#So the last guy defo killed the most people

[enekorre]

Via @mickeys-dick-smasher

d’ya think if i ask the bottom surgeon nicely theyll let me have two

[lifes-line]

DEFO DEFO TAZ SPOILERS

So one of my favorite taz aus is what I call "the replacement au" or the "Lup Au" which is basically what if it was Taako who died or went missing and it was Magnus, Merle, and Lup working for the BOB

In which case that poses a lot of questions for each arc so lemme tell you my theories on how it would've gone

Here they be gerblins:

Lup has always had a horrible ache in her heart. She wouldn't call it depression but no matters how hard she tries to move on and forget. She has always felt something painful and missing in her heart. Like someone ripped out a huge half of it and left her with the rest. She's had this feeling all her lonely life as a single child and no matter what magic she used on herself or how many people she surrounded herself with... she couldn't escape that feeling... Magnus and Merle somehow helped though. Being the absolute dumbasses they are.

Lup finds herself flirting with barry blue jeans and disappointed he wont be joining them later-

Lup sees Taako's skeleton/corpse and takes the wizard hat and his glave(or whatever his magical weapon he made during their year of artificing was)

She feels drawn to the phoenix fire gauntlet and she teases about putting it on alot(before phandalin goes to shit), she also gives it a high five but she isnt dumb enough to put it on and understands how dangerous it is and how devestating the events that follow are

Lunar interlude one

Lucretia is baffled to see lup having taako's things on but thats not important

im gonna say Lup gets pretty similar things to taako since they are the same class(just different schools of magic)

She doesn't fuck with leon as much as taako does but she still does of course

Murder on the rock port limited:

They get on the train without charm person but of course theyre still "not who they appear to be" as merle keeps loudly insisting they kill the ticket guy

Lup respects angus but they dont get close as he does with Taako so instead Angus gets closer with Magnus though Lup does offer to teach angus some magic lessons

Smokes that crab

Pretty much all of the taako things except she might be a lil less dramatic about the drink cart

Petals to the metal

Lup and hurley are bffs dont even trip

Lup defo found Sloane attractive but backed off when she found out she was taken

also found captain captain bane attractive

a quip of "My type are hardcore nerds with those obnoxious spectacles and sexy science facts"

Lup either picks a mongoose mask or goes with a phoenix I imagine

She would threaten the guards to get into the hammerhead base at first but then switch up to help out Merle's plan - or she'd just straight up kill the last guy and hit em with the "I forgot about that"

Since theres no way to absorb the arcane core she makes it explode and it works just as well

You can assume she has taakos position in the car ride, but most likely she cannot summon Garyl and instead klaarg comes in and saves merle and later her

Red robe shows up and shes the only one who fucking remembers the director telling them about them and she is the only one to insist they dont listen to him

but they do anyway and she gets majorly suspicious

Small lunar interlude:

Fuck Lucas but not fuck him but yknow

Oh yeah the red robe? "I want to let you know I am the only one who actually remembered we should've bounced"

Crystal Kingdom

Oooh transmutation relic not her thing

She cooks tho

Lucretia? "That's such a cute ass name, I'm gonna start calling you Lucy"

can i also have a red suit

that pink thing looks like salt

Also in consensus Lucas in fact a huge asshole.

Actually answers buddy bots question/riddles within the first two minutes

Yeah ill go into the elevator world? Oh no cockroaches? Yeah Lup makes fun of merle for liking cockroaches and then kills the one he missed.

They meet N03ll3 which is great and all but what do you mean you keep picking up lich activity

Go into Lucas's room cause Lup disguises self

Ok I dont know what a lich is why do you keep harassing me

Merle loses an arm oh fuck

Also gonna kill Lucas

fine lets learn some science

oh its that red bitch again - Lup is only not running because her boys wanna hear this too and also this lich is like weirdly flirting with her

"It's... Lup, where did you get that hat?" "Oh this? I took it off of some skeleton on our first adventure." "... oh my god.. you.. you found him... you..."

Weird I just made this lich who was flirting with me upset about my dope ass hat

YEAH SHES BEEN WEARING TAAKOS WIZARD HAT THIS WHOLE ASS TIME

skipping a bit woah oil can time

woah the crystal guy is back and instead of merle being the most dangerous its Luuuuuup? Whyyyyy????

"Wait haven't I seen you before?" He asks Lup and she tilts her head. The crystal shakes his head. "Nevermind. one second-"

Guys hes calling me a lich or possessed by one what do I do

Kick ass, Not tentacling dick ew, lucas there you are - woah magnus

Oh its the grim reaper, No we are not being shipped together-

Lore

"And you, Lup. Are still dead." "... Sorry what-" "You're dead?" "Nah I still got my hit points, I mean I'm bruised and bloody but I'm still alive." "Yeah is this maybe another Lup... or...?" "No. She's a lich. She is an undead entity that must be locked away in the eternal stockade." "How about fuck that (tries to kick his ass)"

More lore

YoU ATE THE WHAT

Oh hi kravitz, can you look pass this posession if I promise to have someone free me? And if this lich leaves me so im not a vessel anymore you can come get it, trust "... I.. I cannot let a lich get out of my sight." "Bro I cannot fight you anymore." "Well, it would be more dangerous if you died but you refuse to come peacefully." "I dont think Im a lich I just think im posessed - we've done a lot of crazy shit in our adventures-" bla bla bla fine its settled

We'll debrief in a sec ig here lemme uhh. i dont have transmutation its so over , just shape the damn stone and idk someone else can do magic right?

Debriefing oh yeah the red robe was there, yeah i lowkey dont really trust you, ok fine i can settle

They dont talk about the deaths to lucy in canon but after the debriefing Lup gathers the boys up and talks to them "Hey so you know how he called me an undead evil lich. so like... lets not tell the director and merle can you like perform an exorcism or something just to see if its true?" "Uh I have detective good and evil?" "Dope." And NOTHING HAPPENS BECAUSE LUP ISNT EVIL- but merle does detect some necromantic energy radiating off her whole being but he doesnt have like a spell to fix her so theyre like lets not worry about it rn

Lunar interlude

Alright angus this is magic, cooking? Why the fuck would i teach you how to cook

Ok you got me i grew up by myself in a lonesome life as a vendor but i didnt cook or anything I just spent my whole life doing side jobs and saving people. yeah fire is my speciality but like i wouldnt recommend it for you cause its literally fire. and youre a kid.

Whered I get the glave? A skeleton from a cave. He was wearing a red robe so lowkey maybe im possessed by his spirit but like... doubt.

Eleventh hour

I believe in you ango

woah we're here

WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU FIGHTING THE WORMS LEAVE THEM ALONE THEYRE JUST BABIES

alright lets get this bread - bye avi - hello clay perosn. roswell? ok Wow that statue sure is red what the fuck

"This is bad.. this is a bad thing i did." Yeah I kept it.

Hi Cassidy im sure we can be besties

woah earthquake

Lets go in the inn, oh hello pretty elf lady, ok she doesnt care about me wdym you know magnus - guys wait dont make me talk to her alone

"Why do you live in a bubble?" "Lup." "WHAT?"

I wanna meet paloma fuck you guys

I will go to town on these scones, you need gold can I trade you anything else

I can hardly remember these goddamn loops so lets assume that lup and taako do alot of the same shit except she doesnt steal any of this shit -

Put him in a bubble... ok-

Hi Istus, What's this? Not a bag of holding? "This item... has the ability to bring back anyone from the dead, as long as they have been deceased for at least over a decade." "Oh this could be useful for all the guys you killed!" "Yeah!" "Well... you could save it too but... yes I suppose so?" "But only for over a decade." "Why the fuck is that so specific?" "STOP SWEARING IN FRONT OF CHRISTMAS" "ITS ISTUS"

Ok get that cup

Fuck you issak

WOAH ITS THE CUP BACKSTORY TIME; Besides the long periods of static and weirdly fuzzy childhood, Lup's biggest regret in her life? Well she didn't have anything really. She didn't put any of her skills to good use.. except once. She was performing her evocation magic for money and it got out of hand. She seriously injured an innocent person that resulted in their death. "Lup... that is your biggest regret. But it hasn't happened yet. If you claim me, we can go back and save that life. They would have never died. We can go back and save them."

thats the best i can do

Lup probably takes the longest to think this over because she cant handle the fact she murdered an innocent but Magnus's speak of "Tell me what happens if we dont do this" convinces her to stay

DONT KILL THE WORM YOU BITCHES, LISTEN TO JUNE

FREEDOM

Oh fuck its that red robe again - no we dont fucking trust you

"You don't... You don't trust me...?" He looks to Lup, and floats down to her level. Despite his occasional flattery and softness when he speaks to her, lowering himself and looking her in the eye pulls at something invisible in her heart. Something she hasn't felt in forever. "Lup...? You don't trust me?" "I don't even know you." The red robe whispers some more things and electricity flies off of him as he vanishes.

Hi Paloma oh a vision? "In your hour of greatest need, you will receive help from the forgotten one."

Ok back home - oh fuck IS THAT THE GRIM REAPER?

Lets fight? OK!

Lunar interlude

Date at the chug n squeeze? Wrong. Battle of the century. Almost.

Lup v Kravitz the two face off with Kravitz just trying to knock Lup out so he can safely transfer her into the astral plane without her dying

Lup, who doesnt think shes a lich, is just trying not to die.

They dont do this on the moon, they do this in neverwinter

IS THAT THE FUCKING RED ROBE?

As he saves you. As you're down you feel something phase through you as a red robe walks through your body and presents itself in front of Kravitz. He emits that same electricity off of his body and Kravitz looks baffled but only rifts a hole into the astral plane. "You're coming with me." As the battle is only beginning the red robe whispers to you, Lup; "Run."

PURCHASES THE RAGING FLAMING POISONING SWORD OF DOOM

Suffering game

Hey lucy, oh youre not fifty? Oh thats lowkey kind of fucked "Luckily as an elf i dont think i have to worry about that... sorry-"

Maggy where the fuck are you going

I feel like Lup would either follow magnus or magnus would defo ask Lup to help break out robi, so she does.

MAGNUS YOU FUCKING KILLED THEM-

Oh fuck get me out of here fighting these monsters

Lord artemis sterling and his bodyguards... cool.. ok

nvm lydia is hot

Ok this sucks

Lup gets the same sacrifices as Taako, so she takes the bad luck, shes fine with losing some life, hands? No Im not giving you my hand, fuck. MY APPEARENCE...? Yeah i dont care.

Chooses trust instead of forsake.

"Why should this person chose you?" "Uhh... Cause I'm hot as fuck." *applauds*

SAVES MAGNUS OFC - Oh is that the grim reaper? So Lup actually does try to save Kravitz cause lowkey she wants to be on good terms with him

Is that the red robe-

WE'RE TRUSTING HIM NOW????

her ghost looks ... weird.

Its nearly impossible to kill Edward, except when he's a lich. So. That's actually when Lup gets an idea. And she dies. Like full on explodes herself.

LICH LUP WOOOOOO

As soon as Lup is free from her body, her very very death and actually burning corpse. Everything hits her very slowly and soon all at once. So instead of killing edward immediately Lup instantly panics and starts to lose her cool... until "Lup?" She hears Barry's voice. It's not her anchor but it's enough to remind her of the situation at hand.

Lup destroys edward, so lydia destroys magnus's body

As Magnus sees Lup's liches form he isn't surprised, because he remembers when Lup sat down and told them all(?) about her and ... somebody's decision to become a lich... WAIT WHAT

Lup demands more answers from Barry and Magnus does the same, Barry is more sweet about it to Lup than Magnus

Merle is looking at Lup and Barry with upmost confusion and WHAT IS GOING ON????

