#tw sui attempt mention

[totally-callisto]

Heads up Callisto's about to have a character arc that might trigger people-

Triggers in the upcoming character arc: Self-harm, suicidal thoughts, and (failed) attempted suicide

This arc is going to be somewhat based off of my mental health back in 2020, in other words, not great-

In other words Callisto is at a all-time low-

[hulahoopsoupgroup]

ive ranted about this to my friend like 3 times this week but ill rant again because im just so fed up and angry.

21st century american capitalism is so dismal. we put everything behind a paywall. you cant exist without paying money and you cant go anywhere or do anything without paying.

you have to pay to be born and you have to pay to survive. if you cant pay to survive, you have to pay to die. theres no escaping it.

most jobs in the usa require a college degree, but a lot of people cant afford to go to college. its honestly infuriating that people cant get the jobs they want because the education is so expensive. why do i have to pay tens of thousands of dollars to the government so i can get a job that will probably only barely keep me afloat in todays economy?

why do we pay writers and artists so little when they are one of the most vital parts of society. where would we be without the painters and authors who create beautiful scenes and impactful stories?

weve overcomplicated society so much that you have to jump through so many financial hoops to just, exist. you have to have insurance for everything. everything costs so much. why do i have to pay over 2 dollars for a bottle of water at work? why are the bags of candy 5 dollars?

all of this just makes everyone miserable, no doubt. i had a conversation with 5 other people and all of us have had severe depression/anxiety, had to be medicated, or needed a lot of therapy/not been able to afford it. and im not stigmatizing therapy in any way. if i could afford it, i would absolutely go, but my job doesnt pay much, so even one session would set me back so far regarding money.

the fact that its so normal for 11-13 year olds to start experiencing severe depression is so concerning. its almost like a rite of passage. ask anyone in gen z if they were depressed in middle school and theyll probably say "yeah." thats concerning.

young people's suicide rates have risen over 50% in the past 10 years. 42% of gen z considered suicide in 2021-22. the fact that i know 3 or 4 people (myself included) who have attempted suicide before age 16 or 17 is insane.

we're so depressed about the future and reasonably so. its so bleak. the world is burning, people are killing each other over such trivial things, nobody listens to each other, and the government is just going insane. how badly do you have to screw up to make a 13 year old want to kill themself because they feel like the future is so bleak?

how badly do you have to screw up to prevent so many people from going to college and getting jobs to support themselves?

how badly do you have to screw up to bar people from something as simple as going to the doctor and earning a basic living wage?

and to think that there are still people who think this is fine. there are some people who sit back and say this all makes sense, that it makes sense that you have to pay thousands of dollars for a few stitches in your hand if you have a cooking accident, that you have to insure every last bit of your life, that people killing each other over ideological differences is natural and cant be helped.

america needs to wake the fuck up and get shit done. its destroying its own future. its making the future generation kill itself because of how miserable it is. fucking do better and maybe you wouldnt burn to the ground in a dumpster fire

[calaveracarnival]

i wish i hadn't survived the attempt when i was 18 could have spared myself 13 more years of pain

[clodstyle]

Spotify really said "I know what you are :)" and suggested a song about surviving a suicide attempt, a song about having paranoid schizophrenia, then a song about having bipolar disorder. ALMOST BACK TO BACK lmfao

[hadalrecluse]

"..."

(OOC: hiya, Mod Prism (@prismaticstarshch) again with a blog for my Pressure OC, Angelle Grant

To start with an important note - this blog will contain mentions of:

Violence

Cannibalism

Self-worth issues

Self-harm

Suicidal ideation

Past suicide attempts

Each one of those things will be tagged with appropriate content/trigger warnings when they appear and the third through sixth topics will be taken very seriously and treated with utmost care when they are brought up. These topics are very sensitive topics for me due to my own personal experiences with unwanted suicidal thoughts and become triggering when my history with them gets brought up, so I ask that you do not try to pry into my past.

These topics will not constantly be brought up. They will only come up at my own discretion, with full regard for what sort of interaction is going on at the time, and will not be mentioned in interactions completely out of the blue.

