#I'm still thinking about the two but I have a good feeling I'll be doing it this month (some will definitely be late though)

[sailorluna15]

what about pitfighter vi who wants nothing to do with virgins because she thinks they get too attached, and then reader is a virgin but vi really wants to fuck her anyway

"Come on, you're telling me you like used goods?"

Vi rolls her eyes and takes a swig of her beer.

"It's not used goods. I like a woman who knows what she likes and doesn't get too attached. Virgins get one taste of you and fall in love. I'm looking to fuck, not get married."

"You're thinking about it too much! It's kinda fun when they get attached. They're like little puppies."

"Nah, I'd rather stay away from that shit. I don't got time for the puppy attachment bullshit. I'm good.

That's how Vi felt until she met you.

Vi walks into the club and scans around for a nice piece of ass. She walks further into the club and sits at the bar. Waving the bartender down, he slides her a drink that she knocks back in a second.

She looks around again and spots you. Immediately, she knows who she wants to fuck tonight.

When she sees you, you're spinning upside down, naked, with your legs split in the air. Your bikini top, G-string, and dollar bills lay thrown across the stage as you dance. You look mesmerizing and delectable.

Vi walks over to the host and requests a lap dance from you.

After you finish your set, the host tells you Vi wants you. She points to the room Vi's waiting for you in and wishes you good luck.

You stalk towards the room and open the door with a smile.

"Hello, Vi?"

She nods and stares at you like a predator checking out its prey.

"Thank you for booking a dance with me. Do you want anything to drink before we get started? I wanna make sure you're comfortable." You say flirtatiously.

She shakes her head no and allows you to begin the dance. It feels like the entire world has disappeared as your bend over and shake your ass in her face.

When you turn back around to grind against her again, your faces come so close that your noses touch. The energy between you two is magnetic. As you two continue to breathe each other in, a knock comes to the door, signaling the end of the dance.

"I guess times up, huh?" Vi whispers.

"Yeah."

Silence passes by before you speak.

"My shift is over in 10 minutes if you wanna take this to my place.

Vi contemplates your offer, before agreeing.

"I'll be at the bar waiting."

A small smile graces your face as you both leave the room.

The host approaches you with a knowing look.

"Did little Ms. Emo Girl enjoy her lap dance?"

"Very much so. We're about to take it to my apartment." You say sweetly.

With a loud laugh, the host says, "Okay, girl, get you some! I want to hear all about it tomorrow."

"Oh, trust me, you will!"

You both wave your goodbyes as you walk to Vi and leave the club with her.

The air is filled with anticipation as you both make your way to your apartment.

Finally, enter your apartment and immediately jump on each other's bones.

Vi kisses and sucks on your neck as moans flow out of your mouth.

She quickly drops to her knees, removes your panties, and immediately starts to devour your pussy.

Loud groans fill the air as she sucks on your clit and sticks her tongue in your pussy. She sticks two fingers into your pussy and fingers you as she continues to eat you out. Vi stands up and leads you to the bedroom. She manhandles you onto the bed and starts to unbuckle her pants.

"Wait...wait." You plead as you put your hands on her belt buckle.

"I've...I've never done this before."

Vi laughs in disbelief and says, "You joking, right?"

You avoid her eyes and shrug your shoulders.

"Oh my God, you're serious. You're a fucking virgin."

"It's not my fault! I've...I don't get out much."

"You're literally a fucking stripper! How are you still a virgin?!" Vi exclaims.

"Me being a dancer has nothing to do with having sex or my virginity! It's a job just like any other and has nothing to do with my personal life." You say defiantly as you lean back on your hands.

"You know what? I don't even fucking care. I just wanna fuck. You take strap or what?" Vi asks with a raised brow.

"I mean, I...I guess. I've always wanted to try it." You whisper out shyly.

With a hum, Vi drops her pants and underwear simultaneously, revealing a thick 8-inch purple dildo attached to the strap.

"Is that gonna fit?" You question nervously.

"We'll find out in a few seconds, won't we? You got lube?" Vi responds

"It's in the first drawer."

Vi leans over, opens the drawer, and grabs the lube. She squirts it on the dildo and lines herself up with your pussy.

"You ready?"

You nod and relax as Vi slides inside you.

"Fuck." You breathe out.

Vi slowly fucks you until she feels you get comfortable.

"Go faster."

Vi smiles and quickens her pace. She lifts your legs, presses them to your chest, and fucking you deep into the mattress.

Moans, groans, and curses fill the air as Vi takes your virginity.

"Damn, your pussy's so tight. You wanted this bad, huh. Fucking whore."

"I'm a whore." You whine out as you clutch Vi's arms.

You feel a sting on both of your asscheeks as Vi delivers a slap to them.

"I love a girl who knows what she is."

Vi begins to rub little circles on your clit as she drives her hips faster into you.

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! I'm gonna cum!"

"Go ahead and cum. Cum on my dick." Vi grunts out.

One, two, three thrusts, and you unravel. Your body shakes as ecstasy overcomes you.

"Oh my God, I've never come like that in my life." You say with a heavy breath.

Vi chuckles as she removes the strap from you and helps you clean up.

After she helps you clean up, she heads towards the door. You quickly chase after her.

"Wait!"

Vi turns around with a raised eyebrow and an expectant face.

"What's your number? I wanna do this again sometime."

"555-876-0982. Don't expect a relationship, though. I'm strictly here to fuck."

You quickly write the number down and nod your head in agreement.

"Yeah, no, no, no. I want the same strictly fucking. No strings attached."

With a low 'mhmm,' Vi walks out of your apartment and heads home.

"What a fucking woman."

[kirain]

@timethehobo I hope you don't mind and I hope you're feeling better!

The storm was relentless, large raindrops pounding against the windows of the inn where Xren and the others had taken shelter. Swathed in a heavy blanket, he'd been preparing for bed, but a fateful glance up gave him pause.

Through the saturated glass, he spotted Emmrich in the distance, his gaunt figure barely illuminated by the faint glow of a nearby lantern. His head was bowed, his arms hanging limp by his sides. Something about his posture—so still, so alone—sent a pang of worry through the elf's spine, and without a second thought, he slipped into his boots and threw a cloak over his shoulders.

The cold night air and freezing rain hit him the moment he stepped outside, but it didn't deter him. If anything, made his stomach churn as he wondered why Emmrich hadn't fled indoors.

"Emmrich!" he shouted as he made his way across the cobblestone courtyard, but the man didn’t react—not even a flinch at the sound of his voice. Perhaps the thunder had drowned him out, or perhaps Emmrich was overwhelmed by what ailed him.

As he approached, Xren's cloak soaked through, his hands instinctively rubbing his arms in a futile attempt to stay warm. When he moved close enough to see part of Emmrich's face, his breath hitched. The man's cheeks glistened with tears, though it was impossible to tell where the rain ended and the crying began. His lips quivered, his normally sharp, confident features crumpled into something raw and unguarded.

"Emmrich?" Xren said again, his tone laden with concern.

Startled, Emmrich spun around to see who had caught him in such a pitiful state. When he realised who it was, his hand rushed to his face, desperate to wipe away the evidence of his grief.

"Xren..." His voice cracked, but he forced a smile that didn't reach his eyes. "You shouldn't be out here."

"Neither should you," he challenged. "What are you doing?"

"Oh, I was just... out for a walk. Got caught in the rain, you see."

"That's not true," he said gently.

Without waiting for a response, he closed the distance and wrapped his arms around the taller man. Emmrich stiffened with a gasp, but he didn't pull away.

"I don't..." His words faltered. "I can't... Xren, I didn't mean for you to—"

"It's all right," he whispered, nuzzling against his chest. "I don't know what's wrong, but I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Emmrich gritted his teeth, his jaw clenching as he tried to compose himself. His hands hovered at Xren's back, trembling, but he didn't touch him.

"You must think me so weak," he whimpered.

"Never," Xren replied firmly, pulling away just enough to look up at him. "It's all right to cry, ma sa'lath. It doesn't make you weak. It just means you're alive."

Emmrich shivered as a fresh wave of tears rolled down his cheeks, blending seamlessly with the rain. "I... I'm sorry, darling. I won't be very good company tonight," he choked.

"Then don't be," Xren teased, squeezing tighter. "You don't have to be anything for me. You don't have to please anyone tonight. Just... feel what you need to feel."

For a while, Emmrich said nothing, his heart racing as he wept. Then, finally, he caved. His arms swiftly wrapped around Xren, holding him as though he were his only tether to the earth.

"I don't... feel better," he admitted, his voice muffled by the elf's hickory hair.

"I know," he hushed. "But you will. In the meantime, I'll be here."

The two of them stood steady, melting in each other's embrace as the rain cascaded around them. The world was cruel and unforgiving, its sorrows unavoidable—but like the storm that raged overhead, it would pass, ebbing away by the grace of the sunny morning light.

Nothing’s sad until it’s over, and then everything is.

[chaotic-archaeologist]

So to make a long story semi short; during fall term a couple unknowing found a set of mastodon teeth and brought to my anthropology professor at the college, since then they conducted some field work and found more bone. They obviously stopped because of winter but in summer the college will be offering a field work class to go help at the site. I want to do that, but as mentioned before I have Cerebral Palsy which means I don't have a lot of upper body strength or flexibility. But I can still do a lot. My I guess problem is my Professors respect me and that's hard for me to get with all the ableism and I worked hard these last two semesters to break out of my shell to get here , I guess I just don't want to 1. make a fool of myself 2. be a hindrance and/or mess something up

any advice?

This sounds like an incredible opportunity, and I would definitely encourage you to pursue it! I hear your concerns about embarrassing yourself and being a hindrance, but I think you should reframe your thinking around facts that 1) everybody deserves learning experiences regardless of their physical ability, and 2) there are things you can do that will be an asset to the excavation.

Some of these things include taking notes and photographs, documenting and storing finds, and working with any digital tools like GPS units. You may also be able to do lab work and different kinds of analysis, depending on what they find and how they run the program. A good supervisor (although not all are created equal) will be willing to work with you to come up with a plan for how you can participate and what that will look like.

Usually, classes like this have applications where students list their relevant coursework and write a brief personal statement about why they want to participate. There are a couple of ways you could go about this in regards to disclosing your disability and seeking accommodations. You can either:

Disclose early: this would entail including something about your disability in your personal statement, in an email to the professor running the dig, etc.

Disclose later: submit your application without mentioning your disability. Feel free to mention how hard you've worked to get where you are, and if you want to talk about vague challenges with your health as part of that, it's up to you. If you are accepted to the dig, ask for a meeting with the supervisor where you can then explain your needs and what you are able to do.

Generally, I advise erring on the side of disclosing later rather than earlier. As I'm sure you're aware, prejudice and implicit bias are unfortunately a thing, and sometimes the only way to protect yourself from those impeding your application is to withhold information (although obviously this isn't an option if the professor already knows you). Additionally, you have legal protections against discrimination that are much easier to enforce after you have been accepted.

