#Self-misunderstanding

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

[carrot-felisidad]

I love how MXTX writes miscommunication/misunderstanding because it's not your typical miscom trope in where they only heard the bad parts of a convo, or where one of them is just really an extremely and irritatingly an overthinker. For example,

-Wei Wuxian misunderstands Wangji's intention to bring him back to Gusu because all his life he is loved by being useful, and if he is not being useful he is punished. He will never think that Lan Wangji loves him because he's never done anything useful for him. Lan Wangji misunderstood Wuxian's demonic cultivation because he never knew about the golden core transfer, and even then, he just wanted to protect him but he could never tell Wuxian that because he saw how his mother perished with the same promise of "love and protection"

-Luo Binghe just accepts that his Shizun hates him because he's a demon, yet what's confusing is that this Shizun told him that everyone is equal, be it demons or humans, so why is he especially despicable? Shen Qingqiu was just following the original novel in where Luo Bingge hates him, so that's how he interpreted all his actions. He is not aware that Luo Binghe's temperament was due to jealousy and heartbreak.

-Xie lian and Hua Cheng communicate very well. Even when they were pretending, even when the world is against their 'friendship', they knew each other's real intentions.

[horsegirlwarcrimes]

bingqiu soulmate au where LBH has shen yuan's name tattoo'd on him... until the day his soulmate dies

[starry-bi-sky]

"Stillborn? No, no, still born." -- DPXDC AU

Based off a comment I saw where Bruce knew about Talia's pregnancy in the earlier comivs, and was ecstatic to be a father. So much so that Talia feared he'd give up being Batman for it, so when she gave birth she put the baby (Damian) on a doorstep and (seemingly) told Bruce that the baby was stillborn.

Instead of Damian, that baby was Danny! Meet Daniel Brown, the 14 year old foster kid whose been living with the Fenton family for the last two years. He's about two years older than Damian.

His last name, "Brown", was a generic surname given to him because the note he came with didn't have one on it. It just had the name "Danyal" on it, but albeit 'Daniel' was the one that had been put into the system for, I'll be totally frank here, racism reasons.

(I looked it up to make sure, and it's generally not permissible for foster parents to change the names of their foster kids even if it's a permanent residency, and for that reason Danny doesn't have the last name "Fenton".)

Danny's got ✨~issues!~✨ He's been through a handful of homes growing up, most of them terrible for a variety of reasons. Which has, as a result, left lasting scars. He's generally a very sweet kid, just very distrustful and jumpy. He's got the signs of a kid suffering from PTSD, and a handful of other issues including attachment and insomnia. His inferiority complex could rival Damian's, and that's going to make for an interesting mutual hatred for when they finally meet.

(something I'll get into later)

He still has the blanket he was found in. It's made of a very high quality material and is a beautiful emerald green with little golden thread accents, it's high quality as a result has Danny clinging onto a desperate hope that his bio family might be out there, and the only reason they gave him up was because of some outside factor. It's been taken a few times in old foster homes, and he's flipped out each time.

While he still calls Jack and Maddie by their names, he likes them well enough. The bar isn't that high though, and while they're some of the better foster parents he's had, "better" doesn't equal "safest". Their laboratory malpractice. Basically, C- Fenton Parents. They're negligent by virtue of being engrossed in their work, but they do care equally about Jazz and Danny. So he doesn't hold it against them that much.

He kinda prefers it that way, their loud affection is overwhelming and Danny doesn't know what to do with their attention, even if he craves it. It's a bit of a complicated situation.

They took in Danny because they genuinely wanted another child, but didn't want a big age gap between them and Jazz. It was actually Jack's idea to foster, and they discussed it with Jazz beforehand. She was all for the idea. Thus, a handful of weeks later, a ton of paperwork, and inspection later, and Daniel Brown entered their household with a trash bag in one hand and eyes like shards of stained glass.

His relationship with Jazz is kinda strained, but that's by virtue of her constant psychoanalyzing and helicoptering. Like with the parents, Danny's overwhelmed by the attention and also just, straight up doesn't like the fact that she's telling him that there's something wrong with him. He knows that, thank you. He pushes her away when she does this.