---

Rules:

Respect DNI

No NSFW

Shipping asks are fine

Don't beg for art, I can't draw and don't have anyone to comm for art

Here's Angelle's info sheet

File will be coming soon

Misc.:

Angelle will react to the Flash Beacon, if someone uses it on her 3 times they'll be seeing Sebastian after getting pummeled to death with a lead pipe (the first two times she’ll shock the person since she was spliced with electric eel DNA)

Don't expect Angelle to always talk first since she's so isolated

)

[doodlebugdrawz]

rating things ive done!!

- pick out my cat marisol

9/10 shes kinda annoying sometimes and bites me but i love her

- tried to strangle myself in 2022

0/10 not cool

[starlightseraph]

house md will always be remebered as the most insane thing ever broadcast because of how unabashedly feral everyone involved was.

a short collection of things that happen on the show, just off the top of my head, not even scratching the surface:

- house shoots a random dead body in the morgue and then sticks him in an mri machine, which pulls the bullet out of the dead guy’s head and destroys the machine, costing the hospital millions

- foreman gets bitten by a person with rabies

- chase kills an african dictator

- cameron steals drugs from a patient after possibly getting hiv from said patient

- house induces a migraine and then takes a drug made by his arch nemesis (who he’s been stalking for 25 years) to get the drug taken off the market. he then takes lsd (in the hospital, in the middle of a case) to cure the migraine.

- chase goes into anaphylaxis after doing body shots

- house stops an elevator so he can perform a cavity (vaginal) search on a teenage heart transplant patient who’s in cardiorespiratory arrest

- they give a neurosurgeon mushrooms to cure his food poisoning, then they stick him in an operating room. the neurosurgeon strips in front of a health board assessor.

- kutner dies for gay marriage

- house sets an autopsy room on fire while trying to juggle flaming bottles

- house gets recruited by the cia

- taub gets held at gun point after diagnosing a stripper with skin cancer

- in almost every single episode, the team breaks into multiple houses

- house fakes terminal brain cancer so he can get drugs implanted directly into the pleasure centre of his brain

- house cons us immigration to get his fake wife a green card. he also uses his fake wife’s ukrainian food truck to spy on people

- house tries to get wilson, his closet case boybestfriend, into bed every few episodes. every other sentence out of house’s mouth is about wanting to rail wilson.

- taub has a kid with his ex-wife, after they divorce, at the same time he has a kid with his 25 yo side piece. the kids’ names are sophie and sophia.

- house and wilson have a bet on who can hide a chicken in the hospital the longest without anyone finding out

- house tries to kill himself like 6 times and always fails (insulin shock, overdoses, electrocution, jumping off a building, cutting, etc)

- house fakes his death to get out of a prison sentence after violating his parole so he can live out his bi love story with his gay best friend who has 5 months to live

[letsplaythermalnuclearwar]

hey you know what would be like. the WORST possible thing? if no time had passed for mortals during God Games. if the entire time, Odysseus had just been frozen on that ledge. and at the start of the Vengeance Saga, Ody's still on the ledge. he looks to the skies, to the trees, out over the ocean. he looks for an owl with knowing eyes and strains to hear her voice over the waves, because surely, surely she'd come for him. the haven't spoken in nine years and he ruined whatever relationship they had when he stupidly, foolishly let the cyclops live, but she has to still care, right? she was his mentor. she was his patron. he meant something to her. he's sure of it

but she's not there. he waits, but she's not there. he closes his eyes, sparing himself the view, and steps off the ledge

and is saved by Hermes. and Odysseus briefly thinks that he has died, since Hermes escorts souls to the underworld. but Hermes assures him that, no, he's alive, Athena heard him, she bargained with Zeus, he can go home now. he can finally go home

his friend came through

[cntloup]

had enough

Toxic!Simon, unhinged reader, threatening to commit suicide, guns, mention of killing, implied cheating

Part 1 | Part 2

ik ive used this song before but whatever

“I’ll do it, Simon! I will fucking do it!” you shout while holding his gun to your head, the one he always kept under his pillow just in case. It was supposed to be there for your protection. But how he regrets it now. 

You're a complete wreck right now as you stand before him, uncontrollable flows of tears along with your makeup cascading down your face, bloodshot eyes looking back at him as you threaten to pull the trigger. 

And he has never been this scared in his life. Not even when streams of bullets come flying in his direction almost every day. 

“Put the gun down... please... we can talk about it. I will stay. I promise.” he pleads desperately, struggling to figure out what to do in this situation. 

