#It's what Ive been able to write !
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starry-bi-sky · 3 months ago
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mmmmmm read a disciple shen yuan/shizun luo binghe fanfic about two days ago where the first chapter was the Immortal Conference arc, and SQQ was the one who had to be pushed into the abyss (he was still the villain) except Luo Binghe was refusing and was like, lowkey losing his mind about SQQ being so close to the edge. SQQ ended up having to be the one to fall in himself because of the system's punishment system. The rest of the fic is leading up to that moment. But like, MMM i've been obsessively thinking about that first chapter for DAYS ever since.
now i've been in svsss for a grand total of *checks watch* a week. but god obsessed with that. I want to write/read a fic where disciple SQQ goes a little nuts down there. Like keep all of the things that make SQQ, SQQ, but just. Throw in a little bit more trauma in there. A little bit of a mental break. Let him go a little nuts as a treat. Just a tad unhinged. I wanna see him go, just a little, "god fuck it, i've tried so hard to change this shitty story's outcome and it feels like everything i've done has been for nothing. I'm going to die in this world no matter what I do, I've been doomed from the start, so might as well die the way I want to." and he just, breaks a little! Under all the stress.
He still retains the traits that makes shen yuan, shen yuan, like his overwhelming kindness. But he's just! yk. A little less patient. Paranoid. Jumpy. Colder. A little more aloof and closed off. A little more Shen Jiu. He's no asshole child abuser, but he was a Number One Hater in his past life and he's leaning into that old habit a little more now.
(On a totally coincidental not-at-all related note, there's not enough SJ-and-SY-are-the-same-people fics out there that i've found. This is totally unrelated...)
The Endless Abyss turns the mind into an over-sharpened blade, and SQQ is both fascinated and perhaps a little excited to explore a place that doesn't have a lot of info on it in the mortal realm, but still terrified out of his mind. And he's no Luo Binghe, he doesn't have the sheer brute strength and power to just bulldoze his way through, so he has to be a lot more sneaky and cunning if he wants to survive.
The fic itself role-swapped LBH and SQQ so that SQQ was the half-demon (which lowkey fucks) and LBH the human, but I'm equally-if-not-more obsessed with the idea that LBH remains the half-heavenly demon and SQQ the human. If only because I keep thinking about SQQ befriending some demons (particularly and specifically a group of succubi) and they grow very attached to this Human Cultivator so through magic plot stuff they create some kind of seal/illusion/talisman that makes SQQ appear as a demon because a human cultivator in the endless abyss may as well be the equivalent of putting a giant neon target on your back.
And iirc Shen Jiu was taught demonic cultivation by that one guy(?? i've only been here a week so im not caught up in ALL of the lore yet) so that could totally happen here.
(On the other end of the realms, poor Shizun Luo Binghe is just. losing his fucking mind over losing his most precious and beloved disciple. About .5 seconds from burning down the peaks himself. somebody sedate him.)
The Endless Abyss sucks and SQQ is having a really terrible time and can feel himself going lowkey mad, but also holy shit look at all this WORLD-BUILDING. look at all this flora and fauna, and oh if he had the equipment for it he'd be writing all of this down. ALL OF IT. He was kinda-sorta-already planning on never leaving the Abyss as some sort of fucked up self-exile and self-preservation thing, but now he might? actually just?? never leave if he can help it, like he lowkey likes it down here.