Other than that though? When Jazz isn't smothering him and is acting like an actual sibling and not a third parent, they're pretty close, and Danny really likes her. They've hung out a few times on their own volition, and Jazz showed him how to take better care of his long hair.

His school situation,, pretty similar to canon with the bullying, albeit with a few more instances of him blowing a fuse and lashing out against his attackers. He's a rather angry kid, but it's quiet. It builds up, piles on top of itself, until eventually, like a volcano, it erupts and burns everyone within radius.

Danny's got a fire core, not an ice core. Phantom's hair is made of white magma; thick and heavy, setting itself on fire when his anger runs hot. When he gets angry, his skin begins to char and split open to reveal pulsating lava underneath, and he crackles and pops like a raging forest fire.

I haven't decided yet on how he meets the batfam -- i've got two ideas but they're both in opposition to each other, and drastically alter how the rest of the plot goes. But I do know that him and Damian hate each other in the beginning. And it has nothing to do with inheritance or "being the blood son" -- although their blood relation absolutely plays the major role in their disdain for each other.

Simply put, they're jealous of each other for the same thing: thinking that the other was wanted.

Damian hates Danny because, unlike Damian, Bruce knew about Danny since conception and wanted him from the moment he heard about him. He had a whole nursery set up, and still does. He never took it down -- just locked the door. Damian was thrust upon Bruce without warning, and he feels like he forced himself into the family. And while on some level Damian knows and understands that Bruce wants him and loves him as much as his other children, that doubt and feeling of inferiority still remains. He looks at Danny and sees him with what Damian always feels he needs reaffirmed.

Meanwhile, Danny hates Damian because he looks at him and sees him with everything Danny's ever wanted. He hates him because Damian grew up knowing both of their parents, with one of them for most of his life, and then moved over to the other. There was never a moment where Damian was (seemingly) left to doubt his place within the family. Damian was raised with the very same woman who left Danny on a doorstep, with no clue to his identity beyond a little green blanket and a note with only a first name. Damian was wanted everywhere, and Danny was wanted nowhere. Damian is Danny's replacement in his eyes.

(It's the little revelation that Damian grew up with their mother that elevates Danny from being quietly envious of Damian to downright despising him. What did Damian do, that Danny didn't? He could live with Damian living with Bruce -- Bruce didn't know Danny was even alive. But him living with their mom? Are you fucking kidding him?)

Damian never outright attacks Danny physically, but it's not like he hides that he didn't like Danny. Meanwhile, Danny, in all his repressive anger, quietly despised him from a distance until finally one wrong snide side-comment has him blowing up and it becomes a screaming match. They're both just enough similar to each other that when they look at each other they really just see a mirror.

They'll work it out together, eventually. But it'll be ugly and cruel and explosive, and they'll start mending the bridge to become brothers in more than just blood relation in the end.

But yeah, stillborn Danny has... a lot going for him.

[mio-nika]

disgusting

Part 1

[carlosoliveiras-wife]

a bit of a personal post. taps chin. because i've been feeling highly insecure for an unspecified amount of time and so i thought i'd make an appreciation post !

putting this in big bold letters: PROSHIP DNI

├┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┤

shoutout to selfshippers with bottling problems and/or tendencies. to those of us who keep our feelings locked up inside until it pops and pours out when we least want it to. to those of us who bottle so much to keep others feeling happy. to the selfshippers who are so scared to voice anything about how they feel because they've experienced negative reactions from those they've trusted, just by voicing their emotions.

shoutout to selfshippers who can't properly gush because they often feel like a nuisance to others. whether it's the kinda gushing that's about your f/o's lore, your f/o in general, your selfships— to those of us who find it weird and at times a bit uncomfortable to gush because we're so used to feeling like a nuisance. or that we won't even be given the time of day to have our stuff acknowledged.

shoutout to selfshippers who are genuinely not understood. who's reactions at times are viewed as unnecessary or overdramatic or illogical for reacting the way we do when we're scared of opening up.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

your f/o(s) wouldn't treat you like that. they'd listen to you oh so intently, to whatever you'd have to say.

if you've been bottling for so long, whether it's emotions or interests, your f/o(s) wouldn't let you keep that up. they'd gently encourage you to express yourself, even if it starts out small. they reassure you that they won't get mad about speaking your mind, that're you're not an asshole for how you feel, especially if your f/o(s) understand what cause your reactions and why you keep things inside.

your f/o(s) will do everything in their power to make you feel safe in being you, you who expresses yourself, just like every human should be allowed to.

