#Making mental images is a lot harder

[bobendsneyder64]

This is so weird. I just found out, through a random instagram story, that I have a condition called Aphantasia. This means that I cannot see mental images. My brain is just words, I never see anything. I always thought that that was normal and thought that the people who could see stuff were special. Guess it's the other way around. Huh, this is a really weird day

[kindnessoverperfection]

Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.

NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.

I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.

The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.

Because it's so hard to exist in this world.

My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:

Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)

Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.

Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.

Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.

Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.

Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s

I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.

So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".

Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)

Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.

If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.

NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD

Stigma in the DSM

Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)

"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."

(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)

[lalunanymph]

— “𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒”

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ when you ignite their raging breeding kinks with the bllk men ! ft. itoshi rin, isagi yoichi, barou shouei, nagi seishiro, mikage reo

┊͙ ˘͈ᵕ˘͈ the boys are all pro-players, everyone is 21+ here, fem!reader, breeding kinks, creampies, dirty talk, pet names (baby, angel, love, pretty, princess), nipple play in nagi’s, implied dumbification in barou’s, isagi spanks us once, slight baby-trapping tendencies in reo's, daddy kink, use of the word 'daddy' a lot, everyone has baby fever here bc i said so

⌖ 𝐈𝐓𝐎𝐒𝐇𝐈 𝐑𝐈𝐍

a soft grunt leaves his lips from your nails stabbing into his shoulders.

rin expels a short huff, burying his face into the crook of your neck, the feel of your velvet walls around him driving him quietly insane. he’s been at this for what seems like hours now—holding your hips down, drilling his cock over and over into the sloppy heat of your pussy, getting drunk off your little whines and mewls.

your thighs tremble around his slim waist, a silent plea for more.

more of this searing pleasure he was gifting you. more of his kisses. more of him.

in every single way you could have him.

"rinny," you hiccup, drowning in the pools of his teal irises. "n-need you."

he presses a soft kiss to your collarbone, achingly tender with his ministrations as he lifts your hand to his mouth, lips on your engagement band. "you have me."

you shook your head from side to side, hair bleeding out on the plush pillows. "n-no. i need more of you." the meaning of your words hammer in from your next squeak, "need you to cum in me."

for a split second, rin malfunctions. his thrusts grow sloppier, his breathing more ragged as the image of his cum spilling out your pretty pussy gets him fucking throbbing.

"want me so bad, hmm, pretty?" his voice warbles and his hips stutter, the pleasure burning in the back of his mind, going off like a set of fireworks. "want me to give you a baby, love?"

the question sets off sparks of heat down your spine, and you cry out when his thrusts grow more vigorous—literally aching to fuck you into the mattress. "yes!" you wail. "w-wanna give you a baby so badly—nghh."

rin rewards you for your honesty with one of his rare grins, touched with a hint of feral possession at the mental image of you so soft—so round—from carrying his precious seed. his warm cheeks rub against your neck, nuzzling you as the band in his lower belly coils harder.

it breaks when you tighten your arms around his neck, your feverish lips pressed to his ear and you whisper,

"wanna make the world's best striker the world's best daddy."

⌖ 𝐈𝐒𝐀𝐆𝐈 𝐘𝐎𝐈𝐂𝐇𝐈

isagi feels like a great beast has overtaken him.

he's no longer gentle with you, holding your hips to keep you wide open as his cock draws out the most ecstatic sounds from your mouth.

"mhmm—'ichi... yoichi... p-please..."

"what's that?" he mocks, using his large frame to his advantage to bear down on you, a touch of lunacy in his wide grin when you cry out at his sudden palm colliding with your plush ass cheek. "what do you want, princess?"

you shudder at the bite of sarcasm in his tone, because as much as he's the sweetest outside the sheets, this isagi was tainted by the enormous ego of having his girlfriend crying out with every bruising slam of his cock against her sensitive spots.

his kisses smudge the back of your neck with hot insistency, and you feel your belly clenching at the overwhelming sensation of isagi everywhere.

his scent of musk and skin stung your nostrils, the rasp of his warm and rough palms down your hips were second to heaven.

"i want you, baby."

isagi grunts, manoeuvring you onto your back, and the look in his eyes could've dropped you down to your knees if you weren't already pliantly taking his cock underneath him. his dark blue eyes were tinted with shades of obsession, his nostrils flaring and mouth pulled back on a pleasured snarl. "m'yours, princess."

his breathing shudders when you rake your nails down his back, hard enough to draw red welts to the surface. "gimme all of you, yoichi," you start to babble, your orgasm so close to drawing you down into the pits of ecstasy. "wanna feel you filling me up, baby."

isagi groans, pitching his forehead close and gently knocking it with yours. "baby... you drive me crazy..."

your thighs hook around his waist, heels digging into his back. literally restraining him in your embrace. your lips brush his cheek, his ear, and you whisper, "give me all of you, 'ichi. want you to make me a mommy."

isagi was a goner the moment those words left your lips; has no choice but to spill his entire load and soul into you, a rough groan ripping from his lips. "ga-fuck... fuck... baby..."

it's lewd, how his seed is spilling out of you. it's even more lewd when you start to rub your clit, drawing your release crashing down and reverberating with a loud, lusty cry of his name.

yoichi doesn't stop pumping his seed into you, even as his cock turns a raw shade of red and a whimper of overstimulation slips out of his lax mouth. he has to keep his promise; has to make you a mommy.

it's what his princess deserves for taking him so nicely ♡

⌖ 𝐁𝐀𝐑𝐎𝐔 𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐔𝐄𝐈

everything about barou screams strength.

from his broad shoulders to his defined muscles, the king of the field makes you his conquest with endless pleasure that has you screaming out his name in the middle of the night.

"shouei... mhmm... right there," you pant, one shaky hand brushing back his long locks from his sweaty forehead. "s-so good."

your whines draw his low, throaty chuckle, and despite how deliciously he's wrecking you, barou makes sure to savour your fucked out expressions while he's at it.

"going dumb on my cock already, baby? got you feeling so g-good, huh?"

his baritone rumbles against your throat, and your back arches when he pins you down, deepening his thrusts and languid strokes.

"p-please, give me—" your voice falters when the blunt head of his cock hits your sweet spots, leaving you starry-eyed and keening.

barou smirks, the action lost in your haze of pleasure as you draw him deeper into your body; letting him sink into your plush embrace of pure, unadultered desire for him. as he deserved, as a king deserved.

"what is it, angel?" he's teasing you, having pushed you on your hands and knees to take his cock better. "what do you want me to give you?"

"cum," you manage to gasp out from the haze settling on your bones, around your lucidity. "please give me your cum, daddy."

look, barou is not someone who has given much thought to his future beyond holding the world cup trophy high over his head. but something about your breathy gasp of that word, that term which makes his head spin... has barou going absolutely feral.

he lifts you up onto your knees, one hand caging around your neck and the other reaching forward to rub your clit, pulling dulcet mewls from your parted mouth. "say it again," he demands, unrelenting in this punishment you fully deserve after making your king lose his composure. "call me that again."

you twist your head from side to side, soft mewls slurring together with your pleas for him to fuck you harder, make you cum, make you a mama...

"daddy!" you choke out. "shouei, w-wanna make you a daddy!"

this time, barou's chuckle is laced with painful incredulity, his cock a throbbing hot steel rod deep inside of you, ready to go off.

"that's what i thought you said," his gruff voice stirs the sticky strands of hair on the nape of your neck. "now make your promise to me come true, baby. make me a daddy tonight."

⌖ 𝐍𝐀𝐆𝐈 𝐒𝐄𝐈𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐎

the thing about nagi is that he frankly couldn't be bothered to exert enough energy when he doesn't feel like it.

but, something about the way how you're clutching his shoulders, breathy moans hitting the shell of his ear along with your sweet little yeahs, more—please, please, has him wanting to give you everything.

nagi's cock throbs where its nestled inside you to the hilt, so deep he swears he's almost hitting your cervix. the look on your face is ecstatic; brows drawn, lower lip caught between your teeth and a film of sweat coating your entire sweet body.

his sharp senses tell him something was different about tonight. from your eagerness to your responses, your entire body was much too sensitive for him.

your sweet reactions only drives out his rationale when he mouths at your nipples, suckling them into tight little points that make you mewl out in pleasure.

"sei... more, please," you beg, threading your fingers through his frosty locks. "m'want you... more of you."

"yeah?" he mutters, the wet sounds of both your sexes meeting so fucking lewd in this wide bedroom. with the lights of the city beyond the windows shining on your body, you start to unravel, your back arching. "how much do you want me, baby?"

"so much," you start to breath heavier, lifting his face from where it was resting in the crook of your neck to line your forehead with his. "i want you forever. want your babies."

something thuds heavily in his chest, and nagi swears his thoughts are broken when he recalls you carrying your niece in your arms, all happy and radiant. the possibility of it being his baby, his little one in that image itself, makes both his cock and heart swell.

before he knows it, nagi has you bouncing up and down his cock, his heels digging into the bed, every bit of his energy directed towards making sure he shoots his load far enough so that it scores in your womb, turning your words into reality.

nagi may be lackadaisical in more ways than one, but when fired up enough, he had enough determination to make sure he would never lose the fight to get you all pretty and swollen with his babies.

⌖ 𝐌𝐈𝐊𝐀𝐆𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐎

reo has to fight off the smile that threatens to spill from his lips.

just an hour ago, you were cooing at his director’s newborn son, and now, he has you on his lap, mewling his name so prettily as his mind fills up with endless images of you—naked, belly rounded with pregnancy, positively glowing from carrying his baby.

he snorts inwardly at how hard that mental image makes him throb. it's about damn time you take him up on his marriage proposal.

reo wasn't getting anymore patient and he had to do something—make sure you were glued to his side forever. and what better way to do that than to make you a mommy to his babies?

yes, babies, because in the thrill of knocking you up, reo finds himself wanting to do this again and again and again.

"so good for me," he mumbles, kneading handfuls of your ass until you start to tremble. tears bead your lash line, but reo doesn’t care to go easy on you.

after all, he has to make sure his seed will take tonight.

"r-reo, what's gotten into you?" despite your breathless confusion, your thighs tighten around his waist, and his frantic thrusting turns even more erratic.

he expels one lusty moan into the crook of your neck, and you whimper when the rough strip of his tongue glides across your pulse point and jaw, tangling with your own appendage when he kisses you deeply.

you were so sweet for him, and reo wishes for nothing more than to have you forever.

"gonna have to make you mine," he whispers, as if the promise ring on your finger, his initials on a delicate chain around your neck and his cock stirring your guts were not indicative that you were his in every sense of the word.

but, reo has always been a greedy man and he wants more than that. he always wants more when it comes to you.

you mewl his name, and his smile threatens to spill into a feral grin.

"wanna give you my babies, y/n. wanna make you mine forever."

in the fog of your lust, you don't hear the chiming bells in your head, swept away by his ardour. "mhm, reo, please. give me your babies."

it was enough of a permission for him to snap his hips up, spilling into you with hot spurts of cum, leaving you light-headed and sated. your breathless laugh tickles his ear and you ease out from his tight embrace, his cock softening deep in you. gently pushing aside his lilac bangs from his face, you cup his cheek, rubbing your nose with his.

"you're so silly, reo. m'yours forever, don't you know?"

his grip on your hip tightens, and he tosses you back another one of his signature smirks. "i know, baby, but after tonight, i want more, hmm. can you give me more?"

despite staining you with seed just a few seconds ago, reo's hard again, his veins and determination heated with the idea of completely filling you to the brim with his cum until it takes. until you're finally pregnant and fully reliant on him.

he gently cups your cheek, moving his hand down to your neck where his grip becomes harder. more possessive.

"can you make me a daddy tonight, angel?"

© all work belongs to lalunanymph. do not copy, repost or claim as your own.

[artdcnaldson]

aannnyyywwaayyyyy! patrick training your ass but totally not because he has this mental image of him fucking you from behind while art gets your pussy! blame the porno he stumbled upon!

and if we're on the topic! he may have also seen where a girl held two dicks together and tried her best to suck them at the same time. not that he WANTS to be that close to art's dick, totally not the case, but he's just saying he'd be down if YOU'RE down that's all.

