#LOVE TO PEOPLE WHO SHARE A LOVE OF SOMETHING IMPORTANT TO THEM TOGETHER!

[gay-dorito-dust]

Hi! i saw your nero being raised by dante and s/o and I LOVE IT SM !! If you are willing to write how Vergil reacts how Nero treats him compared to dante and his s/o, im feeling angst for this cause vergil literally stole his own son’s arm and tried to kill him (to be fair he doesn’t even know he had a son, but ouch) 😭😭😭 and i wonder what vergil thinks of dante’s s/o who is so loving and kind-hearted, i have a feeling he’s envious because dante was able to find someone really loves him

Vergil wasn't expecting much of a warm welcome from Nero after finding out their truth that linked them together. He wasn't expecting open arms from his son when he hadn't been in his life at all, gone within a blink of an eye and vanished without a trace of one day hoping to getting to understand him and who he was, Vergil wasn't expecting much when it came to Nero's treatment towards him as his father.

He didn't exepct a happy life to be ahead of him where he got to finally be a father and take over from where you and Dante left off, Vergil knew he was too far removed from ever having that ending, his destruction has hurt too many people and one of them happened to be his own son the most.

Yet when Vergil watched his son run into the outstreched arms of yourself and Dante, smiling happily as he allowed himself to be smothered in your kisses ans affection alongside Dante's teasing and half hearted jabs. Vergil couldn't help but wonder if Nero wished he was your's and Dante's actual son instead of his, after all you two did raise him from infancy when he was hellbent on gaining power, you and Dante had brought up his son with love with warmth that a home should have for any child to grow healthily.

With you and Dante Nero got to laugh, to joke, to unclench his jaw and relax his shoulders and be a young man who was more than a demon hunter. He got to live a life that Vergil could only dream of ever having, of feeling the warmth of his mother's embrace once more and not feeling as though everything fell apart for him that day, for him to feel as though from that day onwards he was meant to suffer to achieve what he had pushed so many away for.

With him however Nero was cold as ice, always on edge with him and grazing his forearm aprehensively, always putting distance bewtween the two of them whenever they were to share a room with one another. No words were shared between father and son becuase why should there be? They had barely knew the other exist until recently and their interactions up to now were less then pleasent, it wasn't happy as it was an ugly blue saddness and resentment that remained unspoken.

There were not so nice feelings harboured by Nero towards Vergil, none at all, and Vergil couldn't blame him for feeling such a way when he knew deep down he would've failed as a father if he did stay. He didn't see a reality where he did stay and raised Nero anyway, it was unfathomable as his mind was hellbent on other, far more important things that held more value then to raise his infant son. Nero couldn't look at his father and see a loving figure, only a man who did so much harm then he did good, a man he didn't wish to associate with the name father.

And Vergil knew that no matter what, no matter how much time will pass, he will never be seen as his true father, his true family when you and Dante had gotten there first.

Now Vergil's view on you -Dante's partner- is an intresting one becuase when he looked at you and Dante being happy together, acting so in love it almost made the elder sibling wishing he could look away, but he knew he couldn't becuase he has never seen his brother this happy since he was a child. So seeing his brother as he kisses and playfully bites your neck as you try to make something for you, Nero and him to eat made Vergil experience a thing called envy.

Dante was extremely lucky to have you, someone so sweet, so kindhearted, and a honourable person who's influence was very much inbedded within Nero in many of his actions and words. Vergil knew you were a rarity amongst humanity, a true blessing of a individual who only wanted to treat others with kindess and a genuine level of respect, someone who didn't judge who they helped upon first glance.

You were someone that many should hope to become like, someone others should strive to following in the footsteps of, into the footsteps of light and not the shadows that consumed Vergil most of his life. And Dante was the lucky soul who had managed to win you over by whatever means, making you choose him over others as you looked into his eyes and knew he was the one you wanted to be with.

Even now as he watched you and Dante hold each other, staring into each others eyes as you held each other lovingly, with Dante keeping you close to his chest with his hands modestly upon your wasit, whereas yours were holding his face and caressing his cheeks softly as though you never wanted to spend a single moment away from your red coated partner. You looked at Dante as though he could do no wrong, as though he was the brightest light within your life that you couldn't navigate without, a look so filled with love and happiness that was only reflected back at you by Dante.

Vergil could hate as much as he wanted but he couldn't deny that you were what Dante nedded, someone who loved him no matter what and only looked at him with unwavering faither, unwavering kindess that never failed to strengthen Dante and make him believe he could do anything and everything. You were the person Dante always looked to for guidence, for reassurance that what he was doing was right and that he wasn't going to regret his actions later on.

You didn't care that he was a half demon, he was still your Dante, your man with the heart of gold who helped you raise your sweet baby Nero, for he was the man you loved ans will forever love until you couldn't anymore and you knew without words that Dante felt the same just as fircely.

Vergil was envious of the love and family Dante had made for himself, the family he had made without shoving anyone away for pursuit of power, the family that gave him strength and the power that he craved. He envied everything that Dante had like a sibling would but this envy went deeper, so much deeper as he is made to go back to an old thought he once had, wondering wether this could've been the life that granted him the power he craved all along.

Vergil wondered if he might've found someone jsut like you to call his own, to have someone who'd love him unconditionally, someone who would've helped him reconcile with his human side or just to have someone other then himself to relie on any longer. Yet he realised that he had passed that moment in time, it has missed him by a hair and would never come back and he had to reconcile with the fact that his dreams were just dreams, most of which will never come to light as he had ruined his oppertunities for a change of pace; and now it was something he had to live with.

[tcoaal]

a fundamental key aspect of examining literature is the author's intention, and everything we do with that intent: be it accepting it or rejecting it. it is among the most important tasks of the reader: when you do a critical analysis, especially so.

i am a very, very, very firm believer the "Word of God" is secondary to what is presented in the actual text. it is most important to examine what has been said or done in the text and it's implications directly, that is my personal belief as a reader. however, i believe that the author's intent is not something that should be ignored.

Nemlei is very clear, for example, that the idea of the siblings acting the way they are due to a neurodivergence or mental illness is not the right way to think. this is observable in the text.

Andrew and Ashley didn't become murderous incestious cannibals because they were born the right way or crazy or some stupid shit like that. they are the products of a society and world that has completely and absolutely failed them at every opportunity.

the coffin does not exist because they were naturally destined for it.

i've always thought, from the moment i played it, this is it. this is the moment Ashley Graves became a Tar Soul. i think it was the last chance Renee had to say "Holy shit, I'm a fucking terrible mother." and try to help her. and when Andrew, a child himself, fell asleep (not something he should blamed for) as Ashley tried to share her pain. the moment a Tar Soul hatched.

so that leads into the second half. about accepting or rejecting the author's intent.

the final room in Shots and Such is haunting. there's so much you can easily miss. the bathroom, Ashley's last safe space, being destroyed in a rampage by Andrew. the fucking table. the one time they had sex Andrew in his right mind enjoyed, Ashley only able to enjoy it as she was so drunk she could not be "herself" and breaking down afterwards. even small things like Andrew not taking out the garbage and Ashley preferring to let it affect their living space than help him out. everything in that small apartment from hell: everything must be viewed together as the whole, as the sum of all it's parts.

there is a clear intention of the author in those so easily missable scenes. the mutual love and hatred between them, with hatred greater than love. the dysfunction and normalization of violence into just another day.

Andrew having raped Ashley and probably not even processing it was rape is just another dime in the dozen incident in that little hellhole. hell, maybe that was the night he knocked up Ashley.

we can interpret this scene in different ways, even though i think the author's intention is pretty clear. Ashley could not consent. she lost all control, they had sex, and Andrew can't piece together what went wrong. the one night they actually "made love" which is clearly an opinion he and only he has.

... and you know, we have to accept author's might not have the same morality as us. the same opinions.

"If two people get super drunk, and have sex, who's at fault?" and some people might not have answers we like. an author might even write an opinion we vehemently disagree with from the bottom of our heart.

and it is our duty as readers to discern and interpret their works. i truly, sincerely believe this. i believe from the bottom of my heart the author's intention has become clear in shots and such.

"No one asks when she kicks you out for the night, or which stairs she fell down this time. It's all business as usual."

the normalization of both abuse and despair.

to the point even this becomes just another tidbit of that hell.

hate the idea that an abuse victim can become an abuser all you want. i think it is clear what it is Nemlei has tried to convey. hate it, reject it, love it, accept it, or ignore it. disagree or agree with me. i personally have read this and have arrived at my conclusion based on the text given to me, and analysis of the dialogue in this scene as well.

Nemlei is not writing for us. she makes that clear.

and it is up to us if we want to accept or reject that.

[aliciavance4228]

Chapter Eleven

Remember that one barmaid? Apparently she was Chrysanthe, and she stabbed Medusa because she killed her brother, but Medusa petrified her before she managed to murder her. Are you really going to tell me that you've introduced such an interesting character just to kill her so soon? Boooooooooooooooooooooo...

Oh mah gosh, this is sooooo saaaaad- For God's sake, just let this woman be pure evil, okay?!

Now Medusa leaves traces of blood behind her from her wound, so the citizens follow with torches and arrows in order to kill her. They manage to harm her, but our slay queen girlboss eventually manages to petrify them, then leaves. Pretty sure the author referenced Frankenstein while writing this scene and thought she was deep for that.

Also, good news: Medusa DOES have sisters. Bad news: They have a distant relationship, so they don't matter anyway. *sighs...*

Chapter Twelve

Perseus and his crew arrive in the city and find the petrified corpses of the citizens. For some reason I believe that these were Perseus' inner thoughts in that scene:

Perseus and his OC friend argue over the hunting of Medusa, because Perseus wants to do it all by himself since he has divine weapons and Glory wants to help him:

Eh, at least there's a chance that Perseus doesn't, in fact, have thunder superpowers.

Also, how is fish boy supposed to be an insult in a place and historical period where fishermen were common and necessary - ESPECIALLY if you were living on an island and the only thing you were surrounded by was water? And for some reason it reminded me of this:

Perseus and his OC friend need to get more information about Medusa, such as how does she look like or where they can find her. One would believe that Athena would appear in front of Perseus and guide him, since she can look at Medusa without getting petrified. Instead, they ask the remaining citizens if they have *seen* her:

They eventually find an old lady, and Perseus wants to ask her if she had seen Medusa, but the old lady in question initially believed that Perseus is her daughter and dude soon realized that the woman is blind. Fortunately that woman lets them two in:

Not sure why would Glory be worried after seeing a bunch of animal bones, because in all honesty my grandfather used them to pick between his teeth. Also, I'm sorry to tell you that Perseus but I have an important message for you:

Before answering to their questions the crone asks first for different ingredients in order to prepare some sort of a potion, including blood. She claims that the potion is ment to heal a *being* that just got wounded (Perseus still hasn't told her who are they searching for), but somehow neither one of them are wondering who might that old lady be talking about. Gotta love it when two friends are collectively sharing one braincell together. Theseus and Pirithous who?

Chapter Thirteen

Oh, we're finally going to read Andromeda's POV? Yaaay, let see what we got he-

I'm sorry, but you cannot make her sacrifice sound heroic or bold or legendary or any other fancy word, when the reason why she got sacrificied in the first place was because her mother was dumb enough to claim that the nereids are ugly and her daughter isn't. "Warrior Queen" Same energy:

Don't you just love it when people take jobs and social positions from the past that had very specific purposes and turn them into something cool? I know!

Apparently Cassiopea had several miscarriages after Andromeda's birth, and because she was no longer able to have any children Andromeda is now supposed to be the one to secure the throne by giving birth to a son. Andromeda is depressed, because she "her destiny wasn't to rule but to breed".

Now, I can 100% buy into the idea of Cassiopea having pregnancy issues and there was indeed a social pressure for royal women to offer a male heir, but the rest of that is just ehh... I know that this is indeed a very delicate topic, but back in Ancient Egypt (the author made her afro, therefore she must have Egyptian/Aethiopian roots just like in Greek Mythology) and especially in the New Kingdom love poetry were a very common subject in literature, and besides the fact that relationships between men and women were usually portrayed as lovely and affectionate there was a great emphasize on fertility and reproduction. It's even more ironic when it comes to the fact that here Andromeda worships Astarte, who was a goddess of procreation and fecundity as well. Andromeda was most likely raised and educated in this context, so her having such beliefs is way too unrealistic, and linked in modern ideologies and views. I don't see Andromeda triggered by the idea of bearing children itself, but by the idea of bearing her own fucking uncle's children (who would also be her cousins so EWW!). Also, Ancient Egyptian queens (Great Royal Wife) served different official functions besides being wives and mothers and weren't passive figures.

Apparently, ever since Andromeda had her period her parents are regularly organizing parties and invite a shitload of princes in order to find a husband for their daughter:

Not to be rude, but Aegyptus is already supposed to be dead given the fact that he's a veeeeeery distant ancestor of Perseus. And even if he would still be alive by any chance and bang other women in the meantime, I doubt dude would still consider marriage an option after 49 of his sons got murdered by their brides in only one night.

Here Andromeda isn't engaged with Phineus, yet somehow the author managed to dramatize her life a lot despite of not being a literal child bride (She's 18 in this retelling, by the way...).

All of the sudden Phineus interrupts the feast and claims that there are princesses more skilled than Andromeda, such as a rich dude's sister who is a talented dancer (How the hell is this a real conversation?!), to which Cassiopea claims that it doesn't matter since her daughter is more beautiful than the nereids. This somehow gives the same energy as having two stereotypical asian parents comparing their children, but in this context this is completely dumb.

Chapter Fourteen

Perseus enters Medusa's cave:

Why the hell did you brought him with you then?! For emotional support?!

Just to make it clear, this is supposed to be Perseus' reaction when he saw Andromeda for the first time, NOT Medusa:

"Come to finish me off, mortal?" I'm not sure wheter this is an accidental innuendo, or if the author purposefully wanted to add a double meaning to Medusa's line.

Also, can somebody please explain to me how can Perseus fight so easily despite the fact that he's a fisherman and Athena and Hermes never bothered to teach him how to use his weapons nor how to fight? This is a Mary Sue case at its finest, yet people are still getting triggered by the way Perseus is depicted in Clash of the Titans (still a trash film) because in that movie he wasn't a "man written by a woman".

Anyway, Perseus and Medusa are fighting and Perseus was about to lose for a second, but then his OC friend enters the cave and helps him. Medusa remains unconcious, but instead of murdering her Perseus realizes that he cannot do such thing to her because she's way too beautiful, so he takes her as a hostage instead (that's pretty privilege for y'all...).

Chapter Fifteen

Medusa is blindfolded and chained inside that ship. Now, I know that I'm just dirty-minded at this point, but the fact that this is supposed to be a Perseus/Medusa romance retelling makes me wonder wheter or not, uhm... nevermind!

Perseus is next to her and he tells her that if she continues to move then her wounds won't be able to heal and that the only reason why she's chained is because otherwise his men would've killed her. Sorry dude, but you cannot make it seem like an ounce of empathy nor make it seem romantic in a time period where slavery was very much a thing.

No matter how much I've tried to criticize the cringines or wanna-be deepness of this dialogue, I wasn't able to verbalize it properly. This scene is perfect as it is and doesn't need any further additions.

What I find funny about this moment is that Perseus is relatively a decent person since he asks her pertinent question in order to know why she kills people or if she was cursed, but Medusa barely tells him anything and continues to remain edgy. Also, of coursly he doesn't want to kill her, because that's a bad thing and he's not like the other men uWu.

