#Like Ryuu and Dazai

[w3ndytheraccoon]

I really hate Stolas, btw. I would have like him if they didn't constantly victimised him and make him the "good" one in the situation and villainised Blitz for having self-esteem issues, but they did so I hate Stolas.

Also Apology Tour is such a bullshit episode the only ones who deserved an apology from Blitz are Verosika for stealing and maxxing her card and abandoning her and M&M for stalking on them

[inamagicalhallucination]

atsushi: do u wanna go to this really sappy and overly cute thing for couples with me

akutagawa: no

atsushi: oh okay how about we do something el-

akutagawa: wait don't ask someone else i'll go

[cephaloph0re]

akutagawa proving himself unbearably chuuya nakahara coded

[rosalinesurvived]

The “Your loved ones wouldn’t approve of this!” “Yes they do” Trope is fully Ryunnosuke and Gin. Listen to me, on her job Gin is just as unchill and murderous and angry and Victorian Hysteria as Ryunosuke, even more so in fact since he’s been hindered by his illness/Dazai induced emotional manipulation.

[akuarchives]

Chapter 8

[no-brain-just-akutagawa]

Having Dazai as my icon once again feels so nostalgic

[sharpiedoodleee]

y’know, i can forgive dazais numerous acts of terrorism but i think about the obbsession he gave ryuu a lot

[banooky]

i cant reblog without the tags bc they add sm to it

Dazai tries to find a reason to live through the mafia so he gives Akutagawa a reason to live by bringing him into the mafia haahahaha heehehehee Asagiri why are you like this

[starlightshadowsworld]

Some of my favourite little details in Bungou Stray Dogs (contains manga spoilers)

-In terms of ying and yang, tiger and dragon are opposites. Atsushi’s a weretiger and Akutugawa’s first name is Ryuunosuke with “Ryuu” meaning dragon.

And their hair and clothes colour schemes are the same as each ying yang symbol.

-As a teen Chuuya kept his hands in his pockets as a teen to remind him not to lose himself. Something he seems to replace with wearing gloves as he takes them off before using corruption.

And when he’s pretending to be a vampire the gloves stay on because he’s still himself.

-The painting that Hirotsu insults when meeting with Dazai at the end of the Guild arc is one that the real Osamu Dazai painted.

-In Kunikida and Katai’s brilliant days, someone breaks into Katai’s house to try and kill him. And in the present day Katai has a hidden camera in his room.

-Demon Snow resembling Kyouka’s mother, her original user and the one who passed the ability onto Kyouka.

-Dazai meowing at Fyodor in Dead Apple in response to being compared to a rat like him.

-Atsushi gets kicked out of the orphanage because the tiger escaped and ate their livestock. In the orphanage flashbacks, we only ever see Atsushi imprisoned but never the tiger.

Showing that they are one and the same.

-The incident that awakened Kenji’s rage state was his best friend being killed. He awakens that same state in the present after being told Atsushi’s going to die.

-The necklace Shunzen Tachihara wears in the war with the engraved message of being saved by Yosano is in the shape of a coffin.

-Fitzgerald wanting to get the book to bring back his daughter for his wife and naming the Guilds Headquarters after her. And when he’s defeated it’s his wedding ring that saves him.

-In Dead Apple during the Dragons Head incident, Dazai says that he was shot 3 extra times. To which Chuuya says “aw you poor baby, want me to pick up when he left off?”

And in Mersault, Chuuya “kills” Dazai and then proceeds to shoot him 3 extra times.

-Also shooting someone 3 times is part of the Port Mafia’s method of disposing of traitors, like Dazai. But Chuuya never completes the method which could have hinted at Dazai being still alive.

-The move Kunikida shows Atsushi, taking his hand and flipping over onto the ground is the same move he uses to take down Hirotsu during the raid.

-The line Dazai says to Fyodor at the end of the Mersault arc, “even all your strength can’t kill me” is the same thing Dazai says to Atsushi during their fight in the first episode.

-Akutagawa’s orders in the DOA arc were to not to intervene unless he saw a smoke signal. When he returns to aid Atsushi at the airport it’s after Kunikida sent out a smoke signal.