That being said, I've been heartened to see that more and more people in archaeology spaces are thinking about what accessibility means in field settings and how to include people with disabilities.—perhaps this is also the case with whoever is running this dig. Archaeology is for everyone, and there are many roles in an excavation for someone who can't do physical labor.

Finally, I'll close with some resources that might be helpful.

The Disabled Archaeologists Network: while I don't think they have a ton of programming for undergraduates (yet), membership is free and can put you in touch with

Field Tested: an article about a disabled student who was able to participate in a geology field school (similar levels of work to an archaeology one). It discusses some of the accommodations the student needed, and what they were able to do.

Here's an article by Dr. Anita Marshall, the professor who ran that accessible field school. Its content isn't substantially different from the one I linked above, but at the end it also cites some good literature about accessibility in field work. You should be able to access a lot of those publications through your institution's library or @jstor's free (or institutional) service.

Good luck, -Reid

[m00nkissedlover]

hello hello! just wanted to say how amazing your works are and im such a sucker for your leona fics the most (heuheueh ☺️)

was wondering if i could req a fluff fic for riddle this time around ? (id request for a leona but maybe another time hihi 💓) ur more than free to get creative with this one :))) take ur time as there is no rush <3 have a good day ahead ! 🍰

・｡rules 📚

you've ordered: a honey lemon tart! enjoy!

"can you settle down my soul?"

riddle rosehearts x reader | word count: 820 words

summary: in which you get riddle to relax a little📚

warnings: none!

note: my first ever request!! thank you so much @linlinmoon for requesting this fic, i hope it's to your liking. 🫶🏾 also, i don't center riddle's whole personality around being strict and a rule follower. he obviously has a more complex character than this, but for this little blurb, i just wrote whatever. (i'm genuinely sorry if this sucks T-T)

riddle was stickler for rules. it was the only reason why the heartslabyul dorm hadn't burned down yet. and as much as the dorm's inhabitants hated to admit it, some of these rules actually made sense, taking the members health into account for instance. but some were just plain ridiculous.

you, on the other hand, were a free spirit. you didn't like being tied down by rules, unless there was legitimate reason for them. having to hear ace and deuce (mainly ace) complain about the ridiculous things riddle had them do just because it was "the queen's rules" made you thank the great seven that you were in ramshackle.

because of these reasons, people couldn't believe that you had accepted riddle's feelings and made him your boyfriend. "rules-are-the-crux-of-my-life" and "rules-can-suck-my-wand" were together? like....together together?? they were absolutely floored when they saw you press a kiss to riddle's cheek before class that day, completely baffled at seeing riddle's face get so red for a reason other than pure anger.

like they say: opposites attract.

it was the day after a big exam and you wanted to give riddle a little surprise to help him relax. he'd never admit it, but you knew the redheaded housewarden was more than exhausted from staying up night after night to cram as much information into his brain as he could.

as you saw him walking down the hall, you excitedly creeped up behind him, covering his eyes with your hands.

"guess who?" you whispered, a shiver running down riddle's spine.

"i would guess floyd, but he's much taller and would call me goldfish...so it has to be you, y/n." he said, placing his hands over yours to pull them away from his eyes.

"are you free later today?" you hummed, playfully bumping riddle's hip with yours as you two walked.

he let out a yelp of surprise, playfully scolding you. "mhm. why, if may i ask?"

"well, i just wanna hang out with my boyfriend from time to time." you laughed, riddle grabbing your arm and stopping you from walking. "what's the matter?"

"your tie's crooked..." he murmured, shaking his head. "one must always look presentable."

"you and your rules." you muttered, leaning over and kissing his forehead. "i'll see you at 8:00?"

riddle's cheeks flushed once again, his annoyed expression coming off nothing more than flustered. "i'll think about it."

it was now 8:15 pm. classes had long since ended and you were currently waiting for riddle. where he had gone off to was anyone's guess.

"i'll just wait a few more minutes..." you told yourself, taking out a book from your bag to read.

1 minute passed...2 minutes...5 minutes...until-

"y/n? y/n, wake up." you felt yourself being shaken out of your little nap, your eyes blinking away sleep.

"hm? riddle, is that you?" you murmured, sitting up and stretching.

"i'm so sorry i kept you waiting. the boys didn't take care of the flamingos properly today, so i had to oversee them and make sure they wore pink." another one of those ridiculous rules.

"it's alright. we still have time to take a walk in the garden." you suggested, riddle happily agreeing.

you and riddle were now walking in the school garden, hand in hand. you'd made some lemonade for yourself earlier that day, now sharing some with your boyfriend.

"y/n?"

"hm?" you turned your attention back to riddle, who was suspiciously eyeing the tumbler of lemonade.

"did you put...honey in this, by chance?" he asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"well, yeah. i think it tastes better with honey." you explained, obviously knowing his reasoning for asking.

riddle put the glass down immediately, a look of horror on his face.

"no! that's against the rules! rule number 256: no drinking honey-sweetened lemonade after-mph!"

you silenced his panic with a soft kiss, your hands gently cradling his possibly rose red face. your prediction was proven correct when you pulled away and saw just how red his cheeks were.

"riddle, you'll stress yourself to death with all these rules. sometimes, you just need to relax." you told him, the housewarden's frowning and flustered face making your heart warm.

"i know. it's just-"

"it's just nothing. you know i don't like seeing you all stressed and agitated. will you please just relax? for me?" you hummed, cupping his cheek in your hand.

riddle let out a soft sigh, leaning into your touch. he really was trying to tone it down, but he couldn't help it. it was in his nature.

"from now on, i'll try to be more lax, unless it's completely necessary." riddle agreed, taking a sip of the lemonade you made.

"note to self: make riddle more honey-sweetened lemonade." you teased, riddle rolling his eyes before quickly (and shyly) pressing a kiss to your cheek.

"you're lucky...that i love you..."

"i love you too, my rose red rule book ."📚

© m00nkissedlover, 2025

[scara-writes]

100% perfect

GN!Esper!Reader x Y!Guide!Male OC

Note: hello im back. A lot happened, I had an anxiety attacks, my mind has been having a lot of bad thoughts, my dog passed away last year—three months ago... I didn't have a lot of time for me to write since I've been grieving for my dog's death up until now but I'm okay, I'm healing... Anyway, my writings is rusty and probably didn't improve. I know some of you guys really tried to reach out through ask and I'm kind of happy. Thanks. For now I'll give this to piece of one shot for a new year. This Esper x Guide thing I made might not be accurate. All i know is they are similar to Alpha x Omega shits except the curse thing on espers. This might be cringe. i will try to edit it. I will try to update the other oc's as well.

-also please do not do this, i do not condone anything in this story. This is purely fiction and be kept as a fiction.

CW: implied se(g)s, implied suicide(mention), yandere, drugging, manipulation, dynamic power, etc.

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT

"(Y/n)!!" A ginger haired male rush up to you, hugging you by the time you step on the greenery field of the university. Pastel blue of sweater was the first thing you see before you were envelope by a hug. You tense when his arms coils around your waist, hearing him breathe out of relief as he buries his face on your left shoulder. 

You don't know what to do everytime he does this. There were eyes everywhere and it doesn't seem like he is bothered by it.

Of course why would he?

Micah Clarke is not only popular and prettiest student in this campus. He is known for being famous as the youngest champion of ice skating 3 years ago, defending his title until now. His luscious natural lips, his hazel eyes that could make you halt on what you were doing, the type to make yourself give him a third glance because he is so pretty. So pretty that you sometimes envy his glassy skin, igniting a insecurities to yourself. His soft curly ginger hair and freckled face that matches his glossy alabaster complexion. The type of guy who prefers cute, pastel than those typical guys—omg so unique(lol)—that always choose to wear dark or dull colors. Everyone finds him attractive including yourself. Everything about him screams beauty and elegance. He can hook up with men and women if he wants to but he chose not to.

From what you heard, he is a rare S-rank Guide. Most espers would try hook up with him atleast make a contract with someone like him. He would rather spend his time painting his nails, crochetting, organising or planning his time, practicing his amazing skills on ice skating, or rather do hundred routine for his skincare than hook up with other people. Quirky, Alright. Still, this doesn't stop people from wanting to go between his pants and his fame.

To people he is a swan. He is epitome of perfection.

You always see him pass by to your department, always getting called by the principal,inviting him to do a photoshoot, using his face as an advertisment for upcoming enrollent or any event inside the university. You never dwell yourself to swoon on to him whenever he pass by. Fine, you do like him. But not the kind of like where you are romantically interest to him. You just admire his looks, his talents and that's about it. You just don't like he was too friendly, there's nothing wrong with that but invading someone else personal bubble space—and the feeling of shame on yourself for being near someone kind as him—as if you two are already close is not your thing to a person you rarely talk to. Unlike him, you are the quite the opposite when it comes to socialising,You like being alone, you aren't anti-social, atleast, that's what you think you are. You are confident by yourself. An Introvert.

You just like the silence. It eases your deteriorating mind—(stupid esper curse) Somewhere peace and quiet,reading books, listening to music—gosh laufey and wave to earth and even (favorite singer/composer) always sound so good, spending time with your pets, to drown out insanity voices piling up in your head. Although you just have a few friends, you love to be alone. You once dream about getting a job. To work hard and earn a good money, once you have enough money. You would spend it to buy a house and lot somewhere away from the city and nearby the countryside with a small farm. Letting your family and friends to visit you time to time in occassions. Where you can spend the rest of your life alone and happy. A dream that would be come true if only you didn't awakened as an esper after you reach 18.

As for the guy who has the entire school and other people folded for him. He is choosing you to lend his attention, to a person who doesn't like attention. So why was he talking to someone who is a nobody like a B-rank Esper like you? The only interaction you had with him before he let himself in your life was when you pull him away from the bridge—you didn't know him at that time—a few exchange greeting—which of course he would be the first one to initiate it—and.... The party....

"N-ngh!!!" A whiny moan escape his lips. Your lips were on his neck drinking each of his soft sound coming from his mouth. The blaring party background can be ignore in the background thanks to the closed lock door of this room the both of you are in.You bite and nip his skin as if animal marking its prey. You didn't care if you torn his shirt, you just needed his guide seep through more, letting your body gone addicted to him. "(Y-y/n)!" The whay he whimpered your name made you groaned. The way every pulse from his body sends his guiding through your body.  You were delirious, you can't resist him—

"Missed you! Why aren't you checking my messages? You know I got worried when you didn't reply." He whined, his orbs shows concern and sadness. You look away.

"...hey." you greeted him with quieter tone. You pulled away from the hug not liking the way your body just relaxes everytime his guide powers automatically seeps through your body. You don't hate it but you don't like the way that your body depends on someone just for the sake of being sane and relax.

.... The shame you are feeling over the past few weeks.

You still feel guilty and ashamed about it everytime you remember those memory.

"I... I was busy. Had to do homework. I fell asleep and forgot to charge my phone." You told him. Another excuse. You just put your phone on do not disturb.

