I don't know if I can trust him anymore and he had warned me about it. I just was too naive to believe him.”

“Or too in love?” the smile on her face made you look down at your hands “Anyway, the trust thing- that still does sound like him to me. He has to gain your trust again, that's all. But even if he fails to I'd say you have... some options. Here.”

“Wh-what is this?” you blinked as you stared at the letter in an actual white envelope being handed to you by her. Opening it in a haste, because you could never know what Amara was up to and you had half a mind to just get up and run away, one word stood out the most: Plan.

“From the guy right there on the corner.” she said with a smile pointing in his direction “I'll be back to take your order in a bit.”

But you didn't even pay attention to her words when your eyes locked with his blue ones. The one person you'd been looking for. And he was there.

~*~

“Will you calm down a bit? It's been barely 45 minutes.” Sam rolled his eyes at his brother's constant pacing.

“Yes, and if she's not here in the next five I'm gonna-”

“Storm inside the restaurant and cause a scene while you're supposed to be hiding from a serial killer on the loose. Yeah, sounds like a brilliant idea!”

“Yeah, while going to get some fresh air is the definition of brilliant!” Dean threw his arms in the air “I can't believe how she can be so reckless. I understand that she doesn't trust me but-”

“But that's not the most painful of it all, is it?” he didn't really expect an answer and the look he got from Dean verified his every thought “Look there was no avoiding it, she would find out sooner or later. She won't do anything reckless, she's not like you, she knows how to take care and be careful no matter what is going on between the two of you. Not that it will last long.”

“What's that supposed to mean?” Dean frowned deeply “She hates me Sam!”

“And yet no matter how much this hurts her, she loves you and she wants to forgive you. Didn't you see the way she looked at you?” Sam frowned “That's not a woman who hates you, not by any means. It's a woman who loves you very much, and whom you also love more than anything, but who has lost her faith in you. Or at least seems to be struggling with keeping it. You simply have to try to win her trust again.”

“Simply.” he scoffed a laugh “Nothing about it is simple, Sam.”

“Let me ask you, did she seem to hate you when you told her about how dark things got when she had you under her influence? Did she seem to hate you when you told her that you've killed others, even if they were criminals? Did she seem to hate you when you said you beat Cas?”

“W-well... no, she- She looked horrified, scared a bit but also... in pain. The kind of pain I went through.” he frowned at his own words, only now being able to realize it “Like she understood it...”

“So you tell her the most horrifying thing of all and all she does is feel your pain. But you tell her about the effect another woman has on you and she what? She then has trouble trusting you?”

“No” Dean pointed a finger at him when he saw the smirk on Sam's face “No, don't even think about that! And don't try to tell me so. She's- It's not about jealousy, this is not it because I told her I'm not attracted to Amara in that way. She can't forgive me because I let her go, it's different.”

“Maybe... or maybe that's part of the reason. You won't know until you try to get her back.”

“There won't be any of it, Sam.” despite everything, Dean shook his head, his words absolutely serious “I won't- I won't try to win her or her heart back, I don't deserve it. I had it for some time a-and that will have to be enough. I will end this, no matter how hard it is for both her and me to believe, I will do this for her but once it is over... I'll let her go. Let her be happy. 'S not like she won't find better.”

“You gotta be kidding me.” Sam threw his arms in the air “You two- You two are really the biggest idiots in the world. I can't believe this is really happening.”

“Don't worry, I'll give you another thing to worry about right away.” the smile on his face was cheeky but so fake Sam barely held back from wincing. Instead watched his brother put on his jacket and storm out, leaving him to run to catch up with him.

~*~

“Are you- are sure this is the place? Dean... she's not here.” Sam looked around, his voice and posture calm unlike his brother's.

“Yes, Sam. I'm sure this is the place!” he nearly yelled so loud that they drew attention from the few customers, he sighed, walking towards the cashier.

“I'm just saying, maybe she hasn't even been here at all.”

“We'll find out.” he huffed loudly, pulling out his phone mid-sentence and dialing your number. He looked around, pursing his lips and shaking his head “I shouldn't have let het get out on her own. I shouldn't- Damn it!” he grumbled “I shouldn't have let my feelings get in the fucking way from the very beginning. I shouldn't-” but the words got caught in his throat when he heard the voice. And it wasn't your voice.

“Missed me already Dean? Because oh I've missed you.”

Dean's face hardened even more and his jaw clenched. His eyes darkened and it took only a glance from Sam to realize who he was talking to. His own body stiffened, following him outside the dinner and let his brother put the phone on speaker.

“Where is she, Amara?” it came in a growl that was almost hard to make out.

“All in due time. Don't worry, she's not hurt but you might have to hurry. I'll give you the chance to see her one last time, I'm not heartless, if only my beloved brother comes to the show.”

“And how the hell am I supposed to find him?”

“Don't know, you're the detective. Might have to solve that one too hm? Good luck and... welcome to the final problem as a friend of mine likes to say.”

“No, Amara, don't! Don't-” but he was too late, only to end up roaring “Son of a bitch!” he all-but-threw his phone away but held back in the end, running his fingers through his hair in frustration “How the hell are we supposed to find Chuck, Amara and (Y/n) now?!”

