#I've talked about it a lot it's just important 2 me
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putschki1969 · 3 days ago
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Kalafina Anniversary Live 2025 Pamphlet HQ Scans Part 2
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
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Interview with Wakana
--This will be Kalafina's first live performance in about seven years. How did you feel when you found out that the concert was going to be held?
"On January 23rd, 2018, we held our 10th Anniversary LIVE at Nippon Budokan, and on March 30th we appeared on stage on the opening day of our 'Kalafina 10th Anniversary Film', which ended up being our last public appearance as a trio. Seven years have passed since then so I'm really happy that we can perform live again as Kalafina. Many people worked hard to make this happen, and when the three of us found out about this opportunity, I thought to myself, 'if we're allowed to perform live again, I definitely want to do it!' Turns out the three of us all felt the same way about this."
--How did you feel when the three of you first got together to sing during a live rehearsal?
"The first rehearsal was meant to be a sort of 'voice tuning' where we just sang through the entire setlist. It had been six years since I last sang with the two of them, so I was strangely nervous at first *laughs*. But as soon as we started singing, all my memories came back and I was able to adjust my singing technique right away, knowing exactly what to do and where to change certain parts. The accumulation of our 10 years as Kalafina has remained with me, and I was surprised at how easily we were able to just pick up where we left off, we quickly made up for the time we had spent apart. There was no need to worry about anything."
--What did the three of you talk about at that time?
"I think that singing helped us connect with each other more than talking. I was in a choir when I was in elementary school, and I started singing gospel in high school, so I've always loved singing with other people. By singing and giving each other tips, we were able to communicate with each other, and thanks to the other two I was able to release my vocal power. It was a lot of fun 'fine-tuning our voices'."
--Please tell us your thoughts on Hikaru and Keiko's vocals.
"It's something I've always felt, but each of us has a completely different vocal quality, but when the three of us sing together, something comes together, and a mysterious harmony is born. When I sang together with Hikaru and Keiko for the first time in a long while, I felt a special feeling that resonated in my heart, like 'ah, yes, this is it. This is something that only Kalafina can do, and no one else can'."
--Kalafina's music has a unique worldview, right?
"Yes, wonderful songs were written for us with a deep understanding of each of our voices, bringing out the best in us, both in melody and harmony. Also, we pushed ourselves to the very limits of our skills at that time, and whenever we sing these songs it makes me feel a sort of loving whip on my back, saying, 'you can go a little further, right?' *laughs*"
--I think the range of your expression definitely expanded throughout the years of your activities.
"With each song we received, my desire to sing more dramatically grew. When Kalafina was first formed, we were often told, 'you don't need to assert yourself or have a unique personality. Just be conscious of singing in a straightforward voice.' There is certainly an appeal to songs that are born from doing so, and I have always tried my best to focus on singing in a way that expresses the world of Kalafina's music in the best possible way, but now I think I am able to incorporate my personal expressions into that without infringing on the unique worldview."
--Kalafina was originally created to sing the theme songs for the anime "Kara no Kyokai," so it's only natural that they would place importance on the worldview of the work.
"That's right. We were aiming for a rather 'inorganic' feel to match the work. But by moving away from 'Kara no Kyoukai' and singing a variety of songs, our concept has changed since the early days. We've become able to incorporate more of our own sensibilities and experiences into our songs, and now that we've each spent years doing solo activities, our range of expression has expanded even more. I really feel that none of our experiences have been in vain, all the time we've spent up until now has benefitted us."
--What are your thoughts about all the fans who have continued to love Kalafina for such a long time?
"First of all, I would like to express my gratitude to everyone who has waited for us until now. What we can do is take in everyone's feelings, draw from them to shape our singing and give back our own feelings of gratitude and joy in the form of music. So for this live performance, I want to sing in a way that will fill the void of seven years in one night. I think it will be a more powerful performance than ever before, so I look forward to seeing you all at the venue."
--Today you had a photo shoot for the pamphlet. Please tell us your impressions of the shoot.
"It was a really fun shoot. During rehearsals we are focused on singing and there isn't much time to chat, but the best thing about a photo shoot like this is that we can be relaxed the whole time. The staff created a wonderful atmosphere, and the three of us being in the same space, chatting for the first time in a long time made me feel like the seven-year hiatus did not even exist. Hearing again how Hikaru and Keiko felt during those seven years and seeing all the photos of the three of us together really made me feel like, 'ah, Kalafina is back’.”
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tookishcombeferre · 1 day ago
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Thanks for the tag @shychick-52
So, this, I've thought a lot about actually.
The whole Protector sublot both does and does not make sense to me. I've watched it all the way through twice now, and I really, really don't like it. (Personally.)
My personal issues with the Protector subplot are as follows:
I dislike the fact that it encourages secret keeping from trusted adults (Mom, Dad, Aunt Tilly, Mr. Cedric, etc.) which is something that the show actively states is wrong in the previous episode about Gnarly and the Fliegel. ("The Fliegel has Landed" is one of my top 5 episodes, right up there with "Substitute Cedric" in terms of life lessons taught and their importance.)
I dislike the fact that it makes all the adult characters feel really stupid and flat as characters. They have absolutely no, to use a DnD term, passive perception - apparently - because they never notice Sofia is missing. They're all completely incompetent, and it makes no sense.
I just have an absolute personal disdain for the way Sofia is treated by the Protectors. She is *not* a teenager. She is not a mini-adult. Sofia is 11 ... 11 and 1/2 at the most, and Chrysta treats her like she's a minimum of 15 or 16 and I hate it.
However, my primary issues, as a parent, are with points one and three.
Someone. I do not care who. From Sofia's initial trusted circle should be with her in the Mystic Isles. Mom. Dad. Cedric. Tilly. SOMEONE. (Who is not an animal.) Should be with her to supervise.
I know the show spends a lot of time establishing Minimus as a guardian of sorts. He's really protective. He's safety conscious ... HE'S A HORSE. A smart horse. But, he's a horse.
I cannot describe to you how WITH Miranda I am with every. single. word. that comes out of her mouth in the finale I am. But, I am. I am with Miranda 3,000%.
Trust me when I say Squish and I will be having a long talk in the next couple months about how Sofia made some BAD choices about not telling her family about Prisma AS SOON as she was encountered. Prisma should have been the FIRST thing Amber and Sofia were talking about at the dinner table, the first thing Sofia was talking to Cedric about the next time she visited the tower, and Baileywick should have been on HIGH ALERT for any sign of her. Period.
There is no way Sofia should have been keeping her Protector status from her parents and trusted inner circle. Nope! Nope, nope! Bad writing. Terrible writing! No thanks. Don't like it.
And, I suppose, if the Protectors actually treated Sofia like a child in school, someone who was *learning* how to adventure and not actively putting her in danger, it might not be so bad. But, the first thing Chrysta does is like basically feed Sofia to polar bears ... so like ... I don't exactly trust these people's judgement. Nor do I trust them with the life and emotional well being of an 11 to 12 year old kid.
(Again, I am speaking as a parent. Y'all are free to feel however you want about the Protectors, I just ... I hate them. I'm sorry. Maybe that has something to do with the fact that I also had a lot of responsibility heaped on me by adults who I was supposed to trust at a young age so it just hits me in a sore spot? But, oooo I just cannot *stand* them. "Get this by sunset." "Save us Sofia, you're our only hope!" "You have to help us!" "We're basically minor gods, but we're helpless!" ICK! Major ick!)
And, before anyone asks the difference between the Protectors (specifically Chrysta) and Cedric?
He's actually useful! He actually teaches Sofia useful skills! What does Chrysta do other than complain about stuff and tell Sofia to do better without showing Sofia anything? SOFIA HAS TO TEACH CHRYSTA HOW TO TEACH!??! Like, what? Excuse me???? Huh??? What are we doing here? This is a show for children! Please, please, I am begging you! Let the adults have at least one competent bone in their body. It will not detract from having the child as your main character. I promise.
Meanwhile, Cedric taught Sofia and the rest of her classmates better in one class period than the Good Fairies did in like 2 whole years! And that's while he was still "evil!" (And strapped to a chair.) Like, hello?? (Maybe the real lesson is just that fairies are just notoriously bad teachers? I dunno.)
So, like, yes, Chrysta improves as a mentor. Fine. I'll give you that. But, she still treats Sofia WELL more like a peer than a mentee. And, I'm not super comfortable with that? I don't like the dialogue between them. I don't exactly know how old Chrysta is supposed to be, but she's definitely older than Sofia is. Maybe she's supposed like an older teen? I'm not sure. But, I do not like the way that they're coded as equals. There was a clear and distinctive barrier between Cedric as Mentor and Sofia as Apprentice literally from the episode in which she was called that onward. And, while Sofia is CALLED a trainee by Chrysta. That is NOT coded into their relationship in the same way it is in other relationships Sofia has in the show.
And, I. Do. Not. Like. That.
Chrysta is dismissive. She's arrogant. She's mean. She's not likeable. She actively blames Sofia for stuff that isn't her fault. I mean, dang, I wouldn't blame Cedric for getting into a fist fight with Chrysta just for putting Sofia though more than half the crap people put him through his whole life.
And, yes. These are all things that Cedric also can be and was throughout his redemption arc, but he is also shown over and over again to be equal parts protective and caring as well as being a mean and arrogant. Chrysta is just ... not protective or helpful.
Sofia ends up saving Chrysta well more than Chrysta ever saves Sofia. For being on the side of good, Chrysta is not very willing or able to care for Sofia, emotionally OR physically, and that's something that I just ... I can't stand. If they were going for mentor foils? They failed. Epically.
Chrysta as a character is cool. I just can't stand her as someone who is supposed to look out for Sofia because she doesn't. Like, the whole episode they're in Wei Ling? Chrysta is basically gaslighting Sofia about not asking for help until Sofia tells her off! UGH! I just ... I'm sorry! This is a sore spot for me. You stepped right into one of my pet peeves in writing for children.
It all boils down to that I just don't like what message it enforces. What the writers set up with Cedric is that he's crotchety but there is good in him, and when push comes to shove, he's going to stand up and protect the people he loves. He deeply cares about Sofia. He really wants to be good more than bad. He's just a little turned around about how to get the respect he deserves as human being. Sofia is helping him get there through her child-like hope and, really, just being around him. Truly, he's kind of like Carl from Up. He just needs another human being to bring life back into his life. Cedric likes mentoring Sofia, and there's a well established distance and boundary between them. In many ways, Cedric is doing a lot of his own development behind the scenes, Sofia is just there accompanying him on the journey. (Honestly, the Carl and Russell metaphor isn't a bad one for the two of them.)
With the Protectors, by contrast? From the moment Sofia appears, that boundary just isn't there. They immediately are willing to take her on as a near adult trainee. They put her with a trainer who clearly expresses contempt for her IN FRONT of them. This trainer is actively prejudiced against Sofia as a person, and this trainer treats Sofia, not as a child, but as a peer. In many ways, Sofia acts as an ACTIVE, not passive, catalyst for Chrysta's development.
And, I'm just NOT down for that. I'm not about it. It's not in my spirit.
There is a big difference between using life experiences and wisdom to help someone process what they're living through - what Cedric does for the class with "The Sorcerer's Secret" song - and what Sofia ends up helping Chrysta to do in getting her Fairy Wand. Big Difference. HUGE.
So, again, Squish and I will be having LONG chats about why it's important to evaluate these kinds of relationships. Healthy relationships and boundaries with adults. Because, the Protectors? That's NOT it.
There should be a firm line with all the adults involved in Sofia's life telling her "NOPE. Sorry. No more. Not because of anything you did, but because this never should have happened in the first place. This is not your circus. Not your monkey. Not your problem. You are done in the cupcake war. The end."
Sorry if this was rambly and disjointed. But, darn. This hit in a place for me. I do not like this arc. I like it less each time I watch it.
If Cedric hadn't saved her in 'In Cedric We Trust', Sofia would have been seriously hurt or worse by Prisma! That's proof that she has no business being a Protector at her age, let alone the ONLY Protector of the EverRealm!! What if such a thing were to happen again post-series- bested by an enemy or even just getting injured by pure accident, with nobody around to help (well, I mean, normally she'd usually have Minimus or Skye with her, but still)??
That's why I totally think Cedric should have been her magical bodyguard, like I discussed in this post.