To Barry's cave! Hey why is there two pods here

"So... I'm really glad actually, Lup, that you're here. And you're back... and as much as i wanna stop the end of the world to kiss you... We gotta move. We both saved what we could from our corporeal forms - mine is a bit more fresh but yours is back from the [starblaster]... so ... I actually don't know what you'll remember but youre gonna need it if we wanna get back on that moon base and confront Lucretia."

Merle can't hear anything and he is so confused, Magnus can understand this all and contiens demanding answers- before they both enter the tank, Magnus gets Lup's outfit while Merle pulls out deniem blue jeans AND WAIT BARRY AS IN BARRY BLUE JEANS?? beFORE THEY DO THIS

Lup looks to Barry and asks where Taako is. The name sounds familiar to Magnus, but his head is splitting in two before he can remember such a person. Barry can't bring himself to reply so he simply tells Lup he isn't sure but he doesn't have high hopes.

As they both go into their own tanks, Barry doesnt know anybody or anything. Lup steps out and she throws on her outfit and demands answers from magnus and merle of what happened after she died. "Am I a lich? Am I posessed? IS THAT BARRY?" And why is barry still so goddamn attractive?

Barry looks at Lup like shes the love of his life and actually starts being timid and nervous around her

Magnus tries explaining but once its all static the idea of another void fish comes to mind... PLANNING

BACK TO THE MOON BASE

heres the relic, magnus is dead, fuck you.

Oh hi angus, the truth? uhhhh i guess we can tell you oh is that zone of truth. dammit barry-

SECOND VOID FISH?

Oh my god........ my brother is dead. Taako is dead.

Hi Lucy, "I'm gonna fucking kill you now." But Barry holds Lup back as her fire wall is pathetic against her shield.

"I'm so sorry Lup but.. the pain was too unbearable. Taako.. Taako is gone. And he's not coming back."

Story and Song

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT-

As all hope seems lost after Lup remembers the other half of her heart, Barry and Lup are refusing to die because they cant be liches forever. They dont have anything to go back to-

She remembers Paloma's prophecy, and Istus's gift. It's a simple ritual - a simple spell and only thinking of her brother she casts it. And Lup almost loses it again when nothing happens.

It takes too much but Lucretia is the one who channels a spell to crush these beats in their own shield before she vanishes. ANd now we gotta do other shit yay

Lup and Barry and sent to find the ship but she can't bring herself to do so... "I... I know we're supposed to save the world and everything Barry but... but what's the point... without Taako here with us?"

Barry does what he can to comfort his fiance before he notices the sphere of black glass. "Listen.. do you remember in lucas's lab when we was going over everything?" "Ye.. yeah?" Barry takes a breath to elaborate but Lup cuts him off. "Barry you know transumtation isn't my school of magic." "I know but..." He points to the glave she's holding. "It's his."

And with that they feather fall down and give it a try.

While Barry begins to fight for his life - with the help of Lucas who joins them, Lup continuously tries and fails to open this portal. She slams her head against her own creation and curses Taako for not being here. How is she supposed to go on when Taako is gone? And she didn't even get to grieve? Or say goodbye? And why did Istus lie to her?

And then a rift in space opens. And there he is. Taako appears in his red robe without his hat or his weapon. Lup feels a hand on her shoulder suddenly as she hears her brother's voice say "Don't worry Lulu, I have magical powers." And when he touches his weapon to the sphere it's like an explosion goes off.

"Taako! Where'd you open that portal to?!" "The Astral Plane."

When Lup sees Kravitz (and he looks fucking awful.) behind him she suddenly flips out; "ARE YOU DATING THE GRIM REAPER?" "SHUT UP"

But it doesn't last long before Lup embraces Taako tightly.

TAAKO ONLY CAME BACK BECAUSE MEREL RECONNECTED WITH THE GODS BTW SO ISTUS COULDNT HOLD UP HER END OF THE DEAL UNTIL SHE WAS BACK-

OK SHIP TIME WE GET TOGETHER EVERYONE IS PISSED AT LUCRETIA BUT as theyre discussing the science behind it she suddenly offers, looking at the tres horny boys briefly that there is a third option. Thanks Paloma.

Taako stays on the plane to fight while Lup, sure she wont lose him again, kicks the hungers ass.

Epilogue, everything is pretty much the same because lup doesnt wanna run a school for magic and now that taako was apparently routing for lup in the astral plane the whole time shes off the hook

THE END YAYAYAYA

EDIT I KNOW I HAVE MORE WOOHOO:

Why does Taako die? Why does he care?

Well, Taako knew he couldn't just rely on a dance to cheer up Lup - so Taako decided he was going to do something good and destroy his sister's relic. Obviously he can resist the temptation but Cyrus Rockseeker does not. Taako blasts him with his glave(or clave or whatever) into the safe but ultimately dies.

We then we Taako wake up in the astral plane, behind the bars of the eternal stockade where a skeleton stands before him checking off a list. He says something in a cockney accent along the lines of "Finally, I've been lookin' for you."

"Crazy accent you go there Ghostrider, where am I?" "You're in the Astral Plane, Taako. Finally. You wouldn't happen to know where your others friends are? They're supposed to be locked up in here with you."

"... What-"

AND OVER THE TIME TAAKO SUCCESSFULLY FLIRTS AND SEDUCES KRAVITZ ESP POST CRYSTAL KINGDOM ARC AND THATS WHY THEYRE DATING NOW OK COOL-

[earthbaby-angelboy]

pinky promises | little!reader x 70s!cg!elvis (wc: 1,435) - A/N: I know, it's been forever, but I didn't want to leave you guys high and dry. so, enjoy a sweet fic about E and his baby who absolutely does not want to sleep. btw this is defo not proofread so sorry in advance! <3

It was 11:30 at night, and you knew damn well that you should've been sleeping some odd couple of hours ago. But lo and behold, your insomnia just wouldn't let you. The bigger problem wasn't necessarily that you couldn't sleep, it was that you had gotten into the habit of refusing to let yourself sleep.

Tonight was one of the nights where your brain just wouldn't stop going. All the lights in your room were on, there was a record spinning, and you were doodling random things on a spare piece of paper. You couldn't stop thinking of all the things going on in your personal life, with the main thought being that you weren't doing enough for the people around you. You were well aware that not sleeping wouldn't help the crappy emotions bubbling up, but at the same time, you felt like you didn't deserve to rest. As you laid on your bed and doodled mindless shapes, you couldn't help but wonder: "why does he keep me around?"

You'd lived with Elvis for a long while now, and it was a far cry from the life you came from. You grew up doing everything and then some. And now, you had people doing it all for you; there was always the maids running around the house, completing the housework and tasks that needed to be done. There was Mary, who was always cooking whatever you or E would request. And of course, there was the Mafia, who were always scrambling to complete whatever task their boss had requested of them. This left you with lots of free time. Most of it was spent with Elvis, galavanting on whatever adventure he had thought up, but quite a bit of it was spent in your own head. You felt guilty, like you were mooching off of the man you loved so dearly. Between those thoughts and the busyness of your life, you had pushed your regression to the back-burner of your brain; you already felt guilty that Elvis had to support yet another person in his life, nevermind a little with lots of emotionally demanding needs. No, you couldn't do that to him, but a small part of you knew it was (almost) inhumane to be doing this to yourself.

Your regression was something incredibly dear to you, and your boyfriend understood this fact very well. The last time you had genuinely regressed was months ago, and you denying yourself your biggest coping skill was killing you internally. Elvis had tried mentioning the subject once or twice, but was quickly shut down by you. You couldn't bear talking about it, knowing that it wouldn't get you any closer to being comforted. Tonight was one of those nights where your brain was screaming, pleading for you to help yourself and just give in. If not to regressing, then to sleep. But no, you were stubborn, you needed to stay awake.

Deciding that you were bored of doodling, you hopped off your bed. You stood up for a minute and swayed where you were standing, confident that you were okay to walk. Your vision began to blur and you could see stars, but you were determined to keep yourself up. Just as you went to take a step, your legs gave out from beneath you. You yelped the second your body hit the floor, more from shock than from pain. As soon as Elvis heard the thump from downstairs, he ran as quickly as he could from the table where all the guys were gathered, up to your bedroom. Halfway up the stairs, he had to take a pause and catch his breath. With adrenaline coursing through his veins, he shook the discomfort away and kept on going towards your room. Swinging the door open, his eyes darted around the room before landing on you, sprawled out on the floor, panting. As you locked eyes with him, he spoke, "nungen, what're you doin' on the floor?"

You looked around, as if trying to figure out where you were. "I…I don't really know. One minute I was fine, but just as I went to get up, my vision went all fuzzy. Now I'm here." You gestured around you with a dry laugh.

Elvis looked around your room; seeing the record spinning and realizing that your lights were on, he asked the obvious.

"You keepin' yourself up again?" Your eyes dropped to the floor, and a small sense of shame filled you as he caught you in the act.

"Elvis, I've told you. It's never enough."

He knew you'd been struggling recently, both with your sleeping patterns and your mental health. You had become increasingly more agitated with him, refusing to let anyone help you with even the most mundane tasks. You had pushed him away, both physically and emotionally. He had an inkling why, and although it hurt, he wasn't going to steer you into even more discomfort.

Disagreeing with your sentiment, he shook his head as he moved to help you stand. Putting his hands beneath your arms and lifting you up, you got a pang of comfort in your chest. For just a moment, you felt like his baby, the little girl you would always be to him. But as if it was planned, the feeling dissipated and was replaced with that same shame you had felt just moments ago. Once you got your footing, you craned your head up to look at your caregiver.

His hair was tousled, his eyes were soft, and his features held something that could only be described as an air of concern. As your eyes scanned his face, you hoped for something that would break the silence hanging heavy in the air. Elvis, who could read you like a book, pushed a strand of hair behind your ear. And softly, as if not to spook you, asked, "what's goin' on inside that yittle head of yours?"

And that was all it took for the floodgates of your brain to break as you fully regressed within a matter of seconds. Your eyes watered, and before you had the chance to respond to his question, your daddy was pulling you into his arms.

"Daddy," you cried into his chest. "Been needin' daddy, but couldn' ask," you sobbed.

With how you were feeling, this was about all that you could manage to say. But to Elvis, that was all it took for him to make sense of it. You had needed to regress, but didn't want to "burden" him, simple as that. He immediately wrapped his arms around you, and placed his chin on top of your head.

So this is what was getting you so worked up.

"Oh, my sweet girl," he whispered. He couldn't help but tear up as the realization hit him: you thought of yourself as a burden upon him. How could you, the little ray of sunshine that broke through all of the crass darkness in his life, be a burden? "My beautiful baby, how could lil' old you ever be a burden on daddy? You know that ain't true." His voice cracked slightly on the last sentence, making you cry harder.

As much as you believed Elvis' words, you couldn't help but feel a haunting sense of overwhelm; at the love you were receiving or the sudden release of emotions, you couldn't decipher, but it was an amalgamation of feelings that had been longing to escape your little heart.

"C'mon," he spoke, "look at me." He gently pulled away from the hug, and put his hand beneath your chin so as to direct your attention towards him. Seeing the look on your face broke his heart.

"Honey, you don't need to worry about doin' nothin' in this house. You're just a dolly, and dollies don't need to be worryin' about doin' chores or nothin' of the sort. You bein' your cute itty-bitty lil' self is all I need. Can you do that?" He finished off with a small smile. You sniffled, and nodded aimlessly as you went right back in for another hug.

"M' sorry daddy. Buntyn's feelin' real pitiful tonight," you mumbled into his chest. He stroked your hair as he adjusted his arms around you. "I know, yittle. C'mon. We're gon' have Mary fix you some angel milk, and then we'll get all cozy. How's that sound?" You peered up at him. "Satnin gon' cuddle wit' me?" You asked innocently. He gave a small laugh, and placed a kiss on your forehead.

"Satnin will always cuddle wit' his baby. I pinky promise."