“Well uh I think we're in the right direction.” Sam muttered, his eyebrows up when he faced a familiar person that approached them “Look, Dean.”

~~~

A/N:Two more chapters left after this! It was meant to be one chapter but it was getting so long that I thought you’d get bored so I’ve decided to split it in two. They are both coming next week. As of now, feedback is appreciated and tags are closed!

@getlostinthedark @cap-just-said-language @catwithyellowwings @word-scribbless @carryon-doctor-lock @nightriver99 @timelady1140 @spideyxstan @agentstarkid @all-will-be-well-love @simpleboox @jaylarkson @cookiechipdough @alltimekp @a-dorky-book-keeper @givemebooksorgivemedeath @skeletoresinthebasement @sammy201d @akshi8278 @amandamdiehl @hobby27 @deans-baby-momma @musiclover1263 @feelmyroarrrr @sofreddie @skymoonandstardust @babygabrielle-blog @woodworthti666 @gunpowder-and-smoke-inofficial @erule @lizwinchester16 @itslunabitches @itsquies @justkending @fiftyshadesofrebel @love-my-not-natural-babies @outsider-underwater @deans-baby-momma @kaylinfayezink @x-waywardaf-x @keshaia @moonlight-on-her-skin @happy-little-marvel

[ronbegleyformayor]

yeah okay, so I really want to talk about steven grisham.

I had actually made a post about this months ago (started after I finished the second king falls chronicles and finished during the hiatus). I bring this up specifically because the point that I'm trying to make is that something with grisham has been bothering me for a while, and episode 90 just supports my suspicions.

an important place to start here is on what the public perception of steven grisham is. those that like him think that he's an all-american, hardworking politician who is looking out for every citizen of king falls and who won fairly in 2016. they are wrong. those that don't like grisham think that he's a power-hungry, borderline evil himinist who prefers to cater to the bigots in town to keep his positions of influence. I would argue that they are also (partially) wrong.

(I want to be clear here that in no way am I being apologetic towards any of his actions or him as a person. he's a jerk with anger issues, and he clearly thinks that he's a Special Boy™ who deserves the respect he's gotten when in reality a big reason why he has the influence he does is that he tolerates and platforms homophobes, abusers, and racists. that being said, I think that his motivations have a little more nuance than that which we sometimes give him credit.)

the crux of the post that's been sitting in my drafts for months is a statement that lily wright makes towards the end of the second king falls chronicles. one thing that lily is really, really good at doing is cutting through bullshit, and in this episode in doing so she makes a really crucial point that I really haven't seen brought up anywhere else :

"hershel and ron, they fought the law, and the law won. but did they just get off lucky? I've seen men end up in body bags when challenging the reigning of authority. which means it's not the loss of power that gives grisham and goons the shakes. it's something else, something deeper. something darker"

and what about the bit where she talks to riley bevins? I know the scene is partially comedic but there's a very, very interesting line in the interview that I think is overlooked:

"and what they don't understand, what no one understands, is the town leaders? they protect us. [...] what I think you want me to say, ms. wright, is that those three leave the door open to the unknown. that's what you expect. but what if--what if they're trying to keep the door closed?"

so what do these two quotes have in common?

well, in my opinion they both give really interesting, though indirect insight to grisham himself. riley really seems to believe what she’s saying, and lily makes a good point : why didn't grisham just have ron killed die under mysterious circumstances? he certainly didn't seem to have any qualms about letting gunderson get troy killed. and lily alludes to an answer about this. maybe power isn't what grisham is after, not really.

maybe it's control.

just bear with me on this angle with me for a second. grisham knows something. I'm relatively confident that he, harrison, and possibly other members of the himinists (past and present) know about the void, and how that whole deal got started in perdition woods. whether or not it's actually what they're doing, I think grisham, hfbiii, and even gunderson legitimately think that they're some sort of last defense between king falls and the void, and in their eyes, maintaining the status quo is vital to this. after all, as far as we know harrison is directly responsible for this door being opened in the first place, and it seems like the shadowmaker has just been waiting to spread evil into the town. maybe he’s done it before in the past. maybe he takes advantage of political and social instability in the town, which is something that has definitely been a feature since the 2016 mayoral election.

I think that grisham especially views himself as some sort of pained hero making the "difficult decisions" to keep the forces of evil at bay. when he criticizes ron begley in the mayoral debate for being an "armchair politician", I think that comes from the fact that grisham does (or thinks he does) a lot of behind-the-scenes work. this doesn't excuse the fact that he was definitely responsible for fixing the 2016 election, but it suggests that power isn't the reason why he wants to stay mayor. he, along with gunderson and hfbiii have maintained some sort of delicate balance in king falls, one that was disrupted the night tim jensen went missing. you know what else happened that night?

sammy stevens moved to town.

maybe another day I'll make a post about how grisham and sammy are in many ways character foils, but the bottom line is that sammy isn't particularly afraid of upsetting the social order if it means getting to the truth, nor does he believe in much of the paranormal stuff going on in king falls. worse, he encourages this behavior in ben, a lifelong resident of king falls who is at first apprehensive to go against someone he previously saw as a town hero but later becomes an even stronger advocate for the truth than sammy.

ben doesn't get along with grisham, and a lot of that (rightfully) stems from his rather shady behavior surrounding the rainbow lights and emily and tim's disappearance. but you know what's always bothered me? the two attack ads grisham has run against sammy. grisham ran them them both after the election was considered to be settled law by most of the town. sure, maybe he was mad that sammy and ben sided with ron in the election, but the content of both ads was specifically targeted at sammy, at his character and credibility, which at this point has little to do with the election. to me this indicates that grisham had some sort of implicit understanding as to why sammy moved to king falls in the first place. ben may have been a good enough friend not to dig into sammy's past, but grisham certainly knows how to use google and proabaly was able to connect a few more dots than the average person. I think the first attack ad was as much about eroding sammy's credibility as it was about attempting to put a crack in ben's trust in sammy. ben wants to defeat the void, he wants to get jack back, but the issue would never have been raised if it weren't for sammy moving to king falls in the first place, and grisham knows this.

sammy's very existence in the town threatens to completely upset the social (and supernatural?) order that grisham and co. have worked so hard to maintain. I think they understand implicitly that in trying to rescue jack (and mike, debbie, etc.) from the void there's a risk of permanently keeping the door open between king falls and the shadows, and that's one they're not willing to take.

so grisham would rather try and shame sammy out of any credibility he has, try and imply that he and ben are wholly responsible for the uptick in activity surrounding perdition wood (as harrison did in episode 78). why has he reached out to sammy and ben again? I don't know. maybe things have been pushed past some sort of critical point. he says that sammy and ben have something he needs, but if I'm being honest I don't have a clue as to what he's talking about.

what I do know is that the central aspect to grisham's motivations (and I think his personality as well) is his want to maintain the status quo. except, there was a time before the devil's doorstep. we know this. king falls constantly being on the brink of conflict with the void has not always been the normal for the town. grisham is doing more harm in trying to keep things the way they are instead of facing them head on, as sammy and ben are trying to. sammy especially shatters the illusion of normalcy that grisham seems to value, and I think that's why he gets under grisham's skin so easily. it's why he ran the ads against sammy, and it's why he took a swing at him at a public gathering. I just don't think he was expecting sammy to hit back.

[avelera]

I loved that piece you wrote on weird, slightly-shallow awkward Newton Geizler because you're right, fandom can sometimes ignore their favourite characters' flaws but it's SO MUCH more interesting to see them warts and all. Do you have any thoughts on how the K-Science boys deal with each others flaws and negative character traits? Because there's mutual respect but christ, neither of them are perfect and they both KNOW the worst of the other and yet they're still together. It's fascinating.

Oh gosh, I’m so pleased you liked my little bit of meta! (I just went back and re-read it to refresh myself on what I said, lol). And this is a really fascinating question!

I think to start you’d have to list their flaws. 

Newt: selfish (I’m a doctor!), self-centered (making Hermann’s lab life miserable with the entrails, the Drift experiment being partially out of desire for attention and to be right), messy (Kaiju entrails), maybe a bit shallow (with his fashion sense and body art), un-empathetic (talks about how cool Kaiju are around people who have lost family to the Kaiju), often deliberately obnoxious (literally everything with Hermann), hyperactive and screechy (Charlie Day), immature (in many senses, but also in his fanboy qualities), Down to Fight at all times (“Is it impossible?!”), can’t keep a secret ( “… I’m gonna tell you.”), reckless and impulsive (the Kaiju Drift), arrogant and wants to be the center of attention (I mean…  basically everything about him). Obviously he has many virtues which I’ve described elsewhere, but that’s not the point of this post.

Hermann: cantankerous (he’s 36 going on 80),  a busy body with his nose in other people’s business (“Please excuse him, he’s a Kaiju grrrrroupie.”), spiteful (it may not be on purpose but he kicks water at Newt in their very first scene, and just in general this is true of him), smug (about how Newt is wrong), arrogant (literally everything about how he puts down Newt and his theories), dismissive (“Politics, poetry, these are lies.”), impatient with others (though that could just be Newt, who could drive anyone to madness), cold (at least outwardly towards Newt, many of his insults cut close to the bone), authoritarian (Hermann appeals to military authority and clearly admires it) and just all around difficult to deal with. Interestingly, many of these traits are gone by Uprising, while “Newt” gets a whole new batch of very different flaws. And again it should be stressed, Hermann has many virtues including but not limited to his intellect, his determination, his drive, his raw courage, and his persistence in the face of dismissal, discomfort, and disability. 

And by the way, both of them think they’re the “normal” one who needs to look out for their obnoxious colleague and I just cannot with them they are both heinously difficult human beings in the best way lol. 

And now onto how the Newmann ship would deal with these flaws:

I think a lot of how Newt and Hermann would deal with one another’s flaws is that they have been dealing with them for years now already. These flaws are not new or shocking to them, nor have they driven the other away. Clearly, they tolerate one another when anyone else would have withdrawn to a safe distance or just abandoned them entirely. They clearly care for each other in spite of if not because of these flaws. Even pre-Drift they try to protect one another from their most dangerous fascinations (Newt his obsession with the Kaiju, Hermann his attraction to the military). 

Clearly they have flaws that do genuinely drive the other to distraction. Newt seems genuinely upset when Hermann dismisses his theory and his findings regarding the Kaiju Drift. But on Hermann’s side, the proposal of that Drift seems to have genuinely touched a nerve of fear on Newt’s behalf that he covers up with snideness and dismissal.

I’ve always gone with the theory that it’s more their method of communication with one another that was clashing. Hermann didn’t understand Newt’s obnoxiousness towards him was the equivalent of pulling pigtails, that Newt wanted Hermann’s attention and regard. Newt couldn’t understand that Hermann’s dismissal of Newt’s obsessions was his way of trying to protect Newt. It’s one reason I think the Drift fused them into a functional whole after so many years of clashing, it finally showed them through a direct mind connection what they had failed to communicate. All the times they had been sincere when the other thought they were joking, and vice versa. Their method of communication. Their respect for one another hidden beneath a prickly surface. The way they’d both tried to hide their vulnerabilities from one another and thus both come off as distant, cold, and uncaring to one another. I have no doubt that the “instant hatred” at that first meeting after the letters was because both of them had such high expectations but didn’t know how to communicate with one another outside of written format where everything could be cleanly expressed.

That said, I think that before and after the Drift they actually do love one another for their “flaws”. I think Newt and Hermann are both heinously arrogant when it comes to their intelligence and their field, and I think they love that about one another, albeit secretly at first, or perhaps rather what that arrogance is a result of and how it translates. They’re both tops of their field, poised on the eccentric edge of it, they’re both the very best at what they do, and I don’t think either of their personalities could stand to be around someone who wasn’t on their level intellectually, or someone who tried to be modest about those accomplishments.

I think Hermann’s busy-bodyness is one way that Newt knows he cares. Newt would be at a genuine loss if Hermann stopped poking his nose in, as a sign that he’d stopped caring. Likewise, if Newt stopped being deliberately obnoxious to Hermann it would mean the same thing: apathy would be far worse than needling. Hermann probably wouldn’t know what to do with himself. There’s a compelling case to be made that the sniping serves a dual purpose in these final days of war which is to keep both of them from having a screaming breakdown over the stress and the sheer unholy knowledge of how fucked the world is, so when they’re bitching about little arguments and annoyances they’re not thinking about the void that’s about to open up beneath their feet.

I think Newt’s hyperactivity and fanboy qualities and general devil-may-care attitude is refreshing for Hermann and his authoritarian upbringing. I think on his own Hermann would retreat into an isolation he’d verbally claim he prefers but which would eat away at him. He may gripe about it, but he thrives and seeks Newt pulling him out of himself. Likewise I think Newt is always seeking validation. By being such a difficult person who doesn’t flatter others easily, Hermann’s regard is worth that much more and it could serve as a grounding influence on Newt to know there’s someone out there who sticks by him and engages him intellectually, even if they don’t always agree (they don’t need to agree if it’s a matter of intellectual debate). Even when arguing, Hermann validates Newt by never dismissing him from his presence or truly giving up on him, another reason the dismissal of the Kaiju Drift clearly is hurtful and unexpected to Newt (who can’t read it as a protective action). 

They call one another on their bullshit. They’re not personalities who need to be coddled or told they’re right all the time or flattered. They might respond initially to flattery, and even get puffed up about it and smugly rub it in the other’s face, but it would wear thin. They’d realize the thrill and rush of flattery is dissatisfying. That they’d rather earn the other’s aggressive debate than the fawning of lesser minds. Even when Newt is showing off to Hannibal Chau it’s because he clearly identifies an equal in his field, albeit a black hat to his white hat, a criminal to his academic. They want to impress equals and they serve as equals to one another. 

I think anything beyond this would go well into fanon speculation. The last note I’d say on Uprising, because they become such different characters there, is that clearly Hermann is stunned when Newt won’t help him. Clearly in PR1 Newt is stunned when Hermann won’t back him up that the Drift worked when it clearly did. That tells me that even at their lowest, they supported one another, even if they might grumble about it. The grumbling is half the fun.

[kpoptextauwu-archive]

Three to Start

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Summary:  Maybe a family wasn’t always a mother and father, maybe it was two boys who came into your life and one you found, maybe it was the simple touches and smiles or a series of dreams, maybe that's what made a family.

Pairing: Jeno x Mark (platonic) 

               Renjun x Mark (platonic)

               Haechan x Mark (could be seen as romantic if you want)

               Jeno x Renjun (I see it as romantic its up to you tho)

Prompt: Fantasy AU!

               Fluff

Requested: No

Note: This is the 2nd to last part to the series by me and @ihf-ihop-ihi click here to read the rest 

Warning(s): Johnny commits suicide but it's not descriptive at all like you can barely tell. Also, I made Ten and Doyoung dead out of spite against Froot Loops bc she got mad at me for writing angsty fics where members die. 

Third POV;

The first one was Jeno. The fallen angel boy who fell from the sky, who seemed hard on the outside but was secretly the softest boy Mark had ever met. He had also become Marks first and only friend. Mark remembered the day he found him, his parents had another screaming match with him that day he went to visit so he ran. He was sick of their constant nagging and constant hate they put on him. All his life he was made out to be a disappointment because of his scales, and horns and glowing, color changing eyes. 

    As soon as the screaming had begun he grabbed the bag he brought with his clothes and book and left. He ran and ran letting his feet carry him wherever they wanted not thinking about the consequences. In this case, he ended up meeting one of his closest and most trusted friends. 

    When he stopped running he found himself in the woods by the city park and fairly deep in, it was a miracle he hadn't face planted or tripped over anything. As he realized where he was he slowed down to a walk to catch his breath. It had been raining when he left but now it was barely drizzling and the moon was peeking out from in between the trees. Mark sighed as he walked, being careful not to trip over anything until he walked into a small clearing. 

    On the edge of the clearing, he found a boy. Not just any boy but a shirtless one without shoes and soaked to the brim. He stepped closer to the boy taking him in. He didn't seem to be cold in the slightest even though the air was chilly and he was drenched, in fact, he seemed to be at peace as he slept. The boy's face was soft and incredibly handsome along with the rest of him, although Mark tried not to stare. 

    He watched for a few moments before he realized that it was a little creepy that he was watching a boy sleep in the woods. Blinking a couple times he rubbed his hands against his pants and sighed. He couldn’t just leave the boy here but if he woke him up there could be a chance he would get punched in the face, which he would rather not have. He pursed his lips in thought as he continued to watch over the boy, watching him roll over slightly. His eyes widened as he watched him roll over, the boys back had two long painful looking wounds across it. A huff fell out of Mark’s mouth, he truly couldn’t leave this boy now but he really wasn’t sure what he could do. 

