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slater-later · 4 years ago

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I Want to Watch You Grow

Brian Kelly x Trans Masc Reader

Read it here on AO3 if you would like!

- This is a Brian Kelly x Trans Man reader fan fic. This conronicles your long term relationship with Brian and your development with yourself. Your body, and transition as a transman.

- I hope everyone enjoys this. Finds space within themselves and their relationship with the world. It’s okay to be trans, being trans is beautiful. it’s a difficult, glorious journey that is far more of a beginning then an end. Living happy life, being proud of yourself and your body.

- The fic is long, about 12 pages. So please, soak it in, and I wish you the happiest day!

The two of you had been dating for some time. You had met at a small high school party. A good group of friends coming together around a Summer bonfire, slipping your feet out from the well worn sandals and wiggling them infront of a fire. The soles of your feet toasted, turning them around to be goldened on both sides. You held a long metal skewer with two plump marshmallows on the end, rotating it around as you warmed it to a golden ball of glory.

It was sweet, being able to spend time with old friends and make some new. Your friend Ronnie had invited the skater kids from school to join you. He had bonded with them over their mutual love for rock and rap music. It made sense, they both loved Public Enemy. Blasting ‘We Got the Power’ out of their car radios whenever they had a chance.

You enjoyed it, they threw out some good rhymes and it was a battle cry for your youth. You generation. You couldn’t help but bob your head to the music and belt along.

It was towards the end of the night when you two met. Brian had showed up late, hair slicked with a heavy line of sweat. A shirt quickly shoved into his pants, trying to clean up for his group of friends after a long day of skating.

He had skipped out of work that day- well, really, the restaurant was slow so there wasn’t much need for two busboys. He had spent the rest of his afternoon and late into the stary night, skating at the skatepark. The street lights clicked on and it had made it hard for him to see the clear edges of the ramps. It was time to turn in and get a bite to eat. Putting aside the new trick he caught from someone else. Trying to nail it.

If he knew it could be done, then he could. He just needed enough time and perseverance to figure it out.

With skating, the possibilities were endless. It was his place to let go of life’s worries and focus on something where had complete control. The complete right to be, what and who he is, with no to tell him otherwise. Skating was like a lifeblood for him, his way of life.

His boundless universe.

He came jogging in, skateboard in hand as he approached the group huddled around the warm fire.

The trees swayed, creaking under the age and weight of their own majesty with a long gust of wind. It was dark, the hum of Summer turning to a deep pitch of haze. Black rolling in, only to be illuminated by the glaze of starfull and a half crescent moon. The forest was thick, lulled by the hum of heated crickets and hushed by the cool breeze of night. Smoke pooling from the warm fire, whisping and licking up the sky with powerful might. Your toes curled, seeking a gentle relief from its delightful burning flame.

They were roasted and baked. You tucked them into the ground, shifting your heals to push back the brush and find a damp, cool, interior.

Brian waved, throwing an arm up to welcome everyone. A boy buzzed in the background, rolling a hit out of a cheaply made bong. Coughing as he blew out his lungs. Stoned till’ the cows come home.

“Hey guys! Sorry I’m late, it uh, took me a while to find you guys,” He smiled, strolling on into the circle and making his way over to Yabbo. Giving him a high five and saying hello to Buddy.

You popped your marshmallow onto a graham cracker and some chocolate. You munched on your treat, washing it down with a sip of beer.

You watched Brian that night, catching his eyes as he chatted with Buddy over some trick he had been captivated by. Transfixed on trying to nail, to, gleam the cube.

He noticed, his shit stain smirk would appear even in mid sentence. Hands flailing out, gesturing and expressing his exasperation on some wild tangent he was on about skating. About life. About love. It was amusing to watch him, loud and audacious as he was. He could even make Buddy loud, who was normally a quiet and reserved guy. Get him chuckling about some silly joke he made, and pairing it with an audacious face. Hands whipped out, a cross between a dragon and a gorilla.

You had finished off your second beer, musing with a friend about the stars as you gazed. Heads turned up, pondering the wide expanse of space. Its’ glorious bounds, its beauty, its’ wonder.

It put things in perspective for you. Not in a scary way, but in a comforting one. That sometimes, our emotions can feel massive. And they can be! But they also fall away, soothe and ease, as we realize, this shall pass. As all things. Even life. And so, what we must work towards is enjoying it. Like moments like these- feet kicked up on a stump, back eased into a lawn chair with a good beer in hand, spending time with friends. The summer breeze cooling your warm skin, still tanned and glowing from a long day spent outside. Walking, running, and spending time with those that mattered to you. You can’t steal back time, but instead, enjoy it.

Brian tapped Buddy’s shoulder, gesturing for him to shift over as he stood up. Slicking to the outside of the circle, making his way over.

He stopped at the bag of mellows, nabbing two and popping one in his mouth. Munching on its sugary goodness as he finished the trip. Sliding down and popping on the ground, criss-cross-apple-sauce style.

You picked your chin up from the stars, turning your head towards him, “Hey.”

“Hey,” He smiled tiredly, softly. It had grown late and the group had died down, calming and chatting amongst themselves. “So, I uh, don’t think I caught your name,” He mused, chuckling with an anxious delight. He had caught your fancy and talking to attractive people always made his insides flutter.

“It’s Y/N, what’s yours?” You smiled, letting out a tiny yawn, hand hovering over your mouth.

And on command, it was his turn. “Briannn.” He said, pushing through his wide open mouth, eyes turning to closed slits. Watering.

“Jesus, I’m beat,” He muttered, whipping his eyes.

“You too?” You couldn’t stop, the two of you speaking through widely stretched mouths, yawning and releasing the tired souls of your body out into the air. Like ghosts being exercised.

“Yeah!” He squeaked, putting his hand over his mouth. This time his mouth reaching out farther. As if a shark could unhinge its massive jaw.

Slowly, both of yours bodies cooled down. Chatted about the quiet, peaceful sounds of the forest. How the night made your feel alive, at ease within your own body. It was easy talking with such a nice man, cracking soft jokes and poking fun at the world. The politicians, the fat cats, and parents. Some stupid shit a drunk girl did at school, how the one guy on the football team fucked the head swimmer and stirred drama in the theatre group. He had been dating Jared, but it all fell for shit when he saw Sam in those swim trunks.

You both agreed, he looked mighty fine in the spandex speedo. And Tom did too, especially when he found out how kind he was.

“So who do you think is the biggest class clown? Don or Vinny?” You mused, shifting your weight in your seat. Turning towards him.

“Ahhh, I’m not so sure. Vinny is my man, but I really like Tabitha-”

“That bitch?” You shot, clicking your tongue. “She fucking stole $20 out of my backpack, fuck her!”

His eyebrows knitted, looking disappointed. “Yeahhh, she ain’t very nice. I disagree with you there,” He looked at the blaze, shaking his head. “But it’s not a ‘frienship’ competition. I give her props pouring that bottle of stinky slick on that jerk in Ceramics. That one that makes all those gross racist comments in school.” Fuck him for his piece of shit mind. There was no reason to be like that.

“-Ugh!” Your eyes rolled, shaking your head, “I know, I fucking hate him. He’s a piece of shit,” Internally you groaned, thinking of his disgusting face.

“For that, I respect her. The fool won’t change his mind and he needs to learn that he can’t do shit like that. It’s not like he’ll listen, I’ve tried,” He popped a mellow into his mouth, chewing. “She got 3 days of suspension for that. It was pretty ballsy,” Shitting on racist was both funny and satisfying.

“What-? Why did she get that-?”

He shrugged, looking amazed, “I don’t know. It’s fucked up, that’s school for ya. It’s not right.”

You shook your head disgusted. If only they would understand, listen. “Ok, so, who has your favorite comedy?

“-Sam,” He smiled, poking a branch into the fire.

You watched him stir up the flame, picking at a log and turning it over.

“Same, he’s really nice. He’s quiet but he has a smart tongue on him,” Slowly the fire grew. Emboldened by the new life, “Tom’s really lucky.”

Brian shot you a look, teeth flashing in a grin, “Cuz Jared’s so hot?”

You shot up in your seat, pushing yourself closer to him- “Okay though, right?!” Brian burst out laughing, head thrown back as he boomed.

You waved your hands up into the air, desperately. “He has those pecs! Those thick arms! I just wanna be hugged by him!” He was a big tall teddy bear! A muscular one too! Who doesn’t love a big teddy bear?!

“I know, I know!” He slapped his knee, face red and warm, and it wasn’t from the booze. “He’s cute! He’s really cute!” He laughed, smiling through his big open mouth.

The two of you talked for the rest of the night, making another round of smores and sipping on the last of your cold beer. It was easy, talking to him. You found a kind of warm comfort and acceptance by such a free soul. By someone who really just wanted to be seen and heard, and loved for who he was.

*****

That night would bloom into many others. A few months you spent together, as friends, and the others, as lovers. You slowly got to know each other over time progressed. Eventually, love bloomed. Infatuation took to desire, day dreaming about the next time you’d see him. Hand propping your chin, staring off into a whiteboard filled with math equations as the teacher droned on. The last week of school was a buzzkill, bittersweet, and painfully long.

You wanted it to end. For it to be Summer, to be scott-free and without responsibilities. But that also brought changes and your second stage of life was on the horizon.

****

The time came and both of you decided to take a year off from college. Work and save up some money. Spend time together as much you can.

You planned on going away to school a few hours away. Brian hadn’t quite decided, but it looked to be the same.

Both of you would attend the same school and it would work out well. Eventually, you both got through the next four years with your brains intact for the better. He majored in music production with a minor in entrepreneurship. He wanted to do something in music, start his own band and maybe build his own label. You majored in _____ and loved it. And your relationship had lasted, strengthened. Finding a quiet peace and home in one another. A thing you quietly wished for in your heart and didn’t know you needed until you found it.

The freedom to be yourself with another. One who would love and accept you, regardless of the circumstances and the changes.

But it didn’t always make it easy. You had been having feelings about your body. Ones that you didn’t quite like and found increasingly frustrating to have. To not have the words, the names, to understand and express how you felt.

You already knew you weren’t straight. That had long been established to yourself and to Brian’s knowledge. He didn’t care- well, that wasn’t quite the right way to put it. He was supportive of your queerness and actually encouraged it. You both were fluid as a snake- bodies and gender thrown right out of the door. What mattered was the person, the attraction, and the two of you- had a lot of that for one another.

He also wasn’t one to put up many questions about the way you dressed. Switching out fem for? Masculine? He was game. He liked your style, even sowed on some patches on your jacket when he asked. Though as time wore on, catching the way you shield away from your chest… Your feelings about your body… He noticed.

“Hey babe?” He slid into the frame of the doorway, hand grasping the side of the wood as he leaned in. Watching you do your hair, clothed, and fixing your hair.

“Yeah? What’s up?” You looked at him through the mirror, running a comb through your head. “Is my coffee ready?”

“Yeah, it’s on the kitchen table. With your toast,” He walked in, looking quiet. Tentative. “Can I talk to you about something?”

You turned, “Yeahhhh…” Your voice fluttered, knowing that face he makes. It made you uneasy. “What do you wanna talk about?”

“Are you… alright? You’ve been distant lately, like somethings on your mind,” He paused, looking down. Guilty, “Did I do something wrong? Are we alright?” He leaned his back against the wall, thumbs hooked into his jean pockets. Glancing up at you.

You set down the brush, turning, “Yeah,” You coed softly. Tenderly to the sweet man, “We’re okay, I’m just going through some stuff,” It was easier to put that into words. You needed time to figure things out, to share how you felt. You didn’t even have them for yourself, at least not clearly.

You hoped time would reveal itself, help your understand and work through what you were feeling.

And you didn’t know how it would change you. Or, for the matter, Brian. Your relationship with him.

He gestured to you, beat, “Do you.. Wanna talk about it?”

It fell on silence, unsure.

“Yes… but not now. I need some time,” You stepped, drawing his eyes.

“Like… how long?” It was bugging him, an itch he can’t scratch. A problem he saw, a frustration he can’t touch.

It was yours, and one that effected him. He wanted you happy and content.

To ease your pain.

“I’m not sure,” You slipped a hand into his and locked fingers together. Drawing his hand up and lined your hips with his. Brian’s other slip around your waist, pulling you close. “You’re going to have to wait, to trust me until I’m ready to talk about it. But I do love you- and it’s not because of you,” You pressed your lips to his, slowly lifting them away. “Or something you’ve done. We’re okay.”

“Alright, I just-” He looked into your eyes, vulnerable. “I want you to be happy, no matter what. Whatever it is.”

“And I thank you for that, I really do. I appreciate it,” Another press, lips locked, tongues twisting for a moment.

“Oh? Is someone?”

You laughed, caught red-handed, “Yeah, a bit.” You mused.

****

And for a while, it was left like that. You ordered yourself a proper binder and he was properly happy for you, seeing you excited to go and slip it on as soon as it came in the mail. You checked yourself out in the mirror, beaming as you found a sense of newfound confidence and comfort in your appearance. Your body.

He liked the way you smelled after you changed deodorants. You smelled rich and musky, one that you both adored. For him, it was intoxicating. Even picked up your armpit in bed as you yelped, his head buried in your pit to get a good whiff of your scent. Both of you sent laughing and shouting and you play fought in bed, beating back the monster you so endearingly loved.

“Fucking hell Brian!! Give me my arm back!”

“No! Never!” He bellowed, hand tightening around your wrist, pinning it against the wall as your feet kicked against him. He loved it, making you mad and crazy at the same time.

Tickling was your enemy! One that he used and abused, to get you laughing and squirming as he tied his body around yes. Pressing kisses to your cheek like a woodpecker.

****

Eventually, you found answers. The internet helped and a good stack of books about gender. It worked to ease your feelings about your body and the amount of envy you had for the masculine. It was difficult at first, being able to sort through attraction and gender envy at the same time. Slowly, you found answers. A confirmation of your feelings and way of life. The amount of euphoria you received when the simple stranger called you ‘man’ or ‘sir’ felt glorious. Elating and at home with yourself in a way that felt right. A homecoming.

You started to approach the subject with Brian. The two of you were friends with trans people, but it still felt fresh. Weird, and confusing to go through yourself. Being trans still didn’t give you cut and dry answers, it was a journey. A grey area because, even through they had gone through that journey, it was still personal. You had to find answers for yourself and the world is a weird, wild place.

But, it didn’t mean you were something else. Or strange for that matter- you were you, and that’s what mattered. You were exploring.

You two had been laying in bed. A quiet Saturday day spent outside, running errands and going to the farmers market to buy fresh produce and bread. It was lovely and peaceful. You guys had turned into bed early, curled under a soft comforter as you sprawled out in bed. The sun had set.

“Hey,” You whispered, dusting a piece of long hair out of his face. He was turned towards you, a fit of blankets wrapped around him as his body cupped towards yours.

“Hey,” He yawned, eyes fluttering in sleepiness.

You dusted a finger along his jaw, his chest slowly rising and falling. A ham all baked like a warm potato. “Can we talk?”

He shifted his head closer to your touch, liking the way you slowly stroked his skin. “Yeah, what’s up?” He yawned.

“I’ve been thinking, for a while now. That I might be trans,” You paused, wanting to release the next few words from your brain. “I think I am.”

“Oh?” He shifted up, sitting up now and trying to wake up his brain. Serious conversation time. “Really?” His voice was kind, asking for confirmation.

You nodded, “Yes.”

“As in nonbinary or trans masc?” He ran a hand through his hair, swooping the fluff back. Pulling himself together.

You laughed, feeling the butterflies swarm in your stomach. “Trans masculine.”

“Okay,” he smiled, nodding. Taking it in. “So uh, what do you want to do? If anything at all?”

“Honey-” You pestered, giving him a look.

“I’m asking! That’s up to you!” He was ginger, trying not to pry but dying inside. The questions!

“Clothes, that’s for one thing.”

“You’re already wearing my boxers- we gotta get you more of those.”

You had been stealing them from him. They were comfy, among other things. You couldn’t help but crack a guilty smile. He had mentioned it before when he had ran out, pissed because he hated wearing dirty ones.

“And shirts, and some good cuffed jeans-” You added.

“Dickie’s has those, we can thrift you Carhart’s from Goodwill.”

You paused, holding your breath. Holding onto the next few words, as if they couldn’t be taken back. Releasing them into the world, “And transitioning. I think I want to do that too.”

He reached for your hand, his thumb stroking your palm as the two of you laid in bed. Him looking down at you as your sprawled out, your elbow propping yourself up. “Okay, if that’s what you want, I support you. I want that too,” He pulled up your hand and pressed his lips to them softly. Firmly intertwining his fingers with yours, squeezing them tightly. Securely.

“Do you want to go by different pronouns? A name?”

“Yes, I want to be named Y/N,” You smiled, feeling his hands pull you in. Draw around you in a deep hug as he slid down to your level, comforting and embracing you. “I want to go by he/him pronouns.” You chuckled against his skin, head buried into the crook of his neck.

“Well hello my Prince, I’m so glad to meet you Y/N,” He pressed a kiss to your cheek, smiling through it as your heart brust. Crying in relief, in tears of joy and relief.

“You’re not mad?” You squeaked, tears rolling down your cheek.

“Baby~” He purred, pulling back, to look into your eyes. “Of course not, I want you to be happy. You’re precious to me,” He said, soothing you. “Is this what’s been bothering you?”

You nodded.

“I’ve been… wondering about it,” He mused. “I kinda figured it out after you bought your binder and started shaving your face. You barely had peach fuz but you looked so happy… so, much more bright that day,” You had slowly been trying things out. Listening to your body and how you felt. Changing your style, presenting more masculine. You even bought clothes from the men’s section and started to let go using gender specific pronouns for yourself. To ease the pain of dysphoria while you figured out feelings. Your therapist helped.

“But I’ve been waiting until you tell me, that’s your stuff,” He wiped your chin, brushing off the stream of tears. “I know you’d tell me eventually, whatever your answer was- I want to support you. I chose that long ago, I stand by that.” He smiled, adding, “And if things change in the future, that’s okay too. Gender and bodies are a tricky thing.”

There was so many choices- my so options- in how trans people choose to express themselves. All of them are valid, it’s what makes you happy is the most important thing. What aligns with yourself.

“Thank you,” You sniffled, peaking out a smile. You were happy, and now tired, and just wanted to curl up in bed. The rush of emotions flooding your system, the bent of stress and relief washing over your system. Draining you.

You wanted to feel this moment in its security, its acceptance. “That means a lot to me Brian.”

“Of course- and for what it matters-” He leaned into your ear, whispering, “I think you make a handsome man. And will continue too.”

“It doesn’t change things- between us?”

He shrugged, unfazed, “I don’t think so. I’m attracted to you and I like men so-” Another quizzical look, “I don’t see how it would change things in that department. I think I need to know more but I don’t think so.”

You raised an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

“I want to read more about it so I can help you. I know it can be hard for trans people to get the resources they need to transition. We’re going to both go through this and I want to help you. -If that’s what you want, of course.”

“Oh! Okay,” you nodded. You slid down together, laying in each others arms. Curled underneath the seats, your tears dried up. Heart shining. “I want that, your help. I fucking hate calling the doctors office.”

He laughed, “I know! I know!” You would get stressed, talking on the phone could be weird sometimes. It made you anxious.

You tucked your head into his chest, hearing it beat with the life you held so closely. His arms wrapped around your waist, holding you close. “Thank you Bri, for everything.”

“Of course Y/N,” He spoke softly, warm. “I love you, you’re my everything.”

The two of you drifted off to sleep in bed, listening to the sound of Summer rain come in through the window. Drops slapping against the hard concrete, easing you into a deep slumber.

****

The two of you got along better after that. You were able to save up enough money to see a gender therapist. A general practice doctor that specialized in transgender health, giving you access to the hormone treatments you so desperately needed.

The changes came slow at first, the T being newly added to your system. Eventually, the body hair came in. Sprouting up your legs and turning thicker, darker, up your knees. Your body weight shifted, redistributing around your body with a healthy addition of exercise. Your jaw widened, spotting itself with facial hair which you so proudly grew. Cleaned up and trimmed, sculpting it to your desire.

That was one of your favorite moments. When you asked Brian to show you how he shaved his face. He pulled out of his bag of clippers, helped you learn how to wash your face and spread shaving cream on your face. How to guide the razor against your skin, trimming the well grown facial hair.

“-Like this- you gotta go against the grain if you want it smooth,” You were both creamed up, with your hair clipped back. He had a headband pushing his strands back, keeping it from falling into his face.

“Okay,” You mumbled in front of the mirror, guiding the razor across your skin. Wincing when you nicked yourself and hoping you don’t do that again.

“It’ll get easier, trust me,” He assured, slicking the last bit of cream off of his clean face. He mostly kept himself clean shaven, though there was a time where he rocked a thin mustache. Even some musky stubble around his cheeks. Which you loved.

