#Peerless Coffee

[happypeachsludgeflower]

Cumplane coffee shop au with Shang Qinghua as a barista doing his barista thing while pretending he knows absolutely nothing about PIDW at all no sir not a bit as Shen Yuan (the very hot regular Airplane is absolutely not drooling over he would never don’t suggest such things!!) comes in every day to bitch about the latest update (Shang Qinghua 100% know that Shen Yuan is THE Peerless Cucumber).

[swifty-fox]

hi! i love your writing, could i perhaps have a lil drabble about bucky n buck for my birthday? 🫶

yeah why not!

Bucky Egan was known for a lot of things around base. He was known for his loud laugh and tall stature, his habit of singing when he drank gin and was known for how if one were within arms reach they were liable to be velcroed in at some point with a large hand around a shoulder or a rousing clap to the chest. He was known for his rabid passion in the heat of battle and his level-headed orders. He flew like a devil and laughed at the flames. His boys knew him for his kindness. His optimism, his peerless dedication to being the best.

If he was bragging he would agree, if one caught him in a moment of somberness he would steadfastly claim best only second to Gale.

Most of all, Major John Egan was known for always finding some amount of fun. So when he shakes Gale awake at the crack of dawn, face lined with glee and bundled up in cold weather gear, it takes little convincing to tumble Gale from bed, grumbling and tired.

They'd lost two crews three days ago, more to bad weather conditions than enemy numbers and there was still an anxious hope lingering about the base that maybe they'd return. It was late September and a cold seemed to have settled over the countryside with uncharacteristic vengeance, bringing with it frequent icy rain weather.

"The hell are we doing Bucky?" Gale asks roughly, accepting the black-coffee-two-sugars shoved into his hands and gulping from it until he feels a little more human. He stops upon exiting the barracks and seeing several round sleds piled on the ground. A few of the boys were mingling around; DeMarco, Brady, Everett, Hambone, Douglass, Crank and the two little ones Murphy and Bosser. Even Jack was there, sullen and glaring but there all the same so nobody much held it against him.

"Sledding!" John says cheerfully.

Gale stares at him, then the ground void of any snow, then at Jack, as if he had any better understanding of this scheme. Jack glares right back, but he was here so that meant there was some reason to John's madness.

"It's October, Buck," John insists, grinning in obvious delight at Gale's confusion, "Would be prime sledding conditions back home by now."

"We are not," Gale says slowly, as if John had forgotten, "Back home. We are in England and there is no snow."

John wobbles his head in begrudging agreement, as if Gale has argued something complex rather than simple facts of geography "No," he says slowly, as if explaining a concept to the exceptionally dimwitted.

Gale wants to hit him, or perhaps kiss him if he felt brave enough to imagine. John stomps his foot on the saturated ground, splattering mud across the boots of several guys around them who all make various faces of disgust. "But we got mud."

"How'd you rope Kidd into this?" He asks because he might cup John's face in adoration or something equally mad instead.

"Fuck you, Gale." Jack says.

"Jack's smart enough to know a good idea when he hears one. That's why they went and promoted him to Air Exec." His eyes twinkle in the morning gloom, breath smelling like whiskey and coffee.

"Fuck you, Egan." Jack says.

"Your spare uniform is still at the laundress," Gale argues, back straight and stiff enough to ignore how he sounds like a scolding wife.

John simply smiles wider, tilting his head, "C'mon, Buck, live a little. have a little fun."

They need a little fun, Buck, they're breaking, his eyes say. We need a little fun.

And Buck, because they had agreed when they started this whole affair of being gods and leaders that they would always be able to check each other's limits, sighs the sigh of those long-suffering and nods his head towards the distant hills, "After you, Major."

Their boys cheer, clapping each other and then the Buckies on their backs and John takes point while Gale heads up the rear, sled rope clasped in hand. He feels silly and childish, rope too thin in his adult hands, the width made for smaller fingers and chubbier palms. But around him their boys are also being silly and childish, bumping and jostling each other like puppies; stomping in mud puddles to soil each other's clothes and hollering jabs and jives and teasings at too high volume. Gale loves them tremendously, shakes with fear for them. They slip and slide up the hill, helping each other up or shoving each other down depending on the mood.

John goes first, whooping loud enough it carries over the base, too big for the child-sized sled but making it work all the same. He comes back to the top, mud-splattered and grinning. As if that were the cue the rest of their boys follow, whooping and cheering and fighting to take turns. When Gale goes he keeps his cry of joy bitten behind his teeth but when he stands at the bottom of the hill, soaked and shivering, he's grinning so hard it stinks his cheeks. It's not anywhere close to flying but that also means its nowhere near dying and that more than makes up for it.

They trudge up and down the hill all morning, until the last stubborn grass patches had also been reduced to great furrows of foot-sucking mud that made ever step back up the hill a battle, until they were more muck than skin and their clothes were the same color as their limbs. Until their teeth were chattering and their lips turned blue. In the distance Gale could see Colonel Harding watching, identifiable by his straight shoulders and puffing cigar.

Briefly, he worries theyre all about to be reamed out, but Harding merely nods and disappears back into the control tower. Good to his boys, that one.

They go until Hambone, rangier than the rest of them, can't string two words together for how he shakes and Gale orders them all hot showers and hotter chow.

"That means you too, Major," He tells Bucky, who looked like a wildman, only his blue eyes and a few pink patches of cheek visible through the grime.

John wraps an arm around Gale's equally filthy shoulder, twists his wrist to shake Gale gently by the chin and presses their temples together as they stumble down the hill.

Gale is infinitely grateful he's become too used to John's particular brand of affection, else this might just stop his heart.

"Told you, Buck. Told you. Prime sledding conditions."

-this sledding trip is the one referenced in Kingdom for a Kiss chapter 6

[belovedstill]

NOT a Time Loop (Definitely a Time Loop) (ao3) svsss, platonic cumplane | T | 7.2k, pre-canon, canon divergence, set in modern world, time loop, airplane & cucumber bro, trope-specific repeated major character death (more, including warnings and spoilers, on ao3)

When Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky decided this morning to end his writing career, he didn't expect he'd be responsible for the death of his harshest of readers, nor that he'd unintentionally cause something that's definitely not a time loop. Hahaha, everything is alright, thank you very much! ...But what's the deal with Peerless Cucumber?

a while ago, I wrote a tiny 'different POV' part for this fic which you can find here 😊

Full fic on ao3 & under the cut

It begins like so:

A stranger at the table next to his orders the blandest meal the diner has to offer.

Shang Qinghua opens his laptop. He presses the ‘Post’ button on the drafted work, logs off, and shuts the lid of the laptop with his heart both heavy and light with tentative relief. Some other patron’s phone gives a loud ping. He sips his coffee, too tense to even register the taste. He gets up, leaves a tip too small to be considerate but big enough to leave a dent in his savings, and leaves the diner. On his way out, he hears an enraged shout, quickly doused by the diner’s staff.

Whatever, it’s not his job to care about patrons causing a ruckus.

He goes home, buries himself in his bed, and sleeps undisturbed for the rest of the day.

It begins like so:

Shang Qinghua opens his eyes at the diner table. In front of him, there’s a laptop with his final post on Zhongdian still in draft form. He blinks at the screen. Looks around. Sees the same decor and the same patrons and the same tired staff.

Wow, déjà vu, he thinks, takes a sip of his too-bitter coffee, and clicks ‘Post’.

A stranger at the next table receives the blandest meal the diner has to offer, but accepts it only with a half-hearted hum, staring at his phone instead. The phone chimes.

Shang Qinghua sighs to himself, logs off his account, closes his laptop, and sips the rest of his coffee, too tense to truly appreciate the moment. He leaves a tip too small to be considerable but big enough to leave a dent in his savings and walks out of the place. On his way out, he hears an enraged shout, quickly doused by the staff.

…That’s weird—but it’s not his job to care about patrons causing a ruckus.

He goes home, thinks how strange it is that he still feels as if it’s all happened before, and buries himself in his bed. He sleeps uncomfortably through the rest of the day.

It begins like so:

Shang Qinghua opens his eyes at the diner table… again? He looks around.

The diner is still relatively busy for the post-breakfast crowd. Some of the few patrons look perky enough for it to still be before noon, and the staff still looks tired and already resigned for the fast-approaching lunch hour. Shang Qinghua's laptop is still open on his draft of the final author’s note on Proud Immortal Demon Way, his coffee still looks too black and too bitter, and—after taking a sip—still tastes that way, too.

