#theres more to all of them but im pretty tired sleepy tbh

[starrysharks]

Okay yeah, these characters defo be real cool!!! Do you have any lore/trivia/story on them??? (Pls I am obsessed now, I must knowwww)

lore slash trivia slash story ?!?!?! you don't even know these characters have literally eaten half of my brain at this point ,,, i'll just give some nonspoilerly info on the charas i listen on ur last ask :]

1. diane lodestar - her whole deal is that she's the president/admiral of the fleet of this naval company called nimbasa galahad. their whole deal is preventing intergalactic threats such as star piracy and the like, and protecting smaller meteorite colonies from natural disasters. she's severely overworked though, and honestly hates her job, but she still keeps a cold and calm composure most of the time unless she's around her old friend caspian (who is also the admiral of the rival company lancelot fleet), who she's very emotional with cuz they had a lot of history. also this needs some context on merlien biology: long-tailed merliens (cats, mice, etc) are known to get extra mobility from their tails (its essentially a third limb , and lodestar lost her tail in an incident that is spoilers, so she usually uses this hover-device thing to get around but i won't get too into details cuz i want to save stuff. anyway she's quite emotionally driven , almost immature, but still maintains a cold, calculating, almost robotic personality to the public

2. needles of the church - this character is from reassassination and not ultimate excalibur. basically, she was found on the doorstep of the church one day alongside her large undead companion pins, and eventually became an assassin prodigy at the CCCA (clear crucifix catholic academy)'s secret assassination course. she's just a silly funny guy who has a kill count of roughly 57 at 8 years old but she doesn't really kill anyone it's her guy pins who does all of the work. he's like a big dog to her

3. i think was uuuummmmm either novocaine or lars??? i'll do novo first. her whole deal is that she is the only dentist in postmortem aka the town where reassassination takes place, but she has an obsession for stealing any teeth that she finds interesting, often in increasingly inhumane ways - for her it's basically akin to like taking your crush's dropped pen or handkerchief or something. she's completely oblivious to her assistant, cavity, pining for her, and her goal is to capture dr. savory (the secondary protagonist) and steal his super sharp freaky teeth

2. lars time . he's just a guy tbh. i really can't talk about his backstory because it's spoilers, but his boss is shear ramshackle who is like 14. i really can't say much about him sorry 😭

1. and octavia *canned audience applause*

her story is a simple one. she was killed under mysterious circumstances and reanimated a nondisclosed amount of time later by dr savory who wanted to create an undead assistant to lug his work on but instead got stuck with a perpetually annoyed 17 year old fashionista who wants him dead. they make a deal that octavia has to get rid of his failed experiments (that often go rouge and start trying to destroy the city) so long as savory finds a way to get octavia's memories back so she can find out who killed her and kill them back. thus octavia's wacky adventures begin! she's just a cool girl who kills people

[diedandwenttobobevans]

8/14/2024 - 5:49 AM

oof

hello

long time no journal? Its been a few weeks. Lets see

I've been meaning to get back into it. I really want to make this a habit. (Daily? Weekly?) I actually started googling some diffrent journaling formats that might make it easier? I'll continue to do research. I feel like "stream of concious" writing for journaling is still good. Its good to get all this shit out of me brains. I think sitting down and concentrating on my thoughts is also good self reflection. Maybe. I don't know.

So still need a new therapist, tbh haven't really looked into it as I've been focusing on streaming. Had a really good birthday stream that genuinly revitalized my drive to stream. It was so touching to have a card signed by chat and tons of birthday wishes and presents. I just took 5 minutes to stop what I was doing because I realized I say "Like" too much and went down a short rabbithole of the word.

So one of the issues probbably for me with journaling is it should be something I do in them morning but these past few times I leave it for the evening to empty out my head and then find myself getting sleepy.

So before I head to bed to get a few hours of rest, lets catch up. I haven't heard back from the girl I hung out with, and I sent her a link text message but I tihnk I'll send a regular message later today. I'm really hesitant cause she didnt respond to the first message. But also maybe she didnt see it? Maybe it was too stupid, it was a webcomic about bisexuality. I was a little wine drunk. She did mention going to hang outs so maybe thats my in? oooff girls pretty and intimidating uuuuughhhh

Still feeling all over the place when it come to sleep. I desire to sleep at a reasonable time and be productive during the day and not sleep in weird shifts.

Why does doing any task what so ever make me so fucking tired wtf

UUUUhhhhh before i go crash, I want to try to do maybe a morning jounral dn evening journal, evening for what I did and morning for some affiramations and trying to fix my headspace to be more positive. Still have major self esteem issues. Also I need to start worning out, found my sports bras so I can atleast start running. I feel like I have fat phobia and body issues and I worry I have been binge eating recently, especially when high. Excercise will prob help with the sleep and moodswing stuff.