“What does she have that I don’t have? Huh? What do they have? I don’t even fucking know how many there are anymore!” you continue yelling and sobbing while waving the gun around, stopping him dead in his tracks as he steps closer to take the gun from you. 

He ducks his head as you point the gun in his direction for a moment, “What? You think I'm gonna kill you? Whatever I do, I'll do it to myself! I can’t go on like this anymore!” you cry out, your loud sobs and hiccups fill the room, fill his senses, overwhelming him as it builds up his aggression and frustration more and more. 

“Put. The. Fuckin'. Gun. Down.” he states firmly as he gets closer, slowly reaching for the gun that you now hold by your side as you go on sobbing. 

“Why don’t you love me, Simon?” you ask while slightly tilting your head, this time in a much softer tone, almost as if you have given up the fight, now only desperate for an answer. 

Your words bring a shocked look to his face, not from the question itself, no, your question is completely valid considering his actions, but because he doesn’t know how to answer. 

He finally reaches out and takes the gun from you, your fingers loosening their grip and your sobs slowly dying down a bit, a defeated look replacing it, “Why do you do this to me? All of it? Why the fuck did you make me fall in love with you?” 

He holds his head down, not daring to meet your gaze and look into your expecting eyes as you still await an answer. 

Is it from shame? Or that he doesn’t want to confront the consequences of his actions? You don’t know which one, but you guess the latter is probably true. 

“You d-don't... can you just hold me please?” you ask in utter desperation as you shut your eyes in shame of admitting defeat.

In no time, you feel a pair of strong arms wrap you in a warm embrace. 

And after all that he’s done to you, you still feel safe in his arms, even somehow... loved? Or something resembling that.

And you remember why you always keep crawling back to him as he tightens his arms around you.

And as much as you don't like to admit to yourself, you'd feel content if he would just pretend to love you.

yes im going through some stuff as you can tell :'(

[yearningfortheend]

...Note to self: don't try overdosing on morphine.

Nothing feels real anymore.

[miles-wrightworth]

Miles and Phoenix headcanon dump

TW for self harm, abuse, disordered eating, trauma, sui attempts, scars, ableism and homophobia mentioned once

put some of your fav headcanons about them in the replies/reblogs and tell me your fav of mine!

these guys are not okay. headcanons below (not all angsty I swear)

Miles

Full Name: Miles Gregory Edgeworth

Gender: demiboy/boyflux, he/they

Appearance hcs: 

Really pretty eyes

he has many scars on his shoulder from an incident with MvK

he has some scars from a suicide attempt around his neck (ropeburn)

He has self harm scars on his forearms and thighs. Lots of them

He has scars on each of his wrists from his 1yg suicide attempt

He is VERY pasty. Like he's WHITE ASF. 

General hcs:

Has an eating disorder (anorexia-bulimia) because of MvK’s constant harsh criticism of his appearance

Struggles with self-harm (cuts on forearms and thighs)

Has tried to kill himself multiple times

When he left the ‘choosing death’ note, he meant it. He has the scars on his wrists to prove it

Trans. He hid it from MvK and has pretty much been stealth his whole life. He never goes on T, just does voice training and gets top surgery when he ‘chooses death’ in germany. He has to recover alone. (or with Void vk)

Gay. women love him, he doesn't understand wtf they're trying to do

Autistic. He doesn't understand a lot of jokes and social cues. He gets overstimulated sometimes. He has a happy stim where he doesn't flap his whole hand, just his fingers. He has a nervous stim where he grabs something or tightens his hand into a fist and squeezes. He has bled a few times from his fingernails digging into his palms from this. 

Has some internalized homophobia and ableism due to MvK >:(

Fav musical is Phantom of the Opera 

He uses Earl Grey and lavender scented cleaning products and has an extensive hair care routine. 

On that note, his hair is soft asf and Phoenix loves to pet it

Miles is an lgbtq+ icon in Japanifornia. He's a prominent political figure who is openly gay (stealth trans for a while) and he advocates for lgbtq+ rights

He is English and Japanese

He knows English, Japanese, German, French, and Borginian (after aai). He knows at least a little bit of every European language

Plays violin, flute, cello, piano

He is starved for affection (both physical and otherwise)

He hates being touched unless he completely trusts the person touching him

Hates hospitals because of DL6 when he woke up in a hospital (and because of a few sui attempts)

Is a huge cat person, but owns Pess because she’s trained to help him with panic attacks

Favorite food is German cheesecake, likes sweets a lot

Wears gay little garter socks, sleeps in silk pjs

Character development questions:

What does his bedroom look like?

