#and ill do my best to explain why so people can maybe learn from it

[deoidesign]

I'm sorry if what I say is wrong in any way, I don't mean to offend you, it's just something I'm not completely sure about. Does Adam use he/they or they/them pronouns? I think I saw a post of yours where you said that Adam uses he/they, but it was a while ago and now I'm not completely sure (and I don't want to use the wrong pronouns)

I know you don't mean anything by it, but I am sad that so many of the asks I get start with people saying "I'm sorry, I don't want to offend you" or some variation thereof, followed by completely normal questions. I think I may have been responding too harshly to too many things and given the impression that I'll jump at people for being wrong...

But asking clarifying questions is always okay. I mean, it's also okay to be wrong and even offensive. What matters is if you learn from it when someone points out that it was wrong or offensive. I won't stop telling people they're saying something hurtful if they are, but I don't want that to lead people to be scared of me or something.

Correcting people is always just about correcting them, not hurting them. It's okay to need to be corrected, were all learning new things every day.

Anyways Adam uses he/they, you remembered correctly

[nunalastor]

Guy / Serial Roommates

Anonymous asked:

Goes anyone else get mixed-vibes about Guy? I don't know what he's meant to look like but I always imagine dark hair, dark grey eyes, and tan skin. Like he might be white-passing but there is some Asian in there somewhere.

Anonymous asked:

Vox finds out about Guy and what he hears makes him think that Guy is Alastor's lover. There's no way Alastor suffered through all that for just a friend, right? And that would explain in Vox's head why Alastor rejected him if his heart belonged to someone else.

Guy and Alastor find out about that false impression and do the crazy cross-eyed laugh together.

Anonymous asked:

Serial Roommates Plot Twist: Guy is miserable in heaven (he and Al are friends for a reason) but convinced himself if Alastor is there, everything will be okay and they can fix all the problems together. Part of him knows he is more alive in hell and so is Alastor, but preconceived notions of what heaven and hell are meant to be makes him think helping people leave hell is best. Either way he acts as a therapist to give others the kindness and grace about mental health he couldn’t find in heaven.

Anonymous asked:

At this point, every demon with a brain knows it would be suicide to kidnap or hurt Guy. It reminds me of this episode of Superman of a plane being hijacked and Lois Lane is on it. When she tells them her name they’re like, the one Superman always saves?!

Imagine that with Guy? He just let his would be murderers know his name and they instantly know, they fucked up. By then it’s too late and they hear the screeching of an elk and radio static.

Anonymous asked:

The combination of Guy dying from cancer or some other sickness and Alastor still dying first is so painful! He would need the support of a friend, but one day Alastor never came home from his hunt and Guy was left to suffer and die alone. Any comfort he could have in reuniting with him after death also destroyed when he finds out he went to heaven and Alastor went to hell.

Anonymous asked:

Oh! Guy has a death now! It makes sense for disease to do him in, nobody in the cast we know of died of illness and after looking up images of the Bakers Estate that looks like somewhere someone would get all the diseases, mold cure or not.

Buckshot Anon, your time has come!

Anonymous asked:

What characters do y'all think Guy and Llewella would play in the DnD AU? I imagine the two of them being guest party members who only occasionally join the main group.

Also, Cherri Bomb takes over playing Sir Pentious's character after he dies.

Anonymous asked:

Currently obsessed with the song Albi by Sevdaliza and it gave me of the idea of genderbend Alastor and Guy.

Guy would still work for the police but possibly a matron or secretary. (Who knows maybe still an officer cause I just googled and apparently the first female cop was in the 1908) So her focus would be focused on women. So when she learns her roommate is killing the abusers, rapists and other killers; of course she’s going to support her.

Can you remember when the last time was

You felt safe in the dark?

This world was never meant for a woman's heart

But still, you rise through it all

When I'm out of breath, she's my vitals

When I need to rev, she's my ride-or-die

When I'm out of faith, she's my idol

I just killed a man, she's my alibi

Anonymous asked:

Can we all agree that if Guy were to fall for whatever reason, his demon form would be legitimately horrifying? His base form would probably look mostly human like Alastor (didn’t we say he had some dog traits, like he is to dogs what Alastor is to deer?) but going into his full demon form would tap into the mold he was infected with for months in the Baker Estate and become something grotesque. Shit like his burned away angel wings regenerating comprised entirely of the mold. That, and if he died of cancer related to his exposure to the mold, what is a more fucked up demon form to have than that of the thing that caused your torture, possession, and later slow death? 

Anonymous asked:

Alastor's suitors: *kidnap Guy for yandere reasons*

Guy: ROOKIE NUMBERS

[sunlightandsuffering]

Mikasa has never been popular. 

Never. Not once, elementary school, high school, summer camp, never in her life has she been the person people flock to.

It’s just not her, she’s not the girl everyone coos over and people yearn to be friends with. The best she’s got is Sasha, who to be honest more than makes up for Mikasa’s lack of friends, the girl sends her more memes than Mikasa imagines any large friend group would. One friend is enough. 

But maybe that explains why Mikasa is so ill-prepared to deal with the situation at hand, why instead of acting, she’s standing in the middle of the woods surrounded by drunken partygoers with her mouth hanging open doing absolutely nothing as someone’s piece of shit beater goes up in flames. 

There is an equally flabbergasted boy standing a few paces away from her, a very handsome one she notes as the flames engulf the old truck, illuminating the sharp angles of his face, casting his golden skin an almost bronze colour. “Am I just really fucking high, or is that actually on fire?” He asks, his voice a rich baritone, his pupils dilated so large his eyes look black in the night, barely a faint ring of green at the edges. Mikasa turns back to the rapidly escalating fire, pinching herself to make sure, “It’s on fire.” The boy beside her balks, “Is it… supposed to be on fire?” 

Mikasa glances around the gravel parking lot wearily, noting everyone that was around before has mysteriously disappeared off into the woods to join the party, “I don’t think so.” “Are you going to do anything about it?” The boy asks, almost in a daze and this time it’s Mikasa’s turn to balk, what the hell is she supposed to do? 

“It’s not even my car,” She responds defensively, her arms coming up to hug herself and they both hear the blare of sirens in the distance, hopefully the fire trucks. “So you’re just going to leave it?” Mikasa glares at him now, ripping her gaze from the yellow flames, “I don’t see you doing anything about it!” “Baby,” the boy looks at her now, his voice wicked as his gaze rakes her up and down, “I’m high as a fucking kite right now, there’s no shot I’m putting out a fire.” Mikasa hates how the pet name sends shivers up her spine, even more, because she can feel her pussy practically throb under his attention, because she knows this boy now, has seen him around her small town before. Resident stoner, Eren Yeager, and notorious flirt, apparently great in the sack and hotter than he has any right to be for a pothead. 

“Well, what are we supposed to do?” Mikasa asks genuinely, her hands gesturing wildly as she turns back to the fire, because Sasha is long gone and with every second she can hear the fire trucks getting closer. Eren shrugs, reaching over to grab her hand almost unconsciously, “We should probably get the fuck out of here.”

And the next thing she knows she’s being dragged towards Eren’s own beater on the other side of the parking lot, a piece of shit jeep thats seen better days and to her dismay she’s being shoved into the fucking driver’s seat. 

“What are you doing?” She asks in outrage as he buckles her in with more dexterity than he should have for someone who’s probably done several bong tokes already tonight. “I’m high as fuck Mikasa I can’t fucking drive, do you know how to drive stick?” The suggestion is so outrageous she doesn’t even have any time to ruminate on the fact that he somehow knows her name. 

“No!” “Well, you’re gonna learn, get excited baby.” 

“Stop calling me baby,” She tells him poutily and Eren smirks as he climbs into the cab, his hand unabashedly grabbing at her thighs, “You like it baby, admit it.” 

She most certainly does not!

[ghostsandfools]

Gemini is so neurodivergent I don't know how nobody's talking about it.

OKAY, strap in, this one's gonna be long, and it's gonna be ranty, and I'm going to do it anyways.

Gemini is probably my favorite character... EVER. They are so perfect, I love them so much, I will die on this hill. They are the one constant for me. In this crazy, overly controversial fandom, in this crazy, overly controversial world, we all have one thing we can count on: Gemini. AND THEY GET SO LITTLE SCREENTIME! But that's not why I'm here.

So, almost everyone in TSBS has signs of some sort of mental illness or neurodivergency. This is not new. But I really wanna get into it with Gemini because I feel like nobody cares enough about them!

So, I'm going to split this up into parts. One for Pollux, one for Castor, and one for Gemini. Just to make it easier. LET'S GO!

Pollux:

So, Pollux. The first signs start to show with her when she was first introduced. She's hyper, she's unfocused, she's friendly, she's all over the place. These are very stereotypical, very basic signs of ADHD. HOWEVER, I actually DON'T think she has ADHD. I think she's just hyper sometimes. ADHD is much more that just being a little off the walls, it's a genuine disability that makes it difficult to focus or remember things, and I feel like if you dig deeper, that's not what's going on with her.

I do think that she's neurodivergent, however, in some capacity. Probably autism. I think her and Castor both have autism actually, but I'll get in to him later.

First of all, hyperactivity can also be a sign of autism. And while, when she first comes to Earth it seems as though she can't focus on any specific thing, I think that's because she's focused on Earth as a whole, explaining her interest in anything on Earth. I think learning about and exploring Earth might be one of her special interests, or maybe just exploring planets in general.

Now, the next point might just be due to technical issues, but maybe not. Pollux and Castor both have pretty blank faces, and don't have very many emotes. It may have just been a problem with their 3d modelling, so not the strongest point, but neurodivergent people and people on the spectrum often have difficulty with facial expressions, something I've also struggled with.