You don't have the guts to tell a sweet person like him to leave you alone. Well you did because you are ashamed to face him but he insisted it was never you fault. It always ended up him spending time with you. You can't—you owe him more than anything—Especially now that all people's oggling to you too now that you have the attention of the star. They would try to befriending you so that they could get closer to him.

Gosh, you are getting tired. Why can't people leave you alone?

You missed the old times where you can be at peace. No drama, nowhere near on people who wants attention.

"O-oh. Well that's alright."he chided before grabbing your hands with both of his. His smooth hands rubbing against your ragged callouses. He continued, "well actually I was wondering could you hangout out with me? This friday? I know you don't have schedule at that time since you showed me your schedule—And I want to spend more time with you!" He beamed. His smile was out of this world and it blinds you.

"I uhh .. have a plan on that time..." You words went silent as soon as your eyes sees the smile from his lips slowly fell down to his face."really?" The grip on your hands were getting uncomfortable.

"Umm.... I just wanna be on my home and well—"He gasped, his smile is coming back on his symmetrical face as he clung to your right arm."oh! Why didn't you say so? We can hangout together in your home!"

Giddy, he press his front closer to you which made you feel suffocating. His guide power automatically seeps through you again.

"N-no, Mikah... What I meant to say is I plan to rest, like spend alone on that day. A peace and quiet." You slowly pull away your hand gently from his clinging hands.

You didn't expect he would react like this. Tears are already in the corner of his eyes. His lips quivering. "W-what? Are you saying that I'm boring, I-I'm too loud? Did I do something wrong?"

The people who were eavesdropping at your conversation sent a glare and unwanted resentment towards you. 

You quickly shook your head. Your free hand clasping against his clutching ones that is gripping your poor unavailable hand. "No... It's not like that. You didn't do anything wrong.. I just want a me time... You know when... Uhhh before you and I become friends.... I just want to relax by myself.... You're a good friend and a good company but... We've been hanging out for a while... Ummm w-what I'm trying to say is... I want some time to be alone. You... You know what I mean right?"

Micah gave you a blank stare. You were getting uneasy. You bite your inner cheek. Will he lash out? He never seem to be the person who never received a refusal on his entire life. As soon as 2 seconds has passed, you noticed his eyes were akin to sadness. You feel the guilt running up to your spine.

You tried to avoid his gaze looking straight his frowning lips before getting replace by a forced grin. "Oh! I get that! You wish a time for yourself! Self care stuff in all that!" 

Your heart beats a little faster in excitement, is he finally leaving you for a bit? You were about to thank him for understanding. He does l—

"B-but!!" He grabbed your hands again.

You internally groan. Does he even know the word no? Of course he don't.

He never had someone says no to him. Everything he request would be at his feet. You can't yell or be rude. That's not in your nature and plus if you done it. His fans would kill you.

"I need to be with you o-on friday! You know... I wanna spend my birthday with you.. P-please? your presence alone is enough a gift for me." He stammers. You blink in surprise. "I-I promise I won't bother you the next day if you really wanna spend t-time for yourself..."

Birthday?

"T-to be honest.... I don't like parties uhmm..." He lick his lips as if the word 'party' is a taboo between the two of you." Especially my birthday parties because a-although people greet me a happy birthday or any party occasion and stuff they never really mean it. They... Always use that as an excuse to use me for my fame or my money that I earned so hard in those competitions... I.. I plan to not throw one b-because m-my family isn't forcing me anymore... I just want to spend my birthday w-with you. Y-you're the only d-decent person who treated me normally."he stammer.  You feel a lump on your throat when he says you're a decent. "I... I know... Umm I'm asking to much f-from you and I know... you didn't mean to do that—" he continues to rambles that some of his words can't form a right sentence. You noticed his eyes were in the verge of tears, threatening to drop from his eyes. 

"I'm.... Not a decent person." You told him looking away from him, ashamed and hurt were written in your face.Your voice grew quiet but the man Infront catch on what you said, already refering to the 'incident' between the two of you. He bit his lower lips and almost yelled. His face pull out a sad look. It made him look cute if it's from a tears of joy."Y-you are ! You are a decent person! You know it's not your f-fault! You were d-drugged a-and I... I was drunk! W-we both know we weren't in o-our right minds! You never hurted me—!" He starts hiccuping. "You're a-a good person! W-what happened between that night s-should b-be buried! Y-you're a good friend! It's not your fault! It's not your f-fault!" With that he burst into tears.

You didn't expect for him to cry. You panic mentally. What should you do on these type of situations? You pull him for a hug—albeit stiffeningly."Ok... Ok... Don't cry.... I don't like it... When you cry.. I'm sorry." You told him honestly, truthfully this is not the first time he argued about the incident with you.

You still feel ashamed of yourself. You really do. 

The party. If only you didn't come to your friend's party. The guilt won't eat you. No matter how many times Micah convinced you that none of it was your fault. You feel like you can't face him. He did say he was also drunk at the time but still... You could have gotten home earlier and didn't force yourself on him.

You cried and apologised so many times from him at that time, swearing you will turn yourself over to the police and never let him see your face again. You saw how his whole body was full of marks, hickeys, and bruises. He look like he got ravage. His clothes were thorn and you wish the drug in your system that time killed you.

Micah's eyes light up and a smirk forming from his lips as he nuzzle his face on your neck, pretending to cry even more. Everything is planned, everything worked for him to get you under his palm. He can feel the guilt eating you. 

"... it's okay... Hik... " He sob sneaking in to kiss your neck. You are to busy awkwardly and hesitantly patting his back and hugging him and the man love every second of it.

From the moment you save him from jumping off the bridge, he needed to make you his. Someone who genuinely cares for him from this greedy world is something he needed to treasure.

Oh how he had you wrap around his fingers the moment you accepted that drug-disguise juice from one of his friends offered by the man himself. It's your fault.

It doesn't matter. You're under his palm forever. Everything is 100% perfect.

[zshiftsrealties]

LETTING GO

i've talked about this a little bit in one of my other posts, but I realized this was a very important topic — especially for people like me (before figuring it out) out here, and so I wanted to expand on it and give my own two cents.

the concept of "letting go" has been taught to most — if not all — of us by life long ago before any of us even found shifting. if you don't like a situation, "let it go". do your best, and "leave the rest and don't fixate on it". if someone you love doesn't respect you, "let them go". anything that doesn't serve you, "let it go". this is the one advice that got many of us through different situations. but everytime I ever came across a post saying "let go of your desire and watch it come to you", this quote always came to mind.

honestly, I couldn't for the love of God even think of letting go of shifting. I simply didn't want to. it felt like a betrayal to all the people I wanted to shift for, to myself, to my dreams — everything. I would think to myself "how do I not care if i'll shift or not? how do I not care all these people in my dr I want to meet? I want to care. I have people I love, people I want to see, so how can I not care?", and it would make me so upset because I would see people talking about how they let go of it and it came to them. it almost felt like it was wrong to love, to care, to cherish this opportunity, and to want to be excited for it. I didn't want to "let go" and wanted to keep on holding forever. but then, I realized what the problem was. it wasn't my loving too much, caring too much, or anyone else's "letting go" of their desire to shift. the problem was my idea of what "letting go" means.

in any "normal" situation, "letting go" would mean "not caring" or "not giving your energy out where it isn't respected or celebrated". but. and a big but. when it comes to shifting, "letting go" has a totally different meaning.

• "letting go" in terms of shifting

to me, when it comes to shifting, "letting go" isn't about having an attitude of "if I shift, I shift. if I don't, I don't". while this can help some people, it's fairly hard for others to follow, because some of us WANT to shift and not even think about the "don'ts". so what letting go meant to me was being content where I am, because I knew that sooner or later — I will have what I want, because it is mine. because i'm a staunch believer that anything that happens, only happens for my own good — always, and if I found shifting, it was for a reason.

now, one could argue that both are the same, and I cooked nothing (lol). and yes, they might be. but. and a big but again. the difference is you CAN care about the people you want to shift for. you can be chalant, you can be obsessed with your dr, your s/o, anything — everything, and still shift. the point is being content. and you, yourself, have to give yourself the closure that whatever you want will be yours. because the feeling of being content always comes from within. don't force it, and take time to give yourself this closure. and care, and be excited, and be assured. you can be all of these things at the same time.

and if you're afraid of it being "not meant for you", then my dear friend, if it wasn't meant for you, I promise you, and I swear to God, it would've never found you. not in this lifetime, not in a million others. never. not EVER, okay? so rest assured that it is a hundred and ten percent meant for you. so, you don't have to grip it so hard you leave claw marks on it. it's right next to you, and that's how it'll stay. and if it "wasn't meant for you and still found you", it would've gone by now. it wouldn't have stayed. so "let go". be at peace. your dr awaits you, and you're going to make it.

and that's all. once again, if you don't understand anything, and want me to clarify, feel free to reach out.

[backseatsoldier]

"Broken", Not Stupid - 16: I Am Broken

Pairing: alpha!Simon "Ghost" Riley x unusual omega!OC (13)

CW: Omegaverse; dehumanization; beginnings of an anxiety attack, though it's not labeled as such; some negative self-talk (13)

Author's Note: Ok... one more then we'll get into 13 starting to spill the beans. She'll be ok - Simon's there now! I think I'm going to pause on 13's story for a bit, though. I've got things brewing about other OCs so I'm gonna get started on their stories uwu <3

When I open my eyes again... my head is still on Simon's lap. I adjust carefully so I can look up at him. His eyes are closed and his head is resting on the back of the couch.

"Simon," I call to him softly. "Hey," I say a bit louder and poke the center of his chest.

His lashes flutter and he opens his eyes. With a groan, he tilts his head to look down at me.

"What's wrong?" he asks in a voice rough with sleep.

"The way you're sleeping, mostly. C'mon. We should both go to bed."

As I sit up Simon's hand snakes around my waist, but over his blanket.

"No," he mumbles, "stay here."

What the hell is he on about? Damn, he needs more sleep.

"Simon," I call to him louder. "Wake up."

I reach out and gently poke his cheek through his mask. His eyes open wide at the contact and his breathing gets heavier. Slowly, with a shocked expression of my own, I slowly pull my hand away from his face.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to... freak you out. You ok?" I ask with a gentle voice.

"Fine," he says, shaking his head then letting out a heavy sigh. "Just not used to people touching my face."

"Right. Fair enough," I agree then get up from the couch to make my way to my room.

The smell of pancakes cooking wakes me in the morning. As I roll to get out of bed, though, I nearly roll on to Selene. She yawns at my sudden intrusion then gets up to stretch.

"Good morning to you too." I smile at her then run my hand over her back and up her tail, causing a small chirp to leave her. "I smell pancakes... but do you think your dad is making more bacon too?"

She blinks slowly at me in response and I give her a quiet laugh then truly make my way out of bed. When I reach the kitchen I pause in the archway for a moment.

Johnny's here. Making breakfast. And Simon's nowhere to be seen.