Is double déjà vu possible? He's definitely experiencing it right this moment, so it must be a thing. Sometimes, real life is stranger than fiction, that's for sure.

“Your low-fat, no-sugar, no-nuts, no-berries, dairy-free porridge,” a waitress announces at the table nearby. The young man sitting there acknowledges her with a hum without looking away from his phone.

Shang Qinghua waits to check if his phone will ping this time, too, but it stays silent.

He breathes a sigh of relief. Damn, he almost thought it was a time loop sort of situation!

He snorts at himself, shakes his head (no more Internet for him for a while!), and with a heaviness in his heart—and lightness, at the same time—he posts his final chapter, logs off, and closes his laptop.

The stranger’s phone pings with a notification. Shang Qinghua freezes on the spot.

Heart beating faster in his chest, he throws the tip money onto the table, grabs his laptop and bag, and flees from the diner.

He doesn’t go home. No, no, no, this is not a time loop! If it were, he would go home right now, but look! He’s not going home. He's not trapped and he has free will, he can go to—oh, I don’t know, the arcade looks fun!

Only he doesn’t have money to spend there and the staff will ask him to leave if he’s just hanging out.

So, the shopping mall, maybe?

Again, no money!

The park. The park! As long as it’s anywhere but home, things should be okay and non-time loopy at all.

The park is pretty much abandoned at this time of the day, what with it being school and work hours. Shang Qinghua would know; he graduated university just last year—(wait. No. It's been two, three years by this point, hasn’t it?)—with a literary degree that earned him nothing and only swallowed the money he didn’t have in the first place.

The job market is a cutthroat place, anyway. He’s never had any illusions that he would find a well-paying job within that short of a timeframe after graduation. Besides, so far, he only has a Bachelor diploma, and everybody and their mother knows that nowadays Bachelor holds next-to-no distinction whatsoever. So what that he’s graduated? Countless other Chinese kids have. So what that he has creative ideas and is ready to work in whatever position imaginable? Countless others do! The sweet nepotism position which was supposed to be his is all but non-existent now, what with his father conveniently forgetting that his first failed marriage actually brought him a son.

…Anyway. It’s a perfect place to be at this time of the day! There are no beds in sight, just benches, so Shang Qinghua sits down on one and doesn’t panic.

He’s not in a time loop. Hahaha. Just because some things are similar to his dream (within a dream within a dream…?), it doesn’t mean anything. Dreams can be wild, and he has been very stressed recently!

Stress dreams, that’s it. What he needs to do is have a good night's sleep! Probably drop the caffeine. And probably meditate before bedtime. And not think about the Proud Immortal Demon Way readers being absolutely pissed at him, and his only source of income being jeopardized because he can’t stand himself writing mindless filth anymore.

Sue him! He’s never intended Proud Immortal Demon Way to get so big, okay! It’s a social commentary on the unrealistic expectations of masculinity and its effects on men’s mental health, and he started it as a joke besides! It was just supposed to open some eyes, provoke conversations, maybe pay for his food, maybe his living expenses if people took a liking to it! Instead, it got him through the final year of uni when he was convinced he would have to drop out, and has paid the god-awful rent for his god-awful apartment ever since then.

…So, in the end, it has never been that mindless, has it now! He mindfully observes what makes people's brains tick, mindfully calculates what will open their bank accounts, and mindfully writes what they want to read! He's an entrepreneur, a businessman! He's basically Shakespeare!

…

He needs to let go. As convenient as Proud Immortal Demon Way is, Shang Qinghua really doesn’t feel that good writing it anymore. People who love it, love it for all the wrong reasons. People who hate it only hit the nail on his coffin on why he has to stop.

Yes, Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky knows that specific work sucks! That has always been the point! It’s supposed to be a trash novel! You don’t point at an obvious mess and say ‘this is a mess’ unless you’re his mother, so honestly, everybody could spare their judgments.

…Even though the judgmental readers have always been the ones he likes the most.

He really doesn’t want to read their comments under the final update. It can’t even count for a chapter: it’s just two sentences. The author’s endnote is longer than that.

But it had to be done. It had to, even if he knows what he’ll find in the comment section. ‘Wasting his potential’—hell, he knows! He knows that, Peerless Cucumber, thank you very much, now go choke on a—

An ambulance siren pulls him out of his definitely-not-panicked state. He was just lost in thoughts, that’s all, it happens to the best of us! A cold shiver runs down his spine as the shrill noise zooms past his hearing range. It turns off relatively nearby.

Man, is somebody dying? A heart attack, maybe. It's so early in the day, too, poor guy. Or girl. Do girls get heart attacks the way guys do? Probably. He should look it up, it’d probably make for a good plot for a new wife for Bingge to—

—ah, no, wait. No more Proud Immortal Demon Way. No more Luo Binghe. That’s gonna take some time getting used to, doesn’t it?

Shang Qinghua lets out a heavy sigh, turns it into a growl, and stands up. He’s made his point: he’s stayed in the park long enough and nothing‘s happened! He can go home now and not go to sleep immediately—just to make sure he does things differently than in his dream.

As he waits for the pedestrian lights outside the park to turn green, the same ambulance sounds its alarm and zooms past him. The speed of it smacks his hair into his eyes.

At home, he downs a strong cup of coffee, even more bitter than the one at the diner, and does not go to sleep. Depression naps can wait! He has the entire afternoon ahead of him, he can find something to do! There's a new donghua everybody has been talking about, or, if he wants something international, he can always reach for that one ice-skating anime from several years ago. He’s never really got around to watching it, has he? Last he checked, there was a movie coming out, or something.

He boots his laptop up, connects it to the charger, and waits.

The screen loads up on the posted final PIDW chapter. The two sentences of the ending and three entire paragraphs of the endnote stare back at him. The comment count is already at 3333, and he's actively blocking the view stat from his mind.

Ctrl + W and it's not a problem anymore.

On the screen, in the opening scene of the anime, the main character is having a full-blown panic attack.

Shang Qinghua’s face black-lines and he shuts the episode off.

…Maybe taking a nap now wouldn't be that bad, actually? He’s already spent his day differently by staying up so much longer. He deserves a break!

Yes. Yes, he's already proven this is not a time loop. It's going to be fine.

It is not fine, he thinks the moment he opens his eyes and sees the unposted draft of the final chapter of Proud Immortal Demon Way staring mockingly back at him.

Fuck!!!

This is not a time loop. This is not a time loop. This is not a time loop!

He closes his eyes. Nope! He's not seeing anything!

“Your low-fat, no-sugar, no-nuts, no-berries, dairy-free porridge.”

“Mhm.”

Shang Qinghua wants to cry.

More changes, he decides. He doesn't touch the coffee. Doesn't look around as he shuts his laptop without posting the final update. Doesn't leave a tip. Doesn't pass “GO”, doesn't collect ¥200, goes directly out the door without turning back.

So, the park didn't work. He withdraws a couple of bills from his account he kept saved away for his upcoming rent and spends it all on arcade games. Ambulance sirens mix in with game sounds well enough that he almost doesn't notice them.

Almost.

He blinks open and blanks at the sight of the unposted draft of his final update.

So it wasn't the update, huh? He considered that for a moment, back at the arcade, between slaying pixelated aliens. If anything, it seems the repeat started even faster without him posting.

Not that it’s a time loop. But the terminology can very well be the same. Hey, language evolves! Words are used in new contexts all the time! For all intents and purposes, this might still be just a very weird, layered dream.

Shang Qinghua looks at the final chapter of his work and deflates.

“I can't even quit you in peace, can I?”

“Your low-fat, no-sugar, no-nuts, no-berries, dairy-free porridge.”

“Mhm.”

Shang Qinghua sighs.

He opens the editor of the chapter, erases the two lines, and instead writes:

Something has come up, sorry. Next chapter postponed till next week.

Clicks 'Post'.

The phone in the stranger’s hand pings.

This time, Shang Qinghua doesn't leave. Thinking about it, he’s never truly relaxed after posting, has he? That final chapter was supposed to be a load off, but it just caused the never-ending trouble. Now that it’s pushed back in time, he can sit back and enjoy his too-bitter coffee in peace.

…The coffee doesn't have to be so bitter, actually. He reaches for the sugar packets available in the napkin holder and drops the contents of two of them into his drink.

