#Its my autism I get to do what I want
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
So um I kind of decided to be a little self indulgent and draw my character in Stick of Truth, I thought it’d be fun!! And I love how it turned out
#Its my autism I get to do what I want#sp stick of truth#stick of truth#south park#south park art#south park oc#south park fanart#south park oc fanart#new kid stick of truth#south park fandom#south park hcs#south park au#art#kenny mccormick#stan marsh#kyle broflovski#idek im just adding tags at this point#fantasy south park#fantasy#stick of truth oc#stick of truth art#stick of truth hcs
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
i'm ready to try
#This drawing is kind of personal to me#I recently graduated (CUM LAUDE WOOOO!!!!) and its like. not to get depressing#but when i was younger i was never sure whether i would make it to this point#When i was going through what i consider to still be like. the worst time of my entire life#This fictional character was there for me and she was something for me to latch onto and cope with#eGem helped me a lot with being able to process my emotions at the time but also helped me to reflect on myself#which i think is a big reason as to why I'm really happy with where i am with myself right now#I'm going off to uni next school year to study astronomy!!! which!!!#Im also doing because of eGem!!! She ignited this kind of childlike wonder for space for me#I love doing math and physics and whilst Im still a bit scared because. honestly i don't know whether this is what i want to do with my lif#I think i'll be okay either way#either way i wanted to draw egem again even if i haven't done so in a while because its like#i think i wouldnt be who i am without her. i think i'd be a lot worse off#so like. thank you empires smp thank you geminitay thank you egem This drawing is me expressing my gratitude#AND THANK YOU AUTISM!#empires smp#empires smp s1#empiresblr#esmp#geminitay#art#fanart#alice.art#mcyt#mcytblr#song is andromeda by weyes blood... obv.. you guys know me by now :oP
2K notes
·
View notes
Text
autism 4 autism javey. you agree
#mummel brainworms#newsies#listen i know jacks fixation on cowboys is him coping with with trauma of being a homeless kid with no future#but with the power of my autism beam i can warp reality as i want it#jack has the type of autism where hes hypervigilant towards social cues on the street in order to survive#and the newsies mostly saying what they mean also helps a lot#but hes a fish out of water in social circles that are not his own#do you get it do you understand#i dont even have to explain davey being autistic because its just true full stop#javey
43 notes
·
View notes
Text
18th century jon so he can wear his hair in a queue and prance around being a silly pretty little guy and when he travels to the usa he sees alexander hamilton and is like 'el-oh-el these 'revolutionaries' who think they're so great while they're actually just colonisers i'm gonna go back to england and fight for abolition while staying silly through the horrors even though the magnus institute doesn't exist yet'
i think that would be pretty delightful if just for long-haired jon
#ignore the anachronisms#and the mischaracterisation of jon i'm a bit delirious i think#and i just wanted to get my feelings about hamilton out that little rat#why'd he get a musical and not an actual revolutionary#sorry to the usamerican patriots that are for some reason scrolling the tma tag but he was a pos#also me personally i headcanon that in another universe 18th century people said lol#i mean they had a whole century to figure it out#actually if jon lived in the 18th century he would get no jane austen and no house of leaves#in this au he can be rich enough to have the aesthetic but also ready to stop capitalism from taking hold#this is what happens when i'm struggling to do my history homework at one am#my homework isn't even about?? the 18th century?? or anything like that??#its about the lavender scare and its genuinely interesting and i love yapping about queer history but i cannot get myself to focus#goddamn it autism brain#jonathan sims#tma shitpost#tma#i will probably delete this in the morning and it will get no notes because its the stupidest thing ever
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
things that are hard to find: writing advice that isn't condescending.