OK Im tapped out, theres so much more I want to word vomit but I got to crash.

SO personal upcoming goals then:

Morning Affirmations - Optimism training

Evening thought dump journals

collage art still want to do but not tonight. this morning? not this time

Listening: JAZZ CABBAGE - GURT

Reading: Yuria's Red String (God this is such a sad but good read. About a japanese woman in her 50's whose husband has a terrible accident that leaves him unconcious and she discovers about the secrets lives hes been leading this entire time. Reminds me of the tiktoks about women who regret their marriages cause of all the expecancies of being a wife and takeing care of the household while men continue to be shit)

[rxnningfreetoday-a]

A Series of Nice Things bc We Deserve Them

Set in Eliot's 'I got drunk married to a sports superstar wat do' verse, co-starring aftg's Kevin Day but honestly if you’re just looking for some Nice Eliot & Quentin content after that dumpster fire of a finale, i welcome you with open arms;; verse tag is here, the tl;dr is el accidentally marries a Very Famous Sports Guy while drunk in vegas and shenanigans ensue and they fall in love for real. dedicated ofc to @im-possiblelimits ♥

The 'what am I fucking doing for the rest of my life if magic never comes back' fear comes creeping back on him. 

He and Kevin have multiple important conversations. 

Kevin Day gives the best fucking pep talks ever. Eliot walks away from every hard conversation with him wondering how he got so lucky. 

 Eliot becomes a fashion designer 

 And hes fahcking BALLER at it !!!!!!! 

 He collaborates with Margo for a few collections; they become instant classics. 

 Margo models in like every show. 

Eliot watches in Absolute pride. 

Frankly???? El designs all his dresses for her specifically. 

Routinely he either flies Quentin and Margo out to Chicago or goes to New York and crashes on Margo's couch. 

Obviously Margo and Q stay in The Condo, in Eliot's old room which still houses a good portion of his stuff. 

 Once he starts raking in that Goöd designer cash, he gets them both stupid expensive gifts just cause. 

 "Eliot this bikini top is made from Swarovski fucking crystal" 

"Eliot I CAN'T accept this case of Moët" 

 ........"please just let me love you :( " 

Of fuckin COURSE he gets box seats to a T Swift concert & takes Q along. 

"How did you...?" "I'm making her a dress. Oh yeah, we're meeting tomorrow to consult and you're coming with." " .O." 

 This hurts extra good and cozy bc when Eliot moves from NY he makes Q promise him to always text him a singular emoji if he feels Bad(TM). 

Eliot tells him that he doesn't care what time it is or what he has going on or even how bad Q feels, he'll drop just about anything. 

El always texts back asking if hes up for a phone call. Usually he is; cue Eliot gently asking about what he ate last, how much he's slept, if he's taken his meds. 

One time Q's completely despondent and Eliot starts racking his brain on what the next question should be when it just.......comes out of his mouth;; 

I stay out too late. Got nothing in my brain. That's what people say... 

 "...I had no idea you knew that song." 

 Kevin totally hears him but thinks better of ever saying anything about it. 

 Margo however razzes the hell out of him (only lovingly) 

Suddenly its Eliot taking Kevin to events instead of vice versa and everyone loves him 

Eliot does some of his best sketch work at Kevin's practices. 

Just practices tho, games are too high stakes and theres too many people around.  

He always makes jokes at the end of the season about it being the end of the season for him too bc of that. 

Eliot does try very very hard to balance attending exy games & practices and his own shit. 

He's way more willing to go to a game than go to an event alone; he'd so much rather go with Kevin especially as he cuts his drinking back to almost nothing. 

The exceptions tend to be when Margo (and Q) are in town. He's been known to bring them both. 

 Since its years later and his romantic feelings for Q are p much buried he gets a special kind of resentful about the fact that he can't just take Q to an event without it being An Issue(TM). 

Even when it's the 3 of them, rumors fly. Eliot's extra conscious of his body language at that point and hates that he has to be. 

He gets completely mortified one day bc of a hickey-slip that the press asks Kevin about. 

 "We think Q left it, what do you have to say?" 

 Kevin, raising his eyebrows: "No that was definitely me...." 

Eliot, putting his head in his hands: "Ohhhhh my god....." -Can we get back to politics (please?)- 

Q thinks the rumors are kind of funny He gets asked about it and hes just like "you've SEEN Kevin, right? Like......there's no competing with that, El's a lucky guy." 

