#I'm still moving things around so <3< /div>
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okay so I've figured out which muses are going where, I'll update the rosters soon to match but here is what I've decided.
@/nxthero (this blog) will be primarily game & comic based
All Dragon Age Muses
All Elder Scrolls Muses
Sakura Haruno
Ino Yamanaka
Sarada Uchiha
Azula
Selina Kyle
Psylocke / Kwannon
Skarlet
Kitana
Mileena
Jade
Tanya
Takeda Takahashi
Ismana
Nephritai
Loaleia
Trish
Ashe
Widowmaker
Natsu
Kassandra
@/dcviline will be primarily horror / tv / movie / lit based
Sam Giddings
Jessica Riley
Kang Saebyeok
Six
The Lady
Needy
Phoenix
Addy Wells
Kate Lockley
Oz
Spike
Jillian Conway
Maria
Katniss Everdeen
Kirie Goshima
Ellie and Buffy are still listed here bc I haven't had a chance to take them off yet, but they will be staying on their own blogs @/infectvd and @/sl2yer respectively.
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a lot of clipping to fix, but hey I got it moving at least! I'll get the Telvanni robe properly physic'd if it's the last thing I do >:0
#last i checked the vanilla hdt clothes on the nexus didn't cover solstheim content#but i wanted to finally learn to do proper hdt bones myself anyway so its fine :)#this was a nightmarish mess before i separated the black underskirt to its own group#now it swishes around nicely and collides without going through the red outer skirt#i still haven't figured out the crouching/sneaking problem where it'll sometimes phase through the thighs like they don't exist#but that seems to happen to other people's outfits too so maybe it's not just mine? idk yet lol#hmmm i think that back flap thing with the gold trim is gonna have to be separated too. it stretches out weirdly :/#also. should the scarf get to move? maybe just the dangling ends?#bc the rest can't really move since there's nothing under the scarf. it's just glued at the edges to the chest of the outfit#which is good bc it's optimized well so the game isn't rendering the neck part of the robes that you don't even see#but I'd have to create new faces on the mesh to fill in the unseen gaps like i did when splitting the skirts up#and also i'm too lazy to map that new fancy chest area and draw out the missing texture with all the telvanni swirls :'(#help me motivation gods#modding stuff#my posts#i want nelly to be able to swish around prettily like anyone else <3#guys deserve some physic'd outfit love too
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I've been dreaming of making a webcomic for nearly half of my life, and I've just started actually working on that, but... do you think it's worth it for me to start even with the decline of the scene? White noise is quite possibly my favorite piece of media, period, and it's in a format I love, so I figure you're a good person to ask the thoughts of.
(In reference to this post, I am guessing.)
ABSOLUTELY! 100%! MAKE YOUR WEBCOMIC!! Please don't let the whinging of us old heads deter you from making a project that you're passionate about.
I think it's important to ask yourself what would make it 'worth it' in your mind. What do you want out of making a webcomic? Is it that you want to experience the act of creation? Do you have a story you need to get out? Is your goal to get a book printed? To have a large audience? To improve your artistic and storytelling skills? To make a living on your artwork? To make merch? Some of these are way harder to do today, but some of these are goals that you will reach simply by making your webcomic.
If it helps at all, I had to do a lot of this kind of talk to myself when I was starting in 2011 (less because of the scene and more because I was low in self-confidence.) The only way I could get myself to start posting WN on Smackjeeves was to remind myself that I was doing this for myself only, and maybe no one would read it, and that would be ok, because if nothing else I would be making something I love and I would learn a lot doing it. 13 years later and I'd consider my goals met, even if I stopped WN before I'm truly done with it.
(Which speaking of, I feel very strongly that unfinished or abandoned webcomics are not a waste of time for either the reader OR the creator. Just because a story doesn't get an ending--or gets an ending you don't like--doesn't mean it's without worth!!)
The webcomic scene is not going to fully disappear anytime soon--it's just suffering the same corporatization that has gripped almost every art scene at some point in some way, and I think that problem has been compounded by the consolidation of the internet into a few social media platforms. But those platforms will crumble, and the corporations will bail once they can't squeeze any more money out of webcomics. The scene won't ever been the same as it was in the 2010s, but that's how time works, and that doesn't mean it won't ever get better than it is or that there's not gems to be found now. The only way it gets better is if more people make and read webcomics!