Rating: E (18+)

Warnings: SMUT (assplay, anal sex, sex toys, general debauchery)

A/N: Your mind consistently amazes me 🩷🫡 I did NOT edit this I just blacked out while I wrote this then hit send <3

It started when you mentioned Art for the first time.

“I used to have the biggest crush on him,” you said with a grin. You’d been scrolling through Patrick’s Facebook— giving him shit for all the lame things he’d posted in the oughts (and, yeah, after). “Can’t believe that’s your friend.”

You stopped on a picture of the two of them from ‘06, posing with their doubles trophies.

“Well, if you want him that, I can set the two of you up. I’m sure he’d love to meet a groupie. Maybe you could show him just how big of a fan you really are,” he teased, nipping at the exposed skin of your throat.

You laughed and shook your head. “No! Not unless you were joining too.”

It flipped a fucking switch in him, to say the least.

Suddenly, his old-faithful porn vids, saved to his camera roll like a goddamn caveman, did nothing. He found himself scouring through any porn site he could find for threesomes, of which there were fucking plenty. And lots of ways he could imagine sharing you with Art.

You were on all fours while his cock pistoned in and out of you— back arched tantalizingly, ass rippling with each thrust. He tried to be casual about it. “Has anyone ever fucked your ass before?” Subtlety had never been a strong suit.

You’d gone all shy, hiding your face in your arms as you answered no, not yet. Yet being the operating word. He grinned, satisfied by your answer.

His thumb brushed over your rim, making your toes curl at the barest touch. You were so fucking sensitive and so fucking sweet that it would probably kill him, one day.

“You gonna let me do it someday?” He asked, lips twisted into a smirk. Your response was muffled where you hid your face. He grabbed a fistful of your hair, tugging you up slightly. “Couldn’t hear you, baby. Speak up for me.”

A whine escaped you as you nodded. “Yeah, want you to.” When he dropped his grip on your hair, your face fell back into the sheets.

He moved his thumb and spit onto your hole. You cried out as his cock bullied deep inside of your cunt— he could feel your walls clenching around him, could feel how close you were.

“Don’t be lazy, honey. Rub your clit for me, okay? I’m busy.”

You did as he said— pretty manicured nails between your thighs and rubbed at your clit as he fucked into you. His thumb circled your rim, slick with his spit as he pushed his fingertip within you and let his thumb sink into your your tight hole.

The moan that burst out of you as you came was the sexiest goddamn thing he’d ever heard. The feeling of your ass tightening around his finger as you came, feet kicking helplessly as he fucked you through it… he didn’t think he’d ever come harder than that moment.

And Patrick was a fucking degenerate— a dog with a bone— so the next time he got a chance he fucking took it.

He ate your pussy messily— making out with your cunt the same hungry way he kissed. A mess of tongue and spit that left you dizzy and begging more often than not.

Your thighs tightened, squeezing around his head the first time he let himself wander, tongue just barely teasing your ass.

“Fuck! Patrick—“ you cried out, burning hot with embarrassment and arousal from head to toe.

“Just lemme…” he trailed off, using his big hands to spread your legs for him. “Just take it, honey.”

His tongue pressed against your hole, lapping at you messily as your needy cunt spasmed around nothing, craving attention. His nose glistened with your arousal as he buried his face in you, relishing in the squeaks of pleasure you were emitting.

He sat up and grabbed blindly for the lube he kept in his bedside table— half empty and sticky. He coated his fingers in it, warming it up before his middle finger probed at your asshole.

“Relax for me, baby,” he cooed, his voice so sickeningly sweet you wanted to kick him. “Let me in.”

He watched you shakily exhale, letting your body adapt as his finger sunk into the tight heat of you. You moaned, low and breathy as he began working his finger in and out slowly.

“Fuck, there you go,” his words came out on a waver, his voice cracking slightly as he felt you tighten around his finger. “Feels good? You need more?”

You nodded quickly, meeting his gaze with a needy sort of hunger. “Mhmm, feels good,” you practically slurred. “Need more.”

The cutest fucking echo he’d ever heard.

He smiled and let his pointer finger press against your rim, stretching you as he slowly pushed in. You moaned softly, thighs falling open as you relaxed into it. He felt your body accepting the intrusion, sucking him in.

“How’s it feel?” He asked. He pressed a soft kiss to the inside of your knee.

“Full,” was all you could manage. You rocked your hips slightly, grinding against his fingers.

He grinned. “This is just two fingers, baby. How are you gonna take all of me, huh?” He grinned down at you, scissoring his fingers slightly just to watch the way your cunt clenched in response.

His thumb moved on your clit, and it took barely any attention to the nub for you to come for him, leaking slick arousal that he eagerly lapped from your neglected pussy as you squirmed beneath him.

Poor thing, you really needed both of your holes filled.

And you were so eager to let him try. A pretty little plaything whose eyes lit up at his filthiest whims.

“This is embarrassing,” you mumbled the next time it came up. You were on your hands and knees, pouting back at him as he lubed up one of your toys— a clear pink dildo that you’d used plenty before he rendered it obsolete.

He squeezed more lube onto his fingers and gingerly fucked your ass with them to get you all warmed up. It wasn’t lost on him how easy it had gotten since that first time, the way your body wanted him in any hole he could take.

“Don’t wanna hurt you, honey,” he said, watching as your cunt dripped a thin string of arousal onto the sheets as he gave a particularly deep thrust of his fingers. Jesus, you were fucking perfect. “Can’t jump straight to the real thing, you’re too delicate, baby.”

You whined, pouting even as you backed yourself against his fingers, toes curling as he added a third finger.

“Fuck, Patrick,” you gasped, fingers clawing into the sheets. He waited until you were gagging for it— pussy smeared with your own arousal, grinding back against his fingers with desperate need. He withdrew his fingers and smiled at the pathetic whimper you left out.

“‘S okay,” he cooed. He slicked up the dildo with lube once more before he pressed the tip of it against your ass. It was a stretch— beyond the three fingers Patrick had prepped you with— but you took it eagerly.

He thrust it inside slowly— inch by inch by inch until it was sheathed inside of you fully. You let out the prettiest moan, panting where your face was pressed against the sheets.

Patrick thought you’d never looked sexier— lips glossy with spit, practically drooling onto the bed. Arched up so perfectly to take whatever he could give you. He was so fucking hard he could barely think.

“How’s that?” He asked, voice breathy.

All you could manage was an eager nod— an encouragement, a plea for more. He began thrusting the toy inside of you, relishing in your pretty, fucked-out moans. Your eyes rolled back and your cunt ached with need for stimulation.

You were panting and whining with need, slick and wet down your thighs. “Need you,” you gasped, eyes shining with crocodile tears. “Wanna feel full.”

And, Jesus, he really couldn’t deny you. He thrust the toy fully inside of you, holding it there as he lined himself up with your dripping cunt.

It was nothing short of a miracle that he didn’t cum the second he bottomed out within you. You were so fucking tight that he could hardly move, wasn’t sure if he could even risk it without cumming in a pathetically short amount of time.

He brushed your hair from your eyes, found them glossy, lust-hazed. “Feels so good. So fucking tight around me. You’re so good.”

You rocked your hips back slightly, moaning at the smallest amount of friction.

“Fuck, gonna move for you, okay?” He thrust slowly, testing the waters. The moans both of you let out were pornographic. You were so wet that the sound of Patrick fucking into you made heat flood your cheeks. As you grew closer and closer, your legs gave out on you and Patrick had to hold you in place as he fucked you.

Each thrust made stars dance in your vision. You could hardly manage anything except moans of his name and cries for more. All you could do was just lie there and take it.

But he liked you like that— so needy and cockdrunk that you let yourself get used.

“Cumming—“ you cried out suddenly. Your cunt spasmed around him, squeezing like a vise. He only managed a few final thrusts before he was spilling deep inside of you.

You whimpered at the loss of him within you, then again as he eased the toy from your ass. Your body was sticky with cum, lube and sweat. Patrick laid on top of you, peppering kisses onto your back and shoulders.

“I want a bath,” you murmured lazily against the bedsheets.

“I want a million dollars,” he hummed, kissing the spot between your shoulder blades.

You laughed softly, rolling your eyes. “Fuck off.”

ME? Writing ANAL??? Less likely than you think!!! But anything for my pookie wookie 🫶🩷

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for venting to my friend about my fiancée?

I (24M) have been with my fiancée (26NB) for about 3 years now. I try to avoid venting to my friends about it when I’m having little relationship annoyances because I used to do that for a while and it ended up with them just getting a horrible image of her because when good things happen that make me happy I would be responding IRL with my fiancée or gushing about it publicly e.g. on Twitter which most of my friends don’t use, vs when bad things happened I’d go to them to vent directly so they were only seeing the shitty moments. They would just always tell me she sucked or to break up with her which just wore on me because I don’t want to do that, they know I don’t want to do that, they know I don’t think I need to. Our relationship is super affectionate, has helped me massively in improving mentally and socially and in my confidence, makes me genuinely happy, and is for the most part, with certain problems we’ve been working on aside, healthy.

It’s not a communication issue or anything, I’ll address any issues with my fiancée directly as well and we’ll resolve it between us, just sometimes I’d feel the need to vent out my upset first while calming down or talking through what to say to her before I brought it up etc.

However this changed recently. my fiancée has always been a very physical person, she’s cuddly and loves kisses and just general touching, and that also translates into her playfully hitting me a lot, which I’ll do as well. Smacking each other on the ass when we pass each other, jokingly hitting each other’s arms (gently) when we’re making fun of each other, stuff like that. Very occasionally this will bother me (the other day she pinched my face hard enough that it hurt for like 20mins afterwards) but for the most part I genuinely could not care less and I take it as all in good fun.

She has never hit me in anger before, until today. She was playing a video game and died, and I laughed while sitting next to her when I saw it, and she just turned around and hit me full force. Like, harder than she’s ever hit before, and causing genuine pain. Usually I would just brush it off because like I said she hits me in a joking way a lot, but when I kind of gave a startled “ow” she just looked at me and hissed “Don’t laugh” through her teeth and she looked genuinely pissed off, and the force behind the hit just caught me completely off guard. It was also very very sudden because we’d been talking normally and light-heartedly, had even been cuddling a few minutes before, and although she was pretty clearly exasperated at the game (sighing, saying “oh my god” when the fight was going downhill) I didn’t think it was serious anger, so her abruptly whipping around and hitting me like that was so sudden and whiplashy I didn’t even have time to register it.

I have PTSD (C-PTSD? don’t remember what the specific diagnosis was) from my last relationship which was abusive in pretty much every way you can think of, and one of my biggest triggers that has been relevant in this relationship as a result of it is raised voices/anger around me (not necessarily At me, just like when my fiancée is getting frustrated or stressed and she’ll start hitting her keyboard or shouting and it’ll make me start panicking), but this is the first time I’ve had to confront being triggered by a physical violence thing. I started dissociating like hell so I left the room when she was distracted by the game and ended up slipping out of the house to call one of my best friends via Discord and lowkey cry about it

I genuinely don’t really remember what I said, the gist was just that I’d been triggered by my fiancée hitting me in anger and that I needed to calm down before I went back. This may have been a dick move because this friend is a mutual friend of me and my fiancée - I knew her first and am closer to her, but she recently met my fiancée in person for the first time and they seemed to get along well, and we’re in several servers and stuff together.

After I was done I went back in and my fiancée apologised for hitting me so hard. I said thank you and we moved on

But afterwards she confronted me because my friend had sent me a message after that basically just checking in on me and my fiancée had seen the message on my laptop that she was using to game. I usually have my Discord on Do Not Disturb when she’s using my computer just so she’s not bothered by notifications beeping at her constantly so I’m not sure if it wasn’t on for some reason and it popped up on-screen or if she minimised the game and saw it somehow, but she was incredibly upset with me because she said I’d made her out to sound physically abusive. I did explain that I’d made clear to the friend she’d never seriously hit before this, but she said that didn’t matter because it was still giving off that impression and that it was unfair because her hitting me was done in a moment of frustration/anger and I shouldn’t have laughed at the game.

I apologised and we dropped it but I do notice that since then she’s been on my computer/phone more often and she’s slid into a few of my friends’ (and I mean My friends, not ones she talks to or knows and not ones I’d said anything about this to) asking if I’ve ever spoken about her and if she can give her side of the story. My friends came straight to me about it because they felt uncomfortable with what they saw as being prompted to talk about me behind my back.

