#Just learned abt them so having a moment
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A ship being left-handed/right-handed is so obvious it feels cliché but it's still perfect every time like. They fit together. They hold hands symmetrically -- can choose to hold dominant hands and focus on the connection or hold off-hands casually, maybe working at the same time. They mirror each other. They fit together!!!
#dnp#Phan#payneland#Just learned abt them so having a moment#I don't know any other leftie/rightie ships tbh#i said this#Shipping#Ships#ship dynamics
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ive been thinking about the red string superstition recently and also sol bufo always and it makes me sick how uncannily caldwell tanner has made sol to perfectly target me personally
(+ cropped versions !)
#naddpod#ba2mia#ba2umia#solum bufo#swag daniels#calliope petrichor#calder kilde#alexandrite#posts by me dot com#okay..... SECRET TAGS RAMBLE!#so basically this superstition is like ... i think a chinese/buddhist/taoist superstition?#ive taken some creative liberties with it... but its mostly accurate to how its been told to me?#but of course theres lots of variations! some more abt bad luck; some say to tie it on the doorknob#etc etc ... lots a variations#i was also rlly interested in the .... weird illogic? of the thing?#like the red attracts and repels spirits at the same time#so thats something i was thinking about with too. red is assocuated with both swag and alexandrite. which to me was kinda reflecting like#i think what murph said . swags place in the wild is in a way. an extension of what he learned from the network#mothership s inextractivle from sol and swags lives. they will always be held doen by it. thats the spirit that will follow them forever#that they choose to hold on too! as much pain as it brought ... some of the experience was worth it#and anyway. theres somethingwrong w me that the minute someone brought up this superstition my brain went#'ohhh just like sol!' < needs to touch grass moment#but i CANT BELIEVE. CALDWELL DID THE RED STRING. AND ITS LITERALLY A MOURNING RITUAL#caldwell keeps accodentally makig that frog ASIAN. to MEEEE!!!!!!#but. anyway. idk. ive always hced sol kept the piece of yarn and it makes me kinda .... what if y let the malicious spirits follow you.#and haunt you. what if its the closest you can get to keeping the person still around#and sol and swag obviously have so much about homes .... so!#(ok. weve reached the pt where maybe nobodys reading? so confession is this is sort of a well. ive just been doodling this comic everyday#after a wake. and it was sort of inspired after realising i was even a bit sad about it maybe. so. idk its about sol but also?#i guess the projection doesnt end at him being asian. hehe. is what i mean. LOL. okay secret tags over . buried lore. dont look here folks)
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I don't think I've seen you mention it, but for your class!swap au, do you have any idea of what you'd turn the other Bad Kids into?
genuinely love the way this ask is worded first of all. I am like a great magician ur right and the bad kids are my victim. I am like their joker if you will. anyways I do! I've definitely brought this up on this blog before (in nonrebloggable untagged text posts so I don't blame you for not seeing them lol (I don't blame you regardless of that tbh bc that's a weird thing to do)) but the rundown is: kristen -> sorcerer, gorgug -> cleric, fig -> barbarian, adaine -> artificer, fabian -> rogue
#not art#with chances of any of them multiclassing going along#I think adaine would multiclass fighter coming into junior year... kristen might pick up paladin perhaps. those are the two things#that jump out to me. actually I can also see fig going insano style again too esp. after sophomore year when she learns things don't#disappear the moment she takes her hands off them and that she can trust some things she never has to fight for#gorgug might pick up some levels in artificer too I still think that's a really fun way to bond with his parents for him#esp. bc they'd be trying And fumbling it so hard while he's deprogramming. having this fresh way to connect again would be#something gorgug would consciously initiate I think#fabian I think ranger if he multiclasses. he's already the ghost of seacaster manor might as well make it anor londo out here#riz is the only one I don't think would multiclass ever just bc the boy has tunnel vision#everyone's like learning tools to navigate life as adventurer n shit. riz isn't. he's a triple A game studio passion dev#(he has troubles even thinking abt doing things he isn't good at. bc Living While Goblin) (junior year here I come!!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!!!)#lmao I have once again said too much in tags... hello is anyone here. hi
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Atla live action 😐