#ambie.txt#I've been really thinking about this story in my head and wondering what caused me to get burned out from writing#and realising it's all the formal bits. planning an outline organising things into a timeline. I'm more of an impulse writer#and having to think about all those dry and formal things makes me quit before I even start#this is my autism but I hate having to stop and figure out all this before I write because that way I won't write at all#ever since I started free writing I discovered that I still love writing. I love it so much#but I hate doing all of the other things because they are not my special interest and they keep me from pursuing my special interest#it's just very hard to find writing advice that isn't condescending in this aspect#people stressing out you need an outline first are very common unfortunately#I'm more of a vibes no plot person and like to just discribe the vibes in vivid detail#before worrying about the plot too much. and yes in a story there had to be a plot#but if worrying about the plot and connecting all the scenes is killing my creativity#I want to just go from details first and bigger picture later#again. autism. also writing dialogue is the worst. idk how people talk. I don't understand body language etc etc#I have written some pretty good dialogue before so I know I'm capable. it just really sucks when I have to scrutinise everything#and think “would people say this? do they talk like that?” its draining#so I was thinking about writing dialogue separately. maybe write it as a script for a play#which is essentially just dialogue. and then match it with the scene descriptions I have written#like. I know I'm a good writer. I very good one. but the way I have been writing so far has burned me out#because it was too much focused on all the boring bits and not enough on the freedom and joy of just writing#which is why I love free writing. it allows me to focus on a few tiny details and then develop them into something bigger#also I hate writing on a computer so I got some notebooks so I can write on paper instead#it's where I'm most creative I've found#anyway this all just to say that I think following writing advice is not for me at least not now when I'm rediscovering my passion#and that I need to trust myself more and do things that make me happy#so um yeah. best writing advice is to just write and worry about it later
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
is it an autistic experience to ALWAYS be the one in a friend group who gets left out, alienated, secretly disliked, then kicked out of the group?
#autistic#autism#actually autistic#autism things#asking autistics#i want/need a friend group but it ALWAYS GOES BAD!!!!!!!! AND ITS SOMEHOW ALWAYS MY FAULT?! idk what im doing wrong. people suck.#but i need people and i hate that about me. why cant i split myself in half a few times#or learn how to do group activities alone....like playing tennis. going to the amusement park ive wanred to go to since i was a kid.#drive alone on long trips where i will fall asleep but talk to myself so i dont or something. walk on the park trails alone where people#get kidnapped and stuff when alone. go to a convention and cosplay a group of characters alone. one for each finger....#if you cant tell im being sarcastic. and doing a bad job. sighs. i hate that i have to do everything i need/want a group for alone because#i cant make friends or make groups keep me in them. assuming because im autistic and they hate me 🙃#eother that or im a piece of shit and dont realize it!!!!! how am i supposed to know when no one tells me!!!! 😭😭😭😭#so is it actually me and my fault or is it because im autistic and people just do this to us for some reason#autism stuff
195 notes
·
View notes
Text
Maladaptive daydreaming.
#daydreaming#maladaptive daydreaming#maladapting daydreaming disorder#maladaptive behaviors#maladaptive coping#dissociation#immersive daydreaming#dimond speaks#yeah so adding this to my list here lol#my therapist helped me realize i dissociate a LOT and the primary way i do it is through vivid daydreams#they usually happen at work but they also pop up if i'm having a bad day or... anytime really.#i've also come to the realization that i have at least one of these a day which is not good fgsjh#my therapist says they're not inherently bad especially since they do have a positive effect on my emotions (if its a good daydream)#but it's gotten to the point that it's affecting the way i work#and they can last for a LONG time too#i haven't timed them but i do know they've been over 30 minutes at work before#this is either due to ADHD autism PTSD or a mixture of the three lmao#weeeee#anyway. this post isn't really intended to be a vent post#it's more like a 'this is my experience' type post#it just kinda comes across as somewhat vent-y#but that was because i wanted to try and immerse the reader into what its like to have these daydreams#like mine look NOTHING like this but making it more generic would help others understand it#the void is the general dissociation from reality#then you emerge in the dream#i can feel things as if i'm there- the sun the wind and sometimes even physical touch#and i'll stay there until something snaps me out#strangely i can get my work done while i'm doing this- i just wont have any memory of doing so. it's like being on autopilot#anyway. I hope this post was helpful to someone out there#if you also maladaptive daydream YOU ARE NOT ALONE! it's valid and you're not 'faking' anything. it's a genuine trauma response.
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
MOE. SUMMER ALT‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
BIGGEST thing about Moe history is that for Literally Actual Years. I have been trying SO hard to get a beach outfit for it Right. I always had some aspects of it in mind (the white cover-up -- initially sheer, but I like the idea that it's a light shawl kinda like Lyon's, here). But a lot of my designs felt too feminine. Moe is about Balance. Moe is about Mishmash. Moe is about The Silly Factor. It's also unexpectedly practical and loves questionable fashion choices.
