#Paranoid Schizophrenia tw

[brooklynislandgirl]

@ronmanmob  {{xx}}

From the outside in, there might be more Horlicks nights than might be seemly. Some might argue that there are made up reasons for the too-long wakefulness, that they are cheating themselves out of sleep. Those people are only looking in from outside, are utterly myopic. They do not live with the every day reasons why she or Ron cannot find rest, when the mind is a buzzing hive of grief or anxious energy or a half a dozen other things. And sometimes, sitting round the table in robes and pyjamas, or sometimes just tee-shirts and boxers ~Ron's all the way around and sometimes she thinks she sees a sparkle once in a while in his eyes when she dons them~ or whatever makes them feel comfortable in terms of temperature and textures are concerned. Despite neither of them ever needing to lift a finger in their life, capable of hiring a staff that would befit the estates of royals, Ron and Beth are not the kind of people to take advantage of their situation. He opens the pub daily baring his poorly days or the odd wild hare that has him taking her away from the city, or out with his brother, attending to their other affairs. Those last times are the ones that she is usually keen to stay at home. It isn't that she doesn't enjoy some of the Kray Brothers' fine establishments, but the less time she spends around Reg the better. So after the forty-eight hour week she's put into the hospital and twice that put into the pubs and clubs, this is their moment. Their chance to check in with one another and reconnect. She isn't ashamed to admit she needs that. That she needs Ron. He is the force that keeps her grounded and holds her aloft. She hopes that it is the same for him. She doesn't mind those moments where instead of words he offers her what they call wingdings: nonsequitors, starts and stops, hand gestures and verbiage with no actual shape and purpose. Those are the things she loves more than she can tell him and she doesn't know why it should be so. Maybe it feels a little like a verbal kiss. An embrace she can lose herself in and gives her a chance to catch up with all that is said around it. She sits across from him, one sock-covered foot braced on either side of his own, a compromise she makes with herself when she'd much rather have them in his lap, head tilted affectionately. She doesn't see the dark depths of his gaze but rather watches his mouth as is her wont. She grins when he refreshes himself with his drink. Hers is mostly pulling double duty by warming her fingers as she keeps them wrapped around the cup. She isn't really prepared for his confession though she could, if asked by anyone else, tell them somewhat the same. The walls that may exist between them are so thin as to be made of glass. In ways she cannot explain to anyone who doesn't struggle within the world like she and Ron do. She knows that in many ways he has it worse off when strictly speaking of symptoms, emotionally they often fight similar but separate battles. But if Ron could be seen as a tank, unmistakeable in shape or form when the struggle became words, then Beth is a master spy. Most of the time she can pass for perfectly typical, perfectly normal as long as all she needs to do is look pretty and laugh at the appropriate time. And yet, they seem to understand one another better than any one else, he doesn't lie. There isn't the same exhaustion that could be heard in her brother's repeated pleading and nor the frigidity that comes from Reg's distance. His want for Ron to be the way he was before, an impossible and terribly painful dream. There isn't fear. Beth knows that is the name of one of his demons. He tells her of the way his mum and aunties were before. The double loss of Rose and his diagnosis has left a trench between his family and himself. Reg thrives on the terror a flat affect can have on those uninitiated. Ron's broad shoulders and his stocky frame paired with that less than strictly focused mien, the whispers of immense violence turns into something else. Something she's seen with her own eyes that Reg often weaponizes, without realising that it has a second and more insidious effect; it dehumanises his brother, turns the bright and beautiful soul she knows who loves dogs and has the softest spot for children into a unfeeling thing. Paints Ron with the brush the rest of the world already sees as justifiable. Does more damage