-Akutugawa knowing the true power of Atsushi’s claws because they’ve cut through Rashomon.

-Adam (Stormbringer) is the first artificial creation of his kind. And he reaffirms Chuuya’s humanity, even being referred too at one point as speaking to him as parent would to a child.

In some respects making Chuuya a son of Adam.

-The Port Mafia has a tradition where those who mentor / are responsible for you give you a piece of their clothing. Every piece of Atsushi’s uniform is something owned by a member of the Agency.

-The scene in the anime where Dazai leaves the Port Mafia and the scene where Mori and Fukuzawa make their deal are alike.

-Chuuya always stands on the side that Dazai has/had his eye covered. And after the events of Mersault he stands on the side of Dazai’s broken leg.

-When Poe recalls losing Ranpo he is in darkness while Ranpo’s in light. But when Ranpo recalls the event he envisions them both in the light.

[luffyvace]

Akutagawa as your boyfriend ☀︎

Umm happy late b day Aku…😭 I’m totally super late for this I KNOW. But! I’m doing it anyway! >:3 late or not :P Plus I Just wanted to write for him since I really like this dude (〃ω〃) (Light blood, death and killing mentions but not in detail)

Akutagawa b day hcs first >;}

planning everything out and hiding it from him is kind of a task. 😅 the guy’s pretty stealthy himself so ya gotta make sure he doesn’t sneak up on you while your prepping things.

Buuut with the help of everyone from the port mafia (except Mori- joking! he does help but Elise does 90% of the work) you planned a mini party <3

Gin got the food! (Figs and tea enters chat)

Higuchi got the decorations! (streamers, balloons, tables, chairs)

Hirotsu keeps akutagawa busy (tea and chatting LOL)

Elise makes the banners (hints poorly drawn dead versions of everyone—extra blood for aku<3)

Kajii makes (lemon shaped) confetti poppers!!

Koyo hosted/recorded it all 💗

Chuuya brought wine and the cake (both were really expensive and tasty good job Chuuya)

Q brought lots of presents!! :3

Annnnd Tachihara! Brought some ~port mafia style~ party games (you played mafia LOL)

now general relationship things 😚

He treats you like how he does Gin, there is peace between the two of you and you have friendly interactions. (Romantic as well, for you) he will even go as far as to do favors for you but we’ll dabble in that more later ☆)

acts of service is his #1 love language. There’s no convincing me otherwise. When I say ‘he will do anything for you’ besides killing this is what I mean. You really don’t have to ask either. I talk about this some more later but, examples: done with your plate? He’ll take it. He remembers you said you needed xyz, he got it for you. You said you wanted to ____ but you fell asleep, so he did it.

hope you get along with Gin because to continue a relationship with him past 2 minutes, you need to. He will never choose friends over family. I stand on that.

honest man.

Its canon, of course this would apply to a relationship too :)

you never have to worry about him lying, thankfullly. the bad news is…this guy isn’t just honest..he’s brutally honest 😀

which he’s not dumb, but he’s also not one to pacify feelings. So say you created something and you’ve been working on this piece for a while now, (whether your an artist, writer, sculptor, something else—whatever), he takes a look at it and singlehandedly points out all the flaws 🧍‍♀️

not in a rude way-

just genuinely telling your mistakes. Which- I know can hurt because you spent a lot of time on it…..but as lest you can fix it now..? 🤷‍♀️

He respects you. Of course he does! How could you love someone you don’t respect?!

why I’m mentioning this then?? Because to him, respect is very important. There’s few that he respects personally and not because of his job.

like Dazai (sorta bc of his job but shh), Gin or Atsushi (somewhat)

And just to clear it up those he has respect for because of his job would be mori or hirotsu

so the fact that you have his respect is a mile stone!! 👯‍♀️💃💃

He’s loyal but it ain’t a fault 😋🤪

seriously tho this dude is still chasing Dazai even after he “disgraced the mafia’s name” and left to the ada