[optimisticaudience]

My Top 10 Unhinged Movie Recommendations

This isn't top 10 favorite movies. This is my top 10 movies to recommend when I want to make sure that person NEVER asks me for recs again. When I want to go nuclear in my weird shit(TM) this is what I go with, in ascending order. 10. Freaks by Todd Browning

I love showing this to people. Folks are like "oh hey is this a horror movie?" and then I show it to them. It's not a horror movie, unless Normies are the horror. I love sitting in a room where people slowly realize this isn't a horror moive, but a well done domestic drama. It's just a drama where the cast doesn't look like hollywood stars. It's a god damn masterpiece about a man who is forsaking this family to find mainstream acceptance and how his family fights to save him despite everything. 10/10 Masterpiece. Some folks question whether or not it is exploitative that Todd Browning made this movie. I've made sure the guy is dead so no matter what he's not going to make money either way.

9. The very beginning and very end of Streets of Fire.

Patrick Willems was right about this. Watch the first bit and then skip to the end to get a dramatic epic of rock music, motorcycles, and Wilhem Defoe fighting in a sledgehammer duel. Beautiful movie. Then people request to see the full movie, the fools. I show the full movie because they know not what they do. Then they don't like it. I told them this at the beginning. There are no sledgehammer fights in the middle of the movie. Why watch this if it's not a musical number or hammer time?

8. The Dark Crystal's bootleg director's cut

Cowards watch movies in languages they understand. Sometimes they use subtitles to pretend they are open to new experiences. Watch a god damn movie in a fictional language that no one speaks, you plebians. No subtitles, no explanations. Just watch the movie and have a great experience seeing the puppets portray the story using body language. Expand your horizons. It wasn't made on drugs, it just was made with more courage than you or I will ever have. Get fucking weird before you die.

7. Harry Potter and the Deadly Weapons

The last one was a bootleg reconstructing a lost film. This bootleg creates a new movie. Harry Potter with GUNS. It starts with an old guy shooting out all the lights in a street, and keeps on going from there. You want to see true cinema? Watch Emma Watson shoot Neville Longbottom in the face.

6. Lo

Romance is dead. There was a romance here. But it got killed and dragged to hell. This man is trying to summon love from hell. All he summons is ham and also overly dramatic soundtrack. Most of the movie is two actors sitting in the dark being assholes to each other. They actually have amazing chemistry. The Demon, Lo, is amazing and my scrungly blorbo or whatever the fuck people say. It's also a musical.

5. The Man From Earth

This is actually just a good movie. It's like what if a movie was also a bunch of smug people's podcast. However, they all are used to being smug and podcasting as most of them are from Star Trek. Beautiful and wonderful performances about a bunch of nerds arguing about a caveman Buddhist Jesus. It's a palate cleanser for what else is in store.

4. Existenz

People like to talk about Cronenberg and how shocking Videodrome is or something like that. Thing is people don't talk about this weird shit as much. David Cronenberg is a gamer and he made the ultimate gamer movie: where the scary stuff is physical contact and metaphors for sex. Watch people graft new orfices on to shove gaming consoles into them. What if the matrix had a gun that shoots teeth? Yeah it doesn't have the gunfingerpenis from other cronengerg movies. However it does have a game controller made of asymmetrical nipples.

3. Lair of the White Worm

Scottish Snake Vampires. That's actually pretty cool and sounds great. Hugh Grant and the Doctor from Doctor Who have a bromance. Why is it on here? Because the director was too horny. Random nudity is the most tame and normal part of this movie. I am not against the human body being used in art. I also think people shouldn't be ashamed of their bodies.

Except this director. He ends the movie with Hugh Grant lifting up Peter Capaldi's kilt and Capaldi bites him. Want to make movie night uncomfortable for everyone? Show this. Porn is less horny.

2. Wizards

This movie has so many great bits. The thing is you know about the great bits because no one wants to watch the whole thing. Imagine a movie with all the issues of Lair of the White Worm, while also made by a man who is by volume 80% cocaine, 10% rivalry with R. Crumb, and 10% mommy issues. Then have Mark Hamil show up for like five minutes. Then turn it into a commentary on fascist propaganda. It's the greatest artistic achievement in making movies that will make no one happy at movie night.

Possession (uncut version)

This is the nuclear option. If i don't want people to talk to me ever again, I'll show them this movie. You want to see a film made by the most Divorced man ever? Sure let's watch this. Elon Musk wishes he was this movie, but he, like everyone who sees this film, is a coward. The fucked up film that was banned in the UK for decades tells us the truly greatest fear of men: A version of the man who is a better husband than they are, especially if it's a living pile of raw viscera that is better at satisfying their spouse in bed.

No one i've shown this movie to has talked to me afterwards. I use it like pest control folks used DDT back in the day. Ironically, the movie has the same effect on Condor eggs. One day, however, i will show this to someone and they will like it. In that case, I will have three options:

-The person will be my new best friend.

-The person will be a cinderella-glass-slipper true love fit for me.

-This person will kill me in the next 24 hours.

All three of these will be true. The person who fits this will inherit my social media accounts, and be cursed with them until they complete this cycle again with someone else.

Anyways thank you for liking and subscribing to my Ted Talk.

[starrysharks]

Okay yeah, these characters defo be real cool!!! Do you have any lore/trivia/story on them??? (Pls I am obsessed now, I must knowwww)

lore slash trivia slash story ?!?!?! you don't even know these characters have literally eaten half of my brain at this point ,,, i'll just give some nonspoilerly info on the charas i listen on ur last ask :]

1. diane lodestar - her whole deal is that she's the president/admiral of the fleet of this naval company called nimbasa galahad. their whole deal is preventing intergalactic threats such as star piracy and the like, and protecting smaller meteorite colonies from natural disasters. she's severely overworked though, and honestly hates her job, but she still keeps a cold and calm composure most of the time unless she's around her old friend caspian (who is also the admiral of the rival company lancelot fleet), who she's very emotional with cuz they had a lot of history. also this needs some context on merlien biology: long-tailed merliens (cats, mice, etc) are known to get extra mobility from their tails (its essentially a third limb , and lodestar lost her tail in an incident that is spoilers, so she usually uses this hover-device thing to get around but i won't get too into details cuz i want to save stuff. anyway she's quite emotionally driven , almost immature, but still maintains a cold, calculating, almost robotic personality to the public

2. needles of the church - this character is from reassassination and not ultimate excalibur. basically, she was found on the doorstep of the church one day alongside her large undead companion pins, and eventually became an assassin prodigy at the CCCA (clear crucifix catholic academy)'s secret assassination course. she's just a silly funny guy who has a kill count of roughly 57 at 8 years old but she doesn't really kill anyone it's her guy pins who does all of the work. he's like a big dog to her

3. i think was uuuummmmm either novocaine or lars??? i'll do novo first. her whole deal is that she is the only dentist in postmortem aka the town where reassassination takes place, but she has an obsession for stealing any teeth that she finds interesting, often in increasingly inhumane ways - for her it's basically akin to like taking your crush's dropped pen or handkerchief or something. she's completely oblivious to her assistant, cavity, pining for her, and her goal is to capture dr. savory (the secondary protagonist) and steal his super sharp freaky teeth

2. lars time . he's just a guy tbh. i really can't talk about his backstory because it's spoilers, but his boss is shear ramshackle who is like 14. i really can't say much about him sorry 😭

1. and octavia *canned audience applause*

her story is a simple one. she was killed under mysterious circumstances and reanimated a nondisclosed amount of time later by dr savory who wanted to create an undead assistant to lug his work on but instead got stuck with a perpetually annoyed 17 year old fashionista who wants him dead. they make a deal that octavia has to get rid of his failed experiments (that often go rouge and start trying to destroy the city) so long as savory finds a way to get octavia's memories back so she can find out who killed her and kill them back. thus octavia's wacky adventures begin! she's just a cool girl who kills people

[olivieraa]

now, Jujustsu Kaisen is my next anime. biggest anime in the world the past few years (idek when it came out but its everywhere. I even got a fun big spoiler so yay)

what kept happening, and I'd made a post about this already, was in the youtubes shorts section, I s2g, every day I kept seeing a video called "this voice actor has the sexiest voice", "his voice makes women wet", "this voice can turn even men on". all of these vids had millions of views. I think one had 30 million.

now I thought it was gonna be a different VA per vid, so I defo knew at least one of them was Tsuda Kenjiro, who is the voice of Kaiba. I've always said that Kaiba, when not aggressive or shouting, sounds like he's seducing whoever he's talking to

so I click and yes, he was the VA they were talking about in one of them. I click a different one, oh its him again. I click a different one and its him and I realise, its currently a trend. Tsuda Ken is trending. so if you put him in a vid, you will get views. in the millions.

and apparently what rose him into current stardom, was his role in Jujustsu Kaisen, as this guy

I have not seen people this hot and bothered since Levi

and Ive been seeing this for aboooooout a year now

but literally last week I had my niece over, and she loves looking at my phone with me when she's going to bed, so this vid popped up and I decided to click it

(she wanted to know what "boop" meant and I just said "have fun with" cause it aint wrong)

so the people in the vid are given just two characters, the third is a mystery, and when the third mystery character was the Kaiba guy, people went crazy over him, one of them going mad cause she picked kill for him accidentally

Now, ok, as someone who notices VA's and their roles, stereotypes, various degrees of popularity, etc, I will say that TsudaKen has been underappreciated for a while. Kaiba was either his first role or first big role. Kaiba has a special place in his heart (he carries a Blue Eyes card in his wallet), but he hasn't had a big break since the early 00's.

if you look at my liveblogging over the past 10 years, you'll see a pattern anytime his voice has appeared in a role. his character usually isn't a big or main character, or he's usually weird as FUCK. the only roles I can think of that he was known for during the times they came out was K

and Gangsta

both heavily on the badass scale. but outside of those, I really cant place a big role. like I may have really liked him in ACCA where he's a main but ACCA isn't known at all. the above two at least are. but at this point, those above two would be considered old.

most VA's get at least 2 good roles a year, prob a few shitty one's in between. and then the most marketable obviously get a few main roles.

and so TsudaKen gets this role as Nanami in Jujutsu Kaisen and his career just shot up. he's been a main character in several more big animes since, had something Netflix related happen, is one of the more talked about VA's, like people be acting like he's a "rising star" when he's been around since FOREVER

he skyrocketed the MAL list and in the top 10 most favourited VA's (tho its not exclusively VA's as can be seen by Hayao Miyazaki being there)

and I assure you he was not favourited by that many people beforehand

in fact, Kamiya Hiroshi, who is number one there, even said in a sorta recent ep of his radio show was that he wanted to be Tsuda Ken (which I need to re-find)

and from what I can see, he seems so grateful and happy that its like... he has now gotten his big break? he's finally getting the appreciation he deserves? how has this took so long. his voice is mesmerising and he has a great range.

soooo yeah, I know his character in Jujutsu is prob the most fangirled over, and I dont wanna be that girl, but he is my main reason for going into this so I may or may not end up being that girl

a voice like that was only made for pretty people

[wonyrs]

like the movies

enha hyungs x fmr gnr fluff, established relationship warnings cursing wc 935 + library #

‘ type of duos with the enha hyungs! headcanon style

lee heeseung | embarrassing and embarrassed

will definitely yell out "I LOVE YOU" in the loudest voice he can muster up before dropping u off to class and won't leave until u yell it back. he does this with the most shit eating grin ever

he's so dreamy when ure together but sometimes he just gets that burst of energy where he absolutely NEEDS to do something that makes u question why u even liked him

"um she asked for no pickles 🤓☝️"

he buys u guys those ugly "if lost return to her" "hi im her" shirts and forces u to wear them everytime u go on a date

unironically likes it and is a proud matching shirt buyer

everytime u post he'll spam ur comments with all the compliments in the entire world, tags all his friends and old people he doesn't even know saying shit like "hey this is my gf you know my gf go follow my gf"