Pollux definitely has less neurodivergent coding than Castor does, but I think it's still there.

Castor:

Castor. I don't even know where to start with him.

When Castor was first introduced, he was very unexpressive and monotone, already a symptom of neurodivergency.

He also struggles socially, more so than Pollux. While Pollux was over-bearing, she had no trouble making friends once the chance arose. Castor, on the other hand, was perceived by most of the main cast as "creepy" or "rude", which hits closer to home than I want to admit.

But, over time, it becomes clearer and clearer that he only wants what's best. He doesn't intend to be terse, or rude, or weird, he's just never interacted with anyone that wasn't a star before.

Pollux seemed to adjust well to the environment on Earth once she learned more about the people there, but it seems Castor struggled a lot more with adapting in a new environment.

Castor is also a very private person. He has hobbies and emotions and thoughts, but he keeps them all to himself. Of course, after a while of spending time with Lunar, he starts to speak his mind more, which eventually led up to the last episode we saw him in where he yelled at Lunar for killing Eclipse. Still, I find it interesting that it took an extreme situation like that for him to finally speak his mind.

Gemini:

Gemini <3

Pollux and Castor work extraordinarily well together. They are THE siblings of all time, I love them.

I'm going to delve into headcanons for a minute here, but I feel like the other astrals don't like them very much. We never hear Gemini really talk about the other astrals, aside from basic details.

I feel like, after living with people for your entire life, your SIBLINGS, and those being the ONLY people you interacted with, you'd have some fond memories of them.

But they don't. And even now, there's tension between Gemini and the rest of the astrals. They clearly stand out. The other astrals seem to not take them seriously, and don't exactly listen to them. I feel like, from that recent scene from Taurus, maybe the other astrals, at least some of them, actively DISLIKE Gemini.

This may be why they're so unused to socially interacting on Earth. They probably spent very little time with their siblings, especially considering Nebula's existence. Maybe their siblings didn't visit them at all. That thought makes me sad.

Feeling outcasted is commonplace for neurodivergent people, as well as being perceived wrong.

Closing thoughts: Okay, I might be projecting here. I'm not sure. As someone who is neurodivergent, I identify with Gemini harder than any other fictional character. They're so special. I don't know if I'm picking up on subtext that isn't there, but if you have any thoughts, please share. I wanna know what you guys think.

[ignylinn]

Harrowhark Mental Health Awareness Post

I feel a need to explain myself when I say that Harrow is not schizophreniac, but schizo spectrum coded.

I also think that assigning a diagnosis to a character can be problematic for many readers whose experience is somewhat similar, for people who have schizophrenia, and for their social circle.

I will not attempt to diagnose Harrowhark here, I want to provide observations.

Why do I know this? First, this knowledge is crucial in my line of work.

Second, as a person with MH issues, I am eager to understand myself better - to make my life better.

Do not use this text as a self-diagnostic tool. It includes names of a teeny tiny number of mental disorders, and does not include any somatic problems which camouflage as mental disorders.

So, some observations on Harrow's mental health.

What is schizo spectrum?

Schizo spectrum includes a ton of things apart from schizophrenia, like: schizoaffecive disorder, schizotypal personality disorder, schizoid personality disorder, etc. Some of these include psychotic symptoms, some do not. Some of these need medication, for some psycotherapy is the best way to go.

Schizophrenia itself is characerized by two clusters of symptoms: positive and negative.

Positive ones are the ones where you experience something you are not supposed to. Or to put it in a different way, when you have MORE of something than is healthy. These includes delusions and hallucinations.

Negative ones are the ones where you have LESS of something than is healthy. This includes low range of emotion, low or non-existent expression of emotion, executive disfunction, severe lack of motivation, etc.

Schizophrenia is most famous for its positive symptoms aka psychosis, but to be diagnosed with schizophrenia specifically, you must have symptoms from both categories.

They also must be frequent and be present for prolonged periods of time.

Some disorders from schizo spectrum are characterized by negative symptoms only.

Again, do not self-diagnose based on these descriptions. MH disorders and illnesses alter self-perception, you might miss something crucial. Or alternatively, you might severely overdiagnose yourself.

Also, never ever self-prescribe any psychoactive medication ever, especially anti-psychotics! They are very harmful when you do not need them, especially long-term.

Now, to Harrowhark

Her hallucinations are not hallucinations. She is haunted. I do not understand why she herself never thought of this explanation in the world where ghosts and revenants and posession exist, and she is kind of a specialist. Maybe it was because she was the only necro, and non-necros told her it must be hallucinations.

Or maybe being haunted by the girl from the Tomb is just so much more horrifying - maybe her parents were right. Maybe now she carries a weapon of Apocalypse within herself.

Being haunted in this case does look like a metaphor for hallucination.

Delusion is more difficult to explain, but this is basically when your mind is completely preoccupied with some illogical and disconnected ideas, often very simple in its basis. Like, you have two axiomatic thoughts which suddenly start to describe the whole universe - cats are reptiles, the sun is blue. This is basis, and it can lead to an illogical conclusion that, for example, cats are aliens, and the government alters the colour of the sun so that we do not learn that cats are aliens, and it develops and develops and develops.

Your critical thinking is dead; your psyche is overwhelmed, it goes into a recursion of building up the universe on these ideas, failing, building up again, failing, etc. I do not see anything like it in Harrow. But again, this would be very hard to read. If you read transcriptions of consultations/interviews with actively delusional people - it is hard, it is invasive, if you do it too much it starts to do things to your own psyche.

I think, out-universe convention of "let's believe Harrow is delusional" might be better for everyone, and I am willing to accept it based on TMuirs interviews.

Her obsession with the sword in HtN may very well be a loose delusion metaphor.

This is also a thing you cannot self-diagnose! If you think "maybe this is a real delusion", you are not delusional. However, if something close bothers you and meddles with your life, please pay a visit to a specialist.

As for negative symptoms - she is quite emotional, she is able to express these emotions as frequently pointed by Gideon. She is also able to apply face-paint every day - something to admire, really! Also, she wears complex ceremonial clothing frequently. She reads a lot and is able to apply what she reads - application is often difficult for schizo spectrum. The link between thinking and doing is often very weak.

What does she have? She is a very picky eater and does not react well to complex tastes - which is characterisical. She expresses like 1% of what is going on in her head. She has a very vivid, symbolic imagination and lacks either means or motivation to express it. She is averse to touch.

Also, she is paranoid. But I can't tell whether her paranoia is healthy and rational, or not. Because she lives in a dangerous environment. Might as well be a metaphor. Might be both. Most likely both.

But what about the times when she thinks she is someone else?

There is a reference about this in the book.

Well, this is most likely dissociation. This is a completely different thing from psychosis/delusion.

It is mainly a symptom of PTSD, CPTSD, and a whole bunch of dissociative disorders. It also occurs in borderline personality disorder, and maybe in some others.

Dissociation is when your brain cannot hold some overwhelming and traumatic experience, like, at all. So different parts of the experience go to different neural structures, which are then isolated from each other. Thus they can either be accessed separately and safely, or are just completely closed in some dark corner of the brain, mostly inaccessible.

Prolonged traumatic events sometimes lead to creation of isolated personality states. That's why dissociative identity disorder was previously called multiple personality disorder. According to modern classficiations, it is also a spectrum. Cases of complete memory loss when switching between personality states are rare.

So, in psychosis psyche as a whole goes SUPER WROOOM and cannot stop without outside help. In dissociation, psyche is divided into boxes with various experiences inside, and only one can be fully open at a time. It also takes a lot of energy to keep other boxes closed. You do not need meds for this specifically, but often meds are needed to alleviate some of the effects.

I would be very, very surprised if Harrowhark does not have CPTSD.

But! you can have both schizo spectrum and something dissociation-related, esp CPTSD.

Also, from dissociation perspective, the whole book is a metaphor for the process.

Harrow constantly has someone else in her brain, some neural structures she is aware of, or unaware of. She perceives them as foreign and invasive - and they are, in-universe! They are often perceived as foreign and invasive for people with these disorders.

However, if we take this as a metaphor, every character who somehow inhabited Harrow's body is a dissociated part of Harrow: Wake, Nona, Alecto and Gideon are all various aspects of Harrowhark. The book describes both the processes of dissociation and integration of these personality states/aspects.

So, Ortus know Harrow sometimes cannot read? Well, most probably she has a dissociated child part who has not yet learned to read, and this part manifests on rare occasions.

Other symptoms

Dysphoria (extreme dissatisfaction with yourself and your life, or some crucial aspects of it) AND dysmorphophobia (severe issues with body image). I will put these together, because not much can be said.

This can be indicative of basically anything from malnutrition to schizophrenia, or may be a disorder of its own.

Or it may be a symptom that your life really objectively sucks right now.

All of these might apply to Harrowhark.

How else is the book schizo-coded?

The whole imagery of the book, basically.

The imagery of caves going deep down, labyrinths, cursed doors, objects buried within a person, people being buried within objects, people being buried alive.

Drowning. Rivers, lakes and whole oceans inhabited by the hungry dead, bodies and spirits separate.

Being poisoned, being devoured. Being hunted by eldritch horrors.

These are all very typical fantasies, and also dream imagery, of people on the schizo spectrum.

This is so extremely brilliant and so spot-on that I am actually afraid to re-read HtN, because it can bring me to that altered state of mind to the point where it might severely interfere with my life. If you want to understand how it feels, how it it is lived, and to learn it from fiction, HtN is really The Book.