Really who doesn't think Kevin's hot?????? ofc Q’s not immune

Idk how but through sheer force of will Q and Kevin become friends 

(or at least friendly-ish, which for Kevin? Fucking huge.) 

Like obviously its nowhere near the level of friendship between Eliot and Q but Somethin noice happens there however many years later. 

Q goes thru a bad breakup sometime down the line. Eliot asks Kevin if it's okay to fly him in. 

Kevin patiently tells him that he doesn't need to ask that anymore. 

 Eliot's floored bc hes never actually been with a guy who was so secure????? It gives him a lot of feelings about being trusted and loved and accepted for who he is and how he expresses his affection. 

 Idk all I can think of is it being like Friday night and the 3 of them are on the couch together. 

Q's sad and sleepy, his head on Eliot's lap, barely registering the Buffy episode El put on. Eliot's leaning against Kevin's shoulder, one hand holding his and the other absently playing with Q's hair, snarking lovingly every few minutes about the campiness. 

 Q apologizes to Kevin privately later on because oh god his head was just in his husband's lap and that's Super Weird, sorry.... 

That's probably about the time Kevin decides earnestly that Q's alright.   

Idk how but SOMEHOW Eliot's left with a toddler for a minute and we all cry together in this chili's 

 I decided its Q's, let Q be a dad tbh. He's together with Eliot's makeup artist who was a single father before Q came into their lives. 

 Anyway Eliot’s sketching--like always. He hands over his notebook for color palette planning and a few colored pencils. "You wanna color with me?" 

 Everything's fine until bab starts Screamin.   

 (Gentle voice) "What's wrong?" [Screaming] "You hungry?" [No.] "Are you thirsty?" [No] "Are you tired?" [Soft affirmative noises] "Let's take a little nap then."   

 Eliot just picks bab up with so much care and love in his eyes, holding them gently and off on a mission to find either a guardian or a soft reclining chair. 

Kevin witnesses all of this and is probably pretty sure he's never seen anything more wholesome in his damn life. 

 Kevin's most likely the one who suggests kids  (I'm guessing he's retired) 

Eliot probably would have but he just doesn't even think about it?? And then Kevin says in so many words that he'd be a good father and Eliot just about loses it 

 I can't decide if their kid's definitely a jock or definitely not a jock. Maybe they're a dancer? 

Regardless, they're both endlessly supportive 

 Eliot of fucking Course joins the PTA. 

His gym buddies flip their collective shits. 

 He's really out here advocating for good sex ed & preserving arts in schools bc hes a fuckin hero 

 Also family vacations to Everywhere but especially beachy places!!

[squishyunho]

✨🌙🌒questions tag!!!🌒🌙✨

rules: answer the questions and tag 10 people

tagged by: @celestial-yunho uwu

how tall are you?

156cm uwu im a tiny child

what colour and style is your hair?

my hair is naturally brown hdfjdg which is kinda weird for an asian but yea and it almost reaches my shoulders now!

what colour are your eyes?

theyre brown jskfkjdf just the simple brown yknow

do you wear glasses?

yea jkshfj bad eyesight runs in the family but im not /blind/ without them everything is just blurry

do you have braces?

i used to wear them like last year? i never needed them tho cuz my teeth would’ve been alright without them,,, i just wanted to fix the tiny flaws thats all

what’s your fashion sense?

honestly depends on my mood? you’ll almost always see me with a jacket tho (either wearing it or on my waist) it just feels empty without one ghsjdhd

full name?

fghkfhf i dont feel all that comfortable revealing my real name just yet but!! i will say im named after a famous actress (and my real first name does NOT fit me at all even tho it fits the actress herself perfectly) and my chinese name is 王丽煌 hfgjhshd

when were you born?

november 16 2001 uwu ><

where are you from and where do you live?

the philippines hihi tho im chinese by ethnicity

what school(s) do you go to?

i go to,,, let’s just say it’s a really big university here and im taking up their high school program for arts,,, before that, i went to a chinese school that was really heavy on science and math so DJHGJDS

what kind of student are you?

uhhhh depends tbh i need to vibe with the teacher/subject to participate but my grades are actually pretty great (not in asian standards tho hgjdhg) and i can either be really hyper or really sleepy

do you like school?

i used to HGFJD but idk the education system in general drains your life energy so no not really

fav subject?

literature was fun, and i also really enjoy the art classes,,, and dismissal

fav tv shows?

there’s honestly a lot of good shows that i love but maybeeee rn it’s the avatar series (both ofc cuz theyre both good)

fav books?

i cant choose jfhdgkdg there’s too many good ones,,, 

fav pastimes?

drawing, sleeping, reading, daydreaming, having an existential crisis, giving my dog the love she deserves, listening to music, obsessing over everything to the point it annoys my friends,,, the good stuff yknow

do you have any regrets?

