#I'm upset with myself not with anon

[sparkymalone]

Sometimes, when I'm having trouble writing a story, I'll start writing a different story just to get something out.

But now I'm just stuck on two stories 😩

[deoidesign]

I'm sorry if what I say is wrong in any way, I don't mean to offend you, it's just something I'm not completely sure about. Does Adam use he/they or they/them pronouns? I think I saw a post of yours where you said that Adam uses he/they, but it was a while ago and now I'm not completely sure (and I don't want to use the wrong pronouns)

I know you don't mean anything by it, but I am sad that so many of the asks I get start with people saying "I'm sorry, I don't want to offend you" or some variation thereof, followed by completely normal questions. I think I may have been responding too harshly to too many things and given the impression that I'll jump at people for being wrong...

But asking clarifying questions is always okay. I mean, it's also okay to be wrong and even offensive. What matters is if you learn from it when someone points out that it was wrong or offensive. I won't stop telling people they're saying something hurtful if they are, but I don't want that to lead people to be scared of me or something.

Correcting people is always just about correcting them, not hurting them. It's okay to need to be corrected, were all learning new things every day.

Anyways Adam uses he/they, you remembered correctly

[sergeantpixie]

Do you prefer saphne or kanthony and why?! kanthony was too much constant bickering/clashing and not enough actual connection for my taste but i know that’s not a popular opinion!!

You know I wasn't on tumblr when the first two seasons of Bridgerton aired so I experienced it in a vacuum. I watched it with one of my closest fandom friends, we've been friends for about 10 years at this point, so we know each other really well and we respect each others' opinions too. We both liked both couples and both seasons, but we each had a preference. She preferred season 2 and Kanthony, and I prefer season 1 and Saphne. I didn't need to be on tumblr to know which one would be more popular though, this is the enemies to lovers website.

I tend to prefer the friends to lovers route - that's just who I am. But I think Kate and Anthony are so well written that it makes sense why they argue and fight against it and why they end up hurting a lot of people including each other (Daphne and Simon do this too, just differently.) As older siblings who stepped up to take their fathers' place after his death, Kate and Anthony are very similar, specifically similarly damaged. They put their siblings' needs above their own to their own detriment constantly. It makes sense that they could only fight against their attraction and feelings for each other - it makes sense that the only way Kate could come to terms with her own feelings was through the eyes of her little sister that she puts above all else - and it makes sense that she'd end up hurting her in the process, because that's what happens when you wall yourself off from your needs - especially emotional. You hurt people. (We get that with Anthony and Daphne too, in season 1. He projects his own romantic woes onto Daphne and Simon and tells her they can never be together when he's not actually seeing them, he's only thinking about his own doomed romance with Siena. Every time Kate tells Edwina Anthony is not for her she's talking about herself. Both of them are trying to save their beloved younger siblings from pain as well as themselves - and causing them pain - and also causing themselves pain.)

Daphne and Simon are both exactly my types as characters it's kind of insane. Simon's archetype is one I find appealing in both sexes, but Daphne's is exclusively interesting as a woman to me. Almost all of my favorite female characters are the archetypal perfect girl of their universe and they're so fucking lonely because of it that they're barely human. Simon is lonely too - loneliness is an important factor in being my favorite characters - and he's very defined by the abuse and neglect he suffered in his childhood. And then he meets someone who gives him hope - a friend and a lover and someone who makes the world seem bright. But he's so preoccupied by the pain and the anger from his past that he can't let himself take it. Daphne has the strength and the determination to demand he take it. Daphne is also very emotionally stunted and uneducated about certain aspects of life because the time she grows up in is so infantilizing to young women. (I appreciate Queen Charlotte for showing exactly why Mama Bridgerton is so fucking bad at basic sex ed, god her mother was a nightmare!) Her anger and humiliation at her lack of knowledge and understanding of the world is a lot. They do hurt each other along the way but ultimately choose each other (they choose happiness!) and idk I just love it a lot. A character like Simon being able to decide that love is more important than pain is very beautiful to me. I love that he gets to be Lady Danbury's son instead of his father's.

Thank you for asking, anon!

[moonlit-orchid]

good evening to everyone except a certain few fucking anons

[bi-bats]

hello!! i was just wondering, since the damitim fic is ongoing, does this mean know yourself updates are slowed/paused? (not a complaint i’m loving both!!)

Hiya!! Sorry that I never give easy answers 😂

So yes, Know Yourself updates are slower (not paused or on hiatus!! I am working on it still), but it's not because of the DamiTim fic.