"hey babe does my hair look good?" and its a picture of him smoldering, showing off his godly jawline. probably thinks hes the sexiest guy alive (he is)

park jongseong | chivalrous and princess

u guys saw that one vlog w his mom? jay literally gave her the more appetizing plate while he just dumped everything on his

opens the car door, cooks ur meals, helps u w hw, and even buys ur parents flowers everytime he visits

"open the door for a big surprise (not clickbait)!" and he doordashed u ur fav foods after his spidey sense told him u felt down

ok i imagine him buying a 100-recipe cook book and making every dish whenever u stay over

"but babe i'm ful-" "please just one more, i promise this will be the last"

spoiler alert- it's not! dw tho, extra servings get sent to ur friends/family. ur mom teaches him some of her special recipes while ur dad is his assistant chef (taste tester)

he's a gentleman, yes thats true. but once u too get real comfortable w/ each other is when the side of chivalry u never knew existed revealed itself

he pampers u when ure tired but still likes to tease u if he sees the oppurtunity to. ex: massaging ur legs after an intense cardio workout, "ur feet are smelling kinda stinky. no need to worry, i'll lick the dirt away for u babe 😉 " NASTY.

he pays for all ur cafeteria meals and always says something along the lines of "let's go out on saturday, except ure paying for everything"

do u ever end up paying? no.

he'll distract u the moment ure at the counter and pays w his card before u can even look back. "i guess they gave us a free discount for being their best customers 🤷" u know what he did even if he won't admit

it's okay, u buy him a cheeseburger using ur free mcdonalds app awards

sim jaeyun | rizzler and rizzed

no lies here: sim jaeyun is the dreamiest man ever

casually explaining to him what happened in ur day blah blah, u look to ur right and the softest eyes are staring at u with so much love u almost combust

but not only was he staring at u, bro was unconsciously licking his lips, tilting his head and holding ur fingers so delicately like it might break any second (cute and sexy?) u had to stop talking for a sec and scream into ur hand

ESP AT SCHOOL DUDE he'll run to u after a soccer match and hug u so tight ur friends start puking

like ewww sweat but at the same time omggg ur bf's sweat 😝 u still have to push him off before u starting stinking too tho

he's defo the type to lift his shirt up to wipe the sweat off his face and it kills u everytime... u look to see if anyone's looking before snapping a quick pic (who wouldn't)

when u guys r studying together, he'll either pull u by the waist or by ur chair so u can get closer to him without having to stand up

struggling to see the paper? no need to fear, dikeu is here :3

he'll slide his hand (purposely) under ur shirt and scooch u over to his side of the table, never even stopping the conversation

mind u, his hand is still on ur waist

park sunghoon | socially awkward and socially awkward

ur relationship makes ur friends giggle at how silly u guys r

imagine: blah blah blah ure in a really interesting conversation with ur boyfriend and someone interrupts, asking if u guys did the hw last week

"oh uh" "uhm" "idk" "sorry" UR REPLIES. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

cue the intense eye contact until that person leaves the room. then u go back to whatever u were talking about. "so yeah lebron should honestly retire this season"

since u have all classes together, ur teachers always make sure to pair u up as partners since no WAY in hell will either of u be able to talk to someone else willingly

if ur friend group isn't at the cafeteria, the top 3 lunch spots would be @ the field, rooftop, or back of the classroom

when u accompany him to skating/dance practice, all u do is record him reviewing a program or choreo and silently cheer him on

both ur parents share concerns about u two not having any friends at/outside of school 😢

no one really knows that yall r talking about the weirdest shit during class... they just think ure being little nerds and working on math answers

"messi is literally better than ronaldo what are u on about boy" "ok buddy but who has more insta followers" "HOW IS THAT RELEVANT TO THE WORLD CUP"

@ wonyrs 2023

requests are open !! click here to see request guidelines :>

[skullvins]

S4 dynamic ratings from my fave/best to my least fave/worst let's go

these are NOT necessarily as SHIPS, just their dynamic as characters. I talk a bit about ships but I'd only go for some of these in a ship sense

WITH THAT OUT OF THE WAY:

aloha + skull - absolute comedic duo. they're both kinda chill/carefree and Skull's enough of a bitch that he could defo subtly get aloha to do stupid shit and laugh at it internally the whole time. they're the more obviously practically inclined of the S4 so the idea of them just going out and doing stupid shit together isn't unrealistic. I can see aloha being like 'u wanna do X?' and skulls just like sure. Let's kill some time together. I can also see them both being super irresponsible sometimes and they just enable each other. Aloha comes up with the dumb ideas and skull is the muscle that lets them happen. He's on full autopilot with aloha whilst thinking he isn't and it's great. Catch aloha pestering the staff while they're out shopping like there's no tomorrow while skull wanders about buying whatever he likes in the bg. Most underrated S4 dynamic change my mind

army + mask - they're both huge nerds and yet no one is interested in the nerd and nerd dynamic? they've both kinda gone from being super up themselves to being more chill/humble, and also they're both the more 'responsible' ones but not really. army's responsible until you compare him to mask, and then he's actually really excentric. Having the more excentric one be the more traditionally nerdy one while the more levelheaded one is the sarcastic gamer nerd makes for an amazing dynamic. army can also strike me as the slightly out of touch rich boy and altho mask is definitely not mainstream 'normal' he could defo be like army. Get with reality.

army + skull - the 'should we be concerned' / *eats popcorn* 'nope' combo. Oh my god. Look. This will make more sense with the next point but aloha and mask are a fire waiting to happen in a good way and these two are the mutual witnesses to it, except skull is SO much more easygoing/does not care with it (and probably older/more experienced with this kinda thing) while army is like uh. Guys? Is this? Is this normal? they're also probably the two more battle minded ones and I could see them sharing notes/strats, and if you go with the idea of skull being older/more experienced then there's a bit of a 'skull helps army with his turf war homework' dynamic. not saying army can't hold his own (he's part of the S4 ffs) but I think he would be somewhat open to Skull's advice. these two are pretty agreeable compared to the other two, so I could see them casually getting along. Also, food.

aloha + mask - best contender for rivals to lovers/besties. aloha's an asshole and mask initially doesn't like him, PLUS they're both the middle S4. makes for an interesting game of one-upmanship. they seem to argue the most out of the S4 too, so a long run of them slowly getting along better or finding things they have in common could be really interesting. I also think seeing them in the arguing phase is entertaining, even if I don't think initially they'd like each other very much. also, this fuels my previous point further, so there's that

mask + skull - only S4 dynamic I'm neutral on? I could see these two getting along, if only because skull can be so passive. they're more just sit in the same room and vibe characters, so tho I think they'd get along well, I don't think their dynamic is as interesting as the last four. that being said, I can see mask commenting on skull's antics being funny. honestly this is a better combo if you make mask the chatty one, which is. Weird. Could work tho

army + aloha - ohmygod this is SO OVERRATED. Someone tell me WHY this ship is so popular???? aloha has more interesting or shippy dynamics with rider, mask, hell even scuba or skull. WHAT is this???? army also has more interesting or believable dynamics with say specs, mask, rider, WHERE does this ship get all its popularity???? I do like their dynamic as friends, but more in an 'aloha shows army how to loosen up a bit in a way that is 100% to army's detriment'. if more people played them up as friends, or army's naïvety as easy fodder for aloha to be funny and/or an asshole, then maybe I could get into it more? army probably finds aloha annoying while aloha finds army out of touch and that COULD be capitalised on for humour but I don't think taking it in a shippy way is as good for it. That being said, this isn't a review of them as ships, but a ranking of their dynamic as a whole. I still think it's the blandest of the six

bonus round: combos of three but we leave someone out, GO

leave out army - comedy gold in the sense that aloha overrides masks common sense and skull doesn't give enough of a shit/finds it entertaining. you know when army gets back he's gonna have to nag at everyone and yet you know aloha is just gonna keep provoking and the other two are gonna fall for it

leave out skull - the interpretation of the other three being somewhat intimidated by skull is REALLY interesting, although I don't think it offers as many hijinks. I honestly think it's more interesting from Skull's perspective, but also the image of them all discussing skull with each other while skull is actually just off stuffing his face with ice cream is very funny

leave out mask - leaving out the ACTUAL common sense and these three are gonna get real stupid real quickly, maybe. I like skulls dynamic with em both but not really their dynamic with each other as I feel they'd both bounce so well off mask instead. army having to deal with the force of skull n aloha and aloha having to deal with the force of skull and army is funny tho. I don't think skull would end up the victim of their mutual bullshit, however, unless they could both find something obscure to agree on

leave out aloha - aloha's the confrontation that fuels most of this, otherwise it turns into the more passive three who probably wouldn't engage with each other much unless they had a central focus. more just becomes mask + army with skull as a third wheel. COULD be fun if they all had to work together on something as I feel it would bring out both the best and worst of them without aloha as one big loud pink distraction

[inactivefandomblog]

Things I noticed when I re watched Birds of prey last night

Hi all, I watched BOP for the second time last night and I wanted to write down some of the things I noticed as I had seen @wordsoflittlewisdom​ , Idea credit goes to them on this one. I’m aware that some of these things are not exactly new discoveries and were blatantly obvious to others, but I have ADHD and a processing delay meaning that I don't always take in all the information the first time I watch a film. For example, I had no idea Renee was gay for ages, even though they tell us she had an ex girlfriend (I think I was too busy fan Girling that Ali Wong was in the film then though to hear that bit). I have to focus more on the overall plot when I watch things the first time, but the second time I was able to scan for little details and take in more things. Without further ado, here’s what I noticed.

“Do you know what a harlequin is? A harlequin's role is to serve. It's nothing without a master. No one gives two shits who we are, beyond that.”

-When Harley is talking about Harlequinns serving  their master, she is not just talking about her relationship with the Joker, but about Canary letting Roman be her master. She is saying that she felt like she was nothing without the Joker. She is also implying that Dinah feels the same about Roman, and that she shouldn't because he doesn’t actually care about her like the Joker didn’t care about her.

-THATS WHY SHE ONLY HAS ONE SHOE IN THE CHASE SCENE!!!!!  SHE USED IT TO PIN DOWN THE ACCELERATOR IN THE TRUCKKKKKK!!! MYSETERY SOLVED!! ...  though.. she didn’t change her shoes to a full set between then and the police chase the next day/ later on the same day. Meaning she didn't go home after that...so did she just like wander around Gotham after committing a huge crime obviously tide to her XD of course she did, she’s Harley Fucking Quinn! Either that or she passed out somewhere from being very very drunk, hopefully her apartment and not just a street or something.

-BONUS:  fanfic idea: DRUNK HARLEY HAS A FUNERAL FOR HER SHOE THAT GOT BLOWN UP IN THE ACE CHEMICALS EXPLSION, WITH BRUCE AND THE BEAVER. after she leaves the crime scene. That just seems like a thing drunk Harley would do, as I imagine she loved those shoes as they were awesome..so were her sequin socks.

-The first time I watched it I didn't realise that the fireworks weren’t actually there - because that was all in Harley's head and the film is from her pov - even though we are showed that when the police arrive there are none and it's just a regular explosion. Not until I was told this was the case and realised we were literally shown this later on.

-She goes from being a Harlequinn to Harley Quinn as she becomes emancipated.

-Roman just lets Zsas grab his arms and restrain him when he’s mad, switch energy much.....also they are defo gay for each other. Zsas was acting like a jealous boyfriend when he gave Dinah even an ounce of attention. He legit told her to come back later when he just started massaging Roman’s shoulders. Roman let's Zsas rub his shoulders and comfort him, Zsas wants to protect Roman...need I go on.