"Lass! Good morning! Simon had to run to grab a few things to make sure all five of us would be fed properly today," he chuckles then yawns. "I knew he'd call me over early so I showed up a few hours early. Hope you don't mind?"

"Not my house," I shrug and step up to the counter I continue to sit on while Simon cooks.

"Isn't it?" Johnny asks with a smile as his focus returns to the pancakes.

Unsure what he means by that, I hop on the counter and change the subject.

"So... what are the other two like?"

"Other two? Oh, you mean Cap and Kyle? Cap's a bit of a, uh," he leans towards me, like he's sharing a secret, "workaholic. I'll have to make some strong coffee all day to make sure he stays awake," he chuckles then straightens. "Kyle is a secret trouble maker, but he's a sweet heart. Would adopt and love all the kittens in the world, if given the chance, I think."

"What do you mean 'secret trouble maker'?" I push with an eyebrow raised.

"He's not as open about his chaotic nature as I am," Johnny says with a wink.

I nod, accepting his answer and glance around the kitchen. The kitchen feels... weird... without Simon here.

"Missing him?" Johnny asks suddenly with his eyes on the pancakes but a knowing smile on his face.

"Who?"

"Your alpha. Who else?" he asks with a laugh.

"My... hm. Well, is he, though? We haven't really... discussed any of that," I admit with a slight frown.

"You knew who I meant, though." He's got this smug look on his face, like he's just outwitted someone.

"Johnny, besides you, Simon's the only person I've actually met in the area," I remind him flatly.

Johnny's smug looks falters.

"True. Didn't think about that. I wanna go back to what you said, though. Haven't discussed what?"

"Him officially being my alpha and all that. I tried to initiate the conversation last night but I mentioned-"

My mouth snaps shut, remembering Simon's reaction to how Salvation handled the heats of the omegas they care for.

"I mentioned some things about Salvation and heats, but he... didn't take it well. Sliced his finger and just seemed so angry," I explain with a frown. "After we cleaned up the cut and I banaged it, he told me that all three of you would be here today. That all of you would listen to my story."

He stays silent for a while, removing pancakes from the pan and adding new batter.

"I won't ask for specifics. I'm sure I'll hear about it at some point, but, lass." He turns to me fully. The expression on his face reminds me of a puppy. "We're here for you. All of us - me, Cap, Kyle, and epsecially Simon. And there will be more on that list when you're ready."

Part of me wants to argue, but the rest of me just can't deny the adorable face he's making. So I sigh and nod my head.

"I appreciate it. I don't understand why that needs to be said, but I do appreciate it," I tell him softly and pick at the hem of the shirt of Simon's that I wore to bed last night.

"What's wrong, 13?" Simon says from the front door.

I can't see him and I can't smell him, but that was definitely his voice. Johnny smiles at me and nods in that direction so I slide off the counter and make my way to the front door.

There's multiple grocery bags hanging off of both of Simon's arms and I have to supress a laugh at the sight of him.

"What's wrong?" he asks again, voice serious.

"Nothing. Was just talking to Johnny. Let me take a few bags," I insist as I reach for his left arm.

"It'll put me off balance. I've got it," he says as he pulls his arm away. "Thank you, though," he adds like it's an after thought.

Then he shoos me to the living room as he makes his way to the kitchen. When he's done putting away the groceries, he joins me.

"Why did you think something was wrong?" I ask immediately from underneath the blanket he let me use last night.

"I could smell your distress," he says simply as he motions for me to come closer.

Confused, I slide closer and lay on my back with my head on his lap.

"You could... smell- I wasn't distressed, though." I frown up at him as his hand begins smoothing my hair back.

"You can't smell anything. Can you?" he asks softly.

"I can smell the pancakes just fine."

"I mean others' scents. You can't smell others. At least not well."

I consider what he's asking. It took being right up to him or wearing his clothes for me to know what he smelled like. Cinnamon and cedar, I can smell it now. But I don't know what Johnny smells like. And I couldn't tell him what anyone else smells like either.

"13," he calls to me and gently turns my head so I look directly at him. "What's going through your head?"

"I'm broken," I say softly. "I always knew I was, but... you're right. I can't smell anyone. I can only smell you if I'm close, like right now, or wearing something that you give me. I don't know what Johnny smells like-"

"Take a deep breath. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Do it with me," he instructs and begins doing so.

My eyes prick with tears but I follow his lead. When my eyes no longer hurt and my chest doesn't feel like there's cement in it, he speaks again.

"You're not broken, sweetheart. You've just been through things; a lot of things, I'm sure. Those things have not been kind to you. But I'm here to help you now. I'm here," he assures me, his hand still gently gliding over my hair. "Why you don't take a nap while we wait for the others? I'll stay right here with you, if you want."

His offer is tempting, but doesn't he have things he needs to do before Kyle and 'Cap' arrive?

"I think I'd rather shower then just... exist on the couch for a while. Until they get here. Selene can keep me company when I come back out."

Simon studies me for a moment and lets out a heavy breath.

"Alright, but if I detect even a hint of your distress, I'm either kicking down whichever door or coming back out here and-"

"Are you about to threaten me, the distressed omega?" I ask with a small smile.

"Yes," he nods. "I'm threatening you with being held and comforted."

Oh. That's... a different feeling. Set that aside for later, though...

For now I just get up, leaving the balnket on the couch, and make my way back to my room to gather clothes. I catch a glimpse of Johnny in the kitchen on my way through the house. He looks... so sad, but his focus is on the pancakes.

What I went through when I was with Salvation... was it really that bad?

Masterlist | CoD Masterlist | Part One

Tag List: @lucienofthelakes @lostintransist @demothers-empty-blog @scaredyspooks @tessakate @one-really-annoying-tree-rat @nerdyphantomtheorist @gazsluckyhat @peanutismynickname @jeanzoriley-cod

[beef-brisket]

Lucifer narrowed his eyes and stared at Adam: How long ago...?

Adam was fully sweating now, what was the big deal about him cooking? They don't even know if it's bad or not.

Adam: Uh... t-two...

Lucifer: Two what? Months?

Adam: ...hundred.

Lucifer gasped: Two hundred years ago?! Adam! That's insane!

Adam: N-No it's not! Shut up. Babe! It'll be fine! I just have to get into the swing again, and I feel really fucking confident about this, alright?

Smiling, Adam folded his arms: And I think I've learnt a thing or two that'll blow your cock off.

Lucifer: That ISN'T your mouth?!

Adam blushed: No- and d-don't taint the kitchen with that fucking language, alright? When I absorbed Beelzeboptop I may have... you know, learnt how to cook.

Lucifer: Beelze- who- what? That's not her name.

Adam: Just- fucking- give me a shot, yeah? I'll blow your daughterrr-

Lucifer stared at Adam, hoping he'll add onto that sentence.

Adam: Rrr's fucking mind. Then she can go tell that dog girlfriend of hers how much better I am than her. Who knows, maybe she'll like cock instead of Vaggies whatever the fuck she has down there. All thanks to my fucking, babe. Because of me, you might get fucking grandkids.

Lucifer: ...Okay. that was a lot to unpack. First... uh, grandkids aren't an issue, Charlie can easily get Maggie pregnant, or she could get pregnant herself... I was a Seraphim, remember? She's part Seraphim- and second why would your cooking make her like dick...?

Adam: Uh... because I cooked it? The first dick?

Lucifer: ...Alright. we're clearing this up right now. Michael is the first dick. He was the first angel made. So, there. You're like the... tenth dick or something.

Adam: What can I say? It took them ten tries to get it right~.

Lucifer: ...I make you crazy with my dick, Adam. I'm clearly better.

Adam: Fuck you- I can make any bitch cream and scream- that's trademarked by the way- on my fucking cock! Don't matter the bitch! I can do it with anyone-.

Lucifer: Other than Eve?

Adam gasped: How fucking dare you- I had nearly nine hundred kids with her- that's nine hundred orgasms!

Lucifer: For you? Obviously.

Adam: ...look. fuck you, and fuck Heaven- especially Michael. I'm cooking fucking dinner tonight and you'll see how fucking good I am.

Lucifer smiled: Amazing. You didn't absorb me and you somehow have more pride. Maybe you should have taken over Hell, you obviously have bested all the sins.

Adam: ...Suck my ass. I'm fucking cooking.

Lucifer laughed: Alright, this is your trail run. Fuck this up, and you're out.

Adam: O-Out? Out, like... OUT or... just out.

Lucifer glared, still smirking at Adam: Out.

Adam: ...Out. Okay... good. Right. Fair enough. Out.

The Sin of Adam!au.

One more quick au before I fall asleep.

Adam falls to Hell after his death. But he doesn't wake up in Pride. He wakes up in Wrath. Adam is completely pissed off and just itching for revenge.

In this, Adam conquers each ring of Hell, growling stronger until he's on the same wavelength as Lucifer, power wise.

Lucifer has no idea what's going on. He's slowly losing contact with the Sins, and everyone is in a state of panic. That's until he returns home from a few days away, trying to find the Sins, that he sees his daughters hotel, and Pentagram city destroyed.

Thankfully, Charlie and her friends are fine. But what she explains is unbelievable.

Charlie: It was Adam, dad!

Lucifer: Adam? He's dead Charlie- I buried him myself.

Charlie: I thought so, too! He was looking for you! He's alive!

Lucifer gets his daughter to hide. Everything is in a state of chaos. He can't find Adam anywhere.

Until he returns home and sees someone sitting on his throne.

After a long, destructive fight, Lucifer realizes that Adam only absorbed the Sins. Their not dead

Adam has literally been taken over by the powers of Hell.

Can Lucifer contain and find a way to get Adam and the Sins back before he destroys Hell and everything undead thing in it??

How will Lucifer get Adam back??

Who knows 🤷

Adam: You can't defeat me now Lucifer!

Lucifer: Oh yes I can! I'm going to fuck the sins out of you!!

Adam: Wait what?

Ozzie inside: YEAH BABY!!

Sorry I'm feeling a little silly lmao 😂

[fortytworedvines]

How about 24 for the drabble prompts?

Did I do this instead of work? Nooooooooo.... Did this get away from me? yes...

Drabble list - send me a number!

24 - "You're not supposed to be up and about” 

Audrey knew she needed to be getting up. There was breakfast to sort for a hungry household.

She just couldn't seem to move. Her arms and legs were heavy. Her head was fuzzy. The slightest movement made her dizzy. She made one more futile attempt to get up, then gave in. Closed her eyes. Let herself slip back into sleep.

Siegfried wandered into the kitchen. A frazzled Helen was at the stove, trying not to burn porridge. James and Tristan were making toast and tea.

"Where's Mrs Hall?" he asked.

"Haven't seen her," Helen said. "Don't you know?"

Siegfried frowned. She was always here. Always. Even in the depths of her despair over Edward, she had been up in the morning and making breakfast.

He turned on his heel and made for the stairs.

A rap at the door brought her out of a weird, twisting maze of a dream. "Mrs Hall? Mrs Hall, are you in there?"