[oscconfessions]

TRANSFEM TISSUES PROPAGANDA ATTACK!!!

why do another nonbinary arc when you can do the transfems justice? sure, we already have lightbulb, but lightbulb happened in between seasons and it was never even canonized! wouldn’t it be great to finally make the transfems happy and give the world an actual transfem arc?

tissues is easily one of the contestants i have the most problems with. firstly— the way their sickness is made fun of when it’s genuinely a disability. let’s add more to this walking ableist stereotype and build on that! make them have niche interests— since they’d probably be bedridden a lot, maybe make them a super geeky person! make them like fandoms and spending their time drawing fanart for their favorite shows— make them have super geek freakouts when they learn someone else has heard of their favorite obscure anime!! make them an enjoyer of horror media, or make them an otaku!! make them indulge in media so that they can imagine themselves in a world where no one makes fun of them for their condition!

my next point is to make them have an arc where people realize that there’s more to them! have one of the new contestants reach out despite their illness! make them learn all about who tissues is, make them learn about tissues’ rich inner worlds that they’ve built up to escape the reality of their sickness. make them become really close with tissues and make them share their interests with them as well. make them open up to eachother— i could see this happening with cabby or clover, maybe even tea kettle! …and then have one of the older contestants refer to tissues as “the sick one”, or some other dismissive term that references only their condition. make tissues’ friend angry at that contestant for only seeing tissues for their disability, make them yell at that contestant and let them fucking rant. and make tissues be in the background, hearing all this and realizing that they… really don’t deserve to be treated like that, do they? make them realize that all this time they’ve been trying to escape when in reality, they can stand up and fight. just like their favorite heroes do. just like their friend did for them.

(btw its very important that their friend is a girl i should mention this)

let them get more confident over time, starting with them glaring at people who joke about their condition. then have it escalate into them taking a stand against anyone who says mean shit against them— have them tell people off for being ableist fucks (not words used in the show most likely) and make their friend be proud of it. make them grow closer with their friend over the course of the show, and have a scene where the two are alone. tissues would ask “…what’s it like to be a girl?” their friend would be a bit confused, but would explain it to the best of their ability. “…huh.” their friend asks why they asked “…i know… that some people don’t feel like the gender they were born with… and i always kind of identified with that.” “i was wondering because… because i felt strange about being a man. and i… i feel exactly like what you said.” Have their friend realize that. oh this guy is a girl actually. Have them offer the best advice they can, whether it be analytical or motherly or even a little awkward. and i want tissues to feel inspired to change. i want tissues’ title to change from The Sickness to The Adapter. someone who can change and grow no matter the situation— if only they try.

please consider this

-🥜🪶

.

[kaija-rayne-author]

Why was Isseya 'done dirty' in DAV?

Obligatory 'I'm not an asshole' disclaimer. Feel free to jump to the cut if you've read it.

Something came to my attention. I need to make it crystal clear that I utterly love the diversity in DAV. It's fantastic. I'm also a heavily left leaning, non-binary, queer as fuck reviewer, editor, and author.

I was on media blackout while I played DAV. Please be safe and take care of yourselves. Arguing with incels and white supremacists is completely pointless. They sea lion worse than an actual sea lion. Your mental health is important.

Though, every single time the anti-queer brigade comes out for a new DA game, I sit there thinking 'have you bozos ever played any DA game, like, ever?' My guess is nope.

Note. None of my writing on DA, but especially DAV, is edited. This is just my off the cuff writing. I don't have the time, energy, or heart to edit them properly.

Spoilers for Last Flight and the Gloom Stalker storyline.

CW on ableist language. I had to use it to be clear.

CW on strong language.

CW on tired writing tropes that hurt people.

This one is a little more personal. I've already been told to go touch grass because I have a problem with that game sequence. And dared to try to politely explain why a lot of people feel Isseya was done dirty in it. (By other mentally ill people because, y'know, back biting and infighting is exactly what we need to do to each other.) And someone defending that sequence hit me harder than I really thought it did. That's often the way with trauma.

I'm mentally ill. Not a surprise to many, I'm sure. I'm extremely mentally ill. (By which I mean I have several, and will be on life-long medication for them.) I'm an advocate for several things I live with, and mental illness is one of them.

But I'm doing my best to not slide into a pit of absolute depression, right now.

Just saw someone passionately defending the Gloom Stalker storyline.

It made me as physically nauseated as the actual storyline itself.

Look. You can like/love problematic material. Just understand it's problematic and maybe not defend it?

It's fine to just like trashy material, or poorly written, or whatever. But that doesn't mean you defend it!

You can even recommend it. (I usually choose not to, but it's a personal choice thing.) If you recommend it, just add the addendum that it's problematic and how! It’s truly simple.

Enjoyment is subjective. And what that means is that it's fine to like stuff. Even if it's not good, or it's problematic.

But I personally think it's kinda our responsibility as decent human beings to do our best not to harm people as well.

And defending the Isseya/Gloom stalker storyline in DAV is absolutely problematic and harmful. Even if you don't know why.

Other people might have different reasons for saying Isseya was done dirty in that sequence. But mine are for both story and ableism reasons.

I'll explain, in case you're not in the mood to read my play-by-play (long) review series about DAV.

Isseya is a Grey Warden character from the book Last Flight by Liane Merciel, released by TOR/Dark Horse books and set in the Dragon Age Franchise.

She's the sister of the Grey Warden, Garahel, who partnered with Crookytail. There's a statue of Crookytail in DAV. It was one of the very few emotional moments for me in that game (other than utter horror and rage at the shittiness). I teared up at seeing that statue. At least they honoured Crookytail.

Isseya is an elven mage who, over the course of the book, delves further into blood magic than she should. The wardens are losing the fight. Once she learned she could do it, and once the First Warden learned she could, she was ordered to blight all the living griffins. Griffins were/are semi-resistant to blight. This went so against the griffins instinct against darkspawn/blight that it utterly destroyed them. Isseya was heart broken, horrified, and very against it. But she, like other Grey Wardens, could see they were losing. She followed orders. Neglecting to blight a few of them. Hers, Crookytail. Maybe a few others, it's been a few since I read Last Flight. I've read it twice.

Garahel and Crookytail take down the arch demon of the fourth blight, Andoral. Sacrificing their lives to do it.

Isseya, grief stricken at several events in the book (death of close brother, death of Crookytail, being forced to blight the griffins, the blood magic hastening her own fall into blight and hurrying her calling along) goes to extreme lengths to save the last griffins. Hoping that, at some future point in time, Wardens will be worthy of griffins again. Because they'd proven themselves completely unworthy of them in the book by utterly destroying their species.

Isseya saves Crookytail's last fathered clutch of eggs. (By Garahel's lover's griffin, Revas, if I recall correctly?) Those are the griffins in DAV. Assan is Crookytail's and Revas' son. (Really hope I'm not mixing up Garahel's lover's name with the griffin's name. I'm terrible with names to start with and it must have been 2 years since I read Last Flight. Hells, Revas mighta been Isseya's griffin. I didn't enjoy Last Flight that much. And I'm too fucking tired to look it up.)

Because of their shame in destroying the entire griffin species (because they intentionally don't know that Isseya saved that last clutch of eggs) the Wardens created the pile of unhonoured, unremembered bones that we see in DAV in the Cauldron.

It's not my favourite of the books, but it is beautifully written, tragic, but with a gleaming golden line of hope running through it. (It’s also why I would never choose to allow Wardens to have griffins again. Ever. They don't deserve them and they've already proven it to the almost extinction of their species.)

They didn't even have the decency to honour the griffins they destroyed who fell defeating the fourth blight. Which was actually all of them except those thirteen? eggs that Isseya saved. It's utterly disgusting. I believe the Cauldron is meant to be. If I recall correctly, that arch-demon skeleton is the same one Garahel and Crookytail died to defeat.

That's where whoever wrote that ableist travesty of a storyline went wrong. Up until then, the story made some sort of sense.

I can actually see Isseya stealing the griffins. If, out of fear, she'd watched the Wardens who found them, and finds that, no, maybe they don't deserve them, yeah, I could see her stealing them. She'd already done so much to save them, you see.

Story wise, it's just shitty writing to have her stab a blade into the bones of a 400 year old arch-demon skeleton and get liquid blood.

It's shitty writing to use such a harmful fucking trope, too.

She then, because 'she went mad from grief and guilt' because she's 'crazy' intends to blight the griffins she fought so hard to save?

Excuse me, now? Does that make any kind of sense to anyone?

Oh, but it's because she's mad! Crazy!

Y'all do know that both mad and crazy mean mentally ill, right? That they're innately ableist words that have been weaponized against mentally ill people for centuries, right?

If you didn't, you do now, please do better.

So let's break that down.

1. There is no Lore that indicates that the blight makes someone crazy/mad. Nor automatically into rage monsters. A being can become blighted in two ways. One is the regrettably written Broodmothers that BioWare has been trying to get away from forever. A being can also become a darkspawn by being blighted. Usually it kills, but in a small percentage of intellectual beings, it turns them into darkspawn, instead. But BioWare replaced the whole Broodmother concept with the 'anyone can be blighted into turning into a darkspawn.' Meaning it is Canon. That's what Wardens willingly do to themselves. They turn themselves into darkspawn. It just takes a while to set in.

Blight, in the Lore, basically makes the blighted hear 'the song' and only the song. That's what The Calling is. A Warden hearing the song and becoming a darkspawn. That's how it's always been depicted. Anyone 'losing their mind' (and please, just stop and think about how ableist that concept is, too? For a second? Please?) to the blight is just overwhelmed by the song requiring them to dig for arch-demons. (Unless there's an ascended arch-demon, but I'll get to that.) This is clearly laid out in the Lore and even, IIRC the book Last Flight itself. There are a few darkspawn who can resist what must be the worst case of tinnitus ever. There's The Architect, blighted, completely sane, not a rage ridden beast, and also diametrically opposed to anything the unblighted want. There've been stories of Hurlocks (blighted humans) working on behalf of the unblighted. The blight doesn't drive people mad/crazy in the Lore. At all. That excuse doesn't hold water.