So for you?? This is simply proof that he ain’t neva leavin you, and you ain’t neva leavin him 😙 (I don’t make the rules)

even If he disagrees with your actions/opinions he will talk it out with you 😱

now he might sound a bit upset, and if your acting absolute bonkers rn and need some sense smacked into you- he might yell too. But that’s mostly if it’s for your well being.

other than that, yes the hotheaded Ryuu will calm down for you (that kinda rhymes ☝️🤓)

Bonus!:

living with the Akutagawa’s! ( ✌︎'ω')✌︎

going more into acts of service, you and Gin hardly ever have to worry about chores or errands

he doesn’t really do it for the purpose of your validation, and genuinely doesn’t expect a thank you either

”hm? Oh…it’s nothing.”

Is his response when you try to thank him

he does it because he’s responsible not for praise

although I will say, seeing as though he has a lot of respect for you, as I said earlier, you may get a semi flustered/shocked facial expression

not necessarily blushing, just a expression that shows it caught him off guard ;P

Its not uncommon to see him cleaning around the house and asking if you have any laundry

housewife Ryuunosuke LOL 😂

When goes out to get groceries he asks you and Gin if there’s anything specific you want him to buy and if yes, he’ll get it for you

just like in the anime with Gin, he doesn’t mind doing favors for you as well <3

if you decide you wanna clean up or go to the store yourself he won’t stop you and be like ‘nonono I got it you sit down 🥺’. I don’t mean this in a bad way but he’s not a gentleman on purpose

I feel he’s the type of guy to do things that you consider gentlemanly but he just considers it being polite

oh it’s fine he’s got the groceries 👌

got a order for pick up? Oh well he was going out anyway, he’ll get it 🤷

he’s got the door 👍

don’t worry about the bill he’ll pay it (restaurant or house bill 😉)

another thing…! ♡

sometimes when you and Gin wanna watch a movie but Ryuu’s still doing the dishes….

Rashomon!

do the dishes :3 (while he watches the movie with you guys)

I wasn’t gonna write these at first but I’m real glad I did! I love these and finally wrote for our guy Ryuunosuke!!

WHEN I TYPED DAZAI’S NAME IT AUTOCORRECTED FO DASANI AT FIRST HAHAHHAHA

[amaranthineink]

BSD: Cat or Dog Person?

Pet headcanons for BSD characters <3 This was originally for my college AU I'm making but it applies to the OG universe too!

In no particular order:

Dazai-NOT a dog person. He's okay with cats, but he wouldn't own one, just happily pet other people's cats.

Chuuya- Loves dogs :) He probably has several, and has a whole plan in place in case he dies on a mission. He gets them from everywhere- instead of Mr-steal-ya-girl, he'll steal your dog if it's left alone with him too long. Most likely names them after types of wine or something similar.

Fyodor- Maybe a very well-behaved cat named after a Russian tsar or philosopher. (If you headcanon Fyodor with epilepsy/some other issue, a well-trained service dog named Rodion Raskolnikov  [“Rodya,” “Rodka”] after the main character of Crime and Punishment.) He's not big on pets, but could definitely train one to be exactly what he wants from an animal.

Jouno- Doesn't strike me as a pet person. Probably would get too annoyed with an animal- they would move stuff that he couldn't predict and it would be too much of a problem. Also, animals don't operate like humans, so his whole sadism thing would be thrown off.

Tetcho and Teruko- Two big-ass dobermen, brother and sister. Named something 'intimidatingly' edgy by Teruko, like 'bonecrusher'' and 'bloodmauler'. Tetcho's is playful and semi-energetic. Teruko's is scarily calm and patient, to the point the personality of the dog and Teruko are almost opposite. Teruko definitely chose the larger one, which just happens to be the girl (bc females are typically larger!)

Tachihara- Dogs. Lots of them. Everywhere. They were definitely brought with him to the PM and he definitely added a couple while in the PM. They are all probably strays or pound dogs.

Akutagawa siblings- Gin 'received' a dog after assassinating its owner. Ryuu just has to put up with it for the sake of his sister. It's a good dog, too- could be sold for a lot, but Gin wants to keep it. If someone broke into their house, Ryuu would murderate them purely to keep Gin from being upset over the dog. I don't see Ryuu wanting an animal otherwise.

