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jude-duarte-wannabe · 1 day ago

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childhood sweetheart material

oh my god!!! it's finally here, i made sure to change the posting settings this time!! i know it's not a bakery request but i've been writing them and i have a bunch in my drafts, i've got my sister editing them for me and hopefully one will be out soon... but for now enjoy my lovely's <3

pairing; carlos sainz jr x childhood best friend viviana martinez [original character]

blurb; this is a list of cute things childhood friend turned husband carlos sainz jr and his childhood friend turned wife viviana martinez do in my smau series that i'm working on called since we were eighteen, this story features a original character but for your reading pleasure, i've used 'you' and 'y/n' in this little snippet <3

currently playing; everything has changed by taylor swift ft ed sheeran "cause all i know is we said, "hello" and your eyes look like comin' home, all i know is a simple name and everything has changed, all i know is you held the door, you'll be mine and i'll be yours, all i know since yesterday is everything has changed"

from day one, you were the one;

your families have been friends for the longest time and while carlos was born a few years before you, you've been friends since you could babble at eachother

carlos can in fact still remember meeting you for the very first time, how tiny you were and his mother still has the photo of three year old carlos kissing your forehead but her personal favorite was one of you two falling asleep on eachother in the backseat of a car when she was dropping you off after a play-date

and so the years kept passing;

as years go by, you and carlos slowly begin to drift apart pursuing different careers and life goals, you knew from a young a age that you loved carlos but didn't realize it was in the romantic way until far later in life

during your teenage years, your parents thought you two were dating and no matter how much your denied it, they never believed you but that was probably due to the platonic to you both kisses you would place on eachothers cheeks or foreheads

when you were nineteen and about to move away and not see carlos for the next four to five years, not that you knew that at the time, you'd begged him to be your first time, it was one of those cliche moments of not wanting to go to college a virgin but he turned you down, saying he didn't want to ruin what you had, what a joke that seemed like now

when you two were young, around the ages of fourteen and eleven, you joked about marrying eachother one day, you even made a contract about how if you were still single after you'd turned twenty two that you'd tie the knot with eachother but as you grew apart, that contract was long forgotten about

coming back to eachother;

you found eachother again at a family reunion, you'd arrived early and got talking with his mother, catching up about life when she brought out old photo albums and low and behold at the back of the album was a paper or contract that you'd long forgotten had existed

you'd been sipping a drink in the garden when you heard the familiar voice, you'd gotten to talking when the topic of relationships came up and you discovered the both of you were single

you joked about tying the knot but he joked back about taking him to dinner first, which you did for giggles but you just fell in love with talking to eachother and began to meet up more often which eventually led to confessed feelings that had been hidden for too long, this left the rest as history

telling your families;

you were both nervous to say the least, your parents had been friends since they themselves were children, little did either of you know both of your sisters had already started to notice the change between you, the little stares and stolen glances but they had noticed it too late.. about three years too late in fact

the two of you had been planning to tell them sooner but you didn't want to give them false hope in case you broke up but you began to like the privacy and how it was just the two of you and before you knew, the two of you were approaching your three year anniversary

it was actually at your anniversary dinner that carlos proposed, you had both just stepped off a twelve hour flight and decided that instead of going out you'd get pizza

carlos thought there would be no better time than when you both sat on the couch eating pizza in comfy clothes to propose, you however almost lost it, you knew your answer was yes but instead of saying the first words out of your mouth were "you let me do this sweatpants" [if you've seen this video, i love you]

it was a week later at the traditional joint family dinner when everyone found out, your younger sister basically screaming her head off when she saw the ring on your finger as you reached for your wine glass

"what is that!" she squealed to which you winced in return and carlos chuckled, your mother looked betrayed as she too just now noticed the ring adorning your finger "when did that happen, i didn't even know you were seeing someone" she asked flabbergasted.

"does this mean you and carlos aren't together" your youngest sister had asked, she was only ten but loved carlos so much, you and carlos shared a knowing look before he shrugged his shoulders and leaned over to kiss you... that set off a frenzy among your family members

when it comes to work;

you work as an actress in horror / thriller films but you absolutely hate being scared, your the biggest wuss carlos knows but his favorite thing about your job is that he has a video on his phone of when one of your cast-mates scared the shit out of you and you screamed like the scream queen that you are

you often come home from set covered in fake blood to which carlos can't help but panic every time thinking your injured before he catches his breath and then helps you wipe it all off but not without you covering him in fake blood first

carlos quite often comes to your photo-shoots and one time the photographer wasn't happy with how the photos were working out, said that their was no real chemistry between you and the male model you had been working with and so he called a break during which you hung out with carlos, sitting in his lap and just enjoying eachothers company when the photographer caught sight of you both and it was like a light bulb went off in his head, that was the birth of the photo you had forever pinned to your instagram account

carlos always insisted on watching your movies, no matter how often you told him he didn't need to you would still come home to find him curled up on the couch with pinon as he pointed and mumbled "there's our girl" in his rough tired voice

your not afraid to show your support to carlos at his races either, attending as a long lost but now returned childhood friend at first but then eventually as his girlfriend and then wife but nobody knew that

while lando was basically carlos's best friend, to you he was your paddock child and you never let him forget it either

one of carlos's favorite things about your job was getting to see you in the gorgeous red carpet dresses, you would always show him and if he happened to be off racing, you'd facetime him instead, he loved being able to zip them up and feel your warm skin as he did it, his favorite dress was this one:

you were honestly carlos's biggest fan and without both his and his fans knowledge, you'd started an account on instagram where you posted the most outrageous things about him like this: which is one of your more tame posts btw

whenever carlos wins a race, gets on the podium or just no matter what place he gets, your wrapping your arms around him as soon as you can and whispering in his ear "i'm so proud of you mi sol"

kisses + cuddles;

there's different kinds of cuddles when it comes to yours and carlos's relationship, these include;

straddled cuddles were your sitting in his lap and wrapped around him, there is nothing sexual about it, just the two of you enjoying eachothers company

hugs from behind no matter where you are, in the motor-home or even the supermarket, carlos just likes to be holding you

and your personal favorite is when he's so exhausted and turns into the little spoon

and finally there's just this;

and then there's all the different kinds of kisses you two share

there's shoulder kisses most of which occur when carlos is hugging you from behind but they also happen in the early morning when carlos is awake and your still asleep but he just feels the need to kiss you in some way

thigh kisses, he loves to kiss your thighs and not just in the sexual way which he does indeed enjoy giving you but it also happens when he's laying in your hold with his head half in your lap and half resting on your legs

then there's the tippy toe kisses, the height difference between you and carlos was adorable but you often have to either stand on your tip toes or wear heels in order just to kiss him

then there's the kisses that you place all over his face after race cause no matter what place he comes, your always so happy for him and just need him to know how much you love him

then there's the kisses you have to tug at his shirt in order to give to him

there's the one where your kissing in bed, not in a sexual way but the 'i've missed you' loving way that has you rolling around and giggling, never wanting the kisses to end