I've been writing Know Yourself for over a year now (even though I haven't been posting it that long) and I'm just struggling with getting the words on the page to be what I want them to be. The plot is sorted out and I'm content with what I'm going to make happen, but also when I think about the fic my brain starts to feel the way my eyes do when I stare at a screen too long 😂 so I'm trying to be patient with myself and let myself take my time with it instead of pushing something out that I'm really not happy with, because 1) I think it'll show, 2) I'll just burn myself out, and 3) if I treat it like a chore it'll never get finished.

Also I've realized (post-jaytimweek) that I prefer writing in present tense, it makes everything feel more natural to me and I can control some writing things like timing and flow a little better and I WROTE OVER 100K WORDS IN PAST TENSE FOR THAT FIC AND I'M NOT FUCKING SWITCHING NOW!!!! SO I GUESS I GOTTA FINISH IT IN PAST TENSE!!!!

And also we're at the point in the plot of Know Yourself where I'm really stepping on the gas on the number of things happening per chapter, and the chapters are overwhelmingly long. And I would love to simply be more brief, but everything happening is relevant to the plot, so. Sigh.

Now, the DamiTim fic.

That one is just going up because that fic is happening to me. I can't prevent that fic from occurring. I would love to think about something else, actually! That boy is so unwell! But that's what I'm feeling inspired about and lately I've only been able to write when something worms into my brain and I have to put it on the page immediately no matter where I am or what I'm doing (I have a newish manager who doesn't know how to write a schedule, so I'm currently on day 7 of a ten day stretch of work where I only had one day off, which I had to spend doing all my chores and then hosting D&D. So basically, gone are the days off where I could just sit at my computer and write for a day 😭😭😭).

Also, Ive been having problems with Know Yourself since May, but the DamiTim fic is just fucking pouring out of me fugue state style. My brain hasn't latched onto DamiTim and released Know Yourself in favor of it, it's that the claws of Know Yourself began to unsink from my flesh like, 2 months ago and DamiTim saw its chance. Like, this isn't about to be a cute analogy, but I feel like I'm vomiting out the DamiTim fic because it's a virus. It can't be in my brain anymore okay? I need it out. And it feels like a shame to have like, almost 40k words of it written and just sitting in my drafts when I could be updating it (which I'm sure you appreciate if you're loving that one too 😂), and it has the added benefit of yall knowing I haven't abandoned the fandom/preventing yall from thinking that something horrible has happened to me!

Tldr/to reiterate: yes I'm slowing down on Know Yourself, but it's not because of any of the other chaptered fics I'm working on.

Anyways, sorry this got long and ranty, I think I needed to vent all this out anyways so thank you for giving me a chance to do that!! And also thank you for phrasing your ask the way you did, I really appreciate you specifying that you're not complaining 😂 this is a valid question (that did not upset me but could've if the phrasing was different) and I didn't feel pressured so thank you!!! Ily anon 💕💖💚

[inkykeiji]

Honestly lets all just pretend the whole tomura thing didnt happen lmao (i am)

uGH i am trying so hard to just,, split him into the tomura that didn’t know and the tenko that does know, and then just kinda disregard the tenko in his entirety. i just want the tomura that was blissfully unaware!!! give me bratty entitled nihilistic tomu!!! >.< i’m still super disappointed with the whole thing ._.

@ hori: i understand what you’re saying and your comments are valuable, but i am choosing to ignore your narrative choice. (⸝⸝ᵕᴗᵕ⸝⸝)

[piningpercussionist]

Soooo at the risk of sounding insensitive… what happened that night when you and knives… made out. Like did you start it or did she start it or?

Good grief... how did you even hear about that? I seriously doubt Knives is talking about it, but yeah, here we go, since that's apparently just. Out there now. Fuck's sake... I'm drinking to cope with thinking about this one, but I'll answer you while I'm still clear headed first.

Honestly? I can barely remember a good chunk of that night. After we got back from the beach and kept drinking, it gets sort of blurry for me? I was already pretty wasted when we got back to house, anyway.

I think I noticed Knives go skulking off by herself upstairs at some point, and I was... concerned. I mean, we'd been letting her drink with us, and I don't know if that was her first time or what, but I didn't want her to be sick all by herself if it was. That shit sucks, and I don't think anyone else was gonna step up to be there for her.

She wasn't sick though anyway, she'd just needed a breather- and apparently some advice. I remember her practically dragging me to the floor so we could sit and talk about one of my least favorite topics- Scott. Well, boys generally at first, but I knew she wanted to be talking about him, so in a very embarrassing move on my part, I decided to talk to her about Scott and I a little.

She seemed to really appreciate it, at least. But then...

Ugh, I seriously feel so disgusting trying to parse through this again...