I beg these authors to stop creating anti-theist mythological figures unless it's about characters who are either stated or implied to be against the gods such as Bellerophon.

Medusa licked her lips at that. “Why don’t you take off these shackles and find out just how monstrous I can be?” “Another time,” he said. “Please don’t tell me you intend to visit me again.” “It’s a long way to Seriphos. I have until then to decide what I will do with you.”

And I beg the author of this book to stop it with the innuendos.

Chapter Sixteen

Nothing interesting here. Perseus chooses to keep Medusa alive and his crew logically points out that her being alive puts their own live into danger. His OC friend straight-up tells him that they have to kill Medusa but he refuses because he's not like the other men. Perseus is also the only one out there who doesn't reduce Medusa to just a blood-thirsty monster and tries to see deeper than that, after he had exactly one (cringe) conversation with her and was about to get killed too. For some reason this reminds me of the way people dismiss the Trojan women's hatred towards Helen despite the fact that they had extremely understandable reasons to hate her for in the first place.

Chapter Seventeen

Medusa is dreaming.

The sunlight gleamed on his bronze skin, highlighting the rippling muscles of his arms and torso. He was as magnificent as he was terrifying — an apex predator, a force of nature, the god of the sea.

First of all: EW! Secondly: this could've been Medusa with Poseidon but you made him a rapist in your retelling instead of a Monsterfucker.

Also, I forgot to mention that but here Medusa is a gorgon for sixteen years. So if she got cursed at twenty for example then she's already supposed to be a middle-aged woman. And if Perseus is a teenager here then again: EWW!

Medusa gets flashbacks from the day when she got raped by Poseidon and then cursed by Athena. Now, I know that I'm supposed to roast the shit out of this retelling, but since I'm not a victim of SA/Rape myself I cannot have the audicity to criticize the way this chapter was written. All I can say is that I prefer the idea of Poseidon falling in love with Medusa as an actual terrifying monster and having a consetual relationship with her more.

Chapter Eighteen

Andromeda is praying and spending time with the priestesses in Astarte's temple. For now all I can say is that this is the sanest chapter so far.

Nevermind, apparently Andromeda loves only the healing aspect of Astarte's worship; not her as a goddess of love or beauty or war or anything else. Also, one of the priestesses is named Seraphine.

The temple receives an injured fisherman, who dies very soon. The reason why he died is because he drank water from the river. The temple becomes full of ill people due to the exact same reason. The priestesses suspect that this is because of the gods' anger and ask Andromeda stop praying and leave the temple soon in order to warn her parents about it.

Chapter Nineteen

She was in no mood for another interrogation. She could not stand being confronted with her memories yet again. The images from her nightmare still haunted her — icy water filling her lungs, strong hands bruising her wrists, and Athena’s unforgiving face. “How did you know it was me?” he asked, leaning against the prison bars. “Your stench gives you away.” “Well, aren’t you charming?” Medusa straightened her back. She twirled a lock of green hair between her fingers and, for the first time, spoke softly. “To brutish men that keep me in a cell? Always.” Her captor hesitated, confused by her sudden shift in demeanour. Did he truly believe her to be nothing more than a feral beast?

“Does that mean you’ll answer my questions this time?” “Depends — did you bring a whip this time?” “I did not.” “Then, why would I tell you anything?” Medusa leaned back against the damp wall and flashed him a wicked grin.

One a more serious note though: What the hell is this?! If Perseus is interrogating her like that then at this is psychological torture. Also, what the hell do you mean by whip? Was she only sarcastic or is Perseus physically abusive to her as well?! My goodness...

Medusa is wounded and has about two-three days to live. Perseus tells her that all she has to do is to answer to these questions and she will get healed. Medusa then straight-up claims that she would rather die than let any man touch her and even asks Perseus to kill her at one point, but he says, and I quote: “Because I don’t fight the weak or the wounded." in an attempt of showing us how desirable Perseus is. Sorry girl, this is stil problematic.

Perseus forcibly tries to heal her wounds but she panics thinking that he's gonna kill her (keep in mind the fact that she's blindfolded) and kicks him in the balls. Perseus then becomes agressive with her out of anger.

“It was wrong of me to treat you like a human. You are nothing but a beast that should be culled from the earth. I will enjoy taking your head, whether you are injured or not.”

Are american white straight BookTok girlies okay? How is this shit supposed to be romantic or working?!

Chapter Twenty

Perseus gets drunk and spends some time with the crew. Don't know why but pretty much every man on that ship is intentionally portrayed as misogynistic in one way or another. Firstly you have one man who tells them that his wife used to poison him after he cheated on her once because he had no self-control (friendly reminder that this is the the Bronze Age). Then Perseus tells them the reason why he decided to kill Medusa and one of the guys out there tells him this:

“Maybe you should have worked harder if you didn’t want your mommy to become our king’s whore. It’s Polydectes’s right to demand compensation for your failure to pay the tithe.”

Hate to point that out but I'm pretty sure that almost any man on that ship has a family in one way or another, and would've gotten disturbed by the thought of their female relatives becoming someone's sex slaves. It's a similar type of logic with the killing one: You have no problem killing a stranger, but get terrified by the idea of someone killing your family and seek revenge in return.

Literally the only decent person is a veteran named Orestes (Yes, you've read that correctly!). Perseus is then asked again why he refused to kill Medusa if he needs her had in order to save his mother, but Perseus starts acting like a drama bitch again and leaves.

Reading Crown of Serpents so you don't have to *sighs*

Chapter One

This book is written at the third person from different points of view. In the first chapter we get introduced to Agapetos (Seriously?!) who is a member of a captain' crew. Apparently these men are acting like middle grade bullies to the point where their captain gave up playing the teacher intervening in their disputes. Fortunately our Agapetos is a massive greek without the r, so he hasn't left anyone with a missing eye nor a broken leg yet. 👍 He's also poor, so he decided to go on this dangerous mission for his sister despite of barely having any warrior skills in order pay her dowry. Him and another guy named Damon Salvatore try to catch Medusa, but she is introduced like some sort of an anime ultimate villain who kills the shit out of them two along with some other dozens of men.

Chapter Two

We get to see a conversation between Perseus with his mother before being sent to kill Medusa and oh, well...

First of all: this is the most american portrayal of a balkan family conflict I've ever seen and Danaë is depicted as this over-emotional western mom with no backbone. I'm wondering how did she manage to hide Perseus for four years in that one tower/bronze chamber if the author views her as this incompetent woman. Also, Perseus is supposed to be a Mama's Boy yet he thinks of his mother as thick-headed. In a more realistic situation Perseus would've been beaten with the slipper already.

Perseus suspects that Polydectes holds the members of the families who don't pay him regularly in some sort of a sado-maso dungeon, and the reason why Perseus and Danaë don't have the money this time is because Danaë was beaten and robbed by bandits while her son was fishing outside. I wish I was jocking. Now, I don't want to offend anyone, but in my experience this is the average reaction of a balkan woman when you enter her house uninvited:

Dictys is here as well and acting as the father-figure for Perseus he never had since Zeus went out to get the milk. But his wife died in childbirth, so no Clymene or cute old couple around. BOOOO! Danaë avoided telling Perseus who is his real father, but found no problem in explaining to him how he was conceived, because this was of coursly more understandable. Perseus hates Acrisius and wants to kill him just like any other edgy BookTok male main character.

Perseus enters Polydectes' palace, and I cannot help but think about this:

"Unless his best friend Kleos, he had no desire to be a hero." No shit dude, almost no hero from Greek Mythology achieved their greatest deeds with the intention of becoming heroes. Also, besides Cadmus there weren't really too many heroes around anyway. Also also, if your best friend's name is Glory and one of your crew members is called Beloved then I suggest you finding partnership in people who don't feel like imaginary friends whom you chose the names for in the last second.

Perseus is directly summoned by Polydectes in his sado-maso chamber to have a private discussion with him, and I quess this was the moment when Polydectes tells Perseus that he will pay generosly the person who will manage to kill Medusa. He doesn't trick him nor requests her head as a wedding gift, but simply convinces him to do that due to the fact that dude was too broken to pay his taxes and he would've asked for his mother's kant as a substitute for them otherwise. At this point Polydectes is just a 2D cartoonish villain instead of an actual menace to this family. Boring!

Chapter Three

Medusa's POV:

Respectfully woman, you're the daughter of two sea deities. This is what happens when you turn Poseidon into a rapist instead of letting him be the OG Monsterfucker who would do anything to get the medussy. At this point a Poseidon×Medusa retelling could've actually been something revolutionary.

She was Athena’s priestess in the past. Nothing original or new or accurate here. "Reduced to a monster with scaled skin [still has an Angelina Jolie face], praying the mortals was the only was she could repay the gods for what they have done to her." Translation: Monsters still have to be conventionally attractive in order to receive any ounce of basic human empathy, and a woman cannot hunt men for sport unless she has a tragic background story, not because she's evil and bored. "Oh look, this conventionally attractive woman has snakes in her hair and scales?! Hahaha, she's so ugly! Hahaha, she looks like a lesbian!" She also has no sisters, because of fricking course!

Medusa pretends to be a helpless woman about to get drown in order to fool the crew of a ship and "rescue her" (aaand eventually plan to take advantage of her...), when this was in fact her entire plan this whole time. If those men wouldn't have collectively shared one braincell together then this is what could've happened: The End

But nope! There are still 57 more chapter to dissect here. *sighs*

Just in case you needed more confirmation that the author was a coward. The men on the ship are portrayed as complete brutes in this chapter, and the captain has to call her a bitch in order to show that he's a product of the Patriarchy who views women as nothing more but objects for sex. Eventually our slay queen Medusa kills all of them flawlessly like any generic girlboss.

Chapter Four

Okay, so in this chapter Perseus finally talks to Polydectes, and... Yup, he's actually a 2D cartoonish villain! Oh, and do you remember Glory, AKA Perseus' OC friend? His father is rich af, yet this guy never considered nor bothered giving Perseus his money for one reason or another in order to help him. Shitty bastard!

Apparently Polydectes already has a bunch of women and wants Danaë to be part of his Harem as well. Dude doesn't even try to be subtle about it:

By the way, do you guys know what does this reminds me of?

No fake wedding, no real wedding, no trickstery, not trying to gain Perseus' trust before betraying him, just straight-up "Your mom." But what makes this chapter truly dumb is that Perseus offers himself to hunt Medusa and gave her head to the king, despite the fact that this man didn't even proposed that to him in the first place.

Oh, and he also gives him a crew and a ship, despite the fact that Perseus initially refused his offer 'cause he's a real man n' stuff, you know? At this point you make the OG mythological Perseus look like a genius.

Chapter Five

Remember Agapetos? Now we're meeting his sister, Chrysanthe, who sees her brother's corpse in what is supposed to be a dramatic scene. For now I can tell that she's quite an unpredictable character. At the beginning of the chapter it is mentioned that she would sell her body to the fishermen from the area just so that her brother could have money, and now she wants to kill Medusa for what she did to him. Not gonna lie, I'm actually more invested in the story of this OC character, rather than the romance between Perseus and Medusa (🤢🤮).

Chapter Six

I beg the author to stop portraying Danaë as an incompetent human being for once. Cooking isn't a feminine nor a masculine thing, it's a basic surviving skill.

"Dictys was stubborn as a mule — a trait that probably ran in the family, even though they weren't technically related." You two are literally cousins via your fathers, lmao!

Unfortunately, we will never find the answer because the writer killed Clymene off-screen instead of giving Perseus a grandma.

Perseus tells Dictys that he decided to slay Medusa, to which the man logically points out that nobody managed to kill her and that he's an idiot for that. Apparently Danaë is too busy with cooking, so she is only mentioned in this very relevant key-moment from the novel. I swear, being Perseus' mother is this woman's entire personality!

Eh, at least we got this cute fragment. I can't believe that but the author actually cooked with these lines:

Chapter Seven

Athena is currently held accountable by Zeus, on the grounds that because of her a dangerous monster became a menace to a whole ass island. I'm sorry but... why would Zeus care so much about it? Dude would literally allow his wife to destroy Troy later despite of being his favourite city.

Did you know that Athena is actually dumb and useless whereas Medusa is the ultimate slay queen girlboss? Now you know!

Athena now tries to justify her decision, and Aphrodite of coursly cannot help but think of the dick since she's the goddess of sex. Also, pretty much every greek god has exactly one personality trait; this is a Percy Jackson fanfiction. Apparently Athena considers that Medusa's existence will eventually lead to the rise of a new hero and that's why she cursed her in the first place. Now this is one hell of an insufferable older sister!

Chapter Eight

Now we have to learn more about Perseus' OC friend who will accompany him throughout his journey instead of giving him money from the beginning, Yay!

"Adamantios was among the wealthiest men in Seriphos, and Kleos was his only son and heir, much to his father’s disappointment."

Understandable.

"Kleos, however, was a restless spirit and would never sit still during his lessons, be it algebra or philosophy. He squandered his allowance on wine, women, and gambling..."

Let's see if I got this correctly: he's uneducated, a drunkard, a manwhore and wastes his money on slots. Also, friendly reminder that this is supposed to be Andromeda's future boyfriend, yet people are still deranged when they find out that Perseus married her the moment he rescued her and claim that he only views her as a prize.

Perseus meets his crew, and it's quite frustrating knowing that all these men are following him purely because they were payed by Polydectes to do so, and they mutually hate Perseus knowing that they risk to die because of him. I can't believe that I have to say this but Ovid did an infinitely better job at giving Perseus a bunch of friends who willingly fought and died for him.

Kleos paused on the doorstep. “There is one thing I don’t understand, Perseus. You always said you didn’t want to be a hero. You’ve only laughed when I fantasised about the monsters we could slay together, the battles we could win… so, why did you tell Polydectes you’d kill the gorgon?” Perseus frowned, not understanding what his friend was getting at. “To settle my debt…” “But there would have been other ways to pay for the tithe. Why didn’t you come to me? I would have gladly given you the money."

This is the exact same shit I'm constantly talking about in this post, ARRRGHHH! Anyway, the reason why Perseus never asked him for money is because he fears that his rich ass father might disown him for that, and he cares too much about his best friend and has dignity uWu- BITCH! Can you even afford dignity considering how poor you are?!

So far Perseus' motivations barely make any sense.

Chapter Nine

Medusa visits the city disguised and enters a tavern. During this time she's thinking about her former life as a priestess (Ugh!), how she was punished by the gods (Bleh!) and how now she's a lonely and hated monster (Still has an Angelina Jolie face...). Inside that tavern a bunch of drunk men assault the barmaid and intend to rape her, but our slay queen Medusa kills all of them.

By the way, how is it that every single man Medusa encounters happens to be a piece of shit, whereas every single woman she encounters happens to be a Rape/SA victim in one way or another? It doesn't happen once or twice, but every single fucking time. Also, the idea of a mythological figure hunting rapists in the Bronze Age is... questionable at best.

Chapter Ten

The ship crew call Perseus "Sir". This is an english formal adress that derives from french and was first documented in 1297. So about 2600 years after Perseus' times.

Athena appears all of the sudden in front of Perseus and tells him that he's the son of Zeus:

"Perseus almost laughed at Athena. The goddess had descended to assist him in becoming a testament to Olympian might. It took all his willpower not to curse Zeus’s name — his father’s name. He was the offspring of the king of the gods, the most powerful being in existence. Perseus’s stomach churned. That explained the electric fire that coursed through him in moments of unbridled rage."