and finally there's the kisses that both of you moaning in-between, it's these ones that normally led to your sexual encounters with eachother

touches and intimate moments;

you two have a habit of one of you two laying in bed, watching the other change in the morning or after a shower, you once said you trusted no one like how you trusted carlos and that's why you let him watch you change

then there's the times when either of you come home either from work or a race, so you sit behind eachother and gently massage the others shoulders

if your ever in the way which carlos says that you never are, he'll hook his fingers into your belt loops and gently scoot you out the way

carlos is the kind of boyfriend where if your too tired to move at the end of the day or after an event, he'll sit and gently wash your makeup from your face while your falling asleep

during the races that happen in colder countries, your often caught on camera pulling carlos close to hug him in order to warm up

your also often caught on camera walking through the paddock together with carlos's hand tucked into the back pocket of your jeans if you happen to be wearing them

and then one of your favorite things about your relationship was taking baths with carlos after a long day, feeling his body pressing against your own just brought you a sense of comfort and peace

dates [of sorts];

one of your favorite dates or even just times that you spend together is having pancake wars; where you two always try to one up eachother with your pancake recipes

whenever you guys go out for dinner, carlos always makes sure to give you the first bite of his food just in case you want to switch meals like you sometimes did

you would also often bring him lunch and end half the time end up staying so that you could eat together

he'll also sit and read you poetry late at night from your favorite poetry books

whenever you guys stay home and have date night in, carlos will often hover over your shoulder and wait to taste test the meal your cooking

then there are the museum dates you guys go on, art museums in particular have always been a part of your love for italian and spanish culture, a fan once took a photo of you and carlos in a museum where he was holding you up so that you could take photos of some of your favorite works of art

and finally and personally carlos's favorite was whenever you two went out for gelato, carlos loved the stuff and you loved taking photos of him

the little things;

just a list of all the little things that you and carlos do slash remember about eachother

your carlos's lock screen and he's yours

he wears your hair ties on his wrist and carries period products in his travel bag just in case you need them in an emergency

he always messages you when your filming to make sure that you've been eating and drinking

the two of you know eachothers routines off by heart, like when he comes home from a morning run, you'll have the shower running and waiting for him

you have a love of classic literature and you often come home to find that he's deep cleaned your bookshelves

you take care of him when he's sick

he'd been whimpering and complaining of a sore throat all day, after a while you'd had enough so you decided to call his mother and ask what she once did when he was sick as a child, when you brought carlos a mug of manzanilla or homemade chamomile tea explaining you'd gotten the recipe from his mother, carlos knew right then and there that he was going to marry you

he once gifted you a stuffed bear and a bottle of his cologne for your birthday so that you had something to cuddle when he was gone and the cologne was for when you missed his smell.. he had to comfort you when you started crying

he loves knowing that you wear his shirts to bed, reminds him that your his

and finally with all the button ups that carlos wears, you often find yourself sewing buttons back onto them, carlos once found you on the couch furiously sewing buttons back onto around ten or so shirts that you'd discovered while doing the washing

no one touches the hair except for you;

when your bored, you often end up begging carlos to let you braid his hair... it's always a yes because ever since childhood, he could never say no to you

you also love to laugh at how messy and fluffed up his hair gets in the morning, the first time you'd seen it you burst out laughing which caused him to blush

down and dirty;

while not going to into detail, here's a list of some of the things you and carlos do in bed

carlos loves eating you out, as mentioned beforehand when discussing his love for giving you thigh kisses

another obvious one was the fact that carlos loved having his pulled during sex

then there's the guided grinding, where his hands gripped at your hips while grinding you down against him

carlos's favorite position to take you in is doggy and no, i personally think there's no explanation needed

carlos has a thing for choking too, you in fact introduced him to it

and finally while it not's something you explore very regularly, you also share a spitting kink

the wedding;

it's been described by friends and family as the most beautiful wedding they'd ever attended, there are photos in the wedding album of you and carlos shoving cake in eachothers faces and instead of a three course meal, you both served pizza at your wedding instead

nicknames;

your nicknames for carlos include; mi sol [my sun] mi vida [my life] papi and mi amor [my love]

carlos called you his wife all the time, including long before you two were married

his nicknames for you include; my wife, mi vida, mi amor and corazón [heart]

aesthetic playlist;

a list of songs that describe you, carlos and your relationship

young and beautiful by lana del ray

boyfriend by ariana grande ft social house

just friends by why don't we

we can't be friends [wait for your love] by ariana grande

never be the same by camila cabello

lay all your love on me by abba

senorita by shawn mendes ft camila cabello

older by isabel larosa

money money money by abba

too sweet by hozier

everything has changed by taylor swift ft ed sheeran [taylor's version]

teenager in love by madison beer

me gustas tu by manu chao

more songs like this can be found on their official playlist

and finally;

this is just how i picture you'd reveal your relationship to the public

movies.with.y/n

movies.with.y/n; my heart always knew it'd be you @ carlossainz55

#formula one #formula 1 #formula one fanfiction #carlos sainz smut #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz smau #carlos sainz jr x reader #f1 x reader #f1 social media au #f1 fanfiction #f1 x you

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cutiecusp · 2 days ago

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It's been two years since I've taken these photos, and it inspired a little series... here's part one.

Focus.

Simon Riley x War Correspondent Reader.

Tw. Readers nickname is 'snaps' but still able to be read as you. Mention of war.

"You know how to use that weapon, snaps?" A deep gruff voice rings over the noise of the van.

You balk at the idea of using a gun, you were here to photograph the truth, not take up arms.

"I'll manage." You reply stiffly, eyeing the man behind the voice.

Sitting towards the back of the van is the man you've been warned about. Shoulders wider than your body, a skull mask and a death glare to match... Ghost.

He lets out a dry chuckle, not unkindly.

"You'll learn." He remarks before the comms pick up again and you hear the next part of the mission.

You feel his eyes return to you a few minutes later. Meeting his gaze, you lift your chin slightly in defiance.

"I don't need a babysitter. Just here to do my job." You say, somewhat stubbornly. You had heard that the taskforce 141 and it's members had a reputation for being the best, and you held yourself to a similar standard. You were the best war photographer out there, and you took pride in it.

"Just saying. You gotta be a part of the team, and it's easier if you know how to defend yourself." Ghost leans in a little closer, your legs touching in the cramped van.

"It'll be a shame to have to ship such a pretty thing like you back home in a box."

Your breath pauses in your throat, making you splutter and choke on air. Fully embarrassed, your face aflame, you watch as he settles back into his seat and picks up a conversation with Soap, seemingly unaware of how flustered you were.

'It's gonna be a long trip' you think to yourself.

Simons POV.

This desert was going to kill me. Between Soaps constant chatter and the photographer making moon eyes at me when she thinks I'm not looking, this ride to the next point was torturous.