@tookishcombeferre @bettathanyou @fantadym
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thefuturewithoutus · 2 years ago
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personal take on the hilson timeline: wilson was the one who fell first for house he just refused to examine it and decided to live with it. for him it's normal to want to leave his wife for house because house is his everything so he gives and gives and house takes and takes. this is the status quo until amber.
amber in universe is referred to as house but a girl, and it's true. amber is house but a girl and socially acceptable for wilson to pursue, and wilson could see himself building a life with amber that isn't possible with house because it's the 2000s and they're both repressed. so for the first time house sees wilson seriously fully committed to a relationship that isn't a fluke and he panics bc amber is everything he is and everything he can't be.
when amber dies it devastates wilson bc there goes his chance at being with the one woman he could've had a real, normal uncomplicated relationship with. meanwhile house is desperately trying to get his special spot in wilson's life back and decides to ditch the levels of sarcasm and irony as protection from the sincerity of his feelings for wilson (going from wilson youre so annoying i don't know why we're friends in s1-s3 to "YOU LOVE ME TOO MUCH" in fucking the first episode wilson is kind of friendly to him in season 5). there's the dynamic shift.
and it plays out like that until season 8. i 100% believe that the first time house sees wilson again after getting out of jail he realizes that he loves wilson so much and also. i think season 8 house would've been the one who could've plainly asked wilson out on a date. if it wasn't for his cancer diagnosis i think house would've tried something if he didn't get cold feet about it. yeah and in the four episodes of wilsons immediate reaction to his diagnosis house is literally making allusions to them fucking and asking if he would've been in wilsons envisioned life even if he had a wife and a family. it's giving This Is Not a Joke for Me Unless You Laugh. it's like house finally understands what he wants then the rug gets pulled out from underneath and it's gone before it even had a chance. just like Wilson! Anyways I'm autistic sk like maybe this doesn't resonate but if it doess yasss and slay
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arashi-no-saxlphone · 2 months ago
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as much as I would like to believe that Frederick and Asuka could be friends again, like, Freddy is building that rocket as fast as he can to kick his ass before the residual FoC and Gear power leaves his body. I'm sorry. I know I'm the Asuka apologist but dude. Nearly 2 centuries of the most unimaginable agony and festering sense of betrayal, compounded by Asuka goading him intentionally on multiple occassions (his reasoning behind all this goading aside) he is not just going to be able to let that go.
Asuka's crimes against humanity are one thing, you can argue til you're blue in the face about that and there's actual ground to cover there, but what he did to Frederick and Aria is like... damn dude. You, without their consent, turned them into gears. You lied about it to their faces too. Aria, someone who is cited as having her identity and who she is as a human being be one of the most important things to her, trusted you to put her into cryosleep because you said you'd find a way to save her so that she could be with Frederick. She didn't want that, she wanted to stay and spend the time she had left with Frederick instead, but she let you convince her cause she trusted you. And you took away her body, identity, and autonomy. You took Sol's humanity from him following that, lied to him about it, and then spent 200 years pissing him off so bad on purpose to make sure he'd always be there to help you fix everything. Oh, and then you made him kill his wife that you mutilated. Twice, essentially.
I love you Asuka, but shit, that's all kinds of levels of fucked my man. Frederick justifiably hates you really REALLY bad. I hope we get something in Dual Rulers settling this, cause Frederick just letting that go even following the events of Strive is just kinda unrealistic.
#sairambles#guilty gear#frederick bulsara#sol badguy#asuka r kreutz#aria hale#I've been thinking about it a lot recently#I think it'd take me like actual years to cover just this dynamic between the three of them alone#like Asuka and Sol being friends is important to me but#it's not really feasible. Sol's whole life and world was ruined for about 2 centuries#and Asuka is manipulative! He admits to that!#like at the end of the day it sucks but the price of saving the world was his most important relationships#and that is a tragedy because his very desire to cling desperately to the most important people in his life#is exactly what ruined him in the end#and that fucks me up SO bad#and then you gotta feel for Freddy too#like he essentially got caught in the crossfire#I forgot to talk about it in the post but he also had to spend those centuries suppressing violent gear bloodlust#like he wears that limiter for a reason#and Asuka made him that way on purpose. He “needed a warrior” as he says in Overture#it's all just. so fucked#it's crazy to see how much AsuSol there is and then how much “Sol hates Ky” there is next to it#Like... Sol and Ky are borderline familial#ESPECIALLY by the end of Xrd#Asuka though? He wants to kill that guy. Or at the VERY least beat him within an inch of his life#and even then man like#is that going to be enough?#after aria and 200 years of agony#like how much ass beating is really going to make you feel better? Is there any amount of violence that will let you get it all out?#shit man I don't think any amount would be enough for me
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moonchild-in-blue · 8 months ago
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Oh.
#according to facebook memories (why do i even have that still??) 12 years ago today i saw Linkin Park for the first time 🥺#in a few days it'll be 10 years since the last time i saw them#and. hm. there's a lot that surfaced this days since clancy dropped and i'm a bit more emotional / sensitive than usual#and this is. well. making me extremely sad.#12 years ago. i remember as if it was yesterday. i cling to that day so much and i'm scared of forgetting about it#i wonder how 14 yo me would've reacted if she knew.#they were my first gig ever! i remember the 2nd song was given up and the people around us started moshing pretty hard.#so much that my shoe came off and my dad had to shield me while i crawled and looked for it hahaha#it was so fun! i didn't really know that was a thing#that day was the first time they played Lies Greed Misery - it had been released just the day before#my videos are SO blurry but i still have them all saved 🥹#idk i've been in some typa mood these past days. not necessarily bad at all but.#me and a couple friends had a very important conversation 2 nights ago which was GOOD but. the bad thing about letting everything bottle up#is that once you spill it's hard to deal with. and yeah this is. idk. i'm just venting here like. ignore me.#it's just really hard for me. i miss him terribly and i'm really scared for myself because i *know* i'm back in the loop#and it feels so hopeless sometimes. maybe this is super silly but i'm so thankful that Clancy came out now because OH BOY i need it#maybe it's not the best strategy to put so much faith? importance? in like. music and other people but#man. i genuinely don't know if i'd be here if not for certain songs/artists etc#idk I'm rambling lol. i might delete this later#probably. maybe. i try not to talk too much about this here because i tend to deal alone but. sometimes it's nice to send things to the void#anyways. support your favs. talk to your friends - even if you much rather not. don't be like me and let things rot inside.#🤍#darya talks to herself
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stillfruit · 4 months ago
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i love not knowing if i'll ever be healthy again i love all of the time i've used to move my body become nothing i love spending my adulthood wasting away year after year for various reasons baby!
#i know i'm being dramatic and privileged etc etc right now but i hate living like this#i probably had covid in the beginning of august and since then my heart and lungs have just been fucked#so now i'm probably looking at at least 2 years of long covid and maybe permanent neurological damage#could i be lucky and get better in few more months? maybe. do i believe that will happen? no. optimistically maybe next summer id be better#my symptoms are not that bad considering what i know other people have suffered but at the same time that makes it feel not real#otherwise i'm pretty much fine except i feel like fainting alot after standing up or excerting myself and anything beyond walking#spikes my hr to 160 and right now even laying down my hr is around 80. this comes with the associated shortness of breath etc#what fucks me up about this is that my normal hr is low with my rhr being under 50bpm and i'm physically active#so basically i've went from regular running and half marathons being no issue to not being able to jog 1km at the slowest pace possible#without spiking my hr to zone 4#so now with the recovery time of this being however long if properly ever i'll have to basically start all over again with everything#i biked to the grocery store yesterday and that took me out for the rest of the day because my heart rate just didn't go down afterwards#outwards i look fine and i wouldn't be as affected if sports and moving wasn't a part of my life and relationships but it is#i've read studies about recovery times and a lot of them don't feel applicable because the test groups are either very different from me#based on the baseline health info such as activity levels or they're elite atheletes which i am not#some have given me hope that keeping my hr under like 130 by doing activities like walking until maybe someday things get better works#but who knows and even if it does this will be yet another thing that takes the littlest bits of muscle tissue i have on me away once again#because besides deconditioning muscle loss is yet another symptom. so i will be even weaker than i am right now#i don't know how much of what i'm experiencing in terms of mental effects is from anxiety over my physical health and how much is brainfog#but we'll see i'll just have to start walking a lot every day and keep up with simple and slow strenght training so i'll want to die less#i don't think my family will ever properly understand because almost all of them are athletes and the one who isn't never does any excercis#so either i just look like i'm weak but i was always weak so it's not a big deal or my experience isn't really that important#this is so so so pathetic both my reaction and the issue but it's difficult to not feel this way especially with the uncertainty#shit talking
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potatoesandsunshine · 1 year ago
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the fucked up de rolo sibling relationship is something that can actually be so personal....
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theartinmyheart · 1 month ago
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#with where I'm at in life rn I've been thinking about my ex a lot and his happiness and quality of life#I'm probably way off to assume that hes unhappy but if I'm comparing where I'm at and where I've last heard he's at..I feel sorry for him#I feel like i got lucky after we broke up bc I started therapy and school and my museum and life#like I was able to learn and unlearn and grow into the person i am now and learn to be my own self w out a partner or family and be content#and then i think about how he had a kid w someone pretty quickly after we broke up and then just got into another serious relationship#like did he process our breakup completely? by the time i had processed it#his new kid was like 2 i think. and thats ok bc that relationship was a huge part of my life and influenced me a lot today#so to think that it took me that long and he was already in another deeeeeep situation makes me wonder if hes happy#I think i'd be miserable. knowing what I know now just on life experience and therapy and school especially#I would never want to be in his shoes. but maybe hes happy living like that#like one of those he doesnt know what hes missing bc he doesnt know what education and therapy and freedom looks like situations#I think bc im v grateful w where im at in life rn I'm wondering if it all worked out for him as well#or honestly if hes just stuck in the same pattern of life he was in when we were together#having two kids out of wedlock#being in a relationship w someone bc they got pregnant#is the relationship healthy? is his son happy?#god i wonder about his son a lot and how he feels knowing his dad has another kid he lives w full time#i truly feel bad for all kids from broken families bc its not what children need at all.#like is he learning and educating himself on important things or is his life monotonous and lacking intellectual stimulation?#I cant imagine being ignorant like I was when we were together so i really hope its not like that for him#Idk lately I've been wondering if we could have been friends but I doubt his relationship is healthy like that lmao#I feel like i just want to sit down and talk w him and catch up but am i too different now? is he? it'd be like meeting a stranger#and that also makes me sad bc that relationship was so significant to my life and to who i am today#but thats how life is. you're never the same person twice and you only experience things once. so this is just how its meant to be#so i really hope he is happy and he has done internal work and is making the most out of his life and his circumstances#he deserves that and more#j#anyways
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ame-to-ame · 5 months ago
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Rereading ayaka is in love with Hiroko senpai!!! Last time I read it I don't think it was finished/I didn't finish it but ack. Now I also want to be in love 😭😭😭
#i want to say i want to be someone like ayaka but in reality im probably more like hiroko#i used to be someone like ayaka. i was really tunnel visioned and i didn't consider much aside from the person i was interested in#but it's been years now and there's a lot more to consider and it's. hard and im even more scared now.#i think there's someone who im currently talking with who's trying to figure out if im into women or not and if im available or not#but it's that sort of thing where there's just. a lot in my shoulders and a lot to consider. i want a relationship eventually but.#there's just so much to consider right now. in the past i thought that as long as i could make my partner happy a rx is just btwn 2 of us#but when i did actually get into a serious long term relationship i realized that most people. do expect getting to have in laws.#people for the most part want to be loved proudly and not have to hide it. and i do too. but at the same time. i just. there's so much on me#i almost came out to my dad the other day while trying to console him. but maybe that news would just be the last straw for him. idk.#i just can't really afford to have my life be shaken up much more right now when i just rebuilt some stability.#especially when my parents are having a midlife crisis and both of them are leaning on me. my health worsening also stressed them out too.#i really thought I'd be braver and have less to worry about the older i got and the more independent i became but. ig not.#in my teens i told myself once i reached adulthood I'd be free to be myself and pursue happiness. in my 20s i tell myself after med school.#maybe once I'm finally out of med school and etc I'll have the opportunity to live my life. or maybe by then there will be another reason.#it's a real concern. i mean. sure I've never wanted kids I've always been ace and I've always liked women but. the societal pressure.#to other queer people the gaydar goes off easily but to the cishet audience i've mostly. been able to go unnoticed.#and when you're younger not having a bf or ppl you're interested in and being focused on your studies is a thing your parents are proud of#but as i get older. it's just been harder. i don't know how much longer i have before i have to conform or have the cat out of the bag.#i don't even get it sometimes. i really don't. the expectation of family and marriage is wanting happiness for your child right? but somehow#idk. idk. i really don't know. sometimes maintaining an image. might be more important than your child's feelings.#and i really can't be certain that between ego and saving face compared to me that. I'll come out on top. i really don't know.#idk. idk. i know there are ppl interested in dating me. but idk. i really need some time to process things through.#sometimes i ask myself how i would feel abt it and i really can't figure out how i feel at all.#it's ok to date someone u don't love ig. i mean. I've done it before. you can make yourself like someone after a while. but idk if i.#idk i just. i think im just really scared. and I'll need at least another month or so before anything is back on the table.#it's honestly just me running away from having to deal with sorting out thoughts and feelings 👍��👍 which i eventually will have to face ig#but if i do fall in love ik i have it in me to sort those things out quickly i think. if im not too scared to let myself fall.#ig i just have to get more used to ppl being interested in me again ack 😭 it's easy to ignore it when dating someone but. now.#and it was fine in the summer bc i wasn't really around too many ppl my age. but. ugh. unfortunately. i do have. a face and a personality.#delete later
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gutttings · 7 months ago
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puts my face in my hands and screams
#just got suddenly violently ill thinking about dating and romance and love i wanna be in love i wanna love someone who loves me#my last relationship. listen they weren't bad by any means and i still love them so dearly theyre my best friend. but i knew we were gonna#break up months before it happened. j saw the writing on the wall. for the last chunk of that relationship it felt like they didn't love me#and now they talk about how theyve never been loved fully before they've never known what that feels like and it's like#i. put so much of my heart and soul into that relationship. for four year#i don't think i was a bad partner. if i was i hope they would have told me#and ik it's their mental health issues making them say shit like that but that + them admitting they spent the entirety of our relationship#thinking i was dating them out of pity#when i was so wildly in love with them and still am (though it's platonic now#it hurts. it hurts#I don't hold it against them. im sure theyd also rather not be thinking like this. but it hurts a lot#i wanna date i wanna be in a relationship but im so scared and awkward and autistic and picky and i don't go places or do things i don't#know how to meet people or how to actually behave in a relationship cuz most of my previous ones were long distance#and I've been single for over 2 years#i just don't know how to function or how to go about it#sorry i complain about the same shit always but theyre the most important person in my life#and despite all my efforts i am still so deeply insecure#raaah RAAAAAAH IT HURTS !!!!! IT HURTS AND IM SAD!!!!!!!!!!#open up
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energ00n · 6 days ago
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APPRENTICE AU MASTERPOST
-> If you have a question, check in the Popular Questions first to see if it's there or risk getting blocked by asking me the same thing for the 100th time
If you're interested in the AU, let this be your guide. I suck at writing but I'll do my very best. Just a warning this is LONG and I'll probably update it as I go.