Atsushi- A singular cat, or nothing. May actually fail to keep a pet despite his best efforts because he's a tiger and is very territorial. Has probably had to rehome pets to Ranpo and Fukazawa.

Ranpo(+Fukazawa)- Has literal thousands of cats in their house. Stray cats just simply flock to Fukazawa, and they never turn away an animal. A singular dog in the havoc, Ranpo's service dog- a form of homing pigeon in dog form. When Ranpo goes outside without a companion, he has his navigator dog who is trained to help Ranpo find his way. Smart ahh dog knows the vague layout of Yokohama and all Ranpo has to do is let the dog smell something from the area he wants to go, and BOOM, magic navigator dog.

Kunikida- Couldn't physically handle an animal :/

Yosano- Probabably too unsanitary to have a pet, but she would probably get scary dog privileges (But she's the scary part)

Higuchi- I can see her either have a pitbull or a yappy dog.

Ango- Cat. No comment.

Sigma- Either a calm cat or a really well-trained dog, both well-bred and self-trained. Emotional support animal.

Mushitaro- Something furless because he would CRASH OUT if a single hair got on his tailored clothes. Maybe something small and exotic?

Bram and Aya- Bram has one cat max, and it's probably ancient. Aya most definitely has a dog almost as big as her that drags her around and worries about her safety.

[mncxbe]

what do you think about enemies to lovers with akutagawa x ada fem!reader with a really big sexual tension between them?

Yes. Just yes🫡 that's all I have to say. Hope you like it♡

•☆○

Laced♡

𝑨𝒌𝒖𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒘𝒂 𝒙 𝒇𝒆𝒎! 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓

𝑮𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: smut♡/ one bed trope

Akutagawa didn't know how he ended up like this, sharing a bed with you in a crappy motel room in Shinjuku. He took a deep breath in, feeling the thin particles of dust tickle his nose and sneezed, mentally cursing his overly sensitive body.

From the other side of mattress you mumbled a half-hearted 'Bless you'

"Oh shut up" he hissed, his head snapping in your direction. You were laying on your side close to the edge of the ragged futon, a chiffon robe wrapped loosely around your frame. The neon lights that filtered through the windows illuminated your figure well enough for Akutagawa to make out the little bird drawings that adorned your nightgown.

"Your voice is pissing me off" he added, voice laced with venom as he took in your figure.

"Then stop sneezing and coughing every five minutes. I'm trying to sleep" you replied in a casual tone which only fueled Akutagawa's anger.

God, how he hated you and your composed demeanour; a futile attempt to prove that you were better than him. He vividly recalls your first encounter when his former mentor introduced you to him and the way your eyes scanned his figure with pure amusement. Oh, he resented the way you always looked down on him, thinking that you were superior only because you were working at the Agency.

The fact that you were constantly competing for Dazai's praise only made things worse. Each time the brunette would pair you up for a mission you'd go out of your way to ensure that you did just a tad bit better than him, whether it was stealing the target's phone, a classified file or simply taking extra credit.

And what was worse was that this wasn't even a fair competition: no matter how hard he tried to prove himself to his former mentor, you'd still get all the 'Good job Y/N'. All you had to do was breathe and Dazai would shower you with praise. It was so easy for you and it filled him with burning rage, a fire that grew hotter inside him by the minute; you were utterly insufferable and yet...

Laying beside you in this god forgotten room, Akutagawa couldn't bring himself to hurt you. He knew he could; you were both far away from home and the mission Dazai assigned you was dangerous. If you were to get injured it wouldn't come as a surprise. Plus, your ability was no match to his so he could easily kill you, destroying the source of all his anger and pent up frustration that plagued him day and night.

Still, something was holding him back; a force that he could not explain. He simply scoffed, gritting his teeth.

"I cannot fucking control it. Get your own room if you really can't stand my coughing."

You remained silent and the man cursed under his breath. After a while you rolled on your back and sighed.