#webcomics#some of this convo reminds me of when I moved to Portland in 2014#I got here just as the local comic scene was starting to decline due to cost of living increases#and the scene was one reason I moved here!#so I get that it's depressing to hear people complain that the Good Old Days are All Gone just as you show up#and the thing is like yeah Portland's different now#some of the different is bad n some of it is just different#a lot of it is symptomatic of larger problems n not unique to Portland#but it's still a beautiful city and I'm glad to be here and anyone who says Portland just sucks now is a liar and a fool#you know how much cool shit I find in this city just by walking around on the reg? 10 yrs and I'm still finding new things to love!#last weekend I found a combo comic and riso print shop I didn't know existed!#and I found out a new riso supply place is opening up near it! that's fuckin cool!#anyway: please make your webcomic! do not let the grip of corporations squeeze the love of making things out of you!#yo + una conversaciĆ³n casual = EL PROBLEMA ES EL CAPITALISMO#also thank you for the nice words about WN <3
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i hate doing laundry ough it's The Worst
#not only does leaning down to move my stuff hurt my back#but i have to touch dirty clothes and go into the dirty room and touch the dirty machines and i have to wear 2 pairs of socks (so my#normal socks dont touch the contaminated floor) and when i lean over the washing machine my clothes touch it <-the worst part of it all#tbh. now my current clothes are dirty but i have nothing to change into and i will have to wear them all day and it makes me SICK#and i cannot talk abt how dirty the garage (where the laundry machines are) it makes me nauseous that place kills me if i never#had to go into it ever again i would and i have to carry a laundry basket (dirty) and it touches my clothes when i carry it (disgusting)#and now my clothes are even more dirty and i feel like i cant touch any of my things bc i dont want to infect them but i cant just do#nothing all day when i have to do laundry but it makes me so SICK i need smth to cover all of my clothes but everything i've tried misses#some part and my clothes are ruined and it makes me SICK how am i supposed to do school or draw or anything when it's so bad#i have everything scheduled so i can take a shower and go straight to bed after i'm done but still it's so bad and it stresses me tf out#and i have to do laundry every 3 days because i only have 3 towels to use after showering and even if i did have more towels#i still would have to do laundry as often bc i couldnt handle doing multiple loads or having bigger loads my back couldnt handle that#w the system i have set up now it's just bad it;s all bad i hate doing laundry#i dream of one day where i can do laundry in a better way i think it'd involve not having the washer and dryer down steps bc that's#dangerous for one and for two not having them in a garage bc garages stress me out and three to have smth to cover all of my clothes#and 4 to have machines that dont need me to bend down idk if they have ones like that but it hurts#anyway that's it for listening to dux complain abt smth that ultimately doesnt matter and is only a problem bc their brain#chemistry is off#k bye i have to go do laundry *explodes* and take an exam *explodes* it;s an essay exam *explodes* and then im going#to like sit around feeling sick thumbs up emoji
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"likes don't do anything" they do
"there's no algorithm" there is
"well nobody uses the for you tab" I do
"reblog all art and fics you see" there's no thought put into that. if this does work on people, then it's just pity engagement borne out of guilt rather than genuine interest, which is arguably worse than having none, because it's totally hollow.