I would have been fine with a photographer on board, after all, what's another member of the team, after welcoming Alejandro and Rudy, it seemed like everyone had joined us lately. Allowing us to get the job done was my number one priority.

But then she came along. All cute with her camera set up, tact vest that stated she was a member of the press, a lamb to the slaughter. She should be at home, instead of this dusty hellhole.

I raise an eyebrow.

"You know how to use that weapon, snaps?"

Snaps. why did i give her a fucking nickname?

Her face gave me pause, i thought i was icy, but Hades himself has nothing on this woman.

and that chin tilt?

She's mine.

I lean in, using my size to intimidate her a little, see if i can pull some more of that fire from her. For some fucking reason, i cannot look away. Her body close to mine, and watching her flush as i paid her a small compliment tickled a part of my brain i thought was dead forever.

I barely heard Soaps chatter through the sound of blood rushing through my ears.

'Thank fuck i wear a mask.' i think to myself.

@kaeyasfuturewife @xoxunhinged @muneca-lemon-steppa @gardenof-venus @misshugs @soraya-daydreams @frudoo @renpodz @yesornowaitidontknow @thevoiceinyourheadx @shadowdark00 @rynbeerose @lunamoonbby @incredible-walker @identity2212 @pukbadger @urbimom @corvid007 @wordsfromshona @shadows-empress @m00xy @canyonmooncreations @oniraki @evie-119 @havoc973 @kylies-love-letter @ishipdabands @cmbghost @heckinspooks @midwesternwitchery @eggy-yoke @redzluvvesage @masterclassofescapism @s-a-v-a-n-a-34

#call of duty #call of duty mw2 #fanfiction #fanfic #call of duty modern warfare 2 #simon ghost riley #simon riley #simon riley x you #ghost #simon riley x y/n #ghost simon riley

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jamiepaige · 3 days ago

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Constant Companions Closeup #8: LIAISON

(also on spotify!)

Welcome once more to the Constant Companions Closeups - a series of in-depth dives into the songs off of my latest album, Constant Companions! After the nightmarish tiktok voice brainrot of Aggrandicize, it's finally time to talk about Lesbian I mean Liaison!

---

...It's a love song.

...

That's about it.

...

Oh you want me to say more okay

I don't really write simple and straightforward love songs much!! Love is absolutely a core aspect of my songwriting, and I love a lot of people and a lot of things, but even when I invoke romantic love, it's usually not entirely literal? If that makes sense.

But, like, c'mon. I'm a lesbian. I love women with the best of 'em. Sometimes I just wanna be gay! Especially on an album as fraught with emotional moments as Constant Companions is, I feel like it's really important to have at least one simple moment to settle on.

...

oh you want me to say More

Well okay. I like yuri. I like vocal synths. And maybe my himejoshi ass likes making certain combinations of vocal synths do gay shit lesbian style.

lets move on already

---

I love the band Phoenix. I'll be completely honest and tell you that I first heard their music when Lisztomania and 1901 came out as DLC for Rock Band 2 but hey that's how a lot of people my age found a lot of music when they were younger probably. Their album Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix was one of a couple major sonic touchstones for how I wanted Constant Companions to sound - bouncy, warm, synthetic-yet-natural, with multiple shades of idiosyncrasies - but Liaison in particular was a pretty bold-faced attempt to directly evoke their music, at least in terms of arrangement.

Now, I'm not well-read or French enough to fully match the bright-eyed abstract lyricism or historical knowledge of their songwriting completely - but I can be Jamie Paige about it, reference Arthurian legend, and quote another freaking song I wrote

🤼‍♀️, also known as :women_wrestling:, isn't the gayest song I've ever written, but it's certainly up there, and it gets referenced pretty heavily in Liaison. Maybe this is the aftercare once they're done in the ring? Maybe there are more complicated layers hiding beneath the saccharine sweetness of these hopeless lovers...

Maybe I'm just gay. Ever consider that, huh?

That being said, for reasons I won't go into here, there's some amount of the vocal synth fandom that interpret Solaria and ANRI as being in a sort of toxic embittered lesbian situationship... which does make the layers a little more interesting... though if you ask me? I think lesbians deserve to be happy. What about that you shithead

---

Finally, because I have a moral obligation to make sure you've all seen this, please enjoy ODDEEO's very personal and moving take on Liaison.

Of course, let me know if you have any other questions below!! Otherwise, I'll be back tomorrow to talk about the most transgender song I've ever written - Object of Affection!

#music #jamie paige #bandcamp #constant companions #behind da scenes #Bandcamp #Spotify #SoundCloud

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dcdreamblog · 23 hours ago

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Is it true that the Martian Manhunter has admitted to having other superhero identities before he revealed he was actually an alien? I've heard of something called.... it was either the Justice Experiement or Experience

Yes and that's a tragic series of events all its own.

(The one living image of all 6 members of the Justice Experience in the same place, annotated by an early Web 1.0 memorial site)

They were really the biggest attempt to recapture the superheroic ideal in between the retirement of the Justice Society and the appearance of Superman. Mostly active between the 70s and 80s. They had a few high profile cases for their time but were mostly never given the recognition they deserved. The culture at large, and especially the American establishment were hostile to the idea of superheroes even still and so they were hounded and harassed by "legitimate" authorities who refused to work with them on more than the most broad and situational of bases. It probably cost them their lives.

When their greatest enemy, Dr. Trap began to target their families and then the heroes themselves they had no wider support system to fall back on and police response to the violence was muted at best. As if they were just waiting for these people to die quietly so the world could go back to pretending they didn't exist.

The man we now know as the Martian Manhunter was the only survivor of the Justice Expirience, in his title as the Bronze Wraith. He assisted the Justice Society in bringing Trap in (one of only a handful of cases that pulled the Society out of retirement before the foundation of the JLA)

I'll comment more on these events tomorrow, in another ask J'onzz has rarely commented publically on his time as the Wraith, only to comment that he did it in order to make himself feel safer as he adjusted to Earth before the idea of aliens among us became common knowledge, and acknowledging the Experience's members as kind, brave people that he remembers often. J'onzz and those the Experience left behind are known to hold a private vigil every year not on the day the Experience died but on the day they assembled, as to better remember them for their bravery of deed above all.

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blu3-ja3 · 3 days ago

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IT'S TIME! second to last one of this little series! I hope you've all enjoyed these but also be ready for the actual story! It's going to be a good one I promise!

!TRIGGER WARNING! Blood, Semi Graphic Depictions of Violence, Panic Attacks, Semi Graphic Depictions of Injuries

1) Open Doors Can Be Closed For A Reason

Since day one my office door is open unless it's needed to be closed. More often than not it's open while I work, my office is secluded and at the far end of a very loud and echoey hallway. It's an unwritten rule though that if my door is closed do not open. The rule is there for one person really and that's Ghost.