Darkspawn don't turn into raging, bloodthirsty monsters until an arch-demon rises. Again, this is well established in the Lore. It's something about the arch-demon that makes them like chad-bros with bad attitudes, testosterone poisoning, and probably steroid abuse on top of it. Without an arch-demon (who we now know is bound to an incredibly pissed off Evanuris) they basically dig. Dig, and dig some more. Sometimes they raid for supplies. That's how it is in the Lore. And yes, I can actually prove it. Am I going to? With specific links and references (which i really could do) no. Not unless someone wants to pay me. I just don't care enough. I have, unfortunately, marinated myself in the Lore for years. It's been a long standing autistic special interest. I honestly wish, after playing DAV, that I could forget it all. Alas, it's not likely.

2. The basic premise of Isseya being 'mad/crazy from 400 years of 'guilt and grief' is ableist from the start. Saying that grief and guilt can drive people to mental illness isn't problematic, because it can. But saying that she's driven to violence and horrific actions because of it is just harmful. Saying that the blight automatically drives someone mad with rage/anger is also ableist. There isn't anything wrong with rage or anger. It can drive us to do awful things, but also good things like political advocacy. And in one of the supplementary pieces, it's established that darkspawn don't usually feel anything. They just... dig. They dig even while they're starving to death. Rage and anger? Yeah, those are emotions. And they also don't make you insane. Oh, but there are ascended arch-demons in DAV, therefore it must be fine to say Isseya is mad because the arch-demons being free alter the darkspawn into raging, bloodthirsty beasts. Right?

Except that's not what was clearly said to be the reason Isseya is supposedly mad/crazy. That was grief and guilt. Ableism is fun, no? /s

I'm not even sure if Elgar'nan's and Ghilan'nain's dragons really count as arch-demons despite the game calling them that. The rage of an arch-demon was likely that of the Evanuris it was bound to. Ghilly and Eggy are free, and upset, yes, but not rage stricken anymore. I'd think the 'arch-demons' in DAV to be just blighted dragons. But we all know how poorly they actually adherred to the Lore, anyway.

3. There isn't any mental illness I'm aware of that could make someone who sacrificed so much trying to save the last griffins because of her part in destroying them, want to then destroy them. It's like saying that mental illness can make people completely ignore sacred, bone deep beliefs enough to do the exact opposite of what they've committed to doing with everything in them. It's problematic, harmful, and ableist as fuck.

It's always the crazy/mad (mentally ill) villain. Always. I'm so nauseatingly sick of it. It's a tired, harmful trope that gets mentally ill people killed every single day.

Violence isn't a part of most mental illnesses, you know. It just isn't. The most mentally ill people usually want is basic respect and dignity, no problems refilling our meds, maybe tea, fluffy socks, and a good bit of entertainment to distract us.

The 'mad/crazy villain' trope robs us of basic dignity and respect. I'm so very, very tired of it. Whoever wrote and Whoever approved that sequence in DAV should absolutely be ashamed of themselves for it. It hurt and nauseated me to play it. It probably hurt and nauseated a lot of mentally ill gamers. And we're not a small percentage of gamers, in general.

And yes, it absolutely did Isseya dirty. In the shitty writing, (blood from bones, really? Really really? Marrow would be dried to dust or a rocky texture, and it's not impossible to stab through bone, but it's certainly unrealistic). The usage of a tired, harmful, ableist trope, too. In the claim that she'd been driven so mad she'd turned eeeeevvvvviiiillll by...checks notes... grief and guilt. Okay then. Yeah. That's perfectly fine. (That was the ripest of sarcasm. It is not fine. It gets people killed.) And it completely obliterated a beautiful, tragic story with a gleaming thread of hope into... that. Having to kill the person responsible for saving the griffins and sacrificing so much to do it... it's grotesque as well as harmful and ableist.

Can someone please explain to me, using small words, how that's not doing Isseya dirty?

Do you know that mentally ill people are responsible for 3% of violent crime? The rest is on all you neurotypicals. The whole 97%.

Yet it's always, because of ham handed, harmful narratives like the Gloom Stalker sequence in DAV, the mentally ill who are first blamed for anything violent. If they don't say it's autistic people. Because that's the other group that is always blamed, again, because of harmful narratives in fiction and misunderstanding by people who don't bother to learn better. Autistic people are almost hard wired to avoid hurting others. We're generally your classic white knight, tilting at windmills type. Everyone can be driven to violence. Humans are an innately violent species. So, while yes, we can be driven to it, it takes so much more to do it than it would for a neurotypical that it's ridiculous to automatically accuse either mentally ill or autistic people of violence.

Lucky me, I'm both.

Do you have any idea how much it hurts to be part of such an abused minority? Two of them? Do you have any clue how much narratives like that one are overused? What ham-handed, harmful, ableist claptrap they are?

Do you have any idea how hard it is to find media to enjoy that doesn't hurt when you happen to be mentally ill?

If you do know, I'm so, so sorry. I get it. And I deeply wish none of us had to.

So that's why Isseya was 'done dirty'. Other people's why might be different, but I bet a lot of people's are similar to mine.

My work of words is my only income. I'm recovering from a pulmonary embolism and my husband is recovering from a broken back. Money is so tight it squeaks. If my writing does anything for you, please consider a tip or buying my books. You might actually like them.

And I will never, ever, use 'mentaI illness turned me eeeevvvviiiilll' in my work.

I'm better than that. Oh, what... I'm supposed to not make a moral judgement about work that hurts people and gets them killed? Fuck that.

Did that offend your precious feelings? Go touch some grass.

[kale-smoothies]

I really want to hear someone ramble about music and characters, and this is the second time I’ve seen those songs being used to describe Scourge so please explain away.

if you want of course.

OKAY OKAY GIRL ANACHRONISM MOSTLY FEELS LIKE PRISON SCOURGE

everytime i listen to the song i imagine an animatic so ill do my best to explain why I associate the song with Scourge.BUT ITS REALLY HARD FOR ME TO EXPLAIN THINGS LIKE THESE so forgive me if it doesn’t make sense

From the scars on my arms And the cracks in my hips And the dents in my car And the blisters on my lips That I'm not the carefullest of girls

Scars on his arms and blisters on his lips cause he’s always fighting AND being tossed around like basketball (He was used as a basketball in one panel) so I always think he had some small lasting scars on his body or something

And the strings that're breaking And I keep on breaking more And it looks like I am shaking But it's just the temperature

Okay FIRST TWO LINES, I like to take it as a metaphor for losing control. Scourge lost control over his life and KEEPS losing control in prison, OR it could be a metaphor for losing sanity. As Scourge was seen being super paranoid at one point, maybe everything he’s going through is slowly chipping at his sanity.

last two lines, shaky hands due to anxiety but also because he’s cold at night since he doesn’t have a mattress or a pillow or a blanket

If it were any colder I could disengage If I were any older I could act my age But I don't think that you'd believe me

It's not the way I'm meant to be It's just the way The operation made me

“I could act my age..” GUYS HE’S 17!! He did all he did when he was 17! Barely 17 too. “The way the operation made me.” IT’S THE NARRATIVE! HE’S TALKING ABOUT THE NARRATIVE! HE WOULDN’T BECOME WHO HE WAS IF HE WASN’T SHOVED INTO THE VILLAIN SHAPED COOKIE CUTTER THAT THE UNIVERSE WANTED TO MOLD HIM INTO! He accepted and embraced his role as Anti Sonic which is WHY HE’S SUCH A DICK! HE’S SUPPOSED TO BE A SONIC! BUT THAT’S WHAT FLOWING

And you can tell From the state of my room That they let me out too soon And the pills that I ate Came a couple years too late And I've got some issues to work through

State of his room AS IN solitary confinement. They DEFINITELY tossed his ass in SC multiple times in the first week, BELIEVE ME. And he’d go crazy over no chaos energy, no movement, no running, no form of communication, just him, himself, and the darkness of his thoughts and his past regrets IT WOULD EAT HIM ALIVE

also he has ALOT of issues to work through Imposter syndrome, Superiority complex, parental issues, possible feelings of inadequacy. Which is probably why he never went to therapy with Zouge. He doesn’t want to open up and admit he has problems with people he doesn’t know

There I go again Pretending to be you Make believing That I have a soul beneath the surface

“Pretending to be you.” HE’S TALKING ABOUT SONIC!! Like? Like?? “I’m sonic at his fullest potential.” IDK HOW TO EXPLAIN IT BUT THIS IS LITERALLY HIM!!

I was taken out Before the labor pains set in and now Behold the world's worst accident I am the girl anachronism

Literally him went he went green! He was taken out before he turned super AND so behold the world’s worst accident: scourge. He was never meant to be green, he just jumped off the road of the narrative with that little escape

And you can tell By the red in my eyes And the bruises on my thighs And the knots in my hair And the bathtub full of flies That I'm not right now at all

Red eyes due to insomnia, bruises because of fights, knots in his quills because of lack of self care…

There I go again Pretending that I'll fall Don't call the doctors 'Cause they've seen it all before They'll say just

Let her crash And burn She'll learn The attention just encourages her

“Don’t call the doctors!” THATS HIM! NO BODY CALLS THE GUARDS WHEN HE’S BEING BEATEN SHITLESS! BECAUSE ZOBOTNIK DOESN’T WANT THEM TO!!!!1! “Let her crash and burn she’ll learn. The attentoin just encourages her.” DO YOU SEE MY VISUON

And you can tell From the smoke at the stake That the current state is critical Well it is the little things, for instance

In the time it takes to break it She can make up ten excuses Please excuse her for the day It's just the way the medication makes her

First part is probably Moebius after Scourge disappeared? Did it fall into anarchy? Did Alicia Acorn or the supression squad take control?