"It's too hot in here."

"It's the middle of August, what did you expect?"

"Some air conditioning maybe?" you said in that condescending tone he so resented.

"You're so irritating." he stated, not daring to look at you. He knew that if he did he wouldn't be able to keep up this act and God knows what he'd do.

"Come on Ryuu. I know you don't actually hate me. You're just mad about Dazai liking me better"

Akutagawa's body tensed upon hearing your words. "Don't call me that."

"What, Ryuu? Why not?" you asked innocently.

"Because you know I can't stand it." he lied. He did in fact love the way his name rolled off your lips; it was so soothing but he couldn't bring himself to admit it. "And don't drag Dazai into this."

You let out a low chuckle "But he is part of this. He's actually the reason for all this. For us and-"

"There's no such thing as us" he spat, nails digging deep into the calloused skin of his palms.

He could feel you scoot closer to him, one of your hands gently brushing a strand of charcoal hair from his face.

"Isn't it?"

Your words lingered between the two of you, a heavy, unspoken truth. There was no you but both of you somehow wished there was. Despite all the resentment he bore towards you, Akutagawa knew there was something more to his feelings. He couldn't exactly pin-point what it was tho, but it seemed that you shared the same thought.

"What are we?" you asked eventually, fingertips sliding along his jawline as you moved even closer to him.

Your touch sent goosebumps all over his body, igniting his skin. Yet he didn't push you away. Instead, he turned to his side to face you.

"What do you think we are? We're rivals for fuck's sake" he stated and you would've believed him if it weren't for his arm which wrapped around your waist.

"Are enemies usually so desperate for each other?" you chuckled, cupping his face.

"I'm not desperate" he hummed as he began caressing the side of your body. His fingers traced the outline of your body over your robe, languidly sliding back and forth from your hip up your waist and along your ribs; causing you to shudder.

"You sure are desperate tho" he said, a grin tugging at the corners of his lips. His slender fingers hooked under the loosely tied knot of your robe, undoing it.

A light hum escaped your lips when he touched your bare skin.

"Hey Ryuu." you purred, threading your fingers through his hair "Do you think things would've been different if we weren't in different organizations?"

"Not at all. I'd still hate you" he said plainly. Akutagawa was completely entranced by you; his mouth voiced of abhorrence but his hands spoke another language, gently cupping one of your breasts as he kneaded your soft flesh.

He pulled you closer until your lips were mere mere inches apart. "You don't think you could ever like me, do you? It would be so ridiculous."

"Really?" With a mischevious smirk on your lips you took his hand from your breast and guided it between your legs; Akutagawa gasped as his fingers brushed against your wet panties. "I think I like you already."

"You little..." he cursed under his breath as he closed the distance between you, lips finding your own. He kissed you deeply, feverishly and pushed you onto your back, climbing on top of you.

When he eventually broke the kiss he looked down at you, trying to ignore his forming bulge that pressed against your thigh.

You only giggled, tracing your thumb over his lower lip. "How about you put that mouth of yours to good use, hm?" you teased but Akutagawa noted the hint of urgency in your voice.

With a sly smirk on his face he slowly moved lower onto you, tracing feathery kisses along your heated skin until the nestled himself between your thighs. Each touch elicited sweet sounds from you which echoed through his entire being.

Before he hooked his arms over your thighs to keep you close your gazes met for s brief moment and he nodded, grinning from ear to ear.

"As you wish, pretty girl"

[inamagicalhallucination]

sometimes i think about how gin and ryuu dont act like siblings when working becuz someone might use one against the other

and then i think about sskk

and i think about ppl trying to attack the mad dog of the port mafia akutagawa's boyfriend atsushi - who spends his free time embroidering flowers onto aku's clothes, taking his sister out, fishing his brother out the river, etc etc

and obvi atsushi is feral so they wont actually hurt him but its a funny image of ppl stalking atsushi as he's skipping around town humming to dazai's shitty songs that dazai keeps on singing and are now stuck in atsushi's head wondering which dessert to make for ryuu and gin and kyouka (and ranpo) and he just leads the ppl following him into an alley and beats the shit out of them

[caldera1000-7]

Not a big post this time maybe a draft-post and pic/info dump before a continuation/long talk about it. But anyways:

We all should know Atsushi's motivations which stem from his past/hallucinations of the people who have impacted his life and haunt him somewhat. As his character got over it it changed from the Orphanage Headmaster to sometimes Akutagawa to Dazai. But most importantly I was focused on this hallucination (the guy in his mind which is technically created by himself so its kind of his own thoughts.)