than the disease, and feeds the phobia of every one who has to wear that diagnosis as a sort of scarlet letter. It's disgusting, and nothing about Ron's twin makes her want to flay him to the bone for it. What she doesn't understand is the why. Violet is far kinder in many ways than the Admiral. But Beth isn't blind. She sees the way Reg is doted on with love and respect, with a certain kind of admiration. As if the way he treats his wife ~like rubbish best left on the curb for the trash-men to come collect at best, and at worst...she's absolutely certain he's threatened to lay hands on the woman who is almost as small as Beth and a lot less confident~ but it is vastly different than the way she is with her youngest. Ron is coddled, yes. But aimlessly. She doesn't get quite as close. There are layers of worry in her eyes, anxious lines around her mouth and eyes when she tries to hold conversations with him. That arms-length wears on Ron until he starts to fray. She might argue with him on Pat. Big Pat Connolly is a dear man, gentle giant, a stalwart friend and champion of Ron's and she knows without a doubt or a problem with it that the man's the keeper of more secrets than she can imagine. The same could be said about Jayden Morgan, her own best friend. There might be things between them that she and Ron have forgotten, or missed details of, a hundred innumerable moments. She doesn't mind that. Ron needs a brother the same way she needs a sister, and their friends are hanai siblings. His next truth is one that hurts. She can empathise with this sliver of his inner-self. She's been honest with him about her own frailties, has built on its back some of their support of one another but she doesn't and more importantly won't speak of her own experiences. The thin faint scars along her forearms. The reason why sparks and lightning scare her into burying her face in his arm or back or chest. She has lied too, to her doctors, and only half confides in her therapist. She doesn't trust a single one of them to not be on the Admiral's payroll. Waiting to throw her under the bus for the slightest thing. She doesn't have words but nods as he speaks, reaching out and laying her hand on the table between them should he want the contact. But her heart breaks the way he says that softly. In that tone, which isn't really one, though the attendant gestures and glances do provide depth and shades, she sees a side of Ron she isn't used to. The longing for his most loved relative. Being separated unto eternity. When all your world hinged on someone and then...they were no longer there. She would give anything for one more minute with her brother. To hear his voice even if he was nagging, to hear his laugh deep and full-throated. To feel his arms around her while she dug a space for herself in his chest. Worse, she'd actually tried. Something Ron doesn't need to know. "I don' t'ink ya mad," she says finally. Of course she doesn't. "Wheddah part of ya illness or mebbe some consideration from source of all goodness...I'm glad she come an' see ya. Dat you get ya moments wi' her." She won't say she's envious, she doesn't honestly feel that way nor is she sure she could pay the exacting price that Ron does for every single moment he gains to his benefit. It would be more than disengenious for her to say so. But something that hits her hard enough to nearly steal her breath is how he talks of the changes in abstract. How that makes so much sense and provides her with the words she'd never been able to find to express how it feels, deep down. Doors between him and the universe opening. Beth has never heard silence. From time immemorial everything has been loud and she's heard every sound that isn't there, all the ones that are magnified to a point that she cannot make sense of words, of her own thoughts some times until they become too dark and too bitter inside of her head. To the point she doesn't even want to be part of that infinite chorus any longer. She squirrels the words away unil such a time when wintery deprivation make them needed. "Jus' because someone who love ya is gone from wha' mos' people can see an' hear, taste an' touch, don't mean..." Her turn to shrug, knowing he can most likely fill in the space. Her eyes sweep the rims of her lower lids and the hand on the table comes up to the side of her nose. Knuckle brushes the tip once, twice. "Mebbe...mebbe she one of ya beddah angels now, yeah?"