Creamer, too! If he has to be trapped in this time loo—no, dream—then he might as well not hate his drink. The sugar and cheap creamer are free, anyway, and, if he’s right, the money he spent in each of his previous dreams should be back in his bank account.

He checks and breathes in relief. Not a dent! Even the amount spent at the arcade is back, and he did go wild with that one.

The stranger at the other table starts muttering to himself and furiously typing at his phone; the diner is quiet enough Shang Qinghua can vaguely hear him even from his own seat.

If the ping isn’t a coincidence, then is he a reader? Wow, real people in real life are actually subscribed to Proud Immortal Demon Way, huh? The ‘ping me!’ option is only available to VIP readers, too.

Shang Qinghua watches as the guy types and types and types, and wonders. The guy sure doesn't fit the image of a PIDW fan in his mind. The gender fits, but he looks too Rich, even if Neglected (he just has a ‘rich’ face, okay!), and Holier Than Thou than he expects his readers to be. Shang Qinghua knows he’s written filth! It's what’s been paying his bills, okay! If the dude is paying for the chapters then he must know what he's got into! No need to judge, bro, you would only be judging yourself.

…Unless he's a closeted pervert; closeted perverts dipping their toes in his filth are always welcome. Make yourself at home!

The guy is still typing, so furiously his face has turned red with rage.

Wow, sorry for postponing the chapter, dude. Airplane promises it'll be posted when he actually writes something substantial! He can't post the ending he wanted to avoid all this time/dream issue! And, from what he remembers—if he's correct—then weren't you enraged by the ending, too? Seriously, there's no way to please readers these days…

The guy’s face really is getting redder… and tighter… and—swollen? His muttering is more distorted now through his suddenly much smaller mouth.

And he doesn't stop typing.

Shang Qinghua stares, blinks hard, and stares again.

The guy's fingers slow down until he forcefully jabs at his phone screen.

…Well. Don't judge him that much.

Shang Qinghua opens his laptop back up and clicks on the comments, then scrolls through hundreds of individual short comments of confused emojis, keysmashes, and question marks to find the essay the stranger has just left him.

Oh, he finds it.

Stranger no longer.

At the top of the body of words, very much longer than his chapter—not that it's difficult to achieve that, considering—is the guy's pseudonym.

Peerless Cucumber.

…

No way.

No way!!!

An indescribable emotion fills Shang Qinghua's chest, both excitement and frustration, and who knows what else. The guy! The legend! His worst nightmare and the best thing that's happened to his writing! His nemesis and motivation, all in one!

“—call an ambulance!”

Eh?

When he lowers the lid of his laptop, several things become clear.

The guy’s—Peerless Cucumber’s—face is swollen beyond recognition. The neck of his hoodie painfully digs into his skin, his fingers are too thick and stiff to hold his phone, which clatters onto the table, and he's doing something that can't reasonably be called breathing. Wheezing, maybe—if that, even.

A waitress calls an ambulance. Another is trying to make Peerless Cucumber lie down. The staff hurriedly ushers the gawking patrons out of the diner. Shang Qinghua clutches his laptop to his chest as he's outright pushed out the door.

He loiters nearby, still in shock, until the ambulance siren sounds in the distance and gets louder and louder.

The ambulance pulls up. Paramedics run out and into the diner. Minutes pass, then something vaguely person-shaped is carried out on stretches and rushed into the ambulance. The sirens wail back to life. Red-and-blue lights blind him. The vehicle drives off with a screech of tires.

Shang Qinghua stares at nothing in particular.

Fuck. Has he just—given Peerless Cucumber a heart attack…?

The diner door is pushed open again, the waitress looks as shaken as he himself feels. From the inside, he hears disgruntled voices of the other staff members.

Somebody says, “I hope it doesn’t make the news.”

He turns on his heel and leaves.

Goes home.

Can’t sleep.

He blinks.

He’s back at the diner. In front of him sits his laptop with the last chapter of Proud Immortal Demon Way ready to be posted. Above the screen, at a nearby table, sits a stranger.

—not a stranger. Peerless Cucumber.

Shang Qinghua’s struck by the chilling thought that Peerless Cucumber has just died.

But no—he’s right there, alive, staring at his phone. Like he’s waiting.

Shang Qinghua doesn’t want him to wait.

He suddenly wishes he'd never posted his work online.

The waitress brings over the blandest meal the diner has to offer and announces it in the same voice that has just worried about the diner's media presence. Peerless Cucumber accepts it with barely a hum, without even looking at her, as if he knows. But no, he can't know—he has reacted the same way every single time.

His phone doesn't ping and Shang Qinghua knows perfectly well it won't until he clicks ‘Post’.

If he posts the chapter, Peerless Cucumber will die of rage.

If he doesn't, Peerless Cucumber will die of rage.

If he postpones, Peerless Cucumber will die of rage.

…

Just chill out, bro! Has nobody ever told you this much anger is bad for you? Shang Qinghua can't be responsible for your death! Who told you to get so invested, ah! Not him!

There really is no good ending here. Shang Qinghua has heard the ambulance sirens nearly every time the events of this day repeated and he knows, instinctively, that it’s Cucumber-bro every time. But what can he do? He's just a guy trying to end his online writing career in peace. There have been stories about fans refusing to let their idols step out of the spotlight, but this is really… too much!

Peerless Cucumber is tapping impatiently on his bowl; it's full three minutes past Shang Qinghua’s update schedule.

Damn. Okay. That's not a good sign, his anger levels are rising already. Shang Qinghua hasn't felt this responsible for the emotional state of another person since he moved out of his mother's house!

Okay. Think, think, think. Posting this chapter didn't work, as did posting nothing or postponing.

Maybe posting something more substantial…?

By the time he gathers his thoughts and clicks ‘Edit Work’, the waitress approaches Peerless Cucumber’s table.

“Are you alright, sir?”

Shang Qinghua looks up.

Cucumber-bro looks angry again. Angry enough his breathing comes out in wheezes.

The waitress yells about an ambulance. Cucumber-bro stares at his phone in frustration, fingers tapping and tapping.

What now? He hasn't even written a full sentence yet! That can't have angered him that much?

Waiting just ten minutes past the normal posting schedule is not that bad, either, come on! Learn some patience…

…Well. A heart attack does not know patience and soon Shang Qinghua is pushed out the diner’s door once again. He spends the little time he has before the next repeat brainstorming the continuation of PIDW.

He blinks and opens his eyes back in the diner. Grabs the laptop in front of him. Clicks ‘Edit Work’ and starts hammering at the keys like his life depends on it.

Well, not his life. Peerless Cucumber’s.

And maybe his, a little bit. He's getting really tired of repeating the same morning over and over again.

If he knew he would get stuck in a moment of his day, he would have chosen a better place! This diner has really shit coffee; it’s never worked on him, but at least it’s cheap.

The laptop is old, with a keyboard that hasn't been properly cleaned in… ever. The keys are loud.

Somebody's eyes bore holes in his forehead.

Don't judge him! He’s doing it for everybody involved!

A bland order is delivered.

“Thanks.”

Shang Qinghua’s fingers freeze and he stares at Peerless Cucumber above the screen.

The waitress nods and leaves, and Cucumber-bro goes back to staring at his phone as if he hasn't just talked!

If this has changed, then maybe…?

Slowly, his fingers stutter back over the keyboard and he types, and hammers, and writes more of Luo Binghe just for Cucumber-bro not to die. And when he gets to an okay stopping point, even though it's by far the shortest chapter of his life, he clicks ‘Post’ without a second of hesitation.

Peerless Cucumber’s phone pings.

Well, that’s maybe 10 minutes past the planned update, but Cucumber-bro not dying out of enraged impatience is a success!

Shang Qinghua watches with a bated breath as the guy taps on his phone. Waits for the app to load. Taps on the new chapter.

Starts reading.

And… uh.

He reads scarily fast, doesn't he…

Shang Qinghua remembers all the pages-long comments posted within minutes of new updates.

Maybe a spur-of-the-moment chapter pulled out of his ass isn't long enough to prolong—

“What.”

—he couldn't have already finished it?! That was 2k words at least!

“The fuck.

“Is this.”

He's not even using question marks this time, or speaking in the same paragraph…

Shang Qinghua gulps as he watches Peerless Cucumber swallow through the spoonful of his porridge and touch his phone screen with a shaking finger.