hfkdsf i still cry over 10-year-old events ofc i do

dream job?

tbh idk?? maybe working for a video game or animated film would be cool,,, as long as im happy and earn enough to feed an army of pets 

would you ever like to be married?

well my parents would rip me to shreds if i dont + im a massive hopeless romantic so yes

would you like to have children?

i would lowkey love to but also i dont think ill ever be ready to take care of a small clone of myself

if so, how many?

gdjfdj why are you asking a 17 year old child who has never had a love life this question

do you like shopping?

oh hell yes if you lose me in a bookstore or art store or a clothing store that suits my tastes you may never find me again (until i get tired and want a milk tea break hdfjd)

what countries have you visited?

theres a lot jfgsjf south korea, japan, china, singapore, malaysia, thailand, usa, canada, netherlands, belgium, russia, estonia, sweden, finland, denmark, france, uae, uhhhh thats all i can remember off the top of my head

scariest nightmare you’ve ever had?

im fortunate enough to only remember good dreams hfjsdg but im scared of everything which is why i cant even watch a horror movie or play a phoenix wright game at night or i might get nightmares jsfhf

any enemies?

not,,, really? im scared of arguments so that might be why

do you have a significant other?

nope and have never had one yet shfgjsdf is anyone willing to volunteer?

do you get along with your family?

i doooo uwu im really close to my brothers especially gjfdsd the only disagreements ive had with my parents are conflicting beliefs (theyre more conservative and im more liberal)

do you believe in miracles?

yea uwu

how are you?

alive sdjsdhfs thanks for asking

im too shy to tag anyone (once again hfdgsjdf i need to talk to ppl more)

[irastayshome]

Ibrahim's birth

Ibrahim arrived in this world on 21st January 2017. Back then, we were lucky to afford a doula because I was hella nervous about the whole birthing process and tbh my head wasnt in the game because of all the stress at work. After the 'hard part' was over, and as I held my son, I vividly remember my doula saying that the easy part was over and the hard part of being a parent has just begun. I thought it was a joke at the time because, well, what could be harder than pushing a 3 kg baby out of your vagina? 2 yrs and 6mths on, I have mentally kicked myself in the head for taking my doula's words lightly. These days, I consider it a win when I do not raise my voice or completely lose my sh** and raise my hands at my son. I keep needing reminders of what it took to get him into this world and the many moments we failed him along the way so that I do not be complacent and mistreat him.

So I thought I might write his birth story down after all. Didn't really wanna remember all the details of something that feels rather insignificant now, but some days at home are just rough and a good reminder is useful.

*

19 January 2017. I had been on maternity leave for a week, but only just completed my case transfers from home. My mamamia had been insisting that I sleep over her place once a week for the last trimester on Hasyali's night shifts. I didnt mind at all, because my r/s with my parents have improved significantly after moving out. Distance is truly necessary sometimes.

It finally dawned upon me that I was due in a week. Being last minute as I always am, I tried to 'catch up' on the squats that my doula/birth educator had been reminding us to do at 9 pm. But really, i was just doing it for fun cause like it would make any difference at 39 weeks, esp since ive been treating my body like crap while handing over my work the last few weeks. Planned to youtube more exercises to speed up labour etc etc but fell into the rabbit hole of "natural birth positions" and "painfree birth vlogs" and before I knew it, I was hooked on the Midwives yt tv series till i fell asleep at 5 am. Damn youtube.

20th January 2017. 7 am. Felt like I ate something so bad and had to do a big one. And so I did, groggily, and went back to sleep. Feeling so smug that I could finally sleep in on a weekday. 9 am. What is going on with my bowels??? Tried to recall what I ate last night, but dont care just sleep after the business. 10.30 am. Sat up and mentally admitted that those horrid pains at the bottom of my tummy could actually be contractions! Trying to keep cool, I ate breakfast quickly, trying to mask my ronyok face each time the tightenings came by because nyayi was there and I just did not wanna tell my family. pretty sure they would have shipped me off to the hospital immediately.

Took cab back at 12.30pm and smsed hubs about the contractions, saying it could potentially be the real thing. But not sure, so I timed them in the cab. 10 mins apart. regular. oh crap its happening. Got home, discovered the bloody show. So yup i got my confirmation. Smsed hubs a photo of it but told him to just take it easy, go solat Jumaat and just slowly pack his bag aftee. He just got off his night shift so he probably hasnt slept at all. Told doula Kak Hajjar about whats going on, and was advised to just relax and walk2 until i cant talk anymore from the pain. Hubs came back, and i took off on a birth walk alone around the estate. Every few mins, I just stopped and breathed deeply, sorely regretting not pestering my hubs to come along bcoz adoi sakit and nothing to squeeze or hold on to. and in the 3 pm sun no less.