Reasons I don’t think I’m TA: She hit me, and I know she vents about me to her friends too, and although it does bother me that her friends don’t like me because of it (for I assume much the same reason some of mine don’t like her for, AKA only hearing about negative stuff) I’ve always maintained she has the right to do it. I think everyone should be able to vent to friends about partners or family and vice versa in private because venting is normal and as long as it’s not dishonest or just pure shit-talking them I think it can be helpful and even healthy.

Reasons I think I might be TA: I went to a mutual friend so she also has something to lose if this friend forms a negative opinion of her, I laughed at her dying in the game even though I know she gets incredibly frustrated and competitive in games, and I’ve never had an issue with her hitting me more playfully before so she may have just misjudged how hard it was.

So AITA for telling my friend my fiancée hit me / getting so upset about it or is it just PTSD acting up and making me overdramatise something that is basically on the same level as the joke hitting?

What are these acronyms?

[bethanythebogwitch]

Wet Beast Wednesday: hagfish

After taking last week off for mental exhaustion I have returned! And what better way to mark my return than with a shitload (or perhaps a highway load) of slime? Today I'm returning to the agnathan trenches to dredge up one of two living groups of jawless fish. I covered lampreys before, so now it's hagfish time. These ooey gooey critters are both fascinating and kinda gross. Now get ready, because it's time for slime.

(Image: a hagfish in profile. It is a long, brown, eel-like animal with a fin encircling the tail and a small head with no visible eyes or mouth. End ID)

Hagfish, also known as slime eels, are approximately 76 members of the class Myxini. In addition to the living species, hagfish have been preserved in the fossil record, letting us track their evolution through history. Hagfish are one of two living groups of agnathans, commonly known as jawless fish, with the other being the lampreys. As the name suggests, jawless fish are vertebrates without hinged jaws. Way back when bones were the cool new thing in town, agnathans represented the entirety of the vertebrates and were extremely diverse, but the evolution of jawed fish resulted in them getting largely outcompeted, leading to all lineages but the hagfish and lampreys going extinct. Genetic studies indicate that hagfish and lampreys are more closely related to each other than either group is to any other vertebrate. Because they are the only jawless fish left, hagfish and lampreys are of interest to scientists studying the evolution of vertebrates.

(Image: a hagfish coiled up, under orange light. The head is visible, featuring small sensory barbels and a large hole that resembles a mouth but is actually the nostril. End ID)

Hagfish are eel-shaped animals that range in length from a few centimeters to over a meter in the largest species, Eptatretus goliath. They have no scales, flattened tails that bear the only fin, and simple, eyeless heads. The heads bear sensory barbels, a single nostril, and the mouth. The mouth has two pairs of rasping plates that normally sit within the mouth, but can be everted to face outwards. The plates can grab food and pull it into the mouth to be swallowed. Hagfish do not have true eyes, but they do have eyespots that can sense light and dark. Interestingly, their fossil ancestors did appear to have fully-developed eyes that reduced in complexity until the present state. Likewise, ancestral hagfish had a true vertebral column made of cartilage, but modern hagfish only have remnants of their ancestor's vertebrae. Hagfish skin is very loosely connected to the internal body, only attached along the spine and slime glands. This makes the skin very flexible and harder for predators to grab. A third of the blood is contained between the skin and body and is pumped around with the heart as well as a few additional pumps that act as auxiliary hearts. Hagfish have some of the lowest blood pressure of any vertebrate and the highest blood volume to body mass ration of any chordate. Hagfish are also the only vertebrates that do not osmoregulate, meaning they cannot regulate the amount of salt in their bodies. Changes in salinity, especially moving to a lower salinity environment, are very dangerous to hagfish. Hagfish skeletons barely qualify, consisting of only a skull, notochord, and fin rays, all made of cartilage. The gills are internal. Water enters through the mouth and is forced over 5-16 internal gill pouches, then ejected through pores in the side of the body.

(Image: a closeup of a hagfish head with the rasping plates everted. The plates are mounted on pink tissue around the pharynx. there are two plates on either side of the pharyx which look like rows of small, sharp teeth. End ID)

That's all well and good, but you're here because of the slime. The hagfish's main defense is to create lots and lots of slippery slime. The slime helps them slip away from predators. If a fish tries to eat a hagfish, the slime can clog up its gills, forcing the fish to either release the hagfish or suffocate. A common factoid is that a single hagfish can turn a 5-gallon bucket of water into slime in seconds. To produce the slime, the hagfish releases threads made of special proteins into the water from glands on its skin. These proteins react with seawater to create a matrix of trapped water held together by filaments similar to keratin. The slime matrix can expand 10,000 times its original size in 0.4 seconds of exposure to seawater. The slime is quite durable and resistant to breaking and dissolving in water. After sliming, hagfish have been seen wrapping their bodies into an overhand knot and running themselves through the loop to scrape the slime off of themselves. Its possible that the slime also impairs the hagfish's ability to use it's gills and it needs to do the know to get the slime off and breathe again.

(Image: a person reaching into a holding tank full of hagfish and pulling out an armload of thick, viscous, white slime. End ID)

(Video: a hagfish in the wild demonstrating its knotting behavior. This one is going in the opposite direction usually seen: tail-to-head instead of head-to-tail. End ID)

Hagfish are found in most of the oceans, with range varying based on species. They are benthic animals that rarely swim far above the seafloor. Some species dig burrows to shelter in while others will shelter under rocks and other structures to avoid predators. While lying on the sediment, some hagfish species will coil up while others will lie straight. Hagfish are carnivorous and feed with a combination of hunting and scavenging. A large portion of the hagfish diet consists of polychaete worms and other known prey species include small crustaceans and echinoderms. Some species have been known to hunt burrowing fish, possibly by clogging up the burrows with slime to suffocate the prey. If you've seen a documentary about deep-sea fish you probably know about hagfish scavenging. Using their large nostril and sensitive sense of smell, hagfish can sense carcasses from long distances and are often some of the first scavengers to arrive at a new body. They use their rasping plates to pull bits of meat off of the carcass. A similar behavior to the slime-cleaning knots is seen when scavenging, but in reverse, going from tail to head instead of the other way around. This grants the hagfish additional mechanical advantage, allowing it to rip off larger chunks of food. Hagfish will burrow into larger corpses, possibly to get access to a food source with less competition than the outside of the body. Hagfish act as part of the deep ocean's cleaning crew, consuming corpses before they can decay and release potentially harmful chemicals into the water or act as sources of disease. Unlike any other living chordate, the food a hagfish swallows is encased in a permeable membrane during digestion. Hagfish can also absorbed dissolved nutrients through their skin. Hagfish have a very slow metabolism and ones in captivity have been observed going for up to 7 months between meals.

(Image: several hagfish feeing on the body of a fish. The hagfish have their heads on the fish's body and one hagfish is entering the fish's mouth. End ID)

Hagfish reproduction is still something of an enigma as so many of them live in the deep sea, making it difficult to observe them reproducing. It has been observed that females seem to outnumber males, with the exact ration varying depending on species. In some species, the sex ratio is almost even, while in others, there are 7 females to each male. however, it should be noted that females mature sexually faster than males and it has been suggested that this is responsible for the apparent skewed ratio. Hagfish eggs have tufts at the end that cause them to get stuck to each other like velcro. It has been suggested that eggs are laid in clusters possibly in burrows, beneath rocks, or protected with slime. Some species seem to have a mating season and seasonally migrate. Hagfish have only a single ovary or testicle (the latter of which has been described as unusually small by scientists and bullies in the deep-sea locker room) and they have no specialized reproductive tract. Instead, gametes are released into the main body cavity and must find their way to the anus to leave the body. Hagfish embryology is poorly understood, though it has been reported from studies of Eptatretus stoutii (Pacific hagfish) that the eggs can take up to 11 months to hatch. Hagfish have no larval stage, unlike lampreys and bony fish.

(Image: a group of 9 hagfish eggs in a plastic tub. The eggs are ovoid and dark yellow, with tufts of fibers at each end. End ID)

The conservation status and needs of most hagfish species is hard to discern because of the depths they inhabit. Threats to them include bycatch, as hagfish are often caught during deep-sea dredges. It is alos possible the chemical pollutants may be passed to hagfish through scavenging. There is a commercial fishery for hagfish, which is largest off of the west coast of the Americas. Hagfish are eaten as a delicacy in Korea and less commonly eaten in Japan. Most of the hagfish fishery goes to Korean food markets. Hagfish skin is also values as a durable leather and often marketed as "eel leather" or "yuppie skin". Study of the slime and the highly durable threads that produce it indicates they could be used to create very strong materials, similarly to spider silk. Research is currently being undertaken to find uses for hagfish slime and threads.

Once again, these cards show up in my posts (Image the Weird n' Wild Creatures card for hagfish, featuring an exaggerated drawing on a hagfish. End ID)

[halsteadlover]

𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐒𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭 𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞

*Gif and pics not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Fem!Reader.

• Requested: no.

• Summary: being away most of the time, Charles is not always there to give you what you need so you decide to take the matter in your hands… But with a little help.

• Warnings: masturbation (f), use of vibrator, oral sex (fem receiving), swearing, unprotected sex (what can I say I’m a sucker BUT USE PROTECTION YOU GUYS).

• Word count: 3192.

• A/N: PLEASE READ THIS ONLY IF YOU’RE 18+. Here is my first Charles fic, I’m so nervous about it so please have some mercy 😭 I really hope you’ll like it, let me know what you think and comment, like and reblog if you want. Sending lots of love to all of you ❤️

When Charles turned the keys in the door lock he didn't immediately announce his presence, wanting to surprise you.

He put the bag on the ground and took off his jacket, but it was him who was caught completely off guard when he heard sounds that could only be moans.

He froze in place, his heart immediately starting to beat wildly in his chest.

What the fuck?

There was no doubt they were your moans, he would’ve recognized them from a mile away. For an instant the world collapsed on him, already projecting into his head you fucking with someone else on the bed you shared.

With silent steps and trembling legs he approached your bedroom, noticing the open door and immediately mentally breathing a sigh of relief in realizing you were the only one there.

He knew you’d never do something like that to him but he couldn't control the heart attack fear almost caused him.

However, his eyes almost popped out of their sockets when he realized what you were doing. You were leaning back on the bed frame, your shirt pulled up enough to leave your breasts exposed, you were naked from the waist down, legs spread and the vibrator in your hands.

Charles leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest as his eyes were glued to you. You didn’t noticed his presence, your eyes half closed as you let yourself be carried away by the pleasure.

“Oh Charles… Yes…”

Pleasure coursed through your veins as the vibrations radiated all over your pussy.

That evening you were particularly needy and horny and Charles wasn't home as he was away for the Mexican GP and would be back the next day. Unfortunately you had a lot of work to do so you couldn’t join him and saying you were missing him like crazy was an understatement.

“Oh yes.” A small moan escaped your lips, your eyes closed as you let yourself be carried away by the sensations. It felt good, you couldn’t deny it, but it wasn’t Charles.

God, only him knew how to touch you. He knew every button to press to make you completely lose your mind, he knew how to give you such overwhelming pleasure it’d make you lose the ground beneath your feet and your soul to come out of your body.

As you continued to move the vibrator on your clit, trying to find the exact point of high pleasure, you imagined his hands on you, touching you, his tongue licking your pussy, his dick inside of you as he fucked you until he took your breath away.

Another soft moan left your lips and he felt his pants get tighter and tighter as his dick got harder and harder. It had been too long since he last touched you, since he heard you moan his name like that and just seeing you brought back that desire he had repressed for weeks and weeks.

Before he knew it his palm was already pressing on his crotch as he watched you masturbate, trying to find some relief.

He wanted so much to approach you, take that vibrator out of you hand and use his mouth but he was mesmerized, he couldn't take his eyes off you and that pussy so wet he wanted to drown himself in it.

He would’ve liked to take his cell phone and film it so he could watch you over and over again but in any case he knew that image would never leave his mind again and seeing you giving yourself pleasure would be a fantasy he would’ve replayed for the rest of his life.

But when his erection started to press painfully against his pants he couldn't resist anymore, the need to have you and touch you was too intense to just continue watching.

“You missed me that much baby?”.