She couldn't quite form the words to reply. A weird sort of groaning grunt came out instead.

There was a pause. Then his voice again, worried. "Mrs Hall, I'm going to come in."

She was dimly aware of the door opening. She forced her eyes open to see him crouching beside her. A careful hand touched her forehead. It was blissfully cool.

"You're burning up," he said, worried.

"I – don't feel good," she managed.

"I can see that." He stroked her hair. "I'm going to call the doctor."

Seeing her lying there, so still, so passive, scared him horribly. It was clear that she could barely keep her eyes open and her temperature was soaring.

"I'll be back in a minute," he promised.

He left her door open a crack, just in case she called out, then hurried downstairs. He called the doctor first, extracted a promise to come out as soon as he could, then headed for the kitchen.

The family was sat around the table and little Jimmy had porridge all over his face.

"Mrs Hall is ill," he said abruptly. "I've called the doctor. I'll take her up a cup of tea and sit with her until he arrives. James, can you handle everything?"

"I'll help," Tristan put in. "And send Mrs H our love."

James nodded. "We'll manage, Siegfried."

He poured a cup of tea, buttered a slice of toast and put it all on a tray to carry upstairs. He didn't think she'd manage food, but just in case.

He slipped back into her room and closed the door.

She was lying still, sweat beading on her forehead, eyes closed.

"Mrs Hall?" he said quietly. There was no response. "Audrey?"

A murmur.

He crouched next to her and put a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I've brought you some tea. Can you sit up?"

Audrey blinked. He looked so worried. "Need – help," she said, through dry lips.

He slipped his arm around her and helped her upright, propping her pillows behind her. Then he let go to get her tea and she felt like she was going to fall over.

"Mr Farnon," she whispered. Immediately he was next to her again, his arm around her.

"I've got you. Here, have some tea."

Her arms felt like useless dead weight, but he lifted the cup to her lips, tipped it carefully so she could sip.

She managed two sips then lay back against his arms, exhausted with the effort of being upright.

"Do you want to lie down again?" he asked.

"Please," she murmured.

Carefully he lowered her, tucked her sheets back around her.

His hand pressed against her forehead again. "'s nice."

A smile flickered over his worried face and his hand remained in place. "Hush now. Go back to sleep. The doctor is on his way."

Her eyes fluttered closed. "Thank you."

He left his hand on her forehead as her eyes closed, as she slept. He hated seeing her like this, his indomitable housekeeper, completely floored.

Crouching next to the bed became uncomfortable. Tentatively, he sat on the bed next to her.

There was a knock at the door and a head poked round.

"Siegfried, I've brought you some breakfast," Helen said. She put a cup of tea and a plate of fresh toast next to him and stared at Mrs Hall worriedly. "How is she?"

He swallowed. "She's not well, Helen. Not well at all. Any sign of the doctor yet?"

She shook her head. "I'll send him straight up when he appears. Are you staying here?"

He gave an abrupt nod of his head and she smiled. "She's in good hands then." With another smile she left.

Siegfried looked down at the sleeping woman beside him. He stroked his thumb across her forehead, easing the little frown lines that were there. "Audrey," he murmured.

The doctor arrived within the hour, but time had slowed to a crawl for Siegfried. The head under in his hand was still burning hot. She hadn't woken again, but the occasional whimper suggested that her dreams were not pleasant.

When the doctor arrived, he took her temperature and listened to her heart. Siegfried hovered anxiously.

Finally, the doctor straightened. "Flu," he proclaimed. "Encourage her to drink when she wakes, take food if she can. She should stay in bed for a week, at least."

"Flu?" Siegfried sagged. After Evelyn... he hadn't realised quite how scared he'd been.

"She needs looking after, but she should recover. She's strong and healthy."

"Thank you," Siegfried said. He held out his hand and the doctor shook it, surprised.

"Take good care of her. Call me if she gets worse." The door closed behind him.

Groggily, Audrey emerged from sleep. There was somebody sitting next to her, a cool hand still on her head. "Mr Farnon?" she croaked.

"There you are," he said, and his tone was fond. "The doctor has been and gone. He says you have the flu."

She sighed.

"Do you think you can manage a bit more to drink?" he coaxed.

She nodded and regretted it as her head swam. A strong arm around her shoulders again and he helped her upright. This time, she wasn’t propped against her pillows bug against his chest. “There, I have you.” She felt safe, cradled against him as she was. Like he wouldn’t let her fall. “Tea. It’s cold, I’m afraid, but maybe that will help with your temperature.” He held the cup against her lips and she managed a few sips. “Good girl,” he said.

She leant back into him, let her head tuck under his. Even with the haze in her head, she thought she felt him brush a kiss to her forehead.

Sitting on his housekeeper’s bed and holding her protectively as she leant into him, despite how ill she was, Siegfried felt at peace.

He’d held himself at a distance from her for so long but she was ill, and she needed him. He wrapped his arm around her tighter. “How are you feeling?” he murmured.

She nestled into him. “Better,” she whispered. “Thank you.”

He brushed a hand over her forehead. Still burning up.

“Can I get you anything?”

His only answer was a sigh. He peered down at her. She’d gone back to sleep.

Helen appeared again a little later. If she was surprised to find Mrs Hall asleep in his arms, she said nothing. “Can I bring you anything?” she asked.

“Maybe a book? How are the boys getting on?”

“Everything’s under control. How’s Aud?”

“No better. But no worse.”

For Audrey, time was meaningless. Occasionally she woke, and Mr Farnon helped her to take sips of tea. Then she drifted off again. At some point, he’d laid her back down in bed, but he stayed beside her. Sometimes as she drifted on the edge of sleep, she could hear his voice reading to her quietly.

She felt protected.

She felt loved.

For Siegfried, the day was long. He looked after Mrs Hall as best he could, rubbed her back and murmured soothingly when she tossed in a fevered nightmare. Persuaded her to take sips of tea when she awoke. Read the book that Helen had delivered, hoping that she might find some comfort in it.

Helen delivered dinner and he ate it from the bedside table, taking care not to spill food in the bed, unwilling to leave Mrs Hall’s side even to eat.

“I can sit with her a while,” Helen offered when she retrieved his plate.

He shook his head. “I want to stay.”

As the evening wore on, he conceded to her offer. She sat with Mrs Hall while he found the camp bed and set it up in Mrs Hall’s room, washed himself and changed into his pyjamas.

Helen left with a sympathetic pat on his shoulder. “I’m sure she’ll be better in the morning, Siegfried.”

“Mmm,” he muttered, unwilling to hope.

He looked down at Mrs Hall. He’d felt better for a wash – maybe she would too. He fetched a flannel, ran it gently over her face. She didn’t stir. He drew her hands out of the covers and sponged them too. She gave a little murmur. He hoped it wasn’t a sound of protest.

Then he settled down into bed. Despite the fact that he’d been confined to the room for most of the day, he was dog-tired. He slipped into sleep easily.

He woke up some hours later with a start. Mrs Hall was restless, letting out little whimpers of fear. A nightmare. He climbed out of his bed and perched on hers. Rubbed her back.

“It’s just a nightmare, Mrs Hall. It’s all right.” Her forehead was still burning.

Her eyes opened. “Siegfried?” she asked. She didn’t sound awake. A clammy hand found his. “Stay with me,” she whispered.

“Audrey – I can’t,” he said, allowing the use of her given name under the cover of the night.

“Please?” A hopeful sigh.

He couldn’t say no. He picked up her bed covers and wriggled down the bed. She rolled over to make space for him then immediately curled into him.

“Go to sleep, Audrey.” He stroked her damp hair. “I’ve got you.”

Audrey woke in the morning feeling completely disorientated, though less fuzzy than she had been the day before. She opened her eyes and blinked. There was someone next to her.

The someone rolled over and met her gaze. He blinked, and blushed. “Good morning, Mrs Hall,” Mr Farnon said. “How are you feeling?”

Audrey moved tentatively. She ached, but not as badly as she had before. Half a flash of memory appeared in her mind. “I asked you to stay,” she said, her voice still dry and croaky.

He nodded. “Do you mind?” His eyes were worried.

She smiled at him and the worry subsided. “No. And I do feel better.”

“Whole sentences are certainly an improvement,” he said drily.

She nestled into her pillow. “You were worried?”

He held her gaze. “Terribly.”

“I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. Placed a hand on her forehead. “You feel cooler today.” There was relief in his voice. “Do you think you could manage some breakfast?”

“Maybe some tea?” she asked hopefully.

“Coming right up.” He swung himself out of bed and stood in his pyjamas, looking down at her.

“Mr Farnon?” she said quietly. “Thank you.”

His voice was soft when he replied. “Anything for you, my dear.”

Siegfried threw on his dressing gown and went downstairs, on a mission for tea. The relief in his heart was overwhelming. She’d spoken coherent sentences. She hadn’t minded him being there, next to her in the bed. She was going to get better.

He waited impatiently for the kettle to boil, brewed the tea to the precise strength that she liked and carried it upstairs.

When he reached her room, she was asleep again. One hand was flung into the space that he’d vacated.

“Audrey,” he whispered to himself, tasting the word, savouring it. The first names they had exchanged last night were precious, even if she had uttered Siegfried only because she was feverish. Maybe that meant he was always Siegfried, in her head.

He sat down on the camp bed and watched her sleep, ready with the tea when she woke up and wanted it.

By the afternoon, Audrey was able to sit up in bed when she was awake. She wasn’t up to leaving it, yet, but some of the aches had gone.

Despite her protestations, Mr Farnon insisted on keeping her company and it touched her, that he was putting her above the practice.

“The boys have it all under control,” he said, waving off her concerns. “I would rather stay with you.”

In between her naps, he read to her. She let the sound of his voice wash over her.

At dinner time, she managed a small bowl of soup. “Maybe I’ll be able to get up tomorrow,” she mused hopefully.

“Absolutely not,” Mr Farnon said firmly. “A week in bed, the doctor said.”

“Oh,” she murmured.

At bedtime, Siegfried hovered uncertainly, not knowing whether he should return to his own room. Perhaps he’d outstayed his welcome.

Mrs Hall looked up at him from where she was burrowed into her bedsheets. “Stay?” she asked quietly.

He smiled at her and climbed into the camp bed.

“I’m hungry,” Audrey said to herself with wonder when she awoke in the morning. She sat up slowly in bed, testing her strength. She glanced at the camp bed – empty – and then at the clock. It was breakfast time. Mr Farnon was probably downstairs.

She swung her legs out of bed, tested the carpet under her bare feet. Could she manage it? Holding onto the edge of the bed and her bedside table, she stood. Her legs felt like jelly. She took half a step. The door felt a very long way.

It opened suddenly and Mr Farnon stood there, a steaming bowl in his hand. "You're not supposed to be up and about,” he said sternly.