    A breeze blew through the trees and Mark felt his bag bounce on his leg. He put a hand down to stop it and felt his finger brush against one of his long shirts and he paused. Slowly he brought out the shirt and placed his bag on the ground. He carefully folded it and took a breath stepping out of the trees he had been hiding behind. The sun was starting to come out as he quietly made his way over to the sleeping boy and placed the folded black shirt next to him. As he started to stand up the boy rolled over again kicking the shirt lightly and Mark froze, praying he wouldn’t wake up. 

    A sigh left Mark’s mouth as the boy just mumbled something in his sleep, but his eyes didn’t open. He quickly, but quietly made his way back into the trees where he had been hiding and watched as the boy opened his eyes. Mark watched him curiously until the boy's eyes made contact with his. He watched as the boy's eyes widened when they caught Mark's and sat up looking for him, but Mark was gone. He ran until he made it back to the park that connected to the woods.

    He gasped as he harshly breathed in placing his hands on his knees in an attempt to catch his breath. When he finally managed to catch his breath, he made his way over to one of the park benches and sighed, he didn’t want to go back to his house yet and he was slightly curious if the boy in the woods would come out. He chewed on his lip for a moment before reaching into his bag and bringing out his book, opening it to his bookmarked place and began to read quietly glancing up every once in a while to see if the boy had come out. 

    Mark only got to read a chapter of his book before he saw the boy he had given the shirt to step out, wearing his shirt. He pursed his lips and watched as the boy took in his surroundings his face void of emotion. He watched until the boy found Mark making Mark quickly look back to his book, shrinking slightly as he felt the boy approach him. 

    “Excuse me,” the boy said once he reached Mark.

    Mark simply hummed in response not looking up.

    “I was wondering if you could tell me where I was? I’ve never been here before and I’m a little, lost,” the boy said not leaving. 

    Mark mumbled a quiet reply about being in a park continuing not to look up. He didn’t know how the boy would react if he saw him. 

    He heard the boy huff, probably annoyed with how Mark was acting, “I can’t hear you, either speak louder or look up.” 

    Mark tensed slightly but slowly raised his head repeating what he said to the boy. He hardly heard himself as he spoke though, watching how the boy's eyes widened with recognition and took a step back. 

        A week passed since Mark’s fateful encounter with Jeno and it still bothered him. He had a deep feeling inside of him to find him again. He was getting restless so he made a quick decision grabbing his cloak off his bed and taking off. 

    The walk to the wood wasn’t far, thankfully, and Mark made it in record time. He had started wandering around the wood hoping to find Jeno even though, deep down, he knew it was a lost cause. He had probably gone to his house, or wherever he came from. Mark continued to walk around aimlessly until he began to approach a cave. His broke a couple sticks under his feet as he approached but he didn’t stop until he was right outside. Taking a breath he walked into the cave only to be met with partial light. 

    A couple of steps in and a sharp pain struck his head, small unintelligible whispers spreading around him. He was brought out of his daze and the headache faded as he heard someone clear their throat behind him. He whipped around until he was face to face with Jeno. 

        During that day in the cave, Mark had made a silent promise to himself. A promise to protect Jeno even though he could tell Jeno didn’t need it. Jeno had grown on him slowly but surely, which is how he found himself bringing Jeno pillows and clothes to his cave. 

    No matter how much he enjoyed taking all these things to Jeno every day it was starting to get tiresome, it would be so much easier if Jeno just lived with him. That’s how he found himself making a deal with Jeno in his cave one day and watching as Jeno pulled up his shirt to let Mark see his wounds. 

    The wounds were even more painful looking on full display, even though Mark knew Jeno couldn’t feel anything. Mark couldn’t help himself as he walked up to Jeno hesitantly reaching out a hand and brushing his fingers against them.

    The moment his fingers brushed against them, he gasped, and suddenly he was no longer in the cave instead, he was out by a cliff, a thrashing lake below it and rain pounding in his eyes. A tall boy stood by the edge of the cliff his shirt soaked through with rain and hair dangling in his eyes. 

    "Johnny... please... move away from the cliff..." Mark heard himself say much to his confusion. Who was this, he didn't know a Johnny and how did he get here, he was just in a cave with Jeno. 

    "You don't understand Jeno I can't anymore," the boy, Johnny, screamed. Mark only got more confused. Jeno? Last he checked he wasn't Jeno. 

    "Johnny please listen to me. I need you to step away from the cliff, it's dangerous." Mark, or Jeno, or whoever he was replied. 

    Johnny just smiled a bittersweet smile at him, "thank you for being my friend Jeno. I appreciate it," and with those final words, the boy took a step back. Mark screamed as he watched him fall, fall, fall...

    Then he was back in cave standing in front of Jeno who was harshly glaring at him. "Don't. Touch," Jeno hissed coldly, "I can't control what you see."

    Mark nodded his eyes glazed over as images of the boy on the cliff filtered his mind. Instead of asking he continued to pick up the pillows that were scattered around. "What are you doing?" Jeno asked, throwing his shirt back on. 

    Mark rolled his eyes, "Packing for you to come live with me. We had a deal, remember?” He would ask Jeno about the boy later. 

    Mark brought Jeno into his apartment with all the pillows and clothes showing him where his room was. 

    "Hey I'll be back in a bit I'm gonna get the rest of your stuff. Follow me after you finish putting the stuff we just brought in your room," Mark said putting down the last pillow on the couch. 

    Jeno huffed but nodded opening the door to his room and placing the armful of blankets he had on the spare bed. "Alright." 

    Mark walked out shouting a quick bye to Jeno and made his way towards the forest again. He had just set foot in the woods when a boy rushed passed him quiet sobs coming out of his mouth. Mark stepped tentatively over the branches and rocks lining the forest ground, following swiftly after the sobbing boy. 

Mark carefully pulled the hood of his cloak closer to his face. Casting darker shadows over his scaly skin. His forest green eyes twinkled as he watched the smaller boy stagger and sob. Upon hearing the faint sobbing Mark felt an ache of remembrance fill his chest. Without thinking he began to follow the sound until he came across what appeared to be a fellow hybrid sobbing. 

The sobbing boy slowed to a stop in a small clearing. Mark stayed within the shadowy trees, hiding his presence while he observed weeping boy. 

The boy tilted his head back, quietly whimpering. Mark gazed sympathetically at him, watching as his shoulder softly shook and his chest moved quickly. The wind began to pick up, a ruffling breeze flowing over the fawn boy, causing him to shiver. His long brown locks getting tangled into his antlers. Marks attention was piqued. His palms began to sweat, and his stomach abruptly churned, a silent whispering laugh swirling around him. Mark blinked rapidly and shook his head. 

The fawn covered his face with his hands, his eyes tightly shut, blocking out the light shining through the trees. Mark silently stepped out from the shadows to revealed himself. "Why so blue Deery?" Mark called in a quiet voice, a murky shadow concealing Mark's lurking figure. The boy looked up instantly, frightened by the new voice, urgently looking around for the voice, "W-What?" He stammered, wrapping his arms around himself. 

"I said, why so blue little deer?" Mark reiterated, stepping out of the shadows to reveal his figure. The boy shivered, rubbing his arms gingerly. His lower lip quivering. "I-I... I'm not wanted." He whimpered, casting his gaze down to the mossy ground. 

Mark felt his heart pull, a wash of sympathy flooded Mark as he stepped closer to the boy. He crouched down in front of him. Marks glowing green eyes piercing into the boys almost black doe eyes. 

     "What's your name deer?" Mark hummed softly. Placing a hand on the boy's knee. "R-Renjun." He whispered fearfully, he looked into Mark's glowing eyes. "Renjun," Mark repeated. His eyes ghosted over Renjun's appearance. Mark extended his hand to Renjun, pulling him to his feet. "Come along now. You've other places to b-be." Mark hummed, his vision becoming blurry as he watched Renjun rub his eyes before taking Mark's hand, instantly trusting Mark. 

  "W-What's your name?" Renjun mumbled, following behind Mark blindly. Mark cast a glance over his shoulder, a wispy smile playing at his lips. "Mark." He responded. Renjun jumped with alarm as he heard his name, remembering what had just happened when he trusted a human. Renjun ripped his hand out of Mark's, fearfully staggering back. "Y-You're an h-human." Renjun tripped over his words, his hands pulled tightly to his chest. 

Mark bit the thick of his lip, conflicted about revealing himself.

   Small glass like tears slowly rolled down Renjun's flushed red cheeks. His lower lip gently quivering. Mark felt a tug in his chest, deciding against the prior warning of revealing himself to strangers, and slid the hood of his cloak off his head. Keeping his gaze cast downward, only the gentle curl of his horns visible. The quiet crunch of dead leaves rang in Mark's sensitive ears. A tender hand gently touched his cheek, he flinched away from Renjun's cold fingertips. Renjun took Mark's face in his hands, carefully lifting his face. Mark looked into Renjun's eyes, expecting disgust and hatred; but all Mark found was a tender warmth. Renjun giggled softly, using the sleeve of his jumper to rub his eyes. Renjun smiled at Mark, his unique snaggletooth fully displayed. 

Mark was utterly confused by Renjun. Renjun so easily found peace with Mark's disheveled appearance and accepted the fact he had blue scales crawling up his neck, disrupting his skin with jagged bumps. "You're a Hybrid." Renjun hiccuped, a small excited tone in his words. Mark nodded, still amazed by Renjun's ability to accept Mark's appearance. 

"You're not scared?" Mark inquired, unable to wrap his mind around what was happening. Renjun scrunched his nose, a pleased smile playing at his lips, and a pink blush crawling up his neck. "You're beautiful. I don't mind your scales, I think they're fascinating." Renjun complimented. Playing with a flower that captured his attention. Mark exhaled shakily, unsure if he heard correctly. Mark shook his head, gently taking hold of Renjun's hand again and pulling him towards the cave that Jeno had recently vacated. 

Mark neared the cave, listening to Renjun mumble about the pretty flowers he saw as they were walking. Realizing how vocal Renjun was and began to notice how easily distracted Renjun was. Having to retrieve Renjun multiple times from scampering after a squirrel or something of the sort. He decided it was easier to just hold Renjun's hand so he wouldn't wander away.

  "The flower I saw was blue, but it had other blue colors in it like light blue and- Hey! Look a butterfly! I like butterflies, butterflies are pretty. Mark, do you like butterflies?" Renjun hummed, happily swinging their intertwined hands. Mark chuckled at Renjun's childlike tendencies.   

   "Yes Renjun, I like butterflies," Mark answered. An amused twinkle in his forest green irises. Mark lead Renjun into the cave, listening to Renjun suddenly change the topic from what flavor leaf was his favorite to how much he disliked the dark. "Mark." A voice beckoned suddenly, coming closer. Jeno stood full stature, shoulder broad and back as he glared sharply at the fawn-like boy behind Mark. 

Renjun had been too distracted by a songbird passing overhead to notice the death glares being sent his way. When Renjun's gaze returned, he rubbed his light pink nose. Jeno froze, analyzing the softer boy with judgemental eyes. Renjun's cheeks were flushed, spreading across his nose and staining the tip of his nose red from crying. The outer rings of his delicate doe eyes were red and bloated. Dirt smudged on his flushed cheeks from tears he had wiped away. Renjun connected eyes with Jeno, as if looking into Jeno's soul. Renjun tilted his head to the side with a look of confusion as he glanced over Jeno's figure. 

  "Jeno, this is Renjun. He's a deer hybrid." Mark introduced, releasing Renjun's hand. Renjun snapped his eyes to Mark, slightly flustered that Mark let go of their hands; Renjun had been enjoying holding hands. He gently huff, his dark eyes twinkling as he looked away. Jeno blinked rapidly as he stepped forward, grabbing Renjun by the shoulder.  

  Renjun gave a small frightened gasp as he was suddenly pulled, peering up at Jeno through his lashes. Jeno slid a finger across Renjun's smudged cheek, removing a single tear that had escaped his eye. Jeno faintly saw white freckles through the smudged dirt on his plump cheeks. 

  Jeno quickly linked hands with Renjun and lead him out of the cave and over to a Lake. Gently cupping water in his hands and rubbing it against Renjun's dirty face. Renjun closed his eyes, allowing Jeno to prune him. Jeno gently wiped away the layers of dirt built up on his soft skin, presenting the magnificent white freckles littered across his sharp cheek. Renjun's eyes fluttered open, looking between Jeno's eyes with adoration. 

  "I'm Jeno." He softly introduced. Renjun grinned widely, Jeno noticed his small snaggletooth but quickly focused back on the beaming boy. "You're my new friend." Renjun declared in a gentle tone, attaching himself to Jeno. Jeno was shocked but carefully wrapped his arms around Renjun's waist. 

    Mark watched in awe, gobsmacked by Jeno's sudden gentleness directed towards Renjun. Jeno never treated Mark like that, only had he been sassed and bitterly replied too. But with Renjun, Jeno acted like a different person. Mark sighed, shaking his head as he watched Renjun become distracted by a cicada, making Jeno come to look at it too. Mark felt a smile rise to his face as he watched them interact. Wandering back to the cave, Renjun happily included Mark in his endless conversations about everything and anything.

    Days had passed since Mark had found Renjun and Jeno and he visited the small deer boy every day. There was never a dull moment with Renjun as he was always talking about something. Mark had noticed that Jeno especially had grown close to him. Whenever they would show up at the cave to see him Renjun would shout and throw his arms around Jeno happily, which Jeno would always gladly return as Mark would watch awe-struck. Whenever he tried to touch or hug Jeno he would get his shoulder punched and a nasty glare. 

    This day was like all the others with Mark and Jeno making their way from their apartment to the cave to see Renjun. They had been casually crossing the street, Mark leading, when a speeding car came shooting down the turn heading straight for Mark. “Mark!” Jeno shouted noticing the car. 

    Mark turned back to look at him confused, not noticing the car. Jeno gasped and quickly pushed Mark out of the way sending him sprawling on the other side of the road while they car rammed straight into Jeno sending him flying back. 

    “Jeno!” Mark shouted scrambling to his feet ignoring the cuts and scrapes he had along his body. He ran up to him and sighed out of relief when he saw Jeno laying there blinking, his once white shirt speckled red. 

    “Dear gods Jeno, why would you do that you can’t scare me-“ Mark started to ramble as the owner of the car ran up to them. 

    “Shut,” Jeno said holding up a finger to Mark telling him to be quiet, “Stop talking, its gonna take a moment for the ribs to heal.”

    Mark just nodded closing his mouth obediently. Never had he been gladder Jeno was basically immortal minus the wounds where his wings were. “Oh my god is he okay I am so, so, so sorry I will pay for any medical bills,” the driver said rushing up to where Mark stood over Jeno. 

    “Oh yeah he’s fine just give him a second,” Mark replied nodding. 

    “I wouldn’t say the same about you though,” Jeno replied from the ground as he pushed himself up. 

    The driver stared at them shocked, that impact should have killed him. “What- What are you?”

    Jeno rolled his eyes as he glared at the man, his features seething. “What’s your name?”

    “Jaehyun,” the driver answered cautiously, still shocked from how Jeno was completely fine. 

    “Alright Jaehhyun, I want you to apologize to my friend here for almost hitting him,” Jeno said stiffly. 

    Jaehyun opened and closed his mouth a couple times before turning to look at Mark, “I’m- I’m sorry for almost hitting you.”

    “Apology accepted,” Mark replied trying to stifle a laugh at the man’s flabbergasted expression. 

    “Great and one more thing,” Jeno said grabbing Jaehyun's shirt and punching him square in the face, “watch where your going next time.”

    Mark laughed next to him as Jeno let go of his shirt and grabbed Mark’s wrist dragging him towards the forest to continue their visit to Renjun. 

     That night a bright gold light shone out of Jeno’s room. Mark knight his eyebrows and got up from the couch where he had been watching a movie. He walked up to Jeno’s door and knocked gently with no response. After he had knocked the third time he gently opened the door to find Jeno floating over his bed a gold light enveloping him. 

    “Jeno!” He screamed running up to try and grab onto Jeno and pull him back down, only for his hand to pass right through Jeno. He screamed Jeno’s name again as the gold light started to fade Jeno along with it until it was gone, and so was Jeno. 

        Three days passed since Jeno’s disappearance and both Mark and Renjun had been a mess. When Jeno didn’t show up to their daily visit the night after Renjun had cried as he hugged Mark. 

    When the next day passed with no Jeno, Renjun had sobbed into Mark’s arms making Mark’s heartbreak. Renjun shouldn’t cry, he should always be happy. 

    The third day was when he couldn’t handle it himself and somehow found himself slipping under a fence and sitting on the shore of a lake, throwing rocks into it. He hadn’t noticed any difference in the water until one of the rocks he had thrown at it shot back out and hit him in the head. 

    "Ow! What the hell was that?" Mark shouted rubbing the spot on his head where the rock hit. 

     “What the hell was that?” A voice replied in front of Mark. 

    Mark’s head shot up and he looked around widely trying to find the source of the voice but he couldn’t find one. “Who said that?”

    “…Said that” the same voice replied almost sounding annoyed. 

    Mark quickly jumped to his feet still looking around for the voice, "Who's there? Why can't I see you?"

    "...Can't I see you." The voice replied again. 

    Mark took a couple steps back his body trembling slightly "I-I promise I won't hurt you or do anything just please stop repeating me and show yourself."

    "...Show yourself." The voice said again sounding very annoyed with Mark. 

    Mark took a deep breath and glanced around again, the voice sounded too real for it to just be his imagination. He scanned in front of him until he found an unnatural shimmer. He focused on the shimmer and traced it out until it came out in the outline of a boy. He trailed his eyes across the outline watching the boy standing on top of the water with wide eyes. 

    “Holy shit…” Mark said without meaning to. 

    “Holy shit,” the figure replied in agreement. 

    “Are- are you a ghost?” Mark asked the figure, watching as the figure rolled its eyes at him. 

    “Are you a ghost?” It shot back.