Damn. He really looks pissed.

Shang Qinghua dares a look at the chapter he's just released. Strangely, the comment section is void even of the “first!!!” crowd.

Peerless Cucumber is typing. His face is growing red. It swells with barely held-in anger.

In the top right corner of his screen, a new notification pops up.

As Cucumber-bro takes a moment to breathe through whatever crisis he's experiencing, Shang Qinghua clicks on the notification. It leads him straight into the comment section. There's only one, from yours truly.

You lazy ass, it says. It's the most illegible thing in the world and I'm not even talking about the plot.

Harsh!

Another comment.

It’s always been obvious you have no standards, but that’s a new low even for you.

And another.

You didn’t even fix typos before posting!

Wow, he's never spam-commented before.

Shang Qinghua looks at the chapter he's just posted, for the first time.

It's, uh… Cucumber-bro might not be… wrong…?

But it's not like he had time to do anything better? You don't write 2k words in 15 minutes without any sacrifices!

“Are you alright, sir?”

Oh no.

Shang Qinghua blinks at the unposted last chapter of Proud Immortal Demon Way and salutes in his heart to the 2k words he's just lost—or never written—or whatever. Those have never existed now. Well, they did not work at tiding Peerless Cucumber over, anyway, so it’s not that big of a loss.

He's not writing like a madman for the guy ever again, though. No gratitude whatsoever, only criticism! No “thank you for trying to save my life, bro”, no “that was an impressive writing speed!”, nor “how are you doing mentally after seeing me die again and again?”. No care at all. Not that Shang Qinghua isn't used to that already, don't actually mind him.

Still, it would be nice to just…

…Talk.

Huh.

Cucumber-bro’s blandest meal arrives. Shang Qinghua gets up. Walks over. Clears his throat.

Cucumber-bro looks at him, a spoon in his mouth.

Okay, maybe just looming over somebody as they eat isn’t the most socially adept thing to do. He came over to say something! He can do that.

“Hi.”

He receives a look as bland as the porridge Cucumber-bro’s swallowing. “Do I know you?”

He talks! Shang Qinghua has never thought hearing somebody talk to him in such a “then perish!” tone would bring tears to his eyes, but there it is! And they’re tears of gratitude, too!

He opens his mouth and promptly remembers that talking to people usually requires the forethinking of conversation topics. He's quite literally drawing a blank.

He stares at Peerless Cucumber and Peerless Cucumber stares back at him. In silence. Why has he approached him, again…?

“You need to chill or you'll die,” he blurts, very helpfully.

Cucumber-bro’s face becomes even scarier than the first time Shang Qinghua watched him write his comment in real time. “Excuse me?”

A chance to back down! Sucks that his mouth has a mind of its own!

“You'll die,” he says, enunciating each word, “unless you calm down. Stop raging so much, it's totally unhealthy—”

“Is that a threat.” Peerless Cucumber’s dropping the question marks again. From the previous rounds, it's not really a good sign.

“Not a threat! Just trying to help, bro!”

Is he allowed to talk about the time loop? This is not a transmigration type of thing where he has a system dealing out punishments, right? It would have made itself known by now…

Okay. He's got nothing to lose.

He drops to the seat in front of Cucumber-bro and ignores the stinky look he receives as a result.

“Look. You know time loops, right? You must, you've read my work, after all. That part where Luo Binghe goes through the same day one hundred times to learn all there is to please the Western Princess so when the time comes he woos her the very first time she meets him and they get married the very next day?” Peerless Cucumber’s staring at him, blankly. His eye might be twitching. “That's what's happening here. You don't know, but this day has happened like five times already and you rage yourself dead every single time, bro, that's not healthy for you.”

“Your work,” Cucumber-bro repeats, and Shang Qinghua starts to doubt the guy’s sanity. That's what he's taking away from this? “You write Proud Immortal—”

—and then he stops himself mid-sentence. For some reason. As if he’s realised he has as good as confirmed that he knows what Airplane is talking about.

Shang Qinghua grins. “Yeah! And you’re a connoisseur of fine arts, I see!”

Cucumber-bro presses his lips into a thin line and mumbles, “...I don't know what you mean.”

Tsundere! He’s definitely a tsundere!

“Aw, there's no need to be shy! Many people read Proud Immortal Demon Way.” Shang Qinghua crosses his arms on the table and leans closer. “Besides, I know you're Peerless Cucumber, there's no need to be ashamed. I mean! You tear me a new one under every single chapter. No wonder you croaked that way, too.”

Peerless Cucumber continues glowering at him. “You're insane.”

“Takes one to know one. And it's nice to meet you, too.” He sighs and leans back in his seat. It… really is working out quite well, isn’t it? Better than he imagined! Who would have thought all it’d take to make himself feel better was just getting up and talking to people! ‘Be the change you want to see in the world’ and all that! “Never expected to meet a fan out in the wild.”

Cucumber-bro is rapidly growing red. “I am not your fan.”

Shang Qinghua raises his hands in surrender. “Sure, sure! Definitely not a fan!” He watches with worry as Cucumber-bro’s face changes colours. “Calm down, breathe. I wasn't kidding when I said you raged yourself to death.”

Maybe saying that isn't the smartest thing, actually. Peerless Cucumber looks startled, like he's considering believing him. His face looks like it's swelling already.

“Water!” Shang Qinghua calls, and, in panic, grabs his coffee from his own table. That's the only drink he ordered, okay? “Drink!”

“I can't have dairy—” Peerless Cucumber starts to say, but Shang Qinghua is already pressing the mug to his very thin and unnaturally stretched lips. He watches as he is forced to swallow the remaining gulps of coffee and withdraws. “Idiot! You want to kill me?!”

Quite the opposite, quite the opposite! He spent money on that coffee, bro, better appreciate it!

But Cucumber-bro’s redness and swelling don't go down. He continues to rattle at Shang Qinghua until a waitress approaches and asks them to calm down. And that's when Peerless Cucumber stops breathing completely. He just glares at the cup Shang Qinghua fed him coffee out of, mouths at him something that could be ‘you've killed me’, then drops right across the table.

The ambulance doesn't make it in time. One second, Shang Qinghua closes his eyes on Cucumber-bro’s unrecognisably quiet, frozen, swollen face and, in the next, opens them to Cucumber-bro sitting at a nearby table, staring at his phone. Waiting.

The final chapter of Proud Immortal Demon Way is ready to be posted.

Shang Qinghua lets out a shaky sigh. Runs his hand down his face. Takes a gulp of his coffee.

He gets up and tries again.

And again.

And again.

He tries everything. Everything! He tells Peerless Cucumber the whole truth at least three more times. One time, the ambulance is called for him, with how “confused” he is. You try being responsible for somebody else's life and fail to save them no matter what you do! It leaves a mark, okay!

That specific time, he strips down to his underwear and claims to know the future. He has a good reason, okay, and it totally makes sense in the moment!

“Would a deranged person do this?” he asks and, as Cucumber-bro stares at him as if he is the ridiculous one and yells out a ‘Yes!’, the diner staff calls the ambulance.

So maybe they have a point at that time. Admittedly, Shang Qinghua might have been going a little bit insane by that point, after watching Cucumber-bro puke his guts out and choke on it to death before the time looped again.

He's tried approaching Cucumber-bro. Talking to him. Explaining. Manipulating. Writing a different Proud Immortal Demon Way chapter; posting it several paragraphs at a time as he writes it. Then posting just a personal note to Peerless Cucumber himself.

He has watched him dying as he fumes with frustration, grits teeth with anger, or chokes on his food.

One time, he outright begs him not to die. He’s exhausted and resigned by that point. Cucumber-bro just looks at him like he's grown three heads. Startled. Suspicious. Vulnerable.

“How do you…?”

Despite the mistrust, Shang Qinghua likes that version of him the most.

He dies that time, too.

It doesn't work. It never works. Cucumber-bro rages himself out of breath again and again and again and again. There really is no point here! Shang Qinghua is not his protagonist, he doesn't have a golden halo nor a wisdom stat of +100, nor access to blood parasites able to control and regulate and heal. He's not a Heavenly Demon lord, he's not a medic, he's not a scholar—he just writes about them. Hell, he doesn't even remember how to administer first aid!