#if I make art of my ocs who I'm personally fond of and spent a few days drawing just right and it gets 3 reblogs then it gets 3 reblogs#it's rational to feel a little disappointed sure. but I can't do anything about that. it's just luck#and I got Very lucky accumulating a few thousand followers on my main-turned-art-only blog off the back of when m.oomin was very popular#(tho realistically many of those users are probably inactive/passive followers now)#and having this number of people tuned into my posts Still only gets me a couple dozen notes on original stuff.#every 3 years or so something might blow up. like that bugs bunny comic lol. and I did Not expect it to#especially bc it happened about a year after I shared it as well.#it can happen any time. so don't feel discouraged when your art doesn't get noticed right away#the one advantage this website has is that there's far less of a fomo culture compared to other socials where trends come and go in a week#and people will still interact with older posts. especially bc it's easier to find what you want through the tagging system. sort of.#there's really no way to predict this or aim for large engagement! oh unless you're specifically catering to the current hot topic#like d.unmeshi is wiiiildly popular right now. I've seen comics get 5-digit notes in under 48 hours 'cause more eyes are on it.#but if it's not something you personally like and you're only creating things for the attention then you're gonna be unhappy#and people will inevitably move on.#I'd much rather swing my art back around every few months or so until it finds someone it resonates with#than make people who were never planning to engage with it feel bad for no reason
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Recent-ish things ~
#photo diary#1 - love this image of Noodle.. such a weird angle that makes his head look entirely round like a puff ball or something#2 - a more recent (still from months ago) collection of my pressed flowers and 4 leaf clovers I found.#3. Being one of the only people in 2024 still going 'hee heee I've just bought a new wii game!' but.. I have. >:3#It's kind of like Wii Sports Resort but is like.. open world? so your character can actually walk around and stuff. REALLY makes me#wish I had the type of set up where I could record video from my wii and stuff like some gaming youtubers have. I think it'd be a really#fun game to play on video and to DOCUMENT it!!! I keep wishing I could screenshot my little guy walking around but I caaant..#I've literally just been taking out my phyiscal camera and photographing the screen which always looks bad.. augh..#4. Something in the froxen food aisle called 'Wellington Bites' a play on beef wellington. suprisingly good actually. but I guess anything#with like beef and mushrooms usually is. But it seems like.. oddly decent for frozen food stuff.#5 - boye looking Round again.. 6 - updated score in the wii fit minigame again. This time less than 4 seconds#for each round? which may be a record for me? 7 & 8 - fat bird in the snow. fatt bird in the SNOW!! Hoping that climate change and H5N1#don't eventually remove all trace of birds and winter weather from my life in the future... -_-#9 - ..ough... a few paltry writings.. Except for the one day of 4000 words. But for the most part I have been making soo litte progress#because of the holidays and drs appointments and such a rush of all these other mind distracting things.. Or if I'm not doing something the#I'm feeling tired from having PREVIOUSLY done something so I waste the whole day being sleepy and headachey... GRR...#the funny thing is that like many many years ago I wrote a note on my wall saying 'FOCUS! write 2hr a day or more or youre going to finish#your game in 2025!!!' - which back in 2018 when I wrote it was like unimaginably far into the future but now... ahem.. hem... I guess that#is quite literally the case LOL. To my credit I did parctically abandon it entirely since late 2019 and JUST now picked up really#trying to focus on it in mid 2024 but still... My '''ridiculous'' projection being actually likely the correct one..#10 - I just thoughtit would be silly to put a bunch of keychain things on the wii remote. imagine playing this way. getting constantly#jabbed in the hand by plastic bits. and the jingling clinking noise it would be always making lol#11 - sky.. huzzah for the sky as always. Clouds my beloved#Gr.. I just really want to wriiite. My new years hopes are to finish my game and to get stuff set up to start selling sculptures again.#AND then maybe do more game videos lol... I miss playing games. I dont think I've posted on that youtube for like 5 months#I've just had so much appointments and Things and Stuff and focusing so much on other projects. But that is the thing that really#feels relaxing and fun for me. so like.. 1. finish game 2. sell sculpture/make sculpture 3. play games 4. find more friends#and social connection and networking or whatever the hell people have to do to be successful 5. do more costume/outfits.#<( saying this all on a day where I did none of those things LOL... I got erm.. maybe 400 words done today.. >:'3c )#6 is MOVE away from the evil west coast (hot.. fires in summer. etc) but like. not happening unless I suddenly become a millionaire so. -_-
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also "textless" versions of these, wahooo
