#and that just isnt realistic so they can like
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Going to preface this by saying I love Tailor Astarion, these are just some thoughts I'm having tonight
I don't think Astarion would be able to make garments, beyond eying something he owns and replicating it. I think embroidery served a purpose and it was an outlet that took up minimal space, plus easier to store in a chest. The room the...less favored Spawn share isn't that large. It would just feel smaller as more spawn were introduced to their corner of hell.
It's also one of those cases where I'm not certain if he would genuinely enjoy the craft or not, since it less seems a skill developed with love and more like a necessary skill. It doesn't seem he cares as much for it if he's adventuring (based on his doublet having paint instead of embroidery at the epilogue party), but that also checks out for needing a break from something you did that you enjoyed while in a traumatic situation bc it reminds you of that trauma when you try to get back to it.
But he absolutely knows he is not your guy for anything complicated but would want to pull an Emperor's New Clothes situation for anyone who tried to make him do work for them
#bat plays bg3#i mean i learned to sew in a tiny space hunched over a box that my sewing machine was on#but it's a lot of storage space and hard to hide stuff#and even if youre hand sewing#the project cant just be wadded up and thrown somewhere if you want it to turn out nice#and i am leaning towards thinking Caz wouldnt approve of them having creative outlets at all#like he just seems like he would want them to devote their every waking moment to him#and that just isnt realistic so they can like#hide journals and embroidery and small sketchbooks or other things#like they're severely limited to things they can easily store/hide#so like embroidery served a purpose and was a bit of an outlet that could be hidden and could be explained as serving a purpose by making#him more appealing to potential marks#idk why im thinking abt this so much but here we are#i also imagine cazador had strict control over what skills he allowed them to develop freely#and it was best to either make those skills useful so he didnt impose restrictions OR#keep those skills hidden#and that thought is based specifically on him forbidding the spawn from learning about certain subjects#like you have life eternal and nothing but time to absorb all the knowledge in the world#but this asshat puts these restrictions out#even tho your entire existence is tied to the fact that you cannot harm him or betray him in any way ever#like this would only benefit him#the hubris#but also like if they're a NOBLE family#the things he would look down on as being beneath them#having so many feels in the club tonight#also astarion is allergic to work
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modern rookanis au where spite is lucanis' cat who at best coexists with him and constantly knocks shit off counters and will find lucanis only to sit in front of him and yell. and then lucanis and rook get together and rook meets spite and spite immediately latches on. still a little shit, still a freak but he'll let rook pet him and he'll sit in their lap and Maybe even purr.
#i still havent gotten very far in the game because im trying to upgrade the shadow dragons shop and get everything i want from it#so this isnt incredibly informed but we're silly here its fine#i imagine before rook comes along spite is less of a pet and more of a roommate. like that cat just Lives here.#tmw 'your' cat likes your partner more than you#and if i can share my vision for what cat!spite looks like to you. if you know pangur imagine pangur but short haired and black-furred save#for one tiny tuft of white on the chest#idk what eye color he'd have. if we're trying to be realistic then he couldn't have purple-ish eyes without being albino so im not sure.#green maybe?#but considering this is made up and does Not Actually have to adhere to real life he Could have purple eyes anyway#dragon age#dragon age the veilguard#da: the veilguard#datv#spite dragon age#lucanis dellamorte#rook dragon age#rookanis
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"we all agree that jupiter is a bad parent" i mean. i dont
#hes like. to me. quite realistic for a figure in that position#is he perfect? no#is any parent perfect? no#i think this is like. a very weird take#'he was pissed at morrigan for getting involved with wintersea' BECAUSE ITS DANGEROUS AND ILLEGAL#like i feel certain people want squall to look so good that theyre just. taking all the jupiter things out of proportion#'he leaves morrigan on her own a lot' like yeah. but not by herself. its clarified that if he isnt there she can go to fen and she has lots#of other adults to take care of her#also shes 11 not 6 like she doesnt need to be under constant supervision#nevermoor#jupiter north
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idk maybe it's because I see all art as various fields of craft work, ie skills composed of a series of linear steps that can be taken to produce certain results, but it irks me when people lose their shit over really basic pieces simply because the end result was able to produce a realistic image. like. especially since I've noticed it shows up a Lot more often in reference to categories of art dominated by women.
like, it's great y'all are gaining a respect for quilting and fiber work, but maybe loudly declaring that you either don't see or don't care about the immense display of skill in pieces unless they conform to what's mildly difficult in the one(1) genre of art you have deemed respectable isn't like. cool.