#thats my honest reaction 😐#to be fair ive only seen 20 minutes of the s1 finale bc my parents are watching it but. mmmmm kinda mid#like. the casting is definitely an improvement since the last time they tried a live action but it feels like the writing falls flat#or maybe im being harsh bc ive only heard negative criticism on it beforehand. but fr anytime u bring up the original its already#good and not just because its the original. so much fucking detail went into it to the point of someone noticing azula wielding mai's knive#to how well thought out irohs character is used as a way of uniting the cast especially as zukos foil#i heard that sokkas sexism was toned down and i have to agree that feels like a cheap move. like i get WHY they think it would be better#but its not about how that reflects on real world its about how it affects the story. sokka starts out as a misogynistic asshole because#it makes it that much more impactful when he changes. toning that down makes it flatter and makes his character development weak#and someone pointed out they didnt even make him wear the kyoshi warrior uniform and i know it feels like such a small detail but#come on man. they did that in the original because not only does it help him really walk in their shoes - wearing 'feminine' clothing and#makeup and having suki explain its significance but it also ties in with the shows theme of harmony and intersectionality#i was also disappointed when they had the fire sages explain how the water tribe draws power from the moon because in the original it was#IROH who explained it to aang and everyone else BECAUSE we as the audience is under the impression hes with the 'bad guys'#and it builds up to how he learned from the other nations which reconciles his past as a war general and his character overall#AND its an excellent starting point for the cast and audience to understand how the nations arent as closed off as you would think#plus you would think its only fire nation doing propaganda but they expanded on that with earth kingdom censorship and it WORKS#a lot of things in the live action also feel arbitrary like. they gave momo a near death experience for 5 minutes for no reason#im firmly on the stance of bringing back filler moments instead of putting major events right after each other so that u give your#audience a sense of time passing and to really absorb the story. but i think thats more like shock value than filler and yeah its a small#thing to gripe about but those things build up and its really annoying. the thing abt avatar filler moments is that however small#its at least meaningful. hell even the beach episode emphasizes how isolated zuko and his friends are as child soldiers#i also swore to never watch the first live action since it was that bad but i really liked the stylized tattoos they used for aang#anyway. those arejust my thoughts. im not gonna watch the rest because im a ride or die for the original aftr growing up and#rewatching it at least 20 times as a kid. but theres definitely room for improvement and i wish ppl wouldnt take it as 'better' just cuz#netflix is adapting it. i wouldve killed for them to just reanimate the entire avatar series and touch NOTHING ELSE no redub#no changes to the story. just reanimate the thing and leave the rest alone and youd make easy money just the same#ALSO its very jarring not hearing jack desena and dante basco voicing sokka and zuko cause their voices were the most recognizable to me#i get that its because its live action but im allowed to feel a little sad abt that. and uncle irohs accent was really soothing#yapping
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apparently it's way easier to plan scenes and plotpoints for a fanfic if i draw them first, so here we are <3 featuring me rambling abt this scene under the cut!!
i was specifically thinking about Haym and Rikki's entire relationship?
especially very early on, right when Rikki is properly assigned as Neon J's apprentice and whatnot. this was meant to be the moment Rikki realizes they're not coping very well with leaving Ban behind in Beachside Archipelago, and how they're actually gravitating towards Haym because of how similar he feels to Ban - yknow. being the same model and all
cause Rikki has some serious issues with needing absolute control over every aspect of their life. and right now, they're stuck with a job they don't exactly care for, trying desperately to suck up to Neon J so he'll actually promote Rikki to a DECENT job designing security bots for Vinyl City, not BABYSITTING 1010
(which isn't even babysitting, moreso than being monitored 24/7 in a localized space where they can't be shady since Neon J doesnt. trust them. at all. for various valid reasons)
so witnessing Haym pull some stupid but well-meaning stunt to force Rikki show off how good they are at fixing and repairing shit makes Rikki go????
A LITTLE FERAL????
