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finelineborderline · 2 years ago

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Hi! I uhm have not yet been diagnosed but I’m pretty confident that bpd is the answer to it all as shitty as that is. I’m almost more afraid for it to not be bpd cause nothing has ever made this much sense. But I’m really scared. And you’re in no way obligated to read this or respond but I don’t know. Just, do you have any advice for someone just now realizing and getting diagnosed with bpd?

hello, anon! first, i apologize ahead of time for how long this will be, but there's a lot i want to say. obligatory disclaimer that i am not a professional nor am i a qualified doctor to diagnose anyone, and these thoughts are mine and mine alone and do not constitute a professional's medical opinion/advice. all i can do here is speak my truth and explain my experiences with BPD in hopes that you and maybe others find it helpful.

second, at least with BPD, if you think you have it (i.e. you know you fit 5 or more of the 9 current diagnostic criteria), while of course obtaining a professional diagnosis is great, in this case, it's my personal belief that if you think you have BPD, there's a large chance you do have it. of course there will always be outliers, but for most people, pretending to have BPD or forcing a diagnosis just doesn't make sense. BPD is not something that makes people quirky and it makes life more difficult, not just from a personal standpoint as the person who has it, but the resulting reaction from friends, family, and even strangers you don't know and never will who have something to say on the internet. i don't know many people who'd lie about that and be okay with the negative stigma that persists around those diagnosed with BPD.

most (if not all) people with BPD don't want to have it, but understand they fit the criteria. with certain other mental illnesses and ailments, getting a professional to diagnose them is of course better than self-diagnosing, but i had self-diagnosed with BPD for years before i ever ended up in a psychiatric ward because i 5150'd myself and got professionally diagnosed with BPD. i had quite a strong hunch i had BPD years before a professional came to the same conclusion - but not in a "oh my god yay i'm so glad i have this horribly debilitating illness, woo!" more in a "holy fuck this all makes so much sense, and i wish it didn't, but i know myself, and i know that this is what i have". and getting the professional diagnosis was great in the sense of getting that final confirmation, but even without it, i'd have still considered myself as someone struggling with BPD.

it's okay to be scared. i think i'd be scared of you if you weren't scared - i was downright terrified when i figured out that what i'd been feeling, dealing with, doing, could be attributed to BPD. i hated it, wished it was something else, but the more i read, the more i watched, the more i took notes, the more i realized that BPD was the answer to a question i wish i didn't have to ask in the first place.

before i was diagnosed, i took notes as if i was in a class about BPD. i wrote down the criteria for a diagnosis, and put a check next to every one i fit into with specific notes of how and why i felt i checked that category. chronic feelings of emptiness? check. emotional instability in reaction to day-to-day events? check. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment? check. unstable self-image/sense of self? double and triple check. impulsive and damaging behavior in regards to spending/sex/substance use/reckless driving/binge eating? i did all of those things, where only 2 were required to hit this bullet point. quadruple check. anger? checkity check check. unstable interpersonal relationships? fucking check. suicidal behavior/threats? check. paranoid ideation/dissociative symptoms? check. i hit all 9 of these and it "only" requires 5 to hit the diagnosis. so for me, i knew i had it because like you, nothing else made this much sense.

and you know what? i fucking hated it. i got angry at myself for being so fucking broken that my personality had apparently shattered somewhere in early childhood due to my trauma and left me with a gaping, angry hole that i had constantly tried to fill with something, anything. i was beyond angry, i was seething with rage. why did it have to be fucking me? why? i still grapple with "why me?" on the daily with my BPD. i didn't want BPD to be what made sense, but it did. and while i am still incredibly fucking angry with my diagnosis, i've also reached a level of resignation about it. almost a sense of radical acceptance.

my advice is gonna sound fucking stupid because i know how hard much of it is to do and a lot of it takes serious introspection, patience, and kindness (to yourself). my advice would be to truly try to practice self-compassion, self-love - when what you want to do is beat yourself up internally over anything - having BPD in the first place (hell, even thinking you have BPD in the first place), or something you did/said in reactionary anger/rage/sadness/impulsiveness, something you didn't do - anytime you want to emotionally flay yourself over this, the best advice i can give you is to practice the skill of forgiving yourself. of giving yourself compassion to learn and grow as a human who is struggling with something very difficult to live with.

and i'm going to be upfront with you - most times, you will fail. you will not give yourself the compassion, love, and kindness you truly deserve. it's hard to break the cycle of self-rage, hard to convince yourself that you're worth recovery, worth getting better, worth learning to live with BPD and all it entails. but there WILL be times where you catch yourself in moments of compassion and acceptance. they might be few and far between, and they might not feel like much at first, but with time and practice, you will notice moments that you are less critical of yourself and your perceived failures relating to BPD.

for instance - i've been in DBT for a few months now. some of it really doesn't help me specifically (some "action steps" just don't work), but there's a few things that have been pivotal to my growth and have helped. one of those being the not-so-simple act of radical acceptance. of forgiveness. of understanding that you are not the worst person to ever walk the face of this earth, no matter how much your brain will try and try and try to convince you that you are. i have caught a few very very very SMALL moments where i've internally said to myself "well, it's okay that i failed there" or "alright, so i didn't do XYZ, i'll move on and do better next time" instead of beating myself up emotionally/internally over it. and the first time i noticed that happened, a tiny light bulb went off in my head. it was weeks and weeks into my DBT, where i felt i wasn't seeing any changes in myself. but that one, tiny instance where i showed myself compassion? it gave me a faint spark of hope that maybe BPD isn't the death sentence i so often feel it is. and i still do, in a lot of ways, and i'm working to try to manage and cope better, but it's not smooth sailing and more often than not, i am being mean to myself, or unforgiving. but my advice is to try to be aware of those moments, whenever they may come, where you can sense yourself forgiving yourself or being nicer to yourself than you otherwise might have been.

i'm not gonna bullshit you and act like learning to live with BPD is a walk in the park, or that somehow after DBT (should you choose to ever go that route) will result in you being "cured" or "fixed" - at least in terms of DBT, it's not a cure so much as it is trying to instill new habits and coping skills that you will strengthen by repeated use and practice. (and remember, practicing a skill still counts even if you fail to correctly use that skill. practice does not mean you always do things right/correct, it simply means you tried.)

again, it's okay to be scared. please allow yourself to feel that emotion. but leave room for that fear to dissipate at times, leave room to challenge that fear on occasion.

most of all, allow yourself to be. however you feel isn't bad. emotions are messengers, so next time you're angry, ask yourself: what is my anger trying to tell me in this moment? if you're sad, ask yourself: what is my sadness trying to convey? with repeated practice, perhaps you can identify triggers for certain emotions.

practice observing how you're feeling physically in your body, and remember that emotions are not facts. and remember that emotions will come and go, no matter how much your brain will convince you they won't.

that's all i've got for you now, but to you and anyone else who made it this far down - my inbox is always, always open, for anyone and anything. you don't have to be alone. we can be alone together, and i'm just a message away.

#borderline personality problems #borderline problems #borderline tag #borderline thoughts #bpd #bpd blog #bpd life #bpd thoughts #living with borderline #bpd feels #bpd stuff #bpd mood #actually bpd #bpd tag #bpd things #bpd vent #living with bpd

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geoffrard · 2 years ago

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Oh great knowledgeable wizard what's the deal with tucker and geoffs relationship I gotta know

so i assume you saw my tags here and misread them as tucker but i'll answer for both questions. also obligatory disclaimer I AM READING INTO ALL OF THIS SHIT & also am summarizing shit okay so anyways.

Tucker & Geoff: their relationship really makes me laugh because i think they're really important to each other and really really value each other's friendship. but in terms of, like, band dynamics they really couldn't be farther apart. geoff is the type of guy to flip a shit and start crying at literally anything that vaguely comprises his art while tucker is like i just want to hang out and play the drums and drive my little toy car around. oh geoffs fallen off the stage and broken his spine again. great another tuesday. more than anyone else in thursday, tucker definitely has the constitution to handle the music industry. he's the only one of them who toured consistently after their breakup.

i feel like i kind of lost track of the point there but whatever anyways. since geoff is sober, he and tucker spend a lot of time together on tour now because tucker keeps a pretty rigid schedule to take care of himself--they go to the gym together etc etc. and until tucker left brooklyn a while ago (i guess because frank convinced him or whatever asjdasdjkasd) they lived in the same neighborhood and saw each other all the time. ANYWAYS tldr tucker and geoff really balance each other out. besties <3

as for tom and geoff... ask me about tom and geoff im dying to talk about tom and geoff. tom is tom keeley, thursday's lead guitarist and, after geoff, the face of thursday before their breakup in 2012. tom and geoff are responsible for writing most of thursday's music and had a really close artistic and personal bond. but other members of the band have spoken about how one of the interpersonal downfalls of the band was a recurring cattiness and a total refusal to communicate with each other... and a lot of that was probably between tom and geoff. geoff said this once about tom:

FUCKED UP SHIT!!!! anyways, tom is the only one (besides andrew; don't know the story there and wonder if i ever will) who doesn't play with thursday every so often. (the other person is tim, who hasn't played regularly with thursday on long-distance tours since they almost died a bunch of times in like 2006 or something.) by all accounts tom and geoff are still good friends, but most of the dyke drama in the band was probably between them lmao

#answered #SORRYYYYY for being a tomgeoff psychosexual tension truther.#as if its my fault

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gammija · 3 years ago

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The final Web!Martin evidence list

Now that canon is done, and we’ve got word of god confirmation that Web!Martin wasn’t complete nonsense, I decided to go back to my lil chronological evidence list and actually clean it up a bit, delete parts that in hindsight weren't all that indicative, and put everything in a slightly more readable format. (Obligatory disclaimer that i don’t and never did believe or advocate for some kind of evil web!martin, and that I'm not intending to connect a moral judgement to martin (or anyone else for that matter) having some of these traits)

So here: The (hopefully, please) final list with Web!Martin Evidence! Presented in order of importance, according to. me

The final (hopefully) Web!Martin evidence list

(In order from most to least obvious)

Spiders

I mean, it’s called the Web. TMA reiterates quite a few times that Martin liked spiders. Sometimes it IS that easy.

MAG022: Martin: "I like spiders. Big ones, at least. Y’know, y’know the ones you can see some fur on; I actually think they’re sort of cute -"

MAG038: | Sasha: "A spider?" Jon: "Yeah. I tried to kill it…" [...] Sasha: [Chuckles] "Well, I won’t tell Martin." Jon: "Oh, god. I don’t think I could stand another lecture on their importance to the ecosystem."

MAG059: Jon: "I have done my best to prevent Martin reading this statement in too much detail. I have no interest in having another argument about spiders."

MAG079: Jon: "Apparently, biologically, his account of the spiders doesn’t make any sense according to Martin."

MAG197: Martin: “What? Because I like spiders? Well, used to.”

Lies and subterfuge

Martin is able to use lying and subterfuge to achieve his goals, and is called manipulative a few times.

Lies:

MAG022: Martin: "[He] became slightly more co-operative after I lied to him and told him that one of the upstairs residents had buzzed me in."

MAG056: Martin: "I lied on my CV."

MAG158: Peter: “But you said –” Martin: “Honestly, I mostly just said what I thought you wanted to hear.”

MAG164: Jon: "You – I actually believed you!"

MAG189: Martin: “Sorry. Sorry, John. Not sure how much everything up there actually understood what was going on. But, y’know, I didn’t want to take any chances so it made sense to… um…” Jon: “Put on a show?” Martin: “Yeah, basically, more or less.”

MAG191: Martin: "That's not true." Arun: "Liar!"

Subterfuge:

The plan in 118, which revolved around convincing Elias that Martin was only “acting out”, to create a distraction for Melanie. (Also compare the way he evades giving a straight answer here with the way Annabelle talks in 196.)

Working with Peter in s4 under false pretenses, to distract him from Jon and eventually try to learn what Peter wanted.

Manipulation accusations:

These, I know, are somewhat contentious, since it’s mostly villains saying this to him. I’m still including them, since

1): From a media analysis standpoint, being mentioned 3 times is a sign to pay attention, even when it may not be the full truth.

2): I only see it as describing Martin’s behaviour in the previous points, not as a moral judgement; Especially since he almost always ‘manipulates’ people in positions of power over him.

Still, if it bothers anyone, feel free to ignore these.

MAG138: Martin: "That’s it? No, no monologue, no mind games? You love manipulating people!" Elias: "That makes two of us."

MAG186: Martin: “I can be a real manipulative prick, you know that?” Also Martin: “Oh yeah.”

MAG196: Annabelle: “Because you always managed to get what you wanted through smiles and shrugs and stammerings that weren’t nearly as awkward as they seemed.” [SMALL SOUND OF MARTIN’S CONCESSION TO THE POINT] Martin: “Point taken.”

The Lonely/the Web

The Lonely and the Web sometimes affect Martin to similar degrees.

In season 3, when Martin is getting used to reading statements for the first time, most of them leave him emotionally affected: MAG084, MAG088, MAG090,

MAG095: Martin: “S-S-Statement… done.” [HEAVY BREATHING & TREMBLING AS MARTIN STEADIES HIMSELF] “I don’t like recording these. There. I-I said it.”,

MAG098: Martin: [Panting] “End of statement.” [Deep breath] “I, um, I think I might need to sit down. Oh. Yeah, I am. Right. I don’t, uh, I’m not really sure if these are actually getting easier or harder. I mean I don’t feel –”

Only the last two statements he reads are remarkably easier. This might be a hint that Martin is just getting used to reading them, but the quote from MAG098 seems to contradict that. Either way, it’s likely not a coincidence that those last two happen to be the Lonely and the Web:

MAG108: Martin: “Statement ends.” (exhale) “That wasn’t so bad…”

MAG110: Martin: “Statement ends.” [...] “I mean, I think it sounds like a Jurgen Leitner book. About spiders. Hm. Good John didn’t have to read this one, anyway. I know he’s not a fan. Although, this one wasn’t too bad, actually! I – yeah. Anyway.”

In season 5, there are two powers’ Domains that actually affected Martin mentally, as opposed to only physically: the Lonely’s, in 170 (and arguably 186), and, depending on your interpretation, in 172, when Martin went exploring without knowing why he did so.

Proximity

Martin investigates a lot of the Web statements during season 1 to 3 (in other words, when the archive team still researches statements). The only ones he isn’t mentioned in during this period are MAG019 and MAG020, when he’s being harrassed by worms, and MAG081, which Jon records by himself outside of the institute.

Most notably, he’s the one who discovered the statement in MAG114, ‘Cracked Foundations’, which is the one statement in the entire show that sets up the interdimensional properties of HTR.

The Web!Lighter passed through Martin's hands first, before he gave it to Jon.

Similarly, Annabelle mostly spoke to Martin in season 5, despite most other Avatars usually focusing on Jon.

Aesthetics

Apart from the above obviously Web related areas, there are some other aesthetics which are mentioned in connection to both the Web and Martin, throughout canon.