#this tapestry is so realistic! its the best- its a straight weave. You convert your reference image into a spreadsheet#and then just put the colors in their place. You two could do it with like. 10$ of supplies from Walmart and part of a cardboard box#This quilt! is really basic aplique work.#it lost to the granny quilt because the granny quilt made several hundred corners in cut pieces of fabric line up perfectly#like i know its in part because western art has been obsessed with depiction for a good long while#instead of the geometry of arabic art or expression of lines in a lot of east asian art or symbolic conveyance found across#massive swathes of african art#but its also just. 'I dont take art forms associated with women seriously unless it looks like the art of (a list 90% men)'#idk man. expand your horizons and learn more about art forms other than paintings#and also learn this: realism isnt hard#it's the lowest rung on the tree of advanced art. its the easiest to fake. it can be used to hide massive issues with your fundamentals#it just Looks impressive to the lay person who doesn't know jack or shit about the processess involved in making a Thing
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i'm getting a lot of ratiorine/aventio stuff at my Tumblr feed and i do love them, however i dont know if i have the brain capacity to write them since they're both extremely smart hahaha
#can i solve ratio's equations?#yes#can i talk like him?#no 😭#i may be smart but genius isnt my lifestyle#sure you dont teachnically have to be a genius to write ratio or aventurine well#but i like to be... informed (?) even when i'm merely illustrating such concepts#for example#when i was designing Howett and Chuuya's kids#i actually researched/studied a little on genetics to find out which genes the baby would realistically inherit from its parents#i could have just gone 'one baby looks like Howett and the other is its twin that looks like Chuuya'#but no#i considered that the twin gene in Chuuya or Howett's bloodline is scarce#i also considered that noone in Howett's heritage has ever had red hair#so the chance of their baby having red hair is near impossible due to the red hair gene being super recessive#disclaimer: this is not to say people cant just say 'fuck science' and do absolutely anything#you can#i implore you#i just personally like mixing the love i have for art with the love i have for science ^_^#it is so much fun#kanrambles
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#mdzs#lan wangji#jiang yanli#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#i ask bc i think the subject just never comes up in mdzs. we know how lan wangji feels about jiang cheng (he's a hater) but not yanli#which is a bit strange given how important she was to wei wuxian#uhh given that im the poll runner im not sure if i should share my own opinions. but#imo you can argue for any of these#yanli was made to be the perfect fridged woman so it feels like sacrilege for anyone to dislike her. she's too nice#and given that she's kind of similar in temperament to lan xichen i can see lan wangji thinking highly of her#especially after she sticks up for wei wuxian at the phoenix mountain hunt (it always comes back to wei wuxian)#but i can also see lan wangji focusing on the fact that she married into the sect that ultimately destroyed wei wuxian#he's not exactly reasonable when wei ying is involved. so i can see him arguing that she should have used her position#as wife of the jin sect heir to do more for wei wuxian. or that she should have convinced jiang cheng not to expel wei wuxian#when she was still living at lotus pier. or something like that#this is not reasonable and lan wangji does not have all the facts. but he isnt a reasonable person lmao#grudge holder 100. blame slinger 1000.#there is also the fact that wei wuxian super killed yanli's husband#so in a yanli lives au would lan wangji expect yanli to just get over this? so wei wuxian can be happy?#honestly i dont know#at any rate. in canon lan wangji doesnt seem to think very highly of jin ling. who is yanli's son#which seems to imply to me that he and yanli did not have any sort of friendship or acquaintanceship#so imo the most realistic option out of all the options here#is that lan wangji thinks of yanli as just wei wuxian's dead loved one. and not really her own person#in the end it all comes back to wei wuxian lol#yanyan polls#yanyan speaks#adding second tag bc i talked too much in the tags
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Mumbo!