And so was your transition.

In time, you qrew to love and enjoy your body even more. Seeing the face you so expected- and wished for- being reflected in the mirror. Muscles come in, adjusting your body shape to one that you desired.

Brian was very supportive. Even helped you find a good doctor for your top surgery. He pitched in money for your procedure, taking some extra hours as the store manager at the record shop where he worked. He was planning on taking it over from the owner in a few years. He had helped them expand into a second storefront. He was proud of it.

He drove you to your surgery, making sure you had everything prepared. Extra magazines, music, books, even your sketch pad and journal if you so wished it. You would sleep after your surgery in the hospital bed, groggy and tired from the boat load of meds and painkillers lulling you to a peaceful state. He wanted to make sure you were content, that you healed well and passed the time while you recovered. The tiny hospital tv having few channels to capture your attention. He ready to help you pass the time.

After your surgery, you couldn’t move your arms very much. At least not above your head. It would pull at your incisions, the area bruised and draining of fluids. He would tend to you, changing your bandages and helping you get things from the kitchen cupboards. Asking you to relax and let him take over- when you insisted on cooking dinner. That you felt fine, that the pain wasn’t too bad. Even though your chest ached, he didn’t want you to push yourself.

It was okay to lean on someone else, to let them tend to you at times in need.

He adored you and embraced the new found man you had become. He liked hearing you softly talk into his ear, listening to how your voice had dropped. Had changed, deepened, and thickened. It was an adventure for the both of you, one that you happily embraced and found a new home. In you, yourself, and each other.

He was proud to call you his boyfriend, his favorite man on Earth.

#gleaming the cube #brian kelly #brian kelly x reader #brian kelly x trans masc reader #brian kelly x transman reader #brian kelly x transgender #trans #trans man #fan fic #tyler writes #queer fan fic #queer #i fucking loved writing this fic #gender euphoria #its okay to be trans #being trans is BEAUTIFUL!#happy and healthy relationships #based in love and support for one another #wholesome

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cyber-flight · 6 years ago

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Notes from the AHWM Explanation Livestream

This will be long, so fair warning! If you're on computer, you can press the spacebar to skip this post if you want!

There was CG smoke for the bomb

The last shot was running after the bomb goes off, filmed during the day

Many cursed images

(0:56 - Guns Blazing) November 5th = gunpowder treason & plot (a reference)

Ethan is the one yelling during the run

Helicopter/Car was filmed in a place formerly known as Spiderwoods (spiders, snakes, and bugs everywhere)

Mark's patented method to get rid of snakes is to tell them to fuck off

There was big black snake near the library

Chica snore-grumbles

Most of the choices were pretty evenly split in the video data

The guy who owned the field in Helicopter/Car also owned the helicopter

It was hard to get the cameraman to know that the camera is an interacting character

They filmed up to 10 pages a day

Prison was the first 2 days of shooting, as well as the part with the most characters/extras (12 people)

Mick gets typecasted in roles of authority

The Prison location is a functioning mental hospital

John was a Prisoner, first mate, and is a realtor IRL

There is no "why" to recording this to keep a broad audience and have fun after Mark was in a depression and made WKM

The Gregory Brothers / Schmoyoho made 2 renditions of I Don't Wanna Be Free (which is on Apple/iTunes/Spotify)

The musical was a production/recording nightmare on the 2nd day

They had 20 minutes max. to learn each segment; they had a choreographer helping them learn the dances

The original vocals didn't have the accent

Mark had to do the vocals, acting, blocking, etc. in 30 mins

Mick was supposed to cross frame during the top-hats-part, but they had already recorded it; the producers weren't comfortable telling Mark "no" yet, so they had Amy do it

The smashed bricks were styrofoam; Mark was typed to a rope that was pulled

The director of photography was Phillip J Roy; he took a pay cut to work on this project

Yancy's sleeve tattoo is the whole map again

Yancy's tattoos are Tiny Box Tim and Mark/Dark across his knuckles; those were Makeup's ideas

The Musical was only 1/4 of a recording day

There was 3 work weeks of shooting (15 days)

Day By Dave made a remix

Yancy was named "Prison Mark" until the fight scene started to be made in post-production, where he needed a name; Mark liked Yancy and Amy was very against it originally

Yancy killed both of his parents; Mark knew people were gonna fall in love with him anyway

"Yancy stans, go, march on"

Yancy has an emoji bandaid

Heapass (canonically) makes an appearance in Thanks and also Yes Please; he had "Heapass" on a cast, but it was on the wrong side from the camera

Holt Boggs (the cell guard) is an amazing man; he was overqualified ("soft hands")

The cell was in a green-screen soundstage, so there was more improve

Yancy was supposed to be hidden in the ceiling or beside the bed, but under the bed turned out better; he's hidden under the bed the whole scene

The Red Gemini was the camera that they used for this project

Mark just runs off frame in Thanks and also Yes Please

The audio-only part was very convenient for filming and fitting for a 1st-person perspective

Yancy's talk at the gate was Mark real-acting & the late shot of the 1st day of filming, which made all of them realize that the project could actually work

Yancy WANTS to be in prison; he knows all the ways out - he'd leave if he wanted to

The items in the box are more representational achievements

Mark needs our help to promote AHWM, through liking the video(s), commenting good things, and spreading the project; the performance of this dictates the ability to make another similar project

Mark worked for FREE for 5 months, taking no cut of the budget for himself

"Yancy is just Prison Mark with amnesia" "There could be a time-skip there; it could work"

Robert Rex, "a god walking amongst mere morals;" has always wearing the same thing; Mark didn't know that he was going to do different accents

Amy is the hand with the feather-duster

The Warden's desk moves into the hallway after a smash-cut

Mick's line had to be rewritten so it can be ambiguous; you can only tell if you were looking

The Warden embodies "big strong hands," something Mark writes into dialogue a lot (along with "trust you me"); everytime he touches something it cracks (his desk, Yancy's shoulder)

Pulling stuff from behind Mark's back was on-the-spot

The dirt joke was a prop-person and Mark throwing buckets

Mark helped Holt Boggs make a short video

HOLT BOGGS

The truck in Prison was a one-take-wonder; they actually bashed the truck through the wall in a such a cartoony, perfect way

The Bob/Wade skit was a reference to Prop Hunt

Mark comparing the disappointment of people not liking the video to a cup of dirt under the Christmas tree

The lid to the sewer says "a heist with markiplier"

The sewer was in an actual sewer treatment plant, which took about a week of filming; some parts were flooded so they couldn't film there; this place was scheduled to be torn down

Mark forces us to choose the Light Tunnel first

Cranbersher, GrittySugar, and Lixian collaborated for the Light Tunnel; it was originally going to be live action with a green-screen and a pre-made raft; Cranberser offered when he had a 3-month break from other projects

Amy notes that Mark did a lot of "falling"

Mark had to carry a 200 pound man and a heavy camera rig to carry Y/N

There was poison ivy, snakes, spiders, etc. on the island

The Game Grumps voiced the aliens; Erin originally was meant to play the Warden & Danny was meant to play one of the guards

Many roles fluctuated due to scheduling

Getting abducted is a reference to ADWM ("not again!")

Mark loves MatPat's scenes and acting (Build a Shelter)

There were so many mosquitos near the Cave and the actors couldn't put on bug spray because they had to preserve their makeups

There was a giant hole in the Cave from which grasshoppers rained down

They were a mile into the cave; they weren't able to staff them for 3 days, so they recorded for 2 days and had fo cut some shots

The Cave freeze-frame was unscripted; the camera director didn't tell cut and it was too funny

The Hermit was originally supposed to be Jacksepticeye but scheduling errors were in the way

Mick was originally supposed to be Crazy Ed

When the sound-guy didnt have a sound effect, one of them riffed something at the mic and it was modulated to fit as best as possible

Mark's camera loses signal/battery power

Mark has done the hot-wire-while-moving in Car before (van videos)

The blue flash during Car is you from the future/another timeline

Mark was actually driving the car; someone flashed the blue light so it was a bit dangerous

Tyler and Ethan make appearances as Zombies

Tyler actually let Mark hit him with a rock

There was a dead beaver in the shed during the Zombie Apocalypse

The Zombie Apocalypse shots were in VERY hot weather

The barricaded front door but very open back door was intentional humour

Ethan's zombie handshake was thought up on the spot

Moe was the man screaming from the fire and zombie attack, making everyone behind the camera laugh

Rosanna Pansino sings opera & speaks Chinese

The Scientist had to be broken up (the cuts are in the gunshots)

243 is a chemical identification symbol in an actual laboratory, nothing meaningful to the plot

The code leads to the AHWM website

What's truly inside the box is the real timeline, which is the team making the project

The room where the monitor was in (Amy, script manager, etc.) was locked out and no one could see what was going on, only hear it through headsets

Mark threw 2 dummies (main video, Absolutely Not!)

Chica likes to climb through the cords underneath Mark's desk

The true/canon ending is For The Greater Good, which leads to ADWM

SodaPopIn hasn't really done this before, but he went with it because he was told Mark was nice; he continued even during harsh weather, many planes, and a long take/monologue

The sandwiches are a callback to ADWM

The montage endings were inspired by the ones Amy made for ADWM

There was never any time set aside to get photos for the montages, so they had to continuously get pictures

Catherine makes an appearance in the Warfstache bit

Warfstache is just a meta joke > you respond by writing in the comments as a survey, producer Catherine is more powerful than the video-editing, ringing the bell for notifications

They rented the same place for the Warfstache bit that they used to film all the other previous Warfstache bits

Dark inserts himself wherever he feels like being

There is charity (#TeamTrees) merch for each of the egos/Mark characters in this project (including the new ones)

Edge of Sleep's last episode aired yesterday (as of the stream - 6/11/19)

A "reverse" charity livestream is happening soon

The next project(s) are already in the works

SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT HEIST

Amy originally wasn't going to work on this project until they went to Texas; she became Creative Producer once Mark put himself into too many places

Iba originally auditioned for the man in the burning truck, but his voice was so good he became the seer/guide

The project has been "cooking" since May

The next project would be a completely different project, not a continuation

SPREAD THE WORD ABOUT HEIST

Regular uploads start again tomorrow (7/11/19)

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mari-onberry · 4 years ago

Text

Face the Music

My gift for @clockworkgalaxies for the @mlsecretsanta exchange!

read on ao3

Adrien didn't mind the feeling of being alone. There was nothing to complicate his life when he was by himself, and he much preferred listening to the voice in his head over the lectures from his dad. Still, his friends were adamant about including him, and spending time with them was what made the loneliness bearable.

So, when Marinette invited him to one of Luka's first gigs at a local café, he looked forward to a reason to get out of the house for a couple of hours. Adrien had heard Luka play before, but this time was much more serious-- he would be playing in front of a fairly large audience, even if they were there to drink coffee. They met beforehand, and although Luka seemed nervous (which was something Adrien rarely saw), Marinette calmed his nerves with a kiss.

Luka noticed Adrien looked nervous as well. “You okay, Adrien?” He asked. “You’re not the one playing, you know.”

It was a joke, and it was a solid attempt at lightening the mood, but it just made Adrien imagine himself on stage with Luka. “I’m okay.” He smiled, and his friends’ smiles back did help a bit. Luka left to get ready after that, and the other two went the other way to sit among the patrons.

“Thanks for inviting me, Marinette.”

She glanced behind her, looking to where Luka had just left to. “Actually, it was Luka’s idea. He said it would help if he had two people he knew cheering him on.”

Adrien was flattered, but he couldn’t help but ask himself ‘why me?’

He sat with Marinette at the front, and Luka couldn't keep his eyes off of her, even as he focused on his playing and singing. Adrien was too busy looking at the floor to see Luka’s stare drift, but he looked up when he felt eyes on him. Luka was seemingly staring right at Adrien, and he didn't look any less in love than when he was looking at his girlfriend. Adrien quickly let his eyes wander anywhere else, but his heartbeat picked up just in time for the music to do the same.

When Luka had a chance, he blew a kiss in their direction. It wasn’t clear if it was directed towards Adrien or Marinette, or both, but Marinette pretended to catch the imaginary kiss, and looked to Adrien as if expecting him to do the same. She laughed it off when he didn't, but shortly after, Adrien feigned illness and left halfway through the set, too confused to stay after and talk things through.

Luckily, Luka wasn't in their class, so he didn't see him the next day. Still, he saw Marinette every day, and she was a reminder that his confusion wasn’t going away. One day, when they were the only two left at study hall, he asked her a question. They were rarely alone these days, so it was his only opportunity. "What do you see in Luka?" He meant it genuinely, but it came off rather passive aggressive, like he was jealous. Really, he was simply comparing notes, but he wasn't good at articulating something so new to him.

Marinette’s initial reaction was to defend Luka, but she could tell Adrien was being well-meaning with the question. So, then she thought seriously about it. "He puts everyone before himself." She knew that was also a weakness of his, but it was truly what she loved about him. "And I love being able to tell what he's feeling when he sings. He's sort of an open book that way." She turned a page in her textbook, although she wasn't paying attention to her homework anymore. "Why? What do you see in him?" She teased, turning the question around on him.

Adrien misunderstood. "Well, like you said, I love his art." Adrien absentmindedly wrote down the next problem from his textbook. "And he treats me just like anybody else." Maybe to someone else, that would be a low standard. But for Adrien, even when it came to Marinette, people tended to treat him like he was perfect. He knew that much wasn't true.

Marinette was staring at him when he looked up, and he realized she had been joking.

"I mean, I think he's good for you, that's all." Adrien was awfully bad at lying, and that wasn’t even a complete lie.

Marinette shook her head, breaking her stare. "No, it's fine, I was just a bit surprised--"

"I'm done with homework, I think I'm going to go home," Adrien said, bailing on her again. He couldn't deal with the pressure, even though his heart hurt from treating her like that. "I'll be back tomorrow." He left her alone to sit with her thoughts, and the one at the front of her mind was the possibility that Adrien Agreste, who she had a crush on since middle school, had feelings for her boyfriend.

━━━━━━━━

He did come back to study hall the next day, but so did three other students. They didn't get time alone together for another week, when Marinette pulled him aside after class, blocking the door on his way out. "Can I talk to you?" She whispered, knowing there could very well be someone listening in while they were in the hallway. "Alone. Can you come over to my house after school? Maybe tell your dad that we have a project, or a test to study for?" In fact, they did have a few things that it wouldn't hurt to study for. She was far too distracted to think about school now, though.

He looked between her and the door. "I have to get to fencing practice."

She frowned. "Afterwards, then? I can wait. I like watching you fence, anyway."

He tried to think of a single reason to turn her down, but the only thing he had was his nerves. "Okay. But you only have a few minutes, my dad gets angry when I take too long getting home."

She nodded. "Of course."

━━━━━━━━

Marinette's heart fluttered when she watched him fence. It was always exciting to her, even when it was just low-stakes practice. She thought back to when she was younger, before she met Luka, when she would watch Adrien as many times a week as she could, hoping he would notice her enough to think of her as something other than a friend. She remembered how she used to feel worry every time he stuttered in his steps, and pride whenever he got a point. She remembered, because she was feeling the same now. Maybe she wasn't completely over him. She was so mesmerized watching him that when he looked over, she smiled wide, in a way he hadn’t seen for years. In that same instance, Adrien was thrown off balance, and the fencer opposite him knocked him down.

"I'm sorry," they said, but Marinette didn't know them. The only other fencer Marinette knew was Kagami, and that didn't seem like something Kagami would do. The fencer helped Adrien up.

"It's okay," he said, knowing it wasn't entirely their fault. "But I think I'll sit out for the rest of practice, is that okay?" They nodded, and Adrien went to sit by Marinette, not without first taking off his gear.

Marinette stared when he got close enough. "Adrien, you look more hurt than you're letting on."

He frowned, confused. "I don't feel hurt." He traced her line of sight to a spot on his forehead, and brought his hand back only to find blood. "Oh." He scrambled to get something to clean up the blood.

She walked with him. "Adrien, I'll help you clean you up. I have a first aid kit in my car."

He followed her out, but he kept a close watch on the clock. If his dad came to pick him up and found that he wasn't at practice, but instead in Marinette's car, it wouldn't end well.

Marinette got out her first aid kid, and took out the bandages, ointment, and cleaning supplies she needed. "Sorry, this might sting," she warned before pressing an alcohol pad to the wound. He winced, but the pain soon subsided. "You know, if you're worried about your dad, you could text him to say you got a ride home early because of your fall." When he didn't seem too keen on that idea, she added, "Even if he got mad about it, that alone wouldn't be bad enough for him to disown you, right?"

Adrien winced again as she put on antibiotic ointment. "You'd be surprised."

She paused her work on his wound to look him in the eye. "Maybe I could talk to him. Tell him we have to study?"

He bit his lip, just the discussion of disobeying making him nervous. "I'll try texting. If I word it right, he might not get too mad. Maybe just a few more hours of piano practice to appease him," he joked, but he really had tried that before. He typed out a message, but his finger hovered over the button.

"You ready for the band-aid?" She asked, slowly peeling the adhesive off the bandage.

He quickly pressed the 'send' button, and then looked back up so she could apply the bandage. Then, Marinette asked him, "Do you have feelings for Luka?" and Adrien was so shocked that he almost ignored it, thinking he was imagining it.

Once the band-aid was on and he could talk without messing with her first aid, he said, "Do I have to answer?"

"Is that a yes?" She leaned over to him, looking over the rest of his face to check for any more bruises or cuts. "I'm not mad if it is. Actually, the opposite. Love is a good thing."

Adrien thought that was a very charitable characterization of the situation. "Yeah, you're right. But it's... confusing. I don't know if it's love, but when I heard him play, it reminded me of two years ago when I was in love with--" as he remembered who he was talking to, he quickly amended his statement, "It reminded me of my feelings for someone else."

"Well, your love for two different people could feel... well, different." She rubbed a spot above his cheek that looked like it had gotten hurt by the floor as well. "Does it hurt here, too?"

He shook his head. "I'm not still bleeding, am I?"

"No." She turned to his hands, which had gotten a bit skinned from Adrien catching himself on the mat. She thought it would be best to clean that as well, but bandages wouldn’t work in this situation. "And if you have any sort of feelings for someone, even if it's not romantic love, you should tell them." She looked up at him again. "You really should." From her perspective, there was no way this could go wrong. Luka was a kind person, and he'd never judge Adrien, even if he didn't reciprocate. And reciprocation wasn't exactly a long shot, either-- Marinette did notice how Luka looked at Adrien during that concert, too.

Adrien swallowed a lump in his throat. "You sure?" Then, when he saw her head rock back and forth in a nod, even though her attention was on his hands, he added, "Could you be there when I do?"

She used another alcohol pad on his right palm first, hoping it wouldn't sting as much this time. "Of course, Adrien. And if you're comfortable with it, I can set up a time for you to meet." She moved on to the other hand.

"How about now?"

She looked up in surprise, searching his face to see if he was serious. "What did your dad say?"

Adrien hadn't checked his phone. He picked it up with the hand Marinette wasn't working on and read a new text. Adrien, we had piano practice planned for this evening. I will pick you up from practice like usual, or there will be consequences. "He said it was fine."

Marinette drove them to Luka's. She was fairly sure he would be there-- he didn't have anything in particular planned that day. Still, her heart skipped a beat when it took him a moment to answer the door. "Marinette, did you lose your key--" he started, then noticed Adrien by her side. "Oh. Come in." He looked like he wanted to ask a few questions, but he opened the door wider so they could enter. Once they were both in, he asked, "What brings you here?" He kept glancing at the bandage on his forehead.

Adrien panicked. Why had he suggested doing this today, without any preparation, or some sort of script, and why had he gone against his father's wishes--

"Adrien?"

Luka's voice made him melt. He looked to Marinette before answering, "I wanted to hear you play." Marinette's face seemed to convey a mix of disappointment and pity.

Luka seemed to know that there was something more important than that going on, but he agreed. "Alright. Follow me, then." They went into his bedroom, where his guitar was sitting in its stand, and as soon as Luka picked it up, he played with the strings. His fingers naturally knew their way around the instrument. Adrien gulped as Luka invited them both to sit with him on the bed. "Want to hear anything in particular?"

Adrien shook his head. "I just want to hear something."

Luka went along with it, improvising as best he could. Adrien loved feeling the vibrations up close, and when Luka started humming along, it was even more beautiful of a sound. Marinette picked her feet off the ground and put them onto the bed, leaning against Luka's right side. Adrien did the same, mirroring her movements on Luka's left. Luka's hums turned to words after a couple minutes, lyrics from either songs he knew by heart or words he wrote himself. But soon, it became obvious he was using his singing to talk to them. "Adrien seems far too nervous for this to be a normal visit." He looked over to Adrien, and sure enough, Adrien was sweating. "You okay, man?"

Adrien sat up, suddenly aware of every inch of his skin that was in contact with Luka. "You’re right, I did come here for something else. It's just taking a bit to work up the courage to say it."