- Cass’ parents are yelling about how they don't want her if you listen to what they are saying, so they’re not just fighting, they’re fighting because they wish they never adopted her. She can hear them saying all this too. This made me feel even more sad for Cass than when I thought her parents were toxic to each other in my first watch through.

- (Trigger warning: mention of domestic abuse and child abuse)

.

.

Cass’ parents didn't want her and seemed to be very hostile, its not mentioned how Cass got her cast...but I realised that it could suggest that her parents broke her arm. Which would go on to suggest that they were abusing her physically as well as emotionally. Hence why she didn’t trust people, and was so hurt when Harley betrayed her. Because when she says that she though Harley was different, she meant that she thought she could trust Harley and that Harley wouldn’t hurt her.

-Margot’s real accent comes through when she tells Canary ‘I haven't told that to anyone’ when telling her she Broke up with Joker, as well as a few other times throughout the film.

-Cassandra is quiet and not talkative in her first scene because her throat was hurting because of the diamond. That's why she coughed to try and clear it . At that point in the film we hadn’t been shown that  part but it was set after it happened so it makes sense when you re watch it.

-Cassandra’s jacket has a little middle finger logo on it, which I thought really suited her character.

- Cass has ‘asshole’ written on her cast, a drawing of a gun the word ‘fuck’, the word ‘magic’  - which is probably a reference at how she does some stuff that is similar to closeup magic and uses the same magicians technique of the art of misdirection - she also has what appears to be two playing cards, one with hearts  and one with diamonds. Which is most probably a reference to Harley Quinn’s whole  hearts and diamonds thing she has going. Didn’t comic book Harley also have a link to those specific playing cards too? or something like that?

EDIT: THEY ARE PLAYING CARDS!! I GOT A BETTER LOOK AT THE CAST IN THE COSTUMES VIDEO.

- TW: mentions of abuse and child abuse and trauma

The whole diamonds are a girls best friend is Harley going somewhere else mentally to cope with the trauma of being abused  - we see her being spanked by a nun when was younger suggesting she was abused then too, and I think it is a part of her comic book story  that she was but I don't know for sure - when it flashes and Guns appear that's reality trying to seep in. She's trying to focus on the diamond and block everything else out

-I spotted what looks like a mini mallet on the wall in her kitchen that could potentially be a meat tenderiser, and if that is the case then that is  a fantabulous little Easter egg type thingy. The handle looks too long to be a pot, it has a diamond pattern on it and it is next to another tool for preparing meat...so now I'm just waiting on Margot Robbie,Cathy Yan or Ella Jay Basco to Reply to my tweet and confirm it.

-Helena speaking Chinese makes me laugh for some reason, I think its her facial expression. 

- Kid  Helena’s crayons when she's drawing the revenge pic are all perfectly spaced and placed like her stuff in her bathroom scene. Further evidence of her perfectionism/ her liking things a specific way.

- The towel in Helena’s hotel room  on the bed (seen in mirror reflection) is in the shape of a little person.

- Canary sheds a tear when Roman harasses the lady on the table, I didn't notice that before because I looked away as the scene made me really uneasy.

- Harley screws the cap on the nail polish before putting it down even though there's someone at the door after them. This made me laugh because she thinks the police is after her but still takes time to do this, which is such a Harley thing. Like when she bent down to pick up the penny when that guy was gonna kill her.

- Roman has a shirt with his face printed on it.They did a good job of using the costumes and sets to show his egomaniacal trait.

- The look of acceptance of Harley's face when she realises that no one cares about, after the last person she thought cared about her (Doc) betrayed her, is heart-breaking. 

-How was Renee not injured from getting launched out the window? Even if she didn't fall all the way to the ground and landed on the top of the entrance bit, she’d still be injured.

-WHERE DOES HUNTRESSS STORE ALLL THOSE ARROWWWSSSSS????? SHE FIRED SO MMAANNNNYYY! I DIDN’T SEE A QUIIIIVVVER OR ANYTHING. I guess she just stores them in sub space along with her hammer¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

-Also I think I figured out what the chain is  for, at first I thought it was for the crossbow to attach to. Then I though not as she leaves the crossbow on the floor by itself in the funhouse fight scene, but then I think I saw it attached to it..so I think she can just disconnect it when need be. Plus it just looks cool.

-Alllssoo, she toooottallly checked out Dinah! HELENA IS DEFO GAYYYY! she has big useless lesbian vibes. They really knew who their target audience was when they made Helena look so stunning and badass. The producers really said ‘hello LGBTQ+ community’ (hopefully y’all know that tiktok audio or that wont make much sense) Also, if you don't believe me, I have a gif of her doing it on my blog. So there’s no denying it.

-Why were the lights on in the funhouse if it was  abandoned?? Maybe its just more Harley vision? but the carousel was rotating too...

Anyway that's everything I noticed, thanks for reading if you made it this far, and even if you didn’t...you wont see this then but still. Thank y’all .

[marvelthalia]

Fan Theory that Kublai Khan was in love with Marco Polo (Netflix)

Okay so I will admit I’m not well read enough to understand what coquetry means without looking it up. For those who like me, don’t know it means flirtatious behaviour. The reason I bring this up is because I was going through the Khan’s speech when he goes off on Marco about saving his father whilst Jingim’s kids are being born and every line of it just makes it seem more and more like he loved Marco or though Marco was in love with him. I know people always put Marco in as the Khan’s ‘son’ or ship him Jingim (which I also do) but just look at this speech and tell me he’s not head over heels in love with this Europe. N.B. This is only about the Netflix TV show, obviously not about real life.

The world gets bigger, so you open your arms wider. Is that not the Ghengis way?You let in the outsiders, with their sad eyes and wounded hearts, the orphaned son, the abandoned boy, you let them in your home, learn from them? Yes, but raise them and love them? Offer them all the magic the whole world has to offer? They fuck you. Oaths? Meaningless. Love in their eyes, worthless. Heart they promise you, will never be. Oh, they’ll stare, plead. Love mixed with awe mixed with coquetry mixed with an insatiable festering need. Need of a home, need of a father, need of a fucking place in the world. Give them all of this and more and what do they do, they scurry back to their dubious relations despite their meager characters that lack entirely of heart.

Like are you kidding me? The “orphaned son” must be his adopted son Ahmad but the “abandoned boy”? That’s defo Marco.  “Raise them” is Ahmad (even though Polo is like 19 when he reaches Cambulac) but the “love them” is referring to both of them because he loves them both one as a son and one as something more perhaps?

“Offer them all the magic the whole world has to offer” What do you, a king, do for your lover if not show them all the wonders of the world. When he showed him Xanadu in S2 tell me that wasn’t some showing off to a crush like look at my magic city, look at me climb this mountain and watch me stare down a wolf, come on a nice romantic secluded hike with me.

“Love in their eyes” “Heart they promise you, will never be” I don’t even have to explain this one, like come on guys. Kublai clearly thought Marco loved him, like LOVED him, and he’s heartbroken and pissed off now that he thinks that not true.

And that brings us to where we started “Love mixed with awe mixed with coquetry mixed with an insatiable fucking need” Kublai probably liked the power imbalance, this young boy completely out of his depth with no friends, completely at his mercy and the mercy of his every whim. A pretty boy with flowery words who spends half his time playing chess with the Khan in his private quarters and whispering sweet nothings about his empire.

But here’s the clincher of my little reading-too-much-into-subtext theory. Marco actually DID love him. I was convinced after I finished the show that Marco had Stockholm Syndrome and there was an explanation/theory on AO3 which outlined all of the good reasons for this, the fact that he can never bring himself to leave the Khan even when he does horrible things, even when he kills little boys who just want a hug and when he sentences Marco to death or beats a man to death in front of him he still remains loyal to the Khan even when multiple people ask him to run away with them or tell him to leave and give him a means of escape he won’t do it and I thought that was textbook Stockholm and it definitely still is but there’s more to it. Marco is in love with Kublai Khan and that’s why he’s so invested in the Mongol Empire, why he constantly risks his own life to save him and why he will never leave.

Also note that this isn’t a healthy relationship I’m proposing between the two, Kublai has waaaaaaay to much power over him, he’s way older (his sons are the same age if not older than him) and Marco really is just too much in need of a home and a place in the world. I don’t even think the Khan is purposely taking advantage of him in a weird way, he’s just the most powerful guy in the area, of course he’s going to be used to having utter control over other people lives but with Marco he’s almost like a fun Latin novelty who he gets to induct into this new way of thinking where the Khan is his be all and end all and Marco is utterly devoted to him by the end. For a guy on a power trip I can only assume that would be fun and we saw with Mei Lin how easy it was for a royal concubine to worm their way into his good books and arguably into his heart (if not his bed). The only other person who I think gets that same level of devotion is Kokachin the fake blue princess who we have explicitly seen he loves and even she gets left on read when the Khan’s needs (and his father’s) take precedent.

Kublai loves Marco and that’s why Jingim hates him so much in S1 (amongst other reason like the fact that he never keeps his mouth shut), heck he might have even also been in love with Marco and jealous that his father would likley get first dibs. 

My last and most compelling piece of evidence is simply put, how could anyone look at Marco Polo and not fall in love with him?

fin

[shortmexicangirl]

no nuance november — avatar: the last airbender edition

i stole this from tiktok, i just wanna drop my avatar hot takes 

suki is the strongest non-bender.

and yes, she’s stronger than ty lee.

zuko is the weakest bender in team avatar. and that’s okay! his entire character is built off of the fact that he isn’t an extraordinary firebender.

a season 4 is not necessary. the show had a very clear series arc (master the elements & defeat the fire lord) and had a satisfying ending because it finished when it did. it’s one of the most well made shows of all time, a fourth season would’ve been a cash grab and ruined that.

guys the show is 15 years old. please let zutara vs kataang go.

actually, ATLA ship wars in general are pointless. romance was never the main focus of avatar, it was characterisation and plot development. multishipping ftw.

not every villain needs a redemption arc, azula included. zuko’s arc spanned 3 seasons, was fully developed and he paid for his mistakes every minute - there’s a reason it’s known as the greatest in TV history. an azula redemption would’ve been rushed and sloppy. she deserves therapy but not a full arc.

iroh should be more to blame for how azula turned out than ursa. she was a victim of abuse, he wasn’t.

katara would wipe the floor with zuko in a fight and she DID! ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS! and he 100% agrees.

toph vs katara and toph vs azula are the only fights which are a complete toss up. i literally cannot tell you who would win.

people say toph would easily win against katara but it totally depends on circumstances. imagine: they’re in a wooden box, no full moon. katara has her water pouch, toph has a moderate amount of rocks. who’s winning? YOU CAN’T TELL!!

in a fight to the death between iroh and ozai, ozai would win. iroh is extremely moral and even after everything ozai’s done, iroh would still hesitate to kill his brother. ozai, however, would jump at the chance to attempt murder against yet another family member.

the final agni kai has the best music in the entire franchise.

jet gets a lot of hate but he was such a necessary character to show the consequences of being kid caught up in the war.

if it wasn’t for mai all your favs would be dead. put some respect on her name.

people only hate mai because they don’t relate to her and she ended up with their crush (and a reminder that she’s not a heartless bitch. she does have emotions, she just doesn’t express them.)

you’re allowed to dislike a ship simply because it’s not your taste, but don’t claim that characters are toxic and abusive when they’re not.

except tyzula. that’s actually a toxic/abusive relationship. (they’re cute in au’s but it’s good that they weren’t canon)

but azula defo had unrequited feelings

mai lee >>> tyzula

jin and zuko were not “perfect for each other” like so many people say. she knew absolutely nothing about him because zuko was lying the whole time. it was a cute short arc but that’s it.