Wait, are you going to tell me that Perseus has super powers now like the demigods from Percy Jackson and that you weren't just using the exact same metaphor in order to describe his emotions this entire time? Booooooooooo...

Anyway, Athena gives Perseus the magical weapons he needs in order to slay Medusa, then leaves. You would think that this would be a way more emotional moment given the fact that Perseus is supposed to meet his half-siblings, but Athena pulls out this Archangel Gabriel persona and tells Perseus that his father is Zeus and expects him to have an "Okay!" type of reaction in the same way Gabriel told Mary that she'll become the mother of Jesus. Hermes doesn't even show off, so Athena gave to Perseus the sandals in his place:

“Finally, Hermes borrows you his winged sandals, swift as the wind, to escape Medusa’s wrath. Use these wisely, and victory is yours. Hesitate, and tragedy awaits.” *doesn't bother to explain to him what strategy he should use in the first place and leaves*

This chapter has only four pages, by the way. You would believe that such a significant moment deserves more attention, but NOPE!

Honestly guys, I'm getting tired at this point and I haven't even reached the worst parts. So let me know if you want me to continue this journey and tell you guys what happens in the future reblogs! 👍

[popatochisssp]

What are your headcanons on Monster souls? Like the traditions we see in Fur a Good Time, Call, and Soul Searching, just genuinely curious about them and I haven't seen anything on them on your blog.

I don't have too many headcanons about traditions to do with monster souls, but you hit on the two that I do have--the soul-touch and the soul-share.

For monsters, souls are everything, the culmination of your being, the very crux of who and what you are at your most fundamental level...which is to say, it's personal, something that's generally kept to yourself, where you can keep it close to you and safe.

It's you, after all, the most vulnerable and unguarded part of you.

So letting other people into that is, naturally, a form of intimacy!

Whether that intimacy is platonic or romantic is circumstantial, and every individual monster's thoughts on it (and comfort level with it) will vary, but broadly speaking...

Most would agree that letting someone see your soul is a pretty bold move. It takes a bit of purposeful effort (as a monster) to manifest it visibly outside your body, so if you're showing it off, you've gotta be confident--either that no one could possibly hurt you enough for it to matter, or that you're in the company of someone who won't hurt you.

Sometimes a healer will want to take a look at someone's soul to check for visible problems that could be causing illness or instability, but generally there's not a lot of other reasons to bring it out, so in practice having your soul out is... maybe a little bit like being caught in your underwear--probably fine if it's your lover, or your friend, or your family who's seeing it, maybe a bit embarrassing at the worst, but man, it'd be mortifying if it was a total stranger, or really awkward if it's somebody you only know a little bit.

The next level up from having your soul out is having it physically touched.

This is pretty serious, intimacy-wise, because anyone who lays hands on your soul has access to the raw, unfiltered sense of you: who you are, what you're about, how you feel, the utmost you at that moment in time.

Generally, this isn't done casually.

In life-or-death moments, in the case of necessary examination or treatment, it's something a healer may do, but it's not done lightly and would be considered somewhat invasive.

As with letting people see it, letting someone touch it is generally saved for the close relationships, probably the human equivalent of letting someone read a page of your diary, or having them look at a mole for you in a...compromising location. No way in hell you're calling your boss or some rando off the street for that, but it'd be fine if you were trying get on the next level of understanding with your partner, hash something out honestly with a sibling, or maybe even bond a little closer with your BFF.

And, then there's the ultimate--the soul-share.

This is something you'd pretty much only ever do with a lover, and not a casual lover either, the 'seriously thinking about spending your life with this one' kind of lover.

The soul-share is a mutual interaction and it's even more 'everything' than the soul-touch is. The sharing of souls gives you the whole picture, beyond the sense of who a monster is right now and what they're about, but also how they got there, everything important in their life that shaped them into the person they've become, all the way up to the moment they decided to share their soul with you--and it's a two-way street, with everything that matters about you going to them, too.

You see what they've seen, feel what they've felt, know what they know, and at least in that moment, blur the line between you and them and become an emotionally unified 'us.'

...A lot of monster babies get made this way, actually, when a couple realizes through a soul-share that they're both deeply in love and mutually ready to be together for the long-haul. It's definitely not recommended to go into one if both you and your partner are ready for kids emotionally, but not yet logistically or financially, because the 'oops we were too excited about it' babies can and do happen.

Like I said, a lot of this stuff varies, monster-to-monster.

You could have one monster who'd die of embarrassment if their absolute bestie unexpectedly just saw their soul, and then another who'd hand theirs over to some stranger at a party to win a bet, and pretty much everything in between--the vastness of the human monster condition.

But that's more or less the gist of it!

[kyoodledoodle]

I am kinda obsessed with a what if scenario where Kalina decided play "cool aunt" or "imaginary friend" with Riz.

Like jeez Kalina, you dunce. You could have been manipulating that goblin from day 1. Wasted opportunity.

Like oh my god I'm obsessed with this idea. If she took the time to 1. Drive a wedge between Sklonda and Riz and 2. Be a friend who could teach him how to do cool shit and praise him a lil bit he could have been such a fucking asset.

It would have been EASY like Kalina pushing the envelope. "Why doesn't she ever talk about your dad? Well if she can't and won't I don't mind sharing a couple of stories since we worked together for a few years." Probably embellishes the stories a lil bit and Riz absolutely eats that shit up. His dad was cool and blah blah.

Riz is very good at the rogue shit and he's so eager to be of service. He probably wouldn't question Kalina because she's built up this idea she cares for the kid and would make some bullshit up about "Woah buddy that's some super secret stuff I can't go spilling my guts. Stop digging. " And he'd be like okay okay I'm sorry.

In freshman year Kalina would just be a ghost. I truly don't think she didn't need to do anything but let the dragon do as he wants. All he had to do was spread the coins around so he did that and took care of that 'one' problem a couple years back. ( She's not gonna tell Riz she's indirectly responsible for his daddy's death. That would just ruin all the time and energy she's spent on nurturing this relationship. ) plus other people's were responsible for collecting the crown of the nightmare king so she just sits tight.

I also like to think there could be a moment where Riz starts to get a lil too close to figuring her shit out and starts with the questions. Kalina does not want her efforts wasted so she spins a tail and shows him his dad is in hell. Maybe he liked the hunt a little too much. Maybe he was a whore. Maybe he was just a bad person who continued to do bad things because it was fun. And kalina spins the narrative ensuring Riz he doesn't turn out like his parents.

Wait parents? What's his mom doing? Well according to Kalina she might be a crooked cop. Who knows..he won't until he can't get a chance to talk to her

Anyway I just god, the potential here I feel like is limitless and I'm just this gremlin that feeds off dramatic angst.

I also love the idea of Riz just choosing blind faith and trusting some entirely only for it to be the wrong fucking person and he finds out waaaaay too late. And I also like to believe that he would struggle so hard when being made to confront his friends. He would try so hard to be diplomatic about getting them to just stop chasing after Kalina. They can take the F and try again it's not that important. Just a grade.

Adaine ask Riz why Kalina is working with her parents then. They are probably doing something evil. It's called the CROWN OF THE NIGHTMARE KING!

And poor riz is just like "sometimes you have to work with shitty people's to get results. I know your parents suck! I'm SORRY I DIDNT GET TO PICK THE TEAM! If it helps I thought about pushing your dad off a cliff."

"I appreciate the sentiment, really. But I wish could see that you are being manipulated and lied to."

"No I'm really not. I won't ask you to join your shitty parents on a lackluster adventure but c'mon can't you leave the forest? At least until we fix shit?"

"Ughhhhshshhs your being SO ridiculous! I can ot believe you of all people are believing the plague, THE DISEASE, over your real friends. She's been giving us nightmares! Horrible ones. Why would she need to give us nightmares to save the world? Why does she even want the crown. The nightmare king is BAD news!"

"We have to bring the nightmare king back so we can kill it! Otherwise it will just be a forever thing in some capacity! It can't die unless it's killed in one clip. It's- ITS A WHOLE THING OKAY? YOU WANNA HELP OR NOT?"

"Oh my fucking god." Adine facepalms so hard. "you are so much better than this man..what the fuck did she even- ugh. Are we fighting?"

"technically.... This has been a very unsuccessful fight on both our ends."

"You know that's not what I mean. I don't really want to fight you. None of us do."

"please don't fight Kalina. She's capable of scary shit."

"NO FUCKING SHIT!"

--- I just really love the thought of this.

Curious what you think of the general idea, if that's cool

IM ONLY GETTING TO THIS NOW BUT OOH???

OOOOOOOOOH!!!??!!!!?!?!

HOLY

SHIT

I DONT NNOW WHAT TO SAY THIS IS INCREDIBLEEEEEEE

THE POTENTIALLLL

and junior year when Kalina comes back “good” everyone’s super sus but Riz is just completely gung ho about having her on their side

and just imagining his mom listen to her son believe all these things about his dad, and Pok SEEING HIS SON BEING MANIPULATED BUT NOT BEING ABLE TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT JT

[aaimlesss]

i miss them so bad

[jacksonekennedy]

Jack laughed. Deep, from his belly, at Alice’s attempt at happy guinea pig noises. His face felt warm. He shook his head in slight disbelief. They were getting very comfortable with one another.

“I bet he sounded exactly like that.”

That had to be the cutest thing anyone had ever done, right?

Jack was happy to hear that Alice had family nearby. A sister to visit over a long weekend. But what really made Jack feel happy and warm was when Alice told him that she liked her family, and that she’d wanted to share them with Jack because she liked him. That’s what was implied, anyway, and it nearly made his heart burst out of his chest right then and there.

“Well, thanks. I like hearing about your family. They all seem pretty cool.”

Jack had to bite his tongue to refrain from saying something like: and it’s very kind of them to take in an alien girl and raise her alongside humans.

He didn’t want to risk losing any points. New Mexico was very important to him now.

When Alice asked about his family, Jack sighed, his expression remaining neutral. He loved his family. He really did. But when he thought back on his childhood, he felt sad sometimes. He didn’t dare speak those feelings out loud because any sane person would’ve looked at him like he was crazy.

Your parents are … millionaires? You’re a white guy who is set up for life and who got everything you asked for growing up, and thinking about your childhood makes you feel sad? 

It was still the way that he felt. His mother was overbearing and cared too much what people thought. She wanted to show off through Jack — the perfect son with perfect grades who could speak two languages at age ten. She always presented little Jackson as athletic and bold and polite and passionate and beautiful.

His father didn’t really acknowledge him at all when he was young, which made Jack feel totally disconnected from the man. Jack loved his father, and his father loved Jack deeply. They’d actually grown closer as Jack got older, but after this most recent scandal, something had shifted in their relationship. His father was disappointed in Jack, and it was difficult not to notice.

It hurt a lot.

Alice was asking about where his family stayed, not what he felt about his family growing up, so he smiled softly and answered her question.

“Yeah. Most of my family is here. I think the only people who have ever made it out of the east coast are like … some of my cousins who wanted to try traveling or living somewhere else, but I don’t know. Everyone always comes back. We have a lot of roots here.”

Jack shrugged. Jack wasn’t sure if he could ever leave the east coast. He really loved it there.

A lot of this was publicly known, but he decided to tell Alice anyway because — well, she’d asked, and it was presumptuous to think that she’d studied his entire family history before this interview.

“So, my grandpa used to tell me a lot of stories about our family history, which I really enjoyed. We made this really big family tree, but we got stuck somewhere in the 1700s. Anyway. My great-great-great whatevers got into the oil business, made a shit ton of money, then got into the car manufacturing businesses at the turn of the century, and a bunch of boring stuff that made a lot of money. My great grandfather used to go to New York a lot, and he apparently loved it. So he settled down there. Had a ton of kids. Four wives.”

She hadn’t asked for a history lesson. Jack knew that, and he felt a little embarrassed at having ranted for so long, but talking about this stuff felt very easy for Alice. It didn't sound as warm and special as the things she'd shared with him, but he still wanted her to know.

“He fell in love with New York so much that he just made his kids promise that they’d always stick around and not wander too far. He was a real hard ass, apparently. I only met him when I was like really little. He was really old, and I was sorta scared of him. He made this whole big thing about staying close together, and how he wanted his kids and grandkids and great grandkids to stay on the coast because the Kennedy family had made history, and we helped shape and build New York and the surrounding areas and whatever.”

Jack kicked his feet in the water.

“Sorry. You... didn’t ask any of that, did you?"

Jack scratched at the back of his head.

"Basically, my mom is from Connecticut. She and my dad met through their families. We're all diehard east coast people, unfortunately.”

'The carpentry thing is pretty fucking sick. I bet Gub Gub was very pleased with that.'

Alice chuckles. So sick, in fact, that Alice wished she had that gift— just so she had something to show Jack, something to win his admiration. Maybe a bookshelf. Or a dresser. Or a multi-tier guinea pig habitat that featured alcoves and tunnels.

"Gub Gub had a fucking blast. He was always making happy guinea pig sounds, you know—" Alice pauses, inhales, contemplates following through.

"Wheek wheek." Her hands curl up into little paws as if in emphasis.

God. That was embarrassing, but how many times had Jack already teased her on this trip? Surely squeaking out a few guinea pig sounds was nothing.

Besides— Alice didn't mind when Jack made a crack at her. She liked it, even. Liked how hot her face got. Liked firing back, or threatening a points demerit.

Especially when he's just so sweet. Proclaiming that Alice and her sisters were cute, and even asking all these follow up questions— if everyone lived in New Mexico.

His curiosity made Alice feel ... valued, in a way. That someone as important like him was curious.

"Everyone but me and Rebekkah," she says with a nod, kicking her feet once more.

"She's also in upstate New York. she's in publishing."

A beat.

"And, uh— I don't mind the questions, like, at all. I like my family, and I like sharing them with people who I like."

Alice's gaze flits down immediately, but there's a smile tugging at her lips.

Yeah— it felt good, sharing them with Jack. And in turn, it stokes her own curiosity.

"What about your family?"

The Kennedys. A name that carried weight here, and all over the eastern seaboard, and around the world, even. Yeah. Alice wondered what that must be like, having multiple members with their own wikipedia page. Maybe it wasn't surreal to him at all. After all— he was a fucking senator.

"Does all of your family stay here on the east coast?"

She thinks of Jack's mom returning to the coast, just to introduce her little newborn to the sea.

[followerofmercy]

Networking/Knowing A Guy: A Guide

This is the autism website. Now, as an extension of the power of love and friendship, there are few things more useful than Knowing A Guy. Knowing A Guy means you have a support network. Knowing a plumber, or a tax accountant, or just that one dude that's really fucking good at finding the information you need when you're really overwhelmed, can be the difference between being able to pay rent and having a fun party with friends to fix your shit.

How does one end up Knowing A Guy? It's a skill you can develop called Networking and it is one of the foundations of society. Unfortunately making those connections with people is fucking hard and nobody makes a tutorial for it. So, here you go:

The golden rule is you scratch my back and I scratch yours

It is necessary for survival to seek out useful people

Great news! Everyone is useful in some form or fashion - including you! When given the opportunity to learn about someone, do it! Extroversion does not come naturally to some people and that's okay. Just take whatever falls in your lap.

Types of usefulness: trade skills, connections of their own, personality you jive with, pleasant to talk to, niche interest in shared hobby, security - the list is pretty much endless. I know a guy that lives in the metro area - no job, no major hobbies, inoffensively annoying to me personally, kinda ignorant, not attractive to me, but you know what? He knows how the fuck to get around the city by foot. My rural-raised ass APPRECIATES the guide.