#corned beef#joe iconis christmas extravaganza#bsol#speaking of >:3 & >:3 third time's the >:3 in successfully slammed both up against the window of joe iconis's car (twitter @'d & Seen)#which is really just a :3 but whom among us (orchestra hit) is not a little impish with it#first year i did fanart like wouldn't it be fun if joe saw & liked this. second yr like Same plus it did happen last time#then also recency Fun Times bias sure but he did make it a frame in his End Of Year Good Times Celebration video like >:'3#yes i draw exactly what i wanna draw b/c it's some specific thing i enjoy that much so Yep that is the xmas show to me#so powerfully i was moved like ooh fun xmas villain wrole?? in '19 when i was paying attention & relieved of some bmc closure malaise#by the xmas show but obv Least aware / knowledgable lol. technically showed up in '18 around nov/dec but no chance Right then of tuning in#i mean i had the capacity but did not know it existed / even Less helpful preexisting context. anyway so by the time the show returns#& i've done research in between & gone my god i am i live laugh loving like Yeah i'll do more fanart & omg cyril & omg krampusfucking#able to ramp it up this year & like just thanks to Drawing Experience i'm better at forging ahead through thee process even when it's#extra ambitious like my god am i in over my head? well keep swimming for the surface like only several times going [aaa....] only to yknow#not be that tripped up anyway but still go [(celebrate) christmas!!! (with me)] & be like Do It For The Krampusfucking Gift#one post for another like lighting up my life joe just coming out like ''who wants clips. first up Full Cyril Fucks The Krampus number''#like jeez made that happen And passed it along....it's always the like epitome of my art like i make the specific often really niche stuff#i really respond to; does anyone else enjoy this? if yes; Wheeee; sometimes this is also ppl Behind the really niche shit i enjoy#like i truly hope you do get that kick out of it as i slam it up to the window; worth a Highlight Of Your Year or not#the power of [i do like to Draw the things i latch on to] + [internet] for you#really the bsol design even More an event in ''how did i even do this'' b/c even when planning to make it slightly easier like well#fewer figures; i'll use ink pen so i hone the lineart less than i would to precisely get [line weight mostly irrelevant] Line Geometry#yet still going ruh oh i'm honing for sure. but then like did Most of the lineart all in one night + all the coloring the next round#when i draw quite slowly / the Honing is virtually always an inextricable part of my process like i do Nothing in less than Hours#like i think even my freewheeling bsol sketches posted just this morning took me at Least an hour; judging by vids i played in the bg lol#not quite calibrated to have Attuned Confidence In My Ability To Forge Ahead thusly like oh no if i don't have Momentum or it doesn't#happen to be one of those times things just spontaneously come out great right off without more honing / consideration we're fucked....#not actually the case but yknow still realizing this lol But still able to just pat myself on the shoulder like It's Manageable & it is/was
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Wake up somewhere better, maybe (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#Harvey Dent#ZEX#Blood#Ask to tag#Stepping back even further - I'm sure you can understand needing a little extra time on this#For multiple reasons haha#It took such a while to finish the first one and not just on an editing front! Honestly that didn't take very long at all haha#There's a frame somewhere that's bothering me - I ''animated'' that movement frame-by-frame myself so if it's a bit strange it's my eye#At least it's mostly like what I wanted! Mostly like what I saw in my head! The three overlapping and then drawing back to show the depth#It really was such a strong mental image for me - it's amazing how simultaneous things can be despite being described separately#The dog - Harvey - ZEX - all moving at their own pace! A split second can be so expanded like a slow-mo shot ah#It's honestly a very beautiful medium#Hhhh ZEX's death was very affecting to me ;; I so very much wanted him to go out the way he wanted to#Befitting his Admiral status - strong and confident and surrounded by his crew#But by that point he was so tired and ready to rest - it would have been sadder to watch him continue to barely scrape by#Not even killed by his Beauty! Just one good chomp from one big sick dog :'0#The others trying to protect him - they didn't know him just out of whatever empathy they had for their fellow!#Zero was a hero so that kind of character is easy enough haha but even Harvey! Even after ZEX made him uncomfortable with his long looks lol#He was still willing to help in whatever way he was able ;; And it still ended the same#His last word being just ''pain'' hhhwehhh ;;#It is always the saddest-saddest to me to have such an articulate and eloquent witty verbose and silly character reduced to singulars#Something so simple and still so expressive hh </3 ZEX dearest hweh#But loving also means letting go! Death was a release he needed even if it's sad#I'm a real sucker for Meet Me In The Afterlife kind of stories so I may or may not have batted that around as an idea down the line#He has plenty of loved ones that have seen the other side - even from the Institute specifically!!#It's not exactly a happy ending but it's something <3
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Hirano to Kagiura light novel translation 4-1
Chapter 4: Fall.
Part 1
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It might be September by now, but the sunās rays know no bounds.
Heat from the weather aside, the schoolhouse on the coattails of summer break is permeated with the fervor of the students.
Among all those in the athletic clubs who have undergone away games and training camps, there are many who have deepened both their tans and their virility. The sense of achievement characteristic of those who kept up with their exercise lives within their growth spurts.
Hiranoās roommate is, once again, one of them.
Kagiura, whoās gotten a bit taller, has gotten used to high school, completely devoid of the anxiety heād seemed to have around the time heād started school.
Since theyād met up over the summer, heās become more and more relaxed, and Hirano canāt help but think of him as a beloved younger brother.