[solar-pxwered]

A List Of Norman Reedus Movies/Shows I Have Seen And My Opinions On Them

1. The Boondock Saints

The Best. A classic. Bloody and inappropriate and if I remember my count correctly, contains 194 “fucks” or variations of it (this movie certainly illustrates the diversity of the word). Terrible Irish accents. A KICKASS soundtrack. Willem DeFoe crossdressing. Dropping toilets on people’s heads. Over the top action sequences. Cheesy dialogue. Campy as fuck. I freakin’ love it.

2. The Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day

Some people didn’t like this one as much as the first one, and I admit that I wasn’t as fond of the new detective in this one as I was of Smecker...but, overall, I really enjoyed it and I drove 2 hours to see it in theaters. I love Romeo more than Rocco. The humor was on point. It was nice to see the original actors for Doc, Dolly, Duffy and Greenley. There was more terrible Irish accents, another KICKASS soundtrack, cheesy dialogue, over the top action sequences, still campy as fuck. I freaking love it.

3. The Walking Dead

Cannot even describe how much I love this show. I have ALWAYS loved zombie related shows and movies so this show was right up my alley from the very beginning all the way back in 2010. I watched it religiously every Sunday. I adore this roller coaster ride of a show and I especially adore Daryl, Carol and Jerry. This show has it all: Comedy, drama (hella lots of that), tragedy and triumph...and it never fails to pulls me in and hold my interest.

4. Mimic

Honestly, I saw this a LONG time ago and I hated it because...well, because I have a cockroach phobia, ok?! Don’t judge. Norman’s part was pretty small, not one of his lasting impressions on me.

5. Six Ways To Sunday

This is a weird one. It’s about an overly innocent 18 year (played by Norman) who gets involved in the Mob and develops an alter ego that’s violent and his complete opposite. There’s murder, prostitutes and good ol’ fashioned mother-son incest and it wasn’t a movie I suggest for the lighthearted or anyone with those sort of triggers. 

That being said, I watched the whole thing and didn’t hate it. It was just uncomfortable...as seems to be a theme with Norman Reedus movies.

6. Dark Harbor

This fucking movie...

Ok, so, I’ll be straight with you: I really enjoyed this dumbass movie. It had me guessing right up to the very end and it took me on a very strange ride along the way. 

If watching someone sexually feed a woman a poisonous mushroom, lots of dark eyed staring scenes or Norman Reedus making out with Alan Rickman is your thing, then go for it. 

7. Let the Devil Wear Black

It’s modern Hamlet. What else is there to say? If you like Hamlet, you’ll like this movie. If you like pre-car accident, baby face Reedus with the black hair, you’ll like this movie. I liked it.

8. 8MM

You know what the best thing about this movie is? Nicholas Cage. He steals the damn show no matter what movie he’s in and no one can even deny that fact. Norman’s part in this one is pretty small too but I liked this movie anyway because...well, Nick Cage. Enough said.

9. Bad Seed

I honestly can’t remember how this movie ends, all I remember was that it wasn’t at all how I expected it. I liked this movie because it’s a psychological thriller and that’s my most favorite genre of all time. The movie’s premise is a guy suspects his wife of having an affair and comes home one night and finds her murdered so he goes after her lover (Reedus) to try and kill him because he believes he was the one who killed her. It’s a cat and mouse chase sort of thing...now I need to rewatch it because I can’t, for the life of me, remember how it ends.

10. Gossip

Ok, no JOKE, this is the best movie I ever randomly discovered and I can’t believe how many people have never heard of it! It’s got some big names in it (Lena Headey, Norman Reedus, James Marsden and Kate Hudson to name a few).

It’s a psychological thriller/mystery drama in which three friends start a rumor at their school as a social experiment for their class. The rumor grows, however, and suddenly it’s out of their hands and spiraling out of control. People start getting hurt, reputations get dragged through the mud and then it escalates to the point of someone losing their life. The three main characters {Reedus, Headey and Marsden) try to figure out the truth behind the out of control rumors and discover more than they ever imagined, or ever wanted.

I HIGHLY recommend this movie. I really, REALLY do. The ending is one of the best twists I’ve seen in a LONG time.

11. The Beatnicks

This movie is so weird. It’s like...it’s just really weird. It revolves around two beat poets who find a magic box that somehow magically helps them get good at being poets but it’s like...an evil box and so they decide to only use it once and then get rid of it. Yeah, it’s a weird movie. Not my highest suggestion.

12. Blade II

Ok, if you’ve never seen the Blade Trilogy then I just don’t even know what to tell you. 

My favorite of the three movies, Blade 2 gives us the glorious Reedus character of Scud, the pot smoking, horrible-shirt-wearing, mechanical genius and Blade’s sidekick. Not only is he precious and adorable, the movie in all is enjoyable and has a fun rave-esque soundtrack. 

The one thing I hate? *SPOILER ALERT* Scud’s scummy betrayal.

13. Tough Luck

This is another one of those movies that I liked but it’s just so freaking weird. 

It’s a psychological drama where a down on his luck con artist, Archie (Reedus), tries to rip off a carnival worker and gets caught. As punishment, he’s hired to work at the carnival  to pay off the debt. He gets involved in a scheme to murder the owner’s wife, but falls in love with her in the process.

Things go to shit. He gets the short end of the stick. More plots and lies develop. It’s all twisted until the end and the answers fall into place.

I really like this movie, it’s one that I kept and still have my copy of. 

A word of warning though, never leave this movie on your movie shelf for your father to find and watch while you’re away at college, resulting in your mother calling you and asking you why you have such a nasty movie. Because the sex scene at the end is OUTRAGEOUS. I mean, it is the FUNNIEST fucking sex scene I have ever seen in my life and I can’t ever watch it without cringing and laughing. My mother, however, didn’t think it was funny at all and my father was too shocked to even form a sentence.

I highly suggest this trippy as hell movie.

14. Octane

Ok, to be fair, this movie is actually alright, although Norman’s character gets the shittiest death possible. I mean, imagine dying because some psycho vampire kisses you and bites your tongue out. That’s one shitty death.

But, overall, this is a good thriller. Johnathan Rhys Meyers plays the villain and he’s always pretty quality. The story is basically a teenager has a disagreement with her mom and gets picked up by this drugged up, blood sucking, vampire wannabe cult and indoctrinated joining them. Her mother joins up with a tow truck driver (Reedus) whose daughter was also kidnapped years ago and who has been hunting the cult down ever since. 

It was a cringe filled, yet interesting, movie and I didn’t hate it.

15. John Carpenter’s Cigarette Burns

This is John Carpenter....OF COURSE I liked this one. 

I won’t say what it’s about because that would ruin the story, but it’s part of an anthology and John Carpenter loved Norman’s role so much he STILL talks about it today and suggests Norman to people in the industry.

It’s a good one if you’re into horror shorts or anthologies or the genius of the legend that is John Carpenter.

16. A Crime

I had completely forgotten about this movie until I started making this post, but now that I remember...I REALLY liked this one!!

This is a pretty sad one, but it was very good and Norman’s acting in it is absolutely wonderful. His character’s wife was murdered and the suspect was never found so his neighbor, who really likes him, creates a fake culprit so that he can finally get some closure. 

This is a good one. I suggest this one if you’re in the mood for a strange sort of romance movie that has underlying thriller tones.

17. Moscow Chill

I remember watching this one, and I remember enjoying it, but I honestly can’t remember anything about it except that it’s a Russian film in which Norman plays a computer hacker who gets hired to hack into a Russian bank and gets caught and put in prison. But I honestly can’t remember what happens in detail.

If you like foreign movies with hacking and subterfuge plots, then give it a try because I do remember enjoying it while I watched.

18. Red Canyon

This one is kinda fucked up. Imagine Daryl Dixon mixed with Breaking Bad mixed with Deliverance and you’ve pretty much got the story...

A brother and sister return to their mother’s hometown to settle things and put their horrible past behind them...but upon returning they end up reliving the nightmare all over again.

It’s a good thriller/horror watch, but there are scenes of sexual violence so if that’s not something you can handle, then don’t watch this one.

19. Hero Wanted

This. Is. A. GOOD. Movie.

Cuba Gooding Jr. is the lead and he does an AMAZING job. Gooding’s character is a garbage man who falls in love with a girl who never takes any notice of him. To get her attention, he stages a heist in which he is supposed to jump in, save the day, and win the girl...only the heist turns out to be real and he is shot and the girl is also shot in the process. He sets out for revenge and gets in way over his head.

Norman’s part in this isn’t very big...but HOLY SHIT, was it impactful. His character didn’t have a lot of screen time, in comparison to a lot of other people, but he had a solid backstory and reason for being involved and MY GOD did I cry about it. This was actually the first movie of his I watched AFTER discovering Boondock Saints and it solidified my love for his acting abilities.

A very good watch. Highly suggest.

20. Messengers 2: The Scarecrow

This one is pretty ok, actually, as far as lame horror movies go. 

The plot is simple: Blonde, beardy, corn farmer Norman gets slowly driven insane by the haunted scarecrow in his field that he thinks putting up is a good idea for some damn reason. He starts to get more and more violent and rapey as time goes on until his family is forced to take up arms against him.

It’s not bad. Second part in what I THINK is a trilogy? I’ve only ever seen the first two. If you like horror movies then this one is a good watch. As I mentioned though, there is an attempted rape scene in this one so just be aware.

21: Pandorum

It’s an alien movie. Astronauts run into a species that is stronger and hungry for tasty humans. Shepard (Norman’s character) doesn’t make it out alive. If you’re not in the mood to see Norman get LITERALLY gutted or other characters get nommed by aliens, then don’t watch.

If you ARE, then go ahead and watch, because it was pretty alright.

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

Resolutions Are Here Again

So, with last year out of the way, it’s time to turn our collective attention to the New Year and the completely unfounded belief that it represents a clean slate and the opportunity to improve ourselves as people. With that in mind, it’s time for my contractually-obligated selection of New Year’s Resolution suggestions. Some of these are actually good advice- most of them are likely to get you killed. I’m not going to tell you which is which. Let the games begin.

1. Move Away from the Cities I spent a lot of time living in London and its surrounding environments and- as I’ve mentioned in previous blog entries- it was very wearing on the soul. London is a pathological city: a form of psychosis that has crystallised in our corporeal world as a set of spindly glass skyscrapers and stone monuments to the constipated military dead. While I sometimes miss its grandiosity, I’ve found that moving away from it to the bleak, beautiful middle of nowhere has had a beneficial effect on my mental health (well, that and my gorgeous fiance). I strongly suspect that all big cities are a bit awful- I’ve never really found one that seems to be conducive to general well-being. If you live in one but have the opportunity to leave, I can heartily recommend taking it.

2. Pirate More Films I love movies. Well, I love good movies. And some interestingly bad movies, too. Unfortunately, I fucking hate mediocre movies, which make up the majority of the film industry’s output. Unfortunately, it’s pretty hard to tell whether a movie will be good, interesting-bad, regular-bad or just meh based on trailers (which are carefully edited to cast the flick in the best possible light) and reviews (which are written by either idiots, shills, or me- and nobody fucking agrees with me). Luckily, there’s a solution to the problem of wasting your money on cinema tickets and DVDs only to be disappointed. It’s called Piracy and here in the upcoming space-year of 2022, you don’t even need a funny Cornish accent to do it (eyepatches are still encouraged, but not mandatory). Pirating movies is a great form of quality control and allows you to decide if something is worth your time before you spend money on it, rather than after. Of course, some spectacular cinematic experiences deserve to be seen on the big-screen first, but you can usually intuit which those are and which you can safely watch at home with your feet up first. So yeah: go piracy (NOTE: This entry is an abstract speculation and a joke and in no way counts as a confession to piracy for legal purposes- though I have committed several crimes on and in boats, which is similar).