Remember important information: general personality, background, skillset, likes and dislikes. You can find this information by making smalltalk about their life. There is no such thing as pointless conversation. (Yes, even the annoying smalltalk)

The more people you know, the higher the likelihood that one of them will be useful in a given situation - or will know someone who is.

It is overwhelming. In a given clique/community/workspace/whatever, there is A Guy Who Knows The Other Guys. This Guy is a shortcut. Find them. They're often elderly, extroverted, a little bit annoying, a secretary or in some otherwise forward-facing position. Look for people that are gossipy/talk about other people a lot but not in negative ways. If they constantly talk shit, they'll talk shit about you too. They're still useful but be careful with the information you share

You do not have to like someone for them to be useful.

You do not have to like someone for them to be useful.*

If you have low self esteem, you're going to feel like you're using people. You're not. That's the devil talking. People like feeling valued and the connections you are making are the threads holding community together. Recognize people for their talents. It's only a problem when you're taking advantage of people

So: don't feel scummy about it. You're an animal. You have to claw out your right to survive and people will respect you more for it.

Luckily mutualism is the name of the game in the animal kingdom. Offer something back. The foundation of a Know A Guy relationship is Mutual Benefit

Sometimes that Mutual Benefit is just spreading news of the The Guy far and wide. My plumber friend is my actual friend and I love her to death, but I'm maintaining our backscratch relationship by pimping out her plumbing business to anyone that'll listen

Food is a good Mutual Benefit. People across cultures for all of human history have bonded over food. I have good success asking people for a favor and then offering to buy them lunch in return **

General compensation is also good. Offer a service in return and always do your best to offer financial compensation as appropriate. Having your plumber friend take a look at your drain: doable with a case of beer. Having your plumber friend redo the pipes in your entire house? You need to pay for that.

Being transactional is not necessarily a bad thing. I would advise against keeping an itemized list of things owed, but fish don't seek out cleaner shrimp just because they enjoy their company. Everyone gets something

Unfortunately being extroverted and generally personable is a huge benefit here, but that's the value of the Guy That Knows A Guy. There's someone out there that has consolidated All The Guys so you don't have to be the local expert. Always remember nobody can do everything and you don't need to master every skill

* This is the foundation of a functioning community. I have many acquaintances that I find incredibly annoying. They include doctors, welders, artists, social workers, lawyers, construction crew and random fuckers at the grocery store. I do not hang out with them. I do not have to in order to maintain a civil Know A Guy relationship. I can drop them useful tidbits and fuck right off so I don't have to spend any more time than necessary with them

** People may assume romantic intent. Be prepared for that. I generally denote that it's a friendly/work lunch by calling them bro at some point if they're my age. Otherwise my general demeanor is sufficient to show that I do this with everyone

Source: personal experience, mother's teachings of crime, booth vending and poverty

[teaboot]

On of the less intuitive things about love, I've found, of any kind, is the importance of needing things.

I didn't realize it until recently, but I've always seen love as something requiring sacrifice, selflessness, patience, and generosity- to ask for nothing is to be the best person I can be, small and quiet and never in the way, always happy and helpful, self-sufficient and present when desired.

It's only as an adult, now, that I'm beginning to see the selfishness of wanting nothing.

I cut my friend's hair in my kitchen the other day. They wanted a trim and I had the skills, so I offered, and was genuinely excited when they stopped hesitating over "bothering me" and took me up on it. It was a peaceful afternoon, and we had tea and chatted for an hour or more.

My brother and I shared popcorn at the movies a while ago. When I came time to pay, I pulled my card out like a wild western sheriff and slapped it on the machine before he could fight me for it first. The satisfaction was delightful.

Someone called me crying on the phone the other day. Kept apologizing for disturbing me at work, talking about how they were bothering me on my lunch break. I was telling the truth when I told them that really, I was flattered and honored and relieved, knowing that if they were hurting I would know, that I didn't have to worry in silence. It felt good to hear them slowly come down, and to know that they knew it would be better soon, and to hear them laugh wetly on the other end. We're getting together for a visit next week.

It's hard to need things, if you've trained yourself not to. It's hard to want things, when you don't know how to want anymore. Trusting people is difficult, and so is relying on them, but I don't know where I'd be without the people who rely on me.

I've heard a lot of people say, "Nobody will love you unless you love yourself". I've had a lot of thoughts about it. It's not right, but it's not wrong, either, I think.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... I've always taken that to mean, "You will not be lovable until you develop a positive view of yourself as a person".

Now, I think it's sort of inside-out.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... because nobody can show their love to you in a way that you can accept until you treat yourself kindly, and learn what you need, and what you want, and how to ask for it, and then give that vulnerability away.

Love, for me, is someone I ask for a ride to the airport. Whether they end up doing this or not is irrelevant.

It's not needy, or selfish, or taking up energy. It's giving the gift of being wanted, and needed, and thought of. It's giving someone the security of being part of someone's life.

[torchwood-99]

Eomer and Eowyn only talk to each other once in the films

but they communicate so much.

When Eomer first returns with a wounded Theodred, an entire dialogue is shared between Eomer and Eowyn without a single word passing between them.

This mutual look of concern, they're both on the same page.

Eowyn then goes on to look at Theodred's wound. It's interesting that Eomer now looks curious above all things, he's waiting on Eowyn's judgement.

Eowyn looks at the wound and grimaces. It's bad. Theodred isn't going to survive this.

She looks to Eomer, who looks back at her in grim resignation.

They go to Theoden to inform him of the situation. As Eomer walks by Eowyn, he doesn't speak to her or interrupt her, but he puts his hand on her back as he passes. Even when the focus is on other things, he is giving her that gesture of support and fondness. That it is done without fanfare shows that this sort of affection is commonplace.

They both stand before the throne, both of them united in their attempt to reach through to their uncle. They're a team, a unit.

Eomer throws down proof that Saruman, who Grima is trying to portray as a friend to Rohan, is sending his soldiers to terrorise their people.

Eowyn gives Grima a death glare, challenging him to refute her brother's accusations. She's on Eomer's side, Eomer's team.

Eomer sees Grima looking at Eowyn, and knows what he wants. It fills him with fury.

Eowyn sees her brother choking Grima against the wall. She looks on in cold silence, then walks away.

When Aragorn reveals that the beacons have been lit, Eowyn rushes into the throne room, drawing to a stop at Eomer's shoulder. They wait together for Theoden's judgement.

When it comes, and Theoden sends Eomer to muster the troops, Eomer bows, but even before he has fully straightened up, his eyes go to his sister.

Again, no words exchanged, simply a look of common understanding. They both know what the risks are, they both know what is at stake, for the world, for their country, for their family.

Before Eomer leaves, he touches Eowyn's arm, before walking away.

With Eomer gone, we see a steely determination come into Eowyn's eyes. Now there's something Eomer's missing, now Eomer's back is turn and there's something about his sister that she's keeping from him. She's riding to battle.

The one time they speak to each other, they're in opposition. About Merry, about Eowyn, about war.

The words are harsh. Eomer is stern, Eowyn is defensive.

But Eomer puts his hand on Eowyn's shoulder. He doesn't say "I don't want you to get hurt, I don't want you in battle", but that hand on her shoulder, tells the audience that's exactly what he's saying.

Those small moments of physical affection culminate in one great moment, when stern, stoic Eomer discovers Eowyn on the battle field, and breaks down in tears, cradling her and rocking her like she's a child.

And his devotion to her is ultimately shown in him sitting small and hunched, tucked in on himself, crouching down in armour for what seems to have been a lengthy space of time, as he sits by her side, waiting for her to be healed.

This is such an effective way of showing to an audience that two characters love each other, when there is a limited time window. The movie needed to crack on to cover the ground it needed to cover, and with so many important dynamics to reveal to the audience, the creators needed to be time effective. Eomer and Eowyn don't share much screen time, but the looks exchanged, the passing moments of intimacy, tells us clearly that these are two people greatly fond of each other, and have been fond of each other a long time.

The lack of spoken dialogue almost enhances it. Little is said between them because little needs to be said. They already know. The one time they do speak, it's when they're quarrelling, because that's the only moment when they need to use words. The rest of the time, a gesture, a look, is enough.

[falesten-iw]

To Those Who Still Hold Onto a Shred of Morality and Humanity - Stand with Us and Don’t Forget Us.

Over 40,000 lives have been lost, with 70% of them being children and women. Among these numbers are my own family members—many of whom I’ve already lost.

My family, my cousin, aunt, their children, and grandchildren were all directly targeted by Israeli airstrikes. I’m sharing a video of my aunt and cousin to reveal the harsh reality we are facing in Gaza. In this video, my aunt bravely shares her story about how the Israeli army airstruck them along with their children and grandchildren. Even if you don’t understand Arabic, just watching her speak will help you grasp the immense suffering we are enduring in Gaza. You can see the vedeo in this post.

The few family members who remain are in grave danger, and I’m terrified of losing them too. We have a chance to make a real difference and give my 24 surviving family members a chance to live.

In Gaza, jobs are non-existent, and nonprofit organizations like the UN have drastically reduced their work on the ground. Basic necessities such as milk, food, and medicine are almost as expensive as gold. My family is struggling to afford even the essentials, and my mother urgently needs medication that we simply cannot afford.

I’m also sharing another video that shows the daily struggle people face just to get clean water. The suffering here extends far beyond my family; it’s a genocide affecting every aspect of life in Gaza.

Thanks to the generosity of those who have already donated, we’ve raised $535 toward our goal of $190,363- august 17th. I’m deeply grateful to each of you, but we still have a long way to go, and I need your help more than ever. Imagine if it were your family—how would you feel if they were in this situation?

For those who have created special posts or reblogged to amplify my voice, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your support means everything to me and to my family. If you haven’t yet shared our story, please take just one minute to do so. Your voice could be the lifeline my family desperately needs.

You cannot continue to treat human lives as mere numbers. This is a genocide that demands immediate action. How many more should be killed before you all wake up? Will 40,000 lives be enough to stir us to action? 50,000? 100,000? 150,000?

Asking for donations and charity is something we never imagined having to do in Gaza before the war, and it’s heartbreaking that it has come to this. But if everyone who saw my last post donated just $10 or $20, we could reach our goal in no time. If you’re looking for a way to contribute, consider giving up your coffee, tea, or other “cup” for one day, one week, one month, or anything in between. Then, donate what you would have spent to help me. Please help us and donate now!

This is about more than just donations—it’s about preserving human lives and upholding our shared moral values. Your contribution can make a world of difference in our survival and ensure I don’t lose more of the people I love.

Demanding an end to this suffering is a matter of basic humanity. You cannot remain neutral in the face of such genocide. Please, let’s stand together. Enough is enough.

Every donation, no matter how small, brings us closer to hope and healing. Thank you again for your kindness and support. I will never forget it.

Vetted and shared by @90-ghost: Link.

Verified and shared by @el-shab-hussein: Link

Listed even as number 282 in "The Vetted Gaza Evacuation Fundraiser Spreadsheet" compiled by @el-shab-hussein and @nabulsi : Link

Additionally, Al Jazeera News has documented apart of my family's case: Link

Important note: ** 105 Swedish kr is just 10$ ** 1050 Swedish kr is just 100$ ** 10500 Swedish kr is just 1000$

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[barrenclan]

"The Vaster World"

Well! This is it! The very last epilogue of "Pinepaw and the Forgotten World"!

This epilogue in particular took me awhile to write, because I had to get it exactly how I wanted. Pinewing and Cormorantleaf's relationship is one of the main focuses of the story, and I really felt I needed to explore it the way it deserved. Especially important to me was showing that despite how much they love each other, there's still a ton of baggage and difficulities they needed to work out. I honestly think it would be unrealistic for two characters with so much trauma to just skip off happily together, but I also wanted to emphasize how they could still reconcile in the end. Not all relationships work out, but Pinewing and Cormorantleaf both felt that the other was extremely important to them, and the relationship was something they both wanted. So they were willing to put in the work of building it back up.

I had a ton of fun drawing older Pinewing and Cormorantleaf. I started doodling Pinewing with full facial hair something like a year ago, and I've been so desperate to finally get it into the comic since. It feels so right for him, like his perfect final form. After a life full of pressure and difficulty Pinewing just wants to be a happy old man who gets to kiss his husband every day, and sometimes profesy the future writ flesh. Goodbye, my little blue cat; I'm gonna miss you.

The title of this epilogue comes from "Mimsy Were The Borogoves" by Lewis Padgett: "They would survive, but they would not know how to swim downstream, to the vaster world of the ocean.”

In the end, the whole project wraps up at 64,501 words, 370 pages, and two and a half years of production time. I started this project expecting it to be a minor thing I occasionally drew on the side, something a few people might find interesting. The enormously positive response has absolutely blown me away and continues to do so, and I am forever so grateful that thousands of people can enjoy and meaningfully relate to this story.

Thank you, as always, to everyone who has commented, shared, reblogged, theorized, made fanart, made fanfiction, told their friends, liked it, or just read it at all. Though I won't go into the specific details, PATFW is an extremely personal and cathartic creation of mine, so the fact that many of you have also told me that it connected with you on an emotional level is genuinely heart-touching. I appreciate all your readership through these years. It means a lot.

-Raz

Previous < > You are at the end

[khioneee]

ORGAN THIEF

synopsis. you tell yourself caleb was never yours to have, so you let zayne get close. until caleb decides he doesn’t like to share. warnings. jealousy. mentions of violence. angst. pairings. caleb x reader (x zayne) word count. 7k. an. felt like crying tbh. might edit later.

when you were young, there was no such thing as distance between you and caleb.

you were always together, moving through life side by side, never questioning it. there were scraped knees from racing down the street, grass stains from summers spent lying in the backyard, and lazy afternoons where he let you steal food from his plate without complaint. nights meant whispered conversations under blanket forts, his voice always the last thing you heard before sleep took you.

you grew up together, side by side, pulling each other out of the awkwardness of childhood, shedding timidity like second skin.

caleb and y/n, y/n and caleb.

here’s y/n.

here’s caleb.

here's a bond that no one else quite understands.

your love for caleb hasn’t changed, but it’s grown into something you didn’t understand. can’t understand. not yet.

but caleb has grown. taller, sharper, still careless with his hair, but just as hopeless at tying his tie in the morning. there’s a natural ease to him now, a quiet confidence that draws people in without effort. he doesn’t just enter a room, he shifts the atmosphere, commanding attention without needing to say a word.

you hear the way the girls in the hallways whisper about him, their voices hushed but excited, their eyes lighting up when he so much as glances in their direction. he’s the kind of person people gravitate toward, like planets drawn to the pull of the sun.

kind. athletic. smart. golden.

the one who remembers names, who helps the new kid find their classes, who scores the winning shot and shrugs like it was never in question.

when caleb talks to people, he makes them feel important, like they’re the only one in the room, like whatever they’re saying is the most interesting thing he’s ever heard. he finds beauty in everything, in everyone, and in return, people can’t help but see the same in him. they admire him, look up to him, want to be close to him.

but they also fear him.

they don’t realize it at first. not until they get too close to you.

at first, you didn’t think much of it.

the way conversations with guys ended abruptly, how some hesitated before sitting next to you, or how your lab partner, who had been openly flirting with you just the day before, suddenly kept his distance. his easy confidence had dulled overnight, his laughter forced, his eyes avoiding yours.

maybe it was just a coincidence, a strange pattern you convinced yourself wasn’t worth questioning. but then it started happening more often. the brief glances, the quiet goodbyes, the way some of caleb’s teammates barely acknowledged you despite knowing that you were close.

still, you never questioned it. because, in the end, it never really bothered you.

caleb had always been like that.

like how he insisted you wear his jersey at his games. the first time, he tossed it at you casually, like it was an afterthought. ‘now they’ll all know exactly who you’re watching.’

you rolled your eyes but pulled it on anyway, ignoring how it smelled faintly of his cologne and sweat. after that, it became a habit. if you ever showed up without it, he’d pull it from his bag and toss it over. no words, no discussion.

or how he always left his jacket with you when you were cold. it didn’t matter if you insisted you were fine. if he caught you rubbing your arms or tucking your hands into your sleeves, his jacket would be around your shoulders before you could protest. warm, a little too big, and never once did he ask for it back.

if you returned it to his room later, he’d only shrug like he hadn’t expected it back in the first place.

and then there were the small things. how he always found a way to sit next to you, even when his friends were at another table. how he would drop by your class between periods, casually placing a snack on your desk before walking off without a word. he never explained why, and you never asked.

maybe you should have questioned it more.

but the thing that stood out the most was that caleb never introduced you as his sister.

it would’ve been the easiest thing to say. it would have explained the connection, the way you were always around each other, how naturally you fit into his life. but he never said it. not once.

until people noticed.

one day, after a game, one of his teammates finally asked.