I don't know who started it. I mean, she was complimenting me before and stuff, so maybe it was her? But I just have this sinking pit in my stomach that it was me. Talking about Scott and our history always messes me up, bad. And having to see him and Ramona suck faces and be all over one another doesn't help in the slightest, obviously. I would've been pent up enough to snap from that alone, I just... I guess until then, I hadn't been concerned about being capable of something like that. Or maybe I just assumed I'd never be caught dead drinking with a seventeen year old, let alone...

*Kim lets out a very long sigh and hangs her head back for a bit, thinking.*

... she said that stupid line, and then it happened. I find it really hard to believe it wasn't me. I'm just glad that's all that happened.

Things have been a little awkward with her since, at least for me. The way we talk sometimes, I don't even know if she remembers it. I mean, I barely do! I probably had a lot more to drink than she did, though. But I like Knives, really- she's fun and she's sweet, and she genuinely cares about our music. If she can behave like nothing happened, I can do the same no problem. I like having someone that isn't a meathead to talk to during practice, so if she's not running, screaming, for the hills, then I'll honor that, no matter how exhausting it may end up...

[cronchywaters]

howdy! umm... are you still okay with kin and/or fictive edits involving wtcd characters? i just noticed recently that it looks like the offical wtcd blog was deleted(?) and wasnt sure if that meant you weren't ok with it anymore!! i really would hste to assume and cross any boundaries. hopefully this question isn't upsetting at all!! thank you!! have a good day or night!!

hi! fictives are fine, i know people can't exactly control that, which is something i was really ignorant about when i first made wtcd. i lumped kinning in with fictives which is stupid and that's not how it works, and i do want to apologize for that. as for kins, yeah, go ahead, i honestly don't really care. as for edits of the two i would rather they not happen anymore. i don't want to erase my past exactly but after one of the worst mental breakdowns of my life happened the other night (don't ask please, i'm fine now) i made the wtcd blog private on impulse. i honestly just want to forget it ever even happened at this point. my writing for it was awful and my bigotry even worse. the instagram account is staying up only so myself and other people can see my mistakes and learn from them, but overall i really would just rather move on.

as a general statement, please don't contact me about wtcd anymore. honestly even if the messages are nice or just simple questions like this i really don't want to deal with it anymore. it does nothing but remind me of how shitty people have treated me for years and while i acknowledge my mistakes i honest to god just want to let it die. you're allowed to like it, i can't stop anyone from doing that, but please just leave me alone.

[brick-a-doodle-do]

Assumption ask game

You are inclined to hit your head against walls when you get stuck on a problem

what. the fuck.

confirmed.

[parker-d-bloodrose]

Actually I feel like I should make it extremely clear that while this blog exists as a professional space it's also an extremely personal space. If I post something here, it's usually because I meant to post it here. This is my house, and sometimes that means you'll have to deal with my taste in art. That art may or may not be NSFW. It's still art as far as I care.

[sapphicmimikyu]

btw just know you can send an ask for anything; it doesn't have to be requests!

[420pogpills]

As a Jewish person this whole thing has been horrible it way some dream fans ignored the anti semantics tweet from Kanye (which zach was mad about) to defended dream. I get being body shamed isn’t nice but login on to a website and seeing a creator like dream replying to a person like that is horrible doesn’t matter if it was a joke I don’t care.

Seeing the people then say it’s not that deep and what he had was worse like they clearly never had to worry about their life’s being threatened. I understand defending dream but in this case I can’t be bothered if the fan base will try and compare body shaming to someone threatening the life’s of Jewish people which zach rightfully mad about.

anon with all due respect, i think there's a couple of things you're choosing to ignore here. i'm assuming the other ask is also from you so i'm just going to respond to this one.

"I get being body shamed isn’t nice" i don't know how to tell you this but dream had someone make a threat against his LIFE severe enough that the fbi got involved. now not only is he less safe with his face being public knowledge, but he also had to deal with some of the worst cyberbullying i think i have ever seen in my life.

you get that body shaming isn't nice? you're right, it's not. but what dream experienced - and continues experiencing daily - is not body shaming. it's intense harassment from millions of people over the world, and most of it has nothing to do with his looks. and ANYONE who encourages that, as a joke or not, is part of the problem. regardless if you are hurt, regardless if you are upset - that does not give anyone the right to encourage someone else's suffering.

this isn't just about dream. this is about everyone. this is about the insanely fucked up and desensitised society that we live in, where people don't give a second thought to telling someone they are hideous, to telling them that they should die or hurt themselves, to posting their leaked private info, even while fully knowing any of those things can affect a person's life permanently. the internet is a place where people like to forget we're all fucking human.