“I’m hardly about,” she said. Her legs quivered, and he moved quickly, stowing the bowl on the bedside table and catching her around the waist. “Back to bed, Mrs Hall,” he said gently. “I just wanted to – try,” she said sheepishly. Siegfried helped her back into the bed. It had given him a shock, coming into the room to see her out of bed and still so fragile. He sat her up against her pillows and tucked her sheets around her.

Then he sat next to her, tentatively. “You’ve looked after me for so many years, Audrey,” he said, heart beating quicker as he used her given name. “Won’t you let me look after you, now?”

He found her hand and held it, stroking his thumb gently over hers.

He dared to meet her gaze. She was staring at him. He let the silence sit, waiting. Hoping.

“Siegfried,” she said eventually. She looked at their joined hands. “I liked it when you held me, yesterday,” her voice was barely more than a whisper. “I felt… loved.”

She looked back up at him. There was a lump in his throat. “You are so very, very loved.” He leaned forward, kissed her forehead, cupped her cheek, brushed a stray tear from her cheek. “For now, Audrey, dearest… let me look after you.”

She smiled at him tremulously. “I will.”

“Good,” he murmured. “Now, my dear.” He picked up the bowl that he’d abandoned on the side. “Have some porridge.”

[theeio]

ToA Sketchbook PDF interest update:

Yep I'm locking in - lets do this.

Link to the original post / interest poll - There's still some days left to vote for how much you'd be willing to pay for the Sketchbook PDFs, but I settled on some things:

I'll be publishing the Sketchbook PDF on itch.io

I'll be splitting the sketchbook into different parts, in chronological order. This keeps it more accessible price-wise, and I'll still have an option for the full collection!

I do know that some folks wanted the PDFs to be arranged according to subject, so I could summarise the contents and summary of the art/subjects to expect in each PDF, so you know what you'll be getting.

I'm planning on giving each PDF a unique cover! If the scanning/cleanup process doesn't kill me, I'd love to do some exclusive artwork for this project as a thanks for the support and interest if you were to buy one of these!

If my health allows, I may even consider inserting some new sketches into each PDF 👀

As for updates: I have already done a quick mockup of a PDF, testing the quality, scanning, formatting and exporting process and I think I have a rough idea of the workflow! I'm going to be starting the scanning today, which is going to be a huge undertaking, wish me luck T-T ! I'm guessing that and cleanup may take the longest, and the timeline is unknown rn but I'll give as many frequent updates on this as I can.

And now for a very important question:

Would you like something more polished in this sketchbook PDF (stuff I already posted + "nicer" unseen sketches) ? or would you like me to also include the more raw, incomplete, and bad drawings too? When I say it's almost every art of ToA I did, I really do mean it.

Why I'm considering sharing the more raw stuff is because I feel like there is a lot of misconceptions/insecurities around the quality of a sketchbook, and the pressure of an individual to make every drawing-even in their own personal sketchbook-perfect. I thought I could include the good, the bad and especially the ugly to hopefully break that stereotype of every drawing needing to be perfect, and to show the very real process behind my art.

And why I'm also considering against that is because YOU guys are the ones paying for this PDF, and you may want to have something of more quality XD !!

I don't think I've seen many artists go for the TRULY vulnerable/raw/scrappy route in the sketchbook PDFs I've seen and bought, so its important that I throw this out there to see how y'all are feeling about this. So:

please only vote either the first two if you are planning on purchasing these, thank you!!

[a-most-beloved-fool]

If Spock and Jim merged into one being (no euphemism here lol) like Tuvix, what do you think the personality of the new being would be like? What impact do you think that would have had on the lives of both of them after they separated again? I love your headcanons, thanks for the answers!

thanks for the question!! <3

Hmmm... I think they would work pretty well as one being, actually. I'm thinking about all of those quotes from Roddenberry about how Kirk and Spock were supposed to represent two halves of a whole person, so I have to assume that they would be quite content. Though, disclaimer as I continue: I have not yet seen any of Voyager - there might be aspects of Tuvix's combination that I don't take into account because I don't know they exist. If so, uh, sorry. My bad.

For the sake of avoiding confusion, I'll call the merge Kirok (after the name Kirk chose when he lost his memories in The Paradise Syndrome). (Also, I fear that calling him "Kock" would have... deleterious effects on the readability of this post... for no reason at all...)

I do think that Kirok would, overall, have the best parts of Kirk and Spock. Combined, they are tactically fearsome. With Kirk's intuition and understanding of people and Spock's knowledge of statistics and science, Kirok is brilliant. However, I do think that Kirok would be a worse captain in practice than if Kirk and Spock simply had a mental bond. Part of the brilliance of Kirk and Spock as a command team is that, while they very much respect one another and take the other's opinion into account, they do also. regularly ignore each other's advice. And this is usually to their benefit! They each take risks that the other wouldn't, and, often, it saves them (in part because they always back each other up, even when doing things they don't agree with. Spock will be like "this is unwise" and Kirk will say "maybe, but I'm doing it anyways" and Spock will just... go with it.). But, if they were one person, I think that impulsiveness would be tempered. The Kirk part would have a brilliant idea, the Spock part would say "wait, there is too much risk, we can make a better plan," and then Kirok would lose his chance to act. When they're separate people Spock is ride-or-die for all of Kirk's decisions, but when they're one person, the Spock half won't always allow those decisions to be made at all (and also won't necessarily be able to tell when he does need to rein things in a bit). (Also Kirk and Spock both tend to be reckless, and then rely on the other to save them - as Kirok, who would back him up when he needed it? Bones would, but he's a medical officer. He simply can't do everything they would have. And, no matter how good of a first officer Kirok got (probably Sulu?), they couldn't be that good.)

I also think that Kirok wouldn't be quite as at ease with his position on the ship as Spock and Kirk individually were. The Spock part of him loves science far too much to just abandon it. He wants to spend time in the labs! He wants to make discoveries! Likewise the Kirk part of him can't truly be anything but a Captain. So, Kirok stays a captain, but he's less passionate about it (or, rather, more passionate about things that aren't it). This doesn't actually affect Kirok's satisfaction - it just affects his performance and relationships with others. He might spend off-duty time working on science experiments (which he can no longer do during shift, due to captaining) and neglect forming bonds with his crew, and he might place more focus than usual on scientific discovery missions.

As for the crew... Well, it's not as weird of a change as they expected. As expected, Kirok is less outwardly friendly than Kirk, and more outwardly friendly than Spock, but he's - cohesive. He still feels like their commanding officers. His humor tends to be a bit drier than Kirk's was, but he's a very compassionate and reasonable captain. (Tbh I tend to think that Kirk is actually more of a hardass than Spock (people just assume Spock is worse due to being Vulcan), so some crewmembers are surprised when Kirok is more lenient about certain things than Kirk would have been. Not lenient about cruelty or anything genuinely important to the safety of the ship, but about other things.) But, he's still not as good at making personal connections as Kirk was, and he's still inclined to spend too much time in the labs, so things aren't perfect.

Really, I think that the person having the worst time of things would be Bones, lmao. He'd have to deal with his Best Friend suddenly being the same person as The Guy He Affectionately Antagonizes (totally not a friend no how could you even think that). I think he'd be more lost than anyone else about how to address Kirok. Is this Kirk, his old friend, who he can be truly comfortable with, or is this Spock, who he snipes at and who snipes at him in turn? Who can he turn to, when the man he normally approaches for comfort is now the same being as one he doesn't want to seem too weak in front of? Does he turn to anyone else, in the meantime, or does he weather it alone?

Kirok himself, though, is actually pretty okay with the change. The different parts of himself simply - mesh well together. It's very satisfying for him, if not for his career and those around him. There's some minor bits of tension, especially regarding changes in biology and telepathic status, but, for the most part, he's doing well. The things you might expect to be major points of tension somehow... aren't. They compromise remarkably easily. (No meat, yes logic, no emotional suppression, yes casual touching, no casual relationships, yes meditation, etc.) And the Kirk and Spock parts of him both enjoy the closeness, the sense of knowing they now have for one another. They're one person, and know themself completely as they've always longed to know each other completely. (he does miss playing chess against someone who could beat him, though!)

Now, because I am Spirk-brained, I also think there's potential for Kirok to have Very Confused Feelings about discovering that the two parts of himself each had secret feelings for the other prior to the merge. There could be this odd sense of loss - like, yes, they are now technically one with one another, but they also completely missed out on their shot at a romantic relationship. They mourn what they could have had. The Spock part, especially, mourns the potentially for a telepathic bond (because with how smoothly they've integrated with one another, it surely would have been a strong one). So, as much as Kirok does enjoy existing as Kirok, I think he might be more willing to attempt separating back into two parts than I believe Tuvix was.

And, when they're two separate people again, they both feel like they're missing some part of themself, even once they've begun their new romantic relationship - but quickly discover that a mental link between them fills that hole. (And then, of course, because they are hopeless and in love, the "medicinal mental link" very quickly just becomes a marriage bond. They're like "well, we've already been one person and liked that well enough... a marriage bond is hardly anything different!" To Spock's endless pleasure, they are highly compatible and have a remarkably strong bond.) The mental link also allows them to have the same quick reaction times and combined brilliance of Kirok without the negative side effects of their own individual strengths being tempered. (they're also like. annoyingly codependent for a bit after Kirok's separation. oh boy are they always touching. "it gives them emotional security." bones looks at them in disgust (he loves it).)

Or, if we wanted to be McSpirk-brained... I'm enjoying the imagery of Kirok (who both had crushes on Bones as well as on one another) just directing all of that missed romantic potential onto Bones, who is... like, he's not not into it (Kirk was hot, Spock was hot, ergo Kirok is hot), but he also misses and loved his Original friends, and so he is very torn between accepting Kirok's advances and trying to find a way to split them apart again. (Flustered Bones, flustered Bones!! I do love flustered Bones!! He is blushing and stammering and having multiple ethical crises all at once. They never covered this in Starfleet Medical...) He also doesn't quite know whether Kirok's feelings truly belonged to both Kirk and Spock or not, and doesn't think that Kirk or Spock would truly act on it if they were in their normal state, so a small selfish part of him wonders if that's the only chance he has to be with them (even if it's not quite the same 'them' he fell in love with). And then, of course, there's the fear that trying to get back the original Kirk and Spock will actually just kill them! Yeah, poor Bones has a rough time of things. But, when everything is fixed, he does still wind up getting two boyfriends out of it. It all works out in the end?

[atangledfate]

Lanolin wasn't going to let the current situation get in the way of helping the people here at the infirmary. Especially with the short staff and, Getting some help would let Dawn take a break. She clearly needed it. She knew even she had limits and, even if she said she was fine she had a hunch that wasn't true.

" Then get in touch with them and see what can be worked out. I doubt altriss has time to stop caring for his patients to bother, but i'm sure Nurse Dawn can give you what ever you need. If we can get the civilians to safety then i'm willing to deal... there safety is more important then anything right now. "

Dawn gave Lanolin a nod as she eyed the old man, as she still didn't like him or his wife. but they did need help and the mouse had access to files, numbers, and anything else they might need. Plus she could keep an eye on the GUN soldiers and doctors that came in, just in case they were up to no good.