"It all comes down to imagination. Every bit of it." "Your hypocritical goodwill, your childish imagination... You cannot understand anyone else. And this, you doom them."

And it was quite true, he has always been thinking of himself or "saving others" in order to keep his existence having meaning or relevance. His "saving others" is giving him not just a purpose or meaning but its also a mindset of "if I don't save them, then am I really allowed to live?" sounds...familiar. "If I don't defeat you, if I don't become stronger...I'll just go back to being something Dazai-san discarded." Yep. The 2 sides of the same coin. The Yin-Yang duo my favorite characters. Ahem, moving on. This was true because Atsushi as we have seen has been shown to be empathetic at times but mainly his drive when saving those people were selfish or stems from a place of if he doesn't then he is worthless. Now I know we all probably know this and how its similar to Ryuu's killing etc. etc. But Atsushi projecting his past self onto those he saves, also kind of shows how little he would come to understand them, and mainly just understanding they are in need of help like he was. The scene with Lucy when he threatened to let her and everyone else stay trapped in her room forever. The scene with Kyouka where he jumped out with her and the bomb. This selflessness has always been from a place of selfishness or at least thats what it seems like. His understanding of others...Well he seems to make quite a few assumptions mainly to Akutagawa, but we see how their views and respects for eachother change with time and learning.

The funniest part which I will still get to when I feel like writing a lot more...is the rashomon effect being used on Akutagawa as a character... Everyone seems to just have this "views" of him, thinking he has enough, that he is enough, that he IS strong, that he HAS status... when he thinks he doesnt have enough because of Dazai not acknowledging it and ever since Dazai said that Atsushi is better. People always seem to have this ideas about Akutagawa, these assumptions too, even with that scene with Margaret but I'll get there another day. Right now, Atsushi falls into those views of Akutagawa, even saying that he IS better than Akutagawa, assuming that he fights just to make others fear him. Its all "meaningless" (says the boy who fights an endless battle of self worth and saving others which essentially will end up the same as a life of killing others because both will make you fight endlessly to feel worthy of living - oh! Does that sound familiar? Remember Odasaku's words to Dazai... If they're both the same, at least saving people would make it a bit more beautiful isn't it?) Atsushi here is also deciding from himself that this may be meaningless, just deciding for someone else, truth or not, shows how little he bothers to understand others too. Akutagawa on the other hand could be on the assumptions side too though he is more envious on the fact Atsushi has all he has wanted and still dwells on the past. But after this interactions in the fight with Ivan and many after that... Akutagawa always tried understanding him more, and even during this scene before fighting Fritzgerald Akutagawa said he understood atsushi and it disgusted him. Akutagawa is a character of constant questions. Its always "Why me?" or "Why him?" or "Why do you fight?" always wondering and wanting to understand before he can decide. This was just a funny detail that contrasts their characters too in which Atsushi just hops to what he thinks and goes along with it if it saves people or himself. I really like them both. (Not as shipping, but in canon.)

[scriveyner]

so be good for goodness sake

Atsushi watched out of the corner of his eye as Ryuu-chan industriously dragged the kitchen chair over to where he was standing at the counter and climbed somberly up beside him. He continued to chop vegetables for a moment, before turning his head slightly toward Ryuu-chan, eyebrow lifted. “Yes?”

��I would like a pet,” Ryuu-chan said. “For Christmas.”

Atsushi didn’t stop his prep work. “You already have a pet, Ryuu-chan.”

Ryuu-chan folded his arms and frowned. “Acchan is too much work.”