I genuinely don’t know how to explain the last line but its him its him its so him AUGGHHHHHHH

[hestusjamsession]

I’m currently farming light dragon parts (sorry Zelda) and decided to do a follow up to my last post while I wait.

This list is all Linked Universe baby. Once again, if you know the blogs of some of these authors I’d appreciate it if you could tag them.

1. Linked Universe Age Swap AU by LazuliQuetzal

Let’s kick this off with a bang. This is a series of one shots centered around the Chain being alternate ages. We got Old Man Hyrule. We got Angsty Teen Time. We got Wolfkin Wild. It’s great. Check it out.

2. Dawn of the Fourth by LazuliQuetzal

By the same author, Dawn of the Fourth is one of those fics that I don’t think I’ll be able to do justice, so here’s a snippet:

Wild reached out and brushed a finger across the body’s cheek. Then he licked his finger. “Eleven,” he decided, smacking his lips.

“Hey, what the fuck.”

“Dirt tastes different depending on age—”

“No, don’t explain it! Why are you like this, I hate you so much—“

3. The Man and the Pup by Bubbly_Kandy

Once upon a time, in the magical land of Hyrule, there were eight boys and a man all trying to exist in a world that doesn’t want them.

This one has some serious fairy tale vibes which I love. It’s also kind of dark at times. It’s not finished but maybe if I point enough people towards it the author will pick it up again. Who knows? One can dream.

4. Deserving by @a-little-bit-of-ravioli

When Colin overhears part of a conversation between his father and his adopted big brother, he decides it’s up to him and his friends to protect Link from those wishing to do him harm.

5. Malevolence by @thescrapwitch

Wolfie eats something he shouldn’t and things go downhill from there. Secrets are revealed, friendships are tested, and Ganon is a jerk.

This fic is a masterclass in tension. If you need some heavy angst with a happy ending, this is your fic.

The one shot Wolf Heart by the same author is also very good.

6. Our Nightly Confident by Wisetypewriter

Alternative titles are “Wolfie is the Best Boy” and “Men Will Literally Talk to a Wolf Before Going to Therapy.”

This was one of the first LU fics I read and it’s so sweet. If you’ve liked Lupis Vigilans (coming up) you’ll really like Our Nightly Confident.

7. The Fierce Dadity Series by @skyloftian-nutcase

A series focusing on everyone’s favorite Mask-bound God/Spirit just trying to take care of his favorite mortal.

There’s a lot of fics by Skye that I love and it’s hard to narrow it down. But Fierce Dadity is up there.

8. Brethren in a Cradle by @skyward-floored

After coming across a village raised to the ground, the Chain finds its sole survivor: a baby boy. They quickly learn that there is more to this child than meets the eye.

The “Baby Joins the Chain AU”. Also I always get Skyward_floored and Skyloftian-nutcase mixed up and I would like to make a formal apology.

9. Where Your Meant to Be by @adrift-in-thyme

Malon has lived her entire life in her tower, never seeing the outside world. When a former-hero-turned-thief climbs through her window, her life takes a whole new turn.

The Tangled AU I didn’t know I wanted until I read it.

10. Lupus Vigilans by @pluviatrix

A character study of each of the Chain told from the point of view of Twilight, Hillbilly in Resident.

Wholesome and hilarious and heartbreaking in equal measure, I can’t recommend this fic enough. Also, I’m from the Ozarks and it’s cool to see that accent represented in the wild.

Their other fic, And Still The Cradle Blossoms is also really good if you’re like me and need a good cry at three in the morning.

11. Down by @musashi

When the Chain gets hit by a horrible illness, it’s up to Sky to take care of eight stubborn heroes. Each chapter is focused on a different member, and Twilight’s chapter in particular hit me in the feels.

I love sickfics for some reason and this one is so good.

12. Colors by HylianHarmony

A Four centric fic where he reveals the Colors to the rest of the Chain. Also he has a mind palace which is pretty neat.

This fic isn’t finished but it’s too good not to recommend.

13. Alone Together by Blueskullcandy

Another Four centric fic but told from the point of view of different members of the chain (including Four). The Twilight chapter in particular is worth the read by itself.

This fic is also not finished but I still recommend it. It’s really good.

14. Brothers Becoming by @turtleduckscribbles

After a fight with Twilight, Legend is forced to face his fears and insecurities and confront the one person he wants to avoid at all cost.

Prickly Legend learns to let others in.

15. Not Like You by HylianHarmony

Wind deals with serious imposter syndrome, but the others don’t realize it until it’s almost too late.

This is one of my comfort fics y’all. When I’m down I’ll read it and it always manages to cheer me up. I can’t recommend this one enough.

[catbountry]

I think calling gender dysphoria a disorder, maybe if you're uncomfortable with the term illness, is just being honest. I think a person needs to have gender dysphoria to be trans, full stop. People who have gender dysphoria need treatment by way of transitioning to the gender they feel like they are. Some of that is hormones and surgery, which is medical treatment. I also didn't say that hormones are being handed out like candy, I was saying that they shouldn't. Yes, some of the effects of hormones are reversible but some are not and to say it doesn't matter is trivializing the pain of hundreds, maybe thousands, of people. Detransitioners who thought they were trans but have a different mental disorders are real. That is a thing that happens.

I know there's a lot of emotions caught up in all of this but that's not all that useful to me, since I'm pretty analytical. I want trans people to get the care they need. I also want the medical establishment to be accountable to their patients. This should include a process of making sure medical transition is right for a patient. That also includes giving their patient all of the possible side effects and drawbacks, no matter how unlikely.

In my opinion, transitioning without the medical backing is just another kind of body modification. Which I'm fine with, by the way. If you're 18 and you want to cut off your fingers, then that is that individual's right. Just like it's a person's right to take hormones, with the medical side effects plainly stated, whether they have gender dysphoria or not. However, that person might then experience gender dysphoria because of the changes in their body since they weren't actually trans to begin with.

If it were up to me, all trans issues would be dealt with by doctors, the social groups around the trans person, and the trans person themselves with not a peep from politicians but we don't live in that world. Because of that I can understand the aversion to calling gender dysphoria or transness a mental disorder but I think it's better than the alternative of pretending that aren't measurable, scientific reasons for people transitioning from one gender to the other.

You don't need to respond, I just wanted to explain what I said and why I said it.

You sound a lot like me a few years ago. I feel like I need to address this publicly, though, since I had my mind changed through looking at articles and talking to trans people.

I'll give you some links. Here's the Human Rights Campaign page on Gender Affirming Care. Surgeries on transgender minors are incredibly rare. The scientific consensus is that these treatments save lives and are safe. Meanwhile, death threats towards doctors who treat minors seeking gender-affirming care are far more common. Laws banning gender-affirming care are based on bogus science. I personally know people who have detransitioned, with one living happily and being able to reverse the effects of HRT, and the other transitioning again because it just wasn't the right time for them, something that's actually a very common reason for those who detransition to do so. I've seen those detransitioner video testimonials on YouTube, and I've seen how many of those people become mouthpieces for TERFs and transphobic pundits whose only goal is to make the lives of all trans people miserable, while cynically using the stories of detransitioners as examples... even though there are plenty of people who detransition and don't become pick-mes. Doctors are aware of detranstioners (called "retransitioners" in this study), and we're constantly trying to tweak and rework these things to have the best results possible, and even still, the overwhelming majority of people seeking treatment are happier with their transition.

I'm saying this because I thought the same things you do right now. I thought these were all pretty reasonable positions, only to learn that these procedures are so overwhelmingly safe. The youth are in more danger from having legal restrictions when these are decisions aren't just between them and doctors. The number of trans people that told me that they would gladly take the risks I thought were associated with puberty blockers to transition anyway because it's just that important to them, that got through to me. There is no reason for this division to exist, especially when the doctors are more permissive and nuanced than the so-called "transmedicalists," and especially when the right of trans people to live as their true gender is under constant threat. The detransitioners as a talking point are a distraction, anecdotal and meant to pull on the heartstrings of people who are skeptical of this newfangled "transgender" thing that isn't newfangled at all. I'm not saying that detransitioners don't deserve any kind of compassion; I've been as supportive of my friends who have detransitioned as much as I have been of my friends who have transitioned. But if they're only sharing their stories to be used as ammo by people who want to restrict access to life-saving medical care? Then they can fuck off, and I don't care about them, and they don't care about other trans people. No amount of kissing up to TERFs and transphobes will make those people ever actually accept them. And the gatekeepers are likely bitter because of the perception that these kids are having an easier time than they did which... isn't that the point? To make things easier for younger generations? It just kinda feels like the trans version of "I had to walk 15 miles of school in the snow barefoot, and you wouldn't hear me complain!"

I can't make you come to this conclusion. I can post links and try to argue my case the best I can and tell you how I came to change my mind. It might not feel like there's that much of a gap between the two of us, but there is a gap put there by people whose main agenda is to undermine trans rights. I hope you can recognize that. Maybe not now, but eventually. I hope.

[adventuretolkienlover]

Hugo's Dynamics with the Tangled Gang

I noticed that a lot of people think Hugo would be at odds with the rest of the Tangled team. Or even straight up disliked by them! But I don't think that would be so. Now keep in mind, these are just my headcannons. But I think this is how it would be. Also, just as a heads up, I prefer Varian and Hugo as really good friends as opposed to lovers. So I'll be using that AU instead. (EDIT: Fixed some Grammer mistakes.)