Now in his speaking voice, even as he kept idly strumming the guitar, he said, "You're in love." It was a guess from Adrien's face alone. "In love with Marinette?"

Adrien shook his head. "No, it's not that, you don't have to worry," he said, but as the words came out of his mouth, they felt like lies. "Well, I care for Marinette, of course, but that's not what I'm here for." He hoped that cleared things up enough, but even he wasn't confident about the details of his feelings. "Luka, I really like you."

Luka's eye's widened; he hadn't been expecting that. His fingers froze on the guitar strings, and he stopped playing. "Oh, well, I--" He whipped his head around to look at Marinette, and they had a silent conversation. "You know I'm dating Marinette, right?" Then, his face revealed that he immediately regretted saying that. "I mean, of course you do. And you can't control your feelings like that, anyway," he practically said to himself, trying to talk himself into what he truly wanted to say. "I guess I'm just trying to ask: 'what are you trying to accomplish by telling me?'" He winced at that a bit too; it still came out a bit more aggressive than he wanted it to.

"No, I get what you mean." Adrien tried to make him feel a bit better about his words. He looked to Marinette, still, because she was the one who suggested he do this in the first place.

She got the hint and spoke up. "I... kinda told him to." She smiled innocently at both of them, trying to think of how to explain her thoughts to them. "I just think that he shouldn't have to hide what he's feeling. It doesn't matter what he's trying to accomplish, it's just best. For transparencies' sake."

Luka nodded. "Then, for transparencies' sake, what if I do reciprocate? What do you think of that?"

Marinette looked from Luka to Adrien and back, not realizing who the question was directed at. "Me?" She wasn't aware they wanted her input in this subject, but she supposed that made sense. "I'm fine with it," she started, then tried to get more information out of him. "Are you saying you do reciprocate?" She wondered how this became a conversation between the two of them when Adrien was the one confessing.

Luka hummed in thought, and set down his guitar, not without his fingers strumming the strings once again. "It's hard to say," he stood up and looked at both of them.

Then, there was that look again, that they both recognized from that concert all those days ago. What did it mean? They both wondered.

Luka took a step closer to Marinette, and took her hand. "Marinette, I love you. And you've known this for years." Marinette nodded at him, curious as to where this was going. "But," he said, and Marinette's heart skipped a beat, "This changes everything. If you say you're really okay with it, then..."

He took a step to the right, so he was now in front of Adrien. "I wasn't really sure about my feelings for you, but now that you've spoken up about this, I think I have a way to test it. If you're okay with it, too, Adrien." He leaned forward, their faces getting closer and closer.

Adrien blinked. "I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean."

"I want to kiss you," Luka clarified, and Adrien felt as if his heart was on fire. He had never kissed anyone, and now the opportunity was practically falling into his lap. Still, it was hard to say yes with how shaky he was getting.

"Okay," he managed to get out, his pitch getting higher from nerves.

So Luka did kiss him, putting his hand gently on Adrien's cheek before pressing their lips together. Adrien was too nervous to really enjoy it, though, since along with this being his first kiss, Luka was using this to test his feelings. His eyes were still closed when Luka stood up. He didn't want to know Luka's reaction. When he finally did open his eyes, though, Luka was smiling wide. He turned to his girlfriend. "Marinette," he said, which worried Adrien. "Are you really okay with this? Because that was definitely something." He flopped face-up on the bed, hiding his face with his arms.

Marinette leaned over him so she could watch his face as she talked to him. "I'm more than okay with it. I love you, and I love how full of love you are." She was smiling just as widely, and she sat back up to look at Adrien. They stared at each other for a second, now realizing what this changed about their own relationship.

It hadn't really sunk in for Adrien. He didn't really believe this was really happening. Luka had just kissed him, and they were both fine with it. If he had sat there and stayed with them for a few minutes more, he might've had enough time to be fine with this. But his phone buzzed, and his blood went cold, and he stood up abruptly. "I have to go home. I'm sorry." He bolted, walking briskly out of the room. Adrien stopped in the hall, using all his might to try and will himself back inside the room. His phone buzzed again, and he tried to figure out what his father was saying without having to look. He kept walking. He would have to walk home, but he was fine with that.

Adrien finally checked his phone. Five messages from Father. Adrien almost cried. He knew Gabriel was already angry enough for getting a ride from Marinette. If his father ever knew what happened next, he might be disowned. He ignored the texts he got from Marinette and Luka, and wished he could be home already. When he listened to his dad and followed the rules like he usually did, he didn't feel like his heart was in his throat. He convinced himself that was the better option.

Gabriel did yell at him for being late, and for disobeying. Adrien was grounded for a week, and he took this as an opportunity to avoid Marinette. He knew she kept stopping by to bring his work, and Nathalie would bring it into his room every day, but Adrien used every ounce of his willpower to not watch Marinette walk to and from his house. After day three, his father’s anger was only getting worse every day he stayed home sick, so Adrien went to school.

━━━━━━━━

The next time he talked to Marinette was a few days later. She approached him after class, and cornered him so he couldn't run. "Adrien, can we please talk?" He followed her into an empty classroom. "Look, we are so sorry about the other day. Everything happened so fast, and I completely forgot about your dad, I shouldn't have convinced you to--"

"It's okay, Marinette. I just need some time alone, I think. And I have to get to class."

She nodded, trying her best to keep her cool. "Okay. Okay. Just, you know you can talk to me, right? And, if you want to forget what happened, we can do that. We can go back to how things were before. I liked how things were before."

He could tell she had tears in her eyes, even though he did, too. "Yeah. I'll think about it." He left her alone in the classroom, and he didn't see her again all day.

━━━━━━━━

They did go back to being just friends after that, and things went back to the way they were, or as close as they could be. Adrien still remembered it, and longed for it, and wished he could go back to that day and stay. Almost a year later, the next of Luka's concerts he went to was a much bigger venue. In fact, there would be thousands of people there, and he was opening for a pretty well known band. And he asked Adrien to be there with him.

At first, Adrien wasn't planning on going. It would be a lot of familiar feelings being brought up that he wouldn't want to think about. Sure, he was used to hanging out with them again, but mainly with other friends around, so this would be closer to reliving that day than Adrien thought he could handle. Still, he had the day off, and he didn't want to be rude by turning the offer down. And maybe a part of him did want to go and see what would happen.

The night of the concert, he met with Marinette beforehand and she drove him to the venue. They barely talked, and when they did it was about other people. They both knew very well what the other was thinking. Adrien wished he could make himself speak up.

He remembered watching Luka practice before gigs before, but this time was different. He didn't think he had ever seen Luka this nervous before, but as he played a couple notes, his fingers shook. Adrien was a little worried that he wouldn't be able to play.

"Luka, are you okay?" Marinette asked, holding his fingers still between her own. "Do you need something? Aspirin, a drink of water, anything?" Usually, Marinette wouldn’t wait on him like this, but it calmed her nerves to feel somewhat in charge of the situation.

He shook his head. "I could use a kiss."

Adrien's face heated up until he realized Luka was talking about Marinette. Marinette kissed him, shortly and sweetly, and Adrien got the feeling that he couldn't imagine them ever breaking up. He also felt completely invisible, and wanted to keep it that way. Or maybe...

He thought back to that day in Luka's room, and imagined what would have happened if he had stayed. It wasn't the first time he thought about it, but it usually made him too upset to follow through completely. He usually used those thoughts as a way to further his regret, like he deserved it. But now, as he watched the couple love each other, he realized this was exactly where he would have ended up. He would have traveled with them, gone to concerts with them, and listened to Luka play. The only difference would be how he acted. If he had stayed, and they were still together, maybe he would be the one to calm Luka down with a kiss. So, he walked over, pretending that he lived in this imaginary timeline where he didn't make the biggest mistake of his life, and put his hands on Luka’s shoulders, ready to kiss him square on the lips.

This was short-lived, though, because the contact made Adrien realize he was not just imagining this, and was in fact, doing it. He immediately took a few steps back, and everything told him to run. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."

Luka stared at him. "Didn't mean to?" He tilted his head, confused. "So you're saying it was an accident?" Adrien saw that Luka's hands were no longer shaking.

Adrien had no good answer for him. "I thought I was somewhere else." He backed away, his body retreating without him.

"Maybe you can stay somewhere else for a little longer?" Marinette asked, approaching him. "And once Luka gets on stage, we can forget it ever happened."

Adrien knew she meant that. So, he asked her something in return. "Can I kiss you, then, Marinette?"

"You have no idea how long I've wanted to hear you say that." She kissed him, and could feel his smile against her lips. "I still love you, Adrien. Always have," she whispered to him, resting her forehead against his. She hoped she would never have to miss this closeness.

Luka seemed a bit jealous, and got a bit closer to them, putting a hand on both of their arms. "I have to go on soon. Wish me luck?" They did wish him luck, both of them fairly sure they knew what he meant. They each kissed him on the cheek, and Adrien took this opportunity to quickly relive that moment a year ago, and kissed him again, melting into the kiss. Even though it lasted only a moment, Adrien tried to make it last a lifetime. A part of him knew this wasn't forever.

"Good luck, Luka," Adrien finally said, knowing they had limited time.

"Not that you need it," Marinette added, teasing, and they both watched him walk on stage. Adrien felt lucky just to be backstage watching him. "You ready, Adrien? I always think it's a lot better from the sidelines." She put her arm around him, and they leaned against each other, similar feelings of love in both of their hearts.

"I'm more than ready."

They watched him perform, and Marinette was right-- it was very fun to watch him from this perspective. Adrien had only ever been in the audience, and now he was one step closer to the stage. He wasn't sure if he would ever feel ready to take that next step, but judging by how much fun Luka seemed to be having, maybe he would have to try it out.

In between songs, Luka started to talk to the audience, introduce his band members and himself, and banter a bit. Marinette enjoyed this part usually, but she had to say a few things to Adrien first. She valued honesty above most things, and if she kept this a secret any longer, it was starting to feel like a lie. "Adrien. I have something to tell you, while we still have some time to ourselves."

Adrien perked his head up, listening attentively. "Okay."

She sighed. "Luka didn't want to tell you this. He wanted one day of things being normal between us. But, I have to tell you: Luka's going on tour. We can't stay in Paris any longer, especially for the next few months. And even after that, we're unsure if we'll ever come back and live here." She hung her head, ashamed that she had kept that from him.

Adrien wasn't hurt at first. He was mostly just stunned. After everything that had just happened, they were going to leave him? He knew that thought was irrational-- of course, they had planned it long before today, but he still felt a bit betrayed. "Really?" He asked, as if bargaining with her.

She closed her eyes to hide her oncoming tears. "I'm sorry, Adrien. Today was supposed to be a goodbye, and then..." She wasn't trying to blame him, but neither of them had suspected him to do anything like that. It was a nice surprise, but it was a bit late. "You could come with us?" She asked, all of a sudden realizing how perfect that would be. It could be a chance for him to get away from his dad, and he wouldn't have to spend any time away from them. "It's just a suggestion, though."

"I'm not sure." He frowned, and as Luka stopped talking, they knew he was preparing for the next song. Unless they were to leave his side, they wouldn't be able to hear each other over the music soon. "I'll think about it." The music started once again, and Adrien let the hum of Luka's guitar fill his ears as he imagined the next few months travelling with them. He couldn't get the thought of how much he regretted last time he turned them down, and he thought he had his answer. Then, he felt his phone buzz with a text.

His father.

Adrien, where are you? Gabriel was the one person Adrien could always tell if he was angry or not, even over text. It wasn't a surprise that he was-- he hadn't exactly explained where he was going that night, and they had to prepare for a show tomorrow. He hesitated answering, but he knew that would only make him more angry.

"I'm sorry, I have to take this," Adrien said over the music, and although Marinette couldn't hear, she understood. He dialed his father's number, and ran outside so he hopefully wouldn't hear the music. He tried not to make any sound himself, not even exhaling in anticipation of his father chewing him out.

"Adrien." Gabriel was stern and concise. "You have a show in the morning. If you don't come home now so we can get ready, you are going to humiliate both of us."

Adrien couldn't care less about humiliation. A sudden wave of confidence washed over him. "You know what, dad? What if I don't want to work under you anymore? I could make a living by myself."

Gabriel audibly laughed at his son. "I could ruin your reputation if you quit, Adrien. You do not want to do that."

Adrien couldn't care less about reputation, either. "I just got asked to tour the world with friends. I don't need you, I don't need this job, and I don't need a good reputation. I don't need to see you ever again, and I hope I don't."

Gabriel paused, regaining composure. "You sound like a petulant child."

Adrien ignored him. "You've never cared about my wellbeing. All you've cared about is the money you make off me. Well, I'm done." Adrien was already storming back towards the stage. "I bet you never even wanted me. You just took care of me to make Mom happy."

Gabriel was quiet for a moment. "Adrien, you know I have connections. You really think your friends will be able to go on that tour if you run away with them?”

His tears felt like they were burning him as they ran down his face. He stopped in his tracks, frozen in place. If he went back inside, he knew they would talk him into running away nonetheless, but he couldn’t do that to them. They needed this tour. Any other decision was just selfish, he told himself. “I’m heading home.”

"Good." Gabriel responded, sounding content. "I know you'll never disobey me like that again, right, Adrien?"

Adrien felt like throwing up, but he headed to his car without a goodbye to the people he loved much more than his dad. "Right."

Marinette and Luka left a few hours later, not having witnessed Adrien leave, but knowing exactly why he had. A part of Luka wanted to chase after him, find him at his house, throw rocks at his window, and sing him a love ballad. Marinette held out hope that things would turn out like a movie, and Adrien would come running after them at the last minute in the airport and buy a ticket for their flight. They both knew these were impossible dreams.

━━━━━━━━

Four years later, Adrien's modelling career had only grown. The same could be said for Luka and his band, but this also meant the two of them grew apart. Both stayed in touch with Marinette, but Adrien only did so through infrequent phone calls and texts.

So, he looked forward to their 5 year reunion. He hadn't seen his friends in years. He talked to them, sure, and Nino would play games with him every week, but it wasn't the same.

Chloe organized the reunion. 5 years ago, that probably would've turned out to be a disaster, and maybe ended in the cancellation of the entire gathering. Now, though, it was rather elegant-- Chloe had talent when it came to party planning.

When Adrien got the call, he stayed on the phone with her for half an hour. He missed the sound of her voice. Really, all they did was catch up, and Adrien stalled until Chloe said she had to grab lunch. The only pertinent information he got out of it was the time, location, and date of the event. That, and Luka would be playing there. The mention of Luka made Adrien's heart pound a bit faster; he hadn't seen him in years, and they hadn’t really left on the best of terms.

His dad gave him the best outfits to wear, making sure that he would represent the company well. Seeing his father's clothes on him all the time was also supposed to remind him to be on his best behavior. He rolled his eyes and headed in, watching all the classmates he recognized walk in after him.

The gym had been transformed into a wide open space for them to talk, though there was still food catered by Chloe on the side. Speaking of Chloe, Adrien found her first, wanting to catch up with someone, and feeling most comfortable talking to her.

"Adrien!" She exclaimed when she saw him, and brought him in for a hug. "How have you been? You're still living in the area, right?" She asked, her chipper attitude dissimilar from how he remembered her from high school.

"Yes, I am. And I've been good." He smiled, though his voice might've given away his lack of enthusiasm.

She didn't catch on, luckily. "You look good. Listen, I'm going to be busy tonight, and you should catch up with everyone. I'll talk to you later?" She asked, and although she phrased it politely, the sentiment was somewhat reminiscent of her younger persona. He pretended he didn't notice, though, and agreed he should socialize with someone else.

He needed to find Nino. He was having trouble, though, since the room had begun filling up even more with people, and it was hard to navigate through the sea of bodies. He made his way into the middle of the room without finding anyone to talk to, and considered giving up and going home. He had made an appearance, at least. That might be enough.

Then, he bumped into someone he definitely recognized, even though her hair was shorter than he remembered, and she had aged gracefully into her twenties.

"Oh, I'm sorry." She said as she turned around to look him in the eye. It only took her a second to realize she hadn't just bumped into a stranger. "Adrien?" He had a hard time reading exactly what her tone of voice meant.

"Marinette." His voice didn't have any trouble giving away his feelings. He absolutely missed her, and didn't care about hiding that fact. They hugged, lingering in the feeling for a few beats too long, until they heard a single chord play on the makeshift stage across the room.

"Oh, Luka's starting," Marinette pointed out, even though it was obvious. She had a hard time quelling her nervousness, despite this being just a high school reunion. Luka had played at venues 100 times this large. There was just something a bit more nerve-wracking about playing in front of people you knew in high school, even for Marinette, who wasn't even the one playing.

Adrien's eyes shot up to the stage, where he saw Luka wielding his guitar as if it was a part of him. He couldn’t help but stare; Luka’s hair had grown to his shoulders (it was now longer than Marinette’s), and it was no longer dyed, now his natural jet black color. They had both changed a lot in four years. He hadn't gone to any of his gigs, or listened to any of his albums, even though he used to love his music. Even back then, it made him tear up to hear the way Luka poured his heart into his music. Now, Adrien wasn't sure how it would affect him, but he knew that watching Luka in his element like that was already making him short of breath. Luka was amazing, and Adrien couldn't imagine a single person in that room who didn't think the same thing.

As the band tuned, Adrien found himself actually getting nervous to hear Luka play; his palms started to sweat, and his legs started to shake. He looked at Marinette, looking for guidance, but simply saw how utterly in love she looked. Her admiration, her anticipation, and nervousness all culminated in a look of pure love as she watched him fiddle with his guitar strings. He was jealous, yes, but he also couldn't get mad at her for it; he felt entirely the same way.

So, Adrien wormed his way through the crowd to get into a hallway before the band could start.

The hallways of the school at night had a certain atmosphere that Adrien enjoyed-- this was only amplified by the sound of the band starting to play muffled by the walls. Adrien preferred that to the inevitably loud sound that he would've heard if he had stayed. He could tell the song was good from where he sat, still, but there was at least now a degree of separation. Plus, he wasn't close enough to Marinette to feel her every movement, which made everything a little less confusing. He closed his eyes and let the muffled music wash over him.

Then, he heard the gym doors open and close, and then footsteps approach. Opening one eye allowed him to see that it was Marinette. "Hey, what'd you leave for? You're missing the best part."

Adrien smiled and opened his eyes to greet her, even though she was the very person he was avoiding. "I like it out here better. There's too many people in there."

She nodded. "Yeah, I understand."

"So, you're not going to watch your boyfriend perform?" Adrien asked, sounded genuinely a bit concerned.

"I've heard it all many times. This isn't exactly his most important concert or anything." She chuckled, and absentmindedly offered her hand for him to hold. It was cold in the hallway, and she was used to seeing him as a friend. It never used to be this weird holding friends' hands. But then he took it, and she shivered. "So I can be here for you. I'm sure Luka would be more than okay with that. He'd do the same."

She had always been good at cheering him up. He smiled. "Thank you, then."

"I know this must be tough, seeing everyone again. It's pretty overwhelming for me, too." She stared at the lockers across from them, thinking about all the kids currently in school who put their books there every day. She wondered how different things were for them. "I haven't seen anyone but Alya and Nino in years." She paused, looking at their clasped hands in her lap before continuing. "I haven't seen you in years."

Even if Marinette hadn’t told him she was in love with him before, he would now just from the way she looked at him in that moment. He knew now, but at the beginning of high school, he was blind to it. He wished he had known-- things would be easier now. If he had known before she even met Luka, maybe... He stopped that thought from occurring. No. He couldn't dwell on the past like that. There was no way to change it now, and Luka didn't deserve that, anyway. "Yeah. I've missed you." He looked her in the eye, which made him suddenly realize how close they were. "I've missed all of you," he added.

Marinette let them sit in silence and listen to the echoing of Luka's music through the halls. "You sure you don't want to listen? Luka's improved a lot in four years."

Adrien had a hard time believing that. Four years ago, Luka's music was already good enough that Adrien counted him among the top musicians he had ever heard, but maybe he was just biased. "I like how it sounds from here."

She nodded. "Yeah, it does sound kind of nice. Maybe I should try listening this way more often." She was joking, but he did have a point. There was something about it that reminded her of the way she would listen to Luka's lone guitar during a talent show his senior year. That same night, he asked her to prom. "But you're okay, right? No one said anything rude tonight or something, did they?" She couldn't imagine who, unless Chloe had invited Lila for some reason.

"No. It's been nice to see everyone, of course, but it just reminds me that it won't ever be like that again."

"Be like what?" Marinette wasn't exactly the most nostalgic about high school. But seeing her friends everyday was pretty great. Now, she had Luka to see every day, so it wasn't lonely. "Oh," she said before he could answer, realizing what he had meant. "I'm sorry."

