#Journalism joke

[dilfosaur]

personal comics from the past year about feeling Bad

[incorrect-splatoon]

[Deep cut introducing a last ceremonious Splatcast]

Deep cut: Today, 11 may 12253 BC. Agent 8 and Captain 3 both got killed in action following brutal bedtime conflict.

[cringecat9]

I had a dream that I signed up for a kids version of American idiot the musical on ice and I was really excited because I know all the lyrics to Jesus of Suburbia but I didn’t know it was supposed to be on ice cuz I don’t know how to skate and the teacher didn’t like me much so my friends and I snuck out and went out to lunch. After that we went to like a combo of a drugstore and a Michael’s. Then we went home and I told mom I wanna quit because idk how to skate so we did

   And then my childhood mailman challenged us to a cookoff where we had to use RAO’s branded sauce but we declined and he got pissed

   We also passed this really weird hibachi restaurant where I got a glass of water but I think I might’ve stole it because it was like $30 and I didn’t pay????

what the fuck is up with my brain

edit: I made a visual

[phantom-shell]

Okay, Ford. Okay.

[puppppppppy]

act 4 :(

@chipper-smol and i came to a realization

[the-barefoot-hatter]

Ford is the best, most normal-est dad you could ask for!

[erinwantstowrite]

will peter be like an older brother to miles in lof ?

absolutely he is

there's about an 11 year difference between them (Miles is 14, Peter is 25), so it's a lot more like the older brother type of relationship that Peter has with Tim (despite Tim being his uncle). Peter has mentored(ish) other young heroes by this point (mostly in the Bats' universe) but since Miles is another Spider-Man, Peter takes up most of the responsibility in making sure Miles is safe and teaching him the ropes. That's HIS sassy child genius, thank you, and he's not a sidekick, he's Spider-Man.

He was also adamant that Miles tell his parents immediately, and gets along great with Rio and Jeff.

Which is HILARIOUS to me because at this point in time, Peter has built up a persona for the public eye just like the Bats did. In Rio and Jeff's eyes, they're gobsmacked that the clumsy, scatterbrained, and "scaredy-cat" kid that Tony Stark adopted a while ago is Spider-Man. (Technically, none of this is a lie. Because Peter is a terrible liar unless it's For the Jokes, and often comes across this way even if he hadn't meant to.) They're wondering how he pulled that off since he's the same age as Spider-Man, who is known to be an Avenger, and associates in the same circles as Peter. It helps that Peter and Spider-Man have been in a social media war, and that Peter works at the Daily Bugle that is known for disliking Spider-Man. Peter's been taking lessons for years atp to keep his identity safe. Which is also bonus points to Peter, because the two can tell that secret identities mean everything to him, but he told them who he was in a heartbeat (literally the very first thing he did when he found Miles).

In other words: Peter was ecstatic to become a teacher for his own matching superhero kid and it's one of the most important bonds in his life. That's his baby brother now!!

[keen-eye]

McGucket: i’ve abandoned my own professional aspirations and have been neglecting my wife and our young son to be with help you make yours come true, i’m utilizing my mechanical genius just for you, here’s a gourd and an axolotl that remind me of you, here’s a snow globe of our lab, here’s six-fingered gloves I knitted for you, i’ve stayed by your side despite being repeatedly traumatized by these terrifying monsters, i’ve put my mental and physical health in jeopardy for our project, i’ve built a memory erasing device so that I can fix my anxiety and continue helping you, *erases your memory* forget I said that, here’s a thesis paper I’ve written for you so you can publish your research and end this dangerous and isolating endeavor, i've sacrificed so much, did I mention I left my wife to be with you

Ford: *keeps truth about project a secret*, *throws gourd away*, *puts you in harms way*, *dismisses your fears*, *frustrated by your lack of commitment*, *takes you for granted*, *breaks snow globe*, *suspicious of your intentions*, *questions your loyalty*, *releases axolotl*, *prioritizes and trusts a triangle over you*, *accuses you of betrayal*, *calls you weak-willed*

(^ imagine the vine boom after each one)

[madame-helen]

[pinep-ne]

I stopped playing rdr2 for a few months due to the dissolving state of my ps4 and other life stresses. Decided last night to pick it up again and risked a house fire to give you all some lovely photos of Charles, and a sprinkle of Charthur.

I had some grand plan to linger around Charles and watch his morning routine like a creep. This particular time he went and removed last night's stew from the fire, then washed his face from the pail behind Pearson's wagon. He then walked all the way to the edge of camp to look at nothing for about a minute.