anyways the next time anyone ever sees SQQ again he's got hair so long its almost touching the ground and he's either in rags and half-feral or he's been completely dolled up by his adoptive succubi sisters and still about three seconds from biting anyone who tries to touch him. (he's also lowkey trying to book it back down to the abyss even if he has desperately missed all of his friends and shizun)
#mxtx svsss#svsss au#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#luo binghe#disciple shen yuan#scum villain#svsss#*points at SQQ/SY* i want him to go nuts. as a treat. let him crumble just a little over the stress of his fate and the stress of survival#and the stress of having a lack of autonomy over a handful of his decisions. starry craves angst and she craves a very specific SQQ angst#he was a number 1 hater back in the day and lbr being a hater takes energyyyy. ive heard that this man was the BIGGEST hater i wanna#see him rip a man to shreds with nothing but his tongue and a voice that could cut marble clean in half. skin a man alive sqq you deserve i#*mortal kombat voice* FINISH HIM#i love without-a-cure but unfortunately i dont think SQQ would be able to have WAC and also survive in the abyss.#the succubi nest that adopted him tried seducing him at first. it didn't work. but he did somehow charm them with his cringefail ways#so now they have a brand new mortal big/little brother to dote on. SQQ is frankly delighted to learn all about succubi culture that doesnt#revolve around sex. he makes quite a few friends/allies in the abyss because of his pure fascination and unbiased desire to learn about#demonic culture and all the different niches and nuances of it across species. he's still going insane tho. like that's not stopping.#there's a single LBH pov chapter in the fic and its frankly so unhinged it was fantastic. he's so possessive. he straight up goes:#'oh SQQ isnt gonna be the next peak lord. he's ascending to heaven with me when i do :)' when Sha Hualing (also peak lord) told him that he#couldn't keep his disciple in the bamboo house all the time. what was SQQ gonna do when LBH ascends and he becomes the new peak lord?#gosh that first chapter is rotating around in my mind so bad. LBH was SO unwell. like losing his actual shit over SQQ near the edge.#i so want to write a oneshot abt this where SQQ is also in hysterics (albeit over slightly diff reasons) and tells LBH on his knees:#'this disciple deeply apologizes to his shizun. for he will not be ascending to the heavens with him.' right before he falls into the abyss#this au being disciple SY is for shits and giggles but i can also see it happening for regular SQQ bc 'fuck it im a dead man either way'#frothing at the mouth at this idea also being a SY-is-SJ au too. for the extra angst of SQQ trying to bear the weight of multiple lives on#his shoulders and trying to figure out what is real and what isn't and if he's meant to suffer in all of his lives no matter what he does.#not once in his life has he ever been free to do what he likes has he? self-hatred to the max. he's going mad. poor boy :]
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deoidesign · 4 months ago
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My comic is so pretty...
The hiatus is letting me take a little extra time on these episodes, and I'm definitely putting it to good use!!!
#almost done with my 8th episode... which will give me. two weeks. of buffer...#id really like at LEAST a month... but to be more comfortable id like two#which means 2-6 more episodes before I come back!#I've got about 7 weeks so its possible. but i do still have to finish book 4#so much to do ..........#I decided for my next comic im doing 3 updates a month.#having 10 days instead of 7 to make an episode is such a huge huge huge difference...#difference in quality and in my health!#anyways the comic is really pretty im really happy with the work im doing rn#the environments especially. im getting to spend a nice amount of time on them and theyre turning out so nicely#its nice to be able to write with a lot of different environments and not have to redo panels when I get to them cause of time#cause every time theres a wild angle? you need a new background...#so sometimes. often actually. there just isnt the time to make the backgrounds for those and i have to make them more flat...#which is fine. it doesnt really affect anything narratively. but. idk. it's kinda sad right?#anyways yeah! 10 days will be much better.#36 episodes a year is about what ive been uploading with my hiatuses on the weekly schedule anyways!#so might as well cut out that super stressful middleman and just commit to that#52 a year is just such a huge difference and i have to accept its not possible to me#i will hurt myself trying to do that. and i want to make comics my whole life!#so i cant push myself that hard now and sacrifice my future. we're gonna go slower after this...#anyways yeah cant wait to come back but also time. if I could get an extra week like a secret one just for me#where theres no chores no nothin just me and my work#thatd be great! so go ahead and do what you gotta do to give me a little pocket dimension#me: ugh i want to return right now...#the more logical me: NO we need the time to finish everything!!!!!! NOT right now!!!!#time and time again#ttawebcomic#comic panels#hiatus stuff#adam and steve
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eikichi-supremacy · 10 months ago
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If nothing else Koenma is a Kuwabara stan and I'm right there with him o7 (I need to write the kuwameshi fic that goes with this fr)