[neuroticboyfriend]

A lot of the time when professionals interact with psychotic people, they try to reduce our distress by getting us to stop believing things. For me, that only made things worse. It was confusing and distressing. I felt angry, scared, and misunderstood. The best way I've found to cope with delusional thinking is something I discovered on my own. I'll give an example here so, huge TW for unreality and paranoia.

Scroll away if you're not able to hear delusional thinking.

Yesterday I started freaking out thinking people could hear my thoughts. This is something I've occasionally experienced since I was a child. When this comes up, I always think there's some massive conspiracy, where everyone can hear my thoughts but they react to me as if they don't hear anything. And they're all in on it. This time, it was triggered by intrusive thoughts that I started judging myself for.

As you can imagine, this is distressing. I started talking to people through my mind, which only made it worse. I couldn't focus on what was happening around me. What I did to reduce that distress is.. weirdly nonchalant. I just sat there and thought "Well, if this is true, it's not like they're going to change how they interact with me. Everything is the same as it was. Nothing I can do about it, might as well just keep on keeping on."

That calmed me down enough to start focusing on what I was doing, and eventually completely forget about it until now. Whenever I try to treat my delusional thinking as something I have to stop immediately... it literally only makes my mind double down. But if I work within what I believe - what I "know" - I can find another way to look at it that isn't so scary.

This works with my hallucinations, too. I sometimes see shadow people; they're more like jump scares than anything. They startle me, and I start to wonder if people I'm looking at are real. But that latter part only really happens if I get fearful of them. To avoid that fear, I try to think of the shadow people as just friends watching over me, checking in. They don't do anything, after all. They just pop up, stand there, and disappear.

(Talk of unreality ends here)

So, yeah. This doesn't work for everyone, and it doesn't always work for me depending on what I'm experiencing/how I'm feeling. But without this, I'd be far worse off; it doesn't take too many missteps for me to spiral. I guess my point is, my reality doesn't have to be "normal" for me to be healthy as a schizophrenic person. It just has to be something I can live with, as happily and safely as possible.

And that's ok. Neurodivergent people are allowed to exist, and some people are helped best by finding ways for them to exist as they are without so much distress - rather than trying to eliminate troubling symptoms entirely.

[schizospecdreams]

Idk who needs to hear this but someone should’ve taken care of you when you were a kid. It’s okay to have that wound if you do, and you can’t expect yourself to “move on” because you’re an adult now. Someone should’ve taken care of you. You should’ve had someone to lean on. No matter what, It’s not your fault. You can never ever ever do anything as a child that warrants adults to treat you badly, it’s impossible. You’re a good person & you’re a strong person bc you’ve done it all without the people you’re meant to rely on. You’re doing great! I believe in you :)

[altkris]

Tell me my scars are pretty 👉👈🥺

[johnnyiscaged]

LET'S GET HARMFUL STIGMATIZING POSTS DOWN !!

tags in mind are stuff like schizocore, schizoposting delulu is the solulu and the fog is coming. shit like that and just anything that is harmful to psychotics & schizospec

the post this is referring to: https://www.tumblr.com/johnnyiscaged/746385499137179648/why-are-non-psychotics-so-obsessed-with

[philosophersystem]

From Mono: A handcrafted experience.

I carefully built this guide following the approach I took in making a brother aware of them possibly suffering from paranoia since they were showing serious signs of being paranoid. It's also been reviewed by ChatGPT and you can have the report of it if you want. Our brother is now a lot less paranoid. Which makes us want to use that approach to help others suffering from paranoia too.

Are You Feeling Watched or Distrusted?

If you’re feeling like someone’s watching you, or that things around you don’t feel right, you’re not alone. Many people experience these feelings, and there’s a way to understand them without feeling overwhelmed.

This guide is designed with care to gently help you explore your thoughts, at your own pace, without pressure. It offers practical steps to help you stay grounded, like simple breathing exercises or focusing on your surroundings. If you’re ready, it even introduces how treatment, like medication, can help reduce these thoughts, without changing who you are.

You don’t have to face these feelings alone—this guide provides a calm, step-by-step approach to help you find clarity and support in a safe way.

Manual: Navigating Paranoia and Schizophrenia – A Path to Understanding and Healing

Introduction: You’re Not Alone

If you’ve been feeling like someone is watching you, or like things aren’t quite right, I want you to know that you’re not alone. I’ve been there, and I understand what it’s like to feel this way. You might have questions about what’s happening or why you feel like this—and that’s okay. This guide is here to help you understand what you’re going through and show you that there is a way forward.

The thoughts and feelings you’re experiencing are real to you, but there’s also a chance that they could be signs of something that can be treated. The good news is that there are ways to manage these feelings and gain control again. Let’s take this step by step.

Section 1: Recognizing the Signs – Is This Happening to You?

You might be feeling like someone is following you, or that people are plotting against you. Maybe you’ve started noticing things others can’t—like voices or visions. These experiences might feel overwhelming and even scary at times. It’s important to remember that these feelings are valid, and you’re not imagining them. However, they could also be signs that your mind is playing tricks on you due to stress, anxiety, or a condition like schizophrenia or paranoia.

Here are some common experiences:

Feeling watched or followed: Do you often feel like people are keeping an eye on you, even when they don’t seem to be?