When that was done, I ended up sitting right beside him on a log for a good while. The interaction went like this:

C — "You okay?" (he spoke first!)

A — "Hi, Charles." (very insightful)

To which Charles responds with a very, very earnest smile.

The rest of the time I watched him roll his own cigarette and smoke it to a stub. Of course that's when I took all the photos— because, y'know, vague homoeroticism and cigarettes. All the while trying to turn Arthur's damn sights away so Charles would stop glaring insistently back at him. I mean, I'm aware that it's just game mechanics, but there was some serious eye-contact happening. Initially I felt it was interrupting my photoshoot, but on second-thought, I'm certain I was actually the one interrupting.

Anywho. During this enthusiastic interaction I kept thinking about this post by @arthursfuckinghat. I can't think of a better comparison. Finally being able to sit knee-to-knee with Charles for longer than ten seconds was a life-altering experience.

Also, I learned that he loves to lean back on the log a good bit. In comparison to Arthur's despondent (yet somehow immensely tense) shrimp posture, it was kinda silly.

[ysaona]

Real effects of a wlw situationship.

[nenoname]

Journal 3’s references to Stan

(…does the Lost Pages count as J3 when some had to be in J2 and also may or may not be a truth lie turducken? idk. Ford’s TBoB letters sure as hell don’t count as J3 but I’m including them here anyway)

Lost Journal Pages

"STANLEY COULD HAVE MADE HER LAUGH"

“My stomach sank a bit when I realized… it was my birthday. This day has felt… odd, since S and I… parted ways.”

"I was adjusting my TV antennae for weather reports (looking for ideal conditions for F's first portal test) and spat out my coffee when I saw THIS! My brother hawking scams under the name "Panley Stines." I had half a mind to call that number, just to pretend to be the police and maybe scare S straight for once! There is something so galling about seeing your OWN FACE committing crimes on your own TV! When my Muse saw me break my stress ball, I decided it was finally time to vent about Stanley."

""How about that; you've got an inferior clone! Why didn't you just eat him in the womb? Think of how powerful you'd be!"

"You can't just eat your twin, Bill."

You'd be surprised what you can eat! I say sure, call him if you want him to start mooching off you again! ME, I went no contact with my home dimension and I don't regret it. All they did was hold me back and sabotage my talents! Can you imagine?"

"More than you know. But you do ever wonder if maybe... maybe things could have been different?""

"Our heat budget was so tight that Mom forced S and me to wear one sweater at the same time. (She called it the "Abominable Snow-Stan." Our cat lived in fear of it year-round.)"

“DAMN! This morning I found F rummaging through my old copy of Urban Legends of New Jersey, where I had forgotten I had hidden some old personal items! I’ve quickly re-hidden them here, away from prying eyes.”

"But then he crossed a line. Helplessly I watched Cipher in my own body limp up to a pay phone and dial... STANLEY'S phone number from the infomercial?! No. He wouldn't.

"Hey brother, it's Sixer. I'm going to take a swim in the frozen lake tomorrow, and I might not ever come back, so if you don't hear from me, I just want you to know that it's because I never loved you. BUH-BYEEEEE."

My heart was in my throat until I heard the dial tone... The pay phone was out of order. The message hadn't gotten through. Cipher turned back to address me.

"TSK, TSK, TSK. LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME MAKE YOU DO! TOMORROW'S TAPE IS GONNA BE MUCH WORSE.""

(Bro secret code) "miss you"

“The snow has begun to fall again and there’s very little time. There’s only one left I can turn to to protect my journals while I prepare for the journey…”

"S is an overgrown child with none of my rigorous mental training. Who knows what could happen if Cipher stepped inside Stanley's mind for even one minute...

What if Stanley somehow manages to destroy the portal just like he destroyed my perpetual motion machine? I suppose that machine did work in its own way... It kept me perpetually angry for thirty years."

(Bro secret code) "HAVE I BEEN TOO HARSH ALL ALONG?"

"What if he tries to rope me into his latest get-rich-quick scheme? His latest commercial was for "Stan Sauce: The Miracle Sauce that's too cool for the FDA!"

What if... he mocks me? What if he sees that I abandoned our family to become a recluse on the brink of madness? Could I risk admitting that I was... wrong?

PROS: I have no one else. Well, that settles it. It's time to come face-to-face with a face I haven't seen in 10 years. My own face. Which... is my brother's face. God, I miss sleep."

