#ill fix it back tomorrow
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HEY
HAVE MY (STILL VERY SHORT BUT WORKING ON IT BUT ALSO ITS 11 PM AND I WANNA POST THIS RIGHT NOW) CHILAIOS PLAYLISTS 🔥🔥🔥🔥
#today i learned that you cannot share a link to a spotify playlist folder???#anyways. the folder is called phios weirdo chilaios playlists#idk if you can search it up or if its private i have no clue how spotify works but SHRUG#anyways uh have fun with these HAHAHA#i wanna make cover art for each playlist but once again it is 11 pm (also i dont have my tablet)#oh yeah side note#the campfire playlist is just how i imagine them having a conversation#it starts out awkward and then theres a rise in the middle and then it falls back down#well at least thats what its supposed to be I WAS RUSHING ALRIGHT#ill fix it tomorrow#chilaios#ENJOY !!!#i still need to add a lot more but guhhhh
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the bad: i have been raised without much warmth from my parents in childhood, but also pressured to conform to familial authority, doubt myself always, and value familial connections above all else (<- failed at this, and feel guilt about it.)
but also in experiencing this i have been so isolated from the entire rest of the world and others, that it will be nearly impossible to create my own "family" -> find safety and comfort in anybody else once my family is Gone. despite dis i find it really difficult to break away from the familiar, disobey and disappoint, because, well, why are my wishes more important than anybody else's. why would I cause upset and distress in anybody, and exert so much effort into my doubt filled half decisions, for my meaningless little Wishes. being away would also mean less time with these people who I'll never see again once they're gone. being raised this way is definitely paying off for those who did so.
the good: yaaaay adjacent inspiration for writing talon lore
#talkys#my dad scaring me but also giving me no advice on what to do instead only saying if i do this it will be the wrong choice leading#to more wrong choices well yep you got me i am scared. i am inept. i fear regret and punishment for wrong decisions.#i struggle to make decisions because i cant go back on them.#''ill never have savings again'' and ''you cant value friends over family they'll abandon you''#and ''living here is only a problem for you because you dont communicate. there is a way to work things out''#i wish i could work it out and stay i dont know why i cant work it out ! and what do i want#to leave so badly for... to continue to never have stable housing#never have savings again? be alone and in danger?#to be able to wear whatever i want and...buy things? really? that doesnt seem very worth it#nothing seems very worth it#im miserable here but maybe i'd be more miserable away...it is true#well at least the chances to leave are very slim. and will continue to get slimmer the more time passes.#but maybe its fine i dont want to ruin my life or be even more of a burden or reason for distress in someone else's#moving out wouldnt fix anything. wherever you go there you are.#my friend said i have to be a little selfish (positive) to push myself to leave. bt i dont want to be selfish. im ashamed of that as a trai#delete later#even now i feel immense guilt and stress when my dad does things that hurt or bother me bc i know ill miss him when he's gone.#(and ill have nobody after all of that. due to the being kept in a cage)#that sucks. why does everyone else always win. why am i always the weakest pliable one. i wish i had no emotions#my surgery is the only decision in my life ive been 100% sure on for years#and even then my parent's words had me crying and rapidly changing emotions daily until the day came#im not strong enough or sure enough about anything else to withstand More of that#<- and i know that tomorrow im gonna be like actually you know what who cares lets try to leave#and the next day ill be resigned to staying here forever#and the next day ill be like actually you know what who cares l
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I found my very first sketch of Jay w hanahaki after my friend Jem told me about their hanahaki au. I guess u could say it was like. the prototype of the full comic
#rotten art#comics#get jumped get kicked get whipped to shit and spin#ninjago#lmao linked back Jems blog and post but too lazy to link my own comic lol#maybe ill fix it tomorrow if i remember
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I have a copy of Minecraft: Story Mode season 2 LETS GOOOOO
#galaxy rambles#minecraft story mode#Minecraft#mcsm#mcsm s2#Minecraft story mode season 2#im either gonna start playing it today or tomorrow#its a long game and I wanna finish this week before school starts#there will probably be save glitches just like s1 and ill probably have to play till chapter checkpoints rather than the other saves#bc TELLTALE CANT FIX IT APPARENTLY#even though theyre technically back in business#at least I get to play the admin chapters rather than just watching a random YouTuber play it#i also now have the FNAF core collection and MLP Maratime bay adventure#so i can play em all!