I promised him his privacy from the world while I did my formal work. At first he hated removing his mask for me, I made sure it was the first thing or last thing we did so it was done and out of the way. It was purely for medical needs, I worked fast and efficiently. Which he seemed to like, made him comfortable. I hardly knew what he looked like, he was as much an enigma to me as he was anyone else. And that made Ghost comfortable so I was comfortable.

Then Las Almas happened and I got a proper look at the young man's face. He trusted me with that information well after we got back on base, though I did my best to keep things quick.

Soap burst into my office carrying a staggering Ghost. The younger man deposited Ghost onto the nearby cot before quickly shutting my curtains and door.

"Doc! Ghost hit his head real hard, got him here as quick as I could!" I rushed over towards the lieutenant allowing Soap to remove his partners mask.

"Ghost I'm removing your mask now alright mate? I've gotta check you out and make sure everything is okay."

I stand patient to let Soap work, he's gentle and removes the fabric deftly. I start to move towards Ghost when I hear the click of a door knob. On pure instinct alone I whirl and stride forwards, shoving who ever just opened my door out. The young man tumbles backwards staring at me like I'd just slapped him and told him I'd fecked his mother.

"I don't know what you're fecking doin' but when that door is closed no one is allowed to enter!"

"No need to be so rude about it"

"You listen here you little gobshite and you listen well, if my door is opened you're more than welcome to prance your way in. But if the door is feckin' closed you turn around and leave."

"But I have important docu-"

"I don't give a shite I said leave! Go drop them off with Captain Price! Now leave!"

I watched as the young man scampered away down the hall. I turned around quickly and entered the room, immediately going over towards Ghost and setting about working on his injury. Once everything was good and Ghost was resting Soap spoke up.

"You were a little harsh on the kid Doc"

"Hmm maybe, but I have rules for a reason. They're there for a reason, and protecting my patient is number 1 on the list of reasons."

"I'm sure Simon would appreciate that Doc... Thank you."

I nod and continue my work at my desk as Soap sits next to Ghost. My door remains shut until Ghost is aware of everything and given the all clear. Though he doesn't say much I know he appreciates the gesture.

2) History Repeats

I can't see anything it's pitch black but I know I have my eyes open... it's just dark and wet... This was not how this op was supposed to go. Everything went to shit so fast, I think extraction is questionable, and I think I'm bleeding. It's really hard to focus right now, everything is muffled and fuzzy. I keep getting woken up by something....

No it's someone... Tall, dark, only white skull, cranky Manchester accent... It's Ghost, good he's a smart kid. I can feel the smile on my face fall. He's missing something... Where's Soap?

"Don' know Cap, gotta focus on you right now..."

I see him move as some of the dirt behind blows up behind him... Are we getting shot at? Fuck it's hard for me to think. I heard Ghost rumble something before a loud boom... He must have hit what he was aiming for cause he moved to pick me up. So warm I could fall asleep here... Ghost can handle this... He's a smart lad.

"Shit Doc you're freezing....Hey now talk to me Doc, how's the sleeve going? Johnny making any progress on your missing piece?" I smile at the mention of Soap he's such a good artist.

"Yeah, Johnny Boy's a good kid... I'm so happy you two found each other. Everyone deserves happiness, Simon, even you laddie." I'm so tired, maybe just resting my eyes for a bit... Yea... Yeah that sounds... That sounds real good.

"Hey Doc, got a joke I want to run past you. It's for my Johnny but I'd like to test it first yeah?" I smile, I love Simon's jokes. They're awful but everyone smiles when he says them so they're truly perfect.

"Go fer it, lad. What's the joke?"

"Why does the military plant trees Doc?" I open my eyes and look towards Ghost but everything starts spinning. My head is pounding... Why is it pounding? Gotta respond to Simon, he's telling me a joke.

"Why?" My voice is so quiet, why? Are we trying to be quiet? Everything feels so loud though...

"To grow their infant-tree Doc... Hey, on me Captain!" My head snaps up to follow the order, I can't see much of Simon's face. Just the bright white skull, it's glowing so bright.

A searing flash of pain shoots through my right side, I feel warmth seeping into my cloth. Simon seemed to notice, he said something but it's so hard to hear him. I'm shivering and it gets worse as Simon sets me down. We're in a room, there's a bunch of noise... No, no, not noise it's voices. I know these voices, it's my boys. They're okay... They're safe... They're scared, why? What's wrong?

I feel something warm on my shoulder, it's so warm... I want more, it's so cold. Why is it so cold? Another flash of pain from my right it makes it hard to breathe as I'm being sat up. Something warm is beside me... No it's behind me, I lean against it.

"Maevis we've gotta get your shirt off... You're hurt love." I'm scared, why am I scared... Oh!

"No, they'll see it. They can't see it..."

"It's just me and Price, Doc. We need to see what's wrong." John... John's seen but Ghost? No he'll understand... It's only fair, I've seen his face...

"You promise? I'm scared... I'm scared of what... You'll see..." It's so hard to speak. Why is it so hard?

I'm moved again, away from the warmth. My shivering gets worse as my shirt is pulled off. There's a dull throbbing on my right that turns to a white hot pain when something touches it.

"Doc, this is going to hurt... But you need stitches." Stitches? Is it that bad?

"You promise? I trust you Simon... But I'm scared... Everything hurts and I'm scared."

"I promise Mom... You're getting out of here."

The pain starts very quickly, a pinching stabbing pain. At first it's only annoying but then it gets worse and worse... I try to focus on my breathing... It's too much I can't do this, I'm going to be sick...

Black.

There's a dull ache from my hip and something is wrapped around my hip. I'm sitting upright against something warm and solid. I'm in a vehicle, a car? There's the sway of being on the road and the bumping of hitting pot wholes. I open my eyes and my vision begins to swim. I groan as the pounding in my head comes back tenfold.

"She awake Ghost?" I look to see Prices eye staring at me through the rear view window.

"I'm awake, feel like I was hit by a feckin' truck." I try to sit up but I feel a hand stop me.

"Go back to sleep Doc, you need the rest." I adjust myself so I'm sitting up a bit before my vision spins.

I lay back against Ghost again, trying to keep my eyes open but the young Lieutenant was right. So I concede the fight and close my eyes.

3) Matters of Trust

"Maevis, I'm warning you. The Lieutenant is a bit of a lone wolf."

"How do you mean John?"

"He's known to disappear, leave behind teammates, go against orders. You're better off leaving him until you gain some rapport with him, take one of the sergeants, Gaz is a good choice..."

"How am I going to gain said rapport if we aren't on the field together? If I'm to gain his trust we'll have to work together, I don't expect his trust to come for free. Sending me on this mission with him will be the best way for everything to move forward."

"Maevis..." John sighs shaking his head, "Fine but understand that it could rapidly become a solo op."

"I'm aware, John, but I also trust that the Lieutenant won't get me killed. I have to give trust in order to gain trust and as his higher up it's up to me to make that first step... You taught me that John."

"I regret everything I've ever taught you. Fine, Ghost come out I know you're there."