3. Stalk a Better Class of Celebrity Miley Cyrus definitely has stalkers. So does that bloke out of One Direction- you know: the one with the hair. And fucking Beyoncé. Justin Timberlake probably has stalkers. Willem Defoe has friends he hasn’t met yet (seriously- he seems like a guy who would get on with his own stalkers). And it’s a bit depressing. Because it means there are people who actually think these people are worth wasting their lives on and risking a jail sentence over. Okay, Willem Defoe might be, but if you’re stalking someone who would happily just be your friend to alleviate the crushing loneliness of being Willem Defoe, then you’re doing something wrong. So, if you’re a stalker, I suggest taking the opportunity of the impending New Year to choose a new target- someone who’s actually worth stalking. Maybe chance your arm in an intense cat-and-mouse game with Leonardo DiCaprio, unsure of whether you’re the hunter of the hunted. Or go camping in Joanna Lumley’s back garden (if nothing else, it’ll be an education in fashion choices). Or hang around in graveyards, pestering Leonard Cohen’s restless ghost! Or, if you really want a challenge, try to track down Nicholas Cage, who is known to disappear into heavy mist and dense forests between the bizarre celluloid fever-dreams that are his career. Like a majestic Bigfoot.

4. Avoid Jumanji Merchandise Like the Fucking Plague Yeah, I know this is a suspiciously specific one, but it’s more important than you might think. My Fiancé and I recently purchased a replica of the Jumanji boardgame from, y’know, the movie of the same name, expecting an exciting game we could play with friends and family with different events and twists. What we got was a tiny plastic board with a light-up centre, no rule-sheet and no special spaces or cards with events on to liven up the game. We might as well have played fucking Ludo in silly explorer’s hats. It set us back £23, too. I mean, pretty much every major I.P. you can think of has some shite merchandise attached to it (I once saw a Rick and Morty toilet-roll holder, for fuck sake), but there’s something about Jumanji that seems to invite a whole new level of flagrant piss-taking. Be warned, ye travellers on the road of nerdy merch.

5. Eat More Exotic Cheeses I really can’t sing the praises of cheese highly enough at the moment. It’s nature’s perfect food-stuff. Just stick in on a cracker with a sliced up grape and you suddenly feel like the most sophisticated fucker in the world, even though you’ve made next to zero effort to combine a fruit, a dry thing and some seriously gone-off milk. Best of all, cheeses comes in a staggering array of enticing variants, from truffle-stuffed brie to Wensleydale with Cranberry. My personal favourite is a creamy little number with pineapple and almonds and I have no idea what the technical name for the type of cheese is, but YOU MEDICALLY HAVE TO TRY IT. Yeah. I’m going to shut up about cheese now.

6. Get into Buggery and Cannibalism Because those smug bastards in Her Majesty’s Royal Navy don’t own a fucking patent! Go out there and live your big gay cannibal dreams! (And yes, I’m aware that this joke won’t land for anyone unfamiliar with British naval stereotypes or Monty Python’s Flying Circus, but I also don’t care so it balances out).

7. ‘Discover’ a New Cryptid Cryptozoology is by far my favourite daffy, half-baked pseudo-science. Sure, astrology is a fascinating system of rules and lore, all of which are excellently silly because they presume that burning balls of plasma thousands of lightyears away give a shit whether some guy named Kenneth is entering a time of prosperity and change. But fundamentally, there’s not a lot of get-up-and-go in it. One ‘studies’ astrology by reading heavy books and trying not to laugh at terms like ‘Uranus is in Retrograde’. And sure, Homeopathy has got an actual body-count, thanks to everyone who’s embraced it instead of real medicine, which is pretty metal. But none of these things are as fundamentally cool as going into the wilderness hunting something that definitely does not exist dressed like Doctor Fucking Livingstone. There’s something harmless and whimsical about Cryptozoology, which is why I invite you all to go out into your nearest place of abject desolation, convince yourself that there’s ‘something’ out there and take a few blurry photos from which you can develop an entire made-up species for other raving loonies to chase forever after. Who knows? You might do your town’s tourist trade the world of good. Fuck knows the economy could use all the help it can get at the moment, what with all the COVID that’s been happening.

8. Google ‘I’m Sorry, Jon’ and be Afraid… Very Afraid Like most people, I hadn’t consciously thought about Garfield in years. He’s just a cat who likes lasagna- what’s to think about? Then I discovered that Weirdos on The Internet (bless their little cotton socks) have decided that Garfield is secretly a terrifying eldritch abomination with the power to bend reality itself- a being of pure malevolence that delights only in the torment of ‘Jon’, the foolish human who once believed himself his owner. And there is some fucking amazing fanart and lore devoted to this concept and I can’t stress enough how wild and out there this is. It’s like something H.P. Lovecraft would write if you injected him full of LSD and sat him in a cat cafe for three days. The most comprehensive repository is the ‘I’m Sorry, Jon’ thread on Reddit, though there’s a lot of trash to ferret through before you get to the well-drawn and truly nightmarish stuff. The art of a guy named Rojorn is also a good place to start, if you want to cut straight to the point. Anyway, it’s a fucking trip- a trip right down the gaping throat of gibbering online madness. I recommend it: it’ll blow away the cobwebs and, if nothing else, remind you that human beings are really fucking weird creatures. The perfect way to start the New Year.

9. Give up on the Device and Go the Fuck Outside. Maybe on a Date Look. I don’t want to admit and I know you don’t either, but those doomsday devices we’ve all been building just aren’t going to bring the world to its knees as effectively as COVID already has. It was a beautiful dream- the world finally crushed under the heal of the cackling mad scientists who should have been in charge all along- but it’s time to let it go. It’s really hard to source Uranium and the Souls of Dead Dragons nowadays, anyway. Fucking red tape. Put the dust-sheet back on your ‘The Device’, go outside and meet a nice lady Mad Scientist. You can do cute couple-y stuff like vivisections and unearthing the curse of Lost Atlantis. Take it from someone who’s found his partner in supervillainy: you’ll thank me for it later.

10. Murder Chris Chibnall with a Bowling Ball Look- I already told you that I no longer live in London, where the prick works, so it’s up to you, dear reader, to keep the dream alive. Resolve, here and now, gentle, brainwashed minion, to go forth and end this hack’s Who-ruining spree with a good old-fashioned bowling-ball-to-the-head!

11. Tell a Dolphin to Fuck Off Dolphins are beautiful, intelligent creatures with a sophisticated language that scientists are finally starting to decode and, apparently, an abiding love of us humans. But here’s an experiement nobody has thought to run: would dolphins still love and aid humans if they could actually understand us? Let’s try insulting them in their own language and find out. Let’s see how fucking friendly Flipper is after you’ve called him a bottle-nosed tosspot directly to his face. I’m guessing ‘not very’, but that’s what science is for: to test these little hypotheses. And no, I can’t think of how to tie this one to the New Year either, but it made me laugh so it’s going on the list.

12. Stop Making Resolutions Dude (or Dudette), if you’re still reading at this point, I think you might have an addiction to resolutions. It’s time to go cold turkey. I’m cutting off this blog… right… now.

[chanaqinn]

Grand Theft Auto Chinatown Wars

or, the most underrated GTA game (or is it 1? or 2???? idk)

I’ve already completed the story many years ago, but I had such good memories that I wanted to do it again. And I rarely go through a game for the story twice (due to laziness... some games are super long ok). “Salt in the Wound” is the last mission, but I won’t spoil it. • The cutscenes are interesting imo. They’re drawings, kinda like visual novels I’d say? On the DS as least, the drawings are at the bottom, you can see what’s happening in the 3D world on the upper screen.

Huang is a dumbass, but he’s still a cool protagonist. I like him.. or his sarcasm lol (some characters are very clueless). Plus, it can hit close to home if you’re Asian and you’ve experienced racism, because there is racism in this game. (　´_ﾉ` )

The ending is pretty unpredictable, I’d say? Like, the entire time, you’re looking for a dude to get rid of him because of what he did to Huang (killed his father and stole the shitty sword everyone wants), but you have no idea who he is. Then Huang has people telling him that if he works for them, they’ll tell him who it is, but most of them are just full of bs and use him, especially that dude that wanted a specific guy dead. (｡+･`ω･´)

As for the gameplay, it’s unique for a GTA game because it originally came out on the DS (though remastered and ported to PSP, Android and iOS) so it uses the touch screen. There are mini games like scratching tickets, drawing tattoos, looking through trash for various things (some are useless junk), making molotov cocktails at the gas stations, attaching a bomb to a car, opening specific vehicles to steal their stuff, turning the engine on without activating the alarm when stealing parked cars (two different types), and throughout the story, during some missions. Also, I don’t know if it was ever featured in another GTA game (not mods), but it’s possible to buy and sell drugs; there’s a network dedicated to that in the game so you can see who wants what. Definitely not a game for addicts (money or whatever), since I find it hard to get big bucks without the whole drugs thing (unless you’re extra lucky with the scratch card, or you’re a cheater). It’s possible to buy other places to live/save/hide, but that’s featured in some other GTA games for sure (I’m thinking San Andreas). Perhaps winning an apartment/house with a scratch card is only available in GTA:CW. Ah, and let’s not forget the multiplayer parts of it! I’ve never tried them though. :/ But they’re there.

Anyway, yes, I like the game very much. :) if that wasn’t obvious lol +++ My favorite cheat in this game (and other GTA games but–) : rolling out of the car when about to pass a .... toll??? That thing where you have to pay to go through, otherwise the police chases you and takes your weapons... Getting out of the car while it’s still in motion makes it go through no problem, then you can just walk past it and go back inside the vehicle, without paying even though it’s just 5 bucks lol

Total time to complete the story: defo more than 7 hours because it crashed... multiple times :c + that quality is utter trash haha

The first time I was selling that stuff in this 2nd playthrough, pretty much at the beginning of the game........ I had 0 money issue afterwards LOL

-

Oh yeah, spoiler here: I remember how scared I was during the cutscene with the ambulance I couldn’t watch. :( I mean, I was a child back then. Hate Zhou Ming. It’s not that graphic btw, but if body horror scares you... then you better close your eyes. And the sword. Arg. I found one in the trash LOL. It’s pretty scary when you’re not the one holding one, because its particularity is: it only takes one hit to kill. The swinging animation is pretty fast too, it doesn’t leave enough time to react and run away.

[kotsuvi]

hq at the outdoor pool [hc]

a/n: i did this instead of posting “a month of sundays” and honestly i’m not even mad about it.

karasuno:

- asahi: definitely wears a speedo. that’s all.

- daichi: wears bright orange boardshorts. slathers on sunscreen before, during, and after being in the pool. literally will make suga throw him the bottle while he’s in the water. like this man does not want to burn. occasionally yells at hinata, kageyama and bokuto for being too loud but then goes and does a  cannonball into a group of kids. 

- suga: totally the type to hang around the shallow end and splash around with the kids. he’d just wade around and get a kick out of them and all of the mom’s would fall for him within the first twenty minutes. probably brings neatly sliced carrots for a snack. wears a hat to avoid burning his scalp. 

- nishinoya: the kid that pretends to drown in hopes of getting the hot lifeguard to give him CPR. the first time it actually worked, but it totally backfired the second time. some rando old man “saved” him instead but noya got right out of there before things escalated. he didn’t go back to the pool for the rest of the summer after that. threw up in the pool once too. they had to drain it and it was closed for a week. 

- tanaka: always screaming. slips on the pool deck and gets yelled at for running. this man will literally dive into the water from anywhere. once he nearly decapitated a kid because he dove in the deep end without looking. he’s about one more annoying shriek away being banned from the place. 

- tsukishima: mans DEFO brings goggles to every pool. definitely. absolutely. hinata thought they were a joke and laughed at him for a solid twenty seconds before tsukki threatened to drown him. he does laps around the perimeter of the pool. purposely splashes water in little kids faces. yells at tadashi for swimming too close.