Came back, started panicking when i realised hubs belum pack!! what is it with men and last minute packing?? feeling annoyyed bcoz im about to do some serious work but he cant even get started on packing. but ok takpe, got in the shower to cool down and to relieve the pain while he packed. Contractions were now 4 mins apart, but I could still talk. NUH told me to come in now. Doula told me to wait till i cant talk. The kancong me decided to go anyway, worried about the rush hour jam on the start of a weekend.

Arrived at NUH at 6 pm, realising that id skipped lunch. I was hungry, and oh no so damn sleepy bcoz i barely slept the night before! Damn youtube. Ate mr bean pancake with hubs. Met doula who told.me i dont look like its time bcoz i could talk and joke about. I admit i secretly thought that it was because i had a high tolerance for pain hahahaha joke. Entered the delivery ward at 7 pm, was 4 cm dilated. Yay! but wait what, all that pain and only 4 cm? oh no.

So began the longest night of my life. Doulla massaged my back and did hip squeezes through contractions, and I occasionally swayed while standing with hubs. These two were just incredible birth partners. My labour pains were rough at the front, but damn the back labour pains were friggin insane! Felt like maybe I had tentacles trying to burst out of my spine and turn into Doc Ock.

At some point, i remember just saying random supplications and feeling so regretful that i had not rehearsed what selawats I wanted to read in those moments bcoz my head was really jammed up trying to manage the pain. By 3 am my body felt like it had gone through a marathon and i really did fall asleep between contractions out of sheer exhaustion. It was exhausting to just tahan the pain.

By 4 ish am (hazy on the details by now), a VE confirmed I was 9 cm dilated. At this point I was already vomitting and my head hurt so much from tahaning the pain. I remembered thinking, or maybe even saying out loud, that I wanted them to cut the baby out. Im pretty sure I was transitioning at that point but I didnt know bcoz my mind was too panicky. They told me the head was still too high to push, so they offered to burst my waterbag, but said theres no assurance it would bring the head down but wld certainly intensify the contractions. I was pretty sure I would pass out if they intensified, out of exhaustion. and never mind that I was barely able to wake up btwn contractions due to my flu and fever (yes ARGH hate flu during labour). So I refused and waited for news that im fully dilated.

6 am. Still at 9 cm. My head was thinking "how long did Kak Hajjar say transitions lasted again?? takkan lama gini??" This time, my mental strength just gave way. I screamed for an epidural. I remember feeling so terrified that my baby would be stuck while im pushing, because I had zero energy left. Fatigued from the pain and the fever, I pleaded for an epidural again n again. I rmbr my doula, my husband, the nurses all giving me such kind words of support, saying ive gone si far and am at the last lap, and encouraged me to stick to my birth plan of going without medication. But I was too defeated by exhaustion and just wanted to sleep. Hahahaha. Like i literally said "yang, i nak tido" and started to cry.

So they called in the anesthesiologist (dunno the spelling). While he prepped the long-ass needle, I felt a huge gush of warm water down there. My waters broke. At this point I could have just waited for the head to descend, but I was too tired and looking forward to a promised 2 hour rest before pushing. So I kept quiet about it. I was in tears, out of disappointment at myself for not being able to ride out the exhaustion. But my doula was so kind and reminded me that God is the best of planners, and perhaps this was the way for me to achieve a natural birth still and avoid any emergency csection if I could not push. The nurses too were angels, and kept assuring me I had tried really hard for a long time and shouldn't beat myself up. And so I slept. That was the best 2 hour sleep of my life. pretty sure I snored and drooled, in the presence of my doula. Nak kata paiseh but nah I was too tired to care, and all modesty had left the room hours ago.

8 am. Woken up by cheerful nurses who told me it was time to start pushing. I just wanted to sleep in longer, but then I remembered oh ya baby is still inside. That epidural was gooooood. So began pushing. It felt so weird pushing when I cant feel anything moving down there. They had to tell me when to push i.e. when contractions came, and kept telling me I was pushing wrong and i had to do it as how i would when pooping. I suddenly didnt know how pooping felt like anymore. Kept pushing for an hour plus, but apparently the head keeps going back in. My husb and I had affectionately named our foetus "jubjub", just to avoid calling it the baby during the pregnancy. and my doula joked that perhaps the baby keeps going back in bcoz we named him jubjub like the muppet from Hi-5 that likes to peekaboo around. haha that was a good one.