    Mark was speechless as he reached up slowly pulling the hood to his cloak off his head to see the figure better. He paced around the beach running his fingers through his hair in astonishment, “This is amazing,” he mumbled. 

    “Amazing,” it replied, seeming to agree. 

    Mark turned back to the figure and was going to say something else when someone shouted his name from the forest, “MARK!” Mark knew that voice, he had been looking for it and he flinched at the thought. 

    “Mark?” The thing asked him.

    Mark shrugged, "That's me. I have to go now I'll be back later. It was nice to meet you..." He trailed off hoping to get the things name.

    "It was nice to meet you,” it replied curtly. 

    Mark ran another hand through his hair, “"Okay then. I'll see you." And then he was leaving. He had to reach him before he left again. 

    “Mark!” The voice shouted again. 

    “Jeno?!” Mark called back looking frantically for his friend. 

    “Mark!” He heard Jeno reply before a large figure ran into him. Mark whipped around to yell at whoever it was only to come face to face with Jeno, whose eyes widened when he saw him. 

    “Mark! Oh, thank goodness I found you I’ve been so worried…” Jeno began to say quickly. 

    “You absolute brat how can you say that,” Mark interrupted, “Renjun and I have been a mess since you disappeared, where did you even go?!”

    “Shhhh,” Jeno hushed putting his hands on Mark’s arms to calm him, “I’ll show you but please calm down. I need you to trust me.”

    Mark took a shaky breath and nodded, “You better have an amazing explanation,”

    “I do, I promise, listen I was gone because I got my wings back,” Jeno said calmly.

    “You what?!” Mark shouted.

    Jeno chucked and turned around pulling part of his shirt up. Where his wounds used to be there was nothing except smooth skin. Mark brushed his fingers against where they used to be and inhaled sharply. “How- what- why?”

    Jeno chuckled again turning to face him, “I saved your life without a second thought and was willing to give myself for you. Apparently, they saw it as worthy and gave me back my wings, and gave me a new person to look over.”

    “Who is it?” Mark asked excitedly, happy to have Jeno back. 

    Jeno smiled at him, “It's you.”

    “Me?” Mark asked surprised. Jeno was his guardian angel?

    Jeno nodded happily, “Yep. I do have to explain a couple things to you, part of my deal was to tell you why I lost my wings and see if you’ll still accept me after.”

    Mark knit his eyebrows and nodded thinking back to the boy on the cliff. Jeno took a deep breath, “I know you saw Johnny when you touched my wounds,” Mark nodded, “Johnny was the last person I was supposed to guard but as you saw I failed. Before Johnny, there were two others I failed to protect, Doyoung and Ten, both of which had a similar fate to Johnny. Due to the fact I failed to protect and save them, I was booted.”

    Jeno looked at him shyly a hint of pain in his voice as he continued to explain, while Mark listened patiently. Once he finished Mark simply nodded. “I still trust you Jeno. I believe you’ll protect me.” Jeno smiled at him as a small shrill voice rang out. 

    “Jeno!” Renjun screamed and barreled into Jeno knocking him to the ground. 

    Jeno laughed loudly and tightly wrapped his arms around the tiny boy's waist, “Renjun, I missed.”

    Renjun hit his chest lightly and giggled, “I missed you to dummy, where were you?”

    Jeno giggled and poked Renjun’s nose while Mark stood there smiling. Jeno was back, now the only thing he had to figure out was the lake figure. Which was why he found himself walking away from said lake figure a week later. 

    “See you,” Mark said to the lake figure after visiting a second time.     

    “See you later,” it called out after Mark as he walked away skipping slightly. He began his trot back to the cave where Jeno and Renjun were waiting for him a smile still on his face. He couldn’t wait to figure out what the thing on the lake was. 

    As he approached he felt a looming presence over him. His eyes became bleary and he staggered a moment whispers filling his head saying unintelligible things. He whimpered slightly bringing a hand to his head and breathing heavily. 

    The whispers continued to get louder and louder until a pair of tan arms wrapped around Mark’s waist from behind making him jump and shriek. Mark whipped around to find a boy a little smaller than him standing and grinning. “Hey hey hey Mark,” the boy said grinning. 

    “Mark?” Another voice said behind him. Mark turned as he watched Jeno rush out of the cave to him Renjun following right behind him. “Are you okay? What happened? Who’s this? Did he hurt you?” Jeno said glaring at the boy and checking over Mark for any injuries. 

    Mark shook his head getting rid of the last of the whispers and took a shaky breath, “I’m fine Jeno, just startled.”

    Jeno released a sigh of relief and turned his full attention to the tan boy in front of them, “Who are you?”

    The tan boy huffed and turned to Mark, “Come on Mark you remember me, we were just talking a moment ago.”

    Mark took a longer look at him until he met his blue-green eyes before his own eyes widened, “You're- your're-,”

    The tan boy bowed, “Its a pleasure to meet you properly Mark, my name is Haechan, or as you know me, the magic lake spirit thing, which I am not I am a naiad there's a difference.”

    Mark’s eyes continued to get wide as Haechan spoke. “How are you- what happened?”

    Haechan giggled which made Mark’s heart speed up just a little, “I would like to personally thank you for breaking my curse. I can now speak and walk on land again and it’s all thanks to you.”

    Mark and Jeno just stared at him blankly as Renjun’s voice rang out, “Hi Haechan! I’m Renjun, I’m a deer hybrid!”

    Haechan took a step back as Renjun run up to him and hugged him tightly causing Jeno to stiffen. Haechan wrapped his arms around Renjun in a hug and looked at Mark putting a hand to his chest, ‘so precious’ he mouthed, which Mark had to agree with. 

    Giggling came out of Renjun’s mouth as he moved out of Haechan’s embrace and ran up to Jeno, “Jeno look I made a new friend!”

    Jeno couldn’t help but smile happily as he looked down at Renjun, “I see, I’m so happy for you.”

Renjun giggled again and ran off to look at a flower that caught his attention. 

    “So,” Harchan clapped his hands, “I haven’t been able to speak for hundreds of thousands of years, let me tell you about the 16th century.”

[lumifuer]

Unlikely || Chapter 2

Pairings: General Hux x Reader Words: 2237 Warnings: Violence, choking, angst A/N: It took me so long to post a second chapter but I’ve been meaning to write this story for quite some time and I wanted to make sure it’s polished. Hope you’ll enjoy!

Series Summary: As you rise through the ranks of The First Order you find yourself drawn to a certain ginger general. But when your deepest secrets see the light of the day in the process will it be your new beginning or a bitter end?

CHAPTER 1 || CHAPTER 2

The ride in the elevator was a silent one, the air tense with anticipation and subtle hints of anxiety that you could easily pick up in both yourself and Armitage.

As you were carefully building up your defences, the general once again tore his down in order to ask one more thing of you, his voice worn but still kind. "Whatever happens, my dear, I request you do not intertwine. I'm afraid it would only make the matters worse."

He turned his head to steal a brief glance at you and you offered him a weak but reassuring smile. "I will try my best, general."

He calculated the time he's got left before the door slides open and quickly took your hand, pulling it gently to his lips to place a soft kiss on your skin. His grip lingered and you were forced to pull away because the next floor went past already, delivering you dangerously close to the throne room level. A barely noticeable sign of longing and concern surfaced on his face before it was transformed back into his usual mask. You sighed, dropping your gaze to the floor stung by this all too familiar ache in your chest.

You could no longer see his face but you knew that his spread legs and hands folded on the back were his only means to hide a light shiver going down his spine with every passing level. It made you realise just how hard this conversation might turn out to be.

And you had a bad feeling about this.

The sound of the loud ding shot through the air, letting you know it was your stop. Armitage straightened up, preparing to keep his chin up and you took a long breath to rid yourself of the remaining doubts. Your secrets were kept under a heavy layer of fear that was only partially fabricated by you consciously, and another consisting of your admiration towards the ginger general.

It was hard to remember that when you first met him the boiling hatred aimed at him was almost too apparent to contain and after the handshake you shared you battled with the urge to wash your hands immediately.

The door slid open revealing a huge throne room you've heard so much about. You looked around in awe, seeing it properly for the very first time. Needless to say, it wasn't a particularly pleasant astonishment one might feel while looking at a work of art. This place was crushing your bones under its weight. The ominous red-lit space was almost empty, echoes of your steps bounced off the walls, creating a dream-like scenery. You felt tiny and insignificant but gravest of all - ambushed.

The throne itself was situated in the middle, placed on a small platform as if the surroundings weren't enough to make sure everyone knew who was in command. The chair was dark with subtle traces of silver and you could swear you saw old blood still staining its feet as if Rey had just sliced Snoke in half moments ago. His guards who had shared their master's fate were replaced by the Knights of Ren, clothed in dark robes and rare pieces of armour wielding weapons ranging from spears to blasters alike. You noted that not an inch of their skin was visible therefore making it harder to perceive them as humans, a blatant advantage in combat.

On the throne sat Kylo Ren, the mighty Supreme Leader, the self-appointed successor of Snoke's abhorrent legacy. But in fact, he looked anything but powerful on the chair. His arms were resting on his knees rather than the armrests and he was slightly bending forward as if the thought of his back touching the same place Snoke's had was unthinkable. His face was almost expressionless, his hair falling freely on his dark eyes. The scar left by Rey's lightsaber was in a strong contrast to his pale complexion. He was like a child sitting in father's seat trying to grow to be like his role model but something was bound to be awry.

Armitage stopped abruptly, keeping a distance between him and his superior. Everyone knew it wouldn't protect him if Ren decided to add a few new bruises to the collection but you allowed him to keep up appearances.

"I heard about the base, general," Ren begun, threat and displeasure clear in his voice. "Are you still going to try to convince me your pathetic troops are worth anything?"

"Supreme Leader, I assure you--"

"You," Ren pointed at you. You stiffed, feeling the heat sweeping over your body. Kylo's eyes were dark and impenetrable and you were sure you have just been discovered. "I want you to take notes of everything happening here today. I don't trust the droids."

He wanted to turn his head away from you but something else caught his attention. His gaze lingered and it took everything you had to withstand his mental attacks. Hux turned back to look at you, his expression filled with terror, and his fists clenched. He hated the very idea of Ren recognizing your presence as if the fact alone could put you in trouble.

Apparently, Ren failed at finding something interesting because his attention was once again focused on the general in front of him but still the twitch that was supposed to hide a smile didn't escape your attention. The green eyes were still fixed on you in a frantic attempt to search for any signs of discomfort or pain. You knew he wouldn't have been able to act upon his fantasy of overthrowing Kylo but witnessing you being tortured by his abilities could have still made him try.

"General, can I get your attention?" Kylo mocked.

Armitage's lips opened and you noticed a tremble dancing on their soft surface but soon enough he faced his leader without the shadow of fear.

"Supreme Leader," he began again. "The troops are in a flawless condition and I assure you that their next mission will prove to be a  victory."

Ren scoffed and you heard a grave tone in his voice. "I don't care about your poor excuses and declarations anymore, general."

"I do not wish to--"

But he was cut off mid-sentence. Soon his hands were desperately pulling at the invisible hand locking on his windpipe as if it intended to crush it. A sob tore from his throat and it hurt you more than you'd be pleased to admit. Hux was lifted off his feet which were now dangling in the air, searching for a spot to rest his weight on but with no success. You turned your head in distaste, adding another layer on the most precious thoughts buried deep within your mind. The room was quiet and the complete silence was interrupted only by Armitage's heartbreaking efforts to break free.

When yet another raspy sob tore out of Tidge's throat you closed your eyes only to regret it a second later. Without your vision, your mind replaced your surroundings with a mental image as if enhancing the strongest individuals in the room. You could sense Ren's energy and unrelenting passion, his guards' confidence and eagerness to fight if required, and you could even taste your own panic. And what's worst of all, Hux's spirit slipping through the fingers of the unseen hand.

You stole a brief glance at Kylo even though you knew you weren't supposed to. He wasn't driven by hatred or fury and his annoyance was kept under check, and yet he wasn't stopping himself, sending the general at the edge of consciousness and risking tossing him into the sharp claws of death. He had so many opportunities to finish his existence but for some reason, he was keen on keeping Hux alive until now. What changed? And what's more important - what were you going to do about it?

You wouldn't dare to look directly at Armitage who was all too quickly fading into the void. Besides, you didn't need to see to know how hopeless he was. Once again, you shut your eyes and tried to lock those feelings away, telling yourself that it was for the best and that there was a greater cause bigger than the both of you. But it took one mere memory of Hux's soft smile that he allowed himself to show during one of the few particularly bad nights to break you down.

Before you could further question your actions, the general fell to the floor with a loud thud. A slimmer, delicate hand seemed to have slipped under the grim hold locked on his throat and set him free. Armitage was a panting mess, kneeling on the floor constantly shifting between losing and regaining consciousness. The bloody marks left by his own fingernails were blooming with scarlet against his pallid skin. He was barely aware of the situation but he did feel it. The familiar touch that had tended to his wounds has now saved his life. His mind was still throbbing and he couldn't connect the pieces of information but deep in his heart he already understood everything.

And so did Ren.

"I was beginning to think you'd have me kill your beloved general," he spoke, folding his arms on his back. "Thank you for saving us a rather embarrassing show."

There was no point in playing your part anymore. You looked up at him, making sure that your face was showing no signs of fear in your time of dying. Because he was going to kill you, wasn't he?

For how long did he know, you wondered. Was it before the meeting or did you betray your true purpose upon arriving here? Did it even matter?

"I should kill you with the cruellest strike, you know that, don't you?" he said with a slight smile sending a shiver down your spine. His master was dead but apparently, his teaching was meant to live on for now. "But I think it would be a waste."

Gracefully and with no sign of the previous brutality, he outstretched his hand and lifted you up off the floor. Your whole body tensed preparing for the torture to come but it never did. Kylo was looking at you with a spark of curiosity in his gaze. He didn't take you for a threat and you knew that it could be his undoing but for know, he had the upper hand. "I think your heart, unlike someone else's, can be turned."

"I wouldn't count on that," you scoffed, your stubbornness originating in pure hatred.

"So you've already taken the side, then?" he asked.

But you weren't given a chance to reply. The shuffling could be heard from the centre of the room and you focused all your strength to turn your head and determine its source. You saw Armitage, crawling to where you were being held, struggling to hide his pained expression. It didn't take long for Kylo to notice as well and with an almost bored wave of his hand, your lover was tossed on the wall, the impact rendering him unconscious. Your rage was about to break through but you knew better than that. You concentrated on the brute force trying to sneak into your mind, almost grasping at your most hidden thoughts. You wouldn't let him have it, there was too much at stake and you didn't have the privilege to give in.

His attacks ceased and his lips parted in pure amazement. "Very well, then," your body was suddenly dropped to the ground. "I'll see you tomorrow during our very first training session. We'll see if you remain loyal to the defeated then."

He left the room without a word leaving you and Armitage in the company of his guards. You weren't sure what to do next. You had anticipated it could go bad but not nearly as tragic. Ren knew everything and yet you were allowed to live.

You crawled over to Tidge's limp body, hoping to find comfort in his presence. It was foolish of you to assume he'd still be by your side after all your lies but as soon as you touched his shoulder, his green eyes opened, filled with concern and bewildered. "Did he hurt you?" were the first words he spoke and you were about to burst into laughter at the irony.

"You're the one who barely survived the conversation," you reminded him. He tried to sit up and managed to do so only with your aid. You helped him get to the elevator and the guards weren't interested in stopping you at least for now.

"Would you kindly explain this to me?" Tidge asked once you left the elevator and headed towards his quarters. You tried to search his voice for signs of hostility but failed.

"Gladly," the word was spoken with an utter belief and it surprised you but it was the truth. After months filled with lies and hiding, you were almost happy to share a bit of truth with your unlikely lover. Or at the very least, the least harmful parts of it.

Thank you for reading! I would love to hear your thoughts on the story so don’t be afraid to reblog and add your comments! ♥

Tagging: @ayo-minty-jess @kylo-ren-is-my-supreme-leader @sophiasescape  @accio-zara @trelaney  

[raines-reads]

Hey I’m gonna die because I have to wait an entire year for the next installment

I wrote a little continuation of the story because I am dying inside because of the plot twist and the cliff hanger and I need more. (enjoy bc I devoured the book and wrote this instead of studying or doing my homework :))

Warner

My mind is entirely void of any complex thought, reduced to simple sentences, to the kind of inelegant language Kenji is always so partial to.

I’m almost sure that I’m screaming, but I can’t be, because no one is looking at me as if I am, as if I’ve just lost every single bit of sanity my father left me after he stripped it down bit by bit. 

Juliette—Ella?—is somewhere in this house, somewhere underneath the same roof as I am, chained and confused and probably terrified. And I can’t do anything about it.

I can’t do a single thing about it.

Not a single thing.

And again I am reminded just how weak I am. How useless. Worthless.

Because I couldn’t stop this, couldn’t prevent it, couldn’t protect the one thing in this world I still hold so dear.

Juliette has been ripped from me, and I have no idea what to do about it.

“An interesting turn of events.” Lena is aggravatingly smug, as if she finds this entire thing some huge source of amusement. I’m so tempted to jump across this table and wring my hands around her pale throat, the same way she has already shown that she won’t have any trouble doing to me.