These are describing the Web;

These are describing Martin.

Tapes:

Martin is the only character to treat the tape recorders as friends - any other character is either indifferent, or treats them as enemies.

MAG039: Martin: "I think the tapes have a sort of… low-fi charm."

MAG154 Martin: “Oh. Hi. Hello again.” … (small laugh) “Sorry pal, false alarm this time.”

MAG156 Martin: “Mm? Oh.” [HE LAUGHS, GENTLY.] “Yeah. (rustling paper) I was going to read one. Hate for you to miss it!” [SHORT, FORCED LAUGH, AS HE FLAPS THE STATEMENT AROUND.]

MAG170 Martin: “Oh. Oh, hello. What’s this? Wow, retro! What are you up to, little buddy; just – listening? That’s okay. It’s nice to have someone to talk to.”

MAG190 Jon: "[The tapes] seem to like [Martin]."

Retro:

MAG069: Statement: “I only saw Annabelle Cane once during this period. She wasn’t hard to pick out. She dressed like a vintage clothing store exploded on her, and her short bleach-blonde hair stood out sharply against dark skin.”

MAG160: Jon: “Anyways, don’t tell me the phonebox down there doesn’t appeal to your retro aesthetic.” Martin: “It – might. Maybe.”

MAG163: Annabelle/the Web callying Martin via an old payphone: [ A PHONE RINGS. IT’S NOT THE TINNY, ELECTRONIC SOUND OF A CELLPHONE – NO, THIS IS A TRUE, HEAVY, CLASSIC RING.] Martin: “Uh. John? Uh, J, John – the, uh, payphone that’s – here, for some reason – it’s ringing?”

Hatred of burns:

MAG067: Jack Barnabas’ statement: “I looked up and noticed within the corner of the room, where there had been a spider’s web this morning, there was just a faint wisp of smoke.” “Another held a bag that seemed to be full of candles, while a third had a clear plastic container filled with hundreds of tiny spiders.”

MAG139: Statement by member of Cult of the Lightless Flame: “The Mother of Puppets has always suffered at our hand; all the manipulation and subtle venom in the world means nothing against a pure and unrestrained force of destruction and ruin.” Agnes burned down Hilltop Road.

MAG145: The Web ties Gertrude to Agnes, stopping the Desolation’s ritual (the only Power whose ritual the Web is known to have prevented).

MAG167: Gertrude enlists Agnes’/the Desolation’s help in order to burn her assistant Emma, who was Web aligned.

MAG169: Martin: "Look, I just – don’t want to get burned, all right? It’s, it’s like my least favorite pain ever. [...] I, I legitimately hate burns, alright? They’re, they’re awful, and they scar horribly, and they just – it – it just makes me sick; I, I hate it. Hate it!"

Phrasing:

MAG039: Martin: "I’m trapped here. It’s like I can’t… move on and the more I struggle, the more I’m stuck. [...] It's just that whatever web these statements have caught you in, well, I’m there too. We all are, I think."

MAG079: Martin's poem: "The threads of people walking, living, lovi–"

MAG117: Martin: "This last couple of years, I’ve always been running, always hiding, caught in someone else’s trap, but, but now it’s my trap, and, well, I think it’ll work. I know, I know it’s not exactly intricate, but it felt good leaving my own little web. Oh, oh, Christ, I hope John doesn’t actually listen to these. “Good lord, is Martin becoming some sort of spider person?” No, John, it’s an expression, chill out! Besides, spiders are fine. I mean, yes, people are scared of them, obviously, but actual spiders, they just want to help you out with flies."

MAG167: Jon: “Methinks the Spider dost protest too much.” Martin: “Jon –” Jon: “Joking! Just joking.”

Personality:

How applicable these are depends heavily on how you interpret Martin's own personality, so your mileage may vary.

MAG008: Statement: “Nobody ever said a word against Raymond himself, though, who was by all accounts a kind and gentle soul [...]”

MAG123: Jon: "The Web does seem to have a preference for those who prefer not to assert themselves."

MAG147: Annabelles statement: "I discovered a deep and enduring talent inside myself for lying. [...] My manipulations were not intricate, but they were far beyond what was expected of a child my age, and I have always believed that the key to manipulating people is to ensure that they always under- or overestimate you. Never reveal your true abilities or plans."

Word of God and Annabelle

I kinda wanted to ‘prove’ that Web!Martin had quite a bit of evidence to back it up, hence this header being last. But of course, in this post-canon world, there are a few lines that most obviously confirm the theory:

MAG197: Martin is Web enough to be able to read the 'vibrations', like Annabelle, and see Jon and Basira (the latter being especially notable, as he hadn't known she was there beforehand): [CHITTERING, BUZZING AND HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALS CHANGE CADENCE] Martin: "Wait… Wait, hang on, is that him?" Annabelle: "Yes. I guess you’re better with the Web than we thought." Martin: "And – Wait, ha– No, uh… is that… Basira? He – He’s got Basira with him!" Annabelle: "Yes."

Season 5 Q&A part 2: Jonny: “Essentially, it was fascinating looking at the fandom and, like, the Web!Martin believers, because what they were doing was correctly picking up on hints dropped in the early seasons that were later, like, not exactly abandoned, but it was much more like, ‘Well, no, he does have like aspects of The Web to him, but he is moreover The Lonely.’ And that came about very… very organically, really. Because throughout Season 3 and going into Season 4, we had this conversation and we were like, ‘No, actually he's like-” Alex: “‘It can't be, it cannot be, it must be the other way round’ Yeah.”

(Note that they say “throughout season 3 and going into season 4,” which likely means that season 1, season 2, and at least part of season 3, aka half of the entire show, were written with Web!Martin as an intentional possibility.)

If you read all that, thanks so much! Obviously, Web!Martin never really came to fruition, so it's fine if you still don't like it. This is just a post explaining where it was coming from, at least for me and the other theorists I've spoken to.

#the magnus archives #magnus archives #tma #tma s5 #web!martin #web martin #webmartin #or as jonny called it:#spider!martin #tma theory #tma meta #martin blackwood #martin k blackwood #martin #tma martin #magnuspod #i feel like i say this every time too but #when i say martin lies a lot i dont mean that #in comparison to 'normal people'#i mean that in canon he gets specifically mentioned to lie; at a higher rate than the other protagonists #ditto for everything else. im not speaking about real life people who might have these traits. im doing a media analysis #my own real life bedroom curtains being blue dont mean im depressed but in media sometimes aesthetic themes can be deeper signifiers #and tma especially has some very strong aesthetic themes #ok i think im done talking now. webmartin theories always get me rambling #EDIT: oops i changed a part on mobile and now the formatting is a bit fucked #ill fix it back tomorrow #if anyone cares #EDIT EDIT: ok fixed it

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wolf-who-rips-throats · 2 years ago

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🌳Welcome to the forrest of your nightmares🌲

Obligatory disclaimer: we do not condone, endorse, or otherwise support the actions of these posts even if they are our own. First and foremost this blog is used to vent emotions and thoughts that could put ourselves or others in danger. Secondly, this blog is for the ones writing it. We have the right to block anyone who makes us uncomfortable and ask them to remove our posts from their blog. (Feel free to do the same to us, we don’t mind!)

So- who’s runnin’ this shitshow?

Hi! You can call me Wolf. I’m a co-host of Forrest system and the og creator of this blog. My pronouns are they/he/pup/wolf (if you want to know how to use those neos, shoot me an ask!) and my partner Meia encouraged me to make this blog.

There are eight of us that hold yandere tendencies and thoughts who post here. There are more alters that might use this as a vent blog and that’s okay!

Wolf — they/he/pup/wolf || identification tag is 🐶Wolf

Sayaka Miki — she/they || identification tag is #🎼Melody’s Saber || uses blue text + poems

Kyouko Sakura — she/her || identification tag is #❤️Red Lancer || uses red text + song lyrics

Michael — he/him || identification tag is #📞Michael

Sam — he/him || identification tag is #☎️Hunters’ Nightmare

Glitchza — he/glitch/caw || identification tag is #The Glitched Protector

Scourge — he/paw/blood || identification tag is #⛈️Scourge

Chat Blanc — he/cat/white || identification tag is #🩸Claws out

Honorable mentions:

Hitoshi Shinso — he/him || has his own blog @mindbreak-mind-broken

Inferno Dante — he/him, fire/flame || has flame’s own blog @infernal-inferno

@infectious--infatuation — partner system’s yanblog!

@the-covens-collection — other partner system’s yanblog!

@yamikawas — yan friend!

Tags

General tags:

#Hardwire Brain - used for vents we need to immediately get out of our head. Warning! Some of them may contain n.s.f.w. content! Under 18 do not look!

#A Trio Of Screams - vent post made by Wolf, Sayaka, and Kyouko (3/4 co-hosts of the system)

#🪶⛅️Murder Skies - used to refer to our partner systems

#🖊Ink Spilled Thoughts - general letters or poetry we write

#⛪️Cathedral of lies - religious trauma-esque for Wolf and Kyouko

Alter-specific tags:

#Master’s Pup - n.s.f.w. tag used by Wolf. MINORS BLOCK THIS TAG! /srs

#💫Puppetmaster - used by Wolf to refer to beloved.

#🐍Snake Venom - used by Wolf to refer to beloved.

#💙Blue Knight - used by Kyouko to refer to Sayaka.

#💜Purple Enchantress - used by Kyouko and Sayaka to refer to beloved.

#💞Pink Goddess - used by Kyouko and Sayaka to refer to beloved.

#💛Golden Maiden - used by Kyouko and Sayaka to refer to beloved.

#🍎My Apple - used by Sayaka to refer to Kyouko.

#🏹My Theseus - used by Glitchza to refer to FS!Tommy.

#👑My Anarchist - used by Glitchza to refer to FS!Technoblade.

#🎸My Slain - used by Glitchza to refer to FS!Wilbur.

#🐝My Bee - used by Glitchza to refer to FS!Tubbo.

#🧠My Scribe - used by Glitchza to refer to FS!Ranboo.

#💍M’Lady - used by Chat Blanc to refer to beloved.

#🫀Bloodied Heart - Used by Michael and Wolf to refer to beloved

#💉Ecstasy - Used by Michael and Wolf to refer to beloved

#🦴Bone shard - Used by Michael and Wolf to refer to beloved

#🕊Pigeon Flight - Used by Michael and Wolf to refer to beloved

#🐸Frog-E — Used by Sam to refer to beloved

#🐸Frog-A — Used by Sam to refer to beloved

Rivals:

#Snowstar2219 - A online person who lied to us about being underage that we had a deep friendship with.

#🟩Their Poisoned Tongues - People who have hurt Kyouko in the past.

#👁White Cat - Kyu//bey.

#The Witch - used to refer to the body’s abusive and manipulative womb donor.

#⭐️Final Wish - Michael’s ex

#👣To Be Human - Michael’s rival

#🦷Toothache - Sam’s enemies

#🧱Backbreaker - used to refer to the body’s father (used only by one alter)

#✝️False Priest - Kyouko’s father

#🕰️Demon of Time - An internal persecutor in the system

#yandere #yancore #yanderecore #yandere aesthetic #yandere thoughts #lovecore #lovesick #irl yandere #yanvent #tw grooming

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bisexualmaedhros · 2 years ago

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ok writing this under a readmore in case tumblr puts it into any main tags. i won't be adding any of them to this, but i know these days tumblr sometimes takes words from the post itself and i don't want to write every prominent name with a bunch of substituted letters or slashes or anything. so.

negative thoughts re: beleg/túrin (romantic) and russingon (romantic) under the cut

obligatory disclaimer that i can't tell you what to ship and i'm not trying to, i'm just putting my own opinions on my own blog, in case there happen to be anyone else who feels the same way. as the old adage goes: don't like, don't read.

i'm not going to say that these ships are completely unfounded, nor am i the type of person to insist that a ship have canon "evidence" to back it. i can see where people are coming from and why they like the ships.

i, personally, do not at all and they make me quite uncomfortable.

they do seem to be some of the biggest ships in the silm fandom though (especially russingon), so they can be pretty hard to avoid sometimes even with tags blocked. usually i would just avoid creators who make content for these types of ships altogether, but it feels like everyone who makes art for the silmarillion consistently ships at least one.

in other media, i'd be a lot harder on ships like these (incest with russingon and uncomfortable age gap with túrin/beleg, but i'll get to that second one later). but at least with the silmarillion they feel... less out of line than in other stories, if that makes sense? silm feels more like reading a mythology collection rather than a novel, and often in mythology there are relationships that are... not great. and i could probably write a whole separate thing about that, but that's for another time if i ever do it at all.

túrin/beleg & russingon still make me greatly uncomfortable, but they at least feel a little more tonally in line with their original work than other instances i've seen of popular incest or age gap ships in other fandoms. whatever. it's just frustrating sometimes, with maedhros being my favorite silm character, that he's 1/2 of an incredibly popular incest ship. it's already bad enough when you like a character that's part of a main ship because then it's a lot harder to find fan content for them that's not purely ship-related, but the incest thing definitely makes it a lot worse.

ok, i'll talk about the túrin/beleg thing now. usually i'm kind of a sucker for the doomed immortal/mortal stories (i love beren and lúthien!). i think the lifespan/aging thing between humans and elves can pose some complications, sure, but generally i'm okay with it as long as they meet when they're both adults. i mean, the same with humans in general— a seven year age gap between a 19 year old and a 26 year old is a bigger difference developmentally than one between a 49 year old and a 56 year old.

but the thing that makes me uncomfortable is that beleg knew túrin since the latter was a child. if i'm understanding everything, he was sort of a mentor figure for túrin? right? so i really don't like the implications of them later having a romantic relationship (or, god, i hope that at least if they do, it is actually later).

i'm not saying you should never write about fucked up situations or relationships. i'm a fan of the silmarillion, for god's sake. i'm just talking about stuff that makes me personally uncomfortable. AND. i've been thinking about it.

i may be totally off the mark here, but it does sometimes feel like these ships are kind of born out of a lot of fandom's impulse to ship whatever handsome (usually white) guys they can, rather than looking at alternatives or appreciating non-romantic bonds.

don't take this as a "men aren't allowed to be just friends anymore!" thing. what i'm saying is:

why do these relationships have to be viewed through a romantic lens in order for their intensity to be seen as justified or worthy of portraying in art?

is it not enough that maedhros and fingon be cousins and best friends, supporting each other through The Horrors despite everything? why does it have to be romantic for people to appreciate its weight?

is it not enough for beleg to be a dear mentor to túrin, one who didn't give up on him once? a friend? a companion?

the prevalence of these ships in specifically romantic contexts just feels to me like another example of how many people view non-romantic love as secondary or not as interesting. and it kind of feels like it can sometimes keep us from appreciating and building on the dynamics given to us in canon already.