BECAUSE THEY UNCONSCIOUSLY PROJECT ALL THEIR UNRESOLVED FEELINGS ABOUT BAN ONTO HAYM
but they only realize this when their body shuts down and cannot act the way they would've wanted, seeing Haym entirely fucking wrecked being very similar to how they found Ban when they first met makes them spiral a little
Haym doesn't even KNOW he's not the original Yellow model, he has his suspicions but is overall kept in the dark. befriending Rikki is something he does entirely out of genuine curiosity, motherfucker has no clue he's in the middle of a 4 year long unresolved break-up between two losers who are constantly pining after each other both romantically and platonically
im thinkingggg Haym might be seeking out Rikki's presence mostly because he's noticed that they treat him slightly different than the others. not necessarily better, just different enough to get him curious. so the need to build an identity away from 1010 as a group/unit and his inherent curiosity just gets him into this mess
#no straight roads#no straight roads oc#nsr oc#nsr yellow#nsr haym#rikki nsr#ban nsr#purinsu art#this was meant to be my selfindulgent fanfic where the polycule is happy and shit#but its the most annoying slowburn ever bc 80% of the time is dedicated to just.#everyone sorting out their emotional baggage and learning to tell the difference between who they are#vs who they want to be vs what the world expects of them#haym and rikki probably have? the most confusing dynamic out of all#which is so fucking funny to me because aside from these really loaded moments?? theyre chilling most of the time#the total opposite to rin and rikki's dynamic. where they wont stop arguing and never see eye to eye#but are one of the healthiest dynamics in this mess. cause they get each other on a level that they CANT understand#anyway its pretty hard to portray a genius engineer when youve never. touched a wrench in your life#ALL I DID WAS WOODWORK IN SHOP CLASS LEAVE ME OLONE#anyway rikki's workplace is not osha compliant bc they dont care abt electrical hazards#bc they Cant Be Affected By Them
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bc its been bouncing around in my head i think another little tiny grievance i had with totk is that i got to the end and just felt a sense of ‘well what the hell was that all for then’
#salty talks#like. ok. look at me. do you ever think abt how link loses an arm but absolutely nothing comes of it#it was basically just an excuse to give him powers and there was nothing actually done with yknow#him losing an arm. or how the light dragon thing didnt really have any long lasting consequences#and generally like. i had to think for a moment to remember why the hell she did that#what was her purpose in the past again???? what did she accomplish actually??? oh right the fucking sword#its like. i get to the end and like nothing has changed it all resets to zero it barely even feels lile a change#woth the other races pledging loyalty like the past (gags) bc barely anything abt hyrule changed between those two times#mineru leaves. she was a lot of wasted potential. nothing CHANGED it all just reset back to the status quo#no one learned anything i feel nothing new or interesting just oh hyrule is good :) it all feels so hollow#like you go on this big adventure and then at the end you dust yourself off and go back to doing basically#exactly what you were doing before that all happened like nothing happened. thats how it felt. what was the point#yeah sure new zonai stuff but that never sinks in its not important to the main narrative so it feels like nothing#it just. felt like there was no real point to the adventure except to affirm that yeah the past was perfect keep doing that#while none of the characters actions really have any lasting weight to them and they barely feel involved#i need to stop i can feel myself wanting to keep going lol. link losing his arm but the game not at all engaging with it is frustrating#totk salt#like to me it’s an issue bc its a long game with a lot to do but when you reach the end it just rings so fucking hollow#the main story/narrative equivalent to all those fucking collection items where the prize is a useless fucking token
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there r fics that make u insane (so amazingly good it’s removed ur sanity) and then there’s fics that make u insane (you need to fistfight the author for how they did a specific thing that caused u to rant for hours)
#i know i just posted that other thing but ffs that is NOT how u handle someone in that situation everyone involved made everything 10x worse#yet it’s being treated like the right thing to do (which again ofc they’re cops they don’t understand harm reduction but still) like#seriously everything’s so forceful like u seriously think forcing ur friend to talk to u or forcing a patient to talk to a therapist under#the threat of being admitted to a psychiatric hospital is gonna make her feel comfortable talking to u? or anyone? she’s just gonna trust u#less and get better at hiding it and speaking of which the taking away all sharp objects thing makes sense in theory but like think abt it#for a minute she confirmed she isn’t suicidal and this is her only way of coping so do not just forcibly take away all her coping mechanism#like yes she is hurting herself but it’s a COPING MECHANISM. she’s coping with something. help her with that don’t just take away her penci#sharpers or whatever (which btw since she’s an adult she could easily buy more stuff and yk learn to hide it better) which again has to be#voluntary it isn’t gonna work if u force someone to do smthn they don’t want to like as ur friend u could’ve made it clear u care abt her#and wouldn’t judge her for anything and r here if she wants to talk don’t just say “you have to talk to me” and casually threaten#hospitalisation when she isn’t ready in the moment like seriously if this wasn’t a badly written fanfic she would completely stop trusting#bcz given that this wasn’t even done out of panic i would like ffs u are NOT doing any of this right#oops sorry ranted abt the bad fic in my tags-#it’s not where the author’ll see it and know it’s about them i don’t feel bad abt it#this was my first time even looking at stuff for this fandom so#cw self harm in tags#idk if i need to tag anything else for that ���#fanfic#ao3#ryan shut the fuck up
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HSR verse Kaeya ideas:
Path of Nihility, Element Ice
Fell in stride with that path due to his depression after his conflict with Diluc and belief his fate due to his family's ties to the Abyss Order may be to bring his new homeworld's doom ( in part because of his Father's final words to him ), maintained in growing to find amusement in the impossible and working towards it regardless of the fact
Has every intention to try and defy his so-called fate even still, even knowing all that effort may be for naught in the end. But at least he would like to say he tried
Tends to help people on a whim, without desiring credit for his actions or if it may help them in the long run
His abilities sap the vitality of his enemies, but consume his own when he uses his strongest ability
Due to his family's contract with the Abyss Order, his lifespan is longer than most humanoids, spanning centuries. Though not quite that of a Xianzhou native, like them, his people do still face a terrible curse to become monsters after a time, like many of the Abyss Order.