I turn around to see the shadows in the corner shift and form the almost mountain of a man known as Ghost. Impressive. Also useful to know.

"Pleasure to formally meet you lad! Doctor Maevis O'Connor!" I stick my hand out in front of me.

"Nice to meet you as well, Captain O'Connor." He takes my hand in his and shakes once.

"Let's get this briefing over with John. The faster we're on the ground, the faster we're out." I turn back to the table with all the collected information on it.

4) Surprise

I'm in my office with boxes everywhere. We've moved to a better base, there's less barracks but it's an actual full facility with everything Price has been asking for. Everyone has been excited because they're getting more personal rooms instead of shared bunks.

My office and barracks are next to each other with my office being at the end of the hall and my barracks to the left. I've already finished unpacking and setting up my barracks so I'm in my office.

I'm currently going through files and sorting alphabetically. Placing them into my new filing cabinets, I never thought myself to be someone who would get excited over organized filing cabinets but here I am. I'm finishing up the last cabinet when I hear someone clear their throat. I turn around to find Ghost standing in front of my desk.

"Hello Lieutenant! How can I help you lad?"

"Don't have much to finish in my quarters so I figured I'd see if you'd like some help, I know you'll be setting up your cabinets. "

"I'm a bit surprised but I won't say no!"

I moved to my desk and wrote down my planned layout for my medical cabinets and drawers. I helped Ghost separate the boxes of medical and personal. I gave him the layout and left to unpack my desk supplies and set up another cabinet full of supplies. Ghost was eventually pulled away by Soap but he let me know the cabinet was done.

It was about an hour later before I finished with my medical cabinet. I turned to unpack the last box on my desk, it's full of personal items that go on my shelf. Medical book and my medical license, a couple of knick knacks from different places I've been. A photo of the 141, my previous medical squad, and a picture of my squad when Price was my Lieutenant and I was a sergeant. I had a couple of empty shelves but I figured they'd get filled in time.

I turned to my desk and moved the box to find an envelope and a small box. The envelope has Ghost's hand writing on it. I sat down in my chair and opened the envelope.

'Doc, we knew today would be busy so we all got together for a celebration in the new rec room. The box is from me, enjoy and we'll see you there. - The 141 boys'

I smiled and began to open the small box. Inside was a bunch of cloth, removing the cloth I found a glass blown four leaf clover. It fits in my palm as I look at it before I turn around and set it on my desk next to my photo of William. I walk into the rec room to find the rest of my team huddled together.

"You usually make us a cake today, to celebrate William's birthday. But we figured we could help honor him today since it has been a long day. Surprise Maevis!" Price claps a hand on my shoulder as Gaz turns around holding a small cake with simple chocolate frosting designs. We cut the cake and chatted about the new base. Once everyone began to turn in for the night, I approached Ghost.

"I wanted to thank you for the clover, you didn't have to. I owe you, I'll get you a bottle of bourbon as repayment"

"It was a gift Doc, saw it and thought you'd like it. You don't owe me... Though I'll never say no to a bottle of bourbon."

Id eventually give Ghost his bottle of bourbon. That one gift started a trend of random clover trinkets appearing on my desk until the last of my shelves were filled. For each little trinket I baked something for the team as repayment.

5) Unconditional

My eyes fly open as I shoot up from my bed, heart racing. I tried to calm my breathing and rubbed my eyes. Memories of Las Almas citizens screaming, pleas for help from my burning patients and friends, my own screams and the memory of blistering heat burning my skin all whirling together in my mind.

I get out of bed, I've gotta take a walk. Calm myself down, get ahold of myself. I walked towards the mess hall and noticed a figure standing outside. They're tall, well built, in a hoodie with the name 'Riley' across the back. I make two cups of tea, nothing fancy just some chamomile with honey.

I approach Ghost, standing next to him and handing him a mug. I stood there in silence knowing Ghost wouldn't confide in me verbally but my presence was comfort, enough. I sip my tea looking up at the sky trying to find a constellation or two.

"Why?"

"Hmm?"

"Why do you do it?"

"I do a lot Shade you'll have to be more specific."

"You're kind? To me... You're such... Augh. I don't know how to phrase this."

"Then just talk, whatever you need to say will come about eventually."

"THAT! You're so patient and understanding. Why? Haven't you been burned enough?" He tensed at that before I set a gentle hand on his arm. He flinches away before relaxing.

"I treat all of you like this, I can't really explain why. I've been like this for so long it's hard to think of myself any other way. I couldn't imagine not treating you lads with kindness. It's just my nature to nurture."

"And my nature is violent, so why be so nurturing towards me?"

"Simon" He flinches again at the name but I continue, "Your nature isn't violent, I've seen how gentle you are. It's clear as day when you're with MacTavish but if you know what to look for it's there with Gaz, Roach and Price too."

I can see his eyes tearing up as I continue, "You have to be gentle with yourself lad and take a step back from being the Ghost. Even if it's only around Soap, you can do it around us also. You're human Simon, despite everything you're human. And humans are fragile creatures." I turn to look up at Ghost as more tears well up in his eyes.

I opened my arm as an invitation, one I expected to be denied. I was slightly surprised as Ghost accepted the hug, clinging tightly to me as he sobs silently into my shoulder. I run my hand up and down his back, gently comforting him. After sometime Ghost calms down, I have him finish his tea before guiding him towards Soap's room.

"Doc my room's not down this way."

"I know but you shouldn't be alone tonight."

I knock on the door in front of me and explain to Soap what happened, briefly not giving many details. He gently guided Ghost into the room before telling me goodnight and closing his door. I make my way back towards my room, finding myself sleeping slightly easier. Reminding myself to be gentle.

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vamphorica · 3 days ago

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How would a female Mello, matt, and Near be?

absolutely wonderful question, anon, thank you so much. if you've been on my blog for any length of time, it is probably not surprising that i've given this a lot of thought and, putting aside my intricate transgender speculations for the time being, let's gender swap the wammy's creatures, and consider how that could impact their narratives within death note.

note: i will still be referring to all three using he/him pronouns, but this is not intended to be intentionally contrary. feel free to substitute whatever pronouns your heart desires throughout.

♀ mello -> mihaela may be a little bit obvious, haha, but if mihael is a croatian name that means 'who is like god', and we need to retain the letter 'm' for obvious reasons, i think it works well as a feminine alternative name. mello is relatively androgynous as an alias, if not slightly masculine, but i think it is fine given what i'm about to talk about.

mello's canonical gender expression is already nonconformative, so it is interesting to speculate what he would he look like if he were a girl. one of my absolute favourite genderbent depictions of mello is this piece by thekatzone because it still retains mello's visual ambiguity but in the opposite direction. i do think he would dress more masculine as a woman not only because his subversive appearance is a very significant aspect to his character, but also because of how it might relate to his position in the mafia.

mello spends a significant amount of time in the manga and anime in hypermasculine environments despite his presentation, and i think it is important to retain this idea even if he were to be genderbent. i do think mello would have had a much harder time, if it was at all possible, in attaining a leadership position within the mafia as a woman. the women who frequent the base are implied to be sex workers, and so i'm genuinely curious as to whether mello would have felt able to approach the organisation as a masculine presenting woman, or whether he'd seek out a different group. in which case, what would that group be? would he have been able to effectively carry out his insane plans in the same capacity?

i have very little doubt mello would still have been ambitious, but i actually don't think that he would have been able to pursue his goal to catch kira before near as he went about it in the series. certainly light would not have taken him seriously if the voice he heard down the phone was higher pitched, and that alone could have greatly impacted how sayu's kidnapping played out, as underestimating mello could have easily resulted in her death.