Continue on AO3 or

Atsushi heard Akutagawa suck in a breath and start coughing in a vain attempt to smother a laugh. He glared over the sink into the main room, but Akutagawa kept his head down and hand over his mouth, shoulders shaking.

“I wasn’t talking about Acchan,” Atsushi said, and Ryuu-chan scrunched up his nose. “That’s not a nice thing to say about your brother. Besides,” he added, scraping the chopped vegetables into a bowl. “You both have a cat.”

“Oh.” Ryuu-chan held onto the top of the chair and considered this for a moment. “Can I at least trade Acchan for a velociraptor? Dazai-oji said Santa allows trade-ins.”

Akutagawa’s coughing grew more violent.

 Atsushi inhaled. “How do you think Acchan would feel if he knew you wanted to trade him in for another pet?”

“I’ll ask him.”

“Don’t—” Atsushi watched Ryuu-chan hop off the chair and bolt around the corner. He sighed and then pointed his knife at Akutagawa’s head from across the room. “Stop laughing.”

Acchan tore around the corner so hard he bounced off a cabinet, rattling the pans inside. “Is it true Ryuu-chan can trade me to SANTA? I want to fight a reindeer!!!”

Ryuu-chan followed him excitedly into the kitchen. “See, he doesn’t mind!”

Atsushi pushed one hand through his hair and sighed. “Why do you want to fight a reindeer, Acchan?”

“Dazai-oji said if I defeat a reindeer, I get its ability to fly! I want to fly like Chuuya-oji!”

Ryuu-chan gestured at Acchan with both hands. “See? ‘niisan wants to fly and I want a velociraptor. Everyone wins.”

“Yes,” Akutagawa said dryly from the main room, still seated but somehow having regained his composure. “Everybody wins.”

Both of the kids swiveled back to Atsushi, eyes wide and bright.

“First,” Atsushi said, “I’m going to call Santa and report that Dazai-oji has been telling lies again—”

Acchan grabbed him by the apron. “You can call Santa!?”

Ryuu-chan grabbed his other side. “I want to talk to Santa!”

“Tell him I’ll fight Donder, Chuuya-oji said he sounded weak!”

“DAD PRIVILEGE,” Atsushi roared, and they both stopped talking over each other, startled at the volume. “Then I’m going to tell him someone wants to trade in his brother and someone else wants to fight his reindeer.”

Acchan and Ryuu-chan froze, each still hanging off opposite sides of Atsushi’s apron.

“I don’t think Santa will consider either of those things very nice.”

Ryuu-chan and Acchan looked at each other and then released the apron. “Uh,” Acchan said, and Ryuu-chan caught his brother’s sleeve.

“I don’t want to trade Acchan in,” he said. “I’ve changed my mind.”

“Good.” Atsushi looked at Acchan.

“I still want to fight a reindeer,” Acchan said.

“Try again.”

“Uh…it doesn’t have to be Santa’s reindeer?”

Ryuu-chan leaned into him and whispered, “Only Santa’s reindeer can fly.”

“Oh.” Acchan frowned. “I guess…I don’t want to fight Santa’s reindeer.”

“Good enough.” Atsushi started to shoo them out of the kitchen and almost tripped over the chair Ryuu-chan drug in. “Please take the chair with you when you go.”

“I still want a velociraptor for Christmas,” Ryuu-chan added, his Rashomon lifting the chair slightly before him as he returned it to the table.

“Yeah, we’ll see,” Atsushi said, watching the kids disappear back toward their rooms. Hands on his hips, he looked back over at Akutagawa, who now had acquired a newspaper and was hiding behind it. “Thanks for the help.”

“I thought you handled that well.”

“I’m going to kill Dazai-san.”

“I would prefer to have dinner before you go on a homicidal rampage.”

Atsushi sighed and returned to the kitchen. “Maybe after dinner.”

#

Atsushi stood beside the bunk bed as the kids readied for sleep. “I still can’t believe you’d give away your big brother forever, Ryuu-chan,” he said, shaking his head.

Ryuu-chan leaned over the edge of his bed, the battered old hedgehog plush that Akutagawa’s sister had given him tucked tight under one arm. “But it wouldn’t have been forever.”