He breathed out a cynical laugh. "It's okay. This is what I've chosen, and it's really okay." He chose it, but it wasn’t like his other choice was viable. That didn't mean he didn't regret making that choice, though.

Marinette felt like crying. She had been living her life for years now trying not to think about how Adrien might feel. She assumed he'd be fine without her. Adrien was always fine without her in school. "Adrien, I didn't mean to abandon you. I hope you didn't feel like I did, just for moving away."

He shook his head. "Of course not, Marinette. You've never hurt me."

She knew that was a lie, but he probably believed it. "You could always quit your job, and move across the country to be closer to us." Her voice sounded hopeful, but she knew he wouldn't take it seriously.

He laughed. "That would be the dream."

She stood her ground. "No, really. I mean it. Quit your job and leave your dad behind. We can help you until you get another job, it shouldn't be that hard since you're pretty renowned, but even if it is, Luka has more than enough money to support all of us--"

"This is sounding more and more like you want me to move in with you."

She ripped her hand away from his to make the point that she was, in fact, NOT insinuating that. Actually, it didn't sound half bad, but she just meant that he could live near them, and they could help pay for his living expenses, and help him find a job, and-- Okay, maybe she was trying to get him to move in with them. "I'm just saying, you don't have to settle. Even if you have to sleep on our couch, it might be better than working for your dad the rest of your life. If you really are that miserable."

"So you'd let me sleep on your couch?" Adrien asked, his puppy-dog eyes in full effect. She wasn't sure if he was kidding, or pleading, but she would've said 'yes' either way.

The air felt silent, even though they could still hear Luka’s music. “Actually, there’s a reason I left that night. I didn't want to tell you, but I think it’s been long enough,’ Adrien started, not looking her in the eyes.

She sat, brows furrowed, listening attentively.

“My dad threatened to sabotage Luka’s career if I went with you on tour.”

Marinette felt as if her heart stopped. “Adrien, we had no idea.” She thought it over for a moment. That didn't seem that out of the ordinary for Gabriel, all things considered. “But you don’t have to be afraid of that anymore, Luka is famous enough now, not even your dad could hurt him.” She wasn’t at all sure of that, but she wanted to take that chance.

“You have a point.” Adrien didn't know what else to say, and he ran through all the possible outcomes he could think of. Not one of them seemed worth making the same mistake for the third time.

Then, they heard the band stop, and Luka talked indistinctly through the microphone.

"Maybe I should get back in there?" She stood up. Even though she was fairly sure Luka would be fine with her bailing, she still wanted to encourage him after the fact. "Come with me?" She reached her hand out to help him up.

He looked up at her, confused, and his finger twitched, his body deciding to grab her hand before his mind could. "I think I'll stay out here for a few more minutes."

She nodded and left him, but both of them wished there was a third option.

Marinette made her way through the crowd to the stairs that led up to the stage, ready to greet Luka as he finished. He told her he wasn’t quite done with their set, though, and asked where Adrien was. She was hesitant to tell him at first, but she led him into the hall where she had met Adrien before. If he was stepping off stage and making the audience wait like this, it must be for a good reason.

Unfortunately, Adrien was gone when they made it into the hall.

"Luka, have you talked to Adrien at all tonight?" He nodded 'no', and she had guessed as much.

"I was going to ask him to play with me,” he said, holding each of her arms, making her plant her feet firmly on the ground, and looking into her eyes. She really needed to stop pacing, or she would wear a line in the ground.

She nodded, her frown turning to a sideways grin. "That's a good idea. Just keep in mind, I may have suggested he live with us for a while." She escaped his grip and walked back towards the door.

He just laughed. Of course she would do something like that-- they were both dangerously altruistic. Actually, all three of them were. He followed her close behind as they walked to the other side of the hallway. They made their way outside, only to see none other than Adrien, sitting by himself once again. It seemed as if he had wanted to leave, but gave up halfway through. His eyes were a bit red, as if he had been crying and trying to hide that fact.

It was a cold, windy night, and it had only gotten colder as the sun got lower in the sky. Adrien could hear the soft, muffled sounds of Luka's music filling the gym a few rooms away, and he could faint footsteps in the hall. He wasn't sure if it was the music or the cold that made every inch of his skin fill with goosebumps. His body twitched, telling him to go inside, but even being this close to Luka's singing made Adrien miss him. He wished the wind was instead Luka's breath on his skin.

"Adrien," Luka said, as softly as he could. "Are you okay?"

Adrien's head shot up, startled, and he looked at Luka, then Marinette, and back. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"Well, we're already worrying, so it's too late for that." It was Luka that held out his hand for Adrien this time. "Let me help you up, and then we can talk."

Adrien gave in and took Luka's hand. It didn't last long, but the contact sent shocks of electricity through his fingertips and he noticed how Luka's hands were rough and calloused from his guitar. "Thank you." He looked to Marinette. "Both of you. But you really don't have to do this. I think I'll just go home." He was now standing up.

Luka was more than a little hurt, but he understood. "It's okay if you want to leave. I just want you to be happy, Adrien. And I think you could be happier at a new home. Even if that means you have to live with us for a while." Luka hadn't felt this love in a while. It was like his heart felt complete for the first time in years. "We were the first to hurt you, so you have every right to decline."

Adrien turned away from both of them, and his tears made his laugh sound sadder than intended. "How am I going to explain this to my dad?" He still wasn't used to the fact that if he moved out, he wouldn't have to explain anything. He hung his head, but he was still smiling, and he reached behind him for either of them to take his hand. "Alright." He turned around as he said it, and quickly pulled his hand away. "This isn't a promise. It's temporary. Okay? I'll stay on the couch." He laughed a bit.

They nodded, and both reached to grab Adrien's hand, pulling him into a group hug. "Like Luka said, we just want you to be happy." Marinette said into his ear.

“I think I have a good idea for how to help with that,” Luka added. “Do you want to play a song with me?”

He looked a bit surprised. “I thought you were through playing for the night.”

Luka shrugged. “They’re actually still waiting. We can make them wait a bit longer, if you need, or--”

Adrien nodded into their shoulders, and they felt it, along with his tears. "There's no way you've blamed yourselves all this time. It was definitely my fault back then." It's always my fault, isn't it, he thought, thinking back to the worst days of his life.

Luka looked at him, taken aback. "Agree to disagree, then?" He pressed a kiss to Adrien's left cheek, and smiled as he watched Marinette do the same to his right.

Adrien knew, as their hands warmed up his from the cold, that they could be his home. They could even be a better one than he had ever had. He couldn't wait. “Let’s go back inside. I think I’m ready now.”

#mlb #lukadrienette #mari writes #mlss 2k20

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tbr-agency · 4 years ago

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Return.

TIMELINE ― April 2021

CHARACTERS ― Bang Nara (The Bloody Roses), Bambam (Got7)

AUTHOR'S NOTE/WARNINGS ― Slight Angst. Nara neglects Bambam. Implied sex. Mention of The Bloody Roses. Mention of Yerina missing.

SUMMARY ― Bambam was surprised seeing Nara right in front of his doorstep, after 3 months not meeting each other due to his girlfriend's circumstances.

Chilling on his sofa with Pudding on his chest, Bambam was scrolling on his phone going to Instagram.

While scrolling through the explore page, one of the posts caught his attention.

It was a post of fan-compiled pictures of him and his girlfriend, during the days where both of them were working with his previous company.

Smiling to himself, Bambam noticed something. He was always smiling and pouting on almost all of the pictures.

Usually he would always have a poker-face when fans took his pictures previously.

Bambam can imagine that if it were taken now, him being in a new company, he would be making faces towards the camera with his girlfriend.

His smile suddenly turned into a sad one, after his fingers went to his girlfriends’ instagram profile.

Bambam honestly misses her. It’s been more than a month that they haven't seen each other.

Nara did visit him after she ended her long meeting with MMG, but since then, she didn’t visit him often. But Bambam is still grateful that she decided to often face-time him.

At the same time, he wanted her by his side physically.

“Are you free this week?”

“I’m sorry, Bam. Not this week. I have a meeting with Eunhee today.”

“Oh.. That’s okay then. I love you.”

“I love you too, Bam! I’ll call you after I finish the meeting okay?”

He still remembers his phone call with her last month, which kind of breaks his heart. He didn’t tell her honestly but he realized that Nara kind of neglected him.

Maybe it was just him, Bambam tried his best not to feel sad.

He knew she was busy with work. Ever since the contract between MMG and JYPE ended, the girls have been very busy.

His fingers lead him to his frequent calls, scrolling down to Nara’s name which was labelled ‘Love’ with a heart shape.

He was hesitant to press it, afraid that he would be disappointed if she didn’t answer his call.

This happens a few times and Bambam was obviously sad and disappointed whenever it happens.

He made his decision and when he was about to press onto her contact, the doorbell rang causing him to shriek slightly - which made the cat jump off from his chest.

“God!” Bambam clutch on his chest dramatically, throwing his phone aside while regaining his calm posture back.

Sighing slightly, Bambam went towards the security camera and his eyes went wide for a second. He had to lean forward to see the screen properly, seeing a familiar figure that he had always thought off.

Bambam didn’t hesitate to press the unlock button, rushing towards the door.

His heart started to race in nervousness as he sighed softly.

Twisting the doorknob, there stood the one that he had been waiting for, the one that he wished to see.

Bambam knows her very well by now, and judging from her facial expression, she wasn’t happy at all.

“I’m sorry.”

Both of them sat side-by-side, silence somehow echoed through the living room. Bambam was honestly surprised at how Nara had changed.

He was confused.

“Nara, I—

“I think I should be the one to apologize. I’m sorry for not calling you often. I know I didn’t give you enough attention, like I always do back when we were working together. I just realized it when the other girls somehow had their moments with their partners. I didn’t want to use work as an excuse, but it really is. God, I’m a bad girlfriend. I’m not surprised if you are mad at me. I can take—

By then Nara was already rambling and Bambam out of nowhere jumped onto Nara, causing both of them to fall onto the sofa. He engulfed her into a tight hug.

When Nara apologized, Bambam’s expression completely turned soft.

He has never met a girl who immediately apologized or admitted their wrongdoings.

Yes, Bambam knew she was 3 months late but Nara did apologize to him, face to face. If it was him, he wouldn’t have the nerve too.

He wouldn’t have the face too.

Bambam quietly had her head on top of his chest, him basically cuddling her while stroking the top of her head.

“You could have told me, babe. I prefer to know what’s going on rather than feeling a lot of emotions. I thought your feelings faded for me.”

Nara had a frown on her face, hearing how Bambam sounded, which was hurt. She immediately sat up from him, her face turning towards Bambam who was taken aback by her sudden movement.

What even got him more surprised is how her hands were cupping onto his cheeks, his eyes immediately went wide and his lips literally puck out in flusteredness.

He looked funny but Nara was too emotional to even see his mixed expressions.

“Bam, my feelings would never fade for you. Even if it did, there’s probably something wrong with me.” Nara whispered at the end before continuing.

“Again, I’m really sorry. I knows actions are better than words, I’m trying to—

Nara’s words were cut off with Bambam abruptly pushing her back, his lips crashing onto hers roughly.

Hearing from Bambam’s seductive moan and him somehow pulling onto her shirt, Nara knew where this leads to and knowing she would have to sleep-over his apartment.

Changed into a more comfortable clothing which Nara wore Bambam’s clothes, laughters were filled in the dining table minutes later with different types of food on the table which made Bambam feel twice as happy as usual.

His girlfriend is finally in front of him, indulging onto his favorite food.

He gets double the happiness.

Since Bambam wanted to know what was going on with Nara’s life, she literally told him from the start then to the end, including what she had felt for the past few months - they were mostly happiness and worries.

Now Bambam felt bad for not spamming her, all this while he thought she had it easy after her group had ended contract with JYPE.

“Now I feel really bad. I’m sorry, baby. Now I am the bad boyfriend.” Bambam pouted, although he sounded like he was joking, he really did feel bad.

To sum it up from Nara’s explanation, Eunhee had made her own agency at the same time, making a separate agency building from MMG. Basically for the whole 3 months, the girls had moved all their things from their own office to the new building.

Till now, they were still ‘decorating’ the new agency building and what’s more chaotic is that Ahrin and Eunhee had asked these girls if they wanted to move out of their old shared-house.

Chaotic because they had asked the girls in a last-minute situation where everyone is having their own breaks - except for some of the girls who are helping Eunhee on a specific task.

So far, Ahrin and Eunhee are staying in the new shared house.

Haejin and Yeonji are currently staying in their parents’ house for their break.

Chaeun and Hyunji currently are somewhere in England right now, for their specific mission. Nara too is helping them but she was being told to work from home - which now she is currently staying with her parents’.

“...What is this specific task? It sounded serious since Hyunji had to go too. I mean usually Chaeun noona would always go alone…” Bambam commented, while having a spoonful bite of his Tom Yum Koong.

Nara sighed, putting down her chopsticks. “I don’t know if you know this but Eunhee is adding a member into our team which I am completely fine with and I am happy because the girls know this specific person.”

“Oh! I didn’t know Eunhee noona was planning to add a new member to the team! But if you say you are fine by it, your face says otherwise…?” Bambam tilted his head slightly, leaning forward as he was very curious.

“...The problem is.. We don’t know where she is currently.”

Bambam’s eyes went somehow wide, somehow too into the conversation.

To him, it was as if they were solving a case.

“Well.. where is she now?” Bambam questioned thrillingly, earning a giggle from Nara. Her eyes travelled towards her phone that was on the side.

“....England. I had a tracker on Chaeun and Hyunji, and they found out that Yerina is somewhere in Oxford. It was weird because she turned off her own tracker right after Chaeun called her number.. Yerina was handling a case there..” Nara muttered the last part.

All employees in MMG had a tracker with them, be it when they are having a break or they are on a mission - although in others’ perspective it's kind of dangerous, this was the safest way of finding the specific employees.

Once the tracker has been deactivated, MMG will immediately know since they tracked all of their employees regularly.

“Do you think something might have happened to her? I know Yerina, we trained together and we know her habits. It’s weird for her to turn it off although she is rebellious sometimes but she is smart enough to think.” Nara questioned worryingly toward Bambam.

Bambam knew how the girl was feeling. Out of nowhere, Bambam cupped her hands, his thumb stroking the top of her hand.

“I know you are worried, I would be worried too if one of the hyungs went missing out of nowhere, but I trust Chaeun noona and Hyunji. Come on, we both know how good they are! All of the noonas plus you and Hyunji are aces on finding people! And I’m sure the new member are somewhere, we just don’t know where she is.” Bambam reassured her, him sounding serious this time - his fingers intertwined with Nara’s causing her to feel warm on her cheeks.

Nara forgets that Bambam would always do this when she is worried.

She didn’t know what to say, because she was too lost in his eyes.

“Yah! Stop staring! You’re making me blush!” Bambam immediately noticed this, his hands already touching his cheeks making Nara to giggle.

A satisfying sigh came from Nara as her eyes went back to Bambam. “I don’t deserve you, Bam. You are so precious.”

Bambam’s smile grew wide, leaning forward as he had his hands to support himself to give a peck on Nara’s lips since she was at the opposite.

“Don’t say that, Nara. We have gone through a lot and I’m not going to waste it in a small misunderstanding! You are precious to me too and after today, I’m going to be extra attentive towards you!”

This time, Nara’s smile out of nowhere showed itself - knowing that it was a genuine smile.

“I love you, Bambam.”

Bambam couldn’t describe how happy he is, it’s been awhile that they said ‘I love you’s to each other that Bambam can’t help but to feel extremely shy and blushy.

“I love you too, Nara. Not a pun from Jackson’s hyungs song but, I love you three thousand.” Bambam joked at the end, while wiggling his eyebrows which made Nara to chuckle seeing how silly he is.

Just when Nara was about to stand up, her phone had a notification sound - a different one.

Her lockscreen showed a message.

Chaewidow

We found Rina and you might need to call for backup, because she isn't alone.

The new member of The Bloody Roses!

masterlist : Got7 Bodyguard Au

#got7 scenarios #newest member : rina #yerina isabella #got7 imagines #got7 bodyguard au #got7 au #got7 bambam scenarios #got7 bambam imagines

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loquaciousquark · 5 years ago

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Talks Machina Highlights - Critical Role C2E91 (Jan. 21, 2020)

Good evening, everyone! Sorry about missing last week; @eponymous-rose was out of town and I had some other commitments. Regardless, here we are! Brian is looking handsome and cold, as are Sam & Travis on the couch. Everyone is wearing coats. Is the heat broken?

That said, tonight’s guests are Travis Willingham & Sam Riegel.

Brian starts us off asking Sam if he’s remaking the Wire in Beverly Hills. Sam basically embodies that hello fellow kids meme tonight in a hand-knitted beanie from his wife, a bomber jacket, a yellow tee, and skinny jeans. They quickly photoshop in smoke trailing out of his mouth. We’re just a few minutes in and this is off the rails already.

Announcements: The next issue (#5) of Vox Machina comics comes out Wednesday, Feb. 19! It’s also available online at Dark Horse Digital and Comixology. And that’s it! Huh.

Episode 91: Stone to Clay

Brian tells us this is the first time ever to have Sam & Travis alone on Talks. I’m stunned and so are they. Sam says, “between me, Brian, Dani, and Travis right now, there’s four tens on this show right now.”

We’re already into questions less than ten minutes into the show. Truly this is a remarkable night.

63 in game days and 21 episodes passed between Caduceus’s first mention of Stone (episode 71) and Fjord connecting the dots. Travis blames the internet connection and his really bad ADHD night, as that was the night he and Laura remoted in from the hotel.

Brian tells us that when Ashley used to skype in, she could only see Matt & couldn’t see or really hear anyone else.

Travis says there was a huge delay for him between mouths moving and the audio coming through, and then that audio was pretty distorted. Laura could handle it okay, but Travis just heard a jumble and couldn’t parse it.

Sam took a CBD bath the other day and found it exactly as relaxing as a normal bath. Sam & Travis commiserate about taking baths only to have their knees pop out of the water. Tall people problems smh

Caleb & Nott completed the spell in less than a week, including dealing with the Angel of Irons & brokering peace treaties. Travis though the laughter was going to be Helas.

Travis says he definitely didn’t hear the name the first time (he remembered dust but not stone from the lava pits). “Look! Yes! No, I was not listening before! Thursday nights are my times to enjoy my friends and food! Marisha is an amazing note-taker; why would I ever take my own? This is how I got through college!”

Sam says he keeps a mission checklist in his head and has for ages. He has a page in his notebook labeled “To Do” that includes things like visiting Kiri or Shakaste, in case they have downtime and need ideas.

Travis asks if he continues writing in his (apparently) very small handwriting, and Sam says he has to leave room for Laura to draw all her dicks. They all marvel that she is actually a very good artist.

Travis honestly still thinks the Stone name is a huge coincidence, especially since Taliesin didn’t have access to Fjord’s last name when he created Caduceus’s last name and backstory. Sam challenges Travis that even if that were true, doesn’t he think Matt will find a way to tie it together?

Travis says Fjord doesn’t want anything to do with the last name and it’s not even his real name. He’s not convinced this isn’t a coincidence.

Travis did a lot of research into orphanage naming conventions when coming up with Stone. He does have a backstory as to how the orphanage manager picked Stone as his name.

Travis thinks Matt would have emphasized the Stone name more sooner if it had been a true connection and not coincidence.

Brian: “He does like to take credit for coincidences, doesn’t he?”

Nott didn’t think there was a catch in the ritual; Sam was more surprised they were allowed to achieve the milestone at all. He was shocked it happened so soon in the story and that the spell is relatively easy to cast.

He didn’t know it would fail, but there was a moment when he wasn’t sure if he wanted to go through with it. Travis agrees everyone was shocked when it didn’t work.

Fjord’s current stance on faith and destiny hasn’t changed since the last time he discussed it. Faith is a slow thing for Fjord and he really does think the name is a coincidence.

Sam as a player is excited to see what comes next for Nott; “if she had been transformed into Veth at that moment, I would have been excited to see what comes next. The fact that it’s still Nott makes me excited too. I’m excited to see more of Nott since she’s the best character in the M9.” He also confesses he was a bit relieved, in part because it’s delayed the inevitable. At some point she must decide if she is going to stay or go with the M9.

Cosplay of the Week: @kajicosplays on instagram of a lovely lady Percy. Brian: “Isn’t it fun when Taliesin’s characters live?”

Deep down, Nott knows she will do the transformation at some point, but at that last moment where she had to make a decision she had to check in with herself to make sure she was ready. Sam Riegel as a D&D player also knows that you have to trust your DM and make choices.

Brian misreads the word “ribbing.” Sam teaches Travis what rimming is. We all learn a lot about each other.

Sam thinks Fjord can realize when the time comes to set jokes aside. He thinks Fjord was very respectful. Travis has honestly forgotten that the conversation took place.