Rapunzel:

At first, Hugo finds Rapunzel's enthusiasm a bit off setting. But there's one thing that starts the friendship. They are both outgoing. They both like trying new things! And soon they're trying all kinds of things together. New restaurant? They'll check it out! Some sort of new traveling show passing through? Sign them up! Alchemy Convention? Heck yes!

I like to think Rapunzel likes teaching people to paint. And one day, Hugo ducks into her painting class to evade a ticked off Eugene. (Guess who was snooping through his cosmetics again? Lol!) Rapunzel convinces him to stay and help him paint a simple painting of maybe flowers and or his mouse Olivia. Hugo doesn't think he has much artistic talent. But Raps thinks it's adorable! And after that, Raps will give him art tips and lessons every once in a while.

Rapunzel also help him learn how to relax. Hugo can be a bit uptight. And she shows him how's okay to slow down and enjoy life. After a life of being on the run, Hugo needs that. Things like nice rests from the lab in the castle gardens or even just spending time together with the family, (I.e Varian and the rest.) are all on the agenda.

OH! One more thing they have in common! Being manipulated by someone they considered a mother figure. Hugo had Donella and Raps had Mother Gothal!

Eugene:

They don't like each other at first. They're still sore at each other about an old job they did together. Spoiler alert. It didn't work out great.

They are super competitive about all sorts of things. Like, ALL sorts of stuff! Who's got the best sneaking skills. The best sword fighting skills. Who's got better hair.😂 A lot.

And they are definitely competitive when it comes to Varian. Both want big brother privileges! But they don't seem to understand Varian loves them both equally. Eventually they come to an understanding and agree to share big brother duties for Varian's sake.

Their competitiveness does settle down a bit after a while. Eugene realizes the Hugo is actually not that bad. And Hugo realizes that the past is past and Eugene is a different person now. They still have banter. But it's not really ill natured. Just regular dude trash talking.

Cass:

I'm going with a friend on this one. INSTANT FRIENDS! Why you may ask? Let me explain.

They both can give a hard time to people they dislike. And you KNOW they'd gang up on Eugene.🤣 Between Cass's "Fitzjerk" nick name for him and gosh knows what nick names and insults Hugo can come up with, Eugene's in for a ride!

Weapons. WEAPONS WEAPONS WEAPONS! Knives are their favorite. They regularly show off their knife collections to each other. Hugo got really excited to see Cass's. She's got some really high quality knives!

Conversations like this.👉 (Rapunzel: Cass. You cannot take a sword to a ball. Cass: If Hugo can take his knives, I can take my sword. Varian: What?! Hugo: *Grins and somehow pulls three knives out of his sleeves* Rapunzel: No. Definitely not. Hugo: We don't have any fun. Do we Cass?)

I'm pretty sure the two of them have rather controversial views on the royals. And sometimes Varian joins them.

Lance:

Again, INSTANT FRIENDS!

They have all sorts in common! Flamboyant? Check! Love to be fabulous? Check! Still slightly has thief instincts? Check! Love to preform? Check! Drama queens kings? Definitely a big checkaroonie!

Also, I like to think they both have some abandonment issues and are both looking for parental support. Both went almost their whole lives without a good family so... Yeah. Support buddies!

And I think Hugo is inspired by Lance adopting Angry and Catalina. Giving kids the best life possible to make up for the horrible one you had? Yes please! Hugo probably decides to adopt a few of his own someday. And speaking of Angry and Catalina...

Angry and Catalina:

I imagine that when I come to these two, Varian is Catalina's favorite and Hugo is Angry's favorite. And vise versa.

Not saying Hugo doesn't like Catalina. She's very sweet. But Hugo's very... LOUD. In his demeanor and general presence. And a bit brash sometimes.

Because of this though, I think Angry would latch on eventually. Maybe not right away. Because this is Angry after all. But soon enough.

So that's all I got for now! Feel free to reblog and add your thoughts onto this!

[galaxythixf]

@fatexbound said: ⭐ Send a "star / ⭐" and I will list muses I would be interested in throwing at yours, or potential muse combinations if you are also a multi. (If you are a multi and you want to see which muses I would be interested in throwing against a specific muse of yours, send ⭐+ that muses name) || Accepting

Lea Lea Lea, why do you want me to bug you even more than I already do? This is going to be very long so get ready.

Also I'm going to include all of your blogs so besides our Yochie …

Chie/Yu - This was actually one of the first ships I liked for Yu. I've only ever had the chance to explore it briefly before it was snuffed out but that was years ago. So I'm interested to see if I can fool around with it again, even if it's just as friends tbh. I just like their dynamic.

Chie/Yukiko - The besties. I love these two together either as besties or lovers it doesn't matter. We've talked about this before so I won't have to say much but I'm always down for interactions between these two. I almost never get to explore this one.

Naoto/Rise - I have always liked the dynamic potential between Rise and Naoto. Both being under such tremendous pressure and all, I just think I like how different they are despite their similar experiences. They're like total opposites but those types usually have an easier time meshing together for great interactions.

Naoto/Yukiko - I have always been … intrigued by Naoto and Yukiko interactions. I cannot explain where this idea came from I just think it would be interesting for them to hang out together. They're both busybodies that need to slow down. Maybe they should take it slow together.

Akihiko/Makoto - These two are slept on. There's potential here. Maybe Makoto should be dragged out of their damn bed for a change. Get up and do work, fool. Also join him in his likely very ill-advised adventures to Tartarus please. Having Makoto there really pushes him to do better and he likes that.

Akihiko/Hamuko - I know a lot of people like this dynamic and I'm welcoming any all interactions with it. I've seen his cringey dialogue/route with Hamuko and I love him for it. Haven't seen all of portable though but that doesn't really stop me. I mean I assumed the main story was essentially the same and paid more attention to the character interactions so if there's anything different main story-wise I probably did not see it but yes I am curious about these two.

Akihiko/Mitsuru - Ah, my first Akihiko ship. Brother, I love these two together. I am a 3rd year shipper first and a person second. I just really like their bond alright. She keeps him in check, he watches her back, it's so nice. This is like my bread and butter. I also just like how much she calls him out, it's hilarious. She knows him so well. Other than ships though I just like their dynamic in general I'm just biased.

Akihiko/Shinjiro - Shinjiii pspspspspsps. C'mere bestie, time to criticize Akihiko for his decisions again! The dynamic between these two has always been interesting, but I've never had a chance to interact with a Shinjiro before. Maybe I just like people that bully Akihiko is what I'm finding out?

Ken/Yukari - Yukari PLEASE tell Ken about your job as Pink Argus please please please. He may say it's childish or whatever but I cling to this interaction with my claws. He genuinely thinks it's so awesome, even if he's playing cool, he's definitely going to fanboy on the inside. Little brother wants to know what it's like, you're living his childhood dream at least fill him in on the details. He may have to collect her merch to support her.

Ken/Mitsuru - He's … trying to do his best at learning French to impress her but it's a little difficult, his English is better. I think he seeks her praise, even if he tries to act like he isn't. I'm a big fan of Ken seeking approval from his senpai and just genuinely valuing those bonds. Is this lingering feelings over the loss of his mother at a young age? Probably! But that isn't the point! The point is she inspires him and is the reason he's aiming so high in the first place.

Ken/Akihiko - Speaking of people that inspire him. Ken's still working on his physical routine but Akihiko is a still the goal he's aiming toward. Someone else to seek praise from and a role model he probably shouldn't be studying as closely as he is but that's fine, so what if he's a little reckless in combat. He admires everything ab out him and wants to grow to become as strong and reliable as him one day.

Ken/Hamuko - Hamuko couldn't escape this list. Past his little crush as a kid I just think he enjoys her company overall. She's quite possibly the person he feels is easiest for him to reach or talk to. Bearer of all of his childish and/or embarrassing secrets, I'm afraid. The same is essentially true for Makoto.

Ken/Shinjiro - Oof. Complicated. That's about how I'd sum up his feelings toward Shinjiro in general tbh. As much as he's accepted that truth too much as happened for him to simply act normal around this guy.

Ken/Futaba - Featherman buddies. Need I say more.

Ken/Makoto - Ken's like Akechi if he were actually nice. Ya know still traumatized and a little bloodthirsty but without all of the ugly personality traits. They have a lot of similarities what with trying to live up to all of that pressure they're under and really finding themselves. That's probably why I like when they chat so much? Because I feel like they could bond if they could get past all of the awkwardness. For some reason though I always feel like Ken's one emotional outburst from making this a very difficult path to travel by. It hasn't happened yet but I just feel like he's somehow going to shoot himself in the foot in this dynamic. On a lighter note, he'll watch your Yakuza movies with you Makoto and probably analyze them or use them as inspiration for combat techniques later. Idk how much you know about the Yakuza series but I'm so on board with them gushing about it because I also happen to be a big fan. I also just think … if these two just let loose for a second they could be giant nerds together, and that's just cute to me. Be silly together!

Hidetoshi/Mitsuru - We're testing this out and I'm still getting a feel for how he is but he genuinely likes Mitsuru and would like to spend more time with her if possible. He respects her, even if he's a brat sometimes.

Hidetoshi/Hamuko - Heyyyy Hamuko do you like bratty men? Because they sure do like you. I'd be lying if I said he wasn't going to try to look cooler in front of her in his own … unique way.

Hidetoshi/Yukari - Yukari you have the stamina for this, you'll be fine. Dealing with irritating men is like her forte. I have no idea, I just wanna see where this one would even go.

Goro/Makoto - LMAO you've answered so many asks for these two to guess the dynamic I might suggest here. I like a little rivalry. Maybe a little rivalry as a treat? Get under her skin for the hell of it? Could this turn into an actual friendship with a little work? Probably! Will Goro make that difficult? Absolutely! I mean he genuinely does admire a few things about her and Sae speaks about her enough for him to have an idea of what she's like outside of PT relations anyway but does he get a sense of joy picking on her? Yes, yes he does. He loves to challenge her.