‘so, she’s your sister, huh?’ the guy grinned, nudging caleb in the ribs.

caleb didn’t respond immediately, just looked at him, unreadable.

the guy smirked, pushing further. ‘should i start calling you brother-in-law, then?’

you expected caleb to laugh it off, maybe roll his eyes or shove the guy off like he usually would. but he didn’t. his response was smooth, controlled, and too even.

‘she’s off-limits.’

there was no room for argument.

his teammate hesitated, raising his hands in mock surrender before forcing out a laugh. ‘damn, man. didn’t know it was like that.’

you didn’t think much of it.

not until a few days later, when that same teammate got injured at practice.

a bad fall, they said.

a collision that left him with a bruised eye and a limp that lasted over a week.

accidents happen all the time in sports. it was easy to write it off as bad luck.

but when you glanced at caleb, standing on the sidelines, unbothered, indifferent with bruises along his knuckles, you felt something shift in your stomach.

maybe you should have been mad. maybe you should have confronted him, called him out, demanded an explanation.

not because it was unfair.

not because it was wrong.

but because you liked it too much.

you liked the way caleb made it impossible for anyone else to get too close. the way his hand lingered at the small of your back when he guided you through a crowded hallway. the way he always waited for you after school, even when you had nothing planned.

the way he looked at you sometimes. like there was something simmering beneath the surface, something unspoken and dangerous and impossible.

and that was the problem.

because he wasn’t yours.

because he was supposed to be your best friend.your family. the one person you shouldn’t want.

you understood now. the love you had for him has grown to fill the spaces you didn’t have when you were a child. it’s grown into longing and desire and jealousy, something so fucking powerful and essential that there isn’t a piece of you that doesn’t love him.

so you did the only thing you could think of.

you avoided him.

at first, caleb let it slide, pretending not to notice the way you pulled away. he let you ignore him in the hallways, let you skip out on lunches, let you slip past him at home without so much as a glance. maybe he thought you just needed space, that whatever was wrong would work itself out on its own.

but after a few weeks, the cracks started to show. he stopped lingering after class, stopped waiting for you outside your door, stopped trying to pull you back into his orbit. the easy confidence he carried dulled, his smirks a little less sharp, his presence not as loud. he wasn’t himself, and he knew it.

then, one day, he cornered you after the last period.

the hallway had mostly emptied, students filtering out in groups, their voices fading into the distance. but caleb wasn’t moving. he stood in front of you, arms crossed, blocking your path, his amethyst eyes sharp and unwavering.

‘you’re avoiding me.’

it wasn’t a question.

your stomach twisted, but you forced yourself to meet his gaze. ‘i’m not.’

his jaw clenched, his expression unreadable. ‘bullshit.’

you exhaled slowly, willing your voice to stay steady. ‘i’ve just been busy.’

he scoffed, shaking his head. ‘right. too busy to come out of your room? too busy to even lok at me? we live in the same house, y/n. you don’t just disappear on me.’

you swallowed, opening your mouth to say something, but nothing came out. caleb ran a hand through his hair, exhaling sharply, frustration radiating off of him.

‘so you win. whatever it is i did, i’m sorry. now will you please fucking forgive me and put us both out of our misery?’

the words hit harder than you expected. he thought this was about him. he thought he had done something wrong. and worst of all, he looked miserable. bruises under his eyes, the tell–tale signs of too little sleep. heartbreak seeping through the sunshine boy's skin and weaving its way through his veins and making rivers.

the weight of it crashed into you all at once, the lump in your throat impossible to swallow. before you could stop it, your vision blurred.

caleb’s face shifted the moment he saw the tears, his frustration dissolving into something softer.

his shoulders relaxed, his hands twitching at his sides before he finally reached for you, pulling you in without hesitation. his warmth wrapped around you, solid and steady, his breath slow against your hair. his fingers found their way to your hip, his lips pressing lightly against your forehead, his presence sinking into you in a way that felt painfully familiar.

and you didn’t resist.

because despite everything, despite the space you had tried to put between you, despite how complicated things had become, caleb still felt safe.

so you pressed into his touch, letting yourself breathe him in, letting yourself forget, just for a moment, that you had ever tried to let him go.

friends, friends, friends.

he held you close, his voice rough with emotion. ‘i’m sorry, pipsqueak,’ he muttered against your hair. ‘whatever i did or said, i’m sorry, okay?’

you didn’t answer.

you couldn’t.

because the truth was—

you were the one who needed to apologize.

because this was never about him.

it was about you.

and the fact that no matter how hard you tried, you could never, ever stop wanting him.

too much, too much. you wanted caleb too much, want too much always, but you are not together and you had to accept that.

caleb’s pinky locked into yours. you weren’t sure if it’s another apology or a source of comfort you need in your state, or just plain habit, but he’s touching you (friends, friends, friends) and that’s all you really need to know.

because despite everything, caleb still felt like home.

but home didn’t last.

caleb starts staying out late.

at first, it’s nothing. just a few nights out, a way to kill time.

you hear about it through his teammates, offhand mentions from gran when she asks if he’s home yet. It doesn’t bother you.

caleb has always been social, always had people orbiting around him, always found ways to fill the spaces in his life.

but then it becomes a habit. the late nights turn into early mornings, his weekends disappear into parties, and soon enough, it feels like he’s never home. he moves through the house like a ghost, slipping in while everyone else is asleep and leaving before anyone notices.

and you notice.

you notice the way he comes back smelling like perfume that isn’t his, how his lips are redder than before, how his amethyst eyes seem heavier, dimmer, weighed down by something you don’t recognize. you see the kiss stains on his neck, the scratches down his back.

you wish they hurt. you wish you left them there.

you don’t avoid him, not entirely, but you don’t talk to him the same way. your words are clipped, your tone indifferent. you stop waiting for him after school, stop lingering in doorways to say goodnight, stop reaching for him first.

when he nudges your shoulder, slings an arm around you, tugs on your sleeve like he always does, you pull away before he can get too close.

and caleb notices.

at first, he brushes it off, shrugs like it doesn’t matter. he teases you the way he always does, pokes and prods, waiting for you to roll your eyes and shove him back. but the space between you keeps growing, stretching into something neither of you know how to name.

he stays out later. comes home smelling stronger, marked up worse, his voice hoarse in the mornings like he’s been screaming into the night. he looks at you, waiting for a reaction.

but you don’t give him one.

and for the first time in your life, caleb stops trying.

the sky was falling weeks later when the door of your own room opens. blinking sleepily, you leaned over and flicked on the bedside lamp. he swayed against the wall, there is purple and green pressed all over his skin.

it’s caleb, whose lips are swollen again.

it’s late. too late.

the smell of beer clings to him, mixed with something sweeter. something that isn’t his.

his hoodie is loose, his hair messy, his steps uneven as he leans against your doorframe, eyes heavy-lidded but sharp as they land on you.

‘you mad at me, pipsqueak?’ his voice is lower than usual, playful, teasing, but there’s something behind it. something that isn’t entirely a joke.

your lamp lit up the dark bruise on his neck in a ghastly light. you could still see the fingertips, could feel the ghost of them pressing into his skin. friends.

your hand goes white–knuckled, gripping into the sheets. ‘go to bed, caleb.’

‘i’ll sleep in your bed,’ he mutters, like it’s obvious. like it’s true. like you’ll agree without doubt.

you exhale, shaking your head. ‘you’re drunk.’

‘and?’ he counters, stepping into your space, his smirk faltering just slightly. ‘you say that like it changes anything.’

you don’t answer.

because maybe it doesn’t.

he peeled off his hoodie without a word. there are red fingernail marks on the ridge of his spine and bruises on his hips, signs from the girl with perfume you smelled on him last night, the girl who gets to touch caleb in the places you can’t.

he watches you for a long moment, his eyes scanning your face like he’s trying to figure something out. and then, finally—

‘i don’t get it.’ his voice is quieter now, more serious. ‘what did i do?’

you settled back against the bed. ‘nothing.’

‘bullshit.’ he laughs, but there’s no humor in it. ‘you’ve barely looked at me in weeks, y/n. you don’t wait for me anymore. you barely talk to me. and every time i try to touch you, you act like it makes you sick.’ his jaw clenches. ‘so tell me. what the hell did i do?’

you should lie. you should push him away. you should say something sharp, something final, something that makes him leave.

but you don’t.

and caleb, drunk and tired and hurting, sees right through you.

when he reached your fingers, he thread them between your own, collecting all the pieces of your conscience and disappearing without a trace, all remnants of your soul in hand.

his expression shifts, something softer flickering across his face. and then—

his fingers graze your cheek, barely there, like he’s testing the distance between you. the touch is slow, hesitant, deliberate. like he knows he shouldn’t, but he’s never been the type to stop himself when it comes to you.

his hand moves to your hair, tucking it behind your ear with practiced ease, like it’s something second nature, like he’s done it so many times before that he doesn’t even have to think about it.

his thumb lingers, brushing over your cheek, tracing the frustration etched into your skin. it’s warm, careful, almost apologetic. like he’s trying to smooth out the anger, the hurt, the weight of everything unspoken between you.

then, softer than you’ve ever heard him, he murmurs, ‘how can i sleep if my favorite girl is mad at me?’

and when you look at him, really look at him, your breath stumbles in your chest. he knew how to do it. how to make you feel like the sun rises in his veins only for you.

because caleb doesn’t just sound tired. he looks it.

the dim light casts hollows into his features, emphasizing the exhaustion settling deep in his bones. his eyes, usually sharp and full of mischief, are duller now, heavier, shadowed by something that feels dangerously close to regret. there’s no cocky grin, no teasing glint.

just quiet, aching exhaustion.

for the first time, caleb looks small. like the saddest man on earth, like he’s holding onto something he doesn’t know how to fix.

you couldn't help but think of the amount of stars that had fallen with every step he took with a frown.

and it wrecks you.

you wanted to hold him, but you knew you’ll be left with burned fingertips and calloused heart.

because he smells like beer and someone else’s perfume. because there are scratches on his back that weren’t made by your hands. because he has no right to touch you this softly after spending his nights with people who don’t know him the way you do.

because no matter how much you wish you didn’t care. you do.

and so, despite everything, despite the weight pressing against your ribs, despite knowing you shouldn’t. out control, out of control, out of—

you kiss him.

for a tense, breathless second, he didn’t move.

his body stiff, frozen, caught somewhere between hesitation and something else entirely.

and then, you felt it.

his hands sliding up, fingers threading into your hair, gripping tight.

and then for a second. just a second. he kisses you back.

it’s desperate, reckless, a collision of everything you’ve been holding back. his lips taste like beer, and you don’t care. your fingers grip his hair, pulling him closer.

his lips crashed against yours, his tongue sweeping into your mouth with a hunger that left you breathless.

a quiet moan escaped you, swallowed by the heat of him, by the way his hands moved down, gripping, pulling, like he couldn’t bear the space between you.

then, he tore himself away from you. friends.

tepping back so fast it felt like the air had been knocked out of your lungs. the warmth of his mouth, his hands, his presence, gone in an instant, leaving behind nothing but the sharp contrast of cold in his absence.

your eyes snapped open, breath uneven, pulse hammering as you stared at him, trying to make sense of what had just happened. caleb stood right in front of you, his chest rising and falling too quickly, his disheveled hair messier than before, his lips still swollen from the kiss. his amethyst eyes were dark, unreadable, but something about them made your stomach twist.

because he knew.

he knew what this kiss meant. he knew what you felt, what you had been too afraid to say. he knew you had shattered whatever fragile barrier had been keeping this moment at bay. he knew.

and yet, he smiled.

not the kind that comforted, not the kind that softened his sharp edges. this one was different. it was hollow, something cold curling at the edges, something sharp enough to cut through you with ease.

‘had enough practice?’

his voice was light, almost amused, as if the kiss had been nothing at all, as if it hadn’t just unraveled you completely. you could only stare, frozen in place, his words slicing through you before you even had the chance to process them.

and you took it for what it was, a dagger to the heart.

then, with careful, deliberate movements, he stepped back, putting more space between you, widening a distance that already felt impossible to cross. his hand raked through his hair, a humorless chuckle escaping his lips, but there was no real amusement in it.

‘if you just wanted to get your first kiss over with, you could’ve told me.’ the words were effortless, thrown out like they meant nothing, but there was something in the way his voice faltered at the end that made your stomach drop. his gaze flickered over you for a second, lips curling into something that wasn’t quite a smirk, wasn’t quite anything at all. ‘guess now you’re ready for the real thing with whoever you actually want.’

your mouth opened, but no words came out.

it didn’t matter. caleb didn’t wait for a response. he exhaled sharply, his eyes lingering for a beat too long before he turned away. there was no hesitation in his steps, no second glance, nothing to suggest that this moment had shaken him the way it had shaken you.

and then, just like that, he was gone.

he doesn't think, doesn't wait, doesn't want.

he just leaves.

disappearing into the dark, leaving you standing there, cold, alone, and regretting everything.

and maybe that was the moment you lost him.

y/n and caleb, and it's hard to tell where one end and the other begins. there probably isn't a difference, and trying to draw the line would doom the both of you.

this time, caleb starts avoiding you.

and this time, you know exactly why.

it’s different now. worse. because he doesn’t just disappear at school. he disappears at home, too.

you hear him tell gran he has practice when you know he doesn’t. you catch glimpses of him slipping out late at night, hood up, car keys dangling from his fingers. when he comes back, it’s always late, long after the house has gone quiet.

you pretend not to hear the front door creak open, the careful shuffle of his footsteps down the hall, the way he pauses outside your door for just a second before moving on.

he doesn’t look at you.

not in the morning when you pass each other in the kitchen, not when you sit at opposite ends of the dinner table, not when gran asks him a question and he answers without ever acknowledging the weight of your silence. the air between you is thick, heavy with everything unspoken, but neither of you say a word.

at school, it’s even worse.

you used to know exactly where to find him: leaning against his locker, sprawled across the lunch table, laughing too loudly, always moving, always there. but now, he’s everywhere except near you.

and when you do see him, it’s only for a second. a glance across the hallway before he looks away. a flicker of amethyst eyes lost in a crowd. an almost-moment before he disappears again, slipping into someone else’s world, somewhere you don’t belong.

you should’ve expected this. you should’ve known that kiss, your first kiss, would wreck everything.

but somehow, it still hurts.

and what’s worse, what makes your stomach twist, what makes your skin feel too tight and your throat close up, is that you hate yourself for it.

you hate yourself for wanting it.

for wanting him.

you feel disgusted when you think about it, about how easily you caved, about how much you liked it, about the way his hands felt on your skin, his lips against yours. you hate that even now, when you close your eyes, you can still feel it, still want it, still crave the weight of him against you like a sickness you don’t know how to cure.

so you do what you can. you push forward. you stop waiting.

and that was when you met him.

it started with a name, called out in class like it meant nothing.