Travis has Dani answer from Fjord’s perspective. It’s actually pretty insightful, talking about how Fjord recognized someone hesitant to give up these newfound powers that have become intrinsically tied to self-worth.

Fjord has always been loyal, and Travis sees his protectiveness of the M9 as a logical extension of this.

Right now, he has found some agency & self-direction and is hopeful to share that sense with everyone else (he especially mentions Yasha).

Sam & Travis start quoting from Half-Baked. This is chaos.

Nott does want to stay with the M9, but she also wants to go home for sure, both of those things. The kiss with Caleb wasn’t necessarily a goodbye; it felt like the closing of a chapter. It felt like something to mark the end of the experience.

Now they’re quoting Beverly Hills Cop. Oh, boy.

“You look like you wrote Pitch Perfect.” When did this turn into a roast?

Fjord has no memories earlier than the orphanage (The Driftwood Asylum). There were a couple dozen kids there aside from him; Travis thinks some of them might have been named Stone. It also operated as a small child-labor workshop for carpentry & woodshop stuff. “It was a terrible place all around.” He has no images of parents or being dropped off.

Sam thought the Nott transformation would be more endgame, though he feels it makes sense that it’s not. “While Nott transforming into Veth was my original goal, what’s great about these long games is that your goals can change two or three times before the end. Now I can explore all these other things: does she want to go back and be a housewife? How does she rectify her obligations to her husband and child to the life that she’s made with the M9? It’s so exciting and interesting.”

Brian asks a hypothetical: if she could transform back but lose all Nott’s memories, would she do it? Sam: “Oh, that’s tough. I don’t know.”

Fanart of the Week: a lovely piece by @pen_draws with everyone in the hot tub.

Travis is very trepidatious about returning to the open ocean after rejecting Uk’otoa. He wants to make sure the third temple is sealed. It feels like it would be too easy for someone not to come and try to collect the job he left half-finished. He also wants to go back to Darktow.

Sam doesn’t know if Nott is still in love with Yeza, although she definitely still loves him. He’s playing with the idea of a high school sweetheart being exposed to the world and then going back home. But Yeza’s amazing, a great guy, perfect. “I guess we’ll find out when/if she turns back into Veth.” Sam feels guilty talking about him. “He’s a fictional character and I feel guilty that he might be watching the show.”

Neither Nott nor Fjord trust Essek. Travis: “He just went from being cold and aloof to being really warm. I know there’s been time and he’s lived an isolated life, but...time will show if he’s being genuine. All of our haunches were up. All of us were on level five alert.” He’s being so helpful that Travis doesn’t trust Mercer with him.

Fjord never ever considered becoming a paladin of the Traveler. “No. Fuck no!” The Wildmother reached out and directly intervened to save him. Travis gets super creepy bad vibes from the Traveler’s relationship with Jester (Sam agrees).

Nott feels more pressure when her own problems become the focus. It’s hard for her to open up and talk about her feelings. She’d rather pick up on other people’s problems. Sam also acknowledges it’s more pressure on him (and anyone) as a player when the whole table is looking at you.

And that’s that! Is it Thursday yet?

#critical role #critical role spoilers #talks machina #talks machina spoilers #long post for ts

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7team7 · 5 years ago

Text

Sharp edges

Mai notices. Zutara from an outsider POV // eventual Zutara, eventual Mailee

A/N: ok hi i love sasusaku fics told from an outsider pov, there are a few really good ones from karin’s perspective so i was like ok sorry mai i will do this LOL (if you’re unfamiliar, karin had feelings for sasuke but he didn’t return them and he married and had a baby with sakura) this is not at all supposed to be The Other Woman type of thing, there’s no cheating, it’s really observations and another way to look at zutara yup!

Mai stood by Zuko because she knew he was a good man. She knew he cared about her. Her childhood crush on him wasn’t misplaced.

When she first sensed the distance growing between them, she chalked it up to Fire Lord duties demanding all of his time. But despite his good intentions and traits, he was not in love with her the way he was in love with someone else.

She first really noticed when he was running around the palace like a komodo chicken with its head cut off while preparing for visitors. Not just any visitors — his old friends from across the nations used the one year anniversary of his coronation as an excuse to get together. She had sensed his loneliness in the way he constantly gazed at the sky, lost in his own thoughts, in the way he sent off pages and pages of letters. But she assumed he yearned for friendship and not romance. She was only one person, she could only give him so much.

The palace was ablaze with activity in the days before the highly anticipated celebration. “Aren’t you excited?” he asked her, looking like a kid on the morning of his birthday.

His face drooped when he realized, no, of course she wasn’t. They weren’t really her friends, they weren’t here to see her.

She verbalized her feelings anyway, “Why would I be?”

“Oh! I forgot to tell you that Ty Lee is coming too. And my sister got cleared by her doctors to join us for a while. That’s something, right?”

She sighed. He was trying. He always tried his best and that was one of the things that was so endearing about him. “Should be an interesting mix,” she remarked. She excused herself to go lay down and left him to finish hanging the flags of the other nations in the hallway. Even with all his servants doing their best, no one could work fast enough to keep up with his boundless energy. He really was excited, wasn’t he?

Before she rounded the corner to her room, she could’ve sworn she noticed the way he seemed to hold onto the blue Water Tribe fabric just a bit longer. She shook her head. She must have been tired, imagining him run his thumb over the fabric before hanging it.

The Gaang arrived noisily as usual. The way they all arrived on time (at noon, peak Zuko energy time) was a little freaky. It seemed no amount of time would mess with their sync.

A seemingly endless round of hugs was exchanged, everyone chattering excitedly as they caught up with each other and made plenty of nostalgic jokes that you really had to be there for to understand.

Aang had arrived first, flying in and bowing with exaggerated politeness to “Sifu Hotman” that only served to send both Zuko and himself into a fit of giggles. Two of the world’s most powerful benders were really still kids.

Toph came stomping in next, wondering aloud if Zuko would change her life today. He gave her an affectionate noogie, and asked, “Haven’t I already?”

She shoved him, “Don’t go thinking you’re Iroh.” She was happy.

Sokka would’ve been next had he not been intercepted by Suki. They had their own little reunion on the docks before joining the group.

So that left Katara to skip up to the palace, leaving her brother behind. Mai could’ve sworn Katara was an airbender when she all but flew through the air when she launched herself at Zuko, arms outstretched for an embrace.

And Zuko caught her.

He captured her in a tight hug and spun her around, looking like they hopped straight out of an Ember Island Players romance.

When her feet met the ground again, the waterbender seemed to grow embarrassed as she quickly turned away from Zuko to greet her other friends. Zuko seemed to reach for her again, but dropped his hands and squeezed them into fists. The smile on his face was just a bit less dazzling than it had been a moment before, even when Sokka came barreling through the scene with a witty comment.

Mai tilted her head, surveying the situation. To Sokka, he was a fellow swordsman; to Aang, he was a firebending master; to Toph, he was the sibling she never had; he was their friend. To everyone — Suki, Ty Lee, Momo, Appa — he was a friend.

But who was he to Katara? The question grated on her nerves. It was too loud. She left to check on Azula.

Maybe she was reading into it too much. It wasn’t like Katara had no options: Aang’s feelings for her were obvious. She watched closely to determine if those feelings were reciprocated. Maybe time and distance had changed things.

Katara had suggested going into town to explore the marketplace and Aang jumped up to join her. But then Zuko started droning on and on about the economy and instead of being bored to death like any normal person, she started offering her own suggestions for improving revenue streams and diversifying product offerings. Yawn.

Aang trailed after then, looking forlorn. Katara had the Avatar hanging on her every word, yet she chose to pay attention to Zuko, her former enemy. That was really something.

And Zuko, he was listening to her more intently than he ever listened to his aging advisors.

Mai stayed back. She wasn’t interested in inserting herself. Time and distance only seemed to make Zuko more sure of his feelings, even if he didn’t realize it yet. She would need to reevaluate the situation herself.

Mai never felt left out as a nonbender. She had seen the way fire had destroyed her own nation.

But she had always wished they could spar together. It wasn’t about meeting halfway, she could have easily requested that he use his swords to level the playing field.

But his identity would always be tied to that of a firebender. He was the Fire Lord, for one thing. He could put down the swords whenever he wanted, but the fire would always be inside him, licking at his insides, smoking its way out in every exhale.

Fire and water were opposites, but they worked together surprisingly well. Balance, she thought as she lazily twirled a dagger in her hands while watching Zuko and Katara’s sparring session.

“You’ve improved,” he praised her, clearly impressed. Zuko wore his heart on his sleeve, something he apparently thought Mai should try. Her face pinched in for a split second when Katara’s shining eyes met his. For a waterbender, Katara’s eyes had so much warmth. Like the changing tide, they held a special sort of softness when she looked at Zuko.

“You have too. But what else would I expect? You’re the Fire Lord now,” she teased. Fighting alongside Zuko had always felt natural, but it was a joy to be able to practice against him now that they weren’t sworn enemies.

“A Fire Lord who will get rusty if he has to do anymore paperwork,” he grumbled, wiping the sweat from his brow.

“Well come on. I’m sure paperwork can wait for a little while longer. Can you show me that new move you did at the end?”

Mai remembered Zuko promising the other benders that they’d get a chance to spar with him too, but that seemed to slip his mind. He eagerly started showing her the forms. Katara picked it up quickly: it was clearly a fusion of water and firebending styles.

An understanding started developing at the back of her mind: there were things Zuko and Katara had that Zuko and herself could not have.

The session only ended when Azula came waltzing in, asking if anyone was up for a little fun.

Breakfast the next day was held outside to take advantage of the favorable weather. The pleasant breeze coupled with sunshine put everyone in a merry mood. Instead of Zuko sitting at the head of the table in his fancy throne-like chair like he would inside, everyone squished together on two long benches at one table. Mai sat to Zuko’s immediate left, at the edge of the table.

People like Aang, Sokka, and Toph were driven by hunger and started digging in quickly. Suki had clearly taken a moment to actually get ready because when she took her place next to Sokka, her hair was neater than almost everyone else’s.

Katara came in last, yawning and rubbing the last remnants of sleep from her eyes. Zuko brightened when he saw her, “Katara! I saved you a seat.” He scooted closer to Mai, brushing her side with his, but only so he could make room for Katara. Mai sighed. Why was he so clueless sometimes?

As soon as Katara was settled next to him, Zuko poured her a steaming cup of tea. She gave him a sweet smile in thanks. He pushed a plate towards her, “Here, this one shouldn’t have any fire flakes.” She dug in eagerly, nudging his shoulder with hers in silent happiness while she chewed. Zuko’s body jostled up against Mai’s as a result of being nudged, but he had never felt so far away.

“Anyone else want some tea?” he asked the table. Of course everyone wanted a sip of Iroh’s delicious breakfast brew, so they all said yes. But instead of serving everyone the way he had served Katara only a moment ago, Zuko just passed the teapot across the table so everyone could pour their own cup.

Clueless, truly clueless.

“Guess what my silly brother told me when I arrived yesterday? He said, ‘Be nice.’ Ha! As if I would ever imagine being anything but,” Azula cackled. He had pulled her aside when he noticed the way everyone (or really, Katara) hesitated around her. Her unpredictable energy still put everyone on edge.

“I can hardly believe little ZuZu is the great big Fire Lord now,” she continued. The original trio — Azula, Mai, Ty Lee — were strolling around the city. There wasn’t much to do at the palace until dinner time seeing as Zuko was tied up with his daily meetings. Bureaucracy didn’t stop, even for visitors.

“I know right. Things are so different now.” She knew what Azula left unsaid: Zuko was Fire Lord and she wasn’t. Mai still wasn’t sure exactly how to go about tending to Azula’s feelings. She was still her friend, but everything had changed so much, there was a much needed distance between them. No matter how bored she was, she would never follow the princess’s every whim again.

“I’ve been told to work on being happy for others. Even if they have what I want, even if I can’t get it. He’s still a dumb dumb, but you know. I’m working on it.” Azula examined her nails as if the conversation was completely casual, but her words held great significance.

Oh.

It would take time, but maybe she could work up to being happy for them.

She waited a day, mulling it over on her own. But she didn’t wait until everyone else went home to end it. Really, why bother?

“What are you talking about? Why would you leave? Does this mean we’re breaking up?”

She closed her eyes. The pain and confusion written all over his face were making this difficult. “Yes. I’m not the one for you and you’re not the one for me. There’s no reason for me to stay here anymore.” She wasn’t sure where she’d go, but it might be nice to see the world when she wasn’t on a manhunt.

He spluttered, “But if it’s not us, then who is it?!”

She waved her hand vaguely, “You’ll figure it out.” Even if he wasn’t in love with her the way he was with Katara, he was still emotionally attached. Since he had yet to confront his own feelings, she realized this break up came as quite the shock. But he’d get over it. There was someone who would help him. She was almost positive that he’d go running into her arms momentarily.

Mai was truthful when she told Azula she loved Zuko more than she feared her.

Zuko had done a lot of growing up, had gotten so much stronger; she was proud of him for it. But Mai had to come to terms with the fact that Zuko still feared Azula because of her capacity to hurt Katara. He still feared Azula because he loved Katara.

Katara was so precious to him, he would put his life on the line to save her — he already had.

That pained Mai to think about, it cut her to the core, it stung so, so badly to be the second choice. But there was nothing she could do.

How could she compete? The difficulties of a Water Tribe girl being with a Fire Nation boy obviously didn’t matter. They would make it work.

Conceding defeat to someone like Katara should not be so hard. Bowing out was the graceful thing to do. She wasn’t the type to make a dramatic scene anyway.

But when she finally walked away, she dug her fingernails deep into her own palms despite it all. Loving Zuko was not so easy to let go of.

She returned months later with a slew of Kyoshi Warriors to celebrate Zuko’s birthday and found that Katara had never left. She squeezed Ty Lee’s hand to say I told you so.

The girl in pink gazed up at her in wonder, “You’re so good at predicting!”

Mai muttered, “Not that hard when it’s right in front of you.” They were clearly not shy with the displays of affection now that they were officially a couple.

Ty Lee sighed in contentment when they walked into the palace, “The auras in here are so much happier than they were a few years ago, it feels great!” She turned to poke her girlfriend’s side, “Yours too.”

“Don’t make me blush,” she murmured.

“That’s why you like wearing the Kyoshi Warrior makeup, huh? But I know, I always know.” Her tone was light, but it was true. Out of everyone, it was Ty Lee who knew her best, who always stood by her. It was Ty Lee who dealt with her dreariness after breaking up with Zuko, and it was Ty Lee who gave her time and space when she hesitated to step into a new relationship. And Ty Lee was the one who made it worthwhile.

“How are you feeling though?” Ty Lee regarded the other girl carefully. Zuko had been part of her life for so long, it was no simple feat to move on from him.

“The usual, I’m fine.” Her emotions had always been low key and thankfully, no jealous beast reared its ugly head upon seeing Zuko and Katara together. Really, she was fine.

Ty Lee nodded in satisfaction. She tilted her head thoughtfully, “They look happy, too. I’m happy for them!” Ty Lee might’ve felt it more acutely, but Mai agreed. It was a good feeling, light and sweet and satisfactory. She hoped Azula could feel even a fraction of this relief in her own life.

It had taken a while for all of them to get to this point, but it was worth it and they were all good. If that wasn’t something to celebrate, she didn’t know what was.

She finally walked up to him. “Happy birthday, Zuko.”

“Thank you, Mai. It’s good to see you.”

She nodded at him. It really was good to see him so happy. It didn’t hurt anymore. Letting go of each other didn’t necessarily mean that they had lost.

A/N: I chose Mai over aang bc I feel like her quiet nature is just more observant and aang is babie. Also I don’t hate Maiko lol I just. Ship zutara :P I don’t really ship aang with anyone, so he’s j chillin, he has his own happy ending everything is fine

Please let me know what you think about this one >_< I have a few other zutara things in my wips, plus of course I need to keep updating my sasusaku arranged marriage story, so some of those will come out eventually. Couldn’t keep up with zutara week or ss month but its ok!

#zutara #zutara week 2020 #yeah we italicized the oh so what #mailee #atla #fan fic #my writing

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panharmonium · 5 years ago

Text

why are you being like this?

people i’ve met - they’re not like you. they don’t care. i don’t matter.

don’t ever think that. we all matter.

just some meandering thoughts on where the thematic center of merlin bbc lies for me, and how it weaves itself in and out of my fandom experience.

under a cut because this is a) sort of long and b) not really directed anywhere but my own brain, as i keep thinking about and creating for this show.

[as always, before i get rolling, a reminder: when i write about how i engage with this show, it’s just me talking about what gives me, personally, the most satisfaction or enjoyment, not the way i think everybody should do things. if this isn’t your particular read, please feel free to scroll past. i am not ever going to bother anybody for engaging with this show in their own way, so please don’t worry about it if we are not on the same page.]

that post about kilgharrah really got me feeling things.

i struggle a lot with the sort of...non-nuanced ‘fuck kilgharrah/fuck gaius/fuck arthur/fuck whoever’ mode of engagement that i sometimes run across in fandom. (and i’m not saying there’s anything intrinsically wrong with it; if you have the most fun engaging with the show in that way, please continue to have fun. i’m just writing, on my own blog and in my own space, about what i personally do or don’t find compelling.)

i struggle with this mode for the same reason that i struggle with the whole ‘fuck yoda!’ narrative that pops up sometimes in tumblr’s star wars fandom. because it’s not the narrative that the story is actually trying to create, and though this fact doesn’t mean you can’t twist things that way if it gives you more enjoyment, for me, there’s nothing about it that feels good.

writing fictional characters off like this, when the narrative is clearly not asking us to do so, feels...frustratingly false, and externally-imposed, as if characters are being evaluated based on the exacting standards of a universe in which they never lived, in a context where they were never intended to exist. doing so requires you to willfully ignore what the story is actually trying to say, and it’s fine to go ahead and do that if you want, but for me it strips away so much of what makes the story meaningful.

bbc merlin’s core plotline is about believing in someone’s better nature. the central storyline is that merlin commits himself to someone who doesn’t always give merlin reason to believe that this commitment is worth it, and yet still there’s always this hope and faith and belief that one day arthur will make it right.

and this is presented as a worthy choice. are there problems with it? of course. the show knows that, and it gives us places to think about that. but even with this being the case, the ultimate message of the show is still never that this commitment was useless, worthless, or foolish. the message of the show is that under the right conditions, people grow. this show says that when we are given deep love, care, and companionship, we can change for the better. it says that people, under the right conditions, can learn how to be better than they were before, and that everyone deserves the opportunity to grow into the person they were meant to be.

bbc merlin is not asking us to cancel any of its characters, ever. that is never the show’s intention. i won’t try to stop anybody from doing that, if that’s how they have more fun watching the show, but i am still going to contemplate, in my own space, how small that makes the story feel for me.

sometimes i see things like ...‘morgana/gwen/whoever is the only valid character in merlin bbc,’ and i just...first of all, neither of them are perfect, okay, and second of all, it doesn’t MATTER, because that has never been the point of the story. this story is not asking us to rank characters on a scale of how righteous/unproblematic we think they are. it’s asking us to CARE about the characters - ALL of the characters - and to root for them (yes, ALL of them), in the fullness of their imperfection.

when i explore the wider fandom, i typically bump up against one of two mindsets. there’s the shipping mindset, where everybody loves arthur and he’s helplessly in love with merlin. but i don’t want that mindset (because i don’t ship that pairing), so i look elsewhere. but the other mindset is an attitude that dislikes arthur, full stop. and i don’t want that either!

this ‘either/or’ divide is the opposite of what bbc merlin is asking us to do with its characters. i criticize arthur all the time, but i still don’t think the story is asking me to reject him. and i don’t WANT to reject him, either - why would i even watch this show, if i didn’t think it was important to see him become who he was meant to be, if i weren’t invested in his growth, if i didn’t ultimately believe in his possibility? if i didn’t think the show was asking me to root for him - not uncritically, of course; the show is never asking me to do that - but with the core understanding that arthur is somebody worth caring about?

the same goes for morgana. the show never asks us to write her off. up until the very end, the show wants us to care about her. the show wants us to root for her. the show never asks us to forget that she and the other characters used to love each other; it never tells us to stop wanting morgana to get what she needs.

gaius, too - the show never wants us to kick him to the curb. it knows he’s not perfect. he knows he’s not perfect. he tells merlin, when talking about his own life, “there has, for the most part, been very little purpose to it.” but the show doesn’t want us to fixate solely on his failures, or to dump him for his more cowardly moments. the show wants us to know that he still has value. it wants us to know that he is doing more good in the world now than he did before, which is all we can ask of a person, in the end. it wants us to know that he cares, and that he is trying.

and kilgharrah - the show is never asking us to hate him, either! yes, i get that it’s funny to joke about how “unhelpful” he is; i think that stuff is funny, too - but i also think it matters to understand that in canon, in the show, we are not meant to read kilgharrah as a malevolent figure. we are not supposed to read him as a villain. we are supposed to care about him. we are supposed to understand that he, too, is working, ultimately, for the triumph of Good. even though his version of this may feel convoluted to us, because kilgharrah isn’t human and can’t possibly be evaluated by human standards, we are supposed to understand that he, too, is trying. we are supposed to be moved when merlin asks him, “what will i do without you?”

we are supposed to care about all of them. we are supposed to find all of them worthy. we are not supposed to evaluate them (and then discard them) according to inflexible, merciless, decontextualized standards imported from a non-merlin-bbc world.

and this doesn’t mean people aren’t still allowed to do that, if it’s fun for them, but for me, analyzing this show outside of its context doesn’t bring me any satisfaction. we can go ahead and say things like ‘arthur should get his head chopped off’ and like, okay, that’s funny as a joke. but as an actual analysis of the show - as a sincere interpretation of the story - it fails. it’s devoid of all context. we aren’t supposed to be evaluating this story from the perspective of ‘let’s overthrow the monarchy, kings should die, etc etc.’ the context of merlin bbc is that albion is waiting for a righteous monarch, and that this is a desirable, acceptable, correct thing, in the context of that world. we are supposed to understand that arthur IS the once and future king, and that this IS a good thing, in this universe, and that the journey we are on here is one where he becomes worthy of his seat on the throne and then ushers in a time of peace and justice for all of albion’s people.