He is glad his loved ones will never live to see him succumb to it. One way or another.
Though he also secretly harbors the strongest desire to force the Abyss's immortality on them to ensure they can stay with him, and face the same fate. He has to wonder if the slumbering monster in him is to blame for that, or his own attachments
#//Was so VERY close to making him path of Hunt#//But then working out how his 'kit' would work said otherwise#hc; kaeya#//I dunno if I wanna make the Knights of Favonius be like#//A faction of the IPC; or if it can be their own thing#//Do love a version of 'Teyvat' being a thing in that universe#//So the way it goes in my mind; his 'skill' Frostgnaw work the same way as his Genshin self with the talent Cold-blooded strike#//Single target; afflicts 'Frozen Kiss' status upon them. Attacking enemies afflicted with it let him regain HP equal to 15% of his ATK.#//Becomes three-target ONCE immediately after his Ultimate; to same effect; having entered a state called Frostbitten Embrace#//His ultimate Glacial Waltz is multi-target/all enemies on field; consumes a portion of his HP upon activation. Inflicts Exposed debuff#//I like to think his animation is like. Once Upon a December; stepping in a waltz as a blizzard picks up; faint figures around him in it#//Icicles like his Burst forming as he twirls as though puppeteered before he throws his hands out & they pierce through the enemies#//Finishing it all off with a bow; exhaling a soft mist. Like Todoroki or that one Gojo clip djfhbfgkh#//The way I'm imaginging it; the music would be something like the Phase II of the Lupus Boreas fight. Just bc I love it so much jhdbgfjg#//Overall; I do like hints of Lacrimosa for whatever song would be it jfbfbd. Not just bc it’s my favorite piece; TOTALLY not lololol#//Ultimate lines prolly being 'Can't handle the cold~?' upon selection; and 'This moment will be frozen in time!' as it proceeds#//I like to think that like how Jingliu's blindfold disappears during Crescent Transmigration; his eyepatch disappears during his Ultimate#//Eyes are closed through it; eyes opening with a flash when he hurtles the icicles#//It stays off during his enhanced skill; then is restored by next turn#//Or smth; idk; I think I wanna tweak his kit for a bit and detail it more but shh#//This is it for now djkngfk#//Technique is Abyssal Heart; upon activation; he immediately attacks the enemy. Upon entering battle; has a 100% base chance to freeze the#enemies for (1) turn. They will take Ice Damage 50% of his ATK at start of every turn. Frozen Kiss will be applied to them in addition#//Idk if that is too broken; maybe. Idevenk shbjdfdjbgdk#//Will edit as I go/come up with new ideas#//Or if sb gives a bit of advice how to do better. Pls help jhdfbgjdg#//I might wanna learn more abt the masked fools for a potential idea; but I think I am content with just keeping jim Favonian aligned#//For now
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#CONFLICTING FEELINGS EVERYONE MUST HEAR HI#Sooo I have a li'l crush on this girl in my chemistry class and today was the last day of class so I was like 😤 last shot#And I have only talked to her once or twice before in passing I'm soooo some guy to her#But last week or so I complimented her jacket bc she always has a cool jacket!!#And today I was behind her in line for Smthn so I complimented it again but I think it was the same one#It's all an excuse (we know this)#Anyways FINALLY got her Instagram#But I do not think she is interested at all#The way I was LITERALLY SHAKING LIKE A PUPPY asking her 😭😭😭😭😭 GIRL#Rizzless#Anyways I think I will accept my fate but life is abt going out on a limb#It's been AGES AGES AGES since I've had a little crush and none of them ever work out#But maybe that's just on me 😐#Void talks#We did a little chat!!! Abt cooking and idk she's like very cool n funny and nice and I wa spike WAAAAAAAH#^ insert that into after in line/ before instagram part I can't move this around 😭#I ACTUALLY CHATTED I didn't just ask someone for their Instagram 😭 (which is valid)#I'm soooo not smooth I was soooo like biggest wettest puppy energy in that moment 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#Life is about living and learning and loving tho so it'll be ok 😐#I have a lot of love in my heart and someone needs to recognize this before I explode 😐
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relevant to absolutely no one But me but xxx buddy finale was recently and i did not realize it was ending :(
my delusional brain was like 'surely they'll keep going now that my favorite guys are finally together' but No... the story completed 😔 genuinely gasped and everything when i saw 'finale' beside the chapter number GDFKGFD