‘zayne and y/n.’

your biology teacher paired you together for a semester-long project, and you hadn’t expected anything from it. zayne wasn’t someone you had paid much attention to before, and when he pulled out the chair beside you, there was no hesitation, no awkwardness, just quiet acceptance.

‘looks like we’re partners.’ his tone was even, uninterested, like he was already calculating how much effort this would require.

‘looks like it.’you mirrored his indifference, expecting nothing more than a few study sessions and a forgettable final grade.

but it wasn’t just another assignment.

zayne wasn’t like caleb.

he didn’t overthink his place beside you, didn’t steal glances to gauge what others might think. he wasn’t loud, wasn’t overbearing, didn’t fill the silence with pointless conversation just to make his presence known. he was steady, self-contained, comfortable in the quiet. after weeks of feeling like you were walking on eggshells, that steadiness ws a relief.

at first, your time together was purely academic.

library meetings that were structured and efficient, an easy rhythm of work that never strayed beyond the boundaries of your project. but then, something changed. lunches became routine, neither of you discussing it but always sitting at the same table. walks to class happened naturally, steps falling in sync without effort. conversations stretched beyond assignments and deadlines, carrying into late-night messages about things that had nothing to do with school.

zayne told you about his love for the winter, and how he would sneak out during the first snow fall. you told him about the time you and caleb got caught sneaking out, how caleb had talked his way out of trouble while you stood there panicking.

unlike caleb, zayne didn’t tease, didn’t turn your stories into jokes at your expense. he just listened, nodded like he was actually picturing it.

too kind, too understanding, too much of exactly what you needed.

somewhere along the way, you became friends. and soon, you were always together.

dinners with gran started to change. it used to be the three of you. gran, caleb, and you.

but caleb started skipping them, claiming he was busy, always finding somewhere else to be, never home long enough for it to feel like anything but an excuse.

zayne, on the other hand, filled the space caleb left behind.

it started as a casual invitation.

gran insisting he stay after studying, reassuring him there was more than enough food. he had accepted without fuss, without hesitation, and from that night on, his place at the table never felt out of place. gran told stories you had heard a thousand times before, and zayne listened to every one of them, nodding along, asking questions like he hadn’t already picked up on the details from you.

he wasn’t a replacement for caleb.

but he was something constant.

then one afternoon, you and zayne crossed paths with caleb in the hallway.

there was no tension, no hesitation, no moment of discomfort where zayne second-guessed himself. he just looked at caleb, gave a simple nod in acknowledgment, and kept walking, like it was nothing.

like caleb was no one special.

like he wasn’t even worth a second thought.

caleb didn’t say anything. he just stood there, watching.

but you knew that wasn’t the end of it.

and you were right.

the moment the wrong boy fell in love with you. and you wished he could pull out your heart, and make him see that you fell in love with the wrong boy too.

that was why you were here, standing in the biting cold, surrounded by barren fields of frost, with zayne’s rare laughter curling into the air like something warm, something that was meant to feel safe. that was why you let him get close, why you let yourself believe, even for a moment, that this could be enough.

you shouldn’t have been thinking about caleb.

so you focused on the wrong boy instead.

on the way his voice carried in the quiet, on how he walked beside you without hesitation, how his presence didn’t ask for anything more than what you were willing to give. he wasn’t waiting for you to figure things out, wasn’t demanding answers you didn’t have. he was just there. steady. certain.

maybe that was what love was supposed to feel like when you didn’t want it. something easy, something quiet, something that didn’t threaten to tear you apart.

but it still didn’t fit right in your chest.

‘we’re here.’

zayne’s voice pulled you back, his excitement evident in his eyes as he gestured toward the sled he had set up.

you blinked at it, then at him. ‘are you serious?’

he grinned, brushing the snow off the seat before tossing his scarf around your shoulders, adjusting it with careful hands. the fabric was thick and slightly uneven, the pattern something you wouldn’t have picked for yourself, but it was warm, and it smelled like him.

you raised an eyebrow, eyeing the details.

‘gran taught me how to knit,’ he admitted, a flicker of amusement in his expression.

your fingers traced the edges of the scarf as you exhaled. ‘it’s nice.’

and it was.

you didn’t know whether to laugh or cry over how endearing it was, how easily he gave things to you, how much he seemed to mean it. he could have handed you anything, and you would have taken it, because this. this moment, this feeling. was already too much.

then, without a word, he just looked at you.

not a passing glance. not a fleeting moment of consideration.

zayne never did things halfway.

when he looked at you, he made sure you knew.

his hazel eyes were bright despite the winter gray, his expression unreadable but not indifferent. there was something certain about the way he watched you, something steady in the way his gaze settled, like he was memorizing the shape of you.

like he took in every detail.

the way the cold had flushed your cheeks, the way your breath curled into the air, the way the weight of the moment made your fingers tremble against the scarf.

‘is there something on my face?’ you asked, startled by the intensity in his stare.

he shook his head, his gaze flickering slightly before settling again. ‘i wish i had more time with you.’

the words were quiet, simple, but the weight of them landed hard.

you swallowed, pulse stuttering, because there was something in the way he said it that made your chest ache. he didn’t say it like a passing thought, didn’t say it like he was reaching for something just out of grasp. he said it like he knew.

like he already understood that whatever this was, whatever you were, had an expiration date.

his eyes dropped, just for a second, barely noticeable, but enough.

enough to know what he was thinking.

enough to know that if you leaned in, he wouldn’t stop you.

and for a fleeting moment, you wanted to.

not because it was right. not because it was real.

but because you needed to forget.

you needed something to press over the ache in your chest, something to drown out the weight of caleb’s absence, the sound of his voice in your head, the way he had always, always been there. until he wasn’t.

but you didn’t.

because it would have been a lie.

‘gran, we’ve talked about this—‘

caleb’s voice cut through the air, sharp with frustration, breaking the moment before it had the chance to solidify into something real.

‘no, you talked. an aviation school halfway across the country? when there are good ones right here? what’s wrong with being close to home?’

the front door creaked open, and as if time couldn’t be any crueler, gran and caleb stepped outside.

his presence was immediate, impossible to ignore.

caleb had always carried himself like he belonged in any space he occupied, but now, standing in the cold with the weight of an argument still lingering between him and gran, he felt like something distant. something storming just beneath the surface, unreadable and untouchable.

zayne sighed, shifting beside you, but you barely noticed.

because while he was looking at you, you were looking at caleb.

your stomach twisted, the weight in your chest pressing down harder, suffocating in a way you didn’t understand.

‘and i know it’s far. i know it’s hard. but it’s not about running away.’ caleb’s voice was firm, steady, like he had already made up his mind. he barely hesitated before adding, ‘this is what’s best for me. for all of us.’

and just like that, it was over.

he turned before anyone could argue, before you could even process what he had said, stepping back into the warmth of the house.

the door clicked shut behind him, and somehow, that sound felt louder than anything else.

you don't know what's love and what's hate now. if there is a difference between the two of you, y/n and caleb, here.

later that evening, you fell.

it was late, exhaustion pulling at your limbs as you trudged up the stairs, arms full of books. zayne followed a few steps behind, his pace unhurried, hands tucked into his pockets as he listened to you yap.

you were mid-sentence, distracted by the conversation, too focused on the warmth of another presence at your side to notice the uneven step beneath your feet.

your toe caught the edge, and before you could react, your balance shifted forward. books tilted dangerously in your grasp before slipping from your fingers as gravity pulled you down. your stomach lurched, breath catching in your throat—

but you never hit the ground.

zayne’s hand wrapped firmly around your wrist, his other pressing against your waist with steady ease. his grip was strong, grounding, keeping you upright before you even had the chance to panic. your breathing was uneven, heart hammering from the sudden shock, your body tensed from the lingering adrenaline.

for a moment, neither of you moved.

his fingers still pressed against your skin, his touch neither hurried or hesitant. . he had caught you, steadied you, and yet he didn’t let go.

you became painfully aware of the way his chest hovered just inches from yours, the warmth of his palm burning through your shirt.

when you looked up at him, his expression was unreadable. calm, composed, but something else lingered beneath the surface. he wasn’t just looking at you. he was waiting.

waiting for you to move. waiting for you to step back. waiting for your permission.

and that was what made your pulse stutter.

it’s too much and it’s never enough.

you should have pulled away. should have created space. should have let the moment pass as nothing more than a near fall. but you didn’t.

because then, his gaze flickered. just slightly, just for a second. before his eyes dropped to your lips.

your breath hitched, and before you could process what was happening, a voice shattered the moment.

‘y/n? zayne?’

gran’s voice, light, amused, pulling you back to reality.

and then—

‘what the fuck?’

caleb.

your entire body locked up, tension snapping through your muscles as your head turned toward the sound.

he stood at the end of the hall, unmoving, his eyes dark, expression unreadable. his jaw clenched, the muscle ticking, his hands curled into tight fists at his sides.

he wasn’t just watching. he was seeing something he wasn’t supposed to.

zayne, still close, exhaled a quiet chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck, as if this was nothing, as if caleb wasn’t standing there barely a few feet away. gran smirked, clearly entertained by whatever she thought was happening.

caleb did not.

he didn’t speak, didn’t demand an explanation, didn’t so much as glance in your direction. he just turned on his heel and walked away, disappearing down the hall without another word.

and somehow, that was worse.

dinner was slow, thick with something unspoken, the weight of the evening settling over the table like a fog.

gran, as oblivious as ever, carried the conversation, her voice the only thing filling the silence. ‘he’s going to be a doctor, y/n,’ she said, beaming like it was something worth celebrating.

zayne gave a polite shake of his head, still eating, still composed, his presence unwavering despite the obvious tension in the room. ‘still got a long way to go.’

but the real shift came when caleb sat down.

for the first time in weeks, he joined dinner.

he didn’t make an excuse, didn’t disappear before the plates hit the table, didn’t claim to have somewhere else to be.

he was here. silent, stiff, but here.

his fork scraped against his plate, but he barely ate. his shoulders were tense, his fingers gripping the edge of the table just a little too tightly. he answered when spoken to, voice clipped, his eyes fixed on his food, refusing to meet yours.

zayne, on the other hand, didn’t react. he carried himself with the same quiet steadiness as always, like nothing had changed, like caleb’s presence, or his anger, meant nothing to him. he didn’t fidget, didn’t acknowledge the storm brewing across the table, didn’t shift under the weight of caleb’s unspoken frustration.

and that made it worse.

but you noticed.

caleb was stiff, his usual relaxed posture replaced with something rigid, something tense. his grip on his fork was just a little too tight, his knuckles flexing under the strain. he barely touched his food, answering gran’s questions with clipped responses, his voice measured, controlled.

through it all, he never once looked at you.

your stomach twisted, the weight of his silence pressing down on you more than any harsh words ever could. it wasn’t like caleb to hold back, it wasn't like him to sit in the same room as you and act as if you didn’t exist. but tonight, he was locked in his own storm, letting it brew under the surface, making sure you felt it, even if he refused to acknowledge you.

then, after zayne left, gran turned to caleb, her gaze slow and assessing, studying him the way only she could. she took a sip of her tea, setting the cup down with a quiet clink before speaking, her tone light but deliberate.

‘zayne is a good boy, but whether he’s good enough for you...’ she let the words linger just long enough to make them feel heavier before tilting her head toward caleb, watching for a reaction. ‘what do you think, caleb?’

the shift in him was subtle.

a slight tightening of his jaw, a flicker of something unreadable in his expression, the barely-there twitch of his fingers against the table. you barely had time to process it before he moved, smooth and purposefully, his arm slipping around your shoulders like it belonged there.

his grip was warm, steady, and possessive.

‘i think,’ he said, his voice softer than usual, the perfect balance of ease and sincerity, ‘as long as pipsqueak’s happy, then i’m happy too.’

the words were convincing.

to anyone else, they would have sounded effortless, genuine even. but you knew him. you knew the calm in his voice when he was anything but. you knew the way he smiled when he wanted to bite back something sharper. you knew the restraint in his touch, the tension running just beneath the surface.

and right now, caleb wasn’t just mad.

he was furious.

furious that you had kept something from him. furious that you had let someone else too close. furious that, for the first time, there wasn’t a single thing he could do about it.

later that night, when you knock on his door, he opens it immediately, like he had been waiting.

the hallway is dim, the only light spilling from his room, casting sharp shadows across his face. the space between you feels suffocating, thick with something unspoken, something heavy you aren’t ready to name.

his expression is unreadable, his face carefully blank, but you see it anyway.

the tension in his shoulders, the way his grip tightens around the doorknob, the barely restrained control in the way he stands, like he’s holding himself back.

your pulse thrums in your throat as you force the words out. ‘did you mean it?’

caleb doesn’t move, doesn’t blink, his silence stretching unbearably between you.

you swallow hard, pushing forward even as your stomach twists. ‘as long as i’m happy?’

a second passes, then another. his jaw tightens, a flicker of something unreadable crossing his face before he finally answers.

‘no.’

the word lands between you like a blow. it should make things clearer, should make it easier to understand, but instead, it only makes everything worse.

you shift on your feet, your heartbeat hammering against your ribs, but caleb just watches you, his amethyst eyes locked onto yours in a way that makes it impossible to breathe.

‘then why are you acting like this?’

there's a crack in his surface, his electric electric eyes gleaming in undetectable, hidden message. his expression was a clear indication to what he felt.he wasn't ready to hear that.

his exhale is slow, controlled, measured, but there’s something beneath it, somehing restrained. and then, just as carefully, he says it.

‘get rid of him.’

the command slices through the air, sharp and undeniable, like a final puzzle piece snapping into place. your stomach drops at the certainty in his voice, at the quiet weight behind his words.

‘i-i can’t.’ the response comes out weak, barely more than a whisper, but it’s the only thing you can give him.

something in caleb shifts instantly. his body tenses, his expression sharpening as his focus narrows completely onto you. his movements are deliberate, controlled, like he’s making a conscious effort not to move too fast, not to let whatever he’s feeling slip past the careful edges of his restraint.

‘what do you mean you can’t?’ his voice is low, steady, but there’s an edge to it, a dangerous thread of something unraveling just beneath the surface.

you look away, knowing that whatever comes next will change everything. ‘i don’t want to hurt him.’

the silence that follows is heavier than anything he could have said.

his lips press into a thin line, his shoulders squaring as the warmth in his eyes fades into something colder, something unreadable. his posture doesn’t change, but the shift in the air between you is unmistakable.

‘so you’d rather hurt me?’

the words hit you harder than they should. you weren’t prepared for them, weren’t expecting the weight they carried, the way they landed with a finality that made your chest ache.

your throat tightens, and for a moment, you don’t know what to say, don’t know how to fix whatever just cracked open between you. but caleb doesn’t look away, doesn’t take it back, doesn’t even flinch as the meaning behind his own words settles over him.

his gaze flickers, the muscle in his jaw tightening before he exhales sharply, like he’s regretting letting you see this part of him.