(and as i’ve said before - this is why the merlin bbc finale is so stunningly bad. it’s not that the show subverts our expectations, it’s that it annihilates its own story, which it has been consistently telling for sixty-three episodes.)

that aside, though - this same overlooking of contextual nuance is the reason why i don’t connect to takes that consider ‘oh no, merlin kills people!’ to be evidence that he’s “changed,” “gone dark,” or “lost his soul.” merlin does go through a dramatic (and tragic) change by the time we hit season 5, but what happens to him has nothing to do with the fact that he’s killed people. the context of this show isn’t one where killing is a universal evil. killing in battle or for the purpose of self-defense is not a morally problematic choice, in this world. merlin, like everyone else in this show’s context, understands this, and killing a group of enemy soldiers to protect his own life is not something the show intends for us to interpret as an erosion of his humanity.

what IS framed as an evil act, in the context of merlin bbc, is when someone chooses to kill despite the fact that mercy is an option. if arthur had killed odin when he could have instead made peace with him, if arthur had executed annis’s champion or vivian’s father when he had already defeated them in single combat, if merlin had killed kilgharrah whilst having absolute power over him - those are morally bankrupt choices, in merlin bbc’s context.

we’re not supposed to see things like merlin killing agravaine as evil decisions. in the context of the show’s world, killing agravaine is a necessary, morally uncomplicated act. it isn’t something merlin wants to do, certainly, and he tries to avoid it, and he doesn’t strike back until agravaine tries to kill him first, but ultimately this moment is not supposed to be illustrative of merlin turning down a dark path. it’s grim, sure, but in the context of the show - in the context of the era - it’s nothing more than the justified wages of aggression. agravaine brings this fate down upon his own head. merlin is not a pacifist, and neither he nor anyone else would expect himself to just stand there and let a group of enemy soldiers murder him when he could instead kill the soldiers and get away. that’s nonsensical and utterly decontextualized. it’s not an expectation that anyone in-story would have, nor a standard that merlin (or anyone else) would hold himself to.

all that aside, though -

the issue, for me, in summary, is just that i think sometimes we...evaluate this show in ways that it really isn’t meant to be interpreted, without considering the story’s context or thinking about what the story’s actual intent is. and i think that these decontextualized interpretations are often less generous than what the show is actually trying to say to us, and that sometimes we write characters off when the show absolutely is not asking us to do that.

and of course, nobody has to listen to what the show is trying to say if they don’t want to. if it brings someone more enjoyment to pick one character to stan and say ‘the rest of these characters are Bad People and i’m not interested in them,’ then that’s fine! whatever floats your boat.

it just doesn’t float mine.

the point of this show, for me, is that everybody deserves a chance. the point of this show is exactly what merlin says to daegal in the woods, even as daegal is leading merlin into a trap: we all matter. the theme at the heart of this story is that it is possible to love someone who doesn’t deserve it, and that this can be a worthy choice, a transformative choice, a powerful choice - not necessarily a perfect choice, or even the right choice, maybe, for the person making it, but still a choice that holds value, a choice that creates something good in this world, even at cost.

listen to me, clotpole. i don't care if you die, there are plenty of other princes. you're not the only pompous, supercilious, condescending, royal imbecile i could work for; the world is full of them. but I'm going to give you one more chance.

should merlin have done that?

we can debate that forever. i am critical enough of arthur pendragon myself, when it comes to merlin’s well-being, and i could easily argue that no, merlin shouldn’t have given arthur as many chances as he did; he shouldn’t have stuck around; he shouldn’t have offered so much of his life to someone who continued to make arthur’s kind of mistakes.

but i think it matters to remember that in canon, thematically, the story’s answer to this question is yes. mercy, in this story, is the most noble gift a person can bestow on someone else, and i think we are asked to bestow this same kind of mercy on the show’s characters, heroes and villains alike. we aren’t ever told, in this show, that some of these characters “weren’t good enough” to deserve their chances. we are told that in this world, compassion is always worthwhile. love is never wasteful. it is never foolish to care for people, even and especially when they aren’t yet their best selves. giving someone a chance does matter. choosing to care does make a difference, in the end.

people don’t have to import these themes into their own personal analysis, by any means. but i am still committed to remembering, in my own work, in my own space, that when we raise the question “was it worth it” in reference to whether these characters truly deserved to be loved, or trusted, or given a chance to grow - the story’s answer is unequivocally yes.

#the once and future slowburn #meta #i don't know what this even IS #i'm just feeling so emotional about this show right now #i love it so much #and i can't love it piecemeal #i can't #i has to be everything #or the message doesn't hold #the show doesn't want us to pick our faves and toss out everybody who doesn't measure up #it wants us to listen when merlin says 'we all matter.'

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spaceorphan18 · 5 years ago

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99 Perspectives on a Single Love Story #7 (+Bonus Scene)

A/N: The Story of Kurt and Blaine told through the eyes of everyone else but them. Each chapter is a different perspective in the ongoing tale of their love story.

I started something like this a while back - and now I’m taking the idea and really running with it. Each chapter is a ficlet of a different character at a different point in Kurt and Blaine’s life - documenting their love story. This starts in Audition, and each chapter will be paired with a different episode until reaching Dreams Come True.

I’m using this as a fun writing experiment for a) writing short things and b) writing things from a multitude of varying perspectives. Have fun! :)

[Ao3]

***

Holly Holliday : The Substitute

Another day, another successful class wrapped up and forgotten about. Life as a substitute teacher is thrilling as it is unstable, not that Holly minds either. Bringing a smile to the kids’ faces and then getting the hell out of there is what she lives for - that and a really good bottle of chardonnay. Nothing beats helping out these glee kids, though. She isn’t sure what kind of drab lesson plan Will Schuester keeps giving these kids, but in the past week, they’ve certainly come alive. It brightens her day. That is why she became a teacher in the first place, right? To help the kids?

“Ms. Holliday, would you mind if I have a private word?” The boy who had asked her to sub for Mr. Schuester pulls her aside after glee officially ends. He’s sweet, but god if she can remember his name right now. Kirk? No, Kurt. It’s definitely one of the two. She won’t be around next week, so no need to figure it out .

“Of course you can,” she says with a broad grin. “I would gladly like to help you out with whatever I can.”

“I was wondering if…” he looks around, waiting for his classmates to leave the room. Oh, this must be juicy. He tries again, this time in a lower voice. “I was wondering if you knew how to tell when you’re out with a... a person whether it’s a date or not. See, I have this friend, and lately we’ve been going out to lunch a lot, and he pays of course, and we text all the time, and he asked me to go to the theater with him tomorrow. And I keep waffling on whether I should gussy up for my possible first date or should I play it cool, you know, cause he didn’t say this was a date and I’m totally misinterpreting things and I make a fool of myself or something. God, I would never recover.”

Holly puts her head on her hand, endeared. This kid is too sweet in his earnestness. Ah, to be young and not so jaded anymore.

“Look, I’m going to be real honest with you about this - guys, they be kinda dumb sometimes,” she says, amused as his eyes go wide. “Just last week, I had a guy ask me to one of those superhero movies -- and don’t get me wrong, I love me some explosions and some dreamy Robert Downey Jr., but not the most romantic choice for a date, so I was pretty straightforward. Were we on a date? He said yes, I said yes, and then some explosions happened in the bedroom.”

The kid looks at her a little uneasy. Oops, probably shouldn’t have said that last part because he still is a minor. God, she just loves to talk too much and has too little a filter.

“...Anyway,” she continues. “My point is, whether your style is all glammed up or casual and cool - be your authentic self. Make sure you’re both on the same page. Remember - consent is important no matter what type of relationship it is. And whatever it turns out to be, it is.”

“Thank you so much, Ms. Holliday!” the kid says excitedly. “I have to go raid my wardrobe, who am I kidding, friend or something more, it’s always worth it to dress to impress.” He smiles giddily.

“Best of luck with your date, Kirk!” she says as he scurries away.

Ah, another job well done. Now, to see that girl about the tater tots…

***

BONUS : Mercedes Jones

Things are changing, that much she understands. He had been so withdrawn when school had started, and even more so after his father’s heart attack. Mercedes has done all she can to reach out to her friend, to help him through what he’s going through. But there is only so much she could do, and she recognizes that.

However, in the past week, something has definitely shifted. Kurt seems… brighter than usual? She has never seen Kurt this giddy, and that includes the time they stumbled upon a garage sale where Kurt had found an authentic replica of a pair of gloves Audrey Hepburn had worn in Breakfast at Tiffany’s.

“Hey, Kurt, how was your weekend?” Mercedes asks Monday morning as they slide into their homeroom desks. She had been a little bummed that Kurt had to bail on bowling to see a show with his new friend, Blaine, but she had ended up going to the mall with Tina, and scored some great new shoes that she couldn’t wait to show Kurt. Unfortunately, Kurt is busy texting away, and hadn’t even noticed her sit down.

“Kurt?”

Kurt’s fingers are flying.

“Kurt!”

He jumps in his seat, startled.

“Oh, hey Mercedes,” he says.

“Do I even need to ask who you’re texting?”

A guilty look crosses Kurt’s face. “Um, sorry, Blaine was just texting me that he had just read that the latest bachelorette just split with her beau. Which, of course she did. That’s what she gets for not choosing the guy she let go in week seven. Blaine totally agrees.”

“So, am I ever going to meet him?” Mercedes asks.

“Who, the guy from the Bachelorette?”

“No, silly, Blaine,” Mercedes says. As irritating as it had been over the last week to listen to Kurt go on and on about Blaine, she has to admit her curiosity has been stirred. “Maybe we should all hang out. You’ve jibber-jabbered about him non-stop all week. I think I’ve earned the right to check this guy out for you.”

Kurt scrunches his nose. “Really, Mercedes?”

“Of course! I mean, he’s obviously important to you if you’ve already got him gossiping about The Bachelorette.”

His cheeks begin to blush a deep shade of red. “Well, okay. Maybe we can try getting together at Breadstix. Blaine has never been there. He swears that this little family owned Italian restaurant near his house has the best chicken Alfredo on the planet, but I doubt they have Breadstix’s breadsticks. Why don’t we go tomorrow night? I’ll text him right now.”

Kurt bends over his phone, ready to text again when the screen lights up. He bursts out laughing, wiggling in his seat. Mercedes raises an eyebrow at him. “Blaine just texted ‘I want it deep purple,’ which is…” he can barely finish he is laughing so hard. “It’s something we overheard this guy say when we went to Rent on Friday. We think he was one of the understudies or a disgruntled second director or something. And he said the funniest thing. Blaine does the funniest impression of it and….it’s kind of an inside joke. But I’ll get Blaine to do the impression for you when you meet him.”

Great, I get to be the third wheel. Mercedes sinks a little lower in her chair. Things are definitely changing indeed.

#s.o. writes things #99 perspectives

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tuffduff · 5 years ago

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You’re My Flower (Duff McKagan x Reader)

Pairing: fluffy older Duff x younger Reader

Words: 1,404

Request: @soggy-enchilada “Would you be able to write something fluffy with older duff and younger reader (like early 20s not young as in child age 🙄) with like a heap of hand holding and hugs and chase kisses and stuff? Maybe a picnic?”

A/N: Just a quick fluffy snippet inspired by those dreams you have of someone and you wake up and have full-blown feelings lmao, thanks for enlisting me to write this out! Also just imagining Duff writing a song about you...my heart can’t. Song mentioned is “Wasted Heart” off of Duff’s latest album, Tenderness. Give it a listen if you haven’t and try to enjoy some time outside for a quick moment, even if it’s just looking out or opening a window. Stay strong, loves! 💖

Taglist: @ubernoxa @the--blackdahlia ❤️

Security. Like a warm blanket nestling you on a cold night, acting as a barrier against any unwanted uneasiness, that was his greatest gift to you. Ever since Duff came into your life, he brought you many things, but they were mostly priceless life changes, not materialistic possessions. Had he offered you expensive gifts? Of course. But you never really accepted them, you were adamant about that from the beginning—it was never about how much money he had, or how famous he was. Just him.

Did you think you were ever going to be one of those twenty something girls dating a much older man? No. Does anyone?

Duff never had to tell you how mature you were for your age and you never felt the need to prove it—if you had to say you were mature, you probably weren’t, after-all. He never told you just how much you had in common, that was blatantly obvious. You were brought together by shared interests: a strong belief for fighting for what was right, literature, being history nerds, and music. He brought a lifetime worth of experience and you brought color and vibrancy into his life, like a vase of sunflowers that never died.

There were no games with Duff. He was always open and honest with his feelings, he never patronized you or treated you like a child either, despite the age difference. That was another thing he gave you that no other relationship had, equality. The both of you transitioned from being great friends to partners with ease.

But the best thing he gave you was support. Unconditional love. That friendship on a bad day, that passionate love on a good day. All of him every day. As much as you wanted him, he wanted you; he wanted to know your opinion on everything, your perspective, your thoughts, your stories. That intense interest of learning everything that made you, you, never went away—you were his favorite subject.

“How do you always read so fast? I’m watching your eyes move and I can barely keep up.” You smiled to yourself and dog eared the page you were reading, looking up expectantly to see Duff grimacing; he hated when you did that.

“It’s my best talent.” You joked lightheartedly. There was a blanket beneath you on top of grass and an open sky above you. Finally, warm weather had come, and it was the perfect day for a picnic. You settled down on your stomach, resting your head to the side on top of your clasped hands. Soon, fingers trailed up and down your spine soothingly, sending tingles to the parts of your skin that were exposed.

“Multi-talented. Multi-faceted, just like a diamond.” You heard Duff murmur, and you chuckled, raising your head to look at him incredulously.

“Did you forget yesterday when I burned the toast?” He cracked a grin.

“I mean, you’ve got to be really talented to do that.” How was it that he could always make you laugh too?

“Yeah, well, thankfully the sandwiches I packed today are much better and not burned to a crisp. And there’s watermelon too.”

The both of you sat face to face eating your ham and cheese sandwiches, Duff with his legs stretched out and you sitting crisscrossed in between them. Every so often, he would lean forward laughing at something you said, gripping your thighs before righting himself and giving you that look, the look he only ever gave to you, that made your heart soar.

He fed you watermelon and laughed when it dripped to your shirt. The both of you took a break from your picnic blanket and walked a little ways away towards the mini duck pond, holding hands and pointing out which ducks seemed the most deviant while making plans to come back a different day to feed them. Sometimes you felt like you needed to pinch yourself.

“So, the album is finally coming along." Duff told you later as the both of you focused on the sun slowly beginning its descent, lounging together again on the picnic blanket. “Really, though, I’ve only finished one song. It came to me first. I think I finished it in one night.” You nodded enthusiastically to his words. Whenever he was working on new material, you tended to let him figure it out in his own space unless he asked you to listen in. That was exactly what you were hoping he was going to say next when he pulled out the guitar that had been sitting beside the both of you all afternoon. “Do you want to hear it?”

“I thought you’d never ask.” You replied instantly, unable to keep from laughing. He smiled a little and began a gentle strum.

He never ceased to amaze you, this man and his many talents. All that he had been through and all that he had overcome, better for it and still bettering every day. It hit you, as it did often, that you were now growing by this man’s side. What a wonderful thought that was.

“You’re my flower, you’re my road. That I try, to stay up on. Even when things, they go wrong...you stay there with me.” He locked eyes with you while he sang and smiled gently, assured and somehow transferring his assurance to you. Duff was a very assured man. He was never shy; he never doubted your love for him or your reasons for being with him. That in turn made you confident, that there was this mutual understanding between your souls, that he loved you just as you loved him and there was no need for petty insecurity or jealousy. You felt a warm glow wash over you, radiating from him, radiating from you; never before had you ever trusted one single individual more than the man in front of you.

“You uncovered this outlaw soul, should’ve gone, baby, long ago. But you shined a light when it was dark, on my wasted heart.”

You listened to the entire song, slipping away into memories. Singing together while doing laundry, late night board games, backstage at his shows, sitting side by side in the car with the windows down, arguing about which band is better...all of it, and all that was yet to come. In his words and melody, you found peace.

“...Is that about me?” You joked when he finished, laughing when he rolled his eyes and put the guitar aside to grab you and pull you in between his legs. You leaned back against his chest and into his arms, feeling them lock around you securely as the both of you faces the last of the sunsets warm glow. “That was beautiful. I... sometimes this doesn’t feel real to me.” You admitted softly. The feeling of safety came rushing back as he placed a kiss to your temple before resting his chin on your shoulder.

“Sometimes it doesn’t feel real to me either.” He replied. “But I just look at those eyes of yours, and baby girl, I’m home. You make me feel like I could fly.” You laughed and gripped his hands locked around your middle with yours and turned your head, lips puckered expectantly for a kiss. He obliged you immediately, and then kissed your forehead too.

“Just keep me grounded and I’ll keep you flying high. Like a kite.” He chuckled, shaking his head.

“I love you, Y/N.”

“Hopefully you don’t end up in a tree. Or power-lines. Full disclaimer now, no promises.” Duff scoffed at your joke and pulled you back completely, now laying back on the blanket. You rolled to your side beside him, propping yourself up on your elbow and grinning at his raised eyebrow.

“You’re ridiculous, you know that?” He asked, and you grinned more.

“But you love me anyway, and I promise I love you more.” He shook his head now, reaching an arm out to you. Eagerly, you nestled up to his chest, welcoming the sound of his heartbeat.

“Have you ever been able to name any constellations?” Duff asked you as he stared upwards to the darkening sky.

“A few,” you replied. “The Big Dipper is easy. Orion’s Belt, the Little Dipper too...” Duff turned his head a little, pecking your check as he did so and tightening his grip on your waist just a little bit more.

“Show me.”

#duff mckagan #duff mckagan imagine #guns n roses #guns n roses imagine #gnr imagine #gnr

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annebaneriddle · 5 years ago

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I’ve wrote a twins!AU on a post (Here is what I wrote. It is just a quick resume of how it could have been, but I liked it) and I found the idea really interesting, so I thought “I think I will write what would happen on CW if Steve had a twin, especially one with a personality similar to Ransom’s one. Dude, Ross would be so fucked up. The Accords would SURELLY be put down as soon as he bring it up”.

(Some dialogues are the same as in the movie)

(Also, Steve holds the title of Captain America and Andy holds the title of American Agent)

(And yes, the name “Andy” is because of Andy Barber)

(This is anti-sokovia accords. If you don’t like, just don’t read)

(I really loved writting it)

“Five years ago, I had a heart attack.” Ross positioned himself as if he was going to hit a golf ball “I dropped right in the middle of my backswing.

Steve and Andy looked at each other, asking without words if the other knew why the hell Ross was talking about it.

“Turned out it was the best round of my life, because after 13 hours of surgery and the triple bypass I found somethig forty years in the army never taught me: perspective.”

Steve heard Andy take a deep breath, trying to control himself to don’t say anything. He was really surprised that his brother hasn’t talked anything yet. Since Sharon took him out of cryo and he was allowed to fight too, instead of staying os a lab as the Army’s lab rat, following orders and being submissive, Andy has developed the tendency of being the most insubordinate and sassy between the two of them (what was a lot, since Steve was pretty much insubordinate himself), so he staying shut just wasn’t like him.

“The world owes the Avengers an unpayable debt. You have fought for us, protected us, risked your lives, but while many people see you as heros, there are some who would prefer the word ‘vigilant’.”

“And what word would you use, mr.Secretary?” Natasha asked with a false courtesy.