Goro/Akira - Rivalry!! It never gets old!! But this time, gayer!! He simultaneously cannot stand and wants to get closer to this damned twink. A blessing and a curse. He has never met someone that he's felt so connected to and somewhat disgusted by in his life and it's really only because Akira has everything that he wants. He admires what he's able to do and that he's managed to get so many people to follow him. His charisma is natural and Goro's jealous of that. Jealousy and admiration. He won't make this easy either. He can never make anything easy.

[ordonianhero]

Is Twilight really okay?

So I see tons of folks bring up how they are feeling sus out by if twilight is truly okay

No. He’s not okay, yet.

Warning: discussion of illnesses and injuries.

I get why folks are quick to be Sus of how twilight is. I will sort of explain this the best way I can. Using my own personal experience of what going okay. But note I am not invalidating anyone feelings on their thoughts of twilight and his finally seeming to be recovered.

I can say, I think he was given as much healing as they can provide him. He is not fully 100%. He probably got enough healing he can get. Over time it will heal more. However he is most likely poisoned by dink’s blade. But his wound will never truly heal. He will suffer from it till he last days. Something a lot like what Happened to Frodo in the Fellowship of the Ring. In the end Frodo does die once their task was completed and evil was banished from the land. I suspect this how it will got for Twilight.

More on a personal level, I suffer from chronic pancreatitis*. So I sympathize with how Twilight must be feeling. The aches and pains are unimaginable. However I kept going. Weakness can be strengthened slowly at my own pace. Which what he will have to do. You don’t just drink a potion, get heal with a life spell and can be spring chicken. It takes time. As we can see. There will be a struggle and frustration at every corner cause you want to not be a burden to anyone and be able to function the way you use too. The trauma of it will over time heal as well. He will have to relearn to do things. He won’t be able to fight the way he has done. Rest and recovery is a must. Not pushing too hard. Twilight and Time being related- they both share a stubbornness. So emotionally he will lash out a bit (or not). So I sort of get how Twilight must and will feel.

I know people are quick to be like “angst, angst, angst.” But I think people don’t understand there’s something much deeper to a wound that won’t fully heal, but heals enough. It will be a chronic thing for him. Could he maybe get turned into a puppet for dink and turn on the chain. Maybe, but let’s be more logical and see it as he just won’t be fully healed. However he will continue to fight till their adventure ends and dink is defeated properly. So you are all valid in not trusting him being okay. It just may not be how angsty as you think. Just simply he will never be 100% and that now his struggle will be to learn to handle is medical situation and work around what he can and can not do any longer.

He will still be a down tight magnificent fighter, good hearted gent he is. How just now in a new phase in his situation where he will have to come to terms with his limitations. Which mentally is often hard to come to terms with. For me, I can’t eat a lot of my favorite stuff and knowing when I need to take it easy. Something along those lines. It’s an emotional, physical and mental journey. Which we will be watching as the comic progresses.

That’s my take on how he is and what we will expect as the comic progresses. More then welcome to disagree and think more into things. This just my own view of where things may go.

[* Chronic pancreatitis is similar to acute, but in this case, the inflammation is long-term and won’t get any better. In fact, over time, it tends to get worse and lead to permanent damage.

Chronic pancreatitis will often develop after an episode of acute pancreatitis has already occurred.

]

[cursedomain]

Same vine

tw: self harm & depression

I wonder if, when you made those choices, you thought of me. It plagues my mind as of recent, and I couldn't help but ask myself. I mean honestly, maybe I do have my issues and it makes me contradict if I can even as such things.

Satoru was usually on top of the measurement. He made sure you didn't overthink a lot. As of recent, he went on a trip for a week and was being a bit different. He mentioned a new friend, and your heart dropped.

You've had past issues where you couldn't trust people and had gotten cheated on, what made this different? It disappointed him when your trust showed. But could he truly blame you? Yes, and he did.

"You should trust I wouldn't do anything. Isn't it toxic to tell me I can't be friends with her?" Your heart dropped when you heard this. You pushed it more, you felt texting back and trying to push how uncomfortable you were was important.

She flirted with him, and even asked to be his wife when he didn't set boundaries that he didn't think were needed. To this, he responded calling your relationship toxic. You laughed, out of the fact you had been disrespected and outright pushed to your limit.

It was 12 am now. You sat in your bed after he went to sleep. Still states away, what could you really do? You called your friend, Shoko, she heard you out and agreed.

"Why would he back up a girl he just met? That's so stupid. He doesn't understand how easy it will be to make a close relationship and realize he's happier with her than you but that's also because they aren't dating so it's easier to be together." Her voice was annoyed, why would Satoru do this to you?

You and Satoru have been so well, he fixed issues you didn't think you could even fix. He was a good boyfriend and always valued you and your opinion. There were no other girl best friends it was just you, and now he clicked with a new girl, learned her trauma and even told you to stand down. He didn't bother to really know you were upset. It meant nothing as he thought it was toxic.

"You can have other girl friends, but please just not this one." You said this over and over trying to hold back from the sobs. He kept fighting you. Why would he keep talking to her if he knew it bothered you. Would he even care if it was vise versa? You knew you were down for him, but your past issues made you so bothered.

You went to your car, you turned a song on that felt right. You sat there, rereading all of your texts. You were so depressed by this point. You and Satoru have fought consistently, you felt like the relationship was coming to a end. You had now cut your arm multiple times. You knew your depression couldn't handle everything going on.

Soon you texted Suguru, you knew you needed help. As of recent, your grandma had fallen ill, and your boyfriend was states away and he couldn't support you through your consistent issues. You felt alone because this was never something you had gone through.

After explaining everything to Geto, he got upset. He told you that you pissed him off when you do things like this. "You're overthink really pisses me off because it's about the dumbest shit." You were taken about by the hostility in his message. He never would have done this in the past, but as of recent he has been pushing the limits on how he would speak to you. You let it pass usually though because Satoru wanted to make sure he kept friends.

There was a drop in your heart. You couldn't do much you felt so lost. Blood slowly moved from the cuts, you turned the car on and left your home. You couldn't do anything logically now. You needed the distraction so you drove. You and Gojo came from the same vine, you felt it was meant to be, why is this happening?

You didn't trust you were enough or that at this point you would get cheated on and it would be with the new girl best friend. Satoru told you that you knew nothing about her and you shouldn't judge her. Why was he defending her, you sobbed uncontrollably, you couldn't see the road anymore. Your mind was so overwhelmed. You didn't want to even live. You let your relationship control you and now you were stuck.

"So foolish, I thought I followed the precautions and I thought I was secure enough." You said this in between sobs. You wanted to find a parking garage and really ask yourself what you were doing wrong. Your heart hurt so much, your breathing was shallow and your jaw hurt from clenching it too many times. Your friends told you that as of recently, they don't think you've even been happy.

You started feeling drowsy and knew it was best to try and drive home. You knew pulling over for a nap was risky, so you drove home and went inside to your room. The mirror reflected how disheveled you were and your eyes, swollen, showed just how unhappy you were.

You took sleeping medicine and your body reacted poorly, the anxiety was worse and you were now shaking. how could he? You had to close your eyes and ground yourself. Your brain worked against you, making you feel worse wondering how this could happen.

As your body slowly relaxed, you thought about the few times he said reassuring things like how she wasn't around when he went somewhere, but why would he even say those things, he could have removed her from his life and your mind would never feel this. You started thinking about how maybe you were toxic, but that wasn't your fault that he did this to you. It was his fault.

You should've known better. But again, how could you when he drank the poison from the same vine as you?

[squarebracketsmileyface]

i can't get the thoughts into words but the diner by Billie ellish is so S,IL Jay?? I can't explain why but it's him and his obsession/stalking of Alex

maybe it's the line "you could be my wife, could get into a fight, I'll say you're right, and you'd kiss me goodnight"

You're so so so so right. This song is soooooo Jay, poor guy. Poor lil freak. Poor lil freak stalker. Idk how to put it into words either, but this song just feels like Jay, kinda off kilter, the gait of his emotional reactions is just kinda off. Idk maybe uncanny is the word? I feel kinda like the way Jay is with Alex almost falls into the uncanny valley but if there was an uncanny valley for emotions? (Can you tell I don't understand the uncanny valley effect? I only feel it for dogs 💀)

The song feels like that too, kinda creepy and dark and just Off a bit, y'know? I feel like that's Jay. A lot of that's probably just general mental illness stuff, cos that seems to make people fall into the uncanny for people? But just, yeah, idk 👍

But like, yeah idk, he's not evil, he can get better, he does TRY to get better once he's been away from Alex for a few years, once he's with Tim. But he does need therapy, and he's all resistant to that.

Like I love calling him and Alex toxic and shitty and stuff, and like, they are. They're just two of those people who just need to stay away from each other, who can only make each other worse. And then they decide, yeah let's be best friends since like, primary school. Because they were both weird and freaky and no one else liked them, so of course they gravitated to each other, and of course because everyone else hated them, they grew to love each other almost obsessively to make up for that.

And like, obviously the operator is involved and it's making it all worse, so chuck that out of the equation for a moment. When Jay and Alex are with other people, they do get better. Alex has like three great years with Amy where he learns to get over his internalised homophobia and how a relationship can have proper communication etc. And when Jay's with Tim he starts to learn that he can't rely on manipulating situations to get what he wants, he slowly stops feeling so hung up over his relationship with Alex (this poor man does NOT know how to let go of things 💀)

Jay and Alex are just not good for each other, and thats fine, sometimes that just happens.