What is with this time loop? Why is Peerless Cucumber so important the universe can't carry on without him? People die everyday, what's so special about him? If anything, he already looks like he's going to hit it sooner than later. Shang Qinghua’s on a self-prescribed Sad, Single, and Unemployed diet and even he doesn't look that bad. If all the food Cucumber-bro ever eats is as bland as the porridge he’s ordered before the start of the loop, then it's no wonder he's so thin. No wonder he’s so salty online, too; gotta substitute somehow.

He doesn’t even notice that the time has looped again and he’s got up from his table until he’s colliding with somebody.

The waitress yelps.

A bowl she’s just carried on a tray falls to the floor and shatters into pieces.

The blandest porridge splatters around on the impact.

Peerless Cucumber’s attention is off his phone and on the shattered bowl.

“My food…”

For a moment, everybody is quiet. Then, the waitress huffs a sigh.

“I’ll bring you a new bowl right away, sir,” she says as she fishes out a rag out of her apron and starts scooping the mess onto her tray. “Please, be careful where you step.”

That last line is pointed at Shang Qinghua. He laughs nervously and—carefully, really carefully—steps closer to Peerless Cucumber’s table and sits down. Cucumber-bro frowns at him.

Shang Qinghua braces himself for another death session preceded by biting words.

And he's not disappointed! As the waitress returns and finishes the clean-up of the mess, Peerless Cucumber spits insults about his work at him, rants about plot holes and continuity errors, about one-dimensional characters and the potential, the potential! His face remains pale and normal-shaped but for a healthy flush on the rims of his ears.

Things seem to be… going well? Cucumber-bro is not choking on his anger, and when the staff asks him to be quieter, please, he calms enough to just glare at him and tell him to piss off if he's not serious about writing the novel properly.

Shang Qinghua breathes in relief. That sounds like a permission!

“Okay,” he agrees, “I'll stop writing it right away. I was meaning to drop it, anyway!”

Cucumber-bro’s eye twitches.

Uh-oh.

When the waitress from earlier approaches their table a full scathing tirade later, she sets a packed to-go container in front of them.

“I'll have to ask you both to leave,” she demands. “You're disturbing the other patrons.”

Shang Qinghua looks around and, surely enough, the heads of the three other patrons blur with how fast they look away, pretending they were not paying attention.

Cucumber-bro grumbles as he pulls his jacket on and grabs his things. Shang Qinghua hurries to his table and haphazardly pushes his laptop into his bag.

Surprisingly, when he runs out the door to follow after Cucumber-bro, the guy is waiting for him outside, tapping his foot like a wife waiting for her workaholic husband who’s late to their anniversary dinner.

He hasn't stayed back for the company, however. He glares at Shang Qinghua and says just one sentence.

“Don't you dare stop writing.”

And then he turns on his heel and leaves.

Shang Qinghua could cry.

Peerless Cucumber has lived!

He should celebrate. People usually go out to celebrate, don't they? Yeah! Prime going out time!

Half an hour later, he's freshly showered and on his way out, with his hand on the handle of his apartment entrance door, when he realises—

He doesn't quite know what exactly people do when they “go out”.

Fortunately for him, he doesn't need to figure it out, because between one blink and the next one, he's back in the diner, his laptop open in front of him, Cucumber-bro staring at his phone at the next table over.

A waitress brings over the blandest meal ever.

Shang Qinghua does cry, then.

And then squawks when the glass entrance door swings open and shatters on impact against the wall.

In the entryway to the diner, against the backdrop of the hectic city landscape of rushing cars and gawking, hurrying pedestrians, there stands an extraordinarily tall man clad in well-fitting red-and-black high-quality xianxia robes, a black menacing sword billowed in black flames and ashen smoke held in his hand.

On his forehead, there gleams a blood-red heavenly demon zuiyin.

Looking at him, Shang Qinghua hears the screams and wailing of countless tortured souls punished out of revenge, even though everybody in the diner is frozen in silent shock. You could hear a pin drop!

Luo Binghe struts in like he owns the place despite it very much not being part of his own dimension; it's not like anybody would ever dare free him of that conviction, anyway. He walks past Shang Qinghua's table, throws him a glance—and an honest to god nod, he swears, unless he really blinked and dreamed up the entire interaction—and approaches the waitress who stares at him in half awe and half trepidation.

He raises one hand, gives her a charming smile that doesn't meet his eyes (so scary!) and, in a single move, blasts the bowl she's holding into shards.

…Well, at least it wasn't Shang Qinghua who made the mess this time!

“My food,” Cucumber-bro mumbles in a barely heard objection, and that makes Luo Binghe's face darken. He squares his back even more, truly intimidating, opens his mouth, and in a tone that will forever haunt Shang Qinghua in his nightmares says:

“He asked for no nuts.”

And then Shang Qinghua watches with his own two teary and tired eyes how Luo Binghe pulls out a neatly wrapped bowl and turns to Peerless Cucumber.

The same Peerless Cucumber who has flamed under every single chapter of Proud Immortal Demon Way as the unofficial president of the unofficial Binghe Protection Squad, who is staring at the very same Luo Binghe as if it's the last thing he's going to see in his damn life.

Knowing what he knows, Shang Qinghua can't really blame him for it.

“Shizun,” Luo Binghe addresses Cucumber-bro (!?) and, using both hands, reverently sets the bowl on the table in front of him. “This disciple has brought you your midday meal. Pray Shizun forgives his tardiness; he's encountered an unexpected obstacle on the way.”

What, thinks Shang Qinghua.

“...What?” echoes Cucumber-bro.

“W—what,” stammers the waitress. “Wait, y—you can’t bring your own food—”

Luo Binghe shoots her a dark look; her mouth immediately slams shut and she scutters back into the kitchens.

Shang Qinghua curses inwardly and collects his things. When he makes his way to Peerless Cucumber’s table, Luo Binghe is already sitting in a chair across from him, and looking at him as if it’s Peerless Cucumber who is miraculously defying the rules of the universe and breaking the wall between reality and fiction.

“Uh—excuse me, sorry, pardon—” The glare Luo Binghe shoots him isn’t nearly as scary as the one he sent the waitress earlier, so Shang Qinghua pushes on. “The staff will probably call the police, so we’d better go.”

Peerless Cucumber looks up at him as if it’s Shang Qinghua whose approach is out of the realm of real-world possibilities. “Who are you?”

And isn't that the question of the hour?

Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky.

A god, apparently.

Somebody who’s watched you die over fifty times.

Your friend, and the guy you hate, and the person who’s lived to keep you alive.

He answers instead, “I don’t even know anymore.”

Cucumber-bro stares at him like he’s just told him Proud Immortal Demon Way is based on a true story. At this point, Shang Qinghua isn't sure the main idea didn't come to him in a prophetic dream.

“Shang-shishu,” Luo Binghe says. All attention is immediately on him. “You’ve done well assisting Shizun. Your efforts have been noted and will be duly rewarded.”

Huh?

…Wait.

“Who do you think this guy is?” Shang Qinghua asks, pointing his thumb at Peerless Cucumber.

Luo Binghe’s eyes narrow into dangerous slits. “Just as this lord will reward Shang Qinghua’s assistance, he will punish any disrespect shown to Shen Qingqiu.”

Shang Qinghua laughs nervously.

Luo Binghe turns back to Cucumber-bro. “Shizun should eat,” he says in a tone much warmer, with eyes so much kinder—Shang Qinghua is getting a whiplash. “He needn’t worry; no meal from this Binghe will ever harm him.”

Cucumber-bro puts his phone down and reaches for the spoon Luo Binghe’s holding out to him.

Well, Shang Qinghua has tried, but he’s not staying here to wait for the police to arrive! He's heard enough sirens to traumatise him for a lifetime!

“Don’t die again?” he asks Cucumber-bro who only gives him a blank, confused stare.

Luo Binghe answers in his stead. “He won’t.”

And that’s really as good as he’s going to get, isn’t it?

With one final nod, Shang Qinghua adjusts the shoulder strap of his laptop bag and makes his way to the exit. Behind him, Peerless Cucumber and Luo Binghe talk.

“That’s really good!”

“I knew Shizun would like it. Eat more.”

“Are you a cosplayer?”

“I don’t know what that is. I’m Luo Binghe.”

“Really into it, are you? Either way, you look so cool. Where did you get this costume? Such good quality.”

“Thanking Shizun. These robes, I’ve had them—”

The rest of their conversation is left behind the remains of the diner door.

Shang Qinghua doesn’t go home right away. He spends an hour in the park, then another at the arcade, then walks by the diner and peeks in through the window.