“What about ‘dangerous’?” Ross answered.

“Wait a minute!” Andy finally snapped “Are you, from all the people, calling us dangerous? Was this supposed to be a joke? Now, who was the one that spent years trying to catch Bruce? Wasn’t you the responsible for the creation of the Abomination and the destruction of half Harlem? Don’t you dare to call us dangerous, Secretary.” Andy said the title with sarcasm dripping from his voice “If you would use ‘dangerous’ to describe us, I would use ‘egocentrical and hypocritical’ to describe you.”

Andy’s voice was controlled and he was clearly holding back his temper, but yet Steve could see the anger burning on his eyes.

“Don’t you raise you voice to me, Agent.” Ross warned.

“Does the truth upsets you, mr.Secretary?” Steve asked calmly “My brother didn’t raise his voice at any moment. Eveything he did was tell you the truth.”

Ross frowned while looking Steve right in his eyes.

“I thought you was the most sensible from the two of you, Captain.” He said between his teeths.

“You don’t know neither me nor him enough to make assumptions like that.” Steve shrugged “But for that matter, both me and him are pretty sensible. That’s exactly why he called you out.

The other Avengers were looking surprised to Steve. Usually Andy was the more openly sassy one, but the yonger twin was clearly able to bring to the light the worse of Steve.

“You are a group of US based enhanced individuals who routinely ignore sovereign borders and inflict their will wherever they choose and who frankly seem unconcerned about what you leave behind.” He stepped aside so the Avengers could see the holographic screen where scenes from their battles were playing “New York, Washington DC, Sokovia, Lagos.”

Steve saw that Wanda was getting anxious. She has looked away from the screen looking really disturbed and he could hear her breath getting sharp.

“Okay, that’s enough.” He interrupted before more scenes could be played.

Andy made a disdain sound, what attracted everyone’s attention.

“Really, mr.Secretary?” Andy leaned fowards on his chair “Are you really saying that you haven't done the very same thing on Brazil?” Andy’s face showed the most pure kind of innocence, but his words were almost dripping poison “Did you already forgot that you sent a special forces team to get Bruce inside the Rocinha? It’s so convenient that you forgot that your men followed Bruce, trying to get him by any way while he run between innocent people, isn’t it?”

Ross stood there, without knowing how to answer that. The other Avengers watched amazed and unbelieving that Andy and Steve were facing Ross like this. Andy was questioning him without any fear while Steve was by his side supporting him just as always. Now they were truly starting to understand what the Barnes family meant on their interviews back on the 40s when they said that Andy and Steve were like the same being on two different bodies.

“That was completely different, Agent.” Ross answered “People were in danger.”

“And they were in danger because of you.” Steve controverted “Your hunger for power made you try to catch Bruce by any way you could and that made him have to run away to keep himself and other people safe from you. That’s not advanced math, mr. Secretary. You were the reason he had to run away and you were the one who sent the special forces. That’s the exactly same thing you’re accusing us.”

For the second time in less than two minutes, the Rogers twins managed to let Ross speechless.

“Wow, mr. Secretary.” Andy smilled “Nothing to say about it?”

Ross took a deep breath and ignored the twins, continuing to speak.

“You’ve been working with an arragement the governments of the world can no longer tolerate, but I think we have a solution.” Ross reached the document a close agent handed him.

Ross handed it over to Wanda. Andy immediately held out his hand in a silent ask for her to give the document to him. Steve reading at least some articles while he distracted Ross would be way more useful and helpful than the others just looking at it’s cover and passing on.

Just one look between them was enough for Steve understand what his brother wanted him to do, so he opened the document and started reading as much articles as he could. He mentally thanked Erskine for the serum enhancing his memory and learning.

“The Sokovia Accords.” Ross explained “Approved by 117 countries. It states that the Avengers shall no longer be a private organization. Instead, they will operate under the supervision of a United Nations panel only when and if that panel deems it necessary.”

“So, if we find out a terrorist will explod a bomb somewhere we will have to wait the United Nations panel decide if we will or not fight them?” Andy asked almost laughing.

By his side, Steve was ignoring the argument while reading what he could until Ross and Andy stopped arguing and the Secretary would have to leave. He wasn’t even on the fifth page yet and what he was reading was already really worrisome.

“Precisely.” Ross clearly was annoyed by the youngest Rogers.

“Do they know that time is a crucial thing when it comes to save someone?” Andy raised an eyebrow “What will they do if the members have divergent opinions about if we should go help or not and stay there arguing for a middle hour? Will we just watch as people die?”

“That’s not about it, Agent. That’s about compromisse, reassurance. That’s how the world works.”

The smile that appeared on Andy’s face was basically screaming “Got you. I won”.

“So are you admitting that the accords aren’t about saving people’s life, but about the most powerful governments having control upon us?”

“That’s not what I said.” Ross growled.

“Yep, Secretary.” The smile never let Andy’s face “That’s exactly what you just said.”

Ross’ face was red of anger. The man clearly wasn’t expecting that kind of argument, particularly not from the Rogers twins. He head stories about Captain America, the man was supposed to want to follow laws. He didn’t know this much about the yonger twin, since everyone used to believe he died when he got the serum, but everyone that have ever met them said their personalities were almost the same.

And, again, he decided to just ignore the American Agent.

“Three days from now the UN meets in Vienna to ratify the Accords.” Ross informed.

“We have three days to read a document that will rule our lives?” Andy questioned “Are you kidding us?”

“It’s time enogh, Agent.” Ross countered.

“Of course.” Andy said sarcastically “Let me gess: you or other member from the UN will find something to keep us busy those three days so we won’t have time to read it and just sign blindly. The next thing we know we will be arrested without the right to a trial.”

“You gessed right. That’s exactly what would happen.” Steve handed the document to his brother “Page 12, last article on that page.”

Andy grabbed the document, opening on the page his brother said and reading out loud.

“ If an enhanced individual violates the Accords, or obstructs the actions of those enforcing the Accords, they may likewise be arrested and detained indefinitely without trial.” Andy’s eyes widened and he stared ar Ross “What the fuck is that?”

“Let me see if I got it right.” Sam said “If we do anything that goes against the Accords we will be arrested without a trial?”

Before Ross could even answer, Steve talked again.

“I just had time to read 20 pages, but I can guarantee it gets worse.” He said “Page 19, third article on that page.”

Andy passed the pages and stopped at page 19.

“ Any enhanced individuals who agree to sign must register with the United Nations and provide biometric data such as fingerprints and DNA samples.” Andy took a deep breath and if gazes could kill, Ross would be dead right there at that moment.

“Are you expecting that we will give samples of our DNA to people like you?” His face showed pure disbelief.

“Why do you want samples of our DNA?” Steve asked Ross, who was looking nervous.

He didn’t expect to discuss it now. The plan was to don’t give them time enough to read it.

“It will be discussed three days from now in Viena.” He answered hoping there was no more questions.

Ross started moving towards the door to leave, but of couse the excuse didn’t work.

“He don’t want to admit that the reason they want our DNA samples is so he can make the same thing he did with the Hulk.” Ross could feel Steve’s glare burning a hole on his back.

As Steve planned, the trap worked and Ross turned back to them.

“It’s a serious accusation, Captain.” Ross scolded “All we want is to stop you from disrespecting sovereign borders.”

“So why the Accords includes all the enhanced individuals, not just the Avengers?” Steve raised an eyebrow.

Ross had enough.

“It will be discussed in Viena.” He repeated, leaving the room.

After he left, the room was silent from some seconds before Tony talked:

“What the hell was that?” Tony questioned.

“That was me and Steve taking off the mask of fake concern from a hypocrite.” Andy answered “I thought you would know better than trust Ross. Governments, specially the most powerful ones which are in charge of UN, have agendas, Tony. They won’t think about what’s better for their citizens, they will think about what’s better for the ones in charge. Do you know how many people can die while they lose time arguing about where we can go and if we can go?” Andy put the document upon the table, pulling his chair closer to Steve’s “Steve and I will be here trying to read this before they find some excuse to keep us busy until the meet in Vienna. The ones who want to laugh and at the same time get horrified about what’s written there, stay.”

#mcu #marvel #steve rogers #captain america #american agent #andy barber #(Andy Rogers on this story)#rogers twins #twins au #ransom drysdale #chris evans #sam wilsom #falcon #natasha romanoff #black widow #wanda maximoff #thunderbolt ross #anti sokovia accords

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silver-wield · 5 years ago

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Nobody asked for this one, but I said I was gonna do it anyway. Barret and Cloud's friendship development.

Don't worry, I'm not gonna make a mile long post. I'm just gonna hit on the key moments, but I think these two deserve a bit of spotlight.

Ok, spoiler warning for ppl who haven’t played – do I still need to do this? Eh ok, (I tag FF7R spoilers as final fantasy 7 remake spoilers) and it’s gonna be reasonably long.

Also, this is one person’s interpretation of the scene, so if you disagree that’s cool and we’ll agree to disagree.

You’re also gonna have to excuse the janky quality on some of the screens, I’m grabbing them from Youtube and it’s frustrating af trying to get the exact moment I want.

Other analyses if anyone’s interested.

Shinra HQ vision scene (Cloti/plot analysis)

Chapter 3 (Cloti reblog)

Tifa character analysis

Aerith Resolution (plot analysis/theory – I should probably update this since I’ve had other ideas since then)

Train graveyard (not really an analysis, but I got some sweet screenshots of Cloti)

Clotiscrew tunnel analysis

Cloti reunion analysis

The Promise Analysis

Andrea’s approval (Cloti ask response)

Leslie analysis (not mine, but a good read)

Cloti action touching

Aerti friendship analysis

Cloti body language chapter 3

Cloti healthy disagreement

Cloti post heliboss battle (chapter 15)

Clerith playground scene

Cloti body language plate fall

Now, strap in and enjoy the ride.

I'm not recapping the whole game lol

Chapter 1: Barret isn't impressed one bit with Cloud. Watching back their early interactions and I keep noticing this sad look on Cloud's face when he's excluded. But then, I'm also like “Well you pushed them away first”. But I also wanna hug him.

Yeah, so Barret isn't impressed and he's outright hostile, calling Cloud names and antagonising him. He even shoots at Cloud and then raises his gun to take out a security bot. This man doesn't like Cloud and isn't afraid to show it.

You gotta remember, Barret is 6'5 and built like a brick shit house and has a machine gun on his arm. He's not someone to mess with. Taking that in, Cloud's dismissiveness is pretty impressive. I mean he's almost a foot shorter than Barret, after all, and his sword probably weighs more than him lol

Perhaps by the end of the chapter – after Cloud saves Jessie – Barret might have thawed a tiny bit towards him, but he's still mistrusting and doesn't like him.

Chapter 2 and there's not a lot of interaction between them. Barret does actually agree with Cloud when he says “what's done is done” in reference to the destruction. This shows Barret is pragmatic and not against Cloud himself, just his role. After that, Cloud's alone for the rest of the chapter until the above screen when he leaps into the cargo carriage of the train and Barret says, “You had me worried for a minute.”

He looks caught out when the others all look at him because he's been a total dick to Cloud throughout the mission, but this shows he cares about his team, even if he doesn't like everyone on it. Showing concern for his people is the trait of a leader and if the game were showcased differently we could assume that Barret is our leading man.

“The folks down here don't have the luxury of choice, you know.”

Still in chapter 2 and this is such a great moment between Cloud and Barret! There's no arguing, just Barret giving Cloud a different perspective that's not the badass merc “Idc” one he's showcasing. You can see once the conversation is over that Cloud grows introspective, so Barret's words clearly resonated with him. This looks like another marker on Cloud's chart of going from a douchebag to a decent human being. He thinks about how things are for other people. Later, Marle tells him to consider others feelings, too. To listen. I'm loving all these small moments that come together to build a clearer of picture of Cloud's development.

Barret actually removes his sunglasses – why is he wearing them at night? – to meet Cloud's eye. This is a gesture that shows his sincerity and belief in his words. He's not just blustering for the sake of it. He cares about the people and the planet.

Chapter 3 and we don't see Barret until near the end. He's back to being snappy with Cloud – understandable since he's being a dick going on about money.

(aside: can I just squee at Cloud smiling at Tifa through this whole bit. He's such a dork)

And when we see Barret again he's very professional and courteous. There's no emotion in his tone and his words are very formal. He could be talking to anybody. His head dips as he's speaking, in an effort to lower himself more to Cloud's physical level. On an emotional one, he's making himself non-threatening. This isn’t a confrontation is what he’s putting out.

Cloud doesn't look happy at the dismissal and something we know about him is his desire for acceptance, so this probably hurts, although he acts otherwise.

We're up to chapter 5 and this is a turning point between Cloud and Barret's budding friendship. Barret's in battle dialogue makes it clear he's trying to show off in front of Cloud, who's dismissive still. There's a lot of back and forth between them in the kind of guy banter that suggests they kind of respect each other, but they also just have to put up with each other.

The above screen is the second before Cloud says to Barret that he's better than that in response to his arguing with the Shinra manager. Barret seems surprised Cloud even tries with him, but what's more telling is this expression from Cloud shows he gave it some thought before speaking. He considered the right words to address Barret which shows he's thought about the kind of reaction Barret could have. He took in Barret’s words from chapter 2 and Marle’s from chapter 3. This is called character development!

Chapter and Cloud throws some shade and Barret blusters lol

Tbf Barret's grown a lot less hostile since chapter 1. He's not as combative to Cloud, nor is he maliciously insulting him anymore. They've entered a stage of snarky banter, which we all know is one of the big steps on the road to friendship lol

Clearly Barret being able to see Cloud in action and rely on him in battle – not to mention Tifa's enduring good opinion – are starting to colour his own opinion.

(Tifa actually rears back when Barret waves his arm around in this bit lol)

Barret looking to Cloud for back up here. I mean, they're all in the shit, but this is interesting that he's looking to Cloud for that reassurance they're gonna continue kicking ass. The fact Cloud agrees without even the tiniest disagreement is probably the first time they're genuinely on the same page through their own choice.

Let the friendship begin!

Now, I bet you're thinking I picked this one to showcase cloti, well you're wrong. This is an example of how Barret's mellowed towards Cloud from his chapter 1 hostility to now. Cloud disagrees with him and instead of getting pissed that his leader decision is overruled, he lets it go.This could be a moment of contention between them, but they’ve both grown enough over the game to get to the point that not everything between them is a fight.

Now, maybe Barret's saying this because he thinks Cloud is about to die, but that seems selfish and like he's saying it to make himself feel better after being a douchebag, and for a selfless man like Barret I just don't buy it. He's genuinely regretful of his past actions and this is the point between the two of them that they can start again and actually become proper friends.

There's no time for much of a guy reunion between them when Barret does see Cloud again all the way over in chapter 12 -- that’s a long ass time apart for Barret to think about how he treated Cloud -- and we kind of brush past Barret's feelings because the plate collapse takes priority.

After that, Barret is much nicer to Cloud, trying to get his praise in battle and being a proper support to him. There's still that snarky banter between them, but the hostile edge has gone. We see a culmination of their friendship development during the stairs climbing sequence. Where before their banter had a hard edge and combative nature to it, this is very friendly and full of jokes and warmth. Barret has definitely softened towards Cloud and considers him a real friend. You can't fake that shit.

Conclusion

Yeah, I kinda cut this short and didn't do the latter half of the game, but that's because it's much more clear than this early development. Focusing on the small interactions between them that built a gradual friendship, it took a huge shock to get Barret to reassess his opinion of Cloud and him dropping from the reactor, going missing and then showing up to save the day covered it. It was like he got a reset and from that he dropped his prejudiced preconceived ideas about Cloud and opened up to him more. Because there’s such a huge gap between the time Barret sees Cloud again, it’s easy to miss the middle part of their friendship. The part where it goes from dislike to like. It’s easy to remember Barret hating Cloud and then see them being a team after chapter 12 because those moments stick in your mind more. It’s the transition that gets lost.

I love their development and how they become friends. It's not the kind of friendship that Barret shows with Red. Those two are bros the instant they met. Cloud and Barret's relationship is more complicated because of Cloud's role and identity. It takes Barret a long time to see past that persona, especially when he's only got evidence of that to go on – unlike Tifa. Once he does, he gives Cloud his full support and trust.

I, for one, can’t wait to see how they go forward in Barret’s arc.

#final fantasy 7 remake spoilers #final fantasy 7 remake analysis #Barret wallace #Cloud strife #friendship is the best ship

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that-banana-headed-bovine · 5 years ago

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Knight Rider 2000

WARNING

This post contains spoilers for Knight Rider 2000, the 1991 film which attempts to expand on the canonical universe of Knight Rider (1982-1986). Key word, attempts. I know that this film came out almost 30 years ago at this point, but I also know that this fandom grows a little bit every day, and there will ALWAYS be people who haven’t seen every episode (myself included), let alone every movie! I happened to catch it on Charge! for Hoff's birthday (yes I'm hella late posting this LOL) with my good friend @trust-doesnt-oxidize, and boy let me tell you, it was… Something.

From here on out, I’m not holding back from sharing my impression of the film based on specific details from it, so if you want a spoiler-free viewing, go watch it and come back!! Or… don’t, it’s kind of awful. I can only think of one thing in canon that it may spoil, and even that appears in early Season 2 and is fairly minor, so if you are curious about it, I HIGHLY recommend watching it BEFORE reading this. The scenes with the most impact are touching because they come as a surprise, so even if you know the general plot of the film, I would recommend watching it first.

Also this is really rambley because I have a lot of emotions about this series and, by extension, this movie. I really don’t blame you if you click away here, but if you DO read it all the way through, I would love to hear anything you would like to add, agree or disagree!

OKAY! Knight Rider 2000 is a movie that exists! And I hate it!

The film sets up an interesting argument between two groups of people whose names I don’t remember because they were boring (except for Devon, I know his name at this point). In this interpretation of the “future,” gun control has been implemented to,,, some extent, I can’t entirely tell if there have been some policies implemented across the country or if it is all localized in this one city that even the Wikipedia page for this movie doesn’t bother to mention. And no, this city is NOT in California for once! Usually I would be happy to see a change of setting, but considering that everything in this film felt so foreign to the Knight Rider that we know, it would have been nice to at least have a familiar setting. Anyway, gun control stuff. The debate between whether these gun control policies are ethical or not is very interesting. Innocent people are dying because the wrong people have guns and the police are rendered useless when they themselves don’t have access to weapons. This argument happens to support my perspective on the issue, so I appreciated how it took a look at that side WITHOUT it sounding like we are crazy murderer people, but I digress. It makes sense that the ban happened in the first place, because much like how the main conflict in Pixar’s latest film Incredibles 2 revolves around society’s over-reliance on superheroes, I could see Knight Rider’s society becoming dependent on technology to save them. It can be easy to seem like the most advanced tech in that society is present only in KITT and KIFT, and to SOME extent that is true. However, Shawn does say that it is relatively common in this society for people to have memory chips in their brain. That counts for something. And the police DO have a defense mechanism according to the Wikipedia page for this movie, it’s just nonlethal.

So as you can see, I am very interested in the conflict this world sets up. I sure hope they expand on these conflicting ideologies throughout the film, giving us a clearer idea of why the bans were set in place AND giving us insight into what exactly has caused some revolt against it. That subject is seemingly timeless, and with how decently the introduction tackled it, I have some confidence that this film could pull it off in a tasteful way. Wouldn’t that be amazing? It’s some of the most serious subject matter Knight Rider has ever tackled. It’s so interesting!

Yeah they pretty much abandon that plot in place of a very, very bad copy of the original show’s “Hearts of Stone” (season 1, episode 14). Illegal guns exist and are bad, but we don’t really know why. I may know a little better if I had been listening closer, but I was trying to not get so bored that I missed Kitt’s parts!

At some point during this sequence, we are introduced to Shawn, a happy police officer who is happy to have a family on a happy birthday. And then she gets shot! Due to head force trauma rendering her unconscious, she’s sent to the hospital. She goes in for a risky operation that miraculously saves her life against all odds.

Then, Michael wakes up with Garthe Knight’s face and hears a great story about how one man CAN make a difference!… I mean what?

Jokes aside, it’s kind of amazing how much this very Michael-esque sequence comes across very differently. It’s almost the perfect example of why I don’t like this movie. The surgery is weirdly realistic for a Knight Rider entity. There’s blood and screens and surgeons and a sterile white room for operations. Michael woke up in a Medieval castle with one doctor and two random people he’d never met at his side. Shawn’s situation clearly makes more sense, but is it half as fun and whimsical? No, no it’s not. This whole film comes across as depressing to me, and it’s only worsened by what’s to come. Apparently, she had KITT’s CPU/Microprocessor/something sciencey implanted into her brain. That’s especially strange since all that I saw was a yellow liquid being injected directly into her skull! That’s a lovely image, and definitely gave me the idea that there was a full computer chip going in there??? (It may have actually been explained more clearly, and I just looked away because eek weirdly bloody operation scene) This caused her personality to do a full 180. So, Shawn is going to be fun, snarky, and full of personality like KITT is because they share memories now! Right? Right???