♀ matt -> apparently mail as a name means 'pleasant', and that is very funny to me. i quite like the name maille, which is irish, so fits nicely with a vague headcanon i haven't fully developed. i also learnt it is the name for a brand of mustard, and i think he would appreciate that. matt as a pseudonym might have to be changed to matilda, or martha.

while i am under no illusion that matt would be the kind of girl to give a shit about their appearance, i do think in another life, he would have made an excellent e-girl twitch streamer. i can imagine him wearing cat ear headphones and miniskirts, and referring to "chat" every five seconds. rest in peace, mail, you would have loved twitch subs.

regarding matt's gender identity in the canon series, i think that it worth considering how he might have responded differently to surveying others as a woman rather than as a man. i think matt's approach to watching others is very informed by his own personal biases, which I think are definitively masculine. The most clear example of this is how he describes misa as "an awfully cute japanese girl" which, while isn't necessarily the worst thing said about a woman in this godforsaken series, demonstrates that matt's perspective on women is superficial at best. this isn't helped either by the fact that he completely fucks up when guessing misa's age, even going so far as referring to her as a "child".

i think a female matt would probably feel the most overwhelmed of the three by societal expectations of women, and may even distance himself away from femininity. i'm not trying to suggest here that matt's comments imply he's misogynistic, but i actually think matt is the most masculine of the wammy's kids, which may be controversial, i don't know. i believe that he retains his masculine personality in this genderbent scenario.

♀ near -> i love the japanese pronunciation of near's name, nia, as a girl's name that he could use as an alias. natania has the same meaning as nate – 'gift of god' – which does not match his character at all, haha, but that is what i managed to come up with.

near is the easiest to consider gender swapping because to me, he's a girl anyway. you can point to his female voice actors in the anime, or his long hair in the 2020 manga one-shot, but he is also so clearly coded as a feminine character, a contrast from not only mello's aggressive impulsivity, but the masculine environment of law enforcement. with halle as a notable exception (who herself is very masculine, but another post, perhaps), near is markedly different from every other character in the series. some might say he resembles his predecessor, but i think they are very distinct from one another as characters.

my personal opinion relating to mello and near's gender identities (which you may disagree with) is that mello expresses his gender ambiguity externally whereas near does so internally. essentially, if we interpret them both as androgynous, mello's appearance is far more expressive of this, whereas near's behaviour is his more nonconformative trait. this can be a slightly tricky area to navigate as it's important not to dive headfirst into gender essentialism, but i think near's mannerisms can, and should, be explored here.

girl near would still be able to work as head of the spk, without the disadvantages girl mello would face to become head of the mafia. i really don't think there would be much in the way of significant plot deviance if near was female, other than maybe light freaking out over the fact he was caught by a woman, which would be very funny. in the one shot, near's internal androgyny has manifested itself as a more external expression, and i really like that decision.

to conclude, i do love the concept of the wammy's girls, and i think it invites some interesting discussions relating to how femininity is often dismissed in death note. there's a lot of creativity in genderbending characters. mello, matt and near each have complex and interesting traits that are very fun to explore when thinking about them from this perspective.

#sorry this took me so long to respond to #managed to write it out while getting tattooed so i think i deserve credit there at least #asks #mello #mihael keehl #matt #mail jeevas #near #nate river #wammy's house #death note #textpost #gender #analysis #perhaps?#headcanon

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onaperduamedee · 2 years ago

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Notes on The Fires of Heaven

Full spoilers for The Fires of Heaven under the cut:

I am here for monstrous women, always, and mad with power as Elaida is, I know she is going to put on a show.

I was not at all expecting Fain in the White Tower but hell, yes, that self-serving bastard continues to entertain. And Alviarin (!) was as unexpected.

Bloody hell, the Siuan and Leane chapters. Hands down, psychology-wise, plot-wise, I am enraptured by their arcs. The underlying theme of masks and masquerade feels so queer also, specifically female queerness.

Caralin having a crush on Leane while Bryne has one on Siuan is hilarious, the remarks on Domani women less so.

Egwene is such a stalwart little trouper. She completely embraced Aiel culture and I am so proud of her. Her relationship with Aviendha is genuinely one of the sweetest, considering how Egwene reacts to people trying to have an edge on her. Egwene feels relatively safe with Aviendha and it makes me so happy.

However, I'm glad that Egwene told off Aviendha for the way she insists Rand is Elayne's, because that was getting creepy.

Mat likes older women, apparently. I love that he always seems a bit out of place in the YA genre. He's one of the freshest characters among the leads because of it.

Both Mat and Moiraine are right for being wary of Rand. At this point, he is listening to Forsaken in secret, hiding a bloody bandwagon of Darkfriends to the Aiel and Moiraine, and planning to march with an Aiel army to the West. His valid fear of getting controlled is looking an awful lot like self-sabotage and preventively shutting off support, and oof, this poor boy.

Moiraine's "A spoonful of hope and a cup of despair" didn't break me at all. It's a bit unclear what Moiraine's oath to Rand entails considering the first oath, but I am fascinated by the chain of events that led her to this point. Plus, Siuan pledged allegiance to Bryne to escape death, and with the intent to postpone that allegiance because Bryne does not remotely matter, Rand does. So Moiraine vowing to obey Rand, in light of her despair and his growing dissociation, is delicious.

On one hand, I detest the recurring theme of powerful women having to be put in their place and submit to male characters (Siuan, Nynaeve, Morgase, Moiraine). On the other, I can't deny it was hilarious to see Moiraine "brat" Sedai fuming from being told to shush. I know that Josha and Rosamund are going to make a banquet out of this relationship, I cannot wait.

Me after meeting the girls again: I am so proud that they gained experience in Tanchico. They're much more cautious and prepared. They won't get captured like in Tear. The girls one chapter after: walk into the most obvious trap Me: I genuinely don't know why I expected anything else

There's an alternative turn of the Wheel where Nynaeve just admits she is obsessed with Moiraine on top of Lan because she brings her up more often than him.

Thom and Juilin are really fun together. I suspect the show will merge them which is a shame because I am enjoying their dynamic with the girls. Uno later getting added to the group of threatening reluctant bodyguards with a soft spot for those reckless kids is quite heartwarming.