" I can give you what you need, Altriss is swamped right now... unlike me he can't just make copies of himself... he doesn't have time to stop but, i can cover it! guess i'll be earning that overtime pay... "

=============================================

Her carapace was cracked, it was the equivalent to a concussion for anyone else. But her shell acted as an extra layer of protection. It still hurt and made her feel dizzy and nauseated. Though she expected the worst from the Skunks, it seemed they just wanted to get out of this bad situation. Knowing Clutch he probably didn't give them any other choice. She just needed her world to stop spinning for half a second so she could move.

She opted to just relax but knew closing her eyes was probably a bad idea. She gingerly touched the crack and winced, but at least it wasn't to bad. With a bit of tape, and a bandage she was sure it would heal on its own. The real trouble here was just getting out of the rubble and somewhere safe.

" I had a feeling Clutch swindled you both... Vanilla told me she had a talk with you both. I didn't think it would be enough but ... she had faith in both of you "

She spoke in a softer tone, as she leaned against the one holding her to steady herself.

" I came to get you both out of that cell, before something bad happened. I guess i wasn't fast enough..."

She gave them both a glance and was coming to realize that they maybe weren't so bad. A Little rough around the edges, maybe they just needed a guiding hand and a chance to do the right thing. She'd see if that was true, if they meant what they said---and Vanilla seemed to think so.

" GUN has the place surrounded, isn't anywhere for you to run anymore. Isn't anywhere for any of us to run anymore... if we want to make it out of this Crisis... we need to work together. "

She sat herself up but had to lean against the skunk boy just to steady herself.

" So, How about you two just come work for me... until this is over, i'll consider you my personal body guards. I'm starting to think i could use a couple..."

Twist would keep his opinion on Lanolin's comment about G.U.N to himself as there were more important things. "My contact ain't that high up, though they should be high enough to convince letting us move out civilians. That said, they might ask your crew to help out with that so they may let some more in, though that's a guess." The lemur wasn't sure what policy's had changed since he was honorably discharged from his service due to his injury.

"Though they may want to talk to the head doctor to confirm the number of injured as well as being short of staff. As long as they don't mind being drawn away from their work for a minute or two." Twist knew it wasn't as simple as that as if someone was heavily injured then stopping for even a moment could be dangerous. Still, there is a possibility they'll want to talk to the head doctor.

===========================================================

Tumble was a bit surprised when Jewel just, gave up and let herself fall. The skunk was quick to catch her and it was clear she wasn't looking so hot. "I think she has a point bro. She clearly isn't looking so hot." He was holding the beetle has gently as he could, not wanting to make things worse if he could help it.

"Then we just have to be careful and find a med kit somewhere! I'm doing the best I can!" Rough shouted as he finished busting the hole open and made it into the sewer line. "Sorry for shouting, though we're already back in trouble. I swear, we try to go straight like Ms. Vanilla said, though Clutch just kept asking more and more," the skunk said as she slipped into the hole.

"I guess that's true," Tumble said as he walked over to the hole and gentle lower Jewel in first for Rough to carefully grab before jumping down himself. The two skunk brothers starting to walk down. "Yeah, Ms. Vanilla was very strict about that, though we did try. Clutch just wouldn't stop asking us for stuff." They tried to stay on the straight and narrow, though so much for that.

"Stupid opossum getting us into more trouble. Just when we were about to talk to start talking Mamá again and work things out." Rough would beat up Clutch if he could, though a guy like that was too well connected and had way too much security so what choice did they have. "All we did was sign up to be the mascots, not all of this."

[askhezureviews]

no spoilers/specifics but when you get to Ghostfuckers it becomes so obvious Brandon is doing the writing again

it's the closest helluva has gotten to its season 1 self in all of s2, and it's still not fantastic, if I'm being honest

there's only so much he can do to right the ship

ep11&12 ping right back into Goetia melodrama, because of course

OKKKKkkkk finally sat down and watched this episode!

Hey! Look, it's like, their first actual job in forever!!! They're actually going to the human world again, great!

I'm very relieved Brandon was brought in to rewrite this. I know some Viv fans were upset about the leaks, but I think it was actually a good thing these leaked and sparked enough outrage for Viv to cave in and change it because Millie unaliving herself for being a bad wife is completely inappropriate. I'd personally feel ashamed and embarrassed if I had wrote that. She claimed they had plans for Millie, that she will get her episode in season 2, but she didn't. Even with Brandon's assistance here, she really didn't. I'd say those leaks are proof she lied to her audience, however... at this point, Vivziepop is merely not self aware of her writing and doesn't comprehend the stereotyping she does to her own characters and their stories. So I don't think she lied, she's unable to comprehend that she isn't delivering on what she claims she will.

The episode establishes: -Blitz's business is now bankrupt. He has not paid his employees in over a month. -Wally Wackford knows IMP and hangs out with them?? / wants to hang out with them?? -Ghosts aren't real in Helluva / Hazbin universe -There's infestor demons that eat off angst I guess? First time we're ever seeing one

Seems like a good portion of this episode is a scooby doo reference. The montage scene was unnecessary, you could have cut it for time / budget.

~~~

Regarding Millie: She claims the most screen time, but this episode actually isn't about her. The main focus is on Blitz. It's Blitz's trauma, Blitz's pain, Blitz's melodrama, and she just happens to be on screen dealing with it. We get a small pinch of something, but I'll talk about it after this analysis:

Millie asks Loona to take care of Moxie for her. These two still haven't passed the bechdel test yet. The only thing I recall them talking about outside of the men in their life is when Loona takes a jab at Millie's age in season 1, which also isn't ideal.

Millie claims she "always has fun with Blitz" and that he is her "best friend" which is news to the audience. This is the first time they've ever hung out in an episode. "I've never had a real friend that I didn't wanna f*ck." But you DO want to f*ck her. Earlier in the episode, he had Millie punch a card he's used frequently. Unwavering loyalty in exchange for leaving Moxie and Millie alone on 1 date. In a single episode he seems to have changed his mind quite suddenly and I'm unsure why.

Millie's backstory is chalked up to "She left the farm to become a hitman in Wrath. The market for assassin's is actually inflated in Wrath, it's high competition, so she was in between jobs. Blitz finds her after she stole their kill, and offers to pay her double. She accepts (Even though he went back on this, he does not pay her double. In fact, she barely gets enough to survive between both her and Moxie.)" She's hired by IMP to do various assassin jobs, and then Blitz decides to move to a different ring and use humans as their new clientele. This is an extremely smart move for his business, because there's quite literally zero competition for this. Millie for some reason thinks she "won't fit in"(??? you don't need to?) because imps are only good for their muscle" This doesn't make sense for Millie to say here. If anything she should have been more insecure staying in Wrath BECAUSE she would be actively compared to the higher competition of her birthplace. Here, they've hit a gold mine.

"Blitz, you made me realize I could be anything! Not just a simple farm girl or underpaid goon." But you are. Millie IS a simple farm girl and underpaid goon. Assassins are extremely common jobs for imps in wrath. She has not subverted people's expectations nor does she have a unique job to that of an imp.

"My mom said sweat, blood, and hard work washes the tears right off!" - Okay now THIS is the first piece of Millie development we have received in perhaps ever!! This implies that Millie's mother/family were emotionally unavailable to her as a child. That whenever she was upset/miserable, she was taught to bury her sadness with work. Which indicates she's a workaholic who probably needs therapy / has trouble expressing emotions properly. This would be a direct cause/effect action that shaped her into who she is today. This is an actual real Millie moment, and it comes from a passing comment. I don't think the writers caught on to what they did here, but THIS is good Millie development! THIS is a genuine character trait that is all hers!

~~~

Some stuff that did get a genuine chuckle out of me:

"I should have been a theater critic, I have objectively correct opinions!"- Moxie , It's also nice to see Moxie attempting to be the brains of the operation again, trying to solve their financial crisis, even if there's no way to save it.

"Your husband is still a little fuckable." - That actually made me laugh too despite the context being a little confused

Anyhow, overall the episode felt like it could have been 15 min long. They should have shortened it. We didn't really get much Millie backstory or character development. Instead of being insecure about her womanhood due to stereotypes(bad wife), she's now insecure about her race/species due to stereotypes (inbred brute). It's still not the best, but it's better than the leaked storyboard. Otherwise the entire episode was basically Blitz wanting to fuck a ghost. Also Blitz's trauma... again. Felt like filler you could frankly delete.

[footballerimaginess]

Leaving the club together

Long Imagine based off of this blurb here 

Mason Mount  You bump into Mason during a night out and you two have been on a few dates and end up leaving the club together Word Count: 584 “Shit” you whispered as you walked into the night club and instantly recognised someone. “What’s up?” they looked at you as you stopped in your tracks as you saw Mason standing there. 

“Mason, he is over there. Fuck-oh shit he has already seen me” you murmured as you stopped in your tracks as you watched him walking towards you. "Why you saying fuck? you have always liked him. You know you still have feelings for him" they asked you as you shook your head, doing your best to deny it. But you just couldn't. "Oh stop it, you know I still like him. I just can't bring myself to tell him again. I went through pain last time we even spoke. But now what am I supposed to do, he probably has zero interest in me" you told them all as Mason walked towards you. "Hey, been a while since we have seen each other. Have you been avoiding me?" Mason smirks as you watched as he nervously rubs the back of his neck. "Nope, the same could be said for you? you moved to Manchester and I've not heard from you for once" you shrugged." "Mm I suppose, so how are you?" he asked as he sipped on his drink. "Yeah I am good, been busy with work. I see you aren't playing yet, still got a knock?" you asked him as you leaned on the bar. "Yeah sadly still injured, seems that's all I have been since moving to Manchester. Maybe I shouldn't have done it, but too late to even think that now sadly" you could see the pain in his eyes as he was talking about his injuries. "Oh Mase, you shouldn't say that. These things happen, you'll be playing I know you will babe. Anyway what happened between us? we had been on dates and you basically ghosted me. I didn't think you were like that" you sighed as he turned to face the bar staff as he ordered another drink. "Here, I know this has always been your favourite" he grinned as he slid you a vodka lemonade. "Thank you Mase, so what do you think happened? I have missed us, this actually" you smiled as you watched as Mason brushed past you. "Let's go somewhere so we can talk, its getting loud here" he suggested as he put his hand out for you to hold onto it tightly. "I don't know what happened to us, but I think maybe we should get back on track with us. We had such a good time on our dates, would you erm? I dunno like to out for food?" he asked you. "Yeah that would be nice, when? I can come down to Manchester to see you?" you suggested. "Oh well, I was thinking now? Can we go out to a restaurant now? Sorry if you think I'm being a bit forward" Mason nervously asks. "Let me just tell the girls, I'll be right back okay" you shouted as you jumped up and headed to find the girls who were partying on the dance floor. "Girls, I will see you later. Mason wants to head out for food so we can catch up, I promise I will fill you in later" you shouted at them. "Ooooh you go girl" they shouted as you hugged them all as you headed to meet Mason. "Ready" you smiled as you took his hand in yours as you headed out to get some food. Do we want part 2??