‘are you saying… you’re jealous?’ the words feel too fragile, too uncertain, but they leave your lips before you can stop them.

for a moment, he doesn’t move.

doesn’t breathe.

you expect him to deny it, to roll his eyes, to throw some dismissive remark at you like he always does. you expect him to do what he’s best at, pretend it doesn’t matter.

but he doesn’t.

he just watches you, his silence heavier than any answer he could have given. and then—slowly, carefully—he smirks.

‘if you want me to say i’m jealous, i will.’

his voice is smooth, effortless, light in a way that only makes your stomach twist. it should be reassuring, should make this moment feel less like a breaking point, but it doesn’t.

because it’s too easy. too casual.

like he’s still pretending.

like he’s still keeping you at a distance.

your fingers curl into fists at your sides as the frustration rises, your voice barely more than a murmur. ‘you could have just lied.’

caleb exhales sharply, tilting his head slightly, and then he moves.

too close. you're too close together for just friends.

your back presses against the wall before you even realize you’ve stepped back. his presence is everywhere, surrounding you, his warmth pulling you in even when you know you should push him away.

and then his hands are on your face, fingers cupping your jaw, steady and warm, grounding in a way that makes it impossible to think.

your pulse jumps, a sharp inhale catching in your throat as his amethyst eyes lock onto yours, the distance between you disappearing entirely. there’s no teasing in his gaze this time, no smirk, no sarcasm.

just heat.

just certainty.

his thumb brushes against your cheek, slow, deliberate, like he’s memorizing the feel of you, like he needs to. and then, his voice drops lower, softer, barely above a whisper.

‘i am jealous, baby.’

a pause.

a beat of silence so heavy you can feel it in your ribs.

his fingers tighten just slightly, his grip firm but careful, like he’s making sure you don’t move, like he doesn’t want you to look away.

you're trying to not cry now but you missed everything you never had.

and then—

‘more than you think possible.’

[totalswag]

hey i love your work so much and if it’s not to much go ask i was wondering if you could do a fic where fem!reader is part of the cast on obx and she is really close friends with drew where they are flirting and what not and everyone ships them and they are at an interview with the rest of the cast and that gets brought up? sorry if that doesn’t make sense! if you don’t have time it’s completely

behind the scenes ⎯ RAFE CAMERON

authors note thank you so much lovie!! i'm open to take requests and write them. i've thought of this concept before and all i gotta say is thank you for requesting this because I NEED THIS!! super sorry for not posting for a small while, there were stuff i needed to take care of first.

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summary having a close relationship with drew that send hints to fans they like each other based on the way they flirt with each other.

warning(s) flirting, shipping, co-stars secretly like each other?

Being apart of the Outer Banks cast has been such a blessing. You've created relationships with people you consider family now and who you can count on no matter what the circumstances are. Being on set for weeks on end filming scenes and making memories is what you look forward to most.

You grew closer with Drew Starkey because your characters are dating in the show and always next together on set too. Drew has become someone that you consider very important in your life.

You joined the Outer Banks cast during the second season. Drew appeared in a couple appearances near the end of the season, implying that he is interested in someone— love interest. You recall fans going nuts trying to figure out if this will continue. Fast forward two seasons, and your characters are together.

After a long day of filming, the cast decided to gather for dinner at a local beachside restaurant. The atmosphere was vibrant, with laughter and the sound of waves breaking on the shore. You and Drew were seated next to each other, much to the joy of your cast members, who were closely watching your interaction with Drew.

"Drew, look at the camera," you softly sang, your phone in your hand on the table, Drew in the frame of the video— he was speaking to Rudy across the table. He gives you a look that shows he knows you are heard before looking down at your phone and waving.

"Oh! "Hello there," he smiles even more when he sees himself on the screen—you giggle at the end of the video before sharing it to your Instagram story. 

"You posted it on your story?" he inquires, his body language focused solely on you. "I obviously had to; it was cute," you said as you placed your phone on the table next to your wallet. You suddenly felt nervous in front of Drew.

He raises his eyebrows in satisfaction. "Cute, huh?" He smirks and smiles, patting your thigh.

Fans began to ship you and Drew together as your relationship grew. The chemistry between you two is clearly obvious on and off screen, which is why you perform scenarios so well. Fans go berserk every time you post something on social media about Drew.

You two flirt without even realizing it at times. You will compliment each other as if you were a relationship, but this is nothing out of the norm for you two. Even your cast members have boarded the train and made a few comments about when you'll finish up together. 

You can't lie, he's an attractive young man. There's no doubt about that.

Few hours after you posted on your story, fans have been discussing the video you shared in which Drew looks at you as if you are the most beautiful person on the planet and no one else is present.

Today, you and the cast will be doing interviews all day to promote Season four. For the first portion, everyone will sit in the same room as the interviewer, but thereafter everyone will be separated.

"Alright, everyone," said the interviewer, "we've got some fun questions from fans today, and they're dying to know more about the dynamic between some of our favorite cast members."

Everyone said "Oooo," anxious to see what else the interviewer would say.

"Let's start with a fan favorite," the interviewer added, her eyes sparkling mischievously. "There's been a lot of talk about the chemistry between you two." She pointed to Drew and you. "Care to share any insights on that?"

Your stomach dropped.

The question hung in the air, drawing a chorus of “Oohs” and playful nudges from the cast. You felt your cheeks heat up as you exchanged a glance with Drew. His blue eyes sparkled with amusement, a smirk playing on his lips

"Well," Drew said, leaning in slightly. "Y/N and I have always been close. We simply clicked, you know?"

"Really?" the interviewer asked, lifting an eyebrow. "Because the way you two flirt on and off set is pretty convincing."

You laughed and shook your head. "We simply have fun with it. Drew is a terrific person, and we like joking around. "It keeps things moving on set."

"From our first reading together, I knew she was going to be a great co star of mine and we've formed an amazing bond throughout the years" Drew says with his hands. In gratitude, you give him a pat on the back.

Your cast mates' eyes are constantly drawn to you and Drew since they can tell you have mutual feelings for each other. Granted, you two have scenes together all the time and have developed a strong bond. However, you consider being more than friends with him.

The interview continued on with more questions popping up that were exciting to answer. In the back of your mind you were thinking about the question about Drew and you— do you want more?

Later that evening, you and Drew returned to your apartment and relaxed in your living room. The city lights outside your window gave a soft glow across the room, and the steady hum of the air conditioner broke the silence. You'd both changed into more comfortable clothes, eager to relax after a long day.

"Today was something, huh?" Drew murmured, breaking the silence as he sprawled down on your couch, seemingly at peace.

"Yeah, it was," you said, sitting next to him. "They really went all in on the whole shipping thing."

Drew chuckled, a deep, warm sound that made your heart race. "Yes, they did. "Makes you think, doesn't it?"

He sat up, his face instantly serious. "About Us. I mean, everybody sees it. Hell, we see it, don't we?

Your breath became locked in your throat. The playful flirtation, the lingering touches, the way your heart raced whenever he was close—it all hinted at something more than friendship. However, hearing him say it aloud was another. It made it real.

"I suppose we do," you confessed gently.

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[livingasaghost]

i think one reason why so many people fail to understand andrew and neil's relationship is because people don't know what it is to be aspec. and obviously the aspec umbrella is wide and varied and no one size fits all, but at the heart of their relationship, neil is demisexual. and i fully believe andrew is some form of aromantic. and obviously their shared history of trauma (of all kinds) colors their relationship and their sexualities and actions. but aspec people (and the people in relationships with those aspec people) develop such different relationships than allo people. they care differently, and it's often the care that becomes most important, rather than (just) the attraction. like yes, i choose you because i see you because i am interested in you because i don't quite understand you but i want to, i need to, and i am committed to sticking around regardless of whether we are a legal partnership or not.

people argue all the time that andreil would grow to say i love you some day, that they'd eventually heal enough to get married, but that isn't healing. that's ignoring a vital part of each of them. not only are they both still learning what love is, but love is not what their relationship is built around. they did not ~FaLl In LoVE~ they built a partnership around taking care of the other person. sure they were attracted to each other in their own ways, but andrew doesn't look at neil like he's his happily ever after romance. neil is the person who wants andrew to live, who wants andrew to be happy, who wants andrew to know that he has value even when he's not a good person. and andrew is the person who wants neil to be safe, who wants neil to be happy, who wants neil to know that he has value even when he isn't playing exy. their "romance" comes from holding each other up, from calling each other on their shit, from being a safe space when the world has proven it is anything but. neil is the one who almost starts to imagine some kind of long-term partnership in such conventional terms and andrew is so unconcerned with what that partnership looks like...he just knows the two of them will continue holding each other up as long as they can. and sure they'll have sex and sleep in the same bed and get cats together and all that "romantic" shit, but it's more than romance. it's a life. it's security. it's a chance to rewrite the trauma of their pasts.

and yeah to an outsider all that is romantic, sure. but i don't think andrew and neil see it like that. their relationships is all facts and truths. they feel safest in these absolutes, in the trust they are building together, in the shared language they are crafting between tentative touches and long stares. but to label it something as banal as ~romance~ undersells just what's happening to them. they don't need to say i love you because they know that all of these pieces that make up their shared life together say that for them, and they wouldn't know what to do with those words anyway. their "love" is not the same as other people's anyway. they don't need to get married because anniversaries and dates and marriages minimize just how long forever is, and they are already joined together by the understanding they share.

if the two of them got married or started "dating" it would send the wrong message to people who will never understand. neil isn't andrew's ~boyfriend~ he's the man who convinced him that life can interesting enough to stick around for. andrew isn't neil's ~lover~ he's the man who refused to let him run away from the life he always wanted. it's not romantic, it's survival. it's selflessness. it's learning how to care for yourself by caring for someone else and letting them care for you.

[elysiansparadise]

Ceres in the natal chart

⚳ Ceres [1] is a dwarf planet that in astrology has a strong relationship with health, nutrition and sustenance (both physical and emotional). It represents the way we give care and support as well as how we like to receive it. Although it also tells us about our relationship with food, motherhood and the perception we have of our mother, in this post I will focus on care.

═════════ ✧ ❀ ✧ ═════════

🩶Ceres in Aries: Like the first ray of light at dawn, a warm impulse that pushes you to get up, to face your fears with its borrowed strength. Here we find very protective people, who do not hesitate to jump to defend what they love most if they feel that they are in danger. These people do not seek to be suffocating towards others, so they will not fall into the group of overprotective, on the contrary, they prefer to encourage others to be self-sufficient. Their caring may include encouraging you to take risks, overcome challenges, or advocate for your interests. They will care for your individuality, admire your personality and encourage you to be yourself. They are not usually overly communicative when it comes to showing that they care, their style is more direct and action-oriented. When faced with the discomfort or stress of those they love, they can solve problems quickly and not let things stagnate, the classic person who does not complain and resolves, making them extremely comforting in times of crisis. 

🩶Ceres in Taurus: They care with delicate caresses, offering the aroma of security and the sweet taste of eternal love. They offer constant and comfortable care, without becoming overbearing. They are not people of large dramatic gestures, but rather small significant acts that demonstrate their commitment. Their presence is like a safe haven, because you know they will be there when you need them. They are considerate people who make sure that your needs are met, they look after your comfort and well-being. Many of them often show their affection through gestures such as gifts and acts of service. They are extremely patient and know when to give you space to heal or process your emotions at your own pace. They don't rush you, but instead create an environment where you can feel accepted just as you are. For them, loyalty is important, so they will seek to be there for you no matter how time goes by. Their calm and steady energy can be like a balm, especially if you are going through times of stress.

🩶Ceres in Gemini: It is the care that comes in the form of curious questions and illuminating answers, words that come as a balm for the most wounded sides of your soul. They show care by listening carefully, asking questions, and offering helpful advice. They always have something to say to cheer you up, make you laugh, or help you see a situation from a new perspective. With them you don't feel like you're walking through thin ice, they make you feel understood and give your words the value and importance they have. Their ability to maintain constant contact, even through short messages or quick calls, makes you feel supported. The beautiful thing about these people is that they deeply value connection, so they will make small gestures so that you both spend time together and will seek not to leave you alone in times of crisis. Something that I have noticed about many of them, they will share their hobbies or interests with you, in turn, being open to knowing what your world is.   

🩶Ceres in Cancer: It is the infinite sea that keeps your tears, the refuge on stormy nights and the blanket that wraps you. Care with unconditional tenderness, building a home in every corner of your heart. These people have the ability to care for others on a practical as well as an emotional level. They tend to provide strong emotional support in which they validate your feelings and can help you process them through patience and empathy. They are incredibly loyal and will not abandon you in difficult times. If they care about you, they do it from the heart and in the long term. They stand out for their warm and enveloping energy and always make sure to give you the space to feel your emotions, even those that you do not openly express with others. Many of these natives can come to be considered a protective figure in their groups or with their friends, and people see them as people they can rely on. They can give off vibes of being very maternal or paternal.

🩶Ceres in Leo: Like a radiant sun that illuminates with generosity, it is their warmth, their fire and their passion that elevates you, reminds you that you are unique and loved. They will take care of you by highlighting your qualities and making sure you know how valuable you are. Their support includes words of affirmation, praise, and recognition of both you and the little things you do. They inspire those they love to be the best version of themselves. Their care includes encouraging you to shine and be authentic, as they want to see you succeed and feel proud of yourself, and they can be a great source of motivation. They will encourage and care for your inner child. They are fiercely loyal to those they love and will not hesitate to defend or back you up in public if necessary. Their sense of care includes making sure you don't go unnoticed or feel ignored.

🩶Ceres in Virgo: They care with patient dedication, with small gestures that are like soothing whispers that comfort and bring peace to any turmoil in your mind and heart. They are quite reserved people regarding their desire to care for other people, however they seek to be very supportive of those they consider special to them. They care by making sure your physical and practical needs are met, such as organizing your tasks, reminding you of appointments or important things, and even helping you solve everyday problems. They notice details that other people miss, making you feel valued in the little things. They are able to intuit what small changes they can make in the environment that guarantee your comfort. They make you feel like your life is under control, helping you regain control with their support, presence and advice. They are able to notice your small gestures that reveal your feelings, especially when you are tense or stressed. 

🩶Ceres in Libra: They are the echo of an "I understand you" in the silence, the beauty of shared care, where everything is fair and serene. They value connection and will take care of you, fostering a relationship of reciprocity, where both feel valued. They care that you feel accompanied, supported and appreciated in their company, that you never doubt the affection you deserve. They value your well-being in every way, both emotionally and physically, and seek to ensure a balance prevails or at least, to be there to contribute with whatever is missing. They are great conversationalists and make sure you feel heard and understood. They often give thoughtful advice, helping you see all perspectives before making decisions. They make you feel calm, helping you find stability in times of chaos or stress. They will let you know that they will always be there to listen to you and share with you, as they seek to create an authentic and enriching connection with those who are special to them.

🩶Ceres in Scorpio: They are the deep night where secrets are hidden, the hug that holds you when everything collapses. They care with transformative intensity, stripping the soul to heal it from its roots. They do not avoid difficulties, but rather address them head-on, accompanying you in the most challenging moments and staying by your side no matter how hard the journey is. They care about your deepest feelings, even those you don't express openly. They have a gift for detecting what you need emotionally. It may not be evident at first, but when they really trust you, they give themselves completely and use their time to create an intimate bond that is healing for both of you. They make you feel like they know aspects of you that other people don't, and they accept them unconditionally. They are able to give you a feeling of powerful protection, as if nothing can harm you while they are around. They transform your life from care, appreciation and devotion, causing a strong, yet comforting impact.