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I. What is Apprentice AU?
Setting
Apprentice AU takes place in a timeline where all the original Thirteen Primes are ALIVE. They're the rightful rulers of Cybertron and each takes charge of an aspect in their society (religion, military, economy, etc...) keeping everything running.
To be efficient with this, they take bots themselves deem exceptional under their wings and train those into worthy leaders for Cybertron. And potentially, a new Prime.
Fun fact: Only one bot has achieved Primacy through apprenticeship and it's Sentinel Prime.
2. Story
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The AU mostly revolve around Orion Pax and D-16, specifically their growing relationship while being Apprentices of Prima Prime and Megatronous Prime, respectively.
Some art and comic I've made of them:
First meeting - First greeting
Chatter - Pastime - Watchful eyes
Orion's upgrade (< context)
Lord High Protector
Fandub
II. What entails being an Apprentice?
Role
A bot can only have 1 Prime as their mentor, thus wholeheartedly devote to that Prime's purpose. During the apprenticeship, the bot will learn all their Prime offers and graduate once they are ready to contribute to Cybertron.
Example:
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Prima is in charge of the Religious aspect -> Orion learns of ritual and duties that help with the church
Megatronous is in charge of Cybertron's military -> D-16 is trained to be a warrior/soldier
2. Garment
Once becoming a Prime's apprentice, you are obligated to adorn their House's garment. Mostly consist of one primary colour of the Prime and an accent colour + accessories.
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^^^ All designs shown thus far ^^^
All the garments are considered extreme honour, a blessing that reminds the apprentices of their devotion to their Prime mentors
There's a little made up rule between the Apprentices that only your special somebot can touch your garment, consider how important it is. Like a forbidden peck on the lips if you will.
╔══ •- Popular Questions -• ══╗
"Where is Elita/Bee in the AU? Whose apprentice are they?"
They WILL APPREAR. Eventually.
I have answered about their roles in the past quite a few times too. The AU is still in its very early stage I want to have fun with DPax first before having to learn how to draw other characters, it's tedious work whenever I need to draw a new mech.
2. "Why are Orion and D-16 cogless?"
This is still not thoroughly thought out but a lot of bots do not come online with their cogs. These cogs are later given to them by an older figure in a maturity ceremony.
3. "How are the Apprentices chosen?"
Vibes
4. "Are the High Guard still there?"
Yes. They're intact and is mainly under Megatronous Prime's command. Starscream, Shockwave and Soundwave are D-16's personal trainers since Megatronous has expressed his hope that D will lead the High Guard someday.
Starscream isn't happy so he's a particular harsh trainer to D but he'll be a good guardian figure when D needs him to be. D has a nice friendship with Soundwave
5. "How is X in this AU?"
Most of the time, I will have no idea who you're talking about. I'm super new to Transformers. I would be very appreciative if you'd tell me a short description of the character and maybe suggestion on what trope they might play (anatagonist, mentor, etc...). Information is always welcome.
Please don't ask me about other Primes aside from Prima, Megatronous, Sentinel and Zeta only when it's Sentinel related. Most of it I consider as spoilers. Once again tho, info and suggestions about them would be nice.
Alpha Trion would be fine too but there's nothing much to say about him.
6. "Can we draw fanart/write fanfic/make our own OCs for the AU?"
On my knees, please do and pleaseeeeeee link me if you do, I want to see all that my stupid AU inspired. Tho I do have a few boundaries:
Dpax/Megop and Prima/Megatronous are SOLID. Please don't ship them with anyone else. Strict one-sided from others is fine tho! (ex: Bee has a one-sided crush on Orion)
Bottom Orion and top D-16 only
Orion is Prima's only Apprentice
Thank you all for reading!
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nereidprinc3ss · 10 months ago
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do you believe me now? | 2
in which fem!reader is feeling insecure about how inexperienced she is around spencer's friends and seeks his expertise to amend the problem
series masterlist
18+ (smut) warnings/tags: inexperienced reader, oral f receiving, (MUNCH!SPENCE RETURNS), fingering, (very) insecure reader, softdom!spencer, sub reader, nipple stuff, kinda sorta implied age gap, god i'm probably forgetting things pls lmk if i missed something important a/n: i've been laboring at this bad boy every day for so long i had to immediately post once it was completed lol. there will be a part three ... maybe i already started it ..... anyway i love u guys and i hope this is a satisfactory part two!! PLS lmk if you liked it!! hearing from u makes my day :')
When Spencer dropped you off at Penelope’s apartment for your first girl’s night—the hostess had promised you, JJ, and Emily lots of gossip sans 'icky men'—you had been ecstatic. You wouldn’t stop rambling to him about how excited you were. 
When he picks you up two and a half hours later, he can hardly get a word out of you. 
It’s not his fault, of course—well, not really, anyway. It’s just that all the girls had wanted to talk about was sex. A topic on which you held very little expertise and had essentially nothing to contribute. Out of the four, you were the only non-FBI agent, the youngest, and undoubtedly the least experienced. It was like high school all over again, except you actually desperately wanted to impress Spencer’s friends. All in all, you weaseled your way out of sharing without giving away that you were still very much a virgin. Sure, you could have said ‘we did hand stuff two weeks ago’, but you had a feeling these women wouldn’t consider that very impressive. 
But you can’t easily relay that information to Spencer—even when he immediately picks up on your sullen mood. He asks you what’s wrong as you make your way down the echoey staircase, but you hold back, muttering something along the lines of we’ll talk about it later. 
Later doesn’t come on the sidewalk outside. It doesn’t come in the car, or at any point during the twenty minute drive, but you feel it rapidly approaching as you climb the stairs to Spencer’s apartment. He unlocks the door and holds it open for you, doesn’t speak as you kick off your shoes and wander aimlessly into the living room.
“Did you eat?” He finally asks, hanging his keys on a hook by the door and glancing over to where you linger in the center of the room like a ghost. 
“Not hungry.”
You both know that wasn’t the question, but he lets it go. 
“Alright... well, I was thinking—“
“Why haven’t we had sex?”
The question flies from your mouth before you can stop it. It tastes like metal and you wish you could take it back as you stand there, cheeks hot and awaiting a reply. It seems you’ve thoroughly astonished Spencer as he gapes at you like a fish out of water for several silent moments, eventually opting to shove his hands in his pockets and shake his head at the wall as he processes the question. 
“I… I don’t know. We just haven’t. Does that bother you?”
Suddenly your whole body feels intolerably warm. Your fingers twitch against your thighs. Of course it bothers you. 
“Do you just not want to? You aren’t attracted to me like that?”
God, you despise how fragile your voice sounds—how much you obviously care, how insecure you clearly are. Spencer picks up on it, despite your most fervent wishing that he wouldn’t, and approaches, stopping a few feet away. You stare at the span of oriental design on the floor between your feet. 
“That’s not at all what I said, angel. I wish you wouldn’t put words in my mouth.”
“Well, then… say something else,” you plead quietly, childishly, still unable to meet his eyes. Prove me wrong. 
He sighs, which does not bode well for you. You wonder if you accidentally triggered the early demise of your relationship and christ do you wish you could rewind. When he steps closer, when his hands find your arms, you’re not sure where to look. But the low, sweet tone of his voice entices you to finally meet his gaze, charmed like a snake as his eyes dart between yours. 
“You know that’s not how I feel.”
You shake your head earnestly, looking up at him with wide eyes as he slowly rubs your arms. 
“No. No, I don’t know that.”
Spencer frowns, glancing at your lips as he speaks. It’s impossible to not do the same when he’s standing so close. 
“But I’ve told you. I don’t understand how you couldn’t know how far from the truth that is.”
You think back to two weeks ago—the first and only time he’d ever done anything more than kiss you. A different kind of flush replaces the shameful one in your cheeks as you try to make your case and not get distracted by the memories of his hands all over you.
“So why won’t you prove it?”
It’d been intended to come out cool, but instead you sound a little desperate, a little out of breath as you realize you and Spencer somehow ended up so close to each other you can feel the warmth radiating from his body. 
“Is that what you need from me? More proof?”
He speaks so lowly, his fingers press into the flesh of your arms portentously, and you think maybe you’ve poked the bear one too many times. But you won’t back down now—not when you think you might actually get what you want. 
So you look up at him and nod, throat too dry to speak. His eyes are deceptively soft, but you don’t miss the big bad something lurking just beneath the surface of the placid hazel. 
“And how do you think I should prove it?”
“I told you what I want,” you whisper, speaking above your pounding heart. 
“Not tonight, honey. Choose something else.”
“Well—that’s not fair,” you stammer, “the whole point is for you to want to have sex with me.”
Spencer smiles a little, tucking hair behind your ear. “I do want that. I promise you I do. But there are other things I want us to do first.”
“Then I want to do that, too! I just—I don’t know what I’m doing, and you do, and I’m already out on a limb by asking for this much. I know this is what I want but I need you to take the lead here. I trust you, Spencer.” You top off the monologue with an imploring gaze—hoping it delivers even a fraction of the impact that his puppy-dog eyes always have on you. 
He seems to study every square inch of your face as you wait in suspense for him to say something. At long last, his lips part—to no avail for several more seconds as he regards you. 
When the words finally do come, they’re an immense relief of pressure. 
“You’re going to promise me that you’ll communicate honestly. That means telling me if we need to slow down or stop, or if you don’t like something—”
“I promise,” you say, perhaps over-eagerly, offering him your extended little finger. 
An incredulous smile narrows his eyes. 
“Is this a pinky-promise?”