Fancy queen bed with a canopy thing. Burgundy and pink bedspread with plushies secretly stashed in the closet. Has a desk with a whiteboard in front of it. Uses the whiteboard for case notes like those connection boards in police departments. Has a clean mahogany desk with a fountain pen, laptop, tasteful lamp, and legal pad on it. Post-it notes EVERYWHERE.

Any daily rituals?

Has tea at 4pm every day without fail. Gets upset if he is interrupted. Tells Phoenix how his day went every day when asked. Tends to work overtime.

Cleanliness habits?

Very clean. Has a maid when he lives alone and has Gumshoe clean his office biweekly. Once he moves in with Phoenix and Trucy, he ends up cleaning the house frequently.

Eating habits/daily menu?

Tends to skip meals, both accidentally and sometimes purposefully. Has lunch with Phoenix whenever possible. Has tea frequently. Earl gray. Likes sweets and has butterscotch on his desk and in his bag. He eats it occasionally.

Fav way to waste time?

Watching Steel Samurai, writing poetry and fanfiction, listening to music

Book genre?

Psychological horror, the DSM5, gay romance, likes stories set in Victorian era and psychology related books

Long term goal?

Use his influence to make the law as effective as possible and get justice for victims of crimes by punishing criminals

Fav beverage?

Tea. hands down. He also loves virgin strawberry daiquiris 

Coping strategies?

Self-harm (before he tries to recover). Once he marries Phoenix, he becomes comfortable going to him for help. He listens to music and watches Steel Samurai to distract himself. Has his blue cat plush that he uses to self-soothe.

Pet peeves?

Liars, slow drivers, slow walkers, has an unnatural and extreme burning hatred for child abusers/bad parents, incompetent people.

What is in his pockets?

Ornate Swiss pocket knife, fountain pen, mini packet of wet wipes, monogrammed handkerchief.

Phoenix

Full name: Phoenix Ryuichi Wright

Gender: genderqueer, he/him

Appearance hcs: 

Heterochromiaaaaa! Right eye is brown, left eye is blue

Big puppy eyes

He's pretty tan due to his partial latino heritage

He has a scar on his lip, scars on his hands, and many scars in his mouth from the glass necklace shards

He has a scar on his cheek and hand (very deep scars) from a squabble with Kris 

He has large burn scars on his side (where his kidney would be ig) from MvK’s taser

He has many scars from falling off of Dusky Bridge. Some are cuts and some are burns

He’s a chubby guy naturally. He is pretty self-conscious about it and about the fact that it makes him look more feminine.

General hcs:

Adhd. he chews his pen and bobs his leg as stims.

He has really bad abandonment issues due to his mother leaving as well as Dahlia’s betrayal and Miles’ leaving him twice

when he was around 11 his mom just dropped him at a foster center or smth and left (because she was struggling with addictions and didn't want her child to grow up in that environment and she was a single mother so she had nobody to take care of Phoenix) Phoenix grew up as a stealth transmasc in foster homes without any permanent family until he was out of the foster system at 18 and lived in a dorm

Trans. has had top surgery since he was 20. Started T at the age of 21 and got bottom surgery while studying to take the bar at 23. Mia helped him through recovering from both surgeries and she was very supportive.

His hair is naturally spiky but he gels it to make it EVEN MORE SPIKY

During 7yg he becomes an alcoholic (partially due to Kristoph’s influence) 

His alcoholism reminds him of his mother so he feels horrible about it and tries his hardest to keep it from Trucy

He has trauma from Dahlia and Kris. sometimes he can't take meds or eat certain foods because it reminds him of past trauma

Phoenix downplays his trauma or feels like it's his fault for trusting Kris/Dahlia cuz he's surrounded by people who have "worse" trauma and he's like 'oh well my parent didn't get murdered in front of me. my trauma is nothing compared to Athena or Miles' he never wants to talk about his own trauma because he feels like its invalid so he just never tells anyone and pretends its fine

He is latino and Japanese mainly (perhaps also greek teehee)

He knows English, Spanish (not as well and EG tho), and a little bit of Japanese

Can actually play piano

Love languages are touch and words of affirmation

After 7yg, he is really paranoid for a solid year or so due to Kristoph

He hates hospitals because he had to be hospitalized after Dahlia’s trial for about a month for healing his throat and stomach as well as for psychological evaluations

Wears random socks, half of the time colorful. Sleeps in boxers and a t shirt

Uses Axe body spray when 14-33, uses coconut old spice once he gets his badge back

Character development questions:

What does his bedroom look like?