Ford’s Letters

"In the weeks since Weirdmageddon, I conducted numerous tests on Stanley's mind (his terrible jokes are still intact) and inspected the state for dimensional leakage (we also took turns kicking the statue, and Stanley took a few cracks with a crowbar). I burned every Cipher-shaped item I had ever collected, and even threw away all my one-dollar bills, just to be safe (Stanley, of course, found and pocketed them).

“I emerged from my lab after days of agonized contemplation to find- to my shock- that Mabel was reading the book, out loud, to Stanley, Dipper, Soos, and Wendy!”

“They didn’t see me as an irredeemable screwup. Stanley said, "So, your past is just a giant pile of mistakes? Congratulations- you really are a Pines!”“

"Bill may tell you that happiness requires conquering galaxies and living forever, but I've seen enough of the universe to tell you that he's wrong. I've found my happiness. And it looks like this:"

"If you're reading this... then I am dead. Kidding! Sorry, Stanley thought that would be funny. Ha-ha! We're currently out shopping for harpoons to prepare for our trip to the arctic."

"Stan, if you end breaking into my lab at some point later today- Bravo! Still as good a locksmith as in 8th grade. Beers are under the desk."

(It kinda strikes me that the BoB Lost Journal pages about Stan sound far more like post-portal Ford’s opinions on Stan instead, where he’s openly angry at both being pushed into the portal + at the portal being opened again + his murder suicide attempt being foiled + Stan disowning him + turning his house into a tourist trap + taking his identity vs pre-portal Ford being more… melodramatic(?) constantly being reminded of him but not wanting to linger too long? idk the vibes are different

Plus pre-portal Ford pretty consistently only calls Stan "S” or just refers to him as his brother (with the exception of him writing his name in a Caesar cipher). I think he only ever messes up the general naming scheme a single time when he wrote Fiddleford instead of F

…not to mention the perpetual motion machine comment says thirty instead of ten years)

Other sections: Pre-Portal, Post-Portal, Post-Weirdmageddon

[tragicvampireromanceisland]

assortment of many many janes and sammys....they have totally NOT!!!! been consuming my mind whole what are you talking about 💛💙

one thing i really wanted to do with this au is reverse the initial dynamic we had in canon with these two; now sadness is the one who has to... "put up" with joy, be the more experienced and respected one of the two, not quite understand what her whole deal is, get frustrated with her optimism, and put some work in to understand her point of view.

samira's been a journalist for around six years by the time the story starts...and she's purposefully isolated herself and sidestepped having a coworker for all those years. suddenly gaining such a goofy, chaotic "partner" is...a bit much for sammy, initially. while she's as patient as ever, jane seems to have a talent for testing that patience. and what's with her rare moments of seriousness that she brushes off just as quickly? it takes sammy a while to stop viewing jane as an extra responsibility that's been dumped on her, and yet despite her insistence that getting stuck with jane is "just her luck" , a lot of her thoughts and time seem to be consumed by her...a suspicious amount, even... 🤔😳 and that's not even counting her endless notes (and doodles...) of solarflare.

annnd while felix himself has never met jane (even though he HAS very much met sol), he's frequently subject to sammy's complaints about her. not that he minds. maybe this strange mystery coworker can finally convince his best friend to stop wallowing in her misery all the time...

[idontmindifuforgetme]

Just a girl who wants to be her mother’s daughter in the ways that matter

[fella-lovin-fella]

[tippenfunkaport]

I like to headcanon that Melog is just the biggest busybody. It's been bored and alone on a dead planet for decades with no one to talk to, the mundane day to day drama of other people is such a novelty to it, it can't get enough. Plus it can become invisible and doesn't have a great grasp of privacy so it's forever listening in on conversations and generally getting way too invested in everyone's personal business.

Which means Catra, to her vast dismay, knows everyone's secrets. She would really REALLY rather not and has tried to teach Melog about boundaries but the creature does what it wants. But it means that sometimes she finds out about some misunderstanding or missed connection going on that is so downright stupid that it's just going to drive her nuts if she lets it continue so she begrudgingly has to insert herself into this drama to match-make or clear up an argument literally just so she doesn't have to hear about it anymore.

Which means, to her absolute horror she gets this reputation of being near psychic, so good at resolving personal drama that people come to her with their problems no matter how she tries to deter them and meanwhile it's really because Tealog over here is addicted to gossip.