#maybe one day i'll write that au i have sitting in my head#ever since the comment he made about making kuwa spirit detective instead ive been thinking about it#like...what if yusuke is still recruited same as canon but like#kuwa was already spirit detective? doing assignments for the guys upstairs and all#and they made yusuke help him after his resurrection instead of going solo#and it's hilarious because they still have the ''rivalry'' set in place so it's like#now i gotta be coworkers with this guy i was in a fist fight with last week?#yusuke is like you can't be serious you want me to fight DEMONS with the guy who cant even beat ME? lmaooo okay#kuwa would be more in tune with his powers atp in this au and super offended like hello#why would i use my reiki on a FELLOW HUMAN CHILD you DICK i can hold my own on my assignments just fine#but he's actually really excited to be able to spend time with yusuke doing something besides getting his ass handed to him#they're both genkai's students (she's endlessly annoyed but they grow on her)#i just think it'd be fun cos like#it'd be harder to exclude kazuma from shit if he's literally been involved in this shit before he even met#kurama and hiei#kuwabara isn't really told about yusuke's resurrection so things go mostly the same up til he's brought back#they're both called to koenma's office and it's the spiderman pointing meme 💀#it's koenma's first time seeing kuwa in person as he usually just sends assignments with botan#yusuke has already seen him cos of the resurrection arc#and koenma is SUCH a fanboy ''kuwabara it's such a pleasure. you know you're my best worker 🥺''#''um urameshi am i seeing things or is that a fuckin baby'' yusuke will NOT stop laughing#it fucks koenma up so bad he makes sure he's in his adult form when he's around kuwa next#cos he wants to be the respected boss but also guy that you can chill with!! he's so cringe#okay yeah i need to write this it's such a fun concept#kuwameshi#yu yu hakusho#kuwabara kazuma#yusuke urameshi#koenma
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realbeefman · 1 year ago
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stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!
wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end
#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh#some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2#recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person#and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety#like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that#my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms#UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child#so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had#a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time#which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem!#its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it#and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome'#instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems!#anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now!#house md#hilson#greg house#james wilson#stacy warner
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rubra-wav · 10 months ago
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[ Entry #10 ] What it would be like actually dating Vox hcs
A/N I love Vox, but the reality of it is that he'd be terrible for a lot of reasons and I'm not gonna sugarcoat it in here like at all.
Me when theoretically very complex but ultimately still extremely problematic character: *foaming at mouth*
I love him.. but God I also hate him... but I also love hi-
This is a long one jfc.
Cw: Nsfw - no smut but strong themes, discussion of toxic relationships, manipulation, discussion of emotionally abusive/controlling behaviour, insecure aa toxic cis man behaviour, suggestive at one point
Someone asked me what I thought he'd be like with a yes-man reader so here it is
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The worst out of the way first
The thing about Vox is that he's got a fuckton of baggage and bad traits that need desperate management, and they would sure as hell not be being managed by him on his own choice.
As his partner, you would NOT be able to be a pushover or shy away from any kind of confrontation about actions that have upset you because if Vox had a partner like this? He'd become the absolute worst version of himself in your relationship because you would not be calling him out or enforcing boundaries with him.
- He's insecure, and it's in the worst way possible.
And not in the 'aw he just needs to be loved and then he'll be healed' way. I'm talking in the 'toxic, refuses to remedy his own behaviours, becomes very emotionally abusive abt it if you don't pull up your boots and confront him abt it and make sure he actually does shit about it' way.
The fanfic community likes to portray him as a victim in the relationship with Val, and while it's true Val is certainly worse for obvious/overt reasons - He's still not just a victim in that situation. He's also terrible.
Just for reasons that are less overt and are thus overshadowed a lot. Acknowledging that doesn't make the shit Val (at least seemingly thus far. Vox side-stepped the drink being thrown pretty fast and seems accustomed to violent tantrums) does to him any less terrible, it's just the truth he's not a poor defenceless victim in that. (Vox literally goes to try use his mind control power on Val the second he seems like he's gonna damage their image then throws his lowest earners under the bus.)
- In the beginning if you aren't giving him attention at all times, do something that reminds him of Valentino even slightly, or if you do something that he just mildly doesn't like; then he will be passive aggressive or straight up aggressive as absolute fucking hell.
The second he feels slighted even a little bit, he's going to be so pissy.
- And he can't communicate for absolute shit. He thinks you are doing shit on purpose to piss him off or hurt him. This is due to his relationship with Val, but it's not him being a sad sob story kind of thing (not all around at least), he will be awful to you if you allow him to ever be just a victim who can do no wrong.
- He will project all his bs heavily onto you in the beginning with complete self awareness and no thought given to managing his own shit.