Pretty messy. Clothes everywhere, a few plushies, a desk in the corner with a corkboard in front of it. He puts random files, pictures, notes, etc. on it and has some on parts of his wall. Nothing fancy. Just below a queen size bed with two pillows and a blue blanket. 

Any daily rituals?

After 7yg, he checks if the door is locked twice when he comes in the house or leaves. Always says hi and bye to Trucy as well. Always asks Trucy and Miles how their days were over dinner. 

Cleanliness habits?

He sometimes gets bursts of energy to clean. Usually tries to clean up right after he gets something messy, but forgets a lot and doesn’t clean up his dirty clothes very often. Just below average hygiene and cleanliness.

Eating habits/daily menu?

Doesn’t like to eat crunchy stuff much, but makes an exception for always getting crunchy shell tacos. He usually has an average breakfast (bagel, cereal, bacon). Meets up with Miles to have lunch whenever possible (partially to make sure Miles eats). They usually go to a casual restaurant, eat lunch for an hour or so, and then get back to their jobs. Miles, Phoenix, and Trucy all take turns making/helping to make dinner. They eat out about once a week. Sometimes to celebrate winning a case.

Fav way to waste time?

He likes drawing, annoying Miles, sleeping, and watching those dramatic stupid shows like Dance Moms and The Bachelorette.

Book genre?

He doesn’t like to read. Doesn’t have the attention span for it. But he loves comics and manga. Particularly enjoys medieval setting fictional adventure stories that have a happy ending. Occasionally reads cheesy romance novels to laugh at it.

Long term goal?

His goal in life is to be needed and remembered. He wants to help others and be remembered as a light in their lives. He wants to make a significant positive impact on the lives of the people around him.

Fav beverage?

He likes sweet tea, cream soda, and plain ol’ water the best

Coping strategies?

He tends to ramble and vent to the people he’s close to (Maya, Miles, Larry sometimes) but also tries to push them away somewhat and neglects talking to them as much as he needs to because he’s afraid he’s being annoying or clingy. He ends up pretending it’s fine even though it’s not.

Pet peeves?

People judging others, bullying, people being inconsiderate or ignorant of the needs of others, liars.

What is in his pockets?

Random trash, gum, phone, wired earbuds from a gas station, probably some random 30 cent pen.

[arrowheadedbitch]

Okay everyone, get ready for a long as hell post.

Tw, suicide attempt, suicide, suicide talk

This is my really indepth Shawn hc that is more of just straight up a story at this point

So STRAP IN!

Okay, so during the ten years, at some point Shawn is super duper depressed. He's not going well at all. He's thinking of offing himself, and he has it all planned out. But, he calls his dad first, in hopes that despite their rocky relationship his dad will talk him out of it. But, as soon as his dad picks up the phone...well, you know Henry, he assumes the worst. So Henry is already yelling at him, why are you calling, what do you need now, blah blah blah, so shawn hangs up on him without ever getting a word in edgewise, he never gets to tell him why he called, and now it's just confirmed to him that he should end it and he's feeling a little spiteful too, so he downs a bottle of painkillers, one of the ones with the candy coating, yknow? He only survives bc he didn't care to lock his apartment door and one of the random girls he's always hooking up with came by to get something she accidentally left there, he doesn't answer but the door isn't locked so she thinks she'll just slip in an get her stuff, but instead she finds shawn and gets him an ambulance. After Shawn gets better, he either manages to charisma his way into convincing the doctors that it wasn't *really* a suicide attempt and gets realesed or does his regular sneaky shit and escapes and dips town so he doesn't have to do any therapy or go to grippy sock jail.

To this day, Henry doesn't know, GUS doesn't know, NO ONE KNOWS, *shawn tells NO ONE*

And he can't take advil anymore, can't stand the candy coating.