“It is.” You wiggle the finger in emphasis, and he shakes his head, smiling wider as you link pinkies. 
“I left you with Garcia for far too long.”
You shush him, disentangling your hands to cup his jaw and press your lips to his. It’s sweet and smiley until it isn’t—until everything slows down like sticky molasses and his hand is ghosting over your cheek, your neck, the curve of your waist, finally substantiating itself on your hip—the other encouraging you to tilt your head back as he deepens the kiss and you feel yourself melting under the heat of his touch. 
The pressure of his body against yours builds until you’re forced to take a step back, and then another, and another. Without question you allow yourself to be herded toward the bedroom, walked slowly backward as he keeps kissing you and blindly trusting he’ll make sure you don’t run in to anything. The bedroom door clicks shut behind him, and it is in all practicality a pointless gesture��but you find it incredibly comforting nonetheless.  
It’s too warm beneath your sweater and his hands are cool as they slip under the hem, sliding against the curve of your hip. Spencer’s never seen you without a shirt, you realize, as he pulls away from the kiss by only centimeters.  
“Off?” he mutters, thumbing at the knit fabric. And while you’re far from confident, you’ve certainly been making progress in this area. You help him tug it over your head without a word, noting a distinct and surprising lack of terror within yourself as you watch for his reaction to you. Hands glide slowly up your waist and you find yourself enchanted by the slight furrow of his brow, the parting of his lips. He traces down the lacy edge of your bra, skimming sensitive skin as he goes. 
“Pretty,” he murmurs. “You’re… so pretty.”
It seems you’ve rendered him uncharacteristically prosaic. The reaction might be underwhelming if it were anyone else—but Spencer Reid is a man who probably knows every synonym for pretty in the English language. Looking at you, he can’t think of a single one. In an odd way, it’s the highest compliment he could pay you. Your cheeks heat and your stomach flips as he drags a knuckle up the center of the cup, and you can feel it through the layers of lace and fabric. He leans forward, ghosting his lips over yours and continuing to run his fingers over the sensitive spot. “Do you know how pretty you are?”
This is one argument you will not be winning—one he’ll keep bringing up at the most inopportune times until he gets his way. 
“Spencer…”
“Don’t Spencer me. I’m asking you a question.”
The words don’t seem nearly as harsh as they really are when they’re delivered velvet-soft, with his lips and hands on you—when he’s so deftly popping the button on your jeans and dragging the zipper down with all the quickness of a slight-of-hand. It makes it hard to focus, even harder to speak. 
“We have… we have differing views on this matter.”
Generous handfuls of your hips and ass are taken as he helps you tug down your jeans before you kick them off, now left just in your underwear. 
“I thought I argued my point fairly well last time you were here. You didn’t learn anything from that?”
“Mm… maybe you just need to remind me.”
“Oh, I think I have to,” he agrees through a smile you can only hear. Gentle fingers skim up your back and tap the clasp of your bra. “How about this? Can we take this off?”
Any confidence from earlier crumbles and you loose a nervous hum—which is not the enthusiastic yes you’re sure Spencer will be seeking all evening. He pulls away, features etched with the beginnings of concern and a searching gaze. Asking would be unnecessary; the words simply come tumbling out of you. 
“What if you don’t like how I look?”
Spencer doesn’t even blink.
“That’s not going to happen.”
How you wish you could have the same assuredness in yourself that he seems to. 
“But what if… what if you’ve been with other girls who are more, like—I don’t know, just—better? Prettier?”
“Honey, you’re—” a sigh, a pause as he searches for the words—his eyes dart up and down your form, assessing, and when he looks back up at you, they’ve cleared and softened. He pulls you a little closer, rubbing circles into your back with his thumb. “I’m not thinking about anyone else right now. I’m not interested in anyone else right now. I already think you’re perfect, and I’m going to keep thinking that regardless of how you look. When I look at you, I’m not looking for things to critique. Do you understand me?”
As far as sentiments go, it’s a nice one. But the pressure of being seen still feels like an impossible burden. You whine, leaning your head against Spencer’s chest. He accepts your weight and runs his hand over your back as you look up at him. 
“But what if I’m hideously deformed?”
His eyebrows raise. 
“You’re not.”
“But what if I am?”
“Okay. It seems like you don’t feel ready yet, which is completely fine, we just won’t—”
“No!” you protest. “I am ready. I am. But… you have to promise to be nice to me no matter what. Or break up with me if you don’t like what you see so I don't have to wonder.”
“You’re ridiculous,” he says, kissing you, “and the only thing I’m willing to promise is that I’ll think you’re perfect. Me being nice will come as a natural byproduct of that which is very different than being nice by artifice. Take it or leave it.”
A moment of hesitance—but it’s short-lived. This is more important than your insecurities. Spencer is more important. 
“Take it,” you mumble against his lips. His fingers trace up the smooth skin of your back, all the way to the fabric and metal hooks on your bra. 
“Thank you.”
You wouldn’t have thought Spencer’s genius would manifest in being really good at undoing the clasp of a bra, but you can truly say you’re impressed by the ease with which he does it. It falls to the floor, leaving you completely shirtless for the first time in front of him. 
“Well?” you murmur, arms crossed defensively underneath your chest, because you understand overtop would sort of ruin the whole thing. “What’s the verdict?”
“You,” Spencer manages after a moment—you literally watch him memorizing every square inch of your body— “are ridiculously beautiful.”
The way his voice gets quieter makes your stomach flip. It sounds genuine. Too genuine to be faked. 
“So… no breakup?”
It seems that the more vulnerable you feel, the less likely you are to take a compliment. Spencer, who is always seeking patterns, probably recognizes this one, and doesn’t push you so hard this time. After a silent moment, he sighs and cradles your face in his hands. 
“You’re gorgeous. I hate how incapable you are of seeing that. We’re going to talk about this.”
“Yeah, but not right now, right?” you murmur, standing up on your tiptoes to kiss him. 
“Not right now,” he agrees. 
His lips are so soft and gentle against your own it feels like love, it feels like being talked down from the ledge of your own insanity. Somehow the way he strokes your hip feels more nurturing than sexual. It’s like he has sex and chaste affection on tap, able to turn them on and off at will. You’re happy to drown in either. Ideally, both.
After a while, his hands begin roaming farther, become bolder in their excursions over your flesh. Up, down, over your waist and ribs. Clearly Spencer had been trying to ease you into it, but you still can’t hide your sharp inhalation when his thumbs graze the sensitive skin of your breasts. He pulls his lips from yours, hands splayed over your sides. 
“Sit down.”
It’s much too gentle to be a command, but you frown. 
“Without you?”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he chuckles, lightly squeezing your waist. “Just sit. Utilize patience.”
You sit on the edge of the bed with an atypical reticence—you’re just a little too nervous for a snippy comeback. Spencer picks up on this, features softening sympathetically as he undoes his tie with nimble fingers. It lands somewhere on the bed and he leans over you, resting his weight on his fists and offering you a quick kiss. His voice is soft and designed to soothe as he speaks, mere inches away from your face, and so quiet it could only be heard at this range. 
“Are you nervous?” Cloth from the duvet pinches between your fingers. For a moment you don’t reply, dropping your head to watch when Spencer runs his hand over your thigh. “It’s okay if you’re feeling anxious, baby. We don’t have to do anything tonight.”
You expel a frustrated huff. 
“I want to. Just because I’m nervous doesn’t mean I don’t want this. I can handle a little bit of anxiety.”
He hums, dropping to a crouch and inserting himself directly in your line of sight. 
“I know you can. But you don’t always have to push yourself so hard.”
“I’m fine pushing myself a little. I pinky-promised I would tell you if I wanted to stop, remember?”
“Oh, how could I forget a pinky-promise?” he smiles. 
How could you forget anything, you think, becoming flushed and silently insolent at his dulcet teasing. 
“Please, do something.” It’s a whisper, brushing his lips as you lean down until you’re nose to nose. His hands are on the back of your legs. 
“I’m working on it.”
“It doesn’t look like it.”
“You’re smart, angel. Tell me why I've got you naked on my bed and I’m kneeling in front of you. Where could I possibly be taking this?”
Oh, you have a pretty strong inkling—but you’re scared to voice it and be wrong. Instead of risking it you shake your head slowly, shyly. What you’re not expecting is for Spencer to duck his head down, slide his hands up the side of your thighs and press kisses to the delicate skin there. It feels good—better than you’d have thought. 
“You don’t know?” he asks, looking up at you through burnished gold-rimmed pupils. “No guesses?”
“No guesses,” you agree breathlessly, hotter than you were when you had your clothes on and all the energy in your body condensed into one point between your legs. Spencer hums like he’s considering your answer, smoothing his thumbs over the soft skin of your thighs so gently it feels like burning. 
“I don’t think you’re being entirely truthful. Lie back, sweetheart.”
You do as you’re told, scooting up on the mattress and falling back on your elbows. Spencer wastes no time in climbing over you, leaving you in much the same position as the last time you’d been in his bed. The sheets feel cool against your bare skin, but he is exceptionally warm and solid over you. 
“I’m being honest.” Lie. “I don’t know what you’re going to do.”
Lips find the most sensitive spot of your neck, dancing over it torturously. The front of his shirt brushes your chest. Your thighs clamp together. 
“I don't like being lied to. Just say it, baby. I know you know.”
“Spencer,” you whine, fists bunching the excess fabric around his waist. Warm breath condensates on the skin of your neck as he chuckles. 
“You don’t like being teased, huh?”
“Please, Spence,” you whisper. You notice the pattern of his breathing pause momentarily before it all comes rushing out at once—and you catalogue that particular plea for later usage. 
“I can’t say no when you ask me like that.”
You push your fingers into his soft hair. 
“I know.”
It was a lucky guess. 
He’s still for a moment, relishing the feeling of your hands in his hair, before darting up to kiss you. 
“I’m going to use my mouth this time,” he murmurs against your lips. Though you knew that was what he intended, your heart stumbles in its perpetual march. “Is that okay?”
“What if I…”
You trail off. This is a very intimate situation which you’re not quite sure you have delicate enough language for. Or maybe you’re just stalling. Either way, Spencer is eternally patient with you. 
“You need to stop worrying so much, pretty girl. I’d love to do this for you. But it’s your call.”
“Love is a pretty strong word.”
“Sometimes I think not strong enough.”
The way he’s looking down at you so tenderly, brushing hair from your face, makes you think maybe he’s not just talking about how much he would love to go down on you. Regardless, it fortifies your trust in him. Spencer is the kindest person you know. He’s so clearly an enthusiastic giver. Why not allow him to give you this? 
“Okay,” you breathe. “You can—yeah.”
As usual, you’re impressively awkward, but he doesn’t seem to mind. In fact, you think he not-so-secretly delights in being the one to fluster instead of the other way around. Rarely has he mentioned his past romantic and sexual exploits, but gathering bits and pieces, you assume he was a fairly late bloomer. He probably knows what it’s like to be nervous and so deeply unsure of yourself. 
“Do you remember what you promised me?” he whispers, pressing butterfly-light kisses to your jaw. Your eyes flutter shut as his lips traverse down your neck, teeth skimming over the delicate skin while your breath catches. 
“Mhm.”
“You’re not gonna break that promise, are you?”
His voice, soft and muffled by your skin, is the most exhilarating and disorienting high. Your entire body buzzes with anticipation, satisfied only where his lips soothe and his body presses against yours. It takes a moment for you to remember to reply. 
“No.”
Reward comes in the form of his thumb brushing over the peak of your breast at the same time as he murmurs, “good girl.”
Your stomach flips at the endearment—you squeak and arch into him slightly. Spencer’s hand slides down your ribs as he chuckles, lips pressed just above your collarbone. 
“You’ve never called me that before,” you shudder as he continues kissing over your neck. 
“It’s not appropriate in most conversational contexts. But I can tell you’ve always been good.”
“Really? How?”
Spencer pauses, pushing himself up to regard you with searching eyes. The places he’d kissed feel cold without him. 
“I just can. You’re thinking too much, baby. I need your focus on me.”
“It is on you,” you huff. 
You watch his expression shift minutely. He loves games. Of course he’d love playing with you. That knowledge is why you’re only partially surprised when his thumb catches on your nipple again. 
“Is it? You’re only thinking about how it feels when I touch you here?”
A stammering nod. 
He toys with the sensitive flesh only a second more, amusement lighting his eyes, before dragging his hand down, down, down until it’s between your legs. Fingers trail over your clothed core, skimming the most sensitive part of you while your breath hitches.  