“Interesting indeed,” Nicolás mutters, digging into his food, though his tone is subdued, bored almost. He cares not for Juliette—Ella—not a single bit.

I haven’t touched my food. I don’t feel like eating. I can’t eat here, in this room with all of the other supreme children, like we’re all just here to catch up and celebrate the homecoming of a Supreme child, as if Juliette has merely gone abroad to study and has now returned home where she belongs.

But she doesn’t belong here. Not really.

“Eat,” Nazeera says quietly, nudging me. “She’s fine.”

I don’t believe her.

I want to.

But I don’t.

Juliette was just barely able to swallow all that I’d given her but this? What would she do with this monumental moment, this enormous lie that’s finally lifted?

I myself am still reeling. Still trying to match her with the feeble memories of a small girl with brown hair and an older sister, the two of them always dressed to match, like dolls that came as a matching set. I’m still unable to process the fact that I met Juliette long before I grew obsessed with her abilities in order to save my mother, still reeling from everything that has conspired in the past few weeks.

I stand up and out of my chair suddenly, and everyone’s gaze snaps to me. Curious, bored, annoyed; their emotions flit and here and there, as if they’re being thrown at me but the inner turmoil is so strong that everything else bounces off.

I don’t offer a single word of explanation, don’t meet anyone’s eyes.

I turn and walk away, with nowhere to go and nothing to do but lose my mind.

I wonder where Kenji is, or if he’s even alive still. Maybe Winston made it as well, who knows. I’m sure Juliette is going crazy worrying about them. I’m sure she’s worried about what she’s done, and how her friends are dead and that she’s just slaughtered well over five hundred people. She must be wondering about the base, about everyone she’s left behind, the people she promised to protect.

But then again, I’m not even sure I’m entirely sure I really know Juliette anymore.

She keeps growing, evolving, faster than me, stronger than me. As much as Juliette doesn’t know about me, there’s much I seem to need to learn about her.

I had no clue of her parents before recent, no clue I’d known her in my childhood, no clue that she was capable of such a level of damage, of pure killing power.

I have no clue about what to do from here.

No clue about what any of this means.

Juliette is a Supreme child now—always has been. Will they groom her to lead Oceania? Will they even let her live?

Will I be forced into her absent place, as the new leader of North America, taking my father’s place just as I had been groomed to after all?

I don’t know what any of this means. I don’t think I want to.

I want the world to stop spinning so fast, for the time to stop slipping through my fingers like sand. I want to go back in time, to those few days of complacency, when I still had Juliette to hold and love and let me fall apart for.

But now, I’m not sure I have anything but shattered remnants of a life.

Juliette

My parents. Parents. Biological parents. My biological parents.

I can’t seem to compute it, as if my brain is still so inferior that it can’t even process that much.

My mind is empty and yet exploding at the same time and none of it—absolutely none of it seems to be lining up.

Because my parents are sitting in front of me and grinning, as if my ankles aren’t still shackled beneath the table, as if they haven’t conveniently forgotten about me for the past— what, twelve years?

I see myself in both of them, I see it more than I ever saw it in my other parents. My fake parents.

I have my mother’s hair, the slope of her nose, and same small build. I have my father’s eyes, his lips, and maybe a little bit of his jaw.

I can not deny the evidence that I am their child.

I am not that stupid, not that naive.

And yet every cell in my body seems to deny and reject the notion. Because I am fighting against the tons of weight that have suddenly dropped on me with all the inhuman strength my biological parents have now stripped away from me.

“Not hungry?” She asks me, as if she really is my mother, as if she might really care.

Such powerful deceit.

I wonder how and where she learned it, if she’ll force me to learn it now that I am here.

I say nothing.

Not because I have nothing to say.

But because there’s just too much. Too many questions I have to ask. Too many things I want to scream. Too many things I want to tear them apart with, but they’re all busy fighting inside me and none of them are fitting in the passageway from my mind to my vocal chords to my mouth and into the air.

So I say nothing.

“Ella—“

“No.” The Supreme Commander Of Oceania—my mother—seems just the smallest bit surprised, as if I am merely just a rebellious teenager she’ll banish to their room within minutes.

And something inside of longs for it, for the life I might’ve had, the family I could’ve been surrounded by. Dysfunctional maybe, but maybe then I’d be stronger, maybe then my life would be more than it is now, a prisoner in a home that’s supposed to be mine now but isn’t.

“Excuse me?”

“I’m not Ella,” I state, staring her straight in the eyes, and even though I don’t know her and I’ve never truly met her before I still sound too much like a child rebelling a parent, and I hate it. Hate the way that emotion rubs against my skin, like trying to flip the scales of a snake. “Juliette,” I say. “For twelve years I have been Juliette. I am Juliette.”

Both of my so called parents grin and share a look, as if I’m adorable, like I’m a joke to be taken.

I want to scream, to project this anger and pain and surprise and confusion and use it to shatter the very walls to hold me here.

“You’re Ella. Our Ella.” This time it’s my father who speaks, his voice alight but low.

I turn what I hope is a steel gaze towards him. “You sold Ella off to another country and left her there to rot. You shipped off your own damned blood and left them there for twelve years and now, now that I am strong and valuable. Now is when you want me.”

Twelve years.

I might have had them in a sense, but they still feel as if they’ve been stolen from me. Ripped away from who I should be. I was born Ella, daughter of a Supreme commander and now—

Now who am I?

Who will I be?

My birth giver—this woman who called me down to dinner as if we sit down together for a meal every week and day—sighs and sets down her fork, as if she’s exasperated with me. “There’s still too much you don’t know nor understand—“

“Because my life has a been a lie,” I spit, and she takes another harsh breath.

“Ella—“

“What did you do?” I demand, leaning forward in my seat, my hands flat on the table, supporting my weight. I wish I had my strength. I wish I could crush this table and lunge for both of them. “What did you do to my friends and to Aaron—“

“Aaron?” The man who helped create my DNA perks at the name, and it feels like I’ve made a mistake I don’t know about.

“Hmm, you’ve always been fond of the blonde young boy when you were little. Interesting to see things are still the same.” His tone. It’s so casual and so amused and so taunting—like they both know they’re playing a game with me that I want out of.

“Eat, darling,” my mother dismisses, picking her fork back up.

I do not.

“Where is she?” I all but scream, and they both stiffen, are both all too aware of who I am speaking of. “Where is Em—“

“That’s enough.” I see it then, I see why this woman is the Supreme Commander in the simple she demands me to stop.

And when I speak, my voice is all but a whisper. “How could you,” I accuse, so meek, so much the weak and helpless little girl I want to rip out of me and shred to bits until there is nothing left but the cold and shrewd child I should’ve grown to be.

The world has fallen from its axis, the gravity of every single thing in my life has suddenly gone awry. There nothing tethering my sanity, nothing stopping me from exploding all at once.

I don’t know where this leads me.

I don’t know what else there’s left to do.

Every modicum of progress I’ve ever made has been reduced to this, this chained girl sitting at a table and glaring at parents that have never really been hers.

And all too easily I am once again the girl who hid away, who did not understand a single moment of the world.

It’s deja vu almost.

I remember being taken from the asylum, being forced to eat a meal with a blonde boy who wore a cruel smile. I was an idiot then, naive and uneducated in every single way.

I know better now. I’ve grown that much at least.

My mother refuses to respond, and neither does my father. I’m ignored, expected to do as I am told.

But that seems to be the only way out.

So I pick up my fork, ignore the looks I’m sent, and begin to eat.

[deathbyvalentine]

Drabble Collection Larp

OJAQs: The One Reason I Employ Her

The boy lounged on what may have been a throne once, but had been chipped and decayed enough that it was barely recognisable as a chair. His fingers traced circles around the edge of his wine glass, the dark red liquid inside trembling with the movement. He glanced at the figure standing beside the chair with something like disdain. Her back was straight, her eyes dead ahead, but she was listening. He could tell. He could always tell. "Why I keep her? Now. Isn't that an interesting question?" He leant forward, elbows on knees, brow furrowed. His mouth was stained red - or not? It was so hard to tell in this light. The question was evidentially giving him pause, if the almost absent look in his dark dark eyes was anything to go by. And perhaps it wasn't. There was snow, tumbling out of the sky in waves, burying tree trunks beneath it, making the leaves shiver and shake. The wind didn't so much howl as scream, racing through the paths of the forest, so cold it could cut. Alexei was leaving again. He was not afraid of the night, nor of the winter, because he was the coldest thing in it. He hurried, the collar of his fur pulled up tight, protecting him from the bladed wind. He didn't think of the warm body in front of the fire who would wake up without him. He only thought of the one ahead, the one he was running to. It seemed he was always running. Perhaps that is why he didn't notice the crack in the ground; forced there by water freezing. His foot caught, and down he fell, hot blood pouring from the wound. He did not cry. He grit his teeth together tight, and did not allow himself to. Pain very rarely made him cry - in fact, nothing did. And besides, his problem now was not the shattered ankle. It was the uncaring snow, still falling around him, some painted scarlet by the still flowing blood. And he could not leave. Alexei may not have feared the winter, but it didn't care. It would kill him all the same, bravery or cowardice. And after an hour or so, it certainly seemed determined to. 

He was tired, and he fought against sleep, terrified of how long it would be if he fell into it. But it was a compelling spell, and his eyes kept closing, the snow whispering and promising comfort. It would be an end, finally, wouldn't it? An end to this story. But it was not to be, perhaps as he knew it wouldn't. It never ended. Arms, stronger than him, pulled him from the ice and the spell, and to a chest. She walked, and walked, and walked, the small once-prince held tight. She had saved him. In more ways than one. Alexei snapped out of his reverie. "Why do I keep her?" He repeated, his pretty mouth full of mocking. "Well. Someone needs to carry me to bed."

Regret

His mouth tasted of ashes. He could hear his heartbeat in his ears. Every movement that stirred his limbs sent waves of exhaustion through him. With a colossal effort he sat up, having to still himself once upright to prevent himself from vomiting. The light was dim - it was still early, thank the Throne. He wasn’t late. 

Lance stood, pulling up the braces on his trousers, wincing as they accidentally snapped hard. He scooped a bottle from the floor, not glancing at the label as he swallowed it. He dropped it again, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. A body on the floor stirred, but did not awake. He stepped over his legs, careful not to disturb him.

Painfully slowly, he gathered his things. He couldn’t remember where he had discarded half his clothes, having already been in some state of disrepair as they had been pushed off him. His shoes were underneath the grimy sink, his gloves inside a pillowcase. The hive apartment was small, and yet seemed to have immeasurable hidey holes and piles of stuff to dig through. Urgh. A glance through the window confirmed it wasn’t even upper hive. He’d finally gotten some shore leave and he had wasted it here. Typical. 

He shrugged on his jacket, preparing to leave. Something caught his eye. Some unused stims and opia sat inside a partially open drawer. A moment’s breath and he had scooped them up, deposited them in a pocket. He didn’t feel a drop of guilt about the petty thievery.  His needs were greater than some scum who wouldn’t contribute anything to the Throne but their death.

The ride back to the docks was a joyless one. The light was flat and grey, and the smog was choking. His respirator could hardly keep up. Emperor save him from planets. Give him the great black void, the shimmering stars, the universe at their fingertips. He couldn’t imagine ever staying in one place. He felt his heart lighten as soon as he boarded the shuttle that would take him back to the main ship.

His commander was already on the ramp, tapping her foot. She cut an intimidating figure, arms crossed, red hair flowing over her shoulders. He was acutely aware of the bolt pistol strapped to her hip. “Officer.” He said, pleasantly enough, attempting to sidestep her. 

“My office.” Was her retort, as sharp as the many knives she undoubtedly held in her loose coat. He sighed, resigning himself, and followed her shoulders through the twisting corridors of the hulking ship. He trailed his fingers along the edging, Thesusian in his touch. When he was in her office, and the door snapped shut behind him with a hiss of air, he had already resigned himself to losing his job. 

She sat behind her desk, observing him as he stood to attention, eyes focused on the seal on the wall above her head. “Lance.” She pulled out a file, flicking through it. “You’re something of a discipline case. Skilled enough, potential is there...” She shut it with a snap, and leaned forward. “So why do you keep fucking up?”

He double-took, startled. “Uh, excuse me ma’am?” 

“The universe has been handed to you on a silver platter. Good last name, pretty face, natural skill. And yet here you are, with a middling rank and a number of black marks against your name.” She looked at him, purple eyes compassionless. “I knew your mother, you know. Brilliant woman.” Her eyes flickered to his clenched fists. “The Imperium is poorer without her.” “She isn’t dead.” He spits the words out from behind gritted teeth. The officer doesn’t recoil, but seems to retrace her words, correcting some assumptions. 

“Well. No. You are quite right.” Never officially declared dead. There had been no ashes, no casket. No closure. “But the point is, you are squandering a legacy given to you freely. Don’t ruin her name because you can’t get your shit together.” She set her jaw. “Now, go and sleep it off in your dorm. We’re not due to need you, and even if we did, you’re in no fit state.” 

He went, but sleep didn’t come. Instead he flicked open his altitude meter, with the picture tucked inside.

Briefing

They came around slowly, their blood still splattered across the tiles below them. What people don’t realise about miracle healing is even if their wounds were sewn up, it still hurt. Servitors were not miracle workers. Just because they weren’t dying didn’t mean the wound didn’t exist. Argento however... He was still standing, though his clothes were stained, his skin whole and unsullied. Cal’s was now full of staples, stitches and cauterisation. It hurt to breathe. 

The Inqusitor was gone, but the ghosts remained, and Cal was still shaking, from cold, shock or fear. Argento helped them to their feet, but had to keep an arm around them, as Cal couldn’t quite support themselves. Looking at the pattern of red pooling where they had lay, they knew logically it was probably blood loss that had taken strength from their limbs. But psykers were often superstitious, and they couldn’t help but think this hall had taken some strength for itself. 

Argento was mumbling something about sleep, his tone a little awe-struck. The two missionaries helped them make their way to their cabin, where they fell onto their bunk, exhausted, their clothes still wet with viscera and blood. They’d need new ones. The light clicked off, the door hissed shut. They were left alone, in blissful quiet. 

They didn’t know what just happened, not really. Just that something had been decided for them, and they were powerless to resist it.

Autoseance 

Their limbs moved as though being tugged on with puppet strings. A voice spoke that was their own, but  it was not their words. They were a passenger in their own body. It was not a pleasant sensation. Terror surged through them, a worry that they would not get their body back, and it would be divorced from them for always.They would continue to be an observer. 

Would that not also be a little relief? No decisions, no choices, nothing but watching. Nothing would be their responsibility. Nothing would be their fault. Maybe, bit by bit, their mind would fade away, their physical form a gift given to someone else. It wasn’t that they wanted to die, not in a traditional way. They would not end things themselves - they were property after all, it was not their choice to make. 

But if they could fade quietly, by someone else’s hand, no blaze of glory, no horrid pain, no agonising final last words. Just this ending. But then, the mind dominating theirs was gone, into some other unfortunate that was clearly fighting much much harder. Relief and regret flowed through them. 

The Story of a Secret - Empire

Once upon a time, twins were born in a castle made of bones and gold. They were not the first pair, and they would surely not be the last. Their father was the ruler of the castle and on the day of their birth, the fountains flowed with gold and wine, and the flowers bloomed brightly. Their father held them both, and told them they must be great, or they would bring shame to him. 

Their childhood was both happy and unhappy. They got everything they desired and also were worked so hard it hurt. They spent their days sparring, gardening, whispering secrets, hunting and trying to prove they could outdo each other. Their father pretended not to watch, but watch he did. As their personalities developed, so did his favouritism. Julienne could often be found sneaking into his study, sitting and reading as he did his duties. He was frightened of him, the tall draughir with veins as black as coal. But she loved him too, his grandness and his malicious intelligence. The only thing he loved more than him, was his dear twin. 

Their childhood took a turn for the worst as their mother fled, afraid of what she saw in her earl. The twins cared not for the woman, but this marked the real start of their trials. Their father became more tempestuous by the day, and his cruelty increased. He encouraged the competition between them, pushed them to breaking point. The house slunk around him, attempting to avoid his wrath. Julienne attempted to sooth him, to varying levels of effect. They loved him still, wanted to impress him, to make him proud. 

Finally, he did something that broke his heart, and he found himself unable to reside in the castle for a short while, unable to look on their father’s or their would be sweetheart’s face. They went away and achieved great things, and came back with scars and Pride. When they came back, their father was worse than ever, and even Julienne was struggling to find some humanity in him. His lineage had conquered him completely. 

He died on the battlefield, a sword through his chest. They arrived with enough time to hold him, and to weep, but not enough time to save him. This is where the secret began, though Julienne did not know it at the time. They would not learn it until years later, when they themselves had veins as black as coal and eyes as red as blood.