Wait, but younger brothers donāt do things like give you earrings, do they?
Hirano isnāt really in a position to judge, with no siblings of his own.
Heād found his original earrings while organizing his luggage after returning from Kagiuraās countryside home. Theyād fallen into his school bag and hidden themselves beneath the stiff bottom plate.
What should I do about it? heād wondered, but figured well, whatever, and didnāt bother switching out his new ones. Heāll keep them in the dorm just in case, but ultimately plans to keep using the ones Kagiura gave him.
As soon as the new term starts, preparations for the Cultural Festival are full speed ahead. Even the first years, who arenāt used to running events without the guidance of a faculty member, are gradually gaining opportunities to build character. The Executive Committee members have so many responsibilities that it has become difficult to carry out their studies without the cooperation of their classmates.
Kagiura also has the situation of being part of the āSports Recommendation Squadā, and his grades are not up to snuff. It would be good if they donāt take a hit from his extracurricular responsibilities, but that will come down to his own efforts.
Itās not just the Executive Committee members who are swamped. The students in the culture clubs are also at their busiest, and with the autumn tournament right around the corner, thereās no way the athletics clubs can cut back on practices.
The sweltering nights have yet to abate; yet despite these conditions which could even be called cruel, most of the students are eagerly awaiting the Cultural Festival. You might even get away with saying all of them.
Because, after all, girls come to visit the cultural festival.Ā
And even without that element, a festival is still a festival.Ā
This is a time when the whole student body is restless, so the Disciplinary Committee will be on top of keeping everyone in lineāor such is their public stance, but they wonāt be too strict about moderating uniforms and hair styles.
In any case, a high proportion of the students will be in costumes on the day of the festival.Ā
There's also at least one class cross-dressing every year.Ā
This year, thatās right, it's the class that Hirano is unfortunately a part of. More specifically, it's been decided that Hirano will be one of the ones in drag.Ā
Oiwa-sanāa famous spirit who makes an appearance in the Yotsuya Kaidan.Ā¹
There are many variations of the famous ghost story, in which Oiwa, the deceased wife, holding a grudge over the betrayal of her husband, Iemon, slaughters every last person involved. Apparently, they will be basing the makeup off of TÅkaidÅ Yotsuya KaidanĀ², which is popular among Hiranoās classmates.
Heād been shown reference images of the ghost, her face half disfigured and inflamed by poison, but the picture was nightmare fuel when viewed in the dark.
Supposedly itās a style of Halloween makeup thatās been popular in recent years, but the trial makeup that had been applied to his arm after school in order to match the shade to his face had been truly grotesque.
This information is to be kept top secret until the last possible minute on the day of, in the interests of building hype.
While Hirano is putting away his homework, the door opens with a click.
His roommate is home.
Itās still bright outside, but the dining hall is just about to open for dinner.
āHirano-san, Iām home!ā
āWelcome home, Kagi-kun.ā
These days, Kagiura usually gets a bit bashful in reply to Hiranoās greeting, seemingly tickled. So naive and innocent he must be, making such an expression with no fear of being misunderstood.
There were days theyād spent together, but summer vacation had been long.
Thereās an air of a different kind of newness from the one thereād been in the period before theyād gotten used to sharing a dormāKagiura probably feels it too. At least, Hirano thinks so.
He feels closer to Kagiura compared to before. After all, heās met his immediate and extended family, so of course theyād feel more intimate. Itās as if the part of himself that had been on guard while thinking about how to act as a senpai in his second year in the dorms has been absolved.
After Hirano had filled out his print-outs as if in competition with Kagiura, whoād spread out his homework in a frenzy, theyād headed to the dining hall a little later than usual.
It always takes him about 3 or 4 days to get back into the swing of dorm life.
Speaking of which, he thinks.
Before Kagiura moved into the dorms, Hirano had been quite nervous.
Heād talked to Hanzawa about it one time when the Disciplinary Committee had a meeting, and theyād brainstormed strategies to avoid scaring Kagiura off.
Heād also felt it would be a waste of his efforts if he was only friendly at the beginning of their time spent living together; thus, theyād come to the conclusion that it wouldnāt be too far out of Hiranoās depths to give him a nickname and use ā-kunā.
Oh yeah, thatās right. At the beginning I called him Kagiura-kun.
Heās been calling his name every day, enough that heād ended up shortening it, thinking itās too long and clunky.