“Tell me how it feels when I touch you here.”
“Really good,” you admit, a heavy exhale escaping parted lips as he pins you with his gaze. 
“Really good, right. I can make it feel even better. Do you want me to make it feel better?”
Your thighs drop fully open and he adds just a bit more pressure until you’re pushing against his hand in search of more friction. 
“Yes please.”
“Then no more questions. I need you to trust me.”
Your answer is a breathy, dreamy sigh—you’d do anything, say anything for him. 
“Okay.”
Spencer kisses you, absorbing your noises of protest as his hand ceases between your legs and settles on your hip. But you’re trusting him. No whiny complaining. No unnecessary questions. 
Things go much quicker once you’re not interrupting him every twenty seconds to say something. His lips reattach to your neck, retracing their path (albeit quicker) until he’s below your collarbone. You watch in rapt fascination, twisted brows and parted lips as he peppers kisses down over your breast before dragging his tongue over your nipple. A jolted little moan spills out because you hadn’t been prepared to hold one in. Waves of hair fall over Spencer’s face, obscuring him from your vision, but you don’t think to push it away—your body is too busy processing the sensation to be much use on any other front. He darts his tongue over the peaked flesh, eliciting more little open-mouthed exhalations of pleasure from you. Earlier you hadn’t really thought it necessary for your bra to come off—you had no idea this could actually feel so good. A moment later he begins toying with the other nipple and you gasp as a bolt of heat goes straight to your core. 
You curse, further words catching in your throat as he suddenly switches, mouthing at your other breast and letting the cold air chill the other until you have goosebumps. It feels a little like hypnosis—you’re unable to move or speak as his tongue laves over you. Soon he’s replacing his mouth with a thumb again, sucking a mark onto your tit just above your nipple. You whimper a little at the pleasant brutality of it, hoping as he releases that it won’t soon fade. Spencer swipes over the stinging skin and presses a tender kiss to it, almost like an apology—but you sincerely doubt he’s actually sorry. 
Then he resumes his descent, leaving soft kisses down between your breasts, over your ribcage and stomach—when he reaches your hips, he doesn’t pull off your underwear all at once. Rather, he slides the fabric down centimeter by centimeter, kissing the revealed skin like it’s precious. 
This time you don’t need to be told to lift your hips. He helps you slip the final piece of clothing down and off of your legs, flinging it somewhere blindly before getting comfortable between your thighs once more. Your heart pounds with arousal and anxiety as his arms wrap around your thighs and his hands rub up and down the tops of them slowly. 
“God, you’re fucking beautiful,” he mumbles, loosening his hold on one leg to thumb at your folds. They glisten in the dim light of his bedroom as he gently reveals your clit. A soft whine escapes you when he nudges at the aching bud, slipping over it a few times and alleviating a bit of the pressure that’s been building. “Shh, baby. I know. I’m gonna take care of it. You’re being so good for me.”
Fuck. The way he talks to you makes your brain turn to mush—you’re utterly incapable of forming an intelligent thought. Spencer has rendered you a complete idiot, and you’re not upset about it in the slightest. 
He presses more gentle kisses to the creases between your thighs, just above your clit—everywhere except for where you need him most. Everything aches for him in the best way and at least you’re too turned on to be very insecure anymore. All you want is relief. But you’re trusting him. 
Thankfully, he delivers. 
The tip of his tongue grazes so lightly over your clit that if you weren’t this worked up you may not have felt it at all. In your current state, however, the stimulation echoes through every atom of your being. Every muscle is tense, frozen in place—you can’t even breathe for a second. He does it again, a little flatter, with a little more pressure, and you whimper. It’s a delicate thing, almost pained and definitely overwhelmed as he gently begins working his tongue against you. Your head cranes up to watch, your jaw drops. Approximations of curse words try to form, but come out only as, “f-fu—oh,” so whiny and soft it doesn’t even sound like you. He hums sympathetically, but you suspect it morphs into a chuckle as you continue to gasp and mewl. 
There are times where you can hold back sounds of pleasure. When you’re by yourself, it’s typically not a problem. Two weeks ago when Spencer was knuckle deep in you for the first time, it had certainly been a challenge, and you’d pretty much given up. But this—this is something else entirely. It feels like religion. It feels like compulsion. Even if you had the slightest modicum of control over yourself, which you currently don’t, you wouldn’t want to keep quiet. You want him to know what he’s doing to you. 
So you let every cry, every whine and whimper drag from your lungs, unbidden and unshaped. You’re new at this, after all—every broad lick feels so good that you have no fucking idea what do to with your hands or how to stop rolling your hips or how to censor your sounds. 
“Spencer,” you keen in one of the moments you remember to breathe. He moans against you, taking you into his mouth and sucking lightly. Your hips buck. “Oh, my—fuck!”
The hand that’s still around your thigh rubs soothing lines up and down. The one that’s spreading you open pulls your folds apart a little bit further, granting him more access to your clit. He flicks his tongue and you almost come then and there, vision going gray for a split second. 
“Wait, wait, Spence—“ you squeak, writhing and trying not to squeeze your thighs together for fear of hurting him. He pulls back and looks up at you, lips shining with your slick and eyes glazed with lust. Fuckfuckfuck he looks so fucking good. “Please, just… slow down, or I’m gonna… or it’s gonna be over.”
The corner of his mouth twitches as he rubs circles into your inner thigh. 
“It’s over when you say it’s over. You don’t have a refractory period. We don’t have to stop at one.”
“Oh—you don’t—you don’t have to do that,” you stammer. 
“I know I don’t have to. But if you want me to, I want to. You taste so good, angel girl.”
Well, shit. 
He looks absurdly sexy between your legs like this. You have no idea how you got so lucky, but you don’t plan on taking it for granted. Your fingers tangle in his hair. 
“I don’t know if I can do more than one,” you admit shyly, slightly embarrassed by how little you know about yourself and in general compared to Spencer. Hazel eyes sparkle in the warm light. 
“How about we start with one and see how it feels?”
Your voice is breathy when you respond, “okay,” already impatient for him to get back to it. Spencer seems just as eager, immediately kissing between your legs with a passion that makes your lips jealous. 
The flat of his tongue presses circles against you and your hips buck, already ramping up to that point you’d been at before calling a time-out. Slowly his fingers find their way to your entrance and he teases you with them, dipping in to the first knuckle before withdrawing again. If you could form words, you’d beg him to just do it already, but all you can manage is an affronted whine as you tilt your hips down, hoping he catches the meaning. 
Of course he does—pushing two fingers inside you at once. The intrusive stretch adds a sharp edge to the pleasure, makes it more interesting, as your brain short-circuits and you choke out a moan. It only takes a few slow pumps of his fingers in tandem with the pressure of his tongue until your hips are writhing and you’re and mewling desperately, more overwhelmed with pleasure than you’ve ever been. You push his hair back, able to see him for the first time, and fully appreciate the hollow of his cheeks, the way he looks up at you with perfect, glassy half-lidded eyes, the rhythm of his hand and tongue—he takes your clit between his lips once more, sucking lightly, and you’re done for. A pornographic sob escapes from deep within you as you come, but he doesn’t stop. The orgasm lasts longer than you knew one could—although, it’s only your second time, so you don’t exactly have a lot of data to go off of. Your entire body feels warm and floaty, and what he’s doing feels so good you want him even deeper—but you know he won’t give you that yet. Instead you focus on the slow burn of your orgasm, allowing him to carry on for a while until you begin slowly drifting back to earth and it becomes a bit too much. He recognizes the barely-there whine for what it is and pulls his fingers from you carefully, pressing one final kiss to your clit that makes your legs twitch and summons a weak little moan. 
Spencer’s lips find other avenues, over the delicate skin of your thighs and hips and stomach as he slowly drags himself up again. By the time you’re face to face again you’re still breathing hard. You sort of feel like prey underneath his weight, studied so scrupulously, known far more intimately by him than anyone has ever known you before. But there is so much light and kindness in the way he looks at you that you almost can’t make sense of it. 
Maybe it’s possible to be known and still wanted. The possibility spins like a coin on its edge in your mind. An idea you spent so much time trying to nurture and is only just now beginning to sprout. Maybe someone could see you at your most vulnerable, and still find you worthy of kindness. Appreciation. Affection. 
Spencer certainly could, it seems, as he ducks down to kiss you. You dodge it, turning your head demurely. He nudges his head against yours, speaking so, so softly, utterly cloying as he teases, “what? You’re not gonna kiss me now? Is that how it is?”
“No!” you balk, equally as quiet and especially bashful. “Not when you… no.”
“Let me kiss you,” he pleads, so earnestly you turn your head back to face him. His big eyes are hazy, reflecting all the warmth and dizziness you feel. “Let me kiss you. Please.”
You whine.
“I don’t wanna… taste… myself.”
Spencer doesn’t miss a beat. 
“Hm. We’ll need to work on that. Because one day, I’ll make you come just like that again, and then I’m going to fuck you, and you’re really going to want me to kiss you then, angel.”
Something flickers in your core. 
Suddenly you’re not so squeamish. You really want him to kiss you now. But it seems he’s going to have his fun, first. 
“Open.” Without even thinking about it, your lips part. He really ought to be careful with what he tells you to do—you’re all too compliant. Even as his fingers slip between your lips, you’re obediently hollowing your cheeks around them, watching him with big eyes as his own mouth falls slightly open. “Oh, baby,” he croons. “What are we gonna do with you?”
That flicker has returned to a full-fledged throbbing once you open your mouth again, slightly dizzy from lack of oxygen. 
“Can you make me come again right now?” you whisper, grasping lightly at his shirt. He grins like he loves the idea—and you let him have his way, accepting his lips on yours with no complaint. After a few moments, (the taste is surprisingly unobtrusive), he pulls away.
“I would love to.”
-
part three
3K notes · View notes
finelinefae · 3 months ago
Text
safety [ceo!h x shy!reader]
Tumblr media Tumblr media
synopsis: harry is always there to help bambi, always.
word count: 5.4k
contains: ceo!harry x assitant!y/n, deer!reader vibes, fluff, age gap (9 years), harry meets the family, crybaby reader lowkey
a/n: apologies for this taking so long. I've moved into university and switched courses within three weeks so I've had to do a lot of adjusting! But I hope you're doing well, thank you so so so much for all the love on the first part of bambi and being so patient with this part <333
this is part 2 of bambi, read part 1 here
. . .
Y/N sighed as she stepped into the living room, her heart sinking at the sight of her mother passed out on the couch. It was Friday night, and her mom was still in her work uniform, one shoe barely hanging from her foot while the other lay haphazardly across the room. A wave of frustration and sadness hit her hard. She had begged her mom to take the day off to watch the boys so she could go on her date with Harry tonight—the date she’d been looking forward to all week.
This was supposed to be their third date, just before she started working with him at Pleasing this weekend. Their last date had been simple—strolling hand in hand by the river, talking about everything and nothing. But tonight was different. Harry had told her to dress up; he had something important to ask her and was taking her somewhere special. Y/N had been buzzing with excitement ever since.
Glancing at her phone, she felt the sting of tears. Halfway through her makeup, she now realized it didn’t matter—she’d have to cancel. With her mother out cold and no babysitter available at such short notice, the responsibility fell on her. And it was ruining everything.
She opened Harry’s contact on her phone, staring at the little pink heart next to his name. Her thumb hovered over the call button as doubt crept in. What if he never wanted to see her again after this? Cancelling last minute was embarrassing, and she dreaded how angry or disappointed Harry might be.
Her thumb pressed down, the ringing growing louder with each second. Anxiety gnawed at her as she picked at the skin around her nails.
Suddenly, the call connected, and Harry’s voice, smooth and soothing like a lullaby, poured through the speaker. “Bambi? Was jus’ about to pick y’ up. You missin’ me already?”
Her lip trembled, and a tear slid down her cheek as she sniffled. “Harry…” Her voice cracked.
“Hey, what’s wrong, love?” Concern filled his voice instantly, and the warmth of it made her chest tighten.
“I-I can’t go on our date tonight,” she confessed, her voice shaky.
“What d’you mean? Don’t be silly, is something wrong?” His slight panic was clear, making her feel even worse.
“No, it’s not like that. It’s just… my mom came home late, and she’s, um, not able to watch the boys, so I have to stay and babysit. I’m really sorry, Harry. I wanted to go tonight, I swear. I understand if you’re mad or—if you never want to see me again—”
“Woah, woah, Bambi, baby, stop panickin’. I don’t hate you, not at all. It’s closer to the opposite, so calm down, yeah? ‘M not goin’ anywhere.”