- tadashi: follow tsukki around the whole time. honestly not a very strong swimmer. literally almost drowned once but he doesn’t like to bring it up. he’s got checkered swim shorts. wears one of those white swim shirts that kinda looks like a wetsuit. kid always has goosebumps too, even if the sun is blazing. like teeth chattering. he does NOT like the water but has serious FOMO so he goes in anyways. 

- hinata: dear god. him and kageyama hold competitions for who can make the biggest splash. they jump in front the diving board, the slide, the side of the deck; anything to try and create some waves. really tried to get asahi to throw him into the air. he thought it would be super sick and create this mega splash but he just ended up looking like a toddler being tossed by a middle-aged man. it was extremely embarrassing. boy probably wears neon boardshorts and has matching flip-flops. 

- kageyama: he almost always wins biggest splash. he also threatens to throw small children off the diving board if they don’t jump fast enough. mans has zero patience with other people, but when it’s his turn he chickens out and then makes some excuse as to why he couldn’t do it. “oh, i got a headache”, “there were too many people in the line, it would’ve taken forever”. he also steals things from the lost and found outside the change rooms; mostly water bottles. 

aobajoshai:

- oikawa: comes extremely prepared. like very. towels and sunscreen and snacks and lots of drinks. only for himself tho; sharing is not caring. he just dips his toes in the water, maybe stands on the steps that lead into the pool, then he gets out and tans for the rest of the time. has boardshorts with flamingos on them. will occasionally splash water on his chest because he thinks it’s ~hot~. it kinda is.

- iwaizumi: he says he doesn’t even like the pool, but this man goes HARD in diving competitions. yanno those little toys that you throw in the deep end and they sink and then you have to go and get them? well yeah, he’s addicted to those. he’s so competitive about it too. made a kid cry once. when he’s not in the water he’s helping tendou fill up bottles to dump on kuroo and oikawa. he says there’s nothing to do at the pool, but he literally is busy the whole time. barks at you to shut up if you comment on the fact. 

- kindaichi: brings a giant green floaty and just drifts around the pool. literally had a nap on it once and burnt his body so bad that he couldn’t sit down for a week without excruciating pain. 

- kyoutani: tries to hold his breath for way longer than humanly possible. passed out once. starts a fight in the change rooms over who gets to use the last shower. threw shampoo in oikawa’s eyes once and temporarily blinded him. pretty sure all the staff is scared of him, and honestly they should be. this man will literally kill you. 

nekoma:

- kuroo: isn’t just acting like the lifeguard, he literally is the lifeguard. kidding, but he wishes he was. literally tests the chlorine levels of the water every time he goes there. him and kenma mostly just hang around the edge and talk. he tells off bokuto and tanaka for nearly beheading kids, but thinks it’s funny. he won’t want to get his hair wet, but tendou will absolutely take every opportunity that he can to dunk that man. 

- kenma: get a feeling that this boy does not like the pool. it’s too loud for him, and the screaming kids (+ tanaka) get on his nerves. he just sits with kuroo and prays that noya will throw up in the water again and then it’ll be drained. he only went because hinata pleaded him to, but the boy ditched him for kags halfway through. 

- yaku: literally spends the whole time bullying lev. told tall boy™ that if he went under the water for too long it would absorb through his ears and his lungs would fill up and he would drown. to everyone else he’s very caring. literally saved a kid from drowning once. stopped a fight between a jackass and a girl that was insecure about her braces. literally soft but not when it comes to lev

- lev: TERRIFIED. thanks to yaku he’s literally scared to go in the water for more than five minutes. mans sits on the edge and dangles his feet over the side. hates when his fingers and toes go all pruny. he likes to go on the pool slide though. constantly slips in the change rooms when showering and confuses the shampoo with soap. 

fukurodani:

-bokuto: this man goes WILD. literally lives at the pool when it’s hot. the king of doing tricks off the diving board. seriously. never ever leaves that board. he’ll push kids over to get to the top first. literally never ever stops shouting. he’s gotten so good at tricks that people will literally pay him to try new things. the lifeguards like to bet on whether or not he’ll make it. ALWAYS has a different pair of boardshorts??? this man has so many clothes for some reason. he also brings a different towel every time. oikawa is jealous but he won’t admit it.

- akaashi: DOES NOT SWIM. can do it but chooses not to. mans would rather just sit in the shade and read a good book. bokuto forces him to film shit and post it all over his socials. the kind of guy that looks mysterious and causes girls to giggle and admire from afar because they think he’s a heartbreaker. 

shiratorizawa:

- ushijima: wears shorts that are way too fucking tight for him. snatches the hot lifeguard away from noya without even knowing it. this man will literally just sit at the bottom of the pool for as long as he can. like takes a huge breath and then sinks to the bottom. he’ll just sit there. like you’ll be swimming and look down and oh! there he is, just sitting criss-cross at the bottom of the fucking swimming pool. tanaka dared hinata to lay beside him, but hinata almost drowned before he even got seated cuz the poor boy couldn’t figure out how to stop floating up to the surface. 

- tendou: he swims with his eyes open like DRILLING into you underwater. tsukki was doing his laps once and tendou was just there like watching. he’s the kinda guy to pull the filters out of the side of the pool and examine what’s inside (literally just bugs and leaves and some plastic cap). drinks the pool water. runs on the deck as well. like sprints. spends most of his time bothering everyone else and freaking out other swimmers. doesn’t shower before getting in the water and doesn’t shower afterwards. probably doesn’t shower period.

- goshiki: always doing tricks. handstands?? you got it. a cartwheel into the water? yep. tried to backflip off of bokuto’s shoulders and got screamed at by the staff? yes yes yes. did a flip off the diving board and bellyflopped so bad that his entire body was red for two weeks? mhm. he always needs an audience though, even if it’s just a few 10 year old kids. his trunks fell down once when he was getting out of the water.

other:

- aone: kids are scared of him. he always looks like he wants to drown somebody, and there was a rumour that he actually did. of course he didn’t. mans doesn’t even really know how to swim. he just paddles around in the shallow end. wishes he was wearing water wings.

- terushima: goes to the pool for the snacks and drinks??? “don’t know, the food just hits different here,” is always his answer. he brings his own speaker and literally starts a disco between the lawn chairs. the staff don’t like him at all, but he buys so much fucking food that literally all their income is from that man. he rarely actually goes in the water. stole someone’s flip-flops once and ended up getting warts.

- atsumu: pulls some random girl up on his shoulders for a chicken fight. went through two phones in three weeks because he takes it in the water with him??? literally like on his phone while swimming. idk, mans just gotta stay updated on the twitter tea. 100% pees in the pool and blames it on kageyama.

- sakusa: does not go to the public pool. ever.

[atomosphericnonsense]

Just another thought to prevent sleep tonight but let’s consider polynein platonic/romantic soulmate au where you feel a shadow of your soulmates pain just for the drama of it all. All that pain being shared just a fraction between all of them. Like little Veth feeling Yeza’s bruises but one day she get feels a scrape on her knee and goes to bring him flowers or something and he’s not injured??? And the two of them growing into love together with the knowledge that Veth has at least one other soulmate out there. All the phantom pains from Beau and Yashas training The day they all woke up with their fingers aching because Molly spent the night digging himself out of his own grave. For most of them they were really young when Caleb broke, and they all just wept from the emotion of it all and then had nothing else from him until he broke out of the hospital. Caleb barely even recognizing his soulmates’ pains while he was messed up. All the little unfortunate scrapes and hunger pains that fjord had growin up- all those fights he got in. Cad has his fair share of small injuries growing up but once his family left all his soulmates feel his hunger pains. All of the Nein waking up clawing at their throats when Veth is drowned. All the Nein waking up when happens again but to fjord. Jester growing up sheltered in her home coming up with stories for every pang. All of the little cuts that molly had from his class just worrying the rest of them. Yasha and Zuala sharing the pains from their nomadic life and getting married, when Zuala died Yasha felt it bro, and Yashas pain is also the neins. I’d imagine Yasha didn’t think much about the pains she would feel that were neither hers or Zualas. But her and molly figured out fast they were soulmates. With the rest of the Nein it took some time and a bit of denial on all of their parts. During those first few fights there’s so much going on it’s a bit hard to tell who’s pain is who’s. I’d say that both Caleb and nott figured out they were soulmates rather quickly but didn’t talk about it (in classic widobrave lack of communication). They all realize molly is a soulmate rather quickly considering he causes a good portion of his own pain. It basically becomes a trail of “really you too???” Dominos as one by one they see someone get hurt and feel it themselves. I would think it takes them a bit to talk about it, except for Jester- she’d probably be so excited to finally have names for all the scrapes. She’s the first one to go “you guys, who drowned???” During a truth circle or something all excited to finally know about her soulmates. How they all react to the soulmates thing would defo just follow how they reacted to each other. Most of them mistrusting and then becoming protective. I think Molly would have been a bit weird about it. I imagine him squinting at the other members of the Nein like are these my soulmates or whoever was buirieds soulmates?? But he comes around to them all, escpecially with the circus gone and Yasha yashing off. Oh Lordy Yasha alone chasing stroms feeling the battles the Nein are going through and knowing who they are. Knowing that pang in her side was one of them and she wasn’t there. Fuck I am not even going to think of how they all felt when Molly died. Fuck that noise. Especially how Jester and fjord would have felt it from inside the caravan but that Yasha wouldn’t have because she was unconscious. Instead I’m gonna think about how when nott shot beau and Cad felt it in his side he suddenly realized that he had found his soulmates and they’re dumb as heck. He probably wouldn’t tell them about it, wanting to let them realize on their own that they had come to their soulmate for help. Them realizing it during the rescue mission and having no time to process. Jester definitely cried a little when she realized Cad was another soulmate- like she had just lost one only for another to turn up to help save them. Then al trading late night stories behind injuries and Cad asking who was always getting cut everywhere and just silence falling on the group.

Enthusiastic stories about Mollymauk following as they all loop him in to what he was like. Everyone feeling nott take that last hit from the dragon to save Jester. When nott starts going through withdrawals they all get whispers of the headache. The pain and hurt and shared nausea during the revelations at Felderwin when they first arrived. Them all having to deal with the fact that their soulmates and people who keep lots of secrets and people who aren’t necessarily trusting. Having to figure out what their relationships are- oh holy shit them al feeling it everytime someone is knocked unconscious or killed. Them all understanding Notts aversion to the water a bit better because they all felt her drown. Just all of it. Man all of it. It’s like two am and I’ve been awake for so long but I keep thinking of all the implications of soulmate pain. Oh goodness fjord feeling jester start to drown in that temple and not wanting her to know what it actually feels like being apart of his kiss of life. Them all feeling the stab through the chest of molly and then beau and then fjord all identical im placement and just how much it hurts. Them fighting Yasha when she’s under obanns control and feeling it as they do it. When Caleb was charmed and he threw that fireball he felt the flames. When nott shot Yasha. All of the times they’ve been turned against each other. The blood pact between fjord and Caleb being felt across everyone’s hands. The moments where jester was alone that first time in the happy fun ball being absolute torture for the rest as they wait to feel her being hurt. Oh man I need to go to bed. Imagine first though when they rescue Yeza that whole time Jester managed not to tell him that she was one of Veth’s soulmates through sending. She also manages to keep it to herself when first talking to him because she is good at keeping secrets when they really matter. And then when Veth goes in, after a good part of their canonical conversation she goes “honey, you know how we figured I had one other really injury prone soulmate wandering into trees and stuff somewhere out there?” And he’s like “yes of course did you find them?” And she smiles awkwardly and is like “it’s actually seven really injury prone soulmates and most of them are standing in the hall” and he’s just like “ohkay” like that whole exchange would get so much funnier. Just all of Notts secret family would become even more of a bomb drop because of the added wait a mintue you have another soulmate that your married to and have a child with and you’re not actually a goblin??!??! The whole complexity of no one knowing what to do with the information or with Yeza once they rescue him would just intensify.