once again asking u to read xxx buddy... there is ofc smut its like in the title but their relationship dynamic is so goooood 😩 yearning already for the promised bonus episodes before i have to reread it all over again to cope with this loss.
#i just love them!! so much!!#golden retriever x black cat dynamic!! with the golden retriever being more of a rottweiler trying to mask as a big puppy#theyre both well-written and honestly i feel the story could have done a bigger dive on both of them#given they have such complex backgrounds that arent super explored vs the present moment dynamic#i want an entirely new series just about them learning more abt each other :(((( i yearn :((((((
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i realized how much it scares me that my mind will convince itself of even the ugliest things if i start thinking them often enough and it's... yeah. like i had a good session with my psychiatric rehabilitation therapist i think it was very useful but then at the end i got hit by this feeling of fear... like i'm so scared of myself and how low i can get
#like i convinced myself the only way to deal with my pain and my problems was to attempt suicide so people would know i was suffering#bc i wasn't able to tell them#and i really really for real believed it and i did exactly that and it's very scary to think my mind can get so twisted and believe these#distorted versions of reality or twisted ways to get what i need or all the negative things i think of myself#and like i guess this is just part of working on getting rid of these beliefs. that i'm realising just how deep in them i am and that it#scares me#but it's not a nice feeling. i'm really trying not to judge myself for it that's not useful. i'm still learning how to not judge myself#for every little thing but god it's hard i'm so used to thinking i'm too much or not enough or too emotional or too stupid or inadequate et#just every bad thing under the sun#but even trying my hardest to mantain like a non judgmental view of this issue... the fear is the hardest part rn#it's just... i don't even know who i am? and that's also something we're gonna work on and started to a little#but i don't know who i am and so i just believe abt myself whatever the situation leads me to believe. whatever my bpd leads me to believe#whatever others lead me to believe#and the last one especially is perhaps my biggest issue. i don't know myself and i don't like what “myself” currently is and i live for#other people i live to please others i do things so others will like me or at least not dislike me so i can hate myself less#and really that's no way to live. and this is something this therapist is making me realize and understand#but it's just seriously so.... scary all of this all of this realizing i'm just an empty vessel that i fill up depending on the person i'm#interacting with and that i am.. nothing. like not nothing but like nico is not a formed person. i have molded myself to other ppl's tastes#and needs and if i try to look beyond that there's just this void or at least this question mark#i don't think i have like no personality? but well i do have a personality disorder so that's fucked me up! and it's! aaaa!!#if i think about the things i have convinced myself of by sheer repeating thek to myself all the time in my dark moments...idk#and like it was manageable when the dark moments had reduced and i was relatively okay. but as soon as i got bad again... oh#it started being a constant bombardment of negative talk to myself abt myself and a constant telling myself#well pretty much that there is no worth to be found inside myself. so unless this pain somehow goes away by itself i'll kill myself#that was basically my train of thought every day multiple times a day for months and months#that is scary!!!!!!!! that is so!!!! i'm so#sorry this is a mess. i'm trying not to cry bc i'm at my parents' house and my father's around but. yeah. just lots of feelings#and again it's probably normal i mean talking about these things is good! but feelings are bound to arise and some are hard to deal with#suicide tw#sorry i forgot the tw in my being upset in the moment
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i ended up having a like. 30 minute conversation with some of those "freedom convoy" people. was at the bus stop. they were wearing trump hats. i ended up roped into the conversation because i was so taken aback at seeing one in public i was just. staring at it. ive never felt more depressed about someone elses life and beliefs than when i talked to them.