“Okay,” she whispered, her voice still thick with emotion. “Y’promise?”
“Five pinkie swears, baby,” he chuckled softly, making her giggle through the tears. “It’s alright. These things happen. But are you okay? Need me to grab you anything? Have y’eaten today?”
His kindness made her heart swell. “N-No, but we’ve got stuff in the freezer I can heat up. Maybe we can reschedule?”
“Bambi, I’m already on my way to your house.”
Her breath hitched. “What? But, Harry, I can’t—”
“You think I’d let a little change of plans stop me from seein’ you? Been needin’ to see m’Bambi all day. How ‘bout this: you help your mum, and I’ll come by and make dinner for all of you. Sound good?”
Her heart skipped a beat. Was he real? Was he really this thoughtful, this willing to come over despite everything?
“Harry, you don’t have to—”
“I want to. Now, go get in some comfy pjs, and I’ll stop by the store to grab snacks. Maybe we can watch a movie later. Does that sound good?”
“Yeah,” she said, her voice lighter now. “That sounds perfect.”
“Alright, I’ll be over in thirty minutes. Take a deep breath for me, Bambi.”
Immediate relief washed over her at the idea of having an extra pair of hands to help her with something that she’d normally be left alone to and better yet it was Harry who was coming to help her. So, she did exactly that - breathe. 
. . . 
Y/N was pushing clothes into the washing machine when she heard the doorbell ring. Her heart skipped a beat or possibly maybe two when she heard it. She forced the door shut on the machine and walked to the front door. She frowned the closer she got when she could already hear Harry’s voice but that was soon followed by the voice of her younger brother. 
“I know jujitsu, you know,” Archie announced, his small five-foot frame blocking the doorway.
“You take classes?” Harry asked, bemused.
“No, I learned it on Roblox,” Archie replied, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
“Oh, I don’t think I’ve heard of that one before. You’ll have to show me sometime,” Harry said with a grin.
Archie snorted. “You could just be saying that to get into our house and rob us.”
Y/N’s face heated with embarrassment as she approached the door, ushering Archie out of the way. Harry’s eyes lit up as soon as he saw her. “Y/N, this pizza delivery guy is trying to break into our house,” Archie said. Y/N looked to see Harry holding two pizza boxes and a plastic bag.
“Archie,” Y/N gasped, “this is not a pizza delivery man. This is Harry.”
Harry smiled, clearly trying not to laugh, and offered Archie a small wave. It did nothing to ease the suspicious look on Archie’s face. “Who’s Harry?”
Y/N froze, unsure of how to answer. Harry was both her boss and the man she was dating, but she couldn’t exactly explain that to her little brother. “He’s... my special friend.”
Archie looked between them for a moment, then shrugged and wandered off. Y/N’s shoulders sagged with relief as she turned to face Harry, who was still grinning at her. He looked incredibly handsome in his matching brown suit, his curly hair tousled in that familiar way. Her heart sank a little, knowing he had dressed up for their date.
“H-Harry, I’m really sorry—” she began, but before she could finish, Harry set the pizza boxes down and pulled her into a tight embrace. She breathed in the fruity scent of his cologne as he gently rubbed circles on her back.
“Bambi,” he murmured with a soft sigh, “I missed you.”
She smiled against his chest. “You just saw me the other day, and we FaceTimed last night.”
Harry pulled back slightly, cupping her cheeks with his large hands. “Kiss?”
Her cheeks flushed, as they always did when he asked for a kiss. She stood on her toes, meeting his lips, savouring the softness of his touch and the faint taste of peppermint from his lip balm. 
“Have you eaten yet?” he murmured against her lips. “I brought pizza.”
“You didn’t have to,” Y/N sighed softly. “I was just going to throw something in the oven.”
“Hey, Bambi.” She looked up, meeting his gaze already fixed on her. “I wanted to. I’m here to help, okay? Now, why don’t we eat this before it gets cold? You grab some plates, and I’ll set the table.”
“O-Oh, okay.” She nodded, a bit flustered. “Just so you know, my brothers can be… intense.”
Harry smiled, his expression easygoing. “It’s okay, I’ve got a niece. I’m sure they’ll be fine.”
Y/N led him into the living room where her little brothers were scattered. Archie sat in the corner, hunched over the computer, likely playing the game he had mentioned to Harry earlier.
“Who are you?” a small voice piped up. Harry glanced down to see a boy around six or seven, looking at him curiously.
“That’s Y/N’s special friend,” Archie chimed in without even turning around from his game.
“Weren’t you the guy making out with my sister the other night?” The eldest of the three boys, who looked about fourteen, spoke up from where he was watching TV. Despite his age, there was a maturity in his tone that caught Harry off guard.
Harry chuckled, feeling Y/N stiffen beside him. He gave the teenager a polite smile. “Well, I guess that’s one way to put it.”
“Sammy go and get the plates from the kitchen, Harry bought us pizza.” Sammy huffed, pausing the tv and doing exactly as his sister said. 
“Jack, can you grab an extra chair?” Y/N asked the youngest boy, her voice gentle but firm. Harry watched as the boys immediately followed their eldest sister’s instructions without question. A small pang tugged at his chest—part of him felt for her, having to shoulder the responsibility of looking after three growing boys. He didn’t know every detail of her family life, but seeing the way they interacted was enough to tell him they’d had to adapt quickly.
They all gathered around the table, two extra-large pizzas laid out in front of them. Harry chuckled at the sight of the boys eyeing the food like it was a rare treasure.
“Calm down,” he murmured with a grin, leaning close to Y/N. “Y’ so stiff, Bambi.”
Y/N blushed, fidgeting slightly. “Sorry, I just get so—”
“So?” Harry interrupted, smirking as he tried to coax her into a fluster. “So what, baby?”
“So nervous,” Y/N huffed, her cheeks burning as she realized he was toying with her.
A throat cleared from across the table, and Y/N suddenly felt three pairs of eyes locked onto them. Jack and Archie looked disgusted by the couple’s banter, while the eldest boy, Sammy, was glaring at Harry with an intensity that made Harry suppress a laugh.
“How old are you?” Sammy asked bluntly, his gaze sharp and protective.
Y/N choked on her drink. “Sammy! You can’t just ask people that—it’s rude!”
Harry chuckled, raising a hand to calm her. “No, it’s alright,” he said, amused. “I’m thirty.”
“Whoa, you’re old!” Archie blurted out, eyes wide with surprise.
“Archie!” Y/N gasped, mortified, while Jack burst out laughing.
“I guess it is kind of old,” Harry shrugged playfully, glancing at Y/N with a wink.
“Are you rich?” Sammy pressed, undeterred.
Y/N’s face flushed even more, praying the ground would open up and swallow her whole.
“I do well,” Harry replied, keeping his tone light. “I own a fashion company.”
“That means he’s rich,” Archie chimed in, eyes lighting up. “Do you have a sports car?”
Harry leaned forward, whispering conspiratorially, “I own three.”
Archie gasped, his face a picture of awe. “No wonder you can afford two extra-large pizzas!”
“If you think that’s cool, wait till you hear what else I brought,” Harry teased.
“Candy?” Archie’s eyes grew even wider, filled with excitement.
“Better.”
“Ice cream?”
Harry nodded. “Ice cream, candy, whipped cream, chocolate sprinkles... you name it.”
Archie looked as though he might pass out from pure joy. Sweets after dinner weren’t a common occurrence in their house unless it was a special occasion.
Harry’s smile softened as his eyes flicked to Sammy, who was still watching him with guarded suspicion. “What do you want from my sister?” Sammy finally asked, his tone sharp.
Y/N cringed, wishing she could disappear like Jack, who was contentedly munching on pizza, completely oblivious to the tension. Her cheeks were already burning before she’d even taken a bite.
Harry’s hand found its way to her knee under the table, a silent reassurance that he knew exactly how she was feeling without her having to say a word.
“It’s still early,” Harry said honestly, his gaze meeting Sammy’s without faltering. “But I really, really like your sister.”
Sammy seemed to relax at that, but not without a final warning. “You’re not allowed to like her as much as we do.”
Y/N’s heart squeezed at the words. Despite the challenges, the boys were her world, her best friends.
Harry smiled warmly, his voice sincere. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”
. . .
"Y/N! Y/N! Y/N!" Archie came barreling into the kitchen, his face smeared with chocolate and whipped cream from the ice cream sundaes they’d made earlier. Y/N was bent over the washing machine, pulling out clothes to hang on the makeshift line by the window.
"Harry says he's gonna take us to the indoor waterpark in the city for my birthday! Isn't that awesome? And he beat Sammy's score on the new game he bought us!"
Y/N glanced up, smiling softly at Archie's excitement. The boys had been glued to the computer for hours after Harry surprised them with a game they’d been begging for. The sound of their wild laughter had echoed through the house all afternoon.
Footsteps approached the kitchen, and she looked up to see Harry standing in the doorway, a smirk tugging at his lips.
"Harry, I was just telling Y/N about the waterpark you’re taking us to," Archie said eagerly.
Harry’s eyes flicked to Y/N. "Ah, yes," he said, smiling at her. "I heard there’s a certain someone’s birthday coming up soon."
Archie's birthday was still a month away, and Y/N had only planned a simple celebration—movies, takeout, and cake. As Archie bolted from the kitchen, beaming about the waterpark, Y/N’s smile faded slightly.
Harry noticed the shift immediately. "What’s wrong?" he asked, stepping closer and reaching for her hand. "Did I mess something up?"
"N-no," Y/N replied quickly, shaking her head. "You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just... Archie's birthday isn’t for another month."
Harry raised an eyebrow. "So?"
Y/N hesitated, her words stumbling over themselves. "I just don’t want to make promises, you know, in case… I mean, what if…" She trailed off, struggling to find a way to express the growing anxiety in her chest. She adored Harry, more than she could articulate, but a part of her couldn’t help worrying about the future—the uncertainties that came with letting someone new into their lives.
"Bambi," Harry’s voice was soft as he cupped her face, his thumb brushing her cheek. "Where’d you go?"
She blinked, confused. "What do you mean?"
His lips quirked into a gentle smile. "Y’ do this thing where you space out, like your mind drifts off somewhere else ‘cause you're thinkin’ too much."
"I do that?" she asked, surprised.
"Mhm," he murmured, his thumb tracing the little furrow in her brow, the touch sending warmth through her. "I like you an awful lot, Bambi. I plan on stickin' around for a long time."
"You do?" Her voice was small, almost disbelieving.
"Yes, I do. And I really like your brothers—they’re a credit to you."
Y/N opened her mouth to deflect, as usual. "Oh, you mean my mom—"
"No," Harry interrupted gently, shaking his head. "I mean you."
Her lips parted in surprise, her eyes misting over. She hadn’t expected that. She hadn’t realized how much she needed to hear those words. Without thinking, she leaned up and pressed her lips to his, a kiss filled with the gratitude she couldn't quite express in words.
She was about to pull away, but Harry held her close, his hands gripping her hips as he deepened the kiss. His soft, warm lips made her head spin, and for a brief moment, the world around them disappeared.
That is, until Sammy’s voice rang out from the hallway. "I’m coming in, so you better not be swapping saliva in there!"
Harry broke the kiss with a chuckle, glancing over his shoulder. "Alright, alright, we’re behaving," he teased, winking at Y/N before moving to the sink. "Let me help you," he offered, turning on the faucet to start washing the dishes from dinner.
Y/N watched him for a moment, her heart swelling with warmth. The words he’d spoken earlier echoed in her mind—words that had already begun to feel familiar, but only when they came from him.
. . .
Y/N woke up the following morning, not from the alarm she’d set for 6 a.m., but from the rapid thumping of her heart. Anxiety rippled through her, making her stomach twist with nerves. Today was her first day working at Pleasing, her first day officially under Harry’s employment. She was excited, of course, but that didn’t stop the butterflies in her belly from multiplying.
She stared up at the ceiling for a few moments, taking slow breaths to calm herself. Her phone buzzed softly on the nightstand, and she reached over, her fingers trembling slightly as she opened the message.
Harry: Morning, Bambi 🌞 There’s a car on its way to pick you up. No need to stress, yeah? I’ll be waiting for you at the office. You’re gonna be amazing x
A small smile crept onto her face despite the nerves. Harry’s words were like a warm hug on a cold morning, making her feel just a little bit braver. She couldn’t help but appreciate how he seemed to know exactly what she needed to hear, right when she needed to hear it.