#silmthoughts #finielspeaks

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thinkingisadangerouspastime · 4 years ago

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I hate to be an asshole, but I see this a lot and I'd like your take because while we have differing opinions on some things, your metas are spot on (and I binged half your stories last weekend, oops) and I know you'll be straight up with me on this. What "chemistry" between Zuko and Katara? I keep seeing that and not getting it? The chemistry when he roughed up her grandmother and threatened her village? The chemistry when he tied her to a tree and violated her boundaries? (1/3)

The chemistry when he hired a trained assassin to stalk her good friend and if collateral damage happened, oopsie? The chemistry when he stabbed her in the back after she was nice to him in the crystal catacombs? The chemistry when he demanded that she accept him? Or the chemistry when he showed he didn’t know her at all? The chemistry when both of them were grossed out being thought a couple? Or is it the chemistry when he saved her and Katara couldn’t wait to kiss another guy? (2/3)

I dislike r/eylo from Star Wars fandom. I think it sends the wrong message. But as much as I hate it, there was chemistry there from the first. Rey is attracted to him and Kylo is attracted to her. They don’t want to be, but they are and it plays out in the next two movies. There was none of that in ATLA and I can understand z/ks saying it but other people? What am I missing? Where am I not looking? I’m not even that huge on Katara/Aang but Zuko/Katara chemistry where? (3/3)

Obligatory disclaimer: this is my personal response to anon’s questions and my personal thoughts on Zvtara’s chemistry. I’m not going to put this into the main tags - much less the Zvtara tag! - because while I believe this is a genuine question, I don’t doubt there’s at least one person out there who will misconstrue it as “hate” because the A:TLA fandom is, uh, aggressive in its ship wars lol. However, if I have any Zvtara shippers following me, I encourage you to reblog this post with your own thoughts! Please refrain from sending your commentary on anon unless you’re going to be friendly about it, lol; I like to keep my blog positive and welcoming! Thank you :)

Firstly, I am EXTREMELY flattered that you enjoy my metas so much and binged half my fics!! I was grinning so gleefully as I read that part of your asks,, y’all are too sweet to me. 💛

Okay. Moving on.

So, the main question here seems to be this: What chemistry exists between Zuko and Katara in A:TLA?

Short answer? None, in my opinion.

Longer answer? For all the reasons you outline in your asks, I do not perceive any romantic chemistry between Zuko and Katara within the series run of A:TLA. Note the qualifiers: “romantic” and “within the series run.” I’ll try to break down what I mean!

“no romantic chemistry”

For one, a romantic interest with anyone in the Gaang would have undermined Zuko’s entire redemption arc, full stop. Yes, I mean anyone. For Zuko to have joined the Gaang because of romantic interest* would have been… counterproductive. Zuko joined the Gaang because he realized - to put it very simply - that the Fire Nation was wrong. He realized how he’d been indoctrinated since birth. He realized that he could help the Avatar (instead of trying to, uh, kill him lmao) by teaching him firebending. He realized he could help Aang defeat the Fire Lord and bring peace to the four nations. Zuko realized he could help end the war. He could help break the cycles of violence and abuse that had in part made his own life so miserable. For him to join the Gaang because of romantic interest? Completely takes away from all of that. A key theme of A:TLA is dismantling imperialist power, propaganda, rhetoric, etc. Zuko’s decision to fight against Fire Nation imperialism is crucial to his redemption. He could not have been redeemed without making that choice. Thus, if Zuko had joined the Gaang because of romantic interest, it would have been completely counteractive to his redemption.

(*That is, the relatively popular [? I think?] implication that Zuko and Katara’s moment in “The Crossroads of Destiny” was romantic-coded and thus Zuko should have joined the Gaang at the end of Book 2 because he had romantic interest in Katara and she in him. I genuinely am clueless how people interpret that moment as romantic - like to me it’s honestly heartbreaking! Katara offers Zuko tentative sympathy only for him to stab her in the back minutes later - so if someone would like to share some thoughts, please feel free to do so!!)

On a similar note, for Zuko to take the lightning for Katara at the end of the series because of romantic interest would also undermine his redemption arc. Please note: this does not mean Zvtara shippers cannot interpret the Agni Kai as being romantic-coded. Of course they can! That’s what fanon is for! Transformative works! But in terms of canon, Zuko did not try (and fail, rip) to redirect Azula’s lightning because he was romantically interested in Katara. (I mean, in terms of canon, Zuko and Katara were both romantically interested in other people, too, so… Moot point, lol? But I digress.)

Zuko taking the lightning is about him learning to earn forgiveness and accept unconditional love from his family (both Iroh and the Gaang). It is a selfless act, and it directly parallels Zuko’s selfish act in “The Crossroads of Destiny” to stand silently while Azula strikes Aang with lightning, thus becoming complicit in Aang’s death. The point of his “sacrifice” is that Zuko would have taken the lightning for anyone (and don’t get me wrong - the moment is doubly powerful with Katara, as she’s a primary protagonist!). Zuko did not attempt but fail to redirect the lightning because it was Katara he was protecting; he took it because it was the right thing to do. Zuko has learned to differentiate between “right and wrong” on his own. To at last put others before himself. To make his decision about romantic interest? To make Zuko’s most selfless act in the series (not to mention one of his only 100% selfless acts!) about out-of-the-blue “romantic love”? That not only lessens the impact of his decision, but it is also reductive to Zuko’s entire character and arc. There’s no romantic chemistry there.

Again, of course, fanon exists for purposes such as interpreting Zuko’s failed misdirection of the lightning to protect Katara as romantic. Go wild!! I’m talking strictly about canon.

So that pretty much summarizes why romantic interest with anyone in the Gaang would have been detrimental to Zuko’s redemption, hence why Zuko doesn’t have any canon romantic chemistry in the Gaang. It just ain’t there! It would have screwed over his arc! And again, because of all the reasons you outline, I cannot comfortably interpret any romantic chemistry between Zuko and Katara within the series run of A:TLA. Personally, romantic Zvtara would have been too sudden, too unexpected, and too… well, as I said: uncomfortable. Why would Katara have romantic interest in a guy who’d hurt her so many times? Who she’d only just forgiven? Why would Zuko have romantic interest in Katara, a girl he barely knew for most of the series? Especially when he already had feelings for a childhood friend? I, personally, just don’t get it.

But. You know what Zuko and Katara do have in canon?

A phenomenal platonic bond.

It develops very late, admittedly; Katara has only forgiven Zuko for the last five episodes of the series (5 out of 61… Katara was only on good terms with Zuko for 8% of the series, lmao). But Zuko and Katara are very, very similar personality-wise, so it follows that (eventually) they’d be great friends! Yeah, Zuko acts like an entitled dick for a good portion of “The Southern Raiders” lmao, but he ultimately respects Katara’s decision to spare Yon Rha (love that scene so much 🤧). Katara recognizes that Zuko is trying his best (if sometimes falling short) to redeem himself and earn the Gaang’s trust, and she also understands how - while she is completely justified in her anger! - holding that hatred close to her chest isn’t good for her. So she offers him a third chance (and honestly, Zuko should be forever grateful for that lmao!).

So what can a strong platonic bond lead to? Well, if it’s in your taste, a romantic relationship!

“within the series run”

As aforementioned, I don’t see any romantic chemistry between Zuko and Katara within the series run of A:TLA. I think Zuko has hurt Katara in too many ways - and again, she has only just forgiven him by the end of the show - for there to realistically have been any blossoming romance between them. I think romantic interest for anyone in the Gaang would undermine Zuko’s redemption. I also think M@iko and K@taang are well-implemented romances into A:TLA, so romantic Zvtara would not have fit into the narrative. (Doesn’t mean someone has to ship them!! I just mean they made logical sense and had narrative purpose within canon. That’s all.) But again, Zuko and Katara have a great platonic bond. So while I don’t see romance within the series run, I can understand why people might be attracted to Zvtara in post-canon!

Post-A:TLA (disregarding LOK, which I haven’t even seen lol) Zvtara has some solid potential. I’m personally intrigued by the idea of how they’d navigate their relationship amidst all the politics! Basically, any relationship with a strong platonic bond can have potential for “more.” That’s why people ship T@ang, that’s why people ship Zvkaang, Zvkka, M@ilee, etc. So while Zvtara may not have romantic chemistry within the show - in my opinion! - they’ve got one of my favorite platonic bonds, so I can totally get people wanting to explore that bond in post-A:TLA and possibly translating it to romance.

So for some people, then, it might be less about “chemistry” in A:TLA itself, but more how their relationship could grow and change after the end of the series!

Quick sidebar: I mentioned that while I do not interpret the final Agni Kai as romantic, I’m fine when other people do. It’s fanon! Ain’t no big thing! But also, Katara has forgiven Zuko by that point. I, personally, am not comfortable with reading any of Zuko and Katara’s TSR-and-earlier interactions as romantic because of the imbalanced power dynamic. Example: I don’t think Zuko tying Katara to a tree and manipulating her with her mother’s necklace was romantic, and I don’t like the resulting implications when people do treat it as such. Zuko was still so indoctrinated by Fire Nation propaganda… Yeah, from Book 1 to about halfway through Book 3, I personally don’t feel comfortable shipping Zuko with anyone outside of the Fire Nation. Pre-redemption Zuko was not the most fun person to be around if you were non-Fire Nation.

But as I’ve said, these are all just my opinions! Again, if I have any Zvtara shippers following me, please feel free to reblog with your own thoughts! I would love to know where the idea comes from that Zvtara had chemistry within A:TLA, since I personally don’t see any romantic vibes (though platonic chemistry, of course, abounds.)

(For the record, I don’t know anything about Star Wars, which is why I haven’t brought up R.eylo, lol.)

TL;DR - To me, there isn’t any canon romantic chemistry for Zvtara. Narratively, I think it would undermine Zuko’s arc. Logically, because of how Zuko treated Katara for 92% of the series, I personally cannot interpret any of their interactions as romantic. But their platonic bond? Beautiful!! Thus, if people want to explore post-A:TLA, fanon Zvtara, I am all for it.

#hope this at least partially answers your question anon!#anon #amy answers #amy analyzes

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rainbow-scarab · 4 years ago

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This is my take on Asgore (with a healthy side of Chara).

Obligatory disclaimer that you are free to have your own take, and I enjoy seeing other takes! In the end he's just a fictional character, and people have all sorts of life experiences that lead them to different interpretations.

Also warnings for discussions of difficult subjects found in Undertale, such as suicide, guilt, grief, psychological trauma, death, war, genocide, etc.

Asgore rates pretty low on my scale of UT character morality XD Though I find him an interesting character.

Asgore has both good and bad points as anyone in UT. He's a gentle soul at heart who likes bringing joy to others. But he is very reluctant to wield responsibility. And I believe this inaction is what's behind most of his other negative points, especially when it comes to making decisions.

When Chara came to the Underground, there was renewed hope. Asgore called them "the future of humans and monsters". For a time they all were a happy family, Asgore, Toriel, Asriel, and Chara. Or mostly. Chara was a very troubled child.....

Chara and Asgore were close, as were the rest of the Dreemurrs to Chara. But I don't think they quite knew how to help Chara. Chara must have had such a horrible life among humans to hate them so much...and then just decide to leave where they would never return. They found a loving family, and loved monsterkind. But they were still quite disturbed and probably had a lot of self-hate, both for being human and for their problem behavior. Being designated "the future of humans and monsters", they may have felt a lot of pressure.....and took what actions they thought would help monsters. Already hating humans, and humans being the cause of the monsters' imprisonment underground, on top of the self-hate, killing themselves and going on to kill six more humans in pursuit of monster freedom would feel like the best way they could contribute to a family, and species, that they loved so dearly.

Though I don't think being designated "the future of humans and monsters", a symbol of hope to the kingdom, ended up being healthy for Chara, I don't blame Asgore for this. The kingdom really needed that hope. And the Dreemurrs themselves would have been overjoyed both for that species-wide hope, and for the place Chara had in their family. It would be near impossible to be able to guess what Chara would ultimately do. It seems Chara did not open up about what had happened to them to Toriel and Asgore, and only partially to Asriel. But I think they would have been able to provide an environment of love and support to help Chara heal had they been there longer.

(Check out this post for a thorough analysis of Chara. It talks about and give evidence for Chara and Asgore's relationship. Also explains the "Chara is the narrator" theory I'll reference later)

But once Chara and Asriel took action, and both died.....Asgore became enraged. He declared war on humanity, completely reversing tone from before. Toriel left, and Asgore was alone.

In the years that followed, Asgore's declaration was followed. Monsters had great prejudice towards humans, and the royal guard kept a lookout for humans. Humans would either be killed by the guard, or Asgore himself.But at least by the time we get to him....he doesn't seem to be angry with humanity. He doesn't pretend that he will try to be friendly with Frisk the same as he does with other monsters, but...he wants to be. And he will give Frisk all the time they need before their fight. Doesn't even seem to care if it's years down the line. He just won't let Frisk pass in the end.

Once you fight and defeat him, he expresses how much he hates all the stuff about war, and just wishes for everyone to be happy and hopeful again. And perhaps...it could all just be over, and Frisk could leave the Underground with his soul. (More on this later)

To me, Asgore's big flaw....is not his declaration of war. Though that is definitely bad. One does not just declare their intention to not just kill humans to free monsters, but to destroy all of humanity, while in a position of power and influence...for that to be dismissed as nothing.

But....he was also very angry, for a very understandable reason. And....at some point....that anger subsided. And yet, he continued on the same path.

To me Asgore's biggest flaw is that he avoids responsibility and making decisions. The only time he ever is shown to make a significant decision...is his declaration of war, and it took extreme emotion for that to happen. But once back to more reasonable levels of emotion, he wouldn't even take action to reverse his own declaration. He felt duty-bound to kill humans, or else they would lose hope. Mmm...I'm not sure if that's just what he was telling himself to avoid decision, and perhaps the feared consequences of changing course were overblown. More on this in a minute.

In the past, it was Asgore and Toriel ruling together, even if Asgore seemed to the be official one in charge. As far as I can tell, they worked well together. Toriel on most of the details of running a kingdom, and Asgore, keeping up the spirits of monsterkind. Once Toriel was gone....no one really replaced her role.

(pic from Alarm Clock dialog)

Asgore did not develop the skills to run things well, and did not find anyone to help as far as I can tell. Undyne became head of the Royal Guard sometime after Toriel left (Undyne does not recognize her when they meet), though it's possible the Royal Guard itself appoints their own leadership. At the very least, Asgore appointed Alphys into the long-vacant position of Royal Scientist.

Though as seen by this bit of dialog from one of the neutral endings, merely having people in official positions doesn't mean his role as king is supposed to be over. Proper oversight would have certain made the amalgamate situation different anyways.

(There's the question of Sans possible working for Asgore. But since there's no hard evidence that I know of for this, I'm not really using this in my analysis)

Asgore still wants to get help. I think...to be unburdened from some or all of his responsibilities. Even if he doesn't know much about who he's asking help from. Like Frisk.