He tried to suppress a chuckle when you jumped in fright, throwing the vibrator next to you and instinctively closing your legs. He couldn't help but find adorable the way your cheeks got redder than Ferrari, as if you had just been caught committing a crime.

You didn't know what emotions to listen to first: shame for being caught masturbating or joy and shock because your boyfriend was finally home.

“Charles oh my god you’re here! I thought… I thought you were coming back tomorrow.”

He walked over and climbed onto the bed, crawling towards you until he was inches away from your face. You grabbed his face and kissed him but since he was so horny he couldn't even think anymore, he immediately deepened the kiss sliding his tongue in your mouth.

Soon you found yourselves lost in each other, taken by the passion and inebriation that made your head spin and that you had both missed so much. It was enough to set off a flock of butterflies in your stomach, and as your mouths moved against each other you feared you’d pass out there in his arms.

“Putain, I missed you so much,” he whispered against your lips as he caught his breath after that impetuous, almost animalistic kiss. His hand wrapped around one of your breasts, squeezing and groping it before leaning down and surrounding the other with his lips, biting and sucking on your nipple and eliciting sighs from you.

“Tell me what were you thinking about chérie?”.

“You baby, only you. Charles please I need you.” You moaned, wanting his fingers inside you.

He took the vibrator next to you and lay between your legs resting on one elbow, his eyes fixed on yours and a smirk on his lips. He was so fucking how that this alone would’ve been enough to make you come.

“I want to know baby. What were you thinking about? Tell me,” he spoke but before you could say anything he placed the still working vibrator back on your clit causing you to let out a loud moan.

He looked away from your eyes to your wet pussy, his mouth watering at the mere sight of it, looking at it as if he had just found the holy grail.

“Now I’m going to lick this gorgeous pussy and I want to hear what you were thinking while you were touching yourself okay?”.

You couldn't answer, too caught up with the pleasure you were feeling to even talk. He removed the vibrator and you let out a frustrated sigh.

“Answer me.”

“Y-yes… Just touch me please, I need it so badly…” you babbled and you didn’t care how pathetic you sounded, now that you finally had Charles you wanted him with every fiber of your body.

“My princess is so needy,” he smirked again before sticking his tongue out and taking a long, slow lick on your pussy, moaning at the sensation. Few words could describe how he felt after finally tasting you after so long but none came to mind, too focused on controlling himself to not come in his pants.

“Fuck… Do it again please.”

“Mon dieu, I missed this pussy so fucking much,” he moaned, “I'm gonna take such a good care of you baby… But I'm still waiting.”

He drew another long line across your labia, his tongue wet with your fluids. You threw your head back as your chest rose and fell rapidly.

“I was… I was thinking about your t-tongue licking me… Fuck I can't…”

He started licking you more vehemently, eating you out like a hungry man who hadn’t put anything in his stomach in months. His lips sucked on your folds as his tongue focused on your clit and that, coupled with the suppressed pleasure, was enough to push you over the edge.

Charles had never been as horny as he was at that moment. Every fiber of his body trembled with the desire to have you, he felt like he was burning, even though your pleasure came before everything and there was no more satisfying sexual act than pleasure you until your soul was consumed.

He slowly penetrated you with the vibrator and for a moment you seriously thought you were dying.

At that point you couldn’t think or say anything other that wasn’t a moan or a loud gasp.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck… Oh shit…”

You continued to squirm while he instead kept you anchored to the bed, preventing you from moving away. No matter how intense you and Charles’ sex life was, each time it was better than the last.

The combination of his tongue continuing to stimulate your clit, his mouth eating you out, and the vibrator inside you was too much, too much to bear. You didn’t know how much more your body could hold, how much more you could sustain before collapsing into many pieces.

Your hands threaded through his hair, pulling it and eliciting such a sexy growl from him you felt it in every corner of your body as your legs trembled so much you seemed to be convulsing.

“I can’t… Charles p-please…”

“Yes you can baby, you’re so good to me,” he murmured, almost risking coming again when you pulled his hair hard. He eventually gave up on knowing what you were thinking while touching yourself, knowing it’d be impossible for you to talk.

But god he fucking loved that. He loved seeing you squirm like that and not being even able to properly speak, he loved hearing you scream his name so loud all the neighbors must’ve heard you, he loved feeling the taste of your pussy so wet and your fluids covering his chin.

Your muscles began to tense, your guts to twist, your breathing irregular. The pleasure you were feeling in that moment was something you had never felt before, it was indescribable.

“Stop… Stop… I need… Please…” you cried out not knowing what you were saying, feeling like you were about to explode, trying to push his head away because of how overwhelming pleasure was.

Charles smiled on your pussy, continuing to lick you and let the vibrator penetrate you.

The orgasm that hit you full on was so intense it almost made your heart stop, your breathing caught up in your chest and your soul come out of your body. Waves of pleasure ran through your body as if shaken by electric shocks, and you would’ve been lying if you said you didn’t truly feel you were about to faint.

It was the most fucking beautiful and overwhelming orgasm you had ever felt in your life.

Charles licked and swallowed every trace of your leaking fluids, adding equally as much pleasure to that intense orgasm. Your head spun but at the same time, so light you felt yourself floating in space, momentarily disconnected from the entire world.

But he didn’t give you time to recover but from that sensational orgasm.

He tossed the vibrator onto a random spot on the bed and lifted himself up before grabbing your ankles and dragging you towards him and laying you flat on your back on the mattress.

He kissed you, sucking away that bit of strength and soul that was left in your body. You tasted yourself in his mouth, his chin and beard still wet with your fluids. His hands roamed ferociously all over your body and never before he was so desperate, hungry and eager to have you.

“I need you so fucking bad baby, god I need you,” he whispered against your lips as you tore off each others clothes which ended up being thrown somewhere in the room. “I need to be inside you.”

Charles let out a deep, loud moan as his dick penetrated you, practically sliding into you because of how wet you were. His chest rose and fell quickly as he tried not to come instantly even though it was damn hard when you wrapped and squeezed him so perfectly.

“Oh mon putain de dieu,” he cursed through gritted teeth, his breath heavy on your lips as he struggled to keep control. His forehead was covered in a light layer of sweat, his lips were parted as you breathed in each other's sighs and, damn it, he had never looked more mesmerizing and beautiful than he was in that moment.

You lost yourself in his eyes, those eyes you had missed so much it hurt, in those eyes in which you found your refuge from the world.

You wrapped your legs around his pelvis, pressing your heels into the small of his back in an attempt to get him closer to you, closer than he already was. It didn’t matter how warm his skin was pressed against yours, how close the two of you were, it was never enough, you always wanted more.

“Fucking hell baby you destroy me,” he groaned as he began to move his hips, making you writhe beneath him and pant as if you were the most experienced of porn stars. Your fingers traced his shoulders, nails instead pressing so deeply into his skin you feared he’d start to bleed.

“Yeah moan for me, let everyone know who gets to fuck you like this,” he groaned in your ear, causing a rush of shivers throughout your body, in contrast to the fire that instead blazed inside you. His thrusts were forceful, strong, so deep you were sure you wouldn't be able to sit up for days, his dick stretching every corner of your pussy.

You tried to kiss him but it was a messy kiss, which neither of you could continue due to the gasps and moans that were coming out of your mouths.

Charles was fucking you just like you’d expect an animal would and you couldn't even remember your own name anymore by then.

“Fuck baby fuck… Ah shit…” you moaned. “Don’t stop please don’t stop.”

He held you closer to him, as if somehow your souls could join, his face was hidden in the crook of your neck while his tongue licked your skin and his lips sucked them not caring if he could leave any mark.

“That’s it, that’s my pretty girl, shit, taking my dick so good,” he praised you making his dick twitch inside you as your walls tightened around him. “Oh yeah… Fuck… Keep clenching around me like that. You want to make me come? My pretty girl likes when I praise her doesn’t she?”.

God please have mercy on my soul because I’m about to die.

Charles felt he was about to come but he didn’t want to, he still wanted to be buried deep inside you, he still wanted to feel your pussy so wet it could swallow him, he wanted to hear your moans in his ears, your nails scratching his back, he wanted to swallow your breaths and sighs.

He pulled out before grabbing your hips and flipping you onto your stomach, moving like he pleased as if you were a doll. He bent you over, your hands held together behind your back with his right hand and your face pressed against the mattress.

With a single thrust he penetrated you again, starting to fuck you again and picking up the same intense and ferocious rhythm and making you almost spit every organ in your body. The bed moved to the rhythm of his thrusts, creaking under your weight as the sound mixed with his groans, your moans and the sound of your skin colliding with each other.

The fingers of his left hand pressed into the skin of your hip as he continued to move aimlessly in and out of your pussy, fucking you mercilessly into oblivion. “Fuck I missed this, god yeah…” he moaned, throwing his head back, eyes half closed as he struggled to hold on any longer.

You were on the verge of losing consciousness, completely unsure whether you’d survive a second orgasm which, from the pleasure and the way your body was shaking and spasming, would come very soon and be just as overwhelming and shocking as the first one.

“Oh C-Charles… I can’t… Oh yeah just like that baby keep going… Fuck…” you babbled in pure ecstasy and bliss, feeling his dick hitting that deep spot inside you. The fact you couldn’t move and your hands were held behind your back added even more pleasure and intensity and you actually felt like you couldn’t breathe anymore.

He went deeper and deeper with each thrust and it didn't take long for your vision to blur and for another orgasm to completely destroy you, making you almost die on that mattress.

Death from an orgasm, that would’ve been a pretty good headline.

His movements started to become erratic, messy, losing the vigorous and ferocious rhythm he had been using until recently. “Ah shit, shit, I'm coming fuck yes… Ah yes!” he loudly groaned before giving one final thrust and with it emptying himself into you, his dick twitching as he filled you with his cum until the last drop.

He stayed inside you for a moment as he softened and tried to catch his breath, his mouth still slightly open, struggling to get air.

Charles let go of your hands which fell dead weight on the bed and when he pulled out you lay on the bed, exhausted and on the verge of requiring an oxygen tank. He did the same, collapsing dead weight next to you as well.

There was a few moments of silence, broken only by your heavy breathing as you both tried to get it back into a normal rhythm. You wanted to kiss him, hug him, hold him until he’d get tired of it but you were genuine when you said you couldn’t move a damn muscle.

“Wow…” he breathed out, eyes still closed. “That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life. I can’t wait to come back home the next time and see you touch yourself again.” You chuckled tiredly, your eyes closed too. “But I’m not going to lie, I almost had a heart attack as soon as I walked in the door. You really scared the shit out of me for a second bébé.”

“You’re so stupid. I only have eyes for you love, you know that,” you murmured, still laughing and finally managing to open your eyes only for your heart to explode when you looked at his serene expression and the small smile on his lips.

He’s here, he’s truly here.

It was only then that you stopped to look at him and there was no need to say that he was always breathtakingly beautiful, his hair was slightly longer since the last time, his lips rosy, his cheeks flushed and the joy that filled you for finally having him back again was indescribable.

“Can you kiss me now please Mr Leclerc?”.

He opened his eyes and a laugh came out of his mouth before he leaned in and left a sweet, long kiss on your lips, lifting a hand and fixing the hair fallen in your face that you were sure looked more like a nest of birds.

“Welcome home baby.”

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[ssinboo]

Couture Kisses

summary: You've been in love with your best friend, Kim Seungmin since forever!

or

in reply to this lovely ask!

pairing: Fashion student!Kim Seungmin x Fashion student!F!Reader

word count: 4k (25~ minute read)

warnings: weight insecurities and mentions of body image issues that aren't resolved, author has very limited knowledge of fashion, making out, oral (f rec.), unprotected sex

a/n: This ask has been marinating in my inbox since june ... OTL I apologise it takes me absolutely forever to write TT I couldn't bring myself to write him as exactly asked, so this is very vanilla!

An entire collection by the end of winter. 

That’s your final project for fashion school.

Needless to say, you were panicking, hard. 

Not that you didn’t have plenty of sketches to pick and choose from, but it being your final assignment it had to be special. Twelve pieces, all able to stand on their own and at least one that you would model on your own and steal the show. 

Even though you tried to shimmy your way from the spotlight and just stand backstage, your professor was very insistent on you modelling at least one of your pieces. 

You absolutely dreaded the stage and the attention. 