She quickly typed a reply, her fingers still shaky.
Y/N: Thank you. I’m a little nervous but I’ll do my best. See you soon 💕
Y/N got out of bed and went through her morning routine, trying to focus on each task to stop her mind from spiraling into all the things that could go wrong today. She picked out an outfit she hoped said “professional but approachable,” taking extra care to smooth out any creases in her clothes. When she was finally dressed, she checked the time—6:45 a.m.—the car Harry sent should be arriving any minute.
She stepped outside, the cool morning air doing little to ease her racing thoughts. Y/N wrapped her arms around herself, feeling a mix of excitement and apprehension. The street was quiet at this hour, and she couldn’t help but feel like the only person awake in the world.
Just then, a sleek black car pulled up in front of her, the driver rolling down the window with a friendly nod. "Y/N?" he asked, and she nodded in response.
“That’s me,” she said, her voice a little shaky. She climbed into the backseat, clutching her bag on her lap as the driver started the journey to the office. She stared out the window, watching the familiar streets blur by, and tried to give herself a little pep talk.
You can do this. You’re ready. Harry believes in you, so believe in yourself, too.
Her phone buzzed in her hand again, another message from Harry.
Harry: Also going on a coffee run, do you want anything? x
Bambi: Isn’t that my job today? x
Harry: It’s my job to take care of you everyday
Y/N didn’t realize how wide her smile had grown until she caught her reflection in the glassy screen of her phone. A soft blush crept onto her cheeks as she tried to compose herself, glancing out the window to distract from the giddy feeling bubbling inside her. She watched as the quiet suburbs melted into the bustle of the big city, her heart thudding against her ribcage. 
Slowly, the car pulled up outside Pleasing. The building was elegant, with an arched doorway and a clean awning that had the brand's name in bold letters. Through the large glass doors, Y/N could see a glimpse of the bright, stylish interior. Her heart pounded as the car came to a stop, her mouth opening with a desperate plea to leave, to turn back and retreat home where she could hide away—but then she saw Harry, and her words fell away for an entirely different reason.
She’d seen Harry in a suit before, but seeing him in full CEO mode was something else. He wore a flawless black-and-white suit, cufflinks gleaming at his wrists. His eyes were stern, his entire demeanor unshakeable—until he looked her way, and his whole form softened.
“You’re here,” His voice was warm and inviting. She wanted to leap into him and hide herself within him but she wanted to be professional.
She stood in front of him, not wanting to get any closer to her new boss, “Good morning, Mr Styles.”
The corner of Harry’s lips quirked, a hint of amusement in his eyes. “Good morning,” he replied, savoring her formality. He took a step closer, his gaze gentle yet focused. “Ready for today?”
“Y-yes,” She said but it wasn’t all that convincing.
Harry grabbed her hand, “You’ll be just fine Bambi.” He murmured the nickname just for her to hear. 
The warmth of his hand around hers steadied her, but it also set her pulse racing. His fingers intertwined with hers, and he kept their joined hands subtly hidden between them as they walked through the grand entrance and into the lobby. Y/N’s nerves started to quiet, replaced by a growing excitement.
As they stepped into the elevator, Harry’s thumb brushed gently over her knuckles. She looked up at him but his eyes were looking ahead. Her eyes fixated on his sharp jawline and smooth, freshly-shaven face; he looked even more polished, clean-cut and distinctly professional since she’d last seen him.
When they reached his office floor, Harry led her down a sleek corridor and into an airy, open workspace with views of the city skyline. The scent of fresh coffee lingered in the air, and a few team members looked up with welcoming smiles.
Just ahead, a woman in her mid-thirties with shoulder-length auburn hair and an easy smile approached them. Her professional but warm demeanor put Y/N at ease almost instantly. Harry released Y/N’s hand as he greeted her.
“Lindsey, this is Y/N,” he said, glancing between them. “She’s starting with us today. I thought you might help her settle in and get familiar with everything.”
Lindsey extended her hand warmly. “Oh is this-”
Harry’s gaze lingered on her with a slight, unreadable intensity, prompting Lindsey to pause mid-sentence. Then, noticing Y/N, she broke into a bright smile.
“Y/N! It’s so nice to meet you.” She laughed lightly, her eyes flicking to Harry with a teasing glint. “I have to admit, I’m a little curious why anyone would sign up to be his assistant—he can be a real pain most days.” She shot him a playful look. “But don’t worry, just don’t enter his office at midday - he can get real hangry.” 
Y/N giggled and Harry’s eyes brightened at the sound, ““Y/N,” he said, his voice warm, “you’re in very good hands.” He turned to Lindsey. “Make sure she gets a proper introduction to everything, but don’t overwhelm her.”
Lindsey chuckled. “I’ll keep it light for today, boss. We’d be here all day getting into your list of demands everyday.”
Harry rolled his eyes, and with a final look at Y/N, said, “I’ll see you later, then.” His words were simple, but the small smile he gave her was anything but. As he walked away, Y/N felt the anticipation return, wanting him to come back and be the one to show her around. She wasn’t the best with meeting new people. She was shy and nervous and fumbled over her words too often but Harry had great faith in her so she would try her best to do good. 
“Alright, let’s get started,” Lindsey said, gesturing to an open desk area near Harry’s office. “First things first—coffee? I’ll show you the best spot, and then we’ll make our way through the to-do list Harry sent this morning.” 
. . .
Y/N liked Lindsey a lot. 
She was funny and gentle. Whenever Y/N made a mistake—like earlier when she accidentally printed everything in pink instead of black and white—Lindsey would correct her kindly, reminding her that mistakes happen. Y/N wasn’t used to this kind of patience; her old boss would snap or hiss at even the smallest error. Here, it felt nice to breathe a little easier.
Lindsey spoke warmly about her two little boys, whom she cared for while her husband was away with the military. She had once been a stay-at-home mom, but over time, the isolation began to weigh on her; she craved more than just the role of mother and wanted to be out in the world, around people. When she applied to Pleasing, she’d explained her situation to Harry during her interview, and he had offered her flexible hours so she could still make it home to her boys each evening.
Whenever Lindsey mentioned the things Harry had done for her and her family, her voice would grow thick with emotion, and she spoke of him with genuine admiration. Y/N found herself thinking of her own circumstances and the way Harry had taken her under his wing, feeling a warmth for him settle in her chest.
“Okay, Harry’s in a meeting, so we need to bring in tea and coffee,” Lindsey said, heading over to a small rolling cart neatly stocked with cups, a teapot, and coffee supplies.
She guided Y/N through the arrangement, showing her how Harry liked his tea prepared. “He’s particular about the temperature—hot but not scalding,” Lindsey explained with a wink. “Don’t worry you’ll get the hang of things.”
Y/N carefully poured the tea, her hands steadying with each instruction Lindsey offered. They finished preparing the drinks, and Y/N took a deep breath, steadying herself as she reached for the cart handle.
“You’ll be fine,” Lindsey reassured her, offering a supportive smile. “Just go in, keep it simple, and make sure everyone has their drinks. You’ll be a natural at this in no time.”
“I’m going in alone?” Y/N’s eyes widened.
“It’s good practice,” Lindsey grins, “Good luck!”
Y/N squared her shoulders and pushed the cart toward the meeting room. The murmurs grew louder as she approached, but her nerves eased slightly upon catching Harry’s eye. His expression softened for a moment before returning to its professional coolness, a small signal just for her.
As she entered, she was met with the sight of a large glass table surrounded by men in sharp suits, all eyes shifting toward her. Taking a breath, she rolled the cart around and placed the cups in front of Harry and the others. Just as she reached for the teapot, a slight tremor ran through her hand, and she felt a sudden rush of panic.
In an instant, she lost her grip. The teapot tipped, sending hot tea spilling across the table and splattering onto a crisp white shirt belonging to one of the men. The room fell silent, and every gaze shifted from her to the angry figure, whose face flushed crimson.
““Watch where you’re going!” he barked, rising from his seat. “Do you even know how to serve properly?”
Y/N’s heart raced, the color draining from her face. Just as she opened her mouth to apologize, a surge of anger rippled through the room.
“Do you think it’s okay to talk to a woman like that?” Harry murmured, his voice laced with malice.
“She stained my shirt! She’s lucky I’m not making her pay for it,” the man continued, and Y/N could see the discomfort on the faces of the other attendees, their expressions telling her they knew he’d crossed a line.
Harry’s eyes darkened, a storm brewing behind them. He reached into his blazer pocket, pulling out a checkbook and a fountain pen. With swift strokes, he began to scribble before turning to Y/N. “Y/N, would you mind delivering this to Mr. Smith?”
Y/N nodded, her hands trembling slightly as she accepted the check, its weight feeling both significant and heavy.
Mr. Smith snatched the check from her hands, glancing down at it with a scowl. Written across the page was Harry’s signature alongside a mere fifty dollars. “Your final check—enough to cover the shirt, I assume? I think I saw the same one in the TK Maxx sale rack.”
“Final?” Mr. Smith asked, incredulous.
“Correct,” Harry replied nonchalantly.
Mr. Smith’s face burned bright red. He huffed, rising from his seat and storming out of the room, slamming the door behind him. The room fell silent. “Meeting adjourned,” Harry announced, and everyone flooded out, eager to escape the awkward tension.
Y/N stood in the corner, barely able to look up. Embarrassment washed over her; she wondered if she could do any job right. Her eyes watered as she bit down on her lip to keep from crying.
Suddenly, two polished shoes came into view, and big hands cupped her cheeks, gently forcing her to meet his gaze. “Are you okay?” Harry asked, concern etched on his face.
She wanted to say yes, to express pride in her efforts and how well she had handled the day, but instead, she wrapped her arms around him, burying her face into his shirt. “I feel like I can’t do anything right,” she admitted, her voice muffled.
Harry sighed, his arms encircling her as he rubbed the back of her head soothingly. “You did nothing wrong.”
“You can’t fire people because of me, Harry.”
“Don’t worry about him. We’ve wanted to get rid of him for ages—just a sexist prick. Turns out you’re a pretty good assistant for giving me an excuse to fire someone on the spot,” he chuckled lightly.
Y/N looked up at him, her heart fluttering as his hand held her cheek, his thumb brushing beneath her eye. “These eyes,” he whispered.
A smile broke through her sadness. “I’m sorry for ruining your meeting.”
“Don’t care, Bambi.” He was so much taller than her, nearly a foot difference, so he had to lean down to brush his nose against hers, their lips ghosting against each other. “You actually made it better.”
“I did?” she whispered, her mind suddenly forgetting the man who had yelled at her.
“Mhm,” he hummed, and then, gently, he pressed his lips to hers. The kiss was soft and lingering, sending a warm flutter through Y/N that chased away the remnants of her earlier embarrassment. She melted into the moment, her worries fading as Harry’s lips brushed against hers. 
“Okay, what the hell happened?” Lindsey barged into the room, causing Y/N to leap away from Harry, her cheeks flushing.
“Wow, Lindsey,” Harry said, rubbing a hand over his mouth, both of them flustered as Lindsey glanced between them. “Try knocking next time, yeah?”
“Since when have I ever needed to knock?” Lindsey shot back, her eyebrows knitting together as she assessed Y/N, whose face was now bright pink.
“Since now,” Harry replied. Clearing his throat, he added, “If you’ll excuse me…” He brushed past her, leaving the tension lingering in the air.
A laugh escaped Y/N’s lips, even as embarrassment tinged her cheeks; it was the first time she’d witnessed him so flustered. Lindsey arched an eyebrow, a teasing smile creeping onto her face. “So, are you two like…?”
“No,” Y/N replied, the denial tumbling out a bit too quickly.
Lindsey shot her a knowing look but chose not to press further. “Might want to let him know about that lipstick stain on his upper lip,” she added, rolling the cart out of the room and leaving Y/N feeling distinctly warm and flustered.
. . .
Harry kissed Y/N with the lights off on her front porch after dropping her home. Y/N melted against him, her fingers tangling in his hair as the kiss deepened. She felt a rush of warmth spread through her, the sweet taste of his breath mixing with the fresh night air. His hands found her waist, pulling her closer, their bodies fitting perfectly together. “Bambi,” He slurred against her lips.”
“Hm?” She hummed, unable to stop herself when she pulled him closer. 