Ambassador is a huge responsibility to place on a young kid. Granted, there aren't other human choices, and even a child with no political skill would be a great symbol to bring humans and monsters together. And this child is the one who just saved everyone pretty much. Okay, I’ll grant him that.

Once defeated in a neutral run, he asks Frisk to take his soul and head to the surface. He would pass on the fate of monsters and humanity to someone he knows nothing about, not even their name, only that they came and defeated him in battle. But perhaps he just was...tiring of even trying anymore. Perhaps he was filled with guilt and grief and just...didn't want to live anymore. Okay. Spare him, and he entertains the thought of living a peaceful life together as a family, before Flowey kills him.

If you complete a neutral ending, then go back and defeat Asgore again on a neutral route, you get some special extra dialog. On choosing to spare him, Flowey doesn't come as quickly to kill him. He thinks again of life as a family, before dismissing it as fantasy. He identifies you with Chara (for having hope), with the prophecy of the angel, and then asks you to find a way to free monsters without really giving you a choice. ...again, he knows nothing about Frisk, their name, where they come from...only that they would give them mercy. And yet he is willing to make them in charge of the fate of all monsters. He kills himself, offering his soul up (before Flowey destroys this possibility).

(Side note...this or my analysis do not have the message that suicide is avoiding responsibility. I analyze his stated motives. It's quite possible that he had additional feelings of guilt and grief that led him to chose this. Even if not, it can't and shouldn't be generalized for other suicides)

Asgore is so reluctant to act...not even in genocide will he do anything special to save his people.

When you reach Asgore, clearly he has not heeded the warning and absorbed the human souls. I considered that perhaps Alphys did not call as she hates phone calls. But... there's a Queen Alphys ending, an aborted genocide ending. In it she pushes aside her fears and steps up, saving her people, implied that she hides them in the True Lab. I think this Alphys would have called.

He even gets a second warning here. But...he still tries to reason his way through, and speak with kindness. He is promptly killed.

In addition to his reluctance towards taking action, the other half of why Asgore wouldn't change...is that he was afraid that the people would lose hope.

...but I agree with Toriel. Through Asgore's lack of leadership, and continuation of the anti-human policies that came about when he was angry...the hope in the future that Asgore gave his people was dark.

In reality, though Asgore didn't want his people to lose hope...he himself had already lost hope. Perhaps that's why he couldn't bring true hope to his people.

In the Queen Toriel neutral ending, Asgore and the six human souls are gone. Toriel has instated a new policy to treat humans as friends. The people's hopes have taken a blow....but I don't think all is lost. It is possible to have a new vision and policy going forward, without Asgore or hoping for humanity's destruction.

In the King Papyrus ending, things are not quite as bright. There's a new policy to treat humans on a case by case basis. Papyrus tries to keep everyone working and fed. Sans does...a lot of paperwork. Productivity is up. But.....things are really hard. Papyrus is a great candidate to keep people's hopes up, kinda like Asgore (...Sans functions like Toriel too taking care of a lot of the details lol). But the Underground has lost many of their most beloved in this ending.

Yes.....I don't think Asgore, despite having lost hope, was only a detriment to monsterkind. His presence still brought some hope to the people, and his death was something to be mourned. But the loss of Asgore and his vision forward is just one factor in the outcome. Ultimately, I think Asgore's fears were not very true. If he changed course, away from his declaration of war...the people would adjust.

....Through all this.......

There was still one person still filled with Asgore's original hopes.

Chara never forgot Asgore's words as they lay dying. Even though they didn't heed these words....Asgore was an important figure to them in life.

Chara sticks by you the entire game, giving narration. In a few parts of the game, they share their memories with you, like when they fell into the Underground and were found by Asriel. And.....

When you die....they relay Asgore's own words to you. A message of hope to keep you going. A message that repeats to you the entire game, as many times as you need it upon death. Determination...the will to keep living...the resolve to change fate.

When you reach Asgore...he sees it. Maybe it doesn't mean anything special. A child may be full of hope for many reasons. I just kinda...want to believe that the same message of hope he gave to Chara...encouraged Frisk to make it this far, and it shines through on their face.

Through Frisk, Asgore's hopes come back to him. It's come full circle. He believes in a bright future again. A future with both humans and monsters.

You meet Asgore at the very end of the game. You've known him all of five minutes before Flowey shows up, and the final battle begins. Perhaps this is why he didn't have time to grow beyond this. Maybe, once on the surface, he'll work on himself further. Or not, I dunno, he stayed the same for a long time. We don't know.

Honestly....in the course of writing this my perspective on Asgore has changed. I expected to mostly write about his flaws, and why I thought of him poorly. But I didn't want to be unfair. And well...in Undertale.... When you dig a little deeper, you can find so much more about them than your assumptions and initial impressions. That the whole beauty of the game.

While I still think that Asgore is one of the most flawed people in the game...he has his good points too. And those actually turns out to be pretty important. Stay determined ❤

Screencaps from the Undertale Text Project (the work of squishing many textboxes in one image done by me)

P.S. One of the funnier lines in the game to me:

Thank you for reading!

#undertale #undertale theory #asgore #undertale analysis

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summoner-kentauris · 3 years ago

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What does your interpretation of Zacharias think about Líf and Thrasir? (You can either just answer or write a lil story if you feel like it)

OOOO now i have thought in my free time a fair amount about what líf thinks of zasha but, and i cannot believe this, i have not thought about what zacharias thinks about líf and thrasir. full disclosure, book III happened to be going on when i formally stopped playing feh. i kept up with the story after that but, theres my obligatory knowledge base disclaimer.

also minor cws through this whole thing because i talk here and there about zacharias and his... mm, canonical relationship to death/selfharm

so, i spent a lot of time thinking about this one, and i keep coming back to my gut reaction, which is that i don't think zacharias would like them very much. i dont know why i think that, though.

PART ONE

i think a lot of it would depend on how they approach him, which is maybe why i've spent more time thinking about the reverse of this ask, come to think of it. see, i think zacharias could go any which way in terms of what he thinks of them. i think he could hate them, as two people who killed versions of everyone he ever loved, including metaphorically killing off the two people closest to him.

i think he could love him, having seen the hell (ha ha literally) that they went through. understanding what that feels like. given the way he talks about his suicide attempts, and honestly that he spent most of book I trying to get people to kill him, really his whole relationship to death. i mean the man talks a lot about death and killing. he might not be the feh OC who best understands how manipulative and... whats a good word. alluring? what im trying to say is that besides eir, he might be the one most likely to understand why Hel and hel's offer appealed to líf and thrasir. i feel like this bit has a place here: "With his dying breath...he begged for his life. He called out your names! "I'll do anything you ask! Just let me live!" excepting of course that i still am not sure if i think he said/thought that or not. ive never been sure who really is in control of speaking right then and there. Anyway. Probably he could come to understand Líf and Thrasir's stance, enough that he could care about them the same ways he cares about his versions of Alfonse ann Veronica

on the other hand, i can see him being fully horrified by the choices those two made in response. this bit: Not anyone... This dark god...seeks death. And it cries for the destruction of Askr. Like. Líf and Thrasir are intentionally enacting the same thing as the dark god's desires, in order to correct a mistake they made that, uh, also enacted the same thing as dark god's desires. talk about awkward. and i think Zasha, who has lived with this nightmare in his head for so long, might recoil from people who are so directly aligned with it. who wants to be around someone who has become, who has chosen to become, everything you ever feared you'd be? especially when you're nearly drowning from the effort of fighting to stop yourself.

i could also see him meeting them and it being incredibly, incredibly bad for him. i feel like, he puts a whole lot of... mm. what am i trying to say.here:

Yet it is you that says this, dear friend, and so I must consider it. I see the faith reflected in your eyes. Perhaps it is possible...

SPEAKING OF BUNNY ZACHARIAS I ALSO THINK YOU COULD TAKE THE FOLLOWING:

You never change. All you see is a lofty goal, even if you lack the means to achieve it... The idea that gods would fall by the hand of man is a fantasy... and a preposterous one. This is a goal that even our ancestors Líf and Thrasir could not achieve.

setting aside the obligatory wtf zash i know you know your lore (fuck, maybe there is no killing the gods, maybe all Fire Emblem victories are temporary at best and Zenith is the only one who knows it. but i think, probably not), i think you could spin a very believable scenario where zacharias takes one look at these two ambitious, arrogant posers and absolutely refuses to speak to them any further.

so, part one, i think that zacharias could think any number of things about líf and thrasir. which i suppose means that i think he's fairly neutral on the subject of líf and thrasir. makes sense to me, i suppose. i feel like zacharias | bruno has practice (regardless of whether he's any good at it or not, or whether its any good for him) at holding and maintaining separate personas, so I don't think the fact that líf and thrasir were alfonse and veronica would necessarily be all that important to him.

which brings me to part ii

what happened to dead zenith zacharias

if zacharias is neutral on the subject, I think a lot of their relationship is going to pushed in one direction or another by líf and thrasir themselves.

and, complicating matters (when do I make things simple?), i think their approach to zacharias would of course depend on what happened to their zacharias. correct me if im wrong, but i dont think we have even a hint what happened to him.

there are three ish options I'm seeing. one: as dead world zenith is further along in its timeline and as zacharias claims he's almost out of time with his curse, other zacharias died due to that before the war with hel. i feel like scenario one is the most likely to lead to a good relationship between main zacharias and líf and thrasir.

two: mr. professional "knows plot relevant things out of knowhere" was the one who found out about angrboða's heart in the first place. especially given "As destruction took hold, we joined with Embla to seek the forbidden heart...", which to me sounds a lot like, "hel was kicking our ass then zacharias showed up and said we should go get this mystical plot object from embla". thrasir even says she and líf weren't allies before the world went to shit. anyway. hear me out here:

Yes. The heart is sealed within an Emblian blood temple. If that seal is broken, someone will die each time the heart beats... Those who perform the rite are the first to die.

Now. Líf claims he was the one who broke it open, but he also was present for the war that followed and only after was he killed and inducted into hel's army. so. both of those things can't be true. i propose that the magic mcguffin located in a sealed emblian blood temple was unlocked by our dear zacharias and thats what killed him in other zenith. i think its possible that other veronica was the one who did it, but you know. its all imagination at this point. also, and i forgot this, but thrasir does go off about how she can't lose until she saves her brother, so. something especially tragic happened at least. and oh boy is scenario two a nice fresh tasty tragedy. so that's scenario two. other zacharias directly died as a result of attempts to fight hel

number three thing that could have happened to zach is boring. he's always off doing things, he could have just died off screen. i mean. everyone did, eventually.

frankly he could still be alive for all i know. the heart appears to take the lives of people in the world, not of the world, or else the summoner would have been fine. so, if zacharias was on one of his off world jaunts, he could conceivably be a-okay. well. as okay as someone who's whole world died. i don't think that's what happened, because thrasir is pretty clear about feeling that she failed him, but yknow.

líf and thrasir's reactions to the above

thrasir is i think the most straightforward. i can't really see her approaching main zacharias with anything but positive intent. even if she's only a little bit open, i think thrasir and zacharias will probably have a decently tolerable relationship. if zacharias can come back to a country that exiled him as a kid and let his mother die in a dungeon and then go on to not just befriend but protect and care for a half sister he didnt know before then, then i think he'll find a way to care about thrasir. you know, intsys could have had fun making another perpetual older brother character. as i understand it, xander gets brother'd a lot, he and zach could have talked. could have been fun. a whole, zacharias, a historically traumatized child: *arrives in a world* every currently traumatized kid in a five mile radius: oh shit this one's ours now. you know what im saying? found family except zacharias would very much like it to stop finding him. he's got important brooding to do. but anway, they didn't go that route and its a tragedy.

líf is... more complicated. i think scenario one creates the most positive outlook. i can see him still having guilt over zacharias' loss, but i think any of it would be overshadowed by everything else that happened. in this scenario, líf finally gets back a piece of the world he'd lost. yeah, it's not his zacharias, but still. it is a zacharias, who is living and breathing and frowning and asking why you are staring at me, knight. i think the two of them could get along rather well, although i see them having significant issues with pessimism. inch-restingly enough... the dark curse bades its hosts to kill askrans. and líf is, well. dead. so... perhaps... perhaps líf wouldn't trigger the curse like alfonse does. in that case, not only does líf get someone back he thought he'd never see again, but so does zacharias.

scenario two is just a nightmare. frankly, i initially thought this scenario would lead to líf just ignoring zacharias (out of guilt, pain, etc), but i was rereading the scripts looking for the spelling of angrboða and this came up:

Tell Hel. She'll erase those memories. She'll erase them all...

so, honestly? i think that in scenario two líf just straight up gets hel to remove his memories of zacharias (as an aside maybe this is also why he never ever ever talks about other anna >:{ )

in that case, líf wouldn't really have any reason to talk to this man, who causes this empty deeply sad feeling to well up in him for now discernible reason. and zacharias has no reason (or time) to talk to this standoffish general of the dead. so. that's a real ships in the night moment.

number three i think líf would still hold the same guilt as in number two, but i don't think it would be as horrifically tragic, so i think it's more likely he'd be willing to approach zacharias. he does appear to have even worse of a thing than alfonse about not opening oneself up to people, but i think that even if he's líf, he once was an alfonse, and being that this is me answering this, i don't think any alfonse can really keep away from a zacharias for very long. its a version of the person who once knew him as well as any other person in the world. like líf can't really seem to stop himself from associating with main sharena, i don't think he could stop himself from reaching out in his own way to main zacharias. and god does that man need some more friends. i think zacharias would probably be a little frightened of líf, and of what an alfonse could become. but i think probably... i feel like a lot of book i issues stem from the fact that, justified or not, zacharias thinks alfonse would risk anything, any harm to save him. i don't know that confronting an alfonse who literally risked everything and did all harm to save his world would be a comfort, but i do think zacharias would get a lot out of having someone who's already done the worst they can do. been there, done that, got the tshirt. i think zacharias would be a little afraid of what an alfonse could become, but i think he would no longer have to be afraid of... no, anxious about it. i think there's a kind of calm in having something confirmed that zacharias could appreciate. healthy? unhealthy? fuck if i know. i also think that in líf, zacharias has a friend who he can't physically hurt anymore. lífs already dead. been there done there got the.... glowing gel torso. i think, curse nonewithstanding, zacharias will always have some degree of tension and fear about hurting people he's in a relationship with, be that because of his issues with abandonment, of abandoning, of harm, etc. but you know. líf's kind of a rock. and he's already hit his rock bottom, now that i'm thinking about rocks. i think that kind of steady, placid deathness could really help zacharias. and i think he would find it soothing, whether or not he knew why.

plus he will be able to know that if the curse gets him, if he dies... he'll still have a friend in the realm of the dead. he doesnt have to be so afraid of leaving and getting left

so there we go! lots of musings. i have been thinkin about why my headcanons are less that and more elaborate branching theories, and i think it is because i would change my opinion depending on which story i wanted to tell or hear or see.so yeah. dunno which one of these answers belongs to the question, what does your interpretation of Zacharias think about Líf and Thrasir?, but hopefully at least one of them is interesting to read about!