Shy by nature, is how you were described by those close to you. And growing up larger than everyone around you took a toll on your self-esteem. 

Your sister was more than up for the modelling, she loved you and of course, loved all your work. Always your number 2 supporter.

Who was number 1? Oh, well, none other than Mr. Kim Seungmin. 

Unfairly handsome, Seungmin stood at a gorgeous 178cm with jet black hair and flowy bangs dyed a platinum blond. He had the most gorgeous almond eyes, which would adorably cross anytime he was a bit too tired. His nose was button shaped and a deep bridge that only accentuated his gorgeous eyes and the faintest little bump along its length. And his lips, gosh, his lips, you could go on and on about his perfectly shaped cupid’s bow or his exquisitely plump lower lip. (which only made his lip ring phase harder on your mental sanity). 

Not that you had a crush on your best friend or anything, of course not!

On other news, Seungmin was a lot less worried about this final assignment, given that you actually agree to his maniacal request: model for his collection. All because you had asked him to model yours.

There were models available, of course, but you could also bring your own and being able to take multiple measures, and do as many fittings as you wished helped ease your anxiety. 

“Come on, don’t be such a meanie!” You whine as he once again insists on this deranged idea.

“It’s only fair, we model for each other. Also, I introduced you to my friends so you could use them as your guinea pigs, you owe me one.” 

“That’s… different,” You shrug. You were grateful for his friends’ willingness to help and the sheer quantity of them was a perk. But you would not get up on that runaway, no way!

“No, it’s not.” 

“You know it is! You’re gorgeous… And I–”

“You what?” He interrupts with a thorny rasp. 

You jump at his sudden jab, suddenly self-conscious about your self-consciousness. 

“You know… I’m gonna make your clothes look ugly.”

Seungmin runs his tongue along his metal-clad teeth and slaps his hand over the cafeteria table.

“You’re gonna walk for me or I won’t do it for you. Don’t think of contacting me until you’re ready to give me the ultimatum.”

Harsh, yes. But he cared about you, more than he cared about anyone or anything, ever. You were the most gorgeous, caring, funny, intelligent, charismatic and talented person and his eyes. And everytime you put yourself down, it took every inch of restraint in his body to not grab your shoulders and yell just how much he loved you. 

Although, he regretted his words as soon as they left his lips. As soon as the anger subsided, he was ready to call you and take it all back. But you came running to your shared apartment, ready to apologise and agree. 

He was your bestest friend in the whole universe, you would do anything for Kim Seungmin. And it was about time you started doing it.

And all was forgotten by the time sketchbooks were splattered across the dining table and you exchanged ideas back and forth over chinese takeout. 

You were crazy about holidays and especially valentine’s day. It was only fair for your final assignment to reflect that. You had plenty of lovely sketches that were fitting for your early february deadline. But you racked your brain over the clothes that would fit Seungmin. 

Just what could possibly do his indescribable beauty justice? Any of your designs felt unbecoming of him. 

It’s when you’re splayed out on your sofa during your weekly movie night, watching Pride & Prejudice for the thousandth time over, that you get an idea. 

An idea so great you’re jumping and throwing the blanket over your half-asleep best friend. 

Seungmin, the poor fella, thinks something might’ve happened. So he waddles into your bedroom, blanket wrapped around his shoulders. 

You’re scrambling around for paper and pencils. 

“What’s up?” He asks, voice drenched in sleep. Had you not been entranced by your sudden burst of imagination, you certainly would’ve melted at just how adorable he looked.

“I’ve got your outfit,” is all the context you give him. 

“What?” He leans against the doorframe, fighting against his sleepy eyelids. 

“Mr. Darcy! How could I have not thought of it before! It was right underneath my nose!” You’re gesturing and your thoughts run all over the place, but you’ve got the brightest smile across your lips. 

And he stands there, watching you try and bring your vision to life, mumbles and grumbles coming out every now and then. Though his love-stricken smile is invisible to you.

Fabric shopping was always fun, especially when your best-friend tagged along. Seungmin had been keeping his inspiration a secret so far, despite your attempts, he was good at being quiet when he wished so. 

You looked at different textures and colours all day, leaving behind a good chunk of your savings at the chain store. But all for a good cause. 

There was plenty of cheaper fabric for mockups at home, so that’s where you started out. Since you didn’t want to bother Seungmin, his fit should be the last one – also, part of you was terrified of his look and how intricate it would be. 

You were still in the warm-toned shades of autumn by the time you had your collection ready for next february. 

All you needed were his measurements to get started on your Mr Darcy modern valentine’s day sort of look. It sounded strange to say out-loud, but the sketches looked great. 

Seungmin comes out of his room in a tight tank-top and loose boxer shorts and you gulp, tightening your fingers around your measuring tape, this would be the longest day of your life. 

Here he stands, in the middle of your room, surrounded by the fabrics you insisted he picked, with his arms stretched out and his chest available to you. 

Starting off easy, you run the tape from his shoulder to his wrists, fingernails lightly grazing his bare skin. His eyes don’t leave yours for a single second, especially when you’re standing so absurdly close. 

And when you have to basically almost wrap your arms around his chest to reach behind for the tape, he feels the odd urge to hug you and not let go.

You hugged often, of course, you did. You were best friends. 

However, standing in your strawberry lotion scented bedroom in summer pjs, feeling weirdly warm for the current temperature outside, Seungmin feels his skin burn every time your fingers meet his body. 

Seungmin is so beautifully proportionate, you think. Studying his slender arms and long legs, his torso, just perfectly built. In every way, he was destined to be the main character of a timeless romance. 

This is way past your normal antics of going all obsessed with the bodies that would fit your designs. Thinking about making the outfit Seungmin would wear for all to see. 

It’s like he would carry a piece of you. 

You’re chewing at your lower lip, revising all numbers and doing the maths in your head to gauge out how much of each fabric you’ve got left and how much you’ll need. 

“You got it?” He asks, startling you away from your thoughts. 

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Great. Your turn now,” He smiles, stretching out his hand for your sparkly, strawberry-scented pen and notepad. 

So came the dreaded day he would take your measurements.

You haven’t done your own sizing in over a year now, an irrational fear of the tape finds you each time you think about it. 

And part of you is totally ready to call the whole thing off and just beg Seungmin to please find someone else. 

But he gives you no window of space to talk, pushing you to stand in the middle of the room and pulling your arms in the right position.

And you feel extremely exposed. 

You’re so entangled in your spiral of self-hatred, you completely miss the sweat that threatens to pool at his forehead, or how often he’s gulped in the past five minutes. 

Though he constantly craved close proximity to you, this time might be enough to kill him. 

Your chest has always been the bane of his existence. Squishy, soft skin always pressing up against body whenever you hugged him happily, practically pouring out of any piece of clothing with a tighter fit. Rubbing around his arm when you’re walking hand-in-hand at the shopping centre. 

And he feels horrid for being such a pervert, he does. 

You’re his loving, kind, best-friend and he’s always ogling your body with his dirty male mind. 

God, your waist. Abundant flesh folded over in adorable rolls, so perfectly shaped for his hands and his hands only. He imagined himself grabbing handfuls of your ass, running his hands all over your hips and waist.

Your thighs, so full and creamy; in particular when you wear the one summer dress your sister gave you on your last birthday. That dress drives him absolutely crazy. Floral linen with a wrap-around layered cut that leaves his mind running around thoughts of undoing those flimsy ties and finding that gorgeous body you’re so intent on hiding. 

“Minnie?” You ask, a bucket of hot water over his flames. 

Your voice is so soft, dripping in affection as always. 

“Have you got it?”

He gulps, immediately shying away from your body lest he be corrupted by any evil thoughts. 

“Y-Yeah.” 

“Are you alright?”

Seungmin nods. 

“It’s bad isn’t it?” You scratch at your nape, eyes avoiding his.

“Wha- What?”

“My measurements,” You shrug. 

“No– No. Absolutely not, you’re fine, you’re perfect. It’s just– I’ve been rethinking my collection lately– Nothing to do with you,” He loses track of his words, rambling on and on while your love-stricken heart hangs hopelessly onto the word ‘perfect’.

“Well,” You fidget with the hem of your pyjama shirt, eyes slowly prodding at his reaction, “Anything I can help with?”

Seungmin finally smiles and your heart blooms in warmth, “Not yet, but there will be.” 

And so on, your days are consumed with the mindless routine of class and working on your project. 

Work went great with Seungmin’s friends, they were all so friendly and outgoing, you felt right at home. And everything looked perfect. Just missing one final look. 

Though Seungmin was more than willing to do as many fittings as you’d like, you both scheduled a double try-on day. Which would also be the first time you’d see his design. 

You keep fidgeting with your fingers, anxiety gnawing at your brain with every passing second. He’d locked himself in his room for ‘last-minute corrections’ and you were almost going crazy.

An hour later, Seungmin finally emerges from his room, a plastic cover draped over his design, keeping you from peeking. 

“So?!” You inquire, he keeps avoiding your eyes, for some reason. 

“I’m ready,” He nods and so do you. 

“Rock, paper, scissors, loser goes first?” You ask.

“Please,” he nods fervently and you smile nervously. 

So you stand before him.

He calls it out. Rock. Paper. Scissors. Shoot.

You put out Scissors.

And he put out Rock.

You go first.

Shit. 

Seungmin seems all too relieved, still psyching himself up to show his design. 

You pull your creation from the plastic covering and hand it to him. A creamy white button-up with flowy sleeves, a velvet crimson coat with embroidered details following its length and black leather trousers in a high-waisted cut. 

“Good luck, I guess,” You joke and he laughs.

“No need for it. It’s gonna be the best,"he says. 

Though when he finds himself changing into the set in the privacy of his bedroom, Seungmin is astonished, admiring every single detail you’ve poured into it. His fingers caress the handmade lacy collar, feeling the hours spent in every thread and stitch. 

And it fits his body perfectly; white linen drapes across his chest, hugging his pecs but flowing down freely down his torso. 

“You ready?” He calls out and you gnaw at your fingers in anxiety. 

“Yeah.”

Seungmin pads through the hallway, eyes scanning the living room until they meet yours. You smile, eyes glistening in adoration, taking in this moment as if it would end too soon.

“Wow.”

He smiles, “I know, it’s amazing… You’re amazing.” 

“No– It’s– You look so… Handsome,” It wasn’t uncommon for you to compliment each other, but this once felt too intimate. 

Seungmin blushes, scratching at his neck. 

“So… My turn, I guess?” 

“Oh, yeah,” Oh, how you dreaded this moment, not that you doubted his abilities but with your luck, you’d ruin his hard work with your subpar looks.

Seungmin hands you an opaque plastic cover, he notices your hesitation, but gives up on saying anything lest you actually give up. 

He plops onto the sofa as you leave for your room, chewing on his own lips. He hoped this dress could convey everything he felt for you, even if a little bit. 

It takes you excruciating 5 minutes to finally come back into the living room. 

Seungmin stands up, letting the cushion he’d held fall to the ground and match his jaw.

His work, – an asymmetrical white dress with a poofy skirt and a translucent layer of tulle decorated with snowflake shaped beads over its length – hugs your body perfectly.

You look absolutely ethereal standing before him with a shy smile, wearing the clothes he made with his own hands, every stitch done with thoughts of you. 

“You’re breathtaking,” 

You laugh quietly, “The dress is doing most of the work. It’s beautiful, Minnie, I don’t have any words–”

“No– You’re… Gorgeous.”

He’s serious, dead serious. 

And you’re stuck in a staring contest, standing five feet apart in your living room, time comes to a standstill. 

“You’re the most beautiful woman in the world.”

“You’re lying.”

“I wouldn't– Not to you.” 

You study his expression, searching for any, absolutely any sign of jest, but he’s serious. He truly thinks you’re… pretty?

“You think I’m pretty?”

“Yes,” Seungmin takes a step forward, “The prettiest.”

“Since when?”

“Since forever…” 

You want to believe his words, Gosh, you do. But it’s hard, it’s hard to believe anyone would look at you and think anything even remotely positive. 

“Minnie– Seungmin, please,” You breathe out, “Please, tell me you’re not joking about this– I won’t forgive you.”

“Every day and night I think of you and I can’t take my mind off how you manage to steal my breath away every damn time.”

Your heart skips a beat or ten; he steps forward and you wish to close the space between you for once but your body doesn’t move. 