Akutagawa was putting away the clean laundry, one ear clearly on the conversation. “Explain.”

“Well,” Ryuu-chan said, “Acchan would go with Santa and defeat a reindeer and learn how to fly, then he’d come home on his own and I’d get both a velociraptor and my brother. I wouldn’t have to choose.”

“Yeah!” Acchan said. “And I’d eat it, too!”

“You’re not allowed to eat Red!”

“What? No, I meant the reindeer.”

“Oh. You can eat all the reindeer; I don’t care about the reindeer.”

Acchan made a noise of triumph from the bottom bed. Atsushi leaned his elbow against the bunk and sighed. “Ryuu-chan, if he ate the reindeer, how would Santa get his presents to you?”

Ryuu-chan blinked owlishly. “Magic.”

“Flawless logic,” Akutagawa said. “I agree with our son, let’s trade Acchan to Santa, maybe he’ll learn some manners while he’s gone.”

“YES!” Acchan yelled, punching the air.

Atsushi glared at Akutagawa, who simply smirked at him. “Well I talked to Santa while you both were in the bath,” he said, still glaring at Akutagawa. “And the North Pole isn’t taking any returns this year, not just on brothers. So you’re out of luck.”

“Always next year,” Akutagawa said, laundry basket on his hip as he exited the room.

“Maybe I should inquire about trading in husbands,” Atsushi yelled after, and the boys giggled. “No more talk of trade-ins, I mean it. If Dazai-oji tells you anything else weird, tell me right away. Santa wants to know.”

Ryuu-chan frowned. “Dazai-oji said every Christmas tree is actually an alien who is waiting for us to fall asleep in front of it so it can eat us.”

“Oh my god,” Atsushi said with a large sigh.

Acchan pulled his covers up to his chin. “And Dazai-oji said that when you and Dad lock your door it means you’re smacking your swords together.”

Atsushi stared blankly at Acchan for a moment. Then he patted Acchan’s shoulder and said, “Good night, Acchan. Good night, Ryuu-chan.”

Their door had barely closed behind them when both kids heard Atsushi yell, “RYUUNOSUKE, I’M GOING TO KILL HIM.”

Ryuu-chan leaned over the top of his bunk. “Stupid,” he hissed at Acchan. “Dad doesn’t even own any swords; we couldn’t find them! That means Dazai-oji was lying about that!”

“Well, he asked,” Acchan said defensively. “What was I supposed to do, lie? Santa is listening.”

“You lied earlier when you said you didn’t want to fight a reindeer.”

“And you still want to trade me to Santa, so we’re even.”

They stared at each other for a moment, frowning. Their détente was broken by some muffled noises from downstairs, and the distinct, uncanny sound of their father laughing. “Ooh, it’s creepy when dad laughs like that,” Ryuu-chan said, now distracted.

Acchan snuggled under his covers. “Christmas trees don’t eat people.”

“Some trees do,” Ryuu-chan said with surety.

“But not Christmas trees.”

“Not Christmas trees,” Ryuu-chan agreed. “Goodnight ‘niisan.”

“I’d kick Donder’s butt.”

“Goodnight, ‘niisan.”

“Night.”

[sskk-squared]

Do you think soukoku would ever get children...

Oh, good heavens no. That would be catastrophic.

Chuuya loves taking the kids out for a day but then he gets to offload them back on Atsushi & Akutagawa and not have to worry about his extensive, incredibly expensive liquor collection or the fact that Dazai is allergic to wearing pants at home.

Ryuu-chan liked to projectile vomit on Dazai when he was a baby. Dazai doesn't care for babies. Or very little kids. He likes Acchan and Ryuu-chan now because they're old enough to entertain themselves, and Ryuu-chan makes very good tea, and they are incredibly susceptible to Dazai-grade Bullshit™ which is always amusing.

However, if he turns his back on them in public they vanish and then Dazai has to deal with Atsushi who has grown unpleasantly bold, and is not afraid to call him a dumbass to his face.

In conclusion, skk will remain childfree but doting uncles.