As a dragonet, he always loved puzzles and machines and creating things, and finding little opportunity for that in the rainforest, he decided to leave so he could do more of what he loved. Fearing that dragons wouldn’t take him seriously due to being a RainWing, he decided to disguise himself as a SkyWing. His disguise is very easy to see through, but it has worked well enough and he has built a good reputation for himself as a vault designer. He met Grian when they were both commissioned to design a rich dragon’s mansion (as an architect and vault designer respectively) and have been friends ever since!
He has also, unfortunately, been stuck with the name “Mumbo Jumbo” ever since.
#as a general note#in this au rainwings are a lot more varied (it isnt too uncommon to find one living outside the rainforest)#like they’re not all just “lazy pacifist loser” like 99% of them in arc 1#and different ‘wings arent as separate as they are in the books. there’s a lot more variation of traits and colours#both because them being so monolithic is less realistic and less fun to design for me!#like. you can get seawings with all sorts of cool/dark colours. and with lots of different accent colours#and some skywings have feathers. some dont. some rainwings have back spines. some dont. etc#all this to say: solo rainwing mumbo pretending to be a skywing isnt too preposterous. but its also a really bad disguise anyway#hcwof art#hcwof au#hcwof design#hermitcraft#wings of fire#hermitcraft fanart#mumbo jumbo#rainwing
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i feel somewhat responsible for this, even if i’m not the one saying these things. I’m genuinely so sorry.
No need to apologize! It's not one singular person doing it and truth be told I don't think it's a large majority that thinks that (albeit the ones that do are quite vocal). I didn't mean to upset anyone or anything when complaining about it, I was just letting off some steam.
Having a yap session under the cut sorry I feel like rambling under your ask anon.
Admittedly, I do think there are reasonings for people thinking this way. A lot of the focus with Clash has been on the cogs, especially after the 1.3 update. Which I can't say I blame them! Managers were something new and exciting and (from what I can tell) really separated them from the other servers. I don't blame them for wanting to put focus on that because that was their thing. Alongside other things, but majorly when you hear Clash the managers are mentioned in someway shape or form. But as we all know, toons ended up taking the short stick from this. This isn't helped by the gameplay itself, being mainly a fetch-quest deal so you often only talk to npcs once or twice unless if they're repeated ones and the taskline wasn't entirely accessible on the wiki for a while (shoutout to the wiki maintainers. The taskline script is a savior). Which I'm quite excited to see if they deal with this issue with the rewrite. I imagine they will, but anyways. Social media posts would often contain more managers than toons, which I also believe they're starting to fix. And ontop of this, I believe most of the team in the early era of the sever is gone, so there's been some stuff lost in the change. So yeah, dialogue/writing has been kind of rocky. AGAIN- I am completely aware of the rewrite going on and I am not judging them harshly based off of their current state. I'm very appreciative of the fact that they took the time to listen and are focusing on trying to fix it up. And then there's also fandom mischaracterization- especially of the cogs. Forgive me for mentioning mischaracterization because normally I wouldn't really care (I've mischaracterized characters before..especially in my younger years. I think it's just a process of learning an having fun and I hate to limit anyone because of it). With that being said, there's a lot of baby-fying and coddling of the managers. Especially with those who have more 'sympathetic' stories (Misty, Chip, Winston specifically). Don't get me wrong, I like these characters and I can appreciate the story they're trying to tell, but I feel like so many people will hear their dialogue and then misplace their anger. People get mad at Bessie for trying to protect HER lighthouse or at the Elders for trying to keep YOTT safe (lets not forget Winston was there to brainwash toons). Yes, yes technically there would've been better ways to do it but consider this: The toons are scared. Their homes, stores, lives are being taken over by a big corporation that has more resources that they do. They don't have the privilege of waiting, seeing, and gathering. And then people forget that the company has such a huge role in both toons and cogs lives. If you're mad over the mistreatment of Misty or the fact that Winston is still in the dungeon, your anger should be directed at the company who doesn't care. I may be completely wrong in saying this, but I feel like the stories with almost all of the managers is a reflection of the company. The toons are only trying to protect themself and their environments and yet this seems to go forgotten when people