OH also. i think he would be petty-ly annoyed about them cribing líf and thrasir's name. like full on scholar petty. probably showed up to the order in a nerdy huff excited to meet the actual factual líf and thrasir and turns out its just those two, sitting around glowing and reciting death metal lyrics like they're spoken word ballads. dont think he'd get over that ever.

#as an aside during the course of writing this #i have become convinced that ''I was powerless to stop it... There was nothing I could do...'' eir #could probably have interesting things to talk aboutwith ''he was all alone... there was nothing he could do to save himself...'' zacharias #anonymous #whew thats a lot of words #ill spell check in the morning #yeah right no ill spell check tomorrow evening #thats more likely #that was fun to think about #i hope this makes sense because i am NOT going to reread it #im going to go get dinner #sat here and DID NOT MOVE for ages #my neck is killing me #thanks zacharias

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legends-of-nisty · 4 years ago

Text

Mulan AU

Fandom: Fairytail

Ship Title: Gajevy/Gale

Rating: T

A.N: Hello everyone! Obligatory apology for the wait. I know it’s been quite a while but here it is for those of you that hung on. I’m really hoping to finish this one in maybe one or two more chapters but honesty who knows ^ ^’ I don’t know if it lives up to the “Quality” of the rest of the chapters as you know its been a while for me but I tried my hardest. I hope you enjoy it anyways!

Disclaimer: I do not own Fairytail of it’s characters. This fanfiction was inspired by Disney’s Mulan and any similarities are a result of said inspiration. I do not own, nor take credit for any of these such similarities that may be seen throughout this fanfiction.

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Chapter 7

Gajeel bent down slowly with an unusually shaky hand and picked up the helmet. It was cold to touch and condensation quickly fogged the metal around his hand.

The group of sixty plus soldiers stood silently staring at the war torn ground below them that had once been a town. Lily stepped forward and put a hand on his friend’s shoulder. Despite how angry he was with him the night before, Lily could empathize with the grief that he was feeling and knew Gajeel needed support even if he would never admit it.

The group didn’t move. No one was certain of what to do next. Gajeel looked at the helmet, his mind blank. Time went by slowly only punctuated by the crackling of the dying fires below.

“Search for survivors.” Lily said, suddenly making everyone but Gajeel jump from the unexpectedly loud sound. Quickly but carefully the group dispersed into the surrounding area leaving Gajeel and Lily alone.

He looked back at his friend still kneeling in the snow and replaced his hand on his shoulder.

“He may still be alive if-”

“The huns don’t leave anyone alive.” Gajeel cut him off not looking at him. His voice was low and unreadable. Lily stayed silent. He was right. With this much devastation to the army there was no chance his father was still alive.

____________________

They marched silently after the discovery of the decimation. Levy looked ahead watching the back of her captain astride his horse. Her chest tightened thinking about that loss. She knew the pain all too well, having lost her own parents. She wanted to comfort him and try to take the pain away but the heavy binding of armour on her chest reminded her of where she was.

Whether he knew she was a girl or not was irrelevant. The situation remained. She was a soldier and he was her captain. The relationship could never happen even after the war lest her deception come to light. If she were found out, even retroactively, she would be executed for high treason based solely on her gender.

She lowered her gaze. She needed to stop thinking of him. Whatever thoughts or fantasies she had wouldn’t happen and torturing herself with them not only made her sad, it also dangerously distracted her from the fact that they were walking through the narrow passage between mountains:

The most vulnerable spot for an attack.

-----------------

“Morale is low.” Lily commented quietly to Gajeel beside him. Gajeel merely grunted in response. Lily watched him with concern. Learning of his father's likely death had left him distracted, which was bad given their position. He needed to refocus him for the moment.

An idea crossed his mind and he grimaced internally at it. It felt manipulative, and maybe it was, but it would bring his attention back.

“You know we’re in the mountain pass now… Maybe you should fall to the back of the group and bring up the rear.” He said and for the first time Gajeel seemed to notice where they were. He looked around and it seemed as though he was taking it in for the first time and his scowl deepened. His mind was working through it slow and Lily could practically see the wheels in his head turning. He looked back at the group they were leading and noticed that it was Levy at the very back. He looked at Lily and raised an eyebrow.

Till that moment Lily had discouraged any kind of relationship between the two but for now Gajeel needed something tangible to do to bring him back to the present and keep him focused in a fight if there was one to happen.

Lily smiled slightly and fleetingly only for Gajeel before he spurred his own horse ahead of him.

He would deal with their relationship at a later date. For now they needed to survive.

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Gajeel stopped his horse letting their small group of soldiers pass him.

How had he let his head get so far out of touch. This was the most risky part of the journey and he was playing the pity party. He scoffed quietly in disapproval of himself.

His father was a General, prepared to die on the battlefield protecting his men and his country, and Gajeel needed to focus and do the same. Starting with the small blue haired girl at the end of his battalion.

He looked at her as she approached him. Her eyes were downcast at her boots, her expression bleak. She had yet to notice that he had stopped.

He needed to protect her. He needed to keep her safe. He needed-

Levy jolted forward with a yelp and the group halted to look back. Levy reached for her left shoulder with her opposite arm and snapped arrow that had struck her armour.

Gajeel’s eyes widened and he quickly looked up to the cliffs above them seeing arrows being launched into the sky soon to rain down on them.

“Move! Get out of range!” He yelled, spurring his horse to close the distance to Levy. Looks be damned, he wasn’t leaving her to be impaled.

She was slow to recover, looking at the missing arrow head on the shaft she had snapped off her armour. She barely had a moment to glance at Gajeel before he was grabbing her by the collar of her armour with one hand and throwing her on the back of his horse.

“Hold on!” He shouted as the arrows rained down around them, burying themselves half way deep into the snow from the force of their travel.

Levy wrapped her arms around his waist as they galloped through the snow, she could barely hang on with the sudden movements. Her brain finally caught up to what was happening and she blinked several times to clear her head. She looked ahead of them. The group was running aimlessly with no direction but away. She quickly assessed their surroundings.

“There!” She shouted. “Behind the rocks!” Gajeel spurred his horse again going directly towards them. The soldiers followed suit quickly and regrouped behind the rocks.

“Prepare the cannons!” Lily was already dismounted giving out orders which the group rushed to follow. They handed the cannons out and aimed them at the cliffs where the arrows had come from.

The assailants were showing themselves as their arrows could no longer reach their targets. They were charging down the mountainside at them. They fired multiple canons but the army was pouring out of caves and rock coverings. There were thousands of them.

Levy did her part, fired the cannons and took out pockets of the army but not enough. In her head she was running the numbers. They were quickly running out of canons and the sixty of them could not handle what was still far to many soldiers rushing them. She looked over the rock face at the stampeding army, looking around for anything that might provide some kind of strategic advantage when she noticed the snow cover mountain tip.

A plan formulated in her mind and she grabbed one of the cannons from the dwindling supply and sprinted out front of their rock covering before she could doubt herself.

"Levi!" Lily shouted, reaching for her but she was too far from him to grab. Gajeel’s attention sharply looked to Lily when he heard Levy’s alias. He saw his hand outstretched and the stupid girl running toward the army like she was going to take them on herself. He felt his veins turn cold.

“LEVI!” He shouted and sprinted out from behind the rock. What was she thinking!?

He ran full speed to retrieve her from the certain death that was approaching her much faster than he was. Panic welled in his chest as he watched her, then suddenly she dropped to her knees and shoved the cannon into the snow. She fumbled with her flint to light the cannon and a spark was produced just as the lead horse reached her.

It exploded and rocketed into the air, scaring the horse and confusing the rider who momentarily forgot Levy to see what she had aimed the cannon at.

The explosion was loud but the following rumble was louder as the snow covered mountain shook with the force of a cascading avalanche.

Gajeel hadn’t slowed his pace, even watching all this happen. He hadn’t thought through the whole implications of the avalanche, all he was thinking was 'get to Levy' .

The lead horseman scowled and turned his attention back to Levy, slashing at her stomach with his sword making her fall sideways from the force. The second attack was aimed for her neck and she watched the sword come down, then closing her eyes, she braced for the pain.

But it never landed.

There was a crash of metal upon metal and she opened her eyes to see the horseman on the ground and Gajeel pulling his sword out of him. He turned back to her without stopping his movements. He grabbed her and shoved her upwards onto the horse before mounting the horse himself and galloping towards their rock cover. They were racing the snow as it poured down the mountain side towards them, burying the army behind them.

“That was fucking stupid shorty” Gajeel growled in front of her but she didn’t hear disapproval as she so often did. If anything, it sounded almost proud.

_______________________

A.N.: Thank you all so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed! Feedback is always welcome and appreciated. If you have a question about the fanfic, another one I wrote, or just about me in general feel free to drop it in my ask box.

I hope this chapter is what you were all looking for or at the very least it was okay. I hope you all liked it. Thank you all again so much for reading and hanging around! I hope to see you all in my next fanfic!

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rhydium · 4 years ago

Note

Info dumbo about the StarFinite story?

aright u asked for it anon GET READY [cracks knuckles] this is gonna be long so obligatory cut in 3, 2........

...1!

so the uh, the au! the story!! w/e yall wanna call it! full disclaimer, i only began working on this whole thing a while ago, but it's totally taken over my fukn brain. like, we're talking big hyperfixation hrs. am i cringe for being this invested in my own content? yes? cool i do not Care >:3€

i should also throw it out there real quick that i am kin w/ infinite, n this is actually one of my two canons (both of which are my own aus lmfao wow). i didn't go into it expecting it to be but sfsfsgdfs here we are ig!! for that reason it's got extra importance to me n this definitely contributes to the euphoria i get from it!! it's a lil odd writing ur own canon,,? but i kinda just go w/ the flow!

the au n, the story that i will start Eventually, revolves around infinite n starline (obvi) n it's honestly just ... the tl;dr is big healing momence n, what's this? uh oh sisters !!! they are falling in love 😳😳😳

uhhhh so infinite is an android, made by eggman. that's like, the most notable canon divergence here! super important context to have. i've got a whole big theory on the possibility of sega originally intending infinite to be an artificial being (which i explored in the works for my Other canon too), stemming from not only the scene in forces wherein infinite comments on sonic's "data", but a line of dialogue from tails in one of the last stages of the game where he Literally Says "so this is where eggman built infinite". that ... i mean. that contrasts w/ episode shadow pretty hard don't it?? would explain why that dlc was so rushed, n the comic too. ANYWAY adsfsfs um that's a seperate ramblepost. yeah!!!

they are also agender n use they/them (primarily) as well as he/him!! so i'll be refering to them w/ those pronouns!

after the war, infinite is taken in by the resistance n, instead of being dismantled, they're basically given a chance to rehabilitate themselves. it's agreed that they won't be reprogrammed, as despite the potential risks, it feels wrong to do so; like a violation of their free will, individuality n thinking. if infinite is to be a good person, it's not gonna be bc other ppl recreated their entire personality, it's gonna be bc it's what they themselves truly want. robot ethics idk man!! u can't tell me that sonic n co wouldn't offer this to infinite if they offered it to metal in IDW,,,, i am Standing By This!!!

it's, yknow, a bit rocky, at first. infinite has to really fight the urge to return to eggman (something they already tried once, before the resistance found them; they were cast out). it's a struggle against what they were built to do, against giving into unhealthy familiarity over facing a, while healthier, unfamiliarity. new faces, a new life, turning their back on their mission n creator, it's like, a lot.

they work for/with the sonic crew, rebuilding the world they tore down as deemed fitting justice, being closely monitored for a bit as a natural precaution. as it becomes apparent infinite truly no longer has any ambition to harm others (they don't have much ambition for anything, really), they're then granted more freedom, n start taking on more important missions!! it at least gives them something to do, keeps them occupied. they have issues with dissociation, unreality, whether they're truly a real person bc, well, android. feeling purposeless, n a lack of worth, especially. a need to prove themselves. heavy stuff. i'll kinda go into that a bit more in a sec. their work grounds them, if only temporarily.

n soooooo... IDW comic stuff happens. metal virus time. starline gets kicked out of the empire.

now, as the comics are ongoing, n as this is already an au, there's gonna be divergence, n i must admit i haven't planned out all that yet. there's a lot i have to consider!! infinite being w the resistance/restoration is a big game changer ... tho i Do believe that they were absent, likely on a far out mission during most of the chaos. eggman doesn't know abt them, nor does starline or anyone else other than the sonic crew; n some civilians that recognise them.

i'm not 100% sure of Exactly when it happens, but i think it's just after bad guys, that infinite is sent to locate n bring in starline. it doesn't prove too difficult. there's a whole, starline realising "oh fuck it's you???", some bickering n, the two don't hit it off right away. they're both kinda like. not mentally stable ddgddgdds,,,

so uh. starline ends up essentially going thru the same sorta shit as infinite. careful watch, rebuilding, all that jazz, making sure he can be trusted. he's like... very very lost, quite like infinite is. the world has kinda calmed down, in the meanwhile.

it's at this point i'm gonna go ahead n drop a bit of a ramble i subjected my friends to a while ago, to articulate the way i see the two, n their dynamic together!! i was considering making this it's own post a while ago!

analysing their characters a bit... let's look at starline. Like. so we have this, in bad guys, which SENT ME tbfh;

i feel like it's the moment that triggers starline onto the path he is rn canonically,,, he's clearly like. rly mad n bitter. the core of this?? he wants his work n his efforts to be acknowledged.

he's big angry. still kind of in denial at this stage. he has himself obsessed w/ the idea of making eggman see him as Worthy, that if he just tries hard enough, that'll happen. he's dependent on eggman's validation, n i mean, it's no surprise; he's followed him a Long Time by the sounds of it.

then in the recent issue, hold the fuck up, bc we got, This;

god. my god it's all comin together now homies. this???? this right here??? it is the CLASSIC "i have to do this to prove i'm strong n powerful n smart n worthy n should be respected please Give Me Acknowledgement" ..... n who else is Like That? can u see where im going w/ this?

i think most ppl are aware of infinite's character being extremely indicative of self worth/esteem issues n the need to prove themself, right?? the extreme adversity, repulsion, perhaps even fear toward the idea of being weak. the compulsion to prove otherwise, to show their strength, to become powerful, to conquer to make a point. their theme exudes this same energy as their behaviour in-game; an aggressive attitude, trying to assert themself, while if u rly listen...? the lyrics are actually really sad in places. it reeks of cover up, although composition wise, a v interesting thing to note is a lot of the more telling lyrics are prominent while some of the affirming ones are in the background. indicative of a desire to have their true feelings be heard but caught in a vicious loop?

okay okay that's yet Another different analysis. AHEM.

not to get deep on main (oh who the hell am i kidding that's the point of this entire thing) but i think starline has issues w/ his worth in a similar way to infinite. they both seem to have this need to Prove something, whether it's to others or themselves, n get caught in a toxic spiral of doing worse n worse things for Some kind of validation or acknowledgement. they'll go to really big lengths chasing that, n both of them ultimately sought validation in the wrong place n wrong way.