Cucumber-bro and Luo Binghe are gone.

There have been no ambulance sirens.

Hours pass. The sun sets and the night blankets the city like a beast creeping closer and closer to its prey. Shang Qinghua stares out the window of his crappy apartment as he stands in complete darkness for the first time in around two months.

He lies down on his uncomfortable bed. Turns and twists for hours before sleep finally overtakes him.

And when he opens his eyes, it’s to the paint peeling off his greying ceiling, and to the weak rays of sunshine filtering through the blinds, and to the buzzing of a fly fighting a losing fight against the window.

His eyes sting.

It’s finally over.

He stays in bed into the late afternoon. Just in case.

It’s only when the day has turned into the evening again that he dares a step from out of his blanket and he almost trips on his laptop, haphazardly abandoned in the middle of the room.

He plugs it in to charge and turns it on. Types in his password. Listens to the worryingly heavy hum of the built-in fans.

—and is immediately jumpscared by the unposted draft of the final words of PIDW lighting up on the screen. He almost slams the laptop lid shut.

Almost. His hand is already grabbing at the screen when a pulsing red dot in the top right corner catches his attention.

A new notification.

He clicks on it and stares.

New direct message from: @Peerless Cucumber

16h ago Who the fuck are you and where the hell is the new chapter?

.

..

…

GIVE HIM A BREAK!!!

[treason-and-plot]

OC Questionnaire Part 2

I was tagged again by the peerless @papermint-airplane (and several other lovely mutuals, so stay tuned for more OC Questionnaire posts!) and this time I went with Sonia.

Name: Sonia Louise Goddard

Nickname: Sonia has never encouraged nicknames, for herself nor her children.

Gender: Female

Star sign: Capricorn

Height: 5' 6”

Orientation: N/A

Nationality/Ethnicity: Sim

Favorite Fruit: Peach

Favourite Season: Autumn

Favorite Flower: Violets!!

Favorite Scent: Chanel No.5

Coffee, Tea, or Hot Chocolate: Coffee

Average Hours of Sleep: Six.

Dogs or Cats: Dogs

Dream Trip: Staying at a five star resort or luxury wellness retreat with Violet for a couple of weeks

Number of Blankets: One

Random Fact: Before becoming a full-time stay-at-home mother, Sonia worked for an international shipping company as a Bunker Broker. Her duties included purchasing fuel for ship owners and negotiating the best price for them. It was a competitive, male-dominated environment and she enjoyed it immensely.

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Chapter 9

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

I feel so weird sitting here in the morning reading this, this has been my night-time routine for 8 chapters!

In all honesty the fic I was reading this morning just wasn't it/my brain kept coming back to my boy Shen Qingqiu, so here I am 8am on a Sunday heading into the Borderlands.

My teas are for evening- so this morning, hazelnut coffee!

ah, okay, intro to this chapter. I have been wondering how the afterlife works in this series. I hope we find out more than "the border of human and demons realms" p167

JK lol this is a physical place and not an afterlife p168

oh gosh, this is quite a mess! (Re: the political upheaval within the Cang Qiong Mountain sect as well as vs others) I kind of want to know what the side quest Shang Qinghua went on in the demon realm. p169

Oh baby Luo Binghe keeping Shen Qingqiu's corpse :( p169

okay but he also took Mo Qingfang with him so maybe they were trying to figure out a way to bring Shen Qngqiu back? p170

I would have loved to be privy to the Tea that Lu Liu was about to spill about his theories of Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu ahaha but instead we got a knock on the door interrupting p171

who is this newcomer??? Wait who's the second one?? The anticipation!! pp172-173

wait. "what year is it?" New character or??? p174

I fucking cant. Yes it is Shen Qinqgiu. but also the dramatic flair is too much RE: "faking your death is overdone, I must therefore actually die :)" p174

omg SQQ had a backup body made from the mushrooms! This is so wild. This was definitely Shang Qinghua's side quest for sure. p175

omg I can't stop laughing. What is with MXTX killing the leads and then twinkifying their new bodies. p176

it's been FIVE YEARS?!?!?!?!? p177. Oh damn, bless that he has an abundance of spiritual energy now!

He really told them his name was peerless cucumber- oh my. p178. Can we talk about how they then immediately stated he was a bottom with the Peerless "chrysanthemum, crown, flower.."p178

The hypocrite lol "It is wrong for you to profit from their misfortune" after he literally stole all the clothes on his back and a fancy fan for fun (and cultivating, but let's be real mostly fun). p180

why does everything just come back to SQQ just fantasizing about Luo Binghe's dick? We went from SQQ ranting about demon naming conventions to what he would call Luo Binghe's actual dick LOL p181

HEAVENLY PILLAR-JUN - pls end me XD stooop. p182

Meanwhile we have these demons sweating because they think this man is incredibly powerful and very unstable as SQQ laughs maniacally then slaps himself. p182 I really don't think they are wrong TBH.

oh no! I need to now what Liu Mingyan has been doing in the badlands! p184

but also SQQ assuming that Liu Mingyan is Luo BInghe's wife.

OOOOOO Sha Hualing is back! p185 I like love her as a villain, but hate her as a character. She's in a weird place for me, but I appreciate her LOL

Who the heck is this youth? p186

Jesus christ. the fact that in this moment SQQ hates Sha Hualing's nails- not because there is a kid about to get slice and diced, but because in the novel she uses them to tear up Luo BInghe's back when they fuck. I cannot with this man *face palm* p187

okay we have a name for this young master- Yang Yixuan, and this little baby is Liu Qingge's disciple! p188

learning about how Luo Binghe's cultivation works with his need to basically dual cultivate to level himself out has me officially believing that the system basically allowed SQQ to build the ideal body for Luo Binghe. he definitely has the excess spiritual power LOL p190

This interaction with Sha Hualing and Liu Mingyan tho...I really love Liu Mingyan! Wait- oh no! Not her clawing her face!!! p194

okay she did not get her face clawed

Well, my theory about SQQ building the perfect bod has more merit with the nuns now out of the picture. p197

Holy shit. he actually is strong enough to break through immortal binding cables!! p199

NOW he notices the script change LOL p201 "Shen Qingqiu had certainly never planned to fill in the gap they left behind himself. He had that old feeling of having accidentally picked up the wrong script- it made him vaguely suspicious that the scam of a System was still around"

Dang! he broke the net too! p201

and we have a small appearance by Luo Binghe!!!

Yay! I am so excited i've missed the system, glad it's back. even though it seems kind of broken lol p203

Well "peerless xiangsheng" and "senior peerless" are certainly better than peerless cucumber LOL p205

oh my. Well I mean, he's not entirely wrong is he? Re: Lu Liu's epic tale of the tragic one-sided love between Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu. (and this is the Tea I wanted at the beginning of the chapter, I am so happy about it). pp206-207

oh my sweet summer child "Those details aren't the slightest bit reliable, okay? 'The Truth' your sister! Even if I had no girl to fondle for twenty years, no matter how wretched I became, I wouldn't get so desperate that I'd get gay with a guy! Let alone get gay with the male lead!" p212

This Chapter LOL

This was definitely a needed pick up after we had that wretched death. But now I am so curious! I need to know how this turns into their weird but epic love story. When do these two collide??? What happens next???? (do not answer any of these questions LOL no spoilers, but I am very excited to read on).

[imimprisoned]

Ares : God of War, and The Spirit of Battle.

Offerings include:

1. Red wine

2. Black coffee

3. Red meats

4. Incense scents like frankincense or sandalwood

5. Heavy spices and/or spicy food

6. Statues/depictions of him

7. Depictions/imagery of dogs, horses, vultures, snakes

8. Blood from cut meats

9. Pure water

10. Battle-related items or depictions (armors, weapons, shields)

11. Battle-related artworks

12. Trophies and/or medals

13. Metals like iron or steel

14. Crystals/gemstones like red jasper, garnet, rubies, bloodstone

15. Naturally shed snake skin

16. Strong whiskey

17. Naturally shed feathers from vultures, woodpeckers, barn owls, eagle owls

18. Red/black/silver candles

Prayers to Ares

1. May Ares quench the bloodlust that rushes through your veins

2. Ares, fierce-hearted son of Zeus and noble Hera, full-famed vou are as god of war. To you do soldiers pray when battle is most heated, when mettle is most needed. To you as well do we turn in desperate times, to you do we call for strength, for the spirit to endure. You understand the terror of struggle and strife, you confront it in every way.