start bashing them. And of course, I'd consider myself a toon guy so me saying all this and complaining may come off as "I HATE the cogs and everyone who posts only about them!" and for clarification that's not true. You all know how much I like that little brain thing. The cogs are interesting, their designs are fun, I don't blame people for liking them because I do too. I just wish that the thought process behind so many of these discussions wasn't so cog focused because I believe that this anger at the toons for, RIGHTFULLY, defending themselves helps push this mischaracterization of them as a whole. That they're mean, boring, unlikeable while the opposite is true. Yes there are some, what I'd consider, "filler" dialogue from the shopkeepers. This is just because of the gameplay. But there are some funny and cute moments with them if people would just listen and read.
Which also brings me into another point: people skip the dialogue. I've caught myself doing this before (on my first account. I have 4 accounts total, so I reread the dialogue on like 3 of them). But people will complain about lack of toon personalities while doing this. It's like reading through a comic book, only looking at the drawings, and then complaining because there "isn't a storyline". Luckily, there's been efforts to keep track of the dialogue on the wiki but I doubt a lot of people are going through and reading the entire script. It just feels very disingenuous to criticize the dialogue when you haven't even read it. Likewise, people don't seem to read the blogposts either. This is both from a dialogue aspect and from an update aspect (people continuously asking about hammerspace/mix-and-match under unrelated posts).
#clemask#clemramble#I think I hit some sort of word limit because it wont let me add anymore so im continuing in tags#It kind of feels like people want the toon resistance to be the perfect victim and then get mad when they act accordingly#Fear. Nervousness. Sadness. Helplessness. Anger. etc etc are all valid reactions to their situation#Not every toon needs to be heroic and whimsical. they're scared. their situation is scary if you think about it#they're at the risk of losing their environment and homes.#Obviously the cogs also have their own issues but I always see this brought up when talking about them but the same context#isnt given to the toons when thinking about their characters and communities as a whole#It's kind of weird to me because I feel like even pre-rewrite I know that I can still understand them and justify their actions#and yet people act like clashes (pre rewrite) writing is justifying the cogs when in reality its not#its just showing that cog society (reflection of workplace enviroment) has its own issues. i never saw it as a justification#even with misty. like I never once hated bessie? my opinion of her never changed even after mistys dialogue#bessie did what she had to do because she was scared and wanted to protect herself and others.#id do something similar if a cog (known for taking over towns) suddenly came up to me#PLUS bessie leaves misty alone afterwards. ppl act like she took a shotgun and shot misty dead and it makes me laugh#ANYWAYS SORRY ANON. NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE.#realistically if youre not saying it then i doubt youre contributing#I would say “i wasnt mad” or anything but to be completely transparent with you guys i was Not-Happy when writing that one post#but it's not directed at any single person but rather the idea itself. I'm sure after the rewrite people will chill out#ITS NEVER THIS SERIOUS im beefing over characters named pretty princess sparkles. im aware of how silly this all sounds ok#the clash fandom isnt the only instance of this. ive seen stuff like this in sw before so like. I know this isnt an uncommon thing either#normally id just keep this on a priv or between friends but something kinda snapped yesterday#i think its bc I just KEEP seeing posts like it with those “hot take” posts or whatever and ppl are always so mean about it#i also think some ppl just already dont like toons and look for every. little. thing. to go after them for#like the “youve been drafted line” i refuse to believe people took that line 100% seriously#or maybe this is all wrong and im just a huge toon fan. and in that case i will die on this hill#you will have to pry them out of my cold dead hands before you catch me genuinely bashing them#ok thats clems giant critques and complaints out of the way
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see my take is that i dont condone caits actions at all however she matches vis freak too much to not ship them in my eyes. and also i feel like the show wanted to give more depth & time to cait's "redemption" arc but it was so rushed that we never actually got to see that arc of cait realizing the consequences of her actions. i think its something thats implied to have happened off screen given the way caits already challenging ambessa but we never got that backstory so we dont actually know what was going through her mind or what led her to change her mind about ambessa.