[tomurakii]

Also of course Kipperlily lost her shit about Kristen not taking the campaign seriously. She's a kid who gets passionate about shit and her "friends" use it to take the piss and make her mad on purpose. It reminds me of my own childhood or the treatment of other neurodivergent kids in primary school, where you'd say you don't like being touched or that you want your stuff organised a certain way or bring a fidget toy or something to school with you and some kid would come and harrass you and move stuff and take things out of your hands just to get you to have a meltdown or give them a reaction they can laugh at you about.

She cares about the presidency, and thinks Kristen is taking it to fuck with her on purpose just like Ruben did with their party name and countless shithead kids probably did in the past.

[profoundmakerdreamerss-blog]

Tomarry AU time travel but with a twist

— where Tom and Harry are best friends but Harry ends up falling for Tom — and Tom? He rejects him. Because Tom isn't ready. Because he thinks relationships are a waste of time — and believes what he and Harry has is better. And, Harry? Though hurt, accepts his answer. Though there is some residual awkwardness — they go back to being friends.

But— now, Tom is more aware of Harry. Now, that he knows Harry is okay with having a romantic relationship with him, he starts noticing things that he hasn't before. He starts thinking about Harry more than he did before (which basically means he thought about him every second now, back then it was one thought per ten seconds but anyways—) and having realizations about himself that he has been ignoring before due to always thinking about the future. After all he is a busy man with a grand plan — he was just too busy to have time for something mundane like introspection, am I right?

Unfortunately, though before Tom could do something about his emotions derailing his plans — Harry dies. For him. To save him

Tom being Tom, through his all consuming grief and regrets — breaks time conventions to save Harry and ends up travelling back on the day Harry came to Hogwarts. And as Tom tries to make amends for his mistakes by trying to befriend Harry, who is the new transfer student earlier than before, he realizes how strange Harry used to be.

How he would act skittish around Tom or glare at him with so much hatred that would make him stumble. Because Harry never did that, or did he? That didn't matter though, because Tom would win him over anyways — because he is the one whom Harry loves loved. So, he is one who would end up winning him anyways — not Black or Longbottom for that matter.

So this au is basically time travelling harry and time travelling tom but both of them from different points of time, trying to do their best — trying to save the world (for Tom, it's Harry and is that my way of implying Harry was his world? Yes.)

[bonebrokebuddy]

It’s time for a, “things I sent to my twin’s inbox but she said I should post myself because I never post my own work and she’d like if I stopped spamming her inbox with ideas but I forgot about it and just kept it in my drafts notes for months and now finally I’m posting the fucking things.”

Or for short:

DP X DC PROMPT #7:

————————————

Danny visits metropolis and people are deadset on believing that Danny is either Clark’s little brother or his nephew from Illinois… despite that Clark can literally not be related to him. Not that the people at the Daily Planet know that, but even the ones who do know are giving him a hard time.

“I’m adopted Jimmy!” Clark threw his hands in the air in frustration. “You are very aware of that.”

“But he looks just like you Clark, you even talk the same!” Jimmy peaked around the corner, catching a glimpse of Danny talking to Lois in the employees lounge.

“He has a upper midwestern accent. I’m from Kansas, Jim. Not all midwesterners know each other!”

“So?”

“Jimmy. You know damn well why we can not be related.” Clark subtly gestured to his cheap “I believe in aliens” mug. Jimmy was Clark’s best friend and most of the time he really appreciated the kid’s keen eye but Jimmy also seemed to be constantly dead-set on figuring how to give Clark a headache.

“But he looks like a mini you! Have you asked him if he has a spare spaceship lying around anywhere?” Jimmy snarked as he glanced over to Danny and Louis who were finally heading back from their break.

“Jimmy, I will put you on the moon and leave you there.”

“Alright sheesh. I get it, I’ll drop it.”