#they fucking. tokd me about the litterboxes in schools for kids identifying as cats and i had to#break it to them that that wasnt true and explained that. also explained. what its like yo be autistic. how i find it joyful#and also discussed how they believe trump has been spoken to by god and chosen to lead and how they arent christians or catholics like they#used to be but instead talk directly to him and have him inside them#and also apparently how 15 minute cities in china are used to keep people imprisoned where they are#and we arent a democracy anymore. which was so funny considering. they are participating for a party#running in the election#i gave them my perspective on being transgender and gay and watched them have like. 3 or 4 ''are we the baddies'' moments#explained what puberty blockers actually do. that surgery is paid out of peoples own pockets. that we literally only have#one doctor who can perform these surgeries and hes abt to retire#and at the end of the convo they were like ''youre so pleasant. youre really smart young lady'' and i was like ''ty? i just. read a lot'#god i hope they learned. something. or i changed some opinion. they seemed to have a more positive view of autistic people at least#i just like. fuck dude. these fuckin right wing grifters are ruining these peoples lives.#the lady has been unemployeed since covid cos she got sucked into this antivax stuff and now theyre both financially unstable#perfect targets for tamaki and the freedoms people who were known for squeezing money out of people through bogus religious stuff#those two have been twisted into just. hateful and scared and are saying the most. insane shit and they dont even realize it.#and the worst part of it was the amount of young people there. so many people my age just deluded into this nonsense.#and kids JESUS CHRIST so many kids holding signs about ''protecting the kiwi way of life'' like bro every single thing#you are getting upset about an imported culture war. you arent threatened by this shit.#youve latched onto american culture war stuff because youre insecure in your whiteness and existence in a colonial country#its so fucking evil.
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havent rewatched dm3 for a while so my opinion mighttttt change but i still think dru was a bigggg wasted opportunity. u cld have done something soooo cool and he was a huge nothing burger
#like first watch i thought for SURE hed be a twist villain and then i thought hed be like a narrative foil to gru. but he mostly did nothing#like he was like ‘wow gru u were a cool villain!’ and then they do a ‘villain thing’ (arguably good) and then thats. it?#i dont even remember if there was like a stupid misunderstanding scene abt it. i think lucy was only mad bc he snuck out#like ok i dont MINDDD dru being nothing. but there was a bunchhhh of moments in the film where they cld have done smth rlly cool but didnt#like when gru says abt returning the diamond to lucy after she rescues them and dru looks rlly betrayed and goes weirdly quiet#DUDE…. do smth w that … pls#ill have to say again after my rewatch but. current ideal world for dru#he admires grus villainy as well as their dads but is not rlly cutout for it#so he uses meeting gru as a chnace to learn. and at the same time gru is tempted back to villainy#(whole other topic. avl agent gru sucks)#but gru eventually decides against it and dru feeling betrayed teams up w bratt but things go. Too far#and like in the end he becomes just a basic Normal tier villain instead (again. whole other topic)#that ORRRR. hes just a twist villain taking after his dad but like. ACTUALLY evil not… Villainy. understand#i just think that in SOMEEEE way he shld have been used to parallel gru in some way instead of just being likkeeee. rich and sillier gru#a lot of insteresti g things cld have been done. but oh well [crushing rocks between my teeth]#actually their dynamic from the credits sequence is very fun. seeing that b4 the film itself made me shocked tbat they never rlly did it#cus drus personality is still… not like that. bu the end of the film#WHATEVERR
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i really do love practicing 🎻
#i'm in music school so now it's a much more significant source of my already very significant fears#but practicing only feels stressful when i don't do it enough and i'm trying to 'catch up'#some weeks fly past me like hurricanes and i get to my lesson and i can't say i've made any progress and that fucks me up#and i don't think that's ever going away- like i'll always have weeks like that cuz everyone has bad days and bad weeks#from time to time#but when i plan correctly (which is becoming more and more the norm for me) my practicing is something im really proud of :)#i have a System. i didn't do very well before i had it and i would die without it now.#i get excited about learning! i get excited having realizations abt things to change or work on when i practice!#it feels experimenty a lot of the time and i like it!!!#i have a lot of catching up to do in terms of comparing myself to others but i'm not here for them i'm here for me#i will do my best and i will learn from others of course but my goals are to make my Me better first and worry abt other people later#i won't lose sight of that#<- and when it doesn't feel experimenty it can be calming to just be like okay ik what i need to do now just. Practice. Repeat.#i mean music is a fucking rollercoaster and sometimes you are at the bottom and i hate that but it comes w the territory#sometimes you're just Stuck but you do get past it and in those moments i just try to think back to previous times ive felt like that#ive felt horribly shitty before and gotten through it and come out the other side slightly better!#life is like that i think#anyways. hashtag iris loves music and being a musician 🙄 nothing new over here hehe