#this is all to say i think caitvi critiques are valid and me shipping them does not condone my support for cait#i just think they look too hot together to not be together#and i also fully think that cait regretted everything she did we just never got to see that due to the rushed writing#also one thing i see is 'cait has been classist since day one' which isnt a lie#but also the person i saw who posted this was like 'even as a kid' and its like#i think the main point of this show is that so many of the younger people (jinx vi cait ekko etc) are products of the environments#they grew up in. which isnt to excuse caits actions but shes obviously grown up thinking this way about the undercity#but we also know that in s1 she really started to change her mind about the undercity!!!#which again brings me to the point of how the writing was rushed because s2 honestly just threw her entire s1 arc away i think#like fine i can understand shes angry about her mother but she changed her mind up about the undercity SO fast. like almost comically fast#which felt so werid to me#so i guess tldr is that i just think the show wanted to show caits arc but the writing got too rushed to achieve any of that in a#realistically timed manner#arcane#caitvi
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@randosfandos @baxieblur-turnip
#shitpost#snowbird#sera kaishurr#poll#this doesnt affect my current plans at all but i want to see if you can realistically guess what im going to do#who knows maybe my real plans arent even on here#biggest poll ive ever made for two people lol#once again only open for a day#fun fact! everything on this list was part of my planning at one point or another! except one.#have fun you two!#to celebrate my resuming of chapter five of course#just so you know if you freakishly overanalyse chapter four all the answers are right there#hell if you freakishly overexamine my whole work it spells out “THIS GAY BITCH ISN'T GOOD AT FORESHADOWING PROPERLY”#or you can just guess and see if youre right because like i said there's a very high chance that my real plan isnt on here#in case you cant tell this has been in my drafts for a few days and these are new tags
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every day i kick a rock and bash my head into the wall because i'll never get to go on a big space adventure and become tightly close-knit with my new found family up there <//3
#re lrb..........#i mean realistically if i was in the voltron/quintenary stars universe chances are i would probably NOT be one of the people#going on the space adventure.#i'd be roped into the plot when the aliens invade and earth almost gets destroyed. spoilers for arc 2 btw sorry#but man. child soldierism aside i wish that were me so so so bad#sadly kicks a rock when will EYE have a deep and mystical connection with a giant ancient cat :(#its not even that i want to interact with the main cast bc i dont really i just. wanna be in their position man#i think one of the reasons why voltron grabbed me so hard (among MANY) is how badly i wanted to do what the main characters did#i remember when i was first watching it while it was coming out i would CONSISTENTLY daydream about being launched into space#with a handful of other people and having to fight a war and grow up far away from home and all the suffocating stuff that came with it#and then coming back years later already solidly knowing who i am and being confident in that#so i'd actually be brave enough to be unapologetic about it. and i'd be found family with the people i went to space with also#that parts important#idk man just. i dont like saying i was abused when i was younger because i really dont think it was like that and it isnt even close to#what how people who have really been abused have had to go through#but sometimes i really do wonder. like now that im (mostly) out and able to review everything with an outside perspective#not even getting into the cult survivorism stuff this is JUST family dynamics im talking about here#bc that shit is a whole other can of worms#i think my parents were genuinely doing the best they could with the cards they were dealt but. jesus christ.#i would have given ANYTHING to be able to run away from all that. and throw magic cats into the equation? brother im GONE#anyway this tags ramble has derailed in a MAJOR way. tldr i wanted to be a paladin sooooo fuckign bad bro#like it actually makes me SICK how much i want a lion. red you are my forever girl even if only in my heart <///3#i still do want to do all that out of principle but its not as desperate now i just really love space and really want a big kitty friend#winter speaks