My gynae finally came in around 9.30 am ish. She told me that I had to do an episiotomy to help push the baby out. My husband stopped her and told her to let me continue trying. But eventually she kept persisting and my husband apparently could not tahan seeing me push so hard anymore (he said the veins on my face look like they were gonna burst). So he agreed. The moment she cut, I pushed and felt the head empty out of me. I thought that was weird cause I was on epidural, but apparently they reduced the dose while pushing. A few more pushes later, I heard it. Ibrahim's first cries. The nurses and my doula congratulating me. My husband telling me I did it and he was proud of me. But mainly, Ibrahim's cries. 21st January 2017, at 10.03am.

They placed him on my chest. I cried. and cried. And i thought he was the most perfect thing I could ever hold in this world.

Dearest Ibrahim, a mother can love her husband out of choice, but theres simply no choice in this love I have for you. It is so raw and intense and relentless, that Im so consumed by it from the moment I held you. There are days, now, when I feel your anger towards me because I am so hard on you, especially since im not very good at coping with the two of you. But I hope you never feel that I love you any less when I get angry. and I hope you truly forgive me when you give me a hug after I apologise each time for beating you. You deserve so much better, and i'll keep striving to be a better mother to you and adik.

Ok bye. Am gonna cry my eyes out now. Damn birth stories.

[kawaiianimeredhead]

@ijustcantwaittobeme hi!

Thanks for the reply and encouragement!

I actually have a lot of ideas for the narrative kinds! Theres several channels I follow that do really neat (and extremely relaxing) ones that honestly make me feel really inspired (and relaxed and sleepy). They are very very well thought out and creative in ways that give me all kinds of ideas for my own take on things and my own original stuff.

One person in particular that I watch does almoat exclusively narrative videos that are all connected. Hes created his own kind of world with like a dozen or so characters and lore. Different videos will have refrences to previous ones in that kinda cheeky way of like a joke or a subtle (or not) easter egg. As far as I can tell there isnt a specific over arching plot to the whole, but I think it works with this medium since it is ment to be relaxing and most if not all have goal of putting the viewer to sleep which could make plots a but difficult, but theres themes and jokes that carry over enough to make it fun. For example, he had a video that took place in a lost and found which set up for lost of items from other videos to appear and chances to reference other characters.

A lot of the ideas ive had so far are heavily based in stories I thought of when I was younger, some I attempted to write down and other I juat kept in my head but all ones I had trouble expressing? Especially the ones I actually attempted to write. Its possible if I kept at it I could get them down in written form or maybe a different style of video? But at the sams time this feels Right. The close personalness of it, just seems like a fun place to play around with. Maybe its because I always had trouble writing in third person and also constantly would create characters that were very obviously self inserted lol

I also have some ideas for some of the non narrative things, although thats a little more broad because it can just be like "tapping" and boom thats like its own video. But every now and then ill be doing something and thing about how nice it sounds and how id think other people in to ASMR might like it. I think I had another thought about this but forgot it oops

For as long as I can remember ive been a pretty quiet person. Maybe not always in voice, I get very excited sometimes, but in action. I constantly scare my parents and sometimes friends because I dont walk loudly and never know how to announce my presence (after a while id start purposely shuffling my feet of sniffleing as I walked up vut sometimes I forget or they still dont hear ) so theres this kind of Fit I feel in the ASMR genre. And I feel like if I just had microphones attached to me for a day id have a pretty decent video once all the obviously loud sounds were edited out all by accident tbh

And youre absolutely right about equipment, I know theres plenty and cheap starting points that I probably will go for once I start. The biggest hurdle right now is motivation and premptive overwhelming-ness/anxiety about findinf a starting point. I am very bad at starting things... And some times continuing them, but especially the starting point.

Another factor is just my environment. I plan to move in November which is when I really do want to Start something with this, but right now my house feels really Tired and just kinda meh which is doesn't help the motivation problem and really doesnr seem like a good setting for relaxing based videos...

And lastly, its silly in a way, but I already have a specific microphone in mind. i don't know if its exactly the "best" and I think a decent amount of the channels I watch have changed to different microphones, but its a microphone that all the channels I watched have had at one time or another so thered a weird like Thing with it in me lol. Its not what these channels started with, I know I could start with something else, but im weirdly atrached to this one. Its a binaural Mic that has silocone (or something like that) ears. I think theyre neat. The cheapest one they have isnt actually that bad, a bit up there but doable for me, but because I havent read around on whereever ASMR video making advice would ve (probably reddit) I'm not sure what else I might need? And then since I plan to ve moving I have a hesitence about buying anything. Moving shouldnt really ve that expensive, I'm not going far, but since id be on my own theres a part of me that keeps screaming and reminding me about money and like respisible things or whatever (theres also a dad giving bi-weekly lectures about spending habits) and so that also kinda stops me?