If you ask what's wrong when he's acting up he probably would be the type of bitch to go 'nothing's wrong' and will then proceed to ruminate upon it until he ends up exploding about it later on. Or, maybe he'll even do the 'you know what you've done' type of shit.
- He would probably expect you to be a mind reader and when you inevitably aren't aware of wtf is happening because he hates being emotionally vulnerable at all and can't describe what's going on properly for himself, he will be an absolute bitch about it. (Carried here from my other hc that he has a bunch of self-imposed toxic masculinity he needs to deconstruct)
- If you call him out, he will likely try to convince you he's not doing it.
- He'll become increasingly more self-aware of his behaviour you are aware of and will just be even worse because he hates that you could see something about him he doesn't want you to see.
Basically, he feels embarrassed as fuck about it, and cannot apologise because that's humiliating as all hell to him, so instead of turning inwards and dealing with his crap he then proceeds to consciously project shit onto you even when he knows he's in the wrong.
He'd rather argue the wrong point and behaviour than admit he's capable of making mistakes.
He will probably also try to hypnotise you into forgetting anything he thinks is undesirable you know about him too.
- You will need to actually teach him real consequences for his actions, but also need to be assuring him that you aren't going to do shit like Val would have or leave him for someone else and shit like that simultaneously.
He needs to essentially be taught consequences, boundaries, healthy relationship behaviour, etc. From absolute scratch. I would literally pay for this cunts therapy atp istg.
- And this is gonna be an absolute fucking nightmare because again, he doesn't want to admit that he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing and that he's in the wrong. All that interferes with his image he wants to put out at all times in your relationship with him.
He's got masks on masks. Even one for your relationship. The second that cracks in any regard, he's gonna be rushing to compensate for that, and if that doesn't work, he's gonna be pissed and most likely end up pushing that onto you.
- Speaking of image. I mentioned this in a fic, but he'd most likely be extremely controlling over your freedom to disclose your relationship, too. If he thought you would look poor as a partner for his reputation (ie. Low status, bad reputation), he'd most likely never want to publicly reveal your relationship no matter how much he loves you - he'd likely hide this completely behind you having privacy but if you say you want people to know anyway he's going to slowly become more and more overtly pissy about it.
And, if you are openly known to be in a relationship, he will be wanting to control your own image as well.
If you step one foot out of line of what he deems perfect, good lord he will be an absolute nightmare.
- Also mentioned in another post, but he would absolutely also watch you through cameras you don't know are there. Same as what he's seen doing with Val.
- He's got practically zero qualms in the beginning of your relationship with violating your privacy or boundaries if he thinks he'll get away with it/that you won't find out about it. This also likely goes for things like checking your texts, calls, and search history without permission.
- The possibility that he'd try to interfere with your personal relationships if he thought they would try drag you away from him or if they take up a lot of your attention is also pretty present.
He's an incredibly jealous person (as seen by him seeming jealous of Angel with Val of all people), so the second he sees you giving someone else positive attention? He's gonna be fucking furious.
- Again, you could not be a pushover in your relationship with him because he'd be absolutely awful. You'd have to basically be reality checking him every three seconds - it's NOT for the faint of heart and even if you're incredibly patient you will probably be going insane from it at points.
Implying you can actually get him to change tho he would become a lot better - he's gonna be fighting you on practically everything because the second he feels out of control of a situation or himself he's gonna be freaking out.
He will probably be straight up terrified if it seems like you are making him 'change', even if it's for the better and will ultimately ALSO benefit him too.
The SECOND he feels out of control of a situation in any way, he will be terrible.
- Also, if you manage to push him on the path to behaviour management this cunt will be looking smug and proud of himself as all hell the second he even slightly does what you ask and will be a bitch if you don't rain down praise on him for it. 💀
- He's so positive attention motivated it's actually pathetic lmao
With that out of the way - the slightly better/good other stuff
- Vox works fucking nightmare hours with his position in hell, and he hates not being able to be around you much so he's almost always trying to make it up to you.
- He'll be on calls with you or texting you most hours of the day (even when he probably should not be) because he's honestly clingy as hell.
If you don't like having a million notifications from someone blowing up your phone with random shit then you are not going to like being apart from him because he is chronically on his phone.
- Another thing is the gifts.
If you want a sugar daddy aa boyfriend? This is the man for you because my God will he shower you with the most expensive gifts you have ever received. New phones, cars, jewellery, clothes, so on so on.