The secret made them feel their grief and sorrow all over again, now tempered with the rage of a draughir. They felt cheated, excluded, isolated and furious. They took their knife and stabbed their twin, until they themselves were cut down. And then, during the trial, with both their wounds bound, they created another secret, made up of all the lies they had told to protect the thing they loved most in the world - their twin.

Ship That Left Port by Itself - Green Cloaks

The barracks was lively, partially because they had been cooped up by the bad weather all day. The driving rain had made all but the most basic reconnaissance impossible, and the energy of the company had built and built. Gwen was threatening to gut Owyn, Trelawny Jr would not stop his whistling as he polished his boots, and Merryn (talking with Leo) laughed frequently and loudly. Trelawny Sr was clearly two seconds away from reprimanding the lot of them as he tried to do the requisite paperwork. He was aware of his own rising irritation, and knowing his family well, he also knew of a solution. A word in Scott’s ear and he had pulled up a chair into the center of the room. The spotlight suited him, and the company quietened down as they saw him gearing up for a story. 

“The Company of the Just were a pro-active group from a long while ago. More so than us, and that’s saying something as we know. In both age and proactivity. They didn’t focus on mercy, obviously. Guess what they liked? So, they travelled to enact their justice all over Durgan. They would go to places where the corruption was deepest, and put it right. Sometimes they could be a little bloody about it, we wouldn’t like to have drinks with them, let’s put it that way, but they were good at heart. They had their enemies of course, as all good folk do, but they were good at being objective.

There had been some trouble over the sea. Which sea it was doesn’t matter, only that is was angry and wine-dark. The company decided even though it was far away, and the sea was unkind, that was where they were needed so that is where they would go. They packed up their bags, and each other, and sailed for a week before reaching their destination. When they arrived, they found it in a worse state than anticipated. The temples were empty, with windows smashed and ruined. The people had turned selfish, as it turned out the crime committed that drew them there initially had stoked the fires of their anger. They blamed the temples for not preventing it, for not foreseeing it coming. The Company had come at a bad time.

They slept in the ruin of their temple that night, hoping to evade the crowds long enough to figure out a plan. But again, they underestimated the situation they were in. While they slept, the rabble crept out to the docks, and put flame to their ship. It went up easily, ash and sparks rising to the night sky. They then crept into the temple, and killed all those who slumbered within it.” 

All was quiet. Leo reached out and caught his brother’s hand, squeezing. 

“Now, like all good temple acolytes, they had wanted to be buried in the dust of their hometown, or their ashes dropped into the sea that lapped at the shore. Here, their bodies were left unburied and unmourned. The rabble assumed their bodies would fall into ruin like the temple, and they should think no more of it. But then, something peculiar happened. For two weeks afterwards, the people slept poorly. Not because of the weight of their conscience for they had no such thing, but because there was a manner of noise. Sawing, hammering, and thudding, as though something was dropping from a height. When they investigated though, nothing could be found, and the noise went quiet. They were tired and confused, and their anger was wearing off, leaving in them a great sadness instead. Those who are angry are actually usually hurting in some way, after all. 

Anyway, these weeks past, and one day the village was awoken with a tremendous splash. They rushed to the docks, and saw a great ship starting to set sail. Wind billowed in it’s sails though no wind could be felt on shore. And they heard laughter and joy, though they could see no crew. The sword of justice was painted clearly on the sails though, and the boat looked like it was coming from whence it came, as if returning home.”

Friendly Fire

The gun felt too heavy, even braced against his shoulder it made his arm ache. It didn’t help that the gun was scarcely shorter than him. He sighed, switched hands, shook his arm out. Leo watched him, matched his sigh before pushing off the tree and taking a stance behind him, guiding his arms back up. 

“It’s alright, I got it.” 

“No, you haven’t.” His brother corrected. “You’ve been struggling for the last twenty minutes.” “What would you know about guns? You’re a bloody medic.” This was not an insult, far from it. Simply a pointing out of different knowledge bases. Leo was a fine medic, with delicate hands and the bedside manner of an angel. Owyn had never once seen him lose his cool, or even seem flustered. He envied that, as he envied so many things about his older brother. 

“Wasn’t always.” Leo said, mildly enough, tipping his elbow so it was straighter. “I did some gun training. Even was good at it for a while.”

“What made you stop?” He cocked it, satisfied as always by the dull clunks and clicks. There was something soothing about the predictability of a machine - it only messed up if you made it mess up. 

“I didn’t have the stomach for it.” He stepped back and shrugged. “I can’t hurt thins. Even if it’s necessary sometimes.”

Owyn laughed a little. “The most merciful amongst us Leo.” He pulled the trigger, and smiled, a hole ripping through the target. Almost dead center. 

Fresh Meat

No matter how much they eat, it wasn’t enough. He ripped into the deer flesh with his nails, pulling out the muscles and sinew with only a little effort, and raising up the dripping meat to his mouth, and chewing it raw. He knew logically he must be full. He had been crouching in the snow and eating for almost an hour now. But still the hunger persisted. It would not be sated.

With a colossal effort, he stood, wiping his hands clean in the surrounding frost. He didn’t feel the cold. He hadn’t in so very long. His surcoat was splattered with gore and viscera. That couldn’t be helped. He would go back to the farm and terrify a servant into scrubbing the blood from his clothes before any of the Order saw. The shame of their lineage grew and grew, and was unrelenting in its fierceness. They could tell nobody of their weakness, and nobody of their fear.

Unless.

Unless they could. An image came to mind of a hood, of black surcoats and red lanterns. They needed help. They needed it before their reflection became their fathers, before they could see nothing for the hunger. 

They walked out the woods, tired, weary. They spent a lot of time asleep or hunting nowadays. They longed for the golden skulls and winding rooms of their home. They missed their pack with a pain that was almost physical. And still that question, grinding away in their head - “Why?” Why had they been exiled? Orlene always had a plan, but this time Julien couldn’t see the steps or the logic. Clearly they had done something terribly wrong, or something was happening they needed to be tucked out the way for. But what?

And where was Jacques? Or their father - whichever it had been at the time. He was furious at himself for missing him, for wanting him, for wondering if he was thinking of him as frequently. Furious, but not surprised. Their emotions, when they felt them, were a frightening, tempestuous thing. 

As they walked into the cottage, they attracted looks and frightened whispers. Good. Fear was as good as love and a great deal better than being liked.

Lost and Found

There was a portrait of his father. Small, barely the size of his palm. He was not smiling in it, his mouth turned down in a characteristic frown. His hair was a little over-long, brown curls falling into his eyes. His eyes were striking though, even from behind the curls. They were a dark but unmistakeable green, and the artist had captured the thought behind them. Ancel remembered his father best in thought, quiet and calm. It was not that he was not a passionate man. Quite the opposite - it was that he was either completely calm or a storm. He consisted of extremes. He loved as deeply as he hated, and broke things with the same hands that once nursed a small bird back to health after his son begged him to. 

Ancel wondered if he resembled him in any way. If his manner echoed the man he had lost so young. He wasn’t sure which he would prefer. He was condemned for his blood already, he didn’t need more condemnation. But on the other hand, of all his father’s work, only he remained. He could pretend all he liked, but he could not erase that. Did he choose legacy or safety? 

Sleeping In Their Arms

Once, they slept in beds that were tangled with other people. Small and light, they often slept curled on Baris’s chest, making the most of the tiny amount of space they could carve out for themselves. It was often too hot, but the arm slung around them was a comfort. When they had seperate shifts, Cal often found themselves fraught, tossing and turning until a weight returned to the mattress.

They said goodbye to that on the Black Ships. Sleep came for only an hour or so at a time, and they pressed themselves into the loneliest, most isolated corners they could, wishing for nothing more than to become invisible, to not exist at all. They got by by hiding, by talking and looking at nobody. Loneliness was their armour and they held it tight. 

They had slept alone for almost a decade now. They covered every inch of skin they could find. Their rooms were built for one. They flinched from touch, especially embraces. On the Lord’s Confidence this had been a problem. So many people had expected affection, social convention, even showing offence when they flinched away. It had been Hellish.

 And then in the last few months... That had changed. They had found people who didn’t frighten them in quite the same way. They accepted a hug from Silvestro. Bridge had held them, and they had let him. Nic had done even more than that, and Cal had curled against him, his arms around them, basking in the flicker of warmth that begun.

And now, even further, this. Anoretta’s head rested gently against Cal’s, her thoughts idly drifting into Cal’s head occasionally. They held hands, Cal occasionally tracing patterns on the back of Anoretta’s hand. They were wrapped up in each other, and Cal realised, foggily, they were falling asleep. And they were letting themselves. They felt like they were baring their throat to a pack of wolves, so great the vulnerability. 

They squeezed her hand, and closed their eyes.

[lost-your-memory]

#9 - Wake up call

(Mon-El is mentioned here to follow the BULLSHIT canon but it goes better I promise)

The ringtone is loud and unnerving. She groans and try to grab her phone but she misses and the device falls on the floor with a dull tud. She swears inwardly and lean over the edge of the mattress to finally get a hold of her phone and the name on the screen makes her heart race and her eyes widen. Her reflexes finally kicks in and she picks up. She’s trying to compose herself as she sits up on the bed, covering her body with the sheet at the same time but her voice is still hesitant and surprised when she speaks. “Miss … Miss Grant?”

“Still stuttering I see, Kiera. One would think that after a few months playing reporter, you’d be more comfortable with words.” The tone is sharp and cutting and Kara, after working for the woman for so long, recognizes the anger behind the words. She feels a little dizzy because it’s been months since she last heard from Cat and she’s confused as to why the former CEO of CatCo is calling her. “Is … Is everything okay? Can I help you with something?” She tries as she gets up to pull on some clothes. The man in the bed beside her only groans and turn around and she doesn’t pay him any attention. “As a matter of fact, yes Kiera. You can explain to me what the hell is happening at CatCo Worldwide Media, an empire I worked damn hard to built from scratches, sacrificing so many things along the way.” The voice is low but the words are burning with anger and Kara hears the faint sound of footstep coming and going in the background. Cat is pacing and that alone tells Kara she is truly, truly angry. “I’m sorry? What do you mean what’s happening at CatCo?” Kara asks with a frown because she truly doesn’t know what her former boss is talking about. To be honest, the past few weeks have been dull and slow and she hasn’t paid any attention to anything, really. Every day was the same boring routine and even Alex seemed busy elsewhere. Well, that may have something to do with her latest love interest, if she can still call him that. “It tells a lot that you don’t even know what I am referring to.” This time, Cat’s snappish comment hurts and she wants to reply that it’s unfair of Cat to say something like that when she’s been the one to leave her own company but habits die hard and she keeps her mouth shut. “Snapper sent me an email a few days ago, telling me he was considering quitting. Obviously, I wasn’t going to let my best, although insufferable, reporter go to the competition so I called him and I didn’t like a single word of what he told me.” Kara knows she should probably feel more concerned about this and she bites her bottom lip to refrain herself from sighing. “He said that James Olsen doesn’t seem at all invested in his position as a CEO, which wasn’t truly a surprise but when he told me that the new director of MY company showed up late at a board meeting last week with a black eyes and ran the entire meeting while looking at his phone and only to excuse himself before the end … Well. You worked for me for two years so I let you imagine my reaction.” Cat’s pacing was becoming frantic and Kara had to move her phone away from her ear to be able to dissociate the familiar echo of heels on hard wooden floor from the voice of her former boss. Cat’s tone was low and cold and Kara almost winced at it. “However, that’s not what made me truly, truly angry. No, what did the trick was when I asked about his team, about you. He told me you were an okay reporter.” Cat stopped to take a breath and Kara frowned, not seeing the point of this little speech. “An okay reporter. In what world is it acceptable for you, Kara Danvers, to be an okay reporter when you could be the new shining star of this city? I did not promote you for you to pull off some kind of Rory Gilmore bullshit.” Kara almost smiled at the reference. She knows Cat is fond of that show since the very beginning and of course she would have used her spare time to catch up and the new episodes on Netflix. Still, the snarky comment hits his target. For almost a whole minute, she doesn’t say anything, simply listening to Cat’s breathing and to the sound of heels hurting the wood underneath them. She’s been so lost after Cat’s departure. She was hurting and everything was off-balance and wrong and she struggled to find a new lifestyle. One that quickly lost its interest, she can’t deny it. Even though the job itself was everything she wanted to, she got tired of encountering walls everywhere. With Snapper, who still doesn’t respect her as a person, with James who doesn’t understand her point of view on his being the Guardian, with Winn who takes James’s defense, with Mon-El when he rejected everything she was trying to teach him and even though she eventually agreed that he needed to find his own path on Earth, they had some nasty arguments about him having feelings for her and wanting to defend her and treating her like some kind of precious trophy. She got tired of struggling on every front and the void in her life was growing bigger and bigger every day and eventually, she gave up. She stopped putting all her heart into her job and she stopped fighting with James and Winn and she even let Mon-El get closer and closer until they became some kind of couple. She wasn’t entirely convinced and it didn’t feel right but she was tired of being alone and she thought that maybe, maybe this would help to get rid of this sickening feeling of emptiness. Alex got angry when she realized what had happened, after all that ridiculous buzz caused by this absurd villain with an unpronounceable name, and they had a massive argument about Mon-El. Deep down, Kara knows that Alex is absolutely right but she was tired of being told what she could or couldn’t do, what she should or shouldn’t think, she was tired of hurting, of feeling lonely and depressed and wrong. Mon-El was here and, for all the wrong reasons and she knows it, she let it happen. She feels tired and angry and now, her former boss is calling to lecture her about how she lives her life. “You know what, Miss Grant? You got some nerves to call on a Sunday morning to take all of your anger on me.” She hears the gasp escaping from Cat’s lips but she doesn’t stop. “You left, a year ago. You left CatCo, you left National City, you left ME.” She almost spits the last word because it still hurts. “I adapted, even though you know I don’t do well with change. I adapted and I tried to find a balance but you have no idea what’s been going on on my life. Because, you never called. You never called. You left and you said you would come back and so far you never did and I had to deal with a lot of bad things and all you do is call and lecture me about how I’m not good enough, how I’m not up to your expectations? Guess what, you are not entitled to anything I do anymore. This might me brand new information for you, I know, but you gave up that right when you left.” She paces too now, moving across her living room and keeping her voice controlled and low, partially because she doesn’t want Mon-El to listen, partially because she’s learned from the best that raising her voice isn’t as efficient as staying calm and collected. “So no, Miss Grant. I am not pulling off any Rory Gilmore bullshit like you so eloquently put it. I am living my life the best I can and you don’t get to say anything about it. You don’t get to call me out of the blue to tell me I’m not a good reporter and that you are disappointed in me. If this is a professional issue, I’m sure Snapper will be all too happy to fire me since he didn’t get to hire me in the first place but if it’s anything else, you can keep it for yourself, I don’t need, nor I want to hear it.” She stops talking and she realizes she’s slightly out of breath and her mouth is dry. She quickly goes to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water, waiting for her former boss to say something or to hang up. “What happened to you, Kara?” The tone is soft, barely a whisper but it’s the name that slips through the cracks of Kara’s broken soul. It’s overflowing her with memories and souvenirs and it fills the holes in her life, in her mind and in her heart in a way she thought wasn’t possible and so she breaks. She breaks and she weeps. She weeps all over again, for the little girl who witnessed the destruction of her whole world, for the teenager who had to grow up on a planet that gave her powers she couldn’t use, for the young woman who realized she could never be truly happy with someone for so many reasons, for the young woman who struggled to find a balance between being a hero, being an assistant, being a sister, having a crush and so much hope. She weeps for all she was and all she could have been and never became. She weeps for her parents and the disillusions that came with learning what they did, she weeps for Astra, the aunt she loved so deeply and who betrayed her, she weeps for the cousin she couldn’t protect when he first landed on Earth, she weeps for the same man who just handled her to the Danvers, she weeps for the loss of Jeremiah and the pain it caused to Eliza and Alex, she weeps for Alex who had to grow up with a strange alien sister and without a caring, loving father. She weeps for what she’d became instead, the pale shadow of herself, the dull reporter who doesn’t take her job seriously, the distant sister who refuses to deal with conflict, the pale imitation of a girlfriend who doesn’t love the man she pretends to love, the empty superhero who goes to save the world without hope or purpose. She breaks. Cat’s voice is soft and gentle in her ears and even though she can’t make the words Cat’s saying, she listens. It’s familiar and grounding, like an old lullaby. She listens and her breath starts to slow and her tears begins to run dry and eventually, eventually she stops crying altogether. “I’m sorry.” She whispers, not knowing exactly what she is apologizing for. It’s an habit and like all the others, it’s one that’s hard to kill. “There you are, Kiera. Apologizing for nothing and everything.” The barb lacks sharpness and Kara knows it’s meant to lighten the mood. It does, she smiles. “I’m coming home by the end of the week, Kara. Would you like to meet me for a coffee, when you’re free? That way, you can catch me up on everything I missed at CatCo. And … maybe your life, too.” The last words are shy and soft and Kara’s taken aback by the offer but she doesn’t have to think. The words are out of her mouth before she can even form them. “I would love to.” She answers and she feels something warm settle in her body, wraps around her like a blanket. A feeling, something she can’t describe but that tells her everything is going to be okay. “Good. I’ll send you the details by text. Oh and Kiera. Don’t be late.” Cat hangs up and Kara lets out a chuckle. Everything is falling back in place and suddenly, it’s like everything is right again. She stares at her bedroom door for a while. It’s time for her to turn her life around. All it took for her to realize it was a call from Cat Grant.