All this in mind! I think its Look really came together when I decided to give it some sporty touches. I esp love the wet shoes... and the visor works so well on it?? The little fish skeleton is a handmade accessory (not actual bones.), like its "tail" in its everyday outfit. I imagine it's jointed/maybe chain linked, so it has some movement to it! The skeleton adds a bit of edge it always has, and ALMOST. Gives a manta ray silhouette paired with the shawl (most noticeable in the topmost art! Didn't set out to do that, but when I noticed this I ran w it LMFAOO)
And. Some doodles
#fire emblem#feh#RETURN. OF MY SUMMER ALFONSE DESIGN.#like i said though this moe design gave me so much trouble. esp tragically the top pic where i FELT. I GOT IT JUST RIGHT#and then i added details impulsively in pen and the design got too busy. it really needs to be simple.#so what did i do? painstakingly scratch off the pen with a knife.#it's such a small drawing... but it was so perfect.... perfectly capturing everything i wanted to capture w a summer moe...#another thing is that i think sometimes you have to make sacrifices. like. a lot of my prev designs#made a point to show moe's top scars and ESP. its nipple piercings. but like. nothing seemed to work.#i think also bc i have to ask myself 'would moe feel comfortable wearing that?' both gender and autism wise#the sheer cover ups looked so uncomfortable. and i also think about what parts of moe's body#is it most uncomfortable with. thighs ranking first. its shorts always have to be around knee length#i think in second would be its waist/hips. not so much that it Can't be shirtless esp w top surgery#but enough that like. a cozy cute shawl might be nice.#little things change between each drawing too LMFAOO like changing the wristband color from red to green#NONE OF THIS FELT FINAL. all of it feel like I'M GETTING. SO CLOSE. SO FUCKING CLOSE#another scrapped idea was having a fishing lure dangle from the hat. but that would be So Fucking Annoying to wear LMFAOOO#and ESP annoying to draw w moe specifically. the way either eye is visible at any given time.#ANY WHICH WAY. THROWS THIS AT YOU#moe tag#summoner oc#fe alfonse#my art
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm good I'm fine. almost had a startle seizure and had a panic attack immediately after but noo I understaaand he wanted to demonstrate adrenaline.... its not like there are dozens of people in the audience who would be extremely affected by an extremely loud noise such as people with sensory issues. people with severe anxiety. people with trauma stemming from abuse. people with heart issues. people prone to startle seizures. people coming from warzones. hooooly SHIT that is so not okay
#I'm. very mad#just wanted to get this off my chest#rant#WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT. WHAT IS THE FUCKING THOUGHT PROCESS THAT ENDS WITH 'yeah its fiiine'. HOW#screaming mention#seizure mention#I have. severe anxiety + autism/hyperacusis + startle seizure combo. thanks man I am Still shaking over an hour later#get emailed idiot!!!! feel remorse!!!!! what the fuck!!!!#ask to tag
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#??????????????????#????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????#i dont know what to doooooooooooo i dont know what to do w my life.....#i dont wanna go to college im way too stupid for that and also its insane like#im scared i dont like anything enough to make it worth it. not even biology#thats like 5 years idk and i fucking hate school.... i think id kill myself if i had to go back to somerhing remotely similar#idk thats scary.....#my plan b was getting a job and i rlly tried but im a pussy . i only started to go out and do stuff like last year. and im an adult !!#i feel like i fucked something up at some point in my life cuz like this is insane#im stuck in limbo. like theres something wrong and its not the autism#bites a cinderblock bites a cinderblock#man im so fucking scared everyday i feel like im going insane . i cant even imagine me doing anything#theres something wrong w me cuz thats like not normal . i dont wanna die in my bed but everything else scares me#fucked up if true#uh#vent#its funny af tagging my posts w vent but i tag them so u can block them or whatever#FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKK IF ONLY REDBULL ACTUALLY DID SHIT TO ME . THEN ID BE FIXED#FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCKKKKKKKKKKK I JUST WANT AN ENERGY DRINK THAT WORKS PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE PLEASE GOD#PLEASE PEKASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
i love being autistic cause sometimes i get a glimpse into how regular people perceive things and its like. what the fuck. what the fuck is that? you live like this? and its normal?? i think YOURE the weird one actually. im fine. thanks though.
