Back in 2020 I was fired from this company name Northwestern American Pacific corporation. It was all because I manage to flip a 820 feet long crude oil tanker off the coast of Africa…. I’m lucky this wasn’t reported on the media and I tried to hide it until now. At least the ceo isn’t alive or even on the same spectrum of universe and or time. Where ever he is I’m pretty sure this was just a prank but he didn’t took it as one
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I love how we all just connectively solve our shipping issues is just saying "____ has two hands" Like omg
Like for ex:
"Dick is dating Kory!" "No He's dating Wally!"
Dick's got two hands.
"Tim is dating Bernard!" "No! He's dating Connor!"
Tim's got two hands.
"Clark is married to Lois!" "But he's dating Bruce!"
CLARK'S. GOT. TWO. MOTHERFUCKING. HANDS!
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ok but like. clark using bruce as his basis for human strengths and limits
clark: don’t worry it’s just a broken arm, you’ll be fine in a few days
lois, who got hurt doing dangerous shit bc she’s a reporter first: what.
clark: yeah you should still be able to use it right now!
lois: …clark who told you that
clark: ?? no one? i mean, b once picked up robin with two broken arms so i assumed it wasn’t that bad…
lois: clark, hun. that’s because he’s a freak of nature.
clark: ???
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clark: what do you mean it’s incredibly difficult/almost impossible for humans to stay up for 48+ consecutive hours? bruce does it like all the time
dinah: that’s because he’s bruce
clark: yes, and…?
dinah: and he is so stubborn that he actually does ‘impossible’ things all the time, just to prove he can
clark: …touché
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*talking to arthur*
clark: wait wait, people are considered ‘very skilled’ if they can hold their breath underwater for 3-4 minutes?
arthur: yup!
clark:
dick, walking by and overhearing: i can do it for seven minutes!
clark: see, that’s what i think of when i hear someone is ‘very skilled’. bruce-
dick, groaning: -can hold his breath underwater for eighteen minutes, we know. bruce and the rest of us have competitions for skills like that sometimes, and he totally brags about it when he wins. i’ve only passed out once, which actually makes me second place after bruce haha
arthur:
arthur: you people concern me
dick, grinning: we’re fine! don’t worry about it
arthur: i’m actually going to worry more now, but sure
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bruce, vaguely amused: clark.
clark, working on an article: hm?
bruce: clark. you really shouldn’t use me as the basis for normal human durability.
clark, looking up and blinking: what?
bruce, almost grinning: dick told me you’ve been using me as a comparison to normal people’s abilities and endurance
clark: oh.
bruce, actually smiling now: i appreciate the admiration, but it won’t help you to understand basic human durability
clark, blushing: y-yeah, of course! won’t happen again haha…
bruce: i mean, i could just teach you. if you want.
clark:
clark: yeah yup yes absolutely mhm for sure
*later*
clark, on his way out of the manor: …i really didn’t expect to get homework tonight, if i’m being honest
dick, winking: don’t worry, that’s his love language
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