[r3almellow]

Nothing More Chapter 4

A/N: It has just occurred to me that this chapter was never posted on here. I keep doing this and I’m sorry!

Rating: M

Ship: Nalu

Series: Fairy Tail

Chapter 1 Chapter 2  Chapter 3

xxx

Friday soon reared its beautiful head and by the end of the day Lucy was ready enjoy the next couple of days at home. Lucy found walking to be a really good thing. It made up for the fact that she would rather eat her way to happiness, instead of going to the gym like a normal person. Having an apartment that was about a ten-minute walk away also played within her favor. It was partially the reason why she decided to work late on this very night.

However, there was unsettling feeling that Lucy could not get rid of. Halfway into her stroll she felt as if she was being watched. It was almost as if someone was waiting for the right moment to pounce. It was then she became hyperaware of her surroundings. While the streets were not completely deserted, Lucy did not want to leave anything up to chance.

It was a message from Erza. Lucy had almost forgotten she had sent out a text to her friend earlier in the day, asking to meet up over the weekend.

Erza: Meet me at Fairy Tail tomorrow morning.

With her intention to respond, Lucy had not noticed an oncoming stranger and soon found herself colliding with the person's chest. She rubs her nose slightly trying to soothe the faint pain that lingered.

"Sorry about that I-Dan?" Before her stood, Dan Straight, former captain of the Magnolia Knights and Lucy's ex-boyfriend. The two had met during Lucy's junior year of college and had dated for almost a year before Dan moved away. They both, mostly Dan, believed a long distance relationship would never work for them and mutually broke things off.

The brown haired man smiled widely at Lucy. "Lucy, fancy meeting you in these parts!"

She returns his smile with one of her own. "I didn't know you were back in Magnolia."

"I just flew in today for business thought I'd see the sights." He gives her a good glance over, causing the blonde to blush slightly. "Is it possible for me to think that you've gotten even more beautiful since the last time I saw you?"

The blush deepened on her delicate cheeks. "You've always been a sweetheart, Dan."

"For a pretty lady such as you I just can't help myself." Lucy pushes a few strands of her hair behind her ear and laughs. "It was really nice seeing you again, but I really have to get home."

"Wait! I know this is sudden, but would you like to go out for coffee? Maybe we could catch up?" His request completely caught Lucy off guard.

"That's sweet of you to ask but… I… uh… well…" It had been awhile since Lucy went out on an actual date. The string of luck she had with men really wasn't something she was proud to speak of. They were either only after her money or sex and sometimes both. Dan was a bit different. He treated her like a princess throughout their entire relationship. He gave her flowers, bought her things she really didn't need and was more than supportive of her interests.

"Do we have a problem?" A male voice called out.

Lucy looks past Dan to see a tall young man with jet black hair, who had an evident scowl on his face. Next to him stood a woman with blue hair that almost reminded Lucy of Levy's, but it wasn't as dark. Her expression on the other hand was one filled with worry. "Gray? Juvia?"

Dan folds his arms over his chest, completely unmoved by the death glare Gray sent his way. "Not that it's any of your business, but Lucy and I were in the middle of a conversation, Fullbuster."

"Lucy is always going to be my business and from the looks of it, she doesn't want anything to do with you, Straight."

Lucy's friends never cared for Dan in the slightest. Gray Fullbuster happened to be one of the more vocal ones who greatly disapproved of their relationship. Gray was very protective of Lucy when it came to the men in her life. It was never in a jealous boyfriend kind of way, but more like an older brother. He made it perfectly clear that if any of them so much as made her cry, they'd be in the hospital in a heartbeat.

Dan gave an annoyed sigh before turning his gaze back to Lucy. "It seems we'll have to cut our meeting short, beautiful. I'll be at the Legion Corps building all week if you want to talk." And just like that he was gone, leaving the three friends behind.

"Thanks," Lucy said with a sigh of relief.

Gray shrugged, placing his hands in his pockets. "Don't mention it. You know I can't stand that guy."

Juvia locked her arms closer around Gray's, pulling herself closer to him. "Juvia has never been very fond of him either. He always gave weird looks in my direction…"

"Dan has always been a weird one," Lucy said, giving Juvia an apologetic look.

"Want us to walk you home?" Gray finally asked before motioning to the direction of her apartment.

Lucy waves them off. "You guys don't have to do that for little old me."

Juvia shook her head. "It's no trouble! Juvia wants to make sure Lucy gets home safe."

"Yeah, with all these random kidnappings, there's no telling who's next." Gray added.

They both had a point and right now, Lucy wasn't ready to deal with anyone else. She wasn't completely defenseless, but if men half her size had become victims to these kidnappings, then a good Lucy Kick wouldn't mean a damn thing. She took the couple up on their offer and they soon began their walk to Lucy's apartment.

The trek to the apartment wasn't as unnerving with Gray and Juvia to keep Lucy company. Gray spoke of his grueling hours in front of cameras for his latest photoshoot. The modeling world wasn't really his scene, as he would much rather put his artistic abilities to better use. His father was an ice sculptor, known for his intricate designs and attention to detail. Gray had hoped to follow in his footsteps, but it seemed as if fate had different plans for him.

He had a horrible habit of discarding his clothes at inopportune moments. In the middle of a fight with Natsu? He was practically half naked. Trying to convince cops you weren't trying to have a skinny dipping party on private property? Stark naked. Once you get over the initial shock it was really a normal thing for him to be without clothing. Not that many complained; his body was a work of art all on its own. Gray took pride in his appearance and if he wasn't at the gym, he was doing other things to keep his body in check. Which is how he was scouted by a modeling agency halfway into college. A body someone could bounce quarters off of and had no problem stripping? The modeling world ate him right up.

Lucy knew Gray couldn't complain too much because if it weren't for the job he had now, his relationship with Juvia wouldn't have flourished like it did. The mild mannered young woman did everything in her power to get Gray to notice her. After a little perseverance and a bit of jealousy, the pair made their relationship official. Lucy made a mental note to ask Juvia for tips for future relationships later on.

Once they made it to the large apartment building, Lucy bade the couple goodnight and made her way inside. Reaching into her humble abode, Lucy turned on the lights and rested her things on the nearby counter.

"What took you so long?" A more than familiar voice mumbled, causing Lucy to cover her mouth to suppress a scream. There on her couch laid Natsu and a blue bundle of fur she deduced to be Happy casually laying on his chest. The two of them looked quite comfortable laying there, as if it was completely normal for them to passed out on her couch.

"What are you doing here? How did you eve- I don't want to know." Natsu, who still had his eyes closed, shifted slightly on the couch and yawned. Happy sat up from his spot on Natsu's chest once he heard Lucy's voice and trotted over to nuzzle himself against her, purring softly. Sure, he was craving for her affection now, but when he got too comfortable he was a major brat.

"We're giving you one last chance," Natsu said tiredly. "Either you play a role in your son's life or suffer the consequences."

Lucy looked at Natsu in disbelief. Was he trying to turn this into a custody battle over his cat? She picked Happy up and carried him back to his owner. She lightly tossed the cat back onto Natsu's chest, earning a groan from the man. He scrunched his face up and opened one eye to see Lucy staring down at him with a look of discontent.

"First of all, I'm not his mother. I don't know where you got that idea from. Second, you're the one who stopped coming by. I'm not traveling uptown just to feed Happy or you for that matter. That is not my job." She mumbled that last part and looked away with a huff.

Natsu sat up and frowned. "I didn't stop coming by. You were avoiding me, remember?" Lucy huffed and walked into her bedroom to change into comfortable clothing, completely ignoring his retort.

"We made a verbal agreement to take care of Happy. You gotta take care of me so I can take care of him." That almost made sense. Too bad this was Natsu and he never made sense. She reemerged from her room clad in only a pink tank top and red sweatpants.

"Lisanna made that agreement void when she became your girlfriend." Lucy had hoped her statement didn't sound as bitter as it did to her; thankfully the pout that was etched on Natsu's face told her he didn't pick up on it.

"All we want is a nice home cooked meal. Is that so wrong?"

"Why is it my job to give that to you? Besides, I haven't gone grocery shopping yet so you're out of luck."

"We stocked your fridge with stuff, so no excuses." He let out another yawn.

She looked at him in confusion. "You what?"

"Check it out," he said while falling back onto the couch.

There was no way Natsu took it upon himself to buy food just so she could cook for him. She couldn't have been more wrong. Her fridge and pantry were completely full of her usual snacks and other edible items that ranged from meat to milk.

"How…?" She asked in disbelief.

He looked over at her as if she had six heads. "With money?" He made it sound like that was the obvious answer. "And I've been here for hours, so I had to pass the time somehow."

She was still in complete awe at the amount of ingredients and snacks that filled her kitchen. "This is… I… Wait, did you spend almost all your money on food for me?"

"Who said all of that is for you? Kind of selfish, Luigi." There was a sound of hurt in his voice, but Lucy paid it no mind.

She glares over at him from the kitchen. "I can't stand you!"

"And yet here we are." He grinned, finally taking it upon himself to get off of the couch. Happy leaped off of him and made his way to some unknown part of the apartment. With little to no effort, Natsu finally managed to convince his friend to attend to his wants.

In about an hour, they had found themselves sitting around Lucy's small dining table eating while Happy preoccupied himself with cut up pieces of fish in a small bowl. Natsu practically inhaled his meal as Lucy carefully ate her own food. All of her training on proper etiquette was still embedded within her; there was no way she could ever eat the way her friend did.

Looking over at him cautiously, Lucy bit down on her bottom lip. There were unanswered questions she had for Natsu and maybe this was the perfect time to ask.

"Lisanna left this morning, right? How are you taking it?"

His dinner seemed to be a hell of a lot more interesting than she was, but he managed to answer her all the same. "I'm not crying over it if that's what you're asking."

Her eyes narrow at him. "I'm not expecting you to cry. She's going to be gone for a long period of time. Doesn't… doesn't that bother you? If it were me I'd want to call her at least once a day. Or visit her as much as I could.

"Are you even listening to me?" He looked up at her for a minute with his mouth still full of food and blinked blankly.

"Got any seconds?" He asked.

Lucy pinched the bridge of her nose together and sighed. "Why do I even bother?" She pushed her own plate over to him and with no hesitation, Natsu devoured what was left on the plate.

Natsu leaned back in his chair and happily pat his stomach. "Can me and Happy spend the night?"

"You're already here so might as well." She sighed.

Natsu stared at her in disbelief. "You're not gonna fight me on it?"

Lucy shrugged. "What's the point? You're just going to do the opposite of what I say."

"You know me so well." She rolled her eyes at that and got up to clear the table.

"You still got some of my stuff here?" During his many visits, Natsu had a tendency of leaving his clothes whenever he slept over. It was to the point that Lucy decided it best to keep them in a separate drawer for occasions like this. Did Lisanna even know about their sleepovers? That would probably be a weird conversation to bring up. "They're right where they always are and I think I still have your old toothbrush." Was her reply. She looked behind her to Natsu had already walked off to find his clothes.

Ten minutes had past when Lucy had not heard from the man and went to check on him. Halfway across the apartment loud snores emitted from her room. Did he really pass out in her bed? There was no need for any further questions when the answer stared her in the face. There he was, almost in the same position she found him in earlier, fast asleep in her bed with Happy curled up at his side. Drool slowly rolling from his mouth to his cheek and his hair already showed signs of bed head. The sight alone made Lucy want to giggle softly to herself.

As much as they were a bother from time to time, Lucy had to admit that she missed having Natsu and Happy around. Having solitude in this spacious apartment wasn't all that it was cracked up to be.

Lucy walked over to the opposite side of the bed and carefully sat next to the duo. She smiled softly and reached over to gently caress Natsu's salmon colored locks. She used to joke about them being pink, only to have Natsu become adamant about his hair being salmon. A small smile formed on Natsu's lips and he leaned into her caresses. This time Lucy did giggle. That had to be the cutest thing she had seen in a long time. He reminded her too much of a kitten in this state. It was odd to compare Natsu to anything adorable when he was like a fire breathing dragon, especially when provoked, but in this moment, he looked so vulnerable.

What was it like to see this side him? What was it like to see the sweet side of Natsu Dragneel and know that all that he did and will do was because he loved you? Was it wrong to want to know the feeling of being with him, waking up to him, and being loved by him? There were many nights Lucy thought of his arms wrapped around her in a loving embrace as if to protect her from the rest of the world.

"She's so lucky," Lucy said softly as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

Why was this so hard?

Xxx

A/N: Done! *collapses* Hope you enjoyed this part and get ready for chapter 5! It'll be in Natsu's POV! *gasps* Maybe we can find out why he's not really talking about Lisanna? Have you guys noticed that? And will we see more of Dan? Maybe?! Stay tuned for more stuff coming soon!

[ashnadir]

thisbrutalbelle‌:

           Bella’s bottom lip pressed out ever so slightly as Iann agreed that she was misguided about him in a lot of ways, her top lip tensing in displeasure, it was an odd sort of look as she stared down at the bat listening to him. Obviously he continued before Bellamy said anything, quite intent on actually understanding why it felt like she could rarely do right by him on an emotional level.

            Fact was, Bellamy did see Iann through rose coloured glasses and to some degree she knew this. What was the harm in seeing someone in a nicer light when they had done so much for you? But perhaps how strong Iann was when it came to staying by her side had completely voided her of any notion that Iann felt negatively about himself. Even when he had told her of his dark thoughts before he had focused on the supernatural she didn’t totally envision Iann not liking himself though subjectively it had to be rather clear to others Iann felt this way. As much as Bella wanted to scream ‘you’re not my real dad,’ partially as a joke, she did see him unabashedly like one and who really wanted to think the person they looked up to, who stood by them always and protected them from the worst would think such things.

         “I like,…most of the time, that you’re and old difficult bastard,” she insisted, which was not in question but came out anyway. “I like talking about you, too. Disregarding rankings and who I’d go to for what, you’ve always been here for me, even when you had so many reasons not to be. Why wouldn’t I want to talk about you?”

         The bat’s mouth opened wider until it was practically devouring Bella’s finger. “I don’t mean to get stuff wrong in a way that makes you upset but…really I’m not being serious all of the time, or trying to genuinely simplify who you are. I know everyone is more complicated than that, so I don’t just think you’re some magically beloved human who dictates someone’s worth based on their skill and species, I’m exaggerating and being facetious.” She reached out with her hand that held her edelweiss cigarette and poked him being her index finger. “I should probably try and be more observant of when you are also being humorous. I’m putting most of the blame on your age though.” She smirked at him, mood hopefully lightening.

         “I’m fine,” she insisted and though she smirked it was only half true. She did feel badly still, because she didn’t like thinking Iann felt like she didn’t really know him. Bella had been trying to do what she could to make Iann happy, to be close to him and it felt like every effort she made was only pushing him further and further away from her. A simple fear she was dulling him lately had become her actively doing things that were wrong. “I just don’t want to lose you because I’m still messing up.”

        Bella’s lips pulled to the side, holding in her features as she prepared to take another drag of her cigarette once her emotions were pull back in to check, she couldn’t just start crying over something so trivial because she’d allowed her illness to take hold of her emotions and run with them. “It’s probably going to die,” she lamented dramatically before chuckling, inhaling snot with her contained tears, no having fallen.

        The bat itself seemed fine, crawling up Bellamy’s arm. “It seems fine, I think perhaps I just need to keep reading and accept I have a companion for a while. Plus, maybe Boss will decide to eat it and I guess that’ll be fate or, you know, an excuse for me to not feel badly it died on my watch.” Soon it was in her hair, as it had enjoyed being in the cave.

       Feeling it’s fur on her neck she giggled, the ticklish feeling helping with her mood. “Wait - you said the human-supernatural-animal thing is complicated? What do you mean?” she asked, not totally understanding what Iann meant he was having difficulties with. 

The irony of Bellamy, which Iann had learned in some increments before, was that it was difficult for her to accept any sort of praise or kind words herself.  She would either refute it and/or then slam herself in some way, joking or otherwise.  Anything to diffuse the praise that she didn’t feel she deserved.  And then she would go ahead and lavish praise on her loved ones, whether it was rose-tinted or not, or real or not.  It was real to her, and praise was subjective. 