I won't talk about the romances because I don’t have a single positive comment to make. None. The notes are scathing and I’m not having a good time.

Everything about the Wise Ones trying to school Nynaeve and Nynaeve telling them to fuck off and just doing the opposite of what they ordered? So bloody excellent. The gall they have to expect Nynaeve, who isn't even their student like Egwene, to follow their ways.

Egwene’s way of teaching Nyn a lesson was a) horrifying, b) absolutely written in stone. That girl has PTSD and someone trying to assert dominance triggers her quite badly.

Hmmmm, Nynaeve seeing her friends as charges who must fall in line, aha no, I hate it here. Though it is fascinating on a purely narrative level. At this point, with Nynaeve torn between putting back Eg under her authority and preserving their friendship, their relationship is so strained that I wonder if it will heal completely.

It makes me feel a type of way that Nyn, a woman healer in her mid-twenties, would see a young traumatized woman ten years her junior and think “I need to teach her a lesson”. I applaud the layers in characterisation, but uh, it’s so uncomfortable to see unfold.

The Egwene and Moiraine scene... The Galad reveals… I am having a blast here. It feels so good to see the kids starting to grasp what this journey could cost them. Moiraine's reaction to Siuan's demise is exactly what I expected from her. One thing I appreciate particularly about Jordan's writing for Moiraine is its incredible consistency: Moiraine is intensely private and non-sentimental, and Jordan doesn't concede a centimeter in that area for the sake of relatability.

If I have to read one more time that men are so strange they barely seem human at all or that women are all insane I will scream.

Oh, the schadenfreude of Elayne and Nyn having to work in the circus after berating Luca like business school graduates for not having a real job is Delicious.

Morgase: how can Lini afford these things on a nurse pension? Me: you're the one paying her?!?

Was Moiraine with someone during the attack near Jangai Pass? Because between the blushing, the fact she was quite obviously naked beneath her robe, Lan looking troubled and her lack of care for whatever was happening, it looks like she was occupied when the draghkars attacked.

Everything about Rand and how he navigates the power dynamics around him, including his "friends" and allies is fascinating, please give me more. He changed most of the mains in the span of such a short time and it’s bloody mesmerizing.

I nearly had a fit of excited and nervous laughter when I realised Aviendha gatewayed them into Seanchan territory. Oh, the nonsense that could ensue from introducing this device.

The Aiel having to be told to maybe not plunder a country that's already plagued by civil war and famine though... I really enjoy that, so far, none of the nations we've encountered are ideal, even the Aiel who seem the author’s favourite. The nations are often riddled with prejudices and obsessed with petty dominance play. More than the military aspect, the heart of Rand's peace is the collaboration between nations and the confrontation of biases.

Contrary to Min, I am living for Leane’s in her vamp years.

The Siuan chapters are so, so, so good. I am vibrating with excitement. Siuan, my love, you absolute unstoppable force of nature. She's now the lowest of the low among the Aes Sedai and she still manages to play them. She's the best.

The Aes Sedai camp is also fascinating: the way they cling to old hierarchy and rules despite the obvious chaos and new order is just UH please, I am feasting.

My excitement for everything Siuan and the rebel Tower is somewhat dampened by Bryne’s creepiness about Siuan. His obsession with Siuan when he thought she was his 20-year-old servant is not great, but understandable because old man, hot girl, but to think he would still insist on having her as a servant despite her being ex-Amyrlin, stilled and now involved in sedition? I’m sorry, this is a man who spent most of his life serving powerful women: the reversal smells an awful lot like resentment.

Justice for Isendre, actually. The treatment she got from the Aiel and her brutal murder were harrowing.

Loving the relationship between Rand and the Maidens in general even if I don’t enjoy his will-they-won’t-they with Aviendha. I cannot wait to see his dynamic with that group in particular, it’s so fond and fun, and Rand deserves an army of aunts and grandmas looking after him.

I'm beginning to see a pattern of the Wheel/visions used as a way to push women in relationships with men they say they don't want to be involved with and yeah... I said I was not talking about the romance, didn't I?

Nyn refusing to see she is a bad cook is so funny.

Ahhhh, I get to mad scientist Elayne! She is so cute when she's nerding out like that.

The Birgitte, reborn? Oh, this is good, this is so good. Although Elayne bonding her without Birgitte knowing is certainly... a choice, given the whole MoLan ordeal.

The showdown with Moghedien was an absolute banger. I love that Nyn gets her own archnemesis who is terrifying. However, I do not understand at all the rules in ter’aran’rhiod.

Birgitte is the epitome of no BS, I love her. She was created to give Nyn several heart attacks a day.

Aside from the confrontation with Moghedien, Birgitte's rebirth and Nynaeve's subsequent guilt, I have to be honest the circus chapters land completely flat for me. A lot of it feels like filler and the humorous aspect doesn't fit my taste enough for them to be really enjoyable. They are not bad, but they are barely entertaining for me.

Nynaeve's confrontation with Masema was entertaining as hell though. It's really rewarding to see that she started to gain finesse when it comes to politics.

Adored the battle of Cairhien itself. I love LOVE that for all of the push for him to become a warlord and a warrior, Rand is a leader. He tries to be a soldier because so many want him to be, but at heart, he is a political leader. Mat is the general here.

I find Rand and Egwene's separate journeys so endearing: they have main-character-induced extraordinary abilities, but they are also so eager to learn. Both go out of their way to absorb as much info as possible and form their opinion. Rand raiding the Stone library and reading every single book on the prophecy? Egwene going into the Waste to study with the Wise Ones? Rand getting a Forsaken to teach him? To me at least, it makes them very relatable.

Nynaeve accidentally starting a riot because she sucks at Daes Dae'mar is very on-brand.

The tension between the girls until they leave the circus feels contrived and petty, and then suddenly we get on the boat and it becomes so much more nuanced and human. Genuinely one of my favourite chapters of the book. Nynaeve’s thoughts are so good and moving there.

Asmodean with the exact same energy as the kid with a trombone adding a soundtrack to his mom's life is the funniest aspect of the book.

I must say, contrary to Ingtar's well-handled heel turn, I did not expect the Melindhra reveal. Good lord. So far the DF reveals don't get old and I am really digging how they are absolutely everywhere.

Moiraine carrying and looking after the mean of her demise all the way from the Waste... I am going to be sick.

I have thoughts about suicidal ideation and depression that wouldn't fit here, but yeah, Moiraine, you brave, dedicated, incomprehensible little soul.

Along with the Riversnake chapters, the back-to-back Moiraine death/Sulin and Rand scenes are masterful. Rand making Moiraine's death about his guilt and Sulin setting him straight about the fact that yes, dying for him is an honor, him protecting them instead would deny them agency. It's very interesting in the wake of Moiraine's sacrifice, and Lan's denial of sacrifice for her. I like it. I like it a lot.