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" I love art" I say
Meanwhile when I do art there's a like 10% chance of me wanting to throw it smack against a wall out of frustration from any of the listed
It's taking too long
It doesn't match what I had envisioned
My skillset isn't where I want it to be
It hasn't clicked the joy switch in my head yet
Hunger
Tiredness
Existential dread
Accidentally getting color where it was not meant to be and being unable to make it look coherent again
Not being able to make a character look finalized enough no matter how much I touch it up
PERSPECTIVE AND ANATOMY
PERSPECTIVE AND ANATOMY
FOR NO REASON IN PARTICULAR- PERSPECTIVE AND ANATOMY
WHEN I GET MY FUCKING HANDS ON YOU PERSPECT-
#art#digital art#vtuber#artwork#envtuber#character art#artists on tumblr#my art#art process#illustration#art frustration#art study#drawing study#drawing stuff#drawing style#painting#completely unrelated if somebody wants to teach me that would be great#youtube isnt helping#what do you mean an arm is a cylinder???#There's muscles there#im not made of tubes like some sick twisted sippy straw creature#Nobody describes things in a way that my neandertal brain can comprehend#you might as well bash rocks together because i will understand just as much#god bless you for posting tutorials and trying you angel sent from above#but sweetheart i have no idea what these knowledge balloons you're pelting me with even mean it just hurts#it's like rock hard cured cement#How are you all getting information from these?#i've seen so many and yet nothing#You're telling me that the 8 year old Picasso over here drawing hyper realistic horses learned from these tutorials?#I think you're lying and that's Rembrandt reincarnate
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did you guys know that, well, the cruelty is the point
#i love this entire scene sooooo bad it's so delicious#flaunting the tadpole abilities and what he's capable of -- he's broken free of cazador somehow AND he can withstand the sun#and THEN once they leave. he attempts to manipulate tav in suuuuch a genuinely horrible way like#oh well of course i feel bad for them. i mean they're FORCED to do cazador's bidding. but no matter!#i'm fine sacrificing them for my own gain :) or rather... for OUR gain :)#this will keep both of us safe :) and... well... you want me to be safe right? :) you want me to be happy right? :)#this isnt him at his worst by any means but god it's soooo so good after how his act 2 arc is if youre romancing him#he's open and vulnerable and tells tav all about his plans and how he's been manipulating them this whole time#only to do it in a fun and new and interesting way all over again. but this time youre already 100% on his team#ANYWAY. i like when he's a bit fucking terrible#bg3#playing bg3#astarion#act 3 is really just a whole new beast to me at this point. how fun. i only got here once before and it was buggy and barely worked#sorry. i will be soooo deeply annoying as i rotate everyone in my head like little rotisserie chickens for the next few days#really thinking about how elluin is dealing with seeing this - she understands feeling like power will fix everything and keep her safe#but unlike astarion is capable of thinking long-term and about consequences#so this has her shaking in her fucking boots. and really has her grappling with the reality of their relationship#so until they actually get to the szarr palace and deal with the ritual... she's super withdrawn with astarion and even with the others#she wants him to be safe bc it means that she can realistically be safe since they're weird little mirrors for each other#but also. does safety exist without it becoming warped and horrifying#sorry. i will be normal again eventually
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I'm trying to pick a major that I would be the most interested in just because it would make my life so much easier and right now I have like three ideas and they all have a million problems