Kagiura has morning practice tomorrow, too, so there's no way he can let him oversleep.
Hirano got that, but there was something on his mind that just wouldnāt go away, so he asked before shutting off the lights.Ā
".....Hey, um. I know you're working hard, so I don't wanna rain on your parade, but are your studies going all right? I haven't heard how your proficiency test went yet."
As the words leave his mouth, he thinks, what am I, a private tutor? and laughs drily to himself.
For the results of the test held right after summer break, a list ranking every student in their grade and the standard score were passed out to each person, the same as for the periodic exams.
For first years, they can be used as nothing more than a reference, but due to the breadth of the material covered, in some cases they might be used to determine which schools to apply to when compared to results from previous cram schools.
ā...I just barely passed.ā
āWhatās the damage?ā
āThe teacher said, āYou didnāt do badly enough that I need to pull you aside, but keep working hardā...ā
āI see.ā
Which is bad in and of itself, really.
Kagiura hangs his head dejectedly, and Hiranoās tempted to comfort him all the more for having seen the extent of his efforts, but his lack of preparation is unmistakable.
āKagi-kun, after the cultural festival is over, you gotta step it up. If you miss some of the notes, get someone to show you theirs before the next day. Donāt let them build up. If you end up with a backlog of notes to take, youāre not gonna be able to understand them.ā
Hirano knows deep down heās probably worrying too much, but he keeps the expression on his face stern. The beginning is the key to everything. Among his classmates in the āSports Recommendation Squadā who, like Kagiura, are bad students, there are many whose grades plummeted after going on to their second year.
Who knew heād become this much of a worrywort after becoming someoneās senpai?
āYeahā¦Hirano-san, will you teach me again?ā
āSure. But you better bring back good grades.ā
āI will! ā¦By the way, can I ask you something?ā
He ducks his head as he asks the question, a gesture with all the charm one would expect from someone as cute as him.
āWhatās up?ā
āWhen you were a first year, did the senpai you roomed with teach you how to study, too?ā
āNah, no way.ā
āHmā¦did you not get along?ā
āItās not that we didnāt get along, we just werenāt really that close. I wasnāt nearly as friendly a kouhai as you are.ā
This is usually the case for dorm students. Hanzawa, contemptuous of homosexual relations, has a reputation in certain circles for having a finely-tuned gaydar and showing up to cockblock any time he senses anyone getting a little too close.Ā³
His distaste isnāt unwarranted; apparently it has to do with his family, so even Hirano feels bad for him.
ā...Does that make me special, then?ā
āWhy are you so happy about that?ā
At Hiranoās jests of what are you, a dog? Kagiura breaks into a grin.
āYeah. You know, Iām glad Iām your roommate, Hirano-san.ā
Hirano smiles wryly; Kagiuraās got him wrapped around his little finger without a hint of insincerity.
With Kagiura cozying up to him like this, he doesnāt stand a chance.
*****
T/N: (1) Not sure I need to add more info on this to the story, but it's pretty interesting, so you can read more about it here.
(2) A movie based on the story made in 1959.
(3) Yall....idek what to say about this. I tried to keep the tone lighthearted but the original text literally says 'gay-hating Hanzawa' and describes his feelings as disgust. Idk why the writer put this but our boy is NOT like that š I actually broke my vow of not looking at the official TL just to see how they handled this bit and they completely watered it down lmao. and tbh, yall know my dedication to accuracy but I WAS TEMPTED. While going back and forth about what I should do, I told my sister about it, and she suggested that Hanzawa doesn't actually hate gays, he just hates gay sex and will stand for none of it in his dorm so...we're going with that interpretation šššš
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Special shoutout to @jeizet, @jujupanic, @massyworld, @umbreonwolfy, and @acidsuzanne-blog for sponsoring these updates š
#you guys can reblog these posts btw <3#remember likes are great but they don't do anything to spread the posts around!#friendly reminder that tumblr is not ig/tt and we love her for it <3#re 3rd footnote: im still trying to cope#im really hoping that the 'homophobic' and 'disgust' etc are referring to his reputation rather than his real feelings#tho i'm not sure that's much better š#also im sorry but wtf is up with the whole 'its to do with his family so hirano feels bad for him thing'#like??? oh poor you your sibling is gay that must be such a struggle#guess you have the right to hate gay people. ??????#this makes it sound like there was some TRAUMA involved#but it was literally just his brother (and other sibling) saying btw im gay and then they all moved on with their lives??#shoutout to my sister for this slightly inaccurate but much better take#i told her about it and she was like 'nah this mf just repressed as hell š'#she does not read ssmy/kghr btw#hirano to kagiura#hirano and kagiura#kagihira#hirano to kagiura light novel#hirano to kagiura translation#harusono shou
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really sucks when you can't enjoy things you like bc doing them makes you feel guilty and like you're a piece of shit