It's bad if you don't like consumerism and want to keep devices even if newer ones come out because the second something new comes out he's getting it for you - even before it becomes publicly available to the rest of hell, it's in your hands. He wants the best stuff and only the best stuff for you. How would that make him look if his partner didn't have all the best stuff? To you and also others
- Also, the second you mention you actually want or need something? It's there right in front of you. Bro has personal delivery drones, and it will be there in under 15 minutes delivered to you or someone's getting shot.
- I've seen a few people imply gift giving is his primary love language, and it's certainly up there, but I personally think that it's more likely acts of service.
This man never does anything for anyone unless it's to keep things from being annoying to him, self gain, or damaging his image. So for him to do things for you that he knows you want from him even if he doesnt particularly want to? He is well and truly in love with you, and that would be how he'd let you know that even if he isn't self-aware of it, lmao.
He doesn't like being told to do things, but he's really good at picking up on what people want usually (unless he's being delulu) so if he notices something or you mention stuff off-hand? He'll try to do it/get it/whatever it is for you.
Material things are just material things. He's rich, it doesn't mean that much to drop thousands for him. Him actually doing things for you, though? Even if it doesn't benefit him at all? That's something else entirely.
Will be annoying asf if you don't thank him enough for it, though. Ie. "Well, you're welcome then." While pouting at you.
- As for spending time with him:
I believe he constantly wants to be alone with you and only with you when he actually has time to do so, so he only wants dates to be one-on-ond most of the time.
There aren't exactly limits upon that, though, like at all.
He's absolutely rich and has ridiculous privileges so you could be on comfy home dates where you two just stay in and cuddle after eating dinner, or seeing concerts/watching movies/etc exclusively where they are not available to just anyone, or something fucking ridiculous like eating a fancy dinner at a custom designed restaurant just for dates under a goddamn aquarium (very likely ngl)
The second he gets to show off his power, he's gonna do it with a smug grin.
- He's also extremely big on physical touch but would never admit it. I already go over this in another entry, but he's gonna have a hand on you at all times (hand on your waist, hip or shoulder, purposely brushing against you more then he logically has to be, etc)
Brief mentions of sexual stuff here
I feel like he'd love someone big on physical touch - both in a sexual way but also especially in a non-sexual way.
He's not used to getting someone cuddling him or holding his hands or literally just touching him at all without some underlying ulterior motive, so he'd probably just melt into your touch.
Also I'll link the post bc there's further takes on this in it but they are ✨️sus✨️
- He would be extremely protective of you- this can absolutely become one of the blue sections really easily- but if you're in a relationship he's gonna be constantly concerned about your safety and whether you are at risk.
I mean, you're in hell. Just about anyone could turn out to be some maniac (ironic he would think that 🤨)
Anyways, point is, you'd be safe from any other maniacs. He would give you the best security and protection probably in hell.
Another thing is that he's gonna be super paranoid at all times about whether you're safe or not. Which would probably get honestly annoying rather than endearing at a point. 💀
- Even though he's really against revealing his more vulnerable parts and what he doesn't think are desirable of himself, he's absolutely craving emotional security with someone.
So when you get him passed that? He's gonna be so goddamn clingy - even more then before lmao.
Ending note
He's an absolute nightmare who's high maintenance asf and could become extremely abusive emotionally, but he really also needs to be romanced properly for that to actually get better by a partner who won't take his bs and knows how to take him down a peg and put him in his place when he's being awful.
And definitely therapy.
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The fact that I think all this and know how much an awful person he is and still love him this much as a character has gotta indicate some sort of insanity/j
[ Masterlist ]
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dellephone · 3 months ago
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grill the grid + landoscar
Something about the way Oscar lights up when he wins Grill the Grid makes guilt curl itself around Lando’s throat. A snake, tightening and loosening with each breath, it’s head sitting at the juncture between his neck and collarbone.
Oscar’s a bit weird, sometimes, and likely would have been that much more excited to win Grill the Grid than his first race regardless. But Lando knows that he’s taken something from him.
They’ve gotten past it, talked it out after the race. But it almost makes him feel worse, how easily Oscar understood and accepted the outcome. He was barely even icy, only a bit distant— more reserved than he’s been since last year.
Lando almost wonders if it would have been better not to switch back at all, to make Oscar hate him for stealing his win. Instead he’s forgiven him for stealing the celebration. Turning his first win into a bitter memory.