Ares, your courage is unquestioned, your might and your prowess unequaled. Ares, friend to those in direst need, I pray to you, grant me the nerve to face what must be faced, grant me the will to do what must be done, grant me the heart to forge ahead.

3. Bright-helmed Ares, strong of arm and stern of visage, firm of stance, unyielding of will, ever ready to face any foe, to hold the line against all who may come, to battle until the end.

Ares, son of noble Zeus and wise Hera, cherished by golden Aphrodite, honored by those who call on you for strength and courage, in the north were you much honored in times of old, in Thrace and Thessaly were you held in esteem by those whose lives were harsh, whose world was stony, whose comforts were hard-won. Ares who answers the prayers of the despairing, I honor you.

4. Great Ares, I praise you, bold one of the flashing eyes,

Son of mighty Zeus and noble Hera, beloved of golden sea-born Aphrodite.

You take joy in battle, the war-cry is your song.

Strength is yours, peerless warrior, and firm resolve,

And the pure, clear drive to defeat the enemy, the battle rage that pushes us beyond our bounds to achieve victory against a greater foe.

To the weak you lend strength; to the fearful, courage;

To those enslaved, the will to break the stoutest bonds.

Fierce Ares, you whose gifts ensure our survival,

O god of warriors, I praise and honor you.

[falleri-salvatore]

Headcanon: RWBYJNPR cooking skills

As the title says, here are my headcanon for the RWBYJNPR crew’s cooking skill levels, from highest to lowest. Jaune Arc and Lie Ren: Supreme Chefs; these guys are absolute maestros in the kitchen. Peerless virtuosos who’s every dish are a masterpiece in and of themselves. Exceptional in both normal cooking and baking.

Pyrrha Nikos, Blake Belladona and Yang Xiao-Long: They are, surprisingly, actually pretty good cooks; albeit their skills are limited only to simple dishes. Ruby Rose: Absolutely great at baking (with cookies being her forte). Her cooking, on the other hand........could use some work. Weiss Schnee: Utterly Useless; legendary for somehow managing to actually burn water. Really damned good at making coffee and hot cocoa, however.

Nora Valkyrie: Worse than useless! Absolute Threat!!! KEEP AWAY FROM THE KITCHEN!!!

And also, as a bonus: Oscar Pine: Still learning; but a pretty good cook nonetheless (albeit limited to simple dishes for the time being). Also a surprisingly deft hand at baking. Makes a pretty good cup of coffee and hot cocoa, too.

[agapi-kalyptei]

Ask game! (thanks @audreyduck)

Last song: I Dreamedpt I Had A Little Death But I Camed for the Big Sleep by Giraffes? Giraffes! (my last.fm - that song on youtube)

Favorite color: All of them!!! Probably blue, but gosh. I had a recent obsession with brown-green "Ecru" from Peerless Watercolors.

Currently reading: PostgreSQL documentation and blog posts about internals of data and index storage! It's more exciting than it sounds. For me.

Currently watching: Nothing besides youtube? I kinda have Maison Ikkoku (1986) on hold because I've literally died thirteen times of 2nd hand embarrassment.

Last movie/game: Probably... Don Juan Tallinnas (1971)? I've edited the question to include games because I'm insufferable and so I could say I've been playing a lot of Selaco in the past few days tho. The sound design on that game is impeccable.

Sweet, spicy, savory?: yes yes and yes. my mind says yes. my stomach, however says "please have something bland and uninteresting"

Relationship status: pleasantly uneventful and calm

Current obsession: PostgreSQL internals. And color science. Maybe this is where I start my youtuber career?

Tea or coffee? Tea for sure. Crazy to think I drank maybe twenty thousand liters of tea in my life. I would literally sell my body parts for an infinite supply of black tea with maracujá.

Last thing I googled duckduckgo'd: "Madame Complex" as in, the character in Paradise Killer

Tagging @tonninseteli @anamericaninestonia @gold-clouds @malfunky @lilleneiu @supersinine @keksutaja @robynator .. no pressure!

[jaggededges123]

coffee's battleship fics: all the rest

The Locked Tomb

The Son of Drearburh

ortus/matthias, teen, cntw, 725 words

Ortus Nigenad and Matthias Nonius share a quiet moment between battles.

panting for flowing streams

eighthcest, explicit, underage, 1.5k

You watch your necromancer, your Master Templar of the White Glass, your young uncle, as he gives his parting blessings to the congregation of the Eighth House, the gathered bishops and faithful making the sign of the resurrection repeatedly as he speaks. He is dressed all in white, as usual, silver trimming of his robes the only deviation. As he has ever been, he is so pale that he very nearly blends in with his robes, a sense of the monochromatic emanating from him that you can only assume is the will of God, since there are many others of your House who would not suit the station and regalia of the Master Templar as he does. (On the way to Canaan House, Silas holds Colum's dick while he pees.)

Ace Attorney

Desperately

miamaya, explicit, underage, 1.9k

Mia and Maya go home from the police station after giving their statements on Redd White's attempted murder, and they need each other desperately.

Disco Elysium

isn't it lovely (that the sky is falling again?)

harrykim, mature, cntw, 493 words

Kim has a nightmare, and Harry halfway comforts him, halfway agonizes about the fact that it's his fault.

Scum Villian's Self Saving System

Peerless Adoration

lmy/qqq, teen, nawa, 400 words

Qi Qingqi reflects on her relationship with Liu Mingyan.

Expeditions: Viking

tapestry of night (tapestry of life)

eyfura/nefja, mature, nawa, 1.5k

Nefja Holmunardottir sits in her shared bed, watching her sister in the night, keeping vigil over her. Eyfura’s face is flushed and hot, and every few moments she lets out a low, wheezing cough that only barely passes for breathing. (Nefja contemplates her relationship with her twin sister, with their mother, and goes through a day.)

[sohannabarberaesque]

Postcards from Snagglepuss

So you're asking how the Thanksgiving dinner went ...

Trying not to be too predictable-sounding to the point of parroting the same general message here, I'd have to say "incredibly busy, but when all was said and done, who couldn't have asked for better?"

Never mind that the whole was in the classic "turkey-and-trims" manner, although we relied on turkey breast rather than the classical whole bird for the sake of ease. Still, the general craziness in the kitchen at Crazy Claws' retreat translated into an unbelievable sort of dinner which even the Hair Bears couldn't get enough of, and getting full rather quickly.

Commencing with a punch of cranberry and orange juices and ginger ale, concluding with pumpkin cheesecake and café aux chicory of the Puerto Rican sort ... in between, it was more or less the classic style, as I mentioned. And which my close friend, Huckleberry Hound even, couldn't resist, for the sake of tradition. Even with the mashed potatoes being a blend of more conventional and garlic such ... the stuffing being made from gifted Paxo, that peerless British cousin of Stove Top (and a tad more flavourful, for some reason) ... and the gravy made even more exceptional when pan drippings and Bisto came into the equation.

How much more filling did it have to get, even with ciabatta rolls taking the place of more conventional such, or even the notion of having pumpkin cheesecake in lieu of the more tradition-honoured pie, as well as coffee as noted before (more or less an hour or so after the dinner proper, to let folks rest things off from the effects of the turkey especially)?

But when it came to the cheesecake taking the place of pie as the dessert, perhaps the most enthused about the idea, aside from Huck and I, would have to be that peerless compadre of Touché Turtle, as in Dum-Dum. Even if such was ordered by way of an online food gift house for the sake of surprise, Dum-Dum was quick to explain that pumpkin cheesecake "might be more interesting than the overdone pumpkin pie as Thanksgiving dessert, a change of pace as well." Not to mention the Hair Bear crew, who, after some initial skepticism (especially with Square Bear, something of a culinary master himself), pronounced it "different, and then some." The Puerto Rican coffee bit, mind you, as noteworthy in that Puerto Rico is but one of two places in the United States with significant coffee production; thre chicory mainly to cut costs and produce a richer-tasting brew.

Well, all in all ...