this is a big part of my starfinite dynamic,, n so, what happens, as they get closer n open up??? we have them BOTH realising together that they don't have to do fuck all to prove anything to anyone. they don't need to do all this to show they're strong n smart n worth something, not to anyone else OR themselves. they're enough as they are. they bond over that shared feeling that they have to do xyz, to prove themselves, n that desire to just finally be acknowledged n appreciated n help each other thru it. to help each other understand that other ppls approval, or lack thereof, doesn't define them, their strength, intelligence, and worthiness.

i feel like they have an interesting parallel between them in like... the above could be taken as a general analysis, but to go more in depth on this au specifically?? ...

starline followed eggman for presumably a long time n it no doubt left him feeling a heavy and deep regret for all that time wasted n spent on an unhealthy path. infinite kinda teaches him that what matters is what he's doing Now n also reminds him that if none of it happened, starline wouldn't have learnt a lot of the serious skills he has. n while starline still feels bad, he also realises himself that, he likely never would have crossed infinite's path if none of it happened. for that reason, he wouldn't take it back.

infinite has only been recently made, on the other hand. they haven't really existed long, yet, but so far their experiences haven't been very positive n it can be .... discouraging. starline sorta, shows infinite their limited experiences w/ the world are a very tiny fraction of what's out there, n things can absolutely change, yes, including for the better; that's the essence of life, a neverending, constant flow of change.

it's a big tale of moving on n letting go, honestly; made easier as they're doing it together. n as they heal n grow, well... these bitches gay. sfshshdgds like, ig that's putting it p bluntly but!! they start to trust each other, understand each other more. as they get to truly know who the other is, they both start developing The Feelings. they're both pretty oblivious n the reveal is totally unknown so far!! yeah, i know, bummer. i suck. boo. adafsfsds however i can say there will be lots of content in the making!! if that soothes the soul! i've got of ideas i hope to bring to life.

ofc there's still a lot of more specific things i haven't covered here so! if y'all want more juice hmu w/ more focused questions but !! this is the overview n i hope it was a decent read now that gave some uhhh! Cool Insight! yea!!! ✌

#jackal.txt #android infinite au #i need a proper name for this #infinite the jackal #dr starline #starfinite #long post #idw sonic spoilers

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frenchibi · 5 years ago

Text

A rant-essay about The Witcher books (and comparison to the show)

((after having read book one, and started into a good chunk of book two.))

Proceed at your own discretion, there will be a lot of frustration and swearing. Also, spoilers for basically the entirety of the Netflix show. Also, there is discussion of sexual assault and objectification and lots and lots of sexism.

The structure of my rant is as follows (because yes I structured it):

1. Things that I enjoyed in the books

1.1 Geralt talks more

1.2 Geralt and Jaskier have a better relationship

1.3 The fairy tale theme

2. Things that made me want to scream

2.1 Geralt (is not a good character)

2.2 Yennefer (deserves better)

2.3 Jaskier's sexism (Netflix!Jaskier would NEVER)

2.4 Female Characters; Sexy Fantasy That Fucks (it's bad)

2.5 Narrative devices and structure (it’s bad)

3. Bonus: Why the audiobook grinds my gears

Total length: 4k words :’) Click to proceed.

(So, we’re doing this? I think forty likes is sufficient general interest, so... okay. Obligatory disclaimer here: This Is My Opinion. However, I am not fabricating any of the… grounds for my opinion, it is based on the content of the books, that I read, and which are broadly available, so anyone can read them and see for themselves. Personally, I would not recommend the experience, and below I will detail the reasons why. If, like I was, you’re hesitant about reading them, this essay might sway your decision either way. You might go “oh thanks op now I know I won’t like it” or “huh I think I wanna see this for myself because you’re yelling a lot”. It’s all equally valid. Anyway, let’s proceed with “things I enjoyed”.)

1.1 Geralt talks more Geralt in the books is a bit of a mess as far as characterization goes - but I don't hate that he's less stoic here and less... idk, arrogant/superior towards humans than he is in the show. He talks to people, engages with them, discloses opinions and thoughts and… it's a good look. We even get several pages of monologue from him at one point (because he is talking to a priestess who has taken a vow of silence, but I’ll take it – the books in general have a monologue/structure problem which I will address in 2.5) which is way more than the show ever provided us with. I’d like to say it gives us an insight into the character but maybe that’s a bit of a stretch, see below (2.1).

1.2 Geralt and Jaskier have a better relationship

Geralt and Jaskier are FRIENDS. And I mean that literally the first thing we hear Geralt say about Jaskier in canon in book one is "of course I want to see him, he's my friend". Which - Netflix!Geralt could NEVER and I'm salty about it. Jaskier in the books has his own problems (2.3) but I still think he's my favorite overall, he's fun and Geralt genuinely enjoys his company. They travel together and ENJOY it, they joke, they reminisce and it is Good. Netflix, take notes.

1.3 The fairy tale theme

This gets lost in the Netflix adaptation altogether but. The idea in the books is that all these monsters that Geralt encounters are dark twists on fairy tales and I'm HERE FOR IT. Renfri is literally Snow White But Badass. Cinderella, Rapunzel and Rumpelstiltskin’s stories are mentioned in passing, and other ideas that are explored here have fairy tale elements, e.g. slaying the dragon. It's cool, but apparently the story loses this aspect in later volumes so I guess it makes sense that the show decided to omit it. Still a bummer tho bc I liked that.

So. Now on to Things that made me want to Scream, which is what we’re all really here for.

2.1 Geralt (is not a good character)

Geralt, oh Geralt, I wish you weren't such an obvious Mary Sue, Saviour™ and thinly veiled Jesus allegory. Geralt is always, ALWAYS right and it pisses me the fuck off. Geralt gets all the women he wants with NO PROMPTING and it makes me angry. Geralt always has the last laugh in every and any situation. Geralt is always smarter and more powerful than the Idiot Humans. Geralt ignores advice and suffers no consequences for it. Geralt has no well-thought out character, no consistency - he just is the "main character" and "hero" that the story needs - if the story needs him to be smart, he is, if it needs him to make a mistake, he does - he has no AGENCY and it’s BORING. Why am I supposed to care about him, exactly? Because the plot tells me to, and because everyone else is framed like an idiot in comparison and you’re supposed to like strong and smart characters. Cool. Bleh.

2.2 Yennefer (deserves better)

Strap in, because this is the longest part.

Yennefer in the books is… a badass (but sexy) until the plot needs her to be a damsel (but sexy). She also occasionally has one (1) other character trait and that trait is Crazy Bitch.

I’ll admit I was not her biggest fan after the show (I didn’t really connect with her that much after she became vindictive™, though I gotta say her role in the last battle was Very Cool) but in the wake of what I have read so far, I have decided to AGGRESSIVELY STAN because she fucking. Deserves better. Oh my GOD it makes me so angry. Here’s how I think her character creation probably went:

"Ok so here we have Geralt, who is a badass, and So Cool, and he could have any Female he desires. But his Female can't be inferior and giggly and vapid like literally all other women - she needs to be the ideal fantasy Fantasy.

First: she needs powers. So we'll make her a Cool Sorceress! And more powerful than the other sorceresses because Geralt deserves the BEST. But also, he needs to be able to be Cooler and save her so she needs to be (like all females are, because they are inferior) emotionally volatile and vulnerable, and Geralt will also be the only one who gets to see that Vulnerability because Geralt has the biggest dick is her love interest. So she will be weak around him because he's just so hung wonderful.

Secondly, she needs a believable weakness (besides being too emotional because all women are too emotional), and as we all know, women have one purpose: to bREED. But not Yennefer - oh no, Yennefer is (wait for it, this is the dramatic backstory, hold your breath) broken, she's BARREN, USELESS AND EMPTY AND SHE HATES HERSELF FOR IT!!!!!

*pause for dramatic effect*

I know right that's so SEXY

[This is the point where I’m like… this might, possibly, maybe, under very different circumstances have been a compelling storyline if the author had ever consulted a woman. Or, you know, if the story was written by a woman. This is objectification and fetishization of the worst kind and I hate it. The show has this element too and it’s bad there too but it’s nowhere near as pronounced as in the books. Anyway-]

Speaking of sexy - obviously Yennefer is the sexiest of all the women Geralt has ever encountered. And because I, as the author, am aware that's unrealistic, I will drop in YET ANOTHER PIECE OF DRAMATIC BACKSTORY: She used to be a HUNCHBACK!!! *air horns* I KNOW RIGHT OH MY GOD and now she made herself SEXY with MAGIC because YOU KNOW ALL WOMEN WANT TO BE OBJECTIFIED BY MEN!!! SEXY FANTASY THAT FUCKS!!!!

[also? This is revealed to Geralt (and the reader) not by her telling him, or by a flashback, but because he "sees that she has the eyes of a hunchback". I can’t even begin to state how much I hate this.]

Anyway every time she shows up it will be mentioned how shapely her legs and breasts are and how young she looks despite the fact that she must be Old. She will turn heads and men will scorn her because she is too pretty and not interested in them and men hate anything that has any amount of sexual power or agency. but not Geralt, no, because he gets to fuck her at the end of the day so he's the only one who doesn't objectify her out loud. (but he does in his internal monologue. hooray.)

Also, to emphasize this point, we will have a side character sexually violate her while Geralt is tied up because that is The New Hotness™"

And if that wasn't enough, she as a character subscribes to what is known as "Female Hysteria For No Reason" and will become a Woman Scorned over absolutely nothing if the plot needs her to be angry.

The plot regarding her relationship with Geralt is also a bit different - in the show, she gets angry once she finds out Geralt's third wish ties them together (whether this is justified may be subjective - except yeah, no, she’s absolutely right, Geralt what the fuck??). In the book, she hears his wish as he makes it because MAGIC and is somehow SUPER INTO IT because this author has never met a human woman before.

...and then I need to complain about the storyline with the dragon. Because, you will remember, in the show, she gets angry and storms off after learning of the third wish, but that can’t be the case because she already knows about it in the books, right?

Well.

The story in the books goes like this:

Six years ago, after one of their affairs™ Geralt leaves without waking Yennefer (but like. Leaves her flowers instead) and admittedly that's kind of rude but also like... ok. That doesn’t seem too strange a thing for Geralt to do. Maybe he just wanted to let her rest? Anyway.

They don't meet for six years, in which Geralt idk... idly misses her or something, and Yennefer develops a deep lasting hatred based on her abandonment issues…? (I am. grasping. there's no good reason if this relationship is as casual to both of them as they have made it sound, but she is SUPER MAD because the plot needs her to be ANGERY).

So with his backdrop, cue the search for the dragon. Geralt is like "eh I'll join them. I have nowhere better to be, also Jaskier is here and he's not boring so ok" and then he hears Yennefer will also be there and goes "oh well all the better, haven't seen her in a while"

And when he follows her to her tent to greet her, she spits verbal FIRE at him and is like "bitch you're lucky i didn't gouge your fucking EYES out" and other lovely statements of a similar calibre, and Geralt just stands there and takes it and tells her he missed her.

which implies either a) he knows what he did and he thinks he deserves this, or b) he has done nothing wrong in his own eyes and this is just "bitch crazy" to be ignored. It is heavily implied to be b), because, in our third person POV narrative, we get NO REMORSE from him, no indication as to what he thinks about this whole thing Yennefer is accusing him of, nothing at all in terms of emotional response to her. Cool. She yells at him and then storms of, and he just… idk, shrugs I guess?

So, they travel, Yennefer is Icy Bitch Queen but also everyone hates her and insults her to an absurd degree (see above, she's Too Sexy and Powerful and also like, a Woman) and she takes it without saying anything back but it's obvious that everyone's trash talk is affecting her (so it’s obvious that at some point she will be Vulnerable again). Jaskier, who seems to have no personal grudge against her at this point in the books, joins in the teasing because he's there to make fun of everyone I guess? (boy.) No deeper malice from him than from anyone else though.

And then, for drama, the party reaches a narrow bridge. They’re debating whether or not it is safe to cross with all their supplies and then BAM! there's a landslide so they have no choice. The events go like this:

- Geralt lets the others cross first. Right as he wants to cross, he hears Yennefer yell because her horse fell over, because of course it did

- Geralt abandons his own means of escape to go help her up, and then she proceeds to save his ass because SHE HAS FUCKING MAGIC THERE WAS NO POINT IN YOU GOING TO SAVE HER YOU FUCKER she just makes a shield so nothing hits them and they stumble to the bridge

- they get caught on the bridge as it collapses, and of course Yennefer is the one who falls first, and he catches her, so they're both hanging there and he's holding on to her suspended over this. Canyon or whatever.

- Jaskier, from above, yells to the others to get a rope to help pull them up but they respond to "wait until the bitch has fallen, then we'll pull the witcher up"

which. wow. but ok.

Yennefer can barely hold on, and HERE is where Geralt asks her to forgive him for… his wrongdoings…? (you know, can't have her die with a grudge, I guess? Or whatever?) He's like "Yen, forgive me" and she says "NEVER"

((and also, she has consistently kept telling him to stop calling her Yen (which he first started when they started... having Relations™ so obviously now it has bad memories attached to it for her), which he blatantly ignores because her feelings don't matter))

In the end, Jaskier gets the others to help despite their reluctance and hatred of Yennefer and they travel on. Yennefer's back to being Ice Queen - and then they find the dragon. Some fucker tries to fight it alone and gets injured. Yennefer is in charge of healing this dude, and so she ends up alone with Geralt in a tent – where she asks him to double-cross everyone else and kill the dragon himself (after telling them all she would cooperate with them) - "for me. I want the dragon, Geralt, for myself. All of it. I don't want to share. Kill it for me" and then explains that not all is lost because with certain parts of the dragon, SOMEONE CAN CURE HER BARRENNESS and i want to launch myself into the fucking sun

Geralt is like "uhhhh"

she says "on the bridge, you asked for my forgiveness- if you do this, I'll forgive you"

and then HE GOES "well, that no longer matters to me. I'm over it now" which hsadjlkfhsajdklfhsajkldfhaskdfsj I cannot begin to impart to you how many levels of “UGH” I felt at the predictable reversal of roles because he can’t ACTUALLY have to apologize to her – it’s HER who has to apologize to HIM for being an irrational Female

and now SHE'S all like. quivering lip and wanting him back or whatever and I am SICKENED that SHE IS THE ONE WHO HAS TO GROVEL NOW BECAUSE THE PLOT CANNOT HAVE GERALT EVER MAKE A MISTAKE AND OWN TO IT?!?

Thanks, I hate it.

Oh and I almost forgot in all my rage about that storyline – when we first meet her, we learn that Yennefer apparently doesn’t “bother with the whalebone [i.e. corset] nonsense other women use” (literal quote from the book) so I guess her tits are magic???