----------

Hear me out, him accidentally letting it slip during a big argument with Henry

I'm thinking Shawn says something that alludes to what happened during the argument without out right saying it so Henry gets to be more confused than angry as Shawn realizes what he almost reveals and completely shuts down refisung to elaborate

I'm imaging that scene in modern family where Alex accidentally mentions to her dad that she did stuff she wasn't supposed to as a teen and slowly backs out of the room

-------

And I could go on a whole rant about the candy coated painkillers, and I will!

The idea of picking something that's supposed to be sweet, that is supposed to go down easier

Because that's kind of the whole point of candy coating, and Advil tastes good as hell, I don't care what anybody says

He chose something that would be sweet and go down easy for his final moments

But it ended up sickly sweet

And it still got stuck in his throat

And it burnt on the way down

He started out tasting good (there's a reason Advils child lock game is so good) but it ended up tasting awful and burning

The burn and pain contrasted with how he thought he would go out

(Maybe even a perfect metaphor for his relationship with his father too....)

The taste is stuck in his mouth forever, a taste he can never forget

The sickly sweet burn of a whole bottle of candy coated painkillers

And even just the term "Candy Coated Painkillers" feels kind of perfect for Shawn, like aiygjvifjtjejjdksndh

---

Also the fact that he never tells Gus? AUGHH hits me right in the heart

He doesn't call his mom or his best friend, he doesn't tell them, they wouldn't even know until after he was long gone

-----

Maybe Lassie finds out at some point, finally switching gears from looking for something in his criminal record to checking his medical history

Or as a favor for Juliet (thank you Sid/@obsidiancreates ) to find out the truth about a scar he won't tell her about

Lassie doesn't tell anyone, but he does switch out Juliet's stash of Advil for Tylenol, no candy coating.

Shawn finds out he knows because he gets protective of all the new suicide cases in a completely different way than before

Shawn has to tell him to tone it down before Gus starts getting suspicious

-------

And then of course, there's the major angst potential of an AU where Shawn /does/ die

Especially if told from Henry's perspective...

Especially if all of Psych is just Henry imagining what could have been if Shawn didn't die......

But that's all for now!

Enjoy, angst lovers!

[Thanks to @obsidiancreates and @mores0 for talking with me about this AT LENGTH in the Psych discord :)]

[calaveracarnival]

[ A photo of the atmosphere during a forest fire. The red haze blankets everything, the trees darkened beneath a layer of airborne ash. The mountainsides vanish from view in the middle distance, as the fire-fog chokes even sight.

The text across the image reads:

You told me to lie for you and I did. “Don’t tell them who I am” so I made up a story of who you were to me. of why you had to come around. Make sure I know the stakes Make sure I think any fuckup ends with you vanished and bleeding “You’re the love of my life, you’re my partner-in-crime” Dark stories you beg me to make even darker as you grin You don’t like talking about how things are at home When you tell me, it’s with tears while I hold you “You’re the only one who understands” “I like that you’re crazy. I like that they think you’re a psycho” Make sure I would never leave willingly I tell you to dig your nails in til I bleed and never let go You tell me I’m the only person you have in this world The only one who doesn’t hurt you for what you’re into And your horror stories stick with me worse than any slasher movie

I cut myself once because of what you asked me to say to you, did you know that? But I never stopped playing the smiling villain for you Making sure you knew it was all an act and you were safe, you were loved, after “I know it’s weird but I want an obsessive guy” And no one had ever said that to me And being clingy meant everyone left eventually I’d have done anything for you after that Your violent fantasies were safe with me, in the dark of my heart forever And I can play a monster like no one else, all sharp teeth and malice And I was YOUR monster, ready to hurt the people hurting you, if you needed I never questioned it when things were weird I trusted you

And it was all a lie Every part of you down to your name No one was hurting you You didn’t need me And now I don’t know what was real, if anything I believed everything you told me, every time

I tried to kill myself in a padded cell Slit my wrist with my fingernails under my clothes so the camera wouldn’t see But the vein was too deep and my nails were too dull no matter how jagged and sharp I’d bite them you meant so much to me I let you burn my soul for warmth you didn’t even care enough to tell me who you were ]

[finleyforevermore]

Hey guys! How've we been since I've been away? Hm? Not good? Yeah, I thought so.