[horse-girl-anthy]

this is gonna be an off the cuff ramble/vent so don't read if that doesn't interest you.

I am thinking I'm going to back away from Ikuhara fandom in the next six months (coinciding with when I finish the rewatches I'm doing in my server). I feel like I've exhausted what I have to say about his shows, and I've also developed a very specific way of understanding them which clashes with others. I'm torn between feeling like it's worth trying to delineate my own understanding and feeling that I'm just being territorial, pedantic, or close minded. at a certain point, even if I could be proved "right" on my interpretations, I'm losing the enjoyment I should have in the stories by caring what other people think about them. at the moment, I'm thinking I want to flesh a couple more ideas and then let it rest. I'll always be grateful to Ikuhara and happy I put time into this blog, but nothing lasts forever.

so all of that to say... I was on the fence about writing what I'm about to write. I recommend people who don't want to read someone objecting to common RGU fan interpretations to just check out now. I'm not trying to start anything. but after reflecting on it, I decided it to share my thoughts on this topic; I think it's worth saying, even if it makes me look contrarian or problematic.

---

I watched RGU in 2014, right as the western fandom was experiencing a shift in how it approached the show. I won't detail all that went on during that time--today I'm specifically interested in two characters: Nanami and Miki.

before, I'd say the fandom was overall less critical. things were taken more at face value. for instance, Nanami was not always taken seriously, while characters like Miki, just because they were "nice," were seen as "good guys." however as time's wore on, there's been a backlash to that way of approaching the show. the characters most likely to have received misogynistic hate in the past (Anthy, Shiori, Nanami, and Kozue, mainly) were reinterpreted, while "good guy" characters were increasingly scrutinized.

that was a good thing, as it was a counterbalance to the previous attitude. however, it's been more than a decade since I joined the fandom, and I still see people talking like it's 2014. the way that people have reinterpreted the anime has, often, not resulted in interesting readings. this is because people are still applying an ideological lens to the story, rather than engaging with how it presents itself.

I specifically want to highlight Nanami in this regard. I check the RGU tag almost every single day, and I have seen scores of posts which are nigh-identical to each other. it's always people talking about how she's a "calf to the slaughter," she's actually a victim, etc. and I just... don't get anything out of it.

I think a lot of this shift began with this essay series called Palace Perspective. it's been a long time since I read it--actually before my Utena renaissance--but I didn't like it at the time. it was written in this very self-serious style, and all I remember it arguing was "Nanami is a victim, Touga is a bad guy." I'd loved the Touga/Nanami relationship since I first watched RGU, and that was never how I felt about it. Touga certainly harms Nanami, but based on the series itself, it seemed to me that in large part, Touga was the victim, and Nanami was harmed by his victimization.

anyway, since around the time that essay series came out, people have had this attitude of "actually Nanami is a very deep character, you guys," as if it needs to be repeated over and over. and there's a denial that Nanami is a comic relief character--"actually her being funny is just a ruse because the show is camouflaging that she's a victim!" okay, yes, they do lure you in to Nanami's story slowly; she's initially silly, but all along hiding under that was some serious shit. I'm not denying that. but I'm also not buying that line entirely.

the Shadow Girls do an entire play about how Nanami's comedic suffering is the result of her own actions (they call it "divine justice"). take episode 16 specifically. yes, we have Nanami dreaming about being a calf for the slaughter. that is a great scene and indicative of the unhealthy relationship between her and Touga. but isn't the crux of the episode that Nanami is making a fool of herself??? she tries to one-up Juri at a party. her failure to realize what the cowbell is highlights her ignorance. the show is absolutely poking fun at her. you can go into why Nanami ended up this way, but I don't understand how we've gotten to the point where people are so over-serious about Nanami--and RGU in general--that they can't laugh at it.

I'll take a detour here to talk about Miki. it's become increasingly popular to frame him as a sexist--I've even seen him termed a "raging misogynist." he gets blamed for his strained relationship with his sister and written off as "just as bad as the other male characters." that's another case where I really don't see it. or at least, I feel like people have lost track of degrees in these things. Miki seems unsure of what he believes, sometimes expressing progressive views but other times regressive ones, and he does act within a patriarchal system. but does he comport himself that badly? or is he just a normal 13-year-old boy who falls into temptation?

I want to make a comparison between him and Nanami here. I think you could make a very real case that Nanami has far more sexist beliefs than Miki. she treats every female character as competition, as a hussy out to steal her brother. when she finds out the truth about Anthy and Akio, she immediately jumps to victim blaming Anthy. and another thing: Nanami plays princess.

the fact that so many people write about Nanami but this aspect of her character is rarely commented on is mind boggling. it's like, her whole thing. Nanami wants to be the center of the universe; Touga is her everything and she wants to possess Touga. she constantly acts the victim and tries to manipulate things so her enemies look like the villain.

I'm not saying this to shit on Nanami! I love Nanami, she's one of my favorite characters of all time! but I've found it alienating to be in a fandom where whitewashing is framed as appreciation. even her backstory: people make post after post about how it wasn't Nanami's fault she killed the cat, because she's a victim. here's the problem with that: why are we engaging with the story on the level of blame? I recently read an essay on methods of analysis that placed "vilification and heroization" as the lowest form of engagement with fiction. I understand why someone would want to defend a character from attack, but aside from like, youtube comments or old forum posts, who exactly is attacking Nanami? and also, how is saying "actually she's a victim so that explains everything" accomplishing anything?

I am being unfair here, because some people do engage with the work enough to say more than that. people will point to the neglect Nanami experienced as the cause of her behavior. that's there, it's certainly there. I'm not objecting to serious attempts to explain character motivation in reaction to vilifiction, but more to the impulse to try to paint characters as morally pure. isn't Nanami so great because she's so complicated? when people approach the story with the drive to whitewash, so much of the nuance and feeling of the work goes unnoticed. episode 31 and 32 do portray Nanami as a victim (of Touga and of her parents and of Akio). however, they also portray Nanami's motivations, and not all of them are pretty. over the course of the arc, you watch her entire worldview fall apart. it doesn't matter whether not it's "her fault" she has that worldview--the process is painful and humiliating either way.

all of this carries through to how people react to both Nanami's final scene in the show and her comic relief section in the film. the comic relief scene is bad because it doesn't take Nanami seriously enough, while her final scene is bad because it shows her waiting on Touga and Saionji, which is sexist because she's partaking in traditional gender roles. the only way I can understand those reactions is that people didn't actually pay attention to how she was portrayed in the show, as a comic relief character or as a serious character. I'd understand the objection if Anthy's final scene involved her waiting on Akio, but Anthy and Nanami are different characters (I also don't get much out of the endless Anthy/Nanami posts because of how they are flattened in comparisons). unlike Anthy, Nanami spent the entire show demanding to be waited on, but when we see her for the last time, she's contentedly serving others. that is called character development.

I wanted to highlight Miki and Nanami because I feel they point to a major problem of the fandom: the maintenance of the prince and the princess, just with new definitions. the prince is bad, masculine, harmful, and needs to be rejected. the princess is good, feminine, eternally victimized, and above question. I find this sad because I thought we were supposed to be transcending the gender binary. I know saying this makes me sound anti-feminist, but I'm not. I'm not saying "oh we need to transcend the gender binary by never criticizing men or ignoring how women are victimized"; that would be stupid. but my vision of feminism is vigilantly critical of all things, evaluates each situation on an individual basis, and avoids self-flattery and self-deception.

[shigarakisdumbwhore]

The Visit - Todoroki x Reader

A/N: this has been sitting in my drafts since FEBRUARY 21, 2022 Y'ALL. why did I wait so long omg

Summary: Your ex, Todoroki, visits you in the hospital after a traumatic car accident.

Warnings: mentions of car crash, hospital, angst, hurt/comfort ig

Words: 735

"Did you only come because it reminds you of the guilt from your mommy?"

You had heard the door open and looked over. It only took you a second before you realized who it was. He wasn't even out of his school uniform yet. His hair was glued slick to his forehead with sweat and his jacket was around his waist, dress shirt barely tucked in and wrinkled.

He didn't say anything, not even a reaction, as he made his way over. He didn't ask to take the seat next to you, probably didn't care what you wanted anyway. He appeared to be on a mission. His face was expressionless and too blank to read.

"No."

The answer was so simple and short. There was little to no emotion behind it, but it was comforting to you. It made you think about how he came here all by himself, despite knowing how snippy you could be. Todoroki wasn't completely innocent. He had his moments where he could be disrespectful, you both did. However, he knew he would have to deal with it upon arriving at the hospital and he did it anyway. Even though you two believed the relationship was far behind, there were still some lingering feelings. A part of you wished you'd never see him again and the other part was glad he came.

An awkward silence was instilled between the both of you. You looked out straight again, too hurt to look at his face once again. The memories of how he made you feel still lingered fresh in your mind. Looking at him would only bring them back, and that would do you no good.

"What are you watching?" Your gaze focused on the laptop in front of you, sitting on the rolling desk that hovered above you. Your friends and family came to visit as often as they could, but during the hours they couldn't it was lonely. You asked to keep your laptop available so you could play games or watch movies. The one Shoto was asking about happened to be your favorite, one you felt giddy about when someone asked. You couldn't help yourself. As soon as he asked, you answered with excitement. A long ramble filled the silence. It was just like old times.

For the first time in a long time, he was smiling at you. It was a small smile, a Todoroki type of smile. You never saw Endeavor with a big grin so you assumed it was a family thing. Regardless, it was an image that lived in your mind with vivid detail. Then it hit.

Upon this realization, you turned to look at him with a wide grin, but it began to fade when you noticed his did too. It must've clicked at the same time. The two of you were always known for having synchronized minds. Old times. They were called old times for a reason.

"I'm sor-"

"Please, just," you interrupted, "let's just... pretend none of that happened, like we're still together, like we're happy... please."

Shoto sat in silence as he stared at you. His face was so hard to read. So blank and emotionless, but you knew a million things were going on in his mind. You could only imagine what could have been running through his head.

"I never wanted to leave. Things were so complicated with school and my father... I took that out on you and for that, I'm sorry. I'm sorry it took your injury for me to figure that out. I promise, when you recover, if you give me a chance, I'll do better." His tone was sweet and sincere. Shoto never really had any reason to lie and he usually was very loyal to his word. But the hurt that he caused you, was this apology enough to just forgive him so easily? To forget everything before and act like it never happened, like it never bothered you. Like it still didn't bother you.

Despite all of it, you still loved him. That's why it still hurt. That's why you still held on. And that's why you secretly felt so relieved when he walked through that door like he traveled through hell just to see you.

"I missed you... I missed you every day you were gone."

"I know," he stood up and pulled you into his arms tightly. "This time, I'll make it right. I love you."