i'm so sorry you're having to see the awful shit that has been said by disgusting people like kanye west. i am so sorry that even after all these years, you're still having to see people engaging in anti-semitism. i'm so sorry that you're hurting, i promise you i do not at all believe you're in any wrong to be upset. but PLEASE take a second to think about who genuinely deserves your anger. because is it dream, who made a mocking tweet to kanye west (in poor taste but he's human who makes as many mistakes as you and i do) who later made sure to clarify he does not support him? or is it kanye west? the people who publicly listen to, and stream his music, giving him the money and the platform that he has, while knowing the horrific things he has said? because you might even have friends who have his music on spotify or your local radio station might play his music when it releases.

i'm not saying you should not be upset at dream, because you are well within your right to be upset with him, be upset with the fanbase, be upset with the world for being what it is today. but please do not try to excuse the encouragement of abuse and harassment someone has experienced because you are hurting too. that's not going to help anyone, that's not going to change anything - but it will serve to continue making things worse.

[retiredcultistredux]

(Non-story) Don't burn urself out! You dont have to get everything out so quickly! We can wait! - Lollipop anon

((ok that's cool to hear thank you /gen))

[singsweetmelodies]

Why are you posting Carlando and even Piarlos content if you don't like Carlos? Math ain't mathing...

well, firstly, anon, this is tumblr dot com, not maths class. i've said repeatedly, and i will say it again, that i reserve the right to be as hypocritical and insane as i want here. after all, it's tumblr - if i can't be insane and hypocritical here, then where can i?

example: anyone who watches my blog at all during a race week will know that i am NO max fan. not in the slightest. and yet i will occasionally reblog maxiel fic recs. why? well, because they're quite often quite well-written. at the end of the day, i'm a fangirl and also a bisexual disaster, so if there's a well-written gay fanfic, the chances are relatively high that i will read and enjoy it. also: i think there's quite a significant difference between fic!max (who i occasionally enjoy) and driver!max (who i despise quite passionately.) fic!max has a lot of background and nuance that can make for fascinating characterisation, and as a writer, i just enjoy that.

now for carlos specifically: please let it be known that i do not hate him the way i hate max. not even close. i am, however, a dedicated chirlie (charles girlie) and anyone who gets in the way of charles doing well is automatically in my bad books. i do try to be at least a little reasonable about it, though, and yes i absolutely do realise that a lot of major fuck-ups this season were ferrari's, not carlos' (see: silverstone 2022.) but yeah, unfortunately the way carlos has handled a lot of interviews this year really rubbed me up the wrong way, and i read one too many comparisons of carlos girlies calling him more talented than charles as well. which.... babe, no.

like i said at the start, i am fully aware that i'm a hypocrite lmao. but i'm not HERE to be unbiased. we are watching a sport - everyone is biased towards their favourites, and i'm not going to apologise for that.

and as for carlando and piarlos - i treat them the same way as i would maxiel. carlos might not be on my favourites list as a driver, but he's an interesting character to explore in fic. i am at the end of the day a writer, and i like interesting characters to explore, so yes, i am quite happy to post carlando or piarlos or very very occasionally even charlos content (because akira is the best and might convert me one day. we'll see.)

anyway! the last thing i wanted to say to you, anon, is just a gentle reminder again of the PURPOSE of fandom. it is an escape from real life, somewhere where we can come to have fun. the same rules and restrictions and - dare i say it - morals that we use irl do not apply here. they just don't! fandom should be about what makes one happy, and nobody really has the right to police that, i don't think.

so tl;dr - anon, i am here to do whatever it is that makes me happy in that moment. if that's carlando and/or piarlos, then that's what i'll do. if you have a problem with that, then i'm happy to point you in the direction of the Unfollow button, lmao - curate your experience! see what you want to see. have fun!

x

[letmetellyouaboutmyfeels]

ugh, sorry you're getting these anon messages. i had something similar a few weeks ago: I got 4 angry back-to-back anon messages in the space of ten minutes all because I dared reblog a gifset with natalia and called her pretty in the tags, because apparently I was turning my back on buddie and that meant i shipped buck x natalia and I thought they were endgame?

gotta love anons who repeat themselves, eh?

I wouldn't blame you if you turned off anon for a bit, but for now, here's some flowers to brighten up your inbox: 💐🌼🌸❀✿🌷💐🌼🌸❀✿🌷💐🌼🌸❀✿🌷💐

I'm so sorry that happened to you, nonny. Hiatus brain really does get to some people. Natalia is very pretty which is why although she's not right for Buck she could be right for me and I'm free on Thursday...

You're very sweet, thank you dear!

[bsaka7]

I’m so upset

SAY THAT!!!!! 🗣️🗣️🗣️