He thinks of his collision with Max— the white hot anger that followed. Wonders how Oscar would react to a collision like that, if he’d forgive him before the race is even over. Wonders where the line lies, wonders when he’ll cross it.
It’s telling, maybe, that he’d prefer the anger.
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kroovv · 12 days ago
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Looking forward to your vn! I won't be supporting you through Dorian due to their very dodgy practices but will def keep an eye out if you find an alternative in future!
Sorry to hear that, hopefully i will have somewhere you'd be happier playing it in the future.
Thought it may take time, i understand not wanting to support Dorian but I am an individual creator and this is very much a passion project, with Horizon Walkers, Commissions and now this I am very busy and don't have a lot of time to learn programs from scratch. It could possibly take years before I am able to do that. So please if folk do want to support me please either just read Gravehearts on Dorian OR support me on Patreon or Ko-Fi. To even make that remotly possible.
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possamble · 7 months ago
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Thank you for writing the (messy but neccessary) farcille breakdown. You handled it so wonderfully aaaaaaaah!! Like the other anon I was wondering how far "rock bottom" could get (because chapter 4 already felt pretty rock bottom) but. Yeah. That's pretty rock bottom, huh. The tragedy of loving someone but the other person not understanding <- this applies to both of them.
I think it was really neat how you flipped the question on who's reaching out to who with the academy flashback and the final scene with Namari, because... Marcille clinging onto Falin really is just a reversal of their academy days, isn't it? To everyone who met them after they reunited, it was always Marcille chasing after Falin, but to those who were at the magic academy, it was Falin chasing after Marcille. From picking flowers and berries to eat together, inviting Marcille out to see a play, and generally monopolizing her free time... I'm sure any of them would say the same thing as Namari, but in reverse. No wonder everyone thinks Marcille is just another friend to Falin. They weren't there to witness her pining /j. Idk!! I was rereading the chapter and the academy flashback girl was like "why do you hang off of Marcille so much" and I screamed to myself, "hey wait. HEY WAIT."
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#asks#a little creature#im SO glad you pointed out how falin was the first to pine and chase but was discouraged#its a very very important part#i think a really common wlw experience is to internalize that first rejection forever#whether it came from the object of your affections or an outside observer#the first time you encounter disgust for what felt like just happiness and affection#it stays with you. it can turn into a cage for the rest of your life but what you dont realize is that#at some point youre strong enough to open the door for yourself and you have to be able to do it#ironically ive only been the perpetrator of this platonically#pushing away my friends and hurting them bc i didnt think that i mattered enough to affect them#romantically ive been mostly on the other end just begging a girl to meet me in the middle at the very least#because even if they feel intensely as i do its not fun to chase and chase and get nothing bc someone else in their past was cruel#so it dhsjjd shows up in my writing a lot#self loathing as a queer experience is almost universal. but are you able to stand up and grow beyond it? because you need to.#staying locked in your own head and never looking outwards is just another kind of selfishness#i dont always try to do it but lmao my writing almost always touches on this at least a little bit in various degrees as like#maybe my best attempt at a compassionate way of portraying this self-erasure as a kind of selfishness that needs to be addressed
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allastoredeer · 3 months ago
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May I ask what this fic with Charlie putting Lucifer in his place is? I love Charlie losing her shit, it's so underused in fics
Dropped Shield by LeDiz
I just finished reading it and hhhhh it really scratched an itch.
I haven't found a lot of fics that kept my attention, but GOD this one did. It involves Charlie's relationship with Alastor, Alastor actually doing a fuck ton of stuff to keep the hotel running, Lucifer relying too much on his powers as a way to get in Charlie's good graces, and his dislike of Sinners actually having impact & repercussions.
It's not a radioapple fic, and Lucifer isn't painted in a particularly good light. He's actually a bit insufferable, which is what I liked about it. It was a refreshing change from him being all kind and benevolent (or just a sad UwU depressed boi the whole time). His depression does show up and it even brings up how it can/has affected his and Charlie's relationship!
IDK I might be gushing a little, but it really was a refreshing read. Not one person was made out to be the villain, all the characters were flawed, Charlie learns to stand up for herself and call out bad behavior, and I got a mean, egotistical Lucifer out of it.