You can’t take this, not if he isn’t serious, no. You would never recover from something like this. 

“Say something, please,” He pleads. 

“I think I’m in love with you.” 

Seungmin freezes.

And you curse at yourself, there, you’ve done it now. You’ve gone ahead and ruined everything.

But he lets out a sigh of relief and his hands find your jaw, pulling you toward his body at once. 

Your fingers run up the soft fabric, gripping at the freshly overlocked edges, his pale skin teasingly on display through a tiny heart-shaped window which would later be adorned with blood-red rhinestones, though some had already been placed. 

And your breath gets caught on your throat, threatened with the lull of proximity and his minty breath fanning on your lips. Nails digging into the velvet fabric of the overcoat, your eyes are stuck to his enticing chest. 

He smells of baby powder, chalk, and of the blueberry-scented shampoo you bought on sale last month. And you let his perfume lure your stupid heart into an erratic rhythm. Let the heat of his body find your own, setting your cheeks on fire. 

When your lips meet his, it’s as if a current runs through your bloodstream, awakening every cell and fibre in your body to the taste of the man you love. 

“I’ve waited for this for forever, it seems–” He whispers against your kiss-reddened lips. 

His fingers are tangled in your hair and his lips crash against yours once again. He’s forceful, desperate. All-consuming and ravenous. 

You can only melt into his touch and seep into his body, hoping to become one and never be apart ever again. Oh no, you couldn’t stand another day away from his gorgeous lips now you’ve had a taste. 

You wrap your arms around his neck and let him guide you, taking the smallest of steps back until your legs meet the sofa and you both fall down with a loud ‘poof’.

His hands cup your cheeks, tongue ravishing your mouth with relentless want, he drinks every moan and sigh before it even makes it past your lips. You’ve barely made out for five minutes and you can feel the volume of his hard-on poking at your hip bone. 

Oh, it’s an incomparable rush of dopamine to affect someone so much. 

Seungmin kisses at your lips, cheeks and jaw, nipping and sucking at your skin until he leaves behind his mark; his claim on you. His teeth graze along your skin, erupting goosebumps over its path.

“Don’t– Don’t want to ruin your dress–” You sigh, willing yourself to push him away. 

He smiles against your collarbones.

“Wanna take it off, then?”

An indescribable heat flushes your body.

“Seungmin!!!” You yell. 

“What? Take it off…” His hand reaches for the hem of the dress, toying with the soft tulle. 

“No-!” 

“Let me see your body, hm?” He hums, puppy-eyed and all.

“It’s–” You look away. You could barely fathom the idea of standing naked before anyone let alone the guy you’ve loved for ages. 

Seungmin licks his lips, “Look, I’ve– I’ve been dreaming of this– You, under me…” His fingers ghost against your bare thigh. “I– I… You have no idea what you do to me, now, do you?”

You shake your head.

He reaches for your hand and then places it above the leather-clad bulge that rages in his trousers. As soon as your hand barely grazes the fabric, Seungmin gulps. 

You’re overtaken with a desire to pleasure him.

You’re rid of the dress, – even with your pleas to treasure it, Seungmin throws it aside, eager to feel you bare. 

You attempt to cover your modesty, but he solves that issue by pinning your hands atop your head. As he truly sees your body for the first time, you watch his eyes glisten in true adoration, a dark hint of lust behind them. Your skin burns hot under his attention.

“You’ll be the death of me, y’know…” He jokes, but there’s a hint of truth, his heart pounds against his ribcage. 

He peppers kisses along your chest, tongue licking at your skin, watching you squirm and sigh at his every touch, how your nipples stand hardened and kiss-bitten. Trailing down your stomach, he makes sure to nip at the abundant flesh, to marvel at how plump and absolutely perfect you are. 

Oh, and he mumbles at every move just how ethereal you are.

His lips graze your inner thighs, licking at your skin but not where you need him the most. Every time he breathes against your aching pussy, you practically jump. 

Though he planned to tease you endlessly, Seungmin can barely hold back his wish to do nothing but lose himself between your gorgeous thighs. 

He licks a long, torturous strip along your core.

You squeal. 

But despite your squealing and squirming, Seungmin’s got a strong grip on your hips and he is making sure your pussy is all his for the tasting. And he finds it, he might be the one most affected, after all.

You taste absolutely divine, liquid euphoria flowing through his lips and eager tongue. He eats you out like the world is ending; as if this is all a dream and he will wake up alone and hot in his bedroom. 

And you moan his name with each syllable sounding more tempting than the last. 

Only once you come on his tongue, does he rest; but not for long, no. 

If it were up to him, he would get a couple orgasms out of you, lay in between your legs for hours. 

Seungmin leans back on his knees, admiring just how absolutely fucked-out you look with messy hair and heaving chest. And you look up at him with glossy, swollen lips and teary eyes. He can’t resist you, after all.

He kisses you again and again, fingers fidgeting with his trousers; Goddammit, why didn’t you put a zipper in this finger? Historical accuracy be damned when you want to fuck someone!

After his trousers are off, you urge him to lose the shirt as well and he complies. Seungmin is gorgeous; milky, unblemished skin with a slender build. 

“Look at you, so perfect– So eager– Just for me–” He breathes out, tip teasingly rubbing along your dripping core. 

You mewl, hands reaching out for him.

“Come on, baby, tell me– Tell me what you want.”

“I– I want you… I want you to fuck me.”

He curses a thousand bad words under his breath. 

When he finally slips it in, his fingers dig into your love handles, leaving behind tiny crescent moon shaped marks. You arch into him and he holds you firmly, arms wrapped around your body. 

He manoeuvres your legs over his thighs for a better angle and you feel him reach the deepest parts of your body. And you sigh, letting yourself feel full, stretched beyond bliss. 

It’s only when he notices with a devilish smirk how you’ve started to grind against his hips that he starts to move.

You are bathed in pleasure and lust.

His hands run up and down your leg, worshipping your thighs and your stomach that jiggles with every powerful thrust of his hips. Oh, and your tits, how hypnotic is it that they bounce up and down?

You moan his name over and over, mind hazy with pleasure and he lavishes in that feeling. Of rendering you cockdrunk, providing you with inconceivable bliss.

Seungmin pounds into you relentlessly, skin slapping sounds an obscene symphony that fills your ears, only accompanied by the breathy moans; Oh, the sweetest of sounds were the way he sang your name.

You clench around him, greedy and lovestruck. 

“Minnie– I’m gonna–”

“Shit– Come on, baby. Let go–” He groans out, hand reaching to rub your clit. 

Your second orgasm crashes into your body with an unstoppable explosion. You squirm and Seungmin leans forward to capture your lips in kiss, to drink your most euphoric moans. 

Hands wrapped around his back, you pull him flush to your heaving chest, letting the pleasure find your fuzzy brain. 

When he finally reaches his own climax, he pulls out, painting your skin with translucent ropes of white. Draping over your stomach pale strings of his seed, a claim. 

You’re smiling when his eyes meet yours and he is filled with immense relief; That’s you’re happy and well. 

He lays by your side, pulling you on top of him with a smile that mirrors yours. 

You lay on his chest, drawing figure eights along his soft skin to the stable sound of his heartbeat. Your own heart is draped in joy beyond comprehension. 

“I think the clothes look great,” Seungmin jokes.

You laugh. “Yeah, I think they do.”

[scatterbrainedbot]

I AM SPINNING I AM PACING I AM FULL ON FROLICKING IM SO EXCITED

@d1sc0rd1a THANK U FOR THESE TAGS

okayokayokayokay so pretty much all of these questions will be Officially Answered properly in the character design/intro pages im working on but also i am physically vibrating with excitement about the fact that you noticed all these details and i have very little self control so! lore dump time!!!

(minor tw for mentions of leos self-harm/self-destructive anxious behaviors and unhealthy coping skills)

- mikey does indeed have curly fur! i believe he would be considered a 'rex' rat (pictured on the left) for this trait? though the curls can be more easily seen on mice (pictured on the right). or, at least it seems that way. have not delved too deeply into the details of rodent genes and husbandry, but id assume its the same sort of mutation considering curly haired mice are also referred to as rex sometimes? either way hes a extra floofy bby 🧡

-as for raphie, unfortunately being more fluff and less shell than the average rapheal comes with its downsides. especially if you and your brothers occasionally encounter things like territorial dogs, hungry cats, or sewer crocodiles while exploring places ur dad said not supposed to go. (most of his scars will have more ninja related stories, but his ear i think got messed up from something very animal. probably around age 11 ish? old enough to sneak out from dads protection but young enough to not fully know how to handle himself alone against real danger. thankfully his ear injury looks worse than it actually is for the most part, as the damage was largely to the outer ear. his hearing wasnt super affected, except that he now has a bit of a harder time being able to track/pinpoint noises origins if its on his right side.)

-also yep! dons got some glasses that just clip/rest on the bridge of his nose! theyre mostly just for home use, as they do fall off if hes knocked around. in the field he has some goggles he tends to use (theyre helpful as they have multiple additional functions like heat-imaging, extra zoom/telescoping, and recording capabilities. but also theyll give him headaches if he wears them for too long without breaks). contacts are theoretically also an option but he absolutely hates the sensation of putting them in. so sometimes when hes tired he'll just not bother with either clips or goggles and just squint and struggle. leo hates when he does that lol.

-speaking of leo, he is def an anxious baby :) he has a few patches of fur missing on his hand cos he has the tendency to tug on it while hes thinking. he yanked and chewed on his own tail a lot when he was younger too, which is why when hes older he usually wears some wraps to cover the scars left from that behavior. he finds those scars specifically to be kinda embarrassing and shameful because they werent from any battle or life-lesson, just his own 'inability to control himself'. all of his brothers have repeatedly called him out on the fact that that is not a healthy way to think about his anxiety or mental health, but leo insists hes fine. hes kinda convinced himself that a proper warrior always has control over his own body* and his own thoughts, thus he should be able to just like willpower-brute-force his way into 'being better'. (this line of thinking pisses raph off so much he has to leave and go hit something)

Splinter also tries to talk him through some of that internalized guilt/shame/everything, but splinters very metaphorical, poetic, and indirect when it comes to talking about Big Things, which combined with how much leo gets caught in his own head, makes it kinda hard to gauge how much these talks actually help

*this is made extra fun considering leos also ftm trans, so he is faced with a body that fundamentally disobeys him perhaps more than the average rat-man.

-and im still going back and forth between a few species for splinter, but im leaning mostly towards an African Spurred Tortoise! they have these beautiful if kinda subtle geometric shell patterns and are the third largest species of tortoise in the world. the only thing that doesnt fit perfectly with Splints is that (allegedly) their lifespan in captivity is around 50ish years, whereas im p sure Tortoise Splinter is well over 75, probably closer to 90 when the boys are born and hes mutated into Old Man Papa.

but maybe hes just a particularly long lasting African Spurred Tortoise.

the Hamato family has taken very good care of him for many decades after all. :)

(well. until everything all fell apart, that is.....)

[reneesghostinthelivingroom]

wassup man. hey i got a requestion. Could you write a Regina Georgee fic where she andd NB!Reader are in a secret relationship but Y/N is dysphoric, and regina reassures them she won't leave them for someone else? Lots of praise, physical touch for comfort (smut only if ur comfy!! xx) + regina wears Y/N's letterman jacket to hard launch at school the next day so everyone knows her ass is owned by Y/N? If you do make it smut, bottom!regina would be great with whimpering and begging Thanksssssssssssssss

You're Beautiful ||

|| Regina George x nonbinary!reader

|| Warnings: minors don't interact, first time posting smut (just a small amount, isn't the main focus and doesn't go overly detailed; does skip through some of it), body dysphoria and description of how it feels, reader being upset, some swearing, regina comforting reader which means somewhat out of character regina, bottom!regina, top!reader

|| Summary: Reader struggles with body dysphoria, Regina assures the reader they're beautiful which leads to reader showing Regina they're thankful for her... the next day, Regina shows the school who owns them.

Requests open!