This just in, if she needs boob support SHE’S A THOT, if your knockers don’t stand on their own you’re INFERIOR and NOT DESIRABLE, GTFO.

2.3 Jaskier’s sexism (Netflix!Jaskier would never)

Jaskier, you have been done dirty.

It could have been so cool too - Jaskier in the books is witty and likeable and makes friends wherever he goes because everyone likes a bard?? Also he's really smart and knowledgeable because "a bard needs to know about many things" which is SO VALID??? And Geralt trusts him and cares about his opinion??? And also it's clear Jaskier likes Geralt, not just for the purpose of writing ballads about him, but because they're old friends, they've travelled together a lot - yes, their relationship is good here, regardless of your shipping preferences. (Also, he wears a hat with a large feather on it, which is how Geralt recognizes him in crowds, and it's amazing and hilarious.)

HOWEVER.

Jaskier treats women terribly. At his first introduction, he literally gropes a priestess (and then makes fun of the high priestess for chastising him for it). He sees women very much as objects to be… maybe not “won” but, well, persuaded, which makes him a tiny bit better than most of the other men, who are basically straight-up rapists. But then there's the scene with Yennefer which. Made everything turn sour tbh. It goes like this:

Yennefer wants to go after the dragon alone (see above), but before she can get Geralt to do it for her and double-cross everyone, she's overwhelmed by some of the other men in the party and they're all tied up (Jaskier, Geralt, some other pacifist sorcerer who is around, and Yennefer). And one of the men, who hates her for her (sexual) power, rips open her blouse and exposes her and assaults her while she screams, so then he gags her. And then when he’s done he walks away and leaves her exposed. Geralt looks away after she screams at him not to stare (wow, points for chivalry, the standard is literally So Low - also his justification for obeying her wishes is that he’s already seen her boobs so it’s not a big deal to him anymore) but Jaskier shamelessly stares at her even after she makes it absolutely clear she does not consent to ANY of this and has no choice because SHE IS TIED UP, and he even jokes that he'll write a ballad about her perfect breasts. And I'm over here like.... no. no, no, no, no, no. Jaskier deserved better characterization and Yennefer deserves a better fucking franchise.

2.4 Female characters; Sexy Fantasy That Fucks (it’s bad)

I have touched a lot on this already so I'll try to be brief, but. Ugh.

Sexy Fantasy That Fucks™ is practically a legit genre and sadly a lot of semi-progressive fantasy falls into this category - where we have moved on from having only like one or two named female character (see: LotR) to having several, and look, they can even fight, but only as long as they're aggressively sexually attractive to men while they do it. Poor Harley Quinn suffered the same treatment in Suicide Squad - The Male Gaze Filter.

Here in the books it goes like this: Oh look, “vaguely tribal” women who fight - but they're also the most overtly sexual and involved in a canon off-screen orgy with Geralt and an older (practically old) man and are portrayed as Perpetually Horny. Oh look, Yennefer, a badass sorceress who falls apart when Geralt so much as looks her way because Geralt is so fucking great I guess. Then there’s the 14-year-old striga princess who needs to be described, once her curse is lifted, with emphasis to her “perky breasts”. SHE'S FOURTEEN. And there’s the young priestesses, who are subtly flattered by Jaskier's direct "advances" because, you know, they've dedicated their lives to serving a goddess but understandably they just WANT TO FUCK™.

There is a single female character who is not sexualized - the head priestess, Nenneke. She's described as fat and old (and wise though, throw her a bone). Geralt respects her because of her wisdom but that's it - she has a Use™. And also, he ignores her advice in the end anyway. Pity she wasn't more beautiful I guess. I am Sickened.

2.5 Narrative devices and structure (it’s bad)

Now, we get to the bones of the thing. There's... one main thing that really bothers me and that's a CLASSIC - the fact that this author prefers to have action explained to the reader through monologues by characters that inexplicably have All The Information, rather than have us, you know, experience the action first hand. There are a couple of fight scenes of Geralt vs A Monster, sure, but that's all we get - everything else is told to us through monologues. (and yes it's still a monologue even if Geralt interrupts to say "go on" or "get to the point". It's not really a dialogue if the other person is only being expositioned at. Now Geralt just looks impatient and annoying.) Even the short story format (of the first two books) is explained this way: the individual short stories are monologues within conversations in the base timeline, explaining to the reader (and to Nenneke in the narrative proper) backstories and how characters met.

Which... it's a choice? It makes more sense than the show with it’s wack-ass timeline with absolutely no conext. But like. Why can't you have us at least discover the respective monster through someone else's POV though? I get that we're always staying with Geralt because Geralt is oh so great, but rather than have some Constable explain to him for like twelve pages how the princess (who is, without any intrigue, an incest-princess - this is not a mystery, everybody is aware of this at the beginning of the story and freely provides this information without prompting) became a striga and how many people she has killed and what people say she looks like and how to allegedly cure her - can’t we see that shit happen? Like... ok, thanks? I hate it. The show did this better.

3. Bonus: why the audiobook grinds my gears

Last and definitely least - the audiobook is BAD (but I don't want to buy physical copies, and my library won't have the English version because I live in Germany, so I guess I'm stuck with it). The guy who reads it is Bad At Reading Out Loud because his emphasis/cadence is incredibly unnatural (also regrettably all the books are read by the same guy) and his pronunciation of names (most notably Jaskier, who is called Dandelion in the English version of the books) is inconsistent??? He started out by (correctly) calling him dandelion in book 1 and now has changed to pronouncing it dandelion, like the flower, which is not how you say his name (and... no offense if he’d started out that way because I, too, thought that was how you said it just from reading the word - but he says it CORRECTLY in the first book and then changes it to the wrong pronunciation in book two so I’m confused?? How does that happen?)

Also - different accents for different characters are only a good idea if a) you're good at accents and b) they aren't overtly connoted? Like. Don't give a guy in a fantasy setting a bad russian accent??? Also what part of Geralt as a character made you think SCOTTISH???? Oof.

And another thing - these little descriptors after direct speech? They MATTER.

"Don't touch me," Yennefer hissed

and

"Don't touch me," Yennefer screamed

are two very different sentences and should be read as such. You can't just. Say "Don't touch me" seductively and then add "she yelled". That's not how voice acting works. Please, pLEASE I'M SUFFERING. I was already struggling enough with some of the content of the books and now you’re making consuming them really difficult and irritating :’) Oof.

In conclusion – I don’t even know. I was mad and now I’m tired.

Anyway, all this to say – I didn’t hate every aspect of the books. I will keep reading (in my case listening) because I’m stupid, I apparently love to suffer and I am, thanks to the show, invested in the storyline and want to know what happens. But I will most certainly keep complaining about them because that’s the only way to make this fun for myself. And are you not entertained?!

Who knows. Maybe stuff will get better.

Take from this post what you will, and if it’s only my personal hypocrisy then that’s fine. I hope you had a nice day – I’m gonna go make myself some tea to calm down. And I’ll have you know that despite what you may have heard, I have never worn a bra in my life, because I’m not like other girls.

#The Witcher #The Witcher netflix #The witcher books #Geraskier #Geralt x Yennefer #Geralt of Rivia #Jaskier #yennefer of vengerberg #French speaks #am I worried about posting a possibly controversial opinion on the internet? yes #am I going to do it anyway? also yes #or should I say #and yet here we are

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morrigan24601 · 4 years ago

Text

More Family Context

So my last post about my oldest stepson and daughter-in-law expecting made me realize that I have never really talked about my stepsons on here before, even though my boyfriend/partner and I have been together for almost 7 years? So I figured I’d do a post about that. Sorry in advance for this - there’s a lot of drama involved, unfortunately.

CW: divorce, custody issues, homophobia/biphobia, manipulation, abuse, parental alienation

Also, obligatory disclaimer that I do not give permission to ANYONE to share this story without my express consent. (I’m doing this because I’ve seen personal stories get shared from Reddit onto YouTube and whatnot and I really do not want that to happen here.)

Looooooooooong, looooooooong post.

...

Years ago, long before I even met my dude, he went through a supremely nasty divorce. His sons with his ex-wife were very small at the time (youngest son was still just a baby/toddler). There was a lot of emotional and verbal abuse on her end. He didn’t talk about it much because he didn’t think anyone would believe him.

Things gradually got worse instead of better after the divorce, unfortunately. As soon as she found out that he had started dating men after the divorce, she began spreading rumors among their mutual friends/acquaintances that he had always been gay (he’s bi), that he had never loved her (he had), and that she had just been a beard for him and this was why they had gotten divorced (it was actually because he had stuck it out for as long as possible and couldn’t handle her abuse any longer). She got very weird about him dating men - like, ultra-homophobic, ridiculous, “I don’t want my sons being molested by your gay boyfriends because I think all/most gay men are secretly pedophiles” weird. She began refusing to let the boys come over to his place as long as he was in a relationship with a man. “If you date women instead, I’ll consider it.”

In hindsight, he absolutely could have fought this in court because they had joint custody and there was no way she should have been able to do this and get away with it. Unfortunately, the state we live in has always been extraordinarily conservative and this was the early-to-mid 2000s, and he worried that he would face additional homophobia/biphobia in court. He also worried that fighting her over anything in court would make everything exponentially worse for both him and the kids. So he just let it go and saw the boys at her place or a neutral location whenever he could.

Eventually he moved out of state to try to make more money. His ex-wife remarried and, almost immediately, she and her new husband began harassing him about giving up his parental rights so that her new husband could adopt the boys and they could “have a real dad”. He was obviously not okay with this, but the manipulation went on for two years. At one point he ran into some temporary difficulty paying child support, and she jumped on this as “proof” that he was a terrible deadbeat dad who didn’t deserve his children.

So finally, after years of his anxiety and depression being exploited by his ex-wife, he finally began thinking that maybe his boys would actually be better off without him, that they’d be better off with a “real family” with a dad who was married to their mom. He drove back to home state and signed away his rights, and it was, he’s told me, the absolute worst day of his life.

She didn’t bother to show up to the hearing where he signed the papers. He found out shortly afterward (and this almost sounds like a bad movie plot, but it’s true) that she had recently divorced the man who was supposed to adopt the boys and hadn’t bothered to inform him of this fact.

She refused to let him see or contact the boys in any way after he signed the papers, and legally, there was no longer anything he could possibly do about it. He attempted to contact them through her quite a few times, but always in vain and he eventually stopped trying because it was too painful. She eventually remarried again and this time her new husband actually did adopt the boys.

Years went by. He and I met and started dating. He told me about the boys on our first date, when I told him I had kids and asked if he had any. “Yes...and also no,” was his somber response. He was...remarkably restrained while talking about his ex-wife that first time. “She’s a strong woman,” he said, “and I hope she’s been a good mom.” I only learned later how abusive she had actually been to him. He sort of...handwaved a lot of it, even when he did tell me. I actually had to tell him “that was abuse. She abused you. Like...hardcore.”

I asked if he ever thought about contacting the kids after they turned 18. He said he definitely wanted to, but he was sort of scared about it.

Fast forward to about 2 1/2 years ago. His oldest son was over 18 now. He was contacted by his oldest son’s girlfriend on Facebook. The message was something along the lines of “Hi, are you [son’s] biological dad? [Son’s mom] and [son] told me some stuff about you, and I thought I’d find you and talk to you about it, because a lot of it seemed really...off. [Son’s mom] said that you were gay and that this was why you divorced [son’s mom] and that after you signed the papers you didn’t want anything to do with the kids, that you never wanted to call or talk to them or anything, and [son] totally believes this because that’s what she’s been telling him his whole life. That seemed weird to me though and I wanted to find out the truth.”

He told her the truth. She was sort of floored, but not overly surprised, because she’d had her own emotionally abusive run-ins with her eventual mother-in-law. There were a lot of conversations over the course of the next year, a lot of her trying to convince oldest son to talk to his bio dad and a lot of resistance from oldest son because of everything he had been raised to believe by his mother. My partner wrote his oldest son a long message at one point explaining some things and telling him how much he loved him while trying to stay as neutral as possible about his ex-wife/son’s mom in order not to stir too much up. Total radio silence from oldest son. We kind of accepted at this point that we might not hear from him for a long time (if ever). Still, partner was still in contact with oldest son’s gf (who at that point had become oldest son’s fiancee), and she and oldest son got married last year. She apologized that they didn’t invite us to the wedding; there was still a lot of hostile awkwardness on oldest son’s part. We understood, and didn’t fault them for it at all.

Finally, a few months after they’d been married, DIL (daughter-in-law) said she wanted to come over, and we agreed. Unexpectedly, she brought oldest son with her, having finally convinced him to come at the last minute. Oldest son was super polite to both of us, and to my kids, but we found out much later he actually felt super awkward and angry and was just hiding it really well. Fortunately after repeated visits he realized his bio dad was a pretty cool guy and that his mom was, to get right to the point, full of shit. There’s been a lot that we’ve found out from oldest son about his mom’s behavior over the years, which is really unfortunate and honestly backs up everything my partner told me. We thankfully have a great relationship with oldest son and DIL now.

Youngest son is now 18 as well (almost 19) but, unfortunately, has much the same outlook as oldest son once did and currently wants nothing to do with his bio dad. However, oldest son and youngest son recently went on a roadtrip together and had a very long talk about the whole thing, and youngest son apparently got sort of thoughtful. We’re hopeful that he will eventually come around too.

Hopefully none of this has sounded like some kind of weird misogyny on my part while talking about my partner’s ex-wife. I just...have zero tolerance for bullies and abusers and she honestly blows my mind. I wanted to believe for a long time that a) there are two sides to every story and the truth of this particular situation possibly lay somewhere in the middle, and b) that maybe she had mellowed over the years and maybe felt at least a twinge remorseful and cooperative about things, but according to oldest son, that is absolutely not the case. She is still holding on to a lot of anger and bitterness and insecurities from her own abusive childhood and she constantly projects those insecurities onto people she’s supposed to love and care for, including her children. She was apparently livid when she found out that oldest son had cultivated a relationship with his bio-dad, because her carefully-constructed narrative of “the father of my oldest children was a terrible person who never wanted his kids” was suddenly in serious jeopardy. DIL has overheard her shit-talking the situation to friends, and oldest son has gotten more than one earful of “how could you do this to meeeeee, I raised you and protected you” which is just...ARGH. (On the flip side, she apparently got this shocked Pikachu face when oldest son told her about me - a woman, in a loving, long-term relationship with the man that for years has been the subject of her “he divorced me because he isn’t into women” narrative. That gave me a really good laugh!)

Anyway, that is the saga of my bonus sons and their unfortunate alienation from my partner/their bio dad, and the reason I wasn’t able to help raise them in their teens (I so wish I could have). I love them and my DIL so much, more than I honestly ever thought possible to love kids who aren’t “mine”, but like...they are. They’re my kids as much as my bio kids are. I felt that way long before I met them. My bonus sons are part of my partner, part of his heart, so they became my kids in my head immediately, and DIL became my kid immediately too. So I love them. It’s automatic for me. And I love my grandbaby-on-the-way with all my heart too and I can’t wait to meet that sweet little bean.