Sorry anyway idk where that lil rant came from. Probably cos I've been If It Ain't Broken brained for a while and I miss the fluff and slow getting better that I was writing with the last chapters of "Sorry, It's Locked". They're my babies and I can't wait to write their first time, before they got super toxic together and all that.

Also can't wait to write the aftercare part of If It Ain't Broken chapter 4. I just need to write fluffy. I need those two specifically to have some fluffy and healthy stuff together, because so far I'm reeeeeaaaally painting them as shitty shitty shitty, and they weren't always like that, like, not even most of the time. Like my intention with them is that most of the time they're literally just fine, a lil tense maybe, but not as god awful shitty as theyre being in their worst times, aka the times you see in If It Ain't Broken.

[nahalism]

Have you ever beaten yourself down or felt defected because you couldn’t uphold a routine?

I am going through something like this now. I see people around me who, of course to varying degrees (but some excell in) getting their diet, sleep schedule, studying/working, exercising routine in check, having a plan. And whenever i try, for the love of me, i just cannot uphold it. I can’t be consistent, my brain just doesn’t work like this but i keep hearing that it has improved peoples’ lives so much, developing a routine and sticking to it. And i know me not having one is probably not in my favor (studying whenever i have the ”inspiration” to because otherwise my brain just shuts off no matter how i try to trick myself instead of regularly and smooth sailing through assignments as a result) can’t go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day INCLUDING WEEKENDS can’t eat regularly. So i try to improve myself and chase this but all it does is reflect to me that i am just not able to and it makes me feel even worse about myself. And i personally know people who ARE able to do all of that and i can see it pays off in so many ways, in their life. My thoughts get in the way, my feelings get in the way and they make me pretty much not functional for periods of time and i am not sure if these people experience the exact same „wall” and they consistently push through it or if maybe my wall is just a big higher and stronger than theirs sometimes. I feel like my brain is against me, truly. (Probably relevant to mention that i do have some mental problems overall which could be affecting all i mentioned and the way i function, it still feels so defeating to me)

such a long message, i am sorry. i hope you are love lately x

hey beautiful <3. my reply will be equally as long if not longer so no need to be sorry :)

yes. lol just, yes. ive been through the exact same feelings that you describe and even though i struggle less now, i struggle less only as a consequence of my ability to be kinder and more tolerant of myself, not because ive magically changed into someone different. — ill try to explain what i did to help but ill be honest, theres only ever been one solution for me which is to do the work. its hard, its lonely, no one comes to help, or to save you, they even stop pretend ing to care. people will try to support you, but despite best intentions may fall short or lack the capacity to give you what you actually need. so you have to be the one. you have to carry yourself over the finish line, often at the cost losing things, people and parts of yourself that you think you love and cant do without (its soul wrenching but worth the initial discomfort, i promise). every breakthrough is hard earned and often doesnt even feel like the cherry on the top that its supposed to be. so the only way to find the will to keep going is to enjoy the challenge of the journey and learn to love what choosing to 'carry your own cross' is developing in you.

1) the first thing i had to do was make that cross worth carrying for myself. not because id been told to do it, had to do it, or because 'self care' is important, but because I was priority enough to myself that i found the willpower to see it though. to make that possible i had to understand why i was my number one priority, and then make my actions reflect that. it sounds heroic but it looked like excavating my soul, saying no to anything i didnt want to do, and anything i did out of obligation. that included essays, exams, my job, friends, family. maybe that sounds extreme but i realised that all those things meant nothing if the person who was meant to be showing up for them didnt want to be alive/was in anyway unhealthy, or was so dysfunctional that they showed up as a semi sane version of themselves. my whole personality was a trauma response, and even despite the trauma i had to look at what i was doing to create the circumstances i was unhappy with. going from responding unconsciously to consciously choosing my actions was brutal. all of this sounds empowering but it often looks and feels shambolic & looks like being a fuck up. i literally appeared to the outside world like someone who had gone off the edge and was failing at life. for context, making the choices im talking about led to me retaking a year at uni, being a ghost to everyone and everything in my life, having panic attacks every night because despite feeling like i was doing the right thing i had no evidence it would work and no idea how id make it out & all this lasted for way after i graduated so people were looking at me crazy :). HOWEVER, its also how i learned to draw, how i restored my relationship with myself, how i found the passion and excitement to work toward a goals i had set (not the ones set for me). i also became confident for the first time in my life. like actualll self esteem and self knowledge. i hated being seen or perceived due to things id been through, and still struggle with that now tbh. so when i look at the fuller version of myself im embodying today, the multiple ways ive put myself outside of my comfort zone, (and the versions of me i know are to come) i know that the first steps began with following my gut and taking that initial leap of faith that honoured the truth of who i felt myself to be, not the pattern id been following/living in.

2) that first step is important cause when what you do what matters to you, you gain a different willpower (aka passion) that fuels what you do and why you do it. i spent my whole childhood with e.d's and unable to consistently work out/find working out pleasurable. however once i built a relationship with myself and understood what a body was and why it deserved my respect, working out stopped being about the pressure to be a fine babe, and about desiring mobility, full function of my vehicle and longterm health. i say that to say, sometimes its not that your undisciplined, but that your trying hard at the wrong things. (an undisciplined or inconsistent person doesn't keep trying at things despite failing time and time again...). another way to look at it is — a goat is not meant to be a sheep, nor a sheep a goat. theres nothing wrong with being either, but you have to know which you are. (this takes us back to point one: are the things you put pressure on yourself to do/be/accomplish, authentic to you or are you imposing them of yourself because of pressure/expectation/superficial reasons). if its the later, you cannot wait till you have the answers to change the direction your moving in. you have to pivot, take the next step in the direction that feels purposeful and deeply honest to you, and trust that even though you cant see the whole path, the next step will be revealed as you continue to walk forward. the mental illness doesnt go away, but it fades as your tolerance increases. its not meant to be easy, if you can remember that then you'll be okay.

3) you dont have to do it perfectly. you just have to do it. over time, ive had routines w/ varying success. my overarching interests, goals/priorities are the same, but they fluctuate which means i can struggle with consistency and seeing things through (not cause i dont want to be consistent but i feel like i change so rapidly as a person that i almost forget why i set certain goals for myself and why building the routine/proficiency in skill was important to me in the first place). in this sense, its hard to accomplish a goal if you dont relate to the version of yourself you were when you set it. so part one to this point is, i have to use my quirks to my advantage. i know that i tend to cycle through my interests every 3 months ish. so, i set goals that can be accomplished in 3 month cycles rather than over the course of a year. in doing that i achieve small steps toward the larger, more diverse vision of my life i have for myself, meaning i could have one goal - lets say financial freedom - and 3 projects over the course of 9 months that feed into that goal. this works for me because i know i can sustain deep focus over the course of those three months and so will accomplish what ive set out to do. — but whats key for you, is that you find out what works for you. if you start to embrace your needs and what makes you different, you can also embrace the ways it makes you and your approach unique and innovative. rather than a hinderance or a source of 'why cant i be like/function like everyone else'. ——— that leads on to the second part, which is learning to carry the good with the bad. e.g. — whilst the way i fluctuate makes me multifaceted, it also means that one month im focused on art (my style) & reading, the next i might be on philosophy and writing, right before i get back to gardening and portrait practice, then cycle back to learning languages or an instrument. that level of commitment to multiple disciplines means what could take me 3 months to accomplish if i had a single minded focus, gets dragged out into a year long affair. lmty, its almost as frustrating to make slow progress as it is not to progress at all. so sometimes i feel like ive come so far only to have achieved the bare minimum. ive had to learn to appreciate that slow and steady approach (rather than chasing immediate perfection which leads to burn out) and be grateful for the fact that even though its taking long, at least im moving in the right direction. eventually ill learn the skill of expediting each of my processes, but right now this is where im at. extending that kind of grace and mercy to yourself is the biggest part of this all. because if i know im not good at structure, and im specifically struggling with it at this moment, maybe i dont need to hyper-fixate on having a morning routine right now. maybe for the next few months, its not about doing yoga the moment i wake up (even if i know thats best for me) maybe i just need to do yoga at 'unspecified time today'. maybe i dont need to sleep at 10pm. i can actually start work at 10pm, and go to sleep at 6 am. as long as i do yoga, as long as i go to sleep, as long i *insert task*, that is enough for right now. infact more than enough, its a victory. so, work on your own schedule and embrace it. trust that you've set goals and failed before but that you are still here and still committed to getting it right next time, which means you are a trustworthy person who can rely on themselves to show up for themselves. the more you practice not giving up, the smaller the gap between your ability to take action, which means the greater your ability to develop the skill of routine. perhaps not a conventional routine, but routine just means habit. over the course of your life, you are building the habit of not giving up. or of consistently coming back to & developing skills you wanna build. that is the desired outcome, not the structure of how you achieve that, but the fact that you have achieved some form of taking action consistently.

last thing i want to leave you with is the way i see and feel you. you could have asked me anything, you could have asked me nothing at all, but you chose to ask me about how to improve your situation. in that sense, your words have betrayed what your will and your desire is. the things we desire today, dictate the person we become tomorrow, and so i know without a doubt that its not a matter of if, but a matter of when you achieve these routines, their outcomes (& so much more, you cant even imagine whats on the other side). <3. it takes a very special kind of grit and resilience to fail and to try again. you inspire me and remind me of the qualities that make humans truly beautiful, truly necessary and truly precious. so dont give up, dont go under. none of this is meant to break you, just pull out what is inevitable to who you are and what you are meant to be. it is going to be hard, but you are not alone even when you are alone, and when you make it out the other end you become a testimony for others, (& evidence that they arent alone either). keep fighting, i believe in you, sending big love & a big hug xx-xx