Started: May 2nd

Finished: May 10th

~~~

This week has been absolutely awful, mental health wise. Everything else was about the same. Which you were grateful for, you really didn't need any extra stress from school drama or assignments.

You had stayed the night at Regina's place, having decided to have a cozy Thursday night in with your girlfriend instead of attending the usual parties and such. You ordered take out and watched a movie. Regina's always had this certain image about her, but behind closed doors? When it was just the two of you? She could be so uncharacteristically soft. The first time it happened you had to do a double take and stare at her; wondering if that was really your girlfriend or if she had a twin you didn't know about.

Speaking of her being your girlfriend. Nobody knew about the two of you. You were considered an outcast for your gender identity, the only ones in the school that didn't judge you (besides your girlfriend) were Janis and Damien. They were pretty much your best friends because of it. And only friends...

You were currently getting changed in the bathroom; something you usually did, much to Regina's annoyance. She would always tell you you could change in front of her, that she didn't mind and in fact insisted that you did this. It's not like she hasn't seen you like that before anyway. But you always made up some excuse for why you couldn't and then scrambled off to the bathroom before she could stop you.

Today had been no different.

When you finally got out, Regina turned and looked at you. Eyes scanning your body. Instinctively your arms went to your stomach and you took a step back. Trying to avoid her gaze. You hadn't changed into anything different, just your regular set of pyjamas. Despite that you couldn't help feeling self conscious about your body. It wasn't what you wanted. Some days, you managed... others? Others were harder. You wished certain body parts could just be detachable. Well, they were with the right surgery but you didn't have that kind of money and you sure as hell weren't about to ask Regina.

When you backed away from her, she raised an eyebrow and took a couple steps closer until her hands gripped your waist and pulled you in flush against her.

"Where do you think you're going?" She smirked at you, hand trailing up your side. Sending a shiver down your spine as you bit your bottom lip in response.

"I..." You take a breath, gathering your thoughts. Do you tell her about your insecurities? "Not today, Regina. Please." You voice was barely above a whisper, feeling vulnerable in the moment.

She looked almost offended for a brief second but her features softened as she looked into your eyes, trying to get a good read on how you were feeling. She could see your vulnerability and it all clicked in place.

She sighed deeply and grabbed your hand, pulling you over to the bed as she made you sit down before straddling your lap and looking into your eyes. Her hand rested under your chin.

"You are fucking beautiful." Regina whispered, giving your jawline a kiss." So damn handsome."

"Regina- that's not-" You stuttered out, though whatever you were going to say died in your throat as she kissed your jawline. Your hands instinctively went to wrap around her waist to keep her in your lap.

"What? That's not true?" Regina's eyes met yours again and you shook your head. That wasn't what you were going to say.

"That's not what I meant. I can't stand my body, it makes me feel sick just thinking about it. This isn't who I am in my head and it hurts. How can you be with someone like me? Someone who can't even accept their own body?" You admitted out loud how you really felt, it felt good haven't it out but it hurt talking about it. Tears brimmed your eyes.

Regina frowned as she listened to you, she knew being nonbinary was hard for you. She knew you were hurting. She never realized just how much.

"Because I love your body. I love your mind. I love you. Alright? I'm not going to fucking leave you for someone else, you have what I want even if you can't see it for yourself. You're beautiful." Regina replied, her hands trailing along your sides as she speaks; making you shiver under her touches.

"Alright?" She asked again, her lips now brushing against your neck. You tilt your head to the side almost instinctively, allowing for her to have easier access as she kisses your neck. Sucking on the skin until a mark is left behind. Her finger gently touch it, making you shudder as she laughs a little. You were so easy. Every little thing she did had an effect on you.

"Mm..." You tried talking, but it came out as a soft hum instead of the 'okay' you had tried to say. Your mind wasn't fully settled, Regina could tell just looking into your eyes.

"You're beautiful. My handsome partner." Regina whispered into your ear, making you blush. You could tell what she was doing, giving praise to lessen your thoughts. You appreciated her for it.

You nodded slowly, taking in her words and allowing them to sink into your mind. Even if they were hard to accept.

"Better?" She asked, her hand now resting below your neck as her fingers just barely graze against it.

"Better... thank you." You mumbled, letting your eyes close as you melted under her touch.

"That's not a real thank you. Show me just how much you appreciate me." She whispered into your ear again, you blushed a deeper shade of red as you read between the lines of what Regina really meant.

She looked at you expectantly, you rolled your eyes but that didn't hide the smile (or blush) on your cheeks.

Regina smirked when she saw it and laid back in bed, head rested on the pillow as she grabbed you by your arms and pulled you on top of her.

You easily followed, laying your body down on hers as you began giving her neck soft kisses. Her head tilted to the side in response, eyes closed as she melted into the feeling.

Regina wouldn't call herself submissive, she wasn't submitting to you. She was more of a pillow princess, she wanted her body to be worshipped by you. Treated like a Goddess.

Your soft kisses became harder as you sucked on her skin, leaving that oh so familiar mark. Matching the one Regina had given you just moments before. You heard a soft whimper escape Regina's lips, so you kept going. Getting more of that sound from her. You made sure to start slow so you could worship her body the way she had wanted; and show her just how thankful you were. You'd spend the whole night treating her if you could.

"More... please." Regina almost begged, her tone sounding desperate. Part of her wanted you to just skip the worshipping and get right into the hard stuff, the other part of her wanted to be worshipped and praised. She felt torn.

"Hm? What's that, baby?" You smirked against her neck, looking up for a brief moment to lock eyes with hers. God, you loved being able to make her this desperate.

Regina gritted her teeth, trying to keep herself from begging for it but she knew you wouldn't give her what she wanted if she didn't.

"Fuck you." She cursed, you held back a laugh. You knew she was just frustrated with how you were doing this.

"Keep talking like that and I'll just stop all together." You whispered in her ear, sending a shiver through her body." Go on, beg me."

Regina's eyes closed again as she kept her mouth shut, when she felt you start to pull away and get up... she grabbed you and held you in place on top of her.

"Don't stop."

You smirked, knowing you had her exactly where you wanted her. You gave her throat a kiss and continued on with what you had been doing before... only you upped it a notch like Regina had asked for.

~~~

The next morning, you had woken up sore as you took your spare clothes and went to change in the bathroom like you normally did. Regina had felt you getting out of bed and started to stir, sitting up and rubbing one of her eyes.

Her eyes narrow when she sees you heading to the bathroom with your clothes.

"Y/N." Regina spoke up, her tone a mixture of stern and tired with sleep.

You stopped in your tracks, hand on the door frame as you looked back at your girlfriend and tilted your head in confusion.

"Yeah?"

"Get your ass over here." Regina demands, you sigh and listen. Going to her bedside. She grabs you by your waist and suddenly pulls you into her lap, making you gasp at the sudden action.

"Regina-"

She cuts you off with a kiss, making you quickly shut up and melt into her body.

Regina parts the kiss and stares into your eyes, hand gripping your chin to make sure you had your full attention on her.

"You're changing out here. Repeat what I told you yesterday." Her tone was stern, but it didn't come from a place of meanness like it usually does for everyone else. She was always a little softer on you.

"You told me a lot of things yesterday," You gave a teasing response back, you knew what Regina wanted you to say. You wanted to see how much you could get away with.

She rolled her eyes, her grip tightening around your chin just slightly." Don't be a smartass."

"Fine... I'm beautiful." You muttered, she could tell by how you said it you didn't mean it.

"Y/N." Her tone remained the same.

"I'm beautiful." You repeat, Regina kissed your cheek and let go of your chin.

"Damn right you are. Now get dressed. Where's your jacket?" She added, looking around her room for a brief moment to see if she could spot it.

You looked at her in confusion. Your jacket?

"My letterman jacket?" You asked, wondering why the hell Regina would want it.

"Yeah. Where'd you put it?"

"Um... I think it's on the couch downstairs. Why?"

Regina rolled her eyes, getting out of bed. There was a slight shake in her legs which made you smirk, feeling pretty damn proud of yourself because you knew she was still effected by the night before.

"I'm wearing it. Obviously."

"To school?" Your eyes widened a little, that jacket had your last name on it. Was she seriously about to reveal your relationship?

"No, to a funeral. Yes, dumbass." Regina narrowed her eyes, annoyed with the amount of questions you were asking though she couldn't help feeling a little amused when she saw your reaction. She was planning on hard launching your relationship. She wanted people to know she was taken by you. She wanted it to be the talk of the school. She knew exactly what she was doing with this.

And sure enough, everyone at school knew Regina belonged to you and that you belonged to her. When they saw her in your jacket it started so many rumours and for the first time in your entire highschool life... nobody bothered you. They didn't want to risk the wrath of Regina George.

[7ndipity]

Secret Crush

Ot7 x Reader

Summary: How they would handle having a secret crush on reader who’s not a celebrity and/or only views them as a friend, so they can’t show their affection.

Warnings: lil angsty,

A/N: Thanks to the lovely anons who requested this! This is slightly similar to the falling for a friend hcs I did a while back, but I thought I’d try to cover the more unrequited aspects, though I'm not the best at those. Hope you like it anyway!

Masterlist

Requests are open

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Jin:

GUILT. He honestly feels so bad that he’s put you in this awkward of a situation, even though you don’t have a clue you’re even in an awkward situation.

As I said before, I think he would try to content himself with just being the best ‘best friend’ you could ever ask for.

Which works, until it doesn’t. Because the closer you get, the harder it is for him to hide his feelings.

He fusses/worries about you a lot.

Would probably get jealous surprisingly easy, but try and brush it off with comments like “They’re just not good enough for you.”

Yoongi:

I’ve said it before, if he doesn’t want you to know about something, you. will. never. know. and that’s especially true when it comes to this.

Even if he’s absolutely head over heels for you, you won’t catch on, bc he finds legitamite excuses for any questionable behavior he might display around you.

Becomes a bit standoff-ish at times, but if he ever sees you struggling with something or needing help, he’s there in an instant.

It honestly gives you whiplash how fast he goes from ‘I don’t care’ to ‘I care a lot actually’, but he claims he’s just trying to be a good friend.

Y’all probably fight a lot, but If anybody else ever hurts/upsets you tho, he will end them(only half joking).

Hobi:

Again, as I said before, he’s naturally a very affectionate person, so how he’d behave towards his crush wouldn’t be that different from how he is with his other friends.

But on the inside, I think he would be overanilyzing everything, trying to make sure he’s not overstepping any bounderies.

Very much the ‘suck it up and smile’ mentality, which isn’t exactly the best/healthiest approach, but he doesn’t care.

So long as you’re happy, he’s happy.

I actually think he would be one of the worst at this kind of dynamic, he’d either end up confessing or distancing himself.😥

Namjoon:

So conflicted.

Might try and distance himself from you at first, bc he thinks it’ll make it easier from him to get over you, but then he just feels lonely all the time, and he’d rather be with you than without you, so he just tries to suck it up and pretend everythings cool.

Which he’s pretty good at, to an extent.

Literally can not stand seeing you flirt or show interest in anyone else tho, like it makes him feel physically unwell. If you do, he’s ghosting for a bit.

You end up developing a very intense ‘on again, off again’ friendship, which results in more than a few fights between you😖

Jimin:

As usual, Jimin is the personification of confusion for me.

Bc he doesn’t exactly hide his feelings towards you, but he’s always tacking on the line of ‘as a friend’ to the end of everything to avoid looking suspisious.

Flirting is basically his second language tho and that will not change unless it makes you uncomfortable, and then he’s the image polite respectfulness.

He just always wants you to be comfortable and happy, but he can get a bit over protective at times for seemingly no reason.

Every now and then though, it starts to weigh on him a bit more and he gets a bit moody and distant.

Taehyung:

Acts completly normal, until he doesn’t.

Can go from beaming and having the best time with you to sad puppy in instant bc he caught himself going to hold your hand or smth, and he has the record scratch moment of ‘wait no, that’s not what friends do’.

Of course you catch these sudden drops in his mood, but he never tells you what’s going on, so you just try to stick closer to him to make him feel better.

Which only increases his frustration sometimes, but other times he can’t help indulging in the affection when he can get it.

Tends to feel guilty afterwards for not being honest with you, but he’d rather have you as just a friend than potentially not at all.

Jungkook:

Not the best at hiding his feelings, but he manages.

His main issue is that he gets jealous and overprotective very easily, but knows he can’t exactly keep you close without drawing attention to himself.

Has nearly gotten into several fights bc he didn’t like the way someone was looking at/treating you. You joke that he’s your guard dog, but he takes it seriously.