#like bioengineering. that sounds great right#id make good money with even just a bachelors degree#but i dont want to be stuck with that my whole life. that doesnt sound fun to me and engineering is supposed to be a miserable major#AND MINOR#and its a relatively new field so not a lot of places near me have it. and the places that DO have it are crazy expensive#i want to get a degree in linguistics because thats something that sounds fun to me. i would enjoy that#im good with english and language#but what can i really do with a linguistics degree? and im not good at learning other languages so i couldnt be an interpreter as much as i#would enjoy it#i kind of want to go for theatre tech stuff but. idk there arent really any buts but is that really realistic for me? i stopped doing tech#in freshman year because people were kind of mean. im a quitter and theyre not going to like that and i havent done anything related#in so long so really what are the chances i get accepted for that#i know people who tech for bands make pretty good money and they have fun#i lied theres four#i could do geology something but thats broad and also the best school for it in the state is UF.#im NOT going to UF. i would rather die. its a personal grudge. also they suck and barely accept anybody even though the school SUCKS AND IT#SO EXPENSIVE FOR NO REASON#i wanted to do marine bio two years ago but theres soooo many problems with that. including ticks#I HATE TICKS#“but joel. isnt it MARINE science? there arent ticks in the ocean” YOURE WRONG. TICKS ARE EVERYWHERE. also marine bio has a lot to do with#marshes and there ARE ticks in marshes. and maritime hammocks where id be spending a lot of time. you would not believe the amount of ticks#ive gotten from my marine bio and environmental management classes. its so many. so many ticks
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what websites do people even use for art hosting anymore it seems like every site that was good for that has just gone down da drain, or has ridiculous restrictions. im not using the new twitter2.0 but what is there...
#havent used instagram in over a year cause it sucks. only used twitter for a little while a few years ago and it sucks#deviantart loses another 40% of its userbase every 6 months. this site isnt any better. idk whats going on with fa#im not even actively making art really but man i just wanna put my drawings somewhere#i feel i keep failing at art no matter what i do and i just get sicker and sicker and have to keep relearning it#so idk. i wanna share my art but its just never gonna be good or at least its never gonna stay good it feels#got distracted watching a goku amv hes so cool. he never had to deal with websites...#i feel the only art i was ever good at was ceramics which i feel i wont be able to do for years again#god im just miserable. my plan in life was to work at/ for a ceramic studio and i got to do it for years and i loved it#but im too disabled to do it anymore. so even if i found one that was hiring i wouldnt be able to do it anyways#like. there IS a studio nearby-ish. and its beautiful. and you can volunteer at it#but im too mentally ill to go there cause its around where i grew up so its this whole huge area of ___ that makes me dry heave and pass out#and i dont think thats something i can realistically overcome in the next few months just to play with clay. california fucking sucks#i see why all the musicians from sacramento are miserable and insane#aaaand rant over
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realtalk you guys probably dont need to know about but i know like zero weirdromantic people in real life, i think my cuddlebuddy might still be in love with me but also i dont think i mind at all. my default un-filtered way of showing affection to close friends Is near impossible to differentiate from romantic affection and i dont mind being treated with affection that is probably romantic as long as the other party doesn't expect romantic love or exclusivity from me, or lead anybody outside of us to make assumptions on our relationship. and like. i doubt they care since what i do is so close to romantic anyway. its not really leading anybody on if we've talked about it
#i kind of enjoy the feeling of having a friend be in love with me if they dont expect anything of me about it honestly#realistically this person is a Very close friend i would not have any qualms with more cuddles or kissing them or#hell even The Other Stuff Couples Do (demon in my brain saying to not say it openly) if they wanted#but i am not attracted to them and i have told them as much and it seems fine#so i guess the thing is more 'how do i ask this person if i can kiss them and whatever but like platonically though'#idk i love incredibly abnormal friendships everybody should have more incredibly abnormal friendships#also the worst that could come out of this is me falling for them which honestly would not be a problem#it all works out i think#i am also just like#incredibly touch starved so this isnt just a 'if they want to treat me like this they can'#i do want to initiate but not in a romantic context which is my main hangup honestly#im still doing pretty good though im marginally winning at the fuck amatonormativity game#veespeaks
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