[doveboycreature]

does anyone else get a little sexual thrill from temporarily giving into despair? Or am I just some kind of pervert.

[geraskierfanficprompts]

Prompt 87

Geralt has learned in his many years on the path, that he can't smile like other people. Humans have been disgusted or more often than not afraid of his smile. So he doesn't smile. But Jaskier looks to him one day with a sigh and asks "Why don't you ever smile at me?" and it flicks a switch in his brain. He starts practicing whenever he has a reflection he can see, but he can't get it to look right. Certainly not as pretty or approachable as Jaskier's smile. It always looks like a snarl. A baring of fanged teeth. An uncomfortable grimace. The more he tries to have a nice smile, the more he's sure it's impossible, and the more sure he is that Jaskier should never see it. He'd be so disappointed, Geralt thinks.

[dumblr]

Just Leave.

[khattikeri]

prefacing this post by saying this is not a ship bashing post; i like all these ships; i am musing on my own personal preferences

i think the reason why i like wangxian and bingqiu just a little bit more than hualian boils down to the misunderstandings, with the sex scenes of their respective stories being insights into those misunderstandings.

in mdzs, lan wangji and wei wuxian's misunderstandings come about because 1) they were acquainted but not seriously close friends 2) they had to deal with a massive war and its aftermath. lan wangji was worried for wei wuxian's personal safety and had romantic feelings for him. wei wuxian was slowly led to believe over time that lan wangji didn't really like him much and wanted to harm him just like everyone else in spite of wei wuxian's righteous actions.

combined with their respective upbringings as a respectable second son and the dubiously accepted son of a servant who always has to watch his own back, there's a lot for them to untangle after the death and resurrection and feelings realization! but the moment they do realize that they're mutually in love, they jump on the chance to stay together, no more miscommunication, no waiting, no more turning away from each other again.

and the respective sex scene: you explicitly see the peerless illustrious hanguang-jun lan wangji straining, apologetic and still openly nervous during his and wei wuxian's first time. because they didn't talk things out! they were too excited! they were too happy and intent to have each other after all those years of pain so they rushed into it without really discussing anything beforehand. so lan wangji doesn't actually know if wei wuxian is going nooooo~ in a sexy way or if wei wuxian actually seriously wants lan wangji to stop. it's flawed and they work out each other's preferences later on, but they both enjoyed themselves and continue to do so even in future sex scenes.

in svsss, shen qingqiu and luo binghe's misunderstandings come about because 1) former is a modern day transmigrator compelled to not reveal anything about the story or what he actually feels for any of the characters 2) the latter is desperate to understand the former's contradictory actions and to not be abandoned.

combined with several miscommunications and hasty assumptions (e.x. luo binghe thinking that shen qingqiu must've harmed him because he despised luo binghe's half-demon ancestry; shen qingqiu thinking that luo binghe intends to torture him the way he tortured the original story's counterpart shen qingqiu) and you get a fascinating and heartrending dynamic where they clearly adore each other and are dismayed at the idea that it's inevitable for the other one to despise them and want to hurt them. things clear up because they show each other their devotion and intent to stay.

and the respective sex scene: their first time isn't even written to be titillating! they're still in the middle of battle. luo binghe's mind is being overpowered by the demonic sword xin mo, so even though shen qingqiu is okay with dual cultivation/sex to pacify the sword's lust for conquering, it's extremely rough and unpleasant. it is violent and painful and leaves shen shingqiu so battered he looks like he's been assaulted, which horrifies luo binghe when he finally regains his senses.

they're distraught as hell! it traumatizes them both! and yet in spite of that and in spite of their fears of being hurt they want to stay with each other and they actively choose to keep being with each other. they improve their communication and clearly seem to understand each other's quirks and sexual preferences better in the extras and after marriage.

versus in tgcf: xie lian and hua cheng got along with each other from day 1. there was a spark the moment xie lian met san lang on the back of that ox cart. they talked for ages and were endeared to each other basically immediately! even during the ghost bride mission where they didn't really speak to one another, xie lian clearly felt a connection to the mysterious groom who gently and safely led him through the blood rain.