Similar to Joon, y’all would end up with this ‘on and off’ type relationship that goes from being super close to barely talking.

Another that I think would either end up confessing anyway, just to get it out there, or pulling away.

[theredqueenandthebloodwyrm]

I see we’re just reposting things without sources for some reason?? I’m going to go out on a limb here and say it’s because the tweet used the magic word “Zionist” which is taken to be “irredeemably evil and vile person”. For context, the context which that tweet purposely left out (and yeah I’m going to say it’s fucking purposeful) is this article by the NPR. Inside this article the allegedly pro-Palestine posts on social media were fucking videos of the Hamas on October 7th. So, yeah if you’re reposting antisemitic stuff (blatantly antisemitic too), fuck you.

The images that came out of Israel on October 7 were brutal and graphic, and the images coming out of Gaza for months now are constant, also brutal and horrific. All this violence is being shared on social media, and as KQED's Lesley McClurg reports, that's affecting the mental health of Americans with loved ones in Gaza and in Israel. A warning - this story contains descriptions of violence. LESLEY MCCLURG, BYLINE: Some of the footage Shoshana Howard (ph) saw on social media months ago still haunts her. A video appears to show a Hamas fighter pulling an Israeli hostage from the trunk of a jeep. CNN aired a clip of the video. (SOUNDBITE OF ARCHIVED RECORDING) UNIDENTIFIED PERSON: Her face is bleeding, and her wrists appear to be cable-tied behind her back. MCCLURG: It looks like blood is seeping through the back of the woman's sweatpants. SHOSHANA HOWARD: And that broke me - and then seeing friends calling it liberation. MCCLURG: Howard, who is Jewish, couldn't believe people she knew were writing comments online that, to her, felt inhumane and anti-Jewish. HOWARD: That's when I started to have night terrors, and I was ending my days going into my closet and just would cry. MCCLURG: She couldn't stop thinking about her cousins living in Israel. As the days passed, it became harder to focus on her life and work in Oakland. HOWARD: Like, I just was so fragile. MCCLURG: And then recently, she felt shamed by a friend who told her her grief doesn't matter when so many Palestinians are suffering.

Is it “making the argument” to point out the hypocrisy of saying the Houthis (a terror organization) are protecting international laws and human rights when there’s documented evidence of Houthis perpetrating slavery, diverting humanitarian aid, and so on? Or you know, is it providing necessary context that readers might want to know?

And the comments below that tweet are awful (with a few exceptions rightfully pointing out accuracy of said community note and how slavery is in fact bad).

Antisemitic Tweet #1: This is what all community notes have become now. Total Zionist propaganda machine.

Antisemitic Tweet #2: There's been an influx of "community notes" that are clearly just people trying to protect the narrative.

Antisemitic Tweet #3: It's like the Israeli Bot accounts that change the community notes to favor Israel.

Already reblogged multiple posts explaining what's wrong with the Houthis with sources attached, so linking those now to save space (rather than adding ten different links).

This? This is what you say on October 7th, 2023?

Shaun: Lot of reaping being condemned by the sowers today. Shaun (cont.): I'm talking about politicians who stridently oppose all options except those which lead to violence and then act shocked violence occurs. Their condemnations of violence are worthless while they ignore their hand in the apartheid causing it.

October 7th was an attack against civilians where hostages were taken, people were murdered, people who advocated for peace were harmed, killed, and so on.

I also noticed a tweet not too far down from that one which said the following:

Lots of people in these comments very mad that Palestinians aren't being victims of occupation in the right and proper way.

No, people are mad about civilians being massacred and taken as hostages by a terrorist organization. The lack of empathy is something.

[kelocitta]

Hey I was just wanting to ask if you some tips on drawing Slugcat legs. I really want to be able to draw these little cuties and I have everything else done but the legs (specifically poses and action) is really tough for me

It'll depend heavily on how you actually wanna do their legs, but since your asking me I'll assume you like how i do them- I draw them digitigrade when in motion, which basically means that the weight of the animal is carried on the on the toes (the other is plantigrade, which means the back of the foot makes contact with the ground when moving.) This is important since it changes how the leg tends to be formed and rest, but slugcats have a lot of flexibility here.

The other thing to keep in mind is that slugcats are *sleek* and tend to be smooth no matter what pose they're in, so you can hide the specifics of the legs under this and squash and stretch them as you see fit. Think about how fur or feathers tend to hide exactly how the body looks (and thats why so many animals look weird when wet and all that stuff lays flat) As for how I do it, I try to keep slugcats to a tube or triangle shape with most of the weight/fat being in the hips and tail. In most cases, you can get away with just imaging the leg as a flexible ball, and treat the foot as a point (like your pulling on a water balloon). The further the foot from the body, the more that ball stretches. The specifics of whats going *on* in the ball can be hidden unless its its really stretched out

Mentally I don't put much thought into it, but if you need more structure think of the bones of the leg as three sections- the foot, fibula/tibia (Lower leg bones) and femur (Upper leg bone/thigh). Digitigrade and plantigrade tend to favor certain positioning, but ultimately the only major focus is on how the foot functions. Digitigrade in particular tends to favor this sort of 'z' formation even when fully stretched (Humans, in contrast, are plantigrade, and our legs can be fully straighten out even if they still fold the same way). So if your going for that you'll always want to keep a bit of a 'z' shape even if your stretching it waaay out. When at rest, I keep the foot of the slugcat flat. But anytime it's in motion or would be active they shift weight to their toes. You could keep them fully plantigrade, but personally I think digitigrade allows for easier shows of motion and more natural looking action shots with the upright posture if you dont want to stretch the leg out fully. Also i just like the look of it more. (If you want to get into biology more, this would normally be hard on the legs weight-wise, but I like to imagine slugcats are mixed tripedal rather than strict bipeds, and make use of their tails as a third grounding point.)

And heres a very quick run over some of the official cutscenes to show similar:

I personally just wing it when it comes to the sizes of those sections, but a general rule of thumb is that everything gets shorter as you go down- the upper leg has the longest bones, then the middle leg, then the foot. A lot of that is hidden in the body of the slugcat, but keeping that in mind might help keep the leg length feeling natural. (But the biggest secret is that your drawing a fake, stretchy blobby animal so you can bs a lot and be imperfect and honestly just do whatever in a lot of cases and not end up with something that noticeably wrong. This DOES get a little harder if you draw them more lithe or cat like, just because that exposes the leg more) And lastly, if cutscene art isnt helping and you might benefit from a real life reference- rather than using an actual cat I would actually recommend mustelid like a ferret, otter or stoat. They're plantigrade rather than digitigrade, but their form and posturing is a little bit closer to the slugcat and it might help with visualizing the way the legs can sink into the body. I will give a heads up that these are little predators so general search results do tend to show them hunting small animals like mice, if your sensitive to that stick to domestic ferrets for safer results.

Just remember to fatten them up- they're way longer and thinner than slugcats are

[titan-god-helios]

simply existing as neurodivergent is tiring.

no matter which it is, every neurodivergence comes with its own set of symptoms and traits that makes even sitting and trying to relax something that takes energy.

for me, my adhd makes it so that i have a CONSTANT inner monologue. and that "monologue" consists of SO much. it feels like there's a main monologue of my most prominent thoughts, another monologue in the background and another after that too, with music playing off in the distance, mental images flashing in and out and also having to stay present in the real world so i don't fuck everything up in real life. my brain is always on high speed and when it isn't there's still mental noise regardless from the monologue. and its fucking tiring. it makes my social battery lower than ever and means that i never truly get a moments' peace unless i superengineer my surroundings to force it. which again, takes energy.

if you add the fact that my autism connotes sensory issues, a baseline of anxiety for pretty much everything due to yk. uncertainty of situations, having to mask and be hypervigilant to keep up my masking etc, it becomes even more tiring. masking whilst being distracted in a conversation is even harder.

then my npd dogpiles essentially and makes it so there's a subsection of my inner monologue dedicated to screaming at me and mocking me or others all the time. that's fucking tiring.

i get intrusive thoughts. i disassociate a lot. my mood can change very quickly due to the emotional dysregulation that comes with my everything. that's tiring.

it feels like my brain is constantly doing its best to fuck with me at all times. and its doing a pretty damn good job at it.

that's not to mention other neurodivergences that other people may have such as did/osdd, schizospec disorders, cluster a, b and c personality disorders, down syndrome, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dysgraphia, dyscalculia, bipolar disorder, synaesthesia, intellectual disabilities, auditory processing disorders, anxiety disorders, depressive disorders, tourettes' syndrome, tic disorders, cerebral palsy, parkinsons', alexithymia (which i have and makes it exhausting to just. figure out how you feel at any given time and makes things such as giving consent much harder and lengthier) and so on

if you happen to have physical disabilities alongside neurodivergence, it's even fucking harder.

it's fucking hard. it's not a bed of roses, or doesn't only affect us when we're doing stuff. us sitting on the couch and trying to relax may take enormous amounts of effort that you simply do not see.

please be patient with us. we're trying our best.

[bitchesgetriches]

Bitches I need some advice.

I'm fat, okay? I'm not ashamed about it. It just... Is. I'm fat.

Being fat is also fucking me up. It's causing me sleep problems, it's fucking my joints, I can't walk as far as I used to, I haven't run in years.

I want to lose weight. Not for anyone else. For me. I want to be fit again.

I'm surrounded by people telling me I'm "not fat" and need to "love myself like I am". I'm 210lb and 5'3". Ya girl is fat. And I'm okay with that it's not a bad word. I love myself. But I also love the things I used to be able to do when I was fitter. It's just really fucking hard.

I've got zero support left and right. And I don't know what to do. I know this isn't your area of expertise, but you're such great internet mamas that maybe you can help.

My darling child, we are SO humbled that you came to us with this. And while this isn't an area of our OFFICIAL expertise... weight and athleticism is something that I, Piggy, personally think a lot about! So let me see if I can offer some support to you, my beloved fat child.

By way of background: I have never been fat. Heavier than I want currently, but not fat. So I don't completely understand what you're going through. I have always been an athlete of one sort or the other. But more than that, I have always had the privilege of being relatively skinny without trying. At peak fitness I was running and rock climbing and doing all the stretchy and weight-trainy stuff. I was 5'5" and 130 lbs of jacked Bitch.

I am also a proud Italian American woman, which means that after 30 genetics decreed that I start putting on weight and rounding out and coming into my full Zia-ness. I'm currently 155 lbs. and running/climbing/stretching/jumping about/weight training is getting harder and harder. And that's frustrating to me.

Fat is not a bad word, merely a descriptor. So I'mma use it just as you have! I'm proud that you are prioritizing your health and ability to do what you love over losing weight for the sake of just being smaller. Because let's be clear: weight and health do not necessarily go hand in hand. If your goal is to improve your sleep quality, energy levels, and joint pain, then you should focus on activities that will work directly on those issues. Maybe that'll lead to weight loss--maybe not!

A lot of the medical establishment is cruel to fat people, so I'd be cautious about approaching this with your doctor. But you SHOULD get medical guidance before embarking on any kind of physical change. If your doctor says "Well, just lose weight through diet and exercise!" then you might want to look for a new doctor. If they instead offer practical solutions for incremental improvement, then great.

One of my favorite athletes is The Mirnavator. She's a fat marathon runner and offers a lot of information on how to start walking more and running as a fat person. I think she'll be a good role model for you as she focuses a lot on energy and joint health.

Also, you should check out Aubrey Gordon's blog Your Fat Friend and her podcast with Michael Hobbes, Maintenance Phase. She's also got some great books out! She's a fat expert on weight loss and diet culture. And her insights into healthy nutrition and body image are amazing. Her data-based approach will help you avoid the extreme dieting and weight loss trends that can hurt your health. Plus she's funny as fuck.

Lastly I will just say that mental health is tied to physical health. You're bummed about not doing the things you use to be able to do... and that probably makes it a lot harder to change! Acknowledge any depression or anxiety you feel about being fat and give yourself compassion. Start small and do what feels good.

Now here are two VERY old articles I wrote when I knew less about fatness. I think they still have a little bit to offer, though:

Why You Probably Don't Need That Gym Membership

Run With Me if You Want to Save: How Exercising Will Save You Money 

Any fat members of Bitch Nation who want to weigh in? Uh... pun not intended.