#THERES SO MANY WEIRD RULES#LIKE WHAT DO YOU MEAN PEOPLE PAY ATTENTION TO HOW SOMEONE WALKS LIKE HUH????? WHY????????????#can someone fucking explain the dude head nod thing to me why do we do that. whats that about. ive never seen anyone do that irl before#is that an american thing or do i just hang around too many afab people#i am learning the intricacies of cis people gender rules and i am. what fucking planet have i been on the last 17 years like what is this#was there some like. rulebook they handed out at somepoint they forgot to give to me or something#“best way to learn is to observe the men around you” OBSERVE WHAT. YOU PEOPLE PAY THAT MUCH ATTENTION TO EVERY LITTLE MOVEMENT????#bruh i can barely make eye contact w people...#my ass has never intentionally copied someones mannerisms ever.#i do it subconsciously. but doing it actively feels weird and wrong and like im breaking someones boundaries#“men dont smile at people.” well they should.#ive decided cishet men are the most boring people on the planet#“dont move with your hands” YOURE BREAKING MY POOR THEATER KID HEART#i need to meet more gay men irl to absorb the vibe of cause i only know like two. not counting myself#i want people to look at me and go. ah yes. fruit.#at this point im just going to accept being misgendered for the rest of eternity. id rather die than be boring in the way cishet men are#my flavor of being trans is so influenced by my autism cause my perception of genders is completely off from what everyone else is doing#im like. yeah i want to be a man. and then i look at what the majority of men are actually like and its like. wait no. not like that#shoutout to flamboyant gay men where would i be without them#i think the thing that bothers me the most is that like#in my mind peoples genders are just. the way they express themselves.#its not like. this super big complex deal like how everyone else treats it. if that makes sense? like.#regular people have so many rules for what counts as a man or what counts as a woman or what counts as neither and its like???#you can do what you want???? why do we care????#and ive been doing this since i was little. on account of the autism#i just. dont get why its such a big deal to people.#i cant wrap my head around it at all#not nonbinary not a girl not aegender not a man but a secret fourth thing#(man but i do it my way instead of everyone elses way)#unfortunately doing it my way just. leads to the misgendering dimension. for some reason
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
I wanna see a "body language expert" kind of guy playing poker with a table of various autistics. Real fun to see, I think.
#autism#actually autistic#autism spectrum disorder#look man im autistic and also my body language can be counter intuitive#sometimes i default to smiling when upset or angry#or smiling just in general cuz my mom worked in hospitality so thats how i mirrored to act when in public.#i also can get completely stone cold unemotive when i have something i really want#like getting me a gift i deeply appreciate will be met with “:| thank you” and on the inside I'm exploding#plus if im overwhelmed i can just become incapable of facial expressions#or its hard to do#i also typically avoid eye contact#i can fake it. look between their eyebrows#i do stare at lips more#helps me understand what they are saying. i work at a cubicle and i found its so much harder to understand people when i cant see their lips
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
random fluffybird
#dhmis#don't hug me i'm scared#dhmis red guy#dhmis duck#fluffybird#animation#gay#lol i was feeling anxiety so i thought i'd do a quick fluffybird animation before bed#it is now well past the time i wanted to go to sleep#i was going to do a a little more but lol no#hhg#will not be adding/finishing this its just a silly thing lol#there is no sound btw#what r they saying#why r u looking at me like that >///<#duck is standing on a table or something#as he do#ducks head gets biger at the end beCUZE his FEAthERS r RUFFLED!!!! nOT BECSUSE of bad ANIMASHUN......... i PROMISE#my art#WAIT WAIT DHMIS-AUTISM IS RIGHT DUCK IS SITTING IN RED'S LAP#ITS THE ONLY EXPLANATION
150 notes
·
View notes
Text
LINUX GAMERS. LET ME HEAR YOU‼️‼️🔥💥🙏💥🔥💥
#my posts#YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM GETTING THIS TO WORK#ITS THE YEAR OF THE LINUX DESKTOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#USE LUTRIS#IF ANYONE WANTS TO DO THIS#USE LUTRIS AND SELECT THE THIRD PARTY INSTALLER#MAKE SURE YOU DONT HAVE WINE INSTALLED ALREADY#LOSING MY MINDDDD#RAAAAAA#IT RUNS SO SMOOTHHHH#Mixing my tech autism with my toontown autism sorry this is ruining my mysterious guy persona#this is what ive been up to this month i PROMISE more gifs and art soon. alot more actually. ive been FESTERING#fucking MARINATING.#THIS GOES OUT TO YOU 'ROBER THE LINUX NERD' IN CLASHCORD!!!! A LEGEND
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.