*************

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[peppermintchaos]

So what emboldening/eviscerating events have had effects on my peerless pal Peppermint this week? Sabías que ovni significa UFO porque estoy encantado que eso está en mi lista de vocabulario

i went back to school on tuesday. day one. ripped finger open and had to do drill while actively dripping blood onto the field for a solid 5 minutes until the next break. day two. tried to be studious and get my homework done the day it was assigned but immediately spilled my coffee onto my desk and broke my keyboard. day three. i was at school for 15 hours straight because i had practice and then a football game. day four. there were flash floods and the power kept going out so they didn't let us leave the building for an extra half hour. please god i hope none of these were omens

[rwnash]

Dark Arts - Peerless - 4.3% ABV. B+ and a bit, malty, creamy, vanilla, chocolate and coffee. Really rather good. Gentle bitter finish #ale #beer #bier

3.3/5. A new unique and I like the change. Cool and breezy out. Very Friday. Happy strange politics.

[luffythinker]

i left something out i wanted to talk about im sorry if you don't wanna hear me info dump just let me know

So we wanted the original concept of Deku and Deku coinciding in one universe so Deku has a brother who his mother kept a secret from him for some reason? i don't know i have to ask my friend her story not mine but im gonna put her story out there and tell you about it

in the concept art of Deku he was originally named Mikumo Akatani so this is Deku's brother Mikumo we used this to make a whole character

this picture is from a one shot manga one of Hori's assistants made called black milk where he let them use Deku's concept design for a character -- i wanted to use it to represent Mikumo tho

Originally he was like, the best way i can put this is you know how a character exist and when they turn like evil that evil can manifest it's own form? like Dark link form the legend of zelda i don't know if you know anything about Zelda but im gonna assume you know what i mean, He was split from Deku taking with him some of the OFA user quirks

In our current reworking whoever Deku's father he is one of AFO's decedent putting them as distant relatives of Mr compress because Mr compress is the great-great grandson of the Peerless Thief stuff and we haven't worked out the everything yet

Deku has: the base quirk one for all, float, black whip, overclock,danger sense and a stronger version of his mothers quirk that manifested late in his life

Mikumo has : smoke screen, fa jin, and fire ball breath because Deku's dad had a unknown fire quirk, AFO gave him a figure quirk that allows him to turn people into figures he is working with AFO at first until Deku and his friends can convince him to be on the good side he does come to the good side and we plan for him in the future to own his own coffee shop called i think it was 'Mug for all'

I want to include some of the rest of the concept designs too i just haven't gotten around to it yet

no no, dont apologize" i'm very glad to hear your info dump, it's very fun to read

i love this deku design, he looks so darker and creepy; mikumo gives dabi vibes

i do not know anything about zelda but i get what you mean!!

so your deku here is not quirkless, right? he was born with AFO and then split ?

love how we went from bad side to owning a coffee shop, expecting great things from him as a barista

[full-of-mercy]

It was --

Almost normal for a minute. Dangerous, that. He really oughtn't be getting so close, becoming so comfortable, with a man who is effectively his mark. Gain trust. Guide. Keep safe. Those are his directives.

And it's such a funny, strange feeling, like a pull of gravity. The urge to look, to see. To work out what it is Vash is about, to pick apart the optimism and innocence and lightness that simply cannot survive in the wastes or in the face of reality.

He just didn't anticipate what that would mean, what it would entail, and it is disturbing. Disturbing enough that he slips in something unintentionally honest. I didn't kill them. I know that Drunkle suspected.

It doesn't matter. It doesn't. It's out there, and all he can do is recover.

Nevertheless, he sees the look. The smile over something pained or pitying or some other secret third thing, and it makes him want to bite. Something. Anything.

But he contents himself with the burn of his cigarette. For now, for now.

"Yeah, well, I'm durable. The hell is it with you and spit on clothes?" he snarks, draping himself in something of a sprawl, all the better to tip his seat onto its back legs. His balance may be peerless but the structural integrity of the bistro chair is questionable. "S'it your thing? You got some kinda spit kink? Sometimes I wonder 'bout you."

Nicholas grumbles, gripes, deflects, settles back into his surly skin with a dismissive-wondering 'heh.'

And for another brief moment he peers over the rims of his sunglasses while taking a deliberately slurpy sip of his coffee. A waggish squint glimmers with rekindled teasing.

He knows a lifeline when he sees one...sometimes. Vash took his out of the conversation and offered one in kind. Nevermind that his attention visibly shifts to the traces of donut left on Vash's face with a sort of thoughtful intrigue.

Vash's laughing finally quiets down, but the good mood is quickly stifled by a sudden change in tone.

'Did I... say something wrong?'

"I didn't say you killed them, just, uh, thought funerals would be easier for an undertaker to uh..."

His big bright eyes track Wolfwood's every movement, especially as he reaches across the table for his cigarettes. Smoking, or suckers, were how he distracted himself, generally. He always smoked because he's always stressed—at least, that's part of the reason anyway. Cigs are expensive, and you don't spend that much money out here on a habit without a good reason or an addiction... or both. Nicholas probably had both.

Could he just ask him these things? Sure. Was he going to? Hell no.

Maneuvering for cigarettes aside, it was impossible to ignore the familiar tension in the air. He sighed (no louder than a breath out), disappointed that he seemed to kill the mood.

He tilts his head from side to side and replaces his curious expression with a smile that he desperately wished was his resting face. It's not that it was false, it was just a forced smile to hide how worried he was. It was a desperate attempt to swing the mood back around, to rewind... but if he pushed it too far then Wolfwood would know. He always knew.

"You know, I guess that's fair, you were a bit shaken up," Vash silently relives some of the emotions he felt during that car ride, "I really thought you were dying! That was the longest car ride yet, and we went on some really long trips. I had to hold you still while you were practically foaming at the mouth. Do you know how weird it is to have a stranger's spit all over your clothes?"

...Nevermind the fact that he was a handsome stranger, and he really didn't mind.

Vash stuffs the last of his doughnut into his mouth; an outline of sugar further develops around his lips. A snack for later.

[sohannabarberaesque]

Postcards from Snagglepuss

Hopefully to compensate for a cancelled Character Convocation

"Uh, Huck--?" asked I one drizzly morning at a breakfast buffet in Myrtle Beach.

"What did you have in mind, Snagglepuss?"

"I was thinking just now about maybe making a visit to Braham, Minnesota for their Pie Day, August 4th this year even!"

"Braham Pie Day ... ah yes; I remember the related presence and Character Convocation being cancelled for when we originally planned it back in 2020 owing to the pandemic."

"And cancelled the Minnesota State Fait as well. Requiring something of an extended presence at a modest little cabin up at the Brainerd Lakes."

"I think I remember it now, Snag."

Which, over freshly-prepared omlettes and hash browns, not to mention some coffee which I sweetened with honey, was brought up out of a sheer "brainblast," shall we say, as if Ocean City Springfest (in Maryland, that is) wasn't bound to be an interesting early-season Character Convocation right there and then. Especially when you've got the inducement of Old Bay Seasoning being the ideal supplantation of salt and pepper for pretty much any and every meal, even if it was originally created for a Baltimore seafood house out by The Old Bay Line's terminal for their overnight sailings to Norfolk, Virginia until 1962. Not to mention that peerless brew of Maryland, none other than "Natty Bo" (as in National Bohemian).

Not to mention a halfway-decent Boardwalk which could get to be busy on summer weekends with the Baltimore, Washington and Philadelphia day-tripper crowds--and say, wasn't there an episode of Underwater America with Peter Potamus filmed off Ocean City that one time, even with a couple of the divers managing to "ride" a white marlin?

At any rate, Huck and yours truly decided to consider as a late-summer Character Convocation ahead of the Minnesota State Fair, bound to see its share of Hanna-Barbera Funtastics as much as yours truly, Braham (Minnesota) Pie Day. I certainly hope quite a few of us fellow characters will come up with some rather choice pies for the competition. But we first need to get things discussed, perhaps through a Zoom teleconference....

*************

@warnerbrosentertainment @xdiver71 @jellystone-enjoyer @thylordshipofbutts @archive-archives @screamingtoosoftly @thebigdingle @themineralyoucrave @warnerbros-blog1 @tallcharlie @theweekenddigest @princessgalaxy505 @warnerbrosent-blog

[floydscoffee]

Inside Roast Magazine’s July/August 2018 Issue (Now Shipping)

The July/August 2018 issue of Roast magazine has arrived with feature articles on the tension between coca and coffee farming in Colombia, the universal truths of coffee sourcing, and a...

https://dailycoffeenews.com/2018/07/10/inside-roast-magazines-july-august-2018-issue-now-shipping/