I think they tried to do that, but it came across flat. So flat. She speaks in a purposefully monotone, robotic voice and delivers downright mean comments that leave Michael and KITT scratching their heads. She seems to lack basic empathy until her own memories start flooding back, and at that point, the emotions she show seem so foreign to the character we see that it’s not remotely believable. You want me to believe that this robotic woman with -10 personality points started nearly crying after one string of memories, albeit a very traumatic one, entered her mind? This would have been believable if she was entirely changed afterwards, coming across as far more human, but that was only the case sometimes. It also would have been believable if the film had the same energy that the original Knight Rider show does, where suspending one’s disbelief is necessary to make it past the opening credits. However, this movie tries to be so grounded that the kind of dramatic beats that would work in the original seem forced here.

Shawn is not the only character who I take issue with, though. Let’s start with the most potentially problematic change from the usual canon in the entire film: KITT’s personality. I have very mixed feelings on how he is portrayed. If you’ve seen as much as a spattering of quotes from this movie, you probably could sense that KITT was… off. When KITT first comes on screen, he slams Michael with a wave of insults, and none of them come off as their normal joking around. However, I don’t necessarily have a problem with that because he has the proper motivation to be very, very upset. He is sitting on a desk as a heap of loosely connected parts that have just enough power to make the signature red scanner whir and make an oddly terrifying red light eyeball thing (Hal???) move. The first thing he hears is Devon nonchalantly saying something along the lines of, “I’m afraid he was recycled” to explain why KITT has been deactivated for OVER A DECADE and is not currently in anything that moves (my Charge! stream thing lagged at this point but @trust-doesnt-oxidize has since told me that Devon DID appear upset about KITT's being sold, but KITT likely wouldn't have heard that and what Devon said seemed to be moreso directed at HOW the chip was sold and not the fact that it was sold in the first place). KITT is justifiably mad, and if they had kept KITT’s actions in character while his emotions said otherwise, I would have no problem with it at all.

However, once KITT’s CPU is somehow implanted into Michael’s Chevrolet, KITT does not act in character. Shawn drives, not Michael, so it stands to reason that he would not necessarily listen to her. She stole his CPU, his life for over a decade. KITT does tend to listen to human companions, regardless of whether he is programmed to or not, but I can see where this would be an exception. However, Michael soon intercedes and essentially tells him to cut it out. Based on everything that the original Knight Rider told us, KITT no longer has a choice of whether to listen or not. Michael is ultimately the one who calls the shots because of KITT’s very programming. And yet, in this scene, KITT doesn’t listen to Michael and apparently gets so angry that he downright stops functioning. Because that happens all the time in the original series!

And if you’re wondering where I got the conclusion that KITT frustrated his circuits to the point where they could no longer work, he said that. KITT. Admitted to having feelings. In fact, he did not just admit to being angry in the moment. He told Michael that, while it may seem like he is an emotionless robot, he does have a “feelings chip.” A FEELINGS CHIP-

I am for recognizing KITT’s obvious emotions as much as the next guy. I think they are often overlooked when discussing his character. While I don’t think that real artificial intelligence will ever reach the level of human consciousness, the entire energy of Knight Rider comes from playing with this concept by portraying an AI character who clearly emotes interacting with a human who doesn’t seem to know that. But the thing that makes this show feel so sincere is that neither character plays too heavily into that trope. While not always knowing how much KITT feels and by extension hurting those feelings alarmingly often, Michael recognizes it enough to work in concert with KITT, apologize for his more major flubs, and consider KITT a friend. And KITT subverts the trope by never recognizing that he has feelings to begin with. He will say that he cannot feel sadness but, in the next breath, say that something upset him. He will say he cannot hold a grudge only to immediately rattle off a string of insults directed at the person he clearly has a grudge on. The show is magic in how these two characters display a subtle chemistry that always has room to grow because both characters are slowly coming to see each other for who they truly are and supporting one another along the way. From what I can tell, the original show never fully concludes that arc, and it may even start regressing after Season 1. However, we can feasibly see how Michael could slowly come to understand that KITT really does feel things just as much as he does. And we can imagine the relief KITT would feel knowing that Michael was never bothered by that possibility.

So, you can see where I have a big problem with KITT spelling it out so plainly. The audience gets full confirmation about what has been displayed to us through nuanced hints throughout the series, which sounds a lot more satisfying than it really ends up being in this film. But worse than an underwhelming conclusion to a thrilling story, Michael knows it plain as day. There is very little buildup to KITT admitting this. He barely even sounds moved. Instead, in this movie, the “feelings chip” is a fact of life that does not need to be covered up in the slightest. Michael himself doesn’t really… react. He just kind of nods along, as if he’s saying, “Huh, makes sense, alright.” After everything these two have been through, if there really was such a simple explanation for why KITT is the way he is… why arguments went south, why the mere mention of a Chevrolet was enough to get a seemingly jealous response, why inconsequential things like music taste and gambling were subjects of debate, why KITT had always acted so exaggeratedly dismissive when topics of emotional significance struck a chord, why every little sarcastic banter had a hint of happiness until it didn’t… don’t you think Michael would do something? Whether that something would be a gentle, “I always knew that, pal”; a shocked, “Why didn’tchya tell me sooner?!”; or even a sarcastic, disbelieving, “Yeah, right” is up to interpretation. But there would be something.

And yet, even that concept is flawed. We learn a lot from KARR’s inclusion in the original series, and what I take away from it boils down to a simple sentiment. FLAG never meant for their AIs to be human. I do realize that directly contradicts what Devon says within this film, but I see that as another way for the film to steer the plot in this direction, not as a tie in to the original. When Wilton says that one man CAN make a difference, he means that. He isn’t considering that KITT is just as much a person as Michael. He’s not seeing that, at the end of the day, teamwork is what makes the show work, even if Michael is the glue that holds it together. So, I think that to say that there is a “feelings chip” is to disregard the entire point of the original, that in this world life finds a way of inserting itself and that KITT’s (and KARR’s for that matter) humanity is an anomaly, not the rule. At the end of the day, KITT’s humanity can’t be explained away with science. And really, I don’t think it should be explained away at all. The show has had an amazing trend of showing us how KITT feels, in all its unorthodox glory, alongside private moments that had me sobbing like a baby. The movie should just be like a longer, more complex episode of Knight Rider… Although I cannot pinpoint exactly how it should be done in the context of this film, I know there are ways that Michael could have been shown that KITT feels rather than being told.

One last complaint, albeit a more minor one, is the idea that he has to listen to what Shawn says over Michael's authority. I have spent a decent amount of time thinking about this one point, which has caused a lot of the delay in posting this. There's multiple reasons why this flies right in the face of what is canon in the original series. Perhaps the most obvious of these problems is the fact that, in the original pilot episode, it's made very clear that KITT can't assume control of the Knight 2000 without Michael's express permission unless Michael is unconcious. Devon makes it quite clear in this episode that KITT is programmed specifically to listen to Michael, not just anyone who happens to be piloting the vehicle at the time. In case there was any doubt about this, KITT ejects two people who are attempting to steal him later in the episode (well, ok, later in the two-parter, I don't know if it was the same episode or not). The show isn't SUPER strict about this in future episodes, but it does at least acknowledge Michael's authority in a few pivotal moments throughout Season 1 (I can't comment on episodes that I haven't seen yet, but I suspect that this pattern continues). Of all the rules set up throughout the series, it actually seems to be the most loyal to this one. One moment that stands out to me is in Trust Doesn't Rust when KITT attempts to stop Michael from causing a head-on collision with KARR, but Michael then overrides him and the climax unfolds. If one of the most iconic moments in the series is caused by this one bit of programming, to throw it out in the film is to disrespect the basis of the original series.

Speaking of KARR, he provides yet another reason niglecting this detail is such a big problem. From what we can tell, KARR isn't programmed to one specific driver (at least, not anymore[?]), and so he can override anyone in the pilot's seat. This is something they seem to highlight in TDR as well, although not so plainly as the previous point. KARR ends up ditching Tony to gain speed and get an upper hand in the chase with Michael and KITT (although a scene they deleted would have made this a mUCH MORE SENSIBLE ACTION THAT R E A L L Y ISN'T A BETRAYAL but y'know what this post isn't about that) whereas KITT has to listen to Michael even to his own detriment. If this one feature is indeed one of the major things that separates KITT from KARR, the idea that Shawn can override all of that cheapens the original conflict between KITT and KARR.

...Well okay, let's be real, KARR was never that compelling as an antagonist to begin with because he's a LOYAL SWEETIEPIE-- I'll stop.

And finally, we have the biggest, most bizarre reason that this is a problem:

If Shawn can override Michael's authority, that means KITT can override Michael's authority.

Why? This would be the first time (outside of episodes where some sort of reprogramming or mind control was involved) in the series that KITT had not only listened to another human instead of Michael, but also listened to that person OVER Michael. The only difference I can see between Shawn and quite literally anyone else in the show's history is that Shawn has KITT's chip implant thing. If that's the reason her opinion has more credence than Michael's, then wouldn't that mean KITT's own opinion has that authority? If that is the case, literally every example I've gone through in the last couple of paragraphs is not just challenged but rather negated entirely.

The most frustrating thing about this scene is that it simply didn't have to happen. Michael could have gone along with KITT's plan, showing him (and us) that he does trust his former partner even after all these years. Shawn could have convinced Michael to go along with it using her... feelings chip. Blegh. Or we could have had a stubborn Michael force this scene to be delayed, likely improving the pacing overall. Maybe we could have even seen a frustrated and emotionally exhausted Shawn wait until Michael is not in the car and then plead KITT to give her the truth, no matter what Michael says. We have seen KITT control his actions without Michael's input plenty of times, and we could have seen some more of his humanity show through if he could relate to Shawn's struggles... after all, he too has missing memories because she has his chip. They're both going through a bit of an identity crisis. I'm sure that he could find some workaround in his programming to help her if Michael wasn't there insisting that he does not take this course of action.

But even after all of that fussing over what has been done wrong with KITT, I can’t deny that he is the heart and soul of this film. There was only one scene in this film that brought me near tears. I got more of an emotional impact from this one clip than I have from a lot of movies that are undeniably much better. Michael’s old-fashioned Chevrolet does not hold up in the year 2000, and it is clear that the usual car chase sequence won’t work as police vehicles quickly creep up on them. I was personally very curious what they would do here. I figured that KITT would find some way to outsmart the drivers of the police cars, maybe by ending up on an elevated mountain road that trips up the other drivers and causes them to waste time turning around and hopping on that same path. Or, maybe, KITT would access a road that’s too narrow for the relatively bulky police cars. However, it quickly becomes clear that this city is made up of wide roads on the ground. As KITT veers off the road and tells Michael to trust him, the I found myself having to trust him. This isn’t the way Knight Rider chases usually go, and with all these odds stacked against him, the only thing we can do is hold our breath. The way this scene is staged to send us into this just as blind as Michael is, frankly, genius. Water slowly creeps into the frame as a feeling of dread builds at the thought of what KITT might do.

Surely, we are led to think, he will knock into some boxes and turn right back around. Right? We’re reminded of the fact that this is not the Knight 2000, that there is no chance of this car floating. That if KITT does what he really seems to be doing, there’s no chance… but he wouldn’t, would he? This is the only action sequence in the film that had me at the edge of my seat, staring wide eyed at the screen. And then, the turn that you want so badly to come doesn’t, and you have to wonder what’s about to happen. What was KITT thinking? Won’t Michael and Shawn drown? And, most prominently in my mind, won’t KITT drown?

For a moment, this scene plays us into believing that, because magic FLAG science that is pretty par for the course, everything is fine. KITT explains that they have an airtight cab and over 20 minutes of oxygen. Everyone lets out a collective breath of relief. We see it in Michael and Shawn, and I know I felt myself relax.

And then there’s a flicker in the screen, and that pit in the bottom of my stomach came right back. Michael is confused, and KITT explains what we should have realized was inevitable. This is KITT sacrificing himself. He even goes as far as to let Shawn know that she can use any of his computer chips that she may need. This comes off as strange at first, but it goes to show that KITT is, at his core, the same kind soul we always knew. He acts angry because he feels betrayed, but given the choice, he will chose another person’s life over his own, always. Even the microprocessor that he is most frustrated over, the thing that seems to drive a wedge between him and Shawn, is just how he is expressing his hurt. Now, thinking it is the end, he offers it up freely, and Shawn doesn’t seem to know how to respond. KITT is calm as he says his final goodbyes. And this is the first place in the film that we get to hear the amazingly nuanced voice acting that William Daniels is so great at. KITT sounds collected and at peace with what is to come, but there are also subtle hints that he is at least a bit nervous, a bit sad. “I know. I guess this is goodbye.” He doesn’t want to leave his friends, but he knows that he has to for them to be safe. Even if the pacing of the film seems to actively try to undermine this moment, it stands out to me as an amazing scene, even if the reaction from Michael is underwhelming at best and the reaction from Shawn is… as much as can be expected from Shawn, but that’s not saying much. As far as KITT knows in that moment, these are his last words: “Michael, take care of yourself.” Down to the last moment, Michael is everything to him.

IjustwannamakeitclearquicklythatIthinktheirrelationshipisentirelyplatonicokthankyou

And I felt sad, big time sad. The movie up until that point was unbelievably boring to me, and this wasn’t a turning point where the movie suddenly became great. It was a moment so darn good that I almost don’t think the movie deserved for it to have as big of an impact as it did. But that shows just how powerful this universe is, how wonderfully honest these characters are. Even after being butchered practically beyond recognition, one scene in-character can still bring you to tears because you have connected with them so deeply throughout the TV series.

AND THEN DEVON DIED IMMEDIATELY AFTERWARDS :D

I don’t like Devon.

Devon was actually more tolerable in this movie than normal, and I can see where people who don’t hate him could be sad that he died I just,,, he has hurt or talked down to KITT and KARR so many times that I actually could not sympathize. What’s even more frustrating about that is that Devon’s death is the one that Michael got all sad over when KITT sacrificed his life for him and Devon got kidnapped randomly but okay go off movie you can’t ruin that scene for me. I knew going in that Devon died, but I was expecting them to spend a lot more time setting it up and making it as dramatic as possible. Nope, he just got a shot to the old air tanks I guess? My view of it is nothing more than that it’s a thing that happened.

OH AND DEVON DID PULL ONE HEINOUS ACT. He said that KIFT was better than KITT in every way other than that KITT has humanity. SINCE WHEN HAS DEVON GIVEN ONE SINGULAR HOOT ABOUT THE AI’S BEING ALIVE??? TELL KARR THAT??? HECK, TELL DEACTIVATED KITT THAT YOU WERE JUST FINE SELLING OFF AT AUCTION THAT?!?! Also also, KIFT DOES NOT C O M P A R E TO KITT. We are coming back to KIFT in a moment, don’t you worry. For now, I just. Low blow, Devon, low blow.

Michael was fine too, he played a weirdly small part and that felt off but everything he said seemed pretty in character. The most out of character parts were when he said nothing at all. OH AND WHERE HE WAS REPLACING BONNIE but that’s besides the point, no Bonnie OR April… no Bonnie OR April… I’m fine…

…

It feels like this movie wants you to forget that Michael exists because Shawn is here she’s more interesting, right? Right???

She’s really not.

So back to KIFT. My favorite part of KIFT is that pronouncing KIFT in your head sounds funny. It’s like “gift” but if the gift were actually an underwhelming villain of sorts that is overtaken in a garage, parked, by Michael either removing his microprocessor entirely or moving it to a Chevrolet.

I was surprised how not bad KIFT looked. I had seen stills from the movie that looked really uninteresting compared to the regular designs, and while I still agree to some extent, it was a lot more epic than I would have thought. Something about how the paint shines on it is captivating. I was genuinely happy when KITT was moved to the snazzy red vehicle, although a big part of that could have been how disgusting mint green looks with red. Seriously, including the red scanner on that bizarre seafoamy-bluey car (and yes, I do think it is a very pretty car by itself) was like when people say movies were “inspired” but in the opposite direction. And the scanner looked weirdly small? Was it just me?

Am I the only one who feels w e i r d just looking at this??

I think this is the most normal thing to be categorized as being in uncanny valley but there we go, I did it. It’s not right.

Anyway, as neat as KIFT looks, it is no comparison to the classic Knight 2000 or even Season 3 KARR. Red can be striking, but not when the classic scanner is also red. No contrast!

KIFT is absurdly easy to forget, and I don’t think that the car’s design has anything to do with it. KITT spends most of the movie piloting that car, and while it is not what we are used to, it doesn’t come across as super lame to me, either…or at least, not because of the design. The biggest problem with KIFT is, I think, simply his voice. His voice feels so out of place in the movie, and it’s so strange to me considering that Daniels’ voice is integrated just fine. The recording sounds too crisp, too clean. KITT’s voice always has a great deal of character, a very Earthy-sounding voice for an AI character. I actually think that this incongruity is purposeful, and it’s a very clever concept. We are supposed to recognize that KIFT isn’t human like KITT is. KIFT sounds out of place in the real world among real people; he’s too neat around the edges. It’s especially obvious when KITT and KIFT talk to each other. This is also mirrored by how KITT occupies a well-loved Chevrolet that has little imperfections that make it feel real whereas KIFT is in this red… whatever it is that feels like it comes out of a sci-fi film. This effect would have really worked if we had enough time with KIFT to understand his personality–or, more aptly, his lack of personality. What makes this not work is the fact that we spend practically no time with KIFT. We don’t get to hear what he feels he is programmed to do, we don’t get to hear him deliver the sort of lifeless lines that Shawn did that made her so unlikable, and we don’t even get to hear his voice more than 4-5 times. Every time comes as a shock, taking us out of the moment of the film. We could have gotten used to his crisp sound if he had spoken more, and we may have seen the actual plot significance of it. Instead, it pulls you right out of the movie.

Oh yeah, and the only line(s?) that KIFT delivers to KITT are full-on taunting… that’s not very lifeless of you KIFT.

Alright, just one last thing to really hammer home a point from earlier and conclude this whole thing. You know what I was saying about this movie lacking the whimsical nature of the TV show? Well, the final chase puts the icing on this oddly sullen crab cake.

Yes, crab cake.

Because the pinchy crab that is Shawn makes it quite painful to get this particular cake and icing doesn’t even belong on it anyway.

KITT is racing down the street in this bright red car that I just explained is thematically wrong for him to be driving tbh but whatever, he’s racing in it and comes up to a barricade of randomly stacked up cars.

Oh Yeah, we all know what is coming.

The music swells. Michael looks at the upcoming barricade with furrowed eyebrows and quietly asks KITT what the heck they’re going to do now.

OH YEAH, we definitely know what is coming.

And at last, for the first time in the film…

KITT veers off to the right and they drive on water. “It’s really sink or swim with you, isn’t it?” Michael asks, pretending that’s funny as if I am not still emotionally raw from that scene that happened an hour ago.

Apparently, KIFT had that one obscure feature from “Return to Cadiz,” the Season 2 episode where April forces KITT to follow KARR into the ocean on the hopes that waterproof wheels might work maybe, directly ignoring his many attempts to get out of it. Yay. I love references to That Episode. That Episode which baited me with an opening that looked like KARR could have been discovered underwater only to show me that not only was there no KARR, but KITT was going to be bullied into repeating what his brother did when he died. Wholesome. Lovely. Fantastic. And how did KITT know for sure that would work? KITT clearly still has some technical hiccups in his own CPU from Michael tampering with it, that was an awful lot of confidence to place in a maybe.

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY…

THIS MOVIE DID NOT HAVE A TURBO BOOST

A TURBO BOOST

I cannot believe that a movie based around Knight Rider did not have a turbo boost (or for that matter, the THEMESONG???). Like I am honestly still surprised by it. Almost every episode of the original show had at least one turbo boost, and there is a reason. The idea of a talking car jumping in midair, sometimes with Michael “WOO!”-ing like a girl, is so fantastically fun that nobody even tries to question how impossible it is. I think we all know how impossible it is, and that doesn’t matter, it is yet another thing that embodies the heart of this show.

And… not even one.

…

So yeah, that just happened. I think this is technically a small novel. Wow.

I know that I'm still missing a lot... I have a lot of thoughts about this movie, and if you for some reason want more please ask! I would also love to hear your thoughts on this! Do you agree with my analysis? Do you disagree entirely? Did you notice something that I failed to mention entirely? Pleasepleaseplease send ideas, I would love to hear them! Also know that, no matter how much I was disappointed by the movie itself, I am fully open to hearing your ideas about how to improve or expand upon it. I truly believe that this film introduced some great concepts, and I would absolutely adore seeing them reworked in a way that's more true to the original. Thank you for reading! :D

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