I think I got all my thoughts lol, my dog abd my stomach distracted me a couple times and I typed all this on my phone so I may have more I forgot about but eh

It all really has been on my mind a lot lately which has been fun ans exciting. And so i get kind lost in it all. Its kinda a weird thing and I know its not for everyone, but the parts of the youtube ive been around in have been really fun and lovely. Theres so many wonderful creators that, imo, are doing so many wonderful things and idk I just wanna join it? Join them. And its fun and exciting!

And its always ok to comment! I'm just super bad at responding abd replying 😖 I get distracted and forgetful...

[kyandice]

CANDICE EDIT THIS UGLY SHIT WHEN U HAVE THE FUCKING TIME

this is an ugly unedited one it has been in my drafts for like 2 months already. so whatever i just posting it. ill edit it if i have the time. thins is is i actually edited half way and MY FUCKING COMPUTER FUCKING CRASHED SO I GAVE UP  and yeahhh ill just post this ugly unedited one and ill edit it again WITH PROPER ENGLISH WHEN I HAVE THE TIME. idk i just cqnt see stuff in my drafts i just havre to post it and yewah wtf.

this unedu=ited stuff is just me writing key poiunts about my day and not like urghhhhhhh i hate this commmmmm. normally i would describe more but i dont want it in my drafts anymore so ill edit it when im free OKAYYYY.

1/3 

Hahahahahah lmao this was the date when i got tgt with K 3 years ago.(omg i still rmb, but tbh its nth special i just rmb useless stuff pretty well)  Never wanted to date a guy again even i with crushes back in sec sch. but anyways, today i went to Sentosa w/ B and he seemed to really like the artificial fiels alot but it was like in the afternoon so it was still kinda hot and yeahhhh. Like it would be much nicer at night. There will be like alot of stars and fireworks too and it will be more windy and cooling idk but it will be nicer at night and i want to spend the night w/ B there again. Oh yeah anyways ystd B bought me the batgirl lego keychain and B told me that batgirl had sex with batman and im shoooked.

2/3 and like today we planned to go to his house anddd then go to parkway parade to some lego secret chambers shop. i went out early cuz my junior wanted to pass me her lego characs but she couldnt make it so i was alr at bishan so i just went to tpy and wait for bryan o wake and meet me so i called him at 11am but he woke up and shouted at me so i just like nvmmmm so i went to the library and went window shopping around tpy and i also went popular 1pm i didnt want to call him up but i was like ugh nvm and called him.. and yay he finaally woke up wna read tuesday with morrie, all the fifty shades of grey and in grey's pov n miss peregrine's home for peculiar children but we still went to parkway parade anyays and he asked me to watch letters from iwo jima so i watched it at night and bryan wanted to watch the breakup list on toggle but it kept playing ads and it just wouldnt play the video so b got alittle pissed 3/3 logan, training (our 8th movie)

4/3 finishing crocheting my first thinggg the bear thing shoud i give it to bryan would he want it so today b was vvvv kinda excited this video thing with ck and cez and im like vvv happy for him cuz he can do smthing he rlly likes with cool n funny ffriends. also he said that he didnt want us to go public at first cuz he was afraid that ppl might tease us he said he was afraid i might be ffrustrated but tbh i was hella frustaratred i dont see the point of hiding our rship but im glad werre like opene now and so at night i went to ikea and b messaged me but i was busyt walking and i didnt recieve his msg but i didnt like lock my phone so it was read. but like it was in my pockets and like my mom doesnt allow me to play my phine whenever im walking but yeah anyways b was angry hat i didnt reply him. we sorta quarreled awhile but we were kinda okay after that i guess. wtf sia today midnight i have to distribute stuff to the homeless ppl in bugis and i was wearing a short paanyts and my mom tied this weird looking scarf i swear i look like some carzy hobo youngster wtf.

5&6/3 sneaked out of house, slept over at his house and after that i went to tpy first while he showers, ate and went home early to pack for camp stuff wna stay over at his house again it was fun we tried to watch moanna but was kinda sleepy

7/3 day 1 of camp. slept with b outised tgt

8/3 day 2 of camp (-met javier and sihui -every camps i go i get very angry -shoulder, water balloon) larn cpr and aed the skit thing worst grp ever