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as much as i love genshin interactions, lately i've been craving writing aether in other universes/fandoms or maybe exploring more about his past pre-teyvat. i have so many ideas for him, and i'd love to explore the process of him slowly developing a heart and a mind of his own (instead of just being an order-keeper that travels through worlds guided by the stars). just!!! the process of him relating to mortals and falling in love with mortality yknow! itd be pretty neat 🥺
#wishlist.#AUGH i just love to think that he wasnt always as humanised as we see him being throughout his adventures in teyvat#LIKE !! HES AN ALIEN !! one born from the stars ! and ofc i headcanon he was made to keep the balance of the cosmos steady#travelling through planets and serving the stars#so imagine him discovering dancing/singing for the first time. or when he first holds hands with someone else#his first time receiving a cheek kiss. HIS FIRST TIME NOT WANTING TO SAY GOODBYE......#and the moment he realises he loves mortals and all their customs and languages and oh how he ADORES learning more and more about them#all their stories and tales!! all these magical feelings and ambitions ! he starts caring so deeply for them#starts to be like ONE OF THEM!#URGH i love aether hes my meow meow and at this point tbh?? my oc almost#ive been also having brainworms for modern au and other possible alternate universes but hhhhhh#i dont know if people would be interested in writing w those ??#ANYWAYS i might post some drabbles since im so feverish abt this eheh#if ur reading this still u get a kiss on ur forehead mwah! go drink water too ♡
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Going to preface this by saying I love Tailor Astarion, these are just some thoughts I'm having tonight
I don't think Astarion would be able to make garments, beyond eying something he owns and replicating it. I think embroidery served a purpose and it was an outlet that took up minimal space, plus easier to store in a chest. The room the...less favored Spawn share isn't that large. It would just feel smaller as more spawn were introduced to their corner of hell.
It's also one of those cases where I'm not certain if he would genuinely enjoy the craft or not, since it less seems a skill developed with love and more like a necessary skill. It doesn't seem he cares as much for it if he's adventuring (based on his doublet having paint instead of embroidery at the epilogue party), but that also checks out for needing a break from something you did that you enjoyed while in a traumatic situation bc it reminds you of that trauma when you try to get back to it.
But he absolutely knows he is not your guy for anything complicated but would want to pull an Emperor's New Clothes situation for anyone who tried to make him do work for them
#bat plays bg3#i mean i learned to sew in a tiny space hunched over a box that my sewing machine was on#but it's a lot of storage space and hard to hide stuff#and even if youre hand sewing#the project cant just be wadded up and thrown somewhere if you want it to turn out nice#and i am leaning towards thinking Caz wouldnt approve of them having creative outlets at all#like he just seems like he would want them to devote their every waking moment to him#and that just isnt realistic so they can like#hide journals and embroidery and small sketchbooks or other things#like they're severely limited to things they can easily store/hide#so like embroidery served a purpose and was a bit of an outlet that could be hidden and could be explained as serving a purpose by making#him more appealing to potential marks#idk why im thinking abt this so much but here we are#i also imagine cazador had strict control over what skills he allowed them to develop freely#and it was best to either make those skills useful so he didnt impose restrictions OR#keep those skills hidden#and that thought is based specifically on him forbidding the spawn from learning about certain subjects#like you have life eternal and nothing but time to absorb all the knowledge in the world#but this asshat puts these restrictions out#even tho your entire existence is tied to the fact that you cannot harm him or betray him in any way ever#like this would only benefit him#the hubris#but also like if they're a NOBLE family#the things he would look down on as being beneath them#having so many feels in the club tonight#also astarion is allergic to work
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