I don't think I'd recommend it to anyone who wouldn't enjoy seeing Lucifer in a bad light, so tread lightly in the department, I suppose.
It was a good tho :3 It's definitely going into my reread pile.
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raddestrose · 2 months ago
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Ive got like two more episodes Cherry Magic then im back on my Link Click bullshit
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fyodior · 5 months ago
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knifekris · 5 months ago
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every day i struggle to make choices
#i should invest into some kind of education but cant make up my mind#mostly because options suck#i cant do trades unless my body sucks less which is sad because id love to be an electrician#cant even think about getting a pilots license cuz im not passing the med cert#i think id rather die than be a med assistant actually#working clinics at all makes me nervous tbh but probably where im headed in the short term#surgical tech would be cool but i cant do a Real program while working full-time#which is what limits most of my choices#i need to find more paid training programs i guess#if i had to pick a miserable but fulfilling job id go into education itself#but the teaching profession has always been in a downward spiral esp as of late#i dont want healthcare because i hate seeing dysfunctional glorified murder machines grinding around and around endlessly#acute care sucks id rather be in an icu for function but then im depressed because our patients are always dying#it was better as a phleb but this hospital doesnt have phleb and like i said im nervous about clinics#but i need to fucking commit to outpatient phlebotomy i think :/#the most fun ive had at a job ever#i wish i had more widely applicable skills but i cant be an emt/para even just for the training#because half of it is unpaid and the other half you pay for#and again#a job NOTORIOUS for being exhausting dangerous and traumatizing#if i was 17 again and wasnt escaping the tar pit of my mother id go for an english degree and i wouldnt even regret it#thinking about school in terms of a job i have to have forever vs for the sake of learning is so different#id like to know everything. i wanna read and write forever. and do research and have real technical skills that help people#im still riding off of the high of getting 5 ccs off of an oncology patient who desperately needed a port#they were able to run like seven tests off of it#i had to use a couple ped tubes#she only had to get poked Once and barely noticed it bc the doc team came in and im so happy i made her admission that muvh easier#labs are so miserable#checking back on the blood and seeing all of the results came through made me more pleased than anything else in the world
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monimolimnion · 6 months ago
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suncatcher [powershoe; zine fic]
GUESS WHAT my darling precious little fic Suncatcher is FINALLY OUT because it's leftovers time for @aaweddingzine 💐💍
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name: suncatcher fandom: Ace Attorney | Gyakuten Saiban relationship: Itonokogiri Keisuke | Dick Gumshoe/Niboshi Saburou | Will Powers wordcount/chapters: 1/1, 2k additional tags: hi here is a fic in which gummy and will powers help organise nrmt's wedding And Things Occur, bear4bear fluff in a church. oooo you wanna read it so bad, these two are the most literal bear characters, in that both of them are sort of like winnie the pooh but in the shape of a large gay man, and in slightly different directions, written for the aa wedding zine btw!! i had a blast!
summary:
The unholiness of the two of them, human as they are and gossiping like fishwives, and yet the coming together between the pews… there is something about it. They are running a little too close to the venue’s intended purpose; a meeting across the aisle of two kindred spirits, united in purpose. …Gumshoe has got to stop looking at him like that.
Detective Gumshoe and Will Powers scope out a wedding venue.
Read it now on Ao3!