I was AFK (which means Away From Keyboard for those who weren't aware, or didn't think to Google it /nm) because my mom had taken away my phone for a bit but I could still use it to help with my math homework.

I did lurk around Tumblr a bit, and I did "officially" come back online for a bit, but I mostly lurked.

And how delightful it was to see (can not clarify enough how sarcastic this is) that someone I follow but am not moots with decided that March 20th was the day they were doing to commit suicide. They did not succeed. But they sure as hell scared the fuck out of me. Same story I've seen before with my other friends, abusive parental figure, and possibly SA'd like some of my other friends. Lovely.

And then ANOTHER friend as it turns out has an extremely abusive mother and got fucking strangled by aforementioned mother, then said in the posts of a vent post, "something something maybe she should've killed me".

Being technically AFK I had to go on anon for a bit and try my damndest to prove to my friend that their mother is beyond saving, and there's no use seeing her in a positive light, and they by no means deserve what happened to them. I don't know if it worked. If you see this, I'm sorry if I came off as rude. But that really was the straw that broke the camel's back.

I'd been trying to keep together fairly well but I had been thinking of Liam, Nex's death was ruled a suicide (and now his murderers will not be charged), all of my other friends are traumatized and now I've discovered another friend has an abusive parent, and someone tried to fucking kill themselves.

And so, we have this. This song has been my coping mechanism for the past several weeks and what I can best describe as my theme song. Whenever I see something tragic with either my friends or someone else my first thought is the words of this song. Largely because of the themes of getting salvation for the unjust wrongs done upon Sweeney or in this case my friends.

I really don't know why I was blessed to know such wonderful incredible beautiful people only for them to suffer relentlessly and have gallons upon gallons of trauma.

Do bad things happen? Sure. But with my friends it's non-stop. One traumatic event after another after another after another and I'm. Just so done. I'm so sick. And I'm so tired. Of everything. Of all the pain and suffering. Of the fact I can't do anything. Of the fact I feel too much. This probably shouldn't be impacting me so much but for some reason it is.

I would've been apprehensive posting this because I'm kind of self-conscious about my voice but some of my friends are suffering 24/7 so I think my voice is the last thing I should be worrying about.

Enjoy if you want. Or don't. That's ok too. Love you guys.

@literatureisdying

[doodlebugdrawz]

who want me to grammar check their suicide note (only ones from like years ago)

[creativename87]

orv spoilers!!!

ok guys. guys. why aren't we spending every single fucking moment of our lives talking about the oldest dream & kim dokja scene?? like hello??? i'm not even talking about when kdj tries to stab himself no no i'm talking about the few, small moment leading up to that, when it's just them, staring at each other.

it's such an gut wrenching powerful scene in my opinion. like like like oh my god. so much has happened. and yet, and yet to them it's still about the same webnovel. kim dokja has aged thirteen years since he was this kid, but as he steps forward they still are both just kim dokja.

They both remember the cold rush of air when they leapt from their school balcony. They both remember the breathless laugh before they did it. They probably both remember the way it reminded them of when they were five, getting thrown into the air by their mother, her face not yet wrinkled with regret. They remember the way it burned as they hit the cold pavement and as blood seeped into the concrete. the way that whole thing was nothing more than a reminder that this time there was no one left to catch them.

They remember the flashes of cameras and they both remember typing three tiny words into the hospital computer.

They are both kim dokja: One is just the past and the other is the future.

They stare at each other when by all definitions they shouldn't be allowed to exist close to other. Kim Dokja hates him, he hates himself and he hates his past. and the oldest dream wishes he were him he wishes he could be someone stronger ,someone better, and that's why our kim dokja exists. They are trapped in this circle of resentment and remorse.

His companions stare, registering the scene in front of them. what this means. and it's this heartbreaking sort of realization that the god they came here to fight is not just a child, but the past of their leader. this world that has bruised them and hurt them and killed those they loved, was caused by one of the ones they loved.

And then the oldest dream( he's just a fifteen-year-old kid. he doesn't even have a drivers license yet. he doesn't know anything in this world except for pain and the rush of joy that comes with another chapter) opens his mouth. He stares at his future. A future he has created for himself. and he whispers, in a slow voice, his face twisting

"M-monster…"