🩶Ceres in Sagittarius: They are like laughter shared under starry skies, the freedom that invites you to dream beyond the known and encourages you to think that everything is possible. Life often gives us tense and difficult situations, they seek to give you a break from all that, giving you joy and understanding. Its warmth gives your life hope that there is something more for you, that you can enjoy life too. They deeply respect your independence and support you to follow your own path. They do not seek to limit you, but rather to encourage you to discover your true potential, passion and that which invades you with joy. They like to create meaningful and exciting experiences with you, in which they allow themselves to discover each other. These natives are a source of inspiration when you feel trapped or unmotivated. They make you feel like you have space to be yourself, without judgment or restrictions. They encourage you to think big and dream, validating what makes your heart beat.

🩶Ceres in Capricorn: They care by building a safe future, weaving acts of love that, although silent, remain embroidered, uniting the fragments of your heart. They value your effort and always highlight your achievements, although in a practical way and without exaggeration. They are incredibly consistent in their caring, they may not be very emotional, but they are always there when you need them. And not only that, you can trust that they will deliver what they promise and will have your back during difficult times. Although they will seek to support you, they recognize your independence and capabilities, and do not hesitate to remind you of your strength and ability to overcome challenges. They make you feel that you have a shoulder to lean on and that you can count on them at any time, as they give you a feeling of security and confidence that everything will be fine in the long term.

🩶Ceres in Aquarius: Like a rainbow after a storm, it clears the skies and opens ground for you to explore and fly towards your own destiny. They deeply respect your independence and encourage you to be yourself without conforming to other people's expectations. They don't try to control you, but instead support you to explore your own path and make your own decisions. These natives will always seek to make you feel included and valued and may even invite you to be part of their activities. They take care of you without invading your personal space, maintaining a balance between support and autonomy. They are usually the type of friends that unites the group and makes sure that those who love them have a pleasant time. For them there is no true affection without freedom, they will never invade your personal space or seek to get into your private life, however, if you need to talk or vent, they will listen to you attentively. They can nourish your creativity and originality, and make you feel more inspired.

🩶Ceres in Pisces: They are like the song you never forget, the empathy that heals even what you can't name and warmth that envelops you in tenderness and care. They are incredibly understanding and are there to listen to you and offer comfort during your difficult times. They often help you find inner peace, whether through words of comfort, physical contact, doing small gestures that make you happy or keeping you company after stressful events in your life. They offer a safe haven where you can be vulnerable and express yourself fully. They never demean your emotions but, on the contrary, seek to understand them. There is a quality to them that helps the ones they love tp find meaning or purpose in times of confusion or difficulty. They are people who are very sensitive to the pain of the people that they consider close ones or special, often being able to feel it themselves. They stand out for their empathy and seeking reassurance rather than seeking to be right or point out.

🤍Ceres in the 1st house: Being naturally caring and attentive, these natives focus not only on nurturing the environment or people they love, but taking care of themselves in equal measure. Many of them encourage others to embrace themselves and treat themselves with care and understanding. They take care of themselves by leaving those places or connections where they are not allowed to be themselves, letting go of complacent behaviors, and refusing to give up their individuality and identity. They have a strong protective instinct and there is something about their attitude and personality that makes people feel drawn to them. They can easily motivate and encourage others through example, so they can be the go-to role for many.

🤍Ceres in the 2nd house: These natives enjoy caring through concrete acts and ensuring the comfort of those they love. They tend to nurture others through gifts and material goods, and they enjoy being able to provide for themselves or have those they love provide for them in that way. They can find joy and comfort with the physical contact initiated by the people they love, feeling security and reassurance without saying a word. They nourish themselves by surrounding themselves with beautiful things and can pamper themselves by going shopping. They look for small ways to nurture their self-esteem and that of those they love. It is important for them to feel that their actions are seen and valued. They manage to make others feel grounded and bring calm to chaos.

🤍Ceres in the 3rd house: These natives find comfort through communication, more specifically, having long meaningful conversations with those they love in which they share deep things that they would not tell anyone, where they can know each other better and fully. They like to maintain constant communication with everyone they love, reassuring each other even if they cannot see each other. These people seek to nourish themselves mentally and form connections with people who allow them to continue learning, and contribute meaningful and positive things to their lives. Many of these natives may have a unique ability to give comfort to others through words and speeches.

🤍Ceres in the 4th house: These natives focus on emotionally nurturing and offering shelter to those they love, not only giving physical security, but also emotional security, as well as protection and appreciation of their emotions. They need to feel like they belong in a safe place, so they pay a lot of attention to making their house, room, or whatever their safe place is, a welcoming place. They tend to feel more comfortable being at home, finding comfort there after a tense day. Likewise, they may prefer meetings with their loved ones indoors or in a more intimate place. For them it is crucial, as well as talking about their emotions, to have time for themselves to process and understand them. They are not afraid of emotionally charged conversations with others, so they can be very good at comforting.

🤍Ceres in the 5th house: They offer emotional support by making those around them feel special, unique, and loved for who they are. Often, their care includes moments of enjoyment, laughter, and authentic connection where the concerns of day-to-day life do not interfere. They love to motivate others to discover their talents, motivations, joys, value and to express themselves fully. A huge tendency to praise and cheer up those they appreciate. These people nourish themselves by exploring their creativity, having fun and allowing themselves to pamper themselves, doing activities that they like, taking care of and prioritizing their me-time and appreciating their body. Taking care of themselves means honoring their sense of individuality, embracing passion in their projects, and not stifling their creative spark.

🤍Ceres in the 6th house: They enjoy adding personal care routines in their free time. They do comfort activities like watching the movies they like over and over again, cooking, painting or anything that allows them to relax. They look for ways to nourish their body, from their diet, exercise, techniques or even spiritually. They care for others through small gestures and looking for ways to help them if they feel stressed or don't know how to do things. They are people who genuinely enjoy helping other people, as this brings them satisfaction. For them, it is crucial to work on something that provides them with emotional well-being, that nourishes them and contributes something, but above all, that genuinely makes them happy.

🤍Ceres in the 7th house: These natives can nurture themselves a lot from their relationships, as well as find care and comfort in them. They enjoy lasting relationships in which affection and nourishment is mutual, in which both are the other's safe place and where they can allow themselves to show their emotions freely. They like to create relationships in which the other person feels accepted, appreciated and loved. People find comfort in them very easily, given their fair, caring personality and the fact that they are aware of others' emotions. These people take great care of the connections that they consider important and do not mind having to put effort into them, highlighting not only their commitment, but loyalty.

🤍Ceres in the 8th house: They are not very open people with this protective side, but despite this, they help others go through crises and face their shadows. They are people who encourage others to let go of everything that is no longer useful to them, to leave behind what does not contribute to their lives and work on healing those deep wounds that others do not see. They empower others by helping them accept their vulnerability and reassuring them that it is okay to feel or step back to charge their batteries. They are not bothered or uncomfortable dealing with emotions that for others could be overwhelming and they prefer to face them rather than evade them or sweep them under the rug.  Moments alone bring them peace of mind and help them manage their emotions. It can be difficult for them to be gentle with themselves.

🤍Ceres in the 9th house: These people are a great source of inspiration for others. They always try to be there to support you with advice; they're classics at offering a wise comment from the heart and with sympathy. They tend to support others during existential crises or moments of growth and know how to stay even when others don't understand what's happening to them. They accompany without imposing, helping others discover their own path in a compassionate way and nurturing your authenticity. They don't tell you how to live your life; they just ensure you feel comfortable and happy in the process. Their style isn't the most verbal or loving, but it's highly valuable because they manage to resonate with you. They need to feel free to explore and grow, and they feel most comforted when others respect and understand their need for personal space.

🤍Ceres in the 10th house:There's something comforting about the way they project themselves; they're the kind of people who attract people, because those who orbit around them feel comforted, understood, and very comfortable. They are able to provide structure and stability in a way that meets the emotional needs of others. They may opt for jobs that involve caring for others or nurturing them in some way. It often seems as though these natives are the ones who "hold the world up" for others when everything seems to be falling apart. They are the ones who show others that it's okay to take a break, that they don't have to carry everything on their own, and that they can rely on others. They may have a tendency to take on responsibilities that aren't theirs. They have a knack for helping others find their purpose and path in life, as well as helping them align with it.

🤍Ceres in the 11th house: These natives have a strong protective instinct toward their friends, often taking on the role of counselor or supporter. They stand out for their empathy and are the kind of people who can defend and care for a stranger without hesitation. Emotional support for them comes in the form of inclusion, active listening, and solidarity. They don't try to solve anyone's life, only to adapt to whatever their friends need; an active listener? They will be that. Any advice? Without a doubt. A wake-up call without sugar-coating? Gladly. They feel nourished when they're with someone or in a place where they can be themselves. They have a strong need to nurture their self-expression and authenticity; anything that blocks it will be discarded. They need to surround themselves with people who nurture their desires, dreams, and aspirations if they want to avoid frustration.

🤍Ceres in the 12th house:They are not very demonstrative people, nor do they go for showboating. They seek to care for others through sincerity and meaningful actions. They are a strong source of comfort to those who are or feel forgotten, lost, marginalized, or emotionally broken; they are capable of deeply understanding others and seeing behind them and what they show to the world. They are people who are unaware of how comfortable they make others feel, nor of the subtle, positive effect they have on others' lives. They may not have felt cared for, which led them to become very aware that before they can do it, they need to understand and know how to do it effectively. They are the ones who hold your hand when you feel alone in the emotional storm; the silent companion that fills you with security, the knowledge that nothing can destroy you while they are with you.

💟Ceres-Sun aspects: Not only do we find people naturally attentive and caring towards others, but these natives also have strong empathy. They tend to find fulfillment in caring for others or creating safe environments for themselves and their special people. They may have a strong protective instinct and take pride in their ability to support others. People feel confident in relying on them given their warmth and understanding. In the case of tense aspects, the person could occupy the role of caregiver towards their own parents or others to whom it did not correspond to them, likewise, they may have problems balancing caring for others and caring for themselves. 

💟Ceres-Moon aspects: These people have a strong focus on emotional needs, they are aware of what makes them feel good and they try to know and understand those of other people. They are naturally caring people and like to preserve the emotional well-being of those who are special to them. They have a natural talent for comforting others and making them feel loved and taken into account. They like to feel that in their emotional ties, both give the other reassurance, peace and a lot of care. If the aspect is tense, these natives may have issues with the mother or their parenting style. They may feel that they look out for the needs of others but that no one looked out for theirs when they were younger.

💟Ceres-Mercury aspects: They are people who feel more comfortable supporting others through meaningful conversations or practical solutions, which is one of the reasons why others rely on them when they need advice or feel heard. Your words can bring a lot of comfort to other people and leave significant teachings. These aspects favor the flow of ideas, creativity and the talent to write texts with high emotional weight. With tense aspects, these natives may have problems verbalizing their emotional needs or accepting help from other people, leading them to rationalize excessively, to the point of not allowing themselves to feel. 

💟Ceres-Venus aspects: Natives with these aspects usually show love and affection through acts of service, as they enjoy making small gestures towards their partner to remind them that they are loved and cherished. They love to feel pampered in their relationships, that care is mutual, and to build a safe place for them and their partner to feel protected and adored. They are loving people in their relationships who are not afraid to express their love freely and warmly. Likewise, they enjoy pampering themselves and having self-care methods. In case of tense aspects, they may be people who fall into people-pleasing behavior for fear of hurting other people's emotions.

💟Ceres-Mars aspects: These people show their love and support through decisive actions, active protection and practical solutions. They have a strong tendency to defend those they love and do not tolerate disrespect for those they love. They are not afraid to take the initiative to show affection, initiate physical contact or take that first step into a more serious conversation. They know when to act and when to allow those they love to fend for themselves. In the sexual sphere, they seek to have their and their partner's emotional needs met and prefer relationships with people with whom they have already created a bond. Tense aspects can cause internal struggles between protecting others and a strong need for independence.

💟Ceres-Jupiter aspects: These people tend to be extremely generous, offering emotional, material or physical support in abundance. They can find true satisfaction and joy in helping other people and it can make them feel fulfilled. They care through warmth and move with the ideal of giving what they receive to others. They are the mixture of loving and independent care, knowing what limits not to cross. They love to shower others with positive and memorable experiences, as well as teach others through patience and thoughtfulness. Tense aspects often cause natives to be overprotective/have grown up under overprotection or in environments where their needs have not been met.

💟Ceres-Saturn aspects: Natives with these aspects tend to be very practical and serious in the way they support others, often focusing on providing stability and security and tangibly and constantly showing affection and care to those they love. They are reliable and are usually seen as confidants, stable and loyal supports, making the people around them rely on them. Here we have people with a lot of emotional responsibility and strongly devoted to bonds with people they love. Tense aspects can cause natives to acquire burdens that do not belong to them, but to others who are supposed to be the protectors. Possibility of not feeling appreciated or cared for when young.

💟Ceres-Uranus aspects: These people seek to encourage those they love to follow their own path and can help their friends realize that they don't have to repress who they are just to fit in. They inspire others to be themselves, help them feel accepted and included and, despite their strong independence and rational approach, they seek to let those they love know that they are there for them. Tense aspects may create one of the following extremes, or have grown up in a place with emotionally negligent people or, on the contrary, excessive overprotection from which the natives seek to reveal themselves or distance themselves.

💟Ceres-Neptune aspects: When they aspect these planets, natives tend to be very empathetic, compassionate and often take care of those they love in a selfless way, ensuring their well-being and happiness. They seem to have a good sense of what the people they love need, and they give them the feeling that they understand them better than anyone else. They love unconditionally and keep the promise to be there for others through ease and storms. Tense aspects can show us that natives must take great care of their energy, as they can easily drain themselves, as well as the tendency to take care of others so much that they forget to take care of themselves.

💟Ceres-Pluto aspects: These natives have a quality and that is that they can get people to open up with them in a deeper light, unearthing their emotions, insecurities or innermost thoughts with them. These natives are not afraid of depth, there are few things that scare them on an emotional level, allowing them to help others understand and accept the most intense emotions. There is something about them that gives strength to those around them, motivates them, fills them with courage and impetus and makes them rebuild themselves. With the tense aspects, they may have felt that their emotional needs were in the shadows, not seen or met, likewise there is an issue of not wanting to trust their more intense sides to people, unless there is a strong trust.

💟Ceres-Rising aspects: They take great care of their physical appearance, their emotional and physical well-being and, in the same way, they are people who can be very caring and protective of the people they love. They can be people who take the time to make their surroundings enjoyable for them. These natives have a natural beauty and their figure can be a mix between harmonious and attractive. It is important for them to have "me time" and they can find some comfort and comfort in their own company. If they make a tense appearance, it is possible that these people have a tendency to take a lot of care of others, even forgetting to take care of themselves. They have a natural ability to give comfort to other people.

💟Ceres-Midheaven aspects: There is something about your vibe that people perceive as safe, emotionally grounded and calm. People tend to trust you and are likely to make them open up to you easily. Your work may be closely related to providing support, care and encouragement to other people. You are someone very productive and focused on your work, capable of building stability through it. If the aspects are tense, it is likely that at times you tend to feel that it is difficult to mediate your focus on your career and goals with your self-care. The "reward" method in which after a hard day of work, you give yourself time for yourself and do things that make you feel comfortable is likely to work well for you.