#I'm not sure what to tag this because I don't want a bunch of strangers viewing it so I'm just gonna tag it like this #morrigan's heavy stuff

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cruelfeline · 5 years ago

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1/? I honestly wonder how cruel Hordak's Horde really was/is. I do not in any way want to deny that they most likely have committed plenty of war crimes and inflicted lots of unnecessary violence, however some things always stood out to me, making me wonder if the Horde was really just plain evil. - First of all there is Scorpia. The Horde undeniably took over her kingdom with at least a considerable amount of force as shown in the short flashback shot.

Okay. Okay, I really hope I got those in the right order. I think you numbered the last two “9″ by accident, but I think I still got it!

First, the obligatory disclaimer: yes, the Horde is evil and tried to conquer Etheria and people’s homes were destroyed and blah blah blah we get it. This is not a “the Horde did nothing wrong” post. There; it’s out of the way.

All right. Here we go!

The Horde as a Place of Acceptance + Weird Etherian Power Imbalances

I think one of the most interesting questions that we still don’t have a real answer for is exactly what you wonder: why did people originally join the Horde? If the Princess-ruled kingdoms are so free and wonderful, why did a bunch of people turn their backs on their kinsmen and follow an angry, bat-faced man from outer space?

The sort-of answer we get for this is first given through Adora’s eyes: there were lies and propaganda that essentially tricked her and the other kids into dedicating their lives to the Horde. This answer, however, doesn’t really work beyond the kids that we see. It doesn’t work for the countless adults in the Horde who, like Huntara, likely figured out what the Horde was actually doing but stayed anyway. It also sort of stops working as the show goes on, and characters like Lonnie and Friends get out into the field. I would assume that they’re conquering villages just like everyone else, and despite seeing that it’s civilians they’re terrorizing, they’re still proud and willing in their work.

So why? Why are they still okay with it? Why were the original Horde recruits okay with it? What in the world compels so many people to attack the cities and villages that their ancestors very likely came from?

I’m not sure we’ll get an answer to this. I don’t think it’s really the focus of the show, y’know? But that doesn’t mean that we can’t speculate!

My take on it? I would bet that, despite the rosy picture of Etherian life we are presented, there were plenty of people who weren’t pleased with how the Princesses ran things. Perhaps they didn’t like the idea of inherited power. Perhaps they objected to obeying someone just because they were born with fancy magical powers. Perhaps they were of different races, such as the reptilian people we see, and were thought of as inferior to the more human denizens of the planet.

There certainly is an odd sort of power imbalance between different groups of Etherians. Humans rule over numerous other species, such as the goat/deer people. All Princesses appear to be human. Angella and co. in Bright Moon have excellent defenses and are able to access fairly advanced technology while we see other Etherians living in villages with markedly lower tech and, as you’ve noted, essentially no defenses. There seems to be a significant divide between Etherians, depending on who they are, in terms of technology and infrastructure. For example: the people of Thaymor looked happy and carefree, but they had zero defense against the Horde. If they were under Bright Moon’s protection, then why did they have literally nothing to save them? Why did they have such primitive infrastructure, no tech, and no military readiness? There’s a whole-ass war going on, and they’re in happy-festival mode with no defensive protocol, no protection at all.

It’s possible that various people recognized the imbalance inherent to Princesses ruling things and decided Hordak’s military meritocracy was a better plan. It was more authoritarian, but everyone was looked after and provided for as long as they pulled their weight. And anyone could rise in rank through hard work alone, inherited magic or no.

Was the Horde Legit that Bad for Everyone?

An interesting thing to consider is how we, the audience, are introduced to life in the Horde, and whether or not that viewpoint is accurate to the whole Horde. We are introduced via Adora. We continue seeing Horde life through Catra. Very rarely do we see Horde life through anyone else’s eyes until later in the series, when we get some moments with Scorpia and Lonnie and Friends.

The Horde as presented by Adora and Catra is an awful place: lies, backstabbing, propaganda, manipulation, Shadow Weaver. Even moments of levity in their youth are tainted by the terrible reality of what happened to them.

It’s only when we follow other characters that we get to see the Horde as less of a deceiving, manipulative cesspool and more as a pretty standard military operation. Scorpia and Lonnie and Friends were also raised in the Horde, but they don’t seem nearly as damaged by the ordeal and Adora and Catra. Mind you, that’s not to say that they’re entirely healthy, well-adjusted people. Scorpia, at the very least, obviously has some issues, but they’re not nearly as bad as what Adora and Catra have to contend with. In addition, these other characters appear to have a much more positive view of Horde values: they talk about teamwork and friendship and loyalty in legitimately wholesome ways, and they attribute their understanding of these things to Horde teachings.

My opinion on this? Adora and Catra are as messed up as they are because of Shadow Weaver. Not because of Hordak’s Etherian Horde.

While the Horde was hardly the ideal place to live, and while it legitimately raised children for war, it wasn’t quite as terrible for everyone as it was for Adora and Catra. Those girls suffered on another level specifically because Shadow Weaver took an interest in them and had great influence on their childhoods.

For everyone else, it appears that the Horde was an authoritarian, strict place to live, but it had reasonable rules and opportunities for recreation. It valued its members enough to allow them to refuse to fight without proper supplies. It taught positive lessons, even if it did so against a backdrop of war. It wasn’t “good,” persay, but it wasn’t monstrous.

Hordak Himself

To my eyes, Hordak doesn’t actually care much for ruling a place. He’s not into it. He doesn’t enjoy it. He’s into science and logistics. He does what he does because he has a pathological need for Prime’s approval, and conquering a world is how he understands said approval must be earned.

He’s otherwise pretty fair to his subjects: he outlines clear expectations, doesn’t punish unreasonably, and doesn’t appear to be particularly into more “classic” evil things, like torturing or wanton destruction or whatever.

I think that the more manipulative aspects of the Horde, things like the propaganda and all of what happened to Catra and Adora, are more Shadow Weaver’s doing than Hordak’s. He’s definitely authoritarian and stern, but he’s neither a sadist nor especially power-hungry. He doesn’t care specifically about being in charge; he cares about being valued by someone he highly respects. Mainly because he has severe trouble valuing himself.

In Conclusion

Is the Horde evil? If you’re a civilian Etherian who doesn’t want to belong to it, then yes. Yes, it is. If you’re Catra or Adora, the Horde has essentially ruined your life.

But it’s definitely a grey area when it comes to its other members. The members of the Horde are, as Frosta kindly reminded us in season four, just people. And they’re people who fight for their own reasons and make up a unique sort of Etherian culture of their own.

I think that a lot of what was truly awful about the Horde had less to do with Hordak and more to do with Shadow Weaver, specifically because much of that truly awful stuff was visited upon Catra and Adora.

For everyone else, the Horde was a pretty standard military operation: it conquered, because Hordak needed it to conquer in order to attain his sense of self-worth, but it wasn’t especially evil about it. It treated its members pretty reasonably, given the context. In my opinion, it certainly could have been a lot worse.

How? By being Prime’s Horde. As I’m sure we’ll see in season five.

#hordak #the horde #catra #scorpia #adora #shadow weaver #she ra #Anonymous

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stopforamoment · 5 years ago

Text

Grocery Shopping with Rinda

TRR after Book Three Bastien Lykel and OFC Rinda Parks Word Count: 1,489 (sorry, Enna!) Rated E for Everyone but TRIGGERS: Mention of a pet’s death and pet owner grief. Obligatory Disclaimer: Bastien Lykel belongs to Pixelberry, but Rinda and Henry Parks are all mine! A/N: This is for @emceesynonymroll second wacky drabbles challenge, “this is what I deal with everyday.” I modeled this after shopping for groceries in the United States, and a variation of these things have happened to me at one time or another. I think I need to work on my resting bitch face so people don’t randomly approach me, LOL. This takes place when Rinda and Bastien are still working together, before they started dating. Bastien still doesn’t know the full crazy train of Rinda Parks. TRIGGERS: Mention of a pet’s death and pet owner grief.

Grocery Shopping with Rinda

“Mom, we don’t have time for this.”

“Ten minutes, Bug. I just need brown sugar and chocolate chips to make cookies for tomorrow.”

Bastien raised an eyebrow when he saw Henry sigh loudly and shake his head. “I’m telling you, we won’t have enough time.”

They walked into the store and Rinda grabbed a shopping basket, but she immediately got distracted by the wall of sales. “Oh, canned vegetables are on sale. Hold on, we can stock up on those. Let me grab a cart.”

She turned around and Henry was already there with a cart, his hand out waiting to take the basket from his mother and return it.

Bastien watched, an amused expression on his face, as Rinda began hoarding cans of food. But she opened up the child seat of the cart and put half of the cans in the seat area, and half in the basket portion of the cart.

They walked into the produce section, and Rinda saw a father with small children looking over the fresh fruits and vegetables. One of the children asked for strawberries, but the father said they were too expensive.

After the family walked away, Rinda put the strawberries in the seat portion of her cart.

They made it to the baking aisle, but an elderly gentleman was looking at cake mixes in utter confusion. He locked eyes with Rinda, and she smiled and began walking over as he began to ask, “Can you help me?”

His wife needed him to bring a cake mix home. Just a basic cake mix like she always made for him. He knew it wasn’t chocolate, but he wasn’t sure which one. Rinda asked if the cake normally looked white or yellow. It was yellow. Rinda quickly stopped the man from grabbing a lemon cake mix, and instead steered him toward the yellow cake mix. His wife might have preferred the golden butter recipe, but at least he wasn’t going home with white or lemon cake mix.

Now a young woman approached Rinda, wondering what bakers cheese was. Rinda double checked if it was for a cheesecake. It was. It was hard to find dry ground bakers cheese anymore, but Ricotta was a good substitution. Where was Ricotta cheese? The refrigerator section. Here, it was just easier to show the woman.

Rinda turned around to Henry, who had already put the brown sugar and chocolate chips in the cart and was waiting patiently to follow his mom. Bastien trailed behind, still observing their interactions.

They found the Ricotta cheese, but it took a little bit longer as Rinda looked over the recipe and made a few suggestions. The girl wanted to make it for her boyfriend. It was a family recipe, and his mom emailed the recipe, but Rinda wanted to double check if there were any typos, since it made a difference if you used an upper-case T for tablespoon or a lower-case t for teaspoon. Fifteen minutes later Rinda knew the dating history of the couple and how the young woman was still worried if his mom liked her or not (Rinda reassured the young woman that if his mother gave her a family recipe, then mom definitely liked her).

Bastien wished the young girl good luck as she walked away, and the woman beamed, oblivious to Henry’s impatient foot tapping.

Then it happened. What Henry was most dreading. A child from school recognized Mrs. Parks and wanted to say “hi.” Then what Rinda most dreaded happened. The child’s parents wanted to ask school-related questions about a long-term project their child was working on. Even though Rinda didn’t have time for this discussion, she patiently smiled and re-explained the assignment for the child--and the parents. When the parents asked questions about whether or not their child was doing the assignment correctly, Rinda politely ignored the helicopter parents’ questions and instead asked the child what he was doing and what questions he had. Then she reassured the child that he could always his teachers questions if he wasn’t sure about something.

When that discussion was squared away, Rinda politely reminded the parents that they needed volunteers for an upcoming fundraiser. Could she could on them for help? The parents squirmed but said “yes.” Rinda smiled warmly and thanked them for being so generous with their time. The school couldn’t do it without dedicated parents like them. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the father with the children headed toward the checkout, and she quickly excused herself and made a beeline for the self-checkout. Henry whipped the cart around and struggled after his mom, but Bastien was caught talking to the parents for a bit longer about their concerns for their child’s safety. It was traumatic for children to take part in school safety drills.

Dammit, Rinda! Where are you? This is your area of expertise.

By the time he extricated himself from the parents, with a promise that he’d have Rinda talk to them with more details, he didn’t know where she was. Their cart was off to the side near the checkout area, but Henry and Rinda were nowhere to be found.

Henry came running from behind a checkout line, a happy smile on his face. He saw Mr. Lykel standing by the cart and said his mom was in the pet supply aisle. Bastien had a look of pure confusion on his face. Rinda and Henry didn’t have a pet in Cordonia. Their dog was still in Wisconsin. But he did notice the strawberries were no longer in the cart, and Henry turned to give the father and his children another goodbye wave.

Rinda was on the floor in the pet aisle, holding a sobbing woman who had to put her cat down only days ago. Between racking sobs the woman was telling Rinda all the wonderful stories about her cat. Toonces was twenty years old. She had Toonces since she was a child, and she held Toonces in her arms and felt that last shudder when the vet . . . Rinda made gentle shushing noises. She knew what the woman meant. She did the same thing when her cat was old and in pain. And Rinda knew Toonces felt safe and loved at the end. He was in his fur mama’s arms, getting kisses and gentle scratches behind his ears, just the way Toonces liked it. Of course Toonces understood why his mama had to say goodbye.

Bastien knelt on the floor next to the woman and gently pressed a handkerchief into her hand. Rinda smiled at Bastien’s gesture. He was so kind and thoughtful, and she loved that about him.

When the woman was finally able to stand up, she and Rinda looked at the box of cat treats in her cart. That’s what started the woman crying. It was her first time shopping after her cat died, and without thinking she went into the pet aisle to buy Toonces’ favorite treat. When she dropped the treats into the cart it hit her, and she fell to the floor crying. That’s where Rinda found the woman on her way to the self-check out with Henry, and Rinda quickly gave Henry some cash to buy the strawberries while she went to see if she could help the woman.

The woman stood still, unable to move. “May I?” The woman didn’t respond, so Rinda slowly, gently took the treats out of the cart. She paused, waiting to see if the woman would react. She didn’t, so Rinda put the treats back on the shelf. Then she squeezed the woman’s hand. “Will you be okay? Is there anyone I can call for you?”

Bastien took the woman’s other hand. “Please. Let us help you to the checkout and then we’ll be sure you have someone to take you home.” Rinda and Henry went through the check out, and she was going to add the woman’s groceries to her own bill, but Bastien shook his head and paid for the woman’s groceries himself. Rinda nodded and made sure the check out worker put the cans from the child seat into separate bags, and those were placed in the food donation bin on their way out. Meanwhile, Bastien helped the woman with her grocery bags. When they were outside he helped the woman call a friend, and Bastien, Rinda, and Henry patiently waited until the woman and her groceries were safe in the friend’s car.

It was over an hour since they entered the store, and Rinda looked at her watch and sighed. “We don’t have time to bake cookies. I have to go back inside and buy some from the bakery.”

Bastien’s eyes widened in alarm. They’d never get back to Rinda’s house and get any work done if she went back in there again, but Henry calmly shrugged. “This is what I deal with every day.”

#wacky drabbles #wacky drabbles challenge #wacky drabbles challenge 2 #this is what I deal with everyday #rinda and bastien #bastien lykel #henry parks #rinda parks ofc #trr choices #more for the slow burn

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