#personal#going through it again#it happens every so often like once every few weeks#maybe months if i'm being optimistic#just feeling. like i know i'm avoiding the stuff i like bc i feel like i should be doing other things#like fucking getting my documents that i still need to go find a job#so i can have money to help at home#instead of just sitting here all day on my laptop#but i can't do that bc im stressed about it#i know most of my family doesn't mind i help around the house still when i'm actually feeling decent but still#can't help but be stressed#also the anxiety but that's like#a constant in my life. that's just how it is#so i just move around it#at least i can still enjoy reading#i enjoy reading so so much#and i'm really looking forward to having my friends over for my bday next saturday (not this one)#should help me deal with all this stuff#really need more contact with people#bc i haven't seen them in like a month at least#been staying up until like 4am lately bc i'm just#reading lol#been really into momlet content with a side of monster clover :3
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batman secret files: clownhunter
(ID in alt!)
#on one hand i can see why they would want to make jason a mentor to bao and all because parallels#but on the other.... i think jason and bao would been boring real fast#jason is like... older brother coded. bao needs his shitty uncle (khoa) it makes things funnier#plus i feel like once again its trapping jason in the āi cant exist without my life revolving around the jokerā loop hes been in#which is annoying and just wrong when people imply that to bruce and like... i get why jason it may be more true since yknow.#his life was cut short by him then he was forcefully brought back to life and it's personally traumatizing#but i still think it makes for such boring writing and doesn't allow the character to ever grow or change.#they wont let jason exist without that joker b-plot and if he takes on a kid that also been personally traumatized by him#then jason wont be allowed to potentially grow from it unless they make it about him caring about bao more and moving on because of that#but also... bao is like... 14....#him having khoa as a mentor allows him to have more opportunities and experiences so he doesn't become joker based#like hes always gonna have that hatred for him. his life was changed by him and his parents murder.#but thatd be the ripple effect to cause him to be a vigilante and everything (like how it did with bruce) instead of his entire life#revolving around just the clowns and never growing from it. gotta have a nice contrast y'know??#does any of this make sense? no. I'm sleepy and have a migraine.#am i gonna post it anyways and cringe in the morning when i reread it and realize people also can perceive my rambling brain mush? yes </3#c: batman secret files: clownhunter#crypt's panels#jason todd#red hood#bao pham#clownhunter
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what icon? ask meme. (š for my deadliest looking icon of my muse)
Okay, being a bit greedy here because I'm torn between these two for different reasons. The first? Copperhead's quick enough to dodge bullets. Not all of them, he soon gets himself somewhere they can't shoot him so easily but the fact he dodges several in quick succession really goes to show how dangerous he is, and then there's the venom. Two toxic jets sprayed directly at you? That's going to hurt, even if it's not injected directly via biting.
#ataviisms#memes ;; what icon?#Thank you for sending this in boar!#Just came to the last of these icons so thought 2 for the price of 1 might be fun#Since there's a bunch of icons and I'm already struggling to answer tonight#New snek momma anxiety is still there#It's dying down but won't be gone completely until baby's next feed#It's already due but waiting until tomorrow as I handled him today#Not the best idea but I needed to get to his water bowl and he was moving around#Seemed calm enough to chanced picking him up#Waaaay calmer than the first time!#He even slithered up my arm a bit checking things out and flicking tongue on skin for a bit :3#But still anxious since I'm not sure if he'll eat in the faunarium ;;#We'll find out tomorrow#He could just be antsy tonight bc hungry I dunno
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The battery on my coordless vacuum won't charge after being on charge for 5 hours, I can't find a replacement battery or charger, and it's like 2 weeks out of warranty T_T
Nevermind I found the battery for sale on their vax website
It costs as much as a new hoover -_-
#the charger has a red flashing light and according to the guide on the bottom of it that means it's defective#I've got my henry hoover still so I'm not out of options but my place has so many spots where it's awkward to move around#I have to pick it up and move it over my settee and carrying it up and down stairs is a right pain xD#I thought it might be because I drained the battery too much when using it earlier and the thing says if it is completely drained#leave it on charge for 3 hours and it'll be back to normal
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It's like....m my voice and my actions have the power to influence things.... But yet something always stays the same.... And to what extent does it change things..... Is there ever positive everlasting change from any of my actions......... What am I doing all of this forrrr who am I doing it for.......