Hearing or seeing things others don’t: Maybe you’ve noticed voices or visions that others around you don’t seem to react to.

Difficulty trusting others: Are you finding it hard to trust even close friends or family members? Do you sometimes feel like they’re hiding something from you?

Overanalyzing situations: Do you spend a lot of time thinking about events or conversations, wondering if there’s a hidden meaning?

These are all very real feelings, and they happen to many people. But sometimes, these feelings can be caused by what we call paranoia, which is when your brain becomes extra alert to things that might not actually be happening. This doesn’t mean you’re wrong for feeling this way—it just means that your brain might be overactive because of stress or an illness.

Section 2: Gently Exploring Your Thoughts – Could This Be Paranoia?

When I was going through something similar, I found it hard to accept that I might be paranoid. The key is to take things slowly and not pressure yourself. It’s okay to feel confused or uncertain about what’s real and what isn’t.

Here are some ways to gently explore your thoughts without feeling overwhelmed:

Notice your thoughts without judging them. When you think someone is watching you, take a moment to just observe that thought. Don’t try to figure out if it’s true right away. Simply notice it, like you would notice the weather.

Ask yourself questions. Sometimes it helps to ask gentle questions like, “Is there any chance this could be my mind playing tricks on me?” or “Could there be another explanation for what I’m feeling?”

Remember that thoughts aren’t always facts. Your mind might be creating stories based on your feelings, but that doesn’t always mean they’re true. It’s okay to feel suspicious, but you don’t have to act on every thought. Give yourself some space.

Compare with past experiences. Think about whether you’ve felt this way before. Was there ever a time when you thought something was true, but later realized it wasn’t? This can help you put your current thoughts in perspective.

The important thing here is not to rush to conclusions. Take your time. It’s okay to feel uncertain as you explore these thoughts.

Section 3: Staying Grounded – Techniques to Help You Feel Safe

When your mind is racing and everything feels out of control, grounding techniques can help bring you back to the present moment. These techniques are simple, but they can be powerful in helping you manage overwhelming feelings.

Here are a few things you can try:

1. Focus on Your Surroundings:

Pick an object near you and focus on its details—its shape, color, texture, and smell. By focusing on something physical, you can gently bring your mind back to the present moment.

2. Slow Breathing:

Take slow, deep breaths. Focus on the feeling of the air coming in and out of your lungs. You can even count as you breathe in (1…2…3…) and as you breathe out (1…2…3…). This helps your body relax and can reduce feelings of anxiety.

3. Hold Onto Something Comforting:

Find an object that feels comforting to you, like a soft blanket or a small object that has meaning to you. Hold it in your hand and focus on how it feels. This can give you a sense of security and help you feel more grounded.

4. Play Music That Calms You:

Sometimes listening to music can help quiet your mind. Choose songs that make you feel calm or safe. Music can be a great way to shift your focus away from stressful thoughts.

These techniques won’t solve everything right away, but they can give you a little break from the intensity of your thoughts.

Section 4: Exploring the Idea of Treatment – Medication and Support

If you’re starting to think that your mind is playing tricks on you, it might be time to consider reaching out for help. I know this can feel scary, especially if you’re worried that people won’t believe you or that you’ll lose control. But here’s the truth: help is available, and it can make a huge difference.

Let’s talk about medication.

When I was going through this, I found that neuroleptics (medications used for schizophrenia and paranoia) really helped me. They didn’t change who I was or take away my thoughts—they just made the delusions and hallucinations go away, and it became easier for me to think clearly again.

If you’re worried about taking medication, that’s completely normal. But think of it like this: just as you would take medicine for a cold or a broken bone, neuroleptics can help your mind heal. They don’t take away your ability to think—they just make the overwhelming thoughts quieter.

You don’t have to decide right away. It’s okay to take your time and talk to someone you trust about it. A psychiatrist can explain how the medication works, and you can ask as many questions as you want.

Section 5: Reaching Out – You Don’t Have to Do This Alone

Taking the first step toward getting help is the hardest, but you don’t have to do it alone. Whether it’s a friend, a family member, or a therapist, reaching out to someone you trust can make a world of difference.

Start small.