What neither of them realized was that it was a sort of like-father, like-daughter moment in that way.  They rejected kind compliments, with that ever-underlying thought that ‘you don’t know what I can really do, but thanks I guess’.  Iann was suspicious of their subjectivity, and Bellamy simply had a hard time seeing her own worth to others.  Then they turned around and doled out admiration to others. 

The same tactics, but handled and delivered in completely different ways.  Was it any surprise then, that they clashed so constantly on this dynamic?  Too similar, and too different a delivery at the same time.

“Go talk about me then!  Go be a Bard for Iann Cardero, learn to play a lute and travel the world singing my praises and telling tall tales about how I helped out a poor girl in need.  If you gotta sing them at me too then fine, but I might disagree with your songs.”  Iann said, putting on a grouchy demeanour, but there was a smile playing in the corners of his mouth and crinkles of his eyes.

“You’d make such a cute bard too.  And a lot of them were spies.”

He nodded, and gave a lackadasical shrug on the matter of Bellamy’s issue with being wrong or right or facetious or not.  For Iann, it was fine - but then he wasn’t the one who was being told he was wrong.  Then again, Iann didn’t mind being wrong as much as Bellamy seemed. 

“Why’s it so important for you? To have your thoughts about me be validated by me, I mean.  Of all people, you know I wouldn’t care about people being wrong or right. It doesn’t hurt me, and I’m not frustrated about it.  Tht’s one thing.” He tapped his finger on his mouth. 

“And the humour thing is just yeah,” he agreed with a smile.  “Me being old and you being a baby.  You’re hip to all the youthful humour.  I’m crotchety and stuck in my ways. I’m sorry I don’t always get it, I’m sure you’re being very clever and witty.  And it all just goes right over my head.”

Iann scoffed.  “Are you kidding?  If you never messed up - if I never messed up - then that’s when I’d think something was wrong.  Messing up is life.  Being perfect makes me run for the hills.”

As the bat seemed to ambulate again and cling to Bellamy, Iann returned to the topic of species.  “Well, I mean it boils down to species.  Take for example a single-celled organism, versus a dog.  The organism is alive, but does it have as much rights as a dog?  Does that organism make a person feel as much attachment as to the dog’s sense of loyalty, or love, or interest, or fears, or whatever?  Then you keep going up the chain, right.”

Iann layered his hands, one on top of the other.  “Organisms, bacteria, then like insects, fish, birds, amphibians, then marsupials and mammals, then sentient mammals, then supernatural mammals. I skipped over some categories but you get the idea.  And this is of course a very specific and subjective way of looking at it too.  Very European scientific.  I’m sure other humans think different, and I’m sure a lot of supernaturals think very different.  Hence supernaturals having things like familiars and considering them perfectly natural. There’s no right way of thinking about it though.  Because I know I couldn’t possibly begin to understand the world the way a fairy does, say.  Just like I can’t expect a dog, or a human child, to understand the world the way that I can.  It’s just how it is.”

Having Fun Isn’t Hard || Iann&Bella

[tellytantra]

Sonakshi ended her dance by slowly uncovering the veil that partially concealed half of her face. The entire hall thundered with loud claps and whistles from the squandered and wasted lot  of men while they showed no sign to stop with the bottoms-up of the iced beer bottles in their hands. But that was the last thing Sonakshi cared about, for her heart was on the verge to betray her as she felt herself trapped under the gaze of the very man who had royally seized hold of her sleep for the past five months.  Their eyes met like lava meeting the ocean. Rohit’s gaze bored through the figure in front of him as he stood still in his place with the drink in his hand. His jaw clenched painfully seeing strangers whistling and passing comments on her.  Sonakshi stood in her place, thoroughly incapable to cope with the emotions that surged through her. She didn’t even know if she was dead or alive, her mind scrambling with vivid sentiments. The bitter images and hurtful words that had been long buried somewhere within her swooped down on her with a severe blow and  she stared at him with pain and accusation in her eyes. All she wanted at that moment was to evaporate into thin air.  Slamming the glass on the table, Rohit rushed to her side, an unknown protectiveness engulfing his being.  “What are you doing here?”, he asked fuming. Sonakshi looked away from him and walked past him as though he was invisible. She walked up to the host of the party as she smiled sweetly, “Hi”  “Hey! You were outstanding.. What a performance, my goodness!.”., Vinit grinned at her leaning against the bar.  Sonakshi felt Rohit’s presence as the hair on her name stood up and she looked at the man in front of her, “Thank you!” For a breathless second, her feet faltered to the heavy pounding of her heart. Her insides felt void and her mind clouded with thoughts she had long buried. She didn’t even know what she was doing anymore, talking to a stranger who was clearly trying to flirt with her. She hated to admit the tranquility that spread over her heart at the presence of the very man standing behind her who she loathed with a passion...or so she thought.   “So...what’s your plan for tonight?”  The guts of this loser!   Rohit curled his fingers into a painful fist as he shook with fury. In one swift motion, he stood between sonakshi and vinit, “Please excuse us for a moment. I gotta have a word with her.” Without waiting to hear his reply, he dragged sonakshi away from him.  “What the hell are you doing here?”, Rohit asked, anger replacing his being. “What makes you think I’m answerable to you?”, Sonakshi looked at him with an unknown fury and rohit was taken aback for he had never seen what he saw in those eyes. His heart clenched painfully as he searched for the right words.  “Answer me Damn it!”, his patience began to wear thin and he gritted his teeth in fury. “It’s none of your business!”, sonakshi spat back with equal rage. “Don’t test my patience Sonakshi, I-” “Hey Sonakshi, would you like to have a drink with me?”, a random guy stood by them as he kept looking at her from head to toe.  The slight flirtatious voice was ignored for  Sonakshi had been too busy reading Rohit’s face. And that, was something no one ever wished to witness ever again. She saw the muscles at his jaw clench, nose flared, fingers balled into a fist, his teeth grinding against each other, eyes spat fire and the vein in his forehead that ticked like an atom bomb. Rohit Sippy was a threatening volcano that would erupt any moment.  “She doesn’t drink alcohol”, rohit pronounced every word through his teeth in a crisp cold voice.  “Oh it’s quite annoying how people like to assume.”, Sonakshi feigned a laugh as she looked at the guy on her left before looking at rohit, “ Do all guys like to control women like this, Dr. Sippy?” Sonakshi brusquely asked him as rage got the better of her and she had this sudden urge to give the taste of his own medicine. She looked back at the man who was still waiting for an answer. “As a matter of fact, I badly need a drink right now. So, shall we?” Rohit watched them push through the crowd and he wanted nothing but smash whoever the f*ck he was on the ground. He was about to follow him when he received a call. He wanted to ignore it but it was important. He quickly went out to attend the call. By the time he came back and looked for sonakshi, he found her at a distance, laughing with the same guy who seemed to have cracked a joke. But that’s not what bothered him. His eyes stayed glued at the two beer bottles that were in her hand.  In a few long strides, he reached her, “Sona, that’s not for you. Give it to me” He was about to snatch away the bottle but she raised her hand that halted his steps. Her other hand moved forward as she challenged him dangerously, “You come one step closer, and I drop the bottle” The man just stood there dumbfounded, not knowing what to do. He had no idea what was going on and why Rohit Sippy was taking so much interest in this woman.  “Do you really think I give a damn about this party?”, Rohit scoffed as he snatched away the bottles. But to his surprise, the bottles were empty. He shot his head at sonakhsi for some explanation, “Well?!” “I finished them both. Now gonna go for the third round”, her voice slurred as she grinned at him. Rohit closed his eyes as though to gain some power so he could deal with this mess without losing his mind.  Opening his eyes, he shoved the two bottles in the man’s hands and dragged Sonakshi out of the hall but not before shooting daggers at the man who looked like he would faint any moment from the intensity of Rohit’s gaze.  ~~~ “Let me gooooo...ooooo”, Sonakshi screamed as rohit made her sit in his car. “Stay put Sonakshi”, rohit commanded in no nonsense voice  “You can’t always be controlling my life….leave meeeee” sonakshi flung her hands and legs in the air as she got out of the car.  “Come back right now.”, Rohit warned as he chased her. “Uh-uh!”, sonakshi shook his head as she walked like a lunatic, away from him. “Fine, if that’s how you want it to be”, She had walked only some distance before she felt herself being swept off her feet. She was thrown on his shoulder like a potato sack. He made her sit in the passenger seat once again for sonakshi to fling her limbs once again  “Which part of stay put do you not understand?”, Rohit raged in fury  “I understand noneeee of your ‘stay put’….now let me gooo”, sonakhsi fought back in protest.  She inhaled sharply when she watched him crane his head inside the car, his face too close for her own good, “Stay.Put. I won’t hesitate to tie you up if I see any movement from now on. And Keep your mouth shut until I let you speak, which I doubt will happen anytime soon.” With that, he slammed the door shut and went around to take the driver’s seat as sonakshi sat there with her index finger to his lips, too scared about being tied-up to move or talk. Seven minutes into the drive and sonakshi grew impatient as she started tapping her feet constantly. She wanted to talk but she couldn’t risk her life by moving that index finger from her lips and talk. She cleared her throat to grab rohit’s attention. Few impatient moments of doing so but all in vain. She coughed a little louder. “Water is in the back seat” Sighing, she tapped his arms to make him look at her. When he did, she gestured at the radio. Rohit stared at her as if she had grown horns.  “Speak up, will you?” “But first promise meeeee that you won’t tie me upppp”, Sonakshi pouted cutely, after she finished the sentence. The rational side of her mind was ebbing away due to the liquor.  Surprised, rohit slowed down the car to look at her and what she saw melted his heart. Her nose was red, her eyes were sending out an unknown plea and her index finger on her lips - if sonakshi was in her senses, she would have noted the slight curve of his lips that turned into a handsome smirk. Rohit quickly hid it before replying, “Fine.” “It’s quite a boring ride since you have decided to keep your mouth shut and won’t let me speak either. Can we at least listen to music?”, sonakshi pouted as she batted her eyelashes.  Rohit’s gaze fell on her luscious plump lips and if not for the mess his life is at that moment, he would have crashed his lips on her without a second thought. Rohit brushed away the arousing trail of thought before clicking the play button of the radio ~~~~~ The car came to a screeching halt in front of Sonakshi’s apartment. It was the longest ride sonakshi had ever been to. With rohit’s gaze fixed on the road in a deafening silence as he violently changed the gears and drove through the quite road, Sonakshi only wished and wished he would say something to her...say something nice….just like he used to when they were together. Her heart longed for the tender voice he used to take her name with. Her heart was surged with an unknown urge to feel the warmth of his embrace. Her mind clouded with the thought of her falling asleep in his arms…. Her brain rang that bell of a sense of abandonment that is going to follow soon because even in her not-so-sober mind, she knew he doesn’t live with her anymore. As he held the door open, gesturing her to come out, her eyes filled with tears as the feeling of unwanted seeped through her bones.  When she didn’t move an inch, Rohit sighed and unstrapped her belt before pulling her out of the car.  “Okay bye”, Sonakshi slurred as she bid him bye in disappointment. Her rational mind had been piled under the intoxicated intelligence as she concluded that he would leave her in this state ….only if she knew what was going on in that mind of his… He held her close against him as he led her to the elevator, surprising sonakshi.  “You are not gonna leave me here?” , sonakshi voice laced with an innocent hope and Rohit sippy had almost turned into a puddle of emotion as surprise crossed his feature at her sudden statement. He held her gaze in determination, “Only a fool would do that.” “huh?” , sonakshi scrunched up her eyebrows to analyze what he said. Her brain had stopped working long back. The two bottles of beer to be blamed.  Shaking his head, he scooped her up in his arms and entered the elevator. The void that had permanently found shelter in her heart flew away and a sense of belonging surged through her being as she put her head against his chest and snuggled into the warmth that the man in subject offered. The intensity of the emotion she felt came in such abundance that she felt her heart melt and eyes well up. It had been five months since she was hit with these sentiments. And all she wanted was to stay where she was for the rest of her life. The world was too cruel and she has lost her energy to fight and survive. She didn’t want to let go of him….she bunched up the lapel of his shirt in her fingers as though not doing so would make him vanish into thin air.  Rohit took a painful gulp through his parched throat as he felt the yearn in her touch. Anger was long forgotten and a sudden need to hide her under his skin took over his being.  The elevator rang as they reached the 15th floor. Disappointment seeped through her once again.  “So now you are gonna-” “Shh...you’re gonna wake people up” rohit cut her off as he looked around the hall .  “Shh? You shushing me? How dare you shush me? No one shushes Sonakshi Rastogi. I don’t approve of this behavior”, sonakshi retorted in disapproval  Taking a few long side, Rohit reached the apartment and  turned sonakshi around and asked her to ring the bell “Oh so now you’re ordering meeee?” “Just ring the damned bell, will you?!, rohit whispered through  gritted his teeth leaving her no option but to quietly obey. Pari opened the door and her eyes widened at the sight infront of her, “DI??!” Sonakshi grinned at her  as she proudly flung her legs as if showing off the position she was in, “Helloooo pari! I finally tasted beer today and mmm what a great taste it hadddd”, sonakshi slurred in drowsy eyes as she spoke smilingly.  “Aap?! What are you doing here and what happened to di?” “I need some answers too but now is not the right time”, with that rohit walked straight into Sonakshi’s room and closed the door.  Placing her on bed, he tucked her under the duvet. For the first time in five months, he had a close look at her face and his heart dropped to his stomach as he slowly started noticing the pouch of dark circles, the crease lines in her forehead and just how exhausted she looked - and the beer had absolutely nothing to do with her condition.  What’s going on with her? He wondered. He had to know. He had broken her heart by throwing her out of his life but he did see a fire in her eyes that reassured him that she would fight back and soar high. But her taking up a performance on an item song, that too for a Valentine bash definitely didn’t add up. She looked exhausted. Both physically and emotionally. His heart clenched at the sight and his protective instinct kicked in instantly.  “I’m gonna go. You should rest. Take these pills if you have a hangover tomorrow. And drink lemonade.” He turned away to leave only to have his wrist caught in her grip. She sat straight up, trying her best to not pass out. Rohit sat on the bed and She looked into his eyes as she did so - they were bloodshot red. “I really should lea-” His words got caught in his throat as he saw her scramble towards him before wrapping her hands around him and slowly placing her head against his chest. Astonishment crossed his figure and he grew inquisitive. Allowing himself a moment, he tried to assess her movement. His heart drummed against his ribcage and he was sure if anyone else was in this room, they would be able to hear his heartbeat as well. He gulped the lump in his throat.  “Please take me with you…”, her plea hit him with such intensity that the hair on his nape stood up, his body trembled and his eyes prickled into tears.  A sudden need to take her into his protective embrace surged through him but before he could wrap his arm around her, he felt sonakshi holding his hand and putting around her body herself. Dashing the tears away, he let her continue. “I have been trying to hate you for the past five months. And my attempt is still on. Except that it is leading me nowhere. Because  somewhere in my heart, I know that you can’t do this to me. You love me too much to hurt me like that…” Her confidence in him blew him away and Rohit felt the tears finally escape the corner of his eyes and he made no attempt to wipe it away. It was long overdue. His heart had been aching for far too long and he couldn’t just pretend to be okay because he simply wasn’t.  She snuggled deeper as though trying to hide herself in his skin and his grip tightened around her, if that was even possible.  “Do you know how much i miss hearing ‘sona’ from your lips? Do you know how much I long your solace everytime I have faced failure in the past couple of months?... I miss you...so...so much…I thought I would rebuild my life...but I simply can’t. I’m still stuck at the same place and I don’t know how to move on...I don’t even think I want to move on.”, he slurred sadly . She paused before continuing, “Your image in my heart is too precious and I am not ready to taint it with allegations that my heart doesn’t approve of.”  Will he ever be able to thank god enough  for blessing him with a woman as pure as her? Will he ever be able to stop loving her? How could his family not understand the unmistakable grandeur that she is?  Wiping away his tears, he pulled away from her and cupped her face as she stared at him with an unknown yearn that he couldn’t fathom. He cupped her face and drew lips on her forehead into a soft but first kiss before pushing her onto the mattress and tucking her under the duvet.  “You’re leaving me?”, she asked, restlessness took over the better half of her and she grabbed his wrist once again.  Rohit smiled and brushed his fingers through her hair, making her close her eyes for the moment, “I will be doomed if I dare leave you after this. “ Sonakshi scrunched up her eyebrows as she tried to understand the meaning behind those words. But after her futile attempt to do so in the intoxicated mind, she huffed in frustration and asked a more simpler question so she could receive a simpler answer “Do you still love me?” Rohit stared at her for the longest time. He didn’t know what went through him and what changed within that one evening, all he knew was that the thought of getting sonakshi back in his life never felt so dire.  “I do...with every fiber of me” Sonakshi smiled as her eyes almost gave up on her. He didn't know what tomorrow held for him. he didn't know how the mess will be sorted out. but one thing he was sure of was that the first, he had to clear up the mess in his life before he involves his mind into his family matters. And that, definitely meant mending his marriage. An unknown determination filled his eyes and he finally saw light in his pitch black tunnel.  Leaning in, he kissed her temple once again before whispering, “Good night sweetheart!” Mushfika01

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