If this was all we got of her, -and like with Morgase, no body, no dead-, I would be good with it, I think. I could write essays about what a complex, striking character she is. From the start, she was a shield for Rand and she remained so, even after her erring mentorship. And of course, Moiraine would not come out gently into that good night.

I am living for the Siuan and Nynaeve duo. I can’t tell you how much I love them and seeing these two diamonds of a female character collaborate, especially on these terms, is making me giddy for what’s to come.

I cackled a little bit at Nynaeve managing to trap a Forsaken like Rand. Priceless. Moghedien is one of the women who followed Nynaeve to Salidar, right? My bet is on Areina.

As fun as the Rahvin/Rand showdown was (Rahvin tried to turn Rand into a beast???) a lot of it made the magic system and the rules of tel'aran'rhiod even more confusing.

So Rand will be taking on male channelers? That's a great idea actually even though he's got far too much on his plate already.

After the breathless whirlwind of the Blight, the dead-rising battle over Falme, the dream-induced fall of the Stone of Tear, the traps at Rhuidean, I must say this was the most underwhelming finale so far. The docks in Cairhien were fantastic, visually, and because it was such an explosion of rage, but the battle in dream Caemlyn was too similar to Tear.

Closing on Morgase alive and Asmodean dead also feels like tacked-on after-credit scenes. I will miss that cheeky evil bard.

Overall, I preferred TDR and TSR, and I’m not entirely sure I liked it better than TGH. Perrin, Loial and Faile were completely absent and I feel like, again, we could do with more Siuan, Moiraine and Egwene, but the story keeps going into new territories, introducing surprising turns and delivering on the emotional front.

I have to talk about it because it felt like this book particularly dealt with teacher/student relationships, failed, forced or grounding: The progression of Rand & Moiraine’s arc over the books (trying to give him space, Rand fleeing, Moiraine attaching herself to him and failing to prove herself, Moiraine at last compromising and proving herself by dying for him) is well delineated. Moiraine made compromises to Rand at just the right time for it to be impactful, especially knowing how soon in TSR she learned of her demise.

In comparison, I am curious to see where the Rand and Lan mentorship arc will lead because up to that point, it feels almost completely static, despite the early start in TGH. It's actually quite interesting to see Lan remark to Rand how similar they are when we as a reader saw next to nothing of Lan's psyche while Rand's internal monologue is reminiscent of Moiraine’s.

One thing sticking out in this book is how much could be cut out. A lot is essentially atmospheric fluffing, like the bannerman's backstory or the circus. As a whole, most of the journey to Salidar could be trimmed down considerably for the show. It can be entraining and will probably be used for levity, but you wouldn't need several filmed scenes of it.

#wot review #the fires of heaven #wot book spoilers #the wheel of time #wot meta #meta #remblai #I will take an Ekumen-themed break and carry on #very excited for LoC #I've heard it's one of the best in the series

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mostlyvoid-partiallyflowers · 5 months ago

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The most recent episode of Interview with a Vampire let's us see Lestat's side of the story and see how it compares to Louis' accounting of their relationship. As a result, it reaffirms just how unreliable of a narrator Louis is, but it also further illuminates elements of his character that the director and writers have been playing with since the beginning of the show.

There's this part in the episode where Lestat turns to Louis and apologizes and it's framed with Lestat turned to Louis on one side and Claudia on his other side. They're the angel and devil on Louis' shoulders, but who is the angel and who is the devil? And as my friend said, Armand and Daniel are placed into that same dynamic with Louis later on. We are being asked to decide who to trust, who's telling the truth, who's the good guy, but the fact of unreliability robs us of that decision.

This whole story is about Louis, he's the protagonist, though not the narrator, and he is constantly being pulled in two directions, no matter when or where he is in his story. He's a mind split in two, divided by nature and circumstance. He's vampire and human, owner and owned, father and child, angel and devil. He's both telling the story and being told the story. His history is a story he tells himself, and as we've seen, sometimes that story is not whole.

Louis is the angel who saved Claudia from the fire but he's also the devil who sentenced her to an life of endless torment, the adult trapped in the body of a child. He's the angel who rescued Lestat from his grief and also the devil who abandoned him, who couldn't love him, could only kill and leave him.

He's pulled in two directions, internally and externally at all times and so it's no wonder that he feels the need to confess, first to the priest, then Daniel, and then Daniel again.

He's desperate to be heard, a Black man with power in Jim Crow America who's controlled by his position as someone with a seat at the table but one who will never be considered equal. He doesn't belong to the Black community or the white community, he can't. He acts as a go-between, a bridge, one who is pushed and pulled until he can't take it anymore. He's a fledgling child to an undead father, he's a young queer man discovering his sexual identity with an infinitely experienced partner. He's confessing because he wants to be absolved, that human part of him that was raised Catholic, that child who believed, he wants to be saved. He wants to be seen.

Louis wants to attain a forever life that is morally pure, but he can't. He's been soiled by sin, by "the devil," as he calls Lestat, and he can never be clean again. Deep down, I think he knows this, but he can't stop trying to repent. He tries to self-flagellate by staying with Lestat and then tries to repent by killing him, but can't actually follow through. He follows Claudia to Europe to try and assuage his guilt. He sets himself on fire, attempts to burn himself at the stake, to purify his body, rid himself of the dark gift.

Louis is a man endlessly trying to account for the pain he has caused and he ultimately fails, over and over again, because he can't get rid of what he is. A monster. He's an endlessly hungry monster. He's hungry for love, for respect, for power, for forgiveness, for death. He's a hole that can never be filled. He can never truly acquire any of those things because he will always be punishing himself for wanting and needing them in the first place. He will never truly believe he deserves them and as a result, can't accept them if they are ever offered. He can never be absolved for he has damned himself by accepting the dark gift and thus has tainted himself past the point of saving.

#iwtv amc #iwtv #interview with the vampire #interview with the vampire amc #louis de pointe du lac #louis iwtv #iwtv spoilers #iwtv season 2 #iwtv s2 e7 #iwtv meta #interview with the vampire meta #confession as a motif throughout the series #the way catholic imagery is inherent in vampire media #the way this series plays with unreliable narration so you never know who to believe #louis is such a phenomenally well crafted and dimensional character #and i think the show specifically creates a much more nuanced version of his character than he seems to be in the books #at least from what i've heard #i haven't read the books but i have read/been told about the changes they made to his character from book to movie #and i don't think he's as sympathetic or compelling if he's white #i think the way they updated the story with louis and claudia both being black really adds to their characters #it adds so much dimension to the way they interact with the world and also with lestat #lestat as a wealthy paternalistic white european man #in opposition to two black people in america #the multi-dimensionality of that dynamic and how race class and gender play a role in that #i could write an essay about this #i can absolutely find some sociological theory to use as a lens to discuss this #it's fascinating how well the writers and directorial team are doing with this adaptation #most book to movie/tv adaptations are mid at best #and this one pays homage to the original while also improving and updating the content significantly #i think it's also so important how the show is filmed with beauty and horror both taking precedence

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