#part of me wonders if going to the centre is helping or hurting more#but i think it's definitely helping more. however it is definitely also hurting/making some things worse#i just wish I could be operating at the same level as most of society#and i feel so egotistical when I talk abt this#but like. why am i always so fucking aware of every single thing going on#and everyone else is just painfully oblivious#I AM USING HYPERBOLE. ITS NOT EVERYONE. i know im not the only person ever lmao#when i got my autism diagnosis i thought oh good okay so THIS is why im such a freak#and now I've met so many other autistic ppl irl and um. no. no thats definitely not it still.#yes its probably part of it but im also just. so fucking traumatized i guess idk. i hate this so much#i just want to be the same and fit in and not be analyzing everything and be able to actually speak my mind#and not be so kind and polite and respectful all the time and be able to say shitty stupid things without thinking anything of it#im so tired of being the only one who seems to care so much about everyone else's comfort and feelings#but also at the same time i would hate if i acted like everyone else bc i know how shitty it makes people feel#and people are always so happy to see me because I am useful and make them feel good and comfortable and heard#and that matters. that means a lot to people i think. but also I am not a person. i am a tool.#and I'd really like to be a person#i somehow feel like im operating at a higher level/awareness than almost everyone irl and also way below everyone at the same time#like im so hyperaware of everyone else more than most ppl but im also so socially inept sometimes. and just... idk how to be a person.#i dont know i just want to not be like this. its so lonely and tiring and i want to matter to people#i want them to like me for more than just what I'm able to do for them. I want to be liked for Me i guess. but Me isnt likeable maybe#Me is uncomfortable for people. Me is a trembling cornered prey animal with a longing to tell stories but is too afraid to do anything#and so Me just exists in a hollow shell made out of people-pleasing and fawning and mirroring everyone around them#and then i get lonelier and more isolated and nothing really changes. but every time i try to crack open the shell a little it goes badly#like i genuinely dont think its my paranoia. i think it is not Safe for Me to exist properly.#i am too sensitive probably! but it does very much feel like a raw wound that peope jab aggressively at when i open up a little!#boy howdy i sound like such a wuss. i mean i probably am one fjfkdl#i just feel like I keep trying to fix things and improve and try new things and nothing ever really works well#my counsellors have always commented on how impressed they are at my willingness to try things#and its like ?? yeah ! ofc i am going to try things! maybe that will be smth that finally helps!
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
"good people are out there you just need to get out and find them"
cool thanks. but i'm too tired to keep ~going out and looking for them~ i'm too tired to keep trying, using up all my energy, getting super overwhelmed and burnt out after just a couple weeks of trying as hard as I can, met with other people barely trying back or not being very responsive, and needing to recover from it for a year or more each time because it overwhelms and burns me out so bad. I get nowhere no matter how hard I try, all i get is uselesss advice from people i try to befriend who dont want the responsibility of friending me. i'm tired of trying beyond my limits and causing more issues for myself. or dealing with issues I get from meeting the "wrong" people. if the "right" people exist, why can't they find me? why does it have to be only my job? i'm too tired and overwhelmed and burnt out to do it!!!!! the right people will just easily help and be there for me right? so I guess i just have to keep waiting for them for all eternity????? i'm tired of waiting. give me more than "just wait/keep trying/don't give up" because those instructions unclear and my useless attempts are very discouraging and exhausting and i'm so overwhelmed that i'm losing the ability to even socialize at a minimum at all now!!!!
if humans are meant to be social creatures and we require positive interactions with each other to stay healthy, then why do humans ostracize their own? why do some of us struggle so much and are denied any help and instead blamed? why can't I be given advice on how to live a lonely life without anyone else by my side instead of being told "one day! keep trying! you need people because it's essential to being human!" even though i've been waiting for "one day" for 25 years and could wait 25 more, or even longer? I don't know what i'm doing wrong or how to improve it so waiting is all I have. what if I wait forever?
#ive been trying to find “the right people” for like 25 years. im so tired of hearing “one day/eventually”#i need people now. i admit i need help!!! i cant do life alone!!! but ONE DAY is not NOW. im struggling now. not later#why is it always “keep trying because ONE DAY” and never “heres how to deal with it now and if one day never comes”#because NOT EVERYONE GET THEIR “ONE DAY” AND IT FEELS AWFUL BEING GIVEN EMPTY PROMISES#AND IT FEELS AWFUL BEING IGNORED AND DENIED HELP *NOW* BECAUSE EVERYONE WANTS YOU TO REPLY ON A HYPOTHETICAL “ONE DAY”#IM SO SICK AND TIRED OF IT!!!!!!!!#lee rants#what if the “one day” where people actually care isnt until theyre at my funeral huh? because ive seen it happen.#autistic#autism#actually autistic#social problems#social issues#social isolation#adult autism#adult friendships#autism support#autistic friendship#this has been bothering me. i think its called toxic positivity. people throw it at me and it makes me feel worse. stop 😭#and “it happened to me so that means it will happen for you!” no it doesnt!!!!! you had better luck/circumstances. i dont have what you did#it doesnt inspire me or give me hope. it makes me feel more hopeless others can do stuff and i cant.#people were willing to help you but not me? youre not willing to now help me? what else do i do?#especially when people tell me they struggled for a few years. im glad you haven't struggled your whole life like me#and i know youre trying to be nice. but it doesnt help im sorry 😭😭😭😭😭
17 notes
·
View notes