through all their present-day adventures and the final battle, even when they separate by choice or by force of circumstance, hua cheng and xie lian don't ever have a serious falling out. hua cheng is loyal to the bone and xie lian is also deeply drawn to hua cheng; both their respective insecurities are treated seriously and with sincerity by the other. there may be some confusion about each other's feelings, but even that isn't twisted to the point that they completely misconstrue each other's intentions and characters.

there isn't a central misunderstanding or miscommunication between hualian the way wangxian or bingqiu had; just a mutual past to be unraveled, and the looming question of if xie lian will actually act upon his feelings/the fact that he's attracted to and in love with hua cheng.

and the respective sex scene: we don't have any explicit sex scenes due to censorship. everything is in xie lian's rather selective point of view (and he's the type who hides certain details from readers for entire volumes on end!) so the most we get is the skimmed summary: xie lian really enjoyed it and hua cheng is kind of rough. just the implication that hua cheng was naturally amazing and satisfied xie lian fully, without any particularly humanizing aspects or awkward/upsetting first time moments.

of course tgcf is a beautiful story and a lovely romance in its own right, but personally, i found mdzs and svsss's main pairings more compelling because of the misunderstandings and how the sex scenes tied into the characters' personalities and overall relationship arcs.

[sporesgalaxy]

hi sorry for reposting my own philip wittebane takes again but im having a moment. im having some kind of a moment because of rotating these in my mind. i hope they haunt you like they haunt me ^_^

[honeyboyfelix]

to be honest....i forgot i had this one cooking in my files :) arent i so lucky to remember it today :)

[wangxianficrecs]

New, Little Bit Better by LydeNicoKITE

New, Little Bit Better

by LydeNicoKITE

G, 3k, Wangxian

Summary: Wei Wuxian comes back from the dead after six years, and he's exactly like anyone remembers him, but also entirely different. He has a different face, the same smile, a less conspicuous laugh, the same worn t-shirts of obscure bands Lan Wangji doesn't try to listen to at full volume because he cares too much about his hearing. He is not the version of him Wangji obsessed over in the past six years of insomnia, the Yiling Patriarch with a mind poisoned by dark magic, but he's not the boy he fell in love with, either. Having him back would would be an impossible type of joy, endless and complete, if Wei Wuxian was not avoiding him. Kay's comments: Really loved this modern AU! In which Wei Wuxian comes back from the dead after six years and gets re-habilitated off-screen, but is also so hurt and confused because Lan Wangji suddenly has this child! And presumably a partner! Even though they had something going before his death. I really lived for the sort-of established Wangxian vibes and how it was all translated into a modern AU. Excerpt: "You have a son?" Wei Wuxian coughed. Because of the noodles, of course. Not for the endless emptiness that just opened in his stomach at the mere thought of a small boy with the face of Lan Zhan and the eyes of someone else. Lan Zhan blinked. "Mn," he nodded. "He's very bright, responsible. He follows his heart and has an exceptional musical ear." It was probably the longest sentence Lan Zhan had said in years. "You must be parched," Wei Wuxian hurried to pour him some water. Then, since Lan Zhan kept staring at him with more intensity than usual, he added: "You and uhm, his other parent must be very proud." "I cannot take credit for how well he has grown up." "This person must be great, aha! If, uh, if your son is so great." Even thinking about that moment makes Wei Wuxian cringe. Maybe staying dead would have been better. The end of the conversation haunts him more than he'd like to admit. Lan Zhan's hands twitching in his lap. The tone of finality when he said: "They're the most extraordinary person I have ever had the honour to meet." Wei Wuxian likes to imagine that his heart imploded at that moment. A clean explosion, leaving behind the bare minimum to keep him going in a world without the Wens, without his sister and A-Yuan and Lan Zhan and all the alive people he doesn't deserve to meet again. The truth, that his heart is alive and beating and hurting like a bitch, is more pathetic than any lie he can imagine.

pov wei wuxian, pov lan wangji, modern setting, modern with magic, canon divergence, established relationship, developing relationship, misunderstandings, secrets, lan wangji/wei wuxian get a happy ending, love confessions, wei wuxian has self-esteem issues, lan wangji adopts lan sizhui, light angst, angst with a happy ending

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)