You don’t have to tell them everything all at once. Maybe start by saying, “I’ve been feeling like someone’s watching me and it’s making me anxious.” Or, “I’ve been feeling like my thoughts are really overwhelming lately.” It’s okay to open up little by little. You don’t have to do it all at once.

Therapists can help.

If you’re not ready to talk to someone close to you, that’s okay too. A therapist can help you understand what’s going on in your mind and guide you through the process of healing. Good therapists understand paranoia and schizophrenia. They’ve helped people like us before, and they can help you too.

Conclusion: You’ve Taken the First Step

Recognizing that you might be experiencing paranoia or schizophrenia is a huge step. It can be scary, confusing, and overwhelming, but just remember: you’re not alone. There are people who understand what you’re going through, and there is help available when you’re ready.

Take things slowly, be gentle with yourself, and know that each step you take brings you closer to feeling more in control. You have the strength to face this, and you don’t have to do it alone.

[felixblueprint420]

this holy ground burns underneath my feet.

[schizowitchic]

me: i want to be at home on my own :) i am mature and grown up enough to handle this :)

my parents: ok 👍

me, two hours in to being left alone: *trying to listen to music but pausing every 2 seconds bc i heard a noise* *wanders around every room to check there is nobody hiding* *checks all doors and windows are locked* *sits in a chair where i have view of all entrances to the room*

me later: *imagines my whole family have been killed in a car crash and that's why they haven't shown up home 5 minutes after they said they would*

my parents: so how was your day?

me: great! i got so much useful productive stuff done (<- i am sick to my stomach and have been shaking with anxiety all day)

[dead1nsidefairy]

talked to my therapist and realised i might have schizophrenia yay! i thought im seeing ghost for so many years...realised its just hallucinations

hearing halluc.: calling my name, or saying random stuff, or whistling or smth like tinnitus

seeing: shadows, orbs, desth ppl

feeling: someone touching me, probs could be hallucination bout bugs or smth on my skin or that my fucking body doesnt feel right

smelling: cat pee, or weird parfumes all day

tasting: every day i drink smth- water, energy drink and it all tastes like fucking blood

can someone w schizophrenia help me or write me their experience? if is it possible for me to have it? thx

[elethab3269]

i hear screaming in my head when i try sleep

[schizospecdreams]

i wish he could love me and I know he doesn’t because of my head and that is something I should let go of but I just want to sleep in his bed again I just want to be enough. Living with someone you thought you’d marry and knowing you’re not enough anymore is so gut wrenching.

[krysztal-gorski]

Zaczynam miec schizy, slysze glosy obcych ludzi w mojej glowie i krzyki podobne do jęczenia jakby ktos obdzieral kogos ma zywca ze skory, te glosy sa tak glosne ze wybucha mi glowa i nie moge ich uciszyc, mowia zebym „to zrobila” i inne podobne rzeczy i nie sa to mysli samobojcze, to obce glosy, slysze pukanie w moje okna o poznych godzinach i widze przechadzajace sie w cieniach kreatury, mam dosc.

[altkris]

I'm so craving slicing my arms open oh no

[clodstyle]

Spotify really said "I know what you are :)" and suggested a song about surviving a suicide attempt, a song about having paranoid schizophrenia, then a song about having bipolar disorder. ALMOST BACK TO BACK lmfao

[kkujo]

last night i had a mix of tinnitus and sleep deprivation induced auditory hallucinations which was basically just like. literal microphone feedback. and i think it was triggered by me testing my microphone yesterday bc the feedback was awful but yeah i was lying awake and all i could hear was extremely loud microphone feedback in my brain i'm so glad it's over 😭

[jellyfishfem]

i saw a video today with two podcast guys (off to a good start) and one of them was saying how his cousin is schizophrenic and he started detailing his delusions, like that a doctor visits him every night and he has to keep him a way, so he nailed his windows shut…

and maybe, as someone who also experiences psychosis, im just “too used to crazy stuff”, it didnt sound disturbing or insane to me but the other dude was so shocked and everyone in the comments was eating that shit up and i could tell they all thought we’re some kind of freaks.

i just wish these people wouldnt think of us like we’re circus attractions

like its nice everyone is like hashtag mental health but the ones with the “scary” illnesses are still treated like zoo animals