9/3 day 3 of camp water activities we won

10/3 tkd training

11/3

-wtf nxt week go msia (wanted to go work) -quarreled with bteh. cuz i cant go out but he wants me to go out -yyour suffering defines you without it yore a void -japan and korea with bryan -my parents -i want more lego charac -money - i cant wait for tmr for ilighhtsss i want to take like alooot pictures tgt with bryannnn styled hair -nicole choo idk why im still so insecure like i know pretty clearly that im decent looking. decent looking enough to make friends, have a job and not get ostracised in society. and well if you arent good looking enough you'll be made fun off/ostracised in society and thats how humans work. and now everywhere you see are pretty girls and how can any girls feel not insecure. Okay, i have a flat and fat nose. i want to have a sharper and thinner nose like michelle. i have pretty small boobs and i want boobs like naomi. my shoulders are too wide from playing softball, i want a smaller width shoulders like grace. my tummy isnt flat i want a flat tummy. and thing is those are pretty famous girls in like sg and im not even talking abt kim kard or emma wats or like jennifer lawr. omg i dont even know where im going with this im just literally typing all my thoughts down. okay and the boys here???? they all follow those people and im pretty sure they compare them over the normal girls in sch. omg what am i even talking abt. i feel silly even typing this out. but okay if your beauty standards doesnt reach like the norm in society you srsly wouldnt have friends. unless youre realllll rich or your sense of humor is rlly rlly great.

12/3 didnt quarrel but we  were obv upset with each other it was a fun day tho when to see i lights took alot pictures ate llaollao no money

20/3 best s ever went home after it bteh gg aunts house today

his flight will be tmr 21/22 job interview got the job bryaan in flight abt cosplay how i dont have frinds

25/03 bryan found my private twitter accnt                                    bteh tole me abt a girl he liked when he was in korea idk if anyone realised but ive got a really really really bad habit. its weird really. but its a thing ive been doing since young and i never talked to anyone about it before. so actually, when im nervous, or stressed out, or just couldnt take my mind off smthing, i would like start peeling or plucking my nails. okay many people do this but, i ahve a weirder one andddd omg i think i will regret saying this. So actually, i pluck i my hair when im nervous, stressed out or just thinking abt smthing i cant ignore. so back in primary 4 i was doing this math practice paper and i couldnt do any those 6marks big problem sums and i was fking stressed out. and well my habit of plucking my own hair started really really young. and at P4 my mom saw me crying

26 toc competition firdst fight win second fight lose how i dont wna fight nationals cuz my weight cat all got national player lose my chance to win gold cant even get silver r came today

29/ power rangers

30 wanted to go coney island with rapheal and jill and bryan but it rained so we went to lan and gamed without jill bryan pushed me and i banged into someone in the end see museums some forest thing the ligths vvv pretyy

28/hotel

31/ hotel went to work after that talk about work made bryan that key chain clp diner and dance

1/4 learn bst bts for club crawl played boomberang didnt workkk aot is out!!!!!!

2/4 today i need to go mountbatten cc to practice my poomsae my poomsae lousy i dont think i can pass at first try anyways president of stf is milan quey idk if i spelt his name properly but yeah. before that ate yellow sub with B will nvr eat there again portion is small yet expensive and food isint so nice at all but since i get to eat with b im vvvv gladdd

3/4 today i went early to B's house. after that met up with madeline and shirlyn to watch boss baby and the movie was quite nice i thought i wouldnt like it and then we ate pepper lunch and omg osaka is a vvv small place like shirlyn went evrywhere i visited like a a year ago

4/4 AND I WOKE UP WITH BTEH lose his doibok and he couldnt find it my maid threathened to take a mail for my mom cuz she lazy walk and she wants me to do it but i was late

5/4 there was demo training we played table tennis for awhile and bteh is good at it, ok maybe its just that i suck at it but yea theres was fmo so we slacked at tg until demo tng started so at night he said hes tired but idk that he wanted to sleep soon and he was like stop it and i was like stop wat but he ttly just shut me off and then i got pissed cuz i would nvr do that to him

6/4 i had to meet herman but like after meeting him timetable i realised i forget to bring my wallet somethimes im torn in beteen like just not gg out with bteh cuz i have no money to eat or spend his money again he keeps saying its okay but its really not okay im just not comfortable like someone spending so much on me i owe money so he told me his specs broke ttly

One of the things dreams do for us is prepare us for worse case scenario. The dream that is closest to reality about a loved one leaving us prepares the mind for the pain that can be inflicted upon us. It creates a probability. That means it could happen, it means it’s a fear you have, and being such your mind protects your psyche in a way to allow you to feel the emotions of the event, even though the event never occurred.

13 reasons why felt like  th main charac like back in sec sch all i wanted was just to finish my olevels and go to poly so i can be a whole new person. someone who i wanted to be withouht anyone laughing at me

1au away from sol 1au measurement unit like light or smthing sol is latin from sun porbbaly it