#mommy issues will fuck you up#and then you have the cousin issues#and big brother issues#and eldest daughter syndrome issues#this feels so weird like it feels like#depression is hovering in the corner and I'm not spiraling into it#but it's there because how do I even process and address the gargantuan amount of unresolved issues around family stuff#i got so many jobs and moved so many times and challenged myself to bond with so many new people#and for whatttttt#for what!!!!!!!!#i don't care abt it all making sense or anythinf#i just have no concept of tangible progress from any of my efforts#so like#what am I even doing what do I even want to dooooo#i want to take a class.#i want. tangible progress#i don't need to be making progress all the time#that is okay#but#unresolvednesss is happening and it feels Bad#i need conclusions#resolved things#so I can begin a next chapter of whoever me is#do I even#i think I do#want to still get good at art professionally#but I want to bond with people over eating mayo at 3 am again#and sometimes I wonder if holding on to professional art stuff too much gets in the way of that#they can be one and the same#i just need to not even be brave but get overrrr myself
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microdosing on pinterest by looking at the pictures they send me in the emails and nothing else
#just me hi#lotta neat pictures in there but i can't get caught in that vortex again lmao#2018 was a Time i will say hhfhs#//anyway writing rn#neat stuff! though i have created a problem that is also not a problem#which is that i was only supposed to write somewhere around 600 words and i'm at 1000 and i've still got a bit more to do#not bad! but also Whereee is this every other day of the ever hfhsh#//anyway if you have a large playlist it's always a good idea to go back and listen to slightly older additions#there is no assigned vibe to this thing but it has Multiple Vibes that transition with every group of rapid-fire additions i made to it lol#the playlist'll be a year old at some point this year i think so that's cool :>#might be two but you know i'm pretty sure i started it last year so i'll say one#lil baby playlist. only a year old [<- 300+ songs]#//and yeah i'm gonna go finish this thing before i forget forever hfhsv#it wasn't so hard to get going (a miracle !!) but it's been just the tiniest trouble to keep moving so i'm going!! >:3#so tooooodles ciaaao ~+~
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my football team is so hopeless
#not dortmund lol i mean the club i play at myself#it makes me want to quit ngl#there are just so many things i'm fed up with#at times it's not fun anymore#i like playing football but there's just a lot wrong with this team#but i'm mostly just hanging around because i don't want to let my coach down like he cares and genuinly seems like a good coach#the only thing which gives me a bit of hope#and i hate letting people down š
that and also i hate giving up#but i have never seen a team more hopeless or felt more hopeless playing a sport š
#and he apparently thinks i'm kind of important to the team which i kind of get but also it doesn't really make a difference...#we're just so hopeless i canāt turn this around lol#i always start and i hope it continues but there's not much i can do#we just have too many people who don't care last match so many have given up#some of our team just refuse to run or move at some point it's awful#like why can't you try#we always loose so high like what's the point but still don't give up#besides that the endurance (and also sprint speed) of most is awful which could be trained to a point#but whenever the coach tries to do that almost no one shows up š#and i usually play wing or outside midfielder but i'm supposed to also be a defender apparently what#whenever we get a goal on my side and i'm not back in defence someone moans at me like that's my fault#i get working back but i canāt be everywhere especially when some people don't move#and i actually try to get the ball foreward or try to get the ball back in the front because i don't give up when we're behind#i want to score goals and not settle with loosing and only sit back to do defence anymore#naturally there will be open spaces when i try to do that but how is giving up better even when it's hopeless we could still try scoring#and i can't be everywhere they should try my position they would never last 90min running like i do#besides i'm already exausted each week from my training before like i do sports 2-3 hours 6 or 7 days a week#unfortunately i have to because once again i'm trying some entrance exam (for sports to become a teach in sports and english hopefully)#asides from that i don't like most of the people at my club š
it feels a bit like highschool again and i didn't like highschool#so many are ignorant and judgemental#like the girl i told you about with her comment about the cleaning lady instead of wanting to clean up her stuff herself š
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