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family outing
#rgg#ryu ga gotoku#ryu ga gotoku 7#yakuza series#yakuza like a dragon#yakuza 7#masato arakawa#masumi arakawa#jo sawashiro#snap sketches#HI this the second comic i was talkin bout :)#anyway i just love the arakawa family.. theyre all so goofy and twisted...#i wanna draw them more so bad but i have to do a commission tomorrow :(((#shouldnt take long tho.. then im drawin jo prob causei have images in my head#in review i prob shouldnt have given masumi his glove since this is supposed to be before ichi#buuut too late to go back to fix it now#dont think anyone cares enough anyway LMAO but ill make a mental note for myself in the future#anyway nighty night
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sory i didnt tell u this account is on 24/7 god brainrot lockdown :/ its the mental eelness u must understand
#hes got so many problems. no i am not fixing them<3#puppet history#maybe i draw those au designs tomorrow but ill probably get back to brushes instead...........#but ill be thinking of Him unfortunately
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there need to be more hours in the day
#my prof just emailed me back after i submitted my problem set early#and he was like hey heres a bunch of mistakes you might want to fix before the due date#which is great and super considerate#but also i physically dont have time to fix it and do everything else i want to do#ill probably have to give up my free time and lose a few hours of sleep#which i cant really afford right now#but it is what it is i guess#bc i also have a paper due on sunday#and i have lab in 17 minutes#and i have p.e. tomorrow evening#and i have rehearsal after p.e. and the following nights until saturday night#and the problem set is due on thursday#and im busy during the day on saturday#and possibly also on sunday#literally when am i going to write this paper 😨😨😨😨
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...
#ugh. im so tried. why is crying so exhausting? i havent done anything. this is bullshit#we went from a slow motion breakdown to full on freakout meltdown today#luckily no one was around in the lab this morning bc i couldnt stop crying#so i went to the counseling center and made myself their problem#canceled my committee meeting. which everyone tells me is fine. its all fine#think about going home for a while they say. maybe tell ur dad ur having a bad time thry say#but im so tired. and i dont kno what to do and its all falling apart#i just feel like im brushing up against the limits of what i can do intellectually and its like well where do i go from here?#what do i do with my old data? how do i move my project forward? whats the point of any of this?#why did i put myself in this position? would taking a leave even help? id still have to come back to the same mess#its just so frustrating bc theres no solution ill find satisfying. everything just sucks.#idk what my advisor even told my committee. bc we were supposed to meet tomorrow morning. ugh. it would have been so bad#it also sucks bc im so drained that i can just feel my own weight when im trying to talk to ppl#like u kno when ur being a wet blanket but u dont kno how to fix it. like srry my vibes r wretched. maybe im just stuck like this#i dunno. my dad invited us home for a week in july and also plans to come out to visit me in August. but that seems like a long time away#i dunno what im gonna do. what a disaster#unrelated
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#personal#it feels like im not allowed to complain about my own life on my own blog#or at least that if im allowed to that it seems very firstworld problem very selfish very not appropriate with all thats going on#that people will and do think less of me for expressing my own sadness and frustrations because theres no way it compares#to a lot of peoples very big and very real problems#but im so fucking sick of being poor and small. all ive had to eat today is 2min noodles roughly 10 hours ago#and all ill get tomorrow is a bowl of 2min noodles but ittl be another 15 or so hours until its the most reasonable to eat that#thats the real girlmath and then thats the last of my noodles. that leaves me with one (1) small tin of tuna#which might end up being tonights intermediary food if i really cant wait 15 nore hours for my next noodles but is supposed to be#the one meal of the day after tomorrow. so if i eat it too soon then i have even more time that i just dont fucking eat#im so sick to death of being in this position. like its literally killing me and theres fuck all i can do to make it better#ive tried. and i try and i try and i try but i can never afford anything#my landagent keeps sending me textx asking when theyll