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aggressiveguitarnoises · 6 days ago
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why am i so interested in south american cultures and history. and why do i keep stopping myself from learning about them
#no cuz i have a fucking interest in it and its unexplainable idk where it came form#i literally live on a whole other continent way away from south america#i never been to anywhere in south america#i do not have a drop of latinx blood on me i have absolutely no connections to the damn place#but yet i am so interested in whatever the fuck incas aztecs and mayans were doin#about past history and current history#and current countries NOT TO MENTION THEYRE SOOOOO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL GOD#i saw a vlog about brazil and never wanted to visit a country more in my life like holy shit#also i was obsessed with sottr mainly cuz of the focus on the latino civilizations#but from little research ive done it was quite stereotypical and blending the civilisation even tho theyre very different#but okay anyway#i HAVE the interest and yet i dont go let myself research ???? like i literally tell myself no????? no ill do that later ?????????#i have very poor memory retention okay so ig that makes me demotivated but STILLWOUWHABFJ#i remember watching some vids on the topics and trying to learn the damn differences BUT I REMEMBER FUCKING NOTHINGGGGGG#i can barely remember what i have learned in math last (4 weeks ago) like jesus cmon...................#i want to learn but i can barely remember anything FFLOR FUCKS SAKEEEKSGXVAJ#but still I dint think that's a reason for me denying myself and self sabotaging myself here ?????#i guess cuz im not taking it as much of a priority compared to the subjects im doing it + art + art history#which i also fucking suck at btw i am constantly trying to learn sm for art history and i remember. barely anything !!!#i remember i had to relearn the events and everything of ww2 like around 6-7 times and im not joking here#cuz i would not remember anything and now i remmeber it vaguely enough to be able to know some basic facts but no dates or smaller events#ok god my memory retention is shit i think i actually gotta be concerned about that shit#anyway i just wanted to rant except i have absolutely no information or facts to offer whatsoever#rumaiq rambles#writing this whislt listening to a Argentina 70s top playlist and there is absolutely no bad song. i love them all. and that is very rare#especially for me i am picky as fuck with my playlists and music#idk what the conclusion of this is i dont think there is one
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septembermonologues · 1 year ago
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how did dorym nation go from winning so hard to losing so hard in the span of 2 episodes....MAKE IT MAKE SENSE 😭😭😭
I. KNOW. i just keep thinking about how things would be different if dorian had been able to stay or pop in or even just if the sending stones worked. i think there's going to be so much pain and frustration and anger from dorian not necessarily with orym but like. i keep thinking about "no debts between us". and how whether it's internal and how orym is built or because watching the hells lately has put so much weight and responsibility on his shoulders, he's gotten to feel so indebted or something like that so as to make a deal essentially signing away his future with a hag to make up for it. but then there's an empathy there that i don't know the rest of the hells will quite have because dorian made a deal with a betrayer god to keep the crown keepers safe. they're cut from such a similar cloth in that way that i just wonder what kind of... warnings? dorian might have been able to pick up on that have slipped through the cracks without him because orym's been written off as the most stable one of the hells. i just. need to know how dorian is going to react.
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genekies · 6 months ago
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tag vent
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#i have to move back to my hometown due to a mistake. a misunderstanding. and being too trusting in others ideas#and my boyfriend is moving an hour away as well. neither of us have been able to get a car or license yet due to money and i dont know when#we can see eachother again after we both move. since we started dating weve been sleeping in the same bed because we were/are roommates#just being gone for the weekend in my hometown is hard because i cant stand to be here but its worse because hes not in my bed every night#ive grown so used to falling alseep in his arms that i dont know what to do at night. i dont feel safe without his arms holding me#ive never felt safe where ive lived before. ive never felt safe in a relationship. ive never felt loved for who i am. that was until him.#now i feel safe in our home. i feel safe in our relationship. i feel loved for who i am. and now we have to be so far apart.#ive done long distance before but this is going to hurt so much my cat loves him she is super cautious and scared around new people but#she loved him since the start. not to mention shes my esa so that really mattered to me. he wants to move with me but it isnt happening#he got definite housing an hour away for super cheap in a town where he knows everyone and i have possible in a town where im surrounded by#people i know but am terrified of. im scared to move back here but have no choice. unless i make that terrifying choice of going with him.#the apartment he is getting is a two bedroom. id only have a studio. hes offered for me to come but im scared to move that far away again#i want to be with him but im scared to move to a whole new town with him. i know hes an amazing guy but we'd be moving away from my friends#and family. i already have to move away from all my friends if i go back to my hometown but this would be a different story.#moving to a whole new town with a guy that i only started dating 2 months ago? like yes. i lived with him previously and knew him for longer#than we dated but im still scared. i think rightfully so. but still.#but there are some pros to moving with him. hometown has no music scene and his town does and thats really important to me.#we'd also be close to his family. but farther from mine. hed be around friends and id have none no matter where i go.#idk im just rambling but i really needed to vent. i lost my best friend recently to the point of them siding with strangers almost and they#helped them break and enter into the house to intimidate me and bf and then a few days later came with cops after saying repeatedly that#they were an anarchist and acab but only when they dont use them apparently. because i guess morals/values only matter when its convenient#im so tired though but i cant sleep so i might write some cringe poetry and try to chill out before going on a late night/early morning walk#tag vent#vent in tags
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