“I was thinking,” He murmured, pulling away but his hands still firmly gripping her waist, “Maybe this weekend y’ could come to my place and stay the night.”
“The night?” She’d never had a sleepover before let alone one at a boys house. 
“Yeah… Would you be okay with that?” 
“Y-Yeah, I think so.”
“Y’ think so?” Harry grinned, “Are y’ sure?”
She smiled, “I’d like that.”
“Well, alright then,” he murmured, leaning down to place one last, soft kiss on her lips. “Goodnight, Bambi.”
“Goodnight, Harry.” Y/N barely suppressed a smile as she watched him walk to his car, a flutter in her chest as he turned back for a final wave.
Before she turned to step into her house, her phone buzzed and a text came through from Harry.
Harry: I think we have to get better at this whole sneaking around thing
Y/N: Tell yourself that, you kissed me first!
Harry: Can’t help it Bambi 
Harry: I’m obsessed with you
. . .
taglist ~~
@ravenclawmarvel @noididnotsignupforthis @comicalivy  @boomitsallie1 @hazzarules @squirreljoe @c3lline0 @harry2121 @lizsogolden @its-his-dimples @tchalametishot @youngpastafanmug @awritingtree @reidsblessing @idontcareforausernamesblog @madstyles3204 @cherrys4suckers @lomlolivia @tenaciousperfectionunknown
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sheyfu · 4 months ago
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yappologist degree holder ༊*·˚
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𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗜𝗥 𝗩𝗢𝗜𝗖𝗘𝗟𝗜𝗡𝗘𝗦 about you.
feat. dan heng, aventurine, luocha, jing yuan, gepard, jiaoqiu, argenti and moze (gn!reader)
cw. ooc (very); jiaoqiu talks a lot; [slight] sexual innuendos
note. TRYING SOMETHING NEW GRAHHHHHH i dont think i captured their personalities correctly but 🙏🙏 WE BALL LAMSDOASDI i hope you guys enjoy it >:DD reader is identified as [name] and uses they/them prns (GANG I TRIED MY BEST LAMSDOAMSD) if you see me use fem prns in this piece please tell me <3 lmk if you'd like a pt. 2 w other chars (WOMEN ASHDUASHDUH)
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˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚ DAN HENG
about [name] [name]? what about them?
chat: significant other  [name] is my significant other. aside from the express, they’re one of the only ones keeping me grounded whenever i become… “emo”. their words, not mine.
chat: sleep sleep is something i found hard to come by; everytime i closed my eyes, visions of my past appeared. but now that [name] is by my side, it has become easier to fall to a peaceful rest.
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˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚ AVENTURINE
about [name] through a game of life or death is how [name] and i met. hm? unconventional you say? well, it’s one of the reasons why i fell for them.
chat: bet betting has become an integral part of [name] and i’s life. while it’s not a common way of expressing your love for someone, it’s how we do things. whether those bets entail having to have the other run errands or even give your own life up, it sends spikes of adrenaline up our bones resulting in a very fun game of cat and mouse.
chat: loss there are seldom games i lose — and most of the time, i still somehow come out as, partially, a winner. but for some reason, whenever i offer a game of chance against [name], i seem to lose every game we have. i can’t lie, i get somewhat annoyed at how i can’t seem to win a game against them. but then again, life would be dull if it were just an unending series of wins.
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˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚ LUOCHA
about [name] [name] is a travelling merchant i’ve come to know over the past years of my journeys as one myself. if i didn't have anyone to rely on before, i've got my dearest to thank now. 
chat: bargain as a merchant, it is important for me to know how to bargain, especially when deals presented to me are severely unfair for me. i must admit, i wasn’t very good at striking fair deals when i was starting off my path as a travelling merchant. but over the years, [name] has taught me a lot about this art. by observing their ways of negotiating, i am now able to attain very fair and valuable trades. 
chat: aromatherapy with [name]’s upbringing as an herb specialist, i get to experience their family’s aromatherapy service. with every scent i am presented with, i am able to clear my mind and slip in the embrace of solitude and calm. 
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˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚ JING YUAN
about [name] [name] is someone who can ease my troubled mind with an embrace; the calm in my storm, the light of my life, and the heart of my soul.
chat: birds when little birds flock to my head, my spouse wonders if im this character called… snow white… *sigh* i am not sure as to who that is due to my upbringing as a military leader — i had no time for these trivial tales. but whenever they tell tales about this... gizney? no.. bizney? not quite right either.. ah yes, disney princess, the intent of me being dressed with robes of royalty are reflected in their eyes.
chat: mimi what was once a kitten, has now grown into a ferocious little lion. i remember when i first got her, [name] was all over the poor thing — smothering it with their love and words of praise — mimi didn’t complain though, she let herself get spoiled. and even up until now, she’s still that same, little spoiled lion she is. 
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˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚ GEPARD
about [name] [name] is my significant other – how i was able to catch their eye? i don’t know. sometimes, i doubt my ability to love, especially with my role as the captain of the silvermane guards. but whenever those thoughts appear in my mind, [name] is there to quell my uneasy mind.
chat: family the way [name] treats lynx makes me feel… funny. i can’t really describe it but my heart beats whenever they entertain my little sister. oh, and don’t even get me started with how serval treats them. *sigh* what should i do to ease this beating heart of mine?
chat: de-stress ways on how to de-stress? well, after a long day i am usually greeted with the embrace of my beloved once i step into our abode… then after that i’m littered with- o-oh.. apologies. i was supposed to give advice. let’s start over again, shall we?
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˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚ JIAOQIU
about [name] [name]? you want to now about them? well you see, as general feixiao’s doctor, it is important for me to have assistants whenever patients visit the clinic in a time when i am tending to duties involving her – this is where my dear [name] comes in. they’ve been with me from the start; us being classmates in the medicinal school we attended and all that. they’re easily one of the very dearest people in my life. most people only know them as my assistant due to their preference of upholding a “low-profile”; of course, i am very much alright with it. but when time comes and they’re ready to reveal our bond to the world, i’ll be the happiest man in the whole entire cosmos.
chat: sweets  oh? you liked the sweets i gave you? well, you have my dear [name] to thank. they’re quite the connoisseur when it comes to making them. speaking of sweets, i forgot to mention we have a pastry shop in aurum alley. if you’re able to drop by, i’ll consider giving you a bundle of sweets, and probably other pastries, free of charge.
chat: coriander whatever you do, please do not hand me a bunch of coriander. i will absolutely lose my mind having to deal with a coriander-obsessed lover. 
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˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚ ARGENTI
about [name] my love for [name] transcends even the distant stars of the cosmos. my heart, my soul, and my own being belong to them. 
chat: roses roses are my beloved’s favourite flowers, as they are mine. every morning, i wake from my peaceful slumber to see my dear tending to the beds of flowers with a gentle smile on their face that makes me fall in love all over again. *sigh* i miss them so much, trailblazer.. please bring me back to my ship. i would like to sink into my lover’s embrace at this moment. 
chat: baking my beloved takes time to make my preference for thick baguettes each and every morning. while it warms me to receive such a valuable gift, i am not sure if i am deserving of their unconditional love for i am just a mere knight of beauty, idiotically searching for the goddess i’ve devoted myself to.
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˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚ MOZE
about [name] i am [name]’s lover. i am bound to them by fate and affection which is why you shouldn’t come close to them — unless you’d like to request an audience with the weapon in my hand.
chat: shadow [name] gets frightened whenever i appear randomly — jiaoqiu tells me it’s a normal reaction as he too, gets startled whenever i show my face to him. although.. im not quite sure how my sudden appearance has them stunned...
chat: cleaning [name] and i share the same hobby of cleaning. whenever i am relieved of my duties assigned by the general, i watch them- no. they tell me of the rather… unconventional ways of cleaning our abode.
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tagging: @ayrastv, @whatisnerotypical, @lia-loves
🐈‍⬛: thank you for reading! reblogs, comments, and likes are very much appreciated!
if you'd like to be part of my taglist, please access the gform below! thank you and hope to see you <3
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sapsolais · 2 years ago
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fishnapple · 14 days ago
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How they comfort you, their love languages
(Future spouse/partner/lover)
This is a mini reading about the things that your partner/spouse would do or say to comfort you.
This is a general reading meant for multiple people. Take only what resonates and leave out the rest.
Your feedback is much appreciated. If you find the reading resonated with you, leave a comment, I’d love to know 🎐
About me | Masterpost
Book a reading with me - KO-FI (→ personal reading)
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CUBE 1
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"Our life together is the most important thing"
"You're alive, I'm alive and that's good"
Tickle
Clumsy jokes that make your belly hurt
"Let's go to the beach"
"Whatever you do, I'm right beside you"
"Don't worry"
"Don't be afraid to fall, I will catch you"
"I'm your biggest fan"
Silent understanding
Scary movies that make you jump into their arms
Passionate, emotional sex
The warmth of their body
Holding you in the dark
Holding your hands whenever you go out together
Warm breads and fresh flowers
Board games
Forehead kiss
"Let's run away"
"I will find you again even when you've become a star on the heavenly sky"
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CUBE 2
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Surprise gifts, this person could spoil you a lot with material gifts
"I will get it for you"
They would do many things to make your life easier without you knowing: take care of your routines, pack your lunch, iron your clothes, etc
Change the colour of the curtains and bed sheets to cheer you up,
Date nights
Take you to see the sunset, to somewhere dark and windy, surrounded by nature
"No problem "
"Let's me take care of it"
They comfort you in your dreams
Intuitively guess your thoughts
Whisper loving words when you are in public places
Be with you through every social events
"My greatest achievement is to be their partner"
Boast about you everywhere they go
"I command you to love me", then proceed to massage your feet
Holding you silently while you spill out your darkest secrets
Direct in displaying their desire for you
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CUBE 3
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Act all tough and intimidating with other people but become a mushy romantic when they're with you, especially in private
Never fail to notice and compliment your effort at taking care and beautifying yourself
Getting heart eyes both when seeing you in leisurewear and in glamorous clothes
Try to sing for you even if they hate singing or not good at it
Love poems
When they find it hard to express their feelings through words, they express through material gifts and sensory pleasures instead
Just buying you stuffs and pretend to not know about it or act oblivious and nonchalant
Wrap you in softest blanket
"Let's go into the bathtub together"
Drying your hair
Take lots of pictures, of you alone, of you guys together, of your memories
"You're my best friend, let's me be your best friend"
"I love you "
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CUBE 4
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"I've loved you before and I will love you again"
"See you in our next life together "
Appear right when you need them
Act more confident and tough
The heat of their body
Pull you into them
"Lean on me"
Witty jokes
Irrelevant stories to distract you from whatever negative feelings you're having
Hand holding
Lots of notes
Phone calls throughout the day
Try to talk in the softest voice when they're with you
"Let's play video game"
"Let's me draw your silly face"
"Let's take a day off and go to where nobody knows us"
The meadows, the sea, the mountains
Take your pleasure as their top priority
Love making
"I'm afraid that this is all a dream, but as I go to sleep and wake up everyday, you're still there"
"Your pain is my pain "
Warn anyone dares to come in between you two
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CUBE 5
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"Nothing can stand between us"
"We can go anywhere we want"
"I believe in us"
"Hey, teach me how to do this"
Make plan for both of you
"Let's me read Tarot for you"
Always on time
Keep their promises, from smallest one to biggest one
Cakes and sweets
Warmth food
Hype you up
Eager to hear you talk
Patience
Try to be silly just to cheer you up even though they seem to be a pretty serious person
Laughter
Refer to you as "my love" when talking with other people
PDA
"I think I'd done good deeds in my past lives, that's why I met you"
Looking deep into your eyes
"I believe this relationship has changed us for the better"
Ride of die
"Till death do us apart "
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CUBE 6
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"You were alone, but now you have me"
Act childish and cute to get your attention
Also love it when you do the same to them
"Let's get married "/ "Let's get married every year"
Tell you about their childhood nightmares and how embarrassing they were
"I was told to wait for you when I was a kid"
Has no shame in acting embarrassing or silly just to make you laugh, even in public
"Do you want to date me" (even when you guys have been married for a long time)
Handmade gifts
Corny pickup lines
Genius at solving problems
Try to get you to debate about odd topics
Looking intimidating and professional in public but don't care about people's opinions, especially about you and your relationship
Will defend you in any conflicts
Take your side unconditionally
Willing to share everything with you
Honesty
Think of a new way to affirm their love everyday
"We make a great team"
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