see a patment for my $50 water bill#i have to stop myself from texting back every time. youll see payment when im not spending literally 75% of my pay on rent alone#when i can afford to buy food and bills at the same time. whn i dont feel like kms-ing would be better than paying you my rent every frtnite#i crave a burger so bad i cant make myself do any tasks. i cant start or continue any crafts or chores because all im thinking about#is a burger like a blorbo rotating in my mind alongside the background noise that i wont get a burger and will only get noodles but not for#hours. a whole days worth of hours almost#my shitawful roomate is back and i have to play nice but he gives me the same feelings my abusive mother did. im scared to leave my room#in the safeplace house ive spent the last two years building for myself. this feels awful. things were all going so right and now#all of a sudden theyre all going as wrong as possible and im struggling so much. with no one to help. no one cares enough to help#the few people i do have are wrapped up in their own lives. which i get. but it doesnt take away the hurt of dealing with it all alone again#lot of momma trauma coming up with the end of eclipse season and i thought i was handling it. now i just feel fucking awful all the time#like ik healing isnt linear but the roomate triggers so hard things i thought i had processed and was on top of#would a burger fix that? no but itd atleast give me something to emotionally lean on for strength though it. but all ive got is noodles#24 hour apart one meal per day noodles. and tomorrow is my last pack. my only solace lately is that ive been invited to my first ever rave#or my first real rave anyway ive only been to one other 'edm event' that was not really a rave of any scale it was like 25 people#but its a halloween rave so im hoping for spooky fun dancetimes at least theres that. im out of data and spotifyprem so i havent been able#to take my silly little mental health walks bc theres zero chance im doing that without music and so itll be noce to get outside fr the rave#anyway. im doing very poorly i appreciate you few who reached out while i wasnt active but i expect ill continue to do poorly for some time
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I feel like people make too many 'Batman beats up the mentally ill/poor people' jokes and they've forgotten that Batman/Bruce Wayne DOES care about people, so I've decided to share one of my favorite old Batman comic issue so far
It's from 1937 Detective Comics #53 (tw for suicide attempt) (obviously it's from 1937 some bits are dated)
This comic opens with Bruce talking with a reporter friend of his who believes Gotham is "A cold and heartless place" where " everybody rushes about not caring at all about anybody else". Bruce says he's wrong and he wishes he could prove it to him.
Later Batman is patrolling at his favorite haunt, the waterfront, and he sees a lady jump off the pier trying to kill herself. Obviously he's Batman so he jumps in to save her.
He gets her back to the shore, calms her down and asks her why she would jump off the pier, She ends up telling him. Her name is Viola Vane, she is originally from a small town, and she came to Gotham to make it as a actress but it's hasn't worked out as she hoped. But the problem being she told her parents she was doing great but now they are coming to see her and she doesn't want to break theirs hearts.
Now Batman being Batman, and being able to kill two birds with one stone, decides to help her.
The rest of the night Batman goes around the city telling people about Viola's problem. He goes to nightclub after nightclub, he goes to the radio station, he goes to the news paper, and they all agree to help.
Obviously she'll need an escort (because it's the 30s idk) so he asks of anyone knows someone and a guy offers up the "bit lazy but wealthy and good looking" Bruce Wayne
The man says Bruce will be perfect. Batman thinks it'll work because he can watch over her without being Batman, so he says he'll get Bruce Wayne to be her escort.
As Bruce he goes to meet her, takes her to get ready and everyone gets into character, giving her a suite, clothes, furs and jewelry. Bruce tells her about the plan.
The next day her parents come and they meet up with Viola and Bruce. They go around the city and then end up at a Nightclub where everyone is in on the charade
They make it's seem like Viola is the guest of honor, applauding her and shining the spot like on their table.
(There's a subplot about someone trying to steal the stuff in Viola's room, if you wanna read it all go read if for yourself)
But the next night Batman went as far as to get Viola the staring roll in a show in the theater she was an understudy for.
It ends with Viola getting the lead in the show, her parents being none the wiser of Gotham little charade to make Viola appear as a star and Jim learning Gotham has heart
#tw suicide mention#suicide mention#comics#dc comics#robin#tim drake#batman#bruce wayne#dick grayson#red robin#jason todd#nightwing#detective comics#batcavescolony reads comics#ive been known to do that sometimes#ill fix any spelling and add the rest of the captions tomorrow. its 2am and i gotta get to sleep#its funny how my posts always end up being made at like 2am. im a nightowl.#also this makes it so obvious that Gotham used to be NYC. like they talk about the state building and 5th avenue. now days Gotham its NJ#bob kane#idk i just like it. nice bruce/batman doing good for somone moment. dc bring that back so we can have the true batman back#i put way too much effort into this and its probly gonna get like 5 likes. eh whatever ┐( ̄ー ̄)┌.#again ill fix it later
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I just saw someone say Huntlow is acephobic because "Willow is obviously aro/ace."
The toxic Huntlow antis really are just pulling things out of their ass at this point. Do I even need to explain why this arugement is so flawed?
#ill go into detail more and debunk this when I wake up tomorrow because its 2 AM and Im not in the mood rj#rn* not rj#im not fixing that#they had 'Proof' to back their claim up but its also completely flawed
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SOME STUPID TROLLSONA DOODLES !?!?!??!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!? except most of them are @eebie trollsona.................. well wghatever -_- hi eebie
#wanted 2 get these out of my head bc im leaving home tomorrow and i might not be back for weeks#so then i wont b able to draw ANYTHING#doodle#zairku edjera#hiemsi nugaen#hehehe. thats eebies awesome trollsona ^__^#also hi i know u already had a lusus but there were a lot of other ones too and i wanted to pay attention 2 them#also HOLD UP FORGOT A DRAWING !!!!!!!!!!!!!! post cancelled im going back 2 drawing ill be back in Too long probably#ok i fixed it ^_^ hehehe#oknow i need 2 go and pack a bunch of stuff ummm bye evaryone.......#there was also ANOTHER drawing i wanted to make. but i dont have time#also i KNOW none of these are full drawings STILL but like. im getting there ok
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good god my sleep schedule is fucked, 6:30 am and my meds should be kicking in but they're not and i really need to fix this
#alex yells at the void#i know exactly why but if i pretend i dont maybe it will go away#who would have thought that an extremely retraumatizing experience would fuck with my head certainly not me /s#ill just stay strong tomorrow and not get drunk and then pop some of my good sleeping pills at like eleven#hopefully that'll fix this fucking mess#unfortunately i am experiencing emotions constantly and i cannot make it stop#my chest feels like a black hole sucking me in while simultaneously spitting me back out#anyway i should shut up and try to sleep i guess#if i can get my brain to be quiet long enough to fall asleep
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OCs back from the dead?!!?!? (NOT CLICKBAIT)
earlier this week I came up with Undercover lyrics for my 003, masashi
もう全てを失って 腕利きでもなら、片終わりだけ
"I've already lost everything / Even if you play your hand right, there's only one way it ends"
I wanted to make sure I also kept the theme of the prisoner's trial 1 song titles being in the lyrics (as well as keep the syllables to an amount that would fit the beat And make it rhyme [which I mean. granted. the latter being really not that difficult in Japanese so GFVJJFK])
in my head, I've had masashi's trial 1 song as "Right Hand". in English at least. then I came up with the title in Japanese being "片腕", which could mean "one arm" or "one's right-hand man"/"one's right hand", in which I was going for the latter definitions.
the kanji incorporated into the lyrics Did end up getting separated and are part of two different words but ... hey they're still there right <3. also it's funny, I didn't even mean to have the undercover lyrics switch the two words and two kanji in the same way (hand being before right, and 腕 [hand] coming before 片[""right""][in the lyrics it's actually tied to the part that translates as "one" but. lol]), so it was really cool that it worked out that way :3.
but now for the actual thing I wanted to share. I was like "damn I really wish I could somehow edit the song myself to see how it'd actually sound". and then I remembered it was Very Possible to do that just using. you know. Vocaloids. and that there was definitely an ust/vsq out there of Undercover that I could download and edit to do That Very Thing. except I don't have vocaloid. so I just used the free version of SynthV. which I like the SynthV voices better anyway so yippeeee!
I kinda wanna try to mess with the second part of the verse to see if I can make it sound a little clearer and not as rushed (I could possibly get rid of the で in 腕利きでもなら. I don't think it's necessarily needed to get the meaning across ((but what do I know lol. I'll need to do some research and studying))), but.. for now I think it sounds pretty okay 👍
teto my beloved ❤️✨🥰😍💝💕❤️
I used an already tuned vsq, but like I did have to edit like 70% of it myself since I changed the lyrics and also converting the files into the format synthv uses (svp? right? can't remember if that's correct rip) can kinda .. fuck with things a little. especially if you don't know what you're doing (me).
here's the source and credit for the ust/vsq: ✦
anyway just wanted to share this bc I guess I thought it was cool and am a little happy/proud of it :3. even if the free version of SynthV kinda Fucking Sucks and has a bunch of limitations :/...
also to share the ust/vsq for if anyone wants to try to do something like this themself for Their OCs/OCgram <3
now time to come up with lyrics for 004, 005, and 006 because this is fun--
#IDK IF THE VIDEO WORKS.... if it doesn't ill fix it once i can get on desktop when i wake up <3#OCgram#OC: 003#(i need to go back and fix my OC tags bc i wanna just use their numbers for the tag.. tomorrow perhaps--)
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random boost of happiness so now i can do everything bc yeah why not! so wish me luck bc im about to do that assignment.
#num speaks#i thought about it#why am i sad when there's so many good things going on rn.#like tkatb homicipher the txt cb and whatsaheart dropping a new song makes me very happy.#sustenance. thank you.#IVE BEEN SO SAD LATELY#IF THIS FIXES ME IM GOING TO BE EVEN HAPPIER#watch this im going to do my assignments and be DONE with it.#french presentation this thursday? I CAN DO IT.#assignment tonight? I GOT THIS#probably an assignment tomorrow? debatable. BUT HELL YEAH! (i hope she pushes it off bc we didnt have enough time and i forgot abt it.)#LIFE IS GOOD SOMETIMES (ill come back with an update after my assignment.)
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CRYING SCREAMING THROWING STATIONARY THE CURSE OF BEING A DISCOVERY WRITER WHEN YOU'VE GOT SOME BUT NOT ALL OF YOUR SHIT FIGURED OUT!!!!
#text#personal#writing#in btw#driscoll#....i need to put That Statement in my bitch journal huh#ANYWAY#spent ANOTHER DAY figuring out my LOAF BEARING BREAKAGE WOES#took 5ever#think i got it#think i can lampshade it#but gotDAMN why is the process LIKE THIS#I JUST WANNA HAVE A GOOD TIME!!!!#(latest woe is. driscoll and hazard do NOT operate like normal crews 💀💀)#which. i can fix. by simply Acknowledging In Dialogue#but i also think it meanshazard doesnt need to try to run it like a Normal Excursion??#maybe??#anyway yesterday it was 'gotta thread the interestingness and the dissonance'#today its 'lmao this isnt normal no wonder it feels off'#tomorrow i shall try to write the shiny bits and bobs and staple them together into something coherent LATER#back on my crafting my way through this bullshit huh#might also fuck around and do flashbulb descriptions because uh. well.#a weekend at a hotel is probably Too Much Detail to include in a scene huh#tomorrow ill write the weird mirrors and maybe the nest#do some disjointed/disconnected vibe descriptions#go back through later and put it All Together????#this text post brought to you by: i know Just Enough to know something is Wront#but i gotta write circles around it to figure out What💀💀#sumbullshit brain thanks#*wrong and